Reddit Stories - Spouse opted for ATTENDING his former PARTNER'S marriage ceremony instead of CELEBRATING our

Episode Date: July 26, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #marriage #dilemma #family #communicationSummary: A spouse chose to attend their ex-partner's wedding over celebrating their own marriage, causing conflict and hurt feelings. The decision raises questions about priorities, boundaries, and communication in relationships.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, marriage, dilemma, family, communication, ex, partner, wedding, conflict, priorities, boundaries, hurt feelings, decision, attending, celebratingBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse opted for attending his former partner's marriage ceremony instead of celebrating our child's birthday, so I initiated the process for legal separation. Later, I discovered that they were involved in a tragic car crash that resulted in the loss of their child, and I pledged to support them through this difficult time. Always be there for each other. My husband James and I have been married for three years and we have a son who just turned one last weekend. We had been planning his first birthday party for weeks and I was so excited because it was going to be small but special with just our families and a few close friends.

About two weeks before the party James told me that his high school girlfriend Chelsea was getting married and the wedding was the same day as our son's birthday party. I thought he was just mentioning it and maybe feeling a little sad about missing it which I understood because they had dated for six to seven and during high school and stayed friends after. But then he said he wanted to go to the wedding and I was confused because obviously he couldn't miss our son's first birthday for someone else's wedding even if they used to date. James said Chelsea had specifically invited him and that she really wanted him there because he was such an important part of her life and he felt like he owed it to her to be there on her special day. I told him that our son's first birthday was more important and that Chelsea would understand if he couldn't make it because he had family obligations. James got quiet and said

had already told Chelsea he would be there and he didn't want to back out now. I asked him if he was seriously considering missing our baby's first birthday party to go to his ex-girlfriend's wedding and he said it wasn't just any ex-girlfriend and that Chelsea was different and I wouldn't understand. I asked him what he meant by that and he said they had a special connection and that she had been there for him during some really hard times in his life and he wanted to return the favor. I told him I didn't care about their special connection and that his wife and son should come first and he said I was being unreasonable and that the birthday party would be fine without him and that our son wouldn't even remember it anyway. I was so angry I couldn't even respond and I just walked away because I knew if I kept talking I would say something I would regret.

The next few days were tense and James kept bringing up the wedding and trying to convince me that it was really important for him to be there and that I should understand because Chelsea didn't have a lot of family and she really needed her friends there for support. I kept telling him that our son needed his father there for his first birthday and that I needed my husband there to help host the party and celebrate our child but James seemed more concerned about Chelsea's feelings than mine. James ended up going to the wedding and missing our son's birthday party completely. I had to explain to my parents and his parents why he wasn't there and I made up some excuse about him having a work emergency because I was too embarrassed to tell them the truth. The party was nice and our son had fun but I kept thinking of it. about how James was at another woman's wedding instead of celebrating his own child's milestone. James came home around midnight and he was in such a good mood which made me even more angry. He started telling me all about the wedding and how beautiful Chelsea looked in her dress

and how elegant the whole ceremony was and how much fun the reception was. He said Chelsea looked so happy and that she had thanked him multiple times for being there and that it meant the world to her that he came. I asked him if he had fun and he said yes and that he was really glad he went because it was such a special day and he wouldn't have wanted to miss it. He said Chelsea's husband seemed like a really good guy and that he was happy for her because she deserved to find someone who would treat her well. I told him I was filing for divorce the next morning and James looked shocked and asked me why I was being so dramatic about one wedding. I told him it wasn't about one wedding and that it was about the fact that

he chose another woman over his family and that he didn't seem to see anything wrong with that. James said I was overreacting and that Chelsea was just a friend and that he would have regretted not being there for her wedding for the rest of his life. I asked him if he would regret missing his son's first birthday and he got quiet and said that our son would have other birthdays but Chelsea would only get married once. I told him that was exactly the problem and that he clearly cared more about Chelsea than he did about us and James said that wasn't true and that I was twisting everything around. I called a divorce lawyer the next day and started the process because I realized that James was never going to put our family first as long as Chelsea was in his life and I couldn't live like that anymore. James has been trying to convince me to change my mind but I know that this isn't something I can get past and I don't want to spend the rest of my marriage wondering if my husband is going to choose another woman over me and our son whenever she needs something. Update 1. I wanted to update everyone because a lot has happened since my last post. After I filed for divorce, James kept trying to get me to change my mind,

and he said he would cut contact with Chelsea if that's what I wanted, but I told him it was too late for that because the damage was already done and I couldn't trust him anymore. I found a small apartment across town that allows pets because we have a cat and I was able. Hi, I'm Darren Marler. Host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Sfreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record,

host, and distribute your show everywhere. from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreeker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insert insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career.

Sprinker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Spreker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out Spreker.com.

That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R.com. Well, to get my old job back where I worked before I had the baby. My old boss gave me a flexible schedule so I could handle child care and the divorce proceedings. Moving out was harder than I expected because I kept finding little things that reminded me of when James and I were happy together, but I knew I was making the right decision. I've been taking my son to a nearby park every day and we've gotten into a good routine with naps and meals and bedtime. James has been asking to see him and I've been letting him come over for a few hours on weekends because I don't want to keep them apart even though I'm still angry about everything that happened. About two weeks after I moved out, James' mother Emily called me and asked if she could take me to lunch because she wanted to talk.

I was surprised because Emily and I had always gotten along well, but she had been pretty quiet during the whole divorce situation and I wasn't sure whose side she was on. I agreed to meet her at a little cafe near my work and I brought the baby with me because I didn't have anyone to watch him. Emily spent the first few minutes playing with the baby and asking how I was adjusting to being on my own and then she got really serious and said she needed to tell me something that she probably should have told me a long time ago. She said that she knew James had never gotten over Chelsea and that she had been worried about it since before our wedding but she didn't know how to bring it up without causing problems. Emily told me that Chelsea had been James's first real love and that they had dated all through high school and into their first year of college and that James had been completely devoted to her. She said that when Chelsea broke up with James during their sophomore year of college, she was devastated and didn't eat or sleep properly for months and that she had never seen him so broken over anything before or since. Emily said that even after James and I started dating she could tell that he still thought about Chelsea because he would get this distant look in his eyes sometimes when her name came up in conversation

or when he saw something that reminded him of her. She said she had hoped that getting married and having a baby would help James move on completely but she realized after the wedding incident that he was still holding on to feelings for Chelsea that he should have let go of years ago. I asked Emily why she never said anything to me before and she said she kept hoping that James would work through his feelings on his own and that she didn't want to interfere in our marriage unless she absolutely had to. She said she felt guilty for not warning me earlier, but that she thought James loved me enough to choose our family over his past with Chelsea and she was wrong about that. Emily told me that she completely supported my decision to divorce James and that

she thought I was doing the right thing for myself and for the baby because we deserve to be with someone who would put us first without question. She said she was disappointed in James for letting his feelings for Chelsea ruin his marriage and that she had told him he was making a huge mistake, but he didn't seem to understand how serious the situation was. Emily asked if she could still be part of the baby's life because she loved being a grandmother and she didn't want the divorce to mean that she couldn't see him anymore. I told her that I would never keep her away from her grandson and that she could visit us whenever she wanted because none of this was her fault and the baby needed his grandmother

in his life. We ended up talking for almost two hours and Emily shared some story. about James's relationship with Chelsea that helped me understand why he was so attached to her but also made me realize that I could never compete with that kind of history. Emily said Chelsea had been James's whole world when they were teenagers and that he had planned to marry her but something happened between them that made them break up and told me to ask James myself. I felt better after talking to Emily because it confirmed that I wasn't crazy for feeling like James's priorities were mixed up and that this wasn't just about one wedding but about

deeper feelings that James had never resolved. Emily hugged me when we were leaving and said that James was lucky to have had me as a wife and that she hoped you would realize what he had lost before it was too late but that she understood if I couldn't wait around for him to figure it out. Update 2 James came over last Sunday to spend time with the baby and I had been thinking all week about my conversation with Emily and I decided that I needed to ask him directly about his feelings for Chelsea because I was tired of dancing around the real issue.

James was playing with the baby on the living room floor and our son was laughing and trying to grab James's glasses which usually made me smile, but I just felt sad watching them together because I knew this wasn't how things were supposed to be. After the baby went down for his nap, I told James that we needed to have an honest conversation about Chelsea and that I wasn't going to let him leave without getting some real answers about what was going on in his head. James looked uncomfortable and said he thought we had already talked about everything and that he had apologized for missing the birthday party and offered to cut contact with Chelsea which should be enough. I told him that his mother had come to see me and that she had told me about how devastated he was when Chelsea broke up with him in college and that she thought he had never really gotten over her. James's face changed when I mentioned his mother and he asked what exactly Emily had told me and I said she had told me enough to know that his feelings for Chelsea went deeper than... Hi, I'm Darren Marler. Host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt.

Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere, from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreaker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insertion. That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download.

This turned my podcast. hobby into a full-time career. Spreaker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you.

Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Spreker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out Spreker.com. That's S-P-R-E-K-E-R dot com.

and just friendship. I asked James directly if he was still in love with Chelsea and he was quiet for a really long time and kept running his hands through his hair which is something he does when he's nervous or trying to figure out what to say. I told him that I deserved an honest answer and that I wasn't going to judge him or get angry but that I needed to know the truth so I could make decisions about our future. James finally said that he loved me and that he loved our family and that he wanted to make our marriage work but that he also had feelings for Chelsea that he couldn't seem to get rid of no matter how hard he tried. He said it wasn't fair to me and that he knew it was wrong but that Chelsea had been such a big part of his life

for so long that he couldn't just turn off those feelings. I asked him if he thought about Chelsea often and he said yes and that sometimes when we were doing normal everyday things like grocery shopping or watching TV he would wonder what Chelsea was doing or think about memories they had shared together. James said he knew it was unfair to me and that he had tried to stop thinking about her but that she would text him or call him occasionally and all those feelings would come rushing back. James told me that he had never cheated on me and that he would never act on his feelings for Chelsea but that he couldn't lie to me anymore about having those feelings because it was eating him up inside. He said he thought that going to her wedding would

give him some kind of closure and help him move on but that seeing her so happy and beautiful had actually made his feeling stronger instead of helping him let go. I asked James if he thought Chelsea had feelings for him too and he said he wasn't sure but that she had always been affectionate with him when they talked and that she had told him at the wedding that she missed having him in her life and that her new husband didn't understand her the way James did. James said Chelsea had hugged him for a really long time when he was leaving the wedding and that she had whispered that she loved him and would always love him which confused him because she had just gotten married.

I told James that I appreciated him being honest with me, but that this confirmed what I already knew, which was that our marriage couldn't work as long as he had unresolved feelings for another woman. James started crying and said he didn't want to lose me and the baby and that he would do anything to make things right, but I told him that there was nothing he could do to change the fact that he was in love with someone else.

James said he wanted to try couples therapy and that maybe talking to someone professional would help him work through his feelings for Chelsea and figure out how to prioritize our marriage. I told him that I didn't think therapy could fix this because he couldn't force himself to stop loving someone and I couldn't force myself to be okay with sharing my husband's heart with another woman. I asked James if he would choose Chelsea if she left her husband and wanted to be with him and he was quiet for a long time again and then said he didn't know and that he hoped he would never have to make that choice. I told him that the fact that he didn't

immediately say no was all the answer I needed and that I couldn't stay married to someone who wasn't sure if they would choose me over their ex-girlfriend. James left that night looking defeated and he hasn't tried to convince me to change my mind about the divorce since then which tells me that he knows I'm right about this and that our marriage can't be saved. I felt relieved after our conversation because at least now I knew the truth and I could stop wondering if I was making the right decision. Update 3. James called me three days ago and said he needed to see me because there was more to the story about him and Chelsea that he should have told me a long time ago and that he couldn't let me go through with the divorce without knowing everything.

I told him I didn't think there was anything he could say that would change my mind, but he said this wasn't about changing my mind and that it was about me understanding why he felt so connected to Chelsea. James came over after I put the baby to bed and he looked like he hadn't been sleeping much because his eyes were red and he seemed exhausted. He sat down on the couch and said he was going to tell me something that he had never told anyone except his parents and that it was going to be hard for him to talk about but that I deserved to know the whole truth. James told me that he and Chelsea hadn't just been high school

sweethearts who dated but that they had been engaged during their sophomore year of college and were planning to get married right after graduation. He said they had been together for almost six years at that point and that everyone in both of their families expected them to spend their lives together and that he had never questioned that plan because he couldn't imagine being with anyone else. James said that during their junior year of college Chelsea got pregnant and that they were both scared but excited because they had always talked about having children together someday. He said they spent months preparing for the baby and picking out names and setting up a nursery in the apartment they shared near campus. James told me that when Chelsea was 32 weeks pregnant they were

driving to a doctor's appointment and James was running late because he had gotten held up at work and he was driving faster than he should have been. He said it was raining and the roads were slippery and he took a turn too quickly and lost control of the car and they slid off the road. Hi, I'm Darren Marler. Host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere from Apple Podcasts to Spotify.

But the real game changer for me was Spreeker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insertion. That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, They'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Spreaker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus

content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Sprinker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out. Spreeker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R.com. And hit a tree. James said Chelsea was hurt badly in the accident and that she went into labor at the hospital and their baby girl was prematurely born, but she was too small and sick to survive and she died three days later. He said Chelsea

had injuries that required surgery and that she was in the hospital for two weeks recovering and that the whole time she blamed him for driving too fast and causing the accident that killed their baby. James told me that Chelsea couldn't look at him or talk to him while she was in the hospital and that when she got out she moved back in with her parents and wouldn't take his calls or see him. He said he kept trying to reach out to her because he was grieving too and he needed her but that she wanted nothing to do with him because she held him responsible for their daughter's death. James said that after a few months Chelsea finally agreed to meet with him and that they both cried and talked about their baby. He said Chelsea told him that she still loved him

but that she couldn't be with him because every time she looked at him she thought about the accident and their baby and it was too painful for her to handle. James told me that before Chelsea moved across the country they made a promise to each other that they would always be there for each other no matter what because they had shared something so tragic that no one else would ever understand. He said they promised that if either of them ever needed anything they would drop everything and be there because they owed that to each other and to the memory of their baby. James said that over the years Chelsea would call him when she was having a hard time or when something reminded her of their daughter and that he would call her when he was struggling with the grief and guilt from the accident.

He said they had kept their promise to be there for each other even though they both moved on and dated other people and eventually got married to other people. I asked James if he had ever told Chelsea about me and the baby and he said yes and that Chelsea knew he was married and had a son but that she also knew that he would always honor their promise to be there for her when. and she needed him. James said that when Chelsea told him she was getting married, she had asked him to be there because it was a big step for her and she needed someone who understood her past to witness her moving forward with her life. James told me that he knew going to Chelsea's wedding had been wrong and that he should have chosen our son's birthday party but that he felt like he owed it to Chelsea and to their baby's memory to be there for her on such an important day. He said he had never told me about their engagement or their baby because it was too

painful to talk about and because he didn't want me to feel like I was competing with a ghost. I felt sad for him and Chelsea and their baby and I understood better why their connection was so strong and why he felt obligated to her. I also felt angry that he had kept such a huge part of his history from me and that he had made promises to another woman that affected our marriage without telling me about them. I told James that I was sorry for everything he and Chelsea had been through and that I couldn't imagine losing a child like that, but that it didn't change the fact that he was emotionally unavailable to me because of his past with her. James said he understood why I felt that way, but that he didn't know how to let go of Chelsea

completely because she was tied to the most important and painful experience of his life. I asked James if he thought Chelsea still had romantic feelings for him and he said he thought she probably did but that they both knew they could never be together again because too much pain was tied up in their relationship. James said that being at Chelsea's wedding had been hard because he realized that she was really moving on with her life while he was still stuck in the past and that maybe that's why he had been clinging to their connection so tightly. James asked me if knowing the whole story changed anything about my decision to get divorced and I told him that it helped me understand his actions better but that it actually made

me more certain that divorce was the right choice because he was carrying too much emotional baggage from his past for our marriage to be healthy. I said that he needed time to work through his grief and his feelings for Chelsea before he could be fully present in any relationship and that I couldn't wait around for that to happen. James said he understood and that he was sorry for putting me in an impossible situation and that he hoped someday he would be able to move on from his past and find peace. I told him that I hoped he would find peace too and that I didn't blame him for loving Chelsea or for grieving their baby but that I couldn't sacrifice my own happiness and our son's stability

to help him work through his unresolved feelings. We sat in silence for a while after that and then James said he should probably go and let me get some rest because it was getting late and I had to work in the morning. He hugged me goodbye and said, thank you for listening to the whole story and for not judging him for what had happened with Chelsea and their baby. I told him that I could never judge someone for grieving a child and that I was sorry he had carried that pain alone for so long. After James left I felt emotionally drained and relieved to finally understand what I was really dealing with and why my marriage had felt so complicated and unsatisfying. Update 4, just writing an update because many people are dmang me about what happened next so here it goes. James and I met once again to go over the divorce paperwork with our lawyers and to figure out custody arrangements for our son and a vision of our assets which wasn't too complicated since we hadn't been married very long and we didn't own A. House or have a lot of savings.

My lawyer had prepared everything ahead of time and James's lawyer had reviewed it and said it all looked fair and reasonable. The custody arrangement we worked out gives James our son every other weekend and one evening during the week plus alternating holidays and when he gets older. We decided that I would have primary custody since I'm breastfeeding and the baby is used to being with me most of the time but that James could see him whenever he wanted as long as he gave me some notice first. We split our savings account in half and I got to keep the car since I needed for getting to work and taking the baby to appointments and James said he would keep paying for my health insurance through his job for the rest of the year while I got established at my new job. James also agreed to pay child support every month which wasn't a huge amount but would help with daycare and other expenses. After we finished going through all the legal details our lawyers left and James asked if we could talk privately for a few minutes before we both went back to work. I said okay even though I wasn't sure what else there was to discuss since we had covered everything important and the papers were ready to be filed with the court. James started crying and said he was sorry for everything and that he knew he had messed up badly and hurt me and the baby and that he would regret it for the rest of his life.

He said he had been thinking about everything I had said and that he realized I was right about him being emotionally unavailable and putting Chelsea before our family and that he wanted to make things right if there was any way possible. James said he had called Chelsea and told her that he couldn't be in contact with her anymore because it was destroying his marriage and his family and that he needed to focus on being a good father. He said Chelsea had understood and that she had said she was sorry for coming between us even though that hadn't been her intention and that... Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show

everywhere from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreeker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insert ads. That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes, no editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Sprinker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network,

Spreker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out Spreaker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R.com. She wanted him to be happy with his wife and son. I asked James what Chelsea had said when he told her he couldn't talk to her anymore, and he said she had cried and said she was going to miss him, but that she knew it was the right thing for him to do.

James said Chelsea had told him that she would always love him, but that she wanted him to have a good life and that maybe it was time for both of them to really move on from their past instead of holding onto it. James begged me to give him another chance and said he would do whatever it took to prove that I was the most important person in his life and that he could put our family first. He said he would go to therapy and work on processing his grief about the baby he lost and learn how to let go of his feelings for Chelsea so that he could be fully present in our marriage. I told James that I appreciated him cutting contact with Chelsea and that I could see he was trying

to make things right but that I didn't think it was going to work because too much damage had been done and I couldn't trust him anymore. I said that even if he never talked to Chelsea again, I would always wonder if he was thinking about her or missing her and I couldn't live my life feeling like I was competing with a ghost. James said he understood why I felt that way but that he was willing to do whatever it took to rebuild my trust and that he knew it would take time but that he was committed to making our marriage work. He said he had realized that choosing Chelsea's wedding over our son's birthday had been the biggest mistake of his life and that he would spend forever trying to make up for it if I would let him. James asked me if there was anything he could

do to change my mind and I said no and that I had already made my decision and that I needed him to respect that and stop trying to convince me to stay. I said that we could be good co-parents and maybe even friends eventually but that I couldn't be his wife anymore because I deserved to be with someone who was completely emotionally available and not carrying a torch for someone else. James looked defeated when I said that and he nodded and said he understood and that he was sorry for putting me in this position and that he hoped someday I could forgive him for ruining our family. I told him that I didn't hate him and that I understood his feelings for Chelsea were complicated because of their shared tragedy but that understanding it didn't make it easier to live with.

We hugged goodbye and James said he would always love me and that he was grateful for the time we had together and for our son and that he would try to be the best father he could be even if he couldn't be the husband I needed. I told him that I loved him too but that sometimes love isn't enough when people want different things or have different priorities and that I hoped he would find peace with his past someday.