Reddit Stories - Spouse began SOCIALIZING REGULARLY with her unmarried and separated ACQUAINTANCES who persuaded her

Episode Date: November 6, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #marriage #socializing #acquaintances #persuasionSummary: Spouse began socializing regularly with her unmarried and separated acquaintances who persuaded her.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, marriage, socializing, acquaintances, persuasion, spouse, unmarried, separated, friends, influence, decision-making, boundaries, communication, trust, conflictresolutionBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

Spouse began socializing regularly with her unmarried and separated acquaintances who persuaded her that I do not value her. Therefore, I arranged for my companions to monitor her during her outings with the girls. Caught her making out with a random guy after taking off her wedding ring. I never imagined I'd be writing about my marriage problems online, but here I am. I'm a 35m and my wife is 32F. We've been married for seven years, together for 10, and thankfully we don't have to be. have kids. Over the past few months, my wife Jen, not her real name, has made some new friends who, quite frankly, have been a bad influence on her. These women are all either single or

divorced, and they seem to have a pretty cynical outlook on relationships. Ever since she started hanging out with them, Jen has been acting different. It's hard to put my finger on it at first. She started going out a lot more on girls' nights. That's fine. She's become more distant physically and emotionally. We used to spend our evenings together, even if it was just watching Netflix or talking about our day. Now, most nights she's either out with these friends or glued to her phone chatting with them. If I suggest a date night or even just cooking together, she brushes me off. I tried not to jump to conclusions. People drift in and out of social phases, right? Maybe she just needed girl time. But then there were specific red flags I couldn't ignore.

1. She started dressing up more than usual whenever she went to the gym or out with them. New outfits, extra makeup, even for just working out or a casual drink. 2. She became very protective of her phone. Before, we'd use each other's phones all the time for music or looking something up. Now, her phone is locked with a new passcode and practically glued to her hand. If I so much as glance in its direction, she tilts the screen away. Three. A few times I walked into the room and she hurriedly stopped texting, or she and her friend, on speaker, would lower their voices. The other day, I caught a snippet of conversation when she was facetiming one of these friends, something like you deserve it, if he's not giving you attention. And she shushed her friend because I was in earshot. About three weeks ago, things escalated. My wife started talking a lot about this guy at the gym, let's call him Chris. She casually, mentioned him a few times, which I found odd because she never used to talk about other guys like

that. It was always just her and her female friend going to a yoga class or whatever. Now suddenly there's Chris from the gym bench pressed X today or Chris showed me a new protein shake recipe. I was like, who is this Chris and why is he suddenly a daily topic? I asked, who's Chris? She immediately got defensive, saying he's just a guy in her workout class who sometimes chats with her and her friend. According to Jen, he's just a friend and I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I dropped it, but I couldn't shake the feeling something was off. It wasn't just the mentions, it was how she said his name with a little smile. A week after that, I came home early from work to find Jen getting ready to go out with the girls. She was dolled up like it was a nightclub date,

high heels, short dress, full makeup, perfume that I usually only smell on special occasions. She said, they were just going to some low-key lounge. I tried to joke, you sure you're not secretly going on a date. I half mended. That seek it elsewhere part hit me like a truck. I responded, seek what elsewhere, exactly? She immediately backpedaled, saying she didn't mean anything by it. Just that she craves attention and validation and her friends give that to her. Then she left, saying we'd talk later because she was already running late. I was left standing there wondering what the hell was happening to my marriage. I won't lie, after she left that night, I felt sick. I poured myself a whiskey and sat on the couch, mind racing. Did I inadvertently

push her away? Is this partly my fault? But even if I have been a bit checked out, cheating is not the answer. I suspect Mia's trauma is coloring her advice, she often tells Jen that men only care about themselves and that she needs to live her life to the fullest, which apparently means acting single. Two, friend B, Tara, is not married yet but has a long-term boyfriend. In fact, Jen mentioned Tara recently got engaged, ring and all, with a wedding planned for early next year. You wouldn't guess she's engaged from the way Jen describes their nights out. Tara sounds like the wildest of the group, partying, grinding on random guys, doing body shots, you name it. It blows my mind that her fiancé, if he even knows what she's

up to, is about to marry her. 3. Friend C. Lina is the youngest, a few years younger than my wife. She's never been married. She's in an on-and-off relationship, but I guess technically single. It's like she's got a whole cheater cheerleading squad encouraging her to throw away our marriage and validating her when she badmouths me. I haven't caught her outright cheating yet. There's a chance I'm being paranoid, but my gut says something is very wrong here.

I could use some outside perspective. Am I overreacting? I decided I'd try a bit of both approaches, talk to my wife one more time, and if that failed, quietly gather evidence. So, a day after my post, I sat Jan down to have a serious conversation. I picked a calm moment, Sunday afternoon, at home. I told her straight up that I was worried about how much she'd changed lately and how her friends seemed to be encouraging behavior that could wreck our marriage. I said I was willing to

work on things, like my own availability and affection, if she felt neglected, but I needed her to meet me halfway and set some boundaries with these friends and any guys sniffing around. It did not go well. Jan immediately took offense, acting like I was attacking her and her friends. She said, so now my friends are the problem. You just hate that I have a life outside you. I tried to keep my cool and replied that having a life is fine, but not when it involves disrespecting our marriage. I brought up the gym guy Chris saying that it made me uncomfortable how close they seemed. She rolled her eyes and said, Oh my God, nothing happened. We just talk, why do you always assume the worst?

I mentioned how she told me maybe if you paid more attention, I wouldn't seek it elsewhere. At that, she got this cold look and said I was twisting her words. According to her, she only meant she feels lonely and her friends and Chris give her positive attention that I haven't been giving lately. She turned it around on me, you checked out on me first. You practically pushed me into finding other people to talk to. That hurt, but I realized this conversation was derailing into the blame game. She crossed her arms and responded, Why, are you going to hire a pie to follow me now? You're being ridiculous.

She neither confirmed nor outright denied, just. I told her, if there's nothing to hide, then you shouldn't mind if I verify for myself, right? She called that insulting and said I was acting like a controlling asshole. The fight escalated with raised voices. She accused me of spying on her and not trusting her. I countered that she hasn't given me a reason to trust lately, with all the secrecy. Eventually she stormed out of the house to get some air and cool off. When she came back later that evening, we basically avoided each other. After that disaster of a talk, I knew I had to go the evidence route. Several of you suggested it, and Mike got agreed. If she was going to keep painting me as the bad guy, I wanted

indisputable proof of what was really going on. I have two close buddies, let's call them Mark and Danny, who I trust with my life. We've been friends since college. They know a bit about what's been happening because I've confided in them as things got worse. Neither of them likes what Jen's new friends are doing. In fact, Mark went through something similar with an ex-girlfriend who cheated, so he was extra emphatic that I needed to know the truth. When I told them about the possibility of Jen and her friends messing around during their nights out, both immediately offered to help me find out. Conveniently, or not so conveniently, I learned that another girl's night out is coming up this Friday. Jen mentioned it in passing the morning after our fight, almost like a provocation.

She was getting ready for work and said, by the way, I'm going out with the girls on Friday. Don't wait up. Just like that, no discussion. I only replied, okay. Inside I was fuming at how little she seemed to care about my feelings, but I didn't argue. I just noted the date. If she was going out again so soon, I suspected this might be the opportunity to see what really happens on these nights. I told Mark and Danny about the Friday plan. The idea is simple, they'll go to the same club slash bar discreetly and keep an eye on Jen and her friends. It's Wednesday night as I write this update. Friday is in two days.

Jen has been mostly ignoring me or acting like our blow-up conversation didn't happen. We're in this weird Cold War State at home, polite small talk, no affection, walking on eggshells. She's still constantly texting her friends. I notice she's extra excited talking about Friday, like picking out outfits with them via text and stuff. She doesn't even try to hide that because, I guess in her mind, I gave permission by not fighting her on going out. I'm bracing myself for what we might find. Mark and Danny are prepped and ready. They plan to get there before the girls do to scope the place out.

I've told them the names and general looks of my wife's friends so they can identify who's who. Update 2, the morning after Friday night. Well, last night was the night. My friends Mark and Danny went on the planned stakeout while I stayed home, trying to play it cool. I told Jen I was just going to have a quiet evening in. She got all dressed up to the nines for her girl's night, I mean, really dolled up. Tight black dress, high heels, full glam makeup. When she left, she barely said goodbye, just a quick see you later.

I spent the evening alternating between anxious pacing and distracting myself with Netflix, not that I absorbed any of it. Mark and Danny checked in a couple times to confirm they got in and spotted the group. Close to midnight, I got another message from Mark, dude, it's bad. I'm getting vids. That was it. I tried to ask what happened, but he didn't reply immediately. Those were probably the longest 20 minutes of my life, just staring at my phone, imagining every worst-case scenario.

Finally around 12.30 a.m., Danny texted me, we're leaving now. Got plenty of footage. Talk soon. We quietly huddled in my living room with the lights dimmed, I didn't want Jen to return and see us up, that would be hard to explain. Mark said, I'm sorry, man, as he queued up a video on his phone. Nothing could have prepared me for actually seeing it. 1. The first video showed the three friends on the dance floor with some random guys circling them. Tara, the engaged friend, was grinding on a dude, looking like she was single and loving it. The other friend was dancing just as wildly with some guy's hands all over her. 2. In the same clip I spotted Jen at the bar area talking very closely with a tall guy in

a button-down shirt. The music was loud, you can't hear their convo, but her body language said it all, flirty head tilts, twirling her hair, leaning in to touch his arm occasionally. Three, the next video was shakier, Danny took it while moving. It showed Jen and that same tall guy on the dance floor. His hands were practically on her waist and lower back, and they were dancing very close. I saw her laugh at something he said and then she put her arms up around his neck. They were grinding. I had to look away for a second, I was livid. Four, Mark urged me to watch the next one. In that clip, presumably later in the night, Jen was kissing the guy, full on making out against a wall near the back of the club.

One of her friends, I think Mia, was right next to them swapping spit with another guy of her own. It was like a freaking hookup corner. The image of my wife passionately kissing some random dude, her hands and his hair, his paws all over her, is burned into my mind now. At this point I realized I was clenching my jaw so hard it hurt. I just asked, did she leave with him? Part of me feared they'd say yes, meaning she possibly went and slept with the guy. Danny quickly said, no, we made sure to see. She didn't leave with that guy, he left with his buddies eventually. Your wife stayed with her friends till closing. She still cheated, the kissing alone is a huge betrayal, but at least she didn't go home with him for a full-blown on-s one-night stand, as far as we know.

However, her friends did not show the same restraint. One, Tara, the engaged one, absolutely left with a guy. They captured footage of her making out with some bearded dude at the bar, and later saw her walking out the door hand in hand with him around 1 a.m. The implication is clear. I cannot imagine how her fiancé will feel seeing that. 2. Mia, the divorced friend, was seen sloppily kissing some young guy on the dance floor. She was extremely drunk by the looks of it. Mark said she and that guy disappeared toward the bathrooms together.

They didn't film inside the bathrooms, obviously, but I'll let your imagination fill that gap. She eventually rejoined Jen later. Seeing my wife with no ring, acting single, broke side. something in me. We wrapped up around 2 a.m. I thanked Mark and Danny for doing this. They were supportive, giving me the whole we've got your back, whatever you need talk. Before leaving, Mark looked me in the eye and said, whatever you decide to do, you're not wrong here. She crossed the line, man. It meant a lot to hear that from a friend, because my mind was spinning in a thousand directions. Shortly after they left, Jen stumbled home. It was

about 2.30 a.m. I was awake, but I pretended to be asleep in our bed. I couldn't bear to look at her or talk to her right then. I was afraid I'd explode. She took a quick shower. Little does she know I have video evidence of her infidelity sitting on my phone. Evidence of not just her, but all her friends acting like complete trash. The next steps, I haven't confronted Jen yet. I'm still deciding how to go about it. One thing I know for sure, those other guys, like Tara's fiancé, have to be told. They deserve to know there with cheaters, just like I deserve to know about my wife. I plan to share the evidence with them as soon as I can, probably anonymously. As for my own marriage. After seeing all that, I don't see any way back. I haven't said divorce out loud yet,

but trust is destroyed. I basically said, I'm sorry to be the the bearer of this, but you need to know. The attached video was taken on Friday night, date slash time, at club name. Your fiancé slash girlfriend is in it, engaging in inappropriate behavior. I thought you should know before you make any big decisions. I have more footage if you need. A concerned friend. Meanwhile, I didn't hear back from Rob, me as boyfriend, but I assume he got the email too. The real fallout became apparent a bit later. Around noon Monday, Tara blew up Jen's phone with furious messages from me, calling me every name in the book and blaming me for ruining her life. Later, I got a text from a number I suspect was Rob, Mia's boyfriend, simply saying, thanks for letting me know.

I'd say that means he broke up with her. The fallout was swift. Nick kicked Tara out and their engagement, an upcoming wedding, is off. Mia is now likely single too after that text from Rob. Lena didn't have a partner, but needless to say the friend group is in shambles. They all pretty much know it was me who exposed them. Meanwhile, Jen figured out pretty quickly that something was very wrong from the flurry of calls and messages among her friends. She left work early on Monday and burst into the house, demanding to know if I was behind the video sent to Nick.

I admitted that I was, telling her that Nick deserved to know his fiancé was. cheating, just like I deserve to know if my own wife is cheating. Jen just stared at me in shock for a moment, then began sputtering excuses, but I told her we needed to have a real, honest talk right now. When we sat down in the living room, she immediately started sobbing. She kept saying things like I'm so sorry and it only happened once, I swear. According to her, it was just drunken attention seeking and it meant nothing. She kept saying it was the first and last time and she'd been about to stop on her own. own. I asked her, what about the texting with Chris from the gym? What about all those nights

out before, was Friday really the first time something happened, or just the first time I caught her? She claimed nothing physical happened until that night, but admitted she'd been talking with Chris for a while because she liked the attention. She swore they never even kissed and that it was just an ego boost. Believe that or not, it doesn't really matter now. I then brought up how she took off her wedding ring to appear single. Jen cried harder and said her friends told her it was part of the game to not scare off guys. So she knew exactly what she was doing from the start. She said she felt guilty and put the ring back on as soon as she was in the cab home, like that somehow makes it better.

I told her point blank that our marriage is done. You didn't just make a mistake, I said. You made a series of choices. You lied to me, badmouthed me to your friends, sought out another man's attention, and then you cheated. You knew what you were doing and you did it anyway. She just kept sobbing that she was lonely, that I hadn't been there for her emotionally and her friends convinced her I didn't care. At that, I did raise my voice. I said something like, maybe I was distant sometimes, but you never seriously talked to me about it.

You chose to betray me instead. I told her to pack a bag and go stay with someone else for now, maybe one of those friends, if any of them will even take her in. I need space and I don't want her here right now. I've made it clear I'll be contacting a lawyer to start the divorce process immediately. We haven't gotten into details of splitting things, but thankfully it should be simple, no kids, we rent, separate finances. I told her I want this done as quickly and cleanly as possible. She didn't argue with that.

So, that's that. I'm sitting here on the couch, drained. I know the truth, as often. as awful as it is, and I've made my decision. I'll be okay. I have great friends like Mark and Danny supporting me, and my family as well. I plan to see a therapist to work through the anger and hurt, and to make sure I come out of this okay.