Reddit Stories - Partner CONTINUOUSLY assured COMMITMENT to MARRIAGE but never formally asked, so when I

Episode Date: November 19, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #marriage #commitment #proposal #communicationSummary: Partner continuously assured commitment to marriage but never formally asked, so when I finally brought it up, they seemed surprised and unsure. Now I'm left wondering if their intentions were genuine or if I misinterpreted their actions.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, marriage, commitment, proposal, communication, love, trust, doubts, confusion, honesty, emotions, discussion, advice, support, decision-makingBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Partner continuously assured commitment to marriage but never formally asked, so when I ultimately determined I no longer desired matrimony, he attempted to relocate with all my furnishings in tow, sending me on a fake movie date to keep me away from our apartment. I, 33F, met up in a 10-year relationship with my boyfriend Carl, 33M. After the first year of our relationship I made it very clear that I intended to be a wife someday. By the time I was 28 I started to remind him of my goals and expectations and Carl told me that

while he knew he wanted to marry me, he just wasn't ready yet. Didn't like how I was pressuring him and called me controlling. Eventually we broke up, but six months later we got back together and even moved in. Looking back on it now, I realized that that wasn't the best decision but I was so emotionally attached to this man and felt so invested that I was willing to go back to him. Carl and I have now been living together for four years and while I stopped being happy about it after the first six months, living with him isn't a bad experience. Plus I always thought that us getting married was just around the corner, because he said he was ready to commit to me but he wanted

to wait for the right time because I deserved a perfect proposal and a more stable husband. I'd been going to therapy for the past two years and recently had an epiphany. Since childhood I have always wanted a wedding but never really gave much thought to being a married woman 24-7 and what that would mean. Given my country's shift in politics and new laws that politicians are trying to pass, I realize that not only am I fine with never getting married but I'm starting to lean more into no longer possessing the desire to do it. Since then it feels like I've been set free in a way and started focusing on myself. One of the major things that I've done is tell Carl that I'll no longer assist with babysitting his nephews and niece and instead focus

more of my time into getting certified in something to increase my earning potential and just relaxing. Carl seemed nonchalant about it at first but then said that we needed to have a sit down when I sent Carl's mom and his brother a text that they had three weeks before I stopped helping out completely. Carl said that while he understands my desire for more personal time, it's important to be there and sacrifice for family. I told him that he could switch around his own work schedule and help with the kids since they're technically his family, and he said that the children love me and that one day they'd be my family too once we were man and wife. It was in that moment that I told him that I no longer desired marriage

and while I gave my reasons Carl still took it as me wanting to break up with him and or thinking that he would make a terrible husband. That is not the case at all, but he's starting to lash out and get suspicious and I just don't know what to do. How can I get my boyfriend to see that it's me not him? Comments where Op has replied, Comment 1, I am curious what Carl's mom and brother required your help with that you needed to give three weeks notice that you would no longer be helping with?

Was it the niece and nephew's child care or something more? Boop. Carl's brother has 50-50 custody of his children but child care after school is expensive where we live so his mom was initially watching the kids but it was getting to be too much so I offered to help out and it's been that way for about three years. I don't feel right just quitting on something like this without notice and wanted to emotionally prepare the kids that they may not see me as often as before. Comment two, given my country's shift in politics and new laws that politicians are trying to pass,

I realize that not only am I fine with never getting married but I'm starting to lean more into no longer possessing the desire to do it. What does this mean? Oop, I live in America and in one of the southern states. There are some politicians who want to put in laws that I personally don't think would be for my benefit in regards to marriage and if they're successful then I definitely never want to be married someone. Does Oop live close to her family or Carl's family for any additional support, help? Oop, we don't live close enough to my family for Carl to consistently offer any help on a regular basis. Downvoted comment three, Oda flat out.

You string him along for 10 years with the goal to get married and now do a 180 without warning. Of course he gets suspicious. Also, you never said why he wasn't ready for marriage. Does he have financial problems? Mental health issues he wanted to work on before? Also, it reads like you don't even see him as a partner anymore, but as a roommate. You just pulled the rug under him. Of course it looks like a breakup.

And I don't understand how people are defending you. You fucked up bad time. I would not be surprised at all if he packs his bags now and leaves. Oop, how was I string him along when he was the one who kept putting it off? Also, what was there to warn him about? I can't speak for Carl as to why her never felt ready. I can only tell you what he told me. We've lived together for a couple years and he's never talked about having mental health or financial issues.

I've noticed no change in his behavior either. I also made it very clear that while I no longer desired marriage I still wanted to be in the relationship. So I don't know where breakup would come up. Comment four, do the two of you want children? If not, there's no reason to get married. I don't know what to call it, but I'm between wanting kids and being child-free. I could really go either way. Although given where I live in America right now, I would not give birth in the state that I live in.

Update, hello everyone. Sorry for taking so long, but a lot has happened and I ended up forgetting about this and focusing on other things. Then I saw a notification from a recent DM, so I thought I'd give an update. Okay, so things were a little tense over the next few days because we were either fighting or just not talking to each other. He even moved into the spare bedroom one day and he stopped giving me money for his share of the streaming services

that we both use and I technically pay for. I even but to mute his mama and brother for a little bit. Then once Valentine's Day was right around the corner he did a complete 180 and started speaking to me again and even apologized for his initial reaction and seemed really receptive to hearing my reasons. He then he told me he planned a special day for us the weekend after Valentine's Day, which I was delighted to hear.

On the day of I woke up to him gone but with breakfast laid out for me and a text message saying that there was work emergency and that he had to go in for a couple hours and told me to go meet him at the movie theater downtown by 3 p.m. I thought cool. I chilled for a bit then got ready and headed out. By 255 p.m. I sent him a text message asking where he was and responded by saying he accidentally typed the wrong time and that the movie wouldn't start until 5 p.m. and he meant was that he wouldn't be able to leave work until 3 p.m. He's had a case of fat fingers and but dials before so I initially didn't think much and just decided to go walking around by outlet close by to kill time. Then I got another text saying that he'd change our

online ticket reservations because he was still stuck at the office and to just chill until 7 p.m. This time I grew suspicious but instead of calling or texting back with questions I just gave him a thumbs and sent a selfie of me at one of my favorite stores. Then started to drive back home. Normally getting back to our apartment from the downtown area where I was at around this time of day on a weekend can be a bit of a challenge but today traffic was decent. Then when I pull up to complex I see a moving truck. No big deal January-February is when a lot of people have moved out or and before so I understood. Why did I see some of Carl's friends near the truck? Why did I see some of Carl's friend moving the couch that I paid for into the truck. I called the police and told

them that I was actively being robbed. I stayed in the car for a while trying to calm myself down until I saw Carl helping a man load my bookshelf into the back of his pickup truck. I got out and confronted him. This man was trying to keep me out of the apartment all day so he could quietly move out and take my furniture. And I say my furniture because I was the one who picked it all out and paid for most of everything and I readily shared the email confirmation order number slash receipts that I had archived when the police showed up. The man tried to take my bookshelf because apparently Carl had sold it to him. But that wasn't my problem and that I'd press charges on everyone if my stuff wasn't back in my

place. We got into a huge argument and the police tried to brush this off as a civil matter since Carl and I lived together but I went into the station the next day and spoke to a female officer who was a better help. My dining room set, spices, blender, groceries, lamps, TV, coffee table, and mattress were gone, but Carl's friends did put back the couch, which was a pullout. The middleman between my landlord and me did speak to Carl about wanting to take his name off the lease but did not follow the proper protocol and confirming with me that I would take on full responsibility of rent so I did file a complaint. I ended up leaving the complex and moving somewhere else and pressed charges against Carl and his friends if only to create a paper trail

and help in my civil case against my ex. In the end I was able to get some financial compensation for what I lost and he has until November to pay it all. I wasn't even sad that he didn't want to be with me anymore, just pissed off at how he tried to go about it. It is very clear that he wanted to punish me and I'm so glad that I never ended up marrying this man. I completed my certification, got a promotion and the pay raise that comes with it, and my dad has agreed to give me the money he was saving for my future wedding as a down payment for house. After this entire experience I am now ten toes down and never getting married. Also as a side note since Carl's brother couldn't provide consistent child care on his days the mother filed for full custody

and now Carl's brother pays child support. Next story, fiancé and I decided to break up after years together because we lost our spark from being too busy with work but then COVID lockdown forced us to isolate together. My fiancé, 26F, and I, 27M, have been dating since college and as soon as we graduated I proposed to her. However, we decided to get married only once we're both financially stable and okay with our jobs. Two years down the road we've also been living together for that long, we now meet those requirements, however our love for each other disappeared. Or at least the spark we used to have. We became very busy. Her with her graduate education plus job and me with my work. I admit I've been spending way too much time in the office and once I get home, I

use my free time to get ahead with deadlines and stuff. She's also constantly stressed as she's juggling her education and her teaching job. We never had time for each other anymore, but we were still busy enough to even notice that. Then March came, she approached me with the subject and we had a long talk. It was an emotional one, we've known each other for so long after all, and we were reaching our end after so many years. She was already in the process of booking flights to stay with her parents for a while when the lockdown was announced. She decided to not go home anymore in fear of possibly carrying

the virus and infecting her family. I agreed with that decision, and since then we've been isolating together. We're both working from home now and she also finished her studies on April. Because of that, we've been having a lot of free time. At first, it felt a bit awkward. I didn't even know how to talk to her anymore. I got used to short and empty small talk with her. But she's always known how to get me out of my shell, so it didn't take too long before we were having full conversations once again. I just found out that she's had a newfound love for playing Sims 4. She showed me the family she was playing with currently, and I noticed that it was herself and me, plus a dog and a cat whose names were our birth months, L.O.L. She had been so shy

initially, but she doesn't know that I was also feeling flustered then. I think this is the start of me questioning our decision to break up. After that, it was the small things. I also caught her up on how my life has been, like my Shty supervisor, how I haven't been taking care of my health lately, etc. And since then she started pushing me to work out with her and she's also been trying to get me into healthier options of food. I also came to find out new things about her in these months, which is surprising considering how we've been together for many years now. These past few months have been really good. I felt like I was brought back to the times when we first met and I feel like a high schooler with a crush. The thing is, I'm not sure if I can trust my

feelings right now. The only person I've had contact with was her, except for my frequent calls with family and friends, and I may be just having an infatuation right now. I also think we're lucky since we're both very free right now. But I keep thinking, what happens after the lockdown will we go back to being those busy people that have too little time for each other? I also don't know how to approach her with this. She's always been the talker in our relationship, you know. But at the same time, I'm also afraid to talk about it and potentially ruin things for us right now. What if she doesn't feel the same?

What if she's just treating me kindly because that's what she is? A genuinely kind person. The only hope I'm holding on to right now is the fact that she hasn't planned on going back to her family yet despite domestic travels being allowed in our country now. How do I go on about this? Comments where OPP has replied, comment one, I think maybe try it while y'all are talking or playing a game or doing something together just say I don't think I want to break up anymore and that should get the conversation started. O'p, oh boy, I've honestly tried so many times to try and bring it up.

We were playing Sims once and in my head I was yelling at myself to ask why she made our family in that game, but I could never get the words out. Instead I just went silent the whole time while she talked. Cy comment too, not to put too fine a point on it, but you not talking to her was a big part of the problem in the first place. Update 1, so the day after posting that, nothing really happened. I spent that day reflecting on what kind of future I see and want with her. I also thought a lot about the past, how we messed it up, how we both got too lost in our jobs, etc. In my original post, I asked if what I'm

feeling could be just an infatuation that would go as quickly as I came. But I realized that my feelings for her never really disappeared to begin with. It's like my heart just went in a deep sleep and I forgot how much feelings I carry for her. I think some of you may know, and have pointed out, that I'm not really good at communicating my feelings. I tend to keep things to myself, and my fiancé is one of the few people who can be patient with that. Some suggested to write a letter instead, or a note, or marry her in Sims. I ended up with drafts of sappy letters that I ended up scraping in a sad attempt to recreate us in the Sims. But still, I wanted to make an effort to show her what I couldn't say through words. I've heard about her wanting a few DLCs in the Sims in

the past, so I had the idea to buy a few for her. Sims DLCs are pretty expensive, especially in our currency. Surprised her by stealing her laptop for a few hours and once I gave it back to her, she was elated and so happy. It was really nice seeing her get so excited over it. We played together that whole day and tried to solve the mystery in Strangerville, a game pack in the Sims. It was so fun. The next day, I found her in the kitchen trying to bake something. It was a blueberry cheesecake recipe she saw on YouTube. I basically became her cooking assistant that day, helping her as much as I could and we ended up with a pretty decent outcome that I bet would have tasted better if I hadn't messed up so much. She still said she had so much fun and loved the

cheesecake, though. The next day, which is just yesterday, something important happened. We were basically just snuggled up on the couch playing when our Sims just autonomously tried for baby in the bed. It was hilarious and we initially laughed about it, but then we got pretty silent. She then closed her laptop and hugged me tightly then, without saying anything. I think that was my realization that, oh, she feels the same as I do. So I knew I had to speak up. I'm still impressed at myself for managing to talk yesterday without choking up, basically opening up the conversation like, are you planning to go to your parents soon?

And she said no, she doesn't feel like it yet. I asked her why, she told me she wanted to stay. I told her I wanted her to stay too. We went to sleep that night just huddled together. and even though we didn't really explicitly say it, I think we're now aware of each other's feelings and it feels like a really huge improvement to me. Earlier we ate breakfast together. We weren't as chatty as we've been the last few months but the silence was comforting.

We also watched knives out together. We haven't had the conversation yet, but I'm going to bring it up to her tonight. I'm really glad this whole ordeal went much nicer than I expected it would and I'm relieved I didn't let my doubts get the best of me. Though I still have to get better with how I communicate things, I'm going to learn for her. Thank you to everyone who left nice comments in my original post. Update 2. Okay, hi. I posted this thinking the same people who saw my last post would respond. And seeing that a few users wanted an update back then, I thought what the hell, why not give them a little update right now and leave it at that? Now I have 5x more the audience I had

last time. Right now my fiancé is sleeping next to me. Yes, we had the talk. As soon as I posted this, I logged out and gathered myself so I can tell her what's been in my mind for months. It's not really something so exciting. We basically just sat down together and talked about what went wrong before. I told her the things I said in my last post, and she admitted to worrying about what happens after the lockdown gets fully lifted too. We both acknowledged that we work too hard to become financially stable so that we can get married. Right now, though, all we could do is promise and talk about how we're going to manage our time better, since we have no idea if our country is ever going to return to normal. The curve is not getting flattened at all and the

quarantine is about to get extended again. And then we talked about our feelings. I got to tell her I love her again, for the first time in years probably, and she told me the same. After that it was back to a lighter conversation. We basically just bonded until she fell asleep. I honestly thought only a handful of people would see my post. I made sure to use Reddit because this isn't really a big platform in our country and I was sure she wouldn't see this post, but now that there are like 20K up votes as I'm typing this, I think she might stumble upon this post sooner or later. Well then, I know she's going to be whining a lot about this, but she'd be glad to know that a lot of people found our relationship wholesome. Thank you all for the kind comments. I know some people

are thinking why haven't you just talked to her in the first place, but getting some perspective from other people really did help give a push. I think if I left myself alone with the thoughts I was having, things would have gone a lot worse, so I'm really grateful. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the awards I received since this is just a throwaway account though, but it's still cool. I'll try to answer as many questions as I can and then log out. Thank you again smile comment where Op has replied, comment, beautiful. So happy for you. Please, remember this story later in your life.

I've been married for over 10 years. There are times like this in every long-term relationship, when you just aren't feeling the same level of connection and love for each other. It could be because you're too busy or because you have some kind of significant trial that gets in the way. You can avoid some of these barriers, but not all of them. you have to agree to stay together through some lows, knowing that your relationship has the strength to come back. You have to be deliberate about making ways to build your connection and show love for each other. You have to agree to be kind to each other, to always see each other as beautiful human

beings, even when you don't feel the same level of connection. If you can do that, you have the capacity to have a beautiful, rewarding, long-term relationship. Wishing you the best. Oop, thank you for this. When we broke up, we really thought it was for the best. It was a mutual thing. We talked about this earlier and she admitted that she felt guilty since she was the one who brought it up so she thought she was responsible for our breakup. I made sure to tell her that's not the case. I can see now that we both didn't try hard enough.

I know other people have had it hard during this quarantine, but I guess we're really lucky that we found a way to turn this bad thing into an eye-opening experience for the both of us.