Reddit Stories - This ACQUAINTANCE who SUPPORTED me during my SEPARATION began behaving oddly and covertly

Episode Date: November 9, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #support #separation #oddbehavior #covert #relationshipsSummary: An acquaintance who supported me during my separation started behaving oddly and covertly, causing confusion and concern. Unsure how to address the situation without jeopardizing the support received.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, support, separation, oddbehavior, covert, relationships, confusion, concern, acquaintance, address, situation, jeopardizing, received, supportBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. This acquaintance who supported me during my separation began behaving oddly and covertly capturing images and videos inside my residence, prompting me to install a concealed camera and apprehend her, spying on me for my ex-husband who was paying her to gather evidence against me. Hey Reddit, I need some perspective on a situation that's been bothering me. I, 37F, have a close friend, let's call her Jane, 35F, who was my rock. during my divorce last year. She supported me emotionally, helped with my two kids, nine and six, and was basically like family. I honestly don't think I would have gotten through the

darkest times without her. Lately, though, Jane has been acting strange. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something feels off. She's been coming over to my house much more often than she used to, which normally I'd appreciate, being a single mom is tough and I welcome help. But But every time she's here, she always has her phone out. And I mean always. At first I didn't think much of it, we all live on our phones these days, but then I started noticing weird little things. If my house is a mess, which, with two young kids, it often is, I'll catch her snapping

photos. For example, one day the kids had torn apart their playroom and I saw Jane in the hallway, phone angled toward the mess. She quickly claimed she was just checking a text, but her camera lens was clearly pointed into the room. She sometimes records our conversations, or at least it seems like it. She'll hold up her phone, and I'll hear the little bleep of a voice memo app or see the screen recording symbol.

Once, I was venting about how exhausted I was and I swear I saw her phone recording. When I asked, are you filming me? She laughed it off, oh no, I was recording a reminder for myself, sorry if it looked weird. It felt weird, though. Jane has also started asking very pointed questions about my co-parenting arrangement with my ex, 39M. She's known the basics for ages, but now she's suddenly super interested in the schedule, how we handle sick days, if I ever get overwhelmed, etc. She'll say things like it must be hard doing most of the child care on your own.

How do you and your ex handle it when you need a break or when the kids are a handful? It's like she's probing for something specific. All these red flags are adding up. I haven't confronted her directly yet. Maybe I'm just being paranoid or ungrateful. This friend literally helped me when I was at my lowest. Maybe she's just extra concerned about me and the kids. But it's making me really uncomfortable.

I feel like I can't even relax in my own home if she's snapping picks of my messy kitchen or recording me when I'm upset. For some additional context, my divorce was messy. My ex and I share custody of the kids, but I have them the majority of the time. The split was hard on everyone, and Jane was one of the few people firmly in my corner throughout. She even testified on my behalf when my ex tried to claim I was an unfit mother early in the divorce, which was nonsense, and the court agreed with me. Because of that history, I trusted her completely. I never imagined I'd have any reason to doubt her.

But now I'm starting to feel like I'm being watched in my own. home. Jane's behavior has me suspicious, why is she taking photos of my mess, or essentially keeping receipts of my bad days? What is she doing with all that? The only reason I can think of is maybe she wants to show me later as some kind of tough love look at what you need to improve thing? But that would be really patronizing and unlike her. The more distressing thought, and I hate that my brain even went here, is that she might be gathering evidence for someone else. The only person who'd benefit from pictures of my house in disarray or recordings of me losing my temper would be my ex, if he wanted to make a case against me. I know it sounds

kind of out there. Why on earth would my best friend, who stood by me through the divorce, be helping my ex-husband of all people? It doesn't make sense to me, and I feel awful for even entertaining that idea. Still, the gut feeling that something isn't right won't go away. So Reddit, I need your advice, am I being unreasonable or ungrateful here? If I tell my friend to cut it out with a constant phone recording and picture taking in my home, would that make me the asshole? ETA, I didn't expect to get so many responses so quickly. I really appreciate it.

A lot of you are asking if I've actually seen what she's doing on her phone, like if she's sending those photos to someone and whether I've directly told her it's not okay. I haven't confronted her yet beyond the awkward, are you filming? Question I mentioned. I was honestly too taken aback in the moments to press it. But you're right, I need to set some boundaries. I'm going to talk to her soon. I'll update when I can.

Thanks for the guidance. Update 1. It's been a few days since my original post, and I want to thank you all for the overwhelming response. More importantly, so many of you shared insight. and advice that opened my eyes. A lot of commenters echoed my gut feeling that something was off about Jane's behavior. Many of you even suggested that she might be collecting info or evidence for someone, with most fingers pointing squarely at my ex. I didn't want to believe it, but I couldn't ignore the possibility. Some common pieces of advice I received were.

Set firm boundaries, tell Jane directly that her constant recording and photo taking is not okay, and limit her access to my home and kids until I understand what's going on. Stop over sharing with her, several of you noted I should be careful not to tell Jane too much about my struggles or schedule, in case she is funneling that info elsewhere, document her behavior, people suggested I start keeping a record of her actions, like noting date slash time she comes over and what she does, in case I need evidence. Consider who benefits, many pointed out the only person who stands to gain from making me look like a bad or overwhelmed mom is my This comment showed up a lot, a true friend wouldn't secretly record you. Who would want those

recordings? Probably the same person who once tried to paint you is unfit. Bet hit hard. Get legal advice, quite a few urged me to quietly consult a lawyer about my rights, especially regarding someone recording me without consent. I haven't done this yet, but I have a recommendation for a good attorney if needed. Taking these suggestions to heart, I started acting. on them. First, I tried to dial back how much I share with Jane. When she texted asking how I was doing or how the kids were, I gave generic answers instead of admitting I was stressed or that the kids were driving me up the wall. I also stopped saying yes every time she offered to come over, especially on days I felt particularly exhausted or when the house was a

disaster. Frankly, I began to suspect she wanted to catch me on bad days. Well, Reddit, even with me trying to limit opportunities, Jane still found one. A few days after my post, I had an insanely hectic day at work, WFH while taking care of a sick toddler and an energetic older kid is no joke. I must have looked frazzled on our video call earlier, because Jane dropped a hint like, I'm free today if you need an extra pair of hands. I was tempted to say no, but I caved, thinking maybe I was being too harsh suspecting her. I told her she could come by in the afternoon. That afternoon turned into a perfect storm. My six-year-old spilled juice all over the couch at the same time my nine-year-old was having a meltdown over a broken toy, and I was on a work call.

Total chaos. I was completely overwhelmed and admittedly I snapped. I raised my voice at the kids to stop because I just couldn't take the noise for a minute. Not my finest mom moment, and I'm not proud of yelling, but it happened. Right then, I noticed Jane in the doorway, phone up and pointed at me and the kids. She was recording us. I can't describe what I felt. I immediately stopped and said, Jane, what the hell are you doing? In probably a harsher tone than I've ever used with her.

She fumbled with her phone, lowering it, and went, oh. I was just videoing the kids for a second because they were being cute earlier, I cut her off. I knew what a recording looks like, and she had just been pointing the camera during one of my worst moments. the kids were literally crying, not doing anything cute. I told her I saw her recording while I was yelling and that she needed to stop. My heart was pounding. I was angry and felt betrayed and frankly, violated in my own home. Jane's reaction was defensive. She got flustered and said something along the lines of, I was going to show you later how stressed you were, so you'd let me help more. I think you need help, and I don't want you to burn out. It was a weird justification. I responded

that secretly filming me was absolutely not okay and not the way to help. I said, if I need help, I'll ask. Don't record me or my kids without permission, especially not in my own home. She apologized, but honestly, it felt like the kind of apology you give when you got caught, quick and trying to smooth things over. She said she was sorry for making me uncomfortable and that she didn't mean any harm. After that, I told Jane I think it's best she had home after I made her delete the video, because I needed to calm the kids, who were now extra upset, having witnessed our argument on top of everything.

Jane quietly left, saying, we'll talk later, okay? And I didn't stop her. After she left and I got the kids settled, I broke down crying from the stress and heartbreak. If her excuse was true that she wanted to show me how overwhelmed I was, it still felt so condescending and sneaky. And if it wasn't true, then it means my worst fear might be real, that she's collecting this stuff for my ex. At this point, I strongly suspect she's not on my side.

The way she zeroed in with her phone exactly when I lost my temper, it's like she was waiting for it. And remember how she's been asking about my custody arrangement lately? In the moment I was too angry to bring that up, but looking back, it all fits the theory that she's trying to build a case that I'm not handling things well on my own. I haven't talked to Jane since that blow up. She sent me a text later that evening checking if I was okay and saying I hope you know I was just trying to help.

I haven't replied because I honestly don't know what to say. I'm not ready to have that conversation with her, especially if she's just going to lie to me. For now, I'm keeping my distance. Kids even ask why Auntie Jane left so suddenly and if she was mad. I just told them she had to go home, and we'll hang out another time. Privately I'm not sure we will hang out again, at least not until I get to the bottom of this. To everyone who commented and warned me, thank you. I'm taking this very seriously now.

My guard is all the way up. I haven't involved my ex or mentioned any of this to him, and I don't plan to unless absolutely necessary. but I am going to start looking for a good lawyer to consult, I'll use that recommendation a commenter gave me. Even if nothing more comes of this, I want to be prepared in case Jane, or my ex, tries something. Update 2. It's only been a short time since my last update, and guess what? My ex has suddenly started pushing to spend more time with the kids. The timing is very suspicious. A day or two after the incident with Jane, my ex called me up with the blue. He was unusually friendly and chatty, asking how the kids were doing, how I've been

managing, etc. I immediately felt like something was up because our communication is usually just about pickups and drop-offs. Then he said he's been thinking a lot about our co-parenting arrangement and wants to have the kids stay with him more often. He phrased it like it was out of concern for me, you've got a lot on your plate. Maybe I should take them more, to give you a break. Let me tell you, my alarm bells went off. My ex has never offered to take the kids extra just to give me a break. In fact, during the divorce he was fine with me having primary custody and him having every other weekend, for him to now volunteer for more dad duty for my sake felt incredibly

out of character. I played dumb on the phone and just said things like, oh, that's an interesting idea, I'll think about it. I didn't want to tip him off that I was suspicious. I also didn't agree to anything. He was clearly trying to sound casual, but I could sense an undertone, like he was eager. Before we hung up, he added, we can talk details soon, maybe adjust the schedule. I really think it'd be best for the kids, you know?

If they had more time with me. The moment I got off the phone, I just knew this was connected to Jane. It's too much of a coincidence, Jane gets caught recording me at my worst, and almost immediately my ex is pushing to change custody under the guise of helping me out. I wouldn't be surprised if he already has some of those photos or recordings in hand. Maybe Jane sent him something as proof that I'm not coping, and now he's making his move. To be sure, I texted one of our friends, who has been neutral with both me and my ex, and subtly asked if they knew of my ex having any recent changes or plans.

This friend didn't know much, but mentioned they ran into my ex a few days ago and he bragged about how he might be getting more time with the kid soon. Apparently he said something like, The kids might be with me half the time before long. It's better for them. Hearing that made my blood boil, not only because he hasn't discussed any of this with me beyond that friendly call, but because it sounded like he was confident it was going to happen.

I haven't confronted either my ex or Jane about their possible collaboration yet. I'm trying to be strategic. After my last update, I got a lot of advice urging me to speak to a lawyer before doing anything else, and I think that's the right move. In fact, I have an appointment set up with a family law attorney. Thank you to those who recommended that. I plan to tell the lawyer everything. Even if all this is just circumstantial, I want it on record.

I'm a mix of angry and heartbroken. Angry at my ex for seemingly trying to pull something and deeply hurt that Jane is likely feeding him information or even fabricating a narrative about me. As I mentioned before, this is the same friend who wants to defended me against his accusations. To think she could now be helping him turn those same accusations back on me is just, I have no words. It's a special kind of betrayal. I did notice that since our confrontation, Jane has gone radio silent except for that one text

the night it happened. She hasn't tried to come over or follow up on talking later. That in itself speaks volumes. Maybe she knows I'm on to her. Or maybe she's busy coordinating with my now that things are out in the open. I hate thinking in such a paranoid way, but here we are. For now, I told my ex I'm not agreeing to any changes until we have a proper discussion, which will be after I consult my lawyer. He wasn't thrilled, but I deflected by saying I have a busy week and will chat soon. My plan is to not tip my hand, and to let the lawyer guide me on how to handle both him and Jane. It's scary how fast this went from a weird feeling to a potential custody battle. I'm trying to stay calm for my kids' sake.

They haven't said anything about wanting more time at their dads. They're used to the current and I'm not going to bring it up to them unless or until it's actually happening. Thank you again to everyone for the support and advice. A lot of you predicted exactly this scenario, that my ex would use whatever Jane gathered to come after custody. I'm sad that you were right, but at least I was somewhat prepared. I'll update as soon as I've spoken to the lawyer or if anything else significant happens. Update 3. Something happened today that gave me the closest thing to confirmation short of a confession. One of my kids accidentally spilled the beans about the plan. Here's what went

down. My nine-year-old was working on a school project at home and asked me if we could get some pictures printed. I was helping him search for images online when, out of nowhere, he said, Mom, when are we doing that plan Daddy and Auntie Jane have? I paused, taken off guard. what plan honey i asked as calmly as i could though my heart was suddenly in my throat he looked a little confused as if he wasn't sure he was supposed to say anything then he responded um i don't know all of it daddy just said he and auntie jane have a plan so that we might get to see him more he said it's a surprise and we shouldn't tell you until it's all figured out i swear i had to take a second to keep my face neutral. I didn't want my child to feel bad or caught in the middle. I gently asked,

did Daddy tell you not to tell me about it? My son nodded and looked worried, adding, he said it was a fun surprise. Did I mess up? I immediately gave him a big hug and assured him he did nothing wrong at all. I said, you can always tell Mommy anything. You're not in trouble, and you didn't mess up. I also told him that I wasn't mad at him or at Daddy. Inside, I was furious at my ex for putting our kid in that position, but I kept it together. He seemed relieved and went back to his project, and I dropped the subject since I didn't want to pressure him. I did remind both of my kids later that they never have to keep secrets from either parent,

even if someone says to. I framed it like, surprises for birthdays are okay, but secrets that make you worried are not. You can always talk to me or daddy about anything, they agreed and then moved on to talking about their video games. Kids, man. Oblivious to the bombshell the nine-year-old just dropped on me. As soon as I had a private moment, I kind of freaked out. That was basically confirmation that Jane and my ex had been scheming behind my back. The plan. My stomach churned hearing those words from my child's mouth. It's one thing to suspect it, it's another to have your kid innocently refer to a secret plot involving your supposed friend and your ex-husband.

At this point I am done second-guessing myself. There's no more benefit of the doubt to give. Jane and my ex are working together, full stop. Whether her motive was money, loyalty to him, or something else, I don't even care right now, I just care about stopping whatever they're trying to do. I contacted the lawyer I mentioned earlier immediately to tell them what my son said. Our official meeting is scheduled for soon, but I wanted this information in their hands ASAP. So, here's what I'm going to do next.

Start with my lawyer very soon, I'll provide all the details, including my son's comment about the plan. We'll discuss the legality of Jane's secret recordings and how to address that. The lawyer pointed out that recording someone in their home without consent is illegal here and would make my ex look very bad if he tried to use those recordings. Secure my home and gather evidence, I'm going to take a page from your advice and install a hidden camera in my living room. That way, if Jane comes over again and tries to snoop or record, I'll have clear video evidence of it. She's strategic with Jane. I plan to invite Jane over one more time. I know it's risky and the last thing I want to do, but I need to lure her into exposing

herself. I'll pretend to smooth things over and act like I overreacted. The goal is to get her comfortable and then leave her alone briefly with a hidden camera running. I might step outside for a few minutes, pretending to take a phone call or run an errand, to give her a chance to pull out her phone or snoop for evidence while she thinks I'm not watching. Confrontation, with proof in hand, once I have her on camera doing something incriminating, I will confront her. This time, I'll have receipts. I plan to show her a snippet of the video and directly ask her to explain herself. I want to see if she'll finally come clean when faced with evidence. I won't reveal my son's comment about the plan, just to keep that ace up my sleeve and to protect him from her

knowing he talked. Ideally, I'd like to have a neutral third-party present for this confrontation, maybe my sister or a friend, or even my lawyer on standby by phone, just for safety and witnesses. I don't expect it to get violent or anything, but I do expect lots of emotions. It's a lot, I know. My hands was sweating as I typed out that plan, but having the plan actually makes me feel a bit more in control. Thank you to everyone who has helped me think this through rationally. Without the advice and warning signs you all pointed out, I might have just confronted her without proof or, ors, doubted myself into doing nothing until it was too late. I'm going to get all this in motion. I probably won't update again until I have the

results of this plan, either catching Jane in the act or whatever comes from the confrontation. Wish me luck. Update four, final update. It's been a little while, but I'm finally back with what should be the final update. Thankfully, it's good news for me and the kids. I met with my lawyer, recommended by one of you, and laid out everything. He agreed this was serious. We decided to file a police report about Jane's secret recordings to get it on record and put my ex on notice that I knew what he was up to.

Recording someone in their home without consent is illegal here, so we had that on our side. So we went ahead and filed that report about Jane spying. The police took it seriously, especially since kids were involved. Having it on file is a huge safety net. It means my ex can't use anything she gathered without exposing his own misdeeds. Now, under the big confrontation, I set my plan in motion as described. I got a small Wi-Fi camera and hit it on a bookshelf in my living room, angled to cover the whole area. I tested it to make sure it captured video and audio clearly.

Then I reached out to Jane. I played my part well, I told her I missed her, that I was sorry for getting so upset, and that maybe she was right that I do need help sometimes. I could practically hear the relief in her voice when I invited her over for a chat. I hated pretending, but I hated what she did to me more, so. No guilt. Jane came over in the morning while the kids were at school. After some small talk over coffee, I excused myself to step outside, to supposedly talk to a

neighbor, leaving her alone inside. In reality, I stayed just out of sight, watching the live feed from the hidden camera on my phone. As soon as I was out of the room, Jane got up and started snooping. She peeked down the hallway to make sure I was really gone, then quickly went into action. She pulled out her phone and started snapping pictures of a stack of mail slash papers I had on the counter. Then she headed to the living room and subtly tried to angle her phone around the room, basically taking photos of anything that might make my home look bad or evidence of mess, jokes on her, I tidied up, so it was pretty much spotless. The most damning part was when she made a phone call. I caught bits of her hissing into the phone, clearly to my ex, assurances that I didn't

suspect anything, that she'd taken some pictures, and that she had a few minutes while I was out. I nearly burst back in right then and there, but I forced myself to stick to the plan a little longer and let her incriminate herself fully. Finally, when I saw her wrapping up her activities, I came back inside. I went into the bathroom briefly and saved the footage. Then I decided it was time to end this charade. I told Jane, very calmly, that I had something to show her. I pulled up the footage on my phone and held it out so she could see a montage of herself creeping around my house.

talking to my ex on the phone, taking pictures and snooping. The color drained from her face. She opened her mouth but no sound came out. I said, as evenly as I could, so, Jane? You want to explain what I'm seeing here? She collapsed onto the couch and just started crying. I'm sorry she kept blubbering, but that wasn't cutting it. I stood there, heartbroken but also enraged,

and told her I needed the truth now. She sobbed out the whole story. As suspected, my ex had approached her a couple of months ago when he found out she was in serious financial trouble. He offered her a few hundred dollars, with more promised if he won more custody, to spy on me and gather anything that might paint me as an unfit mother. She initially said no, but eventually her desperation went out. What started as just taking some pictures snowballed as he pushed for more, videos of me losing

my temper, details about my routine, etc. She knew it was wrong, but felt trapped once she started. I sat through her entire explanation without saying a word. To be honest, I think I'd already mourned the friendship when I realized her betrayal, so I just felt hollow listening to her. When she finished, I told her point-blank that I could maybe empathize with her financial. I reminded her that she saw what my ex's lies did to me during the divorce, and still she chose to help him try to hurt me again, and involved my children in the process. I also told her I'd filed a police report about her activities, lawyer told me to do that, which clearly shocked her. She pleaded desperation and even tried to claim she thought having the kids see their dad more was helping me. I told her to

cut the crap. She asked if I was going to press charges or tell everyone what she did. I answered that the report was filed and the evidence safe with my lawyer. I also said our friendship was over, full stop. I told her to leave my house and never contact me or my children again. She left sobbing. After she left, I felt a wave of relief and exhaustion. I wasn't crazy, I caught them and stopped it. But it was a deep betrayal by someone I considered family, and that hurt will take a long time to process. As for my ex, my lawyer has handled communication with him. We let him know that we are aware of his antics. I'm not privy to the exact exchange, my lawyer spoke to his lawyer, but the gist was that we have evidence of him conspiring to gather illegal recordings and that

if he pursues a custody change or tries to use any of that tainted evidence, we will not hesitate to bring it to the judge's attention and possibly pursue criminal charges. The result? He backed off completely. His lawyer sent a formal notice that they are withdrawing any request to modify custody. My ex himself hasn't said a word to me directly about any of it. In fact, when he comes to pick up the kids for his normal visitation, he stays in his car and barely makes eye contact. Fine by me. We stick strictly to the schedule now. He hasn't asked for any extra time or favors. I suspect he's afraid I might actually unleash legal consequences if he pokes the bear again. Frankly, the fact that

he dragged our child into his scheme infuriated me, it would look terrible for him in court, and I'm sure he realized it. At the end of the day, I'm glad this all came to light when it did. It was ugly and awful, but better now than if he had somehow gathered more ammo. My kids, thankfully, were largely unaware of the drama. I reassured them that nothing in their routine would change, and they were perfectly content with that. I'm deeply sad about losing Jane as a friend, but when I weighed against what she did,

maybe I lost her the moment she agreed to his scheme. The person who was my true friend would never have done this, no matter how desperate. Thank you all so much for your advice. It genuinely helped me protect myself and my kids. I'm so grateful for this community. Hug your true friends tight, and stay vigilant for those who might not have your back. Take care, everyone.