Reddit Stories - SPOUSE has been going to see her MOTHER each WEEKEND since her father

Episode Date: November 14, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #family #motherinlaw #weekendplans #communicationSummary: SPOUSE has been regularly visiting her MOTHER every WEEKEND since her father's passing. This routine has caused tension in our relationship, leading to discussions about boundaries and priorities.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, family, motherinlaw, weekendplans, communication, routine, tension, boundaries, priorities, spouse, mother, father, passing, discussions, boundaries, prioritiesBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse has been going to see her mother each weekend since her father passed, but I discovered she has been deceiving about her whereabouts and was rendezvousing with someone. Instead, I, 45M, have been married to my wife, 43F, for 18 years. We have two kids together, 16F and 14M, and what I always believed was a solid, happy life. We met in our mid-twenties through mutual friends, and from day one we just clicked. She's smart, funny, and has this no-nonsense attitude that I've always loved. We built a life full of little routines and inside jokes, cooking pancakes as a family every Sunday,

binge watching detective shows after the kids went to bed, trading off who to school pick up or makes dinner depending on our schedules. It's not a perfect marriage, what marriage is. but it's always felt honest and stable. I handle most of the finances and my wife handles more of the kid-related stuff. It's a division that works well for us. I work mostly from home, and my wife works part-time while juggling the kid's schedules. We share a home office, I use it during the day, she uses it in the evenings when inspiration strikes. We've both been busy, especially now that our older daughter is looking at colleges and our son just started

high school. A lot of our recent conversations revolve around saving for tuition, fixing things around the house, and shuttling the kids to their activities. Pretty ordinary middle-aged married life stuff. One thing to know about me, I came into this marriage with some trust issues because of a bad previous relationship. My ex before I met my wife cheated on me. It devastated me back then, and it took a long time for me to get over it. I was up front about that history when my wife and I started getting serious. She understood and always promised me honesty, no matter what. And I believed her completely. In 18 years, she's never given me a concrete reason to doubt her. We've had our arguments about money, about how to discipline the kids,

the normal things, but we always found a way to talk it out. There's never been any information fidelity that I knew of, and I never in a million years thought I'd have to worry about that with her. She's always been very vocal about hating cheaters, her college boyfriend cheated on her too, long before we met, so we bonded over being the ones who got cheated on in our pasts. Lately though, I don't know. The past few months, something has felt a bit off. It's nothing super obvious, no classic red flags that scream a fair. Just little things I can't quite put my finger on. For example, she's been more distracted. Sometimes I'll be talking to her and realize she didn't hear a word I said because she's miles away in her own head. When I ask if she's okay,

she'll snap out of it and say she was just thinking about a project or that she's just tired. Fair enough, between work, the kids, and helping her mom, she is busy and tired. But this is knew, she used to be the one who caught me zoning out. Ah, yes, helping her mom, that's another thing. My father-in-law passed away last year, cancer, it was rough on all of us. My wife took it especially hard. She's always been close to her parents, and losing her dad was devastating for her. Since then, she's made it a point to visit her mom, my mill, at least every other weekend to make sure her mom isn't too lonely. My mill lives about an hour away, in the small town where my wife grew up. Usually my wife goes on Saturday morning and comes back Sunday evening. I've always

supported this, I love my fill too, and I want my mill to feel cared for. I often stay home with our kids and let my wife have that time with her mom one-on-one. In the last few months, those visits have become a little more frequent. Sometimes it's every weekend. or she'll even leave on a Friday right after our younger one's soccer game and make a long weekend of it. Again, I didn't think much of it at first. Grief isn't linear, and if being at her childhood home or with her mom helps her, I wasn't going to object. I would miss her, but I figured she just needed that extra family time. It's just that. I've started noticing some inconsistencies. Tiny things. Like, she'd tell me she did something at her mom.

house. Say, reorganize the garage, but later her mom would mention on a phone call something that didn't line up, like how they really need to find time to clean out the garage before winter. Each time I brushed it off. There could be reasonable explanations, right? Maybe her mom's memory isn't great and she forgot they cleaned the garage. Maybe my wife swung by a bakery and didn't want to admit she hadn't baked or her mom hadn't. My wife isn't a good liar. These were clumsy inconsistencies, but nothing concrete. Then there's a particular situation that's really making me question things. A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to my mother-in-law on the phone to coordinate some repairs for her house.

I was helping her hire a handyman. She thanked me and then mentioned how grateful she is that both my wife and I have been so attentive. She added something about how even one of my wife's old friends has been a blessing since he's been helping out too. That caught me off guard. I asked what she meant by an old friend helping out. My mill sounded a bit confused at why I didn't know. She explained that one of my wife's high school friends, let's call him Jake, has been a big help, apparently stopping by when my wife visits to help with heavy lifting and chores. My mill went on about how he fixed the backyard fence and helped paint the shed last month. I had to play it cool, but inside I was fuming.

My wife never mentioned a Jake helping her mom. In fact, my wife specifically told me she painted that shed for her mom last month. I remember because I offered to drive up and help that weekend, but she insisted she had it under control. Now I find out it wasn't just her, Jake was there too. And not just once, sounds like he's been there regularly. For context, Jake is essentially my wife's high school slash college ex. I met him once years ago at a hometown event. She told me then that I had nothing to worry about, that chapter was long closed.

I pretty much forgot about him after that. Now apparently he's back in my mills town and hanging out with my wife whenever she's there. That by itself might not be a huge deal, people reconnect in times of grief, maybe he was paying his respects to her family and decided to help out. Logically, that could be all it is. But if it's all innocent, why wouldn't my wife just tell me? We don't usually keep secrets like this. If she had mentioned, hey, I ran into Jake and he's been helping out around mom's house,

I might have felt a bit weird, I'm only human, but I wouldn't jump to conclusions. I have female friends, she has male friends, neither of us has ever been the jealous, possessive type. So her not telling me feels deliberate. Like she's hiding something. After I got off the phone with my mill, I tried to act normal even though my mind was racing. That evening I asked my wife how her mom was doing and if anyone else has been helping out over there. She just said, no, it's pretty much just me and mom catching up and doing little chores. That was it. No mention of any third person.

I even specifically asked, you didn't have any help when you painted the shed. That must have been tough to do alone. She looked me straight in the eye and insisted it was fine, that it took a couple of afternoons but she got it done. That really bothers me. She lied, straight to my face. I didn't let on that I knew about Jake, but it's clear she intentionally hid the fact that he was there. Maybe she thought I'd be jealous or upset. Still, it doesn't sit right with me at all.

We've always been open about friends and about what we do on those visits. We usually text each other updates during the day when we're apart, she'll send a photo of the pie she and her mom baked, or I'll send a pick of our son mowing the lawn. A new chore I'm proud he's taken on. Lately on her trips, I've noticed she's been a bit harder to reach. Like I'll text a simple question and not hear back for hours, when before she'd answer pretty quickly from her moms. She always has some reason, they went out shopping and she left her phone in the car, or she was in the shower. or her phone was on silent in her purse. Again, could be legit.

But added to everything else, my gut is telling me something is going on. Right now, I haven't confronted her or accused her of anything. I'm trying to stay level-headed. There might be an innocent explanation, but I feel like an idiot even thinking that. I learned long ago not to ignore this kind of gut feeling. I haven't told anyone in real life about this yet. want to tarnish her reputation or stir up drama if it's nothing. But I also feel like I'm in the dark and possibly being lied to. I guess I'm posting this here to get an outside perspective.

I haven't changed how I act around her yet, but I'm definitely paying more attention now. I'm double-checking details and noticing whether her stories line up. It sucks to be in this headspace about the person you trust most. I'm not sure what my next step should be. Do I just ask her if something is going on with Jake. Do I quietly dig a little more before confronting her, so she can't just deny it and make me feel crazy? I don't want to play games or turn into some paranoid snoop, but I also don't want to be the oblivious husband who misses all the signs. Any advice would be appreciated. I hate that I even have to think about this. This is the woman I've spent nearly half my life with. I want to believe she wouldn't cross that line.

But right now I just don't know what to believe. Update 1. The general opinion in my last post was that I shouldn't ignore my gut and that I might need to gather more information before confronting my wife. A lot of you suggested checking phone records, bank statements, etc. That made sense to me, I handle our finances and phone plan anyway, so it wasn't hard to take a quick look. Well, I looked. And I found some things that have pretty much eliminated any. hope I had that this is all in my head. I pulled up our cell phone bill online and skimmed through

the call slash text logs for my wife's number. We have unlimited plans, so we don't usually pay attention to the details, but the records are all there. It didn't take long to spot a pattern. Over the last few months, there have been hundreds of texts and a bunch of phone calls back and forth with one number I didn't recognize. It stood out because most other numbers on her log are familiar, mine, our kids, her mom, a couple of her girlfriends. This one number was showing up at all hours, tons of texts during the day, some late at night, even a few very early morning ones. I cross-referenced the area code and sure enough it matches the region of my wife's hometown, where her mom lives. I'm willing to bet anything that number belongs

to Jake. I sat on that info for a day, trying to decide what to do. Part of me wanting to wanted to call the number right then and there, but I held off. I didn't want to tip my hand or do something in the heat of the moment. Instead, I decided to verify my wife's next visit to her mom's in person. She had already told me earlier in the week that she was planning to go to her moms this coming weekend, leaving Friday, back Sunday as usual. I told her that sounded fine, the kids and I would hold down the fort. Here's where things went from suspicious to pretty much undeniable. On Saturday, after my wife had left for her moms, I gave my mother-in-law a call. The plan was just to make a casual check-in and maybe gently see if my wife was actually there.

I kept it breezy, just asking my mill how she was doing and if the weather was nice in her town, small talk, basically. After a minute or two, I asked if my wife was around or busy with chores. I said I wanted to ask her something but she wasn't answering my text. My Mill responded, sounding a little perplexed, that my wife wasn't there this weekend. In fact, she said my wife had told her she was busy with a big project and would visit next weekend instead. I had to literally bite my tongue and take a breath to avoid reacting. I managed to act like it was a mix-up on my end, saying something about how I must have gotten the weekends confused, and I thanked her for clarifying. My mill didn't seem to think anything

was amiss. We chatted briefly about the handyman and the repairs I was helping schedule, then I wished her a good day and hung up. So, my wife told me she was going to visit her mom, and told her mom she couldn't visit. That means my wife made up an excuse to be away for the weekend, and she's not where she said she'd be. She is effectively unaccounted for right now. I can't think of a single good, honest explanation for this. The only thing that makes sense is that she's with Jake. Maybe they planned some getaway or she's staying at his place or something, I don't know exactly, but she's definitely not at her moms like she promised me. After hanging up, I was shaking. I can't properly describe the feeling except that it was like everything inside me

was buzzing. Even so, I decided to double check one more thing before I lost it. I logged into our joint bank account to see if there was any recent spending that could give a clue. Sure enough, there were a few charges from yesterday, Friday, that caught my eye. One from a gas station out near my wife's hometown, she would have filled up driving there, fine, but then two charges in a neighboring city about 30 miles further away. One was from a decent hotel chain and another from a restaurant. The timestamps were last night around 8 p.m., dinner, and then almost midnight for the hotel. I felt sick seeing that, but at least it told me where she likely was.

That neighboring city is a bit of a tourist spot, lots of BNBS, wineries, that kind of thing. We've been there together in the past for weekend trips. It looks like she and Jake might have gone there for a little getaway. I can't believe I'm typing that about my own wife. The receipts, or rather, the transaction history, are pretty telling. Unless she's secretly taken up a job as a travel critic or decided to treat herself to a solo night in a hotel, Yeah, right, I think I know what's really going on. I haven't confronted her yet.

She's due back tomorrow evening, assuming she sticks to the story she told me. I'm not sure if she'll actually swing by her moms on the way home to keep up appearances or just come straight from wherever she really was. But either way, I'm going to have to face this head on. I spent last night alternating between pacing around the house, checking my phone, and staring into space. I did manage to get a few hours of sleep after basically exhausting myself with adrenaline and anxiety. I've decided that when she gets home, I'm going to confront her privately. I don't want the kids to pick up on something being very wrong. I'm not sure yet if I'll do at the

moment she walks in or wait until the kids aren't around, but it will be that same day. I have all the evidence I need. She has no idea what I know. Honestly, I don't. I don't know. I don't. I don't don't even know how to start this conversation. I'm angry as hell, but also oddly calm right now, like my brain has switched into a cold, focused mode. I've been mentally rehearsing different ways it might go, but I suspect it'll all go off script once I'm standing in front of her. Update 2. I'm running on very little sleep, so I hope this update makes sense. Last night was, a lot. But I did it, I confronted my wife. It was, without a doubt, one of the hardest conversations I've ever had. She got home around 6 p.m. Sunday, looking a little tired but

otherwise acting normal. I was practically vibrating with nerves, trying to keep it together through dinner with the kids. I waited until after dinner because I didn't want the kids to pick up on anything. Once we got the kid settled for the night, they went off to their rooms, likely on their phones or doing homework. I asked my wife if we could talk. I think my tone or expression must have tipped her off that something serious was up, because she looked immediately worried. We went into our home office and closed the door. I was standing, she sat down. My heart was pounding out of my chest, but I tried to stay outwardly calm. I started to start started by telling her that I knew she wasn't at her mom's this weekend.

At first, she played dumb, acting confused and insisting she was at her mom's, even pointing out that I'd talked to her mom as if that proved her story. I cut that off and told her plainly that I had spoken to her mom myself, and I knew she had lied to both of us. I also mentioned that I'd seen the phone records and the bank charges. Her eyes went white as saucers and she went pale. Then came the waterworks, she burst into tears, apologizing and reaching for me. I stepped back and told her not to touch me.

I wasn't yelling, I was just, cold. I asked her to explain herself, to just tell me the truth. She kept insisting it wasn't what I thought and that she had planned to tell me eventually. Which is just bullshit. If I hadn't caught her, I doubt she would have confessed anything. Eventually, she admitted that yes, she's been seeing Jake. It started a few months ago. She claims it wasn't planned.

They reconnected after her dad's funeral and at first it was just talking, reminiscing, leaning on each other while grieving. Then one day, one of them suggested meeting for coffee, which led to these meetups whenever she was in town. She swears it was only emotional at first that they were just two old friends comforting each other and she felt guilty about even. that, so she hid it. But as time went on, feelings got confused and lines were crossed. She eventually admitted they did sleep together, the first time was on one of those weekend visits a couple months back. And yes, they met up this past weekend for a night away together, which I already basically knew from the evidence. She was crying hard by this point, saying she was sorry and that she never meant to hurt me, that losing her dad messed her up and she wasn't

thinking straight. She said Jake was just there for her when she felt lost, but that she never stopped loving me. Honestly, hearing her try to rationalize it made me feel a disgust. I told her that leaning on an old friend is one thing, but carrying on a full-blown affair and lying about it is a choice. A conscious choice she made over and over. I didn't hold back on telling her exactly how I felt. I reminded her that she knew damn well how broken I was after being cheated on in the past, and yet she went and did the one thing she promised she'd never do to me. I told her I'm especially blown away that she would betray me like this when we both have been cheated on before. It's like everything we built together, all the

trust, was thrown away for. What? A fling with him? She kept trying to explain, saying it wasn't about me or about hurting me. She claimed she was depressed, that she felt like she had this void, and reconnecting with him gave her an escape or something along those lines. I had zero sympathy for her so-called void that she never communicated to me. I asked if she was in love with him. She immediately said no, it wasn't like that, he was just someone who understood her during a tough time, but she never stopped loving me. Hard to feel loved by someone who sneaks off to a hotel with another man.

At some point I realized our discussion had gone in circles, her soul. sobbing and apologizing, trying to justify things, and me making it clear how deeply she broke us. I was just done. I told her I can't look at her right now and that I need space. I said I don't know what this means for our marriage yet, but I know I can't even begin to think clearly with her in the house. She begged me not to make any big decisions on the spot, saying I should cool off. I let out a bitter laugh at that, I'm not the one who spent months sneaking around, I'm pretty damn cool-headed given the circumstances. Ultimately, I told her she should go stay with her mom for a while, starting tomorrow,

Monday. It was already late by then and the kids were asleep, so we agreed she'd sleep in the guest room for the night. I sure as hell wasn't sharing a bed with her. I couldn't even stand being on the same floor, so I ended up crashing on the couch in the living room. I didn't sleep more than an hour or two, and I just wanted the night to be over. This morning was awkward as hell. We had to put on a facade for the kids, since I'm not ready to tell them anything yet. We've always tried not to drag the kids into our issues, and I don't want to shatter their image of their mom overnight. We both got up and got the kids fed. We were civil but quiet. I'm sure the kids noticed something was off, my daughter even asked if everything was okay.

I just told her that mom and I were a little tired and stressed with work stuff. Probably not convincing, but it was the best I could do. After the kids headed out for school, my wife asked if we could talk more. I told her I had nothing more to say right now beyond what I said last night. She then suggested counseling, for herself and maybe for us as a couple. I told her flat out I'm not promising anything. I said my priority is just getting through. the next few days and taking care of the kids, and that she needs to give me my space.

She didn't argue. She just nodded and went to pack a bag. A couple hours ago, she left to go stay at her moms. Before leaving, she reiterated that she's sorry and that she'll give me space, and she hopes we can talk again soon. I didn't really respond, aside from maybe a curt will see. I feel like a zombie at the moment, exhausted, angry, numb, all at once. I haven't told anyone else yet, except all of you reading this. My plan for the immediate future is just to get through each day for the kid's sake. I'll have to figure out what to tell them, because they're going to notice their mom is absent. For now, we agreed on a short-term excuse that mom is helping grandma for a little while as the reason she's not home. I hate lying to them. I hate lying to

but I'm not ready to drag them into this mess until I have a better idea of what happens next. So that's where things stand. She's out of the house, and I'm here trying to process everything. I know some of you will probably say I should talk to a lawyer, and I likely will once my head stop spinning. I just need a moment. This all still feels a bit unreal. Less than a week ago I thought we were a normal family dealing with everyday life. Now it feels like the floor has fallen out from under me.

Update 3 It's been a few weeks since the confrontation, and I figured I'd post what's been happening. I wish I could tell you that I've got everything figured out. But the truth is this is still a mess. We told the kids that were separated. Not the full truth of why, but we sat them down and explained that mom and dad are having serious issues and need to live apart for a while. As expected, it was rough.

My daughter was upset and had a lot of questions I didn't know how to answer without lying or hurting her. My son was quieter, I think he was just in shock. We reassured them that we both love them and that none of this is their fault. We told them their mom is staying with Grandma for now to give us some space. I'm pretty sure my 16-year-old has pieced together that it's more than just some issues. She's a smart kid and she's noticed how little her mom has been around, and the general tension in the house. But she hasn't asked me directly if someone cheated or anything.

I did catch her looking at me with this mix of disappointment and worry that crushed me. I hate that our problems are hurting them. My wife is still at her mom's place. She comes into town occasionally to see the kids on weekends, and I make myself scarce while she's here. We coordinate by text or brief calls only about the kids. I keep it strictly business. She's respected my request for distance, but she still occasionally sends me apologetic messages, saying she's working on herself and begging for a chance to talk about us. I haven't been ready to go there. As far as I'm concerned, there is no us at the moment. From what I gather through

my mill and brief updates from my wife, she's been a wreck. My mother-in-law has called me a couple of times to apologize and to assure me she doesn't blame me. Apparently my wife cries every day and has started individual therapy. My Mill hasn't defended her daughter's actions at all, in fact, she sounded pretty angry with her for essentially blowing up our family. It's a weird position to be in, I actually feel bad for her. She's a recent widow who now has to watch her daughter's marriage fall apart. When we talked, we agreed that no.

matter what happens between me and my wife, the kids have to come first. She offered to help with the kids any time and told me I'm like a son to her, that won't change even if things between her daughter and me do. That choked me up a bit. The whole situation is just as for me, I've been up and down. The first week after she left was the hardest. I barely slept or ate. During the day I went through the motions for the kids, and at night after they were in bed I'd

collapse on the couch. I even took a couple sick days because I couldn't focus on work. I eventually told my older brother what was going on. He was furious and insisted I come stay with him, but I didn't want to uproot the kids. Instead, he's been coming by to check on us when he can. I also confided in a close friend, ironically, he went through a divorce after he was the one who cheated, but he has turned his life around since then, so he's giving me perspective from the other side. He's been a good listener, and he nudged me to at least consult a lawyer. Speaking of lawyers, I have quietly consulted one. I haven't filed anything yet, but I wanted to know my options and what a divorce might look like after 18 years of marriage. It was a

sobering conversation about dividing assets, custody arrangements, possibly selling the house, all that fun stuff. It made this whole ordeal feel more depressing. I haven't made final decisions about filing. Part of me feels like it's inevitable, I truly don't know if I can ever trust her again, and without trust, what is there to salvage? Another part hesitates, mainly because of the kids and honestly because ending such a long marriage is really overwhelming. I'm torn. Some days I wake up sure I want to end it and move on. Other days I see an old photo or get reminded of better times, and I feel profoundly sad and unsure of everything. One practical step I took was going to my doctor for a full STD screening, just to be safe,

that was a humbling experience, explaining to my longtime doctor why I suddenly needed those tests. Thankfully everything came back negative, small mercies. My wife has been asking to sit down and talk, with or without a counselor. For now I've said no and told her I'll let her know if or when I'm ever ready. Right now, the thought of sitting across from her listening to a point, or her explanations just makes me angry. She claims she's willing to do anything to fix this, but I'm not sure there's any fixing it. I haven't ruled out hearing her out eventually, maybe for closure or for the sake of co-parenting, but I'm nowhere near that point yet. So the

plan, if you can call it that, is to continue as we are for now. We're separated, focusing on the kids and getting through the day to day. The holidays are coming up, which will be tough to navigate. funny how life doesn't pause when your personal life implodes, I've made it clear to my wife that I'm not making any promises beyond the present. She knows there's a very real chance I'll decide to file for divorce in the near future. She says she understands and won't fight it if that's what I choose. I wish I had some profound wisdom or silver lining to share, but I'm still very much in it. Maybe in time I'll have more clarity, or maybe I won't. For now, focusing on my kids and getting through each day.

It's messy and it hurts, but at least now everything is out in the open. I know what I'm dealing with now, and I'll figure out.