Reddit Stories - Spouse REFERRED to me as a cash MACHINE in the PRESENCE of her

Episode Date: November 3, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #marriage #moneyissues #communication #conflictresolutionSummary: My spouse referred to me as a cash machine in the presence of others, humiliating me. I felt disrespected and devalued. We need to address this issue and work on better communication and mutual respect in our relationship.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, marriage, moneyissues, communication, conflictresolution, disrespect, devaluation, humiliation, spouse, communicationissues, relationshipadvice, personalboundaries, emotionalwellbeing, selfrespect, conflictmanagementBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse referred to me as a cash machine in the presence of her colleagues during a gathering. Subsequently her associate presented me with images demonstrating she was engaging in a romantic relationship and informing her paramour about us. Had an open marriage. So I opened Mari finally decided to leave her. I never imagined I'd be in this situation. My wife, 32F, and I, 34M, have been married for six years. Up until now, I thought we had a solid marriage.

But a few days ago, something happened. Last weekend, my wife took me to a party to meet her new work friends. She recently started a new job and has been spending a lot of time with these co-workers. I'll admit I felt a bit left out lately as she'd been going to happy hours and outings without me, so I was looking forward to meeting the people she talks about all the time. When we got to the party, at a downtown bar, my wife more or less ditched me to mingle with her colleagues. I tried to tag along and join the conversation, but she barely acknowledged me. She introduced me once in passing, oh, this is my husband, without even using my name,

and then went right back to chatting and laughing with them as if I wasn't there. I ended up standing at the edge of her group feeling like an awkward extra. Every attempt I made to engage was ignored or quickly brushed off. It was humiliating and confusing. To make things worse, one of her co-workers, let's call him Mike, mid-30s guy, was very friendly with her. He kept leaning in close, putting a hand on her shoulder or back, and she didn't seem to mind at all. In fact, she was flirting back, laughing at all his jokes, touching his arm occasionally. I even saw him slip his arm around her waist at one point, and she just smiled.

I tried to step in subtly by standing next to her and saying, Hey, everything okay here. She just gave me a brief dismissive look and said, we're fine, we're just talking, without even introducing me to Mike properly. He gave me a smug kind of smirk before letting her go. I didn't want to make a scene, so I swallowed my anger and kept my distance, though one of the other women at the party, an old college friend of my wife's, who I'll call Anna, noticed I was uncomfortable. She came over to chat with me so I wouldn't be standing

alone, which I really appreciated. Even Anna quietly commented that it didn't seem like Mike knew I was the husband. I felt completely sidelined by my own wife. Then later in the evening, the group was pretty drunk and loud, I was mostly sober. I was standing a few feet behind my wife and a couple of her friends, including Mike. They probably thought I couldn't hear. Over the music, I heard my wife laugh and say, Oh him? Don't mind him, he's just my ATM. I thought I must have misheard. But then Mike made a joke, ATM. So he's footing the bill tonight. And my wife, still laughing, said he basically funds my lifestyle. That's what a husband's for, right? All while I was right there. I cannot describe how hurt and furious I was hearing that. She was talking about me

like I was a wallet, not a partner, and doing it in front of these new friends. I stepped back, my wife turned around, and her eyes widened briefly, she realized I hurt. But instead of apologizing, she just played dumb. She had the nerve to ask, Hey, you okay. You look upset. I was so angry I could barely speak. I just said I needed some fresh air and walked out.

She didn't follow me or even check on me. Anna saw me leave and came outside to see if I was all right. I ended up venting to her about what I'd heard. Anna admitted she heard it too and that it was messed up. She apologized on my wife's behalf and was clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation. I decided I wasn't going back into that party. I texted my wife that I was going home and that she could catch a ride with someone else. Then I got a cab and left. I spent the ride home feeling absolutely humiliated and heart-sick.

Six years of marriage, and that's how she talks about me. Like I'm just an ATM to fund her fun. She didn't even text or call to see if I was okay. She got home. She got home. around one or two a.m., pretty drunk. I was still awake, and I immediately confronted her. I asked her, what the hell was that? Why would she call me just an ATM and treat me like I didn't exist all night? At first she tried to play it off as a joke. It was just girl talk, everyone jokes about their husbands like that, she said. She accused me of overreacting and embarrassing her by leaving. I told her it wasn't a joke to me. It was deeply disrespectful. I said it felt like she only values me for my money. She kept deflecting, saying I misunderstood and that I was being

too sensitive. When that didn't work, she got defensive. She actually blamed me for the situation, saying if I had acted like a real husband and been more sociable, she wouldn't have made such a joke. She claimed I was sulking in the corner and made her look bad in front of her friends. This blew my mind. I only hung back because she was ignoring me. We had a huge argument. She went from making excuses to attacking me. She even said I hadn't been acting like a husband for months and that I had given up on us first. For context, I have been working long hours lately due to a promotion, which she had seemed to support. I always tried to make time for us, but she's been busy with her new friends and often brushed

me off. Hearing her twist things like that felt like gaslighting, nothing got resolved that night. Eventually she got tired of the fight, told me I was overreacting, and went to sleep as if she hadn't just nuked our marriage. I slept in the guest room, unable to calm down. Over the next couple of days, we barely spoke. She acted annoyed with me, like I was the one causing drama. She even tried to be affectionate once as if she could smooth it over, but I rebuffed her. I was still too angry and hurt. She told me to get over it and that I can't handle her having a social life.

It was unbelievable. I was considering suggesting marriage counseling, or at least a serious sober talk, because despite everything, part of me didn't want to throw away six years without trying to fix it. But then, a few days after the party, I got a message. Anna, my wife's friend from the party who checked on me, somehow got my number and reached out. She said she needed to show me something regarding my wife. We met up in person, and Anna brought receipts, literal screenshots of conversations and even a short video from that turns out, my wife has been having an affair with that co-worker, Mike.

According to Anna, it's been going on for a while, weeks or months. Anna only recently found out herself and was disgusted by it, especially after seeing what happened at the party. My wife apparently told her to mind her own business when Anna confronted her afterward. So instead Anna decided to tell me the truth. The screenshots were of text messages between my wife and Mike, she got them by pure luck when my wife was over at her home. My wife had went to the bathroom with her phone unlocked,

but she kept getting messages so Anna decided to check. She found the messages and took a screen recording video since she didn't have much time. She got whatever she could get and send it to herself and deleted everything from my wife's phone and later took the screenshots from that video to show me. They talked about meeting up, her saying she missed him, even references to things they did together.

It was brutal to read. But the worst part was seeing that my wife had lied to him about our marriage. In one exchange, Mike was worried I might find out, and my wife responded along the lines of, Don't worry, he's fine with it. We have an open marriage, it's all cool. She basically told him that I either knew and approved or that I didn't care. In another, she said something like, he knows he can't satisfy me like you do, so he's okay with this. I felt sick.

Not only was she cheating, she was portraying me as some pathetic doormat who just pays her bills while she fools around. Anna also had a short video clip from the party, my wife dancing really closely with Mike, basically all over each other, while their co-workers cheered. I must have already left or been outside when that happened. It was like a knife in the heart to see. By the end of all this, I was just numb. I thanked Anna for showing me, she said she couldn't watch my wife treat me like that. Anna told me she's been friends with my wife for years, but after seeing this she's lost all respect for her. Now I'm sitting here with all this evidence, feeling like my entire marriage was a

lie. My wife doesn't know I have this info yet. We're still barely speaking, she thinks I'm just mad about the party. She has no idea I know she's been cheating. Honestly, I'm devastated. I think this marriage is over. I haven't confronted her about the affair yet. I'm still processing and planning my next steps. I'm considering getting a lawyer before I bring it up to her. I know that once I reveal what I know, all hell will break loose.

I never thought I'd be the guy posting something like this, but I really need some advice. Update 1. First of all, thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. The support and advice really helped me steal myself for what I had to do. It's been an incredibly tough few days, but I didn't waste any time. Within a day of reading the comments, I consulted a divorce attorney. I brought all the evidence Anna gave me, screenshots of the affair texts, etc. The lawyer advised me to gather and secure all evidence and to avoid tipping off my wife until I had things in order. We don't have kids and the house is in my name,

I bought it before marriage, so that makes things easier. I filed for divorce almost immediately. I haven't served her the papers yet, that will happen in the next day or two, but I wanted to get everything rolling fast. I also decided to confront my wife with the evidence before serving her. The night before last, I sat her down and told her straight up that I knew about her affair. I didn't give specifics of how I found out, I just said I had proof. I'll admit, I was shaking with anger and hurt, but I managed to stay relatively calm in my words.

As expected, she tried to deny it at first. She acted confused and said stuff like, What Are You Talking About? There's no affair. I let her lie for a minute while I pulled out printed copies of some of the texts, yes, I printed them. I handed them to her. The look on her face when she saw her own messages to Mike was something I'll never forget, her face just fell. Then the excuses started. She claimed the texts weren't what they look like.

That it was just flirting and only happened a few times, she said she was lonely and upset with me and it just got out of hand. When she realized I wasn't buying it, she switched to trying to justify it. She said I hadn't been there for her emotionally, that I basically drove her to it by neglecting her. She even threw out, well, you gave up on us first, so I thought, you didn't care. Hearing her used that line again, the same one she used during our fight after the party, was infuriating. It's blatant gaslighting. I called her out, I said her trying to blame me for her choice to cheat was ridiculous. At one point, she got angry that I had snooped, she assumed I dug through her phone or something. She demanded, who showed you these? Was it Anna?

I didn't answer that directly, I didn't want to get Anna in trouble with her, though my wife isn't dumb and probably suspects. I just said, I have my sources. The point is, I know everything. Finally, she broke down crying and apologizing. But even her apology was full of self-pity. She said she was sorry she hurt me, but then followed it up with, I was so unhappy, I didn't know what else to do, still trying to make herself victim. She begged me not to throw away our marriage and claimed she'd do anything to fix this. I told her calmly that she threw away the marriage when she decided to carry on an affair and publicly disrespect me. I told her I had already filed for divorce. She looked shocked and then hysterical, saying she didn't mean for it to go this far and that I was making a rash decision. She said couples come back from infidelity and that we should at least try counseling. I was pretty much done at that point. I told her there was no chance. I also couldn't resist telling her that I knew about her telling Mike we had an open marriage. Her eyes got huge and she started saying,

it was just a lie so he wouldn't feel guilty, I knew it was wrong. Honestly, that part just made me sick all over again. I told her that lie was the final nail in the coffin for me. Not only did she cheat, she actively tried to rewrite our marriage as something meaningless. The conversation went on for a while, her crying and alternating between apologizing and lashing out an anger that I was giving up on us so easily, she said I was being cruel by not even giving her a chance. I reminded her that I'd been trying to fix things for months while she was the one sneaking around. By the end of that confrontation, I made it crystal clear, we are done. I will be moving forward with the divorce, and I want her out of the house. That last part triggered

another burst of anger from her. She yelled that I was heartless and that I never really loved her if I could kick her out so fast. I didn't engage with the insults, I just told her to go stay with a friend or something because I can't bear to be around her. Legally, I know I can't force her out immediately if it's also her residence, but the house is indeed mine from before marriage, and my lawyer said I can ask her to leave and then work it out formally in the divorce agreement. She's still here in the house for now, but we're sleeping in separate rooms and barely speaking except for her occasional outbursts or sobbing. It's tense and miserable, but I know it's temporary.

I plan to have her served with the papers very soon, and I've made arrangements with my lawyer about a formal move-out timeline for her. A small side note, I learned, through Anna, who I've been in touch with, that my wife's affair partner, Mike, was under the impression that our marriage was essentially over. or open. When my wife told him I found out and that I was furious, apparently he realized she had been lying to him too. According to Anna, Mike was freaked out that he'd been unknowingly dragged into a full-on affair, he thought I was okay with it. I'm not sure of all the details, but it sounds like Mike cut off contact with my wife once he learned the truth.

In any case, good riddance. So, that's where things stand after three days. It's been a hard lawyer consulted, divorce filed, confrontation done. My wife is alternating between begging me to reconsider and accusing me of ruining her life. I'm emotionally raw, but I also feel a sense of resolve. I'm glad I didn't let her gaslight me into thinking any of this was my fault. And I'm grateful to those who told me to stand my ground. As painful as this is, I know it's the right path forward. I'll update again once the dust settles a bit more. serving the papers, moving her out, etc. Thank you again for the support.

Edit 1, I kicked my wife out because I couldn't bear it anymore. Probably at some friends. Update 2, Hello Again. I didn't expect to be updating so soon, but a lot has happened in the past few weeks. It's been pretty hard, to put it mildly. Firstly, the divorce process is moving along. My, soon-to-be ex-wife was served with the papers as I mentioned, and she's lawyered up now too. So far it's been relatively smooth in terms of legal stuff, like I said, we don't have kids,

and our finances are not terribly complex. She hasn't contested anything major yet. I think she's too busy dealing with the fallout in her personal life to put up much of a fight legally, plus she knows she doesn't have much leverage or grounds to demand anything crazy, especially with her behavior being a big cause of the split. The more interesting developments have been on the personal front. Some people asked to hear about how the fallout was affecting my ex. I'll just refer to her as X now for simplicity.

So here's that update. As I mentioned in my last post-edit, she initially went to stay with her friend, Anna, when I kicked her out of the house. Well, that living situation imploded pretty quickly. At the time of my last update, I only knew that she had gone to stay with a friend. I later confirmed it was indeed Anna. I was frankly surprised Anna allowed it, given everything. But I heard from Anna, we do talk occasionally now, that she felt sorry for her in the immediate aftermath

and didn't want my ex to do something stupid like drive drunk or harm herself. So Anna took her in for what was supposed to be a short-term crash on the couch-type deal. It lasted maybe a week, if that. According to Anna, who shared this with me over coffee recently, my ex quickly wore out her welcome. Apparently my ex was acting like she was the victim in all this. Moping around and also expecting Anna to comfort her and take care of her. The entitlement was strong. Anna told me that on the second or third day, my ex actually snapped at her, saying something

like, I hope you're happy, you ruined my marriage in a moment of anger. Anna responded that my ex ruined her own marriage and that she, Anna, only told the truth because it was the right thing to do. That led to a blow up between them. Also, my ex had been expecting Anna to provide her meals and a place to stay indefinitely without contributing. Anna told me my ex just helped herself to stuff in the fridge, left messes, and treated Anna more like a maid slash therapist than a friend doing her a favor. After a few days of this, Anna told her she needed to find somewhere else to stay because the arrangement wasn't working out. My ex did not take that well either, apparently saying she had no one else and asking how Anna could abandon her in her time of need.

Ultimately, Anna stood her ground and basically kicked her out. So, my ex had to scramble for another place. She didn't have a lot of options. Many of her closer friends were actually from my side or mutual, and once I told a few of them the truth, and I did, I wasn't going to let her spin a false narrative, they distanced themselves from her. She has a family in another state, but she was too ashamed to go to them, and probably didn't want to explain why she suddenly needed a place. I think for a short while she ended up at a motel and then maybe crashing with a co-worker who took pity on her. I'm not entirely sure where she is now, and I haven't felt like asking, as long as it's not my problem, I don't really care, to be honest.

The affair partner, Mike, is fully out of her life as far as I know. After he dumped her upon learning the truth, as I described before, he apparently also spread the word among some colleagues about what happened, maybe to save face or because he was angry at her lies. So now in her workplace, people know she cheated on her husband and lied about it. That has made her work life awkward, to say the least. I heard, again through the grape line, that she actually requested to transfer to a different team or department because of the gossip and because seeing Mike at work was too much for her. It's a mess of her own making, but I guess I do feel a tiny bit of pity that her professional life got affected.

Only a tiny bit, though, actions have consequences. Legally, since the house is mine and she moved out, we also have to sort out that. splitting our belongings. She dragged her feet on coming to pick up her stuff, probably because she didn't have a stable place to put them. Eventually, through lawyers, we arranged a day for her to get her things from the house. I made myself scarce that day and let my brothers supervise just so I wouldn't have to see her. She took her clothes, personal items, and some furniture we agreed on. There was one nasty moment where she had left a handwritten note among my mail that I found later. It basically said she hopes I'm happy for tearing her life apart and that she regrets ever trusting Anna and me.

I didn't respond to it. I gave it to my lawyer just to have on record, but otherwise I'm ignoring the drama. Now, on to a more positive development, and one I didn't really see coming so soon. In my last update, I mentioned that Anna and I had stayed in touch and she'd been supportive. Well, in the last couple of weeks, we've grown even closer. We'd meet up occasionally for coffee or a bite just to talk. Initially it was mostly about the situation. She was also processing the whole betrayal by her friend, my ex.

We were sort of helping each other heal, I guess, by talking it out. But after a while, we found ourselves talking about other things, our interests, our jobs, life in general. It was a relief to have some normal conversations that weren't all about the cheating drama. I started to notice that I really enjoyed her company, which I already kind of knew from before. Even at the party, she struck me as a really kind and smart person. And I'll admit, I also started to notice that she's a very attractive woman, something I honestly didn't give much thought to before, given the circumstances. I felt a little guilty, like it was too soon or something to be noticing someone else.

But considering my marriage was essentially dead the moment I learned of the betrayal, maybe it's not that surprising that my heart and mind started moving on faster than I expected. It turns out, Anna was thinking similarly. She later told me she had started to feel a connection but was also worried because of, well, the mess and the timing. Neither of us acted on it for a bit. We were kind of dancing around the tension, both not sure if it was okay to take it further. But eventually, we had a pretty honest conversation.

It was after we had dinner together one evening, something we've been doing on occasion just as friends. We were walking to our cars and she said, a bit awkwardly, I don't know if I'm misreading things, but it feels like there might be something here. And I don't want to be out of line. I was so relieved she said it because I felt the same, and I told her as much. We discussed it openly. I told her I was interested in getting to know her more romantically, but I was also cautious given I was technically still married, though separated and divorcing.

She said she understood and that she didn't want to be a rebound or make things messier. We agreed to take things slow and be very transparent with each other. Honestly, it felt really good just to lay it all out there and acknowledge the feelings. And so, yes, as some of you predicted or hoped, we started seeing each other in a more than friend's way. I won't go into too many details, but we've gone on a couple of proper dates now, and it's been wonderful. She's compassionate, fun, and we have a surprising amount in common. I don't know why I didn't realize this before, but it's still early and we're keeping it relatively low-key. We both know this could be complicated given the history, so we're just taking it day by day.

But I have to say, she has been a light in this dark time for me. I suppose one could say it's ironic. My ex accused me of not acting like a husband and supposedly I gave up on us. Yet here I am moving on with someone who actually appreciates me, while my ex is facing the consequences of her own actions. Life is strange. I haven't flaunted this new development or anything. I'm not posting about it on social media or telling friends yet.

I want to keep it private for now, out of respect for the fact that technically the divorce isn't final. But a few close friends know, and they've been supportive. A couple jokingly said I upgraded, which made me chuckle. Now, I know some might think this is too fast, and believe me, I had that thought too. But when I reflect on my marriage, the truth is I had been emotionally lonely for a long while before it blew up. My ex had checked out of our marriage well before I knew about the affair.

I was fighting to keep something alive that she had a lot of. already abandoned. So in a way, my heart had already been grieving the relationship before it officially ended. Finding out about the cheating and then cutting ties was like ripping off a band-aid, extremely painful, but it also started the healing process in a definitive way. Meeting someone like Anna in this context, someone who showed me genuine care and honesty, has helped me remember what it's like to feel valued in a relationship, even if this is a new budding one. It's made me see just how badly I was being treated before, and that I should never have tolerated any of that disrespect. I suspect word might get around about me and Anna eventually, especially since we have some

overlapping acquaintances, and I'm not looking forward to whatever drama my ex might try to stir when she hears. But I'll deal with that if and when it comes. Given her track record, she'll likely accuse me of having had something with Anna all along, which for the record is absolutely untrue. I never saw Anna outside of maybe a couple of group settings when she was still just my wife's friend, and I certainly never imagined this happening. Or she'll say this proves her twisted narrative that I gave up on us first, which again, I know is BS and so do the people close to me. All right, I think that's everything major that's happened in the last few weeks. I honestly didn't expect to have a new relationship as part of the update, but life comes at

you fast. Thanks again to everyone following along and sending support. It's been a crazy time, but I feel like I'm coming out the other side of it stronger, and unexpectedly, not alone. I'll update again if anything significant happens, good or bad. Small update, it's been a couple of months since my last update, and for once I have some genuinely positive news to share. A lot can change in a few months.

First, on the divorce front, it's nearly, or essentially, finalized. All the paperwork is done and we're just waiting on the official decree. The process was surprisingly drama-free in the end. My ex didn't contest anything significant. I think she just wanted it over with two, especially as more people in our lives learned what happened. We've had virtually no direct contact, everything's been through lawyers. I did see her briefly, one time, when she came with a couple of friends to collect the rest of her stuff from the house. We barely spoke. She looked angry and miserable, but that was that. I'm glad to close that chapter legally and financially. Update 3. I really thought my last update might be the end of the

story, but it seems there was one more dramatic episode left to unfold. About a month after I started dating Anna, we decided to go out for a night on the town with another couple were friends with. We ended up at a trendy lounge slash club in the city, not exactly the kind of place I usually frequent, but we were in the mood to dance and have fun. I hadn't seen or heard from my ex since the divorce was finalized, so running into her was the last thing I expected. So there we were, having a good time. Anna and I were by the bar getting drinks for our little group, and we happened to share a quick kiss while we were waiting. Suddenly, I heard an all-too-familiar voice practically yelling my name.

I turned around and, yep, it was my ex-wife. She was standing a few feet away, and she did not look happy. In fact, she looked furious. She immediately yelled, wow, my name, real classy. You couldn't even wait for the ink to dry before screwing my friend. Her tone was loud and venomous, and people were staring. I was honestly stunned for a second. I hadn't laid eyes on her in months, and this was how we were meeting again.

I tried to keep my cool. I said, evenly, this isn't the time or place for this. Let's not make a scene. I also gently stepped a bit in front of Anna, not sure if my ex was going to get physical or not. My ex was beyond reasoning. She basically accused me of flaunting my relationship with Anna to embarrass her, and kept shouting that I was pathetic. She got louder, saying I was disgusting for dating her friend and that it had to be some kind of revenge plot. She screamed that I was disgusting and that this was all some revenge scheme to make her look like the bad guy.

She even hurled insults at Anna, calling her a backstabbing bitch who stole her husband. It was getting very heated and people were staring. Anna, to her credit, stayed mostly quiet and behind me. She only responded once, saying calmly, you need to stop this and go home. You're making a scene. That only enraged my ex further. My ex stepped forward and actually tried to shove past me to get in Anna's face. I held my ex back by the shoulders and firmly said, enough.

You need to leave. At that moment, club security, two weeks. big bouncers appeared, having noticed the commotion. One of them took hold of my ex's arm and told her she needed to chill out or she'd be removed. My ex yanked her arm free and kept shouting that I was the liar who left her for Anna and that we were both pathetic. That was the final straw, the bouncers started escorting her out. As they led her through the exit, I could hear her yelling that I'd thrown her away like nothing in calling me a coward, her voice cracking as she disappeared outside. Outside the club, we saw my ex a little down the street, crying and

fumbling with her phone. It looked like she was trying to call a ride or someone to come get her. She was alone. We saw her down the block crying by herself until a taxi came and picked her up. The whole thing was surreal and upsetting. On the ride home, Anna and I were quiet at first. We saw her it at first, processing. We both hope my ex eventually finds some peace, but we realize that's out of our hands. For me, this incident felt like ugly closure. In a way, my ex's public meltdown showed beyond doubt that our marriage is truly dead and buried, and that she's struggling to accept the consequences. I didn't revel in it, it actually hurt to witness. This will likely be my final update. I'm focusing on the future with a clear conscience.

Thank you all for reading and supporting me through this. Here's to a quieter, happier next chapter. Take care.