Reddit Stories - Partner MENTIONED she was PARTICIPATING in study sessions with a COLLEAGUE, so I

Episode Date: July 24, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #workplace #communication #study #colleagueSummary: Partner MENTIONED she was PARTICIPATING in study sessions with a COLLEAGUE, so I confronted her about boundaries and trust issues. She reassured me, but I still feel uneasy. Seeking advice on how to handle the situation.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, workplace, communication, study, colleague, boundaries, trust, advice, confrontation, uneasy, partner, study sessions, boundaries in relationships, trust issues, communication in relationships, work dynamicsBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Partner mentioned she was participating in study sessions with a colleague, so I arrived unexpectedly and discovered them exiting their living space wearing solely their shirt, and then communicated. The video to her religious family. I, 26M, have been with my girlfriend Marilyn, 24F, for about a year and a half. We've been living together for the past six months. Overall things have been good, but recently something's been bothering

me and I'm not sure if I'm being reasonable or just paranoid. Marilyn works as a junior analyst at a consulting firm. About two months ago, she started mentioning this coworker named Evan, 28M, who apparently went to the same graduate program as her, just a few years earlier. According to Marilyn, Evan has been really helpful in explaining some of the more complex client work and has offered to help her study for an upcoming certification exam that could lead to a promotion. At first, I thought this was great. Maryland's been working really hard and deserves that promotion. The problem is that these study sessions always happen at

Evans' apartment, usually start around 7 or 8 p.m., and Maryland doesn't come home until 1 to 3 a.m. When I've asked why they can't study at our place, at the office, Marilyn says Evan's apartment is more convenient because he has all the reference materials there and it's quieter than the office. Here's what's been bothering me. 1. Marilyn turns off her phone or doesn't answer when I text during these sessions. She says it's because they're really focused but she's usually pretty good about quick replies normally. 2. When she comes home, she often smells like alcohol. When I've asked about it, she says Evan sometimes offers her a glass of wine to help her relax while studying,

but she's never been much of a drinker before. 3. These sessions happen 2 to 3.3. These sessions happen 2 to 3. three times per week and have been going on for about six weeks now. Four. Last week I offered to bring them both dinner since they were studying so late, and Marilyn got weirdly defensive and said it would be distracting. Five, when I've tried to bring up that I'm uncomfortable with the situation, Marilyn accuses me of not trusting her and says I'm being insecure.

The thing that really bothers me is that Marilyn has plenty of other co-workers she could study with, including several women in her department who are also preparing for the same certification. When I mentioned this, she said Evan is the only one who's already passed the exam and knows the material well enough to help. Last night was the final straw. Marilyn left for a study session at 7 p.m. I texted her at 10 p.m. asking when she be home, no response. Called at 11.30 p.m., straight to voicemail. She finally came home at 2.4.4.7. She finally came home at 2.4.4.2.2.2.2.5.2. She finally came home at 2.45 a.m., clearly having had several drinks, and when I expressed that I was worried, she told me I was being controlling and possessive. This morning, I told her that I'm

not comfortable with these late-night study sessions at Evan's apartment and asked if we could find an alternative arrangement. Marilyn exploded at me, saying I don't trust her, that Evan is just helping her career, and that I'm sabotaging her success because I'm insecure. I want to be clear, I'm not trying to control who Marilyn spends time with or prevent her from advancing her career. But coming home after 2 a.m. smelling like alcohol from regular study sessions with a male co-worker while being unreachable by phone doesn't seem normal to me. I feel like I'm not asking for much by wanting better communication or an alternative study arrangement. Marilyn is now giving me the silent treatment and texted her sister that I'm being toxic and

controlling. Her sister called me an asshole and said I need to trust Marilyn or break up with her. So I'd offer asking my girlfriend to stop these late-night study sessions at her co-workers apartment. Am I being unreasonable, or are my concerns valid? Edit, thanks for all the responses so far. A few people have asked for more details. Marilyn and I generally have a good relationship and this is the first major issue we've had. I don't have a history of being. I don't have a history of being. jealous or controlling, the certification exam is still three months away. Marilyn hasn't introduced me to Evan despite mentioning him constantly, when I suggested I'd like to meet him.

Marilyn said it would be awkward to mix work and personal life comment one. NTA. Dude, I've been married for 12 years and I can tell you that study sessions until 2 a.m. with wine involved are not study sessions. The fact that she won't answer her phone and gets defensive when you ask reasonable questions is a massive red flag. You're not being controlling by having boundaries about your girlfriend spending intimate late night hours with another man while drunk and unreachable. Op reply, thanks for this. I've been second-guessing myself because Marilyn is usually pretty

reasonable and her reaction was so strong. It helps to hear that my concerns aren't completely off base. Comment 2. Trust your gut, man. I ignored similar red flags or early in my first marriage and regretted it. At minimum, she should be willing to compromise on the location or timing if she actually cares about your feelings. Comment 3. I work in consulting. There is absolutely no reason these study sessions need to happen at his apartment until 2 a.m. Most certification prep can be done during normal hours, and if they're really studying, they should be sober and focused. The fact that alcohol is involved regularly tells you, everything you need to know. Also, any decent co-worker helping someone study would be understanding

about including the partner or meeting in neutral locations. Op reply, that's really helpful context. Maryland made it seem like this was normal in your industry, but it never felt right to me. Comment 4. NTA. The phone being off is the biggest red flag here. What if there was an emergency? What if something happened to you? There's no study session important enough to be completely unreachable for six plus hours at a time. I'll reply, this is exactly what I tried to explain to her. What if her parents needed to reach her, or something happened to me? She just said I was being dramatic. Comment 5. I'm a woman who works in consulting and has studied for similar certifications. I've never needed to study at a male colleague's apartment until 2 a.m. with alcohol

involved. There are study groups, online resources, review courses, and plenty of other options. She's making choices, not following necessary procedures. Op reply, thank you for this perspective. It's good to hear from someone who actually works in the field and has gone through this process. Comment 6. Info, Have you met Evan? Has Marilyn offered to introduce you? Does she talk about these study sessions openly or does she seem secretive? Op reply, I haven't met Evan. When I suggested it, Marilyn said it would be awkward to mix work and personal life. She talks about them a lot but gets weird if I ask specific questions about what they studied or what they talked about.

Usually just says work stuff and changes the subject. Comment 7. Oh, dey. You're being insecure and controlling. Marilyn is an adult who can make her own decisions about her career and her friendships. If you don't trust her, you shouldn't be in a relationship with her. This post reeks of toxic masculinity. Op reply, I respectfully disagree. I do trust Marilyn in general, which is why this situation is so confusing to me. I'm not trying to control her career or friendships, but I think it's reasonable to

have boundaries about intimate late-night situations with alcohol involved. Update, after reading your comments, I decided to try having a calm, honest conversation with Marilyn. I waited until she was in a good mood yesterday evening and approached it as gently as possible. I told her that I'd been thinking about our argument and that I wanted to understand her perspective better. Marilyn seemed receptive at first. I asked her to help me understand why these study sessions needed to be at Evans'

apartment specifically, and why they couldn't meet during normal hours or in public places. Her explanation was basically the same as before. Evan has all the materials, his apartment is quiet, and they can focus better in the evening. When I asked about the alcohol, she admitted that they usually share a bottle of wine during their sessions, but insisted it helps her relax and retain information better. I told her this concerned me because it seemed more social than academic, and she got defensive again, saying I was reading too much into it. The conversation really went downhill when I asked if I could meet Evan. Marilyn's response was immediate and firm, she said it would be inappropriate

and unprofessional to introduce her boyfriend to a work colleague. When I pointed out that she'd introduced me to other co-workers at company events, she said Evan was different because they have a professional mentoring relationship that shouldn't be complicated by personal relationships. I tried to stay calm and asked if there was any compromise we could reach, maybe studying at our place sometimes, or having me pick her up so she didn't have to drive after drinking. Marilyn said I was being possessive and trying to control her career advancement. She accused me of not wanting her to succeed and said that my insecurity was going to hold her back professionally. The conversation ended with Marilyn saying that if I couldn't trust her,

maybe we shouldn't be together. She said Evan is just a friend who's helping her career, and that she's not going to sacrifice her professional growth for my jealousy issues. Here's where it gets interesting, though. This morning, Marilyn left early for work, and I happened to run into her friend Sylvia near our apartment. Sylvia and Marilyn have been close friends since college, and she also works at the same consulting firm, different department. Sylvia asked how I was doing and mentioned that she'd heard Marilyn and I were having some

relationship issues. I didn't want to get into details. but Sylvia brought up the certification exam and said she'd been thinking about studying for it too. She asked if I thought Marilyn would be willing to include her in the study group with Evan. I was confused and asked what she meant. Sylvia said, you know, the study sessions they've been having. I've been wanting to join but wasn't sure if they'd want another person. I realized Sylvia didn't know these sessions were happening at Evan's apartment or that they were just the two of them.

When I mentioned this, Sylvia looked genuinely surprised. She said she'd assumed it was a single thing and that's why she hadn't been invited. This led to a longer conversation where I learned some concerning things. One, Sylvia and two other female colleagues are also studying for the same certification too. None of them have been invited to study with Evan, despite him supposedly being the expert three. Sylvia had actually asked Marilyn a few weeks ago if she wanted to form a study group, and Marilyn declined, saying she had it handled four. According to Sylvia, there are several senior colleagues who have passed this certification and would be available to help, not just Evan. Sylvia seemed genuinely concerned when I explained the situation.

She said it was weird that Marilyn wouldn't want to study with other people if she was really focused on passing the exam, since group study is usually more effective. After talking to Sylvia, I'm even more convinced that something inappropriate is happening. If these were really just study sessions, why wouldn't Marilyn include her other colleagues who are preparing for the same exam? When Marilyn came home tonight, I decided to ask her about it. I mentioned that I'd run into Sylvia and learned that she and others were also studying for the certification. I suggested that maybe Marilyn could invite them to join her sessions with Evan. Marilyn's reaction was immediate and angry. She said I had no right to discuss our relationship issues with her friends and that I was trying to sabotage her study arrangement.

When I pointed out that studying with a group might actually be more effective, she said Evans' teaching style work specifically for her and that other people would be a distraction. I asked her directly, if this is really just about studying, why can't Sylvia or the others join sometimes? Marilyn said I was interrogating her and that she didn't need to justify her study methods to me. The conversation ended with Marilyn saying she's going to Evans tomorrow night as planned, and that if I can't handle it, I should figure out what I want to do about it. She's now staying in the guest room and won't speak to me. I feel like I'm going crazy here. Everything Marilyn says technically makes sense,

but her behavior and reactions don't match someone who's just innocently studying with a colleague. The fact that she won't include other people who are studying for the same exam, won't let me meet Evan, and gets furious whenever I ask questions makes me think something else is going on. I'm starting to consider some of the suggestions from my original post about showing up at Evan's apartment, but I don't want to be that guy who doesn't trust his girlfriend. At the same time, I feel like I'm being gaslight. What would you do in this situation? Sylvia found in the comments section, Sylvia, hi, this is a lot of. Sylvia. I am lurker and found this post and I wanted to clarify a few things. Everything Op said about our conversation is accurate. I am genuinely concerned about Marilyn's

behavior because it's not normal in our industry. Several of us have been confused about why she wouldn't want study partners when we're all working toward the same goal. The fact that she's keeping this so separate from her other friendships is a huge red flag. Op, you're not crazy. I'll reply, Holy shit, Sylvia, I can't believe you found this and decided to comment. Thank you for backing me up. I've been feeling like I'm losing my mind.

Comment two, dude, just go to Evans' apartment next time she's there. You'll get your answer real quick. If they're really studying, they'll be at a table with books and notes. If they're not, well, then you'll know. I'll reply, I've been considering this, but I'm worried about crossing the line. What if I'm wrong and I end up looking like a psycho boyfriend? Comment three, the fact that her colleague Sylvia confirmed your suspicions changes everything. This isn't about you being insecure anymore.

You have objective evidence that Marilyn's behavior is unusual and secretive. Trust your gut. Op reply, that's exactly how I feel. Sylvia's perspective really validated that this isn't normal workplace behavior. Comment 4. The fact that she's staying in the guest room and giving you the silent treatment for asking reasonable questions tells you everything. People who are being honest don't react this defensively to fair questions from their partners. Op reply, you're right. If I were in her position and my concerns were really unfounded, I would want to reassure her, not punish her for asking. Update 2, this is probably going to be my final update, and it's not the one I was hoping to write.

After the conversation with Sylvia and Marilyn's increasingly defensive behavior, I decided I needed to know the truth one way or another. I know some of you advised me to just show up at Evans' apartment, and while part of me was afraid of looking like a paranoid boyfriend, I realized I was already living in a relationship without trust or communication. Last night, Marilyn left for another study session at 7 p.m. as usual. She kissed me goodbye like normal but seemed a bit tense. I waited about an hour, then decided to drive over to Evans' apartment complex with the excuse that I was bringing them coffee and snacks since they were working so hard. I knew Evans' address because Marilyn had mentioned the building before, and I was able to find his unit number by checking the building directory.

When I got to his door at around 8.30 p.m., I could hear music playing inside, but not the kind of focused silence you'd expect from people studying. I knocked on the door and waited. It took about three minutes for someone to answer, which seemed strange if they were just sitting at a table studying. When Evan finally opened the door, he was clearly flustered. He was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, and his hair was messy. He definitely wasn't expecting to see me. Oh, uh-uh, hi, he said. You must be Marilyn's boyfriend. She's. We're just wrapping up for tonight.

I could see over his shoulder into the apartment. There were no books visible. No papers. No study materials at all. Just an open bottle of wine on the coffee table and Netflix paused on the TV showing some romantic comedy. Can I come in for a minute? Evan looked panicked. Actually, this isn't really a good time.

Marilyn's in the bathroom and we're about to wrap up anyway. That's when I heard Marilyn's voice from deeper in the apartment calling Evan, who is it? In a tone that definitely didn't sound like someone who was just studying. I pushed past Evan into the apartment. The apartment was small, so it only took a few seconds to see what was really going on. Marilyn emerged from what was clearly Evans' bedroom, wearing only Evans' button-down shirt and obviously nothing else. Her hair was disheveled and she had that post-sex look that I knew well from our own relationship. The three of us just stood there for a moment in complete silence.

Marilyn's face went from confused to horrified as she realized what had just happened. This isn't what it looks like, she started to say, but honestly, what else could it look like? I pulled out my phone and started recording. So this is studying. I asked. Marilyn, can you explain to me how this constitute certification exam prep? Don't you dare record this? Marilyn screamed, but she was too far away to stop me and frankly, I was beyond caring about her comfort at that point.

Evan tried to step in front of my phone. Dude, come on, don't be that guy. Don't be that guy. I laughed. I'm not the guy fucking my girlfriend while pretending it's a study session. I got about 30 seconds of video before Marilyn managed to grab a throw blanket from the couch to cover herself. The video clearly shows her in Evan's shirt, coming out of his bedroom, in an apartment with no study materials and obvious signs of them having been intimate. Get out.

Marilyn was screaming. Get out right now. You have no right to be here. I have no right. I asked. I'm bringing coffee to my girlfriend's study session and I find her half naked in another man's bedroom. But I have no right to be upset. Evan, to his credit, seemed genuinely uncomfortable with the situation.

Look, man, I'm sorry. This got out of hand. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Shut up, Evan. Marilyn snapped at him. I looked at Marilyn, who was clutching the blanket around herself and glaring at me like I was the one who had done something wrong. How long? I asked. It doesn't matter, Marilyn said.

You're not supposed to be here. You can't just show up at people's apartments uninvited. How fucking long, Marilyn? Evan answered quietly. About a month. We need to talk, Marilyn said. But not here. Come home and we'll discuss this like adults.

No, I said. We're done talking. We're done, period. You can come get your stuff tomorrow when I'm at work. I left the apartment with Marilyn screaming after me that I was making a huge mistake and that I was ruining everything over nothing. When I got home, I was honestly in shock. I had hoped I was wrong, that I'd show up and find them actually studying,

and that I'd end up looking like an idiot but at least I'd still have a relationship. I sat in my car in our driveway for probably 20 minutes just trying to process what had happened. Then I started getting angry. That's when I made a decision that I'm not entirely proud of, but I'm not entirely sorry about either. Marilyn comes from a very religious family.

Her parents are deeply Catholic, and her three siblings are all very involved in their church. They're good people, but they have very traditional values about relationships and marriage. Marilyn has always been the good girl of the family, and her parents absolutely adore her. I sent the video to her parents and all three of her siblings. I included a message explaining that I discovered Marilyn had been lying to me for months about studying with a coworker, and that when I went to check on her, I found them together in his bedroom. I said I was heartbroken and disappointed, and that I thought they should know.

that the relationship they'd been supportive of was based on lies. Within an hour, my phone was blowing up. First, Marilyn's mom called me crying, asking if the video was real. Then her dad called, furious, demanding to know what kind of man I was for humiliating his daughter publicly. Then Marilyn's sibling started calling. Finally, Marilyn called me, absolutely hysterical. How could you do this to me?

She screamed. You've ruined my relationship with my family. My parents are devastated. My dad is talking about cutting me off financially. You've ruined your relationship with your family when you decided to cheat, I said. I just made sure they knew the truth. This is revenge. This is cruel and vindictive and you're trying to destroy my life.

Marilyn, you destroyed our life when you started fucking Evan a month ago. You destroyed it when you lie to my face every day for weeks. You destroyed it when you made me think I was crazy for having normal concerns about my girlfriend's behavior. I made a mistake. People make mistakes. This doesn't mean our whole relationship should be over. A mistake is forgetting to take out the trash or double booking dinner plans. Having an affair for a month isn't a mistake, it's a choice.

Marilyn tried to convince me to delete the video, as if that were possible. She said she'd end things with Evan and we could go to counseling. She said she'd do anything to make it right. But here's the thing, I realized that even if she hadn't cheated, our relationship was already over. This morning, Marilyn came by while I was at work to get her stuff. My neighbor texted me that she'd arrived with Evan, the audacity, and two other friends, and that they'd loaded up a U-Haul pretty quickly. She left her key on the kitchen counter along with a note that said,

I hope you're happy. You've destroyed my family relationships and humiliated me in the worst possible way. What you did was worse than anything I did. I hope it was worth it. Honestly, it was worth it. Sylvia texted me this morning to say she was proud of me for standing up for myself, and that several people at Maryland's work had heard about what happened. Apparently Evan is married, which I didn't know, but she somehow found out about the affair.

So there were more consequences than just what I intended. But honestly, if you're going to have an affair, you can't control how far the fallout spreads. Thanks to everyone who commented on my previous posts. Your support and perspectives helped me realize that I wasn't being unreasonable, and gave me the courage to trust my instincts. Edit, a lot of people are asking about Evan being married. I found this out through Sylvia after everything went down. Apparently it's not widely known at their office that he's married because his wife lives in another city for work, but a few people knew.

His wife contacted Marilyn's company after she found out, which is how it became workplace gossip. I don't feel bad for him, if you're going to cheat on your wife, you can't be surprised when it blows up your life. Edit 2, some people are saying I was wrong to involve Marilyn's family. I understand the perspective, but I want to be clear about something. Marilyn's parents have been financially supporting her since she started her job because the entry-level consulting salary in our city isn't enough to live on. They've been paying part of her rent, her car payment, and her student loans. They had a right to know that their good girl daughter was having an affair,

especially since they've been so invested in her life and our relationship. They've had me over for dinner dozens of times and treated me like family. I felt like they deserved to know the truth about what kind of person they were supporting. Comment one, holy shit, op. I've been following this saga from the beginning and while I wasn't expecting the family nuclear option, I can't say I blame you. The sheer audacity of Marilyn screaming at you for embarrassing her when you caught her literally naked in another man's bedroom is mind-blowing.

NTA for any of this. Aup reply, I know the family thing was controversial, but after being gaslit for weeks, I felt like I needed people to know the truth about what actually happened. Sylvia, this is Sylvia again. The fallout at work has been significant. Evan is in serious trouble with HR since he's married and was having an affair with a subordinate. He's technically senior to Marilyn. Maryland has requested a transfer to a different team.

The whole thing has been a mess. Comment two, Sylvia, can you confirm if Evan was really Marilyn's mentor or if that was part of the lie too? Sylvia, he's not involved in certification prep at all, he doesn't even have the certification Maryland was supposedly studying for. The whole expert mentor thing was complete bullshit. Final op comment, thanks everyone for following this journey and for all your support. I wanted to give one final update since a lot of people have been asking how I'm doing. It's been a week since everything blew up and honestly, I feel better than I have in months.

The constant anxiety and self-doubt are gone. I'm sleeping better. I'm not walking on eggshells anymore. I heard through Sylvia that Marilyn is staying with her older sister temporarily and that things with her parents are still rocky. Her dad apparently told her she needs to examine her moral compass before they'll resume normal contact. I don't take pleasure in her family drama, but I also don't regret my actions. Evan got fired yesterday. Apparently the combination of the affair, the misrepresentation about the certification expertise,

and the fact that he was technically in a supervisory position over Marilyn made it an easy decision for HR. His wife is proceeding with the divorce. Thanks again to everyone who helped me trust my instincts. You probably saved me months or years of being in a relationship built on lies. I'm going to step away from Reddit for a while and focus on moving forward, but I'll update everyone in a few months with how things are going. Peace out and trust your gut.