Reddit Stories - Settled my folks' FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS and purchased a fresh AUTOMOBILE for them, yet

Episode Date: July 20, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #financialobligations #automobile #familylove #generosity #gratitudeSummary: Settled my folks' FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS and purchased a fresh AUTOMOBILE for them, yet the gesture was met with mixed reactions, sparking debates on familial responsibilities and financial independence.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, familylove, generosity, gratitude, financialobligations, automobile, familyresponsibilities, financialindependence, mixedreactions, familialdebates, parentalcare, personalfinance, carpurchase, moneymanagement, emotionalgift, generationalloveBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Settled my folks' financial obligations and purchased a fresh automobile for them, yet my relative claimed I lacked the means to do so and my parents concurred with him. Thus, I decided to take everything back. I'm 28 and I work as a maintenance supervisor at an apartment complex. It pays decent money and I've been saving up for years because I wanted to do something special for my parents who have been struggling financially ever since my dad got laid off from his factory job. two years ago and my mom's part-time retail job barely covers groceries.

They've been behind on their mortgage, had credit card debt piling up, and their car was making this horrible grinding noise every time they drove it, plus the air conditioning stopped working last summer and they couldn't afford to fix it. I've been watching them stress about money for months and it was killing me because they're good people who worked hard their whole lives and raised me right, and I kept thinking about how they sacrificed so much when I was growing up, like my mom would pack these tiny lunches for work so there would be more food for me and my sister. And my dad would drive that same beat-up truck for 15 years because he said new cars were for

rich people. They never asked me for help directly but I could see the worry lines getting deeper on their faces every time I visited and my mom started buying the generic brand everything at the grocery store. Even the toilet paper that feels like sandpaper. So I decided to surprise them and I'm talking about a real surprise here, not just paying one bill but completely changing their situation because I wanted them to feel secure again and not have to choose between paying the electric bill or buying medication. I had been saving money for a down payment on my own house, but I realized that could wait because my parents needed help right now, and what good is buying a house when the people who raised me are drowning in debt and driving a car that might break

down any day. I spent weeks planning this whole thing out. First I called their mortgage. company and paid off the remaining balance which was about $47,000, then I contacted all their credit card companies and paid off every single debt they had which came to another $23,000, and then I went to the Honda dealership and bought them a brand new 2024 CRV in silver, which is my mom's favorite color. Fully loaded with heated seats and a backup camera and everything they never thought they could afford. The plan was to surprise them on Sunday when they got home from church because that's when the

whole family usually gathers at their house for dinner. And I wanted everyone to be there to see their reaction when they realized their financial stress was over and they had a beautiful new car sitting in their driveway. I had been so excited about this for weeks, like I could barely sleep the night before because I kept imagining how happy they would be and how my mom would probably cry those good tears and my dad would get all emotional but try to hide it. I got to their house early and parked the new CRV ride in the driveway with a huge red bow on top, then I waited inside with my sister Sarah who was the only person who knew about the surprise because I needed someone to help me coordinate everything. When my parents pulled up in their old Honda and saw the new

car, my mom literally screamed and my dad just stood there with his mouth open, and for about 10 minutes everything was perfect. My mom was running her hands over the paint and looking at the interior while my dad was checking out all the features, and they kept asking, whose car it was and if someone was visiting, so I finally told them it was theirs and that I had also paid off their house and all their credit cards. The look on their faces was everything I had hoped for. My mom started crying and hugging me and my dad got all choked up and kept saying he couldn't believe it. But then my cousin Derek shows up, and this is where everything went to hell because Derek is one of those people who always has to make everything about himself and

can't stand when someone else gets attention. Derek works in 10. Derek works in tech making like $150,000 a year and he never lets anyone forget it, always talking about his stock options and his loft and showing off his Tesla, and he's been the golden child of the family ever since he graduated from college. Derek looks at the car and immediately starts asking questions about how much it cost and how I could afford it on my salary, and I should have seen the red flags right there because he had that tone in his voice like he was already setting up to make me look bad. I tried to brush it off and said I had been saving up and wanted to do something nice for my parents, but Derek wouldn't let it go and kept pushing about the exact

numbers. My parents are still emotional and grateful at this point, and my dad is telling Derek about how I paid off the house too, and Derek's face just completely changes like someone flipped a switch. He starts going on about how this doesn't make sense financially and how I'm probably putting myself in a bad position, and he's saying all this in front of everyone like he's some kind of financial advisor instead of just being happy for my parents. Then my Aunt Linda shows up, that's Derek's mom and my dad's sister, and Derek immediately starts telling her about what I did, but he's framing it like I made some kind of reckless decision instead of like I did something generous. Aunt Linda has always been jealous of my parents

anyway for some reason. So now we've got Derek and Aunt Linda whispering in the corner while my parents are still looking at the car, and I can tell something is building up because Derek keeps looking over at me with this smug expression. My sister Sarah is trying to change the subject and get everyone focused on dinner, but you can feel the tension in the air like a storm coming. That's when Derek decides to really show his ass and says, loud enough for everyone to hear, that it's funny how I'm trying to be the big shot when I probably make less in a year

than he makes in three months. Just like that, out of nowhere, attacking my job and my income when I just did something incredibly generous for my parents. I told Derek that this wasn't about money or showing off, it was about helping family, but he wasn't done because apparently he had been waiting for a chance to put me in my place. He starts going on about how I'm a maintenance worker and he's in tech and how I probably don't understand the tax implications of what I just did,

and how I should have consulted with someone who actually knows about money before making such a big financial decision. My mom tries to tell Derek to stop, but he's on a roll now, and he says maybe instead of buying cars I can't afford, I should focus on getting a real career like he did. And that's when I completely lost it because this guy has never worked a day of manual labor in his life and doesn't understand what real work looks like. I told Derek that at least I don't spend my time putting down family members who are trying to help, and that some of us measure success by more than just our bank account, but Derek just

laughs and says that's what people say when they don't have money. Aunt Linda jumps in and says Derek is just being practical and looking out for everyone's best interests, which is complete bullshit because Derek has never looked out for anyone but himself. Then my dad, who I thought would defend me or at least tell Derek to back off, says that Derek has a point about being smart with money, and maybe I should have talked to them before making such a big decision. I couldn't believe what I was hearing because here I am, I just paid off their house and bought them a car, and my own father is taking Derek's side over mine. My mom chimes in and says she's grateful but worried about whether I can really afford all

this, and she's looking at me with this concerned expression like I'm some kind of child who doesn't know how to manage money. The whole conversation has completely flipped from being about my generous gift to being about my poor financial judgment, and I'm standing there feeling like I'm being attacked from all sides. Derek then says, and I'll never forget this because it was so cruel, that it's sweet that I wanted to help but maybe next time I should stick to gifts that are more appropriate for my income level, like a nice dinner or something. That's when my mom says, and this is what really destroyed me, that she appreciates what I did but she wishes I had Derek's head for career because then I would have found a smarter way to help them that

wouldn't put me at risk. She's comparing me to Derek right to my face, after I just gave them everything I had saved for my own future, and she's acting like Derek would have handled it better. I stood there for a minute just processing what had happened, how in the span of 20 minutes I went from being the generous son who solved all their problems to being the irresponsible one who needed Derek's approval for my financial decisions. My sister Sarah is looking at me with this horrified expression because she can see exactly what's happening, but everyone else is acting like Derek's concerns are totally reasonable. I finally said that I couldn't believe they were turning my gift into a criticism of my life choices,

and that if they thought Derek was so much smarter with money, maybe he should be the one helping them instead of me. My dad says I'm being too sensitive and that they're just trying to make sure I didn't hurt myself financially. My mom says she never said anything was wrong with my job, but then she adds that she just worries about my future and whether I'll be able to build the kind of life that Derek has, and there it is again, the comparison to my cousin who makes more money and therefore must be better than me somehow. Derek is just standing there with this satisfied smile on his face because he successfully turned my moment into his moment, where everyone is talking about how much smarter and more successful he is compared to me.

Aunt Linda is nodding along in saying how proud she is of Derek. I told them all that I was done with this conversation and that if they thought Derek was so much better at handling money, they could give him the car keys and see how generous he felt like being. My dad says I'm being ridiculous and that's not what anyone meant, but I was already walking toward the door because I could feel myself about to completely explode and I didn't want to say something I couldn't take back. My mom follows me and says I'm overreacting and that everyone is just concerned about me, but I told her that if she was really concerned about me, she wouldn't have spent the last hour making me feel like an idiot for trying to help. She says

that's not fair and they're grateful for what I did, but then she asks if I really can afford it and whether I have enough money left for emergencies. I just looked at her and said that it was too late to worry about that now since the money was already spent, and maybe next time she should think about defending her son instead of questioning his judgment in front of people who love to put him down. She started to say something else but I was already in my truck driving away and I was so angry I had to pull over after a few blocks because my hands were shaking. I spent the next few days thinking about what happened and getting more furious every time I replayed it in my head, because the more I thought about it, the more I realized that Derek had planned this whole thing. He saw an opportunity to make me look bad and took it, and my parents just went along with it instead of telling him to shut up and be grateful that someone helped them.

The really messed up part is that Derek has never once offered to help my parents with their financial problems. Now I never expect him to since he's just my cousin but helping family is a good thing to do. So I decided I wasn't going to let this slide, and I called the Honda dealership and told them I wanted to return the car. They said I had three days left on their satisfaction guarantee and I could bring it back for a full refund as long as it had less than 200 miles on it. I also called my bank and had them reverse the payments to the mortgage company and the credit card companies, which was complicated but possible since everything. had just been processed and hadn't gone through all the final clearances yet. It cost me some fees, but I didn't care because I wasn't about to let my money pay for a house and car that my parents were going to enjoy while thinking Derek was better than me.

I drove over to my parents' house on Wednesday morning when I knew they would both be home, and I told them I was taking the car back and reversing all the payments. My mom immediately starts crying and asking why I would do that, and my dad gets all angry and demands to know what's wrong with me. I told them exactly what was wrong with me, that I spent my life savings trying to help them and instead of being grateful, they spent the whole time making me feel like I was too stupid and poor to make good decisions. I said that if Derek was so much smarter about money, they could ask him to pay off their

debts and buy them a car, and let's see how that work out for them. My dad says I'm being childish and that I misunderstood what happened, but I told him there was no misunderstanding, I heard exactly what he said about Derek having a point, and I heard my mom say she wished I had Derek's head for my career. I said that when someone gives you a gift worth $70,000, you say, thank you, not that mocking them instead. They both start begging me not to take everything back, and my dad says they'll talk to Derek about what he said, but I told them the damage was already done and I wasn't interested in forced apologies or trying to make Derek behave better. I said that Derek showed his true colors and they showed theirs by agreeing

with him instead of defending me. I told them they had until Friday to make other arrangements because that's when I was picking up the CRV to return it to the dealership. My mom is full on sobbing at this point and my dad is yelling about how I'm punishing them for something Derek did, but I told them Derek didn't make them compare me to him or question my financial judgment, they chose to do that themselves. The bank stuff took longer. to reverse than I expected because apparently when you pay off someone's mortgage, there are all these legal processes that have to be undone, and the credit card companies were confused about why I wanted to reverse payments that had already been applied to the accounts.

I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork and pay some penalty fees, but by Friday everything was back to how it was before, except now my parents knew exactly how I felt about their reaction to my gift. I went back to get the car and my parents were both there waiting for me, and my dad tries one more time to talk me out of it. He says they've learned their lesson and they'll never let Derek disrespect me again, and my mom says she's sorry for making me feel unappreciated. But I could tell they still didn't really get it because my dad keeps talking about Derek like the problem was just that Derek was rude, not that they agreed with him. I told them that the problem wasn't Derek being rude, the problem was that after I gave them everything I had saved

for my own future, their first instinct was to worry that I wasn't smart enough to make that decision. I said that Derek didn't put those words in their mouths, he just gave them permission to say what they were already thinking. My mom tries to argue that they were just concerned about me, but I asked her why she was more concerned about my financial situation after I helped them than she was before when they were the ones drowning in debt. I said that if Derek hadn't been there, would they have spent the whole time questioning my judgment and comparing me to my cousin, or would they have just been grateful? Neither of them could answer that question, which told me everything I needed to know about whether they actually appreciated what I tried to do for them.

I took the car and drove it straight to the dealership, and the whole way there I felt this weird mix of sadness and relief, like I was disappointed but also glad that I found out how they really felt about me before I wasted any more money trying to help them. The dealership was pretty cool about the whole return process and I got most of my money back, minus some fees and the cost of the bow and a few other things. The mortgage and credit card reversals went through without any major problems, though I did have to pay some processing fees and interest charges that had accumulated. By the time everything was settled, my parents were back to exactly where they started

financially, except now they knew that I had the money to help them but chose not to because of how they treated me. I thought that would be the end of it, but apparently word got around the family about what happened and now everyone has opinions about my decision. Derek called me and had the nerve to say that I overreacted and that he was just trying to look out for my best interests, like I'm supposed to believe that his little speech about income levels and appropriate gifts was motivated by concern for me. I told Derek that if he was so concerned about family finances, he could start writing checks himself instead of critiquing other people's generosity. Aunt Linda has been calling my parents and telling them that I'm being cruel and vindictive, and that family should forgive each other's mistakes.

She's also been telling people that I'm jealous of Derek's success and that's why I got so angry about his helpful advice, which is complete garbage because I was angry about being disrespected, not about Derek making more money than me. My sister Sarah is the only one who completely understands why I did what I did, because she was there and saw how quickly everyone turned on me after Derek started. started running his mouth. She said it was painful to watch because I was so excited about surprising our parents and then Derek just destroyed the whole moment with his jealousy and need to be the center of attention. My parents want to have a family meeting to talk through

everything and try to fix the situation, but I don't see the point because nothing has really changed. Derek still thinks he's better than me because he makes more money, my parents still think I should have consulted with someone smarter before helping them, and I still think they're all ungrateful and disrespectful. I'm not going to change my mind about the money, and they're not going to suddenly develop appreciation for what I tried to do for them. The car is returned, the debts are back on their accounts, and everyone knows where they stand with each other now. Some people might think I'm being too harsh or that I should give them another chance, but I don't think I should have to beg my own family to respect me and

appreciate my generosity. If they can't see the value in what I did without Derek's permission or commentary, then they don't deserve my help. I'm back to saving money for my own house now, and I'm not planning to spend it on anyone else's problems anytime soon. Let Derek help them if he's so smart about money and so concerned about family finances. I'll be over here building my own life and taking care of myself, since apparently that's what I should have been doing all along. Update 1. Well, this whole situation just got even more ridiculous and I'm honestly shocked at how low my family is willing to go to make me look like the bad guy instead of just admitting they screwed up. So Derek apparently decided that a simple apology wasn't enough,

and instead he's been going around telling everyone that I'm having some kind of mental breakdown and that's why I overreacted to his helpful financial advice. He's been saying that I'm jealous of his success and that I made a rash emotional decision that I'll regret when I calm down and think clearly. My cousin Jennifer called me yesterday and said Derek told her that, that I was so desperate to compete with him that I spent money I couldn't afford just to show off, and when he tried to give me some friendly guidance, I lost it because I couldn't handle the truth about my financial situation. Jennifer knows Derek is full of crap because she's seen how he operates, but apparently

he's been spreading this story to other family members who don't know me as well. The really messed up part is that Aunt Linda has been backing up Derek's version of events, telling people that Derek was just being responsible and looking out for me, and that I got angry because I knew he was right about me making a mistake. She's been painting Derek as the mature, successful one who tried to help his struggling cousin, and me as the unstable one who can't handle constructive criticism. But here's where it gets absolutely insane. My mom called me one night crying and saying that Derek offered to help them with their financial problems, but only if they promised to talk me into apologizing to him and admitting that I was wrong.

Apparently Derek's exact words were that he's willing to step up and do what needs to be done for family, but first they need to make sure I understand that my behavior was unacceptable. So Derek is literally holding my parents' financial security hostage until they force me to grovel to him, and they're actually considering it because they're desperate and don't have any other options. My mom says Derek told them he'd pay off their mortgage and buy them a car, just like I was going to do, but he wants a public apology for me at the next family gathering where I admit that I was jealous and wrong. I told my mom that if she even thinks about agreeing to Derek's conditions, she's dead to me, because that would mean she values his money

more than her own son's dignity. I said that Derek is an offering to help out of generosity, he's trying to humiliate me and make himself look like the hero who saved the day after I failed. My mom says she doesn't want to hurt me but they're really struggling and Derek's offer would solve all their problems, and maybe it wouldn't be so bad to just abolish. if it means everyone can move forward. I could not believe what I was hearing, that my own mother was suggesting I should humiliate myself to satisfy Derek's ego just so she could get her bills paid. I told her that if she takes Derek's deal, she'll be proving that everything I thought about

her priorities is correct, and that she cares more about money than about treating her own son with respect. She started crying harder and saying that's not fair and she loves me, but she's scared about losing the house and doesn't know what else to do. That's when I realized that my parents never actually understood what I did for them or why I did it, because if they did, they would never even consider letting Derek turn it into some kind of power play where I have to beg for forgiveness. They're treating my generous gift and Derek's manipulative offer like they're the same thing, when Derek is literally trying to buy their loyalty against me. I told my mom that she

needs to choose between Derek's money and having me in her life, because I'm not going to stick around and watch him by his way into being the family golden boy while I get treated like the unstable screw-up who couldn't handle success. She begged me not to make her choose, but I told her that Derek already made the choice when he decided to hold her financial problems hostage until I submitted to him. My dad called me the next day and tried a different approach, saying that maybe we could work out some kind of compromise where I don't have to apologize, but I do have to acknowledge that Derek's concerns were valid. He says Derek is willing to help them regardless of what I do, but it would make things easier for everyone if I could just

admit that I acted emotionally. I asked my dad if he even heard himself talking, because he was literally asking me to lie and say that Derek was right to disrespect me and tear down my gift in front of the whole family. I said that Derek's concerns weren't valid, they were jealous and cruel, and the fact that my dad couldn't see the difference showed me everything I needed to know about whose side he was really on. My dad says I'm being too stubborn and that sometimes you have to swallow your pride for the good of the family, but I told him that Derek is the one who should be swallowing his pride and giving a real apology instead of trying to buy his way out of the consequences of his behavior.

Then my dad says, and this is what really set me off, that Derek has always been successful and good with money, so maybe I should listen to his advice instead of being so defensive about my choices. There it is again, the assumption that Derek's financial success makes him right about everything and makes my decisions automatically wrong. I told my dad that Derek's success doesn't give him the right to tear me down in front of my family, and it doesn't make his opinion more valuable than my own feelings about being disrespected. I said that if he thinks Derek's money makes him a better judge of character than his own son, then maybe he deserves to be in Derek's debt instead of debt-free.

Sarah called me after she heard about Derek's offer, and she's as disgusted as I am about the whole situation. She says Derek is being absolutely manipulative and that our parents are being weak for even considering his deal, but she also understands that they're scared about their financial future and don't see any other way out. Sarah thinks I should hold firm and not give Derek the satisfaction of getting an apology out of me, even if it means our parents stay in debt. She says that if they choose Derek's money

over my dignity, that tells us everything we need to know about their values and what kind of people they really are. But then Sarah also said something that's been bothering me, which is that she's worried this whole situation is going to permanently damage our family and that years from now we'll all regret how things went down. She's not saying I should apologize, but she's wondering if there's some other way to resolve this that doesn't end with our parents' struggle. financially and half the family not speaking to each other. I told Sarah that I didn't create this situation, Derek did when he decided to attack me for being generous, and our parents made it worse when they agreed with him instead of defending

me. I said that if the family gets damaged, it's because Derek valued his ego more than family harmony, and our parents valued his opinion more than their son's feelings. The thing that really gets me is that Derek's offer proves everything I suspected about him, is that he never cared about helping our parents, he just wanted to make sure everyone knew he was more successful than me. If he actually cared about family, he would have helped them years ago when they first started struggling, instead of waiting until after I tried to help them so he could use it as an

opportunity to put me down. And now he's using their desperation to force me into a humiliating apology that he can hold over my head forever, because if I give in to his demands, everyone will remember that Derek made me admit I was wrong and jealous and financially irresponsible. He's not trying to solve a problem, he's trying to win a competition that only existed in his head. I've been thinking about what Sarah said about permanent damage to the family, and honestly, maybe that's exactly what needs to happen. Maybe we need to find out once and for all who values what, and who's willing to treat family members with basic respect versus who's

willing to sell that respect for the right price. If my parents take Derek's deal, I'll know that their love is conditional on me staying in my place and never doing anything that might make Derek feel insecure about his position as the family's success story. And if they don't take his deal, Derek will know that his money can't buy him the family worship he thinks he deserves. Either way, at least everyone will know where they stand with each other, which is better than pretending we're all close while Derek gets to treat me like garbage and my parents get to benefit from my generosity while secretly thinking Derek is better than me. I'm not going to apologize to Derek, and I'm not going to beg my parents to choose me over his money.

I did what I thought was right when I tried to help them, and I did what I thought was right when I took that help back after they disrespected me. Now they can do what they think is right, and will all live with the consequences. Update 2. After my last update my parents were supposed to meet with Derek to finalize the details of his offer to help them, but Derek never showed up and has been dodging their calls ever since. My mom called me Thursday night crying in saying that Derek had been texting her with excuses about being busy with work projects, but that he would get back to them soon about the payment schedule. I told my mom that Derek was obviously stalling and that his offer was probably

never real to begin with, but she didn't want to hear it because accepting that would mean admitting that she chose his fake promise over her real son. She kept saying that Derek was a good person who wouldn't lie about something like that, and that he was probably just trying to work out the logistics of such a big financial commitment. But then Friday morning my mom calls me in a complete panic because Derek's landlord had called her looking for him. Apparently Derek gave my parents number as a reference when he signed his lease and now he's three months behind on rent and about to be evicted. The landlord was asking if my parents knew where Derek was because he's been avoiding calls and they need to discuss payment arrangements or else he's

getting kicked out. My mom was confused because Derek had been bragging about his expensive loft for years, and she couldn't understand why someone who makes six figures would be behind on rent. I told her that maybe Derek's financial situation wasn't as solid as he pretended it was, and that might explain why his offer to help them kept getting delayed with vague excuses. Then Saturday afternoon my cousin Jennifer calls me with information that completely explains everything that's been happening. Apparently Derek tried to borrow money from her last week, claiming he had a temporary cash flow problem but would pay her back with interest as soon as his next stock options vested. Jennifer got suspicious because Derek has been bragging about his wealth

for years, so she started asking questions about his job and his finances. It turns out that Derek got laid off from his tech company four months ago and has been living off credit cards and unemployment benefits ever since, but he's been too embarrassed to tell anyone in the family because his whole identity is built around being the successful one. The downtown loft he's always showing off, he can't afford the rent and is about to get evicted, and the Tesla he loves to brag about is getting repossessed next week because he's behind on the payments. Jennifer said that when she pressed Derek about his job situation, he completely broke down and admitted that he's been lying to everyone about his financial success because

he couldn't stand the thought of the family knowing he was struggling. He's been putting everything on credit cards to maintain his lifestyle while job hunting, but the tech market is tough right now and he hasn't been able to find anything that pays what his old job did. So when Derek was giving me all that grief about my financial decisions and acting like he was so much smarter with money, he was actually drowning in debt and probably jealous as hell that I had $70,000 in savings to help our parents while he couldn't even pay his own rent. His whole speech about appropriate gifts for my income level was pure projection, because he was the one who couldn't afford to be generous, not me.

He was literally playing games with my parents' financial security just to feed his ego and make me look bad. I told Jennifer that this explained everything about Derek's behavior, because successful people don't usually spend so much time tearing down other people's generosity unless they're insecure about their own situation. Derek wasn't attacking my gift because he thought it was financially irresponsible. He was attacking it because it made him look bad by comparison when he couldn't help our parents himself. Jennifer agreed and said that Derek had always been competitive and jealous, but losing his job had made him desperate to prove that he was still better than everyone else. She said that Derek probably saw my generous gift as a threat to his position as the family's success story, especially since I work in maintenance and he's always looked down on blue-collar jobs. So now the truth is coming out and my parents are starting to realize that Derek's offer was never real, which means they gave up their relationship with me for absolutely nothing. My mom has been calling me nonstop since Jennifer told her about Derek's real financial situation, begging me to forgive them and help them again.

My mom keeps saying that they were manipulated by Derek and that they're sorry for believing his lies over their own son's proven generosity. She says that Derek took advantage of their desperation and made them think his offer was legitimate when he knew he couldn't follow through, and that she feels terrible for choosing his fake promise over my real help. But I told my mom that Derek didn't manipulate them into questioning my judgment and comparing me to him. They chose to do that themselves because they agreed with his assessment of my life and

career. I said that Derek's financial problems don't excuse the fact that they listened to him tear me down and decided he was right about me being irresponsible and unsuccessful. Sarah is furious about the whole Derek situation and says that he's even worse than we thought because he was willing to give our parents false hope about their financial problems just to satisfy his own ego. She says that Derek knew he couldn't help them but let them believe he could, which is cruel and manipulative on a level that goes beyond just being jealous. I'm not budging on this and I'm not helping them again, because Derek being a liar doesn't change the fact that my parents were willing to throw me under the bus for the promise of paid bills.

They showed me what their priorities are and what they really think of me, and Derek's financial problems don't erase that or make their behavior any less hurtful.