Reddit Stories - Spouse REQUESTED some time off to DISCOVER her true self, but I DISCOVERED

Episode Date: July 23, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #marriage #selfdiscovery #truthrevealed #unexpecteddiscoverySummary: Spouse requested time off to discover her true self, but I discovered something unexpected.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, spouse, relationships, marriage, selfdiscovery, truthrevealed, unexpecteddiscovery, personalgrowth, marriageproblems, communication, secretsrevealed, relationshipadvice, lifelessons, selfreflection, honesty, trustBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse requested some time off to discover her true self, but I discovered she was engaged in an online romance with a jobless man residing in his mother's lower level, so I assembled evidence and filed for divorce while she tried to take custody of my kid. So my wife Sarah and I have been married for eight years and we have a six-year-old son named Marcus. I'm 32, she's 29, and we live in Ohio where I work as a network administrator for a mid-sized company and make decent money around $75,000. Sarah worked part-time at a dental office until about two years ago

when she decided to stay home with Marcus full-time, which I supported because childcare costs were eating up most of her paycheck anyway and we could manage on my income. Everything seemed normal until about six months ago when Sarah started acting different. Not like dramatic different where she's suddenly a completely new person, but little things that added up. She was always on her phone,

which wasn't unusual because everyone's on their phone, but she'd flip it face down when I walked into the room or take it with her to the bathroom. She started staying up later, claiming she was watching Netflix or reading articles online, but when I'd glance over she'd quickly switch screens. She also started talking about how she felt like she was losing herself in motherhood and marriage, which I get because being a stay-at-home parent is hard work and I told her we could look into getting her some time for hobbies or maybe she could go back to work part-time if she wanted. The thing is, I'm not someone who jumps to conclusions or gets paranoid easily. I've always been pretty straightforward about problems and I figured if something was really

wrong, we'd talk about it like adults. But Sarah kept giving me these vague answers about needing space to think and figure out what she wanted from life. I suggested marriage counseling and she said maybe later, she just needed time to sort through her feelings first. Then about four months ago, Sarah comes to me and says she needs a break from our marriage. Not a divorce, just a break to find herself and figure out what she wants. She said she felt suffocated and needed time to remember who she was before she became a wife and mother. She wanted to move back in with her parents for a few weeks, maybe a month, and take Marcus with her so she could have some distance but still be a mom.

Her parents live about 40 minutes away in a smaller town, so it's not like she was asking to move across the state or anything. I wasn't thrilled about this idea because breaks in marriage usually means someone's already checked out or there's someone else involved, but Sarah insisted it was just about her needing space and not about me or our marriage specifically. She said she still loved me but felt lost and needed time away from our routine to clear her head. I told her I thought it was a bad idea and that we should work on things together, but she was adamant that she needed this break to save our marriage in the long run.

So I agreed to the break, mostly because I didn't want to be the controlling husband who wouldn't let his wife have space when she was clearly struggling with something. Sarah packed up her and Marcus's things and moved back to her parents' house. We agreed she'd bring Marcus back for weekends with me and we'd talk every few days to check in. The plan was supposed to be temporary, maybe four to six weeks max. The first week was weird because the house felt empty and I missed having Marcus around for his normal bedtime routine and weekend activities. Sarah would text me updates about how Marcus was doing and send pictures, which was nice, but our phone conversations were awkward and surface level. She'd ask about work and I'd ask about her parents and Marcus, but we weren't really talking about us or the break or what she was figuring out about. herself. By the second week, I noticed Sarah was posting more on social media, which was strange

because she'd never been a big Facebook or Instagram person. She was posting pictures of herself at coffee shops, hiking trails, and local events, always with captions about exploring and discovering new things. Some of the pictures were clearly taken by someone else because she was in them, but she never mentioned hanging out with friends or who was taking the photos. When I asked about it during one of our calls, she said she was just trying to get out more and meet new people, maybe make some friends since she'd been isolated being home with Marcus all the time. Around the third week, Marcus started asking when he was coming home and if Mommy and Daddy were getting divorced like his friend's parents did.

I told him Mommy just needed some time to visit Grandma and Grandpa and that we'd all be together again soon, but I was starting to wonder if that was true. Sarah kept extending the break, first saying she needed another week, then two more weeks, than maybe through the end of the month. Every time I pushed for a specific timeline or asked what exactly she was figuring out, she'd get defensive and say I was pressuring her and not respecting her need for space. That's when I decided to do some digging. Sarah's explanations were too vague and her behavior was too different from the woman I'd been married to for eight years.

I'm pretty good with computers because of my job, so I checked our phone records and saw she was texting and calling one number, more than usual, sometimes for hours at a time and often late at night. The number had a different area code, not from around here or where her parents live. I reversed search the number and found it belonged to someone named Kevin who lived in Portland, Oregon. I found his Facebook profile and saw he was 26, unemployed, and according to his posts, living with his mother while working on his music career and building his streaming following.

His profile was full of complaints about how hard life was and how nobody understood his artistic vision, plus a lot of angry posts about women and relationships that made me think he wasn't exactly a catch. But here's the kicker, Sarah had been liking and commenting on his posts going back about seven months, way before she asked for the break. Their interaction started innocent enough, commenting on his music posts and him replying with, Thanks, but then I could see it escalated to more personal conversations in the comments before they obviously moved to private messaging and phone calls. I felt sick realizing my wife's need to find herself was actually about finding some loser in Oregon who spent his days playing video games and complaining about life while his mom paid his bills. But I didn't confront Sarah right away

because I needed to think about my next moves, especially regarding Marcus and what this meant for our marriage and custody arrangements. I started taking screenshots of everything I could find their public interactions on social media. Sarah's posts about exploring new connections and opening her heart to new experiences and Kevin's posts about finally finding someone who understands him that lined up perfectly with when Sarah asked for her break. I also printed out our phone records showing the hundreds of texts and hours of calls between them.

While I was gathering evidence, Sarah called to tell me she wanted to extend the break indefinitely and was thinking about making some big changes in her life. She said she'd been doing a lot of soul-searching and realized she might be happier in a different environment, maybe somewhere with more opportunities and a different pace of life. When I asked what that meant specifically, she said she was considering moving somewhere new, maybe the West Coast, where she could start fresh and build the life she really wanted. That's when it clicked that Sarah wasn't just having an emotional affair with Kevin, she was planning to move to Oregon to be with him and take Marcus with her.

I asked her directly if she was planning to move and take our son away from me, and she said she hadn't made any final decisions but she needed to consider all her options for building a better future for herself and Marcus. I told her that moving Marcus across the country wasn't an option we'd agreed to when she asked for a break, and she said the break had helped her realize that staying in Ohio wasn't what was best for her or Marcus in the long run. She said Marcus would benefit from new experiences and a different environment, and that I could visit or maybe even consider moving too if I wanted to be part of their new life.

That conversation ended with me telling Sarah we needed to talk in person about these plans because moving our son across the country was a major decision that affected all of us, not just her journey of self-discovery. She agreed to meet me the next day halfway between our house and her parents' place. The next day, I met Sarah and brought printouts of everything I'd found, the phone records, screenshots of her social media interactions with Kevin and his public posts about their relationship. I put the papers on the table and told her I knew about Kevin and that her break wasn't about finding herself, it was about having an affair with some guy in Oregon who couldn't even support himself. Sarah's face went completely red and she started

saying it wasn't what I thought, that Kevin was just a friend who understood what she was going through and that their connection was emotional, not physical. I told her that didn't matter because she'd been lying to me for months and was planning to take our son across the country to be with her a fair partner without even discussing it with me first. She said she hadn't been planning anything definite and was just exploring her options, but then she started talking about how unhappy she'd been in our marriage and how Kevin made her feel alive and understood in ways I never had. She said Kevin supported her dreams and encouraged her to think bigger about her life, while I just wanted her to stay in the same boring routine forever. I told her that was fine, she could pursue whatever dreams she wanted with Kevin, but she wasn't taking Marcus to Oregon to play house with some unemployed guy she met online.

Sarah said I was being controlling and that she had just as much right to determine what was best for Marcus as I did. She said Kevin was actually great with kids and had been helping her think through how to give Marcus better opportunities than he'd have in Ohio. That's when I told Sarah I'd already consulted with a divorce attorney and would be filing papers by the end of the week. I said if she wanted to move to Oregon to be with Kevin, that was her choice, but Marcus was staying in Ohio with me where he had stability, his school, his friends, and a parent who wasn't chasing online relationships with strangers. Sarah completely lost it and started yelling about how I was trying to control her and keep her from being happy, and that I was using Marcus as a weapon against her. She said she'd been miserable for years and finally found someone who made her feel valued and supported, and now I was trying to destroy that because I couldn't handle her finding happiness outside our marriage. I told her I wasn't trying to destroy anything. She'd already done that by lying and cheating and planning to uproot our son's life for some guy she'd never.

even met in person. She admitted they hadn't met face to face yet, but said that didn't make their connection any less real or meaningful. We went back and forth with her insisting that moving to Oregon would be good for Marcus and give him new opportunities, and me pointing out that she wanted to move across the country for a guy who was unemployed and lived with his mother, which didn't exactly scream stability or better opportunities for our son. The conversation ended with Sarah saying she wasn't going to let me bully her into staying in a marriage and life that made her miserable and me telling her she was free to leave but Marcus wasn't going anywhere. She gathered up the papers I'd brought and said she needed time to think about everything,

which I thought was ironic since she'd been doing nothing but thinking for the past four months while lying to me about what she was actually thinking about. That afternoon, I went straight to my attorney's office and filed for divorce, citing adultery, and requesting primary custody of Marcus based on Sarah's plan to relocate him across the country for reasons unrelated to his best interests. My attorney said the evidence I'd gathered would be helpful, especially the documentation of Sarah's affair and her stated intention to move Marcus away from his established life in Ohio. I also called Sarah's parents that evening to let them know what was happening.

They were shocked because Sarah had told them she just needed space to figure things out and hadn't mentioned anything about Kevin or moving to Oregon. Her dad was pretty upset that Sarah had been lying to them too and using their house as a base while she planned to move across the country. Her mom was more focused on Marcus and worried about how all this would affect him. The next day, Sarah called me screaming about how I'd blindsided her by filing for divorce and talking to her parents. She said she thought we were going to work things out and that filing papers was a nuclear

option that would destroy any chance of saving our marriage. I told her that ship had sailed when she started her affair and began planning to move our son across the country without discussing it with me. She said she hadn't made any final decisions about moving and was just exploring possibilities, but I pointed out that she'd already been talking to Kevin about Marcus and how he'd fit into their life together in Oregon. She couldn't deny that because I had screenshots of Kevin posting about looking forward to meeting the little man and talking about how he was ready to step up and be the father figure Marcus needed. Over the next few weeks, things moved pretty fast. Sarah hired her own attorney and tried to argue that she should have primary custody

because she'd been Marcus's primary caregiver for the past two years as a stay-at-home mom. But her attorney couldn't get around the fact that Sarah was planning to move Marcus away from his school, friends, and extended family to live with a man she'd met online who had no job or stable housing situation. The court ordered a temporary custody arrangement where Marcus would stay with me during the week and visit Sarah on weekends, but only in Ohio. Sarah wasn't allowed to take Marcus out of state without court permission, which effectively killed her plans to move to Oregon, at least in the short term. Sarah was furious about the custody restrictions and kept arguing that I was using the legal system to control her and prevent her from building a new life.

She said Kevin was supportive and understanding about the situation and was even considering moving to Ohio to be closer to her, which I thought was hilarious since he couldn't even afford his own apartment in Oregon where the cost of living was way lower than most places in Ohio. During this whole process, I had to explain to Marcus why Mommy and Daddy weren't living together anymore and why he couldn't go visit Grandma and Grandpa as much. I kept it simple and age appropriate, telling him that sometimes grown-ups have disagreements about important things and need to live separately while they figure things out.

Marcus took it pretty well, probably better than Sarah and I did, and seemed relieved to be back in his own room and normal routine. About six weeks after I filed for divorce, Sarah came to pick Marcus up for her weekend visit and told me she'd been doing a lot of thinking about our marriage and whether we could work things out. She said her relationship with Kevin had helped her realize what was missing in our marriage, but maybe we could rebuild our connection if we both put in the effort. I told her I wasn't interested in rebuilding anything with someone who'd lied to me for months and tried to move our son across the country for an affair partner. She said the thing with Kevin wasn't really an affair since they'd never been physical, and that she'd ended

their relationship when she realized it was complicating her ability to co-parent with me effectively. I asked if she'd ended it because she realized it was wrong or because the custody restrictions made it impossible for her to move to Oregon, and she couldn't give me a straight answer. She kept talking around the question and saying that her priorities had shifted now that she understood how serious the legal situation was. That's when I knew Sarah hadn't actually ended things with Kevin because she realized she'd made a mistake, she'd just put their relationship on hold because I'd made it legally impossible for her to follow through on her original plan. She was trying to reconcile with me as a backup option while probably still talking to Kevin and figuring out a new way to make their relationship work. I told Sarah I wasn't interested in being her plan B while she figured out how to make her a fair

work within the constraints of our custody arrangement. She said I was being unfair and not giving her credit for trying to fix our marriage, but I pointed out that she'd only become interested in fixing things after her plan to move away with Marcus got blocked by the court. The divorce process took about a few more months to finalize. Sarah's attorney tried several different approaches to get her more custody time or permission to relocate with Marcus, but none of them worked because she couldn't demonstrate that moving to Oregon would benefit Marcus in any concrete way. The fact that she wanted to move to be with an

unemployed man she'd met online didn't help her case. In the end, I got primary physical custody of Marcus with Sarah getting him every other weekend and alternating holidays. She also has to pay a small amount of child support since I'm covering most of Marcus's expenses and she's supposed to get a job now that she's not staying home full-time. The court also ordered that neither of us can relocate more than 100 miles from our current location without permission and a custody modification hearing. Sarah moved into a small apartment about 20 minutes from our house and got a job at another dental office.

She seems to have accepted that her Oregon plans aren't happening, at least not any time soon, but I suspect she's still in contact with Kevin in some capacity. Her social media activities suggest she's still interested in exploring new connections and staying open to opportunities, which sounds like the same language she was using when she was planning to move across the country. Marcus has adjusted well to the new arrangement and seems happy to have a consistent routine again. He doesn't ask about the divorce much anymore and has accepted that mommy and daddy live in different houses now but both love him very much. Sarah is a decent mother when she's focused on being a mother instead of chasing online relationships, so I'm glad Marcus still gets to spend time with her regularly. The whole situation taught me that when someone asks for a break to find themselves,

they've usually already found someone else and are just trying to figure out how to transition to that new relationship without completely blowing up their current life. I'm not bitter about Sarah choosing to end our marriage because if she was that unhappy, it's better for everyone that were not together. But I am angry that she tried to use Marcus as a bargaining chip in her affair and was willing to uproot his entire life so she could chase some fantasy with a guy who couldn't even support himself, let alone help support a child. Now I'm focused on being the best single dad I can be in making sure Marcus has stability

and consistency in his life. Sarah can pursue whatever relationships make her happy, but she's not going to disrupt Marcus' his life or use him to facilitate her romantic adventures. So I'd offer filing for divorce while Sarah was planning to take Marcus across the country, even though she says she was just exploring her options and hadn't made any final decisions. Update 1, a lot of people asked for updates, so here's what's been happening since my original post. Sarah's been following the custody arrangement and things have been relatively smooth for the past couple months. Marcus is doing well in school and seems to have fully adjusted to the new routine.

Sarah picks him up Friday evenings and brings him back Sunday nights, and they usually do normal kid activities like going to parks, movies, or visiting her parents. But last week something happened that confirmed my suspicions about her still being in contact with Kevin. Marcus came home from a weekend with Sarah and mentioned that Mommy's friend Kevin had been on video calls with them. When I asked Marcus about it, he said Kevin had talked to him a few times and asked him questions about school and what he liked to do for fun. I immediately called Sarah and asked her about Kevin talking to our son during her custody time. She tried to downplay it and said Kevin was just being friendly and that it wasn't a big deal since they were just video chatting.

I told her I didn't want some stranger from Oregon talking to Marcus, especially not the guy she'd been having an affair with. Sarah got defensive and said Kevin wasn't a stranger anymore since they'd been talking for almost a year, and that he was genuinely interested in being part of her life, which included getting to know Marcus. She said Kevin had been asking about Marcus for months and she thought it would be nice for them to meet, even if just over video chat. I told Sarah that Kevin meeting Marcus wasn't her decision to make unilaterally, especially since our custody order specified that neither of us could introduce Marcus to romantic partners without discussing it first. She said Kevin wasn't technically a romantic partner since they'd

never met in person and their relationship was complicated by the distance and legal situation. That's when I realized Sarah was still planning to make things work with Kevin somehow, even though she couldn't move to Oregon anymore. She'd probably been telling Kevin about the custody restrictions and they were trying to figure out alternative ways to build their relationship, including getting Kevin involved with Marcus to see how they'd all get along. I told Sarah that any future contact between Kevin and Marcus needed to stop immediately, and that if I found out she was still facilitating conversations between them, I'd go back to court to modify the custody arrangement.

She said I was being controlling in trying to dictate who she could talk to and who Marcus could meet. But I pointed out that protecting Marcus from my ex-wife's affair partner wasn't being controlling, it was being a responsible parent. Sarah agreed to stop the video calls but said she thought I was overreacting and that Kevin was actually a positive influence who could potentially be good for Marcus if their relationship developed further. I told her that wasn't going to happen and that she needed to accept that her affair with

Kevin wasn't going to turn into some blended family situation involving our son. The conversation ended with Sarah saying she understood my concerns but thought I was being unfair to Kevin, who have been nothing but supportive and kind throughout this whole situation. I told her Kevin being supportive of her affair and her plan to move Marcus across the country didn't make him a good guy, it made him someone willing to help break up a family for his own benefit. I've been keeping closer tabs on Marcus's weekends with Sarah and asking him more questions about what they do and who they talk to. So far it seems like the video calls with Kevin have stopped, but I'm watching the situation carefully because I don't trust Sarah to

maintain those boundaries long term. Update 2, about a month ago, Sarah started asking about modifying our custody arrangement to give her more time with Marcus during the summer. She said she wanted to take him on a longer vacation and maybe visit some places they'd never been together. When I asked for specifics, she was vague about where they'd go and how long they'd be gone. Then two weeks ago, Marcus came home from a weekend visit and mentioned that Mommy had been talking about taking a big trip to see mountains and that they might visit someone who had been wanting to meet him for a long time. When I pressed Marcus for more details, he said Sarah had shown him pictures of mountains and a big house, and that the person they might

visit was Mommy's special friend who lives far away. I immediately knew Sarah was planning to take Marcus to Oregon to meet Kevin, despite our custody agreement that prohibited her from taking him out of state without court permission. I called Sarah that night and confronted her about it, and she admitted she'd been thinking about taking Marcus to Oregon for a week during his summer break so he could see a different part of the country and meet Kevin in person. I told Sarah that wasn't happening and reminded her about the custody restrictions, but she said she thought those were just temporary while we were getting divorced and that now that everything was finalized, she should be able to travel with Marcus during her custody time. I explained

that the travel restrictions were part of our permanent custody order, not just temporary divorce proceedings. Sarah got frustrated and said she felt like I was keeping Marcus trapped in Ohio and preventing him from having new experiences. She said Kevin had been looking forward to meeting Marcus for months and had been planning activities they could do together, including hiking and visiting some kind of music studio where Kevin apparently does his recording. I told Sarah I didn't care what Kevin had been planning because he wasn't going to meet Marcus, period. She said I was being unreasonable and that Marcus deserved to know the people who were important in her life, especially someone who might become a permanent part of their future.

That's when Sarah admitted that she and Kevin had been talking about him moving to Ohio instead of her moving to Oregon. She said Kevin was willing to relocate to be closer to her and Marcus, and that they've been discussing him finding work in our area so they could build a life together here. I asked Sarah if she seriously thought Kevin moving from Oregon to Ohio was going to happen, considering he couldn't even find work in his own city and was living with his mother. She said Kevin was motivated to make changes in his life now that he had something real to work toward, and that having Sarah and Marcus in his life would give him the stability and purpose he needed to become more successful. This whole conversation made me realize that Sarah hadn't

given up on her relationship with Kevin at all. They just changed their strategy from her moving to Oregon to him moving to Ohio. She was probably still planning to introduce them during the summer trip, but now it would be framed as Kevin checking out Ohio as a potential place to relocate rather than Sarah and Marcus visiting him in Oregon. I told Sarah that Kevin wasn't moving to Ohio and that Marcus wasn't meeting him whether it happened here or in Oregon or anywhere else. She said I couldn't control who she dated or who she introduced Marcus to forever, and that eventually Kevin was going to be part of their lives whether I liked it or not. I ended the conversation by telling Sarah that if she took Marcus out of state without court permission, I'd have her arrested for custodial interference and would seek to have her custody rights terminated. She said I was threatening her and being vindictive, but I told her I was protecting our son from her continued poor judgment regarding this affair.

The next day, I called my attorney and told him about Sarah's plans to take Marcus to Oregon and her ongoing relationship with Kevin. He said we could file for a custody modification to make the travel restrictions even more explicit and possibly reduce Sarah's custody time if she continued trying to violate the existing order. We filed a motion asking the court to clarify that Sarah couldn't take Marcus out of state under any circumstances without written court approval and requesting that she be held in contempt if she continued. planning unauthorized travel with him. We also asked for Sarah to be required to provide detailed itineraries for any overnight trips with Marcus, even within Ohio. Sarah's attorney filed a response arguing that the original custody order was too restrictive and that Sarah should be allowed to travel with Marcus during her custody time as long as she provided reasonable notice. They claimed that preventing Sarah from taking Marcus on vacations was

harmful to their relationship and Marcus's development. The hearing was a hearing was last week, and Sarah had to testify about her relationship with Kevin and her plans to take Marcus to Oregon. Under oath, she admitted that she'd been in regular contact with Kevin throughout our entire divorce process and that they've been planning for him to meet Marcus for months. She also admitted that Kevin moving to Ohio was a possibility they discussed seriously. The judge wasn't impressed with Sarah's honesty or judgment. He pointed out that she'd been deceptive about ending her relationship with Kevin and had been planning to violate the custody order by taking Marcus out of state without permission.

He also noted that introducing Marcus to her affair partner wasn't in Marcus's best interests and showed poor parental judgment. The judge modified our custody order to make it crystal clear that Sarah cannot take Marcus outside of Ohio without prior written court approval and that any violations would result in immediate suspension of her custody rights. He also ordered that Sarah cannot introduce Marcus to any romantic partners without first notifying me in the court, and that any such introductions must be gradual and in Marcus's best interests. Sarah was furious about the new restrictions and said the judge was treating her like a criminal instead of a mother trying to build a new life.

Outside the courthouse, she told me this wasn't over and that she'd find a way to build a relationship between Kevin and Marcus that didn't violate the court order. I told Sarah she needed to accept that Kevin wasn't going to be part of Marcus's life and that continuing to pursue this was only going to result in her losing more custody time. She said Kevin wasn't going anywhere and that I'd have to get used to the idea that he was going to be part of her life permanently. Since the hearing, Sarah has been following the modified custody order, but I can tell she's not happy about it.

Marcus hasn't mentioned any more video calls with Kevin, but I suspect Sarah is just being more careful about hiding their contact rather than actually ending it. I'm prepared to keep fighting this in court if necessary because I'm not going to let Sarah use Marcus to facilitate her relationship with some guy she met online. Marcus deserves stability and consistency, not to be dragged into his mother's romantic drama with a stranger from across the country. So that's where things stand now. Sarah is still seeing Marcus every other weekend, but under much stricter guidelines about

travel and introducing him to new people. I think she's still planning to find a way to make things work with Kevin, but at least now I have better legal protection to prevent her from involving Marcus in that relationship.