Reddit Stories - REQUESTED a PREMARITAL AGREEMENT from my partner to safeguard my finances, and she

Episode Date: August 1, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #marriage #finance #legaladvice #conflictSummary: REQUESTED a PREMARITAL AGREEMENT from my partner to safeguard my finances, and she. It caused tension and disagreements, leading to a deeper discussion about trust, commitment, and financial transparency in the relationship.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, marriage, finance, legaladvice, conflict, prenup, trust, commitment, finances, communication, partnership, love, money, agreement, discussionBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Requested a premarital agreement for my partner to safeguard my finances, and she became upset as we do not have sufficient wealth for such arrangements, then proceeded to discuss my financial responsibilities. Off her student loans when I told her about my wealth. I'm 29M, she's 26F. We've been together for three years and engaged for six months. I proposed back in December, and everything was perfect until last week.

when I brought up the pre-nup thing. Now I'm sitting here wondering if I'm wrong or if I'm just seeing things clearly for the first time. So here's what happened, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it because honestly, I thought this would be a normal conversation between two adults who are about to get married. I work in tech and make around $85,000. She's a teacher making about $45,000. We both have student loans, but mine are almost paid off, and I've been saving money since I was like 22 because my dad always told me to start early with investments and retirement stuff. She spends most of her paycheck every month on clothes and going out with friends, and that's fine. We don't share finances yet, so whatever. But I've been putting away

about $1,500 a month for the past seven years, and I have a decent nest egg built up plus some stocks that have done really well. Last Tuesday we were having dinner at home, and I brought up a pre-nup because I figured we should talk about it before we start planning the wedding more seriously. I said something like, hey babe, I think we should probably get a pre-nup just to protect both of us and make sure everything's clear if something ever happens. Not that I think it will, but you know, better safe than sorry. She literally laughed at me and said we're not rich enough for that. Prenups are for millionaires and celebrities, normal people like us don't need them. I tried to explain that it's not just.

just about being rich. It's about protecting what we each bring into the marriage and making sure we're both covered. That's when she got this weird look on her face and asked me what exactly I think I need to protect from her. I told her about my savings and the stocks and how I've been building this up for years, and I want to make sure it stays separate property. She just stared at me for like 10 seconds before she started getting upset. She said I was basically telling her I don't trust her and that I'm already planning for our divorce. before we're even married. She asked why I would want to keep money away from her when we're supposed to be a team.

I tried to explain that it works both ways. The pre-nup would protect her stuff too and her future earnings. But she kept saying she doesn't have anything to protect and asking why I'm being so secretive about money when we're supposed to be partners. That's when I realized she had no idea how much I actually have saved up, and I guess I never really talked about it in detail because money conversations are weird, and I didn't want to seem like I was showing off. So I told her the actual numbers, and her whole face changed. Like she went from upset to this expression I'd never seen before,

and she asked me why I never told her I had that much money. I said it never came up and it's not like I was hiding it. I just don't talk about money a lot. She got really quiet for a minute before she said that changes things, and maybe we should think about combining our finances after we get married so we can pay off her student loans faster and start building a life together. I said that's exactly why I want a pre-nup, so we can decide how to handle money stuff properly instead of just assuming. She got mad again and said I was being selfish and weird about money. The conversation got heated, and she started saying things like I must think she's some kind of gold digger if I need a legal document to protect myself from her. I said that's not what I think at all,

but pre-ups are normal and smart, and lots of people get them. She said not people like us, people who actually love each other and trust each other. I said love and trust don't have anything to do with being practical about legal and financial stuff. We went back and forth like this for like an hour, and she kept saying I was ruining everything and being paranoid and treating her like she's some stranger I can't trust with my money. I kept trying to explain that it's not about trust. It's about being smart and protecting both of us, and she could ask for whatever she wants in the pre-nup too. But she just kept getting more upset and saying that the fact that I want one at all means I don't really want to be married to her.

Finally, she said she needed to think about things, and she went to her sister's place for the night. When she came back the next day, she said she talked to her sister and her mom, and they all think I'm being ridiculous and hurtful. Her sister apparently said that asking for a pre-up is basically telling your fiancé that you think she's a gold digger and you don't trust her. Her mom said that when you really love someone, you don't need legal protection from them. I told her that her family doesn't understand the situation and they're giving her bad advice, and that set her off again because she said I was calling her mom and sister stupid and that I think I'm better than them because I have money saved up. I said that's not what I meant at all. I just meant they don't understand that pre-ups are normal and good for everyone involved.

But she said they understand just fine, and I'm the one who's being weird and suspicious. We've been fighting about this for a week now, and she's staying at her sister's place most nights and only coming home to get clothes and stuff. Yesterday she texted me and said she'll consider signing a pre-nup if I agree to pay off her student loans after we get married and put her name on the house I'm planning to buy next year. I said that defeats the whole purpose of having a pre-up, and she said that's my answer, take it or leave it. I don't even know what to think anymore because this whole thing has shown me a side of her I've never seen before, and I'm starting to wonder if she's more interested in my money than I realized. Like when she found out how much I have saved up, her whole attitude changed,

and suddenly she's talking about combining finances and paying off her loans and getting her name on property I haven't even bought yet. I keep thinking about my dad, who got divorced when I was in college and lost half of everything even though my mom barely worked during their marriage and didn't contribute much to their savings. I swore I would never let that happen to me. I called my buddy Stephen, who got married last year, and asked if he got a pre-nup. He said, yeah, of course. It was just part of the wedding planning process, and his wife was totally fine with it because

they both wanted to protect their individual assets. He said his wife actually suggested it first because she has some family money she wanted to keep separate, and they worked it all out with lawyers, and it was no big deal. So now I'm even more confused because Stephen's situation sounds totally normal and reasonable, but my fiancé is acting like I asked her to sign over her firstborn child or something. Her sister keeps texting me and saying I'm being an ass and that I'm going to lose the best thing that ever happened to me over a stupid piece of paper. Her mom called me to tell me that marriage is about trust and sharing everything, and if I can't do that, then I'm not ready to be married. I was polite, but I told her that I respectfully

disagree and that financial planning is part of being a responsible adult. I don't want to be with someone who sees my savings as our money before we're even married, and I don't want to be with someone who thinks wanting legal protection means I don't love her. So am I the asshole for insisting on a pre-nup even though she's completely against it and thinks it means I don't trust her? Update 1 After I posted my original story, I decided to try one more time to have a calm conversation with my fiancé about the pre-nup.

So I texted her and asked if she wanted to meet and talk things through without getting emotional or involving other people's opinions. She agreed, and we met on Saturday. I thought we could maybe find some middle ground and work things out because despite everything, I still love her and I want this to work. So I came prepared to compromise and maybe agree to a simpler pre-up that just covers the major stuff. I had even looked up some pre-up templates online and printed out a few examples to show her that they don't have to be these massive complicated documents. They can be pretty straightforward and fair. But as soon as I sat down,

she started talking, and I could tell this wasn't going to go the way I hoped. She said she had been thinking about everything, and she realized that I was right about needing to protect our individual assets, but she wanted to make sure the pre-nup was fair to both of us. I thought, okay, this sounds promising. Maybe we can work this out after all. Then she pulled out a piece of paper with notes written on it and started reading off what she thought should be in the pre-up. She said, since I want to keep my sense. saving separate, she should be able to keep her future teachers pension separate, which I said was totally fine. Then she said, since I don't want to combine finances, we should split all

household expenses exactly 50 to 50, including rent and groceries and utilities, and I said that seems fair. But then she kept going and said that since we're keeping everything separate, if we have kids, she should get primary custody in case of divorce because she'll be the one taking time off work and sacrificing her career, and I should pay child support based on my income level. She also said that if we buy a house together, even if I put down the down payment for my savings, we should own it 50 to 50 because she'll be contributing to the mortgage payments. I started to feel like something was off because this didn't sound like she was trying to compromise. It sounded like she was trying to get all the benefits of keeping things separate while also

getting access to my money and assets. So I asked her where she got these ideas because this didn't sound like the same person who was crying about me not trusting her a few days ago. She said she had been doing research online and talking to people about pre-ups, and she learned that they need to be fair to both parties, and all of her suggestions were just making sure she wasn't getting screwed over. I said, okay, let's talk through each point, but when I started asking questions about the details, it became clear that her version of fair was pretty one-sided. Like with the house thing, I pointed out that if I'm putting down the down payment for money I saved before we got married, and the pre-nup is supposed to protect premarital assets,

then my down payment should stay mine, and we should only split the portion we pay together. She said that wasn't fair because once we're married, the house becomes a marital asset, and she'll be living there and contributing to it. I said, but that's exactly what prenups are for, to keep premarital assets separate, she said she didn't think that was reasonable because it would mean I have an unfair advantage. I asked her how it's unfair for me to keep money I saved before I even met her, and she said because it puts her at a disadvantage and makes the relationship unequal. We went around in circles on this for a while, and I started to realize that she doesn't actually

understand what pre-ups are for. She thinks they're supposed to make everything perfectly equal regardless of what each person brings to the marriage. When I tried to explain that the whole point is to protect what you each had before the marriage, she said that was selfish and that marriage is supposed to be about combining your lives completely. So I asked her why she was suddenly okay with a pre-up if she still believes that, and she said because I was clearly not going to change my mind, and she wanted to make sure that if I was going to be selfish about money, then she needed to protect herself too. That's when I realized she wasn't trying to compromise. She was trying to get revenge or something. The conversation got tense again, and I said, look, I think we have

different ideas about what a pre-nup should do. Maybe we should talk to a lawyer together and get some professional advice, she said she had already talked to a lawyer, her sister's friend who does family law, and he told her that everything she was asking for was totally reasonable and that my version of a pre-up sounded one-sided. I was surprised she had already talked to a lawyer without telling me, and I asked her when this happened. She said she called him right after our first fight about the pre-up because she wanted to know what her rights were. So while she was at her sister's place crying about how I don't trust her, she was also consulting lawyers about how to protect herself in a divorce. I pointed this out and said it seemed like she was doing exactly what she accused me of doing, planning for a divorce before we're even married.

She said that's different because she was only doing it in response to me wanting a pre-nup, and if I hadn't brought it up, she never would have thought about divorce at all. But here's the thing that really got to me. She kept talking about this lawyer like they had multiple conversations, and she mentioned that he told her about palimony and common law marriage and all these other things that had nothing to do with our situation. When I asked her how much she had talked to this lawyer, she said a few times to go over her options.

Something about the way she said it made me suspicious, so I asked her if this lawyer guy was single and if her sister was trying to set them up or something. She got really defensive and said it wasn't like that. He was just being helpful and giving her free advice as a friend. But then she said that he told her that most men who ask for pre-nups are either hiding assets or planning to cheat, and that I was probably both. I said that was ridiculous and insulting, and also probably not the kind of thing a professional

lawyer would say about someone he's never met. She said he was just looking out for her and trying to make sure she didn't get taken advantage of by someone who obviously doesn't respect her. At this point I was getting really angry because it felt like she was trying to turn this into something it wasn't, and she was letting some random lawyer guy poison her against me. I said if she really thinks I'm hiding assets and planning to cheat, then maybe we shouldn't get married at all, and she said maybe we shouldn't. We just stared at each other for a minute, and I realized that this wasn't about the pre-nup anymore. This was about the fact that we have completely different values about money and trust and planning for the future.

She thinks I'm selfish and paranoid, and I think she's irresponsible and opportunistic. I told her I needed to think about whether we should keep planning this wedding, and she said she was thinking the same thing. Then she got up and left, and I just sat there trying to figure out how everything went so wrong so fast. That was Saturday, and we haven't talked since then except for a few texts about logistics. She came by the apartment yesterday to get more of her stuff, and she was really cold and formal.

She said she was going to stay at her sister's place until we figure out what we're doing. I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I keep coming back to the fact that as soon as she found out about my savings, her whole attitude changed, and she started making plans for my money. And now she's talking to lawyers and making demands and acting like I'm the bad guy for wanting to protect myself. I'm starting to think I dodged a bullet here because if this is how she reacts to a reasonable request for financial protection, how is she going to react to other disagreements in our marriage? And if she really thinks that wanting a pre-up means I don't love her or trust her, then we have fundamentally different ideas about what love and trust mean. My friend Stephen texted me yesterday and said he heard from someone that my fiancé was posting stuff on social media about our situation, so I checked her Instagram and Facebook,

but I didn't see anything. But then I realized I should check if she blocked me, and she did, so I have no idea what she's saying about me online. I asked Stephen, whose friends with her on Facebook, to check what she's posting, and he said there was a vague post about learning people's true colors when you get engaged, but nothing specific about our situation. Still, the fact that she blocked me from her social media feels pretty final. I'm supposed to be planning a wedding right now, but instead I'm sitting here wondering if I even want to marry someone who reacts like this to a practical conversation about finances. And the more I think about it, the more I realized that there were probably

signs I ignored because I was in love and didn't want to see them. Like how she always expects me to pay when we go out to dinner even though we agreed to split expenses, or how she talks about our future like my money is automatically going to solve all her problems. I guess I thought that would change after we got married and started really combining our lives, but maybe this is just who she is. I don't know what's going to happen next, but I'm definitely not planning a wedding until we figure this out. Update 2. Jesus Christ, this whole situation has completely imploded, and I can't believe what happened over the weekend. I thought things were bad before, but now I'm seeing that everything was even worse than I realized, and I'm honestly grateful that this all came out before the wedding. So after my last update, I was still kind of hoping we could work things out somehow, even though.

though I was starting to have serious doubts about whether we were compatible. I figured maybe we both needed some time to cool off and think about what we really wanted, and then we could have another conversation about the future. But then Friday night I got a call from my buddy Ryan, who said he had something to tell me that I wasn't going to want to hear. He said he was at this bar downtown with some co-workers, and he saw my fiancé there with some guy he didn't recognize, and they were definitely not having a casual friend thing. They were. They were were sitting really close, and she was touching his arm and laughing at everything, he said. I asked him if he was sure it was her, and he said yeah, absolutely, and he took a picture

because he thought I should know. He texted me the picture, and it was definitely her, and she was wearing this dress I bought her for her birthday last year. She was leaning into this guy and looking at him the way she used to look at me. My first thought was that maybe it was the lawyer guy she had been talking to about the pre-nup, but when I looked closer at the picture, the guy looked younger, and he was wearing scrubs like he worked at a hospital or something. So I called Ryan back and asked him if he heard them talking about anything, and he said he couldn't hear much, but he did hear her call him doctor something. I was trying not to jump to conclusions because maybe it was innocent, maybe she was just having drinks with a friend or something,

but then Ryan said they left together and got into the same car. He followed them outside because he was worried about me, and he saw them kissing in the parking lot before they drove away. I just sat there holding my phone, trying to process what he was telling me, because this was literally the last thing I expected. We're engaged, we're supposed to be planning a wedding, we just had this huge fight about pre-ups and trust, and she's out kissing some random doctor guy. I was so angry I could barely think straight, and my first instinct was to call her and confront her about it. But then I realized that she would just deny it or make up some excuse, and I would never get the truth. So I decided to wait and see what she would do, whether she would

tell me about it or just pretend it never happened. Saturday she texted me and said she wanted to come by the apartment to get some more of her stuff, and I said fine, I would be out running errand so she could come whenever. But instead of going out, I just went to the coffee shop across the street and waited to see if anyone came with her or if she seemed different or guilty or whatever. She showed up alone around noon and was in there for like an hour. When she came out, she looked normal, not guilty, or secretive or anything. She texted me that she got her stuff and that we should talk soon about what we're doing with the wedding planning and returning deposits and all that. So I texted back and said we should definitely talk. How about dinner Sunday night?

She said okay, but she wanted to meet somewhere public, not at the apartment. Sunday I got there early, and I was nervous as hell because I still didn't know if I was going to confront her about the doctor guy or just see what she had to say about everything. She showed up 20 minutes late, and she looked different, like she had gotten her hair done, and she was wearing makeup in this outfit I had never seen before. We ordered food and made small talk for a few minutes, and then she said she had been doing a lot of thinking, and she realized that we want different things from life, and maybe it would be better if we took a break from planning the wedding and figured out what we really want. I said that sounded like she wanted to break up,

and she said not necessarily break up, but maybe take some time apart to think about whether we're really compatible for marriage. She said the pre-nup fight showed her that we have different values about money and trust, and maybe we rushed into getting engaged. I was listening to her talk and thinking about what Ryan saw on Friday night, and I realized she was breaking up with me but trying to make it sound mutual and reasonable. She wasn't upset or sad. So I decided to see if she would tell me the truth, and I said it sounds like there might be someone else in the picture.

She got this look on her face like I had caught her doing something. She said no, there's no one else, she just needs time to think about what she wants. I said, are you sure? because someone saw you at a bar Friday night with some guy who looked like a doctor. Her whole face changed color. She said that was just a friend, someone she met through her sister, and they were just having drinks and talking about her situation. I said talking about our situation with random strangers doesn't seem like something you would do,

and what kind of friend kisses you in parking lots. She got defensive and said whoever saw her was wrong about what they saw, she didn't kiss anyone, they were just talking. But I could tell she was lying because she couldn't look at me, and she kept touching her hair the way she does when she's nervous. So I said, okay, if he's just a friend, then you won't mind telling me his name and how you met him. She said his name was Todd, and she met him near the hospital where he works.

I said, when did you meet him? She said a couple weeks ago, right around the time we started fighting about the pre-nup. So while she was staying at her sister's place and crying about how I don't trust her, she was also meeting new guys. I asked her if Todd knew she was engaged in planning a wedding, and she said yes, but he understood that she was going through a difficult time, and he was just being supportive. I said most people would call that emotional cheating at minimum, and she said I was being paranoid and controlling in trying to make her feel guilty for having friends.

We started arguing right there in the restaurant, and she said I was proving her point about, being controlling and not trusting her. I said I was proving my point about needing a pre-up because clearly I can't trust her. She said that was a horrible thing to say, and if that's how I really feel, then we should definitely not get married. I said, fine, let's not get married, and she said, fine, I'll send you a list of the vendors we need to cancel, and you can figure out how to split the costs. Then she got up and walked out of the restaurant and left me sitting there with two dinners and a check. I paid and drove home and just sat in my apartment thinking about how everything had gone so wrong so fast. Three weeks ago I was planning a wedding, and now I'm

apparently single, and my ex-fiancee is dating a doctor she met. Monday morning she texted me a spreadsheet of all our wedding expenses and vendor contacts, with notes about which deposits were refundable and which weren't. It was like the most organized and efficient breakup document I've ever seen, which made me think she had been planning this for a while. I texted back and said I would handle canceling everything, and she didn't need to worry about the costs. I would just eat the deposits because I wanted this to be over cleanly. She said that was generous and she appreciated it, and then she said she would come by this week to get the rest of her stuff when I wasn't there. That was it. Three years of relationship and six months of engagement ended with a text about

picking up her stuff. No conversation about what went wrong or whether we could fix things, no sadness or regret. I called my dad Tuesday night and told him everything that happened, and he said he was sorry it ended this way, but he thought I handled it right, and he was proud of me for sticking to my guns about the pre-nup. He said better to find out who she really is now than after the wedding when it would be much more complicated and expensive. My friend Stephen came over Wednesday night with beer, and we cancelled all. all the wedding vendors together. I lost about $3,000 in deposits, but honestly, it feels like the best money I ever spent because it showed me what kind of person I was about to marry.

Stephen said his wife wanted to know if I was doing okay and if I needed anything, and I said I was actually doing better than I expected. I thought I would be devastated, but mostly I just feel relieved that I don't have to pretend this relationship was working anymore. I haven't heard from her since, and I don't expect to. Her sister drove by the apartment yesterday when she came to get the last of her stuff, but I was at work, so I didn't have to deal with any awkward conversations or drama. So that's it. I'm single again, and I'm not planning any weddings anytime soon. But I'm keeping that pre-nup idea in my back pocket for next time because this whole experience taught me that you really can't be too careful when it comes to protecting yourself legally and

financially.