Reddit Stories - Spouse engaged in INFIDELITY and proposed a POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP to continue the affair,

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #infidelity #polyamorous #relationships #cheating #marriageSummary: A spouse engaged in infidelity proposed a polyamorous relationship to continue the affair. The situation raises questions about trust, boundaries, and the future of the marriage.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, infidelity, polyamorous, relationships, cheating, marriage, trust, boundaries, affair, spouse, proposal, future, trustissues, communication, honesty, loyalty, commitmentBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse engaged in infidelity and proposed a polyamorous relationship to continue the affair, so I went along with it while gathering proof of her failure to care for our kids. And filing for divorce and custody. Hello everyone. I'm using a throwaway account for obvious reasons. My name isn't really Mark, but it will do for this. I'm 35 years old.

My wife, who I'll call Sarah, is 30. We have been married for 10 years and together for 12. We have two children, a daughter, Lily, who is eight, and a son, Tom, who is six. I am writing this, I think, to try and impose some order on the chaos that has erupted in my life over the past 48 hours. Perhaps writing it to strangers will provide some clarity, or at least a sounding board. My professional life for the past 12 years has been as a senior project manager with a a large commercial construction firm. The projects are complex, high value, and invariably operate under tight deadlines. This translates into long hours. A typical day is 10 to 12 hours

at the site or office, and it's not uncommon for that to extend to 14 or 15 hours when we are pushing for a phase completion or dealing with unexpected crises, which are frequent in this line of work. Weekend work, at least a Saturday morning, is more often the rule than the It's a demanding career, no doubt, but it's one that has allowed us to live comfortably, purchase a nice home and a good school district, and afford Sarah the opportunity to not be financially burdened by the need to work. Before we had children, Sarah worked as a freelance graphic designer. She was talented and had a modest client base. When Lily was born, we had many discussions about child care and careers. Sarah expressed a strong desire to be a stay-out

home mother, at least during the children's early years. I supported this choice, my income was sufficient, and we both agreed that having one parent consistently present was beneficial. She officially stopped taking on new clients about six months after Lily was born and has since identified primarily as a homemaker, though she would occasionally do small design projects for friends or local community groups. More as a hobby than for income. Our early family life was, I believed, quite stable. I handled my demanding work schedule, and she managed the household and the children's daily lives. When I was home, I tried to be present, dealing with bath times, bedtime stories, and weekend activities when work didn't intervene. The shift began subtly around

eight or nine months ago. Sarah started talking about wanting more of a social life, feeling a bit isolated. Her friend, Jessica, who she's known since college, started organizing girls' nights out. Initially, it was once a month, perhaps dinner, or a movie. I was fully supportive. I thought it was healthy for her. I would take over childcare completely on those evenings. Over time, the frequency increased. Once a month became every other Friday. Then, for the last three months, it became almost every Friday and sometimes a Saturday afternoon or evening as well. The composition of the group also seemed to evolve. Jessica was mentioned less, and newer names I didn't recognize started to pop up.

Her behavior at home also began to change, though it was like a slow tide, easy to miss on a day-to-day basis. She became more engrossed in her phone, often smiling or quickly typing replies, but if I inquired, the answers were vague, just a funny group chat thing, or planning the next outing. She began to invest more in her appearance for these nights out, new clothes, more time spent on hair and makeup. Again, I rationalized this as her enjoying her social life. The first concrete alarm bell, though small, was about two months ago when she put a new, complex password on her phone. We had never had passwords that the other didn't know, not out of a policy of checking

up on each other, but simply as a matter of convenience and openness. When I asked about it, she brushed it off, saying her phone software updated and prompted her to use a more secure lock. It felt a little off, but I didn't push. Then, about three weeks ago, I was reconciling our joint account for some work-related expense claims. I noticed a series of charges at a cocked bar called Crimson Lounge, fake name, a place I'd never heard her mention, and definitely not the kind of place her old friend Jessica would frequent. There were four such charges over a six-week period, always on a Friday or Saturday night. Alongside these were Uber receipts for rides to and from an address in a trendy, but somewhat remote, part of the city, an area she had no other

plausible reason to visit, particularly late in the evening. The amounts weren't huge, but the pattern was distinct from her usual expenditures. I made a mental note, a growing sense of unease starting to solidify, but I was in the midst of a critical project deadline, working almost around the clock, and I suppose I pushed the immediate confrontation down. The situation culminated two nights ago. It was a Friday. Sarah had gone out for another girl's night. She arrived home around 3 a.m. I was in bed, feigning sleep, but I was wide awake. Work stress was a part of it, but the primary reason was this gnawing anxiety that had been building for weeks. She was noticeably tipsy, humming to herself as she got ready for bed. She placed her phone on her nightstand,

screen up. A few moments later, it buzzed with a notification. I glanced over. The screen was lit, and a message preview was visible. It was from a contact named David H., and the visible text read, Tonight was incredible. Can't stop thinking about you. I didn't shout. I didn't even raise my voice. I just lay there for a moment, the words burning into my mind.

Then I asked, quite calmly, Sarah, who is David H? She physically jumped, startled. She turned to look at me, the color instant. drained from her face. Her first reaction was denial. She stammered, David. Oh, he's just a friend of Stephanes, from the group. He sometimes joins us. I replied, equally calmly, I saw the message, Sarah. Tonight was incredible. Can't stop thinking about you. That doesn't sound like a casual acquaintance from a group outing. That's when the facade shattered. She sat down. She said, on the edge of the bed, turned away from me, and started to sob. The confession came out in broken

pieces, a torrent of tears, apologies, and justifications. She had been having an affair with this man, David, for the past four months. He was someone she met at the Crimson Lounge during one of her nights out, a night when, apparently, her girlfriends were not present. Some of those subsequent girls' nights had been exclusively with him. She spoke of feeling low. only due to my long work hours, of feeling unseen and unappreciated. She said David paid her attention, made her feel alive and vibrant again. She repeated over and over that it was a horrible mistake, that she loved me, that she didn't want to destroy our family, our life together. I listened in silence for the most part. Our children were sleeping peacefully in their rooms,

completely unaware that their world was fracturing. I didn't touch her. I didn't touch her. I I didn't say much beyond asking a few clarifying questions about the timeline. Yesterday morning, after an entirely sleepless night spent in separate rooms, I moved to the guest room, the apologies continued. She looked terrible, her eyes red and swollen. She kept saying she would do anything to fix it. And then, in the midst of this supposed contrition, she proposed her solution. She asked, her voice trembling but with an undertone of desperate hope,

if we could consider an open marriage. She argued that her feelings for David were real and significant, but that she also loved me and wanted to keep our family intact. An open marriage, she suggested, would allow her to continue her relationship with David honestly, and I would be free to pursue other connections too, if I desired. She framed it as a progressive, mature way to handle a complex emotional situation, a path to avoid the destructive route of divorce.

I was speechless. It felt as if she was asking for my permission to continue her affair, to formalize it, to somehow absorb this other man into the fabric of our lives. I told her I needed time. I couldn't give her an answer. So, here I am now, in my small home office, the door closed. Lily and Tom are watching Saturday morning cartoons downstairs. Sarah is moving around in the kitchen, her presence at close.

constant, heavy weight. She's trying to act normal for the children, but it's a very thin veneer. My mind is racing. What are the implications? How do I even begin to address this? My immediate, visceral reaction to the open marriage idea is revulsion, but I am also trying to think strategically. What if saying no outright leads to her leaving immediately? What about the children? My priority has to be their stability and well-being. I work punishing hours. How would I manage as a single father? The thought is overwhelming.

Has anyone ever been presented with such a scenario? An affair, followed not just by a confession, but by a request to integrate the affair partner into the marriage structure. What are the first steps I should take? Update 1. It has been three weeks since I shared my initial situation here. The outpouring of comments, advice, and private messages was overwhelming, and I want to express my sincere gratitude. Reading through so many different perspectives, some harsh, some empathetic, some brutally practical, helped me cut through the initial fog of shock and pain.

It made me realize that while my specific circumstances felt unique and isolating, the underlying themes of betrayal and difficult choices are unfortunately common. Several recurring questions and points for clarification came up, so I'll address those first. Many asked if there were prior signs of unhappiness from Sarah or if we had considered therapy before this. Looking back, her increased desire for girls' nights and some general comments about feeling stuck in a rut could be interpreted as signs. However, she never communicated deep dissatisfaction or loneliness to me directly in a way that suggested our marriage was in serious trouble. Whenever I asked if everything was okay, or if she wanted to talk, she would usually say

she was just tired or stressed from the kids. We had not considered therapy, I genuinely believed, perhaps naively, that we had a fundamentally strong, if sometimes stressed, marriage. Her apology, as I mentioned, was filled with tears and self-recrimination, but its proximity to the open marriage proposal retrospectively tainted its sincerity for me. It began to feel less like true remorse for the betrayal and more like regret for getting caught, followed by a quick pivot to her desired outcome, keeping her a fair partner without losing the stability of her marriage and family. She described her feelings for David as something that had taken her by surprise and that she was terribly conflicted. Believing an open arrangement was the only path that didn't

involve shattering everyone's lives. The most consistent piece of advice, and the one that resonated most strongly with my need for concrete action, was to consult with a lawyer. I scheduled an appointment within two days of my original post. I found a reputable family law attorney through a bar association referral. That one-hour consultation was possibly the most clarifying and empowering hour I've had in months. The lawyer was direct, professional, and explained the legal landscape of divorce, custody, and financial settlements in our state. She advised me, irrespective of any reconciliation attempts to begin meticulously documenting everything.

Sarah's behavior, my involvement with the children, financial expenditures, and any communication regarding her affair or the open marriage proposal. She explained that such documentation could be vital in protecting my interests and, crucially, the children's interests, should divorce become the path forward. She also discussed the potential implications of an open marriage agreement on divorce proceedings, noting it could complicate matters but that evidence of pre-existing infidelity and current conduct would still be highly relevant. After that meeting, and after day spent rereading comments here and thinking through the wreckage of my marriage, I arrived at a difficult decision. The notion of an open marriage,

particularly one initiated by infidelity and so clearly waited in Sarah's favor, was something I could not genuinely accept. However, an immediate, aggressive conference. or outright rejection of her proposal also felt risky. I worried she might become more secretive, or that it could trigger a rash decision on her part that would negatively impact the children before I was prepared. So, I formulated a plan, a strategy that my lawyer acknowledged as a reasonable, if emotionally taxing, approach in the short term.

One, I informed Sarah that I was willing to consider her open marriage proposal. I chose my words carefully. I did not say I agreed. I expressed that it was a radical idea, that I was still processing the affair, and that if we were to even begin to explore such a path, it would require immense effort, professional guidance, and absolute transparency from her. I told her I would need time to think, to research, and to see if I could even entertain such a concept. I suggested that a prerequisite would be her telling me everything about David, their relationship, and her expectations. I also floated the idea of us seeking couples counseling specifically to navigate this, knowing full well this was a delaying tactic on my part.

The primary goal here was not to save the marriage via this route, but to buy myself time, to prevent her from digging in her heels or trying to hide her actions further, and to allow me to begin my own preparations. Two, acting on my lawyer's strong recommendation, I hired a licensed and reputable private investigation firm. This was a significant step, and not one I took lightly, but I understood its necessity. Their brief was to discreetly document Sarah's activities, specifically her meetings and interactions with David, her time spent away from home, particularly when she was supposed to be caring for the children, and any general conduct that could be construed as neglect of her parental responsibilities

or misuse of marital assets. They began their work approximately two weeks ago. The cost is considerable, but I view it as an investment in securing a fair outcome for myself and my children. 3. I have become incredibly diligent about documentation. I started a secure digital journal, password protected and backed up. In it, I log daily entries, Sarah's Cummings and Goings, the explanations she offers, her level of engagement with the children, her moods, any significant conversations, paraphrased as accurately as possible.

and copies of texts or emails related to her affair or plans with David. I also track my own activities, particularly everything I do for and with the children. Concurrently, I have made substantial, visible changes to my own schedule to assume the role of primary caregiver. This was the most challenging logistically. I had several frank discussions with my direct supervisor in HR department, explaining that I was dealing with a serious family matter requiring me to have more predictable hours and less travel for the foreseeable future. I didn't disclose the specifics of the affair, but emphasized the need to be the stable parent for my children. They were surprisingly understanding

and have allowed me some flexibility, which involves me working intensely focused hours while at work and then continuing remotely late into the night after the children are asleep. I now handle all morning routines for Lily and Tom, breakfast, getting them ready, the I pick them up from school or after-school activities. I attend every school meeting, every doctor's appointment. I cook their dinners, help with homework, and manage their bedtime routines. This shift is not solely for legal leverage. My children are my absolute priority, and they need consistency and a present parent more than ever. 4. As advised by my lawyer, I've also taken steps to fully understand and secure our financial

situation. I've gathered copies of all bank statements, investment records, credit card bills, tax returns, and property deeds for the past five years. I consulted with a financial advisor independently to understand my own financial standing and to plan for potential future scenarios. I opened a separate bank account in my own name for my salary deposits moving forward, though I continue to contribute to joint household expenses from our existing joint account, monitoring it closely for any unusual withdrawals by Sarah. Sarah's reaction to my statement that I would consider her proposal was one of relief. It was as if a massive weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She genuinely seems to believe that I am open to this idea in our lives. As a result,

she has become startlingly open about her ongoing relationship with David. She will casually mention, Oh, David and I are planning to try that new XYZ place on Friday, or David had a really stressful day at his office. Hearing his name, spoken so freely in our home, is a constant, jarring reminder of the situation. It takes a significant amount of self-control to maintain a neutral expression. She has made no substantive moves towards the transparency or transparency

or trust building I mentioned as conditions. Her version of transparency is simply informing me of her plans with him, seemingly expecting my approval. The private investigator has already provided several updates. They are professionals and have been discreet. Their initial reports confirm frequent meetings between Sarah and David, both during daytime hours when she is ostensibly running errands. They have photographic evidence of them together at restaurants, parks, and entering and leaving a specific apartment building, which they believe to be David's residence. More concerningly, they have documented two instances in the past week where Sarah delegated child care to a hastily arranged babysitter, once for Tom's after-school soccer practice

pickup and once for an evening when she told me she was going for an errand, while she was observed meeting David. These instances are being meticulously recorded. My increased involvement with Lily and Tom has been the one genuinely positive development in this mess. They have responded well to the consistency and my focused attention. Lily, who is quite perceptive, has commented a few times, Mommy goes out a lot now, and you pick us up from school all the time, Daddy, I like that. I've kept my answers vague and reassuring, avoiding any negative comments about Sarah. The truth is, it's exhausting.

I am essentially functioning as a full-time single parent while juggling a high-pressure job and the immense emotional strain of this duplicitous existence. Sleep is a luxury. The atmosphere within our home is deeply surreal. We are roommates who share children in a history. Sarah is often buoyant, almost cheerful, seemingly unburdened now that her secret is out and she believes a path has been cleared for her to have what she wants. She makes small talk about groceries or school notices. There are no meaningful conversations about our marriage, our past, or our future, beyond her occasional optimistic remarks about how people make all sorts of arrangements work these days. My lawyer is satisfied with the direction we are taking and the quality of the information being gathered. He has stressed that demonstrating a consistent pattern of my being the primary caregiver, coupled with evidence of Sarah's ongoing affair and any associated me, neglect or financial impropriety, will significantly strengthen my position should this proceed

to a contested divorce, particularly concerning child custody and spousal support claims. How long I can sustain this tightrope walk, I do not know. Each day is a performance. But for now, this is the strategy. The objective is clear, to protect my children, secure their future, and ensure that if our marriage is to end, it ends on terms that are fair and reflective of the reality of Sarah's choices, not her idealized version of an open life built on my silent suffering. Thank you once more for the space to write this. I anticipate a long road ahead and will update again when there are substantial developments. Update 2, final update, it has been 14 months since my original post, which feels like a lifetime ago, and approximately 13 months since I provided

my first update. The journey since then has been full of difficulties, but it has really reached its legal conclusion, and I believe it's appropriate to share the final outcomes, both for my own sense of closure and for those who invested their time and thoughts in my situation. The three months following my last update were perhaps the most challenging phase of this entire ordeal. I continued the charade of considering Sarah's open marriage proposal while living under the same roof. The private investigator's work continued, yielding a comprehensive portfolio of Sarah's activities. Her involvement with her involvement with the David didn't just continue, it intensified. She became bolder, often staying out late on weeknights,

citing various social engagements or freelance work that the Pai's reports consistently revealed were rendezvous with David. There were documented weekend afternoon spent at his apartment, and even a two-day wellness retreat she claimed to be attending with a girlfriend, which the Pye confirmed was a trip taken with David to a nearby resort town. During this period, my role as the de facto sole functioning parent for Lily and Tom became more and more. I managed every aspect of their lives, school schedules, homework, meals, doctor visits, playdates, and emotional support. Sarah's engagement with them dwindled to perfunctory interactions.

She was often distracted, on her phone, or simply absent. For instance, Lily had a leading role in her school play, an event we had marked on the calendar for months. Two days before, Sarah announced she had an unavoidable work commitment that evening. The pie later confirmed she was having dinner with David. I recorded her absence, along with Lily's quiet disappointment. There were numerous such instances, each one a painful piece of evidence, not just for legal purposes, but of her escalating detachment from her family. The emotional toll on me was immense. Maintaining a calm, composed exterior. for the children and a neutral, considering facade for Sarah, while internally processing

the daily reports from the pie and managing my own grief and anger, was draining. Sleep was minimal, and stress was a constant companion. The decision to file for divorce was made in consultation with my lawyer after nearly five months of this. We had a substantial body of evidence, detailed timelines, photographic and video evidence from the pie, financial records showing her spending on David. including cash withdrawals before her outings and charges for gifts and meals I could tie to their meetings, and my own exhaustive log of her parental absenteeism versus my full-time caregiving. My lawyer was confident we had a very strong case, not just for divorce on grounds of adultery, but for securing primary custody and arguing against significant spousal support due to her conduct.

The logistics of filing were carefully planned. I secured a new lease on a house in the same school district to make. minimized disruption for Lily and Tom. On the day of filing, while Sarah was out, reportedly at a yoga workshop, which the Pye confirmed was an afternoon at Davids, I moved the children and our essential belongings to the new residents. Sarah was served with divorce papers and a motion for temporary primary custody that evening upon her return to a nearly empty house. Her reaction, as relayed to me later through legal channels, I initiated a strict no direct contact policy, with all communication to go through lawyers or a court-mandated co-parenting app for child-related logistics only, was one of utter shock, followed by intense anger and accusations of betrayal.

She had genuinely believed I was slowly coming to terms with her vision of an open marriage. The revelation that my consideration had been a calculated strategy to gather evidence against her was, by all accounts, a devastating blow to her narrative. The divorce proceedings were contested, though not as protracted. as they might have been, thanks to the sheer weight of our evidence. Sarah, through her legal counsel, initially pushed back hard. She sought joint physical and legal custody, significant spousal support citing her years as a stay-at-home mother and a larger share of the marital assets.

Her lawyer attempted to discredit the Pye's evidence as an invasion of privacy and painted me as vindictive. We had several hearings before a judge. My lawyer presented our case. The Pai's testimony, supported by his detailed reports and visual evidence, was compelling and irrefutable. My daily logs, cross-referenced with school attendance records, doctors visit confirmations, all showing me as the attending parent and receipts for children's expenses, painted a clear picture of primary caregiving. We demonstrated not just the affair, but a consistent pattern of Sarah prioritizing her relationship with David over. the needs and well-being of Lily and Tom. The evidence of her spending marital funds on David,

though not astronomical, further supported our claims. There were tense moments, especially during cross-examinations, but the facts were stark. Sarah's attempts to justify her absences or reframe her relationship with David fell flat against the documented reality. Mediation was attempted but failed quickly, as Sarah was unwilling to move significantly from her initial demands. The judge's final ruling, delivered approximately two to three months ago after a final hearing, was comprehensive. One, I was awarded sole legal custody, final decision-making authority, and primary physical custody of Lily and Tom. The judge's summary explicitly noted the extensive evidence demonstrating my role as the consistent and stable primary

caregiver for a prolonged period, contrasting it with Sarah's demonstrated lack of judgment and prioritization of her own personal pursuits over the fundamental needs of her children. 2. Sarah was granted a step-up visitation schedule. Initially, it was alternate weekends from Friday evening to Sunday evening, and one four-hour midweek evening visit, which for the first three months was to be professionally supervised at her expense. The supervision was mandated due to the judges stated concerns about her recent pattern of disengagement and the need to ensure a child-focused environment during her parenting time. After three months of compliance supervised visits, the supervision was lifted.

All exchanges of the children were to occur at a neutral public location or be facilitated by a mutually agreed upon third party to minimize direct contact between Sarah and me. Three, Sarah had requested spousal support equivalent to 40% of my net income for a period of 10 years. Her lawyer argued this was justified by her long absence from the workforce to raise children. My lawyer countered by presenting evidence of her graphic design skills, albeit rarely used, her relatively young age and employability, the short duration for which she had been a full-time psalm before her attention significantly shifted, and, critically, her conduct. The judge awarded Sarah transitional alimony for a period of only 18 months, at an amount significantly

lower than requested, roughly 15% of what she had asked for. The judge stated that, while her time as a homemaker was a factor, her abrogation of parental responsibilities and the nature of the marital breakdown, including the financial indiscretions related to the affair, directly impacted the duration of the award. He essentially found that she had diminished her own claim through her actions. Four. Marital assets were divided largely according to state guidelines, but the judge did make an adjustment in my favor to account for the marital funds Sarah had verifiably spent on her relationship with David, trips, expensive dinners, gifts. This wasn't a large sum in the grand scheme of things, but it was an acknowledgement of the

financial impact of her affair. The marital home was ordered to be sold, and the equity divided after these adjustments. I used my share to secure the down payment on my current house and establish a stable financial base for myself and the children. From what I gather through the co-parenting app, which is strictly for logistics, and occasionally from neutral third-party acquaintances. Sarah moved in with David shortly after the divorce was finalized and she had to vacate the sold marital home. They live in an apartment. Her financial reality is reportedly starkly different from what she was accustomed to. The transitional alimony is minimal, and David's income, combined with whatever sporadic freelance work Sarah might be undertaking,

appears insufficient to maintain anything close to her former lifestyle. The initial romance and excitement of their relationship is now, by some accounts, facing the mundane pressures of cohabitation, financial constraints, and the consequences of her choices regarding the children. Her visitation with Lily and Tom is consistent with the court order. The interactions during handovers, which I now have my sister or a trusted friend handle to avoid direct contact, are described as polite but strict. The children are civil with her, but their primary bond and sense of security are clearly

with me. Life for Lily, Tom, and me has settled into a new, stable normal. The house, while smaller than our previous house, has become a warm and happy home. My work situation has evolved. I leverage the crisis to negotiate a role with more manageable hours and significantly less travel, allowing me to be a truly present father. It meant a slight reduction in pay and perhaps a slower career trajectory, but the trade-off for my children's well-being is one I make every time. They are thriving. They are doing well in school, have a good circle of friends, and while the divorce was undoubtedly a difficult experience for them, they have shown incredible resilience. Our bonds are stronger than ever.

I want to thank this community again. This will be my final post on this chapter of my life. My focus is now entirely on the future, on raising my children, and on building a new life with them. You.