Reddit Stories - Spouse left our children following PERSUASION from her COMPANIONS that she was SQUANDERING

Episode Date: July 23, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #family #parenting #divorce #persuasionSummary: A spouse left their children after being persuaded by companions that they were squandering. The family is now facing the aftermath of this decision and struggling to cope with the consequences.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, family, parenting, divorce, persuasion, companions, squandering, aftermath, coping, decision, consequences, children, spouse, familydrama, support, adviceBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse left our children following persuasion from her companions that she was squandering her prime being restricted, now a decade later returned anticipating to resume her role as their mother, yet I already have a wife who they call mom. Nine years ago, when my son Jake was six and my daughter Emma was four, my ex-wife Sarah made the decision that would fundamentally change all our lives forever. We had been going through a rough patch in our marriage, which wasn't entirely her fault since. I was working long hours and probably wasn't the most attentive husband, but we were both trying to make things work for our family. The problem started when Sarah began spending time with a group of friends from her yoga class, women who were all either divorced or had never been married and seemed to have strong opinions about traditional family structures and what they perceived as

limitations that marriage and motherhood placed on a woman's personal growth. These friends, particularly a woman named Jessica who had left her own family years earlier and was living what she called her authentic life traveling the country in a converted van, began filling Sarah's head with ideas about how she was wasting her youth by being tied down to domestic responsibilities. At first, I thought it was just a phase and encouraged her to take weekend trips with these friends, even offering to take on more child care responsibilities so she could have freedom to pursue her interests. However, instead of helping our relationship, This made things worse because the more time she spent away from home, the more disconnected she became for me and the kids,

and the more convinced she became that she had made a terrible mistake by getting married and having children so young. The breaking point came during what I thought was going to be a family vacation to the beach. Instead of enjoying our time together, Sarah spent most of the trip on the phone with Jessica and her friends, talking about how trapped she felt and how she needed to make major changes before it was too late. On our last night at the beach, after the kids had gone to sleep, Sarah told me she had decided to leave us and start over somewhere new where she could figure out who she really was without family obligations. She said Jessica had offered her a place in California and that she thought it would be

better for everyone if she just disappeared from our lives rather than continue being a source of unhappiness. I was completely devastated and tried everything to convince her to stay, marriage counseling, individual therapy, temporary separation, even an open marriage, but her mind was made up and she viewed any attempt to change her decision as trying to control her and prevent her from living her authentic life. The hardest part was watching how confused and heartbroken Jake and Emma were when Sarah explained that she was going away for a while and would be staying with me, but she promised this didn't mean she loved them less and that she would come back to visit

as soon as she got settled. Jake kept asking if he had done something wrong to make Mommy want to leave, while Emma just cried and begged Sarah not to go. After Sarah left, I found myself as a single father to two young children dealing with abandonment issues and constantly asking when their mother was coming home, while also processing my own feelings of betrayal and grief. The first few months were brutal as I figured out how to manage work, child care, household responsibilities, and my emotional well-being while helping Jake and Emma navigate their feelings and trying to create stability in their lives.

Sarah did call occasionally during the first year, usually late at night when she had been drinking and feeling guilty, but these conversations were confusing and painful for the kids because she would make promises about visiting that never materialized. Eventually, I changed our phone number and asked her to stop calling because the inconsistent contact was making things worse for Jake and Emma, who would get their hopes up and then be devastated when she disappeared again. About three years after Sarah left, I met my current wife Lisa at a school fundraiser where she was volunteering as Emma's teacher, and what started as friendship gradually developed into something deeper. Lisa was incredibly patient about the baggage I carried and the challenges of dating someone with children still dealing with trauma from their mother's abandonment. What impressed me most about Lisa was how naturally she connected with Jake and Emma, never trying to replace their mother or force a relationship, but simply being present and consistent in a way that allowed them to trust her gradually. She would help Emma with homework, attend Jake's soccer games, and slowly become integral to our daily routines without making it feel forced.

After Lisa and I had been together for about two years, we started talking about adoption, Lisa was committed to being their parent regardless of what happened between her and me. The adoption process was straightforward because Sarah had essentially disappeared completely and made no effort to maintain contact or provide financial support, which legally constituted abandonment. When the adoption was finalized last year, it was one of the happiest days of our lives. Jake and Emma, now 15 and 13, have grown into incredible teenagers who have formed a deep bond with Lisa, whom they call mom without any prompting from us. They still remember their biological mother, but their memories have faded and been replaced by the reality of the family they have now,

view Sarah more as a figure from their distant past rather than someone with current relevance to their lives. Three weeks ago, Sarah showed up at our front door completely out of the blue, looking older but otherwise much the same, claiming she had been thinking about us constantly and had finally realized that leaving was the biggest mistake of her life and that she wanted to come back and be part of our family again. She explained that she had spent nine years traveling the country, working various jobs, exploring different lifestyles and relationships, trying to find herself, but nothing had brought the satisfaction she expected, and she had gradually understood that the happiness she was searching for had been right here with us all along.

I was shocked to see her because I had assumed she had moved on completely. I invited her in for coffee and called Lisa to come home early so we could figure out how to handle this together. Lisa was incredibly gracious despite how uncomfortable she felt. felt by Sarah's sudden reappearance. Sarah seemed genuinely remorseful and acknowledged she had made a terrible mistake, but she also had unrealistic expectations about being able to simply step back into our lives as if the last nine years had never happened. She talked about wanting to spend time with Jake and Emma, take them on trips, help with

homework, attend school events, and gradually rebuild the mother-child relationship she had abandoned. The real test came when Jake and Emma got home from school and and found their biological mother sitting in our living room. The kids' reactions were immediate and unmistakable. Jake became visibly angry and asked Sarah why she had come back and whether she expected them to just forget everything and welcome her back, while Emma hid behind Lisa and refused to even look at Sarah. Both kids made it clear they had no interest in having a relationship with Sarah

and considered Lisa their real mother now. Sarah was devastated by their rejection and tried to explain she understood their anger, and was willing to take things slowly, but Jake interrupted and said there was nothing she could do to make up for nine years of absence and that they already had a mother who actually cared about them. After Sarah left, Lisa and I had a long conversation with the kids about what they wanted us to do, making it clear we would support whatever decision they made and that they shouldn't feel pressured to have a relationship with Sarah if they didn't want to. Both Jake and Emma were adamant that they wanted nothing to do with Sarah and didn't want

her coming to our house anymore or trying to contact them at school, and they asked us to make sure she understood they were happy with their current family and didn't need her in their lives. So here's where I might be the asshole, I called Sarah and told her that while I understood her desire to reconnect, the kids had made their feelings clear and I was going to respect their wishes and not force them into a relationship against their will. I explained they were old enough to make their own decisions about who they wanted in their lives and that after nine years of building a stable family with Lisa, they weren't interested in disrupting that for someone who had voluntarily walked away. Sarah became upset and accused me of poisoning the kids against her and preventing

her from exercising her parental rights, threatening legal action to force visitation or seek partial custody, though I'm not sure she has any legal standing after abandoning them and allowing Lisa to adopt them. I genuinely don't know if I'm doing the right thing, and I keep second-guessing myself because while I think Sarah's sudden desire to be a mother- again is probably more about her guilt than genuine concern for what's best for Jake and Emma, I wonder if I'm depriving them of the opportunity to have a relationship with their biological mother. So Reddit, I'd offer supporting my kids' decision to refuse contact with their biological mother, or should I be encouraging them to give her a chance? Update 1.

Quick update for those following along, because things have developed in ways I didn't expect and I could use additional perspective on how we're handling Sarah's continued attempts to insert herself into our family's life. After reading through your thoughtful comments, I decided to schedule consultations with both a family attorney and a therapist specializing in adoption issues, because I wanted to ensure I was approaching this with Jake and Emma's best interests in mind rather than just reacting emotionally. The legal consultation was incredibly enlightening and a huge relief because the attorney confirmed what many of you suggested, that Sarah's legal

rights as a parent were effectively terminated when she abandoned the children and Lisa was able to adopt them without requiring Sarah's consent. In our state, parental rights can be terminated for abandonment when a parent has had no contact for more than a year and failed to provide financial support, both of which clearly applied to Sarah. Practically, this means Sarah has no legal standing to demand visitation or custody, and any attempt to challenge the adoption would require her to prove she was prevented for maintaining contact against her will, which obviously isn't the case since she chose to leave and made no effort to stay in touch. I called Sarah to have a direct conversation about the reality of the situation, hoping that if I explained the legal

facts and the children's preferences, she might accept that pursuing this further would be futile and potentially harmful. The conversation didn't go as hoped, but it provided insight into Sarah's mindset. When I explained that adoption had legally terminated her parental rights, Sarah became upset and accused me of using legal technicalities to keep her away from her children, as if the adoption was some bureaucratic trick rather than a natural consequence of her abandonment. What became clear is that Sarah has constructed a narrative about her departure that minimizes her responsibility and maximizes external factors like her friend's advice and mental health struggles. She kept referring to leaving as something that happened to her rather than a choice

she made, and seemed genuinely surprised there would be lasting consequences. She also had unrealistic expectations about rebuilding relationships with Jake and Emma, talking about wanting to take them on trips and help with college planning as if the last nine years had been a brief interruption rather than the majority of their conscious memories. When I explained both children were clear about not wanting contact and that I would respect their wishes, Sarah broke down crying, saying she understood their anger but was a different person now and deserved a chance to prove she could be the mother they needed. Instead of continuing to threaten legal action, Sarah asked if there might be some way to communicate with Jake and Emma indirectly,

perhaps through letters or phone calls, that would allow her to apologize without forcing face-to-face meetings they didn't want. I told her I would discuss this with Lisa and the kids, making it clear any communication would be entirely voluntary and could stop any time if it became uncomfortable. When I brought this up with Jake and Emma, their reactions were different but equally strong. After several family discussions and a therapy session, Emma decided she would be willing to accept Sarah's phone number and perhaps talk occasionally, but only if Sarah understood this didn't mean Emma wanted a relationship or was open to in-person meetings. Jake remained firmly opposed to any contact, and I made it clear to Sarah that she needed to

respect his decision completely. So yesterday, I gave Sarah Emma's phone number and Jake decided to give his number as well, though he was explicit that he wasn't promising to answer calls and might change his mind any time. I also set clear boundaries about when and how often Sarah could call, asking her to limit contact to once or twice weekly and avoid calling during school hours or late at night. Sarah was incredibly grateful for this compromise and promised to be respectful of boundaries and not pressure the kids for more contact than they were comfortable with, though I remain skeptical about whether she'll actually stick to these limitations given how desperately she seems to want to reconnect. I'm honestly not sure if I made the right decision,

because part of me worries that any contact will give Sarah a false hope that she can eventually work her way back into a more significant role, leading to more disappointment and conflict. At the same time, I don't want to be the one making this decision for Jake and Emma, especially since Emma expressed genuine curiosity about limited contact. I guess we'll see how this plays out, but I wanted to update everyone who had been following our situation and let you know that your advice about prioritizing the children's emotional well-being has been incredibly helpful. Update 2. As mentioned in my last update, we had agreed to let Sarah have limited phone contact with the understanding that communication would be entirely voluntary and she would respect

are established boundaries about frequency and timing. For the first few days, this seemed to work reasonably well. Sarah called Emma twice during the week, and Emma actually answered both times, having brief but polite conversations about school and her interests, though Emma told me afterward that the conversations felt weird and forced and she wasn't sure what to say to someone who was basically a stranger but kept referring to herself as Emma's mother. Jake, true to his word, refused to answer Sarah's calls and

eventually blocked her number after she called several times in one day, which I thought was a reasonable way to maintain his boundary. The problem started this week when Emma, dealing with midterm exams and a big presentation she was nervous about, stopped answering Sarah's calls because she was busy studying and didn't have the emotional energy for what she described as awkward conversations with someone who doesn't really know me. Instead of understanding that a 13-year-old might have other priorities, Sarah became increasingly anxious about not reaching Emma. And began calling more frequently and leaving increasingly desperate voicemails asking Emma to please call back because she was worried she had said something wrong or that Emma was being

prevented from talking to her. Emma showed me some of these voicemails, and they were concerning because Sarah sounded very emotional and almost frantic, talking about how much she missed Emma and how important these conversations were to her mental health and her hope for rebuilding their relationship. One message particularly bothered me because Sarah said she, had been looking forward to their talks all week and that not hearing from Emma was bringing back all the feelings of loss and regret. When I talked to Emma about the voicemails, she admitted they were making her feel guilty and anxious, and that she was starting to regret agreeing to any contact because she felt like Sarah was expecting more than she was able or willing

to give. She said talking to Sarah felt like homework rather than something she wanted to do. I reassured Emma that she didn't owe Sarah anything and could stop taking calls any time without feeling guilty, and we agreed she would take a break from phone contact to focus on schoolwork and give herself space to think about whether she wanted to continue this arrangement. But instead of respecting Emma's need for space or checking with me about why calls weren't being answered, Sarah made a decision that has completely shattered any trust one might have had in her ability to put the children's needs ahead of her own desires. Yesterday afternoon, I got a call from Emma's school counselor informing me that an unknown

woman had come to the school claiming to be Emma's mother and demanding to see her, and that the school had to call security when the woman became agitated and refused to leave when told she wasn't authorized to visit Emma. Apparently, Sarah had gone to the school office during lunch and told the secretary she was Emma's biological mother and needed to speak with her daughter because there was a family emergency, and when school staff checked their records and saw that Lisa was listed as Emma's mother in emergency contact. They told Sarah they couldn't allow her to see Emma without proper authorization. According to the counselor, Sarah became very upset and started arguing with staff,

saying there had been some mistake in their records and that she was Emma's real mother and had every right to see her child. And that the school was interfering with her parental rights. The situation escalated when Sarah apparently tried to look for Emma herself, walking down hallways and looking into classrooms, which prompted the school to call security and eventually police to escort her off the property. When I picked Emma up from school, she was clearly upset and embarrassed, and kept asking why Sarah had come to her school and whether this meant Sarah was going to keep showing up places where Emma was supposed to feel safe. She also said she felt like this was somehow her fault for not answering Sarah's calls, which absolutely broke my heart because a 13-year-old should never feel responsible for an adult's inappropriate behavior.

I immediately called Sarah and told her in no uncertain terms that going to Emma's school was completely unincorrected. and that she had violated every boundary we had established and betrayed the trust we had placed in her. I explained that her actions had frightened Emma and created exactly the kind of drama we had been trying to avoid. Sarah's response was to become defensive and emotional, saying she had been worried about Emma because she hadn't heard from her in several days and just wanted to make sure Emma was okay and to explain that she hadn't meant to pressure her with the voicemails. She claimed she hadn't intended to cause problems and had told the school there was a family emergency because she didn't know how else to get them to let her see Emma.

When I pointed out that there was no family emergency and that she had essentially lied to school officials and tried to circumvent safety protocols, Sarah said that not being able to talk to her daughter felt like an emergency to her and that she didn't understand why everyone was making this so difficult when all she wanted was a relationship with her children. This response highlighted how fundamentally Sarah misunderstands the situation and how self-centered her approach has been. She views any obstacle to immediate access to Jake and Emma as an unfair barrier to her rights as a mother, rather than understanding that her children are individuals with their own feelings and right to privacy and safety. I told Sarah that her behavior at the school had eliminated any possibility of continued phone contact and that she needed to stay away from our family entirely, including not showing up at places where the kids might be. I also informed her that if she violated these boundaries again, I would pursue a restraining order.

Sarah became very upset and started crying, saying I was being cruel and using her mistake to punish her and keep her away from her children permanently, but I made it clear this wasn't about punishment. It was about protecting Jake and Emma from someone who had proven she couldn't respect their autonomy or prioritize their well-being over her own desires. Both kids have made it very clear they want no further contact with Sarah after this incident, and Emma seems relieved that she doesn't have to worry about managing Sarah's expectations anymore. I'm honestly kicking myself for agreeing to any contact at all, because I feel like I should have known that someone who abandoned her children for nine years and then showed up demanding an immediate relationship probably didn't have the emotional stability to respect reasonable boundaries.

I'll keep you updated on whether Sarah respects the no-contact boundary, or if we need to pursue legal protection, but for now we're focused on helping Jake and Emma feel safe and secure and reminding them that Sarah's behavior is not their responsibility. Update 3. After the school incident I described in my last update, we had implemented strict no contact with Sarah and made it clear to both kids that they didn't need to worry about managing her expectations anymore. And that they could focus on their normal lives without the stress of navigating a relationship

with someone who had proven unable to respect their boundaries. For about a week, this seemed to work well, and both Jake and Emma seemed relieved to have the situation resolved in a way that allowed them to move forward without constant anxiety about when Sarah might call or show up unexpectedly. However, this past Friday evening, Emma came to me and Lisa with a request that honestly surprised both of us and that I'm still not sure we handled correctly.

Emma told us she had been thinking about the voicemail Sarah had left before the school incident, and that while she definitely didn't want any ongoing relationship with Sarah, she felt like she needed to call her one time to clearly explain her decision and tell Sarah directly that she didn't want further contact. Rather than just having me communicate this message on her behalf, Emma said she felt guilty about how things had ended, with Sarah being escorted off school property and then being told through me that all contact was terminated, and that she thought Sarah deserved to hear directly from Emma why she didn't want a relationship. Even if that conversation would be difficult and final.

Lisa and I discussed this extensively with Emma, making sure she understood that she didn't owe Sarah any explanation and that protecting her own well-being was more important than managing Sarah's feelings. We also talked about the possibility that calling Sarah might give her false hope or that Sarah might use the opportunity to pressure Emma for more contact. But Emma was very clear about what she wanted to accomplish and seemed to have thought through the potential risks carefully. She said she wanted to tell Sarah that while she didn't hate her and understood Sarah was sorry for leaving, the damage had been done and too much time had passed for them to build the kind of mother-daughter relationship that Sarah seemed to want.

We agreed the call would be made on speaker phone so Lisa and I could monitor the conversation and intervene if necessary, and that Emma would have a written list of points she wanted to make so she wouldn't be thrown off track if Sarah became emotional. The call took place this past Saturday afternoon, and it went both better and worse than any of us had anticipated. Emma was incredibly mature in explaining her feelings to Sarah, telling her that she appreciated Sarah's apologies and desire to make amends. but that she had built a life and family that didn't include Sarah and that she didn't want to change that or risk the security and happiness she had found with Lisa as her mother. Sarah, to her credit, listened without interrupting or trying to argue, and seemed to understand that this was Emma's final decision. She told Emma that she was proud of the person Emma had become and that she was glad Emma had found happiness and stability, even if it wasn't with her. However, toward the end of the conversation, Sarah became very emotional and told Emma that

she understood why Emma didn't want her in her life, and that she knew she had made irreparable mistakes that had cost her the chance to be a mother to her children. She said she had been hoping that coming back and apologizing would somehow make up for the years she had lost, but that she realized now that some damage can't be undone and some choices can't be taken back. What was particularly concerning about Sarah's tone during this part was how finally and hopeless it sounded, as if she was saying goodbye not just to the possibility of a relationship with Emma, but to everything else as well. She kept talking about how she had ruined everything

and how she didn't deserve to be happy after what she had done, and while Emma handled this maturely by focusing on her own decisions rather than trying to comfort Sarah, I could see that she was getting upset by how despondent Sarah sounded. The call ended with Sarah thanking Emma for being brave enough to talk to her directly in telling her that she hoped Emma would have a wonderful life, and that she was sorry for all the pain her return had caused. Emma told Sarah that she forgave her for leaving and hoped Sarah would find happiness in her own life, but that they wouldn't be talking again. After we hung up, Emma seemed relieved to have had the conversation and satisfied that she had been able to express her feelings clearly

and kindly, though she was also emotionally drained and spent the rest of the weekend processing her feelings with Lisa and me. We thought this conversation had provided the closure that both Emma and Sarah needed to move forward with their separate lives, and that while it had been emotionally difficult, it had ultimately been a healthy way to end this chapter. But then, this past Tuesday morning, I received a phone call that changed everything and made me question whether we should have handled this situation differently from the very beginning. The call was from a hospital social worker in the city where Sarah has been living, informing me that Sarah had been admitted to their psychiatric unit after what appeared to be a suicide attempt, and that I was listed as

her emergency contact from when we were married, even though we've been divorced for nine years. According to the social worker, Sarah had taken an overdose of prescription medication sometime Monday night and had been found by her landlord when she failed to pay her rent. She had left a note apologizing for the pain she had caused her family and saying that she realized she had lost her children forever and couldn't live with the guilt and regret of her choices. I was completely shocked and horrified by this news, and my first reaction was to wonder whether Emma's phone call had somehow triggered Sarah's suicide attempt, and whether I was responsible for putting Sarah in a dangerous mental state by supporting Emma's decision to end contact permanently.

For now I have just told Lisa, I also called the hospital social worker and explained our family's situation, including that Sarah had abandoned the children nine years ago and that any contact with her had been traumatic and destabilizing for them. I asked the social worker to convey to Sarah that while we hoped she would get the mental health treatment she needed, we would not be visiting or participating in her care in any way. I also provided the social worker with contact information for Sarah's sister, who lives across the country but who might be able to provide family support during Sarah's recovery, since I felt that Sarah shouldn't be completely alone during this crisis, even if we couldn't be the ones to provide that support.

The social worker was very understanding about our position and assured me that the hospital staff would not pressure us to have contact with Sarah against our wishes, and that they would focus on connecting her with appropriate mental health resources and support systems that didn't involve her children. It's been several days since I received that phone call, and I'm still struggling with questions about whether we could have handled this situation differently, whether there were warning signs we missed. And whether protecting my children from Sarah's instability was worth the risk that she might harm herself

as a result of feeling completely rejected. I wanted to update everyone who has been following our story because this development obviously changes the nature of the situation significantly. And because I'm hoping that sharing our experience might be helpful to other families dealing with similar challenges around estranged parents who want to reconnect with children who have moved on with their lives.