Reddit Stories - Removed my AGGRESSIVE ROOMMATE from our RESIDENCE late at night when she accused

Episode Date: July 10, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #roommateproblems #residencelife #conflictresolution #lateatnight #removedSummary: I removed my aggressive roommate from our residence late at night when she accused me of stealing her belongings. Despite her protests, I stood my ground and ensured my safety and peace of mind in our shared living space.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, roommateproblems, residencelife, conflictresolution, lateatnight, removed, aggressive, roommate, accusations, belongings, protests, safety, peaceofmind, sharedlivingspace, livingarrangements, confrontationBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Remove my aggressive roommate from our residents late at night when she accused my spouse of harming the infant for consuming apple juice, but now her relatives are involved. Is calling me an a-hole? Some background I, 32M, and my wife, 25F, have been together for five years and married for three and are expecting our son right now. We've had our ups and downs when we first got together because I was fresh out of a pretty bad relationship where my ex was basically emotionally abusive for years. She would constantly

manipulate me, make me feel like everything was my fault, and isolate me from friends and family. It took me a long time to recognize the patterns and get out. I am my wife's first serious boyfriend, which sometimes made things complicated in the beginning. She didn't have much experience with relationships and I was still dealing with baggage from my ex, so we had to figure a lot of stuff out together. There were some rough patches, but we always communicated well. When we first started dating, I noticed pretty quickly that she was really hard on herself about literally everything. Like, she would make the smallest mistake and act like she had committed some terrible crime against humanity. She was always putting herself down and saying

she wasn't good enough at stuff, even though she's actually really talented and smart. It was honestly painful to watch someone so amazing talk about themselves like that. I remember this one time she was making dinner, she's a great cook by the way, and she accidentally over-cooked the pasta a little bit. Not even that much, it was still totally fine to eat. But she got so upset about it and kept apologizing over and over like she'd ruined the entire meal. I tried to tell her it wasn't a big deal, but she was really beating herself up. That's when I started to realize something wasn't right with how she viewed herself. Another time, we were at a friend's party and she accidentally knocked over a glass of wine.

It wasn't a big deal, didn't even stain anything, and our friend was super chill about it. But my wife was practically in tears apologizing. She offered to pay for the glass, which was just some cheap IKEA thing, and kept bringing it up throughout the night. It was so disproportionate to what actually happened. After seeing this pattern for about six months, I suggested that maybe she should talk to someone professional about why she felt that way all the time. She wasn't super into the idea at first, which I totally get.

Therapy can seem intimidating if you've never done it before. So I suggested we could do couples therapy instead, even though we hadn't been together that long. I figured it might make her more comfortable if I was in front. involved too, and honestly, I thought it could help me process some of my own stuff for my previous relationship. During those therapy sessions, I think we did like eight or ten of them, can't really remember exactly, she started opening up about her childhood. Holy shit. I mean, I knew her relationship with her parents wasn't great based on some comments she'd made, but I had no idea how bad it

actually was. Her parents, especially her mom, were classic narcissists. They basically worshipped her brother and treated her like she was some kind of burden. Nothing she ever did was good enough for them. If she got an A, they'd ask why it wasn't an A-plus. If she won second place in something, they'd focus on why she didn't get first. If she cleaned the house, they'd point out the one spot she missed. Meanwhile, her brother could do whatever the fuck he wanted and they'd praise him like he was God's gift to the world. They paid for his college completely but made her work through school and take out loans.

They went to all his games and performances but always had something come up when it was her turn. I remember sitting there in the therapist's office listening to all this and just feeling sick to my stomach. At one point she talked about how when she was like 12 or 13, she won some school award for a project and was so excited to show her parents, but when she got home they were too busy celebrating her brother getting on the basketball team to even look at it. She said she ended up just throwing the award away because what was the point of keeping it? I'm not an emotional guy usually but I straight up cried hearing that shit. What kind of parents do that to their kid? The more sessions we had, the more of these stories came out.

Like how her mom would buy her clothes that were deliberately a size too small and then make comments about her needing to lose weight. Or how her dad would compare her grades to her brothers even though they were in completely different subjects. Or how they'd criticize her appearance constantly but praise her brother for looking handsome even when he rolled out of bed in wrinkled clothes. The therapy was good for both of us, honestly.

It helped me work through some of my own baggage from my ex, and it really helped her start to see that the way her parents treated her wasn't normal or okay. Our therapist was great at helping her recognize the patterns of emotional abuse and start rebuilding her self-worth. She's become so much more confident. She still has moments of self-doubt, but it's way better than before. She started standing up for herself more, pursuing her interests without constantly seeking approval and just generally being more comfortable in her own skin. It's been amazing watching her grow and become more assertive. For a while after we got married,

we went completely no contact with her parents. It was hard for her but definitely for the best. The first few months were tough. She'd get these guilt-trippy emails from her mom or voicemails from her dad acting like she was being unreasonable. Sometimes she'd waver and wonder if she was doing the right thing, but ultimately she knew it was healthier to keep her distance. Then about a year ago, they seemed like they were making some effort to be better, so we went to low contact. Like, occasional phone calls, sending holiday cards, that kind of thing. They sent a gift for our anniversary which was surprisingly thoughtful.

Her mom even apologized for any misunderstandings in the past, which wasn't a real apology but was more self-awareness than she'd ever shown before. We were cautiously optimistic that maybe they had reflected on their behavior or whatever. There was this awkward period where we weren't sure how much to share with them about our lives. My wife would agonize over what to tell them and what to keep private. She didn't want to give them ammunition to criticize her, but she also wanted to try having some kind of relationship if possible. It was a delicate balance.

So that brings us to the current situation. My wife is seven months pregnant with our first kid, a boy. She was actually the one who suggested letting her mom visit from overseas. I was skeptical, but she really wanted to give her mom a chance to be part of our kid's life if she could behave herself. She had this hope that maybe becoming a grandmother would soften her mom somehow, or that her mom would be better with our kid than she was with her. I supported her decision even though I had my doubts. Her mom arrived about a week ago, and it started out okay, I guess. A little awkward but not terrible. She brought some baby gifts which seemed like

a good sign, and she was making an effort to be interested in the nursery we were setting up and asking about the pregnancy. There were a few subtle digs here and there, like commenting on how much weight my wife had gained or suggesting better ways to organize the baby clothes, but nothing major. But as the days went on, I noticed my wife getting quieter and more anxious. She started apologizing for stupid little things again, which she hasn't done in forever. She seemed tense all the time, like she was waiting for something bad to happen. At night, she'd vent to me about little comments her mom had made during the day that made her feel inadequate. It was like watching her regress right in front of me, going back to that insecure person she was when we first met.

I suggested maybe cutting the visit short, but my wife wanted to try to make it work. She kept saying it was important for her to try to have a relationship with her mom, especially with the baby coming. I think she was also worried about seeming dramatic if she asked her mom to leave early. That's always been something her parents accused her of, being too sensitive or making a big deal out of nothing. Then nothing happened for like three days, it was just this weird tense atmosphere in the house. I'd come home from work and could feel the negative energy. My wife would be super quiet during dinner while her mom dominated the conversation. I tried to bring up topics I knew my wife was knowledgeable about or interested in,

but her mom would somehow always circle back to stories about her brother or unsolicited advice about the baby. Then last night everything went to shit. It was pretty late, maybe 11.30 or midnight, and we had gone to bed. My wife got up to get something to drink because she was having pregnancy cravings for apple juice. I had to use the bathroom so I got up too. When I came out of the bathroom, I heard shouting coming from the kitchen. At first, I thought maybe someone had broken in or something had happened. I ran down there and found my wife standing there looking absolutely terrified with a broken

glass on the floor and apple juice everywhere. Her mom was screaming at her about how apple juice is bad for the baby and my wife was trying to kill the baby and she doesn't deserve to be a mother if she's so selfish and careless. My wife wasn't even saying anything back, she was just standing there with this look on her face like she was a scared little kid. It was the exact same expression I'd seen in old photos of her from childhood, this sort of resigned terror like she was just waiting for the verbal assault to be over. I fucking lost it. I didn't even think, I just started yelling at her mom to get out of our house. When she tried to argue with me, I told her if she didn't leave immediately I'd call the

police and have her removed. She kept saying it was the middle of the night and where was she supposed to go, but I honestly didn't give a shit at that point. Our area has plenty of hotels, and she has money. I just wanted her away from my wife. She tried to appeal to my wife, saying something like, are you going to let him treat your mother this way? But my wife just kept staring at the floor. When I moved toward the phone like I was actually going to call the police, her mom finally started gathering her stuff. She tried to make a big dramatic scene about leaving, going on about how ungrateful we both were

and how she was just trying to help. She made a point of saying she'd remember this when we needed her help with the baby. Just more manipulation tactics. Eventually she called an Uber and left, still complaining the whole time. After she was gone, I spent like an hour just trying to calm my wife down.

She was shaking and crying. She told me that the juice she was drinking was actually fresh apple juice she makes herself from organic apples, not even the processed kind from the store. Not that it fucking matters because a glass of apple juice isn't going to hurt anyone regardless. But apparently, her mom had read some article about how too much fruit sugar is bad during pregnancy and decided to use that as ammunition to attack my wife. It wasn't about the juice at all. It was just another opportunity to make my wife feel. inadequate and incapable of being a good mother. My wife also told me that throughout the week, her mom had been making little comments when I wasn't around. Stuff like are you sure you're eating right? The baby looks small in the ultrasound pictures or I hope you're not planning to go

back to work after the baby comes. Children need their mothers at home. Just constant little jabs designed to undermine her confidence. Since then, we've been getting calls and texts from her family members saying I'm a complete asshole for throwing an old woman out in the middle of the night. Her brother called and left this long voicemail about how I've brainwashed his sister against the family and how I'm some kind of controlling monster. Apparently, her mom has been telling everyone that I physically intimidated her and made her feel unsafe, which is total bullshit. I never even got close to her. Even my own parents called to tell me I should have let her stay and dealt with it in the morning.

They said I could have just separated them for the night and had a calm discussion the next day. Maybe they're right and I should have handled it differently, but seeing my wife so upset just triggered something in me and I reacted. I know my parents mean well, but they didn't see how terrified my wife looked. Thing is, I don't really regret it. The look on my wife's face was exactly like the same terrified expression she used to have years ago when we first met and she was still under her parents' influence. I'm not going to let her get dragged back into that mental state, especially not while she's pregnant.

I feel like the stress of having her mom around was probably worse for the baby than any amount of apple juice could ever be. It's been a day now and my wife seems to be doing better with her mom gone, but I keep getting these angry messages from her family. They've obviously only heard her mom's version of events. I blocked a few of the more and not. annoying ones, but it's still stressful. My wife is upset about the whole situation but also seems relieved that her mom is gone. I've been trying to make the house as calm and positive as possible. I took a couple days off work so we could just relax together. We've been watching stupid comedies and ordering takeout and trying to focus on getting ready for the baby. I think it's helping, but I know she still feels guilty about the whole thing. She keeps wondering if she should

have tried harder to make it work with her mom, which breaks my heart because she's always been the one putting in all the effort. I keep telling her that it's not her job to manage her mom's emotions or behavior, but it's hard to overcome decades of conditioning. She spent her whole childhood being told that any problem in the relationship was her fault, so it's hard for her to accept that some people are just toxic no matter what you do. So Reddit, Ida. I know kicking someone out at night isn't ideal, but I don't think I was wrong to protect my wife. Update. Most of you agreed I was NTA which helped me feel better about the situation since I was really conflicted for a few days after everything went down. There were a few

people saying I overreacted, and I've been thinking about that too. Maybe I could have handled it better, but in the moment I just saw red. A lot of people were messaging me asking for an update, so here it is. A lot has happened since I posted. though honestly not as much as some of you were predicting in the comments. No, we didn't get a restraining order, L.O.L. And no, her mom didn't try to break into our house in the middle of the night. First off, me and my wife went to therapy again after this whole thing. We found our old therapist was still practicing, so we scheduled an emergency session.

It was really helpful to have a neutral third party to process everything with. During the session, she opened up about why she had invited. her mother to visit in the first place. She said she'd seen how her mom sometimes acted nice with her brother's kids, and she had this hope that maybe her mom would be the same way with our son. She really wanted to give her mother one more chance to be a proper grandmother, which I get. Everyone wants their parents to be better, right? She said she had these memories of her mom occasionally being loving and supportive when she was really little, before her brother was born. and she kept hoping that person was still in there somewhere and could come back.

It's like she's been chasing this idealized version of her mom that only existed in brief moments. Our therapist explained that narcissists like her mother rarely change in any meaningful way. They might put on a good show temporarily, especially when they want something, like access to a grandchild, but their core behavior usually remains the same. Some of you mentioned this in the comments too, and you were right. The therapist also pointed out that pregnancy is an especially vulnerable time, and having someone around who undermines your confidence can be really harmful. She helped my wife see that protecting our baby also means protecting herself from toxic

stress and emotional abuse. That seemed to really click for my wife. After a few days of thinking and talking, my wife and I decided to write a letter together and send it to everyone in her family who had given us shit about the incident. It took us like three evenings to get it right because we wanted to be clear but not overly emotional. The letter basically laid out the history of emotional abuse my wife suffered, reminded them that they all knew about it and did nothing to help her, and made it clear that we won't allow

that kind of toxicity around our child. She included specific examples of things her mother had said and done during the visit. My wife told them all that she's done trying to be the bigger person and that if they can't respect our boundaries, they're welcome to fuck off out of our lives permanently. We sent the letters both by email and regular mail to make sure they got them. Then we waited. For like a week nothing happened, and my wife was getting anxious about whether they'd even read the letters. Then the responses started coming in. Her aunt, her mom's sister, was surprisingly supportive. She sent a long email saying she'd always seen how my wife was treated differently than her brother.

but never felt it was her place to say anything. Which is kind of a cop-out if you ask me, but at least she acknowledged the problem. She apologized for believing my mother-in-law's version of events and said she'd like to maintain a relationship with us and the baby if we're open to it. A couple of cousins sent similar messages. One of them even shared that her own mom, my wife's other aunt, had been kind of shitty to her too, though not as bad.

Apparently there's a pattern of toxic parenting in my husband. wife's extended family. Other relatives either didn't respond at all or sent brief, defensive messages. Her brother sent this ridiculous email about how my wife was always too sensitive and how their parents had sacrificed everything for both of them. He claimed my wife was just jealous of him and making up stories for attention. Real asshole stuff. My wife read two sentences of it and deleted the rest. The most surprising thing that happened was when her father called her. This was a few days after we sent the letters, I think. Her dad has always been more passive in the abuse, he'd let her mom do the active criticism while he just silently withheld

approval or attention. Sometimes that's almost worse because it's less obvious. When she told him what happened with her mother, he tried to do his usual gaslighting routine, saying it probably wasn't that bad and my wife must have misunderstood or overreacted. But my wife wasn't having any of it this time. She was like a different person on that call, so strong and clear. She straight up asked him if he had ever actually cared about her because it never felt like they did. Then she just went off, listing every shitty thing they'd ever done to her from childhood onwards. Like how they forgot her 16th birthday but threw her brother a massive party for his. Or how they refused to come to our wedding because her brother had a minor league game the same weekend.

All this stuff came pouring out of her, years and years of hurt and resentment. Her dad didn't say anything the whole time she was talking. I could hear him breathing on the speakerphone but he never tried to interrupt or defend himself. When she finished, she just said, as far as I'm concerned, I don't have parents anymore and hung up. She cried for hours afterwards, and I just held her. I also called my parents to ask why the hell they hadn't taken my side. knowing the history between my wife and her mom.

Turns out her mother had called them crying, claiming I had physically threatened her and practically shoved her out the door, which is complete bullshit, I never touched her. She told them I was controlling and isolating my wife from her family, basically projecting all her own toxic behavior onto me. Once I told them what actually happened, they were horrified. They came over the next day to apologize to both of us. My mom hugged my wife for like five minutes straight and kept saying how sorry she was for doubting her.

I'm an only child so my parents are pretty protective of both of us. My dad even offered to call my father-in-law to set him straight, but we told him that wasn't necessary. We're trying to reduce drama, not create more. For now, we're just focused on getting ready for the baby to arrive. We've been finishing the nursery, crib is finally set up after sitting in a box. for months, stocking up on supplies, and doing those childbirth classes online. My wife seems much happier and more relaxed with all this toxic family drama behind us. She still has moments where she gets sad about not having the kind of supportive parents most people take for granted.

Especially with the baby coming, she sometimes talks about how she wishes her kid could have loving grandparents on both sides. But then she reminds herself that it's better to have no grandparents than abusive ones. I'm not sure if we'll ever reconnect with her parents. Right now it seems unlikely, but who knows what could happen years down the road. My wife has made it clear that any future relationship would require genuine acknowledgement of the past abuse and real, consistent change in behavior. Not just hollow apologies or temporary good behavior. I might update again after the baby is born, depending on if anything else happens. Thanks again for all the support and advice.