Reddit Stories - PURCHASED a home using my PERSONAL funds and initial INVESTMENT, but my partner

Episode Date: July 29, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #homeownership #moneyissues #partnershipproblems #financialdisagreementsSummary: I PURCHASED a home using my PERSONAL funds and initial INVESTMENT, but my partner now wants a share. They argue it's OUR home, causing tension and financial strain. Seeking advice on how to resolve this conflict amicably.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, homepurchase, personalinvestment, partnershipdisputes, financialdisagreements, relationshipissues, homeownershipdilemma, moneymanagement, propertyownership, jointownership, financialresponsibility, conflictresolution, communicationbreakdown, financialstress, sharedassets, propertyinvestmentBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Purchased a home using my personal funds and initial investment, but my partner insisted on having an equal share, prompting her to enlist legal assistance and involve her family when I declined. Add her name to the deed. So I've been with Carla for three years now and we moved and together about two years ago into this tiny apartment that was honestly a dump but we made it work and everything was fine, we split everything 50 to 50 even though I make more money than her but whatever, that's fair and I never complained about it.

She works and makes decent money, but not as much as me since I'm in tech and have been working my way up for the past few years. About eight months ago, we started talking about buying a house together because rent was getting ridiculous and we were basically throwing money away every month and I had been saving up for a down payment for a while, plus my credit score is really good and I knew I could get approved for a mortgage. Carla was excited about it and we started looking at places online and going to open houses on weekends and it was actually really fun at first, like we were

planning our future together and all that. But here's where things get complicated and I'm still not sure if I handled it right but I think when we got serious about actually putting in offers on houses. I went to talk to a mortgage broker and they ran all the numbers and told me that if I applied on my own I could get pre-approved for way more money than if we applied together because Carla has some student loan debt and her credit isn't as good as mine, not bad but just not as good. The broker said we could probably get approved for maybe $350,000 together, but I could get approved for up to $500,000 on my own, which meant we could look at way better houses and better neighborhoods. I brought this up to Carla and she got upset about it at first, saying it felt weird that I would be the only one on the mortgage and she wouldn't have any legal claim to the house, but I explained to her that just because my name is on the deed doesn't mean it's not our house. We're living in it together and building a life together and that's what matters.

Plus I pointed out that if we got a house for $350,000 we'd be looking at older places that need work or houses in neighborhoods that aren't as safe, but if I could get pre-approved for more we could get something really nice. She seemed to understand after I explained it and we agreed to move forward with me applying for the mortgage alone. I put down $75,000 as a down payment which was basically all of my savings that I had been building up for years, plus I had to pay for the inspection and all the closing costs and everything. everything else. Carla helped with some of the smaller costs like the moving truck and some new furniture, but the majority of the financial burden was on me. We found this perfect house for $420,000 in a really good neighborhood with great schools and a big backyard and everything we wanted, and I got approved for the mortgage no problem. The whole process took about two months and Carla was involved in all of it. We picked out everything together and she was just as excited as I was

about the house. Now here's where I might be the asshole, but I really don't think I am. When we got to the closing, Carla asked about getting added to the deed and I told her that we had already discussed this and decided I would be the only one on the mortgage and deed for financial reasons. She said she understood that for the mortgage but thought she would still be added to the deed so she would have legal ownership of the house too. I told her that didn't make sense because she didn't contribute to the down payment or qualify for the mortgage, so why should she have legal ownership of something she didn't pay for? I mean, she's living there and it's her home too, but legal ownership is different. If something happened to us, she could walk

away without any of the financial responsibility but still own half a house. That doesn't seem fair to me. She got really quiet and said she needed to think about it, and honestly I thought that was the end of it because it made sense when I explained it like that. But over the next few weeks she kept bringing it up and saying she felt like I was treating her like a tenant instead of a partner, which is not true at all. I never asked her to pay rent or anything like that. We split utilities and groceries and household expenses just like we always did. But then about a month after we moved in, she said she wanted to contribute more to the mortgage payment so she could earn some equity in the house. I told her that's not how it works. The mortgage is in my name and my credit and my

responsibility, so even if she pays toward it that doesn't give her ownership. Plus if she wants to contribute more money toward housing, she should focus on paying down her student loans first since those of higher interest rates. This is where she really lost it and started yelling at me about how I was being controlling and treating her like she was just some roommate instead of my girlfriend. She said I was holding the house over her head and making her feel insecure about our relationship, which is completely not what I was doing. I was just being practical about the financial and legal aspects of homeownership.

I tried to calm her down and explain that this doesn't change anything about our relationship, we're still partners and we're still building a life together, but she kept saying I was making all the decisions without considering her feelings. Which isn't true because we picked out the house together and she was involved in every step except the actual financial parts. Things got really tense between us for a while after that and she started being weird. about money, like keeping track of exactly what she spent on groceries and household stuff and making comments about how she's paying to live in my house. I told her she was being ridiculous

and that she never acted like this when we were renting and splitting everything equally. Then last month she brought up the idea of her parents helping us with some money so she could be added to the deed. Her parents are pretty well off and she said they offered to give her like $50,000 to put toward the house so she could have some ownership. I told her her her that was nice of them but it doesn't work retroactively, I already bought the house and put down the down payment and took on all the financial risk, so her getting money from her parents now doesn't change that. Plus, and this is where I might sound like an asshole but I'm just being honest, I don't really want to be financially tied to her parents. If they give her money to put

toward the house, then what happens if we break up? Do I have to pay them back? Do they get to have opinions about what we do with the house. It just complicates things unnecessarily. Carla got really upset again and accused me of not wanting to commit to our relationship, which is stupid because I bought us a house, how is that not commitment? But apparently because I won't put her name on the deed that means I'm keeping one foot out the door in case I want to leave her. I pointed out that if anyone should be worried about commitment it should be me, because if we break up she can just walk away and I'm stuck with a $400,000 mortgage in a house I might not be able to afford on my own. She said that's exactly why she wants to be on the deed.

So she has some security too, but that doesn't make sense because she didn't take on any of the financial risk to begin with. We've been fighting about this on and off for months now and it's really starting to affect our relationship. She brings it up every time we have any kind of disagreement and acts like I'm some kind of financial. Dictator. Last week she said she talked to her sister about it and her sister said I was being unfair and that couples should share ownership of major purchases like houses. But her sister doesn't know the whole situation, she doesn't know that Carla couldn't qualify for the mortgage on her own or that I put down all the money for the down payment or that I'm taking on all the financial responsibility. It's easy for people on the outside to say what we should do when they don't

understand the actual circumstances. I love Carla and I want us to work out, but I also think I need to protect myself financially. I worked really hard to save up for that down payment and to build up my credit score and to get to a point where I could buy a house, and I don't think it's fair that she should get equal ownership just because we're in a relationship. Maybe I'm being too practical about it, but I've seen what happens when couples break up and there are big financial assets involved, it gets really messy and expensive and I don't want to put myself in that position. If we stay together long term then maybe we can revisit it, like if we get engaged or married or something.

But right now I think the way we have it set up makes the most sense. I know she's frustrated and I understand why she feels insecure about it, but I also think she's being unrealistic about what she's entitled to. Just because we're living together doesn't mean she automatically gets ownership of everything I buy, that's not how relationships work. So am I the asshole here? Update 1, so after I posted this and read through all the comments, I was actually starting to feel bad about the situation

and thinking maybe I should consider adding Carla to the deed, especially after seeing how many people thought I was being unfair. I was planning to have a conversation with her about maybe working out some kind of compromise. But then yesterday morning I was getting ready for work and Carla was acting really weird, like nervous and jumpy, and when I asked her what was wrong she said she needed to tell me something important. I immediately knew it was going to be bad news because she had that look on her face like when she's about to confess something. She told me that she's been talking to a lawyer about the house situation without telling me. Not just talking to a lawyer for advice, but actually

consulting with one about what her options are legally. She said the lawyer told her that since we're not married she doesn't have any claim to the house even if she's been paying utilities and groceries and living there, which she already knew. But then the lawyer suggested that she could establish some kind of equity claim if she could prove she contributed to mortgage payments or home improvements. I asked her why she went to a lawyer without talking to me first and she said she wanted to understand her rights before having any more conversations about it. But here's the thing that really got me. She said the lawyer told her that if she starts paying part of the mortgage every month and we have a written agreement about it, she might be able to claim some ownership interest

in the house later on. So basically she was trying to find a legal way to force me to give her ownership of my house. I asked her if that's what she was planning to do and she said she just wanted to know what her options were, but come on, you don't go to a lawyer unless you're planning to use the information they give you. I told her I felt really betrayed that she was went behind my back to talk to a lawyer about our personal business and she said she didn't think of it as going behind my back, she just wanted to get professional advice. But why wouldn't she tell me she was doing that unless she knew I wouldn't like it? Then she dropped the real bomb and said that her parents aren't just offering to give her money to put toward the house, they're willing to loan her

money to hire a lawyer if she needs to fight for ownership rights. I told her that this whole conversation was proving exactly why I didn't want to add her to the deed in the first place, because now she's literally trying to find ways to legally force me to give her ownership of something she didn't pay for. She said that's not what she's doing, but the evidence says otherwise. We had a huge fight about it and she ended up leaving and going to stay at her sister's place for the night. I was honestly relieved to have some space to think about everything because I was so angry I couldn't even look at her. When she came back this morning she apologized for not telling me about the lawyer but said she still thinks the whole situation is unfair and she wants us to

work out some kind of agreement where she can start building equity in the house. I told her absolutely not, especially not after she tried to go behind my back and find legal ways to force the issue. She said I'm being unreasonable and that she just wants to feel secure in our relationship and in her living situation. But I pointed out that she felt secure enough to try to lawyer up against me, so obviously she's not thinking about this like we're partners. I think what really bothers me is that she's been planning this whole thing and pretending like she just wanted to have conversations about it

when really she was already talking to lawyers and getting her parents involved. If she had been honest about what she was doing from the beginning, maybe we could have worked something out, but now I feel like I can't trust her. And honestly, reading through all the comments on my original post made me realize that I was right to be cautious about this. So many people were saying I should just add her to the deed to make her happy, but look what happened when I started considering it, she immediately escalated to lawyers and legal threats. I'm not adding her to the deed and I'm not setting up any kind of equity-sharing arrangement, especially not now. If she wants to own a house, she can save up for her own down payment and buy her own house, but she's not getting ownership of mind through legal manipulation.

I know this probably sounds harsh, but I feel like I dodged a bullet here. What if I had added her to the deed months ago and then found out she was this willing to involve lawyers and her family in our private business? I'd be stuck in a legal nightmare trying to untangle everything. Carla is still staying at her sisters and honestly I don't know if she's planning to come back or not. Part of me hopes she does because I do love her and I want things to work out, but part of me is also wondering if this whole situation has shown me who she really is when things don't go her way. I guess we'll see what happens but I'm definitely not changing my mind about the house. Update 2

So Carla came back from her sister's place after three days and at first thing seemed okay, she abysn't. apologized again for the lawyer thing and said she wanted to try to work things out between us without involving other people. I thought maybe we could move past it and get back to normal, but I was wrong. She started acting really weird about money and keeping track of every single thing she spent in the house. Like she would take pictures of grocery receipts and write down how much she paid for cleaning supplies and even kept track of her portion of the electric bill down to the penny. When I asked her what she was doing, she said she wanted to keep records of her financial contributions to the household in case it became relevant later.

I told her that was ridiculous and she was being paranoid, but she said the lawyer told her to document everything if she was going to try to establish any kind of claim to the property. So even though she apologized for going to the lawyer, she was still following the lawyer's advice and basically building a case against me. Then last weekend her parents came to visit and that's when everything really went to hell. I knew something was up because Carla was acting nervous all morning and kept checking the time, and when her parents showed up they immediately wanted to have a conversation with me about the house situation. Her dad started off by saying they were concerned about Carla's security and future, and that they thought it was unfair that she was living in a house with no legal protections.

I explained the whole situation again about how I qualified for the mortgage and put down the down payment and took on all the financial responsibility, but he said that didn't matter because we're in a committed relationship and should be building assets together. Then her mom jumped in and said they were prepared to give Carla money to contribute to the house so she could have ownership, and I told them the same thing I told Carla, that it doesn't work retroactively. But then her dad said something that really pissed me off. He said that if I wasn't willing to share ownership of the house, then maybe I wasn't as committed to the relationship as they thought. I told him that was ridiculous and that buying a house for us to live and together was actually a huge commitment.

But he said that keeping Carla off the deed was like keeping her as a tenant instead of treating her as a partner. I pointed out that she doesn't pay rent and we split all the other expenses equally so she's not being treated like a tenant at all. But then Carla's mom said that they were worried I might kick Carla out or break up with her and leave her with nowhere to go, which really made me angry because I've never given anyone any reason to think I would do something like that. I told them that if they were so worried about Carla's housing security, then maybe they should help her save up to buy her own place instead of trying to get ownership of mine. That's when the conversation got really heated and Carla's dad said that he thought I was being selfish and financially manipulative, and that if I really loved Carla I would want her to

have security too. I told him that was completely unfair and that I've been nothing but generous with Carla, letting her live in a beautiful house without paying rent and sharing all the benefits of home ownership without any of the risks. Carla barely said anything during this whole conversation, she just sat there looking uncomfortable while her parents basically attacked me. Finally I told them that this was between me and Carla and that I didn't appreciate them getting involved in our private business, especially when they didn't have all the facts. Her dad said that Carla had told them everything about the situation and they understood it perfectly

well, and that's when I realized that Carla had been complaining to her parents about this whole thing and probably making me sound like some kind of villain who was trying to control her. After her parents left, Carla and I had another huge fight about it. I told her I couldn't believe she had been telling her parents our private business and making me look bad, and she said she needed support from her family because she felt like I wasn't listening to her concerns. I said that going to her parents and a lawyer wasn't asking for support, it was building a campaign against me, and she said that wasn't what she was doing but I could see right through

it. She was trying to get everyone on her side to pressure me into giving her what she wanted. Then she said something that really showed me what this was all about. She said that if we ever break up she would have nothing to show for the years we spent together and all the money she contributed to our shared life. I pointed out that she would have all the money she saved by not paying rent for over the years, plus all the experiences and memories and everything else you get from a relationship, but she said that wasn't enough.

That's when I realized this wasn't really about fairness or security, it was about Carla wanting to make sure she got something valuable out of our relationship even if it ended. She was essentially trying to treat our relationship like a business partnership where she gets assets regardless of what she contributed. I told her that's not how relationships work and that if she was already planning for our breakup then maybe we shouldn't be together at all. She said that wasn't what she meant but I think it was exactly what she meant, she wanted ownership of my relationship of my breakup. my house as insurance in case we didn't work out. We've been barely talking to each other since then and the whole house feels tense and weird. Carla spends most of her time in the bedroom or at her sister's place, and when we do interact

it's just about practical stuff like groceries or utilities. Honestly, I'm starting to think this relationship might be over. The fact that she went to a lawyer and got her parents involved and tried to build a case against me instead of just talking to me about her concerns shows me that she doesn't trust me and doesn't respect our relationship. If she had come to me and said she was feeling insecure about her living situation and wanted to work out some kind of arrangement, maybe we could have figured something out. But instead she went behind my back and tried to find ways to force me to give her what she wanted, and that's not how partners should treat each other.

I'm glad I found out now instead of after we got married or had kids or something. At least this way I can protect myself and my assets and not end up in some messy legal battle later on. Update 3, Carla moved out yesterday and honestly I'm relieved even though part of me is sad about how everything ended. But I know I made the right decisions throughout this whole mess and I'm glad I trusted my instincts instead of listening to people who said I should just give in to keep the peace. So after my last update things just kept getting worse between us and it became obvious that we weren't going to be able to work through this. Carla was barely talking to me and when she did it was always about the house and her wanting

some kind of legal agreement about ownership or equity sharing. About a week ago she brought me this document that she had apparently worked on with her lawyer, it was like a cohabitation agreement that would give her partial ownership of the house based on her contributions to household expenses and mortgage payments going forward. She wanted me to sign it and said it would make things fair between us and give her the security needed. I read through the whole thing and it was completely one-sided in her favor. It said that she would get ownership percentage based on what she paid toward the mortgage, but it also said that all her past contributions to utilities and groceries and household expenses would count

toward her equity in the house. Which makes no sense because those aren't house payments. The really crazy part was that it included a clause about what would happen if we broke up, and it said that I would either have to buy out her share of the house at current market value or we would have to sell the house and split the proceeds. So basically she could force me to sell my house if we broke up and she decided she wanted cash instead of keeping her share. I told her there was no way I was signing that and she said then she couldn't stay in the relationship because she needed to protect herself financially.

I said that was fine with me because I was tired of being treated like the bad guy for not giving her ownership of something she didn't pay for. She said I was being stubborn and unreasonable and that every couple she knew shared ownership of major purchases. But I told her that most couples who buy houses together actually contribute to the down payment and qualify for the mortgage together, which she didn't do. Then she said something that really showed me what she had been thinking about this whole time.

She said that she had invested three years of her life in our relationship and helped me become the kind of person who could afford to buy a house, so she deserved to benefit from that investment. I couldn't believe she was saying that, like she was taking credit for my career success and financial stability. I told her that was ridiculous and that I had worked hard to get where I am professionally and financially, and that being in a relationship with her didn't entitle her to the results of my work.

She said that's not what she meant, but I think it was exactly what she meant. She felt like she deserved ownership of my house because she had been supportive of me during our relationship. But that's not how any of this works. Being a good girlfriend doesn't automatically make you entitled to your boyfriend's assets. We had one final huge fight about it where she accused me of never really being committed to our relationship and just using her for sex while keeping all my assets separate. She said she couldn't stay with someone who didn't see her as an equal partner, and I said that if being an equal partner meant giving her ownership of things she didn't pay for then maybe we weren't compatible after all.

So she started packing her stuff and called her sister to come help her move. It took her two days to get everything together and the whole time she was acting like I was kicking her out, but I never asked her to leave. She made that decision herself. The night before she left she tried one more time to get me to reconsider, saying that we could still work things out if I would just be willing to compromise. I told her that I loved her and wanted things to work out, but I wasn't going to be pressured into giving up legal ownership of my house, and that if she couldn't accept that then maybe we weren't right for each other.

After she left, I felt really empty and sad for a few hours. But I think I dodged a bullet honestly. What if we had gotten married and then she decided she deserved half of everything I own because she had been supportive during our marriage? What if we had kids and she used them as leverage to get more of my assets and a divorce. At least now I know what kind of person she really is when things don't go her way, and I can find someone who actually wants to be with me for me instead of for what I can give them.