Reddit Stories - SPOUSE was WITHOUT a job for more than a year as I LABORED

Episode Date: November 6, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #marriage #jobloss #struggle #supportSummary: SPOUSE was WITHOUT a job for more than a year as I LABORED. It tested our relationship, but we supported each other through the challenges, strengthening our bond. Communication and understanding were key during this difficult time.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, marriage, jobloss, struggle, support, communication, understanding, challenges, bond, difficulties, teamwork, perseverance, commitment, love, growthBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse was without a job for more than a year as I labored for 12 hours a day and managed all the household chores despite enduring ongoing health problems. Subsequently, he requested me to initiate our joint bank account. Marriage because his needs weren't being met. I, 29F, and my husband, 31M, have been together for eight years, the last three we've been married. Little things keep adding up and I don't even know how to approach these issues. issues. He wants kids soon, but I can't trust that he'd support me. I'm trying to figure out if I

try to work on us or just leave. Recently as in the last four years, I have been dealing with chronic health issues, but just this year alone I've had three surgeries to fix various things for my health. Our SEGS life hasn't been good in a few years since I got ill. Maybe once or twice a month, he has told me that it's not enough and he's feeling rejected and is making his mental health worse, but if we have kids we won't be able to have SEGs while I'm recovering. I work five to six days a week, 12-hour night shifts in health care. I am the primary breadwinner in our relationship. He bounces from job to job and recently was unemployed for over a year while he was claiming to be applying to jobs.

I know the job market is horrible right now, so I wasn't pushing. I found out he was lying. He hadn't applied for anything in about six months including the jobs I got him recommended for through some connections I have. We got into a massive fight and I basically told him if he didn't have a job at the end of the month I was leaving and he could figure out bills himself. Not even a week later he was back working

at his old job. I still do all the cooking, cleaning, and household upkeep. On my days off I spend three to four hours just putting everything in order for the week. Even when he wasn't working, he wasn't doing anything except playing video games in another room while I slept,

so when I'd wake up there would be laundering, I'd have to switch or cat litter I'd have to scoop. He wants kids soon, but with my chronic health problems it's going to make children a really hard process on my body, lots of health risks and I would basically have to be on bed, rest the whole time and in and out of doctor appointments. I couldn't work or do anything really and I'm just scared I won't get the support that I need. I don't even know if I want to have kids with him anymore. He gets money every month from a settlement and he says it's enough to make up for the income

one won't be bringing in if I get pregnant. The settlement payout every month is less than one quarter of what I make in two weeks. I feel like I'm his mother already, I feel like I'd be one of those married single mothers. I've asked him about therapy, individual or couples and he is dismissive. Saying therapy hasn't helped in the past. So I've asked about medications but he doesn't want to take a pill every day. I don't want to come across as horrible or manipulative but I'm about ready to write out everything I do, bill payments, chores, time I'm at work, etc., and have him do it all for a month then tell me he thinks we can have kids right now. Edit. A few things since this is a real story and not AI. And I am a real person who is making choices in order to keep up

with the current economy and situation one, I work the hours I do so I can build up my PTO and sick time for my procedures and recovery time. Yes, I have FMLA for these, but it only pays out 60% of my wage versus 100% if I use PTO. Over time a cruise talks two and pays time and a half. We also have a pickup bonus of $10 an hour. I have been working at this hospital since 2015 as a CNA and phlebotomist since 2018 and an RN since 2020 so I have seniority and that comes benefits, yay unions. Two, I work night shift because it has the flexibility for my schedule and they work with me for my restrictions. I am lucky enough to work in a hospital that uses lifts and is staffed as well as can be currently. Shift differential also gives me an additional $6 an hour and that quickly adds up.

Three, my surgeries were laparoscopic and recovery time is about one to four weeks on average. Surgery one and three were both exploratory. My second was to remove a lesion on my intestines that connected them to my abdominal wall as well as a cyst on my ovary, and recovery was four weeks with four more on restrictions. I am about to have a fourth surgery to remove my gallbladder. Recovery is one to two weeks with two weeks of recovery. Yes, I have had a lot of surgeries this year, but I haven't had any before this unless you count upper and lower GIscopes, pelvic floor testing, gastric emptying test, x-rays, CTs, and MRI labs, genetic testing, and HADA scans. Or maybe the diet changes and medications that you have to be on for months at a time before you'd

see any really changes. I also have the birth control implant and me coming off of that would involve about three different doctors' inputs and oversight. Four, I blocked all of my husband's accounts and his friend's accounts that I know of. I plan on deleting this at some point, but I've just gotten angrier with each comment and everything I type out. At this point, I don't care if he finds this. Maybe it would be a wake-up call he needs. Five, our wedding was supposed to take place in November of 2020. That obviously didn't happen. We rescheduled to the end of 2021 so we didn't lose deposits. He quit his job about two months after our wedding. Six, people do things like meal prep for a week and find relaxation in cooking. My hospital provides scrubs. When I am home,

I have more than six pairs of underwear. So it's not like I don't have clothes if I don't do laundry every day. I appreciate all the comments but to the rude ones especially please remember that I am a real person. I'm sorry I have to justify every small detail of my health problems for you. Unfortunately, the need brace girl in middle school sometimes grows up and still has health problems. Smile, this is my first time being alive and not everything is going to be perfect. I am trying my best and sometimes people do stupid things because they love someone. Update, July 16, 2025. Hello again.

I had my surgery a few days ago and since I have time off I figured I'd write an update for anyone curious. It will be long and I apologize. I talked with my lawyer last week and the hope his papers are to be drafted and he will be formally served when he comes back from his work trip in two weeks. On one of my days off I wanted to have a discussion about our relationship and it didn't go well. I had spent the night cleaning and getting the house put together because my anxiety was so bad. When he woke up in the morning I had breakfast made and we made just made polite small talk. I started the conversation by asking him if he was happy in our relationship.

I'll summarize the conversation. Me, are you happy like this? With us? I feel like we are roommates more than a married couple. Him, I don't think either of us have been happy for a while. I do still love you and what to raise children with you. You'll be a great mom. I had been meaning to talk to you about something me, okay.

Him, do you remember my friends in, City? And how they were having problems in their relationship after, fake name, came out as ace. How they opened their relationship so, fake name, could still get his needs. Met. At this point I was just staring at him. He kept rambling on, I was. I've joined some groups online, they said it saved their marriage. And with how much I'm traveling now for work.

It would be every other two weeks, you know. And I'm in, city name, so it's not like it would be someone you know or would ever meet. Me, what the fuck? Him, I mean think about it, we could have a surrogate this way. I know it would be a lot, but we could make it work. You've always talked about fostering or adopting and it would be just like that. Me, did you get someone pregnant? Is this your way of telling me you cheat on me when you travel for work?

Him, no, no, no, God no, there was one girl at the bar who was flirting with me and it just felt nice to be wanted like that. He then pulled out his phone and started showing me support groups he had joined online for poly people and monogamous relationships. There was probably three or four of them that he had been texting in for the last few weeks trying to gain the confidence to talk to me about opening up our relationship. He brought up how he knows I've been thinking about switching to travel contracts and I can meet people there but then we come back home we're together and married because we still love

each other. I have nothing against people who are in Polly relationships. We have friends who are and have met their partners and go out altogether. It's just not for me, when I'm with someone I want to be the only person there with. I don't want to get tested regularly, I don't want to risk surprise pregnancy, I don't want to feel jealous or wonder if he's texting another girl while he's supposed to be spending time with me. I let him finish his speech before I told him it hasn't felt like we've been married in a long time and I'm done. Hearing that he wants to see other people cailed any last feelings

I may have had. I'm not in love anymore and staying together isn't going to make either of us happy. We both want kids but our timelines are different. What we want from the future is different now. I asked him to move out and he didn't seem surprised. I walked away and left him in the kitchen before I drove to my friend's house since I just couldn't be there. We spent the day drinking and eating ice cream while I went from crying to laughing to screaming. She is currently going through a divorce over her ex-husband's porn addiction and the debt he put them in because of it. She gave me her lawyer's information and I had an appointment set up with him a few days later. I went home the next day and he had moved most of his stuff out, his side of the

closet is empty, his cat, the stuff in the bathroom, a few of our wedding pictures have been taken off the wall and I can't find them, so I think he took them, and his gaming set up. The house feels incredibly empty now. He travels for work so I'm used to being in the house alone, but now my toothbrush is lonely in the cup on the sink. Our garage feels bigger now, the bed get cold, I only have to cook for one now. I miss his presence, I miss having someone to come home too, and I won't lie I've spent the last week crying and my heart hurts.

We didn't speak for a few days after he left, his mom reached out before he did. She wanted to see how I was doing and if there was anything she could do for me. We had a great relationship and I'm honestly going to miss having her in my life. We have a lot of the same dietary restrictions but for different reasons, and she was my food adventure buddy. We would go out for a coffee or lunch to some of the few restaurants and cafes that we can safely eat at. She invited me out for coffee and I went. When we met up the next day we made small talk until the divorce came up. She let me know how he was doing. He moved into one of the houses on their property. They have like 60 acres and four houses on the property that different

family members live in. He hasn't really gotten out of bed. She's worried about him and wanted us to talk it out. She asked if I was willing to go to couples counseling and told her I'd been asking for that for about a year and his response was no. I was drowning and he didn't want to help fix it, but now that I've decided to leave is when he wants to work it and I just can't. She stayed silent for a while before asking me if I still loved him, I do, but I don't. I told her I loved who he was, but I'm too full of hurt that I don't feel the love anymore. I can't keep taking care of him like he's my child. I can't keep bankrolling our lives alone. I need a partner who is able to support me and I haven't felt supported by her son in a long time. We were both crying by the end of our talk and she

gave a really big hug before leaving. He wanted to talk the next day and he came back to the house to talk. When he came and it was awkward, he wanted to give me a hug when he and I did. He went for a kiss and I turned my head so he kissed my cheek. We talked for a while about our relationship and how it got to this point. He apologized for a lot. He went into specifics of how he never helped around the house. He could have done more since he was home. It wasn't fair to me that he put it all on me. He told me he's looking at a new job, one where he doesn't have to travel and it's actually in the field he got his degree in. He gave me an update on his cat, who is struggling to the adjustment of the new house. I told him I'll have papers for him in a few weeks and he

couldn't look me in the eyes for the rest of the time he was there. I helped him pack some of the odds and ends that he left around the house and he left again. At the appointment with the lawyer we talked about what it would look like for the divorce process. Unless he wants to the house I plan to buy as half. If I do that then there's a good chance I won't have to pay alimony unless he fights for it. He has the potential to make more than me so my lawyer doesn't think I'll have to pay anyways. We don't have children, unless you count for babies, and I took a pregnancy test recently to confirm that I'm not pregnant so that won't be a factor. We each own our cars and pay for them ourselves. We have a joint savings, but I can prove I've been the only one

contributing for the last two years, so it's likely I'll get most of that. I'm not touching it besides for the bills for the house per my lawyer's advice. I will hopefully have papers for my soon-to-be ex to fill out and if he gets a lawyer to look over. My two cats have been laying in bed with me and haven't left my side since he left. They're trying to make me feel better, but it's hard. My friend who is also getting a divorce has said that we'll have a hot girl summer together and it makes me laugh, but I don't think I'm ready or even close to it. I don't want to meet new people I don't want to do first dates again.

I think I'm just going to single for a while. My mom sent me this poem, I will never love the same after you by Ollie Harding, after I told them about the divorce and it makes me cry reading it. I've learned a lot from this relationship and I'm content being the old crazy cat lady for the foreseeable future. Thanks Reddit for support and validating my feelings, I don't know yet if I'm going to delete this or not.

But I don't think I will update this or ever long into this. account again. I hope everyone stays happy and healthy smile take care. Next story, planned a ski trip with my BF and his friends, but they disinvited me saying it was now a guy's only trip, so I canceled all the reservations I had made and they had to pay thousands more at the last minute. I, 27F, planned a ski trip with my boyfriend, 29M, and some of our friends, mostly his friends. We booked in advance. Told them about it, let them know they could come or not. We planned on bringing our computers to have a land party while we were there, my boyfriend and I game together, once a few people wanted to go. We were really excited. Recently I learned as

we arrived at someone's house to watch a game together as a group, that I am not invited on the trip any longer, because one of his friends' girlfriends couldn't come due to work, and now it's going to be a guy's trip. I feel pretty hurt. I got upset and asked them what right they had to disinvite me from a trip that I planned, and to basically make it no women allowed for some odd reason. We plan things all the time and I attend. We share the same interests a lot of the time, so I am confused and bothered by the implication that I'd be distracting slash in the way slash make it less fun. They brushed it off. So they are going now, without me or anyone else, I guess. My boyfriend feels torn. He is kind of a people-pleaser and doesn't want to make waves.

His friends say weird shit sometimes about women and say they are joking, but this makes me feel like they actually meant those things, and don't even think of me as a friend, straw slash back situation as some other things have happened that were similar but I brushed it off as my misunderstanding at the time. Instead of also being their friend, I'm just their friend's girlfriend. Which really hurts because I've really been there for a lot of these guys and gone out of my way for them, X. One of them projectile vomited in a bathroom at a friend's house everywhere, and got embarrassed and didn't know how to clean it while drunk, so I cleaned it up for them.

I have hosted at my house and always tried to make it fun. I don't understand. I told them it was fucked up and I planned the trip, so they don't get to decide that. They basically acted like I was being emotional and just needed to get over it. I have refused to talk to some of them since then. Everyone is acting like I don't want them to go and do things just the guys and I am being controlling. The narrative has been lost among our friends and I am being painted as a villain compared to other women who are going, who are cool with it. When actually, I don't give a shit, they go out all the time for guys' nights and guys' trips, I just want to enjoy the trip I planned.

Regardless of being a girl or not. I don't think telling them I'm coming anyway would even do anything. I can't imagine going now with how they clearly feel. That would be really awkward probably. But it has created a rift between my dude and his friends and they are telling him I'm being unreasonable and overreacting, and he is talking about not going and is really pissed at them but doesn't want to ruin the friend group dynamic. I know I can just plan something else, but this sucks.

Ida. Update 1. I am totally overwhelmed by the support in this community. I really did expect to be TA in this situation. I am reading through everything and really trying not to cry, L.O.L. I will try to respond if I can. I realize the amount of people who actually see me as a friend has dropped drastically. Or it was always that way, and I'm just now seeing it. I feel much sadder about that than a stupid trip. The trip is just the piss icing on the shit cake. I am not going to dump my boyfriend. He deserves the time to try to talk to his friends and see if things can change.

I have recused myself from their friend group entirely at this point. He has said that if they continue to behave that way, that he will look for new friends. I believe him. I have had some shitty friends myself, as I was formerly part of a pretty terrible online community, similar to Kiwi farms. I just grew out of it when I realized, oh, they aren't kidding or trolling or whatever, they are just miserable assholes. Some of them changed, though, and decided not to be shitheads. That's why we have kind of a frog in boiling water situation. It feels so common to me because

of the places I grew up in and the online communities I was a part of. I regret ever being part of anything like that. I was just a lonely, depressed and angry younger person. Even women can be radicalized in spaces meant to other them. I just understand, I guess, I guess. And I still miss those friends, and wish they could let go of their hatefulness. I cancelled anything I planned for the trip. I got my deposits back so no harm done there. He is still going with them, to see if their friendship can be salvaged. We are planning a private trip for just the two of us afterwards. Thank you all so much for responding and taking the time, and for the advice. I feel very lonely for real friends, but at least I know now where I stand.

Update 2, I thought they didn't care that I cancelled everything, but found out they were actually really pissed because of how close it was to the trip dates compared to when I originally booked. They had to pay a lot more. Had to split multiple thousands between them, adding up to additional hundreds of dollars extra, each, at the last minute. They all hate me now. I don't care at all.

Guys, if you read this and recognize that it's you, stop grabbing women in nightclubs and pretending you don't understand that is sexual assault. Stop talking shit about the women who are nice enough to fuck you. Cottage cheese thighs, I think she's hotter since she started taking pills. You are scum. Stop judging our bodies while you are covered in dark ingrown hairs, a receding hairline, and are insecure because you used to be short and then had steroid shots. It isn't our job to make you feel good about yourself while you trash us.

Stop pretending to like people and then trash talking them to others. Guess what? People talk. I know it all. Everything you said has come out. Stop pushing drinks on people that don't want them. Stop reminiscing about former flings slash sexual escapades in front of people's spouses slash girlfriends.

Stop inviting people's ex-girlfriends around to start to start drinking. Stop worshiping men who hate women. Stop saying women are emotional when men can't control their anger as a whole. You want to talk about self-control? Try it out yourself. Stop thinking you are good people. My dude doesn't even like you all anymore because you proved it was never jokes. You almost convinced him that I was too sensitive and couldn't take a joke.

Hope you enjoyed your ski trip. Hope it was worth his friendship. You lost the best person you could have had in your lives just because you think being an asshole is attractive. I just wanted to be your friend. Thanks for manipulating, gaslighting, and abandoning me instead.