Reddit Stories - PARTNER REQUESTED some time off to DETERMINE her desires in life, so I

Episode Date: November 8, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #partners #lifechoices #timeoff #decisions #selfdiscoverySummary: PARTNER REQUESTED some time off to DETERMINE her desires in life, so I.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, partners, lifechoices, timeoff, decisions, selfdiscovery, relationships, personalgrowth, career, reflection, aspirations, goals, priorities, fulfillment, communication, supportBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Partner requested some time off to determine her desires in life, so I relocated to a different region without disclosing my destination, but now she has traced me here and is present. Sleeping in her car outside my building after finding out I was planning to propose. I need your judgment on this mess I've gotten myself into. And yes, it's a proper mess. Some background because nothing in my life is ever straightforward. I'm 28, work for the Department of Fisheries and Oceans.

It's one of those government jobs where you think you'll be swimming with dolphins but instead you're mostly counting dead fish and filling out forms in triplicate. My girlfriend Anna, 27, and I had been together for four years, living together for eight months in this cramped apartment in Halifax. The thing about working in this industry is that it's incredibly niche. There are maybe 12 positions like mine in the entire country, and they rarely open up. So when you get one, you hold on to it like grim death. Anna kind of had a hunch about this, but what she didn't know was that I'd already bought

been carrying it around in my jacket pocket for three weeks, waiting for the right moment. The context you need here is that Anna has always been what you might charitably call indecisive. In four years, she changed her major twice, switched jobs four times, and once spent three hours at a restaurant unable to choose between pasta and pizza before ordering soup. I thought it was cute at first. Less cute when you're trying to plan a future together. About four months ago, things started getting weird. She'd go quiet during conversations about our lease renewal.

She'd change the subject when I mentioned vacation plans. She started doing this thing where she'd stare at me like she was trying to solve a math problem. Not exactly the behavior you want from someone you're planning to propose to. Then came the conversation. She sat me down and said she needed space to figure out what she wants in life, except she insisted it wasn't a breakup, just a break. She'd stay with her friend Zoe for a few weeks, do some soul searching, and then we'd see where we stand.

I asked what specifically she needed to figure out, and she gave me this vague response about life directions and personal growth. Here's where I might be the asshole, Reddit. Instead of waiting around like a kicked puppy, I did something impulsive. My boss had mentioned a few weeks earlier that there was a potential transfer opportunity to the Victoria office. It would mean a promotion, better pay, and working on actual marine conservation projects instead of just bureaucratic fish counting. The catch was that it had to be filled quickly due to some grant funding timeline. So I called my boss that night and said I was

interested. Within a week, I had the transfer approved. Within two weeks, I'd given notice on the apartment, sold most of my furniture, and packed my life into a U-Haul. I left Anna a text explaining that I was taking the job opportunity and that she had all the space she needed. I didn't tell her where I was going. The move itself was a nightmare. The U-Haul broke down in some nowhere town in New Brunswick. I had to spend two days in a motel that smelled like cigarettes and defeat, and when I finally got to Victoria, my new apartment's previous tenant had left behind a collection of mannequin heads that I'm still finding in random closets. But I was free. For three months, it was actually great. The job was everything I'd hoped for. I was working on kelp forest restoration, got to do

actual field work, and my stress levels dropped significantly. I made friends with my co-workers, started rock climbing. Then last week, everything went sideways. My best friend Dan, who still lives in Halifax, apparently ran into Anna. And here's where Dan messed up royally. He told her that I'd been planning to propose, not just that I'd been thinking about it, but that I'd actually bought a ring and everything. I found this out when he called me, panicked, saying he'd accidentally spilled the beans and said where I moved and Anna had reacted strongly. The next day, I got a call from Anna's mother. Anna's mother, read it, a woman who once told me I wasn't ambitious enough for her daughter, was now practically begging me to talk to Anna.

Apparently, Anna had some kind of breakdown after talking to Dan, realized she'd made a terrible mistake, and was now planning to move to Victoria to win me back. I told Anna's mother, as politely as possible, that Anna had made her choice and I'd made mine. The conversation got awkward when she started crying and saying Anna had already quit her job and put in applications for positions in Victoria. Two days later, Anna started calling me. I didn't answer. She left voicemails that I haven't listened to.

Then she started texting. Then she showed up at my workplace because she knows which company I worked at and found the office on Google Maps. My new co-workers now think I'm involved in some kind of romantic thriller. Anna cornered my supervisor, crying and asking for my schedule. Security had to escort her off the property. it was mortifying. The final straw was yesterday when I came home to find Anna sitting on my apartment building's front steps with suitcases and red eyes. She'd somehow found out where I live, probably through Dan, who clearly can't keep his mouth shut about anything or co-workers.

She tried to approach me, I told her we had nothing to discuss, and went inside. She spent the night on the steps. Building management is not happy. So here I am, Reddy. it. Anna's parents are calling me daily. Dan is acting like I'm the bad guy for not hearing her out. Anna is apparently staying at some hostel. I'd offer moving cities without telling her and now refusing to discuss anything with her. Part of me wonders if I'm being too harsh, but honestly, the fact that she only realized she wanted to be with me after finding out about the proposal feels pretty telling. Also, I still have the ring. It's in my sock drawer mocking me. Edit to add, for those asking,

Yes, I know this situation is insane. Yes, I know normal people don't handle breakups by fleeing across the country. But also, normal people don't show up at your workplace after giving you the I-need space speech. Edit to add too. To clarify, we had no shared finances, pets, or major joint commitments. The apartment lease was in my name only because her credit was terrible from the great changing major's financial disaster of years ago. Update 1, Hey Reddit, op back with an update that nobody asked for but everyone's going to get anyway. So it's been a week since my original post and wow, you guys really

didn't hold back in the comments. The OOD because you didn't communicate crowd had some points, but the NTA run faster team really spoke to my soul. Special shout out to whoever said I should change my name and become a lighthouse keeper, honestly considering it at this point. Anyways remember how I mentioned Anna was staying at a hostel. Well, apparently hostels have time limits, and Anna has now graduated to sleeping in her car, which she parked across from my building. My elderly neighbor Amy has started bringing her sandwiches because she looks so sad and thin. I tried to explain to Amy that this is not a romantic movie situation, but she just patted my arm and muttered something in Mandarin that I'm pretty sure was calling me heartless. The work situation has become a running

joke that I'm not in on. My supervisor keeps making comments about my persistent visitor and yesterday asked if I needed to take some personal time to sort things out. I told him everything was fine, which was when Anna chose that exact moment to walk past the office windows carrying a sign that said, I'm sorry in what appeared to be kelp. Kelp, read it. She made a sign out of seaweed. He just raised his eyebrows and said we'd continue the conversation later. The Dan also called me three days ago, drunk, talking about how he wanted to make things right. I told him the only thing he could make right was buying me a beer and staying out of my business. I'm seriously considering blocking him, but he's been my best friend since high school and his heart is in the

right place, even if his brain has clearly been replaced with cottage cheese. But here's where things got really weird, Anna got a job. Not just any job, she got hired at the Victoria Aquarium as a volunteer. The same aquarium that partners with our department on several projects. The same aquarium where I have to go for meetings twice a month. When I found out about this yesterday, through my co-worker Claudia, who heard it from her friend who works there, I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my coffee. It's either the most dedicated stalking move in history or Anna has genuinely decided to rebuild her entire life around mine. My new rock climbing buddies think this whole situation is hilarious.

They've started a betting pool on how long Anna will last before giving up. Current odds have her lasting another two weeks, but John thinks she'll make it until winter hits and reality sets in about Victoria's rain situation. The phone calls from her parents have thankfully stopped, but now I'm getting Facebook messages from her sister asking if I'm going to let Anna destroy her life over Pride. I don't even know how to respond to that. Pride? I moved across the country to get away from someone who couldn't decide.

if she wanted to date me. That's not pride, that's self-preservation. Here's the thing that's bugging me most, Reddit. Everyone keeps acting like I'm the villain for not giving her a chance to explain. But explain what? That she realized she wanted me after finding out I was going to propose? That she's now willing to uproot her entire life for someone she needed space from three months ago. The math doesn't add up. I did take some of your advice though. I talked to building me. management about the car situation. They can't legally do anything since she's parked on a public street, but they've started documenting everything in case I need to pursue other options later. I also finally listened to one of her voicemails. Big mistake. It was 12 minutes of

crying and rambling about how she knows now what she wants and made the biggest mistake of her life. Not exactly compelling evidence for her case. I also went on a second date with someone from the climbing gym, but had to explain why there was a crying woman following us at a safe distance. She was remarkably cool about it, said it reminded her of her own crazy ex situation, but I could tell it freaked her out a bit. Can't blame her. I keep thinking about what some of you said about Anna only wanting me now because I'm unavailable. It feels true, but it also makes me angry in a way I wasn't expecting. Like, this woman had two years to figure out if she wanted a future with me, and the minute I'm gone she becomes decisive? It's insulting.

Tomorrow I have to go to the aquarium for a project meeting. Anna will probably be there. I have no idea what I'm going to do if she approaches me in a professional setting. My plan is to be polite but firm, and hope she has enough sense not to make a scene in front of our colleagues. Still have the ring, by the way. Still mocking me from the sock drawer. Edit to add, someone asked about my mental health through all this. Honestly, I'm doing okay. Annoyed, frustrated, confused, but okay. The new job really is great and Victoria is beautiful.

If Anna wasn't here turning my life into a sitcom, I'd be genuinely happy. Edit to add too, to whoever suggested I should appreciate the grand romantic gesture, this isn't a rom-com. This is a woman who couldn't commit to a restaurant order making. making life-altering decisions based on FOMO. There's nothing romantic about it. Update 2, Reddit, I'm back, and boy do I have stories for you. It's been about 10 days since my last update, and somehow this situation has managed to get

both better and so much worse simultaneously. First, the work drama. Remember how I was worried about seeing Anna at the Aquarium meeting? Well, that happened, and it was every bit as awkward as expected, with bonus complications. I couldn't have anticipated. Anna wasn't just there as the new volunteer. She was actively part of our project discussion about the kelp restoration initiative. The same kelp restoration that's been my baby for the past three months. The irony was not lost on me that she'd managed to insert herself into my actual work life. The meeting itself was surreal. Anna sat three

seats away, taking notes with the intensity of someone diffusing a bomb, while I tried to explain water quality parameters to a room that included my ex-girlfriend who was pretending we'd never met. My supervisor kept glancing between us like he was watching a tennis match. The Aquarium director, who clearly had no idea about our history, kept praising Anna's enthusiasm and fresh perspective on marine conservation. I wanted to crawl under the conference table. After the meeting, Anna tried to corner me by the jellyfish tanks. I saw her coming and made a strategic retreat to the gift shop, where I spent 20 minutes pretending to be fascinated by stuffed sea otters until she gave up. My co-worker Claudia found me there and asked if I was okay. I told her I was

fine, which was when Anna appeared holding a cup of coffee and looking like she'd been crying. Claudia's eyes went wide, and she slowly backed away muttering something about needing to check on the sea cucumber display. But here's where things took a turn I didn't see coming. Anna's living situation imploded. Apparently, sleeping in her car for two weeks in Victoria's October weather is not sustainable. Who knew? She'd been rotating between different parking spots to avoid getting ticketed, showering at the community center, and living off gas station sandwiches and Amy's pity meals.

This information came to me via Dan, who called me at work, during work hours, the absolute genius, practically screaming about how I was letting Anna live like a homeless person. I told Dan that Anna's housing situation was not my responsibility and she could go back to Halifax any time she wanted. He called me heartless. I called him an enabler. It wasn't our most productive conversation. Then Anna got sick. Food poisoning from one too many gas station sandwiches. Ended up in the emergency room and guess who they called? Not. her parents, not Dan, not any of the people who think I should be more sympathetic. They called me because apparently I'm still listed as her emergency contact on some form she hasn't

updated. I spent three hours in a hospital waiting room, trying to figure out if I was a terrible person for considering just leaving. I didn't leave, by the way. Not because I felt guilty, but because the nurse looked at me like I'd kicked a puppy when I suggested they called someone else. Anna was dehydrated, exhausted, and looked like she'd been hit by a truck. When she saw me, she started crying again, but this time it seemed less manipulative and more like genuine relief that someone familiar was there. The doctor said she needed rest and proper nutrition, not car camping in October rain. Anna looked at me with these hopeful eyes, and read it, I swear I could hear you all screaming don't do it through the internet. So I didn't. I called her parents

instead. That phone call was a special kind of nightmare. Her mother answered clearly hoping it was Anna calling to come home. When I explained the situation, she went quiet for a long moment, then asked if I would please just talk to her, just once, I said I'd think about it, which in retrospect was a mistake because Anna's mother interpreted I'll think about it as yes, I'll have a heartfelt conversation that leads to reconciliation. Anna's father flew out the next day. I've met him maybe 30 times in four years, and he's always been polite but distant. Seeing him at the hospital was weird. He thanked me for staying with her, then asked if we could talk privately. We went to the cafeteria, where he bought me terrible coffee and told me Anna had quit her job in Halifax

without giving notice, burned through her savings getting to Victoria, and had been lying to them about having a place to stay here. He also told me something I didn't know. Anna had apparently been seeing a therapist since our breakup. Not because of the breakup specifically, but because she'd realized she had some pattern of running away from good things when they got serious. Her dad said the therapist had advised against following me to Victoria, but Anna had convinced needed to prove she could change. This information made me feel complicated. On one hand, it explained some things about her behavior during our relationship. On the other hand, it felt like manipulation through therapy speak.

I told her dad I appreciated him sharing that, but it didn't change my position. He said he understood and asked if I'd at least consider letting Anna explain herself once before writing her off completely. I said I'd think about it. Again. I really need to stop saying that.

Meanwhile, my actual life has been continuing. I went on a third date with the same girl as before, which went really well until she asked directly about the Anna situation and whether I was actually over my ex. I tried to explain that I wasn't hung up on Anna. I was just trying to deal with her showing up in my life uninvited, but it sounded unconvincing even to me. This girl is smart and direct, and she basically said she liked me but wasn't interested in dating someone who was in the middle of unresolved drama with an ex fair enough. Also Anna found an apartment. A real

apartment, not a car or a hostile room. It's eight blocks from mine. Eight blocks. She's She's not just staying in Victoria temporarily anymore, she's building a life here. When Dan told me this, because of course he's still getting regular updates on Anna's life choices, I felt something I couldn't identify. Her father is flying back home in two days. Anna's dad asked one more time if I'd meet with her, just to give her closure if nothing else. He said she'd written me a letter but was afraid to give it to me because she thought I'd throw it away without reading it.

I'm honestly torn, read it. Part of me wants to maintain my boundaries and keep saying no. Part of me is curious about what she has to say, if only to understand what the hell she was thinking when she asked for a break. And part of me wonders if I owe her a conversation, not for reconciliation but just for basic human decency. I've been carrying that engagement ring around for months now, first planning to give it to her, now not knowing what to do with it.

Maybe it's time to finally return it and close that chat. properly. Still haven't decided what I'm going to do. Edit to add, yes, I know some of you think I should just talk to her. Yes, I know some of you think I should run for the hills. Both options feel complicated right now. Edit to add, for those asking about the letter, I got it from her dad today and no I haven't read it. Update 3, hey Reddit, me again with what I hope is the final update to this ongoing mess. It's been about 12 days since my last post. and I've got news, decisions, and one very uncomfortable conversation to tell you about. But first, some context on how my brain has been handling all this.

The whole situation was starting to affect my sleep. I'd lie awake thinking about Anna's dad's words about her therapy, about last date asking if I was really over Anna, about whether I was being needlessly cruel or appropriately firm. My rock-climbing buddies were getting tired of hearing about it, and honestly, I was getting tired of thinking about it. it. Something had to give. So I made a decision. I asked Anna's dad to give me the letter before he flew back to Halifax. Not because I was ready to forgive and forget, but because I figured

I owed it to myself to understand what was going through her head. If nothing else, it would give me closure and maybe some insight into what went wrong. The letter was, not what I expected, read it. Seven pages, handwritten and surprisingly coherent for someone who historically couldn't decide on sandwich toppings. I won't bore you with all the details, but here are the highlights that actually mattered. Anna admitted she'd asked for the break because she'd gotten scared about the future we were building together. Apparently, she'd overheard me on the phone with my mom talking about marriage and kids, and instead of being happy about it, she'd panicked. She wrote about having this pattern her whole life of sabotaging good things when they got too real, and how she

convinced herself she needed space to figure out if she really wanted what we had or if she was just going along with it because it was expected. The part that got to me was where she wrote about realizing, after I left, that she hadn't been questioning whether she wanted a future with me, she'd been questioning whether she deserved one. Apparently, her previous relationships had all ended badly, mostly due to her own indecision and flakiness, and she'd started believing she wasn't capable of being in a serious relationship. She also addressed the Dan's situation. When he told her about the ring, it wasn't just that she realized I'd been planning to propose, it was that she realized I'd been planning a future she'd been too scared to even

discuss. She felt like she'd thrown away something real because she was too much of a coward to confront her own issues. The letter ended with an apology for following me to Victoria and making my life complicated. She said she wasn't expecting forgiveness or reconciliation, but she needed me to know that leaving her hadn't been wrong, staying with someone who couldn't appreciate what they had would have been. Reading it felt like getting punched in the stomach and hugged at the same time. But here's the thing, read it. Understanding someone's motivations doesn't automatically fix the hurt they caused. Anna might have had reasons for asking for a break, but she'd still chosen to walk away from our relationship when things got serious.

And then she'd chosen to upend both our lives by following me across the country. Good intentions don't negate poor decisions. I decided to meet with her. One conversation and I suggested the botanical gardens because it's public but quiet, and if things got weird I could always claim I needed to study the native plant species for work. The conversation was, strange. She didn't cry or beg or try to convince me to take her back. Instead, she complimented the kelp restoration project, and thanked me for staying at the hospital when she got sick.

Then she said something that surprised me, I know you're not going to give me another chance, and I understand why. But I need you to know that following you here wasn't about trying to win you back. It was about proving to myself that I could make a hard decision and stick with it for once. That was, not the angle I'd been expecting. She told me she started seeing a therapist in Victoria too, working on the patterns that had led to our breakup. The job at the aquarium wasn't just about staying close to me, it was about building a life in a place where she had to be independent and decisive. She said Victoria felt like a fresh start, and she wanted to see if she could become someone who didn't

run away from good things. We talked for about an hour. No drama, no big revelations, no movie moments. Just two people who used to care about each other trying to understand what had gone wrong. At the end, she asked if I could forgive her for the way everything had happened. I told her I was working on it. When we were saying goodbye, Anna asked what I was going to do with the engagement ring. I told her I hadn't decided. She suggested I might want to return it, not because of our situation, but because carrying it around seemed like it was keeping me stuck in the past. That conversation was five days ago. Yesterday, I sold the ring. Got about 60% of what I'd paid for it, which hurt my budget but felt like the right thing to do.

Use some of the money to take my climbing group out for dinner. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that again. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that again. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that again. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that again. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that again. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that again. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that again. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that again. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that again.