Reddit Stories - Partner DISCOVERED he had a 50% risk of INHERITING his dad's TERMINAL illness,

Episode Date: November 6, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #family #health #genetics #lifechallengesSummary: A partner discovers a 50% risk of inheriting their dad's terminal illness, sparking difficult decisions and emotions. How will this revelation impact their relationship and future plans?Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, family, health, genetics, terminalillness, hereditarydisease, difficultdecisions, emotionalimpact, copingstrategies, supportsystem, medicalhistory, lifechangingevents, uncertainfuture, geneticcounseling, personalhealthcare, communicationchallengesBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Partner discovered he had a 50% risk of inheriting his dad's terminal illness, but declined to undergo testing as he believed it would have a negative impact on his life, despite my concerns. To know so we could plan our future and have together. My fiancé and I have been together for five years. He's the love of my life and I literally can't imagine being without him. So the thought of doing this is making my stomach roll. He was adopted and neither he was.

nor his parents knew much about his medical history. A few weeks ago, he met his biological brother for the first time and found out that his birth father had passed from Huntington's disease. There's a 50% chance that my fiancé also has the genetic defect that causes Huntington's, but he refuses to get tested. It's not the disease I'm scared of. It's the not knowing. If we know he'll get it, we can prepare financially, practically, and emotionally. He says a positive test result will hold him back from living his life, but I feel like it's the opposite. How can we live with this giant maybe looming over us? How can I make smart decisions on where to live, how to budget, or even whether or not to

have biological children with this man if I'm not allowed to have all the facts. So, I've come to the decision that I have to break it off. I respect his decision, but I can't understand or accept it. I have literally no one I can talk to about this because it's his fucking secret and not mind to tell. Edit 1, I have to go to work now, but I'll try to continue responding throughout the day, especially to the comments that exactly mirror the descending voice in my head. I just want to clarify a few things up here. One. I would not leave him if he tested positive for the defect. I would not leave him if he got sick. I just want a plan for us to be able to

afford the best life and care for him if he does, which means we'd have to start immediately. 2. I don't want or need perfect children. That isn't realistic. But it is possible to avoid them being subjected to a 50 to 50 chance of having this disease. Of course there are alternative options, but again, they involve preparation and planning. I'm more than willing to take a full genetic panel as well. Three. I guess one or both of us could get cancer, or permanently disabled in an accident, or any other number of things. But I've come to learn that you can't plan for every unpredictable thing life throws at you. This is the rare occasion that we do have the opportunity to prepare. Four. Essentially it comes down to the fact that we're incompatible, regardless of how

much we love each other. I'm a planner and he's very laid back. Until now, these traits have complimented each other, but unfortunately they've brought us to an impasse that I don't think we can both move forward from happily. Two. I'm floored at all of these responses, supportive and otherwise. At the very least, I feel validated that this is a complex issue with no clear and obvious answer. I've decided to take a few steps back. Those of you who brought up the fact that a few weeks is probably too little time for him to fully process his possible diagnosis have a really valid point. Just because I want to immediately jump into problem-solving mode, doesn't mean it's necessarily the right thing to do here.

So, I'm not leaving. Hopefully never. I'm going to find a therapist to help me work through my anxieties and give my fiancé some space, not literal, to work through his. And then we'll revisit this conversation, hopefully with more patience on my part and willingness to act on his. Update 1, Hi. Remember me?

I posted earlier this year about my fiancé who was refusing to get tested to get tested. for Huntington's after learning he had a 50 to 50 chance of having the genetic defect. Some of you gave me great advice and support, others the wake-up call I needed, and the rest of you. Well, Reddick and a Reddit. I'm not sure if it was obvious, but I was not in a good place when I made that post. When I stress, I don't sleep or eat. For him, it may have only been a few weeks to accept the situation, but for me it was a few long weeks of non-stop anxiety where I was lucky to get even an hour of restless sleep a night. I was plain exhausted on top of everything else and only began to consider leaving when I started to hit my breaking point. Anyway, we talked

about it at length. We cried, we fought, we researched, I showed him empathy. We consulted with friends, family, and specialists. We pressed pause for days or weeks when we needed a break from the whole damn thing. And in the end he agreed to have the test. Guys, to say we dodged an absolute maelstrom of bullets would be putting it mildly. He's negative, both for developing the disease himself as well as the risk of passing it on. No matter what else happens, this is one area where he's assuredly safe. All of this said, once the euphoria faded we decided it was necessary to put a hold on our engagement and take some time apart.

I still love him with all my heart, but this was our first serious disagreement as a couple and it forced us to seriously reflect on ourselves and our relationship. Neither of our positions were wrong, but they were so disparate that there was no realistic compromise. I've spent the last few months traveling abroad, and other than a few texts we haven't spoken much. But I'm home now, and we have our second first date tonight. Wish me luck. Edit, I mentioned this a million times in my first post, but here goes again. I had no plans to leave if he tested positive.

I just needed to know so that we could plan our lives accordingly. We decided together to take a break. It's been an incredibly difficult, emotionally charged roller coaster of a year. I didn't leave him. We planned from day one to keep communication to a minimum. It was difficult. I actually began keeping a journal of all the things I wanted to call or text him about. It's extensive, and I can't wait to share it with him.

I didn't give him an ultimatum. but I understand why that's the takeaway. I only told Reddit that I was thinking of leaving, and I know that it was rash and irrational. No, I'm not going to kill myself. Sorry if that disappoints you. Thank you to all of you who are sharing your stories about HD, chronic illness, and love.

I'm sorry I haven't responded to everyone, but I'm reading all of them and wishing you and your loved ones nothing but health and happiness. This title continues to be embarrassingly bad, and now irrelevant. But I kind of feel like I'm stuck with it now. Sorry. If you're new here, my fiancé found out he was at risk of developing Huntington's disease.

I wanted him to get tested and he did not. Months later, he did and thank God, he was negative. The whole thing put such a strain on us that we decided to take a break. Last night, we went on our second first date. And I can't believe how many of you want to hear about it. Of course I couldn't leave you hanging, but there are a few things I want to address first, so please bear with me for a few more sentences. It feels like many of you are determined for there to be a bad guy here,

but please don't put this label on my fiancé. He doesn't deserve it. He's not a jerk, an asshole, or an ostrich. He's a man who was suddenly forced to face his own mortality. He had a very human response, and I didn't make it any easier on him during those first few weeks. On that note, it's great that so many of you guys always react perfectly to every tough situation life throws at you. I'm sadly not like that.

Sometimes I fuck up like I did by not initially giving him enough time to process. But I owned up to that, took several steps back, and he forgave me. I don't know what else you want from me. Lastly, there are a lot of comments about how the obvious compromise was to just act like he had it. But you know what? it was the idea of living like he was dying that actually drove him get tested. He didn't want us to unnecessarily save half our paychecks instead of using them to enjoy or deal with the complications of IVF if we don't have to,

or forego opportunities that didn't play nicely with the end-of-life care plans we'd be making. Essentially, he concluded, in his words, that the cat was already halfway out of the bag and it could come out but it was never going back in. If he was positive, we'd be obsessing over every little thing being a possible symptom. But if we left things as they were, we'd be doing that anyway. That doesn't mean it was easy at all. We actually had to make a second appointment to get the results because he couldn't bring himself to hear them the first time. But that was okay, I was there for him the whole time to support him however he needed me to. Okay. I'm done with that,

onto what you actually clicked for. Do you guys know the feeling of watching your favorite childhood movie for the first time in years and being nervous that it won't hold up or have the same magic you remember? That's kind of what I was feeling yesterday, and I actually have to thank everyone jumping down my throat in the comments because you did a great job of distracting me from the butterflies in my stomach. Well, the magic was still there. We may have spent months apart, but it didn't feel that way at all. In fact, everything felt even better and more comfortable than when we parted. We felt like the happy couple we'd been back in January before this whole thing started. It was like there was a weight hanging over our relationship that was

keeping us from actually moving forward despite the good news, and it's finally been lifted. Before last night, I couldn't remember the last time anything with him felt bright and easy. But we're back, baby. I know the general consensus was that this was a dumb move, that we should have opted for marriage counseling instead of going our own ways for a bit. I'm not a relationship counselor, I'm not recommending this method to anyone. I don't know why it worked for us. All I know is that we were both so drained at the time and we each had the same gut feeling that a complete separation was what we needed. Our relationship had become far more exhausting than Fawn and I honestly believe that we wouldn't have made it if we'd forced ourselves to work together to fix it.

Again, don't take relationship advice from me. Trust your instincts, you have them for a reason. And I'm sure you'll be happy to know that he wasn't sitting at home pining for me while I traipsed around Europe not having segs with people. He was busy with his own adventure. He bought a car, we live in Manhattan, so that's a pretty big thing, and road-tripped across the country. We stayed up all night sharing stories and pictures and telling each other about the people we'd met. It was absolutely amazing sharing our experiences with each other. I know it may seem like it would have been better if we'd done it together, but there was something really special about living it

through each other's eyes. Anyway, we have the rest of our lives to travel the world together. Because we're not breaking up, suck on that people who were hoping he'd leave me. Look, we know this new honeymoon period wherein won't last forever, but I really think we're prepared to handle whatever other challenges life tries to throw at us. Honestly, there's a pretty good chance we've already gotten through the worst one, knock wood, but even if there's something bigger and badder waiting for us I'm completely optimistic will be okay.

So, that's that. We've officially reached the other side of our first major life issue together. Did either of us behave perfectly? No. Are we going to be perfect next time? Probably not. Are we 100% committed to combining our completely opposite ways of dealing with crises into a superpower designed to crush conflict like a 90s cartoon?

Absolutely. Thanks for listening to my story everyone. Roll credits. Next story, girlfriend tried to change everything about me by making me throw away my band t-shirt and demanding I ask for a promotion so I had to hide my clothes at work and she called my boss behind my back. I, 30M, met my GF, 32F, earlier this year. We were fast friends within a month of meeting and dating after a month, official for six months or so. Met her on a night out with some friends.

We live separately but she spends a lot of time at my house as it's nearer to where she works. Our relationship started really nicely. I felt like we just got on really well and she was very supportive of me as well. But recently she's been quite pushy about me making changes to my lifestyle and seems angry and disappointed with the results. The two big ones are my work and what I wear. As for my work, I work at the same store I've worked at since I was 16, it's just an easy job, pays my bills and I know how to do everything there, I'm basically a manager without the responsibility of actually being a manager as I don't want that level of responsibility for no extra pay. I also make money via stocks and cryptocurrencies so I don't struggle for money.

As for what I like to wear? I have many jumpers and T-shirts of an emo band my friends and I loved when we were young. I genuinely have like 50 or so that I wear a lot because it makes me happy and doesn't hurt anyone either. I admit I have a bit of a problem with anxiety. Familiarity helps me with it. Some family thinks I might have OCD, but I've never been diagnosed. My girlfriend a few weeks ago expressed frustration with my clothes, saying I need to grow up and get new ones. She spends a lot of money to get whatever clothes are in fashion. I don't have a problem with that as it's her money to spend and she isn't hurting anyone.

But I don't know why she has a problem with my clothes. The argument was big but resolved and we went shopping and bought me some new clothes. They are actually quite nice and I like wearing them too. A few days later I was wearing a band T-shirt again because the new clothes were in the wash and she was really angry about it. I explained the new clothes were in the wash and it wasn't decided that I'd completely stop wearing the band stuff. She wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the day.

The next day she had cooled off and explained she thinks new clothes will help me grow as a person. We talked a long time and I eventually agreed to get rid of the band clothes. While I was packing them up I started crying and she called me stupid and I asked her to leave. She came back a few hours later and we made up. I packed the boxes into my car and told her I was going to donate them. She was really pleased and said I was making the right choice getting rid of them. I didn't donate them, I took them to work and I'm keeping them there until further notice. My boss was confused but understanding. I got back home and she'd ordered my

lots of new clothes. She told me she understands it was upsetting but I'd be better off for it. That night a few hours later she wanted to talk about my work and why I'm not a manager. I explained to her that I don't want to be. She's been distant and only talks about how I should ask to be a manager. I've explained why I don't want to be, and that I wouldn't even be paid more, nor is there a need for it at the store. She just keeps saying that I need to fight for a pay rise as well so I can treat us to nice things. I told her that isn't how it works and that I make money in other ways and that she has her own money too so it shouldn't matter. She shouted at me that I'm useless and stormed out. My boss also told me she called the store

and asked him why I'm not a manager. After being upset and feeling useless for a few hours, I decided that I don't want to be with her. I realized I don't see my friends as much as I used to because she likes to spend all our free time just us. I just don't feel happy with her anymore and feel like she actually acted differently when we started out just to get close to me. She even said she loved all the band stuff when I first showed her. I think she may be right that new clothes might help me a bit. I genuinely appreciate that and like how I look in some of the clothes we bought. But I also liked how I looked in the band stuff, and still think it wasn't over the top.

I'd normally just wear jeans and a T-shirt or jumper anyway. I don't think it's as ridiculous as she said it was. I just thought of it as a wearable collection. People collect weirder things. As well as this, I really don't like that I lied to her about donating the band's stuff. It felt horrible and dishonest. My boss and colleagues could tell something was off when I took the boxes into work. I try to be honest as I don't want to upset people.

Anyway, I want to break up with her, but I know it's going to be difficult. She's good at talking me into stuff, but my mind is made up 100% on this. I'm still not sure when or how to do it, though. I'm feeling really anxious about it. wondering if you guys can give me some advice or help. How can I be assertive about wanting to break up and not have her talk me out of it? Some things I want to address first. I work at the same place I have done for years because of my anxiety.

I know how to do everything at my job and it helps me feel grounded and not worry. When I said I'm basically a manager, I mean that I do sometimes fill in shifts and responsibilities for them, and we have talked about me officially being manager before, but it's not what I want. I don't want to take my work home with me and never be able to switch off like I see some of them do. That said, I do want to have some more ambition in my life going forward, and I am going to be looking at other ventures, my clothes. My banned clothes are now back at my house. I still have the new clothes we bought as I paid for a lot of them and I planned to continue wearing them too. I can see what she meant by wanting me to wear new clothes. I just didn't like her end goal or

the way she went about it. For the people thinking I dress like those goth people dancing under a bridge, I don't. It's usually just a band slash jumper with some normal jeans. I'm not a teenager, just a 30 years old who still loves the same band, ha ha ha. No hate to those dancing goths. I love that meme. Okay, so on to the main story. I took advice from some of the responses to the op. We live separately so there wasn't any issues with leases, but I did change my lock as I had given her a key a few months ago. As for the breakup, it didn't go well, but it did go at least. I was at home thinking of how to do it, which cafe slash restaurant I was going to do it in, etc. as she finished work and came to mind without any prior discussion, not out of the ordinary to be

fair. Any way she could tell something was off, and because I'd been thinking about it all for hours I was 150% sure I wanted to do it so just did it here instead. I first told her that I had lied about donating my clothes and that I'd actually taken them to work instead. She was angry in calling me a liar and everything. I apologized for it and tried to explain that I felt a lot of unfair pressure to get rid of them when I didn't really want to and my collection wasn't hurting anyone. I don't really feel that the argument was fair, and I feel that her actions made me I hate saying stuff like that so I just left it and moved on. I then told her I was really annoyed about her calling my boss. She said she was sorry but I should be a manager. I

I said that's okay and she looked confused but accepted it, I guess. Then I just said I didn't want to be with her anymore because she actually had given me a second to speak. She looked shocked and asked me what I meant. I just said I didn't want to be with her anymore, and that I wanted her to leave and would be changing my locks but was open to calling to messaging about picking up her stuff. She said stuff like we don't have to break up, but I kept saying my mind is made up and technically we already had.

She called me pathetic as she walked out the door and slammed it behind her. This was the other day, I haven't heard from her, but I sent her a message about picking up her stuff. There isn't much of it here, so maybe she doesn't want to. Anyway, since then, I called my boss to explain that situation and be wary of any contact from her. We've worked together for years and were good friends, so he was very understanding and said if I need help in any way he'll try to provide it. We go for drinks often with other colleagues, so I'll explain it all to them there probably. As for me, like I said above, I do want to work on myself a bit, partly because of the things she said, but not for the same reasons.

Just for me to grow a bit in terms of work experience and fashion sense. I'll be buying more smart causal clothes to wear as well. I don't think I'll ever fully stop wearing the band clothes though, ha-ha-ha-ha. I don't quite know what I want to do in terms of work, but I have the experience of teamwork and leadership from the store which I think is usable and transferable to other jobs too. I'm feeling weird, but okay, it feels great to have acted decisively, I haven't felt sad yet, not happy either, just relieved mostly. Some of her stuff is still here and it feels weird to see it knowing it'll never be that

way again, I don't know how to describe that feeling. Anyway, I've spoken to friends about it and will be seeing them soon. I'd quote she's been up to or what she'll do, not sure if I want to, there's nothing left for me with her anyway. Just wanted to thank everyone for their kind words in the op. It felt really good to know I wasn't being treated fairly and I wasn't just being stupid like she said. Some even messaged me with similar stuff or how much they liked their partners with similar habits to my band clothes which was really nice. One of the reasons I still wear the band tease is sometimes other fans spot them and will have a nice conversation about it and always end the conversation smiling, ha,

it's just nice.