Reddit Stories - Spouse RESIGNED from her POSITION to launch a venture but never FOLLOWED through,

Episode Date: November 1, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #career #entrepreneurship #communication #decisionmakingSummary: Spouse resigned from her position to launch a venture but never followed through, causing strain in the relationship. Lack of communication and unfulfilled promises led to feelings of betrayal and disappointment.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, career, entrepreneurship, communication, decisionmaking, spouse, resignation, venture, followthrough, strain, betrayal, disappointment, promises, unfulfilledBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse resigned from her position to launch a venture but never followed through, so I provided for her for a long time as she splurged on unnecessary items until I intervened. Weekly budget, until she tried to commit identity fraud and open credit cards in my name. I, 34M, have been married to my wife, 32F, for four years. I have a stable job that pays well. My wife, on the other hand, does not work currently. She had a job when we first married, but she quit after less than a year.

Initially, she said she wanted to pursue starting her own online business and that a nine to five job felt stifling. I supported her decision at the time, I believed in her and I also believe in equality, so I thought if the roles were reversed, she'd do the same for me. We agreed I'd cover our living expenses while she tried to get her business idea off the ground. Well, it's been three years since then and the business never materialized. She tried a few hobby projects but nothing serious came of it. I never pushed her to go back to work because we didn't urgently need a second income. My salary was enough to pay for our mortgage, bills, groceries, and still put some aside in savings.

I was okay being the sole breadwinner for a while. What I didn't anticipate was how much she would start spending during this time. My wife has always enjoyed shopping, but after she quit her job it ramped up to an extreme level. She spends thousands of dollars on shopping and expensive stuff for herself. I'm not talking about necessities or even reasonable treats, I mean designer handbags, jewelry, the latest gadgets, spa retreats, you name it. If she sees something she likes, she just buys it. At first, I tried to be understanding.

I figured maybe she was feeling down about leaving work and shopping was a coping mechanism or a way to enjoy the free time. I even indulged her for a while, buying her a couple of high-end items for birthdays and holidays. However, it quickly spiral beyond what I could comfortably afford. I started noticing huge credit card charges. In one month, she spent over $5,000 on our joint credit card on luxury items and high-end salon services. Another month, it was close to $3,000 on clothes, shoes, and decor. These were on top of all our regular bills. It started eating into our savings.

I had a serious talk with her then. I explained that we needed to budget and watch the spending, or we would run into financial trouble. She listened and said she'd try to cut back, but I could tell she wasn't really happy about it. Over the next few months, nothing really changed. She would agree to a budget verbally but then blow past it whenever she felt like it. I'd find shopping bags hidden in the closet or see charges on the credit card statement for stuff she never mentioned. Each time, I'd confront her, and it would turn into an argument. She'd get defensive and sometimes flip it on me, saying things like I was treating her like a child for monitoring her spending,

or that I wouldn't do this if she was a man. She even accused me of being against her feminist ideals. A real feminist man wouldn't try to control his wife's spending. You only care because it's your money. That argument was especially frustrating, because in my view it wasn't about gender at all. I'd have the same issue with any partner, male or female, who was spending way beyond our means. I also pointed out that part of being truly independent is being responsible with money, but she just rolled her eyes at me. After one particularly bad blow up, when I discovered she secretly opened a store credit card and racked up $1,200 on it in a week, I realized talking and pleading wasn't getting through to her.

We were on the road to financial ruin if this continued. I had to take more decisive action to protect our finances. So, as a last resort, I set a firm limit on her spending. I cancelled our joint credit card to prevent further damage, I made sure to pay off the money. I made sure to pay off the money. the remaining balance myself, which hurt my savings a lot. I told her she would have to stick to a budget of $200 per week for discretionary spending. I chose $200 because it seemed more than enough for personal expenses like eating out with friends, makeup, or little things she wanted, but not enough to buy, say, a Louis Vuitton bag on a whim. I continued to pay all the actual household bills, of course, the $200 per week was just for her fun money, essentially. I also made it clear this was temporary until she either started earning her own income again or we got our finances in order.

When I implemented this, my wife was furious. She said I had no right to put her on an allowance like she's a child. She basically accused me of being financially abusive by controlling her like this. But every other method had failed. She wouldn't stick to any budget we mutually agreed on, and we don't have infinite money or a millionaire family to bail us out. It was either this or we'd end up in massive debt. I tried to explain that to her calmly, but she was too angry to listen. She yelled that I was undermining her independence and that a real man wouldn't restrict his wife. The first few weeks of the $200 per week budget

were tense. She did comply in the sense that she stopped openly using the credit card, since it was now cancelled, and used the debit card we set up with the $200 weekly cap. But she was extremely cold to me during this time. She would make snide remarks like, I have to check with my warden before I can buy anything. Or if her friends asked her out to a fancy restaurant, she'd huff that I only have what my husband lets me have. It was humiliating and frustrating for both of us. I repeatedly told her that she was free to get a job and have as much of her own money

as she wanted, or we could figure out a more flexible budget if she would actually stick to it. She refused to even consider getting a job, she claimed that I promised to take care of her and that if I couldn't handle it maybe I'm not man enough. That hurt a lot. Despite her resentment, I honestly thought she was at least respecting the new spending limit in practice. Our bank statements looked normal for a change and the hemorrhaging of cash stopped. I started to breathe easier financially and hoped that eventually she would adjust or come around to understanding why we needed to live within our means. But then everything fell apart. A few weeks ago, I got a phone call at work from a credit card company's fraud department.

They wanted to verify if I had applied for a new credit card that day, because the application triggered a fraud alert, I have credit monitoring set up. I had not applied for anything. I immediately suspected identity theft and froze my credit reports. I was freaked out, wondering if I'd been hacked or something. They told me the application was made online with my name, SSN, and our home address, but a different email and contact number than mine. The email was oddly familiar, it was my wife's personal email. When I saw that, my heart sank. No one else would have all my personal info like that except her,

and me. It turns out my wife had tried to open a new credit card under my name to get around the spending limit I set. She never mentioned anything to me, of course. She was essentially going to steal my identity to get a credit line behind my back. I came home early that day, absolutely furious and in disbelief. I confronted my wife with what I found. At first she tried to play dumb, she said things like I don't know what you're talking about and why would I open a card in your name. That makes no sense. But I had evidence. I had evidence. I had a the email, it was clearly hers, and the phone number on the application was hers as well. I also found, on our home computer's browser, the credit card website in the history with an application

form in progress. Once I laid out all the proof, her denial stopped. Then she switched to justifying it. She said she had to do that because I backed her into a corner with the spending limit. Her argument was that I forced her hand by being, in her words, ridiculously controlled. in treating her like a prisoner. She claimed she needed a way to have access to more money for herself because I was holding the purse strings too tight. I told her this was literally fraud and a massive betrayal of my trust. This isn't something any reasonable person would justify just because they want more pocket money. That fight was the worst one yet. We were both screaming by the end of it. She hurled all sorts of insults at me, basically painting me as some oppressive,

misogynistic husband. I admit I lost my temper and yelled back, calling her out on her hypocrisy. I said it was absurd that she constantly talks about female independence, but instead of actually being independent by earning her own money, she chose to steal from me. I told her if anyone was abusing someone in this marriage, she was financially abusing me. That did not go over well. She just kept shouting that I drove her to it. At some point her anger turned. to desperation and she began pleading with me not to ruin her life over this. She promised she would never do it again, that she just felt trapped by the budget. She even tried to claim she was planning to use the card to buy things for both of us, which I know is a lie because

the stuff she usually buys hardly benefits me. I think by then she could see in my face that something had broken between us. I was just done. I told her I needed space and I walked out. I went to stay at my brother's house that night because I didn't want to be under the same roof at that moment. I was afraid the fight would escalate further or I'd say something I couldn't take back. I spent that night and the next few away, trying to process what had happened. My brother and a couple of close friends I confided in all said this crossed an unforgivable line. They were concerned not just about the money, but the fact that my wife could scheme behind my back in such a sneaky, illegal way. I really had to agree. No matter how I spun it, I couldn't see myself ever trusting her

after this. In the days that followed, my wife blew up my phone with calls and texts. Initially, I ignored most of them, because I was still too angry and hurt to talk. Eventually, I answered one of her calls. She was crying and apologizing over and over. She said she wasn't thinking straight and that she panicked because she felt like I was cutting her off and she didn't know how to live like that. She begged me to come home and talk in person. A couple of days later, I agreed to go back and have a serious discussion. Before going, I had already quietly consulted a divorce attorney to understand my options, though I hadn't made up my mind fully. When I met my wife at the house, she actually looked genuinely remorseful at first. She started off by apologizing again and saying

she would do anything to make it right. I stayed calm and told her that what she did was a massive breach of trust and not something that can be just forgotten with an apology. I was honest that I had even spoken to a lawyer. At that point, she flipped from remorseful to angry again, saying I was an asshole for giving up on us so quickly and not even trying to work through it. That pretty much settled it for me. I felt like she still didn't grasp that she is the one who blew up our marriage with her choices. I told her flat out that I want a divorce. She did not take that well. There was a lot of yelling, again. She said I was overreacting and that I must not love her if I'd throw everything away over a mistake. I calmly told her that a mistake is accidentally overspending or forgetting

to pay a bill. What she did was calculated and intentional. I also said I have to look out for my own future because she clearly doesn't have our mutual best interests at heart if she could do that. Eventually, I just walked out as she was shouting at me that I'm an awful husband. Since then, I've been staying with my brother and we're essentially separated. The fallout among our families and friends has been messy. My wife has been telling her friends and siblings a very one-sided story that frames me as some controlling, penny-pinching tyrant who left her because she spent some money. She has conveniently left out the part where she tried to open credit lines in my name without telling me.

As a result, I've gotten some angry calls and texts from people thinking I'm the worst husband ever. Her parents found out the full story from both sides. Her mom actually called me and apologized for her daughter's behavior. Her mom and I have always gotten along, and she was clearly mortified. Her dad was extremely upset too, at both of us, I think. He's old-fashioned and didn't like that I put her on a spending limit. He compared it to putting a child on an allowance, but he was also furious with her when he learned about the attempted credit card fraud.

In any case, her parents are now involved and are trying to get her to come stay with them and sort herself out. As of now, I believe she did go back to her parents' house. I've made it clear to everyone that divorce is happening. Some of them think I should reconsider, her dad suggests, suggested we do counseling, but I have zero interest in marriage counseling at this point. I am not looking to save this marriage. Now I'm moving forward with the divorce process. We have no kids and we've only been married four years, so it should be straightforward legally, though emotionally it's anything but easy. I'm posting this is because I've been second-guessing myself despite all that

happened. My wife, soon to be X, and some people in her orbit are making me feel like I'm to blame for driving her to this point by being strict about money. I question if setting that spending limit was the right approach or if it was a mistake that made me an asshole and pushed her away. In my heart I feel I did everything I could before resorting to that. But when you hear people calling you controlling, it messes with your head. So I really need to know, am I the asshole for enforcing that budget and then ending the marriage over her attempt to bypass it. Edit, additional info. First off, wow, thanks for all the responses.

I didn't expect this post to blow up. I've been reading through your judgments and advice. It's been a tough couple of days, but seeing so many objective viewpoints has really helped me feel less crazy about how all this went down. I want to address some of the common questions and assumptions that came up in the comments. 1. Why doesn't your wife work? Was this agreed on? As I mentioned, she quit her job a few years ago to try and start an online business. I was on board with that plan at the time. Unfortunately, she never followed through in a serious way. After that, she just settled into a lifestyle of leisure. It became a sore point. I did ask a few times if she wanted to look for even a part-time job or something if the business wasn't happening, but she would get very upset. She'd say I wasn't supporting her dreams or that I was trying to make her get a job for someone else like a peon. So yes, initially we

agreed I'd support us for a while, but that evolved into her not even looking for work or running a business at all. In hindsight, I probably enabled this by not pushing the issue harder. Two, do you have kids? Does she do a lot of labor at home? No, we don't have children. thankfully, since that would make everything even more complicated and painful. With no kids and her not working, you might assume she took over the household chores. Not really. We split chores pretty evenly. She's never been the domestic type and we also have a monthly cleaning service that I pay for. She cooked dinner maybe two to three times a week, I'd cook on weekends, and we ate out or ordered in the rest of the time.

So it's not like she was contributing by running the household or raising children. Our arrangement was basically me handling all finances and both of us doing minor chores, while she had a lot of downtime. Three, why $200? How did you decide on that number and enforce it? I picked $200 after reviewing what her non-essential spending typically looked like when it wasn't exorbitant. like backslash $200 covers going out to a couple of nice dinners, or buying some clothes or hobby stuff in a week, which felt reasonable. If she needed something beyond that for a legitimate reason, the idea was she'd discuss it with me first. To implement it, I ended up opening a separate checking account just for her spending money and got a debit card for it that she could use.

I would transfer exactly $200 into it every Monday. Our main accounts and credit cards were now off limits to her, I changed the online banking passwords, etc., which she was also angry about, but I felt it necessary. She did still have one credit card in her own name with a small limit, I think $500, but that was maxed out already and her credit score wasn't great, which is probably why she didn't or couldn't just open a huge new card in her own name. 4. Isn't financial control a form of abuse? Are you sure you weren't being abusive? I've thought about this a lot, and I firmly believe this was a unique situation that had nothing to do with the typical financial abuse scenario. In an abusive situation, a spouse might withhold money to control every aspect of their partner's life and keep them trapped. In my case, I reacted to her out of control spending by setting a limit to protect us from bankruptcy.

I never cut off money for things she needed, only for the endless luxuries. and it wasn't done out of a desire to control her, but out of necessity because she refused to listen to reason. I would have been thrilled for her to have her own money to spend. If she had a job or a business income, she could spend as she pleased. She chose not to, and still chose to burn through my money. It really felt like the only option left. If anything, like many of you said, I was the one being taken advantage of financially. 5. Did you try therapy or counseling, financial or marital, before deciding on divorce?

I suggested both financial counseling and marriage counseling at different points. When her spending first started getting crazy, I wanted us to see a financial advisor together to make a budget. But she laughed that off and said she didn't need someone else telling her how to spend her money, the irony being it was mostly my money. As for marital counseling, I brought it up after the big fight when I cancelled the credit cards. She refused. She said, I don't need a therapist. You need to learn how to relax. So, yes, I did suggest it and she wanted no part of it. After the identity theft incident, going to counseling together was off the table for me, because I was already one foot out the door by then. I have started going to therapy on my own now,

after the fact, to help me deal with the emotional fallout. 6. Are you going to report her to the police for fraud slash identity theft? I haven't, and I probably won't unless something crazy happens. I did report the fraudulent application to the bank as unauthorized, but I did not press criminal charges or name her specifically. Legally, yes, I could. But I don't see what that would accomplish aside from destroying her life completely. Despite everything, I don't hate her enough to want her in jail or with a record if I can avoid it.

If she were going around ruining my credit or had stolen a ton of money, I might feel differently. As it stands, I cut off the damage before it got worse. My lawyer did take note of it for our divorce proceedings, mostly to ensure it's documented in case she tried to pull something else. But this divorce isn't about punishing her, it's about protecting myself and moving on. 7. How bad was the financial damage? Some folks asked if we're bankrupt or how much she spent in total. We were not bankrupt, no. But she was burning through money faster than I could earn it, and it was severely impacting our finances.

I'd estimate in the past year alone she spent around $60,000 on pure luxury and unnecessary things. That's a huge chunk of my salary that could have been used for our future. We don't have that money now, it's gone on stuff I can't resell for anywhere near what was paid. As for debt, aside from the mortgage, I made sure we cleared any credit card balances, which again means I effectively paid for her spending. She also has that one card in her name with $500 balance that she hadn't paid. I refuse to cover that, so it's on her. The attempted new card she applied for in my name had a $15,000 limit.

Thank God it was caught before it was approved or we potentially have even more debt if she maxed it out. So while we aren't in formal debt besides the house, my savings account is way lower than it should be for someone who's been earning what I earn. I basically have been treading water financially instead of building wealth because I was funding her lifestyle. I hope that gives a clearer picture. The overwhelming consensus here has been that I'm not the asshole and I'm finally starting to accept that for myself. It's easy to be guilt-tripped when people, and your spouse, are telling you that you're doing something wrong by asserting a boundary. Reading the comments has really helped solidify that her actions were not excusable and that my

response, while sad, is justified. Update, moving forward with divorce. It's been about two weeks since my original post. Things have been moving fast and also not fast enough, if that makes sense. I wanted to come back and update those who were invested in this situation. As I said I would, I went ahead and officially filed for divorce. My lawyer filed the paperwork and my wife was served with divorce papers a few days after my post. I braced myself for another explosion from her, but surprisingly, it never came.

At least not in the way I expected. According to a mutual friend, when she got served she had a bit of a breakdown, crying, screaming at the process server, etc., but she didn't call me ranting afterwards. In fact, she barely contacted me at all directly, aside from a couple of texts where she seemed more shocked and hurt than angry. I think she finally realized I was serious and that she might have pushed me too far to turn back. She did quickly hire a divorce attorney of her own. Since then, most communication has been lawyer to lawyer.

I moved out officially and I'm staying with my brother full. time. I've been paying him some rent, though he tried not to accept it. We've had minimal direct contact. Honestly, it's been such a relief to not have daily fights or anxiety spikes whenever I check my email or mail. One time she did reach out directly was to ask if we could meet to talk. I was wary, but I agreed to meet her in a public cafe during daytime. It turned out she wanted to apologize again and possibly see if I'd reconsider the divorce. She was very subdued in that meeting, a stark difference from her prior anger. She did say sorry, and admitted that she messed up really bad. I nodded but didn't say much. Then she asked if I would consider

pausing the divorce and trying counseling or a trial separation instead. This was difficult, but I told her no. I said I have no confidence that she wouldn't hurt me again and that I think this step is for the best. She started to cry and said, so this is really it. You're just going to throw away our marriage. I responded that she threw it away when she chose money and lies over honesty with me. After a few minutes, she just nodded, tears in her eyes, and quietly said, I understand. We parted ways. It was an emotionally heavy conversation, but I'm glad we had it. Now, on to the practical stuff. The lawyers have been hashing out the division of assets and all that.

House, we own a house together, well, technically I had it before we married, but it's considered marital property since we've lived there and both contributed in some way, albeit I paid the mortgage. We've agreed that I will keep the house. I can afford it on my own and it's my childhood home, I inherited it and had bought out my siblings' shares, which is why there was a mortgage. She never had a deep attachment to it. I'll refinance to remove her from the deed and give her a small lump sum buyout, mostly covering a portion of the equity gain during the marriage. Honestly, she could have tried to push for more, but she didn't.

I wonder if that's guilt or just her realizing she doesn't want to fight a losing battle given the circumstances. Savings and possessions We're splitting the joint savings account, which isn't huge, thanks to her spending. I offered her roughly 30% of it, and she explained. She'll also keep her car, which is in my name, but we agreed I'll sign it over to her. It's an older car anyway. I'll keep my car. We divided up household items. There weren't many we were attached to mutually. She took most of the furniture from the guest room and her

personal items. Obviously, there was no argument over TVs or anything. We had two, she took one, I kept one. It was relatively civil in that regard. Debt, as mentioned, I insisted, and she agreed in writing, that each of us will be responsible for any debt in our own names. That means her personal credit card and any personal loans are on her. The attempted fraudulent card in my name never went through, so that's off the table. I'm so thankful I caught it early. Alimony, given the short length of the marriage and that I'm not exactly a millionaire, she's not seeking alimony, especially because her actions are the cause of the divorce. While that doesn't legally bar alimony in our state, no-fault divorce laws.

I think she's smart enough not to push it. She has leaned on her parents for money in the interim, I guess. They're retired and not wealthy, so I suspect she will find a job soon out of necessity. emotionally, these last few weeks have been a pretty terrifying but I'm doing better. I still go to work every day and do my job, but I did take a couple of mental health days earlier to just get myself together. I have leaned on my family a lot. My parents, who are also upset with her, since they treated her like a daughter and she burned me like this, have been very supportive. My mom is actually the one who encouraged me to talk to a therapist. I've had a few sessions and it's been helpful to have an objective perspective

and to work through the betrayal. A few friends of ours are sort of in shock because on the outside we seem like a decent couple. I've had to field the question of, is there any chance you'll forgive her and get back together? Multiple times. My answer is a resolute no. Without Without trust, there is no foundation for a marriage, and her actions shattered any trust one had in her. In my mind, there's no coming back from that. I'm honestly looking forward to finalizing everything and moving back into my house alone. I haven't been back there except to grab some personal stuff. The lawyer said once the papers are signed and filed, likely within the next couple of months,

since we've agreed on terms, it'll be official. I plan to take a few days off work when that happens and just process everything, maybe do a solo trip or something to clear my head. So that's where things stand. It's not a happy ending, but it feels like the right ending. My ex-wife and I are civil but distant. I think she's embarrassed and doesn't want to talk to me much now, which is fine by me. One last thing I want to say, I'm really grateful for the support I got from the Reddit community on my original post. It gave me the confidence to stand up for myself and realize that I'm not the villain here, despite what my wife tried to make me believe. Reading others' opinions helped me see how toxic the situation had become. Forward slash forward slash.