Reddit Stories - Partner REQUESTED a hiatus to DISCOVER her true self, but SUBSEQUENTLY betrayed me

Episode Date: July 13, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #betrayal #selfdiscovery #partnerissues #trustissuesSummary: Partner REQUESTED a hiatus to DISCOVER her true self, but SUBSEQUENTLY betrayed me.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, betrayal, selfdiscovery, partnerissues, trustissues, personalgrowth, communication, heartbreak, forgiveness, movingon, love, honesty, emotions, conflictresolution, selfreflectionBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Partner requested a hiatus to discover her true self, but subsequently betrayed me with a colleague. Presently, 12 months later she has faced significant losses and pleaded to return and reside with me. Me after no one is helping her. I am a 30-year-old male. My former girlfriend, Chloe, is 28. We were in a relationship for five years, and for the last three of those years, we lived together in an apartment I am the primary leaseholder on. Our relationship, from my perspective, was stable.

We had routines, shared future plans, or so I believed, and while no relationship is entirely without its minor disagreements, I felt we were a solid unit. We had integrated our lives to a significant degree, sharing friend groups, holiday traditions with families, and the day-to-day rhythm of a long-term partnership. This context is important for understanding the subsequent events and my current dilemma. The situation began to unravel approximately eight months ago. Chloe approached me one evening, expressing a sense of personal confusion and a need to find herself. She stated she felt she had lost her individual identity within the relationship and needed space and time apart to figure out who she was outside of us as a couple.

She proposed a break. I was, to put it mildly, shocked. This was not something I had had anticipated. I asked for clarification on what a break entailed. Did it mean seeing other people? She was vague, saying she hadn't thought that far ahead but primarily needed space to think, perhaps staying with her sister or a friend for a while. I suggested counseling, either individual for her or for us as a couple, but she dismissed these ideas, asserting it was something she needed to navigate on her own. Reluctantly, I agreed to this break. I explained, expressed my discomfort and my desire for clear boundaries. We agreed to a temporary separation, with her moving some of her belongings to her sister's place. We also agreed to check in once a

week by phone, just to maintain some connection. I reiterated that for me, a break was not a hall past to see other people, and she nodded, though her response was not as firm an agreement as I would have liked. The first few weeks were difficult. I maintained my routine, went to work, saw my own friends, but the apartment felt empty. Our weekly check-ins were stilted. Chloe would offer vague updates about thinking, journaling, and spending time with her sister. I tried to respect her stated need for space. About a month into this break, a mutual friend, Alex, contacted me.

Alex sounded uncomfortable but felt I needed to know something. He had seen Chloe out at a bar in a neighboring town, not with her sister, but with a man. I did not know. Alex described their interaction as unmistakably intimate, consistent with the date. I thanked Alex for the information. My immediate action was to try and verify this without directly accusing Chloe based on second-hand information. I recalled Chloe mentioning a new work project that sometimes required late hours. The following week, during our scheduled call, I asked Chloe how her week had been, and she mentioned being busy with work and spending a quiet weekend with her sister. I specifically asked if she had gone out at all, perhaps to unwind.

She denied it, stating she was mostly staying in. This was a direct contradiction to what Alex had told me. The unease I had felt earlier now solidified into suspicion. Over the next two weeks, I became more observant. I didn't engage in any extreme behaviors like following her, but I did pay more attention to details. A friend of mine, independently of Alex, mentioned seeing Chloe's car parked regularly outside an apartment complex in a different part of the city, a complex where neither her sister nor any of her known close friends lived. Another piece of information came from a shared online streaming service account. New shows, specifically shows Chloe and I had never watched or liked, but that I knew a certain male colleague of hers named Ben,

was a fan of, started appearing in the recently watched list, she told me Ben liked those shows. The accumulation of these small pieces of information painted a clear picture. I decided I needed to address this directly with Chloe. I arranged to meet her, suggesting we talk in person at our apartment, as there were some practical matters about bills I wanted to discuss, which was true, but secondary. When she arrived, I was calm. I started by asking her, direct. directly, if she was seeing someone else. She immediately denied it, appearing offended that I would

ask. She reiterated that the break was about her personal journey. It was at this point I laid out the information I had, Alex's account, the observation about her car, and the activity on the streaming account, tying it to Ben, whose social media, which was public, showed him referencing those same shows. Chloe's demeanor shifted. The indignation vanished, replaced by a series of stammered explanations. Initially, she attempted to minimize the situation. She admitted she had met Ben for coffee a few times, stating he was just a friend offering support during her confusing time.

She claimed Alex must have misinterpreted what he saw. As I calmly presented the inconsistencies, her story began to crumble. Eventually, she admitted that she had been seeing Ben. She confessed that their relationship had become faithful. physical shortly after the break began. She tried to justify her actions, stating she was lonely, confused, and that Ben had provided an escape and made her feel seen in a way she claimed I hadn't in a long time. This, of course, was hurtful, as these were feelings she had never directly communicated to me before demanding a break. She insisted it wasn't planned and that she

still cared about me. I listened to her explanations without interruption. When she finished, I told her that her actions, particularly the prolonged deception, were a fundamental betrayal of trust. I stated that regardless of what she felt was missing in our relationship, the path she chose involved lying to me repeatedly. I informed her that I could not move past this betrayal and that our relationship was over. This was not a discussion or a negotiation. I was ending it.

Chloe did not take this well. There were tears, and she alternated between apologizing. and attempting to deflect blame, suggesting that if I had been more attentive, or if our relationship had been stronger, she would not have sought validation elsewhere. I did not engage with these deflections. I reiterated that her choices were her own, and the lying was the insurmountable issue. I asked her to make arrangements to move the rest of her belongings out of the apartment within the next two weeks. The following two weeks were tense. Chloe did come by, mostly when I was at work, to pack her things.

There were a few instances where we were both present, and she attempted to re-engage, to make me reconsider, suggesting couples therapy now, a suggestion she had dismissed when I initially offered it. I remained firm. I told her that therapy could not undo the deception or the affair. She moved the last of her things out a day before the two-week deadline. Her sister helped her. I had a brief, civil interaction with her sister, who looked uncomfortable but did not say much.

Once Chloe was gone, I changed the locks the next day. In the weeks that followed, I focused on my own well-being. I informed my close friends and family about the breakup, providing a brief, factual account of what had transpired. Some of Chloe's friends, who had only heard her version of the break, initially reached out to me expressing confusion or even suggest. I was being harsh. I calmly explained my side, and most understood. I blocked Chloe's number after a series of late-night calls where she was emotional and sometimes accusatory. I also unfriended and blocked her on social media platforms to create necessary distance for myself. Several months passed, probably around five or six. I gradually adjusted to life without Chloe.

I invested time in my hobbies, reconnected with friends I hadn't seen as much of during the latter part of my relationship, and focused on my career. I did not date. I was not ready. I heard through the grapevine, specifically from Alex who occasionally ran into mutual acquaintances, that Chloe was living with Ben. Their relationships seemed to be progressing, at least from outward appearances. I accepted this and continued to build my own life. I felt I had handled a difficult situation with integrity and was slowly healing from the betrayal.

About three weeks ago, the situation took a new turn. I received a call from an unknown number. I answered, and it was Chloe. Her voice was strained, and she sounded distressed. This was the first direct contact I'd had with her in months. She began by apologizing profusely for everything that had happened for the pain she had caused. Her apology now sounded different, more desperate than her previous attempts. She then explained her current circumstances.

Ben had ended their relationship abruptly about a month prior. Apparently, the reasons were not entirely clear to her, but he had asked her to move out of his apartment, which she did. Simultaneously, her job situation had deteriorated. She worked in a role that had some project-based components, and a major project had ended. Her employer had not renewed her contract, citing economic reasons, though Chloe suspected her breakup with Ben, who was somewhat influential in her professional network, might have played a part. She had been job searching for weeks with no success. As a result, Chloe was now effectively homeless.

She had been staying on a friend's sofa for a couple of weeks, but that arrangement was ending. She had depleted her savings. She told me she had reached out to her sister, but her sister's living situation was complicated, with a new baby in limited space, and she could not offer more than very temporary shelter for a night or two. Her parents, she said, were not in a position to help significantly either, for various financial and health reasons. She then made her plea. She asked if she could come home, referring to my apartment. She said it would only be temporary, just until she could get

back on her feet. She promised to find a job, any job, and contribute, and that she would not be a burden. She emphasized our five-year history, our shared memories, and how I was the only person she felt she could turn to who might understand or show compassion. She said she had made terrible mistakes but was now paying a heavy price and just needed a lifeline. When I sounded hesitant, she also asked if I could at least lend her some money to secure a room somewhere or to cover her expenses for a short while. She was crying for a significant portion of the call. I did not give her an answer immediately. I told her I needed to think. Since that call, she has sent several long text messages, reiterating her plea, describing her hardships, and appealing to my sense of

empathy. A mutual acquaintance, someone more her friend than mine, who said they actually already helped but could not do it further, also contacted me, explaining Chloe's dire situation and suggesting that, given our past, it would be a kind and decent thing to offer some form of help. I feel a degree of conflict, not because I want to reconcile, I absolutely do not. The trust is irrevocably broken. But she is someone I shared five years of my life with, and the image she painted of her current situation is bleak. However, my thought is that her current circumstance are the direct result of choices she made, starting with the decision to engage in an affair and lie about it.

So, Reddit, Whipida if I refused to let her move in, even temporarily, and refused to provide her with any significant financial assistance. I am considering telling her that while I acknowledge her difficult situation, I am not able to help her in the way she is asking, and that she needs to find other solutions. My reasoning is that I am not responsible for her current predicament, and re-inserting her into my life, even in a limited capacity, would be detrimental to my own well-being and the piece I have managed to build since our breakup. I also believe that offering significant help might blur boundaries I have worked hard to establish and could be misconstrued as an opening for further appeals down the line. Update 1 Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my original post and offer their perspectives.

The volume of responses was unexpected, and I read through a great many of them. The general consensus, along with some very pointed private messages, was incredibly helpful in solidifying my own thoughts and resolving the internal conflict I was experiencing. Many people asked for additional details or made assumptions I'd like to clarify. Chloe's reasons for the break, her stated reasons were vague, centering on finding herself and feeling lost. She never expressed dissatisfaction with me or the relationship directly before asking for the break. It was presented as an internal journey she needed to undertake alone. I now believe this was likely a pretense, or at least not the whole truth, given how quickly she became involved with Ben.

Chloe's apologies. Before her current desperate situation, her apologies during the breakup were often coupled with justifications or blame shifting, for example, I'm sorry, but you were distant, or I'm sorry, but Ben gave me attention I wasn't getting. There was no clean, unequivocal apology for the deceit and betrayal until she found herself in dire straits. This timing heavily influenced my perception of her current expressions of remorse. Nature of her lies, beyond lying about the affair itself. She also lied to her sister and some mutual friends about the terms of our break, painting herself as a victim of a relationship that was stifling her, and me as someone who was not understanding of her needs. This created some

awkward social dynamics for me initially, until the truth became clearer to those friends. Reading the comments reinforced my initial feelings. The recurring theme was that Chloe's current situation, while unfortunate, was a direct consequence of a series of decisions she made. Many commenters pointed out that allowing her back into my home, even temporarily, would not only disrupt my peace but would also likely be a temporary fix for her, not addressing the underlying issues that led her here. It would also create an unhealthy dynamic and potentially open the door to further manipulation or emotional distress for me. The phrase she made her bed, now she must lie and it appeared multiple times, and while harsh, it resonated with the core

of the issue regarding personal responsibility. My primary concern remained protecting my own mental and emotional well-being. I worked hard to move past the betrayal and reintroducing her into my daily life, in any capacity, felt like a significant step backward. I also considered the possibility that if I helped her substantially now, she might see it as a sign that the door was not fully closed to reconciliation, which it absolutely is. A few days after my original post, having processed the feedback and my own thoughts, I decided on my course of action. Chloe had continued to send text messages, each one more desperate than the last. She detailed her failed attempts to find shelter with other friends or distant relatives and her rapidly dwindling funds.

I decided to communicate with her one last time, clearly and unequivocally. I chose to do this via a recorded phone call because I wanted to ensure there were no misinterpretations, but I also knew I needed to keep it brief and to the point to avoid getting drawn into a lengthy, emotional debate. I called her. When she answered, she sounded immediately hopeful, which made what I had to say more difficult, but necessary. I told her that I had given her request serious thought. I acknowledged that she was in a very difficult situation, and that on a human level, I was sorry she was experiencing such hardship. Then, I stated clearly that I could not offer her a place to stay in my apartment under any circumstances. I explained that our romantic relationship was over, the trust was gone,

and reintroducing her into my home would be damaging for my own well-being. I also told her that I was not in a position to provide significant financial assistance. I explained that I felt her current circumstances were a result of choices she had made, and while I sympathized with her plight, I was not responsible for resolving it for her. I suggested she continued to explore all possible social services, aid organizations, or any family members she had not yet approached. I did offer one very small, impersonal gesture. I told her I would be willing to send her a grocery store gift card for a modest amount, enough for a few days of food, as a one-time act of goodwill, with no strings attached and no expectation of it being a start to further support.

I told her this was the absolute limit of what I was willing or able to do. Chloe was silent for a long moment after I finished speaking. Then, she began to cry. It was not the manipulative crying I felt I'd heard before, but it sounded like genuine despair, which was hard to hear. She asked, so that's it. After five years, you're just going to throw me away when I have nothing and no one. I reiterated, as gently but firmly as I could,

that I was not throwing her away, but rather protecting my own life and boundaries after she had made choices that ended our relationship. I told her that the five years we shared were also betrayed by her actions. She then became angry. She accused me of being cold, heartless, and unforgiving. She said she had hoped I was a better man than that. She brought up specific instances from our past where we had supported each other, trying to use them as leverage.

I did not engage in arguing about the past. I simply stated that my decision was final. The call ended with her hanging up on me abruptly. A few minutes later, I received a barrage of text messages filled with anger, accusations, and guilt-tripping. I read the first few and then decided not to read any more. I did not reply to them. As per my offer, I did purchase an e-gift card for a local supermarket chain and texted her the code and pin, with a simple message, as discussed. I wish you the best in finding a solution.

She did not acknowledge receipt of the gift card code via text. I saw a few days later, through the gift card's balance check feature online, that it had been fully redeemed. I also informed the mutual acquaintance who had previously contacted me on Chloe's behalf of my decision and my reasons, asking that they respect my position and not act as an intermediary moving forward. This acquaintance expressed disappointment, but said they understood. In the immediate aftermath of that final conversation, I felt a mixture of things. There was a sense of sadness that a five-year relationship had ended in such a painful way for both of us, even though she was primarily responsible for its demise. But overriding that was a sense of relief that I had stood firm and protected my boundaries.

The situation was distressing, but I knew I had made the right decision for myself. Update 2 It has been approximately nine months since my last update, and just over a year since I made the original post-seeking advice on how to handle my ex-girlfriend Chloe's pleas for help. A fair amount of time has passed, and the situation has, in some ways, found its own resolution, albeit not a pleasant one for Chloe. After my last communication with Chloe, where I offered the grocery gift card and then blocked her number, I had no direct contact with her for several months. I focused on my own life, continued working, and maintained the boundaries I had set. News about Chloe reached me rarely through a few different people. The mutual acquaintance who had initially advocated for her eventually ceased communication with me about Chloe, respecting my wishes.

However, another old friend who is more connected to Chloe's wider social circle, occasionally shared updates, not to solicit help from me, but more as an observation of the unfolding situation. From what I gathered, Chloe's situation did not improve rapidly. She apparently stayed with a series of different acquaintances for very short periods, never managing to secure a stable housing. The job market remained tough for her, or perhaps her lack of a stable address and the stress of her situation made job hunting more difficult. There were mentions of her attempting to get assistance from various social programs, with limited or slow success.

About four months after my last update, so, about seven months after the original post, I heard that Chloe had managed to find a room to rent in a shared house in a less expensive part of a nearby city. She had also apparently found some part-time, inconsistent work in the service industry. It was far from the career she had before, and the pay was minimal, but it was something. For a while, I heard nothing more and assumed she was perhaps slowly rebuilding. However, roughly two months ago, so about seven months into her new, stability, I received an unexpected email from Chloe's sister. I had not spoken to her sister since the day she helped Chloe move her things out of my apartment.

Her sister's email was brief and to the point. She informed me that Chloe had lost her part-time job due to unreliability and, subsequently, had been evicted from her rented room as she could no longer pay the rent. According to her sister, Chloe had then exhausted all her temporary housing options with friends. Her sister wrote that Chloe had been struggling significantly with her mental health, was deeply depressed, and had been refusing any suggestions to seek professional help or connect with more robust support services. The sister mentioned that Chloe had briefly stayed with her and her husband again,

but Chloe's volatile emotional state and lack of effort to improve her situation had put an immense strain on their household, especially with a new baby. They had eventually asked Chloe to leave after a particularly difficult incident, the details of which the sister did not share. The sister was not asking me for anything directly. She stated she felt I had a right to know, given our past history, and also because Chloe had apparently been mentioning my name again, wondering aloud if I would help her if she truly apologized enough. The sister wanted to make it clear she was not endorsing this and was at her wits end. She finished the email by saying Chloe was, as far as she knew, now staying in a women's shelter in her city, and that the family was very worried but felt

powerless to change Chloe's trajectory without Chloe herself taking some responsibility. I replied to the sister, expressing my sympathies for the family's difficult position and for Chloe's struggles, but I reiterated that my stance from a year ago had not changed. I stated that while the news was saddening, I was not in a position to, intervene or offer support to Chloe, as this would ultimately not be healthy for either of us. The sister replied, saying she understood and thanked me for my honesty. I have not heard anything further since that exchanged two months ago. Chloe has not attempted to contact me directly, likely because she has no current means to do so easily, or perhaps she has finally accepted my

previous decision. Her life has clearly taken a very difficult path since her choices led to the end of our relationship and her subsequent breakup with Ben. The crash that I referenced in my original post seems to have been deep and prolonged. As for myself, the past year has been one of continued healing and moving forward. I have maintained my boundaries. My life is stable. I have been able to put the entire painful episode behind me, though hearing about her ongoing struggles does evoke a distant sense of sadness for the person she used to be or who I thought she was. But it does not change my resolve. This will likely be my final update on this matter. The situation with Chloe, from my perspective, is closed. Her choices led her down a path,

and while it is a harsh one, it is one I am not responsible for, nor can I alter. I stood firm in my decision not to become entangled in the consequences of her actions, and I do not regret that decision. It was necessary for my own well-being. Thank you to the Reddit community for the initial advice and for providing a space to articulate the situation. It was genuinely helpful during a difficult time. I hope Chloe eventually finds the help she needs and chooses to rebuild her life, but that journey is hers and hers alone to take.