Reddit Stories - SPOUSE PASSED away and I DISCOVERED a note he penned to his child

Episode Date: November 3, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #family #grief #discovery #heartfeltSummary: After my spouse passed away, I discovered a note he penned to his child, revealing his deepest emotions and regrets. The heartfelt message brought closure and comfort, strengthening the bond between us.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, spousepassedaway, discoverednote, emotionaldiscovery, familybond, heartfeltmessage, griefjourney, closureandcomfort, parentchildrelationship, regretfulmessage, strengtheningbond, emotionalhealing, personaldiscovery, heartfeltcommunication, familylove, emotionalclosureBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse passed away and I discovered a note he penned to his child revealing he never had affection for me and only entered into marriage with me for financial gain. He desired me to provide for her. Through college so I'm cutting her off the moment she turns 18. My husband, 48M, passed away recently after a long battle with a terminal brain tumor. I'm 45F, and I've been married to him for the last five years. He had a daughter, 17F, from his previous marriage.

Her biological mother, his ex-wife, abandoned my husband and stepdaughter when the girl was very young. She left them a handwritten note saying she couldn't handle the responsibility and took off, never to be heard from again. I came into their lives when my stepdaughter was about ten. From the very beginning, she was hostile towards me. I understood that it was tough for her, her mother had walked out, and I never had never. intended to replace her mom. I tried to be as patient and understanding as possible. I was just hoping in time she might see that I genuinely cared about her father and wanted to be there for both of them. It was never easy. During our dating period and after I moved in, my stepdaughter did

everything she could to sabotage the relationship. She would make snide remarks or even outright lie to her dad to try to cause fights between us. For example, she once told him I had slapped her, never happened, in an attempt to get him to break up with me. Luckily, he didn't believe that lie after we both confronted her, but it was incredibly awkward and painful. She never really apologized, she just smirked as if she'd issued a challenge and was waiting to see if I'd stick around. The most dramatic incident was when my husband proposed to me. My stepdaughter absolutely lost it. She screamed that I was trying to replace her mother and that their family didn't need me. That same evening, she ran away from home. We ended up finding her

hours later in the woods behind our neighborhood after a panic search involving neighbors and the police. She was cold, scared, and angry. After that incident, my husband arranged therapy for her, and some family therapy for the three of us together. I think the counseling helped a little, because eventually she stopped openly lashing out. She even agreed to be a bridesmaid at our wedding a year later, though she did so with plenty of eye-rolling and attitude. At the wedding she refused to smile in any pictures, but at least she showed up. I figured that was progress, maybe the beginning of acceptance, even if she still made cutting comments like, she's your wife, dad, not my mom, whenever she had the chance. Fast forward to last year, my husband's health took a turn for the worse.

He had been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor two years ago, and despite treatments, it was clear the tumor was aggressive. The last year of his life was extremely difficult. I was effectively his caregiver through countless hospital visits, chemo sessions, and eventually home hospice care. My stepdaughter was understandably upset and scared about her dad's illness. She mostly stayed out of my way and spent time alone or with her friends, but occasionally she'd have emotional outbursts directed at me.

She would scream at me and blame me for her father's illness in irrational ways, saying things like, if mom was here, he'd have tried harder to live. Or even I bet you stressed him out and made him worse. I know grief and fear were talking when she said those things, so I tried not to take it to heart, but it's still hurt to hear. My husband passed away about three months ago. His death hit both of us hard. I lost my partner, the man I love dearly.

My stepdaughter lost her father, her only remaining parent figure. I understood she was grieving, but she directed all her pain and anger at me. In the weeks following his death, she has told me more than once that she wishes it had been me who died instead of him. She screamed in my face that I took him away from her. I've done nothing but try to help, planning the funeral, handling his things, making sure she has food and a roof over her head, and yet she seems to absolutely despise me now. We barely talk except when absolutely necessary, and those exchanges usually end with her storming off or saying something cruel under her breath. A few days ago, I was cleaning up around the house and went into my

stepdaughter's room to collect dishes and laundry she'd left lying around. She rarely cleans up after herself, and I've been trying to keep the house from becoming a complete pigsty. While picking up some dirty clothes off the floor, I noticed an envelope sticking out from under her pillow on the unmade bed. The envelope was already torn open. I recognized my late husband's handwriting on the front, it had my stepdaughter's name on it. I didn't know what to expect, but seeing his handwriting gave me a jolt of pain and longing. I've been missing him so much, and in that moment I just needed to see his words. So I picked it up and read the letter inside. It turns out my husband wrote a letter to his

daughter shortly before he died. And what I read has completely shattered whatever was left of my heart. In the letter, he confessed to his daughter that he had never really loved me, his current wife. He wrote that the only woman he ever truly loved was her mother, his ex-wife, the same woman who abandoned them. He expressed regret that the ex-wife, he even called her by name in the letter, wasn't there with him in his final days. He wrote something like, Not a Day Goes By That I Don't Think of Your mom. I wish she were here instead of, my name, taking care of me. I had to read that line a few times. It made me feel sick to my stomach. He went on to say that I had been good to both of us, in my own way, but that I was essentially a convenient solution for helping raise her and for

providing financial stability. He actually admitted that part of the reason he married me was because I have a good job and some family money. For context, I do earn a good income, and I inherited a decent amount when my father passed away. My husband's income was more modest, and we mostly lived in my house that I owned before marriage. I knew I was contributing more financially, but I never thought he viewed me as just a piggy bank. The worst part was towards the end of the letter. He advised my stepdaughter to stick it out living with me after he was gone, saying something along the lines of, make sure you behave with, my name, and keep a civil relationship, at least until you're through college. She has the resources to support you and pay for your education. I'm counting on her to do

right by you. So even if you don't like her, just stick it out with her for a bit longer. In other words, he basically told his daughter to tolerate me and use me for my money to get through college. By the time I finished reading, I was in tears. I literally sank to the floor of her room and just sobbed for a while. I felt like my entire marriage was a lie. The man I devoted myself to, whom I nursed through his illness, apparently didn't even love me back, he was pining for a woman who had abandoned him and their child. And all the while he was counting on me to bankroll his daughter's life as some sort of convenient tool. It's an incredibly humiliating and hurtful thing.

I can't believe I never saw any sign of this. In hindsight, I don't even know what was real or fake in our relationship. He always told me he loved me. Even up to the end, when the tumor affected his memory, he would hold my hand and whisper love you in his weak voice. Was that all just habit? Something he felt he had to say so I'd keep taking care of him. I haven't confronted my stepdaughter about the letter yet. She obviously has read it. The envelope was opened and it was in her things. She never mentioned it to me, of course she wouldn't. From her perspective, that letter probably just confirmed everything she already believed or wanted to believe.

That I was an unwanted intruder, and her dad didn't even care about me. Maybe it even made her hate me more, seeing that her dad wished her mom was by his side instead of me. Now I'm stuck in this house, legally as her guardian until she turns 18, my husband named me her guardian and his will. I'm responsible for this girl who openly hates me, and now I find out the feeling was basically mutual from her father's side too, at least in terms of not loving me. The only reason I'm here raising her is because I was convenient and have the money to do it. I've been paying most of the bills for years, and apparently that was my role all along, ATM, caretaker, whatever, but not truly part of the family. I'm at a loss. Her father never put aside any college fund.

He always told me we would handle it when the time came. I guess in his mind I was the we. The idea of still shelling out tens of thousands for this girl's tuition after this betrayal makes me feel like the world's biggest sucker. Would I be the asshole if I just let my stepdaughter fend for herself once she's 18 and refuse to pay for her expensive college plans after finding out my husband basically used me? Update 1, Hi Again. I didn't expect my post to get so much attention, but I appreciate the insights and support, and even the tough love from some of you.

It's only been a few days since I posted. but I want to address some of the common questions and let you all know where my head is at now. To answer the biggest question many of you had. No, I honestly never suspected that my husband was still in love with his ex-wife or that he never loved me as he wrote. This revelation blindsided me completely. In hindsight, I realized maybe I was naive or ignored some subtle red flags, but truly, he acted like a loving husband. He was affectionate, he said I love you daily, we cuddled, we celebrated anniversaries, the whole thing. If he was pretending the entire time, then he deserved

an Oscar. I knew that my husband had been hurt when his ex left. We talked about it early on when we started dating. He told me that she had a sort of breakdown, left that note and vanished, and that he had been heartbroken and angry for the sake of their daughter. But he always framed it as past history, something he'd processed and moved on from. I actually asked him, point blank, we got serious, if he was truly over his ex. He laughed and said something like, of course I am. The only thing I care about regarding her is how it affected, stepdaughter. I'm with you now, I love you. I believed him. I had no reason not to. Now, I realized there were little things I brushed off. For example, a few years ago I found him looking at an old photo of his ex-wife. He had this sad

look on his face. I gently asked if he was okay, and he said he was just reminiscing and feeling bad that his daughter grew up without her mom. He never said anything like he missed her romantically. I thought it was understandable he'd feel a bit emotional about the woman who was the mother of his child, even if she hurt him, so I let it go. Another time, maybe about a year before his tumor diagnosis, he had a health scare, unrelated to the tumor. In the ER, he was loopy on medication and he called me by his ex's name once. That stung, but he realized it immediately and apologized over and over, saying it was just the meds talking.

I didn't make it a big issue because he seemed genuinely sorry and upset that he'd done that. Aside from those minor incidents, nothing screamed I'm secretly pining for my ex to me. We had what I thought was a solid marriage. So yeah, I feel pretty foolish now. It's like I was living in a facade that I didn't even know was a façade that I didn't even know was a facade. As for the letter and whether I should have read it, I understand some people feel I invaded my stepdaughter's privacy by reading something addressed to her. You're

probably right, it might have been wrong of me. In the moment, I wasn't thinking about snooping or boundaries. I saw my late husband's handwriting and I just reacted, emotionally. Maybe I shouldn't have read it, but what's done is done. I can't unread it. And honestly, if I hadn't read it, I would still be living in ignorance about how he truly felt about me. That letter fell into my lap, almost literally, and I read it. I have to live with that knowledge now, as painful as it is. Another common question, have I talked to my stepdaughter about it yet? No, not yet.

I've been avoiding that conversation, to be honest. Since I found the letter, I've been kind of distant and just numb around her. She's probably noticed something is off, but we've been barely speak anyway, so she hasn't directly asked. I haven't brought it up because I'm not ready for that showdown. I have a feeling it's going to be ugly whenever it happens, and I frankly have no idea what to even say to her. Am I supposed to sit her down and say, hey, I read the letter your dad left and surprise, he never loved me? I worry she'd just take that as an excuse to unleash even more hatred at me. She might even feel triumphant, like it validates how she's

treated me. Also, for those who asked, I did not formally adopt my stepdaughter. Her mom's parental rights were never terminated, despite the abandonment. Legally, her mom is still her mother. We discussed the idea of me adopting her when she was around 12, but she was adamantly against it and we didn't want to force the issue and cause more drama. In my husband's will, however, he named me as her guardian until she turns 18. So I am, in fact, legally responsible for her right now. He also left virtually everything he personally owned to me, which honestly wasn't much beyond some personal belongings and a small life insurance policy. There was no dedicated college fund or anything for her education. My income and savings

have basically been the family money that would have paid for college. Right now, I'm paying for everything as I always have, but I have no legal obligation to support her once she's an adult. I know a lot of people are saying I should refuse to pay for her college or any extras given what I found out. Believe me, I am very tempted to do just that. Emotionally, I'm still extremely hurt and angry. The thought of forking over tens of thousands of dollars so she can go to some fancy college when she views me with utter contempt. It just makes my blood boil. However, I haven't explicitly told her I won't pay or made any big announcement about changing plans yet. Not yet. Partly because we haven't had a civil conversation about anything lately,

let alone college. She's been keeping to herself in her room or out with friends. When we do cross paths, it's tense but relatively quiet, probably because we're both trying to avoid any interaction. For now, I'm making sure her basic needs are met. I cook dinner, when she doesn't slip out and eat at a friend's place, I keep the lights on and the internet running, etc. But I haven't made any promises about college or the future. I figure I'll see how things go in the next few weeks. Maybe I'll bring up the letter if the right moment comes, or if she pushes me hard on something. Or maybe I'll just quietly make my decisions and deal with it when the moment arrives. To be honest, I'm still processing all of this. I cycle between heartbreak, rage, and guilt on a daily

basis. It's a lot. I'll update again if there are any major developments. Right now I'm just taking it one day at a time and trying to figure out what the hell to do next. Update 2, it's been a little while since my first update, and the situation finally came to a head. My stepdaughter is in her last year of high school now, and college has become the hot topic. She's a good student, despite all the turmoil, I'll give her that, and had her heart set on a particular out-of-state university that is very expensive. With her grades, she can get in, but paying for it is another matter. As I mentioned before, my husband did not save anything for her college. Previously, the understanding, at least on my part, was that we, meaning he and I together,

would figure out how to pay when the time came. That basically meant me, since I've always been the financial backbone. Before all of this, I fully intended to help her with college because I saw her her as part of my family. About a week ago, she actually approached me, civilly, for once, to talk about college. She was surprisingly polite. I suspect she was trying to be on her best behavior to ensure I'd pay. She asked if I could fill out some parental financial aid forms and mentioned that, since I have money, she probably wouldn't qualify for much aid. It was almost businesslike, she clearly expected that I would be footing the bill, or at least a big chunk of it. I took a deep breath and decided it was time to be honest and firm.

I told her, calmly, that given the cost of the school she wanted, she would need to either get substantial scholarships or consider more affordable options. I said something like, I'm not in a position to pay for, dream university, outright. And since your dad didn't save anything for college, we have to be realistic about what we can afford. That was the gentlest way I could phrase it, I think. The moment I said that, her face dropped and she went from zero to enraged in about half a second. She accused me of lying to her. She snapped, What are you talking about?

You have plenty of money. You just don't want me to be happy. You're doing this to screw me over. I stayed as calm as I could and told her I never agreed to pay for an expensive private school 100%, and that money isn't some infinite resource. She kept on ranting, saying that I was full of it. She yelled, Stop pretending you're poor. I see your bank statements.

I have no idea how she would see my bank statements. Maybe my husband told her things about my finances, or she snooped in my office. She then accused me of breaking my promise to her dad, saying that I was going back on what I owed because I was spiteful. At that point, I'll admit I lost my cool a bit. I said something along the lines of, why would I want to pay tens of thousands of dollars for someone who clearly hates me? She yelled back that she never asked to be stuck with me and that I'm just doing this to get revenge on a dead man, her words.

It got really heated, with both of us raising our voices. Finally, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I told her I knew about the letter her father wrote to her. I probably shouldn't have blurted it out in that moment, but I was just so angry and hurt, and her entitlement was pushing me over the edge. The effect was immediate. She went quiet for half a second, eyes wide, completely caught off guard. Then she absolutely exploded. She started screaming that I had no right to read that letter. She called me a conniving bitch, sorry for the language, but that's what she said, and accused me of snooping through her stuff to

find a reason to screw her over. She claimed I tricked her by pretending I would pay for college and then changed my mind to punish her for what I read. For the record, I never promised her a single thing about college after her dad died. In fact, we had literally not discussed it until this conversation, likely because she was avoiding me and I wasn't going to bring it up first. At this point she was in a full-on meltdown. She started knocking items off the dining table. I was honestly stunned and a bit scared. I have never seen her this unhinged. Then she grabbed my lap I had it open on the table because I'd been reviewing some documents and hurled it across the room. It smashed against the floor and the screen cracked, basically destroyed.

I shouted, stop. You need to calm down now. But that just made her scream louder. She was crying, screaming that she hated me, that she wished it was me who had died instead of her father, yes, another I wish you died not him for the record, and a bunch of other vicious things. Among her shrieks, one thing that stood out was when she yelled, if you had died and not dad, we'd have all the money and everything would be perfect. Dad and I would have been fine without you. She basically said that if I were dead, her dad would have been financially able to send her to her dream college and they'd both be happy. Which, aside from being a horrible thing to say, is also wildly inaccurate because her father

did not have any significant money of his own. But everything I might have owned would have gone to him. hearing that was like a final nail in the coffin. It was such a cruel statement. It also proved that, at least on some level, she did see me as just an ATM. She as much as admitted that the only value I had was my money, and that if I were out of the picture, she believed she'd have a better life. By then I was shaking, partly from anger, partly from adrenaline and shock.

I didn't know if she'd try to throw something at me next. I was across the room from her and I just yelled, Go to your room, now. She screamed back some gibberish, just yelling, basically, and eventually did storm off to her room, slamming the door hard. I was left standing in a mess of water, glass, papers, and my destroyed laptop. I'll admit I just started crying once I was alone. After a few minutes I realized I needed to protect myself here,

both financially and possibly physically. My stepdaughter's rage was at a level I'd never seen. I mean, she literally destroyed my property in front of me. I ended up locking myself in my bedroom that night because I truly wasn't sure if she might try to continue the fight or do something else while I was asleep. Maybe that sounds paranoid, but after what I saw, I wasn't going to take chances. The next morning, once we'd both cooled off, relatively speaking, I made things very clear to her. I told her I will continue to provide her the basics, shelter, food, essentials, until she turns

18, which is just a few months away now, but she should not expect any further financial support after that. She glared at me with pure hatred and said, fine, I don't need you. I never needed you. I just nodded and walked away. There was nothing left to say. Let me be clear, this isn't some kind of bluff or mind game on my part. I am fully prepared to follow through on this.

Honestly, I think that fight was the point of no return. I've given this girl so much of my time, energy, love, and yes, money. I refuse to continue being treated like garbage and used as a wallet. Especially after reading what my husband wrote and then hearing the vile things she said to my face, I'm done. It's sad that it's come to this. I'm not happy that I essentially have to cut off the girl I once hoped would be like, a daughter to me. But I see no other choice if I want to maintain my own sanity and dignity. I suspect at this point the question of who is the asshole is kind of moot. I know I'm not

exactly handling things perfectly, but I honestly feel like I have to protect myself now. I wanted to update those who have been following. It was an ugly scene and I'm still shaken, but oddly I also feel a sense of resolution. She and I are just done with each other beyond the bare minimum of coexistence for a few more months. Update 3. Final update. This will likely be my final update on this situation. I've taken several steps to protect myself and my future, as many of you advised, and also because it's just the logical next step after everything that's happened.

Security measures. First, I went ahead and installed security cameras inside and outside my house. I did that the day after the big blow up. I placed a camera in the living room, one in the kitchen, and one facing the front door slash entryway, plus some covering the outside of the house. I'm not doing this to spy on my stepdaughter 24 to 7, but I want a record in case she tries to destroy more property or if any altercation happens. After her violent outburst, I'm not taking chances. She noticed the cameras right away and looked uneasy, but didn't say anything. I did calmly tell her, these cameras are for safety.

for both of us. As long as we both act civilly, they won't bother you. She just rolled her eyes and went back to ignoring me. That's fine. Family support. Next, I called my parents and filled them in on what's been going on. I'll admit I had downplayed the issues with my stepdaughter to my family for years. I always hoped things would eventually improve and I didn't want them to worry or resent her.

But this time I told them everything, the letter, the fight, all of it. They were shocked and absolutely furious on my behalf. My mom insisted on coming to stay with me for a while, at least until my stepdaughter turns 18 and moves out. I didn't object. Honestly, having her here is a huge relief. She arrived a few days ago, and the atmosphere at home is still tense, but I feel safer and less alone. My stepdaughter has practically barricaded herself in her room since my mom showed up. She's She only emerges when she knows neither of us is in the common areas. My mom tried to be polite and friendly with her initially, but got nothing in return

except grunts or glares, so now mom is just giving her space as well. We're essentially three strangers living in the same house at this point, but at least there haven't been any more screaming matches or broken objects. Legal and financial actions I consulted with an attorney to update my will and handle some other legal details. Originally, my will had my husband as primary beneficiary and my stepdaughter as secondary, I set it up after we married, just in case. I never imagined I'd end up in a scenario where it's just me and a stepdaughter who hates me,

but here we are. I have now changed my will so that my stepdaughter will inherit nothing from me. Instead, I'm leaving my assets to my own parents and siblings, the people who actually care about me. It might sound harsh, but I think it's fair and necessary. I put a lot of effort and resources into helping my stepdaughter over the years, and she has made it abundantly clear that she doesn't value me at all beyond what I can provide. I have no intention of rewarding that behavior with a share of my estate.

My attorney also advised that since I'm still her legal guardian for a few more months, I do have a responsibility to provide for her basic needs until she's 18, but I'm not obligated to pay for anything beyond necessities, food, shelter, school costs until graduation, etc. The lawyer made it clear that if she becomes violent or destructive again, I have the right to involve the police and pursue legal action if needed, and the camera footage would be helpful evidence. I sincerely hope it doesn't come to anything like that. I really don't want to involve the police or courts in this unless I have absolutely no choice,

but it's good to know my options. I've also started separating any remaining financial entanglements. I closed a joint bank account that my husband and I used for household expenses, I have I had kept it open out of inertia after he passed, but I don't want her having any path to my money, however indirect. I'm double-checking that she isn't an authorized user on any credit cards or accounts, pretty sure she's not, but I'm being thorough. I doubt she tried to do anything sketchy, but I'm covering my as for her biological mother, there's really no option there. We have no way to contact her, she's been completely off the grid for over a decade, so reaching out to her

isn't possible. With no other family to take her in, once my stepdaughter moves out she will truly be on her own. It's unfortunate and sad, but those are the circumstances. Current status, I'm basically counting down the days until her 18th birthday this summer. My mom will stay with me until then. I've arranged to change the locks as soon as my stepdaughter has moved out, just to ensure a clean break and that she can't just waltz back in. I'm also planning to pack up any longings she leaves behind and have them sent to whatever address she provides later. I really just want a clean slate with no lingering ties once she's out. Emotionally, I'm sad that this is how things ended up.

The constant tension and walking on eggshells in my own home was unbearable, at least now I know it's ending soon. I don't see any chance of repairing the relationship between my stepdaughter and me. Perhaps years down the line she might gain some perspective or realize I wasn't the evil stepmother she thinks I am, but I'm not holding my breath for that, and I'm certainly not going to chase it. At this point, I just want peace and distance. My plan is to get through the next few months as calmly as possible and then focus on healing and moving forward with my own life. I've been leaning on my mom's support and throwing myself back into work. I took a short leave around the

funeral and the aftermath, but I'm working again now, which helps keep me busy. I also plan to start therapy soon to process all this grief, betrayal, and anger. There's a lot to unpack, and I want to deal with it in a healthy way so I can move on. Lastly, I want to thank everyone who followed along and offered advice or sympathy. This has been one of the hardest experiences of my life. I wish I had a happier or more hopeful ending to share, but at least now I have clarity and firm boundaries. I know that I tried my best to be a good wife and stepmom. It just didn't work out, and in the end I was taken advantage of. I'm making my peace with that. Take care, everyone.