Reddit Stories - My partner broke up with me on VALENTINE'S Day FOLLOWING my lavish PRESENT,

Episode Date: July 14, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #breakup #valentinesday #heartbreak #lovegonebadSummary: My partner broke up with me on Valentine's Day following my lavish present. I felt devastated and betrayed, questioning the sincerity of our relationship. The pain of heartbreak on a day meant for love was overwhelming.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, breakup, valentinesday, heartbreak, lovegonebad, lavishpresent, betrayal, devastated, sincerity, overwhelming, pain, love, relationshipissues, emotionalpain, heartacheBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. My partner broke up with me on Valentine's Day following my lavish present, and it seems he is growing attached to his colleague from their performance, and they shared a moment. Make out he never told me about. I, medical student, have been dating my now-X-on-off then-on-again for over a year. We took a break for a few months last year when we found out we were looking for different things, but reconnected at the end of last summer when he solidified his career-slash-living situation and was more ready for commitment.

For context, he's in this fancy musical performance program, think Juilliard Esquay, and our schedules are super busy. But we still made time to see each other at least once a week in text slash call every day throughout the day when we could. I feel like I need to go back a bit to give the full context of why I'm so upset about how things ended. We met at a friend's party where he was playing piano. My friend knew him from some theater stuff they did together in undergrad.

I wasn't even supposed to be at that party. I was supposed to be studying for finals, but my friend dragged me out saying I needed a break. I remember thinking he was cute when he was playing but didn't think much of it until later when we ended up talking about our favorite composers. I used to play violin. One thing led to another and we exchanged numbers. Our first date was actually really sweet. He took me to this hole in the wall jazz club that I never would have found on my own. We talked to for hours, and I remember thinking how refreshing it was to meet someone who was passionate about something completely different from medicine. All the guys I had dated before were either in med school with me or in some related healthcare field, and honestly, it gets boring talking about the same shit all the time.

We dated casually for about two months before things got more serious. The beginning of our relationship was a bit rocky because we weren't on the same page about what we wanted. I was looking for something serious and he was still figuring his show. shit out. We had this whole conversation about it and decided to take a break. During this break, I focused on my studies and tried to date other people, but nothing ever came close to what I had with him. Meanwhile, I would occasionally see my ex's performances when our mutual friends invited me. We were cordial but kept our distance. I could tell he was

still figuring things out, auditioning for different programs and trying to decide what direction to take his career. I respected that he needed that time. even though it hurt that he couldn't figure it out while being with me. Then out of nowhere, he reached out and wanted to meet up for coffee. He told me how much he missed me and that his career plans were finally coming together. He got accepted into this prestigious performance program and found a decent apartment close to the campus, and he said he finally felt like he was in a place where he could be a good partner.

I was hesitant at first because I didn't want to get hurt again, but we started seeing each other casually. I remember being really cautious the first few weeks after we reconnected. I didn't want to get my hopes up only to have them crushed again. We would meet for coffee or luncheon between my classes and his rehearsals. But I could tell something had changed. He seemed more grounded, more sure of himself and what he wanted. After about a month of this casual dating, he surprised me by showing up at my apartment with dinner from my favorite place. He had coordinated with my roommate to make sure I'd be home, which was thoughtful. We ate dinner and watched a movie, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like maybe

we could make it work. Things were going really well. We gradually increased how much time we spent together, and like three months ago, he asked if we could make it official. I was so happy because I really thought he had changed and was ready for a real commitment. Our relationship seems solid. Sex life was great, I got along with his friends and vice versa, etc. We had our occasional disagreements like any couple, but nothing major. I was really falling for him, and I thought he felt the same way. One time, we had a small argument about how much time we were spending together. I was stressed about an upcoming exam and needed more study time, but he was feeling neglected. Instead of it blowing up into a big fight,

we actually sat down and created a schedule that worked for both of us. I thought that was a good sign, that we could work through problems together like adults. I even introduced him to my parents when they visited the city a while back. My dad is pretty protective and skeptical of anyone I date, especially since my last ex cheated on me, but he seemed to actually like my boyfriend. They bonded, and my dad even invited him to come visit us during the holidays. My mom texted me afterwards saying she thought he was a keeper and that she hadn't seen me that happy in a long time. With today being Valentine's Day, I was disappointed that we didn't have anything planned. He said his schedule was too busy with class in the day and rehearsals at night but gave the option of doing dinner the weekend after.

I was open to this and still went out of my way to drop off a thoughtful gift with a heartfelt card to let him know I was thinking of him. For the gift, I had gotten him these special music sheets of his favorite composer that were really hard to find and a bunch of his favorite snacks and a nice bottle of bourbon. he's really into bourbon. I spent weeks tracking down the music sheets, they were from this obscure German composer he loves, and I had to contact specialty shops in Europe and pay extra for rush shipping to get them here on time. I put a lot of thought into the card too,

wrote about how much I appreciated his dedication to his craft and how proud I was of all he'd accomplished. I even drove across town during my lunch break between classes to drop it off at his apartment with the building concierge, so he'd have a nice surprise when he got home. I had patients all afternoon, I'm doing my rotation in pediatrics right now, and was exhausted by the time I got home.

This one kid had an extremely complicated case that the attending physician kept asking me questions about, and I was sweating bullets trying to remember all the details while also being compassionate to the worried parents. By the time I left the hospital, my brain was fried. My roommate had gone out with her boyfriend, so I was just sitting alone eating leftover pasta and watching some stupid show when my phone rang. It was him, and I was actually excited thinking maybe he was calling to thank me for the gift. He calls me on his way home and opens the gift and card while on the phone.

He thanked me for it, said the bourbon was really thoughtful and the music sheets were really cool. We chatted for a bit as normal before I asked if we're still on for our date this weekend. That's when he asked to come by my house this weekend to chat instead. mind you, he lives closer to downtown of the city we live and write by where we plan to go out while I live out in the suburbs, so him wanting to come all the way out to meet just to chat set off all kinds of alarms in my head. I'd had a long day, and I didn't want to spend the rest of the week anxious about what he wanted to chat about.

In my experience, when someone wants to chat, it's never good news. I became worried and asked if he wanted to chat about something why not discuss it now so were not stressed the whole weekend leading up to it. There was this long pause on the phone, and I could hear him sighing. That's when I knew something was seriously wrong. That's when he dropped the bomb. He expressed that he's been recently developing deep feelings for his longtime friend of six years in his program now that they are romantic counterparts in the show they are rehearsing for. He apologized, stating that he just wants to be honest with me and that he didn't feel right being in a relationship while he felt this way. I'm shocked. I'm seeing read the rest of the phone

call as he explains that he can't help how he feels, that he hasn't physically acted on anything, though during rehearsal certain intimate scenes he felt feelings reciprocated. He hasn't spoken to her about this, and that he hasn't changed his feelings for me. I've met this friend at a social gathering a couple months back. It was at a cast party after their winter showcase. She seemed friendly overall but kind of cold toward me. I chalked it up to social awkwardness or maybe she was just having a bad day. Now I'm wondering if she's had feelings for him all along and was jealous or something. At that party, I remember they performed a duet together. I noticed they had good chemistry, but I never thought anything of it because he always talked about her like she was just a good friend and

colleague. He even mentioned once that she had a boyfriend, though I'm not sure if they're still together. I asked what he wanted to get out of this conversation. He didn't explicitly say he wanted to break up but felt dishonest and wrong for staying. He's not sure if he'll even act or speak on these feelings since they've been friends for so long and isn't settled on what the feelings exactly are. The whole conversation I couldn't tell if he was still working through his feelings or if his mind was set on anything. I asked him point blank if he was breaking up with me, and he gave this wishy-washy answer about needing space to figure things out and not wanting to hurt me more than he already has. I told him that was bullshit, either we're together or we're not. He finally admitted

that yes, he thinks we should break up, but he still cares about me a lot and hopes we can still be in each other's lives. I just hung up after that. So we've broken up for now. My emotions are so high I don't even know how to feel. Am I overreacting thinking that he's messed up for how this was handled. I'm so hurt and blindsided by this, especially because I've been cheated on in the past. I mean, part of me appreciates that he didn't actually cheat. He told me before anything physical happened. But another part of me is like, emotional cheating is still cheating, right? And why the fuck did he wait until after I gave him a Valentine's gift to tell me this? He could have told me days ago, or waited until after Valentine's Day. It just feels like such a

slap in the face. I texted my best friend right after and she came over with ice cream and wine. I cried for like two hours straight while she just listened. She's usually pretty blunt but even she was like, wow, that's fucked up timing. She stayed over that night because I was such a mess. What makes this even harder is that I'm in the middle of studying for one of my most important exams. I've been balancing my studies, clinical rotations, and making time for this relationship, commuting downtown to see him all the time because it was always easier for me to come to him than vice versa because of his rehearsal schedule. And now I feel like such a fool.

God, I'm rambling now. I'm just so tired and hurt and angry and I have to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. tomorrow for rounds and I can't even focus on studying tonight. Fuck Valentine's Day, seriously. Then nothing happened for three days. I was just going through the motions, go to the hospital, come home, try to study, cry, sleep, repeat. I didn't hear from him at all, which I guess is for the best. My roommate has been great, making sure I eat and checking in on me.

My mom called to ask how my Valentine's Day was, and I just broke down crying on the phone. She offered to come visit, but I told her I need to focus on my exam. Edit, some people are D-Meng asking about ages, we're both in our mid-20s. And someone asked if maybe she has feelings for him too, I have no idea. He said he thinks she might based on how she acts during their romantic scenes, but they've never talked about it. Edit 2, to clarify about the broken up for now, that's just me being unclear in my writing because I'm upset.

We're definitely broken up. I just meant I'm not sure if we'll talk more about it or if this is the the last conversation will ever have. Edit 3. Thanks for all the comments. I'm reading them all even if I'm not responding to everyone. Some of you are asking for more details about our break last year, basically, he wasn't sure if he wanted to be in a serious relationship while also pursuing his performance career. He was auditioning for programs all over the country and didn't want to do long distance if he got into somewhere far away. When we got back together, it was because he decided to stay in our city for this prestigious program and felt more settled.

I thought that meant he was more committed too, but I guess not. And yes, by musical performance I mean like theater slash opera slash et cetera. I'm trying to keep some details vague for privacy reasons, but basically they're playing romantic leads in a production, and he claims developing feelings for her during rehearsals caught him off guard. But honestly, I'm starting to wonder if there was something between them before and the rehearsal thing is just a convenient excuse. Update, hey everyone. Just wanted to come back and update after my post a few days ago.

First, thank you all so much for your insight. It really helped ground me and keep perspective through the intense anger of the first few days after. A lot of you were saying I should reach out for closure but others were saying to just block him and move on. I spent a lot of time thinking about what would help me feel better. That first night after I posted, I couldn't sleep by kept replaying our entire relationship in my head, wondering if there were signs I missed or if there was anything I could have done differently.

I went through all the photos on my phone of us together, probably not the healthiest coping mechanism, but whatever. I was a complete mess for the first couple of days. I almost called in sick to my rotation but decided against it. Being around patients actually helped a bit, it gave me perspective that there are people dealing with much more serious problems than a broken heart. There was this one little kid, maybe five years old, who was in for treatment and was so brave about everything. It made me feel like I could be brave too. My friends have been amazing through all this. My roommate cleaned the entire apartment while I was at the hospital one day, just to give me one less thing to stress about. Another friend from my

program covered for me when I needed to take a mental health break during rounds. I've been lucky to have such a good support system. I did end up reaching out yesterday since the end was so abrupt and I was in such a shock when it happened. I figured I needed to say my piece to be able to move on properly. I tried to be mature about it even though part of me wanted to tell him to go fuck himself, LOL. I texted him first asking if we could talk, and he called me almost immediately. That surprised me, I thought he'd be busy with rehearsals or whatever. We talked for about an hour. I mostly just listened at first, letting him explain himself more fully now that I wasn't in shock. He went into more detail about how these feelings developed.

Apparently, they've been rehearsing this really emotionally intense show for weeks now, spending eight to ten hours a day together in these intimate scenes. He said the lines between reality and performance started to blur, and he found himself thinking about her even when they weren't rehearsing. I assured him that he did what he could and that breakups aren't easy. then thanked him for being honest and up front and for letting me go now, while also letting him know how much it hurt feeling so easy to discard after being vulnerable with each other. I also pointed out that most of the effort in the relationship was held up by me.

I always commuted in to see him, I was always making date plans, I was the one giving gifts, and I never used my busy schedule as an excuse or made it feel like a burden like he did to me. It just all felt like such a waste of my time and emotional energy. He had the nerve to say he never realized I was doing most of the work in our relationship. Like, seriously? You never noticed that I was always the one driving 45 minutes to see you, while you never once came to my place unless I specifically asked. You never noticed that I was the one planning our dates, remembering your favorite things, making time for you despite my insane schedule? Yeah, right.

But I kept my cool. I didn't want to end things on a sour note. even though I was still angry. I told him that I hope he figures out what he really wants, but that I won't be waiting around if this thing with his co-star doesn't work out. He thanked me for everything and for being so kind through the hurt, saying that he feels like shit for this situation and putting me through this undeserved. On top, he further clarified that his history with this person was just a drunk make-out

almost six years ago when they started the program and the reciprocal interest is something that happens only in the context of rehearsing. Wait, hold up. He never mentioned before that they had a drunk make-out six years ago. That's a pretty significant piece of information to leave out when you're telling your girlfriend you've developed feelings for someone else. I called him out on this, and he got all defensive saying it was a one-time thing that meant nothing and they both agreed to just be friends after.

I bet he's been interested in her this whole time, and just settled for me when she wasn't available or interested. That makes our entire relationship feel like a lie. Like I was just the placeholder until something better came along. I didn't say that to him, but that's how I feel. As some of you said it's probably a showman's thing, which given this info now I fully agree with. I'm not sure how that will work out for him, but that's not for me to worry about anymore, I guess. I actually looked up these showman's things online and apparently they're super common in theater

slash performance programs. People get caught up in the intensity of playing romantic roles and confuse the emotions. Wish he had figured that out before blowing up our relationship, but whatever. I talked to my friend who's done some theater, and she confirmed that showmen's are really common. She said most of them fizzle out once the show ends and people go back to reality. For those asking if I'm going to give him another chance if he comes crawling back when this blows over, absolutely not. I'm worried. more than being someone's backup plan. I already went through that once with him when we got back together, and I'm not doing it again. To address some comments, no, I don't think she

deliberately pursued him or anything. From what I can tell, she might not even know he has feelings for her. And yes, some of you were right that I was doing most of the heavy lifting in this relationship. It's easier to see that now that I'm out of it. Don't worry, he's already blocked on everything. I'm still feeling sad, especially having to navigate through this while studying for step one, most important exam of my life thus far. The good thing is I have something to distract me and am surrounded by so many good friends who've been amazing at supporting me through this. I finally packed up all his stuff from my apartment. It wasn't much, just some clothes, a few books, his favorite mug that he always used when he stayed over, and some toiletries. I put it all in a box,

haven't decided what to do with it yet. I've deleted all our pictures together from my phone and untagged myself from photos on social media. I did keep one picture, it's of me at his piano, looking really happy. I'm keeping it not because of him, but because I like how I look in it. It's a reminder that I can be that person again, with or without him. Some of you asked for more details about the gift situation, yes, he still has my gifts. No, I don't want them back. They were a gift and asking for them back feels petty. Though I do kind of hope he chokes on the bourbon lamo. Oh, and I found a receipt for those music sheets I bought him.

They cost way more than I should have spent, especially on a student budget. But whatever, lesson learned. No more expensive gifts for guys who aren't fully committed. Thanks again for all the support. I might update again if anything significant happens, but I'm pretty sure this chapter is closed for good, which is honestly for the best.