Reddit Stories - SHATTERED Vows My Husband DEMANDED An Open MARRIAGE After 9 Years Leading To A Defiant Decision

Episode Date: May 28, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #marriage #openmarriage #betrayal #defianceSummary: A woman's husband demands an open marriage after 9 years, leading to a defiant decision. Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, marriage, openmarriage, betrayal, defiance, husband, vows, shattered, decision, demand, loyalty, trust, commitment, infidelity, consequencesBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse unexpectedly desired a non-exclusive arrangement following nine years of matrimony, prompting me to initiate divorce proceedings when he remained resolute. My partner, a 28-year-old male, and I, a 29-year-old female, have been in a relationship. For nine years, married for seven. We got a not-so-classic shotgun wedding to give ourselves better chances of receiving custody of his half-sister, 10F, when their moms suddenly passed away. Despite only being 20 and 21 years old, we did receive full legal custody over her absent father.

This information isn't super relevant to the current situation, but it really sets the tone of our relationship with the sacrifices we made together and the things we each had to give up personally to raise this beautiful little girl. We don't have any children together, but his sister is now 17 and moved in with an older, more financially privileged aunt last year. Over the past year of this newfound alone time, I feel like we have flourished each personally and as a couple. We never fight, arguments are rare and we are pretty good at coming to understandings

and apologizing when necessary. Basically, I feel we had a pretty healthy relationship. We each do little things for each other. I receive flowers no less than ten times a year. We go on little vacations together and are generally really good. I guess a bit of the spark was sputtering out for a while, but I feel like that's normal for a relationship as long as ours. Fast forward to this past October.

My husband seems like he has been depressed, which is normal for this time of year because of the timing of losing both his mom and dad in different years around the same time. The holidays are tough for him, so I get it and try to be there for him. He had previously planned a suicide attempt because of family issues before we met, so I take take his mental health very seriously. He sits me down to have a serious conversation and starts it by saying he wants to open up our relationship. I felt my heart dropped to my stomach but stayed silent and let him talk. He doesn't go into why, just jumps right into rules and explains how he wants me to find someone first before he starts looking for someone himself.

When I asked him why, he couldn't explain it and fumbled his words. I asked him if he already had someone in mind for himself, and of course he denies it. I couldn't help it, I definitely blew up. I was totally blindsided by this proposal. I slept on the couch after my outburst, and he didn't even try to come after me to explain anything which kind of made me feel worse. I had never felt so unwanted in my life then in that moment. I have never given the impression that I was the kind of girl to be open to that kind of relationship. I will never judge anyone for wanting to live that kind of life, but it's just not for me. He went to work the next day, but I had the day off and really thought about my situation. After crying for hours,

I came to the realization that this was the end for our marriage. Even suggesting an open marriage was a deal breaker for me, I realized. While he was still at work, I moved all his stuff out of our bedroom into his sister's old room, technically a spare room now. He comes home from work, ready to talk it out. After talking through more of why he wants this I've come to realize several things. One, he is way kinkier than he lets on and is disappointed with our bedroom life. He knows I'm not on the same level and doesn't want to push me past my boundaries to try things he knows I won't like. When I asked how he knows I won't like to try these new things, he explains they are an escalation of things he already knows I'm not down for but won't go into specifics. He also is unhappy

with how infrequently we have sex but has never really put in the effort to change anything regarding it. Just complained over and over and expected me to just be ready to do the deed any minute of the day. Two, he feels we have nothing in common now that his sister is gone. For context, he is more of the outdoors-a-type whereas I like to stay inside and read or play video games. I do venture out once in a while to do things he likes together and do genuinely enjoy them myself when I go like kayaking and skiing. I do understand that it isn't as often as he would like, though. 3. Because we got married so young, there are a lot of things neither of us really got to experience or try, mostly sexually. He is mourning the loss of his young 20s and never getting

to sleep around and explore his kinks. For, part of the rules he explained was that we wouldn't technically be sleeping around with whoever we wanted. He called it an open marriage, but described it more as polyamory, where we would each have a boyfriend or girlfriend of our own that we went on dates and did things together. Someone we were each allowed to love and be with sexually. An emotional connection was pivotal for him, which broke my heart to pieces. During our talk, I told him I would never be able to look at him the same. I would never be enough for him, and he was basically trying to get a pass for guilt-free cheating in my eyes. I told him it sounded like he wanted to be with someone else without ever leaving the comfort of his marriage.

Knowing he could date around and not worrying if those relationships would fail because he could just come home to me. He tried denying these things, saying he wanted to explore himself sexually but didn't want to lose me in the process. He tried getting me to agree to marriage counseling to talk about the open marriage concept. I told him just proposing an open marriage was grounds for divorce for me, and I wasn't willing to go to a counselor for them to gang up on me to try to bully me into trying it. I know in reality that never would have happened, but emotions were high in the moment. Because I told him I could never see him the same and how badly this crushed any self-confidence I may have had, he doubled down. He said if we go back into a relationship and pretend this never happened then he would end up cheating on me. for him, it was open marriage or nothing. I chose nothing.

Divorced papers were filed exactly one week later. He was very hurt, angry, that I could jump right to divorce and kick him out of our bedroom so fast. But I refuse to be a second choice or have to fight for his attention. I can't believe he is okay with the idea of another person being inside of me. He is willing to just give me up to explore his options. I can't believe I wasted so much of my time with him. Helping him heal his family and raise his sister, I feel completely used. Advice? Did I overreact?

Should I have waited longer before filing for divorce? Should I have just gone to marriage counseling? Or was my gut instinct correct about the marriage being over? I still love and care about him, but my brain is screaming to be logical. We still live together while we are trying to figure out how to split everything but now, he is being super toxic and petty, saying hurtful things and then begging for personal details about my life. I need to get out of this house.

How do I cope with these complicated feelings? Comments where OPP has replied. Allie or Swift. So much this. If I want to open our marriage hadn't been a deal breaker, his subsequent behavior should be. He's not sorry. He's not willing to move the slightest bit from his position. And I wonder why his sister wanted to move out.

Is she just greedy, or is there something else? Distribution Perfect 5. Oh, I didn't meant the sister being greedy, but the aunt not offering support before, but you definitely bring another point. Blazing sunflower land. For whatever reason, the aunt may not have been able to offer support earlier. Maybe she was in a bad marriage or worked abroad, etc. Boop.

OPP here. Their aunt actually normally resides several states away. She set up a temporary residence here to have a place to stay when she visits without having to stay in a hotel or bring her RV. Her husband is rich, rich, apparently, but I've never met him myself. She did help us with funds for their mother's funeral, but other than that, there was no real financial help from her nor any other family member. We were all alone.

Of course the little sister has her own trauma and issues. Husband and I work a lot and didn't feel we were able to give her the time and attention she needed this aunt is retired and had all the time and money in the world for her. Little her sister actually asked if she could move in with their aunt. And we didn't feel it was a bad idea so we let her. Electronic Chef 5487 I think the discovered I was Polly Thing can be a bit of a cop-out. It's not an immutable trait like being gay or straight. It's a relationship style and many people can enjoy different ones depending on circumstances.

There's lots of social expectations and emotional stuff that goes into it, etc. I know people often knee-jerk against Polly in this sub and on Reddit in general, I have seen it work in real life but never when it sprung on someone partway through a relationship. Which doesn't mean a relationship can't go naturally between the two. I think there's more of a spectrum than some people acknowledge as well. Goop. Aw, peer. In actuality, my husband is not a polyamorous person, or at least he claims he isn't.

He told me he doesn't want that for future relationships at all, just with me so he can explore his kinks without losing me or making me uncomfortable in the bedroom. I think that sentiment was nice maybe. Ike, regardless proposing an open marriage is still a deal-breaker for me. So it doesn't really matter in the end anyway. Susia Sunshine 17. It happened to me just like this. Dude was already cheating and one of them threatened to tell me,

so he said the same BS about opening the marriage, kinks, and so on. Broke my heart after 12 years. Then the trickle truth happened when he realized I was done based on the suggestion alone. Opget STD tested immediately. Don't wait some STDs are simply. but can cause permanent damage. Boop. Aw, peer.

I never once thought that he had already slept with someone. We have both been cheated on in the past, really, in our teams, but still, and have agreed that we are better than that and would never subject someone else to being cheated on. However, the more comments I get on this subject, it's making me really paranoid. You can bet your ass I'm scheduling getting tested ASAP to make sure I'm clean. Our split has been pretty amicable in regards to evenly splitting assets and furniture. If I come back with an STD, that's proof he cheated before the open marriage talk. That would change everything for me.

Powerful underscore Pye underscore 7924. It did record any and every interaction with him for your lawyer especially since he is now abusing you because he didn't get his way. Boop. I was starting to feel crazy. Every time we talked, he made it seem like I was a villain and making shit up. I started recording convoes and playing them back. Man is he gaslighting the hell out of I played one video for my best friend and she flipped out. Commenter asked if Oop's husband wants her to tell him everything including telling her family

their reasons about his needs. He wants go know where I go when I leave the house on my days off. When and where my family's Thanksgiving dinner was, If I told my family yet and what they said, who am I hanging out with, does work know yet, etc., etc. Some of it I felt is fine to be curious about, but other stuff there is literally no reason he should know. Also, thank you for reading and commenting. I feel so validated after all this support.

Miss MCK, I am asking this seriously. Is he gay? I do not think you are overreacting. Boop. Close friends who know. know are also wondering the same. He has been spending a lot of time with his gay best friend since the split. I don't think he is gay. If he is anything, he is by, but he would never admit it. Update 1, February 5, 2024. Hello, all. I wanted to say thank you all for the support.

As for the update, where do I even start? It has been over the required 90 days since initially filing for divorce before it can be deemed official. I am going to the courthouse tomorrow to file the remaining paperwork. We had an easy, uncontested divorce. We agreed on how to split things with pretty much everything, and he didn't even give me a hard time about taking our two cats that are quite attached to me. He was always the spare human. I bought a small home for myself and said two cats and moved a few days ago. I won't lie, this whole process was very tough for me emotional. It was especially hard considering he was constantly hot and then cold. He would jump from name-calling and trying to control who came over to our house to finding

reasons to call me on the phone all day and joking around with me like nothing was wrong. I feel like I have emotional whiplash from the last three months of living with him while looking for a new place to live. At one point, he came home to see me eating a meal I'd just cooked during a break from packing. It was pretty disorganized, but I was in the middle of it. of doing multiple things at the same time. He saw the mess and started yelling at me for it and throwing my things around the kitchen. Another day, he texted me asking me why I wasn't interested in where he had been spending his days off and later sheepishly asking if he would

drop the open marriage demand, would I ever consider trying again? Of course, I told him we were way past that, considering the multiple times he promised he would cheat on me if we didn't opened the marriage. Also, I did get STD tested and came back clean as a whistle. I don't think he was already cheating. But he is damned embarrassed about this whole thing. He wants me to tell people he cheated on me when they ask why we are getting divorced instead of telling the truth of the matter. I'm still not sure what the correct course of action is for that. He was made aware in advance that after I moved and the divorce was finalized, would be going no contact. I did Did all the legwork to make this happen, including getting all divorce paperwork in 2023

taxes filed, separating all bills and bank accounts, hiding the address to my new home, blocked him on all social media and I will even be changing my phone number once everything is finalized. He feels that me going no contact is vindictive. No matter what he has said and done to hurt me, I still have a lot of love for this man. He doesn't deserve it, I know. But that is exactly why I need to go no contact. It's for my own peace and to maintain some semblance of self-respect. I can't tell him that because I don't want to give him, or myself T.B.H. Any false hope that we could work things out. I have no plans to be with anyone else in the near or distant future.

I just want to work on building my confidence and get in a healthier mindset. I haven't gotten to counseling yet like many have suggested. I was in survival mode for the last three months so I could get out of that hellas situation. Now that I'm in my new house and getting unpacked, I'm sure I will be able to relax enough to start feeling better soon. And if I don't, I have every intention of seeking professional help. I have a huge support network between friends and family. Our shared friends were all on my side as well.

Not that there is a true right or wrong in a situation like this, but one of his best friends telling him this was the biggest mistake of his life was incredibly validating. The only thing I regret from my relationship with him is staying as long as I did despite all the red flags I ignored throughout the years. I went into detail on some of them in the comments of the original post. All I know is that I'm feeling a mix of relief and grief. I just need some time to allow myself to heal. Out of our many conversations, he told me that 99% of open marriages fail because they were open for failing marriages and that since we had a great relationship, we would have been fine. I tried explaining to him that I learned, from some of

you guys, that what he suggested was not an open marriage, but as was parallel polyamory and it was the most difficult form of polyamory to achieve. He didn't care and was only focused on convincing me to work it out with him. For me, there is nothing to work out. He wants to be with someone else and to fall in love again. So I am giving him the freedom to do that, but gracefully stepping back. As many have said, you don't get to have your cake and eat it too. There isn't much more to say on the matter. I said I was leaving and I did it. Here's to hoping 2024 is my year. Comments where OP has replied, Cooper Tino, House. I'm confused why you say he doesn't deserve no contact. He torpedoed your marriage because he wants to fuck other women. He's lucky you didn't

go nuclear on him. Actions have consequences. Boop. Oh, no. He totally deserves no contact. I meant he doesn't deserve the love I still have for him. Demon Peach. Regardless, she does not need to negotiate with emotional terrorists. If she is really concerned, she can always call the police for a wellness check and if deemed necessary, he can get admitted for psych help. I agree that his emotional well-being isn't my problem anymore. Like I said, though, I still care about him and love him. That's not going to go away anytime soon, unfortunately. We have mutual friends, and I am still in contact with his family. They are all keeping their eyes and ears open for anything unusual. I don't feel like he is in

any danger of suicidal tendencies anymore, even with this major life change. It doesn't hurt to extend a little bit of kindness even if he doesn't know it's me behind the scenes. Just because he was shitty to me at the end of our marriage doesn't mean I want his life to end. Now on to the next story. Story 2. Ending my friendship because my best friend wants to sleep with my boyfriend after he supported her during her breakup. Me and Kylie have been friends since our childhood. One month ago, her boyfriend cheated on her which absolutely devastated her. Me and my boyfriend was there for her support.

She was very friendly with my boyfriend since our relationship started. Kylie was hurted and broken. Me and my boyfriend did everything so that she can feel better. Recently we took her out to spend time with us. We took her in dinner with us, took her with us in our holidays, etc. Eventually Kylie started to get better and better. She started to smile again and was looking very happy. But she kept herself away from dating because she told us that she can't believe in a guy very soon. We respected her decision and was

fully supportive to her. Yesterday, Kylie came to our house. My BF was going outside to bring some food so greeted Kylie and told her to stay here and have lunch with us. Kylie smiled and agreed. When he left, Kylie came to me and told me she wanted to tell me something. I asked her what and she told me if I could do a favor for her. She wasn't looking to me while saying this so I felt little awkward. Then out of nowhere, she asked me she wanted to sleep with my boyfriend for one night. I couldn't believe my ears what I just heard from her. It took some time to get my sense back and I told her what the fuck she's talking about. Thus she started to tell me that how bad and miserable she was because of her breakup, but then my boyfriend treated her best,

made her feel happy, how my boyfriend took us to dinner, trips which her ex never did. She told me that she started to feel wanted while spending time with him. She also told me that how her self-esteem got badly damaged and now she can't trust anyone except my boyfriend. How she wants to feel herself once again by sleeping with my boyfriend. She told me it will help her to gain her self-esteem once again and she will do better in future by trusting others and told me it will be a great favor on her if I agree on this. I was listening her standing like a dumb. After she finished her lecture, I shouted on her and told her to get out from my house.

At first she told me to think about it calmly, but I was in no mood to negotiate about this. So after some time, she became aggressive towards me and told me I'm an ungrateful person because she helped me in my past many times and I'm not helping her for once. She told me I'm a selfish person and my boyfriend deserves way better than me. She told me she will snatch my boyfriend from me and that she doesn't give a fuck about our relationship. After saying all this, she went away. Now I'm confused thinking what just happened. I went to my chat list to talk with other friends about this, but when I opened, I saw almost

everyone blocked me after saying some horrible things. I was sure she told our friend something. I didn't tell my boyfriend anything about it. it. But now I'm feeling paranoid what she said lately. I'm getting bad thoughts that she will do something which will cause damage in my wonderful relationship. I always knew that Kylie was supportive in my relationship but never thought that she would do something like this. Now I want to kick her out totally from my life, but my BF doesn't know anything about it because he consider Kylie like his sister. So am I the asshole here for wanting to break things off with her? Update, 12 hours later,

February 2nd, 2024. Recovered with Wayback Machine. Hello, everyone. At first I'd like to thank you for all of your suggestions. Yes, all of you were right. I should have told my BF immediately, but I didn't. I admit my stupidity and I take responsibility for that. Sorry for late update because we were tired after all this drama and went to sleep together.

Here's something I want to make clear before update. One, many of you commented it's a fake post. It seems like, but it's not. Even I couldn't believe that I'd face this kind of unthinkable situation. Maybe I wasn't able to write the whole situation properly because English is not my first language. It was a worse and long period for me. Maybe I couldn't fully describe the whole story or how everything happened, which makes my story suspicious. But it's not. The only proof I have is the screenshot of my friends who blocked me.

So if you think it's a fake post, you can assume it caused different person, different views. If any one of you want to see those screenshots, you can DM me. Two, many of you asked why my friends blocked me without even knowing my situation. I exactly don't know what she told them, but I'm actually grateful to Kylie Cause because of this. I understood that who are are the actual friends. I didn't even try to contact with them after they blocked me. Not even tried to know what's the reason. I was sure that they are no longer my friends and I have cut them totally. Here's the update. Around 11.30 p.m., my boyfriend came home. I was sitting downstairs. He came and asked me what happened and why I called him so urgently. I told him to sit down.

He did and I told him everything Kylie said to me. didn't spare a single word and also told him that she fabricated something to my friends, for that some of them blocked me. I showed him the blocked contacts. He was hearing all this silently. For a second, he didn't move his eyes from my eyes. From his look, I understood that he was in total disbelief what he was hearing. But he composed himself and hugged me tight.

I hugged him too and spent some time like that. After that, he said he can't believe Kylie would think something like that. He also told me he never gave Kylie an opportunity for thinking like that and can't even imagine that Kylie could say something like that to my face. He told me he feels emotionally drained because he thought he was getting a sister's affection from Kylie but now it seems like his efforts were in drain. I comforted him by talking him on my chest and told him it's okay and it's not his fault. At that moment he was sobbing a little bit.

But he gained himself and took his phone out. He checked is there any messages that Kylie sent it him or not. Luckily, she didn't. Then he wrote a long text describing how disappointing Kylie's actions are and also told her that he never ever wants to see her again and he will find a restraining order if she ever came near to our home. After sending that, he blocked her in every social media. He also texted two of my friends who blocked me from his chat box saying that they are

assholes and thanking them for taking the garbage out for my life. Then he blocked them too. I was happy seeing that how he stranded up along with me in this situation. After all this, we took dinner together and went to sleep. So that's the update. None of us heard anything from Kylie after she left our house and we don't want to too. Now I hope everything will get just getting better between me and my boyfriend. We are planning our engagement very soon. Thanks again to everyone who suggested me the right advice in my situation and help me to cover up this. I'm truly grateful to all of you. Life is beautiful when you have a amazing partner, heart.

You.