Reddit Stories - PARTNER'S RELATIVES ANTICIPATED us to celebrate each holiday with them, and when we

Episode Date: July 25, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #familydrama #holidaydilemma #relationshipadvice #celebrationpressure #familyexpectationsSummary: PARTNER'S RELATIVES ANTICIPATED us to celebrate each holiday with them, and when we didn't, tensions arose. Now, we're navigating the fallout and trying to find a compromise that respects both our boundaries and their traditions.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, family, holiday, celebration, pressure, expectations, relationships, boundaries, traditions, compromise, conflict, communication, inlaws, partner, relatives, tension, falloutBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Partners' relatives anticipated us to celebrate each holiday with them, and when we eventually went to mine for Easter, they purposefully left out my partner from her relatives' wedding as retribution while extending an invitation. Everyone else. I, 28M, have been with my girlfriend Kathleen, 26F, for about a year and a half. We live in Portland, Oregon. Her family all lives here, parents, siblings, and children. aunts, uncles, cousins, the whole extended crew. They're super clothes-knit and do basically everything together.

Every birthday, every holiday, every random dinner. My family lives in North Carolina. My parents, my brother, my sister, and all my extended family. I moved to Portland for work about three years ago, and because of the distance and cost, I only make it back home twice a year, usually Christmas and one other time, sometimes Easter, sometimes summer, depends on work schedule and flights. Here's the issue, Kathleen's family expects us to spend every single holiday with them. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, 4th of July, New Year's, plus all the birthdays and random

celebrations. When I told Kathleen I wanted to go home for Christmas this year, her mom basically had a meltdown. She said it was tradition for the whole family to be together, and that I was being selfish for taking Kathleen away from them. Kathleen is caught in the middle and I feel terrible about it, but I also think I'm being reasonable. I suggested we alternate holidays, like spend Christmas with my family this year and Thanksgiving with hers, then switch next year. Or maybe spend Christmas Eve with her family and Christmas Day traveling or with mine.

But her mom shut down every compromise and said that holidays are sacred family time and that if I really loved Kathleen, I'd understand. that. The thing is, I do love Kathleen, which is exactly why I want her to meet my family and for them to get to know her. My parents have only met her via FaceTime, and my siblings haven't met her at all. When I go home for Christmas, it's literally the only time all year that my whole family is together, because my brother works offshore and my sister lives in Atlanta now. Kathleen says she wants to meet my family, but every time we make plans, her family guilts her about it. Her mom will call crying about how hurt she is that Kathleen would choose my family over hers.

Her dad makes comments about how I'm pulling Kathleen away from them. Her siblings say things like I guess were not important anymore when she mentions traveling. I'm starting to feel like I'm the bad guy for wanting to see my own family. Kathleen's family acts like I'm some kind of villain for not wanting to spend every holiday in Portland. but I feel like I'm being reasonable. They see Kathleen literally all the time, and I see my family twice a year. I'd offer not wanting to spend every single holiday with her family. Am I being selfish for wanting her to come meet mine?

Edit. A few people are asking about Kathleen's perspective. She says she wants to meet my family and knows it's important, but she's really close with her family and has never missed a major holiday with them. She gets really anxious about disappointing people, especially her parents. She's been in therapy for anxiety, which helps, but family stuff is still a big trigger for her. Comment 1 NTA

Kathleen's family is being manipulative and controlling. The fact that they can't handle her missing one holiday to meet your family after a year and a half is a huge red flag. You're not asking her to abandon them forever, you're asking for basic. balance. Kathleen needs to set some boundaries with her family or this will only get worse. Op reply, I've been second-guessing myself a lot lately. The boundary thing is tricky because Kathleen has always been the good daughter who never rocks the boat. Her older brother moved to Seattle a few years ago and apparently there was a lot of drama when he started spending holidays with his girlfriend's family instead. Kathleen saw how upset her parents got and I think

she's scared of going through the same thing. What makes it harder is that her family isn't outright mean to me. They're polite and include me in things, but there's this underlying expectation that I should just go along with whatever they want. Like, they'll plan a family vacation and then tell us the dates instead of asking if we're available. Or they'll schedule Kathleen's cousin's baby shower on the same weekend I had planned for us to visit my family, and then act like I'm being difficult when I point out the... Hi, I'm Darren Marler. Host of the Weird Darkness podcast.

I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere, from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insertion. That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you,

and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Spreaker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Sprieker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out Spreaker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R dot com. Conflict.

I think part of the issue is that they genuinely can't understand why anyone would want to live far from family. Kathleen's mom has never lived more than 20 minutes from her parents, and she thinks my decision to move across the country for work was weird and selfish. She's made comments about how real families stick together and how sad it must be for my parents that I abandoned them. So in her mind, I'm already the bad guy who chose career over family, and now I'm trying to make Kathleen do the same thing. Comment 2, ESH but mostly Kathleen's family. They're being manipulative, but Kathleen also needs to step up here. She's an adult in a serious relationship and she needs to advocate for both of you as a couple. The fact that she's letting her family guilt trip her into staying for every holiday isn't fair to you or your relationship.

I'll reply, I appreciate the ESH because I know I'm not perfect in this situation either. I probably could have approached some of these conversations differently, and I definitely got frustrated and snappy a few times when Kathleen would cancel plans with my family at the last minute because her family had some emergency that required her presence. You're right that Kathleen needs to step up more, but I also want to give context for why that's hard for her. She's the youngest of three kids and has always been the family me. mediator. When her parents fight, she's the one they both call to vent. When her siblings have drama, she's the one who fixes it. Her family has basically trained her to prioritize their

emotional needs over her own, and breaking that pattern is really difficult. We've talked about it a lot, and she recognizes that the dynamic is unhealthy. She's been working on it in therapy, and she has been trying to set small boundaries. Like, she used to answer every call from her mom immediately, even if we were on a date or in the middle of something important. Now she let some of them go to voicemail and calls back later. It's progress, but it's slow. Comment 3, NTA and this is coming from someone who had to deal with similar family dynamics. My ex's family was exactly like this, they acted like I was kidnapping him every time we wanted

to visit my family. It never got better, and eventually it killed our relationship because he could never stand up to them. You need to have a serious conversation with Kathleen about what kind of future you two want together, because this pattern will continue with everything, weddings, kids, major decisions. Her family will always expect to come first. Op reply, this is exactly what I'm worried about. We've talked about getting married eventually, and I keep thinking about what that would look like. Would we have to have the wedding here so her family doesn't have to travel.

Would we have to live within 20 minutes of her parents forever? If we have kids, would her mom expect to be in the delivery room? Would every family vacation have to include her siblings and their kids? I love Kathleen and I want to build a life with her, but I also want that life to be ours, not just an extension of her family's expectations. The thing is, Kathleen says she wants that too. When we're alone and really talking about it, she admits that her family's expectations are overwhelming and that she wishes she could have more independence. But then when push comes to shove and her mom

starts crying or her dad makes guilt-trip comments, she folds. I've tried to be patient and understanding because I know family dynamics are complicated, but I'm starting to feel like I'm always going to be the outsider who's disrupting their perfect family unit. And honestly, I'm getting tired of feeling guilty for wanting normal things like spending Christmas with my own parents or taking a vacation that isn't planned around her family schedule. Comment 4. Oh, O'Day. Family comes first, and if you really loved Kathleen, you'd understand how important her family is to her. You chose to move across the country, so you made your choice about priorities. Kathleen shouldn't have to sacrifice her close family relationships because you decided to live far away from yours. Maybe you're

you should consider moving back to North Carolina if seeing your family is so important to you. I'll reply, I usually don't respond to heavily downvoted comments, but I want to address this because I think you might be Kathleen's mom, just kidding, but this sounds exactly like things she said to me. I didn't choose to move across the country lightly. I got a job offer in my field that was significantly better than anything available in North Carolina, better salary, better benefits, better opportunities for advancement. Kathleen and I have talked about maybe moving closer to my family eventually, but right now my career is here and so is hers.

The idea that I should sacrifice my relationship with my family because Kathleen's family lives nearby doesn't make sense to me. I'm not asking Kathleen to choose between me and her family, I'm asking for balance and compromise. I see my family twice a year. She sees hers multiple times a month. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to include my family in our holiday tradition sometimes. Also, the...

Hi, I'm Darren Marler. Host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere, from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreaker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insertion. That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes. No editing required.

And with Spreaker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Spreaker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Spreeker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it,

check out Spreaker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R dot com. Family comes first argument cuts both ways. If family comes first, then shouldn't Kathleen care about building a relationship with my family too? Shouldn't her family care about her happiness and her relationship with me? Right now it feels like only one family matters. and mine is just an inconvenience to be managed. Update, so I posted a few months ago about the holiday situation with my girlfriend Kathleen's family.

A lot of people suggested we try alternating holidays and setting firm boundaries, which seemed reasonable. Well, we tried that approach and... It did not go well. After reading all your comments and talking to Kathleen, we decided to spend Thanksgiving with her family and Christmas with mine. We bought plain tickets to North Carolina for December 22nd and told her family about our plans in early November, giving them plenty of notice. At first, Kathleen's mom said she was disappointed but understanding. That lasted about two days. Then the campaign started.

It began with casual comments during family dinners. Things like this will be our first Christmas without Kathleen since she was born and I guess we'll have to get used to our family getting smaller. Then Kathleen's older sister Emma got involved. Emma has two kids, eight and five, and she started telling them that Aunt Kathleen won't be here for Christmas this year. The kids obviously got upset and started asking Kathleen why she was leaving them. Kathleen tried to explain that we'd be back for New Year's, but her five-year-old nephew started crying and asking if we didn't love them anymore. The week before Thanksgiving, Kathleen's mom called her crying, saying, she couldn't sleep because she was so upset about Christmas. She said she'd been looking forward

to Kathleen meeting her cousin's new boyfriend's family, and now that wouldn't happen because we'd be abandoning everyone. Kathleen started having trouble sleeping too. She was anxious all the time, constantly checking her phone for texts from family members. She lost weight because she wasn't eating much. I suggested she talked to her therapist about it, which helped a little, but the stress was clearly getting to her. The breaking point came on Thanksgiving Day. We were at Kathleen's parents' house, and everything seemed okay at first. But during dinner, Kathleen's mom made a toast about being grateful for family,

especially since we don't know how many more holidays will all be together. Then she started crying at the dinner table, saying how much she was going to miss Kathleen at Christmas. After dinner, the whole family basically staged an intervention. They sat Kathleen down and took turns telling her how hurt they were that she was choosing my family over theirs. Kathleen completely broke down. Full panic attack, hyperventilating, shaking, couldn't speak. I ended up driving her home early and she spent the rest of the night crying and saying she couldn't handle disappointing everyone. We cancelled the trip to North Carolina.

I'm honestly devastated and furious, but mostly I'm worried about Kathleen. The guilt and manipulation from her family triggered something that required her to take medication and miss work for two days. She keeps apologizing to me and saying she knows she's letting me down, which makes me feel even worse. My own family was understanding when I called to cancel, which somehow made it hurt more. My mom just said, we'll miss you both, but we understand family situations are complicated. There's always next year. The contrast between how my family handled the disappointment versus how Kathleen's family handled it is pretty different. We're planning to spend Christmas with Kathleen's family as usual.

I bought my parents a nice gift and called them on Christmas morning, but it wasn't the same as being there. Kathleen was quiet and anxious the whole day, even though she got what her family wanted. I don't know what to do now. Kathleen says she wants to try again next year, but I honestly don't know. if I can go through this again. And I don't know if she can handle the pressure from her family. I love her, but I'm starting to wonder if this relationship can work if her family is always going to come first. Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this? How do you handle a partner's family that uses emotional manipulation to get what they want? Comment 1, NTA and speaking as someone

from a North Carolina family, we get it. We understand that people have lives and relationships and sometimes can't make it home for holidays. The fact that your family was gracious about the cancellation while her staged a literal intervention tells you everything you need to know about which family is healthier. Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record,

host, and distribute your show everywhere, from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreaker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career.

Sprinker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Spreeker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out Spreaker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R.com.

Reply, the difference in how our families handle disappointment and conflict is night and day. When I told my parents we couldn't come for Christmas, my dad said, well, that sucks, but we'll survive. Is Kathleen okay? This sounds stressful for her. I think part of the issue is that my family has experience with long-distance relationships and understand that compromises have to be made. My brother lived in California for a few years and we didn't expect him to come home for every holiday.

My sister missed Christmas one year because she was studying abroad and nobody guilt tripped her about it. We missed them, sure, but we understood that they had their own lives to live. Kathleen family has never had to deal with anyone living far away before Kathleen's brother in Seattle is the first family member to move away and they still haven't really accepted it. They act like choosing to live somewhere else as a personal rejection of the family rather than just a normal life choice. What bothers me most is that they frame their behavior as being close-knit and loving, but it doesn't feel loving to me. Love should want what's best for

the other person, even if it's not convenient for you. Love should support someone's growth and independence, not try to control their choices through guilt and manipulation. Update 2, I honestly don't even know if I'm looking for judgment anymore or just need to vent to people who might understand. After the disastrous Thanksgiving last year where Kathleen had a panic attack, we spent Christmas with her family as usual. But we decided that we were going to stick to our guns about alternating holidays going forward, regardless of the pressure. Kathleen's therapist helped her practice scripts for dealing with with guilt trips, and we both felt more prepared. In March, we booked flights to spend Easter

with my family in North Carolina. We gave Kathleen's family two months notice and tried to frame it positively. We talked about how excited my parents were to finally meet Kathleen, how my sister was planning a big Easter brunch, etc. Kathleen's family's reaction was, cold. Not the dramatics and tears like before, just cold disapproval. Her mom said, I see you've made your choice and her dad said, well, I hope it's worth it. But they didn't try to stop us, which we thought was progress. Easter weekend was actually amazing. My family loved Kathleen immediately.

My mom spent hours showing her old photo albums and embarrassing stories about me as a kid. My sister took her shopping and they bonded over having similar taste in books. My brother taught her how to play his favorite card game, and by the end of the weekend she was beating all of us. Kathleen said it was the most relaxed she'd felt in months. When we got back to Portland, something had shifted. Kathleen's family was polite but distant. Family dinners became less frequent. They stopped including us in some of the smaller gatherings, like, Kathleen would find out after the fact that everyone had gone to her aunt's house for dinner.

When she asked why we weren't invited, her mom would say things like, oh, we thought you might be busy or we didn't want to bother you since you seemed to prefer other plans. Then in June, Kathleen's cousin Maya announced her engagement. Maya and Kathleen have always been super close, they're only six months apart in age and grew up more like sisters than cousins. Kathleen was obviously expecting to be asked to be a bridesmaid. Maya didn't ask her. When Kathleen brought it up, Maya said she was keeping the wedding party small and had already asked her sorority friends. Kathleen was hurt but tried to be understanding. We assumed we'd still be invited as guests, especially since Kathleen's whole family would be there.

Two weeks ago, we found out we weren't invited at all. Kathleen discovered this in the worst possible way. She was scrolling through Instagram and saw that her cousin had posted about sending out wedding invitations, with a photo of the invite list. Kathleen wasn't on it. When she called Maya to ask about it, Maya was obviously uncomfortable and said the venue had limited capacity and they'd had to make some tough choices about the guest list. But here's the thing, Kathleen's other cousins were invited.

Her siblings were invited. Her parents were invited. Even some family friends got invitations. The only people excluded were Kathleen and me. Kathleen confronted her aunt, Maya's mom, about it, and her aunt finally told the truth. The family had discussed it and decided that since Kathleen was choosing to prioritize other relationships over family, maybe she didn't need to be included in family celebrations anymore. Her aunt said it wasn't personal against me, but that Kathleen had made it clear where her loyalties lie and the family was protecting themselves from further disappointment. Kathleen has been a wreck since finding out.

She's barely eating, she's crying constantly, and she's alternating between being furious at her family and being furious at me. Yesterday she said that if I hadn't forced her to go to North Carolina for Easter, none of this would have happened. She said I've ruined her relationship with her family and she doesn't know if she can forgive me for that. I tried to remind her that I didn't force her to do anything, that she said she wanted to meet my family, that she had a great time there and said she felt happier than she had in months. But she's not hearing any of that right now. She's just devastated that her family is essentially excommunicating her over one missed holiday. I don't know what to do.

Kathleen is talking about reaching out to her family to apologize and try to fix things, which would basically mean agreeing to never spend holidays with my family again. She's so desperate to get back in their good graces that she's willing to throw away everything we've talked about and worked on. I love Kathleen, but I'm starting to feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Her family has made it clear that they will never accept me or our relationship unless I completely follow to their demands. And now they're punishing Kathleen for having any kind of independent relationship with me. Has anyone else been through something like this? Does it ever get better, or should I just accept that some family dynamics are too toxic to overcome?

comment one, op, I've planned weddings for 15 years and I can tell you right now that what Kathleen's family did is absolutely deliberate and cruel. Excluding one specific family member from a family wedding while inviting everyone else is a clear message. This isn't about venue capacity or budget, this is about punishment and control. Kathleen's family is essentially telling her that if she doesn't fall in line completely, she will be cut out of important family moments. I'll reply, I suspected that the limited capacity excuse was bullshit, but it's validating to hear from someone who actually knows how wedding planning works. What makes it even more cruel is that Maya and Kathleen have been closed their entire lives. Maya was Kathleen's maid of honor when Kathleen's brother got married. They've always talked about being in each other's wedding someday.

For Maya to exclude Kathleen from this, not even just from the wedding party, but from attending. at all is such a clear message about how the family views her now. The timing also feels deliberately hurtful. The wedding is on Christmas Eve, which we already know is a sensitive time for holiday planning. So even if we were not invited to the wedding, the family has created another Christmas Eve obligation that... Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Sfreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere, from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreeker's monetization.

Spreaker offers dynamic ad insertion. That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes, no editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Sprinker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access. another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you.

Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Spreeker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out Spreaker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R.com. Kathleen will feel guilty about missing. It's like they're boxing us in from every angle. Kathleen keeps saying that maybe if she just apologizes and promises to prioritize family events going forward, they'll forgive her and re-invite her to the wedding. But I think that's exactly what they want. They want her to come crawling back and promise to never choose me over them again. It's a power play disguised as wounded feelings. What bothers me most is that they're acting like Kathleen visiting my family for one holiday is equivalent to abandoning them completely.

It's such an extreme reaction to something so reasonable. If they can't handle her missing one Easter to meet her boyfriend's family after almost two years together, how are they going to handle any other major life decisions she makes? Comment two, Op, I'm going to be blunt. Kathleen is not ready to be in a serious adult relationship right now. She's too enmeshed with her family to be a true partner to you. Until she can set boundaries with them and stop blaming you for the, their toxic behavior, this relationship is going to continue damaging both of you.

You can't love someone enough to fix their family trauma for them. Op reply, this is hard to hear, but probably true. I've been trying to be patient and supportive while Kathleen works through this with her therapist, but you're right that she's not able to be a full partner in this relationship right now. Every major decision we try to make together gets filtered through what will my family think. or how will this affect my relationship with them? We can't plan a vacation, choose where to live,

or even decide how to spend a weekend without considering her family's reactions and expectations. I love Kathleen and I believe she wants to change, but wanting to change and being able to change are different things. Right now she's so afraid of losing her family that she's willing to sacrifice our relationship to keep them happy. And honestly, I don't know how much longer I can watch her to. tear herself apart trying to please people who will never be satisfied unless she gives up any semblance of independence. The therapist has been helping, but progress is really slow.

For every step forward Kathleen takes in setting boundaries, her family finds a new way to pull her back. And each time they escalate the consequences, like with this wedding exclusion, Kathleen gets more scared and more willing to give in to their demands. I'm starting to think that Maybe we need to take a break from the relationship so Kathleen can focus on working through this without feeling like she has to choose between me and her family. It's not fair to either of us to keep struggling through this when she's not ready to prioritize our partnership. Final update, I know it's been a while since my last update, and honestly I wasn't sure

I'd ever post again because this whole situation got really dark for a while. But a lot of people have been messaging me asking for an update, and I think we've finally reached a place where I can share what happened. After the wedding exclusion incident, things got worse before they got better. Much worse. Kathleen spent about two weeks in a really bad mental health spiral, barely eating, not sleeping, calling out of work. She was so desperate to fix things with her family that she was considering some pretty

extreme options, like breaking up with me entirely or moving back in with her parents to prove her commitment to the family. Her therapist ended up recommending that she take some time off work and do intensive therapy to work through the family trauma. Kathleen was initially resistant because she didn't want to admit that her family's behavior was abusive, but the wedding thing had really broken something in her. She couldn't deny any more that their treatment of her was deliberately cruel. During those three weeks of intensive therapy she stayed with a friend, Kathleen didn't have any contact with her family or with me. It was the longest we'd gone without talking since we started dating, and I was honestly preparing myself for the possibility that she'd decide to choose them over our relationship.

But when she came back, something had shifted. She was still sad and hurt, but she wasn't blaming me anymore. She said the therapy had helped her see how manipulative and controlling her family's behavior had been, not just recently but throughout her entire life. She realized that their closeness was actually in measurement, and their love often came with conditions and expectations. Kathleen decided to go low contact with her family. She sent them a letter explaining that she needed space to work on her mental health and that she wouldn't be attending family events for a while. Her family's response was, about what you'd expect.

Lots of crying, accusations that her therapist was brainwashing her, demands that she come home and talk things through. Kathleen was really tempted to go back. The therapy had helped her recognize the manipulation, but undoing a lifetime of conditioning is hard work. There were several times when she almost broke and reached out to them. What stopped her was remembering how she felt during that Easter weekend with my family. She said that was the first time in her adult life that she'd felt relaxed and happy

without constantly worrying about managing someone else's emotions. She realized she wanted more of that feeling, and she couldn't have it while being enmeshed with her family. We started couples therapy again to work on rebuilding our relationship. It was hard work because we'd both been through a lot of trauma from this situation. I had to work through my own resentment about the years of manipulation and drama. Kathleen had to learn how to be in a relationship without constantly looking over her shoulder for her family's approval. But it worked. Slowly, things got better between us.

Kathleen started making decisions based on what she wanted instead of what would make her family happy. We started planning for our future together instead of just trying to survive the present crisis. A few months ago, I proposed. Kathleen said yes immediately, and for the first time since I've known her, she didn't immediately start worrying about what her family would think. We're planning a small wedding for next year, just our closest friends and my family. family. Kathleen decided not to invite her family, which was a really hard decision but ultimately felt right to her. Her family found out about the engagement through social media, Kathleen posted a photo of her ring. The reaction was pretty much what we expected, grief, anger,

accusations that had stolen her from them, predictions that she'd regret this decision. Her mom left a voicemail saying that Kathleen was throwing away everything that matters for a man who would never love her the way her family does. Kathleen listened to the voicemail once and then deleted it. She said it was sad but not surprising, and she felt more sorry for them than angry. She's been in therapy for over a year now and has developed much better coping for dealing with their manipulation. We're not completely no contact, Kathleen still sends her parents a birthday card and Christmas

card each year, and she's open to rebuilding the relationship if they ever get therapy and acknowledge how their behavior affected her. But she's not holding her breath, and she's not sacrificing her happiness while waiting for them to change. Things aren't perfect. Hi, I'm Darren Marler. Host of the Weird Darkness podcast.

I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere, from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreaker's monetization.

Spreaker offers dynamic, ad insertion. That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreaker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Sprinker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Sprinker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Sprieker's powerful tools, scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out spreeker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R dot com. Kathleen still has bad days where she grieves the family she thought she had. The holidays are still hard because she misses the traditions. She worries sometimes that she's made the wrong choice, especially when she sees happy family photos on social media. But overall, we're doing really Well. Kathleen is healthier and happier than I've ever seen her. She's pursuing interests and

friendships that she put on hold to manage family drama. We're building a life together based on what we actually want, not what other people expect from us. My family has basically adopted Kathleen as one of their own. My mom calls her every week just to chat, and my sister has already started planning to come out for the wedding. It's not the same as having a healthy relationship with her own family, but it helps Kathleen see what functional family relationships look like. I don't know if we'll ever have any kind of relationship with Kathleen's family again. Part of me hopes that eventually they'll realize what they've lost and make an effort to change. But honestly, I'm not counting on it, and Kathleen isn't either.

We're building our own family now, and it feels good to do it without constantly looking over our shoulders. For anyone dealing with similar family dynamics, it can get better, but it takes a lot of work and the person dealing with the toxic family has to be willing to prioritize their own mental health over keeping the peace. It's not easy, but it's worth it. Thanks to everyone who offered support and advice over the past couple of years. This community helped me feel less crazy during some really difficult times.