Reddit Stories - SELF-IMPORTANT partner INSISTED I cover the costs of a lavish VACATION. Upon my

Episode Date: February 5, 2026

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #vacation #selfimportant #relationshipadvice #moneyissues #boundaries  Summary: A person recounts their experience with a self-important partner who insisted they cover the costs of a lavish vacation. This situation raised concerns about financial fairness and the dynamics of their relationship, prompting them to seek advice on how to address the issue and establish healthier boundaries.  Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationship, vacation, financialadvice, selfimportance, boundaries, love, communication, advice, personalfinance, couples, expectations, conflictresolution, travel, partners, supportBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6816713/support.This episode includes AI-generated content.

Episode with two stories, first part. I hope you enjoy this story. Self-important partner insisted I cover the costs of a lavish vacation. Upon my refusal, she sabotaged our betrothal celebration, prompting me to end the relationship, resulting in her parents pleading with me, to take her back. So I, 25M, have been with Emily, 24F, for two years. She and I met through friends who set us up on a bullet. line date and we got along great. We started dating soon and for a year, we've been living together as well. I'm a software developer and have a decent income so I'm the one who contributes more to

the relationship money-wise. Emily used to work in sales but she's between jobs right now since she resigned a couple of weeks ago so she could go to business school. Her parents are going to pay for it so I'm not worried about that, but since we're living together, I'm going to have to take over the household expenses entirely. The only thing she can pay for is gas and groceries as of now but not for long, according to what she told me. I was prepared to do all of that because I knew that once she was back on her feet, we would go back to splitting everything. And also I loved her and trusted her, so I didn't mind this arrangement. I had been planning to propose for a really long time because she and I were pretty much soulmates, or so I thought. And I wanted to get married to her as

soon as I could. I finally bought a ring and popped the question a week ago and she said yes. We were happy for a few days and started planning for the engagement party that we were throwing to officially announce our engagement to all our friends and family. We had the party a few days ago and that's where everything went downhill. Before I talk about what happened, let me just say that this was the first time I saw this side of hers and I didn't have a clue that Emily could be so materialistic. We'd invited all our friends and loved ones to the party and I was socializing. After about an hour, Emily dragged me away from a conversation that I was having with my parents and told me that she had something very important to discuss with me. So I followed her into the

bedroom where I expected her to talk to me in person but her entire girl gang was there. For context, Emily and her group of girlfriends have been friends since high school. There are about six girls, including Emily, and all of them have pretty much the same annoying personality, except her. I don't want to sound like a misogynist, but Emily really isn't anything like her friends and I don't even know how she fell into that group in the first place. The rest of the girls are spoiled, brady, and really rich. Emily's parents were never rich, they were comfortable, but not as rich as her friend's parents. But she didn't seem to mind and from the looks of it, neither did her friends. So it was all cool between them, I suppose. I wasn't aware of the dynamics

until recently. Anyway, I was pretty intimidated when I saw them all sitting in the room and I was already feeling quite uneasy when Emily started telling me that they had been talking and they wanted to go on a bachelorette trip before she got married. I breathed this sigh of relief and told her that I didn't have a problem with that. She was free to do whatever she wanted because even my friends and I would probably have a bachelor party before I got married. Nothing too crazy, obviously. But it was only fair to let her have her fun with her friends too, before we got hitched. But apparently, that wasn't it? After I said that I was okay with the bachelorette party, she told me that it was great because she wanted me to sponsor it. Not just for her, but for all of our friends.

They wanted to go to an exotic beach location for about a week, live in a fancy hotel, and just go crazy. But since she was unemployed right now, she couldn't exactly afford it without completely blowing through her savings. And she couldn't ask her parents to fund that for her either because they were already paying for her to go to business school and she didn't want to trouble them too much. So she asked me to pay for it and told me that she would return the money as soon as she got a job. All her friends were looking at me and I felt uncomfortable because I felt like she had put me on the spot by asking me to sponsor her Bachelorette trip in front of her friends. I did the math in my head, even though I didn't need to because I already knew that it would be an insanely expensive affair. And that there was no way that I would be able to afford it without digging into my savings. I really didn't want to do that because I didn't think that it was worth it to spend so much money on a trip that I wasn't even going to be on.

Even if they invited me to tag along, I don't think I would be willing to pay for all of it. I wasn't being stingy, but I was just thinking about the future and that sort of money could really come into handy in emergencies, or maybe just in general. And even though it was uncomfortable, I had to decline and I told her that I wasn't willing to cover the expenses of their trip. Another reason for this was that it could be a really long time before she saved up enough to pay me back. And I didn't want to get into it because it would be.

complicated and unnecessary for us to get into such a weird monetary arrangement. Just before we were about to get married. As soon as I declined, she and her friend started looking at me all weirdly and asked me why she couldn't go on that trip. So I clarified and I told her that she was free to go on the trip as long as she found a different way to pay for it. But I wouldn't be comfortable spending so much money on a bachelorette trip. So then she reiterated that she was going to pay me back eventually but I told her that

that it doesn't matter because until she paid me back, I would still be out a huge amount of money, since she wanted me to sponsor the trip for all her friends, not just her. And that would be a crazy amount of money, which I wasn't ready to spend. So unless she was able to pay for it herself, she could call it off. After saying that, I left the room because I wasn't really comfortable discussing money with her friends sitting by. I thought that she would drop it after I left the room because there were a lot of guests in the house at the time. But she didn't and she followed me into the living room while still talking about the trip. She was being extremely stubborn and kept saying that she was going to pay me back,

but she just needed me to do this for her once and have her back here. She even said that she and her friends had been planning for this for years and she wanted this to happen. Because she was about to be the first girl in the group to get married and this was supposed to be special for all of them. So I told her that this was supposed to be special for us as well and if I decided to sponsor the trip for all of them, then I would probably be broke by the time of the wedding and we would have to get married in the courthouse. That wasn't entirely true because my parents were going to cover some of the expenses of the wedding. But she didn't have to know that, and I'd still have to bear the cost of whatever my parents didn't pay for. I just wanted her to stop talking about the

trip because it was just an absurd idea and it didn't make any sense to me. She kept arguing with me in hushed tones and none of my arguments seemed to deter her. We were trying to keep it quiet so nobody would be able to overhear us, but both of us were getting agitated and our guests were taking note of that. After some time, I told her that we could put this argument on hold and talk about this once the party was over. But she lost it then and started throwing a full-blown temper tantrum in the middle of the party. She screamed at me and told me that I was being selfish and it was just a trip that I needed to pay for. She said that I earned enough money to be able to afford it

and the only reason that I wasn't agreeing to pay for it was because I was too selfish. She started having a meltdown and told me that she and her friends had always wanted a wonderful bachelorette trip before they got married and went their separate ways, but I was ruining that dream for her by being self-centered and incredibly stingy. By then, I was feeling really upset

so I yelled right back at her and brought up how I'd been the one supporting the both of us for the past year because I knew that she couldn't afford to contribute to the expenses on her salary as much as I did. And now when she was about to go to business school, I was ready to take on the entire responsibility of all the household expenses, just so she could have what she wanted. And even after that, if she thought that I was selfish, then maybe she shouldn't even be with me because I didn't want to be with her anymore after what she just said. She started crying and then ran out of the house and soon after, all the guests started leaving. Her purpose was a

parents apologized to me for her behavior before they left, but the damage was already done. I didn't sleep a wink that night because I kept expecting Emily to call me or text me or something, but she didn't do any of those things. Only the next day did I hear about her, but it wasn't from her. Her parents were the ones who called me and told me to talk to her and bring her back home. They said that there was some strange power dynamic between her and her friends where she was constantly just trying to fit in with them. They did have incidents. They did have incidents. like this before as well when she was in school, but they figured that she would grow out of it eventually and stop trying to be something that she isn't. Clearly, that hasn't happened

and just because her friends are rich and they had made some stupid plans when they were younger, she felt the need to show them that her life was just as fabulous as theirs and she could totally take them on an all-expenses paid trip. Her parents told me that her friends could probably afford to sponsor a bachelorette trip for all six of them because their parents had the kind of money that allowed them to do so, but Emily didn't and neither did any of us. Unfortunately, Emily was too proud to admit it and tell her friends that she couldn't afford a fancy bachelorette trip right now. She just wanted to fit in with her friends, it had always been a thing with her and unfortunately, it had gone way out of hand this time because she had

jeopardized our relationship, thanks to her inexplicable need to constantly prove to people that she's rich or whatever. They told me that they had spoken to Emily but she wasn't ready to apologize because she was still feeling pretty raw from what happened the previous evening. And now they were begging me to talk to her and get her to come back to me because she was living in a hotel right now and that was something that she would eventually ask them to pay for. She didn't have the money to live in a hotel indefinitely and her parents were kind of counting on me to take care of her financially while she went to business school and got her degree. So if we broke up, it would mean trouble for Emily and her parents. And besides, her parents thought

that it wasn't worth it to let such a petty argument come in the way of our relationship. They said that she wasn't willing to come back to me because of what I said about not wanting to be with her anymore and she had apparently taken it really hard. They had spoken to her and she didn't even bring up the other stuff about the trip or whatever. She just seemed really upset about what I said because she felt like breaking up with her was a huge decision and I just said it without a second thought. And then I didn't even try to follow her or talk to her after that. Of course, she's right about that, but then I was actually expecting her to talk to me because she was the one who started that fight and lost her temper first. So I don't think it's

too crazy for me to want her to come and talk to me and clear the air between us. The fight was kind of her fault because she was being a little cuckoo about the whole trip and it was extremely entitled of her to believe that not only would I support her until she graduated business school but I would also give into any of her whims and fancies just because she wanted me too. I mean, I had a life of my own as well and my finances didn't just revolve around what she wanted. I had to look out for myself as well because unlike her, I didn't feel comfortable asking my parents for money and I didn't want to rely on anybody else. I do want to make things work with her because apart from what happened, Emily has been the best partner I've ever

had and I really want to be with her. But I don't think I did anything wrong on the day of our fight. I'd offer saying that I wanted to break up with my GF when she threw a tantrum at our engagement party. Update 1, so I decided to talk to Emily. Not because I wanted to apologize or get back together, but because I wanted some clarity on what was going to happen after this. Most of you said that I need to run the other way and break up with her because this was a huge red flag that I just witnessed on the day of the party and I guess that's true. But I can't let go of this relationship without at least a conversation. I need to know what happened and what went wrong, so at least I'll be able to judge if we can fix it or if I just have to give up.

I appreciate everybody who commented with advice. But honestly, nobody knows our relationship better than us and my gut says that I need to talk to her, so that's what I'm going to do. I sent her a text this morning. It's been around a week since she left and her parents have been texting me relentlessly, trying to convince me to take her back. She hasn't replied yet and I had half a mind to go see her at the hotel that she has been staying in. Her parents told me where she was, so I could go to her if I wanted to meet her in person but I think that we'll be taking things too far. It might be a huge, grand romantic gesture. But if she is still mad at me then it might just come off as creepy.

And I don't want to take that risk, so I'll just stick to texting and waiting for her to reply. I sent her the classic we need to talk text and she probably knows that this conversation is not going to be comfortable or pleasant. Like all couples, Emily and I have also had fights before but none of this magnitude. None of our fights have ever come to the point of actually breaking up. Because we always knew that we wanted to make it work and stay together. This is the first time that either of us has moved out and refused to talk to the other person for more than two days. Most of the time, when we would fight, we would make up within the next couple of days. Because it's pretty hard to live together and not speak to each other.

However, after she left, she didn't try to contact me even once so I had to be the one to break the ice. I guess the reason that I'm rambling is because I'm nervous about what's going to happen next. She might break up with me or create a situation where I have to leave. And I really don't want that to happen because even though things are bad right now, now, she's pretty much the best girlfriend I've ever had and I love her. Update 2. So, Emily finally replied to my text and I think we're going to have to meet in person if we want to clear the air. She sent me a text in response, saying that wants to make things work. But she read my post here and is probably going to read the update as well,

and she didn't like what she saw in the post. By that, she meant that she didn't like the side of hers that came through in the post and she took full responsibility for it. I didn't I didn't think that was going to happen, but it's nice that she accepted her mistake. She told me in the text that she didn't want to discuss this on the phone but believed that it would be more appropriate for us to meet in person. So that's what we're going to do, we're going to meet for lunch tomorrow. She said that she was going to drive down to my workplace and we can go to a restaurant nearby, so I can get back to work as soon as I can, which was really thoughtful of her and I do appreciate it.

But I still don't know if we're going to work things out and stay together or just bring break up now. She didn't sound too happy in the texts, so I don't know what to expect. Her parents have also stopped trying to reach out to me and I don't think that's a good sign because I'm pretty sure that it means that they have given up and if they have given up, it means that they don't want us to get back together or maybe they just don't care enough about it. Either way, even if we do break up, I think it's better for us to at least meet one last time, talk things through, and then part ways. Instead of letting that fight at the party be our last conversation, I think we deserve a better ending. And most of you in this subreddit believe

that things should be over between us because her behavior was inexcusable. And I do agree with it, what she did at the party was ridiculously stupid. But at the same time, I don't want to let go and I would honestly want to work things out and then get married. It sounds stupid, but I know her and I know that except for the influence of her vapid and stupid friends, she's a really nice person. It's just that she wanted to fit in with the wrong crowd and that's what made her act out that way. It was the first time that it happened and I don't think that she would have screamed

at me that way, had it not been for her friends who put stupid ideas into her head, instead of convincing her to do the right thing. And it was kind of own fault too, for listening to them. instead of thinking with her own head. So yes, despite everything that happened, I think that we should stay together. We can get couples counseling if it's required but actively try to sort out the situation, instead of just giving up on it. I don't believe in quitting relationships and I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing,

but I really want to make it work. Update 3, we met today and unfortunately, it's over. I don't know what I was expecting or why I thought anything apart from this was going happen. I was a fool to believe that we could work this out and still stay together, honestly. She returned the ring and told me that she would come back in a couple of days to grab some of the stuff that she left behind. That's a bit of an understatement because she pretty much left everything behind. I didn't ask where she was going to live now, I'm sure that she has friends and other people who are going to be helping her out. It just sucks that we're not going

to be together anymore and I'm not going to wake up to see her face every single day. I'm I don't like quitting relationships and this was, by far, my best relationship so I'm devastated that it's coming to an end. The conversation that we had wasn't an easy one. She told me that she read my first post here but didn't go through the updates because she already knew what was happening. More importantly, she couldn't bring herself to read those because reading the original post was hard enough, knowing that this was about her. She said that reading that post and learning how I felt about the situation was very difficult for her because it opened her eyes and made her accept some really difficult truth bombs that she wasn't doing anything worthwhile

with her life and just floating by. She said that she didn't want to rely on me or her parents anymore and actually make something of herself first. She also told me that she appreciated everything that I had done for her and was ready to do for her in the future. It would be weird to thank me but she really wanted to and I didn't know how to react to that so I just smiled. In hindsight, I probably should have said something. Also, as it turns out, her friends aren't as rapid and mean as I thought they would be. Because after the party they were the ones who told her that she needed to apologize to me and make it right if she wanted to make this relationship work.

They told her that she was out of line for whatever she said and even addressed the financial disparity between her family and theirs. They told her that they wouldn't judge her if she didn't do the same things and were even willing to cover for her and stuff, but she needed to stop letting it become an ego thing and going out of her way to fit in, especially at her age. I must say, I wasn't expecting that her friends would pick up on her issues and actually talk to her about it, but I'm happy that they did and I guess I was wrong about them. Anyway, the bottom line is that the relationship is over. But at least we ended on good terms. We hugged goodbye before we parted ways. I didn't cry when we

were together, but as soon as I was back in the office, I had to excuse myself and visit the restroom so I could let my feelings out. I don't know if we're ever going to get back together, but if we do, I hope it's soon and I hope that when we do, we make it work that time. That's the end of the first story. Let's begin the second one. I hope you enjoy this story. My siblings betrothed is fixated on me, becomes envious when my sibling and I hang out, and made cruel remarks about the senior lady who died under my watch. My 27F brother, 25, is marrying Lena, 24F. She doesn't have a family so my family tried to make her feel really included.

I liked her the few times I saw her until she started to get weird. I live five hours away from my family because I worked as Rita's, 98F, personal nurse, so I lived with her and I'm studying another degree so I don't really have too much free time. The first time I met Lena almost two years ago she came up to me saying that everyone in the family always talks about me or asks for me in every family reunion and she wanted to meet me. I make a little talk with her and then I went to talk with my aunts. The rest of the night whenever I was talking to a member of my family, Lina would get into the conversation even if it was private.

I assumed she was trying to fit in and include herself so I included her in the conversations even though I found it uncomfortable. After that she included herself all the time in any conversation. I was having with anyone at any family gathering, but I would include her in the conversations. The problem started when they announced their engagement. They were going to announce it at a party, but before they announced it I had to leave the place urgently because Rita had fallen out of the bathtub. My brother understood the urgency and he took me to a room just the two of us to still tell

me the news of his engagement before I leave. I congratulated and hugged him, but Lena ruined our moment because she complained saying that the firstborn of the family. Me, must be there, but I just ignored her and my brother explained her that I had to leave. I have been taking care of Rita since before I graduated and she always trusted in my skills as a nurse and she's even paying for my second degree which is a lot so she became a third grandmother to me and after falling in the bathroom she broke her hip and her health deteriorated greatly. It's just me and her pregnant great-grandchild who takes care of her. My mother also comes

to the hospital to help me sometimes because Rita doesn't like to be touched by the hospital nurses. She hates when strangers touches her for some traumas from her childhood. A few months ago, Lena went out with the women of the family to try on wedding dresses and one of my cousins told me that Lena kept complaining because I didn't went with them. Rita was sick and I was taking care of her, Lena knew that. On my mother's birthday I invited her for a brunch. It was supposed to be a mother and daughter outing like we do every year but Lena insisted on coming.

My mother felt uncomfortable but we included her in our brunch anyways. I can tell a lot of situations like that where Lena pushed herself too hard to get close to me even if I was always kind with her. She even had an argument with a cousin because of that. I reached my limit yesterday. Rita passed away three days ago and not only am I really sad but also my parents and brother since everyone knew her and she was a great woman. Rita wants us to bury her ashes in the cottage where she grew up. Rita's great-granddaughter surprised me with an arranged trip for the two of us to go and bury the ashes next week. I told my family that and my mother said she wants to go too, but Lena got totally mad and started to complain saying that we're going to a trip two days before the wedding. To be honest, I totally forgot about it and I don't feel with the energy to go.

My mother explained that we will only go to bury the ashes and come back literally the night before the wedding day and that everything is actually ready. Lena continued complaining and I snapped when she told me that I care more about an old lady who wasn't my family and that I should care a lot more about her since she'll be my real family, my brother's wife and my nieces and nephew's mother and the dead woman wasn't even my blood. I told Lena that Rita was like family to me and that she's not even a friend to me, that she's not relevant in my life and if it wasn't for my brother I wouldn't even try to get along with her. Maybe I was mean but I was sad and angry. I left the place while Lena was trying to argue with me and she started to cry saying that she only wanted to be family for me. I always wanted to make her feel included but she crossed my boundaries and doesn't have empathy at all.

She didn't even give me condolences when Rita passed away and kept talking about the wedding all day while I made calls to take care of the funeral. Now I'm thinking that I don't even want to go to the wedding. I love my brother and he even chose my bridesmaid dress but I feel too bad to go and I'm even thinking of cutting off contact with Lena because her behavior is too weird and dense. I'm just sad and I want to cry all day because I lost the woman I considered my guide for five years for her wisdom and I feel guilty for not wanting to go to my brother's wedding and make him feel sad but I just don't want to deal with it. because next time I see her I know I will surely fight with her if she makes another comment like that. Update 1, first of all, I'm grateful to those who gave me good advice even though others left weird comments and hadn't even read the post before leaving a comment. I want to clarify again that I always tried to make Lena feel welcome and I always understood that she never had a family, but do I deserve to be treated without empathy? Why should I overflow with empathy for her when

she never showed empathy for me? I'm grieving and can't even have peace right now, because of her I also got comments saying that I should treat her like a toddler, but that's just rude. She's a grown woman and should be treated like what she is. I think it would be insulting to treat her like a child. I talk to my parents about everything and also to my brothers. In the conversation I discovered things that Lena did and said that are even more weird. My mother said that Lena often makes comments like I'm more of a daughter to you than since she never visits you and I come all the time which makes my mother uncomfortable. She also said that she explained a lot of times to Lena that she doesn't likes physical touch,

not even us hug her because she gets anxious and tense, but Lena just keeps hugging her. My mother also said that Lena speaks very badly of me and Lena even said that I cried more because of Rita's death than I did because of my real grandfather's death, which is something really shitty to say. My father said that a year ago Lena approached him just to say your second daughter, referring to herself, knows you better than your first daughter, Haha, comparing the gifts we both gave him for Father's Day and he just laughed it off, but he thought it was a weird comment to make. My father was the only one who always kind of disliked Lena, so now I know why.

My younger brother also said that he heard many times how Lena complained about me not going to family gatherings, although she also complained about that in my face a few times. So it seems that we all shut down a lot of things because we wanted to understand her situation and make my brother happy. We live next to a poor neighborhood and we know a lot of other people in the same situation as Lyne, so we tried to make her feel included, but I don't understand her behavior to me at all. At this point I was crying most of all because I just don't want to deal with this after Rita's death and I felt bad for my brother.

My brother hugged me and said he's sorry and started to tear up saying that it's difficult for him to deal with Lena's behavior too. He told me that Lena was always making hateful comments towards Rita. She never met Rita and all of us in the family are sad about her departure because she was a great woman, the kindest woman who ever lived so it's really sick that she hates an old woman who's dead. And every time my brother tried to explain to her that Rita was important to us. She just gave him a cold shoulder and didn't talk to him for the rest of the day, but he's trying really hard to help her because she always wanted a family. I told him that we want to be her

family, but we need to set boundaries because those comments hurts. My father told him that this is just pushing her away from everyone and he doesn't want someone talking ill about his daughter. My brother looked really tired. He actually looks really tired every day since a few months ago, but I want to think it's because of the wedding. I didn't told him that I was thinking and cutting contact with Lena because I didn't want it at all to make him feel like he have to choose between her or me. Instead, I told him that we need to set a hard boundaries with her so that in the future we can have a healthy coexistence and she can heal her mind because we have been too gentle so far, but the situation is already at its limit. I didn't talk with Lena at all, so I suppose my

brother talked with her really seriously. The wedding is still ongoing and I will go just to show my support to my brother but at this point I just feel that he's making a wrong decision because honestly I don't think Lena's is a mentally estable person. Actually she's not even a good person in my eyes anymore but I don't want to say something and be the jealous big sister who ruins his brother relationship so I will just stay in silence letting everything flow. I just want to go to the trip and have some of mental peace wedding day comes. I don't feel mentally well enough to argue right now. or to feel even more guilty because of how I'm dealing with all of this. I just want to bury Rita's ashes with her great-granddaughter and my mother.

Sorry for the really bad English. Edit, yes, we tried to put boundaries a lot of times. It's not like we will hit her or be aggressive so she could understand, but I'll admit we've all been too soft an understanding of her out of pity. Lena just doesn't want to understand slash listen the others complains even when someone talks seriously and the incident she had with me and my cousin only showed that when someone talks to her seriously she becomes the victim or gets madly angry. Even what my brother said made it clear to us that she's just maybe never going to respect

boundaries so it's better for me to just stop trying and just cut contact with her at least for this and next week until I feel better and ready to talk about this again. Mini update. My brother already knows everything that Lena did, like I said in the post, he's also tired of her behavior but we can't do anything about their relationship if he wants to stay. My father had a conversation with him a few hours ago to tell him that we're worried and if he wants to thinking better about the wedding but my brother said that he's fine, only tired, and will continue with the wedding. So yeah, we can't do anything but show my brother that we're with him and try to help him to open his eyes but people have to understand that we can't help him in an

aggressive way saying that Lena is A-B-T-C-H or kicking her out of the family because that will only benefit her as she can take that opportunity to manipulate my brother by making herself the victim again. Dealing with a person full of traumas and childhood problems is not easy at all. She does not know what basic limits are and now that she knows them she does not want to respect them but we can't be aggressive with her because she's not a mentally well person. Don't blame my brother if you don't understand what it's like to be in a toxic relationship. He's not to blame for anything and he's just a victim. Comments where OP has replied, Shell, why is he still getting married to this woman considering this is how she treats his family? Just make sure to support.

your brother if he ever become sane enough to get a divorce. OOP, for what he said she also treats him badly so I don't understand neither. Maybe he's still too in love, but the only thing I can do is show him my support. For now I just don't want to talk with Lena at all because I'm not in feeling well mentally bright ad 306. I do think your family might want to gently let him know that they're worried about how he's being treated. He might tell Lena and then they'll shoot the messenger, though.

Oh, okay, we did it. my mom asked him if it's a toxic relationship and he just kept quiet and said he just wants to help Lena. He has the same behavior that friends of mine have had when they had toxic partners and I really know that when people are in abusive relationships, they are usually blinded by love and they don't want to believe reality. I feel full for not noticing that behavior before, but I wasn't around the family too much lately. Update 2. I think it's been a while since I last posted and I was feeling too stressed and didn't even log back into this account as honestly the comments only managed to stress me out even more but there are people who keep asking me for an

update and worried about all of this mess. Also sometimes I need to just vent. First of all I want to make it clear that my brother is an adult. We can advise him but the final decision is made by him. In my first post I didn't know anything about what I said in my second post. Please understand that it was a time of stress and anxiety for me to discover all those things that obviously changed the perspective you have of someone and I was in a difficult moment. That being said the wedding did happen. After another intervention my father made it clear to my brother that he does not approve the marriage.

My father didn't attended the wedding and since that day my brother doesn't speak to anyone in the family except my mother but my mother doesn't want Lena in her house so it's complicated too. We all gave my brother the reasons why getting married with Lena is a bad idea but he chose to do it anyway. But he's my brother and I know at some point he'll open his eyes and he knows he can come to me any time he needs. For people who will say, oh, but you should have done X or you should have done why your family should stop being dormats and kick Lena out of the house from the start

honestly? Shut up, I think it wasn't enough to clarify that I had my own problems. Everyone in my family has our own problems and lives. We're just trying to be kind and continue the family peace with a person who had a complicated life. My family has always been very healthy so the least we would believe is that someone my brother is dating has bad intentions. When you grow up in a healthy environment, it is difficult and shocking to deal with problematic people and the family, and it's even more difficult to do something that you know is going to bring serious problems. I personally didn't even see Lena so many times to know all of those weird situations I said in my second post.

I can't take charge of a life that isn't mine and I can't take responsibility for my brother's life or Lena's problems. To reassure everyone, Lena doesn't think about off me and stealing my identity or anything like that. She's weird but not dangerous, although what my father told me is strange anyway. My brother confessed to my father that Lena feels like my relationship with my brother is weird and she feels jealous of me because I'm his favorite person. My brother and I usually lie in the same bed to watch TV slash play video games and he usually hugs me but it's something I do even with my other brother but she thinks that's weird. I don't think that's weird at all and I know many people who is close with their siblings in that way.

My brother confessed that he and Lena tend to have a lot of arguments about it. Another thing he hid, since Lena gets jealous when he spends time alone with me, but that Lena doesn't understand how siblings treat each other but at the same time she also wants to be close to me. According to my brother, she wants to be very close to me and that's why she doesn't know what comments to make near me and my family. I don't believe him, my father argued with him. about it and he expressed to my brother that he doesn't plan to go to the wedding. I didn't

went neither and just decided to stay more days away grieving for Rita so I don't know how it went because my mother avoided the wedding topic. I didn't ask and I have been living in Rita's house for now. Sorry if this is not the update people wanted but yeah, that's it. I'm sorry if anyone expected me to say something like that Lena is now in jail for impersonating me or that Lena is actually my long-lost twin sister. The reality is as depressing and simple as everyone predicted of Lena getting my brother mad at all of us and cutting off contact. At this point and now that my mind is more calmer I will just choose to let my brother do his life. I can't put energy on this and my mother told me to just let him be and we did everything we could. He's an adult.

I don't understand what Lena wants. I don't understand if she hates me or if she likes me or if she wants to be me, I understand that my brother is in a toxic relationship, but still I can't help but feel hurt. We talked to my brother trying to convince him not to get married, but at the end of the day he made his decision. He even confessed many other things about Lena that he lied about and had hidden from us so for now I know he's just going to try to protect her all the time. I even talked to Lena before they got married, but it was an argument that went nowhere and only made my brother mad at me for confronting her, but I knew that's what was going to happen the moment I put limits to Lena.

The same thing happened to my father and my other brother, you just can't explain the boundaries to her because she doesn't respect them or gets offended. At this point my mother only has little contact with Lena so that she can continue to have contact with my brother as well. Comments where OP has replied, S-N-U words 4839. H-U-G-S, you have to look out for yourself and hope your brother knows what he is doing.

Lena has issues, but now, you don't have to deal with her. Your brother may feel differently in a few months, once he is basically cut off from the family. More drama ahead, when she has the first grandchild. Lena is a very insecure pick-me person. OOP, my brother can't have biological children and he doesn't want to adopt either because it's really difficult in my country. I doubt very much that they will have children but I don't know STNMTN underscore. I remember your first two posts.

I wonder if Lena has anxious attachment disorder. What is her relationship with her parents and siblings? It seems she wants to be the center of your brother and mother's world. Anything that gets in the way of that is upsetting to her. O-O-P, more than being my mother's center of attention, I think she wants to be just my brother's center of attention. She wants to be my brother's favorite person by being my parents' daughter and his sister, if that makes any sense, I don't know.

That's what I deduced from her behavior and what my brother said she has no relationship with her family because they are addicts.