Reddit Stories - RECENTLY DISCOVERED that my spouse has asked a DIFFERENT lady to come over

Episode Date: April 27, 2026

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationshipadvice #infidelity #trustissues #marriage #betrayal  Summary: Recently, I discovered that my spouse invited another woman over, which has left me feeling betrayed and confused. I am struggling to understand their intentions and how to address this situation. Seeking advice on how to confront my spouse and navigate the complexities of our relationship.  Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, infidelity, marriage, trust, betrayal, advice, emotionalpain, communication, coupleissues, heartbreak, support, counseling, honesty, feelings, conflictresolutionBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6816713/support.This episode includes AI-generated content.

I hope you enjoy this story. Recently discovered that my spouse has asked a different lady to come over and stay the night while I'm traveling for work. Seeking advice on how to handle this situation. I've been following this community for a while but this is my first time sharing, using a temporary account for privacy. Obvious reasons. I, 24F, leave on a flight in three hours for a five-day business trip.

My husband, 28M, is currently sleep. and I'm finishing packing. I text message popped up on his phone saying, yeah, I'd love to spend the night. That'll make things so much easier. It was from a friend, 18F, of his who we've had disagreements over before, mostly because he doesn't feel the need to tell me anything about her, when they hang out, etc., which he does on his own for all of his male friends. He has a number of female friends, and I really don't mind. They're good people, and there seem to be boundaries in place. Not with this girl, though. Texts from her frequently pop up throughout the day, and as late as one and two in the morning.

I'll admit it, curiosity got the better of me, and I read their previous few messages. He invited her over to go on a day trip with him to his favorite place to smoke weed. It's her first time. He then invited her to stay the night before, so they could get an early start the next day. Thing is, as we were going to bed last night, I asked him what his plans were while I was was gone. He usually makes an effort to do something fun for himself, and to get one big honey-dew item taken care of. When we were talking about my trip last night, he was very detailed in his plans, down to what he'll be doing each day, which was unusual, but he made no mention of this girl,

and made it sound as though he was making the drive alone. When I suggested he hang out with one of his friends, he said I'd to know, I think I could use a quiet weekend in, I'm freaking out a bit, we have been having some trouble, and I saw in their messages that he's been talking to her about it. A lot, I get needing to have a friend to talk to, but he's always telling me he doesn't want his friends to think poorly of me, yet from their messages, she obviously does. Reddit, what do I do? How do I handle this? Edit, I should mention that he's had a history of hiding behavior with women from me. Thing is, I'm really easygoing and whenever he tells me so and so is coming over I'm the one

who brings home snacks for them. Yet he's also lied about talking with a female co-worker about sex, very late at night, and sharing a bed with someone he used to hook up with, to name a few, I feel so stupid. Edit 2. Any advice for bringing this up? Part of me wants to confront him before I go. We had a really great, I thought, conversation last night where we decided to take this time apart to figure out what our marriage needs, and what each of us needs individually, so we can make things work, apparently he needs her. The other half of me wants to wait until I know she's there, and then ask him what's up. I'm not really sure what to do. I've never been in this position before. Update, just found out my husband, 28M, invited another woman over to spend the night while I'm,

24F, away on business. How to proceed? First off, I just want to thank everyone for being patient while I sort this shit out. As I mentioned in my previous post, I left on a business trip, and had actual work to do, I also managed to get my account banned from our slash relationship underscore advice because I suck at Reddit. But, thanks to the helpful mods here who helped me get verified, I made the original post on very little sleep and in a very bad headspace, and honestly never thought my post would get as much attention as it. Did, while I read through as many of the comments as I could, I needed a few days to sort through my own thoughts, because this situation may be entertainment to you, but it's my real life, and has real, lasting constant.

that I'll have to live with. There is a lot of backstory that's necessary to truly understand the state of our union, so rather than post multiple updates, I've broken it up into sections, feel free to skip over what you're not interested in and skim what you are, TL, DR, at the bottom of each section and at the bottom of the post. Confrontation, thank you to those who responded in the early hours. It was 1.30am when I posted, and had gotten a whopping three hours of sleep. Needless to say, I was not in the best headspace, Someone gave the advice to tell them I'm hurt and disappointed. I'm leaving.

You need to fix this. Someone else said to tell them that it doesn't matter how I found out. What matters is that it happened. Thank you for that, too. Both those comments really stuck with me, and I lay in bed waiting for him to, wake up, typing out how I would respond to whatever direction our conversation took. Quick side note, we've been together for four years, and other women have been a constant problem in our relationship.

He, and many people close to him and me, all say he's not. not the guy to cheat, he's flirty, but he'd never cheat. He's a long-term relationship guy, and loyal to the core, that being said, he's had a history of withholding information from me because he thinks it'll make me mad, and he doesn't want me to be upset with him. I'm a pretty chill person, and honestly wouldn't have cared. If he'd asked this girl over and told me about it, in the past, I haven't handled him lying to me very well, hence wanting to have a plan. While I was waiting for him to wake up, I did something I'm not very proud of, where I know he'd lied to me, and I wanted to have proof of the things he told me about her moving forward,

especially where I'd be gone, and she was supposed to be spending the night. I set up his i messages to come to my iPad. I know all his passwords, so I deleted the email. Alerts, and just added his phone number. I'm not proud of it, but I didn't have cameras at home, and needed to know whether he was telling me the truth while I was gone. He woke up, and I decided to give him one last chance. As I was gathering my things, I asked him what he had planned while I was gone. He gave a very detailed report of his daily plans. Casually leaving out anything about this girl staying the night or going to Colorado with him, I was so livid, because just the night before. We'd gotten into a pretty big fight where he said, and you don't trust me, I've done nothing,

nothing to deserve it, but you still treat me like I'm sneaking around, that hurt, because we've been going to therapy, and I thought I'd been doing really well at giving him the benefit of the doubt. I used to check his phone, BC of the earlier problems we'd had, but haven't done that in months. It made me feel crazy and ashamed at the time. And now here I was, standing in our bedroom. Watching my husband lie to me through his teeth, I said, I know you're lying to me, I know you're not going to Colorado alone, and I know you invited a effing 18-year-old to spend the night in my bed, and then I just waited, the silence heavy, he took a deep breath, and said he had two questions. One, how did I know? It doesn't matter. I know. Two, did I know during our conversation last night.

Quick side note, we've been having a lot of problems lately, we both have mental illnesses which are sometimes exacerbated by the others, he has ADHD, depression, and PTSD and I'm starting to wonder maybe bipolar of some sort, and I have PTSD, anxiety, and a number of health issues, and he's not very good at controlling his anger, nothing more physical than throwing things or punching walls, but it is absolutely verbal and emotional abuse, I wasn't sure if it was before, but after a recent fight we had in which I asked him to stop screaming at me so I could finish packing, he said, You can multitask, yeah, I realize he sounds like a shit person, and when he's in that headspace, he is, it's very much a drive, Jekyll slash Mr. Hyde's situation, and when he's kind and calm,

he's the sweetest, most loving person I've met, and that's who I fell in love with, I care for him, even at the same time as I know that I don't deserve him, so the night before, we had a very heartfelt. emotional talk in which I told him I wanted him to be happy, I could tell that he wasn't, and I thought he should go home, several thousand miles away, for a few months to figure himself out, I told him I would be his biggest cheerleader, and that if we ended up staying together or divorcing, I would always love him, and he would always be my family. We've been through some shit, both together and separately, and we were both sobbing by the end of it, but here's the kicker, I told him that if. He needed another woman to make him happy, I would let him

go and support him as a friend, end of side note. As a result, I was probably pretty harsh in my response and said, no, I didn't know during our conversation last night. And now I feel like an idiot, like my husband has been effing a teenager and I just gave him my blessing. He tried to get defensive and said that it's not like that. I got really quiet and said, you're a very smart man, but if you can't see that girl wants to get in your pants, you're a effing idiot. She texts you about her taking bubble baths, and you effing tell her about. All our problems, her, when you won't even talk about me with most of your friends, you're telling an 18-year-old about all of our problems. He said he would cancel his plans with her, and I said, I'm not making that decision.

You are, I honestly don't know how you can fix this, I don't. I don't care if you go with her at this point, but I'm leaving, and I'm hurt and disappointed, and you need to figure out where your priorities are. Because right now, your priority isn't your wife, it's your. 18-year-old crush, he kept saying he should have told me, but that he didn't want me to make him feel guilty for wanting to hang out with his friend, and that I should have known that nothing would happen. I asked him if he loved her, and his gut response was no, of course not. That's not at all what I'm looking for, and said that most of the time. He doesn't even like talking to her every day because she's so immature. I told him he was an idiot if he thought she didn't have feelings for him.

He tried to push back, but I told him I was 18 once, and I liked someone who was 28. We went on a date, but when he found out I was 18, he told me he couldn't see me anymore, I said it was fine, and that we could just be friends, but I still tried my hardest to get him to fall for me. He was silent after that for a long time. That was it. He drove me to the airport. He cried a lot and apologized a lot. I felt a lot of nothing, heartbreak, maybe, but there's been so much turmoil in our relationship that I just didn't care anymore. The fallout we left things the way we'd plan to leave them during the heartfelt conversation the night before. we both planned to take the five days I was gone to do some soul searching and figure out what and

where we needed to be happy. Then, when I got home, we'd talk it over and make a plan, well, when my plane landed at my destination, and I got a text from my husband saying that he would be moved out. Of our house by the time I got back, and that he's going home to the East Coast, he said he was sorry to leave me to manage our upcoming move on my own, and that he knew I would be better off this way, he said he was taking the car so he could drive back, but that he'd leave me all of the money in our bank accounts, except what he needed for gas. He said he was sorry for keeping the information about his friend from me, but that our conversation last night had meant so much to him and had been. Such a high point of our relationship, that to wake up and be

accused of cheating was a low point that he could not turn back from. He said he didn't know how to make me believe that his intentions were nothing other than company on the drive with his friend, but that it didn't matter and he would leave me alone. I've never felt that angry, hurt or desperate before, I was coordinating the travel of more than a dozen other people who were on the flight with me, and it felt like all the wind. Had been knocked out of me, I wanted to sob and scream, but I couldn't, because I was surrounded by people I was supposed to be responsible for. I tried my hardest to gain composure, but a few tears slipped out, and I just focused on my breathing. If I'm being honest, I'm not proud of my response. I basically begged him to stay. I'd left feeling

like if he needed to leave and we didn't stay together, it would be okay. But knowing that I'd be returning home to an empty house, not getting to say goodbye, and that he was ending things over text after four years together, was just too much for me. I sounded like a child. I said I needed him, that he was making a stupid mistake, that I deserved more than ending our marriage over text, all the cliches. It was bad, but he was determined to leave, and I had to get over a dozen people to our final destination, so I couldn't keep messaging him. About an hour later, I I got a text that he would at least be staying until I got back. Because of our dogs, nobody could watch them, so he'd stay until I was home, and then he'd go.

We planned on having a phone call that night to talk over the specifics, but it never happened. I was too busy and physically slash emotionally exhausted, I know from his texts coming to my iPad, but also from him telling me that he cancelled with the girl. I know that he also invited her over, which was partly my doing. With the texts I was getting I didn't want him to be alone, regardless of. of. If he fucked her then there would be no question. I know that he called his best friend and talked to him about everything for an hour and a half, which was very good. He is a phenomenal human being and has a great marriage slash advice. Husband seemed more calm and level-headed

after that call. He said he would take the rest of the week to think things through, like we planned. We didn't talk much. He texted me every day. And I sometimes responded, the week went by quickly, and I realized I didn't want to go home, I'm not sure if that's because of all the drama and chaos that was waiting there, or if it's because I no longer want to be married to my husband, I don't know a lot of things anymore, and I'm trying to take each day one at a time, I had a small panic attack as he was about to pick me up, I've had worse, but I sat outside at passenger pickup, trying to breathe oxygen that wasn't there, and wiped tears from my eyes. Maybe it was the anticipation of not knowing what would happen or where we'd stand, I don't know,

But when he hugged me, he got all emotional that I was home, and I just felt so far away. You know how when you hug someone intimately, it feels like your souls are hugging. It felt nothing like that, which was new. It felt like hugging a stranger. So yeah, now I'm home. My flight was delayed. So we both just crashed into bed as soon as we got back. I was asleep when he left for work, so we haven't.

Talked about anything, but I'm expecting we will tonight. And I'll post an update then. I know you may be looking for more resolution, and I wish I had it, I don't even know what I want to do yet. Part of me is ready to leave, to be done, to move on with my life. I'd want to take a good chunk of time and work on myself, but then I'd want to find someone who is transparent with me, and who understands and accepts the many parts of me that may be inconvenient, but are still me, part of me wants. To give him one more chance, one more opportunity to get his anger under control, communicate well,

and make things work. To you, reading this, it may seem black and white, but to me, living it, it's anything, but, I've spent nearly every day with this man for four years. We've lived together for two and a half. We have two dogs, a house, a life. It's hard to just throw that all away, even if it's what ends up being best for both of us, but that's not a decision I'm willing to make lightly or. On a whim, since I left, he's been much better about following a routine, and he hasn't texted the girl at all. He did say that she i.md him at work, and that they talked there for a bit.

I appreciated the honesty, but not knowing what they talked about has me nervous. If we do stay together, there's a lot of work that will need to be done. I told him he can kiss me on the cheek, but for right now, I can't be vulnerable or open with him, or trust him at all.

Because of the anger stuff and things he said to me during that fight, it'll take a lot of time and patience, and I don't know if he's willing to give it, if you want me to read and consider your comment, please don't throw him under the bus. He is absolutely in the wrong in this situation, but he's also been through a lot and I understand his behavior. Even if I don't excuse it, he is not a piece of shit, even if he may be acting like one. Edit, forgot to add that while I was gone, I saw messages from them on my iPad in which she admitted

that yesterday when you asked me about your hair I got nervous because I'd rather avoid the confrontation of this conversation, but I just have thought about certain things that completely crossed the line of being friends and I didn't want to put myself in a situation that I might not get out of. If that makes sense that I don't know if that does, I just didn't want to get myself in attempting. Situation so I needed to put up a wall, I'm going to go do some climbing. He responded that makes complete sense. I really understand. I knew I shouldn't ask, that had always just been a very comforting action for me, and I was giving into my sadness, but I admire you for doing what was best for you. I really hope you have a fun time today. When I got back and asked

what he did while I was gone, I said I really appreciate how you've been so. so open about things with her, even when they've been uncomfortable, it makes me feel like maybe I can start to trust you again. And then he told me all of that on his own, basically, he loves getting his head scratched when he stressed or upset, and asked her to do that, and this conversation ensued, he didn't know that I knew about it, so it was nice that he showed some effing transparency for once. Update, okay, I've heard everyone loud and clear. I just spent six hours in bed reading responses and bawling my eyes out. You're right. Every single one of you, he doesn't want a strong, independent woman.

And that's what I need to be. I just got off the phone with my mom, who is an incredibly religious person, and I assumed would be unsupportive of a divorce. But she said almost verbatim. Some of the same things you guys said. We made an exit plan, both for worst case and best case scenario. And I'll be talking to him tonight when he gets home. In the meantime, I'm going to go get coffee with my friend and try to calm down a bit.

I've been putting myself second for so long that I deserve a bit of self-care before you freak out. I never unpacked last night. If I need to leave tonight, I have nine people who have volunteered to be on call to help me move or be emotional support or whatever I need, and all of my valuables are already packed. Update 2. Just found out my husband, 28M, invited another woman over to spend the night while I'm 24F away on business. How to proceed. Thank you to everyone who has commented on my last two posts. I haven't been able to respond to everyone, and I'm still working through all the comments, but the advice, stories, and love you've shared has been overwhelming and absolutely needed. Thank you. Even the people calling me names and calling me out for not being stronger. Thank you,

it hurt too. Come to the realization that we can't move forward from this. He's betrayed my trust so many times that I'd need him to verify pretty much anything for a while, and that's no way for either of us to live, the fact of the matter is that we're both pretty broken, and have no business being in a relationship with each other or anyone else right now. I truly don't believe he's a terrible person, but he has been a terrible partner. Like many of you said, he can be a good person and not be good for. Me, last night, I chicken out. I was so scared of losing him forever that I said we should just take a break, have him fly home, and work on ourselves for a bit. There were a lot of tears, but when the conversation was over, I didn't feel better, just stuck.

This morning, I realized what I'd done. I did this the last time I tried to get out of an abusive relationship and put up safeguards so I could feel comfortable leaving. My husband doesn't deserve to be let on, and I don't deserve to be. Unable to move on, I read through more of your messages, and I can't thank you all enough for your words of comfort, encouragement, and strength. The thing is, for you it's black and white. For me, my thoughts are so thoroughly clouded by emotions and

history, and I have to let that all go. The best thing I can do for both of us is to give up. So this morning, I did. I told him that while we could take a break and try again, it would never work, I can never truly trust him again. And he wants me to change things about myself that are things I love and have no desire to change. We've been trying so hard for so long to make things work that were just too far gone. There were lots of tears, but he took it well. He's agreed to a no-contest divorce, and we'll spend the next few days packing up our house before the lease is up at the end of the month. Some of you may come at me with pitchforks for not screwing him over, or breaking up last night, or leaving him to deal with. The house alone, but that's okay. I'll be

staying at my friend's house until my new apartment is ready, and really focusing on just working on myself. I won't help him pack unless I have someone with me. Much of the stuff is mine anyway, and I'd rather not leave it behind. You guys are right that my self-confidence has taken a nose dive lately. I have a lot of healing to do before I'm ready to consider love again. And I'd I have two appointments scheduled with my therapist this week. This man is. Not a monster in my book. He's a little boy that needs to grow up.

We both made our fair share of mistakes in this relationship. But rather than feeling sorry for myself, I'm choosing to take those lessons and move on. I'm the kind of person who is very good at bouncing back. It's just the getting out that's hard. Thank you all for your help in that. I wish him all the best and simply have no desire to harbor hate in my heart. Because I know how easy it is for manipulated, abused women to go.

Right back, I've talked a lot with my family and close friends over the last 48 hours. I previously didn't share a lot of what was happening with them because I was embarrassed. Everyone always said we were the perfect couple, and I was so ashamed of all the problems we had. I've informed these people that they are not to let me go back. Should it come to that, in no uncertain terms? I don't think I'll get to that point. But I just want to be sure, edit, as a side note, I shared it for me, because damn I needed the loving slap in the face that this subbed so gracefully provides.

but I also shared it because I hope that anyone else who reads my story and sees parallels in their own life will have the strength and courage to put themselves first if you're feeling like you need to get out but don't feel strong enough or like it's bad enough or like you'll make it to the other side feel free to message me we're in this together heart