Reddit Stories - SPOUSE ERASED all the data on my COMPUTER from the past two years

Episode Date: July 11, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #technology #betrayal #datarecovery #marriageSummary: My spouse erased all the data on my computer from the past two years. Devastated by this betrayal, I am struggling to recover lost memories and trust in our marriage.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, spouseerased, computerdata, betrayal, marriageproblems, datarecovery, technologyissues, relationshipadvice, trustissues, lostmemories, emotionalpain, digitalarchives, techsupport, dataloss, personalcomputers, backupstrategiesBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse erased all the data on my computer from the past two years of content creation on a video sharing platform in order to elicit an emotional response for me following the death of our pet, as she believed I was not displaying enough emotions. Immediately decided to leave her. Hello everyone. I am using an alternate account for privacy. I am a 35-year-old man, let's call myself Alex. My wife, Carmilla, is 33. We have been married for five years, together for eight.

Until recently, I thought we had a stable, if sometimes quiet, life. The main subject of this, in an indirect way, was our dog, Buddy. Buddy was a Labrador mix, and I had him for about 14 years. He was with me before Carmilla and I even met. He was an old dog, quiet, and a constant present. in my life and later, in hours. Carmilla also grew to love him, though he was always my dog in a way. Outside of my professional life, I have a significant hobby, a YouTube channel.

It's not something that makes a lot of money, not yet anyway, but it's a serious passion. I create detailed video essays on retro video game history and preservation. This involves a lot of research, scriptwriting, capturing footage from original hardware, editing, and voiceover work. The hard drive Carmilla wiped contained about two solid years of ongoing projects, archived material, raw footage, edited videos, and all my planning documents. Some of it was backed up rarely, but a vast amount of recent, irreplaceable work from the last several months, including a nearly completed major project, was only on that primary drive. I am not someone who expresses emotions in a very outward or loud way. I tend to

process things internally. This is relevant. Buddy's health had been declining for the better part of a year. It started with him slowing down, then arthritis became more severe. There were multiple vet visits, medications, special diets. I handled most of the logistics of his care, researching treatments, managing his medication schedule, and modifying our home to make him more comfortable. Carmilla was often visibly upset during this period, frequently tearful when looking at Buddy or after vet visits. I was, of course, deeply saddened by his decline, but my focus was on his comfort and managing his pain. About three weeks ago, after a particularly difficult night for Buddy, the vet confirmed what we both knew was coming.

His quality of life was severely compromised, and there was little more that could be done to alleviate his suffering. We made the joint decision to euthanize him. I made the appointment for the following afternoon. Carmilla was very emotional, crying on and off leading up to it. I focused on making Buddy's last day as comfortable as possible, giving him his favorite treats and spending quiet time with him. At the veterinary clinic, the staff were compassionate. Carmilla was openly sobbing throughout the procedure. I was there, petting Buddy, speaking to him softly as he went to sleep. I felt a profound sense of loss, a quiet devastation. But I did not cry.

I did not weep or break down. I stayed composed. After the vet confirmed Buddy had passed, I arranged for his cremation and for his ashes to be returned to us. The car ride home was tense. Carmilla was still crying, but then she turned to me and asked how I could just sit there and not shed a tear. She said it was like it didn't even affect me.

I tried to explain that I was affected, very much so, but I just process grief differently, that my sadness wasn't for public display. She didn't seem to accept this. Over the next week, the atmosphere at home became increasingly strained. Carmilla was distant, sometimes making barbed comments about my apparent lack of feeling. She said things like, you're like a machine sometimes, or it's like nothing can touch you. I reiterated that I was grieving, but it wasn't a performance. I was trying to give her space for her own grief, assuming she needed it.

I focused on work and my YouTube projects, partly as a coping mechanism, partly because I had deadlines I had set for myself. The core incident happened last Tuesday, about 10 days after we put Buddy down. I came home for my job. Carmilla was waiting in the living room. She had an unusual, almost challenging look on her face. She started by saying, she had been very worried about me, that my reaction to Buddy's passing wasn't normal, that it wasn't human to not cry in that situation. She said she felt like she didn't know who I was anymore. Then, she told me she had done something.

She gestured towards my office. She said she needed to see me feel something, genuinely break down and show emotion. She then stated, quite plainly, that she had wiped my primary YouTube project hard drive. This drive contained, as I mentioned, two years of meticulous work. Hundreds, if not thousands, of hours. She said something to the effect of, I just wanted to see you break down. I needed to see that you could feel loss. It's healthy for you to finally show some emotion.

I remember just staring at her. I walked into my office, turned on my computer, and accessed the drive. It was completely empty. Formatted. Two years of work, just gone. The raw footage from my current series, the edited timelines, the research notes, scripts, assets, everything. My most recent comprehensive backup was, to my horror, about four months old, meaning the last four months of intensive work, including an almost finished 40-minute documentary video, were totally and utterly gone. My reaction was not what she seemed to expect. I didn't cry.

or scream. I felt a cold, sickening wave wash over me. It was a feeling of profound betrayal and violation. This wasn't just data. It was my time, my passion, my creation. She had intentionally destroyed something incredibly important to me, something she knew was important, to provoke a specific reaction for me, to fix what she perceived as my emotional failing. I turned to her. I don't recall my exact words, but I told her that her actions were stupid and that I couldn't comprehend why she would do such a thing. She started to look a bit uncertain then, perhaps realizing she had miscalculated. She began to say something about just wanting me to be okay, to connect with my emotions. I didn't engage further. I went to our bedroom and packed a small suitcase with

clothes and essentials. Carmilla followed me, starting to sound panicked. She said she didn't realize, she was just so upset about Buddy and me, and she thought if I could just cry, everything would be better. The excuses fell hollow and self-serving. I told her that I could not stay in the same house with her. I walked out, got in my car, and drove to a nearby hotel. I have been there since. The next morning, Wednesday, I contacted a divorced lawyer and had an initial consultation. I explained the situation. lawyer was, to put it mildly, dumbfounded by the specifics. I have initiated proceedings. I sent Carmilla a brief text message stating that I had left, was safe, had consulted legal

counsel, and that any further communication should be through them for the time being. This brings me to the present. It has been just over a week since I left. Carmilla has been bombarding my phone with calls and texts, which I have largely ignored. She has also tried to reach me through my sister and a couple of mutual friends. They have relayed that she is distraught and remorseful. Yesterday, my sister passed on a long, handwritten letter from Carmilla. In it, Carmilla states that she understands now the magnitude of what she did. She wrote that her action stemmed from her own deep-seated insecurities and a warped perception

of my grief, or lack thereof in her eyes. She said she felt that if I didn't mourn Buddy in a way she understood, it meant I didn't truly love him, or by extension, her. She claims the act of destroying my drive was a desperate, misguided attempt to force an emotional connection she felt was missing, born out of her own fear and grief. She states she has already sought out and had an initial session with a therapist. She is begging me to pause the divorce proceedings and attend marriage counseling with her. She says she will do anything to earn back my trust, though she acknowledges it might be impossible.

I am still reeling from the betrayal. The destruction of my work is one thing, the mindset behind it is another. To intentionally hurt someone to elicit a desired emotional response feels manipulative and cruel on a level I am struggling to process. The lawyer has advised that from a legal standpoint, this act of destruction could be considered a dissipation of assets, though the value of of a passion project is hard to quantify in those terms. It's more about the intent than the violation. However, she is my wife. We have built a life together over eight years. Before this, I would never have imagined her capable of such an act. Is it possible that grief and insecurity could lead someone to do something so out of character? Her letter seems to express genuine

remorse, and she has taken the step of seeking therapy on her own. So, my question is, am I completely out of my mind to even consider pausing the divorce and attempting marriage counseling? Or is this act so egregious that ending the marriage is the only rational response? I need some outside perspective, update one. First, I want to extend my gratitude to everyone who took the time to read my original post and offer their perspectives. The opinions were varied, range of from immediate and unequivocal divorce to consideration of counseling, with many falling somewhere in between. Your input has been valuable as I navigate this.

I need to clarify a few points that came up frequently in the comments, as my initial post was written while I was still in a state of shock and perhaps didn't cover everything adequately. One, many asked about the nature and significance of the channel and the lost data. It wasn't just a casual hobby. While it wasn't my primary source of income, I had a small but dedicated viewership, around 15k subscribers, and I was beginning to monetize it modestly. More importantly, it was a significant creative outlet and something I poured countless

hours into for the sheer passion of it. As mentioned, I had a backup, but it was from early July. The period between July and October was intensely productive. I had completed principal recording and rough assembly of a major two-part document. series I've been working on for over a year, plus several shorter videos. All the unique footage captured, the project files, updated scripts, and specific assets for these, that's what's gone. The estimate of two years of work refers to the foundational material on the drive, but the most acute loss is those four months of concentrated recent

progress. Some asked if data recovery was possible. I consulted a specialist, given it was a standard format and not a physically damaged drive, the chances of recovering anything meaningful are virtually nil. 2. I am not devoid of emotion. I feel things deeply. However, my expression of grief, or indeed many strong emotions, tends to be quiet and internal. When Buddy passed, I was heartbroken. He was my companion for nearly half my life. My way of honoring him was to ensure his passing was peaceful and to remember him fond of fondly, not through outward displays of sorrow.

Carmilla has known me for eight years, my more stoic nature isn't new to her, though perhaps she never fully understood or accepted it, especially under the duress of her own grief. Three, a number of commenters asked if there were prior red flags or similar behaviors from Carmilla. Honestly, no. Nothing on this scale, or even remotely pointing to this kind of destructive or manipulative act. There were typical marital disagreements, moments of her feeling insecure or needing reassurance, but never an instance of her deliberately sabotaging something of mine or acting

with such calculated cruelty. This is what made the incident so profoundly shocking and disorienting. After posting and reading many of the responses, I spent a lot of time thinking. The anger and sense of betrayal are still very much present. Many comments validated my initial instinct to proceed with the divorce, highlighting the severity of the trust violation. Others suggested that if Carmilla's remorse was genuine and she was truly committed to therapy and understanding her actions, counseling might offer a path to understanding, even if not to reconciliation. My lawyer had already filed the initial divorce papers. Carmilla was served shortly after my original post. This, I believe, further underscored the

seriousness of the situation for her. I decided. I decided. decided that before making an irrevocable decision to finalize the divorce without any further discussion, I would meet with Carmilla. I needed to see her, to hear her in person, away from the filter of texts or letters. I agreed to meet her last week. I made it clear this was not a reconciliation meeting, but a chance for me to listen before deciding on my next steps regarding the counseling she requested. When we met, Carmilla was visibly distressed. She didn't try to make excuses for what she did. She reiterated much of what was in her letter, that her grief over buddy, combined with her interpretation of my stoicism as a lack of love or care, had caused her to

act out of a place of profound fear and insecurity. She said she felt like she was losing me, that I was emotionally inaccessible, and in a twisted way, she thought that by forcing a strong emotional reaction, any reaction, it would somehow bridge that perceived gap or prove I still cared. She spoke about her first few therapy sessions and how she was beginning to explore these insecurities and her dysfunctional coping mechanisms. She showed me appointment cards for future therapy sessions. She cried, apologized repeatedly, and said she understood if I could never forgive her, but pleaded for a chance to try and repair the damage through joint counseling. She explicitly stated she knew she couldn't undo the destruction of my work, and that it was a horrendous thing to do. I listened without saying much for a long time.

Then, I laid out my position. I told her that trust, once shattered to this degree, is not easily, if ever, fully restored. I explained the depth of the violation, not just of my work, but of my personal boundaries and her role as my partner. I told her that even if we were to attempt counseling, the divorce proceedings would remain active, merely paused. I would not be moving back into the house at this time. I then stated my conditions if I were to agree to counseling.

1. She must continue her individual therapy without fail. 2. We would select a marriage counselor together, with a focus on one specializing in issues of trust and communication. I would a final say if agreement couldn't be reached. 3. There were to be no expectations of immediate forgiveness or a return to normalcy. This would be a long, arduous process with no guaranteed outcome. 4. I would need to see consistent, demonstrable change in her behavior, understanding, and accountability. Any pressure or attempt to rush the process would result in me immediately reactivating the divorce proceedings. 5. We would need to establish clear boundaries regarding personal space, projects, and emotional expression.

I made it clear that my willingness to even try counseling was contingent on her absolute adherence to these terms and that I was entering this with extreme skepticism. I also told her that the YouTube project, as it was, is dead to me for now. The thought of trying to rebuild it fills me with a sense of weariness tied to this event. Carmilla agreed to every condition without hesitation. She appeared to understand the gravity of the situation and the tenuousness of this chance. She thanked me for being willing to even consider it. So, that's where we are. I have instructed my lawyer to put the divorce proceedings on hold,

pending the outcome of a serious attempt at marriage counseling. We have a list of potential therapists we are reviewing. It feels more like choosing the slightly less terrible path of two very difficult options. There's a part of me that believes this is a monumental mistake, but another part that feels I owe it to the eight years we had before this to at least explore if there's anything salvageable, especially given her immediate pursuit of therapy and expressed remorse. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing, update two. It has been roughly six months since my last update, which I now refer to internally as D-Day. I felt it was appropriate to provide

an update on the situation, as many people invested their time and thoughts into my original posts. A lot has happened, yet in some ways, it feels like we've only just begun a very long journey. As I mentioned in my last update, Carmilla and I agreed to try marriage counseling, and she was to continue her individual therapy. Both of these things have been happening consistently. We found a marriage counselor who specializes in relational trauma and communication breakdowns. The sessions, both joint and occasionally individual, as recommended by the counselor to to work through specific points to bring back to joint sessions, have been incredibly challenging. There are no gentle euphemisms for it, it's been painful, raw, and deeply uncomfortable for both of us.

Carmilla's individual therapy has been instrumental, according to our marriage counselor and from what Carmilla has shared, with her permission, and often within the joint sessions. She has delved into long-standing insecurities that predate our relationship, stemming from her upbringing and past relational patterns. Her fear of abandonment and her tendency to catastrophize perceived emotional distance from me were apparently key triggers. The act of destroying my YouTube project, she has come to understand in therapy, was a deeply dysfunctional and destructive protest behavior,

an attempt to force a connection and reassurance when she felt overwhelmingly insecure and unseen. Particularly in the wake of her intense grief over Buddy and her misinterpretation of my own grieving process. This is, of course, an explanation, not an excuse, a distinction our counselor has emphasized repeatedly. For my part, the counseling has forced me to examine my own communication style. While I stand by my position that my internal grieving process is valid, I've learned more about how my stoicism and sometimes reserved nature can be perceived by a partner, especially one with pre-existing insecurities like Carmillas. It has been made clear that I I am not responsible for Carmilla's actions, but understanding the dynamic from both sides

has been part of the therapeutic process. There's been a lot of focus on how we communicate, or fail to communicate, needs and emotions in a healthier way. In terms of concrete actions and changes, Carmilla has been consistent. She hasn't missed a therapy session, either individual or joint. She has actively participated, even when it's been difficult for her to confront her own behavior and its impact. Facilitated by our counselor, she wrote me another letter, not of apology this time, but of accountability. It detailed her understanding of the specific

harm she caused, the violation of trust, the disrespect for my passion and work, the emotional manipulation inherent in her act, and the fear it instilled in me. This was a difficult letter for her to write and for me to read, but it felt more tangible than just verbal apologies. Regarding the YouTube project, I haven't been able to bring myself to try to remake it again. I did manage to recover some older raw files from various SD cards and a cloud backup I'd forgotten about, but it isn't the same. Living arrangements. For the first three months of counseling, I got myself a short-term apartment and remained there and after much discussion, both in and out of therapy, and seeing a consistent pattern of effort

from Carmilla, I agreed to a change. About three months ago, I moved into our house, but into the guest bedroom. The divorce proceedings remain officially on hold. My lawyer is aware of the ongoing counseling and our current living arrangement. There is no talk of canceling the divorce filing at this stage. That step, if it ever comes, is very far off. This will likely be my final update for the foreseeable future, or perhaps ever. The process ahead is long and private. Thank you to everyone who listened and offered their thoughts. It was helpful to explain this somewhere during the initial shock. Update 3, Hello Again, Reddit. It has been a significant amount of time since my last update, about a year and four months. When I last wrote,

my wife Carmilla and I were living as housemates while attempting marriage counseling after her devastating act of wiping my YouTube hard drive. I genuinely didn't know then if our marriage could survive, or even if it should. Many of you offered advice, and I know the situation looked bleak. I felt it was important to offer a final chapter to this story, given the investment many of you had in reading about it. The past year and a half has been the most challenging period of our lives, individually and as a couple. We committed fully to the marriage counseling, and Carmilla continued her intensive individual therapy. There were countless hours of difficult conversations, painful self-reflection on both our parts, and moments where it felt

like the chasm between us was too wide to bridge. After about six months of living separately within the same house, with consistent positive interactions and breakthroughs in therapy, we began to spend more quality time together. It started with shared meals, then evenings talking, truly talking, in a way we hadn't for years. The guest room door eventually stayed open more often than not. The rebuilding of emotional intimacy slowly paved the way for physical intimacy to return. About eight months ago, I moved back into our shared bedroom. The divorce proceedings were officially withdrawn about six months ago.

After a long discussion with our therapist, and then between ourselves, We both felt confident that we were building something new and stronger. My lawyer was, I think, a little surprised but supportive when I instructed him to file the dismissal. What about the YouTube project, the catalyst for so much pain? For a long time, I couldn't bring myself to even think about it. However, about six months ago, Carmilla did something unexpected. She had found an old notebook where I had scribbled some initial ideas for that lost documentary series. She hadn't tried to rewrite it or anything like that, she'd just carefully scan the pages

and organize them, along with some public domain images and research links she thought might be relevant, into a new folder on a new external drive. She presented it to me, not as pressure to restart, but as a gesture, saying she knew she couldn't bring back what was lost, but she wanted to support my passion in a healthy way, if and when I ever felt ready. Our life now is, happy. It's a word I hesitated to use for a long time, but it's true. We communicate more openly and honestly than ever before. The trust, which I thought was irreparably shattered, has been rebuilt, piece by piece. I wanted to share this outcome because so many of you were candid in your advice, and I felt a responsibility to close the loop. For those who said such a betrayal was insurmountable,

I understand your perspective entirely, and for a long time, I believed it myself. But for us, with intensive therapy, genuine remorse, a willingness to change from Carmilla, and a willingness from my side to eventually try and see beyond the act of the person I married, we found a path back. This is my final update. We are moving forward, together and happy. Thank you, Reddit, for being a sounding board during the darkest time. I wish you all well.