Reddit Stories - My PARTNER'S mom TRAVELED around the globe for our initial GATHERING as a

Episode Date: July 20, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #family #travel #globalgathering #inlawsSummary: My partner's mom traveled around the globe for our initial gathering as a family. It was a memorable experience filled with cultural exchanges and bonding moments that brought us closer together.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, familygathering, globaltravel, culturalexchange, bondingmoments, inlaws, familytime, memorableexperience, relationshipbuilding, familybonding, traveladventures, familylove, internationalmeeting, familymemories, familyunity, familyrelationshipsBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. My partner's mom traveled around the globe for our initial gathering as a family just to label me nearly overweight in my residence, and that I would bring shame to their family. Family at the wedding. So I need to tell you guys about what happened at our first family dinner and I'm honestly still processing everything that went down. My fiancé Jake and I have been together for three years now and we got engaged six months ago, but his family lives in Germany so I've never actually met them in person before. We've done video calls here and there for birthdays and holidays, but that's pretty much it. Jake's calls were always kind of awkward because his mom would just stare at me through the screen and make these word comments about my appearance or ask really personal questions about my job

and how much money I make. Jake always said his mom was just protective and that she means well, but I started noticing that during our video calls she would make these little comments like asking if I was eating enough vegetables or telling Jake he looked like he was gaining weight and that he should be more careful about his diet. At first I thought maybe it was just a cultural thing or maybe she was just concerned about but after a while it started feeling really uncomfortable and I could see that Jake would get tense whenever she brought up food or weight-related stuff. His dad seemed nice enough on the calls and his sister Emma was always polite but I got the feeling that she was kind of judging me too, like she would ask me questions about my education and my family background in this way that felt like she was trying to figure out if I was good enough for her brother. Jake kept reassuring me that they would love me once they met me in person and that his mom just takes time to warm up to new people, but I was honestly pretty nervous about them coming to visit.

They decided to come for two weeks to meet me properly and to start talking about wedding plans since we're getting married next year. Jake was so excited about them coming and he kept talking about all the things we could do together and how great it would be for me to finally meet his family face to face. He planned this whole itinerary with touristy stuff and restaurants he wanted to do. take them to, and he was especially excited about having them over for dinner at our apartment because he wanted to cook this traditional German meal that his grandma used to make. I spent weeks preparing for their visit and I was really trying to make a good impression. I cleaned our apartment from top to bottom and bought new dishes and even got some German beer that Jake said his dad would like. I also went shopping for a nice outfit to wear for the dinner

because I wanted to look presentable and show that I was taking this seriously. Jake helped me practice some basic German phrases so I could at least say hello and thank you in their language, and he told me stories about his childhood so I would have things to talk about with his parents. The day they arrived Jake picked them up from the airport and I stayed home to finish cooking because we had planned to have dinner that same evening. When they got to our apartment his dad gave me this really warm hug and told me in English that he was so happy to finally meet me, and even his mom smiled and said I looked nice which I thought was a good sign. His sister Emma seemed tired from the flight, but she was friendly enough and she complimented our

apartment and said it was decorated really nicely. For the first hour or so everything was going pretty well and we were just sitting in the living room talking about their flight and catching up on family news. Jake was translating back and forth between English and German because his mom's English isn't that great, and I was starting to feel more relaxed because everyone seemed to be getting along. But then we sat down for dinner and that's when everything went completely sidewere. ways. I had set the table really nicely with candles and everything, and Jake was so proud to be serving this meal that meant a lot to his family. His dad was telling stories about Jake as a kid and

his mom was asking me questions about my job and where I grew up, and I thought we were actually bonding a little bit. I was eating normally and enjoying the time, while I was listening to his family talk about their life in Germany and asking questions to show that I was interested. But then out of nowhere his mom looked at my plate and made this comment in German to Jake, and I could tell from his face that something was wrong. He kind of froze and then said something back to her in German that sounded like he was disagreeing with her, and then she said something else in a really sharp tone. I asked what was going on and Jake looked really uncomfortable and said it was nothing,

but his mom wasn't done talking. She turned to me and in her broken English she said that she was concerned about my weight and that I needed to understand that in their family they take care of their health and their appearance. She said that she could see I was gaining weight and that I was borderline obese, and that if I was going to marry her son I needed to go on a strict diet before the wedding so that I wouldn't be embarrassing to their family. She said that she had been watching me eat during dinner and that I was eating too much and too fast, and that she was worried about what kind of example I would set for their future grandchildren. I just sat there with my mouth open

because I had no idea how to respond to something like that. I'm not even overweight and I've never had anyone talk to me like that in my entire life, especially not at a dinner table and my own home. I looked at Jake and he looked absolutely horrified, and his dad was staring at his wife like he couldn't believe what she had just said either. Jake immediately stood up and told his mom in English that what she said was completely unacceptable and that she needed to apologize to me right away. His mom started arguing with him in German and getting really defensive, saying that she was just being honest and that someone needed to tell me the truth. His dad then started yelling at her in German and I could tell he was really angry even though I couldn't understand what he was saying.

Emma was just sitting there looking uncomfortable but she didn't say anything to defend me or tell her mom that she was out of line. Jake kept telling his mom that she was being cruel and that I didn't deserve to be treated like that, especially not in our own home when we had invited them for dinner. His mom kept insisting that she was just trying to help and that I should be grateful that to be honest with me about my health. Finally his dad stood up and told his wife in English that she had crossed a line and that they were leaving immediately. He apologized to me and said that there was no excuse for what his wife had said and that he was ashamed of her behavior. Jake was so upset that he was shaking and he told his parents that they could stay in a hotel for the rest of their visit because they weren't

welcome in our apartment after what his mom had done. His mom started crying and saying that everyone was being unfair to her and that she was just trying to look out for the family. But his dad told her to get her coat because they were leaving right now. As they were walking out the door, Emma finally spoke up and said that maybe everyone was overreacting and that her mom didn't mean to hurt my feelings, but Jake told her that defending their mom's behavior was just as bad as what she had said in the first place. After they left, I just sat at the dinner table staring at all the food that was still sitting there getting cold and I started crying because I couldn't believe that someone could be so

cruel and hurtful for no reason. Jake held me and kept apologizing and saying that he never imagined his mom would say something like that, and that he was so sorry I had to experience that in our own home. We ended up throwing away all the food because neither of us could eat after what had happened. So now I'm sitting here wondering if I'm wrong for refusing to reach out to his mom or try to fix this situation. Emma has been texting me nonstop saying that it's my duty as the future daughter-in-law to make things right with their mom and that I'm breaking up their family by not being the bigger person. She says that their mom is just old-fashioned

and that I should have known she would have opinions about my appearance and lifestyle, and that I'm being too sensitive about the whole thing. Am I wrong for refusing to get involved in fixing this mess that I didn't even create? Update 1, thank you guys so much for all the support and validation in the comments. It really helped me feel like I wasn't going crazy or being too sensitive about what happened.

I've been reading through all your responses, and it's been really comforting to know that other people think his mom's behavior was as unacceptable as I thought it was. I showed Jake some of the comments and he was actually relieved to see that other people were on our side because he's been dealing with guilt and pressure from Emma who keeps calling him and telling him that he ruined the family by kicking their parents out. He's been really torn about the whole situation because he loves his family but he also knows that what his mom did was wrong and he's been struggling with how to handle everything.

Last night we had this really long conversation and Jake told me some things about his childhood that he's never shared with me before, and now everything makes so much more sense. He said that his mom has always been obsessed with weight and food and that she used to control everything he ate when he was growing up. He told me that she would make comments about his body constantly and that she would put him on diets when he was just a kid, even when his pediatrician said he was perfectly healthy. He said that she would measure his portions at dinner and make him step on a scale every morning, and that she would compare him to other kids and tell him that he was getting

fat or that he needed to exercise more. He said that she would also make comments about other people's weight in front of him and teach him to judge people based on their appearance, and that she would praise him when he lost weight and get upset with him when he gained any. Jake told me that this gave him really serious eating problems when he was a teenager and he actually had to see a therapist in college because he developed some disordered eating patterns and body image issues. He said that he's worked really hard to have a healthy relationship with food and his body, but that being around his mom still makes him feel anxious and self-conscious about eating. He also told me that Emma has always been their mom's favorite because she's

naturally thin and has never struggled with her weight, and that their mom would always use Emma as an example of how Jake should look and behave. He said that Emma doesn't understand what it was like for him growing up because their mom never treated her the same way, and that's why Emma always takes their mom's side when there are family conflicts. This explains so much about why Jake got so angry during the dinner and why he was so quick to defend me and kick his parents out. He said that hearing his mom talk to me the same way she used to talk to him brought back all these terrible memories and made him realize that he couldn't let her treat the person he loves the same way she treated him as a child. He also said that he's been worried about bringing kids

into this family dynamic because he doesn't want his mom to do to our future children what she did to him. and that this incident made him realize that he needs to set much stronger boundaries with her if we're going to have a healthy relationship going forward. I asked him why he never told me about any of this before and he said that he was embarrassed about it and that he thought maybe his mom had changed or would be different with me since I'm not her child. He said that he hoped she would be on her best behavior for our first meeting and that maybe the distance and time would have made her realize that her way of thinking about food and bodies isn't healthy or appropriate.

But obviously that didn't happen and now we're dealing with the fall. from years of his mom's toxic behavior around food and weight. Jake said that he doesn't regret standing up for me and that he would do it again in a heartbeat, but that he's sad that this is how his family met me and that his mom's issues are now affecting our relationship too. Emma is still texting me constantly and saying that I need to be the one to fix things because I'm the outsider and it's my responsibility to adapt to their family dynamics. But Jake told her in no uncertain terms that I don't need to fix anything because I didn't do

anything wrong, and that if anyone needs to apologize and change their behavior it's their mom. He said that Emma has never had to deal with their mom's weight obsession the way he did so she doesn't understand how harmful and damaging her comments can be, and that she's been conditioned to think that their mom's behavior is normal when it's actually really unhealthy and cruel. I honestly didn't even say anything during that entire dinner before Jake and his dad started defending me, so I don't understand how any of this could possibly be my responsibility to fix. I was just sitting there eating dinner and trying to get to know his family, and then suddenly

I was being attacked for my appearance and wait by someone who barely knows me. Jake and I are going to take some time to figure out how we want to handle his family going forward, but for now we're both clear that I don't owe his mom an apology or any kind of olive branch. If she wants to have a relationship with us, she's going to have to acknowledge what she did wrong and make some serious changes to how she treats people. Update 2. So it's been over a week since the dinner disaster and I thought maybe his family would just go back to Germany and we'd deal with everything after some time had passed, but that's definitely not what happened. His dad has been coming over to our apartment almost every single day since the incident,

usually in the afternoon when his wife thinks he's outside seeing or running errands. At first I thought this was kind of awkward because I didn't know him that well and I wasn't sure what he wanted to talk about, but it turns out he's actually really upset about what his wife did and he wanted to apologize to me properly and make sure I was okay. He told me that he's been married to Jake's mom for over 25 years and that he's watched her hurt Jake with her comments about food and wait for his entire childhood, but that he didn't realize how bad it had gotten until he saw her do the same thing to me. He said that he always thought she would grow out of it or that maybe it was just because

she was worried about Jake as her son, but seeing her attack a complete stranger made him realize that this is just who she is as a person. He's been really emotional during these visits, and he told me that he feels like he failed as a father because he didn't protect Jake from his mom's toxic behavior when he was growing up. He said that he would try to talk to her about it back then, but that she would always say she was just trying to keep Jake healthy, and that he didn't want to cause more conflict in the house, so he would usually just drop it. But now he says he realizes that by not standing up to her more forcefully he enabled her to hurt Jake for years, and that he's not going to let that happen anymore.

He told me that the day after the dinner he confronted his wife and demanded that she apologized to me and acknowledged that what she said was completely inappropriate and hurtful. According to him, she completely refused and started crying and saying that everyone was ganging up on her and being unfair. She told him that she was just being honest and that someone needed to tell me the truth the wedding, and that she doesn't understand why everyone is so upset about her trying to help. She also said that Jake has always been too sensitive about food and weight issues and that she was just trying to make sure I don't enable his bad habits. His dad said he told her that if she

doesn't apologize and change her attitude, she's going to lose her relationship with Jake forever, and that he's not going to support her behavior anymore. But she just kept insisting that she's the victim in this situation and that everyone is being mean to her for no reason. Meanwhile, Emma has been texting me literally multiple times every day trying to get me to reach out to their mom and smooth things over. She keeps saying that their mom is really hurt and upset, and that she doesn't understand why everyone is being so harsh with her. Emma says that their mom has always been very direct and honest about health and appearance issues and that she was just trying to look out for the family's reputation.

She also told me that their mom has been crying every day since the dinner and that she feels like everyone hates her and doesn't want her around anymore. Emma thinks that if I just call their mom and have a conversation with her, we can work everything out and the family can go back to normal, but I told her that I'm not going to pretend that what her mom did was okay just to make everyone feel better. Jake has been really stressed about all of this because he can see that his family is falling apart and he feels caught in the middle between protecting me and maintaining his relationship with his parents. His dad keeps asking him to try to talk to his mom and get her to see reason. But every time Jake tries to bring it up with her,

she just starts crying and saying that he's being cruel to her. They're supposed to fly back to Germany in a few days and nothing has been resolved at all. His dad is really worried that if things don't get worked out before they leave, the family might never recover from this. He's been putting pressure on his wife to apologize, but she's just getting more defensive and stubborn about it. Emma is also freaking out because she says their mom is talking about not coming to our wedding if I don't apologize to her first, and she's worried that this whole thing is going to ruin Jake's relationship with his family permanently. She keeps saying that family is more important. and pride and that I should just swallow my feelings and make peace for the sake of everyone else.

But honestly, I'm not going to apologize for being insulted and attacked in my own home, especially when I literally did nothing wrong except exist in a body that Jake's mom doesn't approve of. I feel like if I give in now and pretend this is okay, it's just going to set the precedent that she can treat me however she wants and I'll just take it to keep the peace. Jake agrees with me but I can tell that he's really torn up about the possibility of his mom not coming to our wedding and his family being permanently damaged by this. He keeps saying that he supports me completely, but I know he's hoping that somehow everything will magically work itself out before they have to leave.

I'm honestly starting to worry that this whole situation might end up destroying their family completely, and even though I know it's not my fault I still feel terrible that my presence in Jake's life has caused so much chaos and pain for everyone involved. Update 3. Well, his family flew back to Germany yesterday and I'm honestly not sure that what to think about how everything ended up. The last few days before they left were really tense and awkward, and nothing really got resolved the way anyone was hoping it would. His dad kept trying right up until the last minute to get his wife to apologize to me, but she absolutely refused and actually seemed to get more stubborn about it as time went on.

According to Jake, she started saying that she was the one who deserved an apology because everyone had been so mean to her and made her feel unwelcome and attack during what was supposed to be a happy family visit. She also told Jake that she thinks I'm a bad influence on him because I'm making him turn against his own family, and that she's worried I'm going to isolate him from the people who love him most. She said that in Germany families stick together no matter what and that she can't understand why he's choosing to side with someone he's only known for a few years over the mother who raised him for his entire life. Jake tried to explain to her one more time that this isn't about choosing sides and that it's about basic respect and kindness, but she just

wouldn't listen to anything he was saying. She kept insisting that everything she said to me was true and that she was just being honest, and that if I can't handle honesty, then maybe I'm not strong enough to be part of their family. His dad was getting more and more frustrated with her attitude and on their last night here he actually told Jake privately that he was embarrassed to be married to someone who could be so cruel and unreasonable. He said that he's been thinking a lot about their marriage and whether this kind of behavior is something he wants to continue dealing with for the rest of his life. That really scared Jake because his parents have been married for over 25 years and even though they've had their problems he never thought they would

actually consider getting divorced over something like this. His dad said that this incident has made him realize that his wife has a pattern of hurting people and then refusing to take responsibility for it, and that he's tired of making excuses for her behavior. Emma was also getting really panicky about the whole situation because she could see that her parents were fighting constantly and that her dad was seriously considering leaving her mom. She begged Jake to try to get me to call their mom and apologize just to smooth things over, but Jake told her that he wasn't going to ask me to do that and that their mom needs to take responsibility for her own actions.

On their last day his dad came over to say goodbye to both of us and he gave me this really long hug and told me that he was sorry about everything that happened and that he hoped I wouldn't judge their whole family based on his wife's behavior. He said that he was proud of Jake for standing up for me and that he thought I seemed like a really good person who would make Jake happy. He also told Jake that he would definitely be coming back for our wedding next year, but that he honestly didn't know what was going to happen with his wife and whether she would be coming with him. He said that a lot would depend on whether she can come to terms with what she did and make a real effort to change her attitude and behavior. His mom didn't even say goodbye to me,

she just stayed in the hotel room while his dad came over. Emma came with him and she was really emotional and kept saying that she hoped everything would work out eventually and that the family could find a way to move past all of this drama. Now they're all on a plane together for like 12 hours and I keep thinking about how awkward and tense that flight must be. Jake's dad and his mom have barely been speaking to each other for the past week, and Emma is caught in the middle trying to keep everyone calm and peaceful. I'm wondering if being stuck together for that long long time.

might force them to actually talk about everything that happened, or if it's just going to make things even worse. Jake has been really quiet since they left and I can tell he's processing a lot of emotions about everything that went down. He keeps saying that he doesn't regret defending me and that he's glad he finally stood up to his mom's toxic behavior. But I know he's also really sad about the possibility that this might have permanently damaged his relationship with his family. He's especially worried about his parents potentially getting divorced over this whole situation. Even though his dad assured him that there have been problems in their marriage for a long time and that this incident was just the final straw that made him realize he needs to make some changes in his life.

We're both just hoping that some time and distance will help everyone get some perspective on what happened and maybe figure out a way to move forward that doesn't involve anyone having to sacrifice their dignity or their values. But honestly, I have no idea what's going to happen next or how to happen next or how to happen. long it's going to take for things to get back to any kind of normal. Update 4, it's been exactly one month since Jake's family flew back to Germany and I have some updates that are honestly pretty surprising. I wasn't sure if I should post again because things have been changing so rapidly, but I figure you guys might want to know how everything turned out since so many of you were invested in this whole mess. So apparently that 12-hour

flight home was actually a turning point for his parents, but not in the way any of us expected. According to Jake's dad, his mom spent most of the flight crying in telling him that she was scared she was going to lose her husband and her son over this whole situation. She told him that she never meant to hurt anyone and that she didn't understand why everyone was so upset with her, but that she was starting to realize that maybe her way of thinking about things wasn't as helpful as she thought it was. His dad said that he had been planning to ask for a separation when they got home because he was so disgusted with her behavior and her refusal to take responsibility for what she had done. But seeing her break down on the plane and admit that she might have been wrong made him decide to give her one more chance to prove that she could change. When they got back to Germany, he told her that the only way their marriage was going to survive was if she agreed to go to counseling with him and work on understanding why her behavior had been so hurtful and inappropriate. He said that he wasn't going to spend the rest of his life making excuses for her treating people badly, and that if she wanted to have any kind of relationship with Jake and me she needed to seriously examine her attitudes and behavior.

To everyone's surprise she actually agreed to start seeing a marriage counselor, and according to Jake's dad she's been taking it pretty seriously. Jake's dad said that she's been really emotional during their counseling sessions because she's starting to realize that her behavior over the years has hurt people she loves, and that her intentions don't matter if the impact of her actions is causing pain and damage. The counselor has also been helping her understand that commenting on other people's bodies and weight is never appropriate, especially when it's done in a way that's meant to shame or control them. Meanwhile, Emma finally stopped texting me constantly and instead she called me about two weeks ago to apologize for how she handled everything. She said that after thinking about

it more and talking to some of her friends about what happened, she realized that she had been wrong to expect me to fix a situation that I didn't create. She said that she was so used to being the peacekeeper and her family that she automatically assumed it was her job to smooth things over, but that she understands now that her mom's behavior was unacceptable regardless of her intentions. She said that she wants to have a fresh start with me and that she hopes we can build a real relationship that isn't based on her trying to manage her mom's behavior or expecting me to tolerate things that aren't okay. She also said that she's been talking to Jake regularly and that she can see how much happier and more relaxed he's been since he started setting boundaries

with their mom. The biggest surprise came about two weeks ago when Jake's dad called him and said that his mom wanted to have a video call with both of us. Jake was really hesitant because he didn't want to put me in a position where I might get hurt again, but his dad assured him that his mom had been working really hard in counseling and that she genuinely wanted to make things right. So we had this video call last week and his mom looked completely different than she had during our dinner. She seemed smaller somehow and really sad, and she started crying almost immediately when she saw us on the screen. She told me in her broken English that she was deeply sorry for what she had said to me and that she understood

now that her comments were cruel and inappropriate. She said that she's been learning and counseling that her obsession with weight and appearance comes from her own insecurities and fears, and that she's been projecting those feelings onto other people including her own children. She told Jake that she was sorry for hurting him when he was growing up and that she never realized how much damage she was doing by constantly commenting on his body and his eating habits. She also said that she understands now that what she did to me was a form of abuse and that there was no excuse for treating someone that way, especially in their own home when they were trying to welcome her into their family. She told me that she doesn't expect me to forgive her right away, but that she hopes someday we might be able to have a better relationship based on mutual respect and kindness. Jake was really emotional during the call because he said it was the first time his mom had ever acknowledged that her behavior was wrong or taken responsibility for the way she had treated him.

She told him that she's committed to continuing with counseling and working on changing her attitudes and behavior, and that she wants to be a better mother-in-law going forward. We ended up talking for almost an hour and while things are definitely still awkward between us, I could see that she was making a genuine effort to understand what she had done wrong and how she could do better. She asked me about my job and my family in a way that felt respectful rather than judgmental, and she seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me as a person rather than just focusing on my appearance. After the call Jake and I talked about whether we thought her apology was sincere and whether we wanted to try to rebuild our relationship with her. We decided that we're willing to give her a chance to prove that she's really committed to changing, but that we're going to take things very slowly and maintain strong boundaries about what kind of behavior will accept. We sent her a wedding invitation last a few days ago along with a letter saying that we hope she'll be able to come and that we're looking forward to continuing to work on our relationship. She called Jake the next day crying and saying that she was so grateful to be included and that she promised to be on her best behavior and to treat everyone with kindness and respect.

Emma is definitely planning to come to the wedding and she's been really helpful with some of the planning details since she knows what kinds of things her parents would enjoy. She's also been acting as a liaison between us and their mom to help navigate any potentially awkward situations, but in a way that feels supportive rather than like she's trying to manage everyone's feelings. Things are definitely not back to normal and probably never will be exactly the same as they were before all of this happened, but we're all committed to moving forward in a way that's healthier and more honest than the family dynamics that existed before. Jake has been seeing his own therapist to work through some of the childhood issues that this whole situation brought up, and I've been going to a few sessions with him to help us figure out how to set boundaries with his family while still maintaining a loving relationship. We're getting married in a few months and while I'm still a little nervous about having his mom at the wedding, I'm mostly just excited to start our married life together with a family dynamic that's based on honesty and respect rather than fear and control. It's been a really difficult journey to get to this point, but I think we're all going to be

stronger and healthier because of it.