Reddit Stories - The DOCTORATE Dilemma_ OBSESSION with My UNIVERSITY Flame_

Episode Date: September 16, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #doctoratedilemma #obsession #universityflame #relationships #dilemma # Summary: A gripping tale of navigating the complexities of a forbidden love between a doctoral student and their university professor, facing moral dilemmas and societal expectations. Will they choose love or professionalism? Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, university, love, drama, dilemma, forbidden love, student-teacher relationship, moral dilemma, societal expectations, age gap, taboo love, secret romance, academic ethics, professional boundariesBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. My significant other developed a fixation on my former casual partner from university who enrolled in her doctorate program. Consequently, I removed her from all my pictures after our separation, but she produced fake ads with my friend's pictures. Melissa and I have been dating for a little less than two years. It's been an amazing relationship, admittedly my only one but I am really happy with her. We are both in PhD programs at the same.

University, it's where we met, but in different STEM fields. We've been considering moving and together, getting pets and over all I'd say our relationship is pretty serious and she has even mentioned getting married before. I can definitely see a future with her, but it's still a bit early for me, and right now I'd like to focus on my research and securing a future that can support both of us. She took that kind of harshly, but I just wasn't ready to commit to something like that yet. That was the only bump we've had until Natalia entered the picture again. Some background info, Natalia and I went to the same college for undergrad. She studies the same branch of biology that my current GF studies and is a year younger than I am.

We were in the same science-related clubs and a professional fraternity together and quickly became very close friends, as Natalia and I had extremely similar personalities and interests. We spent weekends together, where each other's dates to all formal events, but we never dated even though we both liked each other and slept with each other. We were just too scared to ask the other what they wanted. It sounds silly and immature, but that's just what happened. We were essentially FWB for two years, but we always knew that we had very different plans for the immediate future. I was graduating before her and she was going to move to another country to work and do research before coming back. to the States for her PhD. It was kind of an unspoken recognition that when I graduated,

we were going to go our separate way, but we always joked that maybe we would run into each other again since we had the same dream school for grad school. We tried to remain in contact when I left, but it was just too hard on both of us. We missed each other, but were busy with our own lives and eventually stopped talking. No hard feelings. It happens. We moved on. That was almost five years ago. Before Melissa, I used to wonder if Natalia and I could have made it together, but now that I have a girlfriend that hasn't popped into my head at all. I am happy now, or at least I was.

Last year Natalia was accepted into the PhD program at my university. It's the same dream school we talked about years ago. I didn't know this until a little over half a year ago. One day, my girlfriend came over because she was really upset. I will spare most of the details but basically a professor in her department had told her that he had room for one more grad student to join him on one of his research trips to South America the following summer. My girlfriend really thought he was going to pick her because they had a pretty good relationship, but he had met with her and told her that there was a new grad student that already had experienced with this particular species, worked with the South American University he was collaborating with, and spoke Spanish. She was denied the position and I tried to explain to her that some people just have different expertise. Over the next month, she would tell me more and more about this new grad student and how everyone who met her practically fell in love with her or found her extremely interesting, that she was super cool, fond over her, etc.

It made my girlfriend extremely sad because she has always had issues with insecurity and feeling like she has to try extra hard for people to think she's worth anything. I tried to tell my GF that she is great at what she does and to stop comparing herself to other people because it just makes her upset but she said, no underscore. You haven't seen her yet. She's extremely smart, she's been all over the world, she's a literal 10. Natalia is utter perfection. I kind of froze at that moment because somehow I immediately knew this was my friend. I kept trying to tell my GF all the ways I admired her, but I realized it wasn't.

helping so all I would do was listen to her and be someone she could vent to. I admit I was curious, but I didn't want to complicate things for Melissa so I didn't try to contact Natalia or find out if it was even her. A few weeks later, however, I ran into her at a cafe on campus. It was really great to see her again. We sat with each other for about an hour and a half, just catching up with one another. I told her about my research and she told me about hers. She had accomplished so much for herself in the few years since I had seen her last and I was so happy for her. I told her I had a girlfriend who was in the same department as she was and she asked if we could all hang out sometime since she was still new to the town. Natalia seemed really excited and not at all disappointed.

We exchanged numbers and parted ways. It felt evident to me that we had moved on. Whatever romantic feelings we had for each other were purely platonic now. We were both doing very well and genuinely happy. That night I told my girlfriend that I ran into Natalia and she was actually a really good friend of mine from college. I knew my girlfriend felt really insecure at work and in the lab and I did not want her to feel threatened within our relationship. I suggested we all have lunch sometime so she can meet her because I actually thought they could get along. G.F. was kind of taken aback and immediately started asking me if I ever liked Natalia, if she was my

my ex and if we dated. I said no, we never dated we were only friends, but I did like her a lot. I reminded her that this was four years ago and that I have not thought about her at all since I started dating G.F. G.F. left the house for the night because she said she was really stressed and didn't want to think about it right now. I felt like I had done something wrong and decided I wouldn't mention Natalia again. Ever since that night G.F. would ask me really strange questions like if I thought she was smart enough. Of course I think she's smart. The university we are at is one of the best in the nation.

She then said, Well, you and Natalia went to 20 Ivy League University for undergrad and I went to 20 state universities so she's clearly beat me both time. I was appalled and told her there is no competition. I am with you. It doesn't matter where you went to undergrad look at where you are now. She just wouldn't stop talking about how much more experience.

experience Natalia has and how much better her resume probably looks. She would ask me this multiple times and it really upsets me to see how much she works herself up over these things. What's worse is when she compares her looks to Natalia's. Lately Melissa will not stop complaining about how pale she is, how easily she sun burns, how short her hair is, how nothing fits her well. She says, I wonder how Natalia stays so skinny, I wish I was mixed like Natalia. Natalia is so exotic looking. I always tell her how beautiful she looks, how attractive I find her. Melissa is beautiful.

I love everything about her even though she doesn't. I would never say this to Melissa, it's even difficult to write. Even though Melissa has said it to me but Natalia is definitely more conventionally attractive woman in terms of arbitrary societal beauty standards but that doesn't matter to me. I don't love my GF just because of her looks, but it's so difficult to convince someone that you find them attractive when they want to jump out of their own skin. I have caught Melissa stalking Natalia's Facebook profile, Instagram, Lab page. It's ridiculous.

I can't understand why she does it when it gets her so upset. Melissa isn't fat at all. But lately she has been rejecting me, when I try to initiate sex because she feels fat or not sexy enough and I think this is due to the aforementioned insecurities. I try to talk her through them but it always ends with the same conclusion and she says I'm sorry I'm not goof enough. I only talk to Natalia in the cafe. We have lunch together maybe twice a week, but we never plan it. I have always ate lunch at the same time at the same place and Natalia will come in every few days and when she does we sit together

for about an hour and talk. Usually she will text me before lunch asking if I'm there or planning on going there and that's the only time we text or talk outside of the cafe. I feel like this is an appropriate amount of communication for two friends. I feel bad for never being able to hang out with her but I know it would upset Melissa. There have been a few times when Melissa has joined me in the cafe and Natalia has sat with us. Honestly, Melissa is straight up rude to her. At first I think she tried to be nice but just got too upset.

She either remains silent or responds with really short cold answers. It makes me really sad because I know Melissa is struggling with insecurities but Natalia is a really good friend of mine who has only been nice to me. She has invited me and Melissa out numerous times and each time Melissa declines. I once told her I was going to attend a comedy show with Natalia. It was a comedian I once took Natalia to see in college, and Melissa broke down so I decided I would never go anywhere with Natalia unless Melissa was there too. Some of you might say, why don't you just stop talking to Natalia? Is she more important than your relationship with Melissa? I don't really know what to do.

I see Natalia for two hours a week and we don't hang out or even talk outside of that. I have given Melissa no reason to think I am cheating or being unfaithful. Natalia has only ever been a good friend to me and I shouldn't have to cut her out of my life when she already plays such a little role. It feels kind of unfair to me because honestly, sometimes I wish I could see Natalia more because she's a really wonderful, interesting person. But Melissa is definitely a priority in my life, so I have kept our friendship very casual and minimal. I think there is a bigger problem in that Melissa is not the same person I entered a relationship with. She's sad, always stressed, much more cranky and snappy with me.

Her insecurities make her shy away and retreat into herself so it feels like I can never reach her anymore. She has been denying me sex and complaining about how she isn't good enough for me and it has honestly been pushing me away from her. I find that I no longer want to deal with her insecurities and constantly validating that I love her. I have suggested therapy before because I think the real problem is not Natalia but Melissa. as underlying insecurities. This is not normal and it causes her so much unnecessary stress. Melissa always says, okay, I will think about it, and when I bring it up again she gets really defensive, asking me why I think something is wrong with her. I don't. I just think a professional would be able to help her work through her own thoughts better so that she can accept herself more

because clearly, what I am saying to her doesn't get through. It's hard see her so unhappy. Edit, because someone asked, I should have clarified that I also told Melissa that Natalia and I slept with each other in college. I didn't hide that from her. I can see why that would upset her, but I really tried to stress how long ago it was and how I was happy with Melissa now and the past does not affect anything about how I feel now. Update 1. All right, so I posted here a few weeks ago concerning my GF Melissa and my XFWB from college, Natalia. The gist of the story was that Melissa kept comparing herself to Natalia who was a grad student in her field of biology who she feels is basically the epitome of perfection. It got to the point where Melissa would spend hours staring at pics of Natalia and every time I tried to be intimate with her she would shut me down saying she wasn't good enough. I got a lot of shit in the last post because Natalia and I ate lunch together a few times a week but as a lot of commenters suggested, I eat at a different place now and no longer see Natalia.

I think Natalia took the hint and we haven't spoken since I posted that. Anyway, I'm posting now because I feel Melissa's obsession with Natalia hasn't gotten better at all and she did something that I'm not sure I consider forgivable. When I graduated from college, my mom made me a photo album of pics with me and all my friends doing whatever it is college students do. It means a lot to me, because I rarely see my old friends and unfortunately, one of them passed away so these are physical representations of cherished memories. Yesterday afternoon, I received a Facebook message from my late friend Dan's mother. She asked me if I had any

picks of Dan from our fraternity events, we were in the same professional fraternity. I said, of course, and that I would scan them and send them over to her. I looked through my album and was suddenly shocked to find a few pictures in which Natalia was cut out of the photo. Some were just of me and her, some were of a group of friends. After flipping a few more pages I saw one that broke my heart, it was a picture of Natalia, Dan, and a few other friends during one of our formals as we were all in the same fraternity. I kept searching through and found that this was the case for maybe 12 pictures, three including Dan. It felt like I had swallowed a pound of rocks and I honestly just felt so angry.

I knew it had to be Melissa as I would never have done this. I sent the uncut picks to Dan's mom and texted Melissa, asking her if she was still on campus so we could meet. When I saw her, I asked her why she cut my photos and she said, What are you talking about? But I could tell from her face, she knew she was caught. I was so furious. I told her that it was extremely disrespectful and that she had no right to destroy them the way she did. I even mentioned that some of the pictures she cut were taken with my friend who had passed away and now she had ruined them. She immediately started crying and apologizing, saying she didn't know what came over her.

She said she still has the pictures of Natalia and that she can put them back together. I felt like I was going to explode, so I just excused myself and left. Melissa has been blowing up my phone, but I haven't read any of the messages or listened to the voicemails. I feel so drained. I got a lot of shit on my last post so I bet a lot of you will think I had this coming. I know I can't convince you of how hard I've tried to make Melissa feel like she's the only girl I wanted to be with. No matter how many times she has asked me if she's pretty, if I find her sexy, if I think she is smart, I always tell her how amazing I find her, but it just isn't enough.

Maybe I should have never ever spoken to Natalia when I found out she was attending the same university as me, but I don't think that gives my GF, XGF. The right to destroy my property. The album has literally sat on my shelf for years. It's not like I look at it every day and fawn over my ex. I have never even shown it to Melissa so she must have been snooping through my belongings which honestly I wouldn't even care about if she hadn't destroyed the pictures of my dead friend because of her petty jealousy.

I just feel exhausted. I feel like I'll never make Melissa happy. I could have done things differently, sure, but I feel like she never tried to work on her insecurities and confidence in herself either. Update 2, feel free to creep through the history. My ex-GF Melissa was very jealous of my old FWB slash her colleague Natalia. Her obsession was extremely unhealthy and she did something to me that I considered unforgivable, hence the breakup.

Now this was 8 to 9 months ago, and since then Natalia and I have rekindled our friends She knows why Melissa and I broke up and felt very guilty, but she was always a good friend to me and I like having her in my life. I know I am going to get a lot of shit for this and people will say they saw it coming, but whatever. I'm not asking for judgment. What's done is done and I thought we had all moved on. Last month, me, Natalia, and a few of our friends were out playing billiards. As I was giving Natalia and her roommate a ride home, the roommate says, and, did you tell them about the thing? Natalia responded no, and her roommate pressed her, but she stayed firm.

I texted her later to see what was the matter, but she assured me it was nothing. This past week, her roommate called me and asked if we could meet up. She sat me down and said that she thinks me XGF is stalking Natalia. I was taken aback but not completely shocked at this accusation given Melissa's past. She told me that it started out with obvious fake FB profiles sending friend requests and then vile hate messages. Then Natalia was getting calls from random numbers that said they were following up Craigslist escort ads with her name. Picture, and number. Roommate knew about the picture situation and immediately suspected Melissa.

That was a few months ago. Last month, Natalia and some friends were heading back from the movies, and a guy in Melissa's grad school cohort saw a car parked along Natalia's street and said, hey, what's Melissa doing here? This freaked her out, as she had seen that car parked there several nights a week for the past three months. This was the thing she didn't want to mention to me. This week, her growth chamber was contaminated. Apparently, someone let disease carrying aphids into a few sections of the greenhouse and ruined a few of the grad students crop slash plant experiments. I'm not a biologist sorry I act the details.

Anyway, it was a pretty big deal for the grad students who needed to restart their experiment. Including Natalia, but her pie thought it must have been some undergrad who forgot that you're not supposed to enter the greenhouse after being in the aphid room. Her roommate, who is in the same department as Melissa and Natalia, thinks it was foul play on Melissa's behalf. Apparently she's been bad-mouthing Natalia ever since we broke up. Obviously that is a very strong accusation with no real proof, so she hasn't spoken to administration about it. It is really scary to think Melissa would go to such a length to hurt somebody else. It sounded to me like Natalia is being stalked, but she doesn't want me to know. I brought it up

with her yesterday and she confirmed what the roommate said. She dismissed the greenhouse incident saying she doesn't want to think someone had it out for her. Also, she thought it was unlikely because the risk was so great. If it was done on purpose and the person was caught, they would be expelled from the program without a second thought. She did admit to having the feeling of being followed and that she'll be at a grocery store or cafe and think she sees Melissa there too.

She thinks she's just paranoid in letting her roommate get to her head, but that this happens more frequently since we've started hanging out. I asked her if she has spoken to Melissa or wanted me to say something and she said absolutely not. I'm feeling like this is all my fault and I keep screwing up. If I had left Natalia alone after breaking up with Melissa, this wouldn't be happening to her. I haven't spoken to Melissa since the breakup, only to return the items she kept in my house. And I don't think speaking to her about this would do any good. I wouldn't doubt that Melissa is capable of stalking and or sabotaging Natalia's work given her history, but I haven't seen anything with my own eyes yet.

Is there something I can do before this gets worse? In my last few posts, many people said I had handled things wrong, and I want to make sure I do something right for once. Do I stay out? Do I investigate? Please give me advice and not judgment right now. I am worried for my friend. Thank you.