Reddit Stories - Spouse COVERTLY met up with a COLLEAGUE OUTSIDE of work, but when I

Episode Date: July 8, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #secrets #betrayal #trustissues #confrontationSummary: My spouse COVERTLY met up with a COLLEAGUE OUTSIDE of work, leading to trust issues and a confrontation. Seeking advice on Reddit, users share their opinions on whether the actions were justified or a breach of trust.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, secrets, betrayal, trustissues, confrontation, marriage, infidelity, communication, boundaries, honesty, advice, opinions, support, community, personalgrowthBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse covertly met up with a colleague outside of work, but when I stumbled upon bills for upscale eateries, I discovered that he had misrepresented his relationship status and splurged currency on her. On her Christmas gift. My 29F. Husband, 30M, and I have been together for eight years and married for just over a year now. We met at a friend's house party back when I was in my early 20s. It wasn't anything special or romantic.

He spilled his drink on my shoes, apologized profusely, and we ended up talking for the rest of the night while my shoes dried by the radiator. After that, we just clicked. He asked for my number and the rest is history. Things were actually pretty good between us, or at least I thought they were. He's always been working at the same company since he graduated from college. Some firm that pays well but works him pretty hard. In all our time together, I've almost never heard him talk. about any of his coworkers because he's not really that kind of guy who tries to make connections

with people. He's very introverted and likes to be in his bubble. The first few years we were dating, I'd ask him about his coworkers and he'd just shrug and say they're fine or nothing interesting to report. The thing is, he doesn't realize how easy he is to approach and talk to. I've been with him for eight years, so I know this about him. He's very calm, funny and quirky in his own way, which draws people to him even if he doesn't see it. He has this dry sense of humor that catches you off guard. People like talking to him, but he's never been the one to seek out those interactions. We've had a pretty normal routine for years. We both work during the week, sometimes have friends over on weekends, mostly my friends' TBH, and generally just exist together.

He's never been the type to go out much without me, which I guess I got used to. Our typical weekend used to be sleeping in, making a big breakfast together, maybe catching a movie or doing some house projects, then ordering takeout and watching whatever show we were into at the time. Things started changing around six months into our marriage. He started staying late at work more often. Then he said there were some big projects coming up. I didn't think much of it because his company does tend to get busy in cycles. Then he started being on his phone more, which was unusual for him. He's never been a big texter or social media person. These past few months my husband has been mentioning this poor girl at work. I remember he told me a lot of bullshit happened to her this

year, and that's why he's trying to uplift her. This seemed weird to me immediately because my husband does not usually do that. He doesn't usually give a fuck about anyone at work. Like, at all. I've seen him completely forget co-workers' names even after working with them for years. At first, it was just him mentioning her in passing. This girl at work had her car break down today or that new girl got dumped by her boyfriend this weekend kind of stuff. I didn't think much of it because he's always been a decent person who notices when people are struggling, even if he doesn't usually get involved.

But the frequency was unusual. He's never cared this much about a co-worker's personal life before. Then I noticed he started texting during dinner. He's always been strict about no phones at the table, it was actually one of his pet peeves. When I called him out on it, he said it was work stuff and put the phone away. But the next night it happened again. And again. Then one Friday, he asked me if I'm cool with him bringing this girl to a bar.

Just completely out of nowhere. We were folding laundry together, something we always do on Friday nights, and he just tossed it out there like it was nothing. So, is it cool if I take Sarah out for drinks tomorrow? She's really going through it right now. I asked if I could come along and he said that he doesn't really want to stir up awkwardness between me and her, especially since he's trying to comfort her after she had this recent breakup.

Comfort her? Since when does my husband comfort anyone, let alone a female coworker? This is the same guy who once told his own brother to walk it off when he broke up with his girlfriend of three years. He showed me her picture when I pressed. him on it. She's obviously young and very pretty. I'm not trying to be that insecure wife, but come on. She looks like she could be a model or something. Perfect skin, long dark hair, the kind of effortless beauty that makes you feel like a troll in comparison. I immediately

felt this pit in my stomach. I tried to play it cool. Sure, whatever, help your friend, I said. But inside I was screaming. Something felt off, but I didn't want to be that controlling wife who freaks out every time her husband talks to another woman. So I let it go that first time. He went out with her that Saturday, came home around midnight smelling like beer, and passed out without telling me anything about their night. Sunday morning, I casually asked how it went. Fine, he said, not looking up from his phone. She's going through a lot. And that was it. No details, no stories. nothing. This from the guy who normally gives me a play-by-play of his lunch order. I've read their

conversations and it hurts sometimes that my husband always initiates the conversation. Always. He never does that with anyone else. Not even me anymore. I used to get random texts from him during the day, jokes he thought I'd like or questions about dinner plans or just a simple miss you. Those have all but stopped. In their texts, he's constantly checking on her. How are you feeling today? Did you try that meditation app one suggested? Wanna grab lunch? My treat. It's like he's auditioning for the role of her fucking life coach. They started going out every Saturday. At first, it was just drinks to help her through her breakup. Then it turned into dinner and drinks. Then whole day excursions. One Saturday he said they were going

hiking because she needed to clear her head. Since when does my husband hike? We went once three years ago and he complained the entire time about the bugs. I told him I'm starting to feel uncomfortable with this friendship. We were getting ready for bed and I tried to keep my voice casual. Don't you think you're spending a lot of time with Sarah? People at work might start talking. He said that there's nothing to worry about and that he's just helping her out. He described it as like a female-female friendship. I don't know what the fuck he's trying to point out with that, but everything between them scares the shit out of me. What does that even mean? That he's gossiping with her? Sharing clothes? What? I asked if I could join them sometime.

Just to see what these outings are like. He got this panicked look on his face for just a split second before saying, yeah, maybe sometime. But she's pretty fragile right now and meeting new people is hard for her. Fragile? Meeting new people? I'm not new people. I'm his fucking wife. My husband still lets me read their conversation from time to time, which I guess is supposed to make me feel better. But the fuck, it hurts me that he responds to her faster than he does to me. I'll text him during work hours and get a response three hours later, but the second she texts, he's replying within minutes. I hate how he kept apologizing whenever this girl left him on read. It's like I'm fucking reading how my husband is begging this girl to give him some of her attention and time,

and I can't take it anymore. Sorry if I'm bothering you. No worries if you're busy. Just checking in, ignore this if you're swamped. Who is this desperate person and what has he done with my husband? One time he was in the shower and his phone kept buzzing. I checked and it was her sending him memes or something. Nothing inappropriate, but the frequency was ridiculous. Like seven messages in a row. When he got out of the shower, he immediately grabbed his phone and started laughing and texting back. He didn't even acknowledge I was in the room. I've started noticing other changes too. He's buying new clothes, but different from his usual style. Slightly more fitted shirts. A new cologne. He never cared about that stuff before. He's also started going to the

gym, which would be fine, healthy even, if it wasn't so clearly tied to when all this started. I don't know how I should approach him because it always ends up with him saying I'm feeling this way for nothing and that there's nothing to worry about. We had a big fight about it last week. I told him point-blank that I think he's developing feelings for this girl. He got defensive immediately. She's just a friend who's going through a hard time, he insisted. Why are you so threatened by this? Don't you trust me? Making it about my insecurities rather than his behavior.

I told him that I want to meet her and he said, for what reason? Like it's fucking weird that I want to meet this person he's spending every Saturday with? He acted like I was suggesting something completely unreasonable. As if meeting your husband's new best friend is some kind of major imposition. I even made dinner plans for us on a Saturday to try to break their routine, and he just rescheduled our dinner for Friday instead. Didn't even ask if that was okay with me. Just told me we'd go Friday because Saturday was already booked.

I've never seen him prioritize anyone else like this. Even his own family takes a backseat to whatever Sarah needs. I asked if she knows he's married, and he got weirdly defensive about it. Of course she knows I'm married. It's not a secret. But I've never heard him mention me in any of those texts I've seen. Not once. I got my wife and I watched that movie 2 or my wife makes a great pasta sauce or any of the normal ways people reference their spouses in conversation.

I don't even think she knows that my husband is married. He never wears his wedding ring to work, claims it gets in the way when he types, and I've never heard him mention me in any of those texts I've seen. One time, he was supposed to come home after work so we could go to my sister's place, but he texted me saying he needed to stay late because this girl was having some crisis. We ended up not going, and my sister was pretty annoyed about it. When I asked him what was so important, he just said she needed someone to talk to and change the subject. My sister later asked me if everything was okay between us because he's

been acting different. I just made up some excuse about work stress. I tried talking to my best friend about this, but she just said I'm overreacting and that man and women can be friends. I know that. I have male friends. But I don't go out drinking alone with them every weekend and text them constantly. I don't buy them expensive gifts or cancel plans with my husband to comfort them. There's friendship and then there's whatever this is. This morning, I found a receipt in his jacket pocket for a restaurant I've never been to. An expensive one that we've talked about trying for special occasions. I guess it wasn't special enough to take me there.

Should I just give him an ultimatum? Tell him it's her or me? Or am I overreacting? I feel like I'm watching my marriage fall apart in slow motion and he's gaslighting me into thinking it's all in my head. Any advice on how I should handle this? I love him, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. update, thanks for all the comments, though some of you need to chill with the divorce and

immediately stuff. To address some common questions, yes, we've had issues before but nothing major. No, we don't have kids, thankfully, given what's happening. Yes, we've been intimate recently, though less frequently than before. After reading some of your comments and ignoring the really mean ones, I decided to approach my husband again. I spent all day rehearsing what I wanted to say. I wanted to be calm and rational. I wanted to express my feelings without accusing him of anything. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt while still standing up for myself. That all went out the window when he came home late again last night without texting to let me know. He just walked in at 8.30 when he's usually home by six, didn't apologize or explain, and went straight

to the fridge like nothing was wrong. I told him that I want him to stop seeing this girl every Saturday unless he brings me along. He told me that I'm not making any sense and asked why I'm making such a big deal about it. He said he could just bring me if it was that important, but his tone made it clear he thought I was being ridiculous. The way he looked at me was like I was some crazy person demanding he stopped breathing air. I again asked him directly if this girl knew he's married, and based on his reaction, I knew immediately that she doesn't. He actually said, why would I brush the fact I'm married in her face? Brush IT in her face? Like mentioning you have a wife of eight years is some kind of rude imposition. I called him several names I probably

shouldn't repeat here, and he got so upset. In the heat of the moment, I took his phone and went through every single app. He tried to grab it back, but I locked myself in the bathroom. He was pounding on the door yelling at me to respect his privacy, but all I could think was that married people shouldn't need this much privacy from each other. He's been messaging her constantly, way more than I realized. Pictures of random things that reminded him of her. He sent her a fucking poem once. My husband, who got me a pre-written card for our anniversary, wrote this girl a poem. I found out he gave her a very expensive gift worth almost $1,000. A fucking thousand dollars. I was beyond pissed about it. For context, we have both joint and personal accounts, and he used his

personal money for this, but still. He spent more on her Christmas gift than he did on mine. It was a pair of designer earrings that she had apparently mentioned liking once. Meanwhile, I got a kitchen appliance that I'd specifically said I didn't want because it felt too housewify. A lot of things happened after my original post that my brain couldn't process everything. We had this huge screaming match where I threatened to tell this girl that I'm his wife and that she's being a homewrecker. He said he would never forgive me if I ruined this one and only friendship he had. One and only friendship.

We've been together eight years and he's acting like this girl he's known for a few months is the only person who understands him. Then he dropped the bomb. He said that he doesn't feel the love ever since we got to. got married. He said he's never been this happy, excited, and contented with anyone before. Those words felt like actual physical pain. It was like being stabbed while simultaneously falling from a great height. I couldn't breathe. Then he started listing all these things about our relationship that apparently bother him. Things he's never mentioned before. Said I don't

challenge him intellectually whatever the fuck that means. Said I'd become complacent in our relationship. said he feels stifled by my expectations. Where is all this coming from? If he felt this way, why didn't he say something months or years ago? Why wait until he's formed this intense bond with someone else to suddenly decide our marriage isn't intellectually stimulating enough? He slept in the guest room that night. I didn't sleep at all.

I just laid in our bed staring at the ceiling trying to figure out when everything went wrong. Was it something I did? Something I didn't do? Is there any way to fix this or is it already too broken? After he left for work the next day, I ended up messaging the girl. I found her on his Instagram and just sent her a simple hi, I'm, husband's name's wife. We need to talk. She replied almost immediately and seemed genuinely shocked.

She said that she didn't know he was married and was very apologetic about it. She sent screenshots of their conversations where he explicitly told her he was single. Single. Not separated, not in an open marriage, not going through a divorce. Fucking single. There were messages where he talked about future plans with her. Weekend trips they could take. He said he wanted to bring her to the kind of apartment they could get together someday. He was so mad when he found out I messaged her. He came home early from work, which was ironic considering how little time he's been spending at home lately. His face was red and he was shaking.

He left the house and wouldn't answer his phone. I started panicking and actually messaged the girl again to ask if she was with him. She said no, that she just got out of a bad breakup and didn't want to be involved in any more drama. She seemed sincerely sorry and said if she had known he was married. She wouldn't have gone out with him at all. I found out she just started working at his company three months ago. Three months. and he's acting like they have this deep connection that I couldn't possibly understand.

She's 24, five years younger than me. Not drastically younger, but young enough that they're in different life stages. She's still going out clubbing with friends while I'm thinking about retirement plans and maybe starting a family someday. I have so many questions swirling in my mind right now. How could he lie so blatantly to both of us? Has he been physically cheating or just emotionally? Why did he start pulling away right after we got married?

Why didn't he just talk to me if he was unhappy? I've been sitting in our empty house for hours just staring at the wall trying to make sense of everything. All our photos are still up. Us hiking in the mountains on our third date. Us at his brother's wedding. Our own wedding. Were we ever really happy or was I just seeing what I wanted to see? He turned his phone off completely and I have no idea where he is.

is. His best friend hasn't heard from him either. Yes, I called him, so much for one and only friendship. His parents called me asking why he missed their weekly Sunday call, and I didn't know what to tell them. I just said we had a fight and he went out to clear his head. I couldn't bring myself to tell them what's really happening. They've always been so kind to me. I don't know what happens next. I don't know if he's coming back. Update 2. I wasn't going to update again, but so many people have messaged me asking what happened that I figured I should. Also, writing this out helps me process everything. Even if no one reads it. First, thanks for all the supportive comments. To those saying I invaded his privacy by taking his phone. Maybe you're right, but when someone's

acting as suspicious as he was, sometimes you need to know the truth. and I was right to be suspicious. To the person who suggested I slash his tires. Thanks but no thanks, I'm upset but not looking to commit crimes. I haven't told any of my family and friends about what's going on. I feel embarrassed, ugly, and pathetic right now. The last thing I want to see on their faces is pity. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me.

My sister knows something is wrong because I've been avoiding her calls, but I just can't bring myself to tell her what's happening. He was gone for almost 24 hours. No calls, no texts, nothing. I was actually about to file a missing person report when he finally texted saying he was okay and would be home soon. I don't know where he went or who he was with. Part of me doesn't want to know.

My husband came back around 3 a.m. that night. He smelled like alcohol but wasn't completely wasted. We sat at the kitchen table and had probably the most painful conversation of my life. He said he could no longer see me in his future ever since we got married. The reason he's been working late so often was that he doesn't want to be around me. I asked him why he waited to tell me this since we've been married. He said he thought his feelings would come back eventually, that it was just a phase and there was no way his love for me would be gone overnight.

But every day felt worse for him. He said he wakes up next to me and feels nothing. Nothing. After eight years together. He said he tried to make it work, tried to reignite the spark, but it just wasn't happening. He admitted that meeting Sarah accelerated things, but insisted that our problems existed before her, that she just made him realize what he was missing. He said being around her made him feel alive again in a way he hasn't felt in years.

He doesn't want me anymore and thinks it's time. totally over. Then he had the audacity to suggest we could even be friends. I felt the ultimate betrayal. Nothing in our relationship prepared me for this. Before we got married, he used to leave me little notes around the house. He planned this elaborate proposal at the place we had our first date. I asked him if there was anything specific that changed after we got married. He shrugged and said he just felt trapped. That our relationship was exciting when we were dating. but once we made it official, all the magic disappeared. I asked if he ever truly loved me, and he said he did, but love changes.

What kind of bullshit is that? I told him that we could go for couple counseling and work it out. I begged him to at least try. If he loved me once, maybe he could love me again. He actually cried, saying he doesn't want to be stuck anymore. It's not about his coworker anymore, according to him. It's about what he feels in our relationship. He cried and asked for a divorce while I'm crying and begging him not to leave.

I'm so confused and don't know what to do. I felt like I was a good partner. I supported his career. I tried to make our home nice. I was there through the death of his grandmother last year. I helped him study for certifications he needed for work. I thought we were happy. We talked about having kids someday, buying a house.

house in the suburbs, growing old together. Was it all just talk? I finally asked him directly about his co-worker and if they ever had sex. He said that he genuinely cares and likes her and he's getting to know her more but claims she doesn't see him that way. He swears nothing physical happened between them. Part of me believes this, the texts I saw were emotional but not sexual. But does it even matter? The emotional betrayal hurts just as much. I asked about the money he spent on her, and he said it was just a Christmas gift. A $1,000 is just a Christmas gift for someone he's known for three months. When I pointed out how inappropriate that was, he got defensive and said I was making it into something it's not.

He said she was going through financial difficulties and he was just being a good friend. A good friend who told her he was single and available. The worst part is that I still love him. After everything, I still want to fix things. How pathetic is that? He's been sleeping in the guest room for the past few days. Sometimes I hear him on the phone late at night, speaking quietly, and I know who he's talking to. I pretend I don't hear, but every word is like a knife in my heart.

We're existing in this awful limbo where we're still living in the same house but barely speaking. I cook meals for one now. He does his own laundry. We coordinate bathroom schedules to avoid each other. It's like living with a ghost. He mentions splitting our assets and moving out by the end of the month. I can't afford our place on my own, so I'll probably have to move back in with my parents temporarily. Just thinking about having to tell them what happened makes me want to throw up.

My mom loved him. She's always telling her friends what a wonderful son-in-law she has. How do I tell her that he lied to me for months and wants to throw away our marriage for someone he barely knows? I've started looking into divorce lawyers, which is something I never thought I'd be doing at 29. The legal websites are overwhelming. Everything costs so much money. I don't even know where to start. We don't own property together, but we have joint accounts and shared debts.

What happens to all of that? My appetite is gone completely. I've lost weight, which some people might think is a good thing, but not like this. I go to work on autopilot, smile at my co-workers like nothing is wrong, come home to this broken shell of a home, and repeat. I am in so much pain that I feel numb. I can't believe this is happening to me. Every song on the radio makes me cry. Every couple I see on the street makes me wonder what they have that we didn't. Every wedding ring commercial makes me change the channel. The future I thought I had is just, gone. I guess I'll be happy.

heading into the new year as a fucking divorced almost 30-year-old. Not exactly where I thought I'd be. If anyone has gone through something similar, how did you get through it? Did divorce proceedings destroy you financially? How long did it take before you could go a day without crying? I'm not even sure what I'm asking for anymore. I just feel so alone.