Reddit Stories - My PARTNER MENTIONED that I wasn't her main focus as she PREPARED for

Episode Date: July 25, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #communication #partners #priorities #discussionSummary: My partner mentioned that I wasn't her main focus as she prepared for something important. This led to a discussion about priorities and communication in our relationship, highlighting the need for open and honest conversations to address any concerns or misunderstandings.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, communication, partners, priorities, discussion, opencommunication, honestconversations, concerns, misunderstandings, relationshipissues, communicationbreakdown, relationshipgoals, relationshipadvice, relationshipproblems, relationshipcommunicationBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. My partner mentioned that I wasn't her main focus as she prepared for a vacation with her male companions, so I vanished unexpectedly. When she returned and sought reconciliation, I was not interested. Things, I found out she was still planning another trip. So this happened three weeks ago and I'm still getting messages from her and her friends about how I need to talk to her and work things out, but honestly I think I handled this exactly right and I don't see why everyone thinks I'm the bad guy here.

My girlfriend Sarah and I have been together for two years and three months, were both 26, and up until this whole thing went down I thought we were pretty solid. We live about 40 minutes apart which isn't ideal but we make it work. She's got this friend group from college that she's super close with and I've always been fine with that because everyone needs their friends right, but now I can see there were warning signs I should have picked up on earlier. The friend group is like six people total, three girls and three guys, and they all went to the same state school together and have known each other since freshman year. The guys are Marcus, Tyler, and Josh, and honestly Marcus always rubbed me the wrong way but I never said anything because I'm not the kind of boyfriend who tries to control who his girlfriend hangs out with.

Marcus is one of those guys who thinks he's funnier than he actually is and he's always making comments that walk right up to the line of being inappropriate but never. never quite cross it, you know what I mean. Like he'll say something about how Sarah looks good in a certain outfit but then add that it's just as honest opinion as a friend. Or he'll joke about how lucky I am to have her but in this way that makes it sound like he's saying I don't deserve her. Tyler and Josh are pretty normal guys. Tyler's been with his girlfriend Emma for like four years and Josh is single but he's not the type to cause drama. But Marcus has been single for the past year and a half and ever since his last relationship ended, he's been getting more and more weird about boundaries with all the girls in the group, not just Sarah. The problems really

started about six months ago when they all decided to plan this big vacation to Florida for spring break. Now I know they're all friends and they've been taking group trips together since college, and initially Sarah asked if I wanted to come along. I said sure because I like traveling and I figured it would be good to spend more time with her friends and get to know them better. But then about two weeks later she comes to me and says actually maybe it would be better if it was just the original friend group this time because they had already made all these plans and reservations assuming it would be the six of them. I was a little annoyed but I get it, sometimes friend groups want to do their own thing and I wasn't going to make a big deal about it.

So I said fine, have fun, and I started planning my own trip with my buddies for that same week, which didn't happen, LOL. But then things started getting weird with how much time Sarah was spending planning this trip. Like every single day she was on group chats with them talking about what they were going to do, where they were going to eat, what bars they wanted to hit, what beach activities they had planned. And I'm talking hours every day, she'd be on her phone texting in these group chats from the moment she wovee. up until she went to bed. When we'd be hanging out watching a movie or having dinner, she'd constantly be checking her phone and responding to messages about the trip. I started feeling like I was competing with this vacation for her attention and that's not a good feeling to have about your girlfriend. But I didn't want to be that guy who complains about his girlfriend having

friends and being excited about a trip, so I kept my mouth shut and figured once the trip was over things would go back to normal. Then about a month before the trip Sarah tells me that Marcus had suggested they all get matching t-shirts made for the group. Not just regular t-shirts, but these custom ones with like an inside joke from college printed on them and all their names on the back like they were a sports team or something. She showed me the design and it was honestly pretty cringe, but whatever, if that's what they wanted to do then fine. But then she tells me Marcus also suggested they all get temporary tattoos of the same design to wear during the trip for photos. And I'm thinking this is getting a little

weird, like you're all 26 years old not 19, but again I didn't say anything because I didn't want to be the boyfriend who ruins his girlfriend's fun. The week before the trip Sarah basically moved in with me because she said it was easier to pack and get ready at my place since I have more space. Except she wasn't really packing, she was spending literally every waking moment on her phone with the group chat. She'd be laying in my bed at night scrolling through hundreds of messages about the most random stuff, like whether they should bring a cooler to the beach or what time they should leave for dinner each night.

I started... Hi, I'm Darren Marler. Host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere

from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreaker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insertion. That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreaker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download.

This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Sprinker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Spreaker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out spreeker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R dot com.

Feeling invisible in my own house and that's when I realized this wasn't just about her being excited for a trip with friends. This was about her prioritizing everything and everyone related to this trip over our relationship and over me. But I still didn't say anything because I kept thinking once the trip was over and she got it out of her system, everything would go back to normal. The night before they were supposed to leave Sarah was running around my apartment packing last-minute stuff and she had her phone on speaker so I could hear the entire group chat conversation. They were all talking about what they were going to wear to some restaurant the first night and Marcus kept making comments about how he couldn't wait to see all the girls dressed up and how they were going to turn heads wherever they went. Then Marcus specifically said something like Sarah, you better bring that black dress, you know the one I'm talking about and Sarah actually giggled and said, oh, I already packed it, don't worry. And I'm sitting there thinking what the hell, why is Marcus talking about my girlfriend's clothes and why is she giggling about it like they have some kind of inside joke about her dress? The next morning was when everything went completely sideways.

Sarah woke up at like 6 a.m. even though they weren't leaving until 10 because she wanted to. to make sure she looked perfect for the trip. She was in my bathroom for two straight hours doing her hair and makeup. And I'm not exaggerating when I say two hours because I was lying in bed checking the time every 15 minutes wondering when she was going to be done. While she's getting ready, she's got her phone propped up on the bathroom counter and she's video chatting with the girls from the group about their outfits and makeup. So I can hear this entire conversation happening and it's all about how excited they are and

how this is going to be the best trip ever and how they've been planning this for months. Then Marcus joins the video call and he starts saying stuff like ladies you're all looking beautiful this morning and I can't wait to see everyone's travel outfits. Sarah's in there laughing and telling him to shut up but in that flirty way that doesn't actually mean shut up, you know what I mean. I'm getting more and more irritated listening to all this but I'm trying to be cool about it. So I get up and make coffee and breakfast for both of us thinking maybe we can have a nice morning together before she leaves for her trip. I call her from the kitchen to tell her breakfast is ready and she yells back that she'll be out

in a few minutes. Twenty minutes later she's still in the bathroom and now they're all talking about some bar they want to go to the first night and Marcus is saying how he's excited to be Sarah's wingman if any guys try to hit on her at the bar. And Sarah says something like I can handle myself but thanks for looking out for me and they're all laughing about it. That's when I start thinking this is getting ridiculous. So I go to the bathroom door and knock and tell her that her breakfast is getting cold and ask if she can maybe finish getting ready so we can spend a little time together before she leaves.

She opens the door just enough to stick her head out and tells me she's almost done but this is important because they're coordinating their outfits for photos. I tell her I made her favorite breakfast and I was hoping we could eat together and maybe just talk for a bit since she's going to be gone for a week. And she looks at me like I'm being unreasonable and says, babe, I'm trying to get ready, can we talk when I get back? So I go back to the kitchen and I'm standing there looking at this nice breakfast I made getting cold on the counter and I'm thinking about how I've barely had a real conversation with my girlfriend in weeks because she's been so consumed with planning this trip. And I'm listening to her in the bathroom still talking to Marcus and the others about their plans

and I realize I feel like a stranger in my own relationship. That's when I decided I needed to have a conversation with her about priorities and communication. Not a fight, just a conversation about how I've been feeling disconnected from her lately and how I think we need to make more effort to prioritize our relationship. So when she finally comes out of the bathroom looking absolutely gorgeous, I have to admit, I tell her she looks beautiful and ask if we can sit down and eat breakfast together and talk about a few things. She checks her phone immediately and says the group is about to start driving and she needs to finish packing her last few things. I tell her I understand she's excited about the trip but I feel like we haven't really connected in weeks and I'd like to talk about that.

She's walking around the apartment grabbing random stuff and shoving it in her suitcase and she says, What do you mean we haven't connected? We've been hanging out every day. So I explained that yes we've been in the same space but she's been on her phone constantly with the group chat and I have. feel like her attention has been completely focused on this trip instead of on us. I tell her I'm not trying to ruin her fun or make her feel bad about being excited, I just want to make sure our relationship is still a priority for her. That's when she stops packing and looks at me with this expression like I just said something

completely unreasonable. She says, of course, our relationship is a priority but this trip is happening right now and I need to focus on getting ready. We can talk about relationship stuff when I get back. I tell her that's exactly what I'm talking about, that she's treating our relationship like something she can just put on hold whenever something more exciting comes up. And she gets this defensive tone and says that's not what I'm doing, you're being dramatic. So I ask her directly, right now, in this moment, what's your biggest priority? Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the Weird Darkness podcast.

I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere, from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreeker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insert insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download.

This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Spreaker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream, to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network,

Spreker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out Spreaker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R.com. And she doesn't even hesitate before saying getting ready for this trip

and making sure I don't forget anything important. I ask her where our relationship ranks on her priority list right now and she actually has to think about it for a second before saying our relationship is important, but it's not going anywhere. This trip is only happening once. That's when it hit me like a truck. She just told me straight to my face that our relationship wasn't her priority.

Not that it was one of her priorities, but that it literally wasn't her priority at all. She was basically saying that our relationship would always be there so she could ignore it whenever something more fun came along. I stood there for a minute processing what she just said and I realized this wasn't about one conversation or one trip. This was about how she viewed our entire relationship. I was the safe backup option that would always be there while she prioritized everything else that was more exciting or immediate. So I looked at her and said, okay, if that's how you see it then I understand.

She didn't even register that I was upset, she just said good, I'm glad you understand and went back to packing. I went to the kitchen and sat down at the table with the breakfast I made that was now completely cold and I started thinking about everything that had led up to this moment. The months of feeling like I was competing with her friends for her attention, the weeks of watching her prioritize planning this trip over spending quality time with me, and now her telling me directly that our relationship wasn't her priority. And I realized I was done. Not done with the relationship necessarily, but done with being treated like I was optional. Done with being the guy who was always there whenever she had time left over after everything else. So I made a decision right there at the kitchen table.

If I wasn't her priority, then I wasn't going to act like she was mine either. If our relationship could be put on hold whenever something more exciting came along, then I could put it on hold too. I got up from the table, went to the bedroom, and started packing a bag. Sarah was in the living room still running around packing and talking on her phone with the group about when they were all meeting up. I came out with my bag and she looked at me confused and asked where I was going. I told her I was going to visit my brother in Denver for a few days. She asked why I was leaving right now when she was about to leave for her trip, and I told her

it seemed like a good time since she was going to be busy with her priorities. She asked if I was upset about something and I told her no, I understood her priorities perfectly and I was just making my own decisions based on that understanding. She looked at me like she was trying to figure out if I was being sarcastic, but I kept my voice completely neutral and matter of fact. Then her phone started ringing and it was Marcus calling to tell her they were all meeting at Tyler's house in 30 minutes to load up the cars. She answered the phone and told him she'd be there soon, then hung up and told me she had to leave right now. I told her to have a great trip and that I hoped she got everything she was prioritizing. She gave me a quick kiss and said

she'd call me when they got to Florida, then grabbed her bags and left. As soon as her car pulled out of my driveway, I called my brother Jake in Denver. I hadn't talked to him in like two months, but we've always been close and I knew I could crash at his place for a few days if I needed to get away and think about things. Jake answered and I told him I needed to get out of town for a few days and asked if I could come stay with him. He could tell something was up because it's not like me to just decide to leave town randomly, but he didn't ask a bunch of questions, he just said, of course, and told me to drive safe. I threw my bag in my car and started driving to Denver. It's about a six-hour drive from where I live and I had a lot of time to think about everything.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Sarah telling me I wasn't her priority wasn't just a heat of the moment thing, it was her being honest about how she actually felt. And I started thinking about all the times over the past few months when I had felt like I was coming in second place to other things in her life. I got to Jake's place around 4 p.m. and he took one look at me and knew something major had happened. He didn't push me to talk about it right away, he just opened a beer and handed it to me and said I could tell him what was going on whenever I was ready. That night we ordered pizza and watched basketball and I told him the whole story. He told him the whole story. Jake listened to everything without interrupting and when I was done he said, so what are you going

to do? I told him I honestly didn't know, I just knew I needed some space to figure out how I felt about everything. Meanwhile, Sarah's trip was starting and I could see on social media that they had made it to Florida and were already posting pictures from the beach. They looked like they were having a great time and honestly good for them. That first night she texted me around 11 p.m. her time saying they had made it safely and the hotel was really nice. I texted back saying that was good and I was glad they got there safely. She asked how my day was and I said it was fine, I was in Denver visiting Jake. She asked why I didn't tell her I was planning to visit Jake and I said it was a spur of the

moment decision. She didn't respond after that and I figured she was probably out at bars with the group. The next morning I woke up to a text from her with a bunch of photos from their first day, of them at the beach and at restaurants and stuff. I looked at all the photos and responded with looks fun and that was it. This pattern continued for the next few days. She'd send me photos and updates about what they were doing, I'd respond politely but briefly, and that was the extent of our communication.

I could tell she was starting to notice that I wasn't being as engaged as usual because her texts started getting longer and more detailed, like she was trying to get me to respond with more than just a few words. Meanwhile, I was having a really good time in Denver with Jake. We went hiking, checked out some breweries, caught up on everything that had been going on in our lives. It was exactly what I needed and I realized I felt more relaxed and happy than I had in months. Jake and I talked about the Sarah situation a few more times and he gave me some perspective

that really helped. He said it sounded like Sarah had gotten comfortable taking me for granted and that maybe some space would help her realize what she was doing. He also said that if someone tells you you're not their priority, he should believe them and act accordingly. On the fourth day of Sarah, Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreaker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insertion. That means,

you can automatically insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreeker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Spreaker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Sprinker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Spreeker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out Spreaker.com.

That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R dot com. As trip, she called me instead of just texting. I was out hiking with Jake so I didn't answer, but she left a voicemail saying she missed me and asking if everything was okay because I seemed different in my texts. She said she wanted to have a real conversation and asked me to call her back. I didn't call her back that day because I didn't feel ready to have a big conversation yet. That night she called again and this time I answered. She immediately asked if I was mad at her about something and I told her I wasn't mad,

I was just giving her space. She got quiet for a second and then asked what I meant by that. So I reminded her about our conversation before she left when she told me our relationship wasn't her priority right now. I said I respected that and I was just adjusting me. my expectations accordingly. She started to say something about how I was taking the conversation the wrong way, but then I could hear Marcus in the background saying something about going to dinner and she told me she had to go, but we talked more later. That phone call lasted maybe five minutes

total. The next day I decided to extend my stay in Denver. I was supposed to drive home that day, but I was having such a good time with Jake and I realized there was no reason I needed to rush back. Sarah's trip wasn't over until Sunday and I was enjoying having this time to myself to think about what I wanted from a relationship. So I called my boss and asked if I could work remotely for a few more days, and luckily he was cool with it since I don't usually ask for time off and I could handle most of my work from anywhere with internet. That's when Sarah started to notice something was really different.

She texted me asking when I was going home and I told her I had decided to stay in Denver a little longer since I was having a good time. She called me immediately and asked what was going on and why I was extending my trip without talking to her about it. I told her I was doing the same thing she did, making decisions based on my priorities without consulting her first. She said that was completely different because she had planned her trip months in advance and I had just randomly decided to leave town. So I asked her what the difference was and she couldn't really give me a good answer. She just kept saying it was different and that I was being weird and distant. I told her I wasn't being weird, I was being honest about where I stood and adjusting my behavior accordingly.

The conversation got a little heated because she kept insisting that I was misunderstanding what she meant when she said our relationship wasn't her priority. She said she just meant that right now, in that specific moment, she had to focus on getting ready for her trip. But I reminded her that she had been prioritizing the trip and everything related to it for months, not just that one morning. She got defensive and said I was being unfair and that she was allowed to be excited about a trip with her friends. I told her she was absolutely allowed to be excited and prioritize whatever she wanted, but she couldn't expect me to just sit around waiting for her to have time for me whenever everything else was taken care of. That's when she said something that really confirmed everything I had been thinking. She said I don't understand why this is such a big deal,

you know I love you and you know our relationship is solid, so why can't you just be supportive of me having fun with my friends? And I realized she genuinely didn't understand the problem. In her mind, because she loved me and because our relationship was solid, that meant she could treat it as less important than everything else because it would always be there. She saw our relationship as so secure that it didn't need attention. I told her that love wasn't enough if it wasn't backed up by actions and choices. I said that telling someone they're not your priority and then expecting them to be okay with that because you love them was not how healthy relationships work. She got quiet and then said she needed to think about what I was saying. I told her that was fine, she should take all the time she needed to think, and that I was going to keep enjoying my time in Denver.

The rest of her trip was weird. She kept texting me sporadically but the tone was different, like she was testing to see how I was going to respond. She'd send me photos and I'd respond politely but I wasn't engaging the way I used to. I wasn't asking follow-up questions or making comments about how fun everything looked. I was treating her updates like I would treat updates from any casual acquaintance. Meanwhile I was having an amazing time in Denver. Jake and I went to a Rockies game, we checked out some museums, we went to this incredible restaurant in the mountains. I posted a few photos on social media and I could see that Sarah was looking at all of them

immediately after I posted them. On the last day of her trip she called me and said she had been thinking about our conversation and she wanted to talk when she got home. I told her that was fine but I wasn't planning to be home when she got back because I was still enjoying my time in Denver. She asked when I was planning to come home and I told her I wasn't sure yet, maybe in a few more days. She said she really wanted to see me and talk in person about everything. I told her I understood, but I was going to finish my time here first. That's when she started to sound a little panicked.

She asked if I was planning to break up with her and I told her I wasn't planning anything, I was just taking things one day at a time and enjoying my priorities. She caught the emphasis I put on the word priorities and got quiet. She said she was starting to understand that she had hurt my feelings and she wanted to make it right. I told her it wasn't about hurt feelings, it was about incompatible approaches to relationships. She asked what I meant and I explained that she saw our relationship as something stable that could be deprioritized whenever something more interesting came along. While I saw relationships as something that needed consistent attention and prioritization to stay healthy, she said she had never thought about it

that way and asked if we could talk more when she got home. I told her. I told her that she was a her we could talk whenever she wanted, but I was going to keep doing my own thing until I felt ready to have that conversation. Sarah got home from her trip on Sunday and I could see from her social media that she made it back safely. She texted me that night saying she was home and asking when I thought I might be ready to talk. I told her I was still in Denver and I'd let her know when I was ready. Monday morning she started calling me repeatedly. I answered one of the calls and she was crying, saying she couldn't stop thinking about our conversation and she realized she had been taking me for granted. She said she wanted to fix things and asked when I was coming

home. I told her I appreciated her taking the time to think about everything but I needed more time to process on my end. She asked how much time and I said I didn't know, however long it took. That's when she really started to panic. She said she didn't understand why I was dragging this out and why I wouldn't just come home so we could work things out. I told her I was doing exactly what she did. She said it wasn't the same thing and I asked her to explain the difference. She couldn't give me a good answer, she just kept saying it was different and that she needed to see me.

I stayed in Denver for two more days and during that time Sarah was blowing up my phone constantly. She was texting me paragraphs about how sorry she was and how she realized she had been wrong about prioritizing the trip over our relationship. She was calling multiple times a day asking when I was coming home. But here's the thing that really sealed the deal for me. While Sarah was sending me all these messages about how sorry she was and how much she missed me, I could see from social media that she was hanging out with Marcus and Tyler and Joshua. They were posting photos from dinners and bars, apparently continuing the vacation vibes now that they were back home. So she was telling me how much she missed.

me and how she wanted to fix our relationship, but she was still prioritizing hanging out with the same people who had been more important than me for months. It confirmed everything I had been thinking about her approach to relationships. When I finally drove back home on Wednesday, I didn't tell Sarah I was coming. I just showed up at my apartment and started getting back into my normal routine. She texted me that evening asking if I was free to talk and I told her I was home. She came over within 40 minutes and she looked like she hadn't slept much. She immediately started apologizing and saying she understood now that she was in the wrong. She said she wanted to make changes and prioritize our relationship properly.

I listened to everything she had to say and then I told her I appreciated her apologies but I needed to see actions, not just words. I said that over the past week I had gotten a taste of what it felt like to be someone's actual priority, meaning my own priority, and I realized I had been settling for way less than I deserved. She asked what I meant and I told her that Jake had dropped everything to make time for me when I needed it, that he had been fully present when we hung out instead of constantly checking his phone, and that he had made me feel valued and important just by giving me his full attention. I said that was what I wanted from a romantic relationship too. Sarah said she understood and that she wanted to be that person for me.

I told her I hoped that was true but I needed to see it consistently over time, not just when she was scared of losing me. We talked for a couple more hours and she kept asking what she could do to fix things. I told her there was nothing specific she could do, she just needed to decide what her actual priorities were and then align her actions with it. She said our relationship was her priority and I told her that was good to hear but the real test would be how she acted going forward, not what she said in this conversation. That was three weeks ago and honestly not much has changed. Sarah has been trying really hard to spend more time with me and be more attentive, but it feels forced and temporary. Like she's on her best behavior because she's afraid I'm going to leave, not because she actually

changed her perspective on relationships. And she's still hanging out with Marcus, Tyler, and Josh constantly. Just last week they all went to some concert together and... Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the Weird Darkness podcast. want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreaker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insert ad insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreker's

programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Spreaker also has a pre-referral subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Sprinker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out Spreaker.com. That's S-P-R-E-K-E-R.com. Sarah spent the entire day leading up to it texting in their group chat about what they were going to wear and where they were going to meet up. It was like watching a replay of the vacation situation. When I pointed this out to her, she said it was just one concert and it wasn't the same as the vacation. But I could see her getting that same obsessive energy about planning and coordinating with the group, checking her phone constantly. So I told her I thought we should take a break. Not break up necessarily, but just stop pretending like

things were working when they clearly weren't. She freaked out and said she had been trying so hard and that it wasn't fair for me to give up on us. I told her I wasn't giving up, I was being realistic about our incompatibility. She sees relationships as something that should be there for her whenever she's ready to focus on them, and I see relationships as something that requires consistent prioritization to be healthy. She said she could change and that she understood now what I needed from her. But then Marcus texted her while we were having this conversation and she immediately checked her phone and responded to him. When I pointed out that she had just proved my point, she said it was just a quick response and it didn't mean anything. That's when I realized

nothing was actually going to change. She might be more aware of the issue now, but her instincts and natural behavior were still the same. She was still going to prioritize whatever felt most urgent or exciting in the moment and expect our relationship to be there waiting for her whenever she was ready to focus on it. So I told her I thought we should officially break up. She started crying and begging me to reconsider, saying she would do anything to make it work. I told her the problem wasn't that she wouldn't do anything, it was that she fundamentally didn't understand what needed to be done. Since then she's been texting me constantly, calling me, showing up at my apartment. She got her friends involved. She got her friends involved.

and they've been messaging me telling me I'm being too harsh and that she really loves me and just made some mistakes. But here's what's really telling. Even now, while she's supposedly fighting for our relationship, she's still prioritizing her group chat with Marcus and the others. I can see from social media that they're all planning another trip for next month and Sarah's participating in all the planning conversations. So she's telling me that our relationship is the most important thing to her while simultaneously planning another vacation with the same people who were more important than me before. It's like she learned nothing from this entire experience. I'm not responding to her messages anymore because I think I've said everything I need to say. I told her clearly what the problem was,

I gave her chances to address it, and she's shown me through her actions that she's not capable of or interested in making the changes that would be necessary for us to work. Some people are saying I handled this wrong and that I should have communicated my feelings better from the beginning instead of disappearing to Denver. But I think I communicated perfectly clearly. I told her exactly how I felt and what I needed, and she told me exactly where I ranked. Everything that happened after that was just the natural consequence of that conversation. I don't think I'm wrong for refusing to be someone's backup plan. I don't think I'm wrong for wanting to be with someone who chooses to prioritize our relationship consistently, not just when they're scared of losing it.

And I don't think I'm wrong for believing people when they tell me who they are and what matters to them. So I'd have for disappearing when my girlfriend told me I wasn't her priority, and then breaking up with her when her behavior didn't actually change. Update 1. While Sarah found out about this post. I'm not sure how, maybe one of her friends saw it and recognized the story, but she called me absolutely furious yesterday morning demanding to know why I was airing our personal business online and making her look bad to strangers. I told her I didn't use anyone's real names and I just wanted outside perspectives on the situation. She said it didn't matter because anyone who knew us

would be able to figure out it was about her. Then she said I was being vindictive and trying to make her look like a bad girlfriend. What's funny is that she was more upset about me posting on Reddit than she ever was about the actual relationship problems. She spent 20 minutes yelling at me about how embarrassed she was that people were calling her names and saying she was a terrible girlfriend. But she didn't spend any time talking about the real problem. Then she said something that really confirmed I made the right decision to end things. She said, I can't believe you're letting a bunch of strangers on the internet convince you

to throw away two years together. I told her that strangers on the internet didn't convince me of it. anything, her own words and actions did. I said that if she was more concerned about how she looked to random people online than she was about how she treated me in our relationship, that pretty much proved everything I'd been saying. She hung up on me after that. But then she texted me a few hours later saying she wanted to meet in person to talk without an audience. I told her I didn't think there was anything left to talk about and that I was moving on. That's when things got really weird. She showed her,

up at my apartment around 8 p.m. with a bottle of wine and a bag of takeout from my favorite restaurant. She said she wanted to cook for me and have a nice evening together like we used to. I told her I appreciated the gesture, but I wasn't comfortable with her just showing up uninvited, especially after we'd broken up. She started crying and said she missed me and she knew she could fix things if I would just give her another chance. Here's the thing that really got to me though. While she was standing there crying and telling me how much she missed me, her phone was buzzing constantly with notifications. And I could see from her lock screen that it was the group chat with Marcus and the others. Even during her big emotional appeal to get me back,

she couldn't ignore the group chat. She kept glancing at her phone and I could tell she was dying to check the messages. After about 10 minutes she actually said sorry, I should probably check this, it might be important and looked at her phone. I just started laughing because it was so perfectly on brand for her. She's trying to convince me that I'm her priority while literally prioritizing her phone and her friends over the conversation we're having about our relationship. I told her she should go and that this whole interaction had just reinforced my decision

to end things. She got angry and said I was being unfair and looking for reasons to stay broken up. I said I didn't need to look for reasons, she was. giving me new ones in real time. She finally left around 9 p.m., but not before telling me I was going to regret giving up on someone who loved me as much as she did. I told her that if this was what love looked like from... Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere from Apple Podcasts to Spotify.

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terrible person for wanting to have fun with her friends. The issue was that she consistently prioritized everything else over our relationship and then got upset when I stopped accepting the treatment. Also, and this is probably the most telling part, I found out from Tyler's girlfriend Emma that Sarah has been telling people a completely different version of this story. According to Emma, Sarah's been saying that I got jealous about her trip and gave her an ultimatum, and when she wouldn't cancel her vacation I broke up with her out of spite. That's not even close to what happened, but it shows me that Sarah still doesn't understand or won't admit what she actually did wrong.

Emma also told me something interesting. She said that during the Florida trip, Sarah was constantly checking her phone and seemed distracted, like she was worried about something back home. Emma asked her about it and Sarah said she was concerned that I was being weird about the trip. So Sarah knew I was upset and she knew there were problems, but instead of addressing them she just hoped they would go away on their own. Then when I stopped accepting being treated as an afterthought, she acted like it came out of nowhere. I think I'm done with this whole situation. Sarah can tell whatever version of the story makes her feel better, but I know what really happened and I'm comfortable with my decision.