Reddit Stories - My parent DESERTED me and my younger sibling while she FREQUENTED NIGHTCLUBS every

Episode Date: November 21, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #nightclubbing #parentingfails #familydrama #neglect #siblingsSummary: My parent deserted me and my younger sibling while she frequented nightclubs every night, leaving us to fend for ourselves. We struggled with feelings of abandonment and resentment, wondering why she chose partying over her own children.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, nightclubbing, parentingfails, familydrama, neglect, siblings, abandonment, resentment, partying, children, struggles, feelings, desertion, resentment, abandonment, partyingBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. My parent deserted me and my younger sibling while she frequented nightclubs every evening following her separation. Subsequently, during my gathering to celebrate the impending arrival of my child, she informed the guests that she faced challenges in nurturing us. Two kids alone, so I called her BS out in front of everyone. I got a throwaway because people in my life use Reddit and I do not want this tied to my main. I will keep this clear without fancy breaks or cute headers because I wanted to read like the

posts I see here where people lay out facts and ask for judgment or advice. I was six when my parents divorced, and the way time got split after that set the track for everything that followed. My father handled bills, school paperwork, pickups and drop-offs, and kept steady routines. I spent a lot of time with him that looked like schoolwork, sports practice, grocery runs, laundry, and meals that got cooked and eaten and cleaned without speeches. My mother said the divorce broke her because my father had an affair, and she said she needed space and time for herself and friends. She said she would not sit home alone and that she deserved a life. When I stayed with her, the evening pattern was that she would head out

and I would keep an eye on my brother, who was four years younger. I would run through a list of what he needed for the next day, move laundry from washer to dryer, set out clothes, make food, check his backpack and my own. By the time I was 14, I did not have to be told to do any of it because there was no one else in the apartment who was going to run that checklist. My brother was 10 and needed rides, forms, signatures, lunches, clean clothes, and someone to make sure he actually slept at night. Our mother would text from bars and say she was coming back soon, then send another text later, then nothing. I learned not to wait up for her because waiting up meant starting the next morning with no sleep and then taking a test or going to

practice and trying to hold my focus while my head felt like it was full of static. So I set alarms, built routines, watched the gate, and wrote down bus numbers, phone numbers, due dates, locker combos, and notes about when the field trip money had to be in by and when the clinic in town was open for walk-ins. My father did not trash our mother and he did not involve me in his feelings about what she was doing. I did not tell him many details about nights at her place because I knew if he tried to take action through court, the schedule might not change and we would have to keep doing those exchanges while they fought. I did not want to be in the middle of a fresh war. He paid support, showed up, and asked if we were okay. I said we were

because that answer kept the peace and let me keep control of the plan I had built. If people wonder where other adults and our family were during those years. I can say they were around but not in a position to change the setup because the custody order said what it said and because my mother told them she had it handled, and because I was the one handling things, and no one wanted to pull the thread that might unravel the small stability that my plan created. I managed food and money by watching prices and reading store flyers and buying what I could cook fast that had enough fuel to get us through practice and homework in the next day. I learned to make instant items so they felt like a meal, and I figured out that if I left a pan of rice in the fridge,

I could pull off something passable when I got home from a late activity without doing a full start from zero. None of this felt heroic to me, and I do not write any of this to make it sound like I'm looking for praise. This is just what happened and what I had to do for us to get by without constant emergencies. I missed events and skipped hangouts with friends because if I left my brother alone at night, he would be alone at night, and I knew what it felt like to sit in a quiet place and count the minutes. I would not make him do more of it than he already did. When I reached the end of high school, the question came up about moving away for college, and I said I could not leave yet because my brother still needed someone who had been doing

the job day to day. My father asked if he could push for more time, and I said he could try, but I did not want court fights that might not change the outcome. We worked out that I would do community classes and work nearby and keep things steady until my brother was on his feet. I did that, and when he was older and had a license and spent most nights at our father's place, I moved into a small place with a roommate and started to focus on my life. I carried habits from those years, but I also started to breathe a bit because I was no longer watching the door for our mother and I was no longer calculating whether we had enough left for dinners and school stuff until the next support transfer.

Fast forward to now. I am pregnant, and my partner and I planned a baby shower that included both sides of my family. I thought we could get through a short event without rehashing the past because the focus would be on the baby and on basics like diapers and bottles and gear and who would handle food that day. I gave clear instructions to the friend who hosted that we did not want speeches or toasts or games that needed a mic. We set a time window and kept it short, and during most of the event people were fine. My parents were in the same space without speaking, and that was fine because the goal was not to reconcile them but to get through the event without

trouble. Near the end, my mother moved into a group and started telling a story about how she raised two kids alone and how hard it was after my father cheated and left her without support. She said it in a voice that carried, looked around at people while she said it, and kept going. My father was within earshot and stood there without saying anything. I watched people listen and nod, and I knew that if I stayed quiet, I would be co-signing a version of my life that cuts out a lot of nights that I lived and a lot of work that I did and a lot of support that my father provided. The calculation in my head was fast and simple, either I interrupt and make it clear that the story is not accurate, or I let it sit and then I end up

correcting versions of it later in smaller rooms for years. I chose the first option and said in a clear voice that I raised myself and that I raised my brother during her time and that my father did not abandon us and paid support and showed up. I said if people want to know who cooked, who signed forms, who handled pickups, who called the bus line, who sat in clinics, who met teachers, and who made sure there was food, then they can talk to me. I said I would not let my child grow up inside a story that assigns credit to someone who did not do the work. My mother told me I was ungrateful and that I was humiliating her. She left the event with her friends and did not speak to me for two weeks.

She sent a message the day after the shower that said I crossed a line and that she would not talk to me until I apologized. I did not answer that message because an apology for speaking truth would take me backwards and because I needed to keep my energy on the birth and on setting up support that would work for those first weeks. I made a schedule for visits and told both sides that visits would be short and by arrangement and that we would not host drop-ins and that there would be no posts of the baby without our consent. My father said he understood and asked what else we needed. My mother did not respond with anything except silence. About one week before my due date, my mother asked to meet near her place. She said she had thought about the shower,

and that she could see how her words were wrong. She said that she left us without supervision on many nights and that she used bars and friends to cope with the divorce and the affair. She said she was depressed and felt empty and shut down and that being with friends at bars kept her from sitting alone. She admitted that she should have gotten help and that she did not because of cost and fear of judgment. She asked for a chance to be a present grandmother and to build trust.

I told her that I accept her recognition of behavior but that I am not going to rewrite the past and that if she wants a role, it will be built on small, reliable actions over a long stretch. I told her I would not be her therapist or manager of her health and that if she believes she needs help, she should get help from professionals. I set clear rules for visits and said if she broke those rules, we would pause. She said she understood, cried, and I did not rush to make her feel better because I am not doing that job anymore.

My father came by with a bag of supplies and asked if I wanted to talk about what happened. I told him about the cafe conversation, and he said he felt shame at the shower because he knows that his affair started the chain that ended in the divorce. He apologized for not pushing harder long ago when he suspected that things were not steady at my mother's place. He said he was afraid a court fight would fail and that we would lose time with him and that it would blow up our lives. We sat with that, and I said that I do not want to relitigate

old choices every time something happens and that I need him to stay focused on what we need now. He said he would and asked me to tell him when he starts to over-function or to push too hard because of guilt. I appreciated that because it spoke to the pattern I do not want to repeat where emotions drive actions that end up creating more work for me. The baby shower event led to questions from family who heard two different versions of the past over the years. I told them that I am not trying to punish my mother and I am not trying to absolve my father and that I am not interested in ranking them. I am interested in setting a baseline for my child that is built on actual behavior and that keeps our home free of chaos and blame stories. I told them I am

open to people who show up and close to people who do not, and I said if anyone tries to push me into a reconciliation arc to make themselves feel better, they can stop because I am not doing that labor for others. So why do for doing this? Update, people messaged me and asked what happened right after the shower and whether my brother reached out and whether there was fallout. My brother called me two days after the event and said he froze during the moment when our mother was talking and that he wishes he had stepped in with a short statement of support to close the topic right there. He said he texted her that night that he agreed with me and that he remembered many nights where I was the person in charge and that he would not sit

through future speeches that assign credit in a way that deletes the labor I did. He asked me to send him a list of the boundaries I set for postpartum so he could reinforce them if anyone to push past them when I was tired or offline. I sent him the schedule and the rules around short visits and consent for photos and no posts, and he told me he would back me in any room. As for Fallout, there were some group messages where cousins asked my mother if she wanted to explain her side, and she said she was done talking to ungrateful kids. One cousin sent me a long message about how the divorce left my mother with fewer resources and that going out to bars for social support was normal. I responded that social support is not a problem.

but leaving children alone night after night is a problem, and that I am not discussing that point further. My father did not contact my mother and did not ask me to say anything to her on his behalf. He kept his comments to practical support and let the social side fall where it would. I think this helped keep me from being forced into the go-between role that I do not want to carry into this next phase of my life. In the week after the shower, I firmed up our plan for the birth and the first two weeks at home. My partner and I set up a simple system with meal drop-offs on certain days and quiet days with no visitors and listed tasks people could do if they asked how to help. We wrote it all down because word of mouth breaks down fast and because when people

are in the room, they often default to holding the baby and chatting when what we actually need is dishes, laundry and trash, and someone to pick up a card or a prescription. We communicated the plan to both sides and stuck to it. People who follow the plan got invited back, and people who did not got fewer windows. This was not a punishment. It was a way to protect a small unit during a demanding stage. My mother sent messages after the meeting that said she would follow the rules I said and that she would not bring friends or make speeches or share photos. I asked her to confirm that she would arrive and leave on time and that she would ask before picking up the baby. She said yes. I did not engage in long exchanges because long exchanges often

drift into old grievances that take hours and leave nothing useful behind. I wanted to keep every interaction with her tied to concrete actions that I could think about later. Then the birth happened. Labor went as expected with the usual range of pain, decisions, monitoring, and checks. We kept the hospital room quiet and did not host drop-in visits. My father came during visiting hours, sat and held the baby, asked me if I needed anything specific, and then went to my place and put a few things in order. My mother came the next day during her assigned window and brought a small bag with diapers, wipes, and a short note where she said she wanted to do better going forward. She asked if she could hold the baby, and I said yes. She sat and held the

baby and did not talk about the past or the shower or my father and did not pull out a phone without asking. After 20 minutes, she handed the baby back and said she would leave so I could rest. This was the first visit in many years where I did not feel like I was managing her mood or trying to steer the room around her needs. We went home and started our schedule. People came and left at set times and did specific tasks. We kept a log on the fridge where we wrote down feeding times, diaper counts, meds, and tasks. This helped because when someone asked how to help, point to the list instead of making up tasks on the spot while holding a crying baby. My mother came to our place during her scheduled windows and asked what she could do.

I told her to fold laundry and wash bottles and wipe surfaces, and she did those things. She did not correct our routines or offer unsolicited advice or try to take over the baby. She set a timer on her phone and left when it went off. I noted each successful visit because I want to evaluate with data, not with hope. update two another update because people asked whether i would do therapy with my mother or push her into treatment or get involved in managing her health i told my mother that if she wanted to seek therapy i would share names of providers and a link to an intake portal and that was the extent of my involvement i sent a short list that matched her insurance and said that if she wanted to tell me

she had scheduled something she could and if she wanted to keep that private that was her choice She texted about two weeks later that she had done an intake and had a first session and that it was hard to sit with feedback about her patterns. She said the therapist asked her to describe how she coped after the divorce and how that affected us and that she could see that she told herself a story where she saw herself as the primary source of our survival even when the facts do not support that. I told her I heard her and that I would watch what she does now. I also said a rule about child care.

For now, only my father, my brother, and two kids. close friends can handle solo time with a baby. My mother can visit while I'm present and she can help with tasks. If she continues to show consistency for many months, we can revisit. She said she understood and asked if she could take the stroller for a short walk with me present. I said yes to a loop around the block while we were together, and we did that and it was fine. She did not push for more, and I appreciated that because pushing would have set us back. money came up because my mother offered to contribute. I said if she wanted to set a small monthly transfer into the account we opened for the baby's future, that would be helpful.

I asked her not to buy gear without coordination because space and routines matter more than random items. She agreed and set up a transfer and brought consumables instead of large items. During visits, she sometimes reads from a book while I rest, and that helps more than grand gestures. I prefer help that slots into our plan. Regarding my father, I told him directly that I do not want him to grade my mother on a curve because of his guilt about the affair. I told him not to overpraise basic compliance or to talk about her progress in a way that puts pressure on me to reciprocate with gratitude.

He said he understands and keeps his comments even and linked to tasks. He also keeps some distance from any contact with her so that I am not triangulated. he focuses on errands, rides, and small fixes in our place that matter in the day-to-day. When he does something, he writes it on the board and then moves on. This keeps our interactions clean and useful. Questions came up about whether I keep a relationship with extended family members who have strong opinions about what happened, and some of them told me to forgive fast because life is short.

I told them I am not running a forgiveness contest and I am not counting days until a deadline. I am running a household with a newborn and trying to build a sane rhythm. Anyone who helps that is welcome in this season, and anyone who adds friction is not. I am clear in texts and in person, and I do not argue after I lay out the rule. People adjust or they stop coming. Both outcomes are fine with me. Update 3. The third update because a test of the new rules came up during a naming gathering at my partner's family home

where both my parents were invited for a short block. My partner's family wanted a small event where a few relatives could come and sit for a bit and say a few words of support and then share a meal and go home. We sent the same rules and the same time windows for visits and said up front that there would be no speeches from my parents and no toasts about the past. My mother asked if she could say a blessing for a minute, and I said we are not doing open-mic things and that she should keep any words for her own time. On the day of the event, she arrived on time and sat in the back and helped plate food and

did not try to join groups with my in-laws to retell history. My father arrived on time and sat with my brother and kept to his lane halfway through the event. One of my partner's relatives thanked both of my parents for raising me. I felt a small push from the room toward a familiar arc where people look at the older generation and wait for a response. My mother started to speak, and I looked at her and shook my head once and said we are keeping this focused on the baby. She stopped speaking and sat back. My father kept quiet. The event moved on. This might sound small, but for us it was a moment where an old pattern could have grabbed the wheel and it did not.

Another test came up a week later when my mother arrived late to a scheduled visit by 15 minutes and then wanted to stay past the end time to make up her minutes. I said no because the end time matters for naps, feeds, and sanity. She said traffic was the reason and asked me to be flexible. I said life has traffic and the rule is about start and end times. If she wants more time, she can show me that she can hit start times across several visits and then we can discuss small adjustments. She left on time and did not push. That was also a data point I marked because follow-through matters more than promises to do better next time. People

asked if I planned to rebuild a closer relationship with my mother beyond these structured visits. I am not making promises about that because I do not run relationships on hope anymore, I run them on behavior over time. I will say that I have seen small steps. She has kept her hands busy with tasks in my home without asking for praise. She has not asked to post photos. She has not retold the shower story. She has started therapy. She has stayed out of fights with my father. These are all steps. I can notice them and keep my boundaries at the same time. My brother has taken on the role of Uncle in a way that shows me he is ready to leave the perennified roll behind. He comes by on weekends and does errands that I assign. He cooks a pot

of something and sets up containers and labels them, and that saves us time for days. He holds the baby and follows directions, and he tells me to sleep while he runs dishes and resets the space. I told him that seeing him in this role without the old weight on his shoulders is a moment I will not forget. He said he feels the same and that he is glad we can experience a family moment where we are not carrying someone else's responsibilities. There have been messages from readers here about whether I will ever accept an apology from my mother as enough. My answer is that apologies do not carry much weight for me without consistent action and time. I am not tallying points, but I am tracking behavior

because I have learned that without tracking, I end up in a fog of feelings, and that leads me back to doing labor for other people. I am not doing that anymore, and I am not raising my child inside that fog. I will keep our home on a predictable track, and anyone who wants and will fit that track. Now, because this is Reddit and people ask for judgments, I will ask a question. I do not need a label of right or wrong, but I could use input on a couple of choices that are coming up. One is whether to allow my mother a short solo outing with a stroller in the next few weeks if she continues to show up on time and follow directions. I am leaning toward waiting longer because once she is out of the apartment with the baby, I cannot control what she says

to people she might meet or whether she tries to take a photo and send it around. I can outline rules, but outside the apartment, rules are harder to monitor. I would rather build more in apartment hours before we expand. Another question is whether to invite both of my parents to the same future kid events like birthdays or school things or whether to alternate. My instinct is to alternate for a while because shared events invite speeches and narratives and sideways comments, and I want to skip that during early years. Update 4. Two months went by, and my mother kept her therapy schedule based on what she chose to share,

and she showed up to the majority of her windows on time. She missed two and gave notice on one and did not give notice on the other. On the missed visit without notice, I did not reschedule that week and pushed the next window by a week as a natural consequence because my time is not an open slot that others can fill or drop as they wish. She accepted that without argument, and on next visits, she arrived early and waited in her car until the start time, which I took as a sign that she understands the rule matters. Inside the apartment, she kept picking tasks and stayed out of baby management unless I asked. She did try once to adjust the swaddle, and I told her to stop,

and she did and did not try again. One event threw a wrench into the plan, and this was the first time I had to do a hard stop. At a family dinner that was not in our home, my mother started telling the person sitting next to her that she did what she needed to do to survive after the divorce and that people do not understand the cost of betrayal. I heard that from across the room and stood up and walked over and said that this topic is off limits and that if it continues, we will leave. She said she was just making conversation. I said this conversation violates the rule that history is not a story to be performed in shared spaces. I took my partner and the baby, and we left after saying goodbye to the host.

I texted my mother later that visits were paused for two weeks and that one more event like that would move her back to zero. She responded the next day that she was sorry and that she would not do that again. When the pause ended, she came to the next window and followed rules. My father is kept to the plan without incident. He has not used my mom. mother's behavior to make commentary about who is better or worse. He has not asked for more access than we can give during this period. He has not tried to make amends for years past through grand gestures that create more work. He keeps it steady, and that is what I need from him. One time he started to say that he regretted the affair again in the middle of a visit

while I was feeding the baby. I told him I did not have the bandwidth to hold that topic and that we could discuss it during a separate time if he needed to talk it through. He said no problem and switched to washing bottles, and that was the end of it. I have had to remind a few relatives to stop asking me to be in the same photo with both of my parents. I do not do that. I take separate photos and I do not post them and I do not let others post them. When people say they want a nice family shot for memories, I say my priority is my child's schedule and not their photo album. I do not apologize, I say it plainly and move on. The fewer words I use, the better. because arguments grow in blank space.