Reddit Stories - Spouse EXPERIENCED a severe EMOTIONAL collapse when I became pregnant FOLLOWING many years

Episode Date: November 6, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #pregnancy #emotions #marriage #supportSummary: My spouse experienced a severe emotional collapse when I became pregnant following many years. It was a challenging time for both of us, but with communication and support, we were able to navigate through the difficulties and strengthen our relationship.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, spouse, emotionalcollapse, pregnancy, relationships, emotions, marriage, support, communication, difficulties, strengthen, navigate, challenges, difficulties, overcome, growthBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse experienced a severe emotional collapse when I became pregnant following many years of fertility struggles and started muttering that he wished for me to seek companionship elsewhere, but after our child was born. Born he started changing. This was a very much planned pregnancy after dealing with infertility for a long time. However, despite dealing with unexplained infertility for so long, he always refused to get tested. He remained optimistic that we would get pregnant.

eventually. The thought of doing a semen analysis repulsed him so much it sent him into a downward spiral of self-hatred and insecurity. Then, surprise. I got pregnant unassisted. This should be a really exciting time for us, but all of a sudden he doesn't want to be a dad. He says he wants a divorce so I can start over with someone else. He's already found a new place to live and is in the process of moving out. He won't speak to me. He won't answer any of my questions. I'm completely and utterly confused and heartbroken. Now, I know a lot of you will say he never wanted to be a dad. It sure seems that way. But he desperately wanted us to get pregnant when we were struggling. It was just the thought that something might be wrong with him that sent him into a spiral. I love my husband

but he very clearly has some undiagnosed mental issues. He is not thinking slash seeing clearly and some of the things he's been saying seem genuinely delusional. But he won't get help. He's stubborn as hell. You'd think he would know better because he's a doctor, but nope. He says he knows something is wrong with him but he doesn't care. He wants to disappear. I really, really want this baby. We're in our 30s and have been trying for so long. I'm afraid the stress of this will cause me to miscarry. That's probably what he wants. I don't understand why this is happening.

How can you force someone to get help when he doesn't want to get better? How am I supposed to raise a child without him? I'm financially dependent on him because that was what we planned for. Edit, after talking this through in the comments, it's becoming increasingly obvious to me that my husband is not mentally well. I didn't include his entire history in this post because I thought it best to keep it relevant to this specific situation. But he has had episodes like this before. I'm shocked it wasn't so obvious to me that something was wrong with him. I've suggested therapy

in the past, but he is at bad experiences and refuses to try again. Comments where Op has replied, comment or one, is there anyone is his family or maybe a friend that he listens to? Oop, maybe his mom. He talks to his dad the most, but I don't think they ever touch on anything deep or emotional. I don't think he'll talk to anyone about this. When I asked how he will explain our divorce to his family and friends, he simply said that he just won't tell them because it is none of their business and they don't need to know. He genuinely seems borderline delusional if he believes he can just quietly divorce me without anyone knowing. Comment or two, is it possible he thinks you cheated? I'm absolutely 100% not saying you did, but I have seen it happen to couples who fall

pregnant after having long-term fertility trouble that don't go the IVF route. Oop, I honestly don't even think the thought crossed his mind. He definitely would have accused me slash asked me if he thought I cheated. Now that you bring it up, I'm actually surprised he doesn't think this. It would fit perfectly with the thought patterns he does share with me. Was Oop's husband diagnosed as sterile? Counseling might be helpful for him to deal with his health issues. Oop, no, he was never diagnosed as anything because he refused to get a semen analysis.

We've had a chemical pregnancy before, so he knows he can get me pregnant. Throughout our entire infertility process, he was always extremely confident and optimistic that it would happen eventually. He thought it was unnecessary that we do any testing. I would love for him to go to counseling. He needs it. But he's been mistreated by the mental health industry before, so he no longer trusts therapy. Update 1, most of the comments on my last post were so helpful. They helped me see things about my husband and marriage that I didn't see before but were so obvious. Some people suggested that his behavior was abusive. It's not. I now know that he's severely mentally ill.

After that post, a few days later he came to me and told me he wanted to KLL himself. He made sure I knew that he had no plans to actually KLL himself, just that he really wanted to die. The next day I reported his behavior to his employer. I really wish I had done it anonymously because I felt that they didn't take me seriously at all. I got the impression that they thought I was a scorned ex trying to enact revenge. Anyway, I have no idea what came of it. But at least I did my duty in reporting it. Now that my eyes have been opened, I've noticed a lot more erratic behavior coming from him, and it's true that he should not be treating patients in his state of mind. Some of you suggested that he never truly wanted a baby.

This couldn't be further from the truth. The majority of the time, he is such a normal, kind, husband and he would speak so fondly of our future family. I truly believe that that is the real and true him, and that the man spiraling out in front of me is not who my husband really is. Anyway, not much has changed. He's actually still living with me but sleeping on the couch. Actually, I don't think he's doing much sleeping.

I hear him up at all hours of the night. One night he came into bed with me and just held me. But the next morning it was like it had never happened. He's still adamant about the divorce but somehow thinks we can do it without telling anyone or involving lawyers. He also wants to create a dating profile for me and set me up with someone else so that I can see that I'd be much better off with someone other than him. I, of course, told him no.

He will not listen to me when I tell him I want to be with him. He brushes me off and says I'm not thinking clearly. He refuses therapy or medication. He says he doesn't want to feel better. He doesn't care that he's irrational and depressed. He simply doesn't care. He just doesn't want to get better. I'm still pregnant, and he still wants nothing to do with it.

I'm so afraid I'm going to lose this pregnancy due to I'm currently five weeks and two days. The chances that I will miscarry are still high and I'm dreading the day I find out that I've lost everything, my husband and my baby. I don't know what I would do. Edit, I am getting so goddamn frustrated with people in the comments who are telling me I'm not doing enough because I'm unable to get my husband involuntarily committed to a hospital. I have zero control over this. I have spoken to a police officer as well as someone from the suicide hotline. A person cannot be committed unless they are an immediate threat to themselves or others.

And it does not matter what I tell them. He has only told me that he wants to KLL himself, not that he plans on doing it. And I will not lie to the police. Additionally, even if I did lie, they will still speak to him and take his statement into account. And if they do not believe he is an immediate threat, they cannot do anything. If you're just going to chastise me for not doing enough, aka not involuntarily committing my husband to a hospital, then please don't comment because, and I cannot stress this enough.

There aren't any scenarios where a wife has the authority to commit their spouse involuntarily to the hospital. I fucking checked. Update 2, I posted a couple weeks ago about my husband not speaking to me after finding out we were pregnant. This is very much a wanted, planned pregnancy. But the positive test results sent him into a mental health spiral of sorts. I wish I could say I have good updates, but I don't. Also, not much has changed. We're still living together in the same house. However, he has converted his office to his new bedroom.

He mostly doesn't speak to me, but he has had moments of clarity where he acts normal and excited about the baby. However, it never lasts long because when I try to talk to him about getting help he just shuts down and goes back to his weird delusions. Sometimes he talks to me about how he wants me to move out. He wants me to go on dates and find someone else to be the father of our baby. He also suggested I get an abortion. He continues to tell me he wants to die, and thinks daily about Kaling himself.

I've spoken to someone at the suicide hotline twice now, and have been told there's nothing I can do to force him to get help. The hospital slash police will not commit him involuntarily just because he says he wants to KLL himself. He has to have an actual plan to KLL himself. I've seen glimpses of him in a normal state, so I know my husband is still in there. But he absolutely refuses to get help.

He says he'd rather die than talk to a therapist. Says he doesn't deserve to feel better and that he just wants to fade away and disappear. My mill won't help. I think she thinks I'm overreacting. I already contacted his employer. and the medical board. No one seems to think there's an issue, and I'm starting to question whether I'm the insane one. I've looked into places I can stay and there's really no options other than

staying in my home. If I leave, I may potentially forfeit the right to the house in the event of a divorce. I had my first prenatal appointment and everything looks fine. But it's still so early and with all the stress I'm under there's still a chance I'll miscarry. I really don't want to, but I'm bracing for the worst. Comments where O.P. has replied, Commenter 1. Have you seen a divorce attorney? I really think you should so you understand the process and what you can and cannot expect to get once divorced. I'm a fax-based person, and I believe you can't go wrong knowing more about any situation.

Oop, no, but I guess that might be my next step. Commenter 2, at this point, you need to put yourself first. This doesn't sound like a good or stable situation. I wouldn't even keep the baby if I were in your shoes. Good luck. Oop, this was a very wanted and planned pregnancy. I am very pro-choice, but I can't justify myself getting an abortion for a baby that we tried for literally years. Commenter 3. Any chance that your husband is faking it?

It sounds like he's not exhibiting this behavior at work, or with other people, just with you. Now, I have no idea his reason. Maybe he's got a girlfriend and wants to drive you out. Of course I could be wrong, but my spider senses are tingling with this one. In any event, see a lawyer ASAP to make sure you know your rights and what you're legally entitled to. Don't believe anything your husband says in this or any regard. Oop, he's not. He admitted to me that he wishes he would get fired so he wouldn't have to quit.

And apparently he has cut off contact with his family and friends. I was not aware of that before. Any chance that Oop's husband is in psychosis? Oop, I've never referred to him as being in a psychosis. I've called him delusional because the things he says about himself are delusional. He talks about how everyone hates him, he doesn't deserve to live, he's a worthless human being, etc. He wants to set me up with other men so that I can see how terrible and awful he is and how

I can apparently do so much better. This kind of talk is delusional. He's also been recalling memories incorrectly. We had a happy marriage up until this point. He knows I love him and that I think he's more than good enough for me. But he's adamant that he's a piece of garbage and deserves to suffer. He says all of this as if it were fact, not his opinion. And when I try to say anything to counter it, he shuts it down.

He cannot comprehend the fact that he is worth something. He is so sure that he is the worst human being on the planet. In reality, he has a loving wife, a fantastic fulfilling job, a supportive family, friends, hobbies, etc. We have no major life concerns such as illness, unless you count this mental illness, debt, etc. He has every reason to believe that he is worth something and is very much loved, but he fully cannot even comprehend it. And something is different in his eyes when he speaks like this. I can't explain it, but it's not my husband. Update 3, a lot has changed but at the same time, I feel like I'm in the same position as I was two months ago.

I was never able to get my husband involuntarily committed for a psych evaluation. However, he eventually hit rock bottom and decided he needed help on his own. It happened shortly after the last time I posted, because he has been on medication for about two months now. We even found a therapist that he really likes, however, his schedule makes it literally impossible to go therapy on a regular basis. So he's only seen this therapist twice. I was literally so proud of him. He was proactive and committed. However, things really haven't gotten much better.

He continues to be suicidal. In fact, he mentions cailing himself a lot more frequently. The psychiatrist recently took him off the first medication and now he's trying a new one. I know it's a process to get the right combination slash dose of medication before it really starts to work. I am exhausted and not because of the pregnancy, but because I've become his caretaker and punching bag. Not literally. He's never been physically abusive and he has never really called me names.

But sometimes when he is spiraling, he will push me away, figuratively, by saying things that he knows hurt me. He'll tell me to go be with someone else, to find a new dad for the baby. accuse me of never loving him and only using him so I could have a baby. He tries so hard to convince me to leave him, and I'm just so tired of it. It sounds selfish, but I can't take it. He has not stopped threatening to KLL himself. I don't know what to do anymore.

I know the baby feels everything that I feel, and that KLL has me. I am giving this poor child the worst start to its life. I should be experiencing joy and relaxation. Instead I am constantly in fight or flight mode. Anyway, I've made a plan in case I need it. I need him to be better before the baby comes. I have already met with a lawyer in case I decide I've had enough. I was able to get legal advice and now I have a lawyer on standby who already has all the

information. But I feel like we're racing against the clock. I told him if he's not significantly better by the time the baby comes, I'm going to go visit my family and give birth there. Does that seem fair? I feel guilty about it because technically he is trying to get better and it could take a while. He's doing everything he should be doing, I guess. But I have to protect myself and I have to protect my baby, and having the baby in another state, and staying there, getting a job, etc. We'll make it much more difficult for him to get custody if it comes to that. Update 4. Feel free to comb through my post-history, but the gist of

it is that my happy, stable, marriage fell apart when I got pregnant. Even though it was a very planned pregnancy, my husband had a complete personality change and has been struggling with his mental health. My ideal situation does not involve leaving him. I would much rather he get the help he needs. I have spent the past eight months dedicating everything I have to helping him get better. He does see a psychiatrist on a semi-regular basis and has been prescribed antidepressants. To my knowledge, he does take them. However, he remains passively suicidal and is adamant that I should leave him because he will be a bad father. He has never been physically violent other than one time where he cornered me in a room and wouldn't let me out while he screamed at me.

I don't have proof of that, but I do have many, many texts of his emotional abuse and mental instability. Like I said, ideally I would like for him to get better but unless there is a legal way to force him to get help, I don't see that happening. He refuses therapy and repeatedly says he does not want to get better. So it seems my only option is to separate for the sake of my child. I need to raise my baby in a stable environment and I can't do that with him. He has stated that if I choose to leave him, he will still provide financially for the baby. But I'm concerned that once he sees how much he will owe in child support and alimony, he will try to get 50 to 50 custody to avoid paying CS.

and if he is custody, then it kind of defeats the whole purpose of me leaving him. My state defaults to 50 to 50 custody, and I have heard too many stories of women having to share custody with their abusive exes despite having proof of abuse, and sometimes even when their ex has been convicted of DV. I am extremely fearful that he will be able to convince the courts that he is stable. He has a good job, pediatrician, and a fantastic reputation in the community. People adore him. I adored him. But he isn't the same man I married and I'm scared.

Legally, what would you recommend to a woman in my situation? I have no local family or friends. I'd prefer not to move out of our home due to the fact that I'm eight months pregnant. I have pets, and the nursery is already set up. I think I may be able to convince him to move out, but after that, I'm not sure what my next step is. Update 5, July 13, 2025. One year update on husband, 32M, who became suicidal when I, 31F, got pregnant. I started using this account over two years ago to post about infertility.

Eventually, my husband and I got pregnant after two years of trying. Unfortunately, immediately upon getting pregnant, he fell into a deep mental health spiral. Check my post history for details and context. There's a lot. Anyway, it's been many months since my baby was born and I've been doing a lot of reflecting. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was planning on leaving my husband. It was clear he was severely mentally ill and dangerous to himself. I was trying to figure out a way to get out of the state so I could give birth far away.

Unfortunately, I gave birth almost a month early unexpectedly. After my baby was born, my husband appeared to do a 180. It was like the bad stuff never even happened, and he hasn't had a single mental health episode since. It's like he just snapped out of it. He's been, mostly, the perfect dad ever since. And even though that was the best outcome I could have hoped for, this isn't a happy update. Being a mother, I now know what unconditional love is, and my husband never deserved mine.

Even though he's better now, and that's all I thought I wanted, I cannot let go of my resentment. Every day I feel like I hate him more and more. What he put me through was abuse, plain and simple. And at the end, he got rewarded with the most perfect baby in the world. And now I'm just here, expected to be a perfect wife and mother like nothing ever happened. But it did happen. Even though I sometimes question whether the whole thing was some weird pregnancy-induced fever dream. It wasn't.

There's no plot twist here. He's aware of my resentment towards him but he thinks it will go away in time. However, I've only found that it's gotten worse over time. Of course, he still refuses therapy. Couples therapy included. So I see no resolution here. I feel like I'm stuck. And yes, I know I only have myself to blame for not getting out in time, but alas, here we are.

The way I see it, I have several options. I can divorce him. And most days, this is what I feel like I want. But then I really think about what divorce would mean, and it would mean my husband gets automatic 50 to 50 custody of our child. And that thought truly makes me sick to my stomach. I've met with a lawyer. Despite everything my husband put me through while I was pregnant,

none of it is enough to take custody from him. In the state that I live in, even domestic abusers get automatic 50 to 50 custody unless there was abuse done to their children. Or I could stay. And try to stick it out for my son by trying to let go of my anger and resentment. But I don't know how to do that. How can I forgive a man who doesn't think he's done anything that needs to be forgiven?

I've been doing therapy for myself, but my therapist keeps pushing my husband and I to do couples counseling, which he refuses. I guess I just need help talking through my options with some neutral third-party POVs. Thank you in advance for any advice you can give.