Reddit Stories - My RELATIVE by MARRIAGE gifted me a NONSENSICAL present on my special day

Episode Date: July 25, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #family #gifts #celebrations #etiquetteSummary: My relative by marriage gifted me a nonsensical present on my special day, leaving me puzzled and unsure how to react. The unexpected gesture sparked mixed emotions and raised questions about their intentions and our relationship dynamic.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, family, gifts, celebrations, etiquette, presents, specialday, mixedemotions, intentions, relationshipdynamic, unexpectedgesture, puzzled, unsure, howtoreact, relatives, marriageBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. My relative by marriage gifted me a nonsensical present on my special day and remarked that it was ideal for an individual who adds no value to the household, so I packed it with papers documenting all expenses. I do and gave it back to her on her birthday. My husband Jake and I have been married for three years, and I've been a stay-at-home wife for the past two years after I quit my job at the insurance company. Jake got a big promotion, and we decided it would be better for me to focus on taking care of

our home and supporting his career. Honestly, I was burned out from my job anyway, so it seemed like the perfect solution. But ever since I stopped working, his mother Linda has been making these little comments about how I don't contribute anything to the family and how I'm just living off her son's hard work. At first I tried to ignore it because Jake said she was just adjusting to the change and that she'd come around eventually, but she never did. If anything, she got worse. Like last Christmas, she bought everyone these really nice gifts. When it came to me, she handed me this tiny gift card to Target for $25 and said something about how she didn't want to spend too much since I wasn't really earning my keep.

Everyone just laughed like it was a joke, but I could tell she wasn't joking, and Jake just sat there and didn't say anything, which made me feel even worse. And then there was the time in March when Jake's sister Emma was visiting with her kids. Linda kept going on and on about how Emma was such a good mother because she worked full-time and still managed to take care of her children, and how important it was for women to be independent and contribute to society. She kept looking at me while she said it, and I wanted to say something, but I didn't want to cause a scene in front of the kids. But the thing is, I do contribute to the family, and I work really hard even though I don't get paid for it. I take care of everything

around the house, and I do all the shopping and cooking and cleaning. I manage all of Jake's appointments, and I organize family events. I even help Linda with stuff when she needs it, which she apparently forgot about completely. Like when she had her knee surgery in May, I was the one who drove her to all her physical therapy appointments because Jake was too busy with work. I brought her groceries every week for two months, and I even cleaned her house twice a week during her recovery. She never once thanked me for any of it and actually complained that I wasn't doing the laundry the way she liked it, even though I was doing it for free. And then there was the whole thing with her birthday party in August, where she wanted to have this big family gathering

but didn't want to deal with planning it. So I spent three weeks organizing everything. I called all the relatives, and I ordered the food, and I decorated her house. I even made her favorite cake from scratch, which took me six hours because it's this complicated German recipe that her mother used to make. She barely acknowledged that I did anything and kept telling people that Emma helped plan it, even though Emma literally did nothing except show up. So anyway, my birthday was last month, and I was actually looking forward to it because Jake had been hinting that he had something special planned. Linda had been acting nicer than usual, so I thought maybe things were finally getting better between us and maybe she was starting to

appreciate what I do for the family. The day of my birthday, Jake took me out for a nice dinner and we had a great time. Then we went back to his parents' house because Linda had insisted on having cake and presents there. When we walked in, she had this big smile on her face and she said she had the perfect gift for me. I actually got excited because I thought maybe she had finally come around. She handed me this beautifully wrapped box and it was the perfect size for jewelry or maybe something nice for the house. I was thinking maybe she got me a necklace or a picture frame or something thoughtful. Everyone was watching as I unwrapped it, and I was smiling and saying, thank you. Then I opened the box, and it was completely empty. At first I thought maybe there was supposed to be something in there

that fell out, or maybe she forgot to put the actual gift in. But then she started laughing, and she said, well, isn't that perfect for someone who doesn't contribute anything to the family? Everyone else started laughing too, except for Jake, who looked uncomfortable but still didn't say anything. I just sat there staring at this empty box, feeling like the biggest fool in the world. I wanted to cry, but I was so angry that I couldn't even speak. Linda kept going on about how she thought it was such a clever gift because the box was just as useful as I was to the family, and how maybe I could use it to store all my participation trophies. Jake's dad was laughing so hard he was crying, and even Emma was giggling.

I felt like I was going to throw up. Hi, I'm Darren Marler. Host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere. From Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insertion.

That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ad. to you and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Spreaker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Spreaker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast

like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out Spreaker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-R.com. I managed to say, thank you through gritted teeth, and I put the box aside. We had cake, and I pretended everything was fine, but inside I was planning exactly what I was going to do because I knew this was the final straw. I wasn't going to let her humiliate me like that and get away with it. For the next month, I kept that empty box on my dresser, and every time I looked at it, I got more and more angry.

I started collecting every single receipt and document. that proved how much I actually do for this family, and specifically for Linda, because I was going to show her exactly what my contributions look like in black and white. I printed out bank statements showing all the groceries I bought for her during her recovery, and I kept the receipts from the pharmacy when I picked up her medications. I wrote down every mile I drove her to appointments and calculated the gas money. I even kept the receipt from the expensive ingredients I bought to make her birthday cake. I also documented all the household expenses I manage and all the bills I pay and all the appointments I schedule. I calculated how much it would cost to hire someone to do all the things I do

for free, and it came out to over $3,000 a month if you include housekeeping and personal assistant duties and chauffeur services and meal preparation. Then I started thinking about Linda's birthday, which was coming up in three weeks, and I knew exactly what I was going to do with that empty box. The more I thought about it, the more perfect it seemed, because she was going to get exactly what she gave me, except mine would actually be useful. Her birthday party was last weekend, and Jake kept asking me what I got his mother. I just said it was a surprise, and he seemed excited because he thought I was finally making an effort to have a better relationship with her, which I guess I was in a way, but probably

not the way he was thinking. The party was at their house again, and Linda was in such a good mood because Emma had flown, and from Denver and all her friends from church were there. She was wearing this new dress that she kept showing off and telling everyone how expensive it was and how she deserved nice things because she worked so hard her whole life. When it came time for presents, everyone gathered around and Linda opened gift after gift. She was so happy and grateful for everything, and she kept saying how thoughtful everyone was and how lucky she was to have such a wonderful family. I was sitting there holding my gift. Finally it was my turn.

and I handed her the same box she had given me, but I had wrapped it in beautiful paper and put a big bow on it. She looked surprised and pleased and said how lovely the wrapping was and how she couldn't wait to see what I had chosen for her. She unwrapped it carefully and opened the box. Her face went from excited to confuse to angry in about three seconds, and she pulled out one of the receipts and started reading it. Her face got redder and redder, and she started pulling out more papers.

Everyone was asking what it was, and she was just staring at everything. Jake asked what was wrong, and Linda held up one of the receipts and said I had given her a box full of garbage and that it was the most disrespectful thing anyone had ever done to her. I stood up and said, actually, it's a box full of contributions, because apparently you couldn't see them when they were happening in real life, so maybe you can see them when they're written down on paper. She started yelling about how dare I mock her thoughtful gift and how ungrateful I was and how she had put so much thought into giving me that empty box because it was symbolic and meaningful. I laughed and said, well, this box is symbolic too, because it's full of all the effort you don't recognize when you see it. Then I started explaining what each receipt was for, and I said, this one is from when I drove you to physical therapy 15 times at $2 per mile plus my time at $20 per hour. This one is from when I bought your groceries for eight weeks straight and spent my own gas money to deliver them. And this one is from the specialty store where I bought ingredients for your birthday cake that took me six hours to make.

Everyone was just staring at us, and Linda was getting more and more upset. She said I was being ridiculous and that those were just normal things that family does for each other. I said, exactly. That's what I've been trying to tell you for three years, but apparently when I do normal family things, they don't count as contributions. Jake finally spoke up and said, maybe we should all calm down. Linda turned on him and said, how could you let your wife disrespect me like this? He looked back and forth between us, and I could tell he was trying to figure out who decide with. Honestly, I was getting tired of waiting for him to grow a spine.

I picked up the box and dumped all the receipts back into it. And I said, here, you can keep this as a a reminder that just because you can't see the value and what someone does doesn't mean it's worthless. Maybe next time you want to make a point about contributions, you should look at your own first, because I've been keeping track of what you contribute to my marriage, and that box would be empty too. Linda started crying and saying I was cruel and heartless and that she had only given me the empty box to help me understand that I needed to do more with my life. She said she was trying to motivate me to be better. I said, well, congratulations, because you're not. You're not going to you motivated me to document exactly how much better I already am than you thought.

Emma jumped in and said I was being unfair and that Linda was just trying to encourage me to find purpose. I turned to her and said, funny how she never encouraged you to find purpose when you were unemployed for six months last year and living off your husband's income, but somehow when I make the same choice, it's a problem. Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere, from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreeker's monetization.

Spreaker offers dynamic ad insertion. That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Spricker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing.

And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Spreker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out Spreaker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R.com. That's when things really blew up, because Emma started yelling about how that was completely different. And Linda was sobbing. and Jake's dad was telling everyone to calm down. Jake was just standing there looking like he wanted to disappear,

and I realized I didn't want to be there anymore, so I grabbed my purse and left. I drove home, and Jake didn't come back until really late. When he did, he was quiet and went straight to bed. We haven't really talked about it since, except he did say that his mother called him crying for two hours about how mean I was to her and how I ruined her birthday party and how she doesn't understand why I hate her so much.

Jake's sister has been texting saying I went too far and that Linda is really hurt, that I should apologize and make things right. But I don't think I should have to apologize for defending myself and showing the truth about what I contribute to this family. Even now, Jake still hasn't really taken my side. He keeps saying we both need to apologize and move on, that his mother didn't mean to hurt me and I should have handled it differently. Linda has been calling and texting saying she wants to talk and work things out, but every message

is about how I misunderstood her intentions and overreacted, not once acknowledging that maybe giving someone an empty box and telling them it's perfect because their useless might be hurtful. Yesterday she sent this text about how she realizes maybe she hasn't been as welcoming as she should have been, but that she only wants what's best for me and thinks I have so much potential that I'm wasting by not working. She said the empty box was supposed to represent all the possibilities I could fill my life with if I just tried harder. Even when she's trying to apologize, she's still basically saying my life is empty

and I'm not living up to my potential. Jake wants to have dinner this weekend so we can all talk and work things out. He said she's willing to admit maybe the gift wasn't appropriate, but I need to admit my response was also inappropriate. I don't understand why I'm being asked to meet her halfway when she's the one who started this.

So am I wrong for filling that empty box with receipts and giving it back to her? Update 1. Yesterday Jake came home and said he wanted to have a serious conversation about our marriage and his family. I thought finally he was going to take my side, but that's not what happened. He said he loves me but thinks maybe I'm being too sensitive. That his mother's sense of humor is just different from mine and the empty box was

probably meant to be funny rather than mean. I said, Jake, your mother literally said the box was perfect for someone who doesn't contribute anything to the family. How is that supposed to be funny? He said maybe she was trying to motivate me to think about going back to work, that maybe the delivery was wrong but the intention wasn't malicious. Then he said my response was disproportionate, that embarrassing his mother in front of the whole family was cruel, and that he's never seen me be that mean to anyone before. He said it made him wonder if I'm becoming a different person, that maybe staying home has made me too focused on family drama instead of having my own life. I told him I'm not

becoming a different person, I'm becoming a person who doesn't accept being treated badly. If he thinks defending myself makes me mean, then maybe he doesn't know me as well as he thinks. He said his mother called him crying again, that she's been having trouble sleeping because she feels so bad about how things went. She really wants to make things right but doesn't know how to apologize to someone who doesn't want to forgive her. Then Jake's said something that really shocked me, that maybe we should consider couples counseling because he feels like we're not communicating well about this situation and he's worried about how angry I've been lately. I said I'm not angry about our differences, I'm angry about being

disrespected and humiliated. If he wants to go to counseling so a therapist can explain to him why that's not okay, then fine, but I'm not going to counseling to learn how to accept bad treatment. The conversation went on for two hours, just going in circles. Finally, he said he's going to call his mother and tell her we'll come to dinner this weekend with ground rules about what we're going to discuss. I said I'm not agreeing to any dinner until she can admit that giving me an empty box and calling me useless was hurtful and wrong, regardless of what she claims her intentions were. He got frustrated and said I'm being impossible, that I'm never going to be satisfied

with any apology she gives because I want her to grovel. I said I don't want her to grovel, I want her to take responsibility for her actions like an adult. This morning Jake was already gone when I woke up. There was a note saying he went to his parents' house to talk to them about the situation, that he'd be back later, and that he hopes we can find a way to work this out because he doesn't want to choose between his wife and his family. The note made me feel sick because it felt like a threat. I called my sister and told her what Jake said.

She said it sounds like he's trying to manipulate me into backing down by making me think our marriage is at risk. If he really loved and supported me, he wouldn't be asking me to accept disrespect to keep the peace with his family. Jake got home around six looking tired and stressed. He said he had a long talk with his parents, that his mother is really struggling with this situation and genuinely doesn't understand why I'm so upset. His father thinks I owe Linda an apology for embarrassing her at her birthday party. Emma thinks I should just let it go because Linda is getting older and doesn't always think before she speaks, and the whole family thinks I'm being dramatic

and holding a grudge over something that wasn't that serious. I said, so let me get this straight. Your entire family thinks your mother humiliating me is not that serious, but me defending myself is unforgivable. He said that's not what they're saying. They just think my response was more hurtful than her original action because I did it in front of everyone at her birthday party. I said, her original...

Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreaker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insertion. That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreaker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Sprinker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated

listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Sprinker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out spreeker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R.com. Original action was also in front of everyone at my birthday party, but apparently that doesn't count. He said it's different because she didn't mean to hurt me, but I definitely meant to hurt her. I said, you're absolutely right. I did mean to hurt her because she hurt me first and maybe now she knows how it feels.

Jake looked at me and said he's never heard me talk like that before, that it scares him to see me being so vindictive. I said it's not vindictive to defend yourself, and if that scares you, maybe you should think about why you're more comfortable with me being a victim than standing up for myself. We had another huge fight. Jake said he's going to stay at his parents' house tonight because he needs space to think. I said fine, maybe that's for the best because I need space to think about whether I want to be married to someone who expects me to accept abuse to make his life easier.

After he left, I realized this isn't just about the empty box or Linda's treatment of me. It's about the fact that Jake has never once defended me or taken my side when his family treats me badly. He always finds a way to make their behavior my problem to solve. Update 2. It's been a week since my last update. Jake stayed at his parents' house for three days. During that time, Linda kept calling and texting saying she wanted to come over and talk, that she was sorry I misunderstood her gift and hoped we could work things out like family should. Every message made me angrier because she still wasn't taking any real responsibility.

On the third day she showed up at my house uninvited, standing at my door with tears in her eyes holding a gift bag. She said she couldn't stand having this tension in the family and needed to make things right between us. I didn't want to let her in, but I also didn't want to have this conversation on my front porch where neighbors could hear. She came in and sat on my couch, talking about how she's been losing sleep over this whole situation and never meant to hurt my feelings. She said she realizes now that the empty box might have come across wrong, but she was only trying to encourage me to think about my future and goals and potential. I said, Linda, the problem isn't that the box was empty.

The problem is that you said it was perfect for someone who doesn't contribute anything to the family. She said she didn't remember saying that exactly, that maybe I misheard her or took it the wrong way. She was literally trying to gaslight me about something that happened in front of 10 people. She kept going, saying she's always supported women who want to work and be independent, that she was just worried I might be getting too comfortable not working and sometimes people need a little push to realize their potential. Then she pulled out the gift bag, a journal with a note saying she thought I might like to write down my thoughts and feelings and maybe use it to explore what I want to do with my life. Even when she's trying to apologize, she's still basically saying my current life isn't

good enough and I need to figure out how to be better. That's when I completely lost it. You know what, you're right. I am being too sensitive, because apparently I'm the only person in this family who thinks being called worthless on your birthday is something to be upset about. She started crying, saying that's not true, that she loves me like a daughter and just wants what's best for me. I said, if you loved me like a daughter, you wouldn't have humiliated me in front of the whole family and you wouldn't be sitting here trying to convince me it was for my own good. The conversation went on for another hour, just for making excuses and me getting more frustrated. Finally, I said she needed to leave because this wasn't getting us anywhere.

She said she wasn't leaving until we work this out because family doesn't give up on each other. I said, well then I guess we're not family, because I'm giving up on this conversation. She finally left, but not before saying she was disappointed in me and thought I was a bigger person than this. She hoped someday I would understand that everything she does comes from a place of love and concern. I slammed the door behind her. I immediately called Jake and told him his mother had come to my house uninvited, that the conversation had gone badly, and I needed him to come home. He said he was in the middle of something at work but would come home that evening. I said no, I needed him to come home now because I just had a two-hour fight with his mother in our

living room and I'm done pretending this is okay. When he got home, I told him everything that happened and how his mother had tried to gaslight me about what she said at my birthday. Even her apology was just another way of telling me my life isn't good enough. He listened without saying much, then said maybe she really doesn't remember exactly what she said and maybe I should consider that her memory of the event might be different from mine. I said, Jake, there were ten people at that party. Are you seriously suggesting I imagined her calling me worthless? He said he wasn't there when she gave me the gift because he was in the kitchen getting

drinks, so he doesn't know exactly what was said. Maybe there's been some miscommunication about what I'm not. actually happened. That's when I realized Jake had never actually asked anyone else who was there what they heard his mother say. He was perfectly willing to assume I was exaggerating or misremembering rather than asking his sister or father or anyone else to confirm what happened. I said, so you're going to take her word over mine about what happened at my own birthday party? He said he's not taking anyone's word over anyone else's. He's just trying to understand why there seems to be such a big difference between what I think happened and what his mother thinks happened.

Maybe if we could all sit down together we could figure out where the miscommunication occurred. I said, there's no miscommunication, Jake. Your mother called me worthless, everyone laughed. You stood there and said nothing, and now you're all acting like I made it up or blew it out of proportion. We had another huge fight. Jake said he feels stuck in the middle between his wife and his mother, that he doesn't know how to make everyone happy. Maybe we should just agree to disagree about what happened and focus on moving forward. I said, I'm not agreeing to disagree about whether or not I was humiliated, because

that's not a matter of opinion. The next day Jake went back to work. I spent the whole day thinking about everything that had happened and realized I was never going to get the acknowledgement or apology I wanted. Jake was never going to take my side, and his family was always going to see me as the problem. I called my sister and told her about Linda's visit and Jake's reaction. She said it sounds like I'm married to a man who will always choose his mother over me, and I need to decide if that's something I can live with for the rest of my life. That evening Jake came home and said he had talked to his mother. She was really upset about how our conversation had gone and felt like I had been hostile and unwilling to listen to her

apology. She was starting to think maybe I didn't want to have a relationship with her at all. I said, maybe she's right. Maybe I don't want to have a relationship with her. someone who thinks calling me worthless is an acceptable way to motivate me. Then he said something that really shocked me. His mother had suggested maybe I should talk to someone about my anger issues because she was concerned about how hostile I had been during our conversation. Maybe I was dealing with some depression or anxiety from not working and it might be affecting my judgment about the situation. I said, are you kidding me? Your mother humiliates me and then suggests I need therapy when I don't accept her fake apology, and you think

that's reasonable? I realized Jake and his family had decided I was the problem. No matter what I said or did, they were going to find a way to make it my fault. I was fighting a battle I could never win because they had already decided I was wrong and his mother was the victim. I told Jake I was done discussing this. If he wanted to believe his mother's version of events over mine, that was his choice, but I wasn't going to keep defending myself to people who had already made up their minds. He said I was giving up two Hi, I'm Darren Marler. Host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt.

Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere. From Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insertion. That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career.

Spreaker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Sprinker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out Spreaker.com.

That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R.com. Easily, that marriage requires compromise and forgiveness. I said marriage also requires respect and support, and I haven't gotten either of those things from him during this whole situation. Yesterday morning Jake was already gone when I woke up. There was another note saying he was going to his parents' house again, that he needed time to think about our marriage and whether we could find a way to work through our problems.

He hoped I would think about what I really wanted because this couldn't go on much longer. I read that note and felt this weird sense of relief. I had been so focused on trying to get them to admit they were wrong that I hadn't really thought about what I actually wanted. What I actually wanted was to not have to deal with any of this anymore. I spent the day cleaning out closets and organizing things. That evening Jake came home looking terrible, like he hadn't slept.

He sat down at the kitchen table and said we needed to have a serious conversation about our future. He said he had been talking to his parents and Emma, that they all agreed this situation had gotten out of hand and everyone needed to take a step back. His mother was willing to apologize if I was willing to apologize too, and maybe we could all start fresh. I said, what exactly would I be apologizing for? He said for embarrassing his mother at her birthday party, for being hostile when she came to our house to try to make things right, and for refusing to accept that her intentions

weren't malicious even if her execution was poor. I said, so I would be apologizing for defending myself, for not accepting a fake apology, and for refusing to pretend that being called worthless was actually meant to help me? He said when I put it like that it sounded bad, but sometimes we have to apologize for how we handle things even when we're not wrong about the underlying issue. I looked at him sitting there asking me to apologize for standing up for myself and realized this was never going to end. Even if I apologize this time, the next time his mother said something cruel he would

expect me to handle it better, and the time after that he would expect me to just ignore it. Eventually I would be expected to accept whatever treatment they wanted to give me. I said, Jake, I'm not apologizing for anything because I didn't do anything wrong. If you can't see that, then maybe we don't have the same values and maybe this marriage isn't working. He said I was being dramatic, that every marriage has problems and we just needed to learn how to communicate better. I said, this isn't a communication problem, this is a respect problem. You don't respect me enough to defend me when your family treats me badly, you don't respect me enough to believe me when I tell you what happened,

and you don't respect me enough to acknowledge that I have a right to be upset when someone calls me worthless. He said he does respect me, but I'm making this more complicated than it needs to be. His mother isn't a bad person, she's just old-fashioned in how she expresses herself, and I need to learn how to not take everything so personally. Then he said maybe we should separate for a while so we can both think about what we want and figure out if we can find a way to make this work.

I said maybe that's a good idea, because I'm tired of being married to someone who thinks his mother's feelings are more important than mine. He looked surprised, like he hadn't expected me to agree. He said he didn't mean permanently, just for a few weeks so we could get some perspective. I said okay, but I want you to know I'm not going to change. my mind about this and I'm not going to apologize for defending myself just because you can't

handle conflict with your family. This morning Jake packed a bag and said he was going to stay with his parents for a while. He hoped we could work things out, but he needed me to really think about whether I wanted to be part of his family or if I just wanted to be right about this situation. I said, I want to be part of a family that treats me with respect, and if that's not your family, then maybe I need to find a different family. After he left, I called my sister. I called my sister, and told her what happened. She said she was proud of me for not backing down, that it sounded like Jake was showing his true colors. Maybe this separation would help me see clearly what kind of marriage I actually have versus what kind I thought I had. She also said she had been

worried about me for a while because she could see how unhappy I was every time I talked about Jake's family. She thought I had been trying so hard to make them like me that I had lost sight of whether I actually liked them and whether being part of their family was actually what I wanted. I've been alone in the house for two days now and it's been really quiet but also really peaceful. I've been thinking about what I want my life to look like and whether I want to spend the next 30 years dealing with Linda's passive aggressive comments and Jake's inability to stand up for me. Honestly, I don't think I do. Forward slash forward slash.