Reddit Stories - Spouse REQUESTED PERMISSION to have a SPECIAL permit to be with another person

Episode Date: November 4, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #marriage #permission #boundaries #trustSummary: A spouse requested permission to have a special permit to be with another person, sparking a debate on boundaries and trust in relationships.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, marriage, permission, boundaries, trust, spouse, special permit, debate, ethics, loyalty, communication, honesty, fidelity, partnership, understanding, compromiseBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. He acted somewhat subdued, but I thought maybe he was just feeling the age or guilty. I tried to brush it aside and make the best of his day. My best friend Claire, not her real name, even stopped by that evening with a cake. It was a quiet birthday, but he said he enjoyed it. A week later, I discovered that my husband had already made plans to cheat on me, and with Claire, of all people. It still makes me sick typing that. Turns out, when he asked for the hall pass, he wasn't speaking hypothetically.

He had someone specific in mind. Unbeknownst to me, he and Claire had arranged to meet up at a hotel. I found out entirely by accident. I manage most of our bills since I'm home, and I saw a credit card charge for an expensive hotel in the city dated two days after his birthday. At first I thought it was a mistake on the statement. We hadn't stated any hotel. Something was off.

So I checked his email, we know each other's passwords, he's never bothered to hide it until now. Sure enough, there was a booking confirmation for that hotel, for one night, under his name. And then I noticed the email had been forwarded. To Claire. I felt a wave of nausea hit me as I realized my best friend was involved in this. I couldn't believe my best friend would do that. She's been my closest friend since college,

she was even the maid of honor at our wedding. I trusted her completely, and I never saw this coming. I confronted my husband that same night after the kids were in bed. I showed him the email and asked point-blank if he had met up with Claire at that hotel. At first, he tried to deny everything. He claimed he only booked the room to see if I'd actually let him use a hall pass, a completely lame excuse. I called BS immediately. I asked him why the reservation was forwarded to Claire. He looked like a deer in headlights and then broke down and admitted they'd been texting and that she had agreed to help him out with his birthday request. In other words, he propositioned my best friend behind my back, and she went along with it. I was so angry and hurt I

could barely even look at him. He kept saying it was just that one time and that it was just sex and meant nothing emotionally. He tried to downplay it, like my best friend was doing him a a favor. I asked if they actually went through with it, if they slept together in that hotel. He admitted they did. I think I went numb at that point. I just told him to get out. He refused at first, kept saying we should talk about this, that he made a mistake. But this wasn't a lapse in the heat of the moment. He planned this, even after I told him no. I ended up screaming at him that I wanted him out of the house. I didn't want the kids waking up, so I tried to keep it together, but I was furious. He did leave, he grabbed a few things and drove off, I assumed to a hotel or

maybe to crash on a buddy's couch. I didn't even care at that point. As soon as he left, I broke down. I barely slept that night. I haven't talked to Claire yet, I just. I have no idea what to even say to her. She knew damn well what she was doing. She was at my house on his birthday smiling in my face, and the whole time she had plans to sleep with my husband two days later. Who does that? Right now it's all a mess. I'm still in shock and absolutely live it. I've contacted a divorce attorney because I don't see any coming back from this. It's not just the cheating, it's the fact that he tried to get my permission, got denied, and did it anyway with the person I trusted most. And as a stay-at-home mom, I'm terrified of what this means for me and the kids,

but I cannot stay with him. I haven't told the kids anything yet, they're too young to understand, and I'm dreading when that time comes. I also haven't spoken to my husband beyond the confrontation, he's tried calling and texting, but I just feel so betrayed I can't deal with him right now. I feel like everything fell apart in just a week, 10 years of marriage, gone just like that. I'm angry, I'm hurt, and honestly I'm feeling pretty lost. I don't know what our future looks like from here, but I know I'm not staying in this marriage. Thanks for letting me get this out, I really needed to vent. Update 1, it's been about a week since I found out about the affair. I want to start by saying, thank you for the support and comments, I didn't expect so many people to

care, but it's helped to know I'm not alone. A lot has happened over the last few days. I finally worked up the nerve to face my, former, best friend, Claire. She had been texting and calling me non-stop since everything came out, but I wasn't ready to respond until now. Yesterday, I let her come over to talk. I made sure our kids were at my parents' house for the afternoon because I didn't want them around for this. Seeing Claire walk into my home was unreal. This is someone who used to be like a sister to me, now I could barely look at her without feeling sick. She started bawling the second she saw me. I was a mix of angry and weirdly calm.

I think I'd cried every tear I had the first few days, so by the time she came over I was just, cold. I told her to sit down and start explaining. Claire told me everything, at least, I think she did. According to her, my husband had been whining to her for a while about how unexciting our sex life had become after kids. She claimed she tried to brush it off or tell him to talk to me, but he kept bringing it up. Around his birthday, he told her that I wasn't giving him what he needed and that he was considering asking me for a one-time pass. She says she told him that was a terrible idea and it would hurt me, but he somehow convinced her that I was actually open to it.

I call BS on that, I would never agree to such a thing, and she should know that. Honestly, I think she's just trying to make herself feel less guilty by saying he misled her. He might have bent the truth, but at the end of the day she still made the choice to sleep with him. She admitted they had been flirting via text for a while. She tried to downplay it as joking around, but come on. On his birthday night when she came over with the cake, apparently they had already planned that meet-up for two days later. I nearly threw up when she said that, thinking back to that night, how normal it all felt while they had this sick plan behind my back. Claire kept saying she was sorry and that she hated herself for what she did. She said it only happened that one time at the hotel,

and that she immediately regretted it. According to her, after I found out and kicked him out, my husband actually freaked out and begged her to not say a word to anyone. He was desperate to keep it under wraps. She said she couldn't live with herself and wanted to come clean to me anyway, but I beat her to it by finding the evidence. I mostly let her talk while I sat there quietly. When I did ask questions, they were pretty blunt. I asked her straight up how long she'd been lusting after my husband. Because obviously you don't just fall onto someone's penis as a friendly favor.

She insisted it wasn't like that, that she never had a crush on him and it just happened. She did admit she was lonely, she'd been single for a while after a bad breakup last year, and she confessed that she craved intimacy and stupidly found it in the wrong place. It was a pathetic excuse, and I told her so. I told her she betrayed me in the worst way imaginable and that I don't think I can ever forgive her. She was sobbing and kept saying she understands if I hate her and that she hates herself too. At one point she tried to reach for my hand across the table and I pulled back. I told her not to touch me.

Then Claire told me that she's pregnant. about six weeks along. That news completely threw me off balance. She quickly added that she doesn't believe it's my husband's. Apparently she'd been casually seeing some other guy on and off, and according to her the timeline lines up more with that guy. She claims she and my husband used protection at the hotel and that it only happened once. Honestly, hearing the word pregnant at all just left me reeling. I couldn't even process it fully in the moment. All I could do was ask if my husband knows. She said she told him recently, and that he also knows it's unlikely the baby is his. But of course now there's this big question mark hanging in the air

until it's confirmed. I think that was the moment I emotionally checked out of the conversation. I just nodded and said something like, okay, thanks for telling me. I think you should go now. She begged me not to cut her out of my life, kept saying she would do anything to fix this, but we both know there's no fixing it. I told her I needed space and that she needed to leave. Eventually she did, still crying as I shut the door on her. After she left, I just sat on the couch in silence for a long time, trying to wrap my head around everything. My best friend is pregnant, and there's a non-zero chance my husband could be the father. As for my husband, we still haven't spoken face-to-face since I threw him out. We've texted only about logistical stuff.

He knows that I know about the pregnancy. He said in a text that he's so sorry for everything and that he wants a chance to explain in person. I haven't given him that chance yet. Right now I just don't have it in me to hear more excuses or have truths from him. I've been focusing on the kids and on talking to my lawyer. Speaking of the lawyer, I did have an initial consultation. Since I'm a stay-at-home mom with no income of my own, I needed to know my rights. The lawyer was great, she explained that I'll likely be entitled to a fair share of assets and possibly

spousal support and of course child support. We haven't filed anything yet, but I told her I intend to. She advised me to gather documentation on our finances and, if possible, evidence of the affair, I saved those emails. In my state, adultery can theoretically have some impact on divorce outcomes, but it's mostly no fault here so it might not matter much legally. Still, I want everything noted. For now, I'm in a holding pattern. I'm avoiding my husband unless it's about the kids. He comes by to see the kids in the evenings every couple of days, but I make those visits very brief and keep interaction with him minimal. He's been staying with his parents, I found out. I haven't told our kids anything beyond Daddy is staying at grandmas

for a little while. Thankfully, they're young enough not to question too hard yet. My son, 7-year-old is a little confused, but I'm just trying to keep their life routine stable. Emotionally, I'm all over the place. One minute I'm angry and resolved to divorce and never look back. The next minute I'm grieving the life I thought I had. But even with all that turmoil, I know I can't stay with a man who did this. Trust is shattered. So that's where I am right now, preparing to end my marriage, dealing with the double betrayal

of my husband and my best friend, and now a possible pregnancy fallout on top of it. This whole situation is insane. I'll update again when I have more answers about the pregnancy and as I navigate the divorce process. Update 2, a couple of weeks have gone by, and things continue to be a roller coaster. First, some clarity on the big question, the paternity of Claire's baby. She went to her doctor and got an early ultrasound, and based on the dating, it looks virtually impossible that it's my husband's. In fact, Claire told me she reached out to the other guy she was seeing and he agreed to a prenatal paternity test. I guess it's a simple blood test these days.

The results confirm that he's the father, not my husband. So that's at least one small mercy in this mess. There's not going to be a surprise love child tying my soon-to-be ex and my ex-best friend together for life. When I got that news, I finally felt like I could breathe a little. I'm glad for my own sake and even for my kids' sake that we won't have that complication. Of course, just because the baby isn't as doesn't erase what they did. But it does simplify the next steps. Speaking of next steps, I officially told my husband that I'm moving forward with the divorce. We had an actual sit-down conversation a few days ago, our first real talk since the blow-up. Until then, everything had been through brief texts or lawyers. He kept asking to talk in person,

and I finally agreed, partly because I wanted to get some things off my chest directly and hear what he had to say without the kids around. He came over after I put the kids to bed. It was awkward as hell to sit at our kitchen table across from him, now talking about ending our marriage. The first thing he did was apologize again. He said he was sorry for hurting me and that he regretted it all. I just sat there silently until he finished his little speech. Then I told him flat out that apologizing doesn't magically fix anything. I said I will never be able to trust him again after this, and that our marriage is effectively over. He pleaded with me to reconsider. He even brought up counseling, saying we owe it to the kids to try. I let him talk, but I think

he knew from my expression it was a lost cause. I reminded him that I did give him a chance, I said no to the hall pass and trusted him to respect that, and he still went behind my back. I also told him I knew all about how he'd been complaining to Claire about our intimate life. He didn't deny it. He just kept saying he was in a bad place mentally, having a midlife crisis and feeling unwanted, blah, blah. At one point I actually snorted and told him, so your midlife crisis plan was to blow up your family? Great job. I know I was a bit harsh, but I had no patience for his self-pity. The conversation went in circles for a while. He was crying at one point, saying he hates himself for what he did. I was just, numb. I think I'd cried enough already that seeing him cry didn't spark much sympathy in me.

I told him he should be grateful the baby situation isn't adding more chaos, because frankly if he'd gotten my best friend pregnant, I would be coming after everything in the divorce. He kept saying he never wanted any of this to happen and that Claire meant nothing to him. Funny how she was important enough to risk everything, but now she means nothing, right? Eventually, his tone shifted from apologetic to somewhat frustrated. When he realized I wasn't budging on the divorce, he got defensive.

He said something like, Are you really going to destroy our family over one mistake? You know I'm a good dad. That part got to me, the audacity of him acting like I'm the one destroying the family. I told him calmly that he did this, not me. I also made it clear that I'm not going to keep our kids. away from him, but that our marriage is done and that's on him. We discussed some practical stuff too. I told him I'd like to stay in the house at least until the divorce is finalized,

for stability for the kids, and because frankly I have nowhere else to go right now. He said he understood. He actually mentioned he'd been looking for an apartment to rent so he can move out of his parents' place soon. As for custody, he insisted he wants to be very involved with the kids, which is fine, I want that too, as long as it's for the right reasons. But he did make a comment about wanting 50 to 50 custody. I'm a little wary about that, not because I want to cut him out, I don't, but because he's never handled the day-to-day care on his own for more than a few hours. The custody situation is still being worked out.

For now, we have a temporary arrangement. He gets the kids every other weekend and one evening a week. It's basically what I proposed as a trial run, since I knew. He do he wanted significant time and I genuinely do want our kids to have their dad around. To my, mild, surprise, he's actually been punctual and responsible during his time with them these past several weeks. The kids come home fed, homework done, etc., so I'll give him credit for stepping up there. That said, he's still pushing hard for a true 50 to 50 split long term. Maybe he'll be able to handle it, but I'm skeptical given his work hours. I suspect right now he's on his business. He's on his

best behavior to make a good impression for the court. I'm not saying he doesn't love our kids, he absolutely does, but handling two young kids full-time while working a demanding job is not easy, and historically I've done the bulk of that. One sticking point is that he wants to eventually introduce the kids to a new living arrangement once he moves into his own apartment. He's still at his parents for now, but supposedly apartment hunting. I told my lawyer I'm not comfortable with the kids shuddling back and forth constantly until things are more settled. My lawyer said the court will ultimately decide if we can agree, but in our state they often favor stability for young kids, which usually means one primary home base. I'm hoping that ends up being with me, with him having

generous visitation. It's not about punishing him, it's about what I believe is best for the kids' routine, since I'm the one who's always been their primary caregiver. Financially, it's been a battle too. As a stay-at-home mom, I have no income, and I paused my career for our family. He was initially offering only minimal spousal support, basically trying to pressure me to quickly find a job. That pissed me off, to be honest. Not because I don't plan to work, I'm actually updating my resume and looking at part-time options, but because of the principal. I supported his career by taking care of everything at home, and now he's acting like I'm trying to leach off him by expecting fair support during this transition. My lawyer shut that down fast in negotiations. She laid out what a

court would likely have him pay given our length of marriage and disparity in income. He backed off a bit after that, but it left a bad taste. It's like he wants to make sure I don't get too much, even though I'm just asking for what's fair so I can get back on my feet. We haven't finalized the asset division yet either. The house is the big thing. He originally wanted to sell it and split the equity right away. I pushed back, saying the kids and I should stay put at least for a couple of years until the dust settles, and our oldest finishes elementary school. Living with my parents or renting a tiny apartment with two kids would be a huge upheaval on top of everything. After a lot of arguing through attorneys, and some pressure from his own father,

who I think reminded him that uprooting the grandkids would reflect poorly, he finally agreed to let me and the kids stay in the house for now. We'll likely arrange to say, or refinance later as part of the settlement, but at least I won't have to move them out immediately. I'm relieved about that. Emotionally, I've been in survival mode. My days are so full with the kids and legal stuff and looking for work that I hardly have time to process the hurt. I still have my moments at night where it all hits me again, the betrayal by the two people I trusted most. I haven't spoken a word to Claire since our last conversation. She did send me a letter at one point, actual handwritten letter, delivered to my parents' address. In it, she apologized yet again

and said she understood I might never forgive her. She said she's moving to her sister's place a few hours away for months to have her baby, and she wished me and the kids well. I read it, felt a bunch of complicated things, and then tucked it away in a drawer. I have nothing to say to her at this point. Maybe someday I'll find it in me to let go of the anger, but I will never let her back into my life. Betrayal to her. changes everything. As for my ex, well, technically he's still my husband until the papers are signed. Our interactions have become civil but strictly about practical matters. We keep it mostly to texts about pick-up times or kid-related info. Now that he's realized I'm not going to budge on the

divorce, he's toned down the emotional appeals and is focusing on trying to come out of this with some dignity. There's less outright hostility than there was in the beginning of negotiations, which is a small blessing. I think his lawyer probably told him to cool it and be cooperative if he doesn't want to drag this out longer or make himself look bad. My parents and a few close friends have been my rocks through all of this. And no, those friends are definitely not mutual with Claire or my ex. In fact, a couple of them dropped Claire completely when they heard what happened. It's been eye-opening to see who truly has my back. My kids are doing okay given the circumstances. The seven-year-old has started asking more questions like,

Why can't Daddy live here with us? Which is heartbreaking, but I'm handling it with as much honesty as I can for his age. I tell him Mommy and Daddy both love him and his sister very much, but we are going to live in different houses so we can be better parents. It's hard to explain it without painting either of us as the villain to a child. The four-year-old is thankfully still mostly oblivious to the situation and just enjoys the extra time at Grandma and Grandmas. and daddies' fun weekend outings. So yeah, it's been rough, but we're getting through it day by day. The divorce isn't final yet, but we're inching closer. I can see an end to this ordeal on the horizon, faint as it is. Once the legal stuff is sorted, I'll finally be able to truly start the next

chapter of my life without all this hanging over me. Update 4, it's been about nine months since this whole nightmare began, and I'm happy to say the divorce is finally finalized. The paper is are signed, the assets divided, and we can all start to move forward. It's strange to close the book on a decade-long marriage, but mostly I feel relief that the legal battles are over and I can focus on the future. The final settlement ended up being something we can both live with. I have primary custody of the kids, and he gets them every other weekend and one weeknight for dinner, plus some holidays we're splitting. It's pretty much the arrangement we were already doing, and it seems to be working for the kids. He eventually

admitted that a strict 50 to 50 split wouldn't mesh well with his job schedule, so he backed off on that demand before we went to court. I'm glad we were able to be practical about it in the end. The kids are adjusting well to the new routine. They've gotten used to the idea that mom and dad live in different places. We even managed to both attend our older child's school play last month without it being awkward, we just sat separately and kept it cordial. It was hard, emotionally, but I was proud of our kid and that mattered more than the divorce stuff in that moment. Financially, I negotiated to keep the house in exchange for giving him a larger share of our saving slash retirement accounts, and I'll refinance in my name within a year or two.

I'm receiving spousal support for a couple years in child support, which together will allow me to get on my feet. I actually found a part-time job. It's not a huge income, but it's a foot in the door and helps fill the gap. Juggling work in single parenting is going to be a challenge, but I've got a solid support system with my parents nearby and a good daycare for the little one when I need it. As for my ex-husband, at this point he's basically just a co-parent. The interactions between us are civil and focused on the kids. He's been trying in his own way to make amends by being a reliable dad. I can tell he carries a lot of guilt. He apologized again during our final mediation session, a much more genuine apology for the pain he caused. I told him I appreciated it,

and I do, but forgiveness is a work in progress. I'm not sure if I'll ever fully forgive everything, but I won't let my hurt ruin our ability to raise our kids together. We communicate as needed about school, health, schedules, business-like, but polite. In a weird way, I'm proud of us for getting to this functional co-parenting stage after all the toxicity earlier. It's better for the kids this way. And what about Claire? Honestly, she's not a part of my life anymore, and that's for the best. I did hear through a mutual acquaintance that she gave birth to a healthy baby girl recently. I don't wish her ill, in fact, I hope she becomes a better person for that little girl's sake. But I have zero interest in reconnecting. That chapter is closed.

Looking back on the past year, it still feels a little unreal how quickly my life changed. Nine months ago I was a devoted wife planning our family's future, now I'm a divorced single mom. But I'm okay. The kids are okay. We're navigating this new normal day by day. There are still moments of anger and hurt that flare up. I won't pretend everything's magically healed, but those moments are fewer and farther between now. Mostly, I feel at peace with my decision to leave. It was absolutely the right call. This will likely be my last. update. There isn't much more to tell, and I genuinely hope there are no more surprise twists waiting around the corner.