Reddit Stories - Spouse referred to me INCREDIBLY UNATTRACTIVE after I was INTOXICATED in a vehicle

Episode Date: July 9, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #advice #marriage #alcohol #conflictSummary: A spouse called me incredibly unattractive after I was intoxicated in a vehicle. Seeking advice on Reddit's AITA thread, users debate whether the spouse's behavior was acceptable or hurtful, leading to a discussion on boundaries and respect in relationships.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, advice, marriage, alcohol, conflict, boundaries, respect, intoxication, vehicle, spouse, unattractive, behavior, hurtful, debate, acceptable, advice threadBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse referred to me incredibly unattractive after I was intoxicated in a vehicle collision and left me at the medical facility, then promptly desired me again when I received a substantial compensation. I, 34F, was in a horrific accident about three months ago. A drunk driver ran a red light and slammed into my car.

The impact caused my car to spin and hit a tanker truck that was illegally stopped at the intersection. My car caught fire. I remember the impact, the heat, and then not much else until I was in the hospital. I sustained severe burns. They are mostly on the left side of my body, including my face, arm, and leg. I've had multiple surgeries, skin grafts, and the doctors say I will be permanently disfigured. The pain has been constant, and the recovery process is slow and agonizing.

I'm still in a specialized burn unit, and will likely be here for at least another month. followed by extensive outpatient therapy and more reconstructive surgeries down the line. My husband, Mark 36M, was initially there at the hospital. The first few days are a blur of pain and medication. I remember him being by my bedside, holding my hand. Or at least, I think I remember that. When I became more lucid, maybe a week or so after the accident, the bandages on my face had been changed. I hadn't seen myself yet, but I knew it was bad.

The doctors were very gentle but direct about the extent of the scarring I would have. One afternoon, Mark was in the room. I was feeling particularly low. The nurses had just finished a very painful debridement session. I was trying to talk to him, to ask about things at home, our dog, anything to feel normal. He was quiet, mostly just looking at his phone or staring out the window. I asked him what was wrong. He hesitated for a long time.

Then he told me he was struggling to cope with my appearance. He said, and I remember his exact words, that he found it difficult to look at me, that I was unbelievably ugly now. He said he didn't know if he could handle being married to someone who looked like me. He said this while I was lying there, covered in bandages, barely able to move, and in constant pain. I was stunned. I couldn't process it at first. It felt like another blow on top of everything else I was enduring.

I didn't scream, I didn't cry right then. I think I was too shocked. I just looked at him, or where I thought he was because my vision was still blurry in one eye. I told him, very calmly, that if that's how he felt, he should leave. I told him I needed to focus on healing and I couldn't do that with someone who felt that way about me in the room. He got defensive, said I was being unfair, that he was just being honest and that I was always telling him honesty was important. He said he was also a victim in this, that his life was ruined too. He eventually left, looking angry. He didn't come back the next day,

or the day after. It's been almost two months since that conversation. He called my hospital phone a few times in the first week after. I didn't answer. My sister, 30F, who has been an absolute rock through this, told him I wasn't up to speaking with him. He apparently told her I was overreacting and being dramatic. He hasn't tried to visit. He sent one text message about a month ago asking about some mail and if I'd made arrangements for our mortgage payment. My sister has been helping me with my finances, so that was handled. Some of his family members have reached out to my sister, saying I should be more understanding of Mark's shock and trauma, they said he's very distressed. His mother even suggested that maybe the pain medication was making me

irrational when I asked him to leave. She said I should call him and apologize for pushing him away during his time of need. This is where I wonder if I'm the asshole. Was I too harsh? He did say he was being honest. Maybe I should have tried to talk it through more, even though what he said was so cruel. I was in a vulnerable state. He was supposed to be my support. Instead, he made my trauma about his discomfort with my new face. My sister says I did nothing wrong, that his behavior was monstrous. But his family has me questioning if I overreacted by cutting him off so abruptly. I haven't initiated any contact. I've been focusing on my physical therapy, my next surgery, and just surviving each day. The thought of

of talking to him fills me with a cold dread. So, Ida for telling him to leave and then refusing contact after his comments about my appearance post-accident? Update 1. First, thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. I tried to read every single comment, even the harsh ones, though most of you were incredibly supportive. It helped more than you know to hear from people outside my immediate situation. People asked how I was able to write this, given my injury, which is a fair question. My burns are predominantly on my left side. My right hand and arm were thankfully spared from the worst of it, so while it's slow and sometimes painful to sit up and type, I am able to write using my right hand. My sister also helps me by transcribing things when I get

too tired. Many of you also confirmed what my sister has been saying, that Mark's behavior was unacceptable and I was not the asshole for my reaction. A lot has happened in the last month. I was finally discharged from the main hospital a couple of weeks ago. I'm now in a specialized rehabilitation facility closer to my sister's place. She's been amazing, taking time off work to help me get settled and drive me to various appointments. The rehab is intense. Hours of physical and occupational therapy every day. Learning to use my left hand again is a struggle, and the nerve pain is still a significant issue.

My face. Well, it is what it is. I've seen it properly now. The doctors are optimistic about future reconstructive surgeries, but the person I see in the mirror is a stranger. Mark's words about me being unbelievably ugly echo in my head sometimes, especially on bad days. Regarding Mark, he did not try to contact me directly again after those initial few calls I didn't take at the hospital. However, about a week after my original post, his mother called my sister. She was very persistent, apparently. She told my sister that Mark was suffering and that I was being cruel by abandoning him after one little comment made under stress.

My sister, who is usually very polite, apparently lost her temper a bit and told her exactly what she thought of Mark and his little comment. She told his mother that Mark abandoned me, not the other way around, and that if he was suffering, it was the consequence of his own actions. His mother hung up on her. A few days after that, I received a letter at the hospital, which was forwarded to the rehab facility. It was from Mark. It wasn't an apology. Not really. It was a strange, rambling letter. He wrote about how hard this has been for him. How his friends are asking about me and he doesn't know what to say. how the house feels empty.

He mentioned the financial strain, the bills, and how he's worried about the mortgage. He did say he was sorry if what he said upset me but that he was just trying to be honest and felt blindsided by my reaction. He then suggested that once I was feeling better and more like myself, we could talk about things. There was no mention of my injuries beyond how they were affecting him. No questions about my recovery. No offer of support.

It felt entirely self-serving. I showed it to my sister, and she agreed. I didn't reply. The legal side of things is also moving forward. The drunk driver who hit me was found to be heavily intoxicated and had a history of DUIs. The trucking company whose vehicle was involved, though not at fault for the initial collision. The fire was a complex issue related to my car's impact with it, has a large insurance policy. My lawyer, who my sister helped me find, is very good.

She specializes in catastrophic injury cases. She has been gathering all the information, medical records, police reports, and expert testimonies. She mentioned that because of the severity of my injuries, the permanent disfigurement, the loss of earning capacity, my left hand and eyesight are affected, and the sheer negligence of the drunk driver, any settlement or judgment would likely be substantial. She also mentioned the trucking company might want to settle to avoid a lengthy trial and negative publicity, given the circumstances of the fire. This legal aspect is something Mark also touched upon in his letter, very briefly.

He asked if I had thought about a lawyer and said he hoped I would get something decent because they would need it. That line, in particular, made my stomach turn. It felt like he was already thinking about the money. I've started the process of separating my finances from his finances from his money. as much as possible. My sister is helping me open new bank accounts. My lawyer has advised me on how to handle joint assets, like the house. We still have a mortgage on it. Mark is still living there. I have no desire to go back to that house, not now, maybe not ever. The rehab is tough, but I'm making small progress.

Some days are better than others. I'm trying to focus on my recovery and not let Mark's actions consume me, but it's hard when he, or his family, keep trying to insert themselves back into my life in these manipulative ways. I haven't spoken to him directly since that day in the hospital. I don't plan to. Thank you again for the support. It's helped me feel stronger in my decision. Update 2. Hello everyone. It's been a while since my last update. So much has happened, and honestly, some days I'm just too exhausted to even think about writing it all down. But I wanted to keep those of you who were invested updated, and your previous advice was invaluable. My physical recovery is ongoing. I was discharged from the inpatient rehab facility

about six weeks ago. I'm now living in a small apartment that my sister helped me find. It's accessible and close to my outpatient therapy center. The therapies are still grueling, physical, occupational, and psychological. I've had one more reconstructed. surgery on my hand, and there are many more planned for my face and arm over the next couple of years. The scars are prominent and the disfigurement is, as the doctors said, permanent. I'm learning to live with this new version of myself. Some days are incredibly difficult. Simple tasks are still a challenge, and the reflection in the mirror can still be a shock. Now, for the main reason I'm writing this update, the settlement and mark. About a month ago, my lawyer and

informed me that the trucking company's insurers had proposed a settlement. After some negotiation, we reached an agreement. The settlement amount is $3 million. After legal fees and medical expenses already incurred or deducted, a very substantial sum will be left for my future care, lost income, and pain and suffering. The news was overwhelming. It's not a lottery win. It's compensation for a life-altering injury caused by someone else's recklessness.

It means I won't have to worry about medical bills, and I can afford the best possible ongoing care and reconstructive surgeries. It gives me a sense of security in an otherwise very insecure new life. The settlement was finalized and became official about two weeks ago. My lawyer advised me to keep it quiet for as long as possible, but news like that, especially in smaller communities or through legal circles, can sometimes get out. I hadn't told Mark, obviously. We have had no direct contact.

My lawyer did send a formal letter to him regarding the pending divorce proceedings. Yes, I filed for divorce, and the division of marital assets, primarily the house. Suddenly, about a week after the settlement was finalized, Mark's behavior changed dramatically. He started calling me multiple times a day. I didn't answer. He left voicemails. The tone was completely different from his previous communications. No longer was it about his suffering or how I was being unfair. Now, it was all concern and affection.

Honey, I'm so worried about you. I miss you terribly. We need to talk. I've made a terrible mistake. Then he started texting. About how he's been a fool, how he was scared and confused after the accident, how he didn't mean what he said. He said he loved me, that he always has. He said he realized he couldn't live without me.

He mentioned seeing an article about the trucking company settling a major case. He didn't explicitly say he knew it was mine, but the implication was clear, and that he was so glad I would be taken care of. When I didn't respond to calls or texts, he showed up at my apartment. I don't know how he found my address. I suspect his mother wheedled it out of someone, or he did some digging. My sister was with me when he arrived. He buzzed, and when I didn't answer, he started banging on the door, shouting my name, saying he just

wanted to talk, to apologize. My sister called the police. They came and escorted him off the property, warning him against harassment. He was apparently very emotional and told the police he was just trying to see his sick wife. His family has also ramped up their efforts. His mother has called my sister, crying, saying Mark is a changed man, that he's heartbroken and deeply regrets his actions. She begged my sister to convince me to give him another chance. She even mentioned how wonderful it was that I received the settlement, because now Mark wouldn't have to worry so much about providing for me while I recovered, and they could rebuild their lives together.

The audacity is astounding. I haven't spoken a single word to him. My resolve is stronger than ever. His sudden miraculous change of heart, timed perfectly with the news of my settlement, tells me everything I need to know. It's not about me, my well-being, or regret for his cruelty. It's about the money. He called me unbelievably ugly and abandoned me when I was at my lowest, most vulnerable point. He showed no remorse, no concern, only self-pity and annoyance, until he smelled money. The divorce is proceeding.

My lawyer is aware of his recent behavior and the settlement. She is ensuring my interests are protected. It's disgusting and heartbreaking to see him behave this way. It confirms that the man I married either never truly existed or died the day he looked at my burned face and felt disgust instead of compassion. I'm not sure what he'll try next, but I'm prepared. My sister and my lawyer are my shields. I'm focusing on my healing. on building a new life for myself, a life that definitely does not include him.

It's just sickening to realize that his sudden desire to have me back seems to have a $3 million price tag attached to it. Update 3. It's me again. Two months have passed since my last update, and things with Mark have unfortunately escalated. His attempts to get back into my life, or more accurately, into my settlement money, have become more desperate and frankly, more unhinged. After he was escorted from my apartment by the police, he stopped showing up physically for a little while. I think the police warning scared him temporarily.

However, the calls and texts continued, if anything, they became more frequent. He would leave long, tearful voicemails, professing his undying love, his deep remorse, how he couldn't sleep or eat because of the guilt. He'd recall old memories, trying to remind me of the good times. It was a constant barrage. I changed my phone number, which brought some peace, but he then resorted to other methods. He started emailing me. My old email address, which I rarely check now, was suddenly flooded.

The emails were similar to the voicemails, please for forgiveness, declarations of love, and subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, references to our future and how we could use the settlement money to get the best care for me and start over. He even sent links to houses in neighborhoods he knew I once liked, talking about buying a new home together. His mother has been relentless. She calls my sister almost daily. Sometimes she's crying and begging, other times she's angry and accusatory, saying I'm cruel

and vindictive, that I'm destroying her son. She even had the nerve to tell my sister that I owed Mark a chance because of the marriage vows, and that the settlement money was marital property and he deserved to share for his emotional distress and suffering. My lawyer has already clarified the legal standing of the settlement, especially given it's for personal injury post separation. His abandonment was clear, but his mother seems to believe what she wants to believe. The most disturbing incident happened about three weeks ago. Mark somehow found out where I attend my outpatient physical therapy. He waited for me in the parking lot. When I came out, leaning on my cane and feeling exhausted after a tough session,

he approached me. He looked disheveled, like he hadn't been sleeping. He immediately started pleading with me, saying he just wanted to talk, to look me in the eyes and tell me how sorry he was. He tried to reach for my arm. I flinched and pulled away. I told him, my voice shaking a bit but firm, to leave me alone, that I had nothing to say to him, and that he was harassing me. He started to get agitated, his voice getting louder. I said I was being cold and heartless, that he loved me. He actually got down on his knees in the parking lot, begging me to take him back. It was a scene. Thankfully, one of the therapists saw what was happening from the window and came out with a security guard. They

made Mark leave and ensured I got to my sister's car safely. After that incident, my lawyer sent him a formal cease and desist letter, warning him that any further contact or attempts to approach me would result in a restraining order application. That seems to have curbed his direct approaches for now, but I feel like I'm constantly looking over my shoulder. The divorce is moving slowly, mostly due to his lack of cooperation regarding the division of assets, specifically the house. He's contesting things, trying to drag it out. My lawyer says it's a common tactic when one party is bitter or trying to exert control. Through all of this, I'm trying to focus on my recovery.

The reconstructive surgeries are being planned. I've started seeing a trauma therapist who is helping me process the accident, the disfigurement, and Mark's betrayal. It's a long road. His actions are a constant source of stress and anger, a distraction from the healing I so desperately need to do. He's not showing remorse for hurting me,

he's showing desperation because he realizes he threw away a comfortable future when he threw me away. The man is not sorry, he's sorry he got caught out being a terrible person and is now missing out on money. I'm documenting everything. Every call, every email, every incident. My sister has been a saint, fielding calls from his mother and generally being my buffer. I don't know what I'd do without her. I just want him out of my life, permanently. The fact that he's fighting so hard now, after being so quick to discard me when I was broken and had nothing,

is the clearest evidence of his true character. He doesn't want I have. Update 4. Hello again, everyone. It's been a long six months since my last update, and I suppose this will likely be my final one on this particular chapter of my life. The situation with Mark reached a rather definitive,

though entirely unpleasant, conclusion. The cease and desist letter from my lawyer did deter Mark's direct physical approaches for a while, but his indirect campaign of harassment continued. He used third parties, sent gifts to my apartment, which I promptly returned or donated, and continued his social media lamentations. His mother also kept up her campaign of calls to my sister, alternating between tearful pleas and bitter accusations. It was exhausting for everyone involved. The divorce proceedings were dragging, primarily because Mark was being obstructive. He contested the valuation of the marital home,

argued about every piece of furniture, and tried to claim a portion of my settlement, citing his emotional investment in our marriage and the trauma he also suffered. My lawyer was brilliant, shutting down his ridiculous claims one by one, but it all took time and added to my stress. About three months ago, things took a darker turn. Mark, in what I can only describe as a complete breakdown of judgment, attempted to use the legal system to force my hand. He filed a petition for spousal support,

claiming he was unable to work due to the emotional devastation caused by our separation and my refusal to reconcile. He also claimed that my injuries and subsequent settlement had created a drastic imbalance in our financial situations and that he was entitled to support to maintain the lifestyle he had become accustomed to during our marriage. This was on top of his demands for a larger share of the House equity. His petition was, to put it mildly, laughed out of court. The judge was not impressed with his claims, especially when presented with the timeline of his abandonment, his cruel words to me in the hospital, and his sudden renewed interest coinciding with my settlement. The evidence of his harassment, including the police

report from when he showed up at my apartment and the incident at my therapy center, was also presented. The judge dismissed his petition for spousal support outright and admonished him for wasting the court's time. This public humiliation seemed to be a turning point for Mark, but not in a good way. He became more erratic. He started to be a moment. He started to be a moment. He started started leaving angry, sometimes incoherent voicemails on my sister's phone, as I had blocked him everywhere. He accused me of ruining his life, of turning everyone against him. There were no more professions of love or remorse, it was all rage and blame. The final confrontation happened about a month ago. The divorce was nearing its final stages. We had a court date scheduled to

finalize the division of assets, which was likely not going to go in his favor, given his behavior and the clear pre-separation nature of my settlement funds for personal injury. The day before the court date, he showed up at my apartment building again. This time, he didn't buzz or knock. He waited in the lobby, and when another resident opened the main door, he slipped in and came straight to my apartment door, banging on it loudly. I was alone. My heart was pounding.

I immediately called the police and my lawyer. He was shouting through the door, not pleased this time. but demands. He yelled that I owed him, that I was selfish and cruel, that I had taken everything from him. He started kicking the door. I was terrified. The police arrived within minutes. They had to physically restrain him. He was shouting obscenities, calling me names, including his favorite, ugly, and saying I would regret this. He was arrested for harassment, violating the spirit of the cease and desist, though no formal restraints. order was in place yet. His actions were clearly escalating and causing a disturbance. The next

day in court, he was a wreck. His lawyer looked embarrassed. The judge, already familiar with his previous antics, was visibly displeased. The arrest from the previous night was brought up. Mark tried to speak, to make a statement, but he just started rambling about how unfair everything was, how I had bewitched everyone. He showed absolutely no. no remorse, no understanding of the pain and fear he had caused me. The divorce was finalized. The judge awarded me the entirety of my settlement, ruling it a separate property due to the nature of the funds, compensation for personal injury, and the timing relative to his clear abandonment. The marital home was ordered to be sold, with the equity to be divided according to standard

marital property rules, which, after the mortgage and fees, wasn't a windfall for him, especially with his own legal fees. Mark faced charges for the harassment and disturbance. He received a fine, probation, and a court-mandated anger management course. A formal restraining order was also granted, preventing him from contacting me or coming near my residence or places I frequent. His mother called my sister one last time after everything was settled. She didn't cry or beg. She just said, in a cold voice, that I had destroyed her son and that she hoped I was happy. My sister told her that Mark had destroyed himself with his own choices and then hung up. We haven't heard from them since.

So, that's where things stand. Thank you all for listening and for your support through this incredibly difficult journey. It helped to know I wasn't alone in seeing his behavior for what it was. I'm closing this chapter now and looking towards a future where Mark is nothing but a bad memory. You.