Reddit Stories - PARTNER mocked my lack of KNOWLEDGE and unique PHYSIQUE to her social circle

Episode Date: February 5, 2026

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationshipadvice #selfesteem #emotionalabuse #toxicrelationship #supportSummary: A partner publicly mocked my lack of knowledge and unique physique in front of her friends, causing significant emotional distress. This behavior made me question my self-worth and the health of our relationship. I seek advice on how to address this issue and regain my confidence.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationshipadvice, emotionalabuse, selfesteem, toxicrelationship, support, confidence, mentalhealth, communication, boundaries, respect, love, healing, personalgrowth, advice, relationshipsBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6816713/support.This episode includes AI-generated content.

Episode with two stories, first part. I hope you enjoy this story. Partner mocked my lack of knowledge and unique physique to her social circle during ladies' night. Upon hearing about it for my sibling, she alienated all her companions and I lost my girlfriend. This all started last Friday night. One of my girlfriend's closest friends had just come home from a trip abroad, so they were all going out to celebrate. Originally they were planning a party or something, but then they decided to go out to a restaurant together and then go back to one of the friend's house and watch movies, or whatever shit they do, I don't know. Basically it was meant to be a girl's night out, and there was 12 of them, I think. My older sister, who is a close friend of my girlfriend and part of her inner circle

friendship group, was going along with them. It sounded like they were going to have fun and I wished them the best. Well, since my girlfriend was going and my sister is going, my girlfriend was at my house beforehand, and my sister drove her to the restaurant where they were all meeting up. My sister was going to drop her off at her home afterwards, and then come back to our home. We both live with our parents, at least that was the plan. They headed off around 6 p.m., and I wasn't really expecting sis back until like 12 p.m. or 1 a.m. or something, if she didn't end up sleeping over there. Instead she came back on her own at around September 30th, 10 and she seemed really angry and in a horrible mood, we asked her what happened. She said she was just

really tired and not in the mood. I asked her if she had dropped my girlfriend off at her place, she said no, she can take a taxi. It was really weird because she seemed visibly angry and I know my sister, she's not the sort of person to easily get angry. She was like even slamming doors and shit. The next day she was in a bit of a better mood, but still kind of angry. I prodded and asked what the matter was, she refused to talk about it. She said it was nothing. She had just been a bit tired the night before, maybe feeling unwell. Next day, on Sunday, she opened up. She said, look, something happened the other day when I was out with your girlfriend and her friends, I said, aha, I knew it. She said you won't like what you're going to hear, but you need to hear

it anyway. My mind was like, oh shit, is she cheating? That was the first thought that came to my head. She proceeded to tell me about the entire night, how they had gone to the restaurant, all had plenty of fun. Gone back home, apparently they started watching a movie but didn't like it so they didn't finish it, and they couldn't decide on what other movie to watch so they started drinking and gossiping. Like, started gossiping about past and current boyfriends, relationships, sex. Sis said your girlfriend may be drunk a bit too much, and started revealing too much information about you. Stuff she shouldn't have, I said what sort of stuff?

She said you don't want to know, I said you can't just start telling me that. And then cut off without telling me what she said, what did she say? Sister said I really didn't want to talk about this, but you want to know and you probably have a right to. and she proceeded to tell me the stuff that my semi-drunken girlfriend had said about me. Apparently she was making jokes about how when we first started dating I was a virgin and had no knowledge or experience of sex, and she was mocking my inexperience and lame attempts. My girlfriend also apparently made fun of the shape of my penis. It has a weird thing where it bends to the side.

I've never really felt self-conscious about it because I thought it was the sort of thing that most girls wouldn't care about and my girl's never mentioned it, but now I feel incredibly self-conscious, and apparently I ejaculate too quickly and make weird sounds when I do. I was like what the fuck, why was she even talking about this? How drunk was she? Apparently not even that drunk, like she'd had a few drinks but not that many. I told my sister why did you have to tell me all this, I wish you hadn't. Now I just feel hurt, she said I felt you have a right to know your girlfriend is saying this stuff. I just couldn't stand being in the same room as her when she was saying it all. That is why I was so angry and left early. She seemed to feel better having gotten that off her chest, but I couldn't understand

why she was so angry about it. My girlfriend had been saying all that stuff about me and revealing all those private details about me and sure, I was hurt by it, but I had no idea why she had gotten so angry from all of it. It made no sense. Someone explained this. I feel hurt honestly, kind of dismayed. Like, I feel like all this stuff my girlfriend never brought up with me, she just jokes about in front of other people. Is it right for me to be upset about this? Is it right for me to be hurt or am I overreacting? Was it fair for her to talk about that sort of stuff in front of other girls, even if they were all gossiping? Should I bring this up with her and tell her that it really hurts me? What if she tells me to just get over it? Or should I just

forget about it and move on because it's no big deal, even though I feel it's a big deal to me. Am I being too sensitive? Update, it's been a really eventful week, it's had its ups and downs. A bit chaotic at times but now things have settled, I finally have time to write this update in full. Some of you were really supportive in the last one, some of you a bit less so but that's okay. I appreciate all your advice. Hope this update can clear things up. After I had found out from my sister what my girlfriend had said, I was feeling pretty down.

I felt quite a blow to my perception of myself. Like all this time my girlfriend had held me in a lower esteem than I thought she had. Did she look down at me because I was a virgin? Did she really think I was that bad when we were together in bed that she thought it was worth making fun of me to her friends, or is that just something all girls do? I hope not. I was feeling pretty self-conscious about my penis as well. I never thought it was abnormal.

I thought the slight bend was just a feature. I didn't know it's something a girl would ever be disturbed by. I didn't even know how abnormal it was. I haven't seen that many. Embarrassing to say, but I looked up a few pictures of penises on Google and Googling whether there was anything wrong with me or if it's any abnormal medical condition. I eventually realized I was overreacting about the whole thing. but still, my self-esteem did take a momentary blow.

I realized I had to confront my girlfriend about it. The more I just thought about it, the more I intensely scrutinized myself and scrutinized my actions and behavior, the more I began to doubt my own opinion of myself. Was I overreacting? Maybe, probably. But I had opened up myself to my girlfriend in a way I'd done to nobody else before, I had trusted her by letting her be the first person I had ever slept with, I felt hurt and

betrayed that she'd mouth off about my initial lack of sexual capabilities to her friends. I mean everyone sucks at sex first off, right? Surely it's not just me. And even if I did, she never mentioned it. I'd rather be able to improve than just remain a joke for her to mock with her friends. I obviously care for her very much, I wish she'd open up about these things to me not to others. I was feeling really depressed and doubtless of myself, needless to say. My first instinct was to, wrongfully, shoot the messenger.

I started harassing my sister with questions about exactly what my girlfriend had said. She didn't want to tell me, but I told her I needed to know exactly what it was because I was planning to confront her about it. My sister was uncomfortable by the whole thing, but I pressed, and she repeated everything she had previously told me about what my girlfriend had said. I asked my sister if it was okay with her if when confronting my girlfriend about it, I told my girlfriend that she was the one who had told me. My sister sighed and relented, figuring that the girlfriend would probably assume as much anyway. I asked her, are you sure it's right for me to confront her about this? Sister said yes, if you feel that is what you need to do. But promise you won't stay with her just because she is your first or you feel obligated to, I've seen you hurt

all day because of what she said and I don't think she deserves you back. And then I started lashing out at my sister, I got quite angry. I got mad at her for telling me, saying I would have been better off if she hadn't had told me. My sister said sorry at first, and left it at that. I kept going at it, harassing her about it and blaming it on her, she just stayed silent and visibly frustrated, eventually storming upstairs to her bedroom. I followed her up and kept pestering her about it, why did you have to tell me? Why did you even think I needed to know something like that? I definitely pushed too far, she opened the door and shouted back at me something along the lines, oh, I don't know, maybe because I love you, did you consider that you fucking idiot?

Fuck me for trying to look out for you when she clearly has no respect for you. But no, go running to her, she's exactly what you deserve. She called me a fucking idiot numerous times and slammed the door on my face. I tried to knock on the door and open it, but she had locked the door and was playing really loud music from within. She didn't come out of her bedroom the rest of the day, and I was feeling really bad.

I felt guilty and atrocious for lashing out at her like that. I know I was 100% in the wrong. I know you're going to slice me up in the comments section for that, and go ahead, I deserve it. I was an idiot and a terrible person for attacking the one person who had my back in All of this, I wasn't thinking straight, and I'd clearly hurt the person closest to me.

I decided I had to confront my girlfriend about this. I called her the next day, she seemed in a good mood, happy to hear me. She said I hadn't called in a while and she'd been waiting for me to call. We met up, went for lunch, and I kept waiting for the right time to bring it up, but I couldn't. She asked if she could stay at my place for the afternoon before heading back home, I said sure. Apparently her parents were having some people over that afternoon and she didn't want to be around. We were sitting at home and I decided to finally bring up the thing. My sister was upstairs in her bedroom listening to music quite loudly and I figured she wouldn't come down or anything.

I said to my girlfriend, look, I don't know how to bring this up but there's something that's really been bothering me. Some stuff that you apparently said about me. I proceeded to tell her about the stuff she'd apparently said to her friend. friends. Her response was that's it. I could tell something's been bothering you, is that really it? She then proceeded to dismiss it, saying she couldn't believe I was worked up about that. I told her that she knows I care deeply about what she has to say about me, and I was really hurt by all the stuff she said, and I think an apology is in order. She said fine, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, she said she wouldn't do it again, and she didn't know that it would

affect me so much. But then she started brushing it off again, saying it was a silly thing to be upset about, that girls talk about that sort of stuff with each other and tease their boyfriends behind their backs all the time, it's just being playful. I told her that it was hurtful to me, she did a sarcastic off face, and seemed to be laughing at the whole thing. Then she asked me how I knew about it anyway. I said, well, sometimes when you say stuff about someone in front of other people, it can likely get back to them. Her instant response was it was, my sister's name, wasn't it? I said, well, maybe you should have thought about that before talking about someone in front of their sister. She said I knew it, that bitch, I hate having her around anyway.

She always has to act like she's so moral and better than everyone. I told her, hey, that's my sister, don't talk about her that way. She proceeded to go on complaining about my sister, twisting the whole situation to blame it on her, saying that none of this would have happened and I would have never even found out about it if my sister hadn't told me. I told her my sister was just looking out for me and she shouldn't hold any blame. She said, do you really believe that? Your sister always tries to pretend she's so moral but she loves to create drama, she enjoys stirring the pot. Why else do you think she told you? I told her that's not true, my sister just cared about my feelings, she should stop.

Stop blaming her. Girlfriend's response, if she cared about your feelings, she wouldn't have told you. Then the girlfriend started asking if my sister was around at home, I said she was upstairs in her room but now is probably not a good time to bring this up with her. So my girlfriend and I stayed in the living room. Eventually my sister came downstairs. While she was coming downstairs, she was calling my name, saying there was something important she needed to talk to me about.

When she saw me and my girlfriend were sitting together, she said, oh, I didn't know you were here. There was an extremely cold silence between them. There was a bit of chit-chat, but it was very awkward. Then my girlfriend opened up what do you think gives you the right to interfere in the relationship between me and my boyfriend? My sister was stunned. She just stared back and didn't answer. Girlfriend said, don't act like you don't know what you did.

I know you always enjoy stirring the pot. She started telling her that she couldn't trust her as a friend. friend, and started accusing my sister of being a horrible friend, and she shouldn't even go to girls' nights if she couldn't keep her mouth shut. I had to intervene, I said that's enough. But she didn't stop, it broke out into an open argument between the two of them. I kept trying to calm them down. It was mostly just the girlfriend relentlessly attacking my sister. My sister's eyes swelled up with tears and she just turned to me and says, why don't you stand up for me? She's a fucking bitch, can't you even hear what she's saying?

Why are you even with her? At that point the girlfriend said she couldn't take it anymore and had to leave. Before she left, I said I need to speak with her. At that point I broke up with her, I didn't really give a reason, I just said I felt things weren't working out and it's better for everyone if we end our relationship. She was really hurt and didn't seem to understand why. I told her because of everything that had happened recently, we should stop seeing each other. Plus the enmity between her and my sister, I didn't think I could be with her after that.

She was incredibly upset, but she seemed to understand. My girlfriend said maybe we can still be friends. I said maybe, we'll see, but we just need some time apart now. We hugged and kissed one last time, said goodbye, and she went on her way. My sister had disappeared, I figured she was back in her bedroom. I went upstairs, and she was just sitting on her bed listening to music, staring at the ground. I sat beside her and tried to comfort her, I told her I'm sorry for everything. I told her how sorry I was for lashing out at her earlier, for trying to blame things on her.

I basically told her I was incredibly sorry for everything that had happened, and I was sorry for my girlfriend's behavior towards her just then. She said that my girlfriend was right, that she's an idiot who always sticks her nose and everything trying to make things better, but she should have just kept her mouth shut. I told her that she had done the right thing, that I knew she was just looking out for me like any brother or sister would. I told her I'd broken up with my girlfriend just minutes earlier, she said she thought I did the right thing. I said I was sorry she had to endure all that and gave her a hug, asking her if there was anything I could do to thank her, she told me she just wanted. wanted to see me smile more often. The next few days, she seemed kind of depressed and dreary, not leaving the house much. She tried to put on a brave face and smile when she can, but I knew something was up. On Friday afternoon, I noticed she was sitting at home eating chips and watching

cartoons TV, in old dirty clothes, it looked like she hadn't showered in a while and her hair was dirty. I asked her what was up, she said nothing. I told her I thought she was going to go out again with her friends on Friday to a restaurant, i.e. a girl's night like she had the previous week. She said not anymore, I said why not, she responded that her friends had officially disinvited her. My reaction was that that's horrible, how can friends do that? She said she didn't think they were her friends anymore, all of the girls she had gone with last week had stopped responding her and were ignoring her, some of them had deleted her on social media, and were basically all giving her the cold shoulder. Apparently they really hated the fact that,

that she had ruined the gossip of their girls' night, and basically all the girls in that social group followed my girlfriend's lead, so when my girlfriend cut my sister out of her life, they followed suit and did the same. I was shocked, I couldn't believe that so-called friends would do such a thing to someone, just completely different them from life over one incident. She just shrugged and didn't seem to care. I lamented over the fact that all of this had happened to her just because she chose to stick up for me and tell me the things my girlfriend had been saying about me. My sister just shrugged in response. I told her I'm sorry and I felt this was partially my fault,

and I said I don't understand how she can still not regret having told me all this. She said why would I regret it? I don't care about them. You mean more to me, I'll find other friends after all. I told her that is an incredibly nice thing to say and hugged her, I sat down and asked her what she was watching, but she didn't seem very interested in it. She said she had had a lot of fun with them last time

and she kind of felt sad that they were all having fun without her while she was stuck at home like a loser. Friday nights were sort of a thing for her and the girls when they'd regularly go out, so it was understandable she'd feel upset that she no longer had that and she'd lost a bunch of friends. I asked her what restaurant they were going to, she told me they normally went to the same one each week.

Apparently it was a really fancy place. I said screw it, she doesn't have to stay at home, I'll take her to somewhere even better. At first she thought I was kidding, but I told her I was serious. We got dressed and I drove us to this new place that I haven't been to before. It was expensive as fuck, I spent over $200 on the two of us, but it was worth it and we had a good time, the food was excellent. At least she wasn't feeling so down afterwards, I still feel terrible over the way I initially handled it. I feel ashamed over my initial misdirected anger and how I was rude and careless.

Honestly, I think I feel much better off after having broken up with a girlfriend. I was expecting I'd have a period right afterwards where I feel down and regretful about it, but the more days that go by, the more sure I am that I made the right decision. Edit, oh wow, thanks for the gold, whoever it was smile. That's the end of the first story. Let's begin the second one. story. Spouse believed he could escape with entertaining a lady while I was away on a business trip.

He was mistaken. I, a 24-year-old female, depart on a flight in three hours for a five-day business trip. My husband, 28M, is currently sleeping, and I'm finishing packing. I text message popped up on his phone saying, yeah, I'd love to spend the night. That'll make things so much easier. It was from a friend, 18F, of his who we've had disagreements over before, mostly because he doesn't feel the need to tell me anything about her, when they hang out, etc., which he does on his own for all of his male friends.

He has a number of female friends, and I really don't mind. They're good people, and there seem to be boundaries in place. Not with this girl, though. Texts from her frequently pop up throughout the day, and as late as one and two in the morning. I'll admit it, curiosity got the better of me, and I read their previous few messages. He invited her over to go on a day trip with him to his favorite place to smoke weed. It's her first time. He then invited her to stay the night before, so they could get an early start the next day.

Thing is, as we were going to bed last night, I asked him what his plans were while I was gone. He usually makes an effort to do something fun for himself, and to get one big honey-dew item taken care of. When we were talking about my trip last night, he was very detailed in his plans, down to what he'll be doing each day, which was unusual, but he made no mention of this girl and made it sound as though he was making the drive alone. When I suggested he hang out with one of his friends, he said I'd to know, I think I could use a quiet weekend in. I'm freaking out a bit, we have been having some trouble, and I saw in their messages that he's been talking to her about it. A lot, I get needing to have a friend to talk to, but he's all. always telling me he doesn't want his friends to think poorly of me, yet from their messages, she obviously does.

Reddit, what do I do? How do I handle this? Edit, I should mention that he's had a history of hiding behavior with women from me. Thing is, I'm really easygoing and whenever he tells me so and so is coming over I'm the one who brings home snacks for them. Yet he's also lied about talking with a female coworker about sex, very late at night, and sharing a bed with someone he used to hook up with, to know. name a few, I feel so stupid. Edit 2. Any advice for bringing this up? Part of me wants to confront him

before I go. We had a really great, I thought, conversation last night where we decided to take this time apart to figure out what our marriage needs and what each of us needs individually, so we can make things work, apparently he needs her. The other half of me wants to wait until I know she's there, and then ask him what's up, I'm not really sure what to do, I've never been in this position before. Update 2, just found out my husband, 28M, invited another woman over to spend the night while I'm 24F away on business. How to proceed? First off, I just want to thank everyone for being patient while I sort this shit out. As I mentioned in my previous post, I left on a business trip and had actual work to do, there is a lot of backstory that's necessary to truly understand

the state of our union, so rather than post multiple updates, I've broken it up into sections. feel free to skip over what you're not interested in and skim what you are. Confrontation It was 1.30am when I posted and had gotten a whopping three hours of sleep, needless to say, I was not in the best headspace. Someone gave the advice to tell him I'm hurt and disappointed, I'm leaving, you need to fix this. Someone else said to tell him that it doesn't matter how I found out, what matters is that it happened.

Thank you for that, too, both those comments really stuck with me, and I lay in bed waiting for him to wake up, typing out how I would respond to whatever direction our conversation took. Quick side note, we've been together for four years, and other women have been a constant problem in our relationship. He, and many people close to him and me, all say he's not the guy to cheat, he's flirty, but he'd never cheat. He's a long-term relationship guy, and loyal to the core, that being said, he's had a history of withholding information from me because he thinks it'll make me mad, and he doesn't want me to be upset with him. I'm a pretty chill person, and honestly wouldn't have cared if he'd asked this girl over and told me about it. In the past, I haven't handled

him lying to me very well, hence wanting to have a plan. While I was waiting for him to wake up, I did something I'm not very proud of, where I know he'd lied to me, and I wanted to have proof of the things he told me about her moving forward, especially where I'd be gone, and she was supposed to be spending the night. I set up his eye messages to come to my iPad. I know all his passwords, so I deleted the email alerts and just added his phone number. I'm not proud of it, but I didn't have cameras at home and needed to know whether he was telling me the truth while I was gone. He woke up and I decided to give him one last chance. As I was gathering my things, I asked him what he had planned while I was gone. He gave a very

detailed report of his daily plans, casually leaving out anything about this girl's staying the night or going to Colorado with him. I was so livid because just the night before, we'd gotten into a pretty big fight where he said, and you don't trust me, I've done nothing, nothing to deserve it, but you still treat me like I'm sneaking around. That hurt, because we've been going to therapy, and I thought I'd been doing really well at giving him the benefit of the doubt. I used to check his phone, B.C. of the earlier problems we'd had,

but haven't done that in months. It made me feel crazy and ashamed. At the time, and now here I was, standing in our bedroom, watching my husband lie to me through his teeth. I said, I know you're lying to me, I know you're not going to Colorado alone, and I know you invited F-I-N-G 18-year-old to spend the night in my bed. And then I just waited, the silence heavy, he took a deep breath, and said he had two questions. One, how did I know? It doesn't matter. I know, two, did I know during our conversation last night? Quick side note, we've been having a lot

of problems lately. We both have mental illnesses which are sometimes exacerbated by the others. He has ADHD, depression, and PTSD and I'm starting to wonder maybe bipolar of some sort, and I have PTSD, anxiety, and a number of health issues, and he's not very good at controlling his anger, nothing more physical than throwing things or punching walls. But it is absolutely verbal and emotional abuse. I wasn't sure if it was before, but after a recent fight we had in which I asked him to stop screaming at me so I could finish packing, he said, you can multitask. Yeah, I realize he sounds like a shit person, and when he's in that headspace, he is, it's very much a drive, Jekyll slash Mr. Hyde's situation, and when he's kind and calm,

he's the sweetest, most loving person I've met, and that's who I fell in love with, I care for him, even at the same time as I know that I don't deserve him. So the night before, we had a very heartfelt, emotional talk, in which I told him I wanted him to be happy, I could tell that he wasn't, and I thought he should go home, several thousand miles away, for a few months to figure himself out, I told him I would be his biggest cheerleader, and that if we ended up staying together or divorcing, I would always love him, and he would always be my family. We've been through some shit, both together and separately, and we were both sobbing by the end of it. But here's the kicker, I told him that if he needed another woman to make him happy, I would let him go, and support him

him as a friend, end of side note. As a result, I was probably pretty harsh in my response and said, No, I didn't know during our conversation last night, and now I feel like an idiot, like my husband has been effing a teenager and I just gave him my blessing, he tried to get defensive and said that it's not like that. I got really quiet and said, you're a very smart man, but if you can't see that girl wants to get in your pants, you're effing idiot. She texts you about her taking bubble baths, and you effing tell her about.

All our problems, her, when you won't even talk about me with most of your friends, you're telling an 18-year-old about all of our problems. He said he would cancel his plans with her, and I said, I'm not making that decision. You are, I honestly don't know how you can fix this, I don't. I don't care if you go with her at this point, but I'm leaving, and I'm hurt and disappointed, and you need to figure out where your priorities are. Because right now, your priority isn't your wife, it's your. 18-year-old crush.

He kept saying he should have told me, but that he didn't. didn't want me to make him feel guilty for wanting to hang out with his friend, and that I should have known that nothing would happen. I asked him if he loved her, and his gut response was no, of course not. That's not at all what I'm looking for and said that most of the time. He doesn't even like talking to her every day because she's so immature. I told him he was an idiot if he thought she didn't have feelings for him. He tried to push back, but I told him I was 18 once, and I like someone who was 28. We went on a date, but when he found out I was 18, he told me he couldn't see me anymore. I said it was fine, and that we could just be friends. But I still tried my

hardest to get him to fall for me. He was silent after that for a long time. That was it, he drove. Me to the airport, he cried a lot and apologized a lot. I felt a lot of nothing, heartbreak, maybe, but there's been so much turmoil in our relationship that I just didn't care anymore. The fallout, we left things the way we'd planned to leave them during the heartfelt conversation the night before. We both planned to take the five days I was gone to do some soul searching and figure out what and where we needed to be happy, then. When I got home, we'd talk it over and make a plan, well, when. My plane landed at my destination, and I got a text from my husband saying that he would be moved out of our house by the time I got back,

and that he's going home to the East Coast. He said he was sorry to leave me to manage our upcoming move on my own, and that he knew I would be better off this way. He said he was taking the car so he could drive back, but that he'd leave me all of the money in our bank accounts, except what he needed for gas, he said he was sorry for keeping the information about his friend from me, but that our conversation last night had meant so much to him and had been such a high point of our relationship, that to wake up and be accused of cheating was a low point that he could not turn back from. He said he didn't know how to make me believe that his intentions were nothing other than company on the drive with his friend, but that it didn't matter

and he would leave me alone. I've never felt that angry, hurt, or desperate before. I was coordinating the travel of more than a dozen other people, who were on the flight. with me, and it felt like all the wind had been knocked out of me, I wanted to sob and scream, but I couldn't, because I was surrounded by people I was supposed to be responsible for. I tried my hardest to gain composure, but a few tears slipped out, and I just focused on my breathing. If I'm being honest, I'm not proud of my response. I basically begged him to stay, I'd left feeling like if he needed to. Leave and we didn't stay together, it would be okay, but knowing that I'd be returning home to an empty house, not getting to say goodbye, and that he was

ending things over text after four years together, was just too much for me. I sounded like a child, I said I needed him, that he was making a stupid mistake, that I deserved more than ending our marriage over text, all the cliches. It was bad, but he was determined to leave, and I had to get over a dozen people to our final destination, so I couldn't keep messaging him, about an hour later, I got a text that he would at least be staying until I got back, because of our dogs. Nobody could watch them, so he'd stay until I was home, and then he'd go. We planned on having a phone call that night to talk over the specifics, but it never happened. I was too busy and physically slash emotionally exhausted, I know, from his texts coming to my

iPad, but also from him telling me that he cancelled with the girl, I know that he also invited. Her over, which was partly my doing, with the texts I was getting I didn't want him to be alone. Regardless of if he fucked her then there would be no question. I know that he called his best friend and talked to him about everything for an hour and a half, which was very good. He is a phenomenal human being and has a great marriage slash advice. Husband seemed more calm and level-headed after that call. He said he would take the rest of the week to think things through, like we planned.

We didn't talk much. He texted me every day, and I sometimes responded, the week went by quickly, and I realized I didn't want to go home. I'm not sure if that's because of all the drama and chaos that was waiting. there, or if it's because I no longer want to be married to my husband, I don't know a lot of things anymore, and I'm trying to take each day one at a time. I had a small panic attack as he was about to pick me up. I've had worse, but I sat outside at passenger pickup, trying to breathe oxygen that wasn't there and wipe tears from my eyes. Maybe it was the anticipation of not knowing what

would happen or where we'd stand, I don't know, but when he hugged me, he got all emotional that I was home, and I just felt so far away, you know how when you hug someone intimately, it feels like your souls are hugging, it felt nothing like that, which was new, it felt like hugging a stranger. So yeah, now I'm home. My flight was delayed, so we both just crashed into bed as soon. As we got back, I was asleep when you left for work, so we haven't talked about anything, but I'm expecting we will tonight, and I'll post an update then. I know you may be looking for more resolution, and I wish I had it, I don't even know what I want to do yet. Part of me is ready to leave, to be done, to move on with my life, I'd want to take a good chunk of time and work on

myself, but then I'd want to find someone who is transparent with me, and who understands and accepts the many parts of. Me that may be inconvenient, but are still me, part of me wants to give him one more chance, one more opportunity to get his anger under control, communicate well, and make things work. To you, reading this, it may seem black and white, but to me, living it, it's anything but, I've spent nearly every day with this man for four years. We've lived together for two and a half. We have two dogs, a house, a life. It's hard to just throw that all away, even if it's what ends up being best for both of. Us, but that's not a decision I'm willing to make lightly or on a whim. Since I left, he's been much better about following a

routine, and he hasn't texted the girl at all. He did say that she-I-empt him at work, and that they talked there for a bit. I appreciated the honesty. but not knowing what they talked about has me nervous. If we do stay together, there's a lot of work that will need to be done. I told him he can kiss me on the cheek. But for right now, I can't be vulnerable or open with him. Or trust him at all, because of the anger stuff and things he said to me during that fight, it'll take a lot of time and patience, and I don't know if he's willing to give it, edit,

forgot to add that while I was gone, I saw messages from them on my iPad in which she admitted that yesterday when you asked me about your hair I got nervous because I'd rather avoid the confrontation of this conversation. But I just have thought about certain things that completely crossed the line of being friends. And I didn't want to put myself in a situation that I might not get out of. If that makes sense that I don't know if that does. I just didn't want to get myself an attempting situation so I needed to put up a wall. I'm going to go do some climbing. He responded that makes complete sense. I really understand. I knew I shouldn't ask. That had always just been a very comforting action for me, and I was giving into my sadness. But I admire you for doing what was best for you.

I really hope you have a fun time today, when I got back and asked what he did while I was gone, I said I really appreciate how you've been so open about things with her, even when they've been uncomfortable. It makes me feel like maybe I can start to trust you again, and then he told me all of that on his own, basically. He loves getting his head scratched when he stressed or upset, and asked her to do that. And this conversation ensued, he didn't know that I knew that. I about it. So it was nice that he showed some F in transparency for once. Update, okay, I've heard everyone loud and clear. I just spent six hours in bed reading responses and bawling my eyes out. You're right, every single one of you, he doesn't want a strong, independent woman, and that's what I need to be.

I just got off the phone with my mom, who is an incredibly religious person, and I assumed would be unsupportive of a divorce, but she said almost verbatim. Some of the same things you guys said. we made an exit plan, both for worst case and best case scenario. And I'll be talking to him tonight when he gets home. In the meantime, I'm going to go get coffee with my friend and try to calm down a bit. I've been putting myself second for so long that I deserve a bit of self-care, before you freak out. I never unpacked last night. If I need to leave tonight, I have nine people who have volunteered to be on call to help me move or be emotional support or whatever I need, and all of my valuables are already packed.