Reddit Stories - Shocking Betrayal UNCOVERING 20 Years Of Secrets In My Wife's SCANDALOUS Messages And Illicit ENCOUNTERS

Episode Date: June 23, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #secretsrevealed #shockingbetrayal #marriageissues #relationshipadvice #infidelitySummary: A shocking betrayal unfolds as 20 years of secrets in my wife's scandalous messages and illicit encounters are uncovered, leaving me devastated and questioning everything in our marriage.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, betrayal, secrets, scandal, marriage, infidelity, relationships, uncovering, shocking, messages, illicit, encounters, devastating, questioning, marriageissues, relationshipadviceBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. In a long-lasting marriage of more than two decades, I recently discovered my spouse's passionate communications and intimate encounters with a different individual. At the age of 52, I am a male, while my partner, aged 50, is a female. We have been in a committed relationship for 22 years, with 20 of those years spent in matrimony. Our family consists of three children, two of whom are still young. adults, one seven years old. Five years ago the WW had a late life epiphany.

SEGS was good and enjoyable. We went from one to two times a month to daily and sometimes if time and responsibilities allowed, twice in the same day. The activities included seductive bears sent to my phone or email in hearts and smileys reminiscent of our earlier days in the relationship before kids. Somewhere in this time, December, January 2018 talks about spicing up the bedroom by bringing another person in the mix. First red flag, it was a guy friend from our cohort that the W.W. suggested. Noted hard with the simple reason of not my cup of tea to be bare in the same bed with another guy and my spouse. It got dropped then, but articles about Polly and open relationships were being dropped on my inbox or links on the phone. I would read them, and vary from non-committal to not interested.

A week before Thanksgiving 2018, we're out on a date and the talk about including a third comes up. I ask if this hypothetical third has a name. It's a close friend with whom we spend a lot of time together, etc., and with whom the WW has spoken about this idea with already. Pay for the drinks, get in the car and proceed to flip my lid. 1. I never agreed to this. 2. For any such conversation I should have been present and not told after it was decided. 3. F. No. Literally. The holidays sucked for all but it was one of the best weight loss programs for all adults in the house.

Around February 2019 we get our crap together to talk it through. She's repentant and remorseful, admits poor judgment and understands why am not okay about the deceit, as well as the whole idea. She got it. Love making life took a hit, we managed to find a new pace. At least once a week but the spark and lust were subdued. Earlier this year, a parent that I had a difficult relationship passed unexpectedly. I was there for a planned four days, stayed for 45 and a funeral. My baggage started resurfacing especially some of the treatments that I experienced of being the safe one, the second choice. As I'm starting to deal with this crap milkshake of the soul, WW starts to be withdrawn,

always on electronics, limited conversation and only about the basics. F, I'm at a place to deal with my loss and now this. Okay. I get on her machine after midnight and the house is all quiet and Terese nothing in recent email or on FB and on phone messages. There's activity but nothing that points to coded or otherwise hidden messages. I checked the time frames of 2017 to 2018. Bingo.

I find sent emails to the friend from her with the same spicy pictures I was getting at the same time. FB Messenger for the same period is full of good mornings, smiley faces, hearts and flirting between them, video chats from 5 to 15 minutes. W.W. was starting a business and friend would stop by for coffee or lunch daily as he could. At the time he was there to help and advice. Flip of lid, Part 2, The Idiot Awakens got the 20K volts coursing through me all night. Could not sleep, sit. Just paste. Around 6 a.m., WW wakes and asks what's wrong. I open the laptop lid and show her the highlighted emails with her breast picks to the friend's

email. No inbox, just sent files. I asked how would she react if she found out I had pictures of a bare woman on my machine and that they were of a time period covering at least 10 months prior to what I said was a silly mistake. I pointed out that she did lie, she did have at least an emotional affair with the now verified AP and it was deliberate. Trust was lost and any statement from her at this point would be suspect to its truth. The first apologies of the ended in the trash can as she started to vomit. I asked why she did not tell me of this four years ago. We would have dealt with this already.

I told her I'm taking the day to think about it and sharing because it can happen to anyone. None of us are special. And here I thought it would never happen to me. Update 1, today is day of firsts. The outpouring of support and trauma shared is staggering. I find myself glad and sorry that I'm not alone in my experiences. Thank you to all for the advice, comments and suggestions from readings to step-by-step playthrofts. I have replied to individuals, but it's worth updating all and clarifying some points before the update.

She did have a miscarriage that was a bloody affair that we rushed to the ER4, with her soaked in her own blood. It was verified as such by the trauma staff and OBGYN at the hospital. hospital. It was early first trimester. No way to tell who the father was. This was early 2018. Got snipped shortly after. Segy Life was still on the red hot stage of things. I have heard from several of you that the DNA test route is a good idea. It's yet another truth that has been challenged today. A fair partner is single, has been divorced for at least as long as we were married. Racially were European stock, he's mostly African American and Native American.

He's very well spoken, charming and educated. W.S. was engaged in minority community outreach and education for years, as was AP. W.S. nascent business was with an actual storefront. Sure there were spaces that two adults could be intimate in. If Teresa will Teresa weigh? AP runs his own consultancy and makes his own hours. Flexible schedule and has small business experience, offered to help with the startup and was an advisor. Again legitimate reasons to be there plus time.

Business was started in the fall of 2015, storefront opened in winter of 2016. Closed shop spring of 2019. Good idea, bad execution. In retrospect, W.S. had a lot. her mind and focus elsewhere. And yes, the more I reread this text, the more of a calamity this man was for us. After spending the day in disbelief, anger and air and voltage running through me, I came home. My insides are playing death metal while outwardly I whistle easy listening tunes. W.S. is on the couch collapsed in on herself. She tried to get up to greet me and just

I pointed my hands at her. She sits. I grab the chair as far from the couch as I can. I inform her that I'm with one foot out the door. I will decide which direction I move in the relationship based on what she does next. I tell her that since she's the mother of the kids, and out of respect for our time together, I will endeavor to keep nastiness on my part to a minimum. I remind her it's more fair than she deserves and it's because of my self-respect, not her actions. Because of her FD up upbringing in the abandonment she experienced, I tell her not to be afraid of me disappearing.

I tell her that if leave, she will be explicitly told. I also let her know that her presence in the house is at my discretion at this point. She has luggage and can be told to leave if at any point she disrespects me or tries to lie. We discuss how to tell the kids. She wants to tell them it's the fight from 2018. I remind her how one of the teens stopped speaking to her and how she would be a pariah once again in-house. She starts crying and I remind her she did this. I will talk to the kids with her there.

She shook her head and cried. In return, to begin with, start with the no-contact letter to AP. Start the timeline on paper. Anything not true, we're done right there. A list of passwords to accounts, bank and plastic records. She gets the couch. I will let her know what next. Before I leave the room I asked her who is she. She has become a stranger. Update 2. While going through W.S. phone, I found her text file with all her passwords to her accounts. Facebook, email accounts, Apple account, etc. So one more piece of

Intel. I have not been this angry hurt and confused in my adult life. I found all the things that I held as hard truths to be null. It's surreal having the person with whom you build a life with being asked to write a no-contact letter to her AP. It's even more surreal for the WS to not argue when I've been asking her to do things. I asked her to also provide me with the affair timeline. Based on what she wrote I would decide on my next steps. This all the morning after. I got myself to work and got sorted there with management about time off. My manager was understanding and gave me no problems.

I started going through WS social media chats with AP and started seeing a pattern of flirting in daily conversations from January 18th to almost June 19th. After that there were more conversations between them, but mostly about a project. that the two of them have been engaged for a while. There were two dates in the text line up on March 19 and one on April 19th. The first was flirting between them where AP was commenting about WS. Lips and how he loves kissing her, she replied back with heart emojis and how she could not wait to see him in the morning. This was during the time that I was away on a trip with the two younger kids visiting family.

Screenshot number one. The second exchange was W.S. telling AP that she's sorry for hurting his feelings, but they need to keep it just to the project. Screenshot number two. Send both screenshots to W.S. via text and ask that she include those in the timeline. She starts explaining over text that they're not what they seem. I text her to just put the explanation in the timeline. Finish a couple tasks at work and head home. W.S. is sitting on the couch, reading a book. I ask her how the timeline is coming along. She looks up and says she will work on it when she has time in the evening. She looked like she was crying but is putting on a brave face. I'm irritated by this. I can't interpret her stance. It could be I don't want to do this,

it's not important, or can't face it, or you're not the one on charge. This is not a game. Send the text to my friend, letting her know that I need an exit and shelter in place. Got confirmation in ETA. Grab my laptop, chargers, cables, etc., toiletries and bug-out bag. Get the text from friend that says ETA is two minutes as I asked. Walk into the room with W.S. and ask when the timeline will be done. She says she's going to work on it that evening. I let her know that she can concentrate better without me.

me there and that I will be back home when the timeline is complete. An exit stage right. She's left mouth agape as I walk out. I had a timeline in my email inbox in 40 minutes. On the very first of the versions, half of the timeline were apologies, excuses and reasons that made no sense. It took several days of edits and pointing the inconsistencies in the narrative. I wanted to drive home the time this was hidden so I sent her a document.

that I asked her to fill out because of her jumping around the inner story. It was really a list of all the months from September of 17 to June of 22. She started her timeline from September of 17 with the first set of spicy picks she sent me, and continued on from there, with focus after the blowout we had, when she announced her desire to open the marriage up and have an affair with the AP. She felt ashamed and sorry for her actions in November 18th and did not speak to AP until after the holidays. Sometime in January 18th, while we were working towards reconciliation, she started speaking with him again and he was supportive of her and understood where she stood.

He asked her if she would like to drop out of their project and she said no as it was very important to her as a project in general. During that time, they continued to spend time together but would no longer tell me about it. When I had noticed this, I had asked AP why he was no longer around as much, not that I minded, and he said that he was spending more time with his son who was now staying with him. In providing support for their soft breakup that was our fight and almost breakup in November 18th with WS. They got closer, rekindled and continued with their EA. The highlight was the text of the screenshot I caught, where the two of them apparently shared an intimate kiss for the first time, sometime on March 19th. After that they continued having

encounters when they could, that were mostly making out and some petting over the clothing. W.S. apparently was feeling quilt and shame and broke it off with what was the aftermath in the conversation that got caught on April 19th in text. When I had a cohesive timeline, I sent it to the AP and asked him what he had to say for himself. He responded with how sorry he was and that he never should have engaged in that relationship and how sorry he was. He would tell me anything else, but I needed to find out what happened. Told him that W.S. and I were talking about a sensual misconduct complaint against him. Truth was we had never talked about it, but I knew the organization he worked for and the project

the two of them were involved in and how damaging any such publicity would be. He sang like a canary and gave the W.S. up without a fight. Right under the bus. He admitted that she approached him, that he knew my reservations, but thought I could be open-minded. W.S. was to him a friend who truly understood the social issues of his life and felt he could speak to her with an open heart because she understood him. Yeah, I know. I had the same reaction when I read that. He was sorry for the damage and was ashamed for lying and keeping it a secret. I called him a snake in the grass and how I was not there to give him absolution. From their

timelines. I gathered that they were on and off and confused, as to when it was just an EA or just working on a project. And even the PA parts were strained with him leading most of the time and her being active at first then passive towards the end. He said he was sorry, I told him to keep the F away from us, at least while I'm in the picture. Getting enough information between WS and AP, I think I got a pretty good idea of the truth to what happened. It was an emotional affair that got started from the WS attraction to AP.

His role in pursuing and in some cases manipulating the W.S. The lying that they both engaged during the time it was supposedly over. Lies, betrayal and more lies. Had the talk with a couple of lawyers who pretty much said the same things. The most brutally honest one was the last one I saw, who up front told me that the post-natural agreement I was looking for would not make sense in the any of the US because of how long we had been together. There would be no alimony but the support that I would have to be would be more than half my paycheck. To his recommendation, it was not the worst he had seen, so he would rather we spend the money on counseling versus legal fees. Either way, if we were to divorce the process would cost as much

as the post-nup, so not a win there either. The night before my return home, got quite drunk with my friend at her house, where three bottles of wine died for our sins and my body gently reminded me that I'm 52 not 25. She's one of my best friends, even though attractive as hell, never made a move as I was always involved. She's also good for the ego and took care of me emotionally and physically when I could not eat. Nothing like a Valkyrie telling you to eat or else. During my time away from home, I kept in touch with the kids and offered to listen to anything they had to say. 7 years old was the hardest to speak with, as they cannot understand but know something is wrong. The day before my return home, visited over the house and had the conversation with the W.S.

I set what I expect on the table. 1. She's to get a job. Enough living on my dime and saving the World One Social Program at a time. There will be no reconciliation for a year. 2. During this time we're in counseling, individual and couple, so I can get answers as to why. Also, because no matter what, we're tied together because of the kids and need to deal with each other. 3. There will be no physical contact. Bought a bunk bed for the 7 years old room so she can move in, and I get the bedroom.

Meanwhile, I get the couch, which is fine. 4. Because of all this she has caused me to question what relationship. are. Not sure if this relationship is I want or if W.S. is the right person for me anymore. I will date casually during this year if I choose. If she decides to do the same, we go straight to separation, amicably. Five, I will conduct myself with dignity and compassion. I could go scorched earth, but will not do to the damage it will cause the kids. She's now a secondary priority. kids are my first and will remain so. I had a full confession out of both AP and WS and even though Terese still fog and shame,

I know enough of what happened. Even if I don't know all the truth, I know enough to feel I'm right in my decisions. I also know that I will check the color if W.S says the sky is blue for a long time to come. I made edits to this doc after falling asleep on it out of exhaustion. To all of you, thank you. you for support, wisdom, perspective and reaching out. Stay strong all of you. Update 3, the part of finding out more of what happened is how you now see the red flags

you ignored in the past. The ride of the skiff and the tsunami continues. AP has been working on WS since 2014. Found out that this is his hobby. He has moved around different groups of people with the community and couples seem to to combust into divorce. Also found out he's ex-military, with a specialty in counterintelligence. All these years and we never knew this.

It was an interesting night at the pub. His tactics are always, slow, methodical, under the radar, infiltrate, subvert, divide and spoil. The friend of a friend who lived it was in tears and his W.S. affair with the same AP was in 2010. I found out the following over the last month, how he moved in on the WS by spending time and becoming her best friend, confidant, adventure partner and eventual affair partner. How he exploited character weaknesses and stresses between W.S. and myself as we started and closed a business and all that goes with it to make his move on her. How he added to the strife from this affair at the time. And how it lead to spousal alienation. The isolation of the W.S. from the teens which lead to our teens rebelling and an awkward age becoming more difficult as well as the poison of a serious secret between two people just festering.

As expected by all, the emotional affair was also physical. All but intercourse by the time W.S. approached me with her talk of opening up the relationship as a way to legitimize what they were already doing, and taking it to the next level. I'm sure that at some point in the future I will receive private pictures from an unknown account with the immortalizing of some of their acts together. AP had plans for the WS2. Getting married, meeting his swinger friends, etc. Maybe she felt sorry for me, maybe she snapped out of the haze, maybe that was a unicorn in a meadow full of rainbows when she broke it of after my crap fit. The affair petered out soon after our November 18th with some emotional blackmail for,

from the AP towards the WS and her surprisingly holding her ground. But they both acted as all was well, till the pandemic at which point she broke all contact. Both lied back then. He lied a month ago during D-Day when I confronted him, keeping up the story. It has taken me a month of carrot and stick to get truth out of W.S. Or most of it and it sucks. Not sure I want the whole truth. I had my first anxiety attack the night.

night she told me all of what she is willing to tell me. I'm not sure if reconciliation is possible, but need to go through the motions as I figure out how to prepare before the next time happens and get the F out of this. I'm in the process of rebuilding my damaged relationship with the older kids and spending more time with the youngest. I'm waiting on the paternity test to come back. Thank you all for the suggestion, but even if the kids are not mine, I'm not trusting them around W.S., based on the way she treated them during even after the affair. Either way, the young adults are more pissed at W.S. than I am, and would have voted W.S. off the island already. The good thing is her BS is now over, so I can actually talk to them again and

not get sabotaged at every word. They see through her BS as well. I have set a reconciliation date of next Father's Day. I'm keeping my word as I need to rebuild mine and my kids whirled into a stable one and not the crap show it was been. I'm doing okay for the most part, feel I dodged a bullet back then. It could have been one of those cases where no matter what I did, I would be the bad guy or even who knows, even dead or in jail. W.S. swears up and down that it was a mistake and how horrible she is and how she will spend the rest of her life making it up to me. I have the timeline and letter from her stating that during the time we've been married she had an affair, that I know off, and that I never abused her or the kids in any way.

Won't mean much, but at least is more proof than I said, she said. I have given sealed copies of the letter to my childhood friend who has proven his trust over the years, plus one with my legal docs. Once W.S. lands the job, we're getting a post-nuptial. It's sucked, and will do so for a bit. But I now know why things were the way they were, and that I need to work to get out of this tunnel to live my remaining years in peace and happiness. Cheers to all, and once again, thank you all for the support, advice and wisdom you've shared. Update 4, it's been over seven months since D-Day. It's been a rough time with the expected up and downs. The problem with turbulence is that it turns you around and you need to work hard to stay true to a course. This is

where methods such as Grey Rock or 180 help. Or you can let it turn you where it may. End of the day it's all about choices. I'm still reading the subreddit and still use it as a way to both validate or understand some aspect better. Occasionally, I find I'm dead wrong. It happens. I have understood each one of us to be different and although the overall process seems to follow similar patterns, the process is not the same for all. Ironically, we're all unique in our common woes. My takeaways from the process so far have been that the cheating took away my agency, my right to make choices for myself. I did not agree to give up my agency to WS or to AP. Because of that whatever relationship I have,

had with W.S. is gone, dead, Christmas tree on the curb waiting for pickup. In my case, W.S. is full of genuine remorse and willing to put the work into a new relationship with me. That or I have an Oscar-worthy performance in the house. There's also some truths that have come up since D-Day that changed the surprise of why this happened, to how it happened, when the right person able to exploit a situation came along. AP is a serial cheater in our case. He targets married women in long-term relationships and exploits relationship weaknesses. This was verified right away. He was able to create the illusion that W.S. was engaged in a fun activity no worse than driving above the speed limit or having that extra donut in the office.

W.S. was able to see, after the fog lifted, that what was offered by AP and what she had in our old relationship differed in quality and decided to hide the affair and go through the motions of denial. and distancing from the events. Had AP not been a predator, or W.S. not aware enough of it, a different outcome and talking about co-parenting and asset division and all the options and choices with that path and course of actions would be posted instead. A different bearing on the compass. Still an option, though. W.S. made choices, though.

Choices I disagreed with. Choices that were hurtful and betrayed two decades of common life. Choices that negated me as a partner. There were also a reason that AP could exploit W.S. and her relationship with me in our marriage. We had grown complacent in our old relationship. We had a calcified communication process where neither of us would say what was wanted or needed to be said. We would rather avoid conflict than speak freely that we both believe that we cared for, hell, loved each other as habit rather than actual engagement of feeling.

WS's EA and eventual PA were an extreme case to find out all of this though. Do not recommend. We knew that something was wrong for a long time between us. We were unsure of the normalcy or abnormality of what it was. Lost honest communication with each other created a chasm. I was just as responsible for this as WS. But my choices were different. Maybe I was lucky that the right or right,

wrong person did not come my way with the right look and needs. It could be me here talking about being a wayward myself. So here we are in a process of deciding if a new relationship is possible. Not reconciling the old. I cannot go back to who I was in that relationship, nor do I want who W.S. was. We're talking again. Honestly, freely, and openly discussing difficult subjects. MC has helped with some communication patterns and ground rules. I see with personal demons and those dark corners of the mind. The questions asked by a dear friend were, if W.S. were to somehow disappear from life, freak accident, black hole, alien abduction, how would I feel about her?

I figured out for myself that I did not hate W.S. Hurt and upset, yes. But not hate. still saw her as human with deep flaws. Even that I had care and compassion for her. Second question, could I live with those flaws? My answer after a lot of thinking has been, I'm flawed. I cannot live with my own flaws and shortcomings. How am I expecting someone else to work on themselves when I need to work on me?

So, even though legally still married, I find myself in a place of finding who I am, changing what I don't like or encouraging what I like within me. WS is also finally putting the work that has been needed for her to deal with trauma and PTSD from her past. She's also working on herself and is realizing that this is new. The old is gone and not going back to it. Everything is tentative. Any decisions are to go through discussion, to stay or leave and the expectation is each party is to explain until the other party understands. There is no ownership or theft or subversion of agency.

Lots of work to do and final conversation is on Father's Day of 2023, a year from when I set my conditions. Thank you all who have been in touch with your support and comments. It has been a good boost when morale was low. We each have the strength to do what is needed. But we're all here to remind each other of that. The end goal is to find our happiness in the end, whatever that means for each other. each of us. Godspeed to all.