Reddit Stories - My partner REQUESTED some time apart to RECONNECT with her UNFAITHFUL former partner.

Episode Date: July 5, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #cheating #breakup #trustissues #communicationSummary: My partner REQUESTED some time apart to RECONNECT with her UNFAITHFUL former partner. I am torn between giving her space and feeling betrayed by her actions. I seek advice on how to navigate this complex situation and protect my own emotions.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, cheating, breakup, trustissues, communication, partner, timeapart, reconnect, unfaithful, emotions, advice, betrayal, space, complexsituation, protectBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. My partner requested some time apart to reconnect with her unfaithful former partner. I put up my residence for sale, relocated to another part of the country, and severed all communication. Now, after eight months, her life has completely crumbled. Apart. I am a 32-year-old. My life was, by most measures, stable and heading in a direction I had planned. The primary individual in this account, aside from myself, is my now ex-fiancee, Sarah, who was 30 at the time.

We had been together for four years, engaged for the last one. We lived in a house that I had purchased prior to our engagement. It was solely in my name, a financial decision made based on my existing assets and family contributions well before Sarah was significantly in the picture. Sarah had moved in with me approximately two years into our relationship. Other individuals who feature are Sarah's ex-boyfriend, James. He was her partner before me, and their relationship, as she had recounted, ended due to his infidelity. Her parents and her younger sister Clara also became involved, or rather, became aware of the circumstances as they unfolded. Our initial context was, I believed, quite strong.

We had met through a mutual acquaintance, dated for a year before deciding to live together, and another two years before I proposed. The relationship seemed to be built on shared interests and what I perceived as mutual respect. Sarah was aware of my financial well-being, the house, for instance, was purchased by me using a combination of savings and an inheritance for my grandparents. It was a three-bedroom suburban home, comfortable and more than adequate for our needs and future plans, which included marriage and potentially starting a family in a few years. Sarah contributed to household running costs, like utilities and groceries, but had no financial stake in the property itself. This was a clear, established, and undisputed arrangement.

James, her ex, was a figure from her past I knew about. She had been quite open that their relationship had lasted about two years and had ended badly when she discovered he had been consistently unfaithful. She had expressed, on multiple occasions, the pain and betrayal he had caused. This was, I thought, ancient history, something she had processed and moved on from, especially given our engagement and shared life. Approximately six months before the central incident, I began to notice subtle shifts in Sarah's behavior and conversation.

James's name, once a rare mention associated with past hurt, started to feature more regularly, albeit in what seemed like casual contexts. She mentioned having seen a social media post from him, or having heard about him through a distant mutual friend. At first, I didn't attribute much significance to it. People from the past sometimes drift back into one's orbit of awareness. However, these mentions became more frequent. She would talk about what ifs related to her past,

sometimes contrasting her life choices. There was a growing sense of restlessness in her that I found difficult to pinpoint. She became somewhat more withdrawn, spending more time on her phone, often appearing pensive or distracted after such sessions. When I would inquire if everything was all right, she would usually offer a vague reassurance or attribute her mood to work stress or general fatigue. The situation escalated when, about three months before the break request, she informed me that James had directly contacted her. According to Sarah, he had reached out with an apology for his past behavior, expressing remorse and stating that he had changed significantly. She said she was surprised by the contact but also curious. She portrayed it as a need for closure, to hear him out.

I recall suggesting that closure is often something one finds within oneself, rather than seeking it from the person who caused the hurt, but I did not forbid her from communicating with him. I believe that in a relationship based on trust, dictating who one can or cannot talk to was not my place, though I did express my unease given their history. Over the next few weeks, it became apparent that their communication was not a one-off event. Sarah would be texting late into the evening, sometimes stepping out of the room to take calls. When I addressed this, she admitted they had been talking more regularly. She described James as being very persuasive, painting a picture of a reformed man who regretted his past actions deeply. She started mentioning things they used to have in common, trips they took, old inside jokes. It was as if she was re-evaluating her past relationship with him, not as a source of pain, but through a new, more nostalgic lens.

The clear turning point, indicating a serious problem, was when she began to draw comparisons between James and me, or more accurately, between her relationship with James and her relationship with me. She started to articulate a sense of having missed out on a certain kind of excitement or passion, which she subtly associated with her time with James. She would say things like our life was comfortable and stable, but then follow it with amusing about whether comfort and stability were enough for her in the long run. This was alarming, as these were qualities we had supposedly both valued. I tried to discuss these concerns with her directly, asking her what had changed and what she felt was missing in our relationship.

Her responses were often contradictory. She would say she loved me and valued our life, but then immediately expressed doubts about her own feelings and future happiness, frequently referencing James and the Wadiff scenarios. It became clear she was deeply conflicted, or perhaps, was being drawn back into an old dynamic. The week before she asked for the break, she attended a catch-up coffee with James. She told me about it beforehand, framing it as an innocent meeting to finally get that closure. I didn't argue, but I stated that I was not comfortable with it, particularly given her recent behavior and expressions of doubt. She went anyway. When she returned, she was distant and evasive, providing very few details about their conversation,

only saying it was interesting and that James had indeed grown a lot. The atmosphere in our home became tense for the following few days. The conversation that altered everything occurred on a Saturday morning. I had planned for us to spend the day together, perhaps go for a hike, in an attempt to reconnect. Before we could even begin these plans, the same room where we had discussed wedding plans and our future. She began by saying how much she appreciated me and the life we had built. Then, she transitioned into her internal conflict, stating she was confused about her feelings. She brought up James again, saying that reconnecting with him had stirred up old emotions and

made her question whether she had made a mistake leaving him, or rather, whether she should if there was still something there now that he claimed to be a changed person. Then came the request. She asked for a break from our relationship. She was specific. She wanted to take some time. a few weeks, maybe a month or two, to explore her connection with James. She suggested she could stay with her sister, Clara, or find a temporary place.

During this period, she wanted to date James, to see if what she was feeling was real or just nostalgia. She emphasized that it wasn't that she wanted to end things with me definitively, but that she needed this space and freedom to figure out her heart, to be sure before we got married. She even suggested that this exploration would ultimately make her a better partner for me, or confirmed that James was truly a mistake, thus strengthening our relationship in the long run. She asked for my understanding and patience. I listened to her proposition without interruption. Internally, what I registered was a request for my fiancé to pause our engagement and our shared life so she could test drive a relationship with an ex-boyfriend who had previously cheated on her.

The finality of her request, from my perspective, was immediate. While she was framing it as a temporary pause for exploration, I interpreted it as a fundamental breach of the commitment our engagement signified. When she finished, I didn't engage in a lengthy debate or plea. I asked a few clarifying questions to ensure I understood the parameters of her request, that she intended to actively pursue a romantic and likely physical relationship with James during this break. She confirmed this was her intention, stating it was the only way to truly know. My immediate response was calm and concise.

I told her that if she felt she needed to explore a relationship with another man, then our relationship was, for all practical purposes, over. I stated that I would not be a placeholder, nor would I participate in a scenario where our commitment was put on hold for her to experiment elsewhere. I told her I would not be waiting for her to make a decision between, me and her cheating ex. I explained that her request itself demonstrated a profound lack of respect for me and for the vows we were planning to take. I told her that I considered our engagement and relationship terminated, effective immediately. She appeared taken aback,

perhaps expecting negotiation or emotional pleading for my side. She tried to argue that I was misunderstanding her intentions, that it was about her confusion, not about a lack of love for me. I reiterated my position. Her desire to explore a relationship with another man was, in itself, the end of ours. Sarah was visibly shocked by my stance. She attempted to backtrack, suggesting maybe a break wasn't necessary, or that we could talk through it more. But the request had been made, and the underlying sentiment was clear to me. I told her that the trust and commitment I believed we had were irrevocably broken by her proposal. I stated that since she needed space to explore things with James, I would ensure she had all the space she needed.

I told her she needed to make arrangements to move her belongings out of the house. I suggested she should probably proceed with her plan to stay with her sister or find that would no longer be living with me. That same Saturday afternoon, after she left the house in a state of distress to presumably process things or go to her sisters, I began to take action. My decision was not made in anger, but with a cold clarity. The relationship was over. The future we had planned was cancelled. Therefore, the logical steps were to dismantle the infrastructure of that shared life. My first action was to contact the locksmith. Within a few hours, all the locks on the house were changed. I own the house, it was my

property. She had no legal claim to it. My second action, taken over the remainder of the weekend, was to prepare the house for sale. This involved clearing out some of Sarah's more easily removable personal items that were intermingled with mine in common areas, clothes, toiletries, a few decorative items. I boxed these up neatly and stored them in the garage, intending to arrange for her to collect them. I also began decluttering and depersonalizing the space to make it more appealing to potential buyers. I contacted a highly recommended real estate agent on Monday morning. I explained the situation briefly, I was single, needed to sell the property quickly

due to a new job opportunity one would be pursuing, which was prospectively true, as I immediately began activating my professional network for out-of-state roles, and wanted a fast, uncomplicated sale. The agent was efficient and listed the property within a few days. The market was favorable. for sellers. Concurrently, I initiated a search for new employment in a different state. I had been passively considering a career move for some months prior, wanting new challenges, and this situation provided the catalyst. I updated my resume, reached out to contacts,

and applied for several positions in a city on the opposite coast that offered a strong industry and a complete change of environment. The shared cloud storage we used for photos, some documents and backups was another point of focus. It contained years of our shared memories. I downloaded my own files and photos, anything that was mine exclusively or that I had a right to. Then, I systematically deleted her access, and subsequently deleted the shared folders and content that was predominantly ours. It was a digital severing.

I communicated with Sarah minimally. When she contacted me, demanding to know why the lock. were changed, I informed her via text message that our relationship was over, the house was being sold, and she needed to arrange a time with my realtor or a designated friend of mine to collect her box belongings. I did not engage in further discussion or arguments. I stated that all necessary communication would henceforth be purely logistical. She was, as expected, furious and distraught. She accused me of being heartless and impulsive. She insisted she had only been confused and that my actions were an overreaction. I did not debate this with her.

My decision was made. The house, due to its location and condition, and an aggressive pricing strategy, received an offer within two weeks. It was a cash offer, slightly below asking but with no problems, which I accepted. The closing was scheduled for 30 days later. During this period, Sarah's attempts to contact me escalated, involving calls, texts, and emails. I did not respond to most of them. When her messages became abusive or overly emotional, I blocked her number and email address. I also blocked her on all social media platforms. I instructed my realtor to handle all communication regarding her belongings,

which she eventually collected with her sister, Clara, present. I was not there during the collection. The sale of the house closed as scheduled, approximately six weeks after Sarah's request for a break. By that time, I had already secured a promising job offer in the new state. The offer included a relocation package, which expedited my move. I sold some of my furniture, put essentials into storage, and packed my car. I moved across the country. The process was swift.

I found a temporary apartment in the new city, started my new job, and began the process of establishing a new life. I focused on my work, exploring the new city, and reconnecting with a couple of old university friends who lived nearby. I made a conscious effort not to dwell on the past relationship beyond the lessons learned about clear boundaries and dealbreakers. It has now been about eight months since I moved. I'm settled in my new job, which is challenging and rewarding. I found a more permanent place to live. I am, for all intents and purposes, doing okay. I wouldn't say I'm ecstatic or empowered by the events, but I am functional, stable, and moving

forward with my life as planned, albeit on a revised trajectory. The reason for this post, this venting or rambling as it might be, is due to the information that has been filtering back to me about Sarah's circumstances. This information has come primarily through two sources. Clara, Sarah's sister, who contacted me a couple of months ago, and indirectly through mutual acquaintances from my old city with whom I still have very loose professional ties. According to Clara, and corroborated by other snippets of information, Sarah's exploration with James was short-lived and disastrous.

James, true to his past form, apparently was not the reformed character he portrayed. He was reportedly still involved with other women, or quickly reverted to his old habits once Sarah was available to him. He ended things with Sarah quite abruptly about two months after she had initiated her break with me. Clara mentioned he told Sarah he wasn't ready for anything serious and that he found her emotional state and expectations overwhelming. Following this, Sarah found herself in a difficult position. She had given up her stable relationship with me. The house we lived and was sold. She had been staying with Clara, but that arrangement became strained due to Sarah's emotional state and, according to Clara, Sarah's unwillingness to take responsibility for her decisions, often blaming me for overreacting or James for deceiving her again.

Sarah's parents also became involved. Clara told me that her parents were deeply disappointed in Sarah's actions. They had apparently liked me and were looking forward to the wedding. They had known about James's unsuitability from Sarah's previous relationship with him. When they learned the full sequence of events, that Sarah had asked for a break to be with James, that I had consequently ended the engagement and sold my house, they apparently took my side. They felt Sarah had thrown away a good future due to recklessness and a lack of judgment. They expressed their disapproval to Sarah directly.

The next piece of information I received was that Sarah lost her job. The details are a bit unclear, but it seems the emotional turmoil and instability in her personal life affected her performance and attendance at work. So, she was jobless. With James having dumped her, her relationship with her sister strained, her parents disapproving of her actions, and now jobless, Sarah was, and apparently still is, effectively homeless or reliant on short-term charity from friends, as Clara eventually asked her to find alternative accommodation. Clara's initial contact with me was, she said, to apologize for Sarah's behavior and to express her and her parents' regret for how things turned out. She also wanted to ensure I was aware that they did not condone Sarah's choices. It was a surprising conversation, and I mostly listened. Recently, the begging part has started.

Sarah has been trying to reach me through various new channels, creating new social media profiles to send messages, or trying to call from unknown numbers. numbers. The messages that have gotten through, before I blocked the new avenue, are apologies, please for a second chance, requests for help, sometimes financial, sometimes just wanting to talk. She has mentioned her difficult situation, her regret, and her supposed realization of the mistake she made. I am not asking if I should take her back or help her. That door is closed, welded shut, and the entire building has been demolished. My action is. were decisive, and I stand by them. I suppose the reason for writing all this down on Reddit like this is to just lay out the sequence of events and mostly to vent. I am not seeking

advice on how to interact with her, I have a clear policy of no contact. I appreciate the various perspectives and the time people took to read through the extensive account. Many users shared similar experiences or offered words of support for the stance I took. Several recurring questions and points for clarification emerged, which I'll address here. One, many asked about the specifics of the house. As stated, the house was 100% mine. I purchased it years before the engagement, using my own funds and an inheritance. Sarah's name was on no documents related to ownership. She contributed to some utilities and groceries, as with any cohabiting partner or roommate, but these contributions granted no equity or tenancy rights beyond that of a partner

living in my home. When our engagement and relationship ended due to her stated intention to pursue another man, her basis for residing in my home was nullified. Regarding her belongings, I had them boxed and provided her with a reasonable opportunity which she did, accompanied by her sister. There was no illegal eviction. She was asked to leave after she effectively terminated the foundation of our cohabitation. The locks were changed to secure my property during the sale process and after the definitive end of our relationship. Two, some questioned the immediacy of my decision. The conversation where Sarah asked for a break was not a brief, impulsive moment. It was the culmination of weeks of her increasing distance, her re-engagement with James,

and her expressed doubts about our relationship. Her request was not for space to think in solitude. It was specifically for space to explore a relationship with James. She explicitly stated her intent to date and sleep with him. This was not a point of confusion for me. It was a clear statement of her priorities. My response was equally clear. I was not interested in being an option or a fallback plan or worst a doormat as you guys call it. 3. Clara, Sarah's sister, was the first in the family to get a clearer picture.

Sarah went to stay with Clara immediately after our conclusive conversation. Naturally, Clara asked Sarah what had happened. Sarah, from what Clara later relayed to me, initially tried to portray the situation as me overreacting to a simple request for space. However, under questioning from Clara, who knew her sister well, the full extent of the request, wanting to date James, came out. Clara was, and is, very pragmatic. She knew James's history and had apparently warned Sarah about reconnecting with him. Sarah's parents were informed by Clara, and later by Sarah herself. Their siding with me was based on several factors, according to Clara.

They had always liked me and viewed me as a stable, reliable partner for Sarah. They were aware of James's past betrayals and considered him a destructive influence. Sarah's decision to risk a secure future and an impending marriage for a chance to revisit a failed relationship with an untrustworthy individual was, in their eyes, an act of profound poor judgment. They did not see my actions, ending the relationship, selling my house, as the cause of the problem, but rather as a direct consequence of Sarah's initial decision. Their disappointment was with her choices, not my reaction to them. For, some found the speed of these actions surprising. I am a planner by nature. Once a decision is made,

I tend to execute it efficiently. The job search was an acceleration of pre-existing thoughts about career progression, and the situation with Sarah provided the immediate impetus. The housing market was, as mentioned, very active. I priced the house for a quick sale, preferring speed and certainty over maximizing every last dollar. The goal was a clean and rapid severance from the old life. My actions were not driven by panic.

In the week since my original post, Sarah's attempts to contact me continued for a while, then tapered off slightly after a particularly direct message I had a mutual acquaintance, a former colleague I trust, who she had also tried to contact to get to me, relayed to her. I authorized this person to tell Sarah, unequivocally, that there was no possibility of reconciliation, no chance for discussion, and that any further attempts to contact me would be regarded as harassment. I also reiterated that I wished her no specific ill-will, but that her life and her problems were her own to resolve, and I would not be involved in any capacity. This was the only communication I have initiated, albeit indirectly, since blocking her. I have continued to maintain no direct contact.

I also took further steps to secure my privacy, changing my primary phone number, a hassle, but necessary, and updating security settings on various personal accounts. It was a process of ensuring all ties were thoroughly severed. Through Clara, who provided one further unsolicited update about a week ago, I learned a few more details. James, after dumping Sarah, apparently made it very clear to their mutual acquaintances that Sarah had been too intense and was living in the past. This, Clara said, further humiliated Sarah. Sarah's job situation did not improve. She apparently had to be. She apparently had been. difficulty securing new employment, partly due to the circumstances of her previous job loss, rumored to be related to unprofessional conduct stemming from her personal issues,

and possibly due to a lack of focus during job applications and interviews. The most significant piece of news from Clara was that Sarah had, for a brief period, attempted to stay with their parents. However, this arrangement also failed. According to Clara, Sarah's parents while providing temporary shelter, were firm in their stance that Sarah needed to acknowledge her mistakes, seek professional help for her decision-making patterns, and take concrete steps to rebuild her life independently, rather than seeking a quick fix or someone to blame. Sarah apparently reacted poorly to this, leading to increased friction, and she left their home after a few weeks. Clara did not know Sarah's exact whereabouts when she last spoke to me, only that she was temporarily staying with an old college friend and was still struggling significantly. Clara expressed her own distress and frustration with the situation, feeling caught in the middle but also affirming that she and her parents believed Sarah needed to face the consequences of her actions to learn from them.

She reiterated that they held no ill will towards me and wished me well. I thanked her for the information but did not invite further updates, hoping to draw a line under these incoming reports. My life is here, now, and I am focused on that. Update 2, it has now been approximately six months since my first update, making it around seven months since my original post. A significant amount of time has passed, allowing for more developments, or lack thereof, in Sarah's situation, and for my own life to further stabilize and progress in the new state. My own situation remains positive and stable.

Work is going well, I've taken on more responsibility and am involved in some interesting projects. I have established a good routine, made a few new friends, and explored more of the surrounding area. The new city feels like home now. The events of last year, while significant, feel increasingly distant. I do not dwell on Sarah or the past relationship. My focus has been resolutely forward. I am not in any new romantic relationship, by choice, as I am content with my current phase of life, focusing on professional growth and personal interests. Regarding Sarah, the information flow has, thankfully, significantly diminished. Clara has respected my implicit request to cease updates, and I've had no direct contact

from Sarah or her family for several months. However, one piece of significant information did reach me indirectly about two months ago. The information came via a former colleague from my old city, the same one who had previously relayed my no-contact message to Sarah. He reached out for a professional query, I had given him my new number and stated that he should know leak it, and, in the course of conversation, hesitantly shared something to be aware of, prefacing it by saying he understood if I wasn't interested. He informed me that Sarah had, at some point in the preceding months, left the state. Apparently, after exhausting options with friends and with her family maintaining their stance, she decided to relocate, possibly to live with a distant relative

in a different part of a country or to try a completely fresh start where no one knew her or her recent history. He did not have precise details, only that she was no longer in our old city or its vicinity. This news of her relocating did not evoke any strong reaction in me. It seemed like a logical, if perhaps desperate, step for someone in her position. There have been no further attempts by Sarah to contact me since before my first update, at least none that have successfully reached me. My change of number and diligent blocking of any suspicious new accounts or unknown numbers seems to have been effective. My life has continued to move in a direction I've set. The sale of the house, the move, the new job, these were all decisions made to create

a clean break in a new foundation, and those objectives have been met. This will likely be my final update on this matter, as there is little more to say from my perspective, and the information streamed concerning Sarah has essentially dried up, which is my preference. The purpose of my original post was to document a sequence of events and actions, and that has been done.