Reddit Stories - Spouse desired a POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP to be intimate with her married SUPERVISOR, but

Episode Date: July 28, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #polyamory #marriage #supervisor #intimacySummary: Spouse desired a POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP to be intimate with her married SUPERVISOR, but faced moral dilemmas and conflicting emotions. Seeking advice on Reddit, users debated the ethical implications and potential consequences of pursuing such a complex and risky dynamic.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, polyamory, marriage, supervisor, intimacy, moral, dilemmas, conflicting, emotions, advice, ethical, implications, consequences, complex, riskyBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse desired a polyamorous relationship to be intimate with her married supervisor, but was terminated instead when he reported her for misconduct. Consequently, I initiated separation proceedings and observed her plead for forgiveness. For another chance. My wife Claire and I have been married for 15 years and I thought we had a solid relationship. We have two kids, Jane who's 13 and Martin who's 10, and I genuinely believed we were happy together. Claire works at a company and has been there for about three years

now, and her boss Andrew is this guy in his early 40s who's also married with kids. About two weeks ago Claire came home from work acting different and I could tell something was on her mind but I didn't want to push her about it. She kept checking her phone more than usual and would smile at it in this way that immediately made me suspicious, like she was sharing some private joke with someone. I asked her if everything was okay and she said she was just tired from work but her voice had this nervous edge to it that I'd never heard before. Last Tuesday she sat me down in our living room after the kids went to bed and said she wanted to talk about something important. My first thought was maybe someone died or she was sick because her hands were shaking and she kept fidgeting with her wedding ring. She took this deep breath and said she's been thinking about our marriage and how we've grown apart and that she wants us to consider opening our relationship.

I felt completely blindsided and my mind went blank for a moment. I asked her what she meant by that and she explained that she's developed feelings for someone else and thinks we should explore having other relationships while staying married. The way she said someone else made it obvious she already had a specific person in mind and my brain immediately went to her boss because of how much she'd been talking about him lately. When I asked her directly if it was her boss Andrews, she got defensive and said it doesn't matter who it is, that this is about our marriage and making sure we're both fulfilled. But her face turned

red and she couldn't look me in the eyes which told me everything I needed to know. I told her that opening our marriage wasn't something I was interested in and that if she wanted to be with someone else then we should get divorced. She immediately backtracked and said she didn't want a divorce and that she loves me and wants our family to stay together. But she also said she can't ignore these feelings she has. The whole time she's talking I'm thinking about how this all sounds, like she's already thought through every angle and decided this is the best way to have her cake and eat it too. She kept saying things like we could set boundaries and rules and that lots of couples make this work, but all I could think about was how my kids would react if they found out their mom was

dating another man while still being married to their dad. I asked her if she's already been physical with this person and she swore she hasn't but the way she hesitated before answering may believe her at all. The conversation went on for almost two hours and by the end I felt completely drained and confused. She was crying and saying she never meant for this to happen and that she just wants us both to be happy, but I kept thinking about how this whole thing was really just her wanting my permission to cheat without consequences. I told her I needed time to think and she said she understood but then she hugged me and whispered that she hopes I'll consider it because she really thinks it could work. I barely slept that night and kept staring at the ceiling thinking about our entire relationship

and wondering if there were signs I missed. The next morning she acted like nothing happened and was making breakfast for the kids and chatting about their school projects like we hadn't just had the most devastating conversation of our marriage. I spent the whole day at work unable to concentrate and my coworker asked me if I was feeling okay because I looked like hell. I wanted to tell someone what was happening, but I also felt embarrassed and ashamed. Like maybe I wasn't enough for my wife

or maybe I'd failed as a husband when I got home that evening Claire had made my favorite dinner and was being extra affectionate, touching my arm while she talked and laughing at things that weren't even funny. I could tell she was trying to butter me up and it felt so manipulative and fake that I wanted to call her out on it immediately.

During dinner Jane asked why mom seemed so happy and Claire said she was just having a good day at work, which made me want to scream because I knew exactly why she was having good days at work. After the kids went to their rooms, she brought up the conversation again and said she'd been thinking about it all day and really believes this could strengthen our marriage. She had all these articles pulled up on her phone about successful open marriages and kept reading these statistics about how many couples try this and end up happier. But while she's talking all I can think about is how she's already emotionally cheating on me and she wants my blessing to make it physical.

I finally told her that I wasn't going to agree to an open marriage and that if she wanted to pursue someone else then we needed to separate. She started crying again and said I was being close-minded and that I wasn't even trying to consider alternatives. Then she said something that really got to me which was that she thought I'd be more understanding since I've always been supportive of her career and ambitions. The way she tried to frame wanting to sleep with her boss as some kind of career ambition made me realize that she was either completely delusional or she thought I was stupid.

I told her I was going to stay at a XYZ hotel about 20 minutes away for a few days to clear my head and she panicked and said that was an overreaction and that we should keep talking about it. But I was done talking because every word that came out of her mouth made me more convinced that she'd already made up her mind about what she wanted to do. I packed a bag while she followed me around the house begging me not to leave and saying we could work this out if I just gave her a chance to explain better. She kept saying she loved me and that this didn't change anything between us. But I kept thinking about how you don't ask to sleep with other people if you're truly in love with your spouse. The kids were upstairs doing homework and had no idea their parents' marriage

was falling apart right below them. I kissed them good night and told them I had to go out of town for work for a few days, which felt horrible because I hate lying to them but I also couldn't tell them the truth. Jane asked if everything was okay because mom looked upset and I just said mom was tired and that everything would be fine, even though I had no idea if anything would ever be fine again. I drove to A to a hotel and checked in, and the whole time I felt like I was in a dream. I sat on the bed in this hotel room and tried to process what had just happened to my marriage and my family, and I kept coming back to the same question which was how long this had been going on without me knowing. About an hour after I checked in there was a knock at my door

and I knew it was clear before I even looked through the people. She was standing there crying with her makeup smeared and she said we needed to talk and that I couldn't just run away from this. I let her in because I didn't want to cause a scene in the hallway but I immediately regretted it because she launched into this whole speech about how she'd made a mistake bringing this up and that she didn't really want an open marriage. But then she said she couldn't promise that her feelings for this other person would just go away and that maybe we could find a compromise that worked for both of us. I asked her what kind of compromise she had in mind and she said maybe she could just have an emotional relationship with him but stay physically faithful to me, which made me laugh

out loud because it was such a ridiculous suggestion. I told her that she was already having an emotional affair and that asking for permission to continue it wasn't a compromise at all. She got angry and said I was being unfair and that she'd been honest with me about her feelings instead of just cheating like a lot of people would do. The fact that she seemed to think she deserved credit for telling me she wanted to cheat instead of just doing it behind my back showed me how far gone she already was. We argued for another hour and she kept trying different angles to convince me that this could work, but every suggestion made it more obvious that she'd already decided she wanted to be

with this guy and was just trying to find a way to do it without losing her comfortable life with me. Finally I told her she needed to leave and that I would call her tomorrow to talk about next steps. She cried and begged and said she couldn't lose me and the kids. But when I asked her if she was willing to cut off all non-work contact with her boss and transfer to a different department she said that wasn't fair and that she shouldn't have to sacrifice her career. That's when I knew for sure that she'd already chosen him over our marriage and everything else was just her trying to have both. I'm writing this from my hotel room because I can't sleep and I don't know what to do next. Part of me wants to fight for our marriage but another part of me thinks it's already over

and I'm just postponing the inevitable. I keep thinking about my kids and how this is going to affect them and whether I should try to make this work for their sake, but I also don't want them growing up thinking this kind of relationship is normal or healthy. I guess I'm just looking for advice from people who might have been through something similar or who can help me see this situation more clearly. Right now I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down and I don't know which way is up anymore. Update 1, two months later, I thought I should update everyone on what's happened since my original. Thank you to everyone who commented and messaged me with support. It really helped during what has been the worst two months of my life. After I posted

originally I ended up staying at that hotel for a week while Claire and I tried to figure out what we were going to do. We had several more conversations and she kept insisting that she wanted to save our marriage, but every time I brought up her cutting contact with Andrew she would find reasons why that wasn't possible or fair. She said they worked too closely together and that it would be obvious to everyone if she suddenly started avoiding him and that she couldn't risk her job over this. I told her that she should have thought about that before developing feelings for her married boss, but she said I was being unreasonable and that people can't control who they have feelings for. Eventually I moved back home because I missed my kids and because staying in a hotel indefinitely

wasn't sustainable. But I made it clear to Claire that we were separated even though we were living in the same house. We told the kids that mom and dad were going through a difficult time but that we both loved them very much and I could see how confused and scared they were even though they didn't fully understand what was happening. Claire kept trying to act normal around the kids and would suggest family activities like movie nights or going out to dinner, but everything felt forced and awkward. I found myself watching her constantly for signs that she was still in contact with Andrew, and I hated how paranoid and suspicious I'd become, but I couldn't help myself. She would still check her phone obsessively and would take calls in private, and when I asked her about it, she said it

was just work stuff, but her defensive tone told me otherwise. About three weeks ago, Claire came home from work looking upset and I could tell something had happened. She was quiet during dinner and kept glancing at me like she wanted to say something but couldn't figure out how to start. After the kids went to bed, she asked if we could talk and my first thought was that maybe Andrew had left his wife for her and she was going to ask for a divorce. But instead she told me that she'd been fired from her job and my brain couldn't process what she was saying at first. I asked her what happened and she started crying and said that she'd made a mistake and that Andrew had reported her to HR for inappropriate behavior. She said she tried to talk to him about

their relationship and that he'd completely rejected her and said he was committed to his marriage and that what she was suggesting was inappropriate. It simply meant that Andrew wasn't actually interested in her and that she basically destroyed our marriage for someone who didn't even want her. She'd thrown away our 15-year marriage for a fantasy that was never even real in the first place. I asked her exactly what she'd said or done to get fired and she was vague about it, but from what I could piece together she'd basically confessed her feelings to him and suggested they pursue a relationship. She kept saying that she'd made a terrible mistake and that she realized now that what we have is more important than some stupid crush, but I couldn't get past the fact that she'd been willing to blow up our entire family for a man who was never actually available or interest.

The next few weeks have been incredibly difficult because Claire is dealing with being unemployed and rejected, and she seems to expect me to comfort her and help her through this crisis that she created herself. She keeps saying things like she can't believe she was so stupid and that she should have appreciated what she had with me, but every time she talks about it I can tell she's more upset about Andrew rejecting her than she is about potentially losing our marriage. What's been really hard is that she's been calling me selfish for not being more supportive during this difficult time. Last week I went on a skiing trip with my brother that we'd planned months ago, and when I got back Claire was furious and said she couldn't believe I'd abandon her when she needed me most. She said it was cruel of me to go enjoy myself while she was dealing with the consequences of losing her job and that a good husband would have cancelled his trip to be there for his

wife. I told her that I wasn't her husband in any meaningful sense anymore since she'd made it clear that she wanted to be with someone else and that I wasn't responsible for comforting her through the fallout of her own choices. But she said that was exactly the kind of selfish thinking that had driven her to look for emotional connection elsewhere in the first place, which made me so angry I had to leave the room before I said something I'd regret. The worst part is that our kids are starting to get involved in ways that make me feel terrible. Jane, asked me the other day why I wasn't being nicer to mom when she's obviously sad about losing her job, and Martin has been asking if we're getting divorced because some kid at school said

his parents fought a lot before they got divorced. Claire has been crying in front of them more often and I can see how much it's affecting them, and I know they think I'm being mean to their mom during a hard time. Yesterday Jane actually confronted me and said that mom told her she lost her job because of office politics and that she needs our support right now, and that she doesn't understand why I'm being so cold to her. I wanted to tell Jane the truth about why her mom really lost her job, but I also know that would be unfair to put that burden on a 13-year-old girl. So I just said that sometimes adult relationships are complicated and that I'm doing my best to figure things out. But then Jane said that maybe I should try harder because mom is

really sorry about whatever she did wrong and that everyone deserves a second chance. Hearing my daughter defend her mom and essentially ask me to forgive her for trying to cheat on me with her boss was one of the most heartbreaking moments of this whole ordeal. I know Jane has no idea what she's really asking me to forgive, but it still feels like everyone expects me to just get over this and move on. Claire has started talking about going to marriage counseling and says she's willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild our relationship, but I can't shake the feeling that she's only saying this because her plan to be with Andrew fell apart so spectacularly. If he had been interested in her, I'm convinced she would have asked for a divorce without hesitation, and now she wants me to pretend like none of this happened just because her backup plan is to stay with me.

I've been thinking about filing for divorce, but I keep hesitating because of how it would affect the kids. My brother thinks I should divorce her and says that what she did was unforgivable regardless of whether she physically cheated or not, but my sister thinks I should try counseling for the sake of the kids. I'm honestly not sure what the right answer is and I feel like I'm stuck in this horrible limbo where I can't move forward but I also can't go back to the way things were before. I know I need to make a decision soon because this limbo isn't fair to anyone. I just wish I knew how to tell the difference between genuine remorse and regret her plan didn't work out the way she hoped. Update 2, 3 months later, I've been putting off writing this update because I knew it would make everything feel more real, but I think I owe it to it to. everyone who's been following my story to let you know what's happening. The support from this community has meant more to me than you could possibly know,

especially during the moments when I felt like I was going crazy or being unreasonable. After my last update I spent a lot of time thinking about what kind of life I wanted for myself and my kids, and I realized that I couldn't keep living in this state of uncertainty and resentment. Claire continued to push for marriage counseling and kept talking about how we could rebuild our relationship stronger than before, but every conversation felt like she was trying to convince me to forget about something that I'm never going to be able to forget. The breaking point came about a month ago when I found out that Claire had been in contact with Andrew even after getting fired. I discovered this completely by accident when her laptop

was open on the kitchen counter and a notification popped up from a messaging app one didn't recognize. I knew immediately that this was bad news because she wouldn't be using a different app to talk to her sister or her friends, and when I opened it I found weeks of messages between her and Andrew. I took photos of it in my phone in case if it will help me in divorce in the future. Most of the messages were her apologizing for what happened at work and trying to convince him that what she felt was real and worth exploring, and him repeatedly telling her to stop contacting him and that he wasn't interested. But what really got to me was that she was still pursuing him even while telling me that she wanted to save our marriage and that he didn't mean anything to her

anymore. I confronted her about it that night and she initially tried to deny it, but when I showed her the messages she broke down and admitted that she'd been trying to maintain some kind of connection with him. She said she knew it was wrong but that she couldn't just turn off her feelings, and that she thought maybe if she could just get closure with him she'd be able to fully commit to our marriage again. That's when I knew for certain that our marriage was over, because even after losing her job and facing the possibility of divorce she was still more invested in chasing after Andrew than she was in fixing what she'd broken with me. I told her that I was done trying to make this work and that I would be filing for divorce, and the look of shock on her

face told me that she genuinely thought I would just keep waiting around indefinitely while she figured out her feelings. Last week I finally met with a divorce attorney and started the paperwork, and yesterday I told Claire in person that I'd officially begun divorce proceedings. I would waited until the kids were at school because I knew she would react emotionally and I didn't want them to witness it. When I told her she immediately started crying and begging me to reconsider, saying that she'd do anything to save our marriage and that she'd been an idiot to throw away what we had. She kept saying that Andrew meant nothing to her and that she'd been confused and going through some kind of midlife crisis, but that she knew now that I was the only

man she wanted to be with. What broke my heart was when she asked me what she was supposed to tell the kids about why their family was falling apart, and I could see genuine panic in her eyes about having to explain this to Jane and Martin. I told her that we would figure out how to tell them together but that we weren't going to lie to them about why we were getting divorced, even if we didn't give them all the details. She begged me to think about how this would affect the kids and said that maybe we could try separating for a while instead of jumping straight to divorce, but I reminded her that we'd essentially been separated for months already and that nothing had changed except she'd continued lying to me. I told her that I wanted our kids to see what a healthy relationship

looks like, and that staying in a marriage where one person had tried to cheat wasn't setting a good example for them. The hardest part of the conversation was when she asked me if there was anything she could do to change my mind, and I could see genuine desperation in her eyes. For a moment I almost wavered because I could see the woman I'd fallen in love with 15 years ago underneath all the lies and manipulation. I told her that the person I married wouldn't have done any of the things she'd done over the past few months, and that I didn't know who she was anymore, but I knew she wasn't someone I could trust with my heart or my future. She cried harder and said that people make mistakes and that marriage is supposed to be about forgiveness and working through difficult times

together, but I said that what she'd done wasn't a mistake but a series of deliberate choices that showed me where her priorities really were. The conversation lasted for almost three hours and by the end we were both emotionally exhausted. She asked me if I thought there was any chance we could reconcile in the future after she'd had time to work on herself and prove that she'd changed. But I told her honestly that I couldn't see myself ever trusting her again and that I needed to focus on moving forward rather than holding on to hope for something that was probably never going to happen.

We still haven't told the kids about the divorce yet because we're trying to figure out the right way to do it, and because Claire keeps hoping I'll change my mind if we wait a little longer. But I know that delaying the conversation is only going to make it harder on everyone, and that Jane and Martin deserve to know what's happening to their family even if the truth is painful and confusing. I know the next few months are going to be incredibly difficult as we work through the divorce process and figure out custody arrangements and how to co-parent effectively.

I also feel like I'm finally taking control of my life again instead of just reacting to whatever crisis Claire creates next. My lawyer says the divorce should be relatively straightforward since we agree on most of the major issues, but I know that could change if Claire decides to fight it. The kids are going to struggle with this and I hate that they're going to be hurt by their mom's choices, but I also think they'll be better off in the long run seeing their parents in healthy relationships rather than watching us pretend that what we have is normal or sustainable. I'm planning to start therapy to help me process everything that's happened

and to make sure I'm handling the divorce and co-parenting in the healthiest way possible. I never thought I'd be a 38-year-old divorced dad, but I'm trying to focus on building a good life for myself and my kids rather than dwelling on how different things are from what I expected. Thank you again to everyone who's offered support and advice during this incredibly difficult time in my life. Final update, several months later. I wanted to write one final update to close out this chapter of my life

since so many of you have been following along and offering support throughout this entire ordeal. It's been almost eight months since my original post and six months since I filed for divorce, and I'm happy to say that the divorce was officially finalized last week. The process ended up being more complicated than my lawyer initially expected because Claire went through several phases of back and forth even after we agreed before, trying to contest different aspects of the divorce, but eventually we reached an agreement that works for everyone involved. We're sharing custody of Jane and Martin with them staying with me during the week and spending weekends with Claire, which seems to be working well for the kids so far.

Telling the kids about the divorce was one of the hardest conversations I've ever had to have, but we decided to be honest with them about the fact that their mom had developed feelings for someone else and that we couldn't work through our differences. Jane took it really hard at first and blamed me for not being willing to forgive her mom, but over time she started to understand that some things can't be fixed just by saying sorry. Martin was confused more than anything else and kept asking if there was something he could do to make mom and dad love each other again, which absolutely broke my heart. But both kids have been seeing a counselor who specializes in helping children cope with

divorce, and they seem to be adjusting better than I expected given how much their world has been turned upside down. Claire struggled significantly with the divorce both emotionally and financially, and there were several points where she tried to use the kids to guilt me into reconsidering. She would tell them things like how sad she was living alone in her apartment, or how much she missed being a family, and for a while Jane was asking me almost daily if there was any chance we might get back together someday. I had to have some difficult conversations with both kids about how sometimes parents make choices that hurt their families, and that even though

mom and dad both love them very much we can't be married to each other anymore. I tried to be honest without saying anything that would damage their relationship with their mom, which was a delicate balance that I'm still trying to maintain. The whole process was watching Claire's spiral for a few months after the divorce was finalized. She had trouble finding a new job since getting fired from her previous company, and I think the reality of losing both Andrew and our marriage hit her harder than she expected. There were a few times when she called me crying and asking if we could try again, and I had to keep reminding her that too much had happened for us to go back to the way things were. About three months ago Claire finally found anew, and she seems to

be doing better both professionally and emotionally. She's been more stable during our interactions and has stopped making comments about reconciling, which has made co-parenting much easier for everyone involved. The kids have adjusted to our new routine and while they still express sadness about our family being different now, they seem to be thriving in their own ways. As for me, I've been focusing on rebuilding my life and figuring out who I am as a single dad. I started going to therapy about four months ago which has been incredibly helpful in processing everything that happened and learning how to trust my own judgment again. I realized that I'd spent so much time questioning whether I was being reasonable or fair that I'd lost sight of the fact that Claire's

behavior was genuinely unacceptable regardless of her motivations. I'm not dating anyone yet because I want to focus on my kids and on healing from everything that happened, but I feel optimistic about the possibility of finding love again someday with someone who actually wants to be with me. Thank you to everyone who followed along with my story and offered advice and support during the darkest period of my life. I know there are other people going through similar situations who might be reading this, and I want them to know that it's possible to get through something like this and come out stronger on the other side, even when it feels impossible in the moment.