Reddit Stories - Spouse was absent during the ARRIVAL of our NEWBORN because he ATTENDED a

Episode Date: November 5, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #parenting #familydrama #newborn #marriageSummary: A dilemma arises as the spouse is absent during the arrival of their newborn, having attended an event instead. The situation sparks conflict and raises questions about priorities and responsibilities within the relationship.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, spouse, absent, arrival, newborn, attended, event, conflict, priorities, responsibilities, relationship, dilemma, parenting, familydrama, marriageBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse was absent during the arrival of our newborn because he attended a university gathering, where he set his phone to silent mode to chat with his former romantic partner, and now she is expecting a child. With his baby while he signed away rights to our son. My husband, 32M, missed the birth of our first child because he was at a college reunion party. And it wasn't just bad timing or a freak accident, it was a chain of choices he made that left me, 31F, going through labor and delivery without him by my side. To give some background,

about a year ago, my husband lost his job. It was a decent job in his field, and the loss hit him hard. At first I tried to be supportive, I get that unemployment can be a blow to anyone's self-esteem. But over the months, he stopped even looking for work. He became bitter and paranoid, convinced that the world was against him and that any job he was offered was beneath him. Meanwhile, I was working full-time, picking up extra hours and side gigs to cover all our bills. I even got a promotion at my job during this time, which should have been good news, but instead it just made him resentful. He'd make snide comments like must be nice to be the golden employee or I guess you don't need me at all now, huh? It was hurtful and confusing, I wanted to succeed in my career, but I also desperately wanted

my partner back, the guy who used to be proud of me rather than threatened by my success. Instead of job hunting or helping around the house, he spent every day glued to his computer or the TV. He'd play video games for hours and even watch porn, while the housework went completely ignored. I'd come home after a 10-hour shift to a sink full of dirty dishes and am still on the couch. Despite being home all day, he barely lifted a finger, so I'd have to cook dinner and clean up while utterly exhausted and pregnant. It felt like I was taking care of a grown child rather than having a partner. Then, nine months ago, I found out I was pregnant.

It was a surprise, we hadn't been trying. In fact, I was on birth control, which is why part of me was shocked it even happened. I remember staring at the positive test, I always wanted to be a mob. but the timing was terrible given our situation. With him unemployed and our relationship strained, I wasn't sure we were ready. When I finally worked up the courage to tell him, he reacted in a way I didn't expect, he was ecstatic. He swept me into a hug, actually crying tears of joy and thanking me for the best news ever.

I was relieved to see him happy for once, but also nervous. I told him plainly that if we were going to have a baby, things had to change. He needed to step up, emotionally and financially. He promised me he would. He said this was the motivation he needed to finally get his act together, find work, and be the supportive partner and father our child would deserve. Fast forward nine months, and none of those promises materialized. Not one.

He didn't apply for any jobs beyond maybe sending out a couple half-hearted applications early on. He continued spending most days in his virtual escapism, letting me handle everything else. I paid the rent, the utilities, the groceries, his credit card bills, literally every expense. I also was the one doing the grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning. Being pregnant on top of working full-time meant I was exhausted. I'd collapse into bed each night with swollen feet and an aching back. He'd sometimes rub my feet or my feet. or say, thank you for dinner, but that was the extent of his contribution. Any time I tried to have a serious talk about our finances or him finding work, he'd get defensive or angry. He'd either

shut down and refuse to talk or blow up with something like get off my back, I said I'm looking. Even though he wasn't. So I stopped pushing as much, hoping he'd come around on his own. As my due date approached, I had some maternity leave lined up, but I knew I'd still be the only income. I had hoped becoming a father would snap him out of his funk. But just a few days before my due date, he dropped a bombshell. He told me he was planning to attend a weekend get-together with some of his old college buddies. It was essentially a reunion party at a friend's house across town. He framed it like it was no big deal, just one last hurrah with the guys before becoming a dad, he said. I couldn't believe he was seriously planning to go party when I was

literally do any moment. I told him as much that I needed him to be ready to take me to the hospital, or at least be with me in case I went into labor. He brushed off my concerns and said I was worrying too much. He promised up and down that he'd keep his phone on full volume, wouldn't drink much, and that if I called, he'd leave right away to be with me. He even went as far as arranging for his mom, my mother-in-law, to come stay over at our place while he was out, just in case. In hindsight, that gives me chills. It's like on some level he knew he was doing something terribly risky, and he wanted to ease his own guilt by making sure I had someone else as a fallback. I didn't feel good about it at all, but he was so insistent. He rarely went out these days,

true, but that was by choice. Still, he made me feel like I was some killjoy if I put my foot down. I finally relented on the condition that he absolutely must answer if I call. He swore he would. So, the night of the party, his mom came over around dinner time. He left the house a little before 7 p.m. Before he walked out, I remember he actually made a joke like, don't have the baby before I get back, okay? I didn't find it funny at all. My mother-in-law, who is a sweet but somewhat passive woman, tried to reassure.

me that everything would be fine, that first babies usually take a long time to come anyway. As luck or fate would have it, my water broke just about two hours after he left, around 9 p.m. It was like something out of a movie, one moment I was cleaning up after the small dinner I'd made for Mill and me, and the next I felt a sudden gush and a sharp cramp. I yelled out in surprise, and my mother-in-law rushed in. She helped me to the bathroom and confirmed that, yep, my water had definitely broken. I was 100% going into labor. We immediately tried calling my husband. I wasn't just calling, I was blowing up his phone. I dialed him at least 15 times in the span of maybe 20 to 30 minutes. Straight to voicemail every single time. I texted two, a dozen,

then two dozen frantic texts, my water broke, come home now. We're leaving for the hospital. Where are you? Why aren't you answering? No response. Not even a single tick of him reading them. My mother-in-law ended up driving me to the hospital while I sat in the backseat breathing through contractions that were already coming fast and hard. I was in pain, terrified, and utterly bewildered that my husband was unreachable. I remember between contractions I just kept staring at my phone, willing it to light up with his name. It never did. Not on the drive, not when we checked in at the hospital, not through the long hours of labor that followed.

And let me tell you, the labor was brutal. I was in active labor for about ten hours, and it was excruciating, far worse than I had even mentally prepared for. I was screaming, crying, begging for the pain to stop at one point. The nurses and doctor were great, and my mother-in-law stayed by my side holding my hand. She really stepped up, and I do appreciate her for that. But the entire time I was in agony, both physically and emotionally, one thought kept churning through my head, where the hell is my husband?

I needed him. I needed him to be there, telling me I could do this, that everything would be okay. Instead, I was looking at an empty doorway, just hoping with every passing minute that he'd burst through it. He did not. I delivered our baby without him. present. Our son came into the world and his father was nowhere to be found. The moment my baby boy was placed on my chest, I felt overwhelming love and relief that he was healthy. He was perfect at

seven pounds four ounces, wailing with a strong set of lungs and a head of dark hair. It wasn't until almost four hours after our son was born that my husband finally showed up at the hospital. Four hours. It was early morning by then, just after sunrise. I was in a recovery room, exhausted and barely lucid, holding my sleeping baby. My mother-in-law had been trying to reach her son as well, alternating between comforting me and stepping out to call him repeatedly from her phone. When he walked into my hospital room, he looked disheveled, shirt untucked and wrinkled, a stain on it, his hair a mess.

I could smell the alcohol on him from a few feet away. He had the nerve to smile weakly and go, hey. I came as soon as I heard. Sorry I missed it. I immediately told him to stay back, I didn't want him near me or the baby. My tone startled our son and he started fussing. So a nurse came and gently took the baby to check his vitals and let me deal with the situation. I was shaking with anger and I asked, what the hell happened?

You missed everything. He at least had the decency to look embarrassed for a second. He mumbled something about how he had lost track of time. That made me explode. We have a child now. How could you lose track of time on the one night I needed you to be reachable? I practically yelled. That's when his flimsy excuses started.

He said he had put his phone on Do Not Disturb mode because he wanted one evening without distractions. He actually dared to frame it like he just needed a little break, as if his entire life isn't already a break while I do everything. He said catching up with his old friends was something he hadn't done in years and he didn't think one night off was a big deal. I asked if he understood that I could have died, or our baby could have had an emergency, and he'd have had no idea. He responded with, well, my mom was with you,

so it's not like you were alone or anything. She obviously got you to the hospital. What was I supposed to do? stare at you while you screamed in pain. It's not a crime that I wasn't there every second. I just. I had no words. He tried to step closer, presumably to see or hold the baby, but I yelled at him to get out.

I told him I didn't want him anywhere near us. My mother-in-law had come back into the room by then and started scolding him too, saying she couldn't believe how careless and stupid he'd been. He got defensive with her, Snapping I'm getting attacked from all sides here, can everyone just chill out? That was it for me. I screamed at him to leave, right now. I said I didn't want him in the room and I sure as hell wasn't going to let him touch our son after what he pulled.

He swore under his breath, something along the lines of me being crazy and overreacting, but ultimately he did slink out of the room after my outburst attracted a nurse's attention. My mother-in-law was apologizing to me for her son's behavior, and even in my exhausted state I felt bad that she felt the need to apologize. None of this was her fault. It was 100% on him. Now I'm home from the hospital with my baby, and I told my husband to stay at his parents' house for now. I certainly don't want him here with us at the moment. He's been texting me, saying I'm overreacting by banning him from his own child and that we need to talk.

I've ignored most of his messages because I just don't have it in me right now. I feel utterly betrayed and disrespected. He abandoned me during labor after making endless promises that he wouldn't. If I can't rely on him for something as serious as this, what can I rely on him for? I got my mom and sister have been coming over to help with the baby, thank God, because I'm an emotional wreck and hardly sleeping. My in-laws, especially my mill, have also been supportive and check-in constantly. They're furious with their son, which says a lot. I'm not sure what my next step is.

I am so angry that I want to keep him away from the baby until he fully understands how badly he messed up. Anyway, that's where things stand right now. I'm posting this because I genuinely want to know if I'm justified in feeling this betrayed. I told him not to come home and that. I don't want him near our son, at least for the time being. He thinks I'm being irrational and that because his mom was there it all turned out fine. From my perspective, nothing is fine about what he did. I need some outside perspective here. Am I the asshole here?

I feel like I know the answer, but he's so insistent I'm overreacting that I'm second-guessing myself. Any insight would be appreciated. Update 1, a few days later. It's been a few days since I posted and I wanted to give an update. First off, I want to thank everyone for their support and feedback. Since coming home from the hospital, I've been pretty much in full mama-bear mode, taking care of my newborn and trying to recover myself. My husband is staying at his parents' house. We've only communicated through a handful of texts and one extremely tense phone call.

In that call, he mostly tried to minimize what happened, like, it's not that big a deal, you and the baby were fine, right? And he accused me of overreacting and using our child as a weapon because I haven't let him come back home to see our son. I ended up hanging up on him because I could feel myself getting enraged all over again. Meanwhile, a lot of things have started to click in my mind about the past year. I have a nagging suspicion now that my husband may have tampered with my birth control on purpose. I know that sounds crazy, but hear me out. I was on the pill and we'd use condoms as backup if I ever missed a dose, so getting pregnant was a shock.

In hindsight, a couple things stand out. I recall one night he insisted we skip using a condom just this once, and that happens to line up with one I likely conceived. Another time I found my birth control pack oddly out of place, which I shrugged off then. Now I wonder if it wasn't an accident. It makes me sick to consider, but maybe he wanted me pregnant to trap me, to make sure I wouldn't leave him because of the baby. He knew I'd try hard to keep our family together if a child was in the picture. I haven't confronted him about this, I doubt he'd ever admit it, but I can't shake the thought. If it's true, it means even my pregnancy might have been based on his manipulation.

On top of that disturbing possibility, I found out something else that's been gnawing at me. Remember that college reunion party he just had to attend? Through some social media lurking, I discovered that one particular person was also at that party, his ex-girlfriend. And not just any ex, this is the woman he used to call the love of his life, the one who broke his heart years ago by cheating on him and leaving him. Let's call her Anna, not her real name. I've never met her in person, but early in our relationship he talked about her a lot. maybe a little too much, in hindsight. He would occasionally drop things like Anna would have loved this concert

or Anna always wanted to travel there, even when it wasn't really relevant. I eventually told him it made me uncomfortable how often he brought her up, and he apologized and stopped for a while. But I always had a subtle feeling that he never completely got over Anna. There was this unresolved bitterness whenever her name came up, like when we ran into a mutual friend of there's once who casually made, mentioned Anna, my husband got very quiet and moody afterward. I discovered she was at that reunion from a group photo one of his college friends posted publicly on Facebook. Sure enough,

his ex was in the picture, looking exactly how I remembered from old photos. Suddenly my husband's eagerness to attend this reunion and his complete radio silence during my labor made a twisted kind of sense. I feel it in my gut that it wasn't just about him having a few beers with the guys. his ex was there and he went out of his way to ensure no one not even his nine months pregnant wife could reach him that night it's a lot to process i haven't yet confronted him about knowing his ex was at the party honestly since our last blow up i've kept communication to a minimum he hasn't exactly been trying to talk either maybe he senses that i've found out more or maybe he's just stewing in his guilt, if he even has guilt. He did send a text this morning asking

how the baby is, I responded with a short update about our son and left it at that. My plan, for now, is to speak with a lawyer soon to understand my options, just in case. I haven't made any firm decisions about our marriage yet, but I know that trust is gone. Between his failure as a partner over the last year, him abandoning me during the birth, and now these suspicions of birth control tampering and possibly cheating with his ex. I don't see how we come back from this. I'm not ready to declare I'm definitely divorcing him because my emotions are still all over the place and I want to do right by my son. But I am documenting everything, saving his texts, and I even saved that photo from the party. I just wanted to share where my head is at.

It's scary dealing with this level of betrayal while also learning to be a new mom. I appreciate the continued support, and I'll update again when I have more answers. I suspect there's more to this story, and I intend to find out. Update 2. It's been a few more weeks, and things have escalated in ways I was afraid they would. I want to update and also just document what's happened, because my head is spinning. After my last update, I decided I needed to hear the truth from my husband directly, if there was any truth to be had. We met in person about a week. We met in person about a ago, and I didn't want him in my home. I left the baby with my mom for that meeting so I could focus on the conversation without having to hand over our son or anything. When he showed up,

I'm not sure if he's still at his parents or crashing with a friend, but clearly things aren't great for him. The first thing he asked was if he could see pictures of the baby. I showed him a couple on my phone and he got teary-eyed, but I didn't let that distract me. I said we needed to talk about the night of the party, specifically about his ex being there, and that it was time for him to be completely honest. I started by asking point blank if he knew Anna, his ex, was going to be at that reunion. He looked shocked that I even knew she was there. At first he tried to play it off, I heard she might be there, but I wasn't sure, and then he insisted, I went to see all my friends, not just her. I kept pressing, and his body language told me he was lying, he couldn't

even make eye contact, fidgeting like crazy. Finally, I asked the million-dollar question, did anything happen between you and Anna that night? He tried the cowards route, what do you mean? Like, what would even happen? I told him to cut the crap. I said, you disappeared on your pregnant wife for an entire night. You put your phone on silent and ignored my calls while I was in labor. If you can't give me a straight answer about why, then we're done here. That shook him. He finally admitted, okay, fine. We kissed. It was just a stupid, drunk kiss, okay? It meant nothing. I don't even know who started it, maybe she kissed me, or I kissed her, but that's all that happened. Just one kiss. You happy now? He didn't stop there,

he started spewing out excuses and blame. He complained that our men, marriage hadn't been happy for a long time. He grumbled about how there's no intimacy, you're always criticizing me, he said seeing his ex that night just made him feel wanted again and that he was drunk and lonely and got caught up in the moment. But, according to him, it was just a kiss and meant nothing. I let him finish his little speech and then asked if he realized he was saying all this to the woman who had just birthed his child alone. I pointed out that if he was feeling unhappy or unloved, he had countless opportunities to talk to me, to suggest counseling, something, not do what he did. And for the record, his no intimacy complaint

pisses me off. I was nine months pregnant and he was treating me poorly, so of course our sex life wasn't great. He is only himself to blame. When I said all that, he shifted from defensive to outright hostile. He claimed I pushed him away and made him feel like a useless man, so when he had the chance to feel wanted by an old flame, he took it. I asked if he even thought for one second about me or his unborn son that night. He replied, I didn't think you'd go into labor that early, as if that excused everything. I was 39 weeks. How was that early?

Then he added, besides, Mom was there with you and you were fine. That line really set me off. I told him he had no right to decide that his present. wasn't necessary, but how dare he assume it was okay to ignore me because someone else was there in his place? I asked if he felt any remorse at all for what he did. He actually looked me in the eye and said, I mean, I'm sorry you were hurt, but I can't honestly say I regret what happened that night. Yes, he said that. He tried to explain that it was the first time in forever he felt like his old self and that being around his college friends, and, obviously, his ex,

feel alive again, reminding him of simpler times. I was basically done at that point. I told him this marriage is over. There is no coming back from that level of selfishness. He didn't argue. In fact, he kind of sighed and muttered, maybe it's for the best. Neither of us have been happy. That hurt to hear, because I've been unhappy largely due to him and his choices, but he talked like we just equally drifted apart. I also confronted him about my birth control. I straight up asked if he had ever messed with my pills or tried to get me pregnant on purpose. He immediately got offended and said I would never do that, I'm not crazy. He claimed the pregnancy was as much a surprise to him as it was to me. I'm not sure I believe that, but at this point it almost doesn't

matter. There are already more than enough reasons to end this marriage without that piece. After this confrontation, I went over to my in-law's house, with the baby, and told them everything. Up to now I hadn't told them about the cheating, they only knew he missed the birth and that we were fighting. Well, I unloaded the whole truth, that he admitted to kissing Anna and that he deliberately put his phone on D&D to avoid me while I was in labor. My mother-in-law was beside herself. She actually started crying and apologizing to me again, and then she got mad. She called her son right then and there in front of me. I could only hear her side of the call, but she basically told him not to dare set foot back at their house.

She called him a jobless, cheating, pathetic excuse for a man and said she was ashamed to call him her son. I didn't catch everything, but I know she told him he had a beautiful wife and baby that he'd completely betrayed. My father-in-law just shook his head and discussed the whole time. They made it clear that until he sorts his life out, he isn't welcome under their roof. So it sounds like he's now couch surfing with friends. As for me, I have indeed contacted a divorce attorney and started the paperwork. There is no saving this. He texted our family group chat, which includes me, his parents, and my family.

A weak apology, basically saying he's sorry for how things turned out. I didn't respond, and neither did his parents. Frankly, I have nothing to say to him unless it's about our child or legal matters. My focus now is on protecting my son's future and making sure this man faces consequences for what he's done, financially and otherwise. If he thinks he can abandon his family and just waltz off to start a new life Scott Free, he has another thing coming. I'm heartbroken, yes, but also strangely relieved to have made a decision. This marriage is over on my terms. I'm grateful to have the support of my family and of my, soon-to-be former, in-laws, as messed up as this whole situation is for them too.

My mother-in-law told me I'll always be family to them and that they love me and their grandson. That meant the world to me. I'll update again once the dust settles a bit more. The next steps are legal, and who knows what other revelations might come to light. For now, I'm taking it day by day, focusing on my baby boy and myself. Update 3. This will likely be my final update. It's been a few months, and the divorce is officially finalized as of last week.

I wanted to share how things ended up. My ex-husband is completely checked out of our lives, including our sons. During the divorce, he agreed to terminate his parental rights. It was hard to watch him sign the papers, essentially abandoning our child. His reasoning. It turns out his ex-girlfriend Anna is pregnant with his baby. I doubt that Homewreckers' child is actually his baby but Ick do later this year. So while I was in labor with our son, he was apparently conceiving another baby with her.

All that talk about just a kiss was a lie. They slept together that night. When I learned Anna was pregnant, confirmed it with my ex-in-laws, who were horrified, I can't say I was truly shocked, but it still made me feel sick. My ex has chosen to start over with Anna and their unborn child, and in doing so he's walked away from his firstborn. He didn't even try to get visitation or any custody of our son. I have full legal and physical custody, and he's content to have no involvement. Honestly, I think he views it as one less responsibility to worry about. He did get a child support order put in place, just because he's given up being a dad doesn't

mean he can shirk financial responsibility. He has no income right now, so I doubt I'll see any money soon, but at least it's court ordered for whenever he does earn again. As for me and my baby boy, we moved out of what used to be our home. I'm in a new apartment closer to my family, focusing on creating. a positive, stable environment for my son. He's about six months old now, babbling and grabbing everything, just the happiest little guy. Being his mom is the best thing in my life. It breaks my heart that one day I'll have to explain why his father isn't around, but I'll deal with that when the time

comes. For now, he's surrounded by so much love. My mom and sister absolutely dote on him. and my ex's parents, his grandparents, are still very involved. Despite how disgusted they are with their son, they told me they refused to abandon their grandchild. They visit when they can, and we video chat often so they can see the baby. It's a little awkward given everything, but I'm grateful my son has their love and support. I think they're actually going above and beyond to compensate for their son's failures. Emotionally, I'm in a better place than I was when this all started.

Once the divorce was finalized and I had that decree in hand, I felt a huge weight lift off me. Of course, there are still hard days, being a single parent is tough, and there are moments of anger or grief that hit me. But the stress I have now is normal new mom's stress, not the toxic anxiety I had when I was with him. As for my ex and Anna, they're officially together preparing for their baby. I genuinely don't care what happens with them now, that's their business, not mine. The only communication between my ex and me is through a court-monitored app if needed, mostly about the child support, but he's been pretty silent. And that's fine by me.

So that's where things stand. Thank you to everyone who read and offered support throughout this. I won't be posting any further updates, I want to focus on the future now.