Reddit Stories - The COMPANION'S closest CONFIDANT'S spouse REQUESTED that I change my hair color to

Episode Date: July 31, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #haircolor #spouse #confidant #companionSummary: The COMPANION'S closest CONFIDANT'S spouse REQUESTED that I change my hair color to match hers. Unsure how to respond, I sought advice online. Opinions were divided, with some suggesting compromise and others advocating for personal choice.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, advice, haircolor, spouse, confidant, companion, request, opinion, compromise, personalchoice, onlineadvice, dividedopinions, socialmedia, community, supportBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. The companion's closest confidant spouse requested that I changed my hair color to a copper shade for their wedding, but later had a change of heart and insisted that I wear an unattractive wig throughout the entire day instead. Other bridesmaids got beautiful hairstyles. There's a bit of backstory to cover, so apologies for the exposition. My partner Joe 24M and I, 24F, have been together for eight years and married for just under a month. Yay. Jay's best friend Seth, 23M, and I have known each other since before Joe and I met. About a year and a half after Joe and I started dating, Seth started seeing Mia, 23F, and the double dates commenced.

I've never been a huge fan of Mia since she's the type of person to eat three-quarters of her meal at a restaurant then complain to the wait staff until they comp the meal, among other things. In the summer of 2021, Seth bought a house for himself and Mia that needed a lot of work due to prior flooding. My partner and I went out there, and Joe and Seth did some work on the plumbing and subfloor. A few other times Joe went out there to help with other stuff, and by the end of 2021 Seth had the place renovated into a pretty nice house. He and Mia invited us and some of our friends from the friend group out there for a New Year's party. They have a pretty nice detached garage slash pole barn situation, so they got it set up with beer pong and speakers and stuff, meaning people were going back and forth from the pole barn to the house. At one point it was just Seth and I in the house mixing drinks, and he confided in me that he wasn't entirely happy in his relationship. He talked about how Mia called him names, laughed at him, yelled at him, etc., and asked what he should do.

I said what my partner would have said, we have a spare bedroom if you need it. Every time we went out to Seth and Mia's house, Seth would find a way to confide these things in me. They gradually got worse, too, she threw stuff at him, slammed doors so hard they'd break off their hinges, stuff like that. Every time I'd remind him we had a spare bedroom, but I couldn't outright tell him to leave her, it didn't feel like my place to make that call. Don't get me wrong, I definitely told him he deserved better, but I wanted him to connect the dots for himself. In October 2022, while at a Halloween party, Seth showed me a picture of the engagement ring he'd gotten. I don't remember much of the conversation beyond him asking if his proposal plan sounded good. I told him, yes, I congratulated him, I did all the things I thought a friend should do.

A month later, there are beautiful photos all over Facebook announcing. the engagement and announcing that the wedding date was set for October 2023. In February 2020, Mia asked me to stand as a bridesmaid in her wedding, and I genuinely was shocked, we didn't talk much, even at their house parties. My partner, of course, was asked to be the best man, and he instantly accepted. I didn't know what to say, they'd asked us in front of the rest of the wedding party, and I hadn't been expecting it at all, so I accepted, too. It made me nervous thinking about it, but if that's what they wanted, then I was going to do my damnness to make this wedding work for them.

Despite everything Seth had told me, it wasn't my place to cause a scene about it. In March, Mia asked me to make sure my hair was a normal color for their wedding. It's worth mentioning that at the time my hair was a light lavenderish color, and I'm no stranger to impulsively dyeing my hair a vibrant color. I told her I'd of course make sure it was a normal color, but she'd have had to have a to tell me what color. In honesty, because my hair is always a different color, the request didn't bother me much beyond lamenting having to grow out whatever color she told me to go. Shit really started to hit the fan in August on the Bachelorette weekend trip. The drive-up was

about two hours, and Mia spent most of it telling us about the latest wedding drama, that her parents had decided to take all of the money they'd been setting aside for a wedding venue and use it to refurbish their pole barn. Mia's parents were demanding that Mia and Seth work long hours pouring concrete, putting up walls, and retiling roofs, so the wedding could be held there. Mia talked about how her mother had been especially rude and condescending about the whole thing, calling her an ungrateful bitch when Mia talked about wanting the wedding to be somewhere else.

I felt so bad for her, and I felt even worse when Mia's mother, along with eight of her friends, crashed the Bachelorette weekend. We were outnumbered in this Airbnb to the point that I had to sleep on the floor. There were nine women, all 50 or older, impeding on Mia's Bachelorette weekend in the drunk entire weekend. Throwing up into the lake off the paddleboat they crammed all nine of themselves onto kind of way. Mia had been looking forward to one of those lazy river situations where you rent a bunch of inner tubes and coast down a river and all that. The morning of, though, these women decided

it should be put to a vote whether they went, no doubt because some of them were still drunk and some were hung over, and the overall consensus was to skip the tubing that all of the bridesmaids had already paid for and instead hang out at the Airbnb. I grabbed a few pre-rolls from my luggage, took Mia by the arm, and sat out on the front porch with her. We shot the shit about everything. Not just the awful turnout of the Bach Party, but everything else. I felt like we really connected out there, talking about our partners and their friendship and what it would be like when we had kids and they'd have an extra aunt and uncle. For a long time, I thought Seth and Mia would be the godparents to my husband and my kids. A month before the wedding, Mia called an emergency bridal party meeting at their house.

Per usual, my partner and I were the first ones there. Once the rest of the bridal party got there, minus Seth's little sister, she was left out of the Bachelorette party trip too, we talked about the schedule of the day and how the bridal party would make entrances to the venue. At one point, Mia, who was quite drunk by then, pulled me aside and reminded me about the hair color. My hair at the time was split dyed red and pink. I asked her what color she wanted me to go, and she said copper would look so good on you. About a week and a half before the wedding, I went out and got a brownish copper hair dye and did the job. Since I colored my hair pretty frequently, it wasn't the healthiest, and I tried my best to

do hair masks and stuff to make sure it wasn't too brittle for styling on the day of the wedding. Then, a week before the wedding, my partner proposed to me. I, of course, posted pictures all over Facebook, and my hair in the pictures was copper. The Tuesday before the wedding, Mia texted me and asked if the color of my hair in those photos was how it would be for her wedding day. I said yes and reminded her that I'd asked her what color to do, and she had told me copper. She denied ever telling me that, and that she would never have suggested copper, since my dress was cinnamon colored. She told me to send her a picture of myself wearing the dress so she could see if the colors clashed too badly. Before I could even send a photo of myself in the dress, she told me to just

dye my hair in actual normal color. This turned into a massive back and forth of me telling her that I didn't have the money or time to go out and get my hair redone, and I was afraid if I dyed my hair again so soon it'd break off and be even more awful. I offered to step out of frame for her pictures. I offered to have my hair up so it wasn't touching the dress. I offered to suggest to her photographer that they color correct my hair. Her mind was made up, though. She told me she have me wear a wig for the entire day. I told her I certainly couldn't afford a high-quality wig, and she told me she'd pay for it. The entire bridal party had gotten a text from Seth and me requesting all of us be at the venue, about an hour and 45-minute drive, at noon the

Friday before the wedding to help do final touches before the rehearsal dinner at five. Of the entire bridal party, my partner and I were the only ones who showed up at noon. Everyone else didn't show until five or later. We went up to Seth to greet him, and the first thing he said to us was, is it too late to call it off? An improper supportive friend fashion, we told him no reminded him of our spare bedroom. I'd had a nightmare the night before of the maid of honor beating the shit out of me when she saw my hair, so when she finally showed around 5.30 and came right up to me, I nearly pissed myself. She held out her hand and pointed to her ring finger. It don't. It don't. It on me that I had, indeed, gotten engaged a few days prior, easy to forget, given all the other

stuff going on, and I held out my hand so she could see the ring. She gushed about how beautiful it was, and she told me she needed to talk to me outside after the rehearsal. Fair enough. I confided in her when we stepped outside that I was terrified she wanted to beat me up, and she told me the whole story of the texts, how she had told me and not to send them and to let her handle it, how her work friends had read all the screenshots Mia sent and thought she was taking things way too far, etc. We talked for a long time, and at the end of it she

said she'd check with Mia on where the wig situation stood. Before the end of the night, she pulled me aside again and confirmed that Mia wanted me to wear the wig the entire night and that she wouldn't settle for an updo or anything of the sort. The MO then invited me to spend the night with the rest of the bridesmaids at Mia's house, which I politely declined. I was expected at a salon about an hour from my house the next morning at 8 a.m., and I arrived at 7.45 just to be safe. The rest of the bridesmaids, along with the bride, all showed up shortly thereafter. The salon is owned by one of M's mom's cousins, who also happened to be at the Bachelorette weekend. She was one of the dumb-ass puking off the side of the paddleboat. She

got me in a chair before I had even set my bag down, and by 8 a.m., I had the most hideous wig slapped onto my head. She didn't even style it, didn't even Bobby pin it down. It took 10 minutes, max. The other bridesmaids got their hair styled in super cute curls and waterfall braids, and I sat there with an unstyled, unflattering wig on my head that wasn't even properly covering my hairline. We got our makeup done at the salon, too, by a different lady. When I sat down in the chair she asked me if I was okay, because nobody was speaking to me. I asked her if the makeup was waterproof or anything, and she told me to just try my best not to cry. She ended up doing my makeup pretty quickly, too, and in all I spent maybe a half hour in a salon chair.

The other bridesmaids had way more time for hair and makeup, and between the way the wig looked and the fact that none of them would even look at me, I excused myself to go out to my car. I have never cried the way I did in that car. I called Joe, who was riding with the groomsmen I was going to walk down the aisle with. I tipped my head down so the tears wouldn't leave tracks in my foundation. I screamed cried that I wanted to go home and that I couldn't keep doing this. I told him how I felt like I was back in middle school and high school being bullied, all because I did what the bride told me to do. I dyed my hair the color she told me to dye it.

He reminded me that I wasn't standing in the wedding for Mia, but for Seth. I told him I couldn't even do it for Seth. Because S knew about the situation, Joe had talked to him about it, and wasn't willing to stand up for me. Which, I'm not saying I expected him to stand up to his soon-to-be wife for another woman, but it doesn't change the fact that I couldn't handle the pressure and the bullying. Joe told me then that I should do it for him, and that after this we'd figure it out. After the ceremony, Al, the groomsman I had walked with, caught me crying. We were all supposed to be taking photos, and I couldn't stop thinking about how these people

were supposed to be the godparents to our future kids, and they couldn't even stand to have me in the photos without a wig on my head. I went into the house and came out with one of those little pocket-sized shooters of Pink Whitney for me. After dinner, I slipped out to go to the bathroom, i.e. cry a bit more and call my mom. My mom told me to take the wig off and get a ride home, and that it wasn't worth it. I told her Mia was making me keep it on the entire night. Before she could really convince me to get the hell out of there, Joe tracked me down.

He didn't know what to say, he just held me for a while, then told me I had to come back because they were starting speeches. Shortly after the dancing really got going and the sun had fully set, Al started asking me if it had hurt if he yanked the wig off. I told him they hadn't even bothered to pin the damn thing down. I told him not to, because I didn't want to face the wrath of Mia. He asked me if I would rather spend the rest of the night miserable, and I shrugged a shoulder and told him to do whatever he wanted. He yanked the wig off and tossed it on one of the empty tables, then told me, if Seth or Mia have any shit to say, you tell them to come say it to me.

A few of the wedding guests even came up to me and said that my hair, despite being braided tightly to my head for the wig to lay on top, looked much better like this. In the days following the wedding, Mia started sharing photos to Facebook, but none of them had me in them. I couldn't tell if I was more relieved to not have to see the palpable misery on my face, or furious that she had me put on a wig just to exclude my face from all the posts anyway. I fell into this horrible despair, I thought I'd be relieved to be done, but instead I was left with this gaping feeling. My partner and I had just stood for his best friend, and my close friend, on the most important day of his life, and we had nothing to show for it. There would be no

showing our kids' photos from Aunt Mia and Uncle Seth's wedding day, because that wasn't me in the photos. And even if it was, they didn't bother to send us any photos from the day at any point. Two weeks after Seth and Mia's wedding, we were hosting a Halloween party, partly as a gift to the newlyweds, and partly because they usually hosted Halloween, and we wanted to give them a break. They said they would come, but the night before the party they cancelled on us. As frustrated as I was to be throwing this party for them only for them to cancel, I can't say I wasn't a little relieved. I didn't know how to talk to either of them after that day, and I didn't want to be forced to figure it out quite yet. The beginning of November, a month and a half after

the wedding day, Joe sent Seth and Mia a message in a group. group chat without me in it. The message reiterated that they are always welcome at our house, we were hosting Friendsgiving at the end of November and had extended the invitation to them, but that we were both incredibly hurt by what went down with the wedding. Joe requested an apology for the hurt I was put through, especially after Mia told me to dye my hair copper, then tried to tell me she never would have said that. Mia responded that I was just mad because I didn't get what I wanted, that we were assinine if we thought she'd see my ugly ass hair and do anything other than throw a wig on my head,

that she wouldn't apologize for something she's not sorry for. The following day, Seth called Joe to apologize. Apparently he told Mia not to send the message. He told Joe that he thought I also owed Mia an apology for taking the wig off at all. During that phone call, Seth said something along the lines of being done with the friend group, that he only wanted to hang out with Joe, over all of it. The friend group, who already didn't have the best impression of Mia even before all the shit went down, was unanimously fine with that decision. The day after Seth and Joe's call, Mia sent me a one-on-one message, re, novel, about how she would have dyed her hair whatever color I wanted for my wedding, because there are temporary colors and it had fade eventually.

She also accused me of not knowing her well enough to be saying what I was about her mother back during the Bachelorette trip, that I was being stuck up, and so, on and so forth. I typed up a similar length response, and I'm proud to say I kept it civil. I reminded her that I did dye my hair the exact color she wanted, that I just refused to do it a second time in fear of frying my hair or making it look worse. I apologized for what I'd said about her mother, but I also told her that if I didn't know her well enough to talk honestly with her about something that was deeply troubling her, I never should have been standing in the wedding in the first place. I told her that if I was stuck, I would have taken myself home instead of still standing in the wedding party, despite everything

she put me through. It took two days for Mia to respond, and she replied with, after processing, I feel like I owe you an apology. End of message. We expected to see them at Friendsgiving and try to smooth things over in person, but Seth texted Joe a literal hour before they were supposed to arrive and said that Mia wanted to go look at Christmas lights in a city almost two hours away. Joe was faced with the impossible decision as we grew closer to planning our own wedding of whether Seth could be his best man.

Ultimately, Seth made the decision for him by blocking me on Facebook and removing me from his contacts on everything. For a long time, that was it. Seth and Mia were strangers to us. We didn't even invite them to our wedding. The reason I hash this all out now, though, is that I'm left with an impossible situation and I need help. In March of this year, about two months before Joe and my wedding, Seth called Joe while Joe was at work and asked what had happened to them. Joe asked if he was joking, and when he realized Seth wasn't, he laid it all out, the wig, the non-apology, the name-calling, all of it. Apparently Seth and Mia don't have anyone to hang out with anymore, mostly due to the way they treated me.

Seth must have taken notes during this phone call or something, because a day or so later, Seth sent Joe a long apology for me. Apparently Mia had written the apology that I needed over a year and a half ago, gave it to Seth, and Seth gave it to Joe. Joe had been looking for the right time to tell me about it. He said it sounds sort of legit, but he also admitted that it sounds like Seth had written it himself. All of this is with the intention of Seth and Joe hanging out together, which let me be clear, I never prevented.

I encouraged Joe to keep up with Seth, I just didn't want anything to do with him. The moment Mia had that wig put on my head, it's like she and Seth became strangers to me. So that's why I'm here. I haven't read the apology, and my partner said he wouldn't blame me if I never wanted to read it.

Even typing this all out is reminding me the kind of emotional turmoil they put me through over this. What's the play? Do I read the apology? It sounds like Seth and Mia want to go back to double dating and house parties like before, is that a possibility? I genuinely don't think I could ever look either one of them in the eye again, but do I owe it to them slash to my partner to try?

Update First the update, then clarification from some of the recurring comments. Update. I told my husband I'm not going to read the letter. The apology is a year and a half late, and as far as far as far as, far as I'm concerned, it's a load of bullshit intended to get back to being friends with him. If they truly cared about me in this situation, they'd never have called me crazy. They'd have apologized the minute I expressed how hurt I was.

They wouldn't have done what they did in the first place. Joe is a huge believer in giving people room to grow and learn for mistakes, which is why he told me about the letter in the first place and not just burned it himself. After our talk, he realizes what kind of damage it would do to me to let Seth and Mia back into our lives, even if they have grown and changed. I don't need to be their human empathy test subject. I truly hope they've become better people, but given their reaching back out because nobody else will be friends with them, I doubt they truly have. As for the comments, I had a lot of people asserting that the outcome of this is entirely my fault, and that I let myself be walked all over so I deserved every single. that came to me. While I don't entirely disagree, I do think that even in my longest post

there's a lot of context missing. To start, Joe and Seth have been best friends for over ten years at this point. If I caused a scene at Seth's wedding, even warranted, I feared what it would do to their friendship. The friendship basically ended either way thanks to Seth's wife, but I digress, I wore the wig because I didn't want to rock the boat. I was young and naive and didn't actually think Mia would make me wear a wig until the morning of, when they were slapping a wig on my head and shoeing me out of the salon chair. I'd heard from Mia firsthand how much stress she was underdue to the wedding and her insane mother, and I thought being a sounding bored for her and being there for her would have made her have a change of heart. Instead I became the target, she couldn't very well

bully her mother, so she bullied me instead. There were also a lot of people calling me out about Seth pulling me aside and telling me how unhappy he was, and again I think you're missing key context. I didn't just tell him we have a spare bedroom for you and leave it at that, I talked at length with him about these things. I told him that he deserved better, that he could come stay with us for as long as he needed to figure things out, that no matter how deep the hole he dug himself felt, we were there to get him out of it. He had a house and pets with Mia. He worked with Mia's dad. She had successfully made herself a part of every piece of his life, and in our conversations, I told Seth that Joe and I could help him detach however he needed.

I even told him he was being abused, especially when it came to things being thrown and doors being slammed, but Seth is of the mindset that men can never be the victims of domestic violence. I wonder if that mindset has changed by now, point is, I said everything but outright telling him to leave Mia. Maybe that's what the comments were getting at, is that I should have spelled it out like that. The day before the wedding, Seth asked if it was too late, and Joe and I told him no. We told him he could get in the car and we could drive away with no questions asked. Seth is a grown adult, too, he chose what he did. Lots of people were coming after my husband, as well, and I can't lie, Seth and Mia's wedding definitely did some damage to our relationship.

I left that situation feeling like no matter how many times Joe told me I was the most important person in his life, there would always be something, or someone, that could get in the way of that. Things were rocky for a bit, he was apologetic the moment the wedding was over, wishing he'd taken the wig off my head or gone to the salon and picked me up and taken me home. Hindsight is 20 to 20, I guess. If either of us had known that no matter what, Seth and Mia were going to completely isolate themselves, I wouldn't have worried so much about preserving Joe and Seth's friendship, and neither would he. At the end of it, though, Joe and I have talked it through. We know where our priorities lie. The only reason he'd been advocating for me to read the apology letter was for my own peace of mind and my own closure.

He respects my decision to leave the note unread and leave Seth and Mia to be unhappily. ever after.