Reddit Stories - My SIGNIFICANT other REQUESTED to bring their former betrothed to our marriage CELEBRATION

Episode Date: July 13, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #weddingdrama #marriage #etiquette #dilemmaSummary: My significant other requested to bring their former betrothed to our marriage celebration, causing a major dilemma. I'm torn between honoring their wishes and feeling uncomfortable with the situation. How should I navigate this sensitive issue?Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, weddingdrama, marriage, etiquette, dilemma, significantother, formerbetrothed, celebration, dilemma, uncomfortable, navigate, sensitiveissue, honorwishes, major, tornBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. My significant other requested to bring their former betrothed to our marriage celebration despite the ex's rude behavior towards me, and mentioned that they would still be in a relationship if not for our connection. Family drama which made me feel like a second choice. I want to start off with saying that I'm not sure if I've loved anyone quite this much before, and I have been married before. But never felt this type of compatibility and connection before, until all that came crashing down

a couple weeks ago. My partner is friends with almost all of their exes, and I'm totally okay with it because I'm not a crazy, jealous psycho, and they have all been nothing but very nice and respectful to me, super friendly, and they all have their own partners and lives figured out, apart from my partner's ex-fiancee. They were together for almost 10 years but never got married due to some family drama from the ex-fiance's side. My partner has gone on to say and reiterate a couple times that they were so in love, so into each other, and would have still been together if it wasn't for this particular family drama. They also broke up almost three years before we got together, however they were still sleeping together that whole time, up until a month before my partner

met me. This already rang alarm bells when I heard it, but I shrug it off because I thought it was my past experiences and traumas talking through me and not common sense. I try to be very mindful of giving people their own space, and letting them be themselves fully. speak how they want and be authentic. However, I would still be with my ex if not for this one thing is not pleasant to hear, but I figured they just had a super strong loving bond and okay, I moved on. I never made any problems out of them being friends, I even tried a few times to reach out to this ex myself to become friendly. I sent them a couple of memes and tried to strike up small talk a few times on my own initiative, but they've always been super weird with me.

making strange flirty comments to my partner when they've been speaking on the phone, for example, or being condescending about me and my family. I don't want to go too much into detail about what they said to not make myself identifiable, but I gave them grace and three chances to become friends. They blew them all by completely disrespecting me and my relationship. This X even implied that they talk with my partner secretly when I'm at work, probably to get a reaction out of me to see if I'll bite. I block them everywhere, my partner knows.

this, but I'm okay with them still being friends if that's what my partner wants. I'm cool with it as long as I don't have to be forced to be friends with this X, because I have no reason to want to do that after how they treated me. My partner said they understand and were cool with that, they said they don't want to choose my friends for me just like they wouldn't want me choosing theirs. Fair. Anytime they speak on the phone they run to the other side of the garden, start wandering aimlessly to get away from me. It seems avoidant like they don't want me to hear them talking and I I was okay with that too. Everyone has a right to private conversations. I get it. Okay, maybe I stopped being super enthusiastic about this person and stopped asking how I so-and-so. After they spoke on the

phone or whatever, stopped wanting to become acquainted however still remained completely civil, said hi when I had the chance, was polite as required. All was great until the final blow came, my partner asked me if they could invite their ex-fiancee to our wedding. I was shocked. I was shocked. and couldn't answer, I said I would think about it. But I'm honestly so fucking hurt that they would even ask me that knowing I have their ex blocked and knowing how they disrespected me and made me feel like an outsider in our own relationship. I'm absolutely gutted.

What makes it even worse is the way they phrased it. I would love to invite X to our wedding. They're my friend and I have a sentiment towards them. I will completely understand if you don't want them there and I will absolutely respect that decision, but I would like them to come. come. At first I was sad and enraged. If you will completely understand and respect that I don't want them there, then you've just answered your own question, have you not? I feel like a deer in the headlights. This has completely killed my excitement for the wedding, and it's made it hard to

even think about. In previous relationships my boundaries were violated to quite an extreme extent, and my partner knows this. The wedding I had before was a sham. It wasn't mine, wasn't how I wanted. I had to compromise a lot and do things in spite of myself back then. It was awful, not only the wedding but the whole marriage. Both me and my ex contributed to that fact, I've taken full accountability for my part in it, and I've gone through extensive psychotherapy to learn to love myself again and set healthy boundaries,

speak up for myself and be assertive among other things. I've been in that healthy space for over three years now, however, after hearing that question I feel like I've taken a hundred steps back, and the ache is so deep it's giving me cold feet about the whole wedding. I feel small and insignificant, like an afterthought, a plaster for an ache of an unrequited love, like a fucking second choice. I love my partner completely and I want them to be happy, that's why I think if they really want their ex to be there and it means a lot to them

then they should be able to do that. However, I also love myself and want to put my peace and well-being first, so. I'm totally stuck, on one hand, I think I have a right to feel. how I feel, on the other hand, I don't want to seem totally unreasonable. I'm not and never have been the type to give anyone ultimatums, I would never say it's either me or them, but at this point I don't think I can do it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, and if I get none, at least it feels good to write it down and get it off my chest to process it before I ultimately have to talk to my partner about it. I don't want to lose them, but I also don't want to lose

myself again in the name of love. I'm happy to never get married again if that's what it takes to keep myself and my boundaries intact. I'm done being a pushover. Am I the asshole? Update, May 21st, 2025. I mustered up the courage to speak to my fiancé today, after all of your heartfelt comments, all the great advice and encouragement, even in the form of harsh cold truths. Therefore, I have to start by saying a massive, thank you to everyone who contributed something to the post, it validated my feelings and helped me not feel so alone with my thoughts. I appreciate every single one of you. I couldn't sleep last night after reading a few of your comments, they were very hard-hitting and made me reconsider not only my behavior and thought patterns, but my values as well.

Because although I had strong moral values, I was not upholding them at all by not speaking up for myself. That changed today. I woke up and knew that I couldn't hold it longer and had to let it flow out naturally, just like in my original post. I mentioned the disrespect, the lack of communication between me and the ex despite my previous gentle efforts, the stupid, flirtatious and jealous jokes from her. I laid it all out on the table. My voice was shaking, but I got out everything I needed to get off my chest and then some.

In the heat of the moment I even concluded with I love you so much that I want you to have the wedding of your dreams. I already had one that wasn't mine, I know how much that sucks, and I wouldn't want to wish it on you. That's why if it means that much to you for her to be at the wedding, then I'm willing to set you free and hope y'all have a very lovely celebration without me. Of course I ended up shedding a few tears, but they were met with complete consolation, consideration, and empathy. I was reassured, comforted, and I felt heard. Which is what I desperately needed. As many of you correctly pointed out in the comments, I'm someone that always wants to be the most accommodating to the people I love. Sometimes even to my own detriment, which I was able to

recognize again through this situation. It's something I worked through in therapy before, thought I succeeded, but healing isn't linear and sometimes old patterns creep back when we feel the most vulnerable. I can fully admit this happened. My fiancé asked me why I never made it obvious that I don't like her. Why I acted so cool about it. To tell you all the truth my partner is right. I didn't overly let it show that I don't like her other than blocking her everywhere. Partner claims they didn't realize I still had her blocked and thought I didn't. Because I didn't act like I hate her, out of respect for my partner. But in that way I disrespected myself and my own boundaries. I was honest in my reply, if she's your friend, and you guys are cool, and I

love you and want you to be happy, then why would I hate on your friend to your face? My fiancé looked at me completely puzzled and said, well, because you're the most important person to me, and how you feel is my absolute priority. I didn't realize you were so uncomfortable with her, I'm so sorry I didn't see it and was oblivious. I will do absolutely anything for you to feel like you're number one, because you are. She will not attend our wedding, she won't be in the picture. I love you. They all also questioned me on why I didn't react straight away when the question about her attending was asked.

Why I didn't just burst out with her, you kidding me right now? And I explained that I wanted to think it through, I wanted so badly for it to be okay, but it just isn't and I don't want her at the wedding. I can't have someone present that I feel holds animosity towards me and our relationship. I have too much respect for myself. The reply I got made me very happy. I totally understand that and I agree with you. I get it, and I'm sorry. But next time please just don't bottle anything in, I want you to feel

safe. About the phone calls? My partner didn't want to bore me with the ex's crap, trivial small talk in her complaining about stuff. I want to believe it, it seemed very genuine, but I'm still giving it time. And for those wondering about if the wedding plans are commencing, they aren't for now, but may again in the future if all goes well. I've decided words aren't enough, and I want to see all of this in action. I want to see clear boundaries put up with the X. This was the only thing in our relationship that made me uncomfortable, her being so out of touch, lacking decorum and disrespecting our union,

and my partner being so oblivious to it. They even said her stupid jokes fell on deaf ears because it was obvious that she was just being jealous and bitter, because she hasn't found anyone yet, and can see we are a very happy together and have a lot more in common than they ever did. My partner apparently found her jokes quite pathetic, and said she always was a bit rude and tactless, which is something they never liked about her.

Sounds a lot different than we'd still be together if it wasn't for her crazy overbearing mother, but alas I'm giving it a chance. Lesson to take away from this situation for me. Continue working on assertiveness and speaking up. This is a gradual process. don't bottle things in. That doesn't mean burst out into flames every time an uncomfortable feeling arises,

but sit with it for a moment and let it be heard. Always speak your truth no matter the outcome. And if no change is made and the X reappears with a vengeance, they can have each other. For now we're going to take things easy while we work on patching up this wedge and rebuilding trust. If my partner puts their money where their mouth is, I'm confident we can make this work. And who knows, in a few years once the ex is happily married too and everyone knows their place, maybe we can all laugh about this together at a summer barbecue. Maybe not.

Once again, thank you all so much for your input and your encouragement. And let's see what the future brings. Much love to you all. Next story, Brother's girlfriend got mad at me because I don't want her kids at my house without her, but she accused me of being cold and excluding her children from our family. I, 32F, have two sons with my husband, a 10 months and a 3 years old. I obviously love my kids but I don't really like other kids, especially kids I don't know well. I am just not the maternal type that will want to interact with other kids or find them cute or whatever.

My brother has been dating his girlfriend Natalie, 31F, and she has two kids as well, 7M and 5F. When we first met Natalie she seemed excited that I have kids and started planning how our kids will bond and play together. This did not happen and the main reason is the age difference. Again, my kids are three years old and ten months. I don't know how she imagined that her seven years old will bond so well with a baby or someone four years younger than him. Her five years old daughter is a different situation. She is very rowdy so my oldest avoids her at all cost when we meet during family functions or whatever. Despite our kids clearly not blending well, I would say we were nice

towards Natalie and her kids. Last Christmas, for example, the first Christmas since they got together, we gave gifts to her kids when we met at my parents' place for dinner and I thought that was enough. However, Natalie decided to confront me on things I apparently did wrong and hurt her feelings. She mentioned, I do not show a special interest in her kids that will potentially become my niece and nephew in the future. I refuse to have her kids over at my place for playdates without her being present. To be clear, I am okay with hosting her, my brother and her kids for a dinner or something. I refuse to make my son like her daughter. I am cold towards her kids. I explained to her that I can't and will not force my kid to play or be friends with anyone.

I also said that I am not comfortable having her kids in my house without her present. I do not know her kids that well. I have no idea how they behave outside of the few family settings that we have all attended and I don't want to be responsible for two stranger kids in my house. On the coldness side, I explained to her that I am not cold on purpose but this is how I am as a person. I am not a kids fan, I am not overly maternal and I simply don't feel like being overly excited over kids. She said that this is not true because she saw that I am everything I claim not to be with my kids. Well, yes, because they are my own children. She also claims that everyone has been excluding her children. When I asked her how, she gave the same examples from above

and claimed that my parents are more affectionate towards my kids. Yes, again, because they are their grandkids. In the end, we were not getting anywhere, so I told her, look, Natalie. You started dating my brother one year ago, my parents and I had a couple of meetings with you and your kids and everyone was nice to all of you. I don't know what your problem is, but you need to speak to my brother. No one is excluding your kids, but you can't expect us to treat your kids the same as mine. This is never going to happen. My kids are my kids, they don't owe anything to yours and you are not entitled to anything from us. Please solve this issues with my brother. My brother apologized for her and mentioned to me she sound like a mad woman, focused on the

absurd differences she sees when it comes to our kids. He agrees our parents are not doing anything wrong and that I am not doing anything wrong. He knows me and he is aware I am not doing anything on purpose. He said that Natalie has been crying after our discussion and while he agrees with me he asked me if I can try being more empathetic towards her feelings. I told him that I am polite to her but she seems manipulative and if she doesn't want to hear the truth, she should not start this kind of discussions with me. My brother is lost, he does not know how to manage this madness and I am honestly confused if I did anything wrong when speaking to her. Update, May 22, 2025. I have received a lot of feedback on my original post and for that I am very grateful. I tried replying to as many of you

as I can, but it is overwhelming and my DM is full. But I have read your comments and I really appreciate you spend some of your time to talk to me. I will clarify some point. I will clarify some point. that keep being mentioned and then I will get into the update. Many of you pointed out that Natalie is looking for an instant family. I was not used to this term but yeah, after reading your comments and looking for more information I agree that this seems to be the case. Many of you asked about her family and her kids' father slash grandparents. I don't know much about them.

My brother told us something along the line she has a complicated relationship with her family and we did not insist for more details. We considered this to be her privacy and assumed that we will get more info when she is ready. There was a lot of confusion on why the children don't like each other. Natalie's seven-year-old son has no interest in the kids, not even for his sister who is five. My baby is ten months old so except of his food, laughing and being entertained he has no interests at the moment. My three-year-old son doesn't like Natalie's daughter because as I mentioned she is rowdy and

too much for him. She is not used to play with little kids and so she broke one of his favorite toys and pushed him on two different occasions, making him land on his butt. This led to my son clinging to me, my husband or my parents each time he is around her. The most overwhelming part of this post for me was receiving a lot of messages from people who told me how they were forced to play with kids they didn't like and how this affected them. I am really sorry for all of your experiences but I guarantee you I will not do the same to my kids. I would rather have people calling me names than force my kids to do something they are not comfortable with only to feed my ego and make myself seem as a nice person. In case I was not clear, I am a mother first and my main priority is to be an ally to my kids, not be a saint or seen as the most amazing woman alive.

Many of you accused me of not making time to bond with Natalie and her kids even after her dating my brother for a year. To be clear up until this point I only met her kids four times. I think people missed some details in regards to timing. Natalie started dating my brother last year around February. Last year I was pregnant, I gave birth and after that I had to raise a newborn baby and a toddler. So yeah, sorry to disappoint some of you for not abandoning my kids at home to go meet my brother's latest girlfriend. I am a very nasty person for raising my kids. Some of you seem to be very social people who are able to form bonds with new people in a matter of

hours upon meeting them. I am not like this. For me it takes time to grow a relationship, get used to someone and be able to be comfortable. So in my books the people who I have seen only four times in my entire life are still strangers. Lastly, I was accused of being a cruel person for not being willing to be Natalie's village. I am sorry if she is in the position of needing a village instead of already having people willing to help her, but I have no obligation to be anyone's village. At this point in time I am my family's village meaning my husband, my kids and my pets. I have enough excitement daily with my gremlins, my oldest although a calm and cute kid is a pain in the ass that needs to be supervised all the time. If I don't supervise him

all the time, he will sneak and eat the cat's food or insert his fingers into the wire sockets. By the way, a genuine question for all the parents who have three years old kids, are all the kids so kamikaze or only mine is this level of menace? So yeah, I don't need two additional stranger kids into my home unsupervised by their parents. Sue me. Now the update. After reading all your replies I understood my brother is not being fair. He asks me to be understanding of Natalie's situation, but is he understanding of mine? I don't think so. So I sent him the following message. Hey brother, I had some time to think about the entire situation and I want to share my thoughts with you. First of all, I did something that might make you mad and you might not agree

with, but please keep an open mind and read what I am about to send you. I made a post on Reddit and asked about my situation with Natalie and the replies were mostly pointing to the same direction. Maybe you'll want to see some unbiased feedback from hundreds of people who don't know us and are able to have a clear perspective. Now, I feel like you are not fair to. I understand you have a relationship with Natalie and she is your life partner, but it seems very selfish of you to put the burden on me. I understand Natalie may have some issues with her family. She may desperately need to feel accepted and to have a big family for her and her children,

but her struggles were not caused by me. You asked me to be understanding towards her, but were you understanding towards me? Did you defend your nephew when he was pushed twice by Natalie's daughter? Did you even explain to Natalie she is expecting too much from your sister who is dealing with a baby and a toddler? Did you defend your parents when Natalie commented about them? I am sorry it got to this point, but I will be honest. My main priority will always be my family, not Natalie, not her kids. I am not a therapist, I am not an emotional support animal and I am not her punching bag for times when things don't go her way. I love you, I am happy if you're happy, but I need some

some space from the toxicity she brings. You have known me since I was a baby, you know how I am so please set the record straight with her and explain that I will never be what she wants when she wants. After around an hour he replied, oh shit. Give me some time to read everything and gather my thoughts. I will come over at your place just give me some days, please. Love you. Now the bag is in his court. You were right. Natalie is his girlfriend, so is problem. Let's see how things turn out after he comes to talk, but I am keeping my expectations low.