Reddit Stories - SPOUSE was DISCUSSING his former union at a pal's event and MENTIONED that

Episode Date: July 26, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #marriage #divorce #communication #friendshipsSummary: SPOUSE was DISCUSSING his former union at a pal's event and MENTIONED that. It led to a heated debate among friends, with varying opinions on the situation and how it was handled.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, marriage, divorce, communication, friendships, debate, opinions, situation, handled, friends, event, former union, pal, discussing, mentionedBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse was discussing his former union at a Pau's event and mentioned that if his late partner entered the room at that moment, he would resume their relationship. Off. My, 34F, husband, 37M, was married once before me. She was his high school sweetheart. They started dating their junior year, survived long distance during college, and got married when they were both 23 very shortly after graduating college. She passed away unexpectedly at age 26 from an aneurysm and it obviously devastated him, especially because they were extremely young.

They never had children. He contemplated remarrying because he was so heartbroken, but we ended up meeting about four years after that. We got married when I was 31 and he was 34 and have two children. Last night, we were at a friend potluck gathering. Everything was going well until one of our friends brought up a new. topic that had to do with relationships. She is newly divorced, so it was about her divorce. Others were chiming in with past relationships from high school, college, etc. I had said I never thought I would get married because my luck with men has always been terrible until I met my husband

and I said I felt very lucky to have met him. After a little while longer, my husband brings up his deceased wife. Everyone knows he was married before me and that she passed. He was talking about her and then drops a bomb and goes if she walked through that front door right now, I'd pick up where we left off if I am being honest. It felt like someone put my heart into a blender and punched me in the gut as hard as they could. Everyone in the room could sense the awkwardness that followed. To avoid making a scene, I just laughed it off even though I think it was still obvious

that it hurt me. I just felt that if you still felt that way, then why are we married? I've never asked him to get over his. wife. I have never had a deceased spouse or even a deceased partner, so I am unsure how that feels. But I would never say that in front of my new spouse. After the gathering, we left and I did not speak to him the entire car ride home or barely the entire night. I did tell him that what he said hurt my feelings deeply and that we could talk in the morning once I've calmed down because I didn't want to say something mean to him. I ended up sleeping on the couch because he would not leave

me alone. It's now the next morning and I barely slept. He is still sleeping. I'm not really sure what to say or what he will say update. This may be a long one I also tried to reply to as many comments as I could, but they were flooding in and I got a bit overwhelmed. May still try to read and reply to them. Many brought me to joyous and grateful tears. Less than three also, alcohol was not involved in the sense that he wasn't drunk. My husband is six feet three inches and almost 250 pounds. He had eaten quite a bit and had one beer. He was practically sober anyway.

We talked. I asked him to let me go first and to not interrupt. He doesn't usually interrupt anyway. This isn't verbatim. Just a rough sketch of how things went. I also included point some of you made. Without mentioning I posted about this of course. Me, I just want to say that I do not hate you for what you said.

I understand where you were coming from. She died and it was something neither of you saw coming. I could never ask you to get over her or to forget her because I know how much you loved her. She was your first love. I do understand that if she hadn't passed, we likely would not be together and you two likely would be. I have always understood this. But to say what you said hurt my feelings and embarrassed me. And even though her coming back from the dead is impossible, if it were, you would leave me and the children.

It was probably one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me. It is clear your feelings about her are still raw and it still hurts and I want you to get counseling and I want couples counseling very, very soon. He then apologized profusely, teared up and said how he did not. mean to hurt me and embarrass me in front of our friends. He basically said that he thought about it before he went to sleep and came to the realization that he should have kept it to himself. I mean, I can't be angry for what he thinks. He loved her and she died. His feelings are also valid here. Also said that he would never leave me and the children and that what he said

was just a poorly thought out and poorly worded statement. That he was not thinking clearly and when he said it. Hi, I'm Darren Marler. Host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record,

host, and distribute your show everywhere from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insertion. That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes. No editing required.

And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Spreaker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you.

Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Sprinker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out Spreaker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R.com. Immediately felt that maybe it came out wrong. I asked him how he would feel if I said that to him. He says, yeah.

It's bad. I know. I shouldn't have said it. I wouldn't be happy. I know you aren't happy. I should have apologized in front of everyone as soon as I said it or not have said it at all. I then asked him to think of the children and said it's like you saying. Hey, children's names, if my dead wife walked through the door, I'd pack my bags and never

speak to you guys again and then it really got uncomfy. After some silence, I had no idea what to say after that. He asked me if I wanted to divorce. So I asked him why he would think I would want to divorce just to see what he would say. He says he doesn't know. I didn't answer his question and said we needed to look into counseling. That he needed to get counseling for himself and that we would would. go to couples counseling. And if the answer is no, I am not interested in moving forward.

This isn't 100% about the comment anymore. I need to know if he is willing to make the necessary changes and put in the work to fix what he messed up. Because if you were to dismiss my feelings or not want counseling, it means he doesn't think this was that serious and that he may not take me seriously. I also said this to him. Some of the comments also told me to take the kids elsewhere. I agreed with this because it would be difficult to get through this while also parenting. I've got a very young daughter and a son that is a toddler. They are currently with my parents for the weekend and I'll be getting them Sunday night, so this gives us time to really work.

He suggested he sleep on the couch instead of me. I have nowhere else to go. I haven't told my parents because I really would like to keep this between me and him as much as possible. Family and friends jump to judge too fast and sometimes offer extreme and harmful advice and it's also embarrassing. Luckily we both have very good insurance that will help with counseling. I told him that it seems like whatever counseling he got after her death was not enough and that he was not consistent with it like he should have been. With trauma like that, I personally would have been in counseling for years before I even considered remarrying. He agreed.

He was only in it for about a year. and then stopped once he moved away from his hometown. Never got back into it. He also agreed to the individual and couples counseling. Kept apologizing. Kept telling me he loved me all day. It was also so difficult to be around him because he kept looking at me. I couldn't think.

It was like he would try to say something and then he would just stare and not say anything. With the kids gone, there's nothing to really do except talk, so we talked again right before dinner time. He asked me if I wanted him to cook or buy something. I still was not hungry to be honest. So I just told him he could pick something up for himself and that I wasn't hungry and that prompted the second discussion. Realized he must feel very bad because he noticed I hadn't really eaten much all day. Kept asking me to eat. I wasn't sulking too bad or anything. Just doing my usual tasks, but not speaking or eating as much and because we're home together all day, he noticed this. Ask me one more time to please eat dinner with him,

so I agreed. During dinner, he told me that he looked for counselors himself and wanted me to see if I thought they were okay enough and that he would keep looking. Last stretch. After all of that, I told him that we can't really predict anything until we've met with therapists. I don't want him to keep saying sorry. I want work and change. And then maybe we can move forward, but this is the first step. I don't want to just leave him. I am also not saying divorce is off of the table. I think he is still hurting from her death and his judgment is very, very clouded. If he didn't love me, I doubt he would have apologized so many times and looked for counselors on his own. A man that doesn't love me probably would have made me look or rejected going

altogether. Many people were suggesting this, I do not think he doesn't love me. Thought of this myself. Cried about it. Thought of my children. Cried more. I'm not staying for the kids, I'm staying because I want to at least try to fix. If it cannot be fixed, then at least I tried. We were also very close. Some people were asking how close we were prior to marriage, I guess, as a way to gauge the difference between their relationship and our relationship. Maybe to see if he settled. He was always very romantic, caring, and sweet to me. We've never yelled at each other. When we first started dating, he would plan dates, surprise me, brag about me to his friends. So that's why I am very confused on why he would blurt the... Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the weird dark

this podcast, I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere, from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreaker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insertion. That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every

download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Spreeker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out spreeker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R.com. very poor brain and mouth coordination. I also told him that I may get a counselor for myself. I don't think I need one. Someone suggested this. But I think he needs it more than I do. And because insurance companies are getting shittier by the year, three counseling bills may be pushing it. E.I.K. If I do get one, it's because I don't want to potentially resent him or doubt myself. Some people were making attempts to make me doubt myself.

Some people in the comments were very nasty to me. I appreciate Reddit hiding comments with many downvotes as they may be mean, but I couldn't help but click. Some of you are very mean and very nasty individuals and I hope you find happiness one day. There could be another update in the future. Not opposed to making one. Thank you all for your kind words and support. I've also responded to everyone that texted me, which was everyone there at the potluck that has my number. Three people, there were nine people there not including us.

They've all basically said the same thing. They can't believe he said that, they feel bad for me, asking if everything is okay. What he said was not okay, etc. He showed me some of the texts with him and his friends and some made me cry with how kind they were being towards me. basically telling him he wasn't necessarily wrong for thinking that, but wrong for saying it. I told him I loved him as well, and I have never not loved him even for a second. And that I wasn't angry with him and didn't want him to, I guess, suffer, for what he said. But I was just hurt and needed him to know that it did hurt me and him to respond how he saw fit and we'd go from there.

That is all for now. I tried to answer some of the more frequently asked ones that I saw. Again, sorry for this being so lengthy. Have a nice weekend everyone and thank you again. Next story, roommate told me to date her friend then got jealous and made my life living hell. So I moved out but now she wants me to pay all our apartment debt. I, 29NB, was renting an apartment with my friend Jess, 33F, from October 2023 to October 24. We had been very excited to move in together and really enjoyed living together for the first few months.

Over those first few months, I was introduced to a friend of Jess, Ash, 28NB, Jess told us that she really liked our friendship and she encouraged us to date, stating that we would be a cute couple. In Mar, 2024 I double-checked with Jess that it was okay and I began going on dates with Ash. However, almost immediately it became a problem for Jess. No matter how much Ash and I prioritized spending time with Jess one-on-one, giving her undivided attention, spending time as a group, and always making sure we planned the time Ash would be over at the apartment to suit Jess, it created a huge rift in our friendship. Jess is diagnosed with borderline personality disorder,

so Ash and I went to great lengths to listen to Jess therapist and follow their advice to make it as easy for Jess as possible. It didn't help. Jess became extremely depressed and unpredictable, and I had to interfere and monitor her often. Any time Ash came over, even though it was agreed upon, Jess would have meltdowns and scream at us and slammed the door or leave in a dramatic way. She was even hallucinating and would yell at us in the middle of the night accusing us of being too loud, red spicy time,

even if we were literally asleep or just watching TV. This left me feeling unsafe slash uncomfortable in my apartment. In June, I started spending more and more time at my parents or at Ash's house, especially on days I didn't work. I still tried to keep in touch with Jess and go see her often and I never tried to shame her or blame her for any of this. I understand that her trauma and mental health are not her fault. I am also disabled, which Jess knew before we moved and together. I had a job that was very good for me and extremely consistent. However, in August I had an incident related to my disability which left me in the hospital

for three weeks and afterwards my doctors told me I am no longer able to work at all. So I ended my employment and applied for state and federal disability income. I used my savings to pay rent in July and August but I had no income until the disability cleared after that. I told Jess in July that I would not be coming back to the apartment except to move out my things. That I would do my best to pay my rent in September and October, but if it ended up that I couldn't that I would accept responsibility for the debt when our lease ended. I also know enough about our local laws to know she couldn't be evicted before our lease ended even if I didn't pay

because of the amount of time. I kept in touch and gave her updates about my health and the status of my disability income throughout... Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere from Apple podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreeker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insert ad insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Sprinker also has a premium subscription model where your most

dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Sprinker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out spreaker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R dot com. But this time to keep her in the loop and make sure she had all the information I had. told her in August I would not renew the lease and in September I gave my intent to vacate to the apartment two weeks before it was due. Jess decided to not vacate and instead tried to find

a new roommate for a new lease in the same unit. However, Jess was unable to find a roommate and ended up having to vacate anyway, without having given proper notice. I was unable to pay for both those months. My state benefits didn't start until November and I'm still waiting for federal benefits, so when our lease ended I went to sign a contract with the apartment relieving Jess from the debt. But I found out the debt was much higher than what I owed. I should have owed till dollar one, $2,400 in the office said the debt was closer $3,600, the apartment printed a ledger of our payment history showing that Jess never paid her rent

in October. Additionally, the apartment informed me that because we both didn't give notice on time that they will be doubling our debt. They said their lawyers have all the paperwork now and I can discuss it with the lawyers once they contact me, until then there's nothing else I can do. They even think the lawyers can undo the doubled fee because of my disability status, but I have to wait until the lawyers reach out to me to know for sure. So, I asked Jess to meet me because I'm not willing to pay her unpaid rent, nor am I willing to pay the entirety of the doubled debt because she is the one who didn't turn and notice. I told her I would work to get the doubled fee canceled, but we needed to agree on the debt owed by each of us. And I told her if they still double it that I would work with her so she doesn't get stuck with a huge bill,

but that I shouldn't be responsible for the whole thing either. When we met, Jess told me that I abandoned her and I wasn't taking responsibility for anything and that I should pay the entire bill because it's my fault. I told her I felt responsible for my debt only and that I gave her ample communication throughout these situations. Now she's telling me that I screwed her over and that I'm a bad person. I admit, I lost my temper and said things I regret including that I didn't abandon her, and that she drove me out of my home and my disability made it easier to stay away. I do not think I should have said that, I know that I lost control of myself in this moment.

My parents and my partner are telling me that I should only pay my share of the debt and try to cancel the doubled fee, but if I can't cancel it that I shouldn't try to share that debt with her. They believe she needs to see that her actions have consequences, but I feel that sticking her a multi-thousand-dollar bill will financially ruin her. If I only pay for the rent I owed, she'd be left paying till the $5,000 if they don't drop the doubling of the debt, please help. Ida, and what should I do? Update 1. I will add some information that I had to repeat multiple times in the comments of the last one before we dive in. 1. I provided formal notice to vacate via email to the apartment directly two weeks before notice was due.

I thought I had made this clear in the original post, but I obviously hadn't considering how many people asked. Two, I'm not posting this story as a space to hate on or belittle people with BPD. I shared just diagnosis for context, but if you're seeking a place to rag on folks, don't do it here. 3. I still do not have federal benefits. Only state, and my state benefits are less than $500 per month. 4. I have my own legal team both for my SSSDS application and separately for my stuff with the apartment. Now on to the update. Last I posted, I was waiting for communication from the apartment's legal team to understand what could be done. Last week, I received communication from their property management company directly, instead. They provided me a ledger of the debt and added fees.

I worked with my legal team and we were able to fight them into removing the double charges. They have, however, added several cleaning fees, carpet replacement fees, trash removal fees, etc. My parents and I had gone to the apartment the last day of our lease and cleaned it very thoroughly so I requested photographs of the apartment upon their entry. It would appear, based on those photographs, that Jess had entered the unit after we left and damaged the unit pretty severely. This would have happened before I even tried to talk to her about how to split the debts, I went over everything with my lawyers and have informed the apartment the total share I'm willing to pay.

Including my unpaid rent, some admin fees, and a few other minor things it's roughly $2,600. They said they understand but they have no way of enforcing who pays what. I said I understand that completely and will work within the bounds of the system. They helped me set up a payment plan that works with my minimal income while I'm only receiving state disability benefits. I have emailed Jess the ledger I received, just in case she hasn't also been notified, and broke down item by item what share I would pay. And what balance that left her at the end of it all, about 2004?

$500. Unfortunately, if she refuses to pay, my lawyers have advised that I will have to pursue it it in civil court. But I have more than enough documented history. That's all for now. I'll update again if anything interesting happens. Update 2, it has been several months since the lease officially ended, and I have made arrangements with the lawyers and the apartment complex. They did waive the extra fees they were originally trying to charge us with but added some other fees because Jess trashed the place. I sent an email to Jess outlining what I agreed to pay. Jess' initial response to that email was, thanks for the trust issues, which I now find hilarious in retrospect. I have Jess blocked on all platforms except for email and informed her.

Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreaker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insertion. That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes. No editing required.

And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Spreaker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Spreker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out spreeker.com. That's S-P-R-E-K-E-R dot com. that we would only be in contact when strictly necessary. I have been in contact with the apartment and am on a payment plan. I still have not been approved for federal benefits and get very little in state cash benefits, but I use a small portion every month to make payments toward my debt. I get an emailed receipt every single month with proof of my payments.

I can also log into a portal and see how much debt is still owed and how much has been paid off. It would seem, so far, that Jess is also making payments as the total debt is decreasing by more than the amount I am paying, so I assume she is on a payment plan also. I wasn't really planning on updating again since things seemed to be going as smoothly as I could possibly expect after everything else that went down. However, last month, I got an email from Jess that showed just how disconnected she is from reality. She emailed me stating that she had noticed that I hadn't been in touch with her or our case manager about making any payments. She called me unreachable and mentioned that there was this massive debt hanging over her head since I abandoned her. I informed her that she could see the progress of payments being made by both of us on the portal and reminded her that she is welcome to reach me by email about anything related to this financial situation. I don't know, I thought y'all might find this funny and sad with me.

Unless things get dramatic, I doubt I will ever be updating this story again.