Reddit Stories - The ROMANTIC partner INQUIRED of her closest COMPANION whether she could invite both

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #advice #dilemma #partners #communicationSummary: The ROMANTIC partner INQUIRED of her closest COMPANION whether she could invite both. Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, advice, dilemma, partners, communication, romance, love, friendship, social, etiquette, invitation, discussion, community, support, feedback, opinionsBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. The romantic partner inquired of her closest companion whether she could invite both myself and her former partner as attendees to the wedding, then opted for him instead of me and they ultimately wound up lodging together. That night while I stayed home. I, 28M, have been with my girlfriend Sophia 26F, for about 2.5 years. We lived together in a two-bedroom apartment that we moved into about eight months ago. Overall, I thought we had a solid relationship, though we've had some bumps lately that I thought we were working through.

Most of our issues have been around communication and social stuff, like, Sophia tends to make plans without checking with me first, or she'll commit us to social events that I'm not really interested in. Nothing major, just typical relationship growing pains. Sophia's best friend Violet is getting married next weekend. Sophia has been part of the wedding planning process for almost a year and is one of the bridesmaids. Violet and Sophia have been friends since their sophomore year of college, so this wedding is obviously a huge deal for Sophia. She's been talking about it constantly for months. I've been supportive because I know how much this means to her, even though the constant wedding talk was getting a bit exhausting. Here's where it gets complicated.

Sophia dated this guy Noah, 27M, for about three years in college, basically all of junior and senior year, plus a year after graduation. From what Sophia's told me, it was a pretty serious relationship. They lived together for the last year of college and were apparently talking about moving to the same city after graduation. They broke up about three months before Sophia and I met, though Sophia insists the timing was coincidental and that their relationship had been over for months before it officially ended. Noah and Sophia remained friends after their breakup, which honestly has always made me a bit

uncomfortable, but I've tried to be mature about it. Sophia says they have a friend group in common from college and that it would be weird and dramatic to cut them out completely. She says their breakup was mutual and amicable and that they realized they were better as friends. I've met Noah a handful of times at group events, and he seems like a decent enough guy, he's always been polite to me, never openly hostile or weird. But there's something about the way he and Sophia interact

that's always bothered me. They have all these inside jokes and shared memories, and sometimes when they're talking, it feels like I'm watching a conversation between two people who have a history that I'm not part of. About six weeks ago, Sophia got her wedding invitation in the mail. She was so excited she called Violet immediately

to talk about dress ideas and travel plans. The wedding is about an hour away from where we live, so it's not a destination wedding or anything, but Sophia had been looking forward to making a whole weekend of it. She'd already booked us a hotel room for Saturday night, or so I thought, and was talking about how we could explore the area on Sunday before driving home. Two weeks ago, Sophia mentioned the invitation again and confirmed that she wanted to bring

me as her plus one. I was genuinely looking forward to it. I don't know Violet's super well, but the few times I've met her, she seemed really nice and down to earth. Plus, Sophia and I had been stressed with work lately, so I thought a fun wedding weekend would be good for us to reconnect and just enjoy each other's company. Then last Monday, Sophia came home from work and said she needed to talk to me about the wedding. I figured she wanted to go over our travel plans or maybe talk about what to wear, but we're going to. what she said next completely blindsided me. She said she'd been thinking about the wedding and realized that she really wanted both Noah and me to be there because we're both important people

in her life. She said she'd talked to Violet about it, and Violet had agreed to let her bring both of us as her guests. I asked what she meant by that, and she explained that she'd specifically asked Violet if she could bring both her boyfriend, me, and Noah to the wedding. Essentially, she wanted to bring both of us as her plus one, making it a plus two situation that she had arranged herself. I remember just staring at her for a moment, trying to process what she was saying. I asked her to clarify, had she seriously asked the bride if she could bring both her current boyfriend and her ex-boyfriend to the wedding. She said yes, and that Violet thought it was sweet that Sophia wanted to include all the important people in her life.

Sophia explained that Noah didn't have a date anyway, and this way she could spend time with both of us at the reception. She also mentioned that Noah had been hoping to be invited since he's friends with Violet 2, and this seemed like the perfect solution. I told her this made me really uncomfortable. First, it's completely inappropriate to ask a bride if you can bring your ex-boyfriend along with your current boyfriend as wedding guests. Second, I couldn't think of any scenario where being someone's date alongside their ex would be normal or acceptable.

Third, I was mortified that she put Violet in a position of having to say yes to such a weird request. Sophia got defensive and said it wasn't weird at all. She said Violet was happy to accommodate the request and that lots of people bring friends to weddings. She said I was making it sound much more dramatic than it actually was. Sophia got defensive and said Noah is close to Violet. Apparently they all hung out together a lot when Sophia and Noah were dating. She said Violet considers Noah a good friend in his own right, not just as Sophia's ex. She said when the three of them were all in college together, Noah and Violet would sometimes hang out without Sophia,

and that Violet had specifically mentioned missing Noah when Sophia and Noah broke up. She then said I was being insecure and that she said, thought I trusted her. She reminded me that Noah and I had gotten along fine the few times we'd met, and that I'd even said he seemed like a cool guy after we all went to that group barbecue last summer. I said trust wasn't the issue, it was about appropriateness and how uncomfortable this would make me. I explained that even if Noah is a great guy and even if I trust Sophia completely, being part of a trio where I'm sharing date duties with her ex-boyfriend would be humiliating and weird. I said I couldn't imagine any of my own.

enjoying myself at a wedding knowing that everyone there was probably wondering about the dynamics between the three of us. Sophia said I was being dramatic and that lots of people stay friends with their exes. She said Noah and I actually have stuff in common, we both like hiking in craft beer and similar movies, and that we might even become friends if I gave him a chance instead of seeing him as a threat. She accused me of trying to control who she's friends with and said that she was disappointed in me for not being more mature about this.

I took a deep breath and tried to explain my position more clearly. I said I wasn't trying to control her friendships, and that I had never asked her to cut contact with Noah entirely. But I said that being her plus one alongside her ex-boyfriend crossed a line for me, and that it put me in an impossible position. I said she needed to choose, bring me as her date, or bring Noah, but not both. Sophia got really upset at that point. She said this was ridiculous and that I was,

was making her choose between her boyfriend and her friend. She said it wasn't fair for me to put her in that position, especially when Violet had specifically said it was okay for her to bring both of us. She also pointed out that we wouldn't even be sitting together anyway. Apparently Violet had arranged the seating so that I'd be at the couple's table with the other wedding party plus ones, while Noah would be at the singles table with some of Violet's other college friends. We've been going back and forth about this for a week. The conversation has come up almost every day, usually when Sophia gets home from work or when we're getting ready for bed.

Sophia keeps saying I'm being insecure and unreasonable, and that this whole situation is revealing some ugly jealousy issues that I need to work on. She says Noah is genuinely just a friend now and that I should trust her judgment about her own relationships. But I still think it's inappropriate, and frankly, the more we've talked about it, the more uncomfortable I've become. I don't want to be someone's plus one when their ex is also their plus one. It feels disrespectful to our relationship, and honestly, it makes me wonder if Sophia has feelings for Noah that she's not admitting to herself. The fact that she's fighting so

hard for this, instead of just accepting that it makes me uncomfortable and choosing me, is really concerning. Yesterday, after another round of this conversation, Sophia told me she's decided to bring Noah instead of me. She said since I'm being stubborn about this, she'll just take him and I can stay home. She said this way she doesn't have to deal with me being weird around Noah all night, and Noah won't have to feel uncomfortable because of my attitude. I said fine, but that I thought her choice said a lot about her priorities. She said I'm the one who forced her to choose and that I made this way more complicated than it needed to be. She said if I had just been more open-minded about the whole thing, we could have all had a great time together. Now I'm

wondering if I handled this wrong. Some of our mutual friends think I should have just sucked it up for one night since it's important to Sophia. The wedding is this Saturday. Sophia left this morning to go help Violet with last-minute preparations. Apparently they're doing a rehearsal dinner tonight, and then Sophia will be staying at Violet's place until after the wedding on Saturday. Before she left, she made. mentioned that Noah would probably be at the rehearsal dinner too, since Violet had invited him. She's barely spoken to me since our fight yesterday, and when she was packing her bag this morning, the whole thing felt very tense and cold. I keep going back and forth between feeling like

I stood up for myself and my boundaries, and feeling like I ruined Sophia's experience of her best friend's wedding over my own insecurities. I'd offer refusing to go to this wedding under these circumstances. Should I have just dealt with it for one night? Comment 1 NTA. The fact that she chose her ex over you for a wedding says everything you need to know about where you stand in this relationship. A normal person in a committed relationship wouldn't even consider asking a bride if they could bring their ex-boyfriend along with their current boyfriend as wedding guests. The fact that she actively created this situation

by making such an inappropriate request to Violet, and then chose Noah when you, reasonably, objected, shows exactly where her priorities lie. Op reply Thank you for this. I keep second-guessing myself because Sophia makes it sound so reasonable when she explains it. Like, she'll say things like Noah and I are just friends, you know that and Violet wants both of you there and suddenly I feel like I'm the one being weird about it. But you're right, if someone told me my friend,

girlfriend wanted to bring both her current boyfriend and her ex-boyfriend as her wedding dates, I'd think that was strange too. I guess I needed to hear that I'm not crazy for thinking this crosses a line. Comment two. Info, how often do Sophia and Noah hang out? Are you usually included in these hangouts? I'll reply, this is actually something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Sophia and Noah don't hang out alone very often, maybe once every couple months they'll

grab coffee or lunch. But they text pretty regularly, and Sophia always includes Noah in group activities. Like if we're having people over for a barbecue or going to someone's birthday party, Noah is usually invited. What bothers me is that I'm not always included when it's friend group stuff. Like, a few months ago, a bunch of them went to see a concert and I found out about it after the fact. Sophia said it was just the old college crew and that it would have been weird to invite me, But Noah was there, and he dated Sophia, so I don't understand why he gets to be part of the old college crew permanently but I don't get to be part of Sophia's current social life. I've brought this up before and Sophia says I'm reading too much into it. She says Noah is friends with everyone in that group, not just her, so it's different.

But honestly, I think if Noah and Sophia didn't have a history, this whole wedding thing wouldn't even be an issue because she probably would have just automatically chosen to be. bring me. Comment three, your girlfriend is prioritizing her ex over you and trying to make you feel bad about having completely normal boundaries. This isn't about trust, this is about respect. And she's shown you exactly how much she respects you and your relationship. Don't let her manipulate you into thinking you're being unreasonable. Op reply, the manipulation aspect is something I hadn't really thought about until people started pointing it out here. Sophia is usually pretty good at making me feel like I'm being irrational when we disagree about stuff. Like, she'll use this really calm, reasonable tone and explain why my feelings don't make logical sense,

and I end up apologizing even when I felt like I was right. Looking back at our conversation about this wedding thing, she did the same thing. She made it sound like bringing both of us was this totally normal, practical solution, and that I was being dramatic for having a problem with it. She kept saying things like I thought you were more mature than this and I'm disappointed that you don't trust me. It made me feel like a jealous, controlling boyfriend instead of someone with legitimate concerns.

Even now, part of me wonders if I should just call her and say I changed my mind and I'll go with both of them. But reading these comments is helping me realize that my gut instinct was right, this isn't normal, and I shouldn't have to be okay with it just because Sophia thinks I should be. Update 1, I thought I should update since a lot of people were invested in this situation and I got some really helpful advice. So the wedding was this past Saturday. I didn't go, obviously. Sophia left Friday morning to help with wedding prep and stayed at Violet's place Friday night like she'd planned. I spent Friday night at home, trying to distract myself with Netflix and feeling pretty

miserable about the whole situation. I kept expecting Sophia to text me and say she'd changed her mind and wanted me to come after all, but that didn't happen. Saturday was weird. I knew the ceremony was at 4 p.m., and I found myself checking the time throughout the day and imagining what was happening. During what I knew was the ceremony time, I went for a long run to try to clear my head, but I kept thinking about Sophia as a bridesmaid and Noah being there watching her. The wedding went fine, according to Sophia's social media. I'll admit I probably looked at her Instagram stories more than I should have, but I was curious and honestly a bit masochistic about the whole thing. She posted photos of herself and the other bridesmaids getting ready,

they all looked beautiful, and Sophia seemed genuinely happy. There were some ceremony shots where you could see the wedding party, and a few reception photos later in the evening. Noah appeared in several of the reception photos, which honestly felt like a punch to the gut. There were pictures of him and Sophia dancing together, sitting at what looked like the same table during dinner, apparently the seating arrangement had changed from what Sophia had originally told me. They looked comfortable together, like they belonged together, in a way that made me question everything about my relationship with Sophia. Sophia came home Sunday evening around 6 p.m. I'd been dreading her return all day, not sure what mood.

she'd be in or how our first conversation would go. But she seemed like she was in a really good mood, almost euphoric, actually. She was talking about how beautiful the wedding was, how perfect everything went, how much fun she had reconnecting with old friends. She seemed energized in a way I hadn't seen in months. She was going through her phone showing me photos from the weekend, talking about the ceremony and how emotional it was, describing the food and the band and how late everyone stayed up dancing. She mentioned that Noah was actually really funny and that they'd had some good conversations about life and work.

She said he'd been asking about me and seemed disappointed that I wasn't there. Then, while she was scrolling through more photos on her phone, she mentioned that she and Noah had shared a hotel room Saturday night. I asked her to repeat that, thinking I'd misheard. She said that after the reception, a bunch of the wedding party decided to stay in town rather than drive home, about an hour drive, but most of the hotels were booked because of some local festival happening that weekend. She said Noah had managed to get a room, but it was the last one available,

and since she needed a place to stay too, they decided to share it to save money. I asked why she didn't just drive home with Violet and the other bridesmaids like she'd originally planned. She said the party got a bit wild and she didn't want to cut the night short. Apparently they all went to some bar after the reception and didn't get back to the hotel until around 2 a.m. I asked if the room had two beds. She said no, it was a queen bed, but Noah was a gentleman and slept on the floor. I'm not proud of my reaction, but I kind of lost it. I asked why she thought it was appropriate to share a hotel room with her ex-boyfriend.

I said that even if he slept on the floor, the optics of this were terrible, and that she should have found literally any other solution. Sophia immediately got defensive. She said I was being paranoid and controlling and that nothing happened. She said they're adults and friends, and that it was a practical solution to a logistical problem. She said if I trusted her, this wouldn't be an issue. I said trust wasn't the point, it was about boundaries and respect for our relationship.

I said that sharing a hotel room with an ex-boyfriend crosses every reasonable boundary that exists in a committed relationship. Sophia said I was being dramatic and that she would have done the same thing if it was any other friend. I pointed out that Noah isn't just any friend, he's her ex-boyfriend who she chose to bring to this wedding instead of me. She said that was a separate issue and that I needed to stop bringing it up. She said she's tired of me being insecure about Noah and that maybe I should work on my

own issues instead of trying to control her behavior. We had a huge fight. Sophia said she doesn't understand why I can't just trust her, and that my jealousy is becoming a problem in our relationship. She said Noah has been nothing but respectful and friendly toward me, and that I'm creating drama where none exists. I said that from my perspective, she's been prioritizing Noah over me and our relationship, and that this hotel room situation is just the latest example. I said that a woman in a committed relationship shouldn't be sharing hotel rooms with her ex-boyfriend, period. Sophia said that's an old-fashioned and sexist way of

thinking, and that she should be able to be friends with whoever she wants without me policing her behavior. We're currently not speaking. Sophia spent last night at her friend Katie's place because she said she needed space to think about whether she wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't trust her. I talked to my brother about it, and he said I'm not crazy and that Sophia is gaslighting me. I don't know what to think anymore. Am I being controlling and paranoid, or are my concerns legitimate? Update edit. A few people have asked about the logistics of the hotel situation. Because of that I did some digging and found out that the local festival Sophia mentioned was actually a small craft fair that ended at 6 p.m. on Saturday.

The hotels weren't fully booked, I called three of them and they had rooms available Saturday night. I haven't confronted Sophia about this yet because I'm not sure if it proves anything or if I'm just grasping at straws. Final update, this will be my final update because the situation has resolved itself, though not in the way I was hoping. After my last post, I spent a couple days really thinking about everything that had happened. I took some time off work to just process and figure out what I wanted to do. Reading all your comments helped me realize that I wasn't being paranoid or controlling, so Sophia's behavior really was inappropriate, and I had every right to be upset about it. I spent time thinking about our entire relationship and whether there had been other red flags

that I'd ignored or rationalized away. I realized that Sophia has a pattern of making me feel like my concerns aren't valid, and that I've gotten used to apologizing for having feelings that she doesn't think are reasonable. Sophia came home Tuesday evening after staying at her friend Katie's for two nights. She seemed like she was in a weird mood, not angry like I expected, but almost. Guilty. She kept trying to make small talk and asking if I wanted to order dinner together, like she was trying to pretend everything was normal.

But there was this weird energy between us, like we were both waiting for the other shoe to drop. I told her we needed to have a serious conversation about where we stood. I said that the wedding situation and the hotel room issue had made me realize we had some fundamental disagreements about what was appropriate in a relationship, and that I thought we needed to address those head on. Sophia immediately got defensive and said she hoped I wasn't going to bring up Noah again,

she said she was tired of our entire relationship revolving around my insecurities about her friendship with him. But I pressed on and said that yes, we needed to talk about Noah, because our relationship with him was clearly affecting our relationship in ways that neither of us had been willing to acknowledge. I told her about my discovery that the hotels weren't. actually fully booked that weekend. I said I didn't understand why she'd lied about that, and that it made me question what else she might not be telling me the truth about.

Sophia was quiet for a long moment. Then she said she hadn't technically lied, she had called one hotel and they said they were booked, so she'd assumed the others were two. She said when Noah offered to share his room, it seemed like the easiest solution. I said that even if that was true, the fact that she thought sharing a hotel room with her ex was the easiest solution showed that we had very different ideas about appropriate boundaries. That's when Sophia broke down and started crying. She said she didn't know how to explain it without making me angry. I said we were already past that point and that I just wanted the truth. She admitted that she and Noah had been texting more frequently than she'd let on.

Not just casual friend stuff, but long conversations about their lives, their relationships, their memories from college. She said it started a few months ago when Noah reached out after going through a rough breakup with his most recent girlfriend. I asked if she considered that emotional cheating. She said she didn't know, and that's part of what was confusing her. She said talking to Noah felt natural and comfortable in a way that reminded her of when they were together.

I asked what happened in the hotel room. Sophia said they talked until about 4 a.m., not about anything inappropriate, just about life and their friendship. She said Noah did sleep on the floor, but that they'd cuddled on the bed for a while before that, while they were talking. I asked if anything else happened. She said no, but then admitted that Noah had told her he still had feelings for her. She said she told him she was with me, but that she was confused about her. own feelings. I asked what she meant by confused. Sophia said that being with Noah at the wedding reminded her of how good they used to be together, and that she'd been wondering lately if

breaking up with him was a mistake. She said she loves me, but that she's not sure if what we have is as strong as what she had with Noah. I asked if she wanted to break up with me. She said she didn't know what she wanted, and that's why she'd been acting so weird lately. She said she thought maybe she needed some time to figure out her feelings. I told her that sounded like she wanted to explore things with Noah while keeping me as a backup option. She didn't deny it. At that point, I was done. I told Sophia that I wasn't interested in being someone's second choice or backup plan. I said that if she needed to figure out her feelings about her ex-boyfriend, she could do that as a single person. I said that I deserved to be in a relationship with someone who was certain about

wanting to be with me, not someone who was constantly comparing me to their ex and wondering if they'd made the right choice. Sophia started crying harder and said she didn't want to lose me. She said she was just confused and that maybe we could work through this together. She said the last two and a half years meant something to her and that she didn't want to throw it all away over what she called a moment of confusion. But I said that she was the one throwing it away, not me. I said that the moment she started having these intimate conversations with Noah and cuddling with him in hotel rooms, she made her choice.

I said that even if nothing physical happened, she had been emotionally unfaithful to our relationship, and that the wedding weekend was just when it all came to a head. I told her I'd be moving out this weekend. We have a lease on our apartment, so I can leave, though it means I'll lose my security deposit. I'm going to stay with my brother and his wife for a few weeks while I find a new place. Sophia begged me to reconsider. She said she'd cut off contact with Noah completely if that's what it took to save our relationship.

She said she'd change her phone number, block him on social media, do whatever I needed her to do. But I told her it was too late for that. Even if she did cut contact with him, I'd always know that she chose him over. me when it mattered, and that she'd been emotionally cheating on me for months without even realizing it. Thanks for all the support, Reddit. This has been one of the hardest things I've ever gone through, but I know I'm making the right choice.

Time to start over and find someone who actually wants to be with me. Final edit. A lot of people have asked if Sophia and Noah are officially together now. As of this morning a month later, Sophia posted an Instagram story of her and Noah having coffee together with the caption sometimes the universe has a plan, red heart emoji. So I think that answers that question. I'm glad I trusted my gut and got out when I did.