Reddit Stories - Toxic Secrets and Stories for Sleep Compilation for Sleep ( Over 9 Hour Compilation ) - Episode #85

Episode Date: January 15, 2026

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #sleepstories #toxicrelationships #storytime #compilation #relaxationSummary: Episode 85 features a compilation of toxic secrets and Reddit stories designed for sleep. Listeners are taken on a journey through various narratives that explore complex relationships, offering a mix of entertainment and reflection, perfect for unwinding and drifting off to sleep.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, sleepstories, toxicrelationships, storytime, compilation, relaxation, bedtime, narratives, personalstories, mentalhealth, emotionalwellbeing, selfcare, podcast, soothing, calming, sleepaid, storytellingBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6816713/support.This episode includes AI-generated content.

I hope you enjoy this story. My partner's closest male friend has been treating me poorly for a couple of years, so I decided to stand up for myself when he suggested at our gathering that my partner could find someone superior to me. She gave me an ultimatum to apologize to him or were done. Hey everyone, I need to vent and get some perspective on a situation that's been driving me up the wall. I'll throw in some fake names to keep things clear. I'm Mike 26m, my girlfriend is Jess 25F, and her best friend, the source of my headaches, is Ryan, 26M. Ryan has a girlfriend of his own, Ava, 24F, who often hangs out with us too.

Jess and I have been together for a little over two years. We met at work, and we hit it off pretty quickly. She's smart, funny, gorgeous, honestly, the whole package, and I feel lucky to be. with her. We moved in together about six months ago into an apartment. Everything between us has been really good except for one thing. Ryan, her so-called male best friend. Jess and Ryan have been best friends since college. They met in some freshman orientation event and became tight. By the time I came into the picture, they'd already been friends for years. When Jess first told me about Ryan, I didn't think much of it, I mean, having friends outside a relationship is totally normal.

Plus, Ryan had a girlfriend, Ava, so I didn't feel any kind of jealousy initially. Boy, was I naive. The first time I met Ryan was about a year ago, not long after Jess and I started dating seriously. Jess was excited for me to meet her best friend, so she set up a double date, the two of us, plus Ryan and his girlfriend Ava, going out for dinner at a casual restaurant. I remember being a little nervous, I wanted to make a good impression on anyone who was important to Jess. I was all smiles and handshakes when we met. Ryan, though. From the get-go, his attitude was, well, icy, he barely shook my hand, gave me this quick once over like he was sizing me up, and then almost immediately cracked some joke at my expense. I don't remember his exact words, but it was something about my height, I'm a bit shorter than him.

him. It was phrased as a joke, and everyone kind of chuckled awkwardly. I tried to brush it off and be a good sport. We all sat down to eat, and the whole dinner was like that, Ryan would make these snarky little comments directed at me, hidden under a thin veneer of humor. Just really unnecessary jabs. I could tell Jess was a bit uncomfortable with his tone, but she mostly just rolled her eyes or gently told him to knock it off. At one point, Ava, Ryan's girlfriend, even elbowed him and whispered for him to chill. It was clear to everyone at the table that Ryan didn't like me, though I had no idea why. I'd literally just met the guy. Despite all that, I kept a polite smile plastered on and tried to engage him in normal conversation.

I asked about his job, his interests, you know, basic friendly small talk. He's a He answered in curt sentences, then would divert his attention back to Jess, chatting with her like I wasn't even there. After that dinner, I talked to Jess about it. I asked, is Ryan always like that? She sighed and apologized for him. She said he could be very protective and a bit blunt, but that he was a good person once you get to know him. She also added that he had a rough childhood and some trust issues, which she thinks is why he standoffish with new people. I wasn't thrilled with how he treated me, but I decided I'd give it time for Jess's sake.

I told her I understood, and that as long as he makes her life better and not worse, I'd try to get along with him. Over the next several months, getting along with Ryan became an uphill battle. He comes over to our apartment pretty often, usually with Ava but sometimes alone if Ava's busy. His behavior is not just comments either. If we're all hanging out in a group, say, having drinks in our living room, Ryan will constantly interrupt or talk over me. If I tell a story or make a joke, he jumps in with a one-liner that undercuts me. It's subtle sometimes, but I notice it. Hell, everyone notices it. I kept trying to be the bigger person. I really did. I'd laugh along or play it cool externally, even though inside I'd be boiling. Whenever

or Jess and I were alone after hanging out with Ryan, I'd bring it up gently. I'd say, it felt like Ryan was kind of harsh tonight, or does Ryan have an issue with me? I get this vibe he doesn't like me much. Jess would usually sigh and say things like, he just doesn't realize how he comes across, or he is kind of harsh, but he jokes like that with everyone, I promise. She would defend him more directly, saying, Ryan's been my friend for so long. He was there for me through some tough times. I think he's just protective and maybe worried about me. That one made me ask, worried about what exactly? She insisted, nothing specific, he just wants to make sure I'm happy. Give him a chance, he'll come around. So I did give him chance after chance, I'd invite him

along to things like movies or bowling, but he always found a way to put me down or make me look foolish. It seemed like I couldn't win with this guy. Jess did tell him off here and there. They even had a couple of private talks that I know of. At least once, I overheard Jess scolding him in the hallway outside our apartment after a game night, basically saying he was out of line and needed to cut it out. That made me feel a bit better because at least she acknowledged it was an issue. Still, the behavior never truly stopped. One particularly frustrating instance, happened a few months ago. Ryan's car had broken down and he didn't have the cash to fix it. Jess put me on the spot by volunteering me to help him out, maybe fix it and even lend him

some money until he got paid. I spent my whole Saturday in his garage working on that car and ended up lending him $300 for parts. He muttered a promise to pay me back, but barely even thanked me. Later, I told Jess how unappreciated I felt. She apologized on his behalf of and said he does appreciate me, he's just bad at showing it. She insisted Ryan likes me deep down and just takes time to warm up. I wasn't convinced. Two years in, and I'm still waiting for this guy to warm up. If anything, he's gotten worse.

At times I wonder if I'm missing something obvious, like did I unknowingly offend him? Does he secretly have feelings for Jess or something? I never wanted to think that, because he has a girlfriend and Jess' always insisted their friendship was totally platonic, like siblings. But the way he behaves, it's like he's trying to one-up me or push me out of Jess's life. I haven't outright accused Jess of that, but I have gently asked questions like, has Ryan ever, you know, had a thing for you? She always laughs and says, no, absolutely not. He's like a brother. Plus, he's with Ava. Trust me, there's nothing like that.

She even told me at one point that Ryan had once confided in her that he planned to propose to Ava, though as far as I know, that hasn't happened yet. So I thought, okay, maybe he's not trying to steal her or anything. Maybe he's just an overprotective friend who thinks no guy is ever good enough for Jess. I can sort of understand that if I'm being generous, maybe he had seen her go through a bad relationship before. I know her last ex was kind of a jerk to her, and he's on high alert. But I'm not her ex. I've been nothing but good to Jess. I treat her with respect, I support her ambitions.

She recently started taking classes to get an MBA, I'm super proud of her, and we have a pretty healthy relationship. We have our small fights now and then like any couple, but we communicate and work things out. We love each other. Everyone who actually knows me, including Jess's other friends and her parents, has told me I'm good for her, that they've never seen her this happy. Everyone can see that, except apparently Ryan, who still seems to think I'm some villain. I don't know, read it. It's been two years of this.

How much longer am I supposed to wait? And what if he never sees the real me, or worse, what if the real me is exactly who he hates for whatever reason? I hate feeling this wedge between Jess and me whenever Ryan's involved. I fear that if I make her choose, she might actually choose him. Their friendship is that strong, and I honestly don't know what she'd do. It hurts to even think about that. I love Jess, and aside from this issue, we have a great life together. I want a future with her, I've even thought about proposing sometime in the next few years.

How do I handle this situation without coming? off as the bad guy. Any advice or perspective would be appreciated. Update 1, two weeks later. Well, things kind of exploded this past weekend. I wish I was coming here with a positive update, but nope. After posting here two weeks ago, I did talk to Jess more seriously about Ryan. She agreed to try to talk to him again about easing up and being respectful. I don't know if that talk ever happened or if it made any difference, because what went down at our party has probably changed everything. So, last Saturday, Jess and I hosted a party at our apartment. It was sort of a belated housewarming slash just for fun gathering. We invited a bunch of friends, some of my buddies

from work, a couple of Jess's friends from her MBA classes, and of course Ryan and Ava. In total, maybe 10 to 12 people. We had music, drinks, the year. usual chill hangout vibe. I actually was looking forward to it, hoping that with a larger group around, Ryan might behave, or at least I'd have enough other people to mingle with that I could avoid him if needed. For the first part of the night, things were actually okay. Ryan showed up with Ava, and he gave me a nod when I handed him a beer, not exactly friendly, but at least civil. I thought, maybe he got the hint from Jess to cool it. He wasn't going out of his way to talk to me, but he also wasn't making any snide remarks that I could hear.

I relaxed a bit, enjoying playing host. Jess and I were circulating separately, chatting with our respective friends. Maybe an hour later, a bunch of us were gathered in the living area. Someone had put on a cheesy pop song and a few people were dancing, others were just lounging and talking. I ended up on the couch with Jess on my lap. We were a little tipsy and being affectionate, nothing overboard. just cuddling and laughing as we watched our friend Tina do some goofy dance moves. It was a really good time, actually.

For a moment, I felt that happy glow. Here was my amazing girlfriend in my arms, our friends all having fun together. Even Ryan seemed to be having a decent time. He was laughing with a couple of my friends about something. Then it all went to hell. During a lull in the music, the topic of conversation shifted to relationship. Our friend Carlos, who was a bit drunk, raised a toast to the happy couple, meaning me and Jess, saying something about how we were great hosts and great together.

A few people awed and lifted their drinks. Jess squeezed my hand and smiled. I was feeling pretty warm inside at that comment. But out of nowhere, I hear Ryan's voice cut through the moment. He was standing a few feet away, arms crossed, and he says loud enough for everyone to hear. you know you could do way better than Mike, right? The room went awkwardly silent, except for someone muttering dude, what the hell? Under their breath.

Jess immediately sat up straight, like she was snapped out of a trance. What did you just say? She asked Ryan, sounding genuinely shocked. Did I really just hear that, that this guy, in front of all our friends, told my girlfriend she could do better than me? Ryan didn't even look embarrassed or drunk or anything. He just shrugged and said, I'm just being honest. He actually had this slight smirk, like he'd been waiting to say it.

I felt white-hot anger flare up. Two years of biting my tongue around this guy, trying to be civil, and this is what he pulls. Before Jess or anyone else could respond, I stood up, gently moving Jess off my lap. I looked directly at Ryan and said, excuse me. me. Ryan said, you heard me. I'm saying Jess could do a lot better. He then gestured vaguely at me and added, I mean, look at this. It was the tone of utter disrespect, like I was some kind of joke to him. I completely saw a red and said something like better than me. You've got some nerve, man. At this point, Jess jumped up and grabbed my arm, saying Mike, calm down.

And Carlos stepped closer too, like he was ready to intervene if we started swinging. But I was too far gone. I pointed at Ryan, practically shouting now, I bust my ass to make Jess happy. I treat her better than her jerk of an ex ever did. I pay for damn near everything because I want to take care of her. For context, I do earn a bit more than Jess, so I cover a lot of our expenses, but throwing it out there like that was definitely not a cool move on my part. I was enraged and not thinking straight, Ryan sneered, hear that, Jess. He's keeping score. I pressed on, and you, Ryan,

you're supposed to be her best friend. You think she could do better? What, like you? The guy who can't even pay for his own car repairs and comes begging us for money? As soon as I said that, I knew I'd hit below the belt. A collective who went around the room. Ryan's face went from smug to absolutely livid in a split second. You son of A, and then it all blurred. He lunged at me, chaos erupted. People gasped and started moving out of the way. I felt his fist clipped me and that was it, I swung back, catching him in the jaw. Next thing I know, we're grappling and knocking into a side table, Jess was screaming for us to stop, and my friend Carlis. was trying to pull me back while Ava and another friend grabbed at Ryan. We were probably only

tussling for maybe ten seconds, but it felt like a long, drunken eternity. I remember shoving Ryan hard, and he stumbled backward over the coffee table, knocking over empty beer bottles. He tried to get up and come at me again, but by then I was in full fight or flight mode, and definitely chose fight. I basically tackled him towards the front door. We slammed into the door and I pinned him there for a moment, yelling something like get the hell out of my house. He shoved me off just enough that I lost my grip, and he took a swing again, this time connecting with my left cheek. I retaliated with a punch to his stomach, making him double over. Someone, I think it was Dave or Carlos, unlocked and flung open the front door behind Ryan,

and I used that opportunity to literally push slash drag Ryan through it. We stumbled out into the apartment hallway. Ryan was cursing and yelling in my face, but he was also trying to swing at me even as I forced him out. I shoved him one final time, causing him to fall back against the opposite wall in the hallway. Stay out, I shouted. Then I stepped back and slammed my apartment door shut in his face. Inside the apartment, everyone was stunned. The music had stopped at some point, and the only sound was heavy breathing, mostly mine, and a broken lamp buzzing on the floor. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I realized my lip was bleeding, might have been from when he first swung and caught my mouth

or maybe I bit it during the scuffle. Jess ran toward the door and opened it, yelling to Ryan, oh my God, are you okay? That stunned to hear. Ryan shouted a curse back at us as he stormed off with Ava chasing him, then Jess looked at me and said, what is wrong with you? Why would you say those things? She practically shrieked, referring to me blurting out the money stuff. I was still furious. Are you serious right now? I snapped. You're asking me that instead of why your friend told you in front of everyone that you could do better than me? He was drunk and talking nonsense, she yelled.

But you embarrassed me, Mike. You said that stuff in front of everyone. everyone. She was trembling with anger and shock. Some of our friends were still standing around in shock. But Jess snapped, parties over. Leave. Within a couple minutes, everyone had grabbed their things and left, leaving just me and Jess in a living room full of knocked over furniture and spilled drinks. Finally Jess said, I can't believe you did that. Which part? The part where I defended myself against your asshole friend, or the part where I finally said I'm tired of his disrespect. You shouldn't have done it, she muttered. It was wrong to bring up money or get physical. You could have just ignored him, Mike. He was drunk. Ignore him? He basically

told you to break up with me. How was I supposed to ignore that? She snapped back, by trusting me. Knowing I wouldn't listen to him. We were went in circles for a few minutes, both of us yelling. She was furious that I had humiliated her with my outburst and for fighting her friend. I was furious that she was more mad at me than at Ryan, who started it. It felt like she had blinders on for him. Finally she pointed at the door and told me to leave. Something in me cracked at that moment. Maybe she would never see my side, I thought. I grabbed my jacket and keys. As I I opened the door, Jess asked him I seriously leaving. I turned back and told her I now know

what's important to her. She started to reply, but I didn't stick around to hear it. I walked out and shut the door behind me while she was mid-sentence. I crashed at Dave's place that night. My phone blew up with messages, friends checking on me, and multiple texts from Jess. I just sat on Dave's couch, passed him a controller, and we fired up a co-op video game to take my mind off things. Now it's the next day. My cheek is bruised and I have a small cut on my lip. Dave joked I look like I got in a bar brawl. I haven't seen Jess since I left. We exchanged a couple of texts earlier, but it was basically her asking if I'd calm down and me asking if she had, not exactly productive. To be honest, I'm still angry, at both of them. I know I shouldn't have

lost my cool like that and I do regret how far it went. But I also feel seriously betrayed that Jess immediately jumped to scolding me without really holding Ryan accountable. She even excused him as drunk. Like, come on. Drunk words are sober thoughts, right? I don't know where this leaves us. Part of me worries this is the beginning of the end of our relationship. And the messed up thing is, if it does end, it'll basically be because of Ryan. How twisted is that? Anyway, I thought I owed an update given the responses I got earlier. Not exactly the happy resolution I was hoping for.

Update 2, 3 days later. It's been a few days since the party fight, and things have gone from bad to worse. After taking some space to cool off, I stayed at Dave's place for a few nights, I finally went back home to talk to Jess. I found Jess on the couch. We sat together in heavy silence for a moment. What followed was a long, circular discussion slash argument about the party, about Ryan, about everything. We were both calmer than the night of the fight, but it was tense.

I apologized for breaking the lamp and causing the scene at our place, that part one am sorry for. I told her I regretted how out of hand it got. But I also firmly told her I felt extremely disrespected by what Ryan said and heard that she seemed to defend him over me. Jess's stance was that both of us were in the wrong, Ryan for his comment, and me for my reaction. She said, you should have been the bigger person, Mike. You know how he is. He was drunk and mouthing off. I responded, I tried being the bigger person for two years, Jess.

And look where it got me. I told her point blank that. I didn't think I owed Ryan anything at this point, if anything, he should be apologizing to me. Not just for the party, but for all the other disrespect over the years. She bit her lip and went quiet for a bit, then said, he shouldn't have said that, okay. I agree. But. There was always a but, but you really crossed a line bringing up money like that. And physically attacking him. I countered that I only got physical after he swung first, which is true, though I'll admit I provoked him with my words.

She kind of waved that aside, saying, it wouldn't have gotten physical at all if you hadn't lost your temper. Around and around we went. It was frustrating as hell. I felt like she was making this false equivalence, like he insulted me in front of everyone and I responded, so we're equally to blame. I don't see it that way. Finally, Jess sighed and said something that floored me. She said, Ryan's basically like family to me. This whole thing is killing me. He's hurt, you're hurt. I just want it fixed.

I was about to say me too when she continued, I think the only way to move past this is. You need to apologize to him. I stared at her, thinking I must have misheard. You want me to apologize to him? I asked. For what? For how you actually? She said.

For the things you said. If you just apologize, he'll apologize too and we can all move on. I shook my head in disbelief. He told you to your face to dump me. He swung at me. And you want me to apologize? She crossed her arms, yes. Because you provoked him and made everything worse.

He's my best friend, I know he was out of line, but so were you. Both of you need to apologize, honestly, but you need to go first to show you're willing to make peace. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. I'm not apologizing to him, Jess. That's when she issued it, the ultimatum. She said, if you won't even try to mend things with Ryan, I don't see how this relationship can work. But she held up a hand when I started to speak. Listen to me, Mike.

I've known Ryan a lot longer than I've known you. He's like a brother. I hate what he said and did, but I can't have you two at each other's throats. I need peace between the two most important men in my life. If you really love me, please just apologize and make things right. Or what? I asked, apologize to Ryan or we're over. I left because I couldn't stand being in that apartment right then.

I'm back crashing at Dave's for now. I'm honestly heartbroken. and angry and just lost. I get that she loves Ryan as a friend slash brother, but I feel like she's completely failing to see how messed up this situation is. She's effectively choosing him over me by making this ultimatum. We haven't officially broken up yet, but it feels like we're hanging by a threat. She's texted me saying she hopes I'll reconsider and that she loves me but can't be stuck in the middle. I told her I love her too, but I'm not going to do.

change my stance. I'm firm that I shouldn't have to apologize for defending myself. Unless something changes, I don't see how we can get through this. Update 3, one week later. A miserable week passed with neither of us budging. She wouldn't drop the ultimatum, I refused to apologize. I stayed at Dave's the whole time, avoiding any face-to-face conflict. After seven days, I decided to rip off the Band-Aid. I told Jess I would come by the apartment to pick up my things, and she simply said okay. That evening I showed up. Jess was sitting at the kitchen table, we hadn't officially said the words were done. I grabbed a duffel bag from the closet and started collecting some clothes, my laptop, a few personal items I didn't want to leave behind.

Jess quietly followed me from room to room. Finally, as I was zipping up the bag, she spoke, so, this is it. You gave me a choice, apologize or we're over. I won't apologize. So, this is it. She started to cry and said she never wanted things to end like this, that she wasn't really choosing him over me, just trying to fix things. I told her she was the one who drew that line by siding with him.

She admitted she thought I'd eventually just say sorry rather than lose everything with her. For a moment I wondered if I was making a huge mistake, But then I remembered how betrayed I felt when she took his side. I told her I couldn't be with someone who didn't have my back. I can't apologize when I don't mean it. She was sobbing as I walked out the door. Leaving her like that was the hardest thing I've ever done. As soon as I got outside.

Later that night, she texted that she was shocked I actually left and never thought it would come to this. I didn't know how to respond, so I didn't. As of now, I guess we're really over, and that reality hurts like hell, I hope you enjoy this story. My siblings betrothed defaced my fresh Mercedes after I declined to loan it for her journey to Los Angeles, because she's had two accidents with her vehicle this year. Now she has been detained by the authorities. When I showed police the security footage. My sister-in-law, 32F, who until very recently was engaged to my older brother, asked me, 29M, if she could borrow my brand new BMW for a week-long girl's trip to Miami.

She wanted me to hand over my barely off-the-lot car so she and her friends could drive it hundreds of miles and use it for a beach party vacation. For context, I take a lot of pride in my car. I've been working hard and saving up for years to afford it, and I literally just got it a couple months ago. It's the nicest thing I've ever owned, and I'm still making payments on it. So, naturally, I was uncomfortable with the idea of lending it out. It's not that I never lend things or that I don't trust family, but in this case my hesitation was for a very good reason. My sister-in-law, I'll call her Anna for this post, has a long history of being careless

with other people's property. Honestly, careless might be an understatement. She's crashed her own car twice this year already. The first time she rear-ended someone at a stoplight because she was texting, and not paying attention. The second time, she skidded into a ditch on a rainy night, she blamed the weather, but we all secretly think she was speeding or possibly even under the influence. On top of that, I've seen how she treats things she borrows.

She borrowed my brothers, her fiancés, expensive DSLR camera last summer and returned it with a cracked screen and sand and the lens from a beach trip. She also once borrowed a dress for my wife and spilled red wine all over it. Then tried to laugh it off as no big deal. So yeah, pattern of carelessness is kind of her thing. Anyway, when Anna asked if she could use my BMW for her Miami trip, I immediately felt uneasy. I tried to be diplomatic and told her I wasn't comfortable lending out my brand new car for a long road trip.

I suggested that she could rent a car or maybe that one of her friends could drive something else instead. I even threw in something like, it's nothing personal, I just don't let anyone drive this car yet. I was trying to frame it as generally as possible, without directly saying because you're a terrible driver, even though that's absolutely what I was thinking. Well, Anna did not take that well. She blew up almost instantly. I remember her face went red and she started yelling at me in my own house.

She said it was just a car and that I was being selfish and uptight. She kept going on about how family should help family and if she had a name, nice car, she'd let me borrow it, which I highly doubt. My wife and my brother were there too, and my wife was trying to calm her down, saying something like, I'm sure he just meant it's insured only for him or trying to smooth it over. My brother stayed quiet, but I could tell he was embarrassed by her outburst. Anna basically threw a screaming tantrum, complete with her arms flailing and her voice cracking, then stormed out of our house yelling that I'd regret it and that I wasn't a good brother-in-law or something along those lines. I honestly just stood there

shocked after she left, while my wife looked at me with wide eyes like, what the hell just happened? Fast forward two days. It's the morning of the biggest meeting of my career, a presentation that could land me a huge contract I've been chasing. I walk out to my driveway, coffee in hand and dressed sharp in my best suit, ready to absolutely crush this meeting. But as soon as I see my car, I freeze. At first I just see some scratches. Then I see letters. And then the full picture. Someone has keyed the word asshole in huge, jagged letters into the passenger side door and the driver's side door of my BMW. When I say keyed, I mean they gouged that word into the paint all the way down to the metal. Long, deep scratches running across both sides of the car, spelling out that lovely seven-letter slur for

everyone to see. I can't even describe the sinking feeling in my stomach. I just bought this car, and now it's absolutely trashed. They even managed to scratch across both doors, like they took their sweet time to make sure it was big and clear. The paint has literally peeled up around the edges of the lettering. My car went from Pristine to looking like a vandalized clunker overnight. My first thought is, Anna, who else would do this? It's not like I have have a list of enemies or some random hooligans targeting me. The lettering spelling asshole makes it feel personal, like the person wanted me to know exactly why they did it. And given Anna literally screamed that I'd regret not lending her my car, it doesn't take a genius to connect

the dots. This had to have happened during the night, because it definitely wasn't there the evening before. I live in a quiet suburban neighborhood, and nothing like this has ever happened here. So yeah, I'm almost certain it was her, but I have no proof yet. Now I'm standing there in my driveway, just staring at the damage in shock, and then it hits me, I can't even drive this car to my meeting. Mechanically, the car is fine, but there's no way I can show up to a professional presentation with the word asshole carved into my doors. Not only is it humiliating, it's going to look like I'm some kind of irresponsible person who gets

into fights or something. I had no time to even try to cover it up or anything, not that I have giant car-sized stickers lying around to hide keyed in profanity. So I had to make a split-second decision to call for an Uber. Long story short, the Uber was late, traffic was worse than usual, and I was freaking out the entire ride. What should have been a 30-minute drive turned into almost an hour, I ended up arriving at the meeting a hair before it was supposed to start. I was sweaty, stressed out, and absolutely livid that all this chaos was happening on what should have been an important day for me. The good news is I made it just in time and managed to give the presentation.

I'm not sure yet if I landed the contract, I think it went all right, but honestly I was so distracted and on edge that it's a blur. Either way, I know I didn't perform at my absolute best because in the back of my mind I was just seething, thinking about my car. After the meeting, I finally had time to really process what happened. I took more photos of the damage for documentation. My wife was just as shocked and horrified as I was when she saw the car. We both know in our guts that Anna did it, but we haven't confronted her yet. I did call my insurance company to start a claim, and they said they'd need a police report

for vandalism, which means I'd have to officially involve the cops. At this point, I'm furious. Not to mention it screwed up a huge day for me and could have cost me a career opportunity. I absolutely want to make her pay for the damage and face the consequences of what she's done. The problem is, my wife is urging me to let it go for the sake of family peace. Anna is about to marry my brother, and my wife is worried that if I go full scorched earth on this, it'll cause a massive rift in the family. She's saying things like, I know she's awful, but maybe we should handle it quietly,

just ask them to pay for the repairs or something, rather than calling the police. My wife hates conflict and I can tell she's scared this will turn into a family feud, especially if my brother gets defensive or if Anna denies it. I understand's not wanting drama, but another part of me is like, hell no. Why should Anna get away with this? She literally vandalized my property out of spite and nearly sabotaged a defining moment in my career. if I let it go, that sets the precedent that she can do whatever insane thing she wants and will just roll over to keep the peace. I'm beyond angry, and I feel like if there are no consequences, she'll never learn and I'll just resent everyone involved.

I did text my brother a picture of my car after I discovered it, and his only response was, wow, what happened. I haven't replied because I don't even know what to say yet. I'm pretty sure he'll put two and two together regarding Anna, though. My wife is begging me to just let it be for now and we'll figure out another way. But what other way is there? I could really use some advice. Should I let this go to keep the peace in the family, or should I make her face the music for what she did to my car, and my career opportunity?

Because right now all I want is justice, even if it rocks the boat. Update 1. The majority of you made it clear that I wasn't overreacting and that I needed to hold Anna accountable. So I went ahead and filed a police report against Anna for vandalism and destruction of property. As part of that, I also contacted my car insurance. They sent an adjuster out to look at the damage, and it turns out it will cost around $4,000 to fix and repaint both sides of my car. Because the scratches are so deep, they basically have to repaint from the front fender all the way to the back on both the driver and passenger side so it matches and there's no visible line. Even then, I'm worried it won't ever be quite the same as the factory paint job, but maybe I'm just paranoid. Anyway, my insurance will cover it, but I have a $500 deductible I have to pay out of pocket.

So not only did she mess up my week in my car, she also literally cost me money. Now, one of my neighbors has a security camera on the outside of his garage that happens to partially cover the street in front of our homes. I went door to door asking if anyone saw any one. anything, and this neighbor was super helpful, he checked his footage from that night. Lo and behold, at around 3 a.m., you can clearly see Anna's car pull up near my house with the headlights off. In the grainy black and white night vision footage, there's a figure who as hell looks like Anna getting out, walking up to my BMW, and spending a good few

minutes doing something along the sides. The motion-activated camera caught the whole thing. It's not the clearest video ever, but you can plainly see her face. when she turns toward the street lamp at one point. Plus, who else would do this, exactly two days after that blow-up? I decided it was time to confront her. I called up my brother and told him I needed to come over to their place that evening to talk about something important. He sounded a bit uneasy, I'm sure he had an idea what it might be about, but he agreed. I headed over there with the USB drive containing the video and some photo stills I had printed out from the footage.

When I arrived, Anna actually looked a bit anxious. Maybe she sensed what was coming. My brother was sitting on the couch kind of fidgeting. I told them straight up, my car was vandalized and I have reason to believe Anna did it. She immediately went on the defensive, like what are you talking about? You're crazy. She was almost sneering at me, acting like I was making up some story to frame her. So I pulled out the evidence.

I showed my brother the photos from the security cam and then played the video on their TV. I had it on a USB which he plugged into their smart TV. As soon as the footage started playing and Anna realized what it was, her entire demeanor changed. She started screaming, that's not me. That's not me. This is fake. She started literally shrieking that I was a liar and that I must have edited the video to look like her. It was absurd.

Meanwhile, my brother watched in stone cold silence. I could tell from his face that he knew the truth. He recognized her and her car clearly. He just looked more and more angry and disappointed as the video went on. When it finished, all hell broke loose between them. My brother turned to Anna and just unloaded. He yelled something like, how could you do this? To my own brother.

And she started crying and yelling back at him that it was my fault for not lending her the car in the first place. She actually said something like, if he had just let me borrow it, none of this would have happened. Which? Wow. I stayed out of their screaming match and just let them have it. At one point she lunged at me and told me to get out of her house, but my brother stopped her and told her to go to the other room. I'd never seen him so furious. He told me quietly that he was sorry and he asked if I needed anything from him. I told him I'd already filed a police report and given the cops the video, and that I expected him and Anna to cover the $500 deductible at the very least.

He said he understood. After I got home, I was still so angry, especially at Anna's wild denial and lack of any apology, that I decided to post the security cam video on my personal Facebook. In hindsight, that might have been a bit of a nuclear move, but I was fuming and wanted to expose what she had done. I wrote something along the lines of, remember that time I wouldn't lend someone my car and they keyed asshole into it. Well, here's the security footage of them doing it at 3 a.m. It was cathartic to hit post, I'll admit.

I have a lot of mutual friends and family on Facebook, including my brother and sister-in-law. So plenty of people have now seen what she did. I'm not sure if that was wise, but I was just too angry to care about sparing her embarrassment at that point. She earned it. Update 2. It's been only a few days since my last update, but the fallout has been nuclear for Anna. To be honest, I did not expect things to escalate this quickly or dramatically. First, my brother has officially called off the engagement. The very day after I showed him the video, and after he had that huge fight with Anna, he contacted me and told me he had been up all night thinking. He apologized profusely for what I went through and for Anna's

behavior. He said he couldn't marry someone who would do something so malicious to his own family. Apparently, seeing that video and her reaction flipped a switch for him. He told me it made him reflect on other red flags he'd been ignoring. Looking back, he realized this vandalism was part of a pattern of destructive behavior from Anna that he'd been making excuses for. For example, that a few months ago, during a nasty argument, she actually smashed a mirror in their apartment and then tried to downplay it as an accident. There were other incidents too, like how she would throw things when angry. He admitted he always cleaned up her messes and smoothed things over, hoping it was just stress or that she'd mature out of it. But the incident with my car was the last

straw. He gave her the ring back, or rather, he threw it, as he described, not sure if he meant literally threw it at her, but it sounds like it got heated. He told her the wedding was off and that he couldn't be with someone who could lie without remorse. Of course, canceling the wedding has its own set of consequences. They had a date picked for later this year with the dream venue that Anna has been gushing about since forever. That venue had a hefty deposit, which is now basically down the drain. Same with several other vendor deposits, photographer, caterer, etc., that were already booked. She's losing out on all of that. I have no idea how much money that totals up to, but knowing the kind of lavish wedding she was planning, it's not cheap. From what I

heard, my mom and some friends filled me in. Anna is devastated about the wedding being called off, not just emotionally but also because of the embarrassment and financial loss. Frankly, I have a hard time mustering sympathy for her at this point. On the legal side of things, the police have followed through with my report. They've officially charged Anna with criminal vandalism, the detective I spoke with given the damage estimate. It's classified as vandalism in the second degree, which is a pretty serious charge. Two days after I filed the report, officers showed up at Anna's workplace and arrested her. I didn't witness it firsthand, but my brother told me, and a couple of Anna's now former friends gleefully confirmed via messages, that she was

let out in handcuffs from her office. Apparently she was absolutely mortified and screaming at the officers that she didn't do anything, that I'm a liar, etc., as they read her the rights in front of her co-workers. I can't say I wanted her to be humiliated. But I also can't say I'm upset that it happened. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, right? After her arrest, my brother packed up and moved out of their share department. He's temporarily staying. with our parents while he sorts out his next steps. He's understandably pretty depressed and angry, but he says he's also relieved to have dodged a bullet by not marrying my parents or being very supportive of him. They saw the evidence and know how bad things got. There's no question in

anyone's mind that Anna is in the wrong here. As for Anna, well, she's been blowing up my phone with texts, she must be out on bail now. The messages started off with her begging me to talk to my brother and fix this and calling me every name under the son and mom. Now they've escalated to full-on threats. She's saying I ruined her life and that she'll make me pay for it. One of her texts literally said, You have no idea who you're messing with. I'll make you wish you were never born you thing piece of shit.

Yeah. Lovely stuff. Needless to say, I am keeping all these messages and have already forwarded them to the police. I also spoke to a lawyer and filed for a restraining order against her. I'm not taking any chances, because if she was willing to key my car and then try to retaliate by threats, who knows what else she might do. Better to have official documentation and protection in place. So, that's where things stand. My brother is done with her, the wedding is off, she's facing criminal charges, and she's lashing out at me with all she has left.

It's been a lot, to put it mildly. Update 3. I genuinely hoped nothing more would happen, but things took an even more insane turn last night. I'm still pretty shaken up as I write this. Around 1 a.m., my home security alarm went off, jolting my wife and me awake. At first, I thought maybe it was a false alarm or our cat tripping a sensor, but then I heard a loud banging toward the back of the house. I immediately grabbed my phone and pulled up the live feed of our backyard security camera. Yes, after everything, I made sure to install cameras around my house.

To my absolute horror, the camera view showed Anna in my backyard, at my back door, with what looked like a crowbar in her hand. My heart just about leapt out of my throat. She was trying to break into my house. I could see her prying at the door frame, trying to get the back door open. The alarm was blaring, but she seemed beyond rational thought at this point. My wife was freaking out, and I told her to lock herself in the bedroom and call 911 while I stayed on the line with the alarm company who had already detected a break-in. I was yelling through the door that the police were on their way, hoping maybe that would scare her off, but she kept slamming the crowbar into the door handle, trying to force it.

The police arrived in what must have been only a few minutes, but felt like an eternity. I watched on the camera as officers with flashlights and guns drawn approached her. They shouted at her to drop the weapon. She screamed back something unintelligible. I could only catch some of it through the door and the camera audio. She was yelling about how I deserve this and how I ruined her life. Even as the cops were cuffing her, she was screaming that I deserved to have my house robbed after what I did to her. It was bonkers.

She was taken away literally kicking and screaming in the patrol car. I gave the police my security camera footage in a statement. They told me she would be charged with attempted breaking and entering, among other things. And, since I had that restraining order in place, this was also a clear violation of that, which does not look good for her. This is now a whole new level of legal trouble for Anna. We're talking felony charges that could potentially mean real prison time. I don't know what her plan was if she had succeeded in getting inside, and I don't really

want to think about it, but the fact that she came to my property in the middle of the night with the crowbar shows how unhinged and dangerous she's become. To say my brother is done with her would be an understatement. I spoke with him after everything happened, he came over to check on us as soon as he heard. He was absolutely horrified. He kept apologizing to me, and he said he never in a million years thought she was capable of going this far. He couldn't even bring himself to say her name, he just referred to her as that woman. I've never seen him so angry and upset. My whole family is pretty much in shock that this is the same person we once welcomed in as a future in-law. On a slightly positive note amidst this chaos, my car is finally getting taken

care of. The insurance company had been waiting on the police investigation to wrap up, and now that Anna was actually convicted for the vandalism, she ended up pleading guilty when faced with the evidence. I heard, they've processed my claim fully. My BNW is in the shop getting the full repair and repainted needs, and I got a rental car covered in the meantime. The best part is, because she was found legally responsible, my insurance says I'm not on the hook for the deductible anymore, essentially, they're going to get that money from her, or her insurance, if she has vandalism coverage, which I doubt. In addition, a judge ordered that she pay me back the $500 deductible I initially paid, plus cover any court fees related to the case. The judge also issued a warning

that if she so much as tries to contact me or come near me again, she'll be thrown in jail immediately. Given last night's events, I suspect she'll be in jail for a while anyway, at least until a bail hearing for the new charges. I'm still kind of in disbelief that all of this has happened just because I refused to lend out my car. It's like every step of the way, and I chose the absolute worst possible option for herself. I'm just extremely grateful that my wife and I are safe, and that the police arrived in time to prevent anything worse. Update 4. I'm back with what will likely be the final update on this whole ordeal. It's been a little while since the break-in incident, and we've now gone through the legal process to its conclusion. The outcome, Anna, or I should

probably just say my ex-sister-in-law at this point, managed to avoid jail time by agreeing, to a plea deal. She was sentenced to probation, a number of months under supervision, and mandatory anger management counseling, and she has to pay me a total of $4,500 in restitution. That figure covers the damage to my car, the repaint job, my $500 insurance deductible, and the various court fees and legal expenses I had to deal with. The judge was very clear that if she violates any terms of her probation, which include no contact with me then she will go straight to jail. So basically, she's getting one chance to straighten up, and if she messes up again, it's game over. In the aftermath of all this, Anna's life has pretty much imploded.

She ended up losing her job. I'm not privy to all the details, but I suspect it had to do with her needing time off for court dates and the fact that her arrest slash mugshot became public record. She worked in a somewhat upscale company, and I guess once word got around that she was now a convicted Vandal, and had been arrested at work, no less, they decided to let her go. So, at age 32, she had to move back in with her parents because she can't afford her rent without my brother's income and with her now being unemployed. My brother had already removed himself from that lease right after the breakup, so she was solely responsible for it. I'm not sure what came of the

apartment, she might have broken the lease or been evicted by now. Either way, she's out of that place and back in her childhood bedroom, from what I hear. As for my brother, he's doing a lot better now. It was rough for him at first, I mean, finding out the person you loved and wanted to marry is capable of all this as a hard pill to swallow. But with time, and some therapy that he wisely decided to get, he started to heal and focus on himself. He's still staying with my parents, but he's making plans to get his own place again soon. He's expressed a lot of gratitude that I stood my ground, as painful as it was, because it revealed the truth about Anna before he made the mistake of marrying her. My wife admitted to me at one point that she initially wished I'd just let it

go to avoid drama, but after seeing how far things went, she's 100% in agreement that pursuing consequences was the right call. She told me she's sorry forever doubting my decision, especially given how things escalated. We both sleep easier now knowing that Anna is being monitored and can't harass us anymore. We also upgraded our home security even further, just for our own peace of mind. As for me, I'm doing okay. My car is back from the shop and looks as good as new, honestly, the body shop did an amazing job, you'd never know anything happened. That big contract I was worried about. I ended up landing it, D, I hope you enjoy this story. My sibling spouse without work who consented to take on the task I proposed.

Declined due to my siblings' comment that physical work was degrading. They then insisted that I secure a desk job for him. While she's also been unemployed for months. Throw away because my twin sister knows my main and I don't want this coming up at Sunday lunch with my mom waving her phone at me going, is this you? Because if it's not you then there's a lot of coincidences happening. Also I'm on mobile and I type fast and don't proofread so if there are a or typo sorry. So baseline info I'm a 30-something guy middle management at a distribution company that

handles e-com returns and overflow for a couple brands you'd recognize. Not glamorous, it's a giant concrete box that's hot in the summer and cold in the winter and smells like cardboard coffee and hand sanitizer. I like it I started on the floor became a shift lead then a supervisor and now I'm one of the operations managers. I still jump on the line when we're short I still know how to fix a labeler with duct tape and swearing. And I still bring donuts on Fridays when payroll hits. My twin sister were fraternal not identical if that matters is the golden child to my mom and the son to my dad. I don't even mean that with bitterness it's just how it is. She's the one who did dance recitals and student government and could talk to a rock and make it feel special. I was the

kid who could disappear into a Lego set for six hours and forget dinner. We used to be close when we were small like most twins are but life pulled us in different directions. She got the social charm gene. I got the nose how to program a WMS and swap a forklift battery without crushing my foot gene. She met her husband four years ago at some networking thing. And I remember the first time we met him because he was wearing this blazer with elbow patches in the dead of summer and talking a lot about a startup he was consulting for. And my dad who has been a machinist since dinosaurs tried to figure out what he did by asking a million practical questions like. Okay, but what time do you leave for work and what's your job title on your tax return? And the answers were these

vapor words like strategy and projects and building a brand. My mom's face tightened the way it does when she smells microwave fish. Over the last four years I have watched the same movie play out over and over. He has a job, it's vague, he's transitioning, he's pivoting, there's always a reason. He He dropped out of college junior year because school wasn't aligned with his entrepreneurial path. He's smart with words and really good at borrowing confidence from the room. And for the last year he's had no job at all. I know because my sister has been stressed to hell and back and not to be too brutal. But she has been covering almost everything rent car groceries phone dates.

She used to laugh about it like we're investing in his potential and then slowly it became less funny. We're not a family with intergenerational wealth. My parents work their asses off and have pensions and a mortgage and their pride, but they're not bankroll people. It has been her paying and pretending it's fine. I've offered help in the past, not money because I know that's a boomerang, but practical stuff. Resumet templates. A contact for an entry-level analyst gig at a supplier. He bailed because 8 a.m. is too early for his flow. I kept it light because I've learned with my sister that if you press, she digs in harder. Anyway, two weeks ago I saw we had three openings in the warehouse side that I actually feel good about recommending to family because they're steady, honest jobs and we're a decent company.

Not minimum wage crap. It's hard work but there's benefits day one, 401k, overtime if you want it, and we pay for for forklift certification and the PIT license. The best part is a bunch of our supervisors started there. We promote from within, genuinely, if you can show up on time and not ghost your shift, you will move up. I know because that's how I got where I am. There's dignity in it. I care about it, maybe too much. So I call my brother-in-law, thinking I'll keep it simple. I tell him, hey, we've got a receiving position, 6 a.m. to 2.30 p.m., Monday to Friday,

with occasional Saturday overtime during peak. $21.50 to start, bunk to $23 after 90 days if you hit metrics, and will train you on the stand-up reach truck. You need steel toes, but I'll buy you your first pair, and we've got free coffee that tastes like sadness, but it's hot, and the guys are good. I say it just like that because that's how I talk about it

and I don't want to oversell anything. He goes quiet and then he actually sounds relieved. He says, honestly, that sounds kind of good, man. Like he's been drowning and I threw him something to hold. I tell him we can interview him on the floor so it's less formal, meet the team lead, see the operation. He says yes. We set it up for Thursday. Three hours later my phone rings and it's my sister, and she is already breathing like she ran upstairs.

I barely say hello before she's like, what is this warehouse thing? And I tell her it's a job, like a job job, the kind with a paycheck and health insurance, and she says, that's so low. And the way she says low is like the word is sticky. I make a joke about how gravity works on paychecks just the same and she doesn't laugh. She says I should know better than to put her husband in a position where he's going to be humiliated. I'm like, humiliated by what, a time clock?

A pallet jack. People take pride in this work. I take pride in this work. She says he needs an office job, something respectable, because he's only had professional roles and putting him on a warehouse floor is a step backwards he may not recover from. I remind her he's been out of work for a year. She says that's because the market is weird and people don't see his value.

I say I do see his value, but it's currently theoretical and my company doesn't have a need for a head of strategy with no degree and no track record who sleeps in until 10. I tell her I can get him on a desk if he earns it internally, but I'm not installing him over people who've been grinding three years. She demands I create a white collar roll. Like literally, just put him in an office. He can do emails or something. I tell her that's not how jobs work. We have an HR department and compliance and also my own spine. She tells me I'm disrespecting family. I say take it or leave it because I meant it. She says leave it. I say okay and I hang up because I could feel the fight coming and I didn't want to say something

I couldn't unsay. Then I block her because she kept calling and I had to run a 3 p.m. walk through with the safety guy and I'm not doing that with my phone buzzing like a hornet in my pocket. My parents got looped in within the hour because my phone lit up with texts from the family chat where I'm apparently a trader who thinks he's better than everyone because I wear a polo to work now. I wear a hoodie to work. We only put on polos when the client tours and I hate it. My mom calls and tells me I should have given him a respectable office job from the start and that I'm embarrassing the family by offering manual labor. I reminded her that dad's hands look like old leather because manual labor fed us, and she says that's different. I ask how. She changes the subject to

how I hung up on my sister and blocked her and how I'm escalating things. I tell her I'll talk when people calm down and apologize for calling the jobs that pay my people's rent low. Until then, I need space. I didn't cut a big speech. So I guess that's the idea question. Am I the asshole for offering a warehouse job and refusing to conjure an office job out of thin air, then hanging up and blocking my sister and telling my parents to knock it off or leave me alone? I get that family is family. I also think jobs are jobs and you can't be too proud to take one when you need it. And also it's not my job to launder my brother-in-law's image by giving him a title he didn't earn because it'll make my sister feel better at brunch. I know that last part sounds petty,

but I'm pissed. Also extra petty detail. My sister told me he dropped out on other jobs to focus on real-world experience, and the real-world experience in question was making a podcast for six months that got 40 listens per episode. And I was one of them. I'm not a saint here. I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I am also protective of my team.

I'm not going to install a guy in an office to email spreadsheets he doesn't understand while other people bust their asses and then have to explain to them why the boss's sister's husband got special treatment. I'm not the boss, I just answered to one, but still, it would be my face on that. Edit, I can feel people asking for numbers, for context. The receiving role would have paid him more than he's made in a year, which is zero, with overtime it could hit like 55K. Benefits start day one.

PTO accrues. There's a guy, Damon, who started and receiving in 2020 and he's now a supervisor making 78K and he just bought a house. Damon's mom cried when he told her. I stood there awkwardly with a pie because we had a little party and I didn't know what to do with my hands. There is nothing humiliating about our work. Sometimes it's boring and your back hurts and the scanner freezes and the printer jams and someone drops a pallet and there's a chorus of fuck across the line, but it's honest and it pays. That's my thesis, I guess.

I told HR to leave the slot open until Thursday and if he didn't show, fill it. He didn't show. I got a brief text from him the night before saying, Hey man, thanks but your sister thinks it's not a fit. I appreciate you. It was polite and also weak. I didn't respond because what is there to say that isn't me typing okay? Edit, I realized I left out that my sister is pregnant,

which is relevant because I think it explains some of the heat here. She told us at dinner last month. First grandkid. My mom immediately started knitting like her hands moving. before her brain. My dad pretended to be stoic and then went outside and cried next to the grill. I hugged her and I meant it. I'm happy for her, I'm excited to be an uncle. I also think my parents are bending over backwards right now because they want everything smooth for the baby. They didn't like her husband at first, massive understatement. My dad's face at the engagement party was the

color of Jared Spaghetti Sauce, but time and the idea of a grandbaby have soft. them. I think I'm bumping up against that softness and it's making me look like I'm hard, which is maybe fair in their eyes. Anyway, verdict's welcome, I guess. I'm going to bed because I have worked tomorrow, and I'm not going to solve being the family villain tonight. Update, okay, so I slept, I went to work, I read a bunch of the comments during lunch. I appreciate the people saying I'm not crazy. Some of you are way harsher than I am, I get it, you hate entrepreneurs, but dial it down, he's still a human. I don't hate him.

I think he's lost and very allergic to feeling uncomfortable and my sister has been his comfort blanket, and now there's a baby coming and everyone is panicking and trying to paint a prettier picture than the one that's on the wall. I told HR to go ahead and fill the receiving slot because we can't leave holes. They hired a guy named Jorge who has three kids and was thrilled to get off swing and on today's. He sent me an email saying, thanks for the chance and I almost cried because I got weirdly emotional reading basic gratitude. My parents are doing the we love you, but thing in texts. Then they pivot to remember when you were 19 and dad got you that summer job at the plant and I'm like,

yes, I remember that was an entry-level job I actually did and used to pay for community college. And also I didn't demand the tool crib manager role. My mom keeps saying family helps family, and I keep saying I did help. You didn't like the shape of the help. Someone pointed out that it's wild my parents are taking my sister's side when they never liked her husband. You are not wrong. I was honestly surprised when my mom called me classist which is hilarious because what?

I'm literally the one trying to get him a job. I think, like I said, pregnancy goggles are on, and they want her stress-free. Grandbaby energy is a hell of a drug. Also, them jumping on me is easier than them looking at the situation and going, wow, we raised a daughter who thinks manual labor is humiliation. That's a reach I know. Maybe it's not about how they raised her at all. Maybe it's just life. I'm trying not to monologue myself into a corner here.

The short version, I'm not changing my mind. I told my sister via email, since she's blocked on my phone and I'm keeping it that way, that if he ever wants a shot, shot at the warehouse again, I'll treat him like any other candidate. And I won't hold this against him, but there's no office roll for him. She wrote back We'll see, which is her fuck you but in cursive. My dad sent me a photo of a tiny pair of sneakers and said this is what matters, and I just stared at it for a while because he's not wrong and also it's not the cudgel he thinks it is. I want the baby to have stability. That's literally the point of my stance. I can't build that stability. I can't build that by setting up a fake desk job and hoping nobody notices the guy at the end of the hall who doesn't

know what a bill of lading is. I'll probably be distant for a while. I'm not going to chase anyone. My house is quiet and I like it that way. I bought a plant. I named it Clarence. Clarence doesn't yell at me. Clarence minds his business. 10-10-THS roommate. Update 2. I thought we were in a cold war and and then this afternoon my doorbell rings and it's my parents and my sister standing there with a box of chocolates and one of those helium balloons that says congrats. Like I won something. My mom is smiling too hard, my dad is holding the balloon like it's a hostage, and my sister looks like she slept two hours and drank three coffees.

They say they were in the neighborhood, which is funny because they live 30 minutes away and there's nothing between here and there except a tire shop and a taco place. I let them in because I'm not a monster and also because if I didn't my mom would have camped on my porch and waved to the neighbors. My sister hands me the chocolates and says congratulations on becoming an uncle with this breathy fake cheer. I say thanks and put the chocolates on the counter. My dad sits, my mom starts tidying my already tidy kitchen because that's her coping mechanism, and my sister does that thing where she stands and pivots like she's giving a presentation to an invisible audience. She says she's sorry.

I perk up. Then she says I'm sorry for the way I yelled at you that day. Only that day. Very specific. Not sorry for what she said about the job, not sorry for dismissing my work, not sorry for looping the family, just sorry for tone. I say okay, thank you. There's a silence.

She fills it with a rush of words about how stressed she's been because she's unemployed and has been keeping it from her husband because he can't handle stress right now and she didn't want to make the pregnancy harder. I blink. I ask unemployed. She nods. Apparently she got let go two months ago when her company lost funding. She told herself it was temporary and she'd find something quick and then the morning sickness hit and then everything snowballed and she didn't want to worry him. My mom jumps in to say we're helping financially, but it's not sustainable long term. My My sister nods and looks at me like I'm supposed to connect the dots and go, ah yes, therefore I must conjure an office job for your husband.

I wait. She finally says it. Any white collar position? Anything with a desk. Even just like admin, so he doesn't have to deal with the humiliation of the floor. I tell her again that I don't have a role. She says he can learn. I say so can anyone, including the guy who just took the wearer.

job you refused. She pivots to the baby. He needs to feel like a provider. I say he can feel like a provider by providing. She says he's only had respectable jobs and the warehouse will crush his spirit. I say he seemed pretty okay with it until you told him he should be ashamed. I probably shouldn't have said ashamed, but that's what I think it is. She says I don't understand him. I say I don't have to understand him to know that cash in, cash out is real, and mortgage companies don't accept vibes. I ask her why his happiness is more important than mine or the 20 people who would be side out if I parachuted him into a desk and told them to answer to him. I tell her I think it's her ego, not his. I say that gently, for me, but the words still land like a slap. She

explodes. Like Volume 11. You're the worst person I've ever known, which, okay, You don't deserve to be my brother. My mom's eyes get wet. My dad stands up and says her name, the way dad's due to break fighting dogs in the park. She keeps going. A lot of it is about me being single and bitter, which is funny because I'm actually fine and I have a plant now. Shout out Clarence. She says I'm jealous of her family. I say I'm trying to help her family. She says I don't get to define her family. She says I don't get to define her. help. I say I do when it's my workplace. I tell her something I probably should have said calmly weeks ago, that my brother-in-law texted me he was grateful for the offer, and that I think he would have shown up if she hadn't framed it as humiliating. She goes quiet for half a second like a window opening to fresh air and then slams it shut. He was being polite, she says. I shrug because there's nowhere to go from there. My mom tries to pivot to baby names. I am not She's like, what do you think about Lucas?

Like we can small talk our way out of a structure fire. I say I think Lucas is nice and I'd like everyone to leave now. My dad takes my sister by the elbow. My mom grabs the box of chocolates like she's going to reclaim them and then realizes that's weird and puts them back down and pats them like she's tucking them in, and they shuffle out. My sister turns at the door and says, You'll be sorry when he's successful, and slamming.

and slams it. I don't know what this proves except that I'm done being the family HR department and also I'm worried about her in a different way now because the unemployed thing is a whole new layer of sand under the castle. I texted my brother-in-law, he's not blocked, a simple hope you're both okay. He hasn't responded. Maybe she told him she's unemployed, maybe she didn't. I'm stepping out of the splash zone. I can't fix image management people. They have to decide to stop looking at life like a problem.

Update 3, it's been a couple weeks since the chocolate balloon circus. My phone is oddly quiet and I didn't realize how much mental noise the family group chat was until it wasn't there. My mom tried twice to send me photos of baby clothes and a sonogram and when I didn't answer she sent me a paragraph about how blood is thicker than water and then nothing. At some point in there they blocked me, I figured it out because I tried to send me. my dad a photo of the fish I caught, yes, it was small, yes, I was proud, and it didn't deliver, and then my cousin texted me like, what did you do because your mom is telling Aunt Ruth you joined a cult. Extended family is doing what extended family does, which is gossip and choose seating and pretend

they're neutral while asking leaving questions. The funny piece is, most people either don't care, their lives are full, shocker, or they're on my porch with a case of beer going tell me everything, and then telling me about their own mess because nobody's life is clean and I think my situation just gave them a permission slip to vent. My uncle who hasn't spoken to his brother in six years over a boat is now very invested in me not burning bridges, which is rich. My grandma, bless her, said, work is work, honey, and sometimes people need to be told no. As for my own life, it's weirdly good. I'm not doing the performative I cut off my family and now I'm glowing thing because that's not real.

I missed the version of my sister from when we were nine and made pillow forts and stayed up too late whispering. I missed the hypothetical, not the actual. I don't miss the current group chat dynamic or being drafted into fake titles. Work is steady. We made our numbers for the month. I took my team out for tacos on Friday and we argued about whether the crunchy ones are than the soft ones and it was easy and ordinary and felt like a life. I'm sleeping. My shoulders are down.

I haven't heard from my brother-in-law. Maybe he got something. Maybe he didn't. Maybe he'll show up in a month and ask me to reconsider and I'll tell him the same thing I told him then. The warehouse is honest, you can build a real life from there, and nobody is too good for it. If that makes me the villain in someone's story, I can carry it. And before someone asks, no, I don't plan on being at the baby shower if I'm still blocked. and also the invite would require me to dress up and play games where you guess chocolate and diapers

and I'm sorry but I did my time with the gender reveal where they shot confetti into my hair and I looked like a cake. I'll send a gift. Diapers, wipes, something useful. Not a plaque that says live laugh love. I might mail a card that just says I'm here when you're ready to be honest and then go back to labeling a palette and making sure outbound hits the 4 p.m. truck. If my parents ever apologize, great. If they don't, I'm not holding my breath. I'm not going to tie my piece to their willingness to pick it up. I don't hate them. I think they got scared and they picked a lane and it wasn't me. I can live with that. For the internet peanut gallery, I know I'm stubborn. I know saying take it or leave it was blunt. I also know that sometimes the most respectful thing you can say is no.

Not we'll see Not maybe Just no This isn't a movie where I cave and give him a fake job And then he rises to the occasion and everyone claps at the christening This is a building where if someone doesn't print the pick list No one gets their shoes on time We are not goofing around

And I can love my future niece or nephew And also refuse to warp reality for their dad Both can be true I'm going to hold the line here I think it's best for everyone, even if they hate me for it right now. I'll probably uninstall the family chat app. I put my phone on Do Not Disturb and realize the only person who needs to break through at 2 a.m. is night shift if the conveyor dies, and they have the ops phone for that. I watered Clarence.

It's fine. I'm fine. The world didn't end. I'm going to make spaghetti and watch a stupid show and try not to imagine my sister's face when the world. the baby kicks and my mom's hands on a tiny sweater and the ways I wish I was in that picture without being asked to lie about what work is worth. That's the part that stings. But I can live with a sting. I'd rather that than the slow rod of resentment from sitting a guy in a chair he didn't earn and calling it kindness. I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse was a skilled chess competitor with a

rating exceeding 2300. However, she is deceiving and intentionally losing matches for the sake of our 10-year-old child. I possess a peculiar and highly particularized. Issue with my wife and wanted some perspective on it. More than anything I'm just confused, really. I'll lay out the details. So my wife is really good at chess, like really good. She used to play in tournaments, she is a title player, I think her peak fide rating was around like 2300-230-ish. She's good. I am. I am. Not ha-ha. I enjoy the game, but I am nowhere near her, I have an online rating of 1120. Recently our 10-year-old son has started to show an interest in chess, and we have been teaching him the game.

Before we began teaching him, my wife and I had talked and come to the agreement that it would not benefit him to go easy on him or let him win. It was better to play at our real strengths and help him understand the game, help him learn to analyze his games, replay the critical position. and understand where he could make improvements or choose a different line. We were totally on the same page on this, full agreement. However, when my wife plays with our son, she has been letting him win. She is not playing anywhere near her real strength, and after about 30 games between them over the course of the last few weeks, he is a plus score against her, which is crazy L.O.L.

For context, over the 16 years that we have been together I've had, at a guess, around 1,000 games with my wife. I have never beaten her. Not once, not ever, not a single game. She just demolishes me, rolls me off the board. Once, about five years ago when she had the flu, I drew her in a perpetual check from a losing position and I was very proud of that, ha. I hold that as one of the strongest games I ever played. The only way I'm winning a chess game against my wife as if she falls asleep at the board and I win on time, she's just that far beyond me. So here's the odd thing. When I try to talk to her about it, she just, lies to me. She flatly insists that she's playing to her full strength and all of his

wins are legitimate, which is just simply, not true. At all. And before I get the suggestion that he's perhaps a prodigy and that the two of them are playing at a level that I can't understand, that's not the case. I have observed their games, he is playing like a beginner. I have plugged some of their games into an engine, and the engine just breaks down crying at how bad the play is on both sides. It's not a subjective interpretation, these games are objectively bad. My wife is simply refusing to capture hanging pieces for multiple turns, intentionally making bad trades, making antipositional moves that make no sense, refusing to execute extremely simple combinations that even I can see. Like, my wife can see Maiden 3, she can probably see Made in 15,

and the idea that she is missing those things is nonsensical. When I play my son, I crush him. I'm not blaming him, he's still learning the game, but he's still at the level where he can fall for the scholars made and making one move blunders, that's just where he is. When I try to talk to my wife about it, she insists up and down that she's playing as well as she can, and she's so earnest that it almost seems like she genuinely believes it. I'm beginning to worry about some kind of mental illness, like I have no idea what is going on here. I've never had anything like this with her, normally we're very communicative, this is really out of left field for her and really very odd. I've tried talking with her about it multiple times now, but I feel like I'm

taking crazy pills, I don't even know how to discuss this with her when we can't even agree on what is objectively happening in reality. It's like trying to discuss how to build a sailboat when you can't agree on what water is, or if cloth and what are things that exist in reality. I don't even know how to start a conversation here. As it stands, my son won't play with me anymore because I always win and it's disheartening for him. If it was simply a case of my wife seeing that he needs a confidence boost and changing her mind about letting him win, I of course would have zero problem with that, I'm 100% on board, we can totally do that. I've said that directly to her, but she's dead set adamant that she's absolutely not going

easy on him in any way. The issue isn't that she's letting him win, it's that she's refusing to admit it. It's just so bizarre, she's just blatantly insisting that reality isn't real. I don't know what to do. Relevant comments, some longs ones fleshing out info, someone blames him for crushing his son and being unreasonable in his playing. I'm not sure how you've read the post three times and failed to catch the part where this is my wife's idea. I don't have any desire to crush my son, I'm trying to help him learn. My wife is insisting that we play at full strength and do not let him win. She is continually, currently insisting this, now, even in the face of me suggesting that we could

try a different way. She is adamant that she will not play below her strength, and is insistent that I don't play below my strength either. She says that playing poorly will not help him learn. Then she is turning around, playing below her strength, objectively and unarguably, and then denying that she's doing it to my face. That's the issue. I'm happy to let him win, as I have stated multiple times all over this post. My only issue is that my wife in that we absolutely must not play below our strengths, and then is playing below her strength in telling me that she's not. It's not a subjective determination, I'm not making it up, she's objectively not playing like a 2,300, she's not even playing like an 800. Yet she swears up

and down that she's playing at her top strength. My aim is to understand why she's doing that. Go ahead, break your son's spirit and tell him. Man, the projection is so strong in this thread, I don't even know why I'm here, you all have decided what I'm going to do without my input, you don't even need me, ha, ha, ha. No, I would not tell my son. I would happily go forward in any way that we decide as parents, or honestly any way that my wife decided. She's a literal expert in this matter and I would follow her lead on whatever way she wanted

to go forward. The issue is that she's telling me we're going to do A, and then she is doing B, and then when I ask about it, she's telling me I'm doing A. She doesn't need to admit it, it's objectively verifiable, if I had that desire I could prove it any time. But I don't. I'm not trying to win, I'm trying to understand what's going on here. No, you probably don't want to believe it, Reddit seems to really love that drama of the evil, abusive husband. But I love my son and I care about his feelings, and I love my wife too.

I want her to be well, and happy, and I want to have good communication with her. I want to know what's going on with her and why she is saying these things, but I don't even know how to start talking to her about this because we can't even find a common reality to live in. People offer actual advice and baffle men at the amount of people misreading his post. I don't really understand it either, according to most of the comments I've read here, I'm an abusive, egomaniacal control freak that is destroying my family's happiness and they live in fear of me. I'm waiting to hear about how I beat my wife with chains when she looks at me wrong and starve my son when he leaves his socks on the floor, H.A. I think there are a lot of really hurt people out there that project their own trauma and pain onto everything they see.

I'd like to address those things, but there's simply too much and honestly it wouldn't do much good anyway. The people who are determined to see me as a monster see monsters everywhere they look. I can't help them. As to my wife, no I haven't played her recently, a few months at least. Perhaps that's a good idea. It's very odd behavior for her, she is otherwise very trustworthy. My wife and I ordinarily have a very strong, loving relationship, and I am very close with my son, we play Minecraft together a lot.

I have been really happy to be able to share chess with him, as it's something my wife and I both enjoy deeply. We really have a lovely relationship, I have had so many wonderful nights getting absolutely demolished by my wife, drinking and laughing and playing chess together. I'm no match for her, I never will be, but I'm not trying to be, I'm just trying to improve my own game and have fun. I enjoy the game, and her mind is endlessly interesting to me. My initial time teaching my son was very positive. I have shared some of the books with him that I used when I was learning the game, I have taught him some of the very basic opening moves, showed him how to use chess notation, and how to go back over his games and analyze slash annotate

them. We've watched some chess streamers together. That has been fun, and I can see his mind expanding and growing. But he only wants to play his mom now because, you know, he's 10 and he gets easy wins, ha-ha. I don't blame him, I'm just confused about my wife. I am more than happy to him win against me too, it's just that's not what we had agreed. My wife and I agreed to a course of action, I followed through and she didn't, which is also fine, people change their minds all the time, no problem. My only issue here is that she is insisting that it's not happening. It's like we both agreed to drive to France, we got in the car, and then she drove to Germany. And when I asked, hey, why did we come to Germany, I thought we were going to France.

Her response was we are in France right now. So strange. My issue is not with beating my son at all, I'm happy to teach him in any way, and as I stated, my wife initially suggested the idea of playing at our full strengths, and as she is obviously an expert, I agreed. I'm not trying to compete with my son or crush him in every game, I just want to be on the same page as my wife. So many people here simply can't even imagine a scenario where a father isn't

taking sadistic pleasure in destroying their beginner child, it makes me really sad for them and how their lives must have been like. Many people here have taken issue with my the plugging games into an engine to prove that they're bad. I guess people outside the chess world don't really understand that engine analysis is extremely standard. It's a tool that every chess player who wants to improve uses on every single game they play. When you play regularly, you analyze literally every game, plugging games into engines is totally normal. But yeah, toxic and bad, got it? Ha!

I appreciate you addressing the actual issue. Your comment has been helpful to me, and I will consider what you've said. I'll try playing her and see how that goes. More responses from op clarifying. I believe this comment is really in good faith in trying to help. Thank you. I'll address your questions. Greater than she changed her mind when she saw you crush him again and again.

Totally possible and zero problem if that's the case. Although I wouldn't say I've crushed him over and over, we've played eight games, and after each game we have discussed what went wrong, different concepts, what you want to be doing with your pieces in general, center control, piece development, knights toward the center, don't make too many pawn moves early, etc. I'm not just smashing him and yelling in yo face sucker. And walking away, I feel the games we've had have been positive and instructive. But if she has changed her mind on this, I'm totally fine with it.

She's the expert and I defer to her. The only issue that I have is that she's insisting that she hasn't changed her mind and that she's playing at her full strength when she's just not. It's like if your wife was wearing all white clothes, but insisting that she only wears black and is wearing black right now. It's strange, and doesn't make sense. Greater than I think she doesn't trust you when you say you be okay with letting your son win. I can understand why you might generate this idea, but all I can respond to this is that I really hope that's not the case and I don't know of anything that I would have done to cause that. My relationship with my wife and my son is generally

very good. We are very close and loving, we communicate well. I don't believe that I've ever given her the impression that she wouldn't be able to trust me or talk to me. I'd be happy to let my son win games against me. I'm happy to go in any way we choose. It's just, we chose a way together, I went that way and she didn't. And that's fine too, people change their minds, there's nothing wrong with that. But she's telling me she didn't. Greater than she fears if she admits this to you, you will rub it in his face because it bothers you that you could never win against her. Again, these are legitimate questions that deserve answer. You don't know anything about me.

It's reasonable to wonder these things. I would never rub it in my son's face. I would never want him to feel bad about himself. I love him and want to build him up. He's my guy, he's such a happy, sharp, cool kid, and I would never want to bring him down or make him feel bad. I understand why you would ask, but on this, just no man. I'm my son's biggest cheerleader.

As to the question about being bothered by my wife beating me? Not for a long time. I'll admit, when we first met when I was in my early twenties, it stung a bit ha. I tried hard to beat her back then, but I very quickly realized that she's just on a whole other level from me. Like in the same way, it doesn't bother me that LeBron James can beat me at basketball either. It's not a personal failing of mine. Dude is just amazing at basketball at a level that vanishing with few people can ever even get near, that's just how it is. My wife is like that with chess.

I know that in the chess world, there's even lots of people who are better than her, but for me, she's LeBron Man. I don't feel bad that I can't beat her, I just stand in awe of her skill and feel happy that she chooses to share it with me. Greater than has this ever been a problem in the past? Is your ego sometimes getting the best of you? Do you have a history of letting things slip to make other people feel bad? Again, understand why you would ask, but not really man. Ego has never really been much of a problem for me. People around me have always described me as a very chilled, laid-back guy.

I'm not that guy. I appreciate the genuine attempt to help, really. I hope my answers to your questions have helped paint a more clear person. picture of my family and who I am as a person. Clarification on the word crush. In the chess community, the word crush is standard accepted indicating that the game was very one-sided. For example, in every single game I have ever played with my wife, she has crushed me. It doesn't have as strong of a negative connotation, it's simply a shorthand to indicate one convincingly with little challenge. I'm quickly realizing that that word paints a very

different picture for people who are not familiar with this. People think it's weird to use a chess analyzer. They will tell you that engine analysis of every game you play is utterly standard. When you finish a game on chess.com, it immediately brings you to an analysis board where you can replay the game move by move and see all the lines. When you play an OTB game, you write down each move you and your opponent make, and when you finish you analyze the game the same way, either together with your opponent, as my wife and I do every time, or by using an engine. Analysis is arguably more important for improvement than actual play. I have spent hundreds of hours analyzing games with my wife over the years.

There is nothing unusual in the least about tracking games, analyzing games, putting them through engines, this is all absolutely normal, and portraying it as overbearing or aggressive behavior is just a lack of understanding of the tool. Go take a look at some of the tool. Go take a look at of my other comments to get a sense of how I am teaching him. I think you'll see that I'm not crushing the life out of him. Sun analyzes the game too. Yes, in every single game he has played with both me and my wife, he has recorded every move, and then analyzed the games with us after. The fact that you imagine that to be some unacceptably impossible task for a 10-year-old is pretty telling. In any case, you've clearly made up your mind that I'm a monster and nothing I say

will change that. I won't respond to you anymore. Update, oh man. Strap in my babies, it's update time. Probably not the update that a lot of you are pulling for, but, well, hey, too bad for you. Before I get going, I feel like I really have to shout out slash you slash peachy gizmo, editor's note I include this at the end, my dude, you were so bang on with your comment it's not even funny. Whatever it is you do, you should probably quit doing that and go be a psychologist or a mind reader or something, because you're flat out amazing. Crazy how perfectly you had it pegged, I'm floored. Another update, I took the advice that was presented in the original thread, and yesterday when my son got home from school I invited him to play a game of what I decided to call

Switch chess. Users in the last thread suggested that we play in a way where, at any time, my son can call out Switch. And we flipped the board around, he gets the side I used to have and I get his. We played, and it was great. It was super fun, we were laughing and having a great time. At the end, he fed me all his pieces and then called Switch. And chased my lone king around the board, it was hilarious. We were into our second game, laughing and yelling, he was up out of his seat dancing. When my wife got home, the second she saw us playing, I could tell she was immediately mad. She didn't say anything but she was clearly pissed, she was radiating anger. She left the living room and went to our bedroom.

I finished up with my son, told him we could play more later, and went to the bedroom to go talk to my wife. I asked how her day was and she just said fine. I just let the silence go for a few seconds and she asked how I was playing with him. I told her about switch chess and how he could flip the board around any time he wanted, and she immediately told me don't play with him like that, it's not good for his development. In fact, just don't play with him at all anymore, you're just going to fuck him up. Which was, you know, pretty hostile. I didn't say anything, just looked at her like what is going on.

I could see her start tearing up, I moved toward her to go hold her and she just went ballistic. Started crying and hitting me and screaming at me that I couldn't have chess, it's hers, it's not fair, I have everything and she has nothing and I can't take this from her, total fucking meltdown. I just had to let her go off for a while and let it out, then once she cried it out a bit I approached her gently and sat with her and we talked about it. Because we're married and we love each other. She told me she feels like our son loves me more than her. Which from where I'm standing is like.

Crazy, our son adores his mom, but that's how she feels. She said she has always felt that he liked me better, and she's jealous of all the things he and I do together in the close relationship that we have, and she feels like she doesn't have any point of connection with him. When he was younger, I took about a year of leave to stay home with him, and she said that in that time I developed a relationship that she can't have with him. She told me I have everything with our son and she feels like she has nothing, that we play Minecraft, we watch YouTube together, I teach him to cook, I have long conversations with him.

And she knew that if I started playing chess with him, it would just be another thing that she couldn't compete with me on, and that he would like me better like always, and would want to play with me more. She admitted that she wanted to sabotage me and make it unfun for him to play with me, so that he would only want to play with her and she could have something to bond with him on. That was really tough to hear. My son and I do have a close relationship, but I really thought their relationship was just as good. I had no idea she felt this way. I never imagined she felt like she had to compete with me. For years, apparently, I felt so bad for her. She said she pushed me to agree that we wouldn't let him win so that she could be the fun one to play with, and that when I realized she was letting him win and questioned her about it.

She just panicked and said that she was playing at full strength even though she obviously wasn't and it didn't make any sense. She said she knew it made no sense but she just said it. And once it was said she felt too trapped to back away from it so she just kept saying it. She told me she's been terrified that I might start losing to him too, and that he would stop. wanting to play with her. I asked her why she didn't just talk to me about this and she said it's because she was too ashamed, that she knew that she was being hateful and fucked up, and that she's a horrible person but she couldn't help it. I just held her for a long time and told her she's not horrible at all, that I love her, that our son loves her, and that

she's the most wonderful mother in the world. I really believe those things, my wife is amazing. It ripped my heart out to hear how hard she was being on herself. She just kept insisting that she was fucked up and evil and what she did was horrible. I told her I could completely understand why she did what she did. To be honest, I'm still very hurt by her behavior, and honestly feel pretty messed up from the weeks of questioning my sanity, but of course I did not tell her that, L-O-L, not the right time. We can talk about it later. I told her that I love her, and I fully understand how she felt.

I told her I understand what a massive part of her life Chess is and how she must have felt that it was being taken away from her. I told her I never want to compete with her on anything, least of all our son's love. I held her and reassured her for a long time. We had a pretty emotional night last night, but I think we're in a better place now. In the end, we decided that Chess can be her thing with our son for now. I'll hang back and just let them have their time. Maybe in the future when my wife feels more secured, I'll start playing with our son again. Later on, I'll talk with my wife about how she approached this, and how it made me feel,

but for now I'm just happy she feels better and that she's not going crazy, and that I'm not going crazy, huh, because I was really starting to feel like I was going nuts over the past while, I want to address all of the people who told me I was an insane. Ego-maniacal, controlling monster, a shitty husband who loves bullying his wife, and a sadistic father who loves torturing his child. There were a lot of you. I'm certain that nothing I've written here will change your opinion of me, I'm sure you will somehow find a way to continue to blame me for causing all of this, that I'm neglectful,

and evil, and excluding my wife, or any of the other things that you project onto me, but I want to address you anyway. I want to tell you that I really feel for all of that. of you, I truly hope you find peace. I can see how deeply you're suffering, how bad you're hurting. I'm so sorry that your lives have left you in a place where you can't even imagine a scenario where a father might actually love his child, where a husband isn't vicious and monstrous demon trying to destroy his wife's life. I'm sorry that's how you see the world. I want you to know that the world isn't always like that, and you don't have to

keep living like that. You don't have to keep living in that world where everything you see is evil and everyone is out to do harm. You don't have to stay there, you can come out. I really hope you get the help you need. Life can be better than that. I wish all of you well. My wife and son are playing chess right now. I'm really happy about that. Edit, to stem the absolute total wave of comments on this. Yes, I will get my wife into therapy. Thank you for your concern. this story. Parent deserted me to pursue a career in mature entertainment after years of ignoring me during

their non-exclusive partnership, now they've stopped working and want to resume their parental role, so they're following me around. Me with gifts and her family wants me to forgive her. To give some context, I, 27M, my dad, 67M, used to travel a lot to work and stay weeks away so he and my mother had an agreement where they had an open marriage, don't know the details. but she was the only one that slept with other people. This happened to most of my childhood as I can remember her leaving at night to go to clubs and parties.

Sometimes taking days to come back and neglecting me and my brother, I learned how to get groceries and cook when I was eight so me and my brother would not. Starve When I was around 13, my parents started fighting since apparently she had broken the deal in some way,

my dad found out about the neglect, and she started going into the adult industry. They separated and for years, I had no contact with my mother, I sent her texts and emails, some that even popped up as she had seen it, but she never replied so one day I just gave up trying to contact her. I managed to stay in contact with some people from her side of the family but a lot of them began hating on us, saying that we were too harsh on her, that we never supported her, that she did well leaving us, and gradually I also cut contact with them as well. She started working in the adult industry and got pretty famous in my country, got a lot of money and I stopped using any NSFW websites as she was on the top pages of all of them. I gladly suffered zero to no bullying in high school because of it as there were no ways of connecting her to me and most of my friends that knew my mother didn't know it was her, she had dyed her hair, done a few surgeries and stuff. Well, I moved on with my life, joined the army and I'm pretty well now, however, a year ago, out of nowhere she found her.

me on social media and began to message me, asking how I was, commenting on how much I had grown up and trying to do some small talk. I just replied with one words and even stopped replying once my nerve got the best of me. Apparently, she has retired, and after feeling an overwhelming remorse throughout her entire life decided to contact us again. My brother was also careful, but essentially accepted her back. He was always close to her, my father is cordial with her, but only that. She has also asked her entire part of the family for help as I began being bombarded with messages and calls from both those that criticized and supported me and my dad, I made it clear that I do not want anything with her, but they just keep on it, saying that she is remorseful,

that she did a mistake but wants to make it right, that she has come back for us, etc. More recently she somehow found out where I live and I've been receiving random gifts at my doorstep with messages that were clearly hers, things like a basket of chocolate that I I liked when I was little, expensive clothes she got my size wrong on all of them, LOL, flowers when my cat passed away, and even a very expensive hiking kit. I messaged her a few times to say that I don't want any of that, but she just pretend she doesn't know what I'm talking about or just says she thought of me at that moment. I made it clear time and time again that I don't want anything to do with her, but she still persists, saying that she can be my mom again

now and stuff like that. I don't know what else to say so advises are more than that. I don't know what else to say so advises are more than welcome. Comments where Op has replied, comment one, you are under no obligation to allow her back into your life. Block her again, and her family, and dump all of the gifts she gives you. Stop entertaining her attention. If she still will not stop, I'd honestly recommend going a legal route, get a cease and desist letter sent out to her and her family, and if that doesn't stop it, go to the police to get her harassment on file so it'll be easier to file a police report slash restraining order in the future. Oop, I have donated or sent back all of the gifts already, unfortunately,

cease and desist letters are not a thing in my country, but I'm really thinking about filing a police report for harassment just don't know if they will accept since she never did it personally. Comment two, it sounds like she's regretting what she's done and wants it back the way it was. But you shouldn't let this happen. We'll just happen over and over again, Oop, she has indeed voiced that she regretting what she has done and I don't think it would happen again but she should know things would not get back the way it was and honestly if she thought it would she is even crazier because things

were really bad before. Update 1. First I would like to thank everyone that commented giving me some comfort, advice, or letting me unwind on their DMs. You all helped me a lot. I'm still trying to answer all of the comments and messages but with work and family craziness reaching new heights that might take some time but know that your words are very appreciated and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Well, to start the update, I decided to have the moral high ground and take a more polite approach. I know many of you wanted me to just send her to hell on a message or letter, but I thought this way would disarm much of her comebacks and maybe even make some of her family members shut up. I called her and asked her to meet me in a small cafe, no way I was meeting her

in private, she got there and it looked like she had won the lottery, she had a smile from ear to and was almost jumping up and down, but her smile did fade when she saw my face. She sat down and tried to do some small talk, but I cut her off and began to rain on her parade. With all of the calm and patience I could gather I told her that no matter what she does or says there would be no way for her to be my mom again. I started to explain that she was a complete stranger to me now, that I still had resentments, reminded her that I tried many times to stay in contact with her, but she refused, and even stated that I'm no longer a child, I'm almost 30 so I kind of don't need a mom anymore,

had to hold myself not to say something like a few years too late, huh? I didn't even finish speaking when she burst into tears and began rambling about how sorry she was, that she was sorry for not seeing me grow up, sorry for ignoring me, that she would do anything for a second chance. She even told me that if her old work bothers me she could have it all taken down and pay for therapy if I wanted, apparently she didn't know I'm in therapy ever since I was a teenager. I politely refused and since the conversation wasn't likely to progress I just left after asking her once more to not contact me again. A couple of hours later I was in the shower when my phone began exploding with calls and messages, she apparently once again told her

family and once again they were cursing or trying to convince me. That showed me that some of the more radical comments on my last post were somewhat right and I decided to follow some of their advice. I swapped my phone number, also got a much better phone plan, cleaned my social media of any family members from her side, and told my lawyer to go forward with the restraining order. Thanks to the last post I had it ready to go, thanks again everyone. She received the order a couple of days ago and immediately broke it by driving straight to my house to scream why I was doing that, I didn't come out and call the cops, thankfully they saw the restraining order and took her to the station for questioning,

I was afraid they would ignore it or something, but I'm glad I was wrong. I'm now stuck here, not sure with what I did was 100% right, but at least I'm having some semblance of peace this last few days. She's still trying to send gifts, but I'm going legal on that too. I'm honestly not sure if there will be any more updates after this, but if it happens I too post on my profile due to this subreddit rules, but once again, thanks everyone. Update 2, so I wasn't planning on posting any more updates, but a lot of people have been messaging me. and apparently, my post blew up and because of it even more people are PM, so I guess I too just write a quick one. My mother is now legally fighting me on the restraining order, I didn't even

know that was a thing, and I'm trying to get more restraining orders for the more crazy members of her family. My lawyer told me to be cautious because if I request 20 plus orders for all of her family I look like a madman and it will all be denied. She hasn't broken the restraining order again after the last time but the gifts continue to come and even intensified so I'm just donating all of them. Although my childhood was pretty bad I can say that the amount of chocolate she sent me is making a lot of kids really happy now, LOL. And I too say it again, I'm not revealing her name. Go find PRN elsewhere and stop messaging me. It's not even for her sake but because I don't want to get doxed, anyone that sends any message like that will be blocked. To end this, I don't know if I too

post any more updates or how long they will be, but if something happens I too definitely tell you guys. Once again, thanks to everyone that helped me. Update 3, hey there folks, yeah, it has been a few years, life has been a complete roller coaster but with some people still sending DMs I figure I should at least try to make some updates. Now bear in mind it has been years so my memory might be spotty and all over the place, we'll try my best to make it chronological but it might turn into a mess. Right where I left off, well my mom had been pushy to the limit, but at least with the restraining order she was keeping away, there were some incidents like when she showed up at my dad's house during a family dinner only for my dad's new GF at the time, now wife, to open the door. She also showed up at my job asking for me, Army, and one of my friends who was on guard duty scared her off with a shotgun, love those guys and they are pretty much the only thing I miss about the Army.

Well, life was not going that well, kept being passed for promotions, my requests for officer school were always denied and to top it all off my GF at the time cheated and dumped me, so yeah, not nice. Years went by and when I finally thought I would get an upstart in my promotion I got dismissed by the Army along with a lot of other folks. Suddenly with no job I had to go back to living with my dad for some time while I tried to figure out what to do with my life. The restraining order against my mom also expired so she came back with renewed vigor which did not help the situation at all.

There's a lot more so I should tackle it some other time. For now have a nice weekend folks. Next story, wife's family cyber bullied me for months before our wedding to test if I was worth joining their family, and my wife knew about it but never told me because she didn't want to lose me. My, 27M, marriage is in a really bad spot after a deep breach of trust. I'd count to recover or how to trust my wife, 30F, again. For some context, we've been together seven years and married five. We have a child, 2M. We met at a con.

I thought her cosplay was amazing, struck up a conversation, and the rest is history. She's the most loving, unselfish, and decent person I've done. I've ever met. Our relationship was never without its challenges. Our biggest obstacle was her family. My presence was unwelcome. They're very close-knit, and if one doesn't accept you, then you're not getting far. There are a few family members who broke away from the pack, but no one hardly acknowledges them. There are no contact and black sheep. I didn't know how my wife's family was, but I did know family was extremely important to her. Her whole upbringing was based on family.

So I tried everything in my power to make it work. They didn't really put up with me until our son. Between our wedding planning to shortly before the wedding, I was the target of some relentless and vicious cyberbullying. It got personal. Fake bad reviews polluted my business profile too. It cost me some potential clients. I didn't know where it came from or why.

I couldn't find a solution. I'd report, but it'd take a while for anything to be done, or there'd be more accounts coming out for another round. The whole thing impacted my life and my mental health. It took a toll. My wife was incredibly supportive. She was my rock and my best friend. I loved her even more for her care and how she held me down.

Then the trolling and everything stopped. I wanted nothing more than to move on. I put it all behind me until the other day my wife confessed that her family was behind the harassment. I didn't believe her at first, but she was serious and showed me proof in their family group chat. It felt like I was right back there again. They were gloating and justifying themselves. Saying stuff like some people got to learn the hard way and if he wants to join the fold, here's his initiation. I knew I wasn't their favorite person, but I never realized they hated me

and would go to such extremes. I asked my wife when did she find out and if she was a part of it. She swore she wasn't and that she'd never do that to me. She claimed she didn't initially know it was her family until a few months before our wedding. One of my SILs, 28F, left a profile up on her phone, and my wife saw it. She confronted her family and made them stop. I asked why she was telling me everything now. She said it was weighing on her, and she opened up to her eldest sister, 35F, one of the family's black sheep. She threatened to tell me the truth if my wife didn't. Nothing my wife said made it better. She knew for years what her family did and hid it from me. She kept everything quiet. It hurts more coming.

from her because she knew firsthand my pain. I was pretty numb. My wife was anxious and kept pushing for me to say something. I told her there wasn't anything she could say right now that would make it okay. What she did was no better than her family. They made my life hell, and her first instinct was to cover for them. She started crying and begged me to understand. She said it wasn't like that, and she was trying to make things right with as little damage as possible and mend relationships. I wasn't very receptive to her. She wasn't reaching me. I couldn't help her or myself. I told her I needed some time to clear my head. She was against it. She said we could work through this together, but I was firm on space. Space isn't a request she's respected. I'm really

trying to understand her side. I'm trying to move past it, but I feel so betrayed. I trusted her more than anyone. I'm my most vulnerable with her. I kept opening up to her about the incident even after she knew the truth. She encouraged me to let it go and not allow it to have any claim on me. I thought she had my best interest in mind. Now I just see it as her attempt to protect her family yet again. I haven't confronted anyone involved. I don't think they're worth it. But I've made it clear they're no longer allowed to see our son until further notice. Now I'm getting texts about how I'm depriving my child of grandparents and aunts over past family spats. One of the hardest parts is the distance from my wife.

She's my best friend and partner in every way. Now we're mostly only communicating about our son and other household necessities. She's hurt by my rejection, and she's been crying often. I'd give I'm being unfair to her. I hate all of this. I want to make our marriage work, but I'm questioning. our relationship up to now. I'm just really lost. I need an outside perspective. How do I navigate this situation and move forward for my marriage and myself? Update, thank you to everyone who

reached out. I wasn't able to reply to everyone, but it was appreciated. It solidified my wake-up call and helped me see I wasn't overthinking. I wanted to give an update. Earlier this week, my wife and I were able to regroup and hash stuff out. I was glad I took the space I did because even though this situation is still hurtful and feels like a massive betrayal, I was in a better position to talk. My wife thought I was calling it quits, but I told her we were at a crossroads and needed to talk things out. She apologized for what her family did and her role in it. She said she never intended to hurt me. She had convinced herself she was protecting me for more pain. She realizes now, she was largely protecting herself.

She admitted she was afraid of telling me the truth because she thought it wouldn't just end the wedding but that I'd end the relationship. She lost other relationships and friendships over her family. She didn't want to lose me too. Over the years, she wanted to tell me but kept talking herself out of it, and then the cover up kept getting bigger, and she didn't know how to confess. I told her I didn't agree with her choices, and I wished she had more trust in me and our relationship. I meant it too.

I wouldn't have just ditched her. She asked where do we go from here and promised no matter the outcome, there wouldn't be any more secrets between us. I told her I wanted to work on our marriage, but things needed to change. We couldn't survive with her family looming, and I didn't want our son exposed to them. She asked what I needed of her. I was never big on ultimatums, and I don't really consider this as one, but I was adamant that any path of us moving forward to would mean radical boundaries with her family. She was honest that the thought of making this big of a move against her family was scary but said if it's between them and us slash our

son, 2M, then she chooses us. Her agreement was major for me because I really didn't know where she'd land if she had to choose. I never wanted to put her in that position, but after everything her family did, I feel there was no other way. The reason I have hoped that my wife is being for real is because she sent a text to their group chat stating to stop blowing up my phone and at the no access to our son until further notice is a joint decision she fully supports. I didn't expect that of her. She did it on her own. Of course, they didn't like it.

Now she's labeled as disrespectful and ungrateful, and how the black sheep eldest sister, 35F, and I are poisoning her against them. It was also said, what kind of man takes a woman away from her family over a a spat. This isn't a spat, nor do I have anything to prove about manhood. They led a whole campaign designed to ruin my life. Their actions are chilling to me. These are the same people who looked me in the eye with a straight face while everything was going on. This is about protecting my family. My wife has gone low contact. Her family has this mindset that significant others or friends come and go, and it's family who is the constant and where loyalty should be.

They can't seem to compute that my wife, our son, and I are the core family. Their extended family, and they don't have a claim over our son. Being involved with him is a privilege, not a right. I'd quit their exact issue is with me. They only really tolerated me because of our son. When I first met them, one of my wife's siblings, 28F, said they thought my wife was was settling for me because of age and that she could do better. They're a very tight-knit group, and if one doesn't take to you, then you're not getting far with the rest. It felt like once their minds were made up, there was nothing I could do. I've long since stopped

trying to make sense of any of their reasonings. It's a rabbit hole. Our plan is to move to a new area to create a healthier distance, cement boundaries, and have a fresh start. I brought up therapy It's something we've been discussing. We'll be officially starting that soon. I think moving away will be beneficial for us. It's something my eldest sill had advised us on. During the wedding planning, she was encouraging my wife to move and create our own space away from their family's isolating circle. I know my wife is more than just her family.

I've seen it firsthand. She shined so bright when away from their influence. That's what I meant when I said she was the most loving, unselfish and decent person I've ever met. If I'm being honest, I cow things will turn out. I'm still hurt, I still feel betrayed, and my wife's facing her own challenges with low contact, but I want to be hopeful. I don't want to close the door. I'm hoping we can heal together.

Thank you again to everyone for the support. I've found not everything is as isolating as with the majority of my in-laws. It means more than you know. Comment where OPP has replied, Comment one, dude I wish you all the best. I hope your wife can keep the no slash low contact tube. Thank you. It's much appreciated.

I'm really hoping this can be a turning point comment too. I was really relieved to hear that you were moving because this is going to be a very difficult boundary for her to maintain. Hopefully with therapy, time, and physical and emotional space though she can construct a fortress of a wall around your family. I really hope she doesn't let you down again. Oop, it's my hope that the distance will give her some clarity and help us as a family comment three, I didn't actually realize how much I was still thinking about the post a week ago

until I saw an update and felt relief. Best of luck in therapy, one thought I might add is that the instinct might be to do couples therapy, but you might also find success in family systems therapy. Just know that if a therapist doesn't feel like they're helping the doesn't mean that therapy won't work, just that this therapist didn't work. Glad you both found the strength to work together and that she found the strength to distance herself from toxic family. Oop, thank you for the recommendation and the support.

I'll research family systems therapy comment for, your wife. What kind of wife betrays, puts down, belittles, and lies to her partner? She did nothing to protect you and only herself. I could never trust her again. If she'll allow that to happen to you, imagine the awfulness your child will experience. Oop, I don't condone my wife's actions and I'm not diluting myself that any of this will be easy. I'm willing to give our marriage an honest try. Broken trust doesn't mean it can never be regained.

We aren't the first couple in history going through a trust crisis I made a commitment. Marriage requires making a vow for better or for worse. I'm not saying that covers everything under the sun. Of course there are situations where a parting of ways is needed. But not every case is the same. I made vows to give my marriage an honest try in the bad times. I hope you enjoy this story. Partner returned from a getaway with friends displaying a changed demeanor,

prompting me to inquire repeatedly about the reason until she eventually admitted to kissing several individuals while participating in a drinking activity. while I was home missing her. So I, 25M, have been with my girlfriend, 22F, for about a couple years. We've been living together for a few months, and things have mostly been really good. Like, yeah, little arguments here and there, but nothing major. Last weekend she went on a trip with her college friends to this lake house slash cabin one of their family's owns. It was just the girls, kind of a last summer thing before a couple of them move out of her.

of state. I was totally fine with it, told her to go have fun, no issues there. But when she got back, something felt off immediately. Like she walked in, barely looked at me, gave me a quick hug, and then went straight to the bedroom to unpack. She didn't even really say she missed me or anything. We usually text a bunch when we're apart, but she was kind of distant the whole trip too, like shorter responses and slower replies. Since she's been back, she's been weirdly quiet. Not mad, just, distant. She's been zoning out, not really laughing at stuff like she usually does, and just kind of flat when we talk. I asked her how the trip was and she literally said it was all right and then changed the topic. No stories, no funny moments, no picks,

nothing, which is super unlike her. She normally comes back from any outing with like 10 stories and a ton of photos. The other thing is she's been journaling a lot since she came back. Which again, not bad, just knew. She's always kind of been into mindfulness and stuff. I asked if everything was okay and she just said she's tired and processing a lot, whatever that means. I tried pressing gently and she told me I was being overly clingy and that she just needs

a bit of space. I've never been called clingy before so that kind of stung. I've tried asking for. her friends if something happened, but they kind of brush it off and tell me not to worry. So now I'm just sitting here like, what happened on that trip that made her come back a totally different person? She's not mad at me, I think. But it honestly feels like she left as one version of herself and came back as another. And she won't let me in at all. I'm trying not to make a big deal out of it, but I feel like I'm being iced out and I have no clue why. Am I overreacting for feeling

really weird and kind of hurt by this. Should I just give her space and stop asking questions? Ike. This just, sucks. Comments where OP has replied, comment one. Nor. I agree with giving her space to a certain degree, but me personally as so came back acting so distant and zoned out I would be concerned about something traumatic, but that's also because I know my so and she shuts down when something has upset her. I'd give her a couple more days than come to her and be like, hey, so I'm worried about you. I'm not upset, but I do want to do a mental check-in. You've been kind of distant and zoning out.

Is something bothering you or on your mind? I'm here for you and I care. I wouldn't even mention since you got back from your trip I'd leave that part open. She will either A, appreciate your care and give you some insight or B, blow up, to which will be where you will have to just walk away and decide where you want to go from there. Either one of two things happened in my mind. One, her and her friends got into it or someone hurt her or two, she cheated or did something she shouldn't have.

Either way please update us. Hoop, thank you. Means a lot. I will update, sooner or later, but I'm giving her space now comment too, nor. You know her and her how she is best, trust your gut. What does your gut say? It's not good that she called you overly clingy when you pressed her, clearly something is off and that seems like a deflection. I was just talking to someone who came back from a trip W. Friends acting different. They didn't have the enthusiasm or interest level

from before. Quite frankly, it what happened on her trip or what changed, it was clear that she just wasn't as interested and I just stopped talking to her. We weren't exclusive though, so it was much easier to end. I'd say give her some space, just observe her actions slash behavior for a bit. See if there is more that is off or strange. If this continues for a few more days, she is going to have to have a conversation about it. If she is unwilling to communicate, then obviously she's checked out. Question, how has your SEGS life been in recent weeks slash months? Usually, if that changes, slows or whatever, not a great sign. Oop, yeah, I'm hoping she's willing to open up after some time.

Our SIG's life has been great honestly. Well as of recently that is, of course. She's more reserved now anyways so that's a given, but we haven't had any complications in the past. We've both wanted it and enjoyed it. Comment three, are her friends single? Oop, honestly, I'm not sure. She has mentioned someone's boyfriend which might be one of the girls from the group.

Comment 4. Trust your instincts. No one asks for space from a partner if everything is fine. Her calling you clingy is her telling you nicely to bug off. Something happened which caused her to go into a funk. Unlikely emo. If she's talking to all her friends, but she's being distant with you specifically that's not normal. She cheated. Maybe she feels guilty, but at the same time she's not sorry. Maybe she's second-guessing her relationship with you.

Hoop, I'm not ready to bring up the topic of if she cheated or not. She's always made it clear she values us and our relationship. I trust my instincts, but I also need to step back maybe a bit. P.HX for your response. Update 1. So yeah. First off, thanks to everyone. who commented or messaged me, it always helps even a little bit to talk about this. I read everything even if I couldn't reply back to everyone. Some of it helped, some of it TBAH just made me feel

worse. Still, thanks. Anyway, getting to the update. It wasn't really a planned discussion or anything, just kind of happened. I had earlier asked one her friends if something was going on. She again just didn't really open up but told me it wouldn't be her place or job to say. I thought I wouldn't get anything out of her so I just said fuck it and that I'd try and talk to my GF later. She came home from work and was just acting off again. The usual. Barely said anything, didn't eat the dinner I had prepared earlier, almost immediately went for a long walk outside, afterwards went straight to the shower and spent a long time there.

Later she kind of just stayed in our bedroom laying about and not really engaging with me. I haven't seen her writing in her journal today and honestly I don't think much of it. I went in after a while just to ask her about her day, gently, I wasn't pressing or nagging about it, just calmly asked if she could please just talk to me and that I care about her and how she feels. Told her I wasn't trying to fight or blame her or anything. I just wanted to understand what's going on and since we always share everything that it's unfair to keep me in the dark, and that I'd support her either way whatever it was. She didn't say much, just kept mumbling about not knowing what to say, wasn't really feeling

it, she was tired, etc. So I stepped back, spent some time on my own and went for a walk. Eventually later today she started opening up a little. I guess she had enough time to reflect and gather her thoughts. I'm not going to put every single word she said here in quotations because it feels kind of personal and also I'm still trying to process it myself. But basically, yeah. Something happened on the trip, with her and the girls. She didn't say word to word what she did, in detail, but made it really clear that it went way past what would be okay in a relationship.

Like, way past. There was plans of drinking during the trip. I know my girl drinks and I do too, it has never been a problem. I was expecting it, I think it's normal and I encourage her always to have fun if she wants to, since I trust her. She's been to raves, parties, etc., and I have never seen a problem with that. It's not my right to limit her hobbies, even if I don't always match her energy. Mind you, she has never been a heavy drinker, at least not around me, and we've never had to talk about her alcohol usage. She has been a well-behaving adult for all our relationship and if she has been drunk it has

always stayed well in the limits of good taste. She said what happened wasn't planned and that it just kind of did and that she wasn't herself which honestly just made me feel a nod in my stomach, like she was preparing me for something really, really bad. So I encouraged her to just say it, that she has already said enough for me to not back down now. I deserve to know about this. She said the trip honestly went well regarding to original plan, they drank, went to the

sauna by the lake, swam, played games, hung around normal. Doesn't sound awful right? Sounds like a normal weekend trip to me with friends. So later that night they had been drinking more, partying, listening to music, enjoying themselves. Some of them were drinking and hanging out in the hot tub and some of them had hung around inside the cabin playing a board game and talking. My GF kind of talks in circles about this and tries proving during our talk how it was in the end a good trip and that they all enjoyed it. Eventually, though she gets to the point and tells me why she's been down, later in the evening someone had suggested they do a drinking game, honestly don't see an issue with that since I like partying in games too, it's all just good fun widening its limits.

They had played bottle spin, the usual, with a twist of drinking or doing the dare. A couple of the girls were pushing it, encouraging it. She admitted she went along with it and wanted to play along, but the way she said it. Ike. She looked ashamed and kind of said it quiet. The dares have been innocent and normal first, kind of tame stuff. The usual you hear everywhere. Who is your celebrity crush, what's your darkest secret, sing a particular song, and I imagine

the rest would be along those lines. But they had gotten out of hand as the game went on and more drinks were consumed. Some of the girls had dared others to kiss each other, pick out their merry slash fuck slash kills, pour drinks into each other's mouths, and stuff like that obviously sounds to me like something that can lead to something very bad very quickly. My G.F. says she didn't know better or deny a good time. She says she felt it was fun in the moment and didn't feel that she did anything wrong, and it was all consensual and nobody-minded it, and that it's normal for girls to do after getting tipsy. And that she doesn't even remember

everything that well and had a hangover the next day, and says she isn't even sure if she did anything. And that she felt bad because she obviously doesn't like girls that way or that she normally doesn't do these kind of things and only kind of watches from the side. She never explicitly says what she participated in and what exact actions she took during the game but talks like she's guilty, so it's all a bit confusing. Sigh. There was one girl there with them on the trip. Let's call her Ellie. I've met her, she's the fun easygoing type and the one I mentioned earlier in my post that doesn't seem like she would hurt me or her in any way. I asked my GF if she was there since I knew she was with them and that I wanted to know if I was totally wrong about her.

Honestly wanted to know if they all sucked and played along knowing she has a boyfriend. My GF said Ellie hadn't participated and kind of left the cabin when things started happening. She had mentioned she's not well and that she would be sitting this out and just kind of left and came back to. later in the night. They had talked later that night outside, but she says nothing happened between them. Which honestly, I believe, and don't know why she brought it up since Ellie's actions don't sound suspicious anyway and I wouldn't have expected her to do anything between them, so this just feels like a weird extra detail that she added in. Also, I'm not saying it would have been Ellie's duty to tell anyone off, I honestly just wanted to know if I was wrong about her

and if everyone they were all right with everything. My G.F. said she hasn't talked to her. She hasn't to her or the girls much after the trip, want you all to know I didn't yell at her or get angry. Just kind of sat there. I didn't know at first how to respond since she didn't sound like her usual considerate self. She kept saying she didn't know why she shut down and she's been feeling horrible since. That she didn't know how to tell me and that she has needed time to word her thoughts. We've been distant with each other after the talk and it's just this heaviness between us since she got back and now I know why. I don't even know what to do now. I told her I needed space and

went out for a walk, came back, kind of just sit there in the living room not really even looking at her. Am I treating her the same way now? I'm shutting her out and ignoring the problem, the elephant in the room, not acknowledging things are fucked. Obviously I shouldn't be okay with this. I don't see a life without her. So her behavior is hard to accept. Should I sleep tonight somewhere else? If I should break it off immediately, everything is just a mess in my head and I don't know what to do or how to approach it. I've never been the confrontational type either. I love her.

I really do. But I don't know if I can look at her the same way again. Not just because of what she maybe did but because she came home and shut me out, made me feel like I was crazy, for even noticing something was wrong, I feel like this is something she should have told immediately. This obviously affects us. I'd even know if there's us after this. We've set clear boundaries in our relationship and never crossed them. The fact she's still leaving. Details out bothers me.

Anyway, that's where I'm at. Not really looking for advice right now, you're free to comment though and tell me your thoughts. Just need it to get this all out of my head. This feels like a dream and not the good kind. Edit 1, I phoned her friend, this time demanding further answers, since I can't get them from my GF. She confirmed that there were more people joining them over the weekend than just their initial girlfriend group and that she wouldn't know what to tell me, since she really didn't care and told to go over it with my GF if I was so concerned. Granted I was emotional and raised my voice since I'm desperately trying to get a clear answer here. She and Ellie is the only one I can reach since I don't know any of the other's contacts.

I'm so fucking done fishing for answers when no one gives me anything, it all seems useless. I'm not home at the moment and don't feel like going. Edit 2, I will be making an update later. Everything's kind of overwhelming and I need to sort things out for myself and think of my plans going forward. I've read through your comments, like I said, I'm not looking for advice really, just needed to write these thoughts out somewhere. A couple people have reached out to me directly to offer support, I'm glad and I thank these people for that. Update 2, it's a lot.

Just writing this for closure and for myself and for the people who follow this I'll be staying somewhere else for a couple days more maybe, before starting to make preparations for splitting off. I finally had a proper conversation with Ellie. It wasn't quick, we talked all evening. She didn't seem to wonder at first, but eventually she opened up. She was the only one who wasn't drinking or participating, and I respect her for being straight with me. She told me that, the group was drinking heavily, and at one point, some of the girls

invited a few guys over who were staying nearby. Guys I had no idea would be there, says she's not sure if this was the plan all along or if it was the girl's idea to do so in the moment. She didn't at least know about it beforehand. The drinking game started getting more intense with the guys involved. According to her, my girlfriend ended up making out with two different people, one of the girls, BTW's same girl who told me not to worry about it and wouldn't give answers when I contacted her originally, and one of the guys. There was a lot of touching that wasn't just playful. As far as Ellie knows, she didn't fuck anyone, she says she left and doesn't know the happenings

afterwards, but it was far past anything I'd ever be okay with, and definitely past anything we ever agreed was acceptable in our relationship. What hit me the hardest was how, according to Ellie, my girlfriend wasn't even that drunk at that point. Tipsy, sure but not blacked out or out of control. She had been laughing, very involved, and didn't seem pressured. She wasn't out of it like she tried to make it sound. Ellie left because she was uncomfortable, and when she returned later, my GF was still full on party mode and her talking was all blurry and she was a mess. I've talked with my GF, well, my now X, over the phone but all I got was mumbles or silent treatment. I've full full.

Solon said I know what she did and that she could at least admit to me before I break it off. Asked if I meant anything to her or if all our time together has been fake or just an act for her. Asked about how long she has had problems with her drinking, since I've always thought of her a mature and smart woman. She was sobbing and told me she could help me understand if I came home and she could make up for it and even if she did do it she still loved me. So I'm done. I can't stay in something where I'm lied to, gaslit, and made to feel like I'm overreacting for noticing something is off. She came home and shut down instead of being honest.

She let me stay confused, even when trying to comfort her, when she should have been honest the second she walked through the door. Hell she should have admitted as soon as it happened, not that it would have made it right what she did. Some people here messaged me privately to offer support. Some have reached to something called Reddit Care Resources. Honestly had no idea that existed. it. I'm in no need for that, but I'm thankful anyway. Thank you. Some have helped more than you

would have had too. Others, though, have been blowing up my DMs, sent hate messages, called me names, told me I was pathetic for how I handled it. Someone asked for my ex's socials so they can have fun with her since I don't know how to. Some have told they straight up don't believe me. Which, fair, you're not supposed to take everything at face value what you're read. But to those people, congrats, I don't know what you expected me to answer, but you added nothing of value to my life. I've realized it was probably a mistake to start posting about this online at all in the first place. This will be the last update. I'm moving forward. Don't expect further updates. Thanks to the ones who cared and my heart goes out to anyone who's dealing with

anything similar. You're important and you deserve better, love yourself and know your worth. I hope you enjoy this story. Envious sibling attempted to sabotage my celebration for the arrival of my baby by sharing fabricated parentage examination outcomes. Soon after, her spouse surprising presented her with legal documents ending their marriage in the presence of all guests. Minnie and I are a year apart in age. She is 31F, and I am 30F. Growing up, my sister would tell me many times that she was jealous of me and that she disliked me. It would make me really sad because she was my only sibling, and I loved and admired her a lot. I had always looked up to her and tried to be close to her, but she pushed me away.

When she was happy, she was a great sister, a really fun and creative person. However, whenever we got into arguments, she would say really mean things to me and try to physically harm me by either punching me, pushing me, or pulling me. my hair. My parents would scold her for doing this since she was older than me. I would try to tell her how much I looked up to her and wanted to be close with her, but she always resented me. Minnie always had a more outgoing personality. She had a strong passion for the arts, excelling in makeup and fashion. She loved experimenting with her hair and getting tattoos. My mom had started me early in school and eventually, Minnie and I ended up in the same grade because I demonstrated advanced academic abilities according to my teachers. Fortunately, we weren't placed in the same class.

Minnie did not like this and often saw me as her competition because I was more academically inclined. It wasn't a high bar, though, as Minnie simply disliked doing homework, making my pretty average grades appear stellar. I consistently earned a mix of BS and AS, while Minnie typically got CS and BS. Her strengths lay in art, drama, cooking, sewing, and dance. As I grew up, I ended up falling in love with a violin since my mother pushed me to learn it and dabbled in learning French and Korean. Minnie was part of the drama department at school and spent most of her evenings practicing for plays. Things took a turn for her when she got kicked off the drama team due to a fight with fellow students. The drama unfolded because Minnie discovered her boyfriend cheating on her with another girl from their department.

In response, Minnie decided to beat up the girl and set that girl's bag on fire. The incident led to Minnie being asked to leave the school, although nothing significant came out of it once my parents talked with the principal and compensated the girl also. To this day, I am not exactly sure about all the details, but I do remember that she had to repeat 11th grade. Our parents lectured her a lot and she was grounded until she turned 18. Because of this incident, her relationship with our parents suffered a lot and they were disappointed with her for a very long time. The longest romantic relationship have had lasted only six months, and you know why? It's all because of my sister. I was not exactly on a mission to find the one but every time I had any decent relationship, she would try to jeopardize it.

Once I really liked a guy called Derek. He and I had been together for four months, and things were getting pretty serious. We were on the verge of meeting each other's parents when, out of the blue, the night before, he blocked me from everywhere, phone number, I message, and Facebook. The only way we could communicate was face to face, so I ended up showing up uninvited at his house to talk. When I showed up at Derek's house uninvited, he seemed surprised to see me. I confronted him about being blocked on every platform and asked what had happened. Derek hesitated for a moment before admitting that my sister had reached out to him, expressing concerns and sharing stories about my alleged past that portrayed me in a negative light.

Feeling a mix of frustration and disbelief, I pressed Derek to share the details of their conversation. He revealed that my sister had told him about how I had been talking to other guys throughout the time we had been dating and that she found me sending inappropriate pictures to one of my guy friends. I was mortified when I heard this. I tried to explain my side of the story, refuting the claims my sister had made, but Derek seemed uncertain and confused. He questioned me why would my own sister lie about me and make up something so serious? I felt like crying as I explained to him how my sister had always been jealous of me and would try to mess up my relationships. I had no idea that she could go so far as to make up such lies about me. The damage was done, and despite my efforts to salvage the relationship,

He expressed doubts about continuing since he didn't want to be involved with someone who had a troublesome sister like Minnie. I understood where he was coming from since if I had a choice, would not be related to her as well. Heartbroken and frustrated, I confronted my sister about her actions. After a lot of yelling, Minnie finally admitted to feeling insecure and jealous that I always dated good-looking guys. She told me that it was always easy for me to find guys and she hated me. She asserted that she thought I was too good for Derek so she made up all those lies to drive him away from me. I was so pissed at her and it became very clear to me that her actions were driven by her own unresolved issues of jealousy. My parents reprimanded her and told her how wrong this was.

Minnie didn't seem to care because in the end, she got what she wanted. Derek and I were broken up. This incident served as a turning point in my life, prompting me to start thinking about moving away from her. It was a stark realization that, if I ever wanted to have a healthy and lasting romantic connection, I could not have her near me. We both shared a dream of studying abroad. She did have immense potential, but it seemed like fear or a lack of personal research led her to pursue computer science in our home country, following our dad's advice. Witnessing that, I realized I didn't want my parents influencing my future choices. I worked tirelessly to secure a scholarship to study abroad. However, despite my efforts, financial constraints prevented

me from going, so I compromised and started university in our country, majoring in what I wanted. However, after a year, my determination to go abroad persisted, and I kept searching for opportunities. Eventually, I secured a scholarship and could finally head overseas to restart my studies. My parents were really sad that I was moving away. On my last night at home, many apologized to me for all the things she had done to me since our childhood. I don't know what prompted her to do so maybe it was the fact that I was moving so far away and she could have our parents to herself now. I didn't want to pursue any drama any longer so I forgave her. During my solo adventure studying abroad, I underwent a significant transformation.

I shed some weight, met new people, discovered my personal style, and gained a newfound confidence. graduating was a major milestone, but the year that followed was tough as I struggled to secure a job. Eventually, I found a good job and settled down. Meanwhile, Minnie finished her bachelor's in our home country. She told me how she wanted to come and study in the country I lived in for her master's, so I encouraged her. She started applying to different universities for scholarships, but her applications kept getting rejected. She started growing frustrated. Once, she came to visit me and she stayed with me for ten days so I could show her around.

She could see that I had changed and whenever she made any sly remarks to me about my clothes or my hair, I did not listen anymore. I found it very weird how she would try to control what I was going to wear or how I needed to behave in public if she and I went out for lunch. If I had some friends over, she would tell me how she didn't like them and how I needed to find better people to hang out with. There have been instances when I would be in general. enjoying myself with my friends, and suddenly she would get weird without any apparent reason.

When I took her to work and showed her where I was working, she was surprised to see how huge my office was. I excitedly told her how I'd been presented with opportunities for new experiences in the field I was working in but then she just went quiet and didn't even seem happy for me. Instead, she shifted the conversation to herself, expressing how she would love the same opportunities and regretting some of her past choices. Later, when we were having dinner, she told me how she wanted to extend her vacation and continue to live with me, but I knew that I could not live with her judgment. I politely told her that it was better for her to find new accommodations if she wanted to stay any longer because clearly she had some issues with me and

refused to talk to me about it. This is when Minnie loses her mind. She started yelling at me about how she was sick and tired of having me in her life when all everybody does is compare me to her and how her achievements in life are never enough. I pointed out to her that I never treated her this way, and it was she who always made me feel inferior. Minnie then told me how I was not anything special and that she could have done the same things as me if she had the same opportunities. I told her that we did have the same opportunities growing up and that I decided to apply for universities here and worked my ass off to secure a scholarship while she was failing to secure one and was somehow blaming me for her choices.

This pissed her off and she told me that I was just a spoiled brat and that she wished I was never born. Those words hit me so much that I just got up from the table and locked myself in my room. Two days later, when she flew back, without ever apologizing to me, I could finally breathe in peace. I realized just how much she and I had changed over the years

and I had started to dislike her presence a little by now. Eventually, I met my boyfriend James, who worked in the same industry as me. Our paths crossed all the time. We had mutual friends and during a gathering, we met and had a couple of drinks. It was super fun to talk to someone who understood my line of work and I thought we would just be friends.

Turns out, he liked me and asked me out the next day. We started dating and were together for two years before he proposed to me. I am close to his family since they live in the same country and he has met my parents through video calls. We had been planning for our wedding when I received a job offer that would pay me double what I was earning in my current company. The only catch was that the new company was based in my home country. I discussed this with my fiancé and he and I both agreed that this was a life-changing opportunity and I took the job. This is how I shifted back to my home country and my family finally met my fiancé.

My parents really adore James and my dad spends his Sundays now golfing with him. My new job was going well and James eventually found a new job also. During this time, Minnie avoided me like the plague. She refused to meet me or James even though my parents would insist. She would make up random excuses to not meet us. She and I had not talked for a very long time, so I understood her hesitation and honestly I did not mind. I was afraid that she might try to jeopardize my relationship with James just like she had done with all my previous relationships. James and I decided to get married after a few months of settling down in my home country.

We booked plane tickets for his parents and grandparents so they could be there for us. We wanted to have a small and intimate wedding with only family and really close friends and a short honeymoon as we both are really busy with work during this time. We chose to have our wedding in the huge backyard of my parents' house and they were extremely happy about this. Our grandparents, parents, siblings, and friends all made speeches and we were showered with love and blessings. The only person who was missing was Minnie. She had apparently come down with a fever or so she told us which is why she could not attend. The food was awesome and everybody

danced till midnight. We all had a great time and then James and I flew for our honeymoon. A week later, we returned from our honeymoon and I was at my mother's place showing her some photos from my wedding when Minnie showed up. As I was talking to Mom about how happy grandparents were during my wedding, Minnie interjected asking if me and James were having any financial troubles. I laughed and told her how I had a much higher paying job now than before and how James was doing well also. She then mocked me by saying that maybe that was not the case since I had decided to get married in our parents' backyard. My mother came to my defense and told Minnie that there was nothing wrong with getting married in her backyard and that I wanted to have a smaller wedding so it made sense for me.

I agreed and told Minnie that I was thankful for her concern but James and I did not like extravagant things despite our high income since we believed in using our money wisely. Minnie got really angry hearing this and told me that I was just trying to show off as usual and that I was probably lying about my salary here. I shook my head and told her that I didn't need to show off in front of her and told her that we were not children anymore. She needed to grow up and not make up assumptions or lies about me. I reiterated that this is why I was glad that she did not come to my wedding. This pissed her off and she walked out crying. My mother did try to de-escalate the situation but Minnie didn't listen. Later, she told my grandparents and some of my cousins about how I was glad she did not come to my wedding and more things from our fight.

I did send her a text to apologize but she didn't bother replying. Over the years, I have tried to stay out of her way as much as I can, although we did have a few good moments also. James met her and he immediately took a dislike to her. This was because Minnie would constantly make fun of him. For example, James and I both like watching Disney movies that Minnie considers boring, and she says that James might not be manly enough. I took a lot of offense when she said this and later she apologized to me and James. Minnie has also apparently expressed to my mother on several occasions that I recently found out that she thinks James is trying to control my life. When my mother confronted her about it, she told my mother how whenever she met James,

she just had a bad feeling about him. One day, when my mother and Minnie had come over for lunch at my place, Minnie was telling us about how she was facing issues with her boyfriend Larry. Apparently, Larry had moved in with Minnie but had lost his job after two months. Since then, he wasn't working nor was he paying any bills around the house. I told Minnie firmly that she needed to kick Larry out of the house since he was. was clearly not contributing anything to their household. Then Minnie suddenly pointed out how I earned more than James, so does this mean I should kick him out also? I pointed out that while it was true

that I earned more than my husband, my husband earned quite well on his own and we were both bringing in the cash flow to our household. He was not sitting around the house the whole day eating chips and playing games. My mother agreed and told Minnie how James had sacrificed his own career just so I could take up this high-paying job here. Minnie took offense to that and started saying how men should always be the ones earning more and how it was weird that James was okay with this arrangement. I told her that not every guy has a weak, fragile ego like all the men she has dated and that James loved me for who I am. Minnie, of course, never listened and later got married to Larry despite him being jobless. Larry also had a bit of a temper which we all witnessed during their

wedding when we got too drunk and started to pick a random fight with a waiter. Minnie and some of his brothers had to restrain him. It was very embarrassing and I was a bit scared for Minnie. But I knew she would never listen to me so I kept my mouth shut. Over time, I have noticed Minnie and Larry's fights have only increased because every time they fight, Larry kicks her out of their home so she has to come over and sleep at our parents' place. My parents are also concerned about her but Minnie refuses to talk to them. One day, we heard from Larry's mother that Minnie had apparently cheated on Larry with one of her coworkers. They had a huge fight and in the end, decided to work through their marriage.

They had even started going for couple counseling. This year I found out that I am pregnant. James and I are over the moon. My parents congratulated us and told me how proud they were to become grandparents soon. They assured me that they would be there for me every step of the way. Once Minnie learned I was pregnant she asked my husband and me about names we liked and whether we wanted her help. James and I had discussed a few names, but I did not want to share it with her because I knew how judgmental she could be. I said a very firm no and told her no name would be shared until the baby was born and the name was official.

Minnie suggested very strongly that this would be a terrible idea saying that we should discuss the names with other family members so we could give the best name to our baby. I told her we did not want people interacting or interfering in the name choice since this was our baby and we were going to name it whatever we wanted. Later, when it came to the baby shower, I asked my mother to arrange everything. I trusted my mother's judgment and besides, I hated planning. I had also asked my mother to inform everyone to not give me any gifts since we still didn't know the gender of the baby. I just wanted to have a good time with my friends since it had been such a long time and learned tips about motherhood. On the day of the baby shower, I was pleasantly surprised to see that my mother had invited just my close friends, which is exactly what I wanted, and there were non-alcoholic drinks for everyone. I was having a great time catching up with my friends when Minnie showed up wearing a shirt that said godmother to be.

My eyes widened in shock as there was no way in hell that I was ever going to make her my baby's godmother. It was a bit awkward as Minnie kept telling everyone how she had always wanted to be a godmother. What was frustrating was that she never even discussed this with me. As the day unfolded, my mother invited my husband, my father, and Larry to join us later in the afternoon since we were going to find out the gender of the baby. As me and James cut the cake together, we were shocked to find out that we were having a baby boy. Tears rolled down my eyes as my friends came and hugged me. However, Minnie suddenly got up to announce that she had something very important to say.

Everyone stopped talking and looked at her curiously. She looked very solemn as she took out a document and held it up in front of everyone. She then announced that a few days ago, I had apparently gone for a paternity test and found out that James was not the father of my baby. She dramatically declared that the test results indicated a different father for the baby. The room fell silent and my husband James was visibly disturbed. He turned to look at me as I stood there in shock. James asked me what was happening and if what Minnie was saying was true. I shook my head and looked at Minnie to explain herself.

My mother, without a doubt in her mind, asked Minnie what the hell she was up to and why was she even making up such ridiculous things. She snatched the document from Minnie's hand and pointed out how the mother's name didn't even have my name on it. This is when Minnie started to laugh. My friends looked at me in bewilderment. With a smug expression, she revealed that she had downloaded. a fake paternity test from the internet and came up with this plan to prove a point. She claimed that she wanted to expose James for who he was and how he was definitely abusive towards me. The entire room was in shock and disbelief. I asked Minnie if she was right in her

head because my husband had never even raised his voice on me, let alone be abusive. She started to say how there was no way that a man could be happy letting his partner earn more than him and how she had suspected for a long time that he was extremely controlling. She went to I went on to give random examples and then concluded pointing out how James got angry when she first announced the paternity test. I yelled at her that the reason James got pissed was because she publicly humiliated me and by announcing that my child didn't belong to him. I told her how my husband had never abused me or locked me out of our house and she seemed to be projecting. I watched Minnie's face get red in embarrassment. I continued to tell her how I was so sick of her always being jealous of me all my life and how disgusting it was for her to turn my big.

baby shower into such a fiasco. I announced to everyone that Minnie had always done this and recounted how she would lie about me to my ex-boyfriends. Minnie stood there looking humiliated. My mother told her how she had gone too far this time. Out of nowhere, her husband, Larry, who had remained silent until then, stood up in the midst of the awkward silence and walked up to Minnie. To everyone's shock, he handed her some papers. The atmosphere shifted from discomfort to utter chaos as Minnie started to question him about what this was. Larry told her how the marriage counseling was clearly not working for them and he had come to realize that they were toxic for each other. He told Minnie that he had been contemplating divorce and wanted to give her these

documents tonight but since she liked making a scene, he could not bear to go back home with her. He told her that he was done with her and her drama and walked out of the baby shower. The room fell into an uneasy silence as Larry's revelation hung in the air. Guests exchanged awkward glances, uncertain of how to respond to the unexpected turn of events. Minnie stood there, stunned and speechless, holding the divorce papers in her hands. Minnie's attempt to overshadowed the baby shower with her antics had backfired in the most unforeseen way. Instead of having the last laugh, she found herself facing the unraveling of her own marriage. The once celebratory atmosphere now carried a heavy tension, and the joyous

occasion had turned into a somber affair. As the reality of the situation sunk in, I decided that I was done with all this. I asked James to escort me out of the event and he readily agreed. I hugged my mother goodbye and she assured me that she would call me later to check up on me. Minnie tried to come up to me and apologize but I didn't even bother glancing at her. Since then, my head has been reeling. As you can imagine, everyone is quite shocked about what has happened. I've been getting calls from people checking up on me. Some of them have informed me about how many burst out crying once I left the venue and my parents kicked her out without refusing to listen to her. I feel pity for her since she has now lost me, my parents, and also

her husband. I feel a bit bad about how I shouted at her even though at that moment I felt like it was justified. Was I in a whole for exposing her jealousy in front of everyone after she tried to come up with a fake paternity test. Update 1, firstly, I want to thank each and every one of you who took the time to read and respond to my story. The outpouring of empathy, advice, and shared experiences over the past week has been overwhelming. I am genuinely touched by the sense of community that Reddit has provided me during

such a tough time. I have never posted on Reddit before but because of what happened with my sister I thought I needed some outside perspective. It's true what my sister did is exquisite. extremely bizarre and vile, which is why I agree with some of your comments that she might require professional help. I also need to have a talk with my parents and cut her off permanently. I can't have her behaving this way around my baby. Update 2. Hi everyone. It's been a month since I last updated. I did talk to my parents about my sister and they agree that it is the right

decision for all of us to sever ties with her. Minnie shows no remorse and has now gone around telling people about how I made a huge deal out of her prank and brought up her past in front of her husband which prompted him to divorce her. Larry has since talked with my parents and apologized to us for how he treated Minnie in the past. He has told us that the reason he would kick Minnie out of their place was not because he was abusing her but because whenever they had fights she would punch him and kick him in the face which would make him feel unsafe around her. This was very shocking for us to hear because I always thought that Larry was the one at fault but then he showed us pictures of his broken nose and black eye. It's lucky that Larry loved her enough to not go to the police

otherwise Minnie would have ended up in jail by now. Clearly, he and Minnie had a toxic relationship and I am kind of glad that they are getting a divorce. My parents have talked with Minnie and told her firmly that she was no longer welcome at their place or mine. Minnie started with her waterworks but my mom was so pissed after what she had pulled at my baby's shower that she just went off on her and told her that the next time she ever came near me or my baby they would get a restraining order against her. They told her firmly that she needed to talk to a psychiatrist because something was clearly not right in her head. Minnie has refused to seek help and told my parents that they were being unfair by favoring me more than her. Anyway, I have blocked her

from everywhere and so has James. We have installed security cameras at our house so if she ever comes to my place, I will involve the police. Update 3. It's been eight months since my last update. I am happy to write that I gave birth to my baby boy recently. The pregnancy was tough, but I am so glad that our child is here. We have named him Alex. I can't believe that I am finally a mother. Our home is now adorned with the laughter and cries of our little ones. James and I are adjusting to the new role of being parents, and despite the challenges, we are relishing every moment with our little ones. My parents have been there for us every day as I get used to becoming a parent. James' parents are flying in to see us next month.

Minnie has not disturbed us even once. The last I heard, she and Larry got a divorce, and she decided to pack up her things and move to a different city, perhaps to start afresh. I do feel sad that my sister cannot be a part of my celebration, but as a parent I have to protect my little one. I hope you enjoy this story. discovered my spouse being unfaithful when we linked her cell phone to our latest television,

and it appears she was terminated from her position for disclosing information and is now under scrutiny. Bit of background, we've been married for 22 years and we have one son, 19. Like any marriage we've had scuffles here and there but nothing that we haven't been able to get over. In fact, I felt we had a great marriage with great communication, mutual attraction, and a satisfying sex life. We both share a love for the outdoors so we were constantly on the go and staying active, hiking, camping or just taking long walks. We've always taken care of ourselves and made an effort to stay in pretty good shape because we talked about growing old together and being able to do things when we're old and gray.

I work as a paramedic and over the last nine months, my shifts had gotten a bit twist turned around. I've had to work mainly night shifts and picked up a lot of extra shifts. She works as a litigation consultant and has been working from home for a little less than a year. When my wife made the transition to WFH, it wasn't her idea. Her firm actually moved towards liquid talent and she told me everyone started working from home, but I remember her making a big stink about it and how she wasn't going to be able to see her clients and colleagues face to face as much, which makes building relationships and trust so hard. I remember her being strongly against it, and so much so that she was debating on leaving her work.

Trust. Hmm, how ironic. Remember this for later. Anyway, my night shifts made things a bit distant between us since our schedules suddenly didn't really overlap anymore. Although she'd be at home working, I'd be sleeping. When I'd be getting ready to go to work, I thought she was settling in for the night and getting ready for bed. But when we were both off at the same time or our schedules mashed up nicely, we seemed to be just fine. We were close.

We played around. We had fun with each other. There was nothing out of the ordinary or anything that tipped me off that anything was going on behind my back. Our marriage felt fine. She'd talked to me about her week. She'd text me during the day while I was sleeping telling me that she missed me or she saw something funny and thought of me. She made me meals that I'd eat when I woke up and she'd pack me lunch. Recently my brother came over to help me install a Chromecast I got through a contest at work.

It happened to be a random day off I had and my brother was in town from his shift work and I hadn't seen him in a while so I decided to ask him for some help with this. We were having fun taking turns connecting our phones to the TV and watching videos and listening to music, just decking around. My wife comes out from her office after she was done with work and she asks what we're doing and I tell her that he's helping connect my phone to the TV for our new Chromecast. I ask her if she wants my brother to help her download the app on her phone so she can use it too and she hesitates at first and looks at the TV and then looks back at me. And I'm like it's super simple, you just have to download an app. Takes like two seconds. Finally she caves, but it looks like she's texting someone or going through her phone. right before she passes it to my brother. At the time, I didn't really think anything of this.

My brother starts going through the process of connecting her phone and getting it recognized and she asks how long it's going to take. My brother says something like maybe two minutes. And she's like, okay, I'm just going to go to the washroom quick. Before she walks away, she turns back around and says, you're just downloading an app, right? And he's like, yeah. So she leaves to go to the washroom and my brother and I are having drinks on the couch and we're not really paying attention while he's going through these easy steps to connect the thing. Not even ten seconds after that, he connects her phone to the screen and as a joke, he opens up her messages and there's a contact that's named just a heart emoji. He looks at me and starts laughing thinking that he's going to find something juicy in there between her and I. I'm like a viewer discretion advised.

and he starts scrolling through this thread and see some pretty raunchy things being said back and forth and he's calling me cheeky and a dirty dog and saying things like he didn't know I had it in me. I will say, it wasn't beyond my wife and I to say some pretty interesting things to one another while she was getting ready for bed and I was just starting my shift. So at first, I did think that this was a message thread between the two of us. But as I'm looking closer at the thread, I'm realizing that this isn't between me and my wife. At one point, she starts calling this guy Craig. At another point, there's some nudes exchanges and let's just say that the male extremity

definitely wasn't mine. My brother sees my reaction and he starts scrolling through slowly this time, trying to read whatever he can, and then realizes the same thing. My stomach dropped and my brother stopped laughing. The text basically reads something about a certain body part of Craig's being in my wife's mouth. My brother got up and handed me the phone and suddenly told me he had to go and quickly left. I didn't blame him. I got up and started videoing what I was seeing on the screen.

And as I heard the toilet flush, I exited the messages and dropped the phone on the couch and quickly ran out onto our porch to make it look like I had been sitting out there the entire time. After about five minutes or so, she comes onto the porch and she asks me how long I've been outside for. I told her my brother and I went to sit out there as soon as she left the living room. She looked relieved and then played it off like nothing happened and sat down next to me. I got up to walk back inside to pretend to grab another beer and saw that she had disconnected her phone from the TV and now it's just a black screen. This was eating me alive. I had to go on a quick run after that just to wrap my head around what I saw and to blow off some steam. I was also trying to think of ways I could get back on her phone again to send those messages to myself and to see just how far this really went.

For some reason, I just had to see more. Later that night I come up with this BS excuse that I have to redownload the app on our phones because something went wrong with the Chromecast. She's not necessarily all that tech savvy. She usually makes me do anything techy around the house whenever it comes to the internet, or she thinks I can diagnose anything to do. with the TV, the internet, or our phones. She makes me download coupon apps and little wordle things on her phone, so I knew if I'd said something like I need to redownload something, she'd likely believe me and give me the phone back.

Later that night, I'm pretending to screw around with the TV before she goes for a bath. Just as she gets in the bath, I come in and I'm like, ah, I got to re-download this app on our phones because I accidentally unplugged something and it just fucked up everything. She looks at me a bit worried and she's like, I don't really need to be connected to it. And I'm like, ah, it'll take me like two minutes. Super easy. Then you just have it on your phone and we don't have to worry about it later. She's like I'll get out of the bath and help. And I'm like, no, no, you had a long day, just sit back and relax, I'll be two seconds.

She reluctantly hands me her phone and she's looking concerned. Then she tells me to be careful and not to go through anything because she has some confidential client information on there. I kind of come back and say why she's having client conversations on her personal phone when she has something set up on her computer for that. She tells me that the system on her laptop was down for a bit and therefore she had to use her cell. Yeah. Whatever. I tell her no worries, I'm just downloading this app and then reconnecting it. She asks me if I should call my brother back and if I'm capable of doing that myself. But she says this in a way that really rubs me the wrong way. As if she's telling me that I'm weak or something, or not good enough.

Either way, I felt like it was a dig at me. I tell her if I have any problems that I'll call him and I walk out of the bathroom. We've never been ones to snoop on each other's phones. Up until this moment, I felt like I never had to. We've always known the passwords to each other's phones, but never once have I ever snooped or checked in on what she was doing. I've always trusted her implicitly. And yeah, I guess since she's worked from home, she's been a bit more protective of it, but I chalked that up to just work. Or that maybe work was getting a bit overwhelming so she was just playing mindless games

on it to decompress. Turns out she was decompressing with someone else other than me with someone else in her mouth. Right under my nose. right as I'm sleeping during the day or working my ass off for us in the wee hours of the morning trying to bring junkies back to life downtown. I felt like an absolute schmuck. I honestly, 100% had no idea that anything was going on and I feel like a fool for not seeing it or even letting it happen. I had to work fast but I managed to scroll far back enough to see that the communication between my wife and Craig started last May, which was over a year ago.

I screen recorded what I could so I could just go back and pause and read later and I sent it to myself via email and then deleted it from her photo slash videos and her scent box. Meanwhile she's yelling at me from the bathroom asking if everything is okay because I've reached the five minute mark by this time and I'm trying to play it cool saying that I'm having a problem with my phone and she's asking me to bring her phone back. I go bring back her phone and she asks me if everything is okay and I'm like yeah. figured it out. And I walk back into the living room. From there I'm going through this video that I sent myself and reading just months' worth of filth. My son no longer lives in the house with us, he lives with his buddies in a condo downtown, so I thought my wife was alone in the evenings while I was working.

Nope. This guy, Craig, would come over and they'd have their way with each other while I was at work. Not only that, but he's even snuck over while I've been asleep. in bed. This was all so rough to read. I ended up finding out Craig's last name from his Instagram page because she follows him on Instagram. Which, by the way, they send each other sexy memes and lingerie ads and what have you on there too. From there I look up Craig and quickly find that he's an attorney for a firm that my wife does work for. He started in March of last year. He looked like a pretty young guy. Maybe in his late 30s, early 40s, early 40s.

I saw red. I went back to the screen recording and went through it slowly. It looks like she broke the news to Craig that she'd be working from home around the same time she told me. She was upset about the fact that she wasn't going to see him during the week at all. This looked earlier on in whatever sort of thing they had going on, but from there it quickly progressed because he said that he'd have to take her out for drinks and they could catch up there. Then shortly after I started working nights and extra shifts, she told him that he could come over for lunch or start coming over because her husband, aka Amy, was sleeping, but that they'd have to be quiet. I was sick to my stomach reading this. Now I'm here. It's been a few days since D-Day and I'm trying to think of my next move, but I just

wanted to write this out and see if anyone has some good advice out there. I really don't want to get screwed in this. I mean, my wife works for law firms and knows her shit and knows people who can really take everything from me. I just have to be careful here. This whole thing just has me really fucked up. Update 1, I met with a lawyer. Before I get into that I just wanted to give a thanks to everyone who reached out and lent some advice and some tough love. I needed to hear all of it. So yeah, I met with a lawyer. First off, I ended up calling my brother and telling him what else I found and he's been a really great support system through all of this. He actually reminded me of the friends that my STBX and I made through her work. It's a husband and wife who run their own firm.

My STBX used to do some consulting for them a few years back. They were close enough that they would come over for dinner every now and again and we went out for dinner a couple of different times, and maybe a Christmas party here and there, but we ended up not seeing or hearing from them too much after my STBX's contract ended with their firm which was maybe a year ago. My brother encouraged me to reach out and said that I just needed to be honest with them. He said that if my STBX was good enough to work for them, it meant they were good at what they did. He was right. So I reached out to the husband and told him exactly what was happening but asked that he keep this just between the two of us because I didn't truly know the relationship

that my STBX had with the wife still and if they were close. I didn't want to risk her finding out. Anyways, he got back to me right away and basically laid everything out for me. He told me to send him the video of the text thread between her and Craig. He said send him copies of financial documents, account statements, and whatever else. He told me to open up separate accounts that I should start depositing my money into and try to take out money here and there from our joint accounts until things go down, but to not make it suspicious. He said since our son is 19 and living on his own, I don't have to worry about custody or anything like that. And said that once the papers are served to her, to consider living arrangements and who's

going where or who's staying where. I told him I wanted to keep the house. He said just not to discuss divorce details or badmouth her or anything like that. I haven't named names other than Craig so I feel like we're good here. She doesn't even know what read it is, as far as I know. But yet, Yeah, so the papers are getting made up. My wife makes significantly more money than I do. He said I may be entitled to alimony or spousal support. We have a few investments but those were actually made separately and she can't take any of mine and I'm not entitled to any of hers. We don't actually have any debts either.

She paid off her student loan long ago and I didn't have any loans like that. The biggest thing we own together is our house, which I love. We've lived in it for 12 years and I really don't want to have to get rid of it if I don't have to but I know I can't afford it on my own. Update 2, the papers were served to my ex. I told her I wasn't leaving the house and that she had to leave. She told me that this was basically her office and I said she can find somewhere else to work. I told her she wasn't working half the time anyways, she was inviting Craig over and fucking him while her own husband lay in bed a few feet away. She tried to threaten me and told me that I had no idea what I was getting myself into,

but the threats were empty ones because I knew she was just scared. She knew exactly who my lawyer was. After that, I told her that she had to break the news to our son. I told her that she had to tell him everything and I said he had to hear it from her or else I'd show him the threat of messages between her and Craig. He completely sided with me. My ex tried to apologize to him and he didn't say. seemed to have it. He actually encouraged her to move out of the house to give Dad some space.

And after that, she packed up and moved out. My son has also been incredible through all of this. He's checking in on me almost every day and we've been seeing a lot more of each other, which has been nice. Here's where things get a little juicy. What I didn't know when I contacted my attorney was that he was one of the best family law attorneys in the country. But my wife apparently knew because she tried to contact me and apologize and take back everything to which I said it was too late for any of that. What was really interesting was when she said that her and Craig would pay me to be silent because it would ruin their careers. She said that she really messed up and she doesn't know how to fix things but desperately wants to fix things with me.

My lawyer actually let me in on something, I guess while my ex was working for him. She started getting cozy with a partner of the firm and leaking information. They found out and they weren't going to have that so they gracefully dissolved that relationship and then they terminated her contract. So I guess the consulting firm that my ex worked for caught wind of this and wasn't okay with that either. Because they know their way around the legal system, I mean, it's their job, it took them a while to give her a slap on the wrist, but once they did, her punishment was. Drumroll please having her work from home. Basically house arrest.

So everything she's been telling me has been a lie. Her firm never went to liquid talent and her contract never ended naturally with my attorney. They terminated it. And it all makes sense now why we stopped hearing from them and seeing them out of nowhere. I just thought that it might have been awkward after the contract ended, but little did I know, it was awkward for an entirely different reason. Update 3, well, we settled. She ended up giving me a large lump sum of money instead of months of alimony which I used to buy out what was left on the house and then some.

So the house is now officially mine, thank goodness. She tried really desperately to get back with me until the very end. So much so that I had to tell my attorney and then communication was moved to only between attorneys. It just got too weird and I wasn't having it and I wasn't interested in getting back together or trying to make things work. Because of what was going down with Craig, she ended up losing the contract with that firm too and now she's under investigation. Rumor is that she's been aiding attorneys and breaching attorney-client privilege. Some colleagues or clients started noticing irregularities in information handling and discrepancies

in case details or unusual access to confidential information. There were recorded conversations and messages and emails that were shared without the proper authorization. I guess in layman's terms that means she knew things she shouldn't have and then told that to attorneys for the benefit of their case. So now a formal investigation was launched to the State Bar Association for breach of attorney-client privilege and other violations. But that's not the best part. This all traveled within the legal community which led to rumors about different practices involvement and unethical practices. It's just a giant fuck baggery of shit. But I'm laughing. She did it to herself. I'm out of there and I have my house and the best

son a father could ever ask for. Now on to the next story. Story two. Daughter cut me off for 17 years after my affair, she called to reconnect, but I refused, now I have apologized and she's visiting with my grandkid before I move overseas. I am not sure if am I in awe. going to provide some background. I am in my 60s now. I was married to my ex-wife, and we had a daughter. Our marriage was going through its ups and downs, but I was really close with our daughter. But as our marriage was going through its difficulties, I made a huge mistake I still regret to this day.

I started having an affair with my coworker. She was in an inviolent physically abusive relationship at home. We became friends at work, and we became friends at work, and I'm a friend. and things just escalated from there. She got an out from me, she got the support she needed to file for divorce from her husband, who is currently in jail now. The affair went nowhere and we called it off shortly after, but I was glad that she got off her abusive relationship and that she was safe.

But when my ex-wife found out about the affair, things expectedly didn't go well. She lashed out and said a lot of horrible things about me to our daughter, who was 15 at the time. I admitted full fault with the affair, but even after the divorce, I sensed that the distance between me and my daughter was growing, until one day, my daughter said she wasn't going to speak with me anymore, and she was going to cut me off from her life forever. That was the most painful thing anyone had ever said to me. I begged her to please reconsider.

I still remember that day. But time passed on. My daughter kept her word, and after trying to connect with her for the first time. year, I gave up. I found out from one of my mutual friends that my ex-wife married a great guy. I was happy because I was hoping that would remove the hatred from my ex-wife and my ex-wife would advise our daughter to at least rekindle a relationship with me. But that never happened. I moved states a year later. I am at peace now, but still have some aching sadness. I have retired. Both my parents have passed away, my brother passed away, trashed.

a couple of years ago. To be honest, I am waiting for my turn. I have only my dog and my sister left. A couple of hours ago, my daughter called me on my phone. I haven't spoken to her in 17 years. I instantly recognized her voice, but I didn't feel anything. No happiness, no sadness, just indifference. She was crying a lot on the call, and we caught up on life. She's married, and she's married, and she's she has a daughter who's now 12. She apologized for cutting off contact, and she says her mom asked her to reconnect with me, as her mom felt guilty about how everything played out. She said she really wanted me to meet her daughter, and her daughter was constantly asking about granddaddy. But, I wasn't feeling anything. After we caught up on everything in our life,

I told her I don't care about her or her daughter, and to never contact me again. I then hung up. Was I the awe? Comments, of Spouse 1.23. Uda I hate when adults make very bad adult decisions that affect their children and then blame the children when they respond in a very childlike manner. Your daughter was a teenager. That is a rough time for kids even when their home life is stable. You gave her one whole year before you cut bait and gave up on her. Then you moved away.

You told your daughter that she wasn't important enough to her. to fight for and she believed you. Now that she is an adult with a child of her own, she has reached out to you and you again told her she wasn't important to you. She now knows she was probably right to cut you out the first time. Captain Cavmae Ann, she has reached out to you and you again told her she wasn't important to you it sounds like he's been waiting 17 years to hurt her back and he finally got his wish.

Congrats on his small, pathetic victory. He's totally O-O-O-Day. Mame Dennis' 1974 Ain't nothing like a dead-beat narcissist claiming to be the one victim in a situation he created for himself. I was helping my company worker G. E.T. out of an Abu save marriage. Waylord, I helped out a co-worker out of an abusive marriage and didn't even have to sleep with her. Shocking. Top palpitation 4681. Well, it's already been said, but you're the E.T's whole. Op okay. Hananya, you don't have to be one, though. A lot of time has passed. At least try to meet her halfway. Surely you owe her that much. Distopian glitter, I'm confused as to how this is even a question for op. But I guess he doesn't care about anything and is just waiting to die. Alone. How tragic. Update, look, I was extremely drunk last night.

The words which came out of my mouth weren't the best, and my comments on my post weren't great either. Seeing how everyone said I was the a, I decided to call my daughter again an hour ago. I didn't really expect her to pick up the call, but she picked up immediately. I apologized for last night, and she said there was no need to apologize. I then sent her a link to this Reddit post on messages, and told her I know I was the ah, and Thousand said so. She again said I wasn't the awe. She started crying again. I told her she's free to come to my house any time the next four months,

because after that I will be leaving the country with my sister and our dog. Our parents left us a nice farmhouse in their home country, and we will be spending the rest of our lives there. I sent her my address on messages, and my daughter said she'd come with her husband and her daughter by end of next week. She asked if she was welcome to stay there for multiple days. and I told her she could stay for however long she wanted, as our house was spacious enough. Comments, the Dr. 49, just saw the update and good shit, man, I hope things work out for you

and don't be hard on yourself. Life happens and sometimes things are out of our control, but I'm super glad you and your daughter have rekindled your relationship and I hope it all turns out great for you. Maybe you're not on its whole after all. Life's hard sometimes and we all make emotional choices sometimes. Be well up. I hope you enjoy this story. Allow my child and their spouse to reside in the lower level of my home. However, as I strategized my retirement, their demeanor shifted drastically and they attempted to force me out of my own residence.

Housen called me a useless hag. My ex-husband, Donald, walked out on me 26 years ago when I confronted him about his three-year-long affair with a younger woman in his workplace. Donald was a classic narcissist, always refusing to admit his own mistakes and constantly finding ways to gaslight me during our arguments. He would repeatedly tell me throughout our marriage that I was insufficient as a wife or that I wasn't satisfying him enough. His manipulative tactics were so relentless that it had started to make me question my own self-worth and sanity. When I finally gathered enough courage and evidence to confront him about the affair, I knew he would still not relent. However, I had said,

screenshots of his text messages with the woman, so I thought maybe he would finally see the error in his ways. The proof was undeniable, yet Donald refused to acknowledge it. Instead, he accused me of being delusional and insisted that I was invading his privacy by going through his messages. He maintained that he and the woman were just friends, despite the clear evidence to the contrary. The arguments became exhausting. No matter how much proof I presented or how logical my points were, he continued to deny everything and turn the blame back on me. He made me feel like I was losing my mind. Eventually, I reached my breaking point. I couldn't tolerate his lies and manipulations any longer. In a moment of clarity and self-respect, I told him to leave since he refused to admit his

mistakes or take any responsibility for his actions. Since I was paying for the bills around the house and my name was also on the mortgage, I wanted him gone and informed him that we would sort out our assets during our divorce. Hearing the word divorce, Donald immediately snapped. His demeanor changed in an instant, and he started getting violent. He yelled that he was not going to allow me to divorce him and that he would continue doing whatever he wanted with other women. He insisted that as his wife, I needed to keep my mouth shut and live with it. His eyes were wide as saucers as he then leaned near to my face and threatened to take my son away from me if I didn't comply with his demands. The fear and intimidation he was using were overwhelming and I could feel my hands

and legs starting to shake. I knew that I had to leave immediately, right then and there, for the sake of my safety and my sons otherwise. He looked like he could even start to physically assault me just to get me to agree with him. I quickly grabbed my purse and car keys and told my son to get in the car with me so we could get away from my ex-husband at least until he could calm down. Donald, however, refused to let us go. He forced himself into the car with us, yelling and making threats, saying he was going to end me for trying to leave him. The situation was terrifying, but I knew I had to remain calm and find a way to get us to safety. I started the car and told Donald that if he didn't leave me alone, I was going to drive him to the police station. However,

Donald just laughed at me and said he wouldn't allow me to do that. He threatened to swerve the car and brought his hands near mine as I was driving, showing how he would ram my hands to prevent me from driving if I tried to head toward the police station. As we reached a traffic light and stopped, I saw an opportunity. I got out of the car in the middle of the road and screamed for help, telling everyone around me that my life and my son's life were in danger and that my husband was threatening to kill us. Thankfully, a woman driving behind us had noticed that something wasn't right and immediately called the police without hesitation. Donald tried to get out of the car and run away, but the people who had been watching the whole commotion stopped him and took him down.

I am still so grateful to all the onlookers who saved me and my son that day. Their quick actions and willingness to help made all the difference in that terrifying moment. When Donald was finally arrested and taken into custody, a wave of relief washed over me. For the first time in years, I felt safe, both for myself and my son, Harry. The ordeal had left Harry terrified, almost on the first. verge of a panic attack. Seeing the fear in his eyes broke my heart, but I managed to calm him down. I held him close and promised him that I would never let him go through such a situation again. I assured him that I would do everything in my power to make sure Donald would never trouble us again.

However, when Donald's family found out about his arrest, they called me not to offer support or to understand what had happened, but to shame me. They blamed me for trying to get my husband arrested and accused me of being the cause of Donald's mental state. They said as their deal I should take my statement from the police and free my ex-husband since this was all my fault anyway. Their words were harsh and accusatory, and for a moment, I felt the weight of their judgment. But I had already reached my breaking point. I had endured enough from Donald and his family over the years. This time, I wasn't going to stay silent, so I snapped. I told them that their son needed to learn a lesson that they had failed to teach him, to respect women and children.

I told them to wait and watch as I would use every legal means available to make sure Donald faced the consequences of his actions and that I would take everything away from their son. I expressed my shame and regret for having kept my mouth shut for so long, allowing myself and Harry to suffer in his hands because I was too scared to leave. I let them know that I was done being silent and passive. Despite their attempts to intimidate me, I stood my ground. I made it clear that I wasn't backing down, not this time. The fear and intimidation that had kept me in check for years were gone.

I was determined to protect myself and my son and to ensure that Donald would never have the power to harm us again. Their attempts to scare me only strengthened my resolve. I was ready to fight, not just for justice, but for our freedom and peace of mind. Long story short, not only was Donald forced to be admitted into a psychiatric center for his violent, rage, but he was also sentenced to be under close monitoring for eight months. He also had to go to mandatory anger management classes. The court recognized the extent of his abuse and infidelity, which played a significant role in the divorce proceedings. As a result, I was awarded more than half of his assets because of his years of cheating and abuse, which provided a sense of justice

and security for me and Harry. Additionally, Donald was ordered to pay child support for our son until Harry turned 18, ensuring that we had the financial stability we needed. I also took out a restraining order against my ex-husband, making sure that he could never approach me or Harry again in the future. This legal protection was crucial for our peace of mind, knowing that he couldn't come near us and cause any more harm. Throughout the divorce proceedings, Donald tried to catch my eye, hoping to intimidate or manipulate me as he had done so many times before. But I had reached a point of no return. I acted as if he didn't even exist, maintaining my composure and focusing on what mattered, securing a safe and stable future for myself and Harry. When our divorce was finalized,

I made the decision to move out of town and into a new place, far, far away from Donald and his family. I wanted to ensure they could never trouble us again. This move symbolized a new start for me and my son, a chance to rebuild our lives away from the shadows of our past. Even with all the money I had won from the divorce, starting a new life from scratch was still a struggle. But I never backed down as I was determined to provide a safe and stable environment for Harry. I found a job at a library, a place that resonated deeply with me as I've always loved reading books. Working at the library allowed me to immerse myself in a world of stories and knowledge, and I took great joy in helping people find the right books to read. This job wasn't

just a means to support us financially. It was also a source of personal fulfillment and healing. Being surrounded by books and helping others discover the joy of reading brought a sense of normalcy and peace to my life after what I had been through. Being a single mother can be incredibly challenging, especially when your son grows up and starts questioning you about your past, particularly about your ex-husband. When Harry reached his teenage years, he began to ask more questions about Donald, and I knew it was time to have an honest conversation with him. We sat down together, and I carefully explained why. I'd left Donald. Harry had fragmented memories of our past, but he didn't know the full story.

To ensure he understood the gravity of the situation, I showed him court documents as proof of the abuse we had endured. I wanted him to know the truth, not just to understand what had happened, but also to ensure he never grew up to repeat his father's mistakes. I explained to Harry the legal repercussions his father had faced and how the laws had become even stricter now. It was important for me that he understood the severity of abuse and the importance of respecting others, especially women and children. This conversation was difficult, but it was necessary. I wanted Harry to grow up with a clear understanding of right and wrong, shaped not by the mistakes of his father but by the lessons we learned from our past. Through this, I hope to instill in him the values of empathy, respect, and integrity, ensuring he would never inflict the kind of pain we had suffered on anyone else.

Throughout the 26 years of raising Harry alone, I have given my son everything he has ever wanted. He has grown up to be a fine young man and is nothing like Donald. Harry continues to live with me even today. I don't mind having my son live with me since this is as much his house as it is mine. Three years ago, his girlfriend, Claire, who he eventually married, moved in with us. Harry and Claire were in love and wanted to live together, so I allowed them to move into the basement and renovated as they pleased. The basement even has a separate entrance, allowing them to come and go as they wish, which gives them their own privacy. The only shared spaces are the kitchen and dining area,

where the three of us sometimes sit together and have dinner. These are the only spaces that provide me with some time to interact with them and check in on how they're doing. I've always given the young couple as much space as I could, respecting their need for independence. However, I think it's important for me to mention here that Claire has never warmed up to me much. Now, I know most people complain about their mother-in-laws on Reddit, but I swear I have never done anything to disrespect or offend Claire in all the years I have known her. I understand firsthand how it feels to be intimidated, hence I would never want to make another woman feel that way. When Claire first moved into my house, I wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible with Harry and encouraged her to change

things around the house as she pleased. Unlike Harry, who grew up with loving parents, Claire has had a very difficult childhood. She has shared heartbreaking stories with us about how her stepfather would burn her with cigarette marks, and how her mother would let her starve by leaving her hungry while she would be off drunk in a bar. Hearing her stories has always filled me with sympathy for the poor child, and naturally, I have developed a soft spot for her. I've always treated Claire like my own daughter, wanting to provide her with the care and

support she never received growing up. Initially, everything seemed fine between the three of us. However, over time, Claire started to feel uneasy around me. For some reason, she began to think that Harry and I were just too close with each other since she never had a healthy parent-child relationship. This perception puzzled me because I had always tried to give them space and respect their privacy. She would tell Harry that it was weird for him as an adult to spend so much time with me. Just to clarify, my son and I watch a show together every Saturday, which Claire even started watching with us as well. It's just a one-hour show every Saturday, and my son and I liked watching it. I don't see how watching a show together could be seen as weird, but that's what she started telling

Harry. When Harry talked to me about it, he explained that he needed to listen to his girlfriend, and I completely understood. I wanted my son to prioritize his partner, so I never questioned him or Claire about their feelings. However, Claire continued to have issues with me further. She would subtly discourage or criticize our family traditions or activities that involve me and Harry. For instance, as a single mother, I always made it a point to spend every Christmas with my son, creating a homemade Advent calendar each year filled with activities we could enjoy together like crafts, ice skating, drinking hot chocolate, or seeing the local Christmas lights. Harry has always cherished this tradition and would even tell me.

how he wanted his children to experience this. However, when Claire came into the picture and spent the first Christmas with us, she started complaining about how boring these activities were and expressed a preference to spend Christmas partying with her friends instead. She told Harry that he was too old to be spending Christmas with his mommy and that they should go out like other young couples. Despite my sincere efforts to include her in our family traditions and activities, Claire consistently tried to alienate me and diminish the special moments I shared with Harry.

It was hurtful, but I remained committed to maintaining a positive environment for Harry and respecting his relationship with Claire, even if it meant adapting and accommodating her preferences. On top of all this, Claire used to have a bad habit of walking around an inappropriate clothing when she first moved in. There have been instances where I've seen her cooking in our kitchen wearing only lingerie in the middle of the day, or sometimes just wearing a towel that barely covered her ass, even while eating dinner with me. As a woman, I have no issue with nudity or what people do in their own, private spaces, but I prefer not to see that in our shared spaces. It's about respecting people and considering whether others would be comfortable with this level of nudity or not. When I brought this up with Harry and asked him to talk to Claire about wearing more appropriate clothes, it sparked a heated argument. Claire reacted defensively, accusing Harry and me of trying to control her and asserting that it was her body and her choice on how she dressed. I calmly explained that I was uncomfortable with her exposing herself in front of me, but Claire retaliated by calling me a pervert.

That really angered me, so I bluntly told her that if she wanted to walk around naked, she could do so on the streets, but inside our home, in our shared spaces, she needed to show respect and be civil. I made it clear that if she couldn't abide by that, she couldn't continue living with us. This immediately silenced Claire, as she realized she didn't have any other place to go. Since then, she started to dress more appropriately around me. When Harry told me that he had proposed to Claire, I was genuinely happy for my son, though I did have concerns that their relationship might be moving too quickly. However, I knew it wasn't my place to interfere,

so I kept my thoughts to myself. I ended up paying for all their wedding expenses since Claire's parents didn't seem to care about her and didn't even bother attending their wedding. Despite covering everything, Claire began pressuring Harry to ask me to fund honeymoon. Harry had saved up some money for a nice trip, but Claire wanted to go overseas, which they couldn't afford without my financial help. I firmly declined their request to give them more money and explained to them that I had already provided them with a lot, including a place to

live in my basement rent-free and covering all their wedding costs since Claire wanted a dreamy wedding. I emphasized that if they wanted to travel abroad, they would need to save up and plan for it themselves. It was important for me to set boundaries and encourage them to be responsible for their own financial decisions, even if it meant disappointing Claire. Although Claire was rather pissed with my decisions, she did not argue. I decided this year that it was time for me to retire and fulfill my dream of traveling the world with the money I had saved up. Throughout my life, I had always put my son first, and now I felt it was my turn to explore and see the world while I still could. I shared my plans with Harry and Claire, explaining that I would be renting out my room while

I was away to earn some extra income. Harry was supportive and assured me that he would take care of the house during my absence. It was a thrilling prospect to finally have some time for myself after years of focusing on my family. Once I submitted my resignation and began preparing for my travels, I noticed a shift in Harry's attitude toward me. He suddenly started expressing how unfair it was that I had the means to retire and travel while he and Claire were still living in the basement and struggling. He voiced concerns about the challenging economy, expressing doubts about how he would never be able to afford a house on his own, especially since Claire had lost her job and this had added more pressure on his shoulders. My deal after being unemployed had refused to apply to any

new jobs as she felt too much anxiety to get back into the workforce. As a result, my son had been borrowing money from me for months to pay for his car loan and other bills since he could not single-handedly pay for them with his income. I understood that he clearly felt trapped in their current living situation. Harry then asked me if he and Claire could instead move into my bedroom while I was gone, suggesting they could rent out their basement to generate income. I understood his frustrations and empathized with his situation as my son. This is why I agreed to let them move into my room and told them that I would move my belongings into storage for the time that I would be away. As long as the basement could be rented out to earn some additional income, I was

supportive of this arrangement. Before embarking on my trip next month, I discussed with my lawyers and decided that I would pay off my son's car loan as an additional gesture of, thanks for looking after my house while I would be gone. As I mentioned earlier, I wanted to support my son and his wife in any way I could. However, before I had the chance to share this news with them, I came home yesterday evening to a surprising sight. My clothes and belongings were strewn on the floor outside my bedroom. At first, I was alarmed and thought our house had been robbed. But when I walked into my room, I found Claire and my son going through my drawers and closet, removing confused and taken aback, I asked them what was going on. My son explained that since I had given him permission to move into my

room, he was helping clear the space for them so they could move their things into the room. I clarified that I hadn't given him permission to start moving my personal belongings and insisted that I wanted to handle the relocation of my things myself. I questioned why they hadn't called me before moving anything and why my belongings were on the floor instead of being packed in boxes. Claire responded that they wanted to empty the room first before packing things into boxes, claiming they were trying to speed up the process since they felt I was taking too long to move out. I felt a mix of frustration and hurt. It was disheartening to see my personal space invaded and my belongings handled without my consent. I had trusted them to respect my possessions in this house while I was gone yet they were already treating them with so much disrespect, as if my consent no longer mattered. I got increasingly angry and told them to immediately stop going through my things and that I would pack my belongings at my own pace.

I made it clear to my son and Claire that they had absolutely no right to enter my bedroom without my permission. Claire argued back defensively, claiming I was overreacting as if they had committed a crime. That infuriated me even more, and I reminded her of how she had barred me from entering the basement since she moved in slash she had always insisted on her own privacy, yet here she was dictating what should happen in my own bedroom. Turning to my son, I asked him where he expected me to sleep, as I still had a month left before my trip. Harry tried to calm me down by suggesting I move into the spare bedroom or even into their basement for the remaining days. I was shocked and hurt by his suggestion. I reminded him firmly that this was still my house, to begin with, and they were

merely guests living in the basement. They had no right to push me out of my own bedroom or dictate where I should sleep. Hearing this, Claire started yelling at me that I was just an old useless hag who refused to let them have anything and that this was why she had wanted my son to kick me out for years. I was taken aback and turned to Harry in disbelief, asking him if it was true that they wanted to kick me out of my own home. Harry, unable to meet my eyes, looked down in shame. Meanwhile, Claire continued yelling, accusing me of treating them like outsiders and insisting that I had no right to occupy an entire house while they were confined to the basement only. She argued vehemently that since I was retired and planning to travel, I should vacate the house and allow

them to take over completely so they could finally start their own family in peace. She said I was only standing in their way and refusing my son his rights to this house. Since this argument, I haven't spoken a word to my son. Harry and Claire have left my belongings alone for the time being, and I have refused to let them move into my bedroom. As I write this, for the first time, I feel a sense of fear and uncertainty. I worried that Harry might be secretly planning ways to push me out of my own home. Legally, I know he can't do that because the house is in my name, but what happens when I'm away traveling for months? It's not just about the physical space, it's about the trust and respect that seems to have been shattered between us. Ida, if I kick

out my son and his wife for not respecting my space? Update 1. All right, I've listened to everyone, and I did talk to my lawyer as well. I've given my son and his wife a two-week notice to move out of the basement. I've been clear with my son that if he doesn't comply, I will cut off the electricity and water to the basement and change all the locks around my house so he cannot come back in. Furthermore, I've warned him that I'm prepared to take him to small claims court to recover all the money he owes me and hasn't repaid. I've also made it clear to my son that their actions towards me could be classified as elder abuse, a serious offense that could lead to legal consequences, including imprisonment. This has understandably left my son feeling terrified, and he's attempted to apologize. However, after everything that's happened, I find it difficult to trust him anymore.

As for Claire, she hasn't uttered a word to me or offered any apology for her earlier outburst. I have put up cameras around my home to record just in case they attempt to do anything to me or steal my stuff. Overall, this has been a tough decision to make, but I feel it's a necessary step to reclaim my space. The lack of respect and the strain on our relationship has reached a point where I need to take firm action to protect my own well-being and interests. Update 2. I know everyone has been waiting for an update. Harry and Claire have finally moved out. In the days leading up to their departure, Harry made numerous attempts to negotiate and plead with me.

He tried to emotionally manipulate me, expressing how his marriage was at risk because he lacked the financial capacity to support himself and Claire and urged me to let them stay for a few more months. Despite his pleas, I refused to back down. On the day they were packing their belongings into the car, I could hear Claire hurling insults at me and angrily kicking things around in frustration. Her behavior was hurtful, but I remained composed and refused to react, denying her the satisfaction of seeing me affected. I am also well aware that she took some of my utensils and cutlery from the kitchen while moving out, which angers me, but I have decided to let it go. After they left, I immediately had all the locks in my house changed.

I've decided to use the thank you present I had wanted to give my son previously to instead treat myself with some new renovations around the house. I feel so much at peace now that I don't have them living with me. Update 3, it turns out my post has gone viral on, and my son has discovered it. He and Claire were completely unaware of my intention to give them money as a thank you gift by paying off their car loan since I never discussed it with them after our fight that day. Now that he's read the post, he's bombarding me with calls, asking me for the gift. He is telling me how much the money can help him and that I should not be so selfish by denying him this.

I have told my son that this is all my hard-earned money and after the way he and his wife have treated me, he has no right to ask me for anything. Meanwhile, Claire, who didn't apologize to me this whole time, has also started to text me, claiming that I owe them this money after everything they've been through because of me. She insists that paying off my son's car loan would help make a significant difference for them financially and that as his mother, I should do this for them. She has even sent me pictures of the both of them living in a tiny room at a friend's place and blames me for their plight. This entire situation has caught me off guard. While it's true that I had originally planned to help them out of goodwill,

their lack of respect towards me ultimately made me decide to not help them out in any way. I feel disappointed by their continued demanding and entitled behavior towards me. It's disheartening that despite my efforts to support and help them, their response hasn't reflected gratitude or understanding of the sacrifices I've made. Obviously, I won't be giving a single penny to my son no matter how much he begs because I feel like I have done more than enough for them already. I've also made the difficult decision to block my son so he can't me any further. It breaks my heart to take this step, but I know it's necessary for my mental

sanity and well-being. I have also postponed my trip for the moment and will be going only after everything is settled and stable. I hope you enjoy this story. Discovered my spouse being unfaithful, so I put an end to the relationship of their affair accomplice. I am feeling utterly confused. I am unsure how to proceed. There were indications that I ignored. blinded by love and never imagined this would happen to me, not with her, my wife and best friend of nearly 20 years. I work out of town and wasn't supposed to be back until tonight. We were supposed to leave for a two-week road trip tomorrow. Things were slow at work so I came home yesterday afternoon.

This trip was to give us a little alone time since we've been so busy with family and friends this summer. When I got home there was a truck in my driveway that I didn't recognize. My neighbor just recently asked me how I liked the new truck, but I thought he was mistaken and didn't think much of it. As soon as I could see the truck, I got a terrible gut feeling. I love my wife and trusted her completely, but that feeling was there and strong. I snuck around the side of the house to our bedroom window. It was open and I could hear them as I got close.

I looked in the window and my worst fear was confirmed. They were right there, completely. naked, on my bed. I walked away. I have been fighting the urge to do something that I know I will regret. I'm struggling to care what happens to me at this point. I went to my family's cabin for the night and drank everything there. Today I was on my way home to confront her and decided against it. I'm not ready, all I can feel is anger, all I can think about is violence. I'm not in a good place right now, not good enough to see her. I'm back at the cabin right now, I have a 60 ounces of rum, and have been staring at it for an hour. I want to get drunk and forget this,

but I don't want to get drunk and make bad decisions. I know this is a critical moment in my life and my actions in the coming days will dictate the rest of my life. That's why I'm here. I need help. I'm not ready to speak to family or friends, so I am reaching out to strangers. Fuck this, world. Update, busted wife cheating. The amount of support and advice I've received is unbelievable. I actually got choked up just realizing how many great people there are out there willing to help a stranger. It gives me a bit of hope for the world at a moment when I needed it most. The downside to all of this support is that I am struggling to respond to people. I have over 600 private messages unread and several hundred comments unread.

I want to say thank you to everyone individually, and I'm going to make an effort to do that. But it won't be quick so I will just start by giving a big thank you to everyone for your kind messages and helpful advice, it really means a lot to me. I have noticed several comments and questions that keep popping up and wanted to provide clarity in addition to my minor update. If you can't tell, I am feeling a lot better today. The pain almost completely went away. I still feel like I've been punched in the gut, but otherwise I have begun looking to the future.

It has been two days, so this doesn't seem right to me. Is this a calm before the storm, or am I just freakishly resilient? As for the questions and comments I've received, here are some cliff notes to clarify some things. When I said wife and best friend, I was referring to the two roles my wife played in my life, the other guy was not my best friend, or even someone I knew, I didn't get a great look at him, but from the quick glance and seeing his vehicle. I don't feel like this is someone I know. We do not have kids, we were planning to have them soon, though.

We recently sold our house and were set to move closer to my job in September when the new owners take possession. I am going to thank my neighbor, but I am going to do it subtly like he did for me. A lot of people have been asking me about the signs I mentioned overlooking, off the top of my head, here are a few. Was texting abnormally late at night? Went for after-work drinks with friends. Regularly, this was not like her, but I was glad that she was being social. She had yoga once a week but was apparently not paying because one of her co-workers was the instructor

and she was helping with setup and cleanup. I also thought she was very inflexible for someone who went to yoga. Unknown caller hangups. We regularly answer each other's phones if we are closer to it. Several times she had an unknown caller who would hang up as soon as I answered. We get a lot of spam calls, but usually it's a telemarketer or a debt collector looking for the previous owner of the number, rarely it's a hangup. The update is a work in progress. When my brother arrived we had a good long talk, he has been my true best friend and I realized I need to always remember that and know that he will always be there for me without judgment the same way I would be for him.

He really sets the standard for what a true friendship is, even if we fight on occasion. Since I was supposed to be home last night, I decided to respond to my wife's text, we aren't allowed to have phones on site, so it was reasonable for me to only be texting her, she knows it's easy for me to sneak in some texts. I wrote her and said I needed to go to one of my company's remote sites and wouldn't be able to call her until the end of the weekend. I told her that I would cancel all of the reservations and re-book later. She said she could take her best friend with her this weekend to the romantic bed and breakfast on a vineyard that I booked. I knew it wasn't the best friend she wanted me to think would be going. I told her that I already gave it to my brother and his wife since it was non-refundable and they would pay me back in a month. This morning, I canceled all of the reservations.

except the romantic one, my brother is coming with me. Fortunately, the hotel let us switch from the honeymoon suite to a room with two beds, there also happens to be a really nice lake and boat rentals nearby, so this just turned into a long overdue fishing trip with my brother. This means I am free for the weekend, I don't have to write her or talk to her for a few days, so that relieves some stress and gives me more time to think. I am currently in the mindset to get a divorce, I honestly can't see it any other way, my brother is supportive of this, but has asked me to take a few weeks and speak to someone, his wife has a friend who is a couple's counselor and is willing to talk to me on Monday, I don't see it changing my mind. But at least it might

help untangle some of this mess for me. I am also taking a bunch of the advice on here and starting to speak to lawyers, at the very least to prepare for what I think is inevitable, I want to do this right, I've never thought of her as someone who would try to screw me over, but I'm I also never expected her to cheat. So I think I need to be prepared for anything. Thanks again everyone, I'm going to try to enjoy my weekend as much as possible. Update 2, busted my wife cheating. A lot has happened in the past few days, I'll start with the less important stuff. My brother, Matt, and I drove nearly five hours to the B&B on the vineyard, I really appreciate him being there for me through this, it was more of a venting session than anything, but it really helped clear my head,

after spending the better part of the drive whining to him, I just wanted a little alone time while he wanted to go out for dinner. I stayed in the room and he went out to eat and took me back some food. He also managed to rent a boat for the next day. On Saturday we hit the water, the owner of the BNB knew about our plans for fishing and was nice enough to pack us a small cooler of food and drinks, it was their way of making the romantic package more useful for two brothers, it was a nice gesture. Fishing wasn't good, we both caught a couple of trout that we had to release due to their size, so the snacks from the B&B worked out great. We stopped fishing at mid-afternoon and then drove around to all of the vineyards and fruit stands buying food and cases of wine for Matt's

wife Jen, that night we went for the biggest tomahawk steak we could find. On Sunday we drove back to Matt's place, he lives in the next town over for me which is about an hour away from my place. When we arrived, Jen was there and we all sat and cracked a bottle of whiteweed chilling in the cooler. This is when the weekend officially ended for me. Jen told me that while we were away that she decided to go spy on my wife, she told me that the guy was at my place on Friday night all night, but on Saturday morning she managed to get there just as he was leaving, she followed him home and found the apartment where he lived. My wife stayed over there on Saturday night. The same time she was sending me text messages saying she loves me and misses me.

Jen said that she was splitting her time between visiting family who live in my town, and stalking my wife. She said that she happened to catch my wife leaving his apartment on Sunday morning and took a few picks of them hugging and kissing before she got into her car, I don't want to see them. That pretty much sealed the deal for me, I don't think I could ever trust her again if she can turn it on and off so easily to tell me she loves me while being with a different guy. Still, I decided that I am not going to jump to a knee-jerk reaction based on emotions. I need to remain calm and level. That's when Jen told me that Sharon was coming over for dinner. Sharon is the counselor that Jen set me up with an appointment for, to clarify, she has

never met my wife and this was my first time meeting her as well. Sharon was a very nice person and we got along great. After dinner, Sharon and I went for a walk around. Matt's neighborhood to walk the dogs and have a bit of a private conversation. Sharon was really helpful in the fact that she was a great listener and made me feel like I didn't need to be guarded, it was therapeutic to be that free with describing my feelings, as much as I am comfortable with my brother, this was just different and very needed, it's the same reason why I like writing this on Reddit. It's a vent session that helps me untangle some of the mess in my head.

Our walk lasted an hour and the only real advice that Sharon gave me was to not delay that conversation with my wife, she said that the longer I wait, the harder it will become to talk to her about this, she said I need clarity more than anything at this point. And my wife is the only person that can give that to me. Later that night Jen and Matt offered me to stay with them for as long as necessary, I know that Matt and I have an expiry period for being in close quarters with each other, so I spoke to my boss who was able to set me up in company housing. I'd been staying there every second week for a while, but have to leave on days off, he managed to make it work for me to stay full-time for a few months if I needed.

I decided to re-book with Sharon for later this week, I figured our walk sufficed for the first session, she agreed. I spent the night on Sunday just laying in bed thinking about how to approach this, I struggled with this because even the imaginary scenario in my head was making my angry or sad, I decided I would just wing it, I'm usually good under pressure. Yesterday I woke up and said my goodbyes to Matt and Jen. I drove towards home and was thinking what if he was there when I arrived, then I thought that it would likely just put me back in the angry spot I was a few days ago. I decided to do a drive by first, neither his truck or my wife's car were there.

I went inside and grabbed a bunch of essentials and things I don't want to part with, mainly just some photos and old family heirlooms. I got them all packed up in my truck and then headed over to the guy's apartment. her car wasn't there either, but his truck was. I decided to write her to see where she was, she said she was getting groceries, I trust her so little right now that I drove by the grocery store and actually confirmed she was there, I feel so dirty admitting that I did that, but my trust is broken and it's the only way I can be certain of anything.

I wrote her again and told her to just come home because we need to talk, she wrote back what's wrong, I just responded and said she needs to be ready to be honest, and then turn my phone off. She got home 15 minutes later, when she came and she came over to give me a hug and kiss like she does every time, I turned away from her, she asked me again what was wrong, so I told her that she needs to start being honest with me, she played dumb and said she had no idea what I was talking about, I said, okay. If you can't be honest then I am leaving, she started panicking at this point and said, are you talking about yoga? I figured it was a start, I asked her what she was talking about, and she told me that she hadn't been going to yoga,

here's a bit of a breakdown of the rest of the conversation. Me, if you weren't going to yoga, then where were you going? Her, I was taking walks to relax because I've been so stressed lately. Me, why were you so stressed, and why did you lie to me about what you were doing? Her, preparing for the move has been stressing me out, and I just didn't know how to tell you. Me, so lying was the decision you made? What was your concern with telling me that you were going for a walk to de-stress? Her, I didn't mean to lie, I was worried that my stress would add to your stress.

Me, but I'm not stressed, it really seems like you are not telling me everything. Her, what do you mean? Me, I think that you're lying about more than just skipping yoga, I am asking you again to be honest, you've already lied to me, so this can't work if you keep lying. Her, I don't know what else to say, oh, are you talking about last weekend when I went for drinks with some friends and came home late? I had a feeling that bothered you. I had no clue that she went for drinks, or was out late, I was at work a couple hours away me, is that what you actually did that night or was that a lie as well?

Her, I went for drinks that night, but I didn't see, her best friend who she supposedly was with that night. Me, who did you see? Her, no one, I just drank alone. Me, you drink alone now. Her, yeah, maybe I have a problem. Me, maybe, we'll talk about that later, last chance, be honest or I'm leaving. Her, um, I don't know what else to say.

Me, okay, I'm leaving. At this point I got up and left, usually when we have an argument I go for a drive to get away from her, she probably thought this was the same, then she realized I took my clothes and toiletries, as well as the Xbox, that's when she began blowing up my phone. I told her that I gave her a chance to be honest and she didn't so there's nothing left to say, she begged and pleaded with me to come home to talk about this in person. She said she had no idea why I was so upset or what I think she did, she repeated that she loved me and would never hurt me.

Just hearing her say that really tore a new hole in my chest. It was always comforting words that I believed without question. Now it's a dull jagged knife sawing through my heart in the most devastating way, I couldn't handle it, so I hung up. She called back about 40 times before I was ready to answer again, this time she said, did you talk to Karen, her best friend? I asked why, and she said come home, I don't want to say this over the phone, I agreed and drove around a little longer to get my heart rate back down,

then I went home, that conversation went like this. Her, I assume you spoke to Karen. Me, her, well a few weeks ago while you were at work we went for drinks, a couple of guys started buying us drinks, so we just played along. When we were leaving, one of the guys tried to kiss me, I pulled away immediately and told him I was married, I felt so bad about it and wanted to tell you, but I'm an idiot and just decided to hide it from you. Karen hooked up with the other guy and gave his friend.

my number without asking me, he has texted me a few times since, but I have never written him back. Me, can I see your phone? Her, yes. She showed me her phone which was completely empty of texts except for myself, and her mother. She never deletes her texts, so this was new. I looked at her photos which was also clean, but then I checked the deleted photos and found one of a guy I didn't recognize me, who is this? Her, that's the guy who tried to kiss me.

Me, why did you take a picture of him? Her, I was just being stupid. Me, that's not a reason, why did you take a picture of him? Her, I don't know. Me, is that everything you want to tell me, or is there more? Her, that's all I can think of. Once again, I left, I didn't want to be trickle-truthed, I got in my truck and drove away, she ran outside trying to stop me, but I was already out of reach,

I went to the park nearby and just sat on my tailgate and ate my lunch trying to figure out what to do next. While there I began remembering other things that I should have been more aware of, things like. I was working a weekend shift and was in bed early. My wife went out to the club with a few of her girlfriends. I woke up at 4 a.m. and she still wasn't home. I called her a few times, but there was no answer. About 30 minutes later she called me back and asked if I would come and get her. When I picked her up, she told me that they were trying to hail a taxi but had no luck, a couple of guys that her friend knew stopped and offered them a ride, but wanted to stop at home first, when they got to the guy's house. Her married friend went into room with one of the guys, my wife said she spent some time

looking for her but then eventually gave up and just had a drink in the kitchen with the roommates while she waited, she claims, she didn't hear her phone when I tried calling, we fought about this, and she was disgusted by her friend's actions. So she cut that first. friend out of her life, I thought that was over. Another time she traveled to visit a close friend in a different city, it was a planned girls' night, there were four girls all getting drunk and watching movies and their PJs, at least that's what I was told, then she called me around 1 a.m. to say good night. We spoke for about 20 minutes and she repeatedly told me that they were having a great girl's night, then I heard a guy's voice in the background, I asked who it was,

and she denied hearing anything at first, then it happened again, loudly, she couldn't deny. She couldn't night, so she was like, oh yeah, X took a couple of guys with her. Everyone here is super pissed about it, she was drunk and three hours away, she left me no choice but to trust her, again, we fought about that and why she refused to tell me they were there, she promised never to put herself in that type of situation again, clearly that didn't stick, after remembering all of those things. And the conversations we had about them, I was ready to give this one last shot, I turned my phone back on and almost immediately it rang, I answered, and she was screaming for me to come

home, I drove back to the house, I walked inside and was immediately confronted by her bawling her eyes out, she was sitting on the couch repeating, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I asked her sorry for what. She began rocking back and forth like a crazy person, it took her a good five minutes to catch her breath enough to speak, her, I lied about the guy who tried to kiss me, me, okay, tell me what happened, her, the four of us actually went back to his place that night, we fooled around, I knew it was more than that. But just hearing her say it made me feel dizzy, it felt like the room was getting smaller and there were a million people speaking into my ears at the same time, I think I was having a panic

attack, I went to the bathroom and washed my face in cold water until things returned to normal, me, what did you do? Her, do you want me to actually tell you? Me, yes. He fingered me and I gave him a blow job. Me, was that it? Her, yes. Me, I'm not playing this game any longer, you either tell me everything right now, or this will be the last time we speak.

She began bawling again and took another few minutes before she was able to speak her. We met up again and had sex, I'm so sorry, I love you and will do anything to make up for this. Me, just the one time. Her, if I tell you the truth, please give me a chance to do anything I can to make up for it, please. Me, I'll think about it. Her, it was an affair, we had been hooking up while you're out of town for work, it's been going on for almost a month now, he is married and they are about to get divorced. Me, does he know you're married? Her, yes.

Me, if he's having an affair because his marriage is failing, does that that? mean you think ours is failing? Is that what you told him? Her, no, I don't think ours is failing, I'm so stupid, I hate myself, please don't leave me, I can fix this. Me, how? Her, whatever you want. Me, if you were in my shoes, or even his wife's shoes, what would fix this for you? Her, knowing the truth, being able to trust you to mean what you are saying, you can trust me, I screwed up and won't do that again. Me, if you were his wife, wouldn't you want to know the truth? Her, yes.

Me, then fix this. Her, you want me to call her. Me, if you think that is what you would want. She tried calling, but never got an answer. A few minutes later her cell phone rang. It was listed as Karen, work, she looked shocked, so I knew that wasn't Karen. I asked if that was him, she said it was, I answered, and being the coward he is he said oops, I must have the wrong number, I said no, this is the husband of the girl you've been

cheating with, I'm going to let you speak to her because she has something to say to you, I passed her the phone. Her, I told him everything, he knows the entire truth, we're done, it was just a fling and now you need to never contact me again. I asked to see the phone before she hung up me, what divorce lawyer are you used? using. Him, I'm not getting divorced. Me, oh, but didn't you tell me wife that you were? Him, no. Me, okay, then can I speak to your wife? I feel she has as much right to know about this as I do. Him, please, man, I didn't know she was married, don't ruin my marriage over a mistake.

Me, you ruin mine over a mistake, it's only fair that I tell your wife. Him, please don't, she's at work right now, I will tell her everything when she gets home, I swear. Me, okay, you do that. That's where I hung up. I asked my wife if she knew where his wife worked in her name, she did, I had my wife call over and ask for her at work, she did get her on the phone and told her to take a seat, this woman said she was just getting ready to leave for the day and she would call my wife back from her car, she did his wife, what's going on? My wife, I have something terrible to tell you and I don't want to cause any accidents, please don't drive. His wife, OMG, did something happen to, his name. My wife, no, no, he's at your apartment right now, I am just letting you know that we

have been having an affair for a month now, I'm coming clean to my husband right now and thought you should be given the same respect. She went silent for about a minute, then said if this is some sick joke, I will find out who you are then she hung up not even ten minutes later my wife got a text from Karen work saying, Thanks, you just ruined my life, I grabbed the phone and wrote, Back you just ruined four lives and two marriages. Don't forget that this was your fault, you piece of shit.

For the next hour my wife begged and pleaded with me to stay with her, she offered counseling, she offered to never leave my side, she even offered me sexual favors, this was everything that I expected thanks to the comments in here. She then said we should go on that vacation, her treat, We need time away was her reason, we need to spend some quality time together because my work schedule has been pushing us apart lately, also exactly what I expected her to say. She wasn't expecting me to tell her that I went anyway, she also wasn't expecting me to tell her that I already have counseling booked for myself, she definitely wasn't expecting me to tell her that I busted her on my very own bed, I could only imagine she didn't expect me to have a place already lined up to stay. When I told her all of that, she fell to the floor bawling, she started saying how she doesn't deserve to live, she told me I should just kill her right now because she's too terrible to be with anyone.

It went on like that for a while, I stayed for a total of four hours listening to her make excuses, then try to hug me or cuddle me, or even blow me if I would just stay and work through this with her. In the end, I called Karen and told her that her cheating friend is suicidal and that she should come keep an eye on her, then that she should come keep an eye on her, then she would be able to be. I left. It's been almost a full day since that went down and I haven't spoken to her since, she has been calling and texting me all day, her friends and family have been calling and texting me all day, everyone has a different excuse, or a different plea for empathy. Her father is the only one who wrote me and told me that I need to do what is best for me and that he will always love me like a son no matter what happens. Reading that was what made me have a good cry for the first time since all of this began. I meet with Sharon, my counselor, tomorrow and a lawyer on Thursday.

I think I know where this is going, but until it happens I am just not sure about anything. I'm sorry for the overly long-winded story, it just helps to vent in this way. Again, I really appreciate all of the comments and messages. The people sharing their own stories like this are really helping me feel less broken and giving me more hope. I sincerely appreciate it. I sincerely appreciate everything you've all said and done for me. I hope you enjoy this story. Just a kind prompt prior to the video commencing, you will listen to two anecdotes in this video and both contain recent developments.

Moving on to the initial tale. My dad is cheating on my mom with the young women. What should I do? I need advice. I never post on Reddit and I'm also on mobile so sorry if formatting is ugly. Today I experienced the definition of EFF around. and find out. Some backstory. Almost a year ago my family experienced the loss of my grandpa, my dad's father. It was sudden and it struck my father really hard, he started having more emotional

outbursts, being more reclusive, etc. And we tried our best to be understanding and help him in any way he needed. He found himself a therapist and seemed to be working through a lot of his feelings and thoughts. He still wasn't acting entirely like the him we once knew but death affects everyone differently and this made his behavior easy to excuse. My dad and I don't live in the same city and so we often meet up at halfway points for lunch. We have always been close so it's commonplace for us to talk about our feelings, emotions, and recent life events with each other. Now the story.

During our first lunch since my grandpa's passing I noticed my dad talking a lot about this new girl at his work, we will call her Stacy. He said that Stacy was helping him a lot of his trauma and being there for him. Stacy's husband had been through some similar traumas that my dad had experienced and that was being brought up in therapy so he said she offered him support. He really felt he could be himself around her. He made it abundantly clear that he did not feel he could be himself around his wife of 20 years, my mom, but that he could with Stacy. I thought this was an odd comment to make and I think this is where my suspicions of their real intentions began, but I knew he was struggling. It made me feel relieved that he had someone he trusted.

It struck me a little weird that she was 29 but again. sometimes workplaces can create weird and unexpected friendships and with me being 26 I wondered if maybe he saw her as another daughter since I wasn't able to be around much due to distance. He assured me that Stacey was married to a man named Andrew. They were strictly friends, but in his own words, people from his work had started to think something was going on between them so they had stopped talking at work and had moved to texting. He even went so far as to later in the conversations say that he thinks a strong marriage should be able to survive someone cheating. I assured him that that that, wasn't healthy and that I'm not sure what kind of relationship he wanted with his wife, but I did not want a relationship founded on infidelity. Obviously my alarm bells were going off. With what little information I had on Stacy I went and found her online, I stalked her and just like my dad said, she was seemingly in a young happy marriage with Andrew. She kept her social media

pretty private, but from what I could see she looked like your average 29-year-old woman. I couldn't possibly imagine what she would want with my dad and if anything I thought maybe my dad had a work crush that he was reading too much into, no one wants to think that their dad could be capable of a full-blown affair. Over the next few visits with my dad I would hear him continually talk about Stacy when telling stories about work or talking about his friends. She always seemed to come up, I couldn't help but notice that he would avoid calling her by name she would just be she or her or girl from work. It's as if he completely forgot the things he had told me about her or as if he was afraid to say her name around me. Infidelity is never

mentioned again, but he is always talking about how he's fighting with my mom, Lily, how as he goes through therapy she might not like the man he's becoming. He tells me how he's standing his ground and getting into verbal arguments with her. I imagine this is self-sabotage due to his guilt because of the cheating. Fast forward to today, about a year since I first heard about Stacy, I went on my laptop, which I do not use often. I opened Instagram and I realized I still had my dad's login credentials saved on my computer from a one-off back in 2016. My dad is and always has been sketchy with his password, so I assumed that likely it wouldn't work,

but I tried the login anyways. To my surprise, I was in. I won't even pretend like I didn't know exactly what I was looking for or like I'm above looking through his DMs. This is also where I fucked around and found out. I opened their DMs which were pretty bleak at first. I thought that I could rest my suspicions, more like hoped, until I couldn't.

It started out with sending corny photos to each other. Things about you can kiss me whenever you want. I'm yours and your arms feel like home and I'm homesick, really juvenile weird shit, things I wouldn't send to a coworker if you paid me. Still in denial I kept scrolling and that when I saw it, nudes, from her only thank God. Full-blown sexting conversations, conversations about their existing partners and the potential of leaving them for each other. I love yous, conversations with their plans to sleep together for the first time,

etc., etc., etc. You get the picture. all of my suspicions laid out in front of me. He was willing to risk it all for a married woman three years older than his daughter. He was willing to hurt the woman he had supposedly loved for 20 years. Destroy his family. Destroy Stacy's family for what? Absolute effengie selfishness.

The worst part for me was that they actively talk about their existing partners in this chat. Stacey is always making fun of my mom. Does Lily wear lacy bras for you? Does Lily let you go down on her with her bush? L.O.L. As if Stacey couldn't become more a disgusting human, as if she's not already sleeping with a married 53-year-old father of two, she has to degrade his wife, an innocent victim in this situation. They assure each other that they love their current partners so much that it hurts and they don't understand how they can have the capacity to love two people at the same time, is disgusting and

childish, I don't know how this ends, they still work together and closely together, I cannot bring myself to tell my mom. I don't want my dad to know I know. I don't want him to feel backed into a corner like he has to tell my mom. I want him to tell my mom because he knows it's the right thing to do. I have looked up to my dad my whole life and I feel like the whole view I have had of him is this selfless, loving, caring family man has been shattered. I'm so disappointed in his actions, and I don't know what to do. It's eating away at me. Edit. I was told it would be beneficial to add that my parents do have a kid who is a minor who lives with them. I have not known about this affair the entire time. I found out about it on Thursday, so please

stop saying that I'm intentionally holding this secret for my father. My parents share an email account and I will not see my mom in person until probably Christmas. Relevant comments were the Oop answered. Stinson 555. Armed with this info I would set up a one-on-one meeting with mom and tell her and bring the evidence. In volatile situations like this it is best to be proactive versus reactive. Advise her to go into stealth mode and to act like nothing is going on. Next steps, one. Help mom find two, three divorce attorneys and schedule the consult. The consult is usually free, have her present the circumstances and find out their approach. She can then decide whose style she likes most and retain them. Have her gather the following documents.

A. Last three years tax returns. B. 12 months bank statements, retirement account statements, investment statements. C. Copies of mortgage slash deed slash title to the home. D. If they own in vacation or rental real estate make copies of the docs from hashtag C, E, 12 months worth of credit card statements. C, phone bills. Have your mom try to see if she can get access to his wallet while he is sleeping and if so check it for any new credit cards, if she finds any have her screenshot them. What state are you in?

Depending on the answer, infidelity may qualify her for a fault for the divorce filing. Helping her prepare for this will give her a leg up for a softer landing. If you can find the info for her a fair partner spouse, she can and should make contact the day your dad is served. B.T.W. He can be served at work, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. OOP replied, I have decided to take your advice. I'm going to tell my mom as she deserves to have the upper hand and decision-making since my father has been the holder of all decisions for months unbeknownst to her. I'm currently just waiting for a time when she is not around my dad so I can call her and drop the bomb. They're currently driving up to their cottage together so it doesn't feel fair for me to not let her have room to grieve slash figure out her next move.

I will post an official update when I have one, most likely Monday when she goes to work. Update October 23, 2023. Update, my dad is having an affair with a 29-year-old woman. So, I finally called my mom. Her and my dad had spent the day together at their cottage, so I waited until they were home and then asked if she could go somewhere alone so we could talk on the phone. Her reaction was nothing like I imagined, she sounded like she already knew. Her reaction also made me feel like this wasn't the first time this has happened. She laughed and asked me what I thought I saw.

She blamed herself and said that she doesn't meet my dad's needs. I explained to her that that's not fair and that she doesn't deserve to be lied to and cheated on and put at risk for STDs. I said the way they spoke about my mom in the chat was disgusting and that this was wrong. She asked to see the screenshots, so I sent them to her. She kept reassuring me that her and my mom, my dad were in it for the long haul and wouldn't divorce. I told her I didn't care about that. I said no matter her decision, I supported her either way. Even though it wasn't what I was anticipating, I felt relieved. I felt like a weight had been lifted. She thanked me for telling

her and said that I would always be her sweet girl. Everything seemed to be going well until she spoke to slash confronted my dad and called me back. I don't know what happened with the conversation between her and my dad, but it's clear that he is a master manipulator and not at all the person I thought he was prior to all this. My mom's tone had completely shifted on the phone. She was scolding me. He confirmed the affair. He confirmed everything I had said and brought forward to her. Somehow they're blaming me, they're telling me I'm wrong. My mom told me that she's read all the screenshots I sent but had nothing to say about them. They're staying together and in her words this is just a bump in the road. They've had highs and lows and they'll have lows again. I said I would support

her either way so I can't be mad but I can't help it be sad at how low she thinks of herself to accept this behavior. I love your dad and he loves me. What a horrible message to send to your child. She told me that guilt does bad things to people and that she thinks I got myself worked up over nothing. She told me if was wrong of me to look at his Instagram messages and that it was a breach of trust, ironic considering my dad committed the biggest breach of trust there is in a marriage. I also never would have looked at his messages had he not planted this seat of infidelity in my brain. She explained my dad is very angry with me and she doesn't know if our relationship is reparable. I assumed my dad would be mad at me, of course, but for my mom to seemingly side with

him and turn her back on me too is almost too much to take. I know she's being manipulated but this is where it ends, I guess. I can't stand to look at that. at either of them. I feel like I was just orphaned. I can't fight a fight someone doesn't want me to on their behalf. Deep down I know I'm not to blame for this. Don't get me wrong. But it's really hard to not feel awful when your parents, whom you've trusted, turn their back on you. I do feel like I did right by myself in telling my mom the truth, but I can't help but think that everything would have been easier if I never said anything. My dad still follows Stacy. He has blocked me and my fiance on all social media platforms. He's quite literally showing that he chooses his AP over his

daughter. I know he's reacting out of embarrassment and anger, but I've blocked him in return. He doesn't get to choose when he comes back into my life. All of this hurts a lot. Relevant comments. Agoros. Bum. Like you said, this wasn't the first time and it may well be that they already have an understanding about extramarital affairs, and that may run both ways. So you notifying her didn't tell her much she didn't already know, instead it just made it awkward for her to discuss it with you. Ultimately, people are complicated and you don't know their sexual history, which predates your existence, it is, and will, remain fundamentally unknowable to you. Your dad is a piece of shit, though, for how he is reacting to you. Boop replied, in Stacey and my dad's DMs they

both outlined the fallout they believe would occur if their respective partners found out about their affair. I don't believe even if my mom and dad have a don't ask don't tell policy like another redditor suggested that it is a two-way street, but you're absolutely correct. I don't know their agreements within their marriage nor do I want to, L.O.L. Seeing the things that my dad said in his DMs was way more than I ever needed to know, I do find my dad's reaction of anger. Very telling, though, honestly the relationship I have with my daddy probably would have just told me of their agreement had there been one. Cresseline 90 Have you asked your mother if she'd expect you to stay in that situation if it were you in her shoes?

If she says no, I'd ask her what example she thinks she's setting by doing so herself. You can support her and distance yourself from the situation, and from them, them blaming you for telling the truth is wrong and separate of the support for what she chooses. and you can also support her and choose to limit or forego the relationship you have with your father entirely. I have a feeling when your wedding approaches your father is going to want to play perfect dad in all the events and pictures. Will you allow him to? Boop replied. When it comes to my mom, I told her I would support her either way. As much as I don't agree with her choice I'm not in her position and I don't know what kind of factors are coming into play for her to stay.

Who knows? They could be waiting for my younger brother to move out before they call it quits. For now I am NC with my father and I am willing to be LC with my mom but no one has spoken to me since so I think it might be NC with all. As it stands currently I don't anticipate inviting my father to my wedding which is really hard to stomach. We never planned for a big wedding so his presence was definitely going to be a big one on our day. Unless something is massively repaired during that time, I don't need the added stress. Now on to the next story, story two. My friend's ex, who ghosted her and left without a trace, had the nerve to ask for a place in our home.

This isn't my ex, but my best friend's ex, she and I have been friends for years and live together now. And now we live with my parents who adore her like their own daughter. I got her permission to post this. My friend, 30F, came to the U.S. from Latin America at 19 as a student. She also started dating her ex, 29M, after many years of hanging with each other both during vacation. and online. I knew them both since HS and they seemed good together. She tried to convince him to move together a few years before their breakup. He was living with his parents who wanted him to leave. At this point she had already finished college and had a job in the U.S. that granted her a visa.

He had quit college and worked part-time. From what I can gather, he didn't want to leave his parents' place because free food and no rent. So instead she asked me if I wanted to move with her, so we could afford a bigger place. I said yes and we moved together, adopted a cat and a dog, and pretty much became Grace and Frankie. Around the start of the pandemic, things got bad for them. This is what I was told and what I saw. They never talked or hang out or anything. I was in a breakup at that time myself, so I wasn't really on top since I had my own issues. But my friend cried so much, she didn't even get a happy birthday. After a year of no contact, she assumed the relationship was over. She changed all her social media to single, which she could see, took him off for emergency

contacts at work and at her doctors, and just moved on with her life. This year my stepdad's health has gone downhill and my mom needs help caring for him. She works full time as a therapist. I work from home and my job is very flexible. So I put it. in the idea of all of us living together and I'll care for my dad. Eventually I'll care for my mom too. My mom loved the idea and asked my bestie if she wanted to move with us too so we could all be together and also because at this point, I can't see myself not being in the same house as her. We've come to terms in being single ladies. Heck, we've joked that one of us should adopt and we've become parent-slash-ant dynamic. And now the joke is more serious since I'm considering it and

she's incredibly supportive. No, we're not dating. She's straight, I'm by. We're just incredibly close after all the BS we've lived through together. We found a perfect house, four bedroom, two and a half bathrooms, enough space, a yard, everything we need, and we got it after a bunch of difficulties and arrangements. Since I don't have immediate plans for adopting yet, I have a ton of paperwork and years of planning ahead. We made the extra room into our office slash Gaming Hub, we both work at the same place, totally not on purpose they were hiring and we both needed visas. And as proud first-time homeowners, we posted pictures. Her ex, who by this point has been MIA for three years, messaged her saying he was so excited to move into the new house.

She told him this was her house with me and my parents, he said since they were a couple she should kick me and my parents so he could move in. I want to point out that my parents bought the house. We, friend and I, will pay them our parts over the years, and if she decides to move out, I'll finish paying and I'll buy her part out. This is all in paper and signed. So she obviously told him he was not moving with us and that he ghosted her so there was no relationship. He went on a tirade that he never broke up with her, that she was abandoning him, that she never cared about him, etc. I got pissed off, took the phone from her and told him he could live in a bare cave for all I care, but to leave my friend in our house alone, he went ballistic and

began calling us some names. Referring to the LGBTQ plus community. That would probably get this post-flagged. So I'll leave it to your imagination. My friend started crying and I was absolutely done with him. I never thought he was abusive, but my friend confessed to me that this was not new. He always had issues with the two of us living together and accuster often of cheating on him with me. We ended the call, and I told her she needed to block him for her own sanity's sake. She deserves so much better than this man-child. She got me to leave my abusive ex when I was in HS. She took me to the hospital when he beat me up and call my parents. My friend is family and I'll be dead before I let some bastard with commitment issues make her suffer. Since then he's gone on a major

campaign in our friend group to say my friend abandoned him and left him homeless since apparently he cancelled his lease after he saw we bought a house. He also claims were lesbian satanists that probably abuse our pets and are mooching of my parents. Most of my friends know the story and know my friend and I moved together at first out of necessity. Then we just don't see ourselves not living together. So yeah, my friend's ex is a nutcase and if he ever gets close to her again, I will personally give him a free vasectomy update. My friend's ex who ghosted her and left without a trace, had the nerve to ask for a place in our home. Hey everyone, a bit quick on the update, but some people asked if our friends knew where the ex

was hiding for three years and I was actually curious. Since I was down for the count at work today, I had time to check with my friends and find out more. Apparently my bestie did ask them, but they didn't know. From what they tell me, he kind of got back into everyone's life in the last year or so, but he was part of the group because they were Bestie's friends, not really his. I don't personally know many of his own friends, to be fair. I did track down the ex's sister thanks to social media and poked her for info.

She's very nice and always treated my bestie right. I told her what her brother did and her response was very interesting. Apparently, the ex was dating other girls, until his parents decided to move outside the U.S. He's now living in a friend's couch. The last she heard was a couple of days past when they went out for coffee. He was saying he got this brand new house and was going to be moving in this week. As far as she knew, my bestie begged him to take her back and let her live in his house. I did correct her and said that no, Bestie is living with me and my parents, in our new house.

Her reaction was, of course, he lied and just thanked me for letting her know he was bullshitting. Aside that, I do want to report we are safe. He doesn't know where we live and most people don't because we're not really ready to open Pandora's box and having friends come over. We also need time to figure out who we want in the know. We won't be going to the police unless something serious happens just because this is technically not a crime, but we are going to keep recordings and printy text conversations. If he tries anything, we have all our papers in order and just in case I plan to contact our company's HR so they know the situation. The company we work for can provide us free legal counsel if things get bad. Update my friend's ex, who ghosted her and left

without a trace, had the nerve to ask for a place in our home, October 25, 2023. Well, seems I'm stuck in a saga now, once again, I have full permission from my friend to share this. As my first post said, my friend's ex-ghosted her and then decided to try to move in with her, and by extension me, after years of no contact, my friend told him where he can go. For a bit, it was actually pretty calm. She did cut contact and block him as many suggested. and between the two of us, my bestie and I did some culling and our friend group of people we knew were passing information to her ex. We've settled in the new house together and she actually gets along better with my parents, sometimes than I do. Guess she's the golden child now. Sadly, eventually we had to

adult and get much-needed food. We went to Walmart in town together and by some bad luck we crossed paths with her ex. I wish all of it was just awkward glances and each on their way, but no, at first he tried to talk to her. My friend said she didn't want to speak to him and didn't want him near her. I mostly reminded him I wanted to rip his spine and beat him to death with it. Sadly that didn't deter him from following us around like the most obnoxious toilet paper stuck to shoe. We did our shopping and headed to the car with him still after us. I told my friend for her to get into the car and start the gear and lock it while I loaded the groceries. Her ex then decided to appeal to me to talk to my friend about taking him back.

I don't know what power held me back from committing a felony, but pretty sure I've earned a PhD in self-control. I told him, in no uncertain terms, where he could put his reconciliation and that if he kept following us, I will make sure his legs were out of the equation. I got in the car and my friend began to driving back when we notice a car following us, and we knew it was following because the direction we were going was not usual. To rule out a possible neighbor, we actually did a full U-turn almost back to the store, stopped to get some fast food, ate in the parking lot, then headed again back home, and the same car was after us. Now, as much as I talk of violence, I have to admit I was terrified.

So was my friend. Neither of us has a gun permit. Best we carry is a can of pepper spray, and we know her ex does have guns. So yeah, we were not comfortable at that point. Instead we headed past our neighborhood, and following the usual advice from TV, drove to a police station. Once in it, we did write a statement and I got scolded about the confrontation in Walmart's parking lot. The reason we know it's her ex was because when we got home, she got a call from him and a new phone number saying, I know where you live now. We immediately called the police, so there's where we stand.

Cops just left a few minutes ago, and my brother is going to be staying over for a few weeks until we get the row and some sturdier locks. Also, I want to clarify a few things. A lot of people asked why originally my friend took a whole year of being ghosted to accept the relationship was over. While I get it, trust me, please understand that when my friend came to the U.S., she had no one, she's cut contact with her toxic family. She literally only had her ex. I moved into the U.S. a year later, and also came alone at first, but my parents were able to become citizens and I had When her relationship died out, she lost not just her boyfriend, but his family who pretty much were as close to her own family as she could get. It's not easy, and I personally can't imagine how lonely she felt.

I could spend Christmas with my parents, she had no one for that first year. So please, don't judge her on it, because she doesn't deserve it. It's not easy to be an immigrant when you have no place to return to. I hope you enjoy this story. excluded my high-maintenance pal from my wedding, yet she arrived unexpectedly at my pre-wedding celebration in a cream outfit. Subsequently, she began a relationship with my groom's attendance merely to provoke. A wedding invitation. I'm a 28F and I'm getting married soon to my wonderful fiancé, 30M. I have a friend, Amy, 28F, who I've known since high school. The issue is Amy has a

habit of making every situation about herself. Now that I'm planning my wedding, I'm considering not inviting her at all. I'm honestly dreading the drama she'll bring if she's there, and I am feeling a bit guilty about potentially leaving her out. Some context, Amy and I have a lot of history, but over the past few years I've distanced myself. Amy isn't a horrible person all the time, she can actually be fun and has been there for me in the past, which is probably why I've put up with her attention-seeking behavior for so long. But she absolutely needs to be the center of attention 24-7. A few examples, at another friend's graduation celebration, she hijacked the microphone during speeches to give an imprompt a monologue about how she

overcame challenges, turning the whole thing into being about her instead of the graduate. The poor friend was basically sidelined by her, this is the kind of pattern I'm dealing with. It's exhausting. Amy isn't malicious per se, but she just, genuinely believes she's entitled to everyone's attention all the time. If it's not about her, she finds a way to make it about her. It can be downright embarrassing. I really don't want that behavior at my wedding. Amy probably assumes she'll be invited to my wedding, maybe even as a bridesmaid,

she's made comments hinting as much. When I officially announced who my bridesmaids would be and she realized she wasn't one of them, I heard she was pretty upset, though she never said it to me directly. She definitely made a few passive-aggressive remarks about it. The wedding isn't tiny, we're inviting around 100 guests, including some friends who know Amy. If she doesn't get an invite, it's definitely going to be noticed. I'm sure she'll take it as a personal attack if I exclude her. I do feel bad at the idea of snubbing someone I've been friends with so long.

People who know us might even expect to see her there. And yeah, she'll be hurt. but I also can't shake the anxiety about what she'll do if she is there. I can practically see her wearing something outrageous to steal focus, or trying to make a drunken speech, or even announcing some surprise of her own in the middle of our reception. Honestly, my fiancé is on the exact same page as me about this. He's witnessed her antics and says we have no obligation to invite someone

who might cause a scene on our big day. Some people have suggested I just invite her anyway to avoid drama or be the bigger person, but to me that feels like rewarding her bad behavior and inviting trouble. I have other close friends who are supportive and drama-free that I'd much rather celebrate with. Even a few of our mutual friends have privately said they wouldn't blame me for leaving Amy off the guest list, given her track record. I've tried to think of compromises, like giving her a very minor role or seating her far away from the action, but who am I kidding? If Amy is present, there's a risk she'll create chaos. The simplest solution seems to

be to not invite her at all. We haven't sent out the invites yet, we're finalizing the list now. Part of me wonders if I should at least give her a heads-up conversation, like explain why I feel the need to do this. But honestly, I'm not sure it would help. Amy isn't great with criticism or hearing no. She tends to flip the script and paint herself as the victim whenever confronted. So right now I'm leaning heavily towards not inviting her. I know she'll find out one way or another, and the fallout won't be pretty. But if I do invite her and she pulls one of her stunts, I know I'll regret it forever. I feel like my wedding day should be about me and my fiancé, not about managing one friend's drama. Would I be the asshole for not inviting her?

Update 1, so I ended up following my gut and did not invite Amy to the wedding. Unfortunately, and predictably, she found out anyway. I guess it was only a matter of time. One of our mutual friends posted a photo of my wedding invitation on her Instagram story, not realizing Amy wasn't invited, and of course Amy saw it. Q the fallout. Amy lost it. She didn't confront me directly, I haven't gotten any calls or texts from her, but she's telling anyone who'll listen that I'm a backstabbing bitch and a bride assila for not

including her. I found out she's been ranting on Facebook into our friend group about how horribly I've treated her. A friend of ours sent me some screenshots of Amy's posts, and it's basically her painting me as this evil which who betrayed a lifelong friend out of nowhere. According to her, I'm so full of myself now that I'm engaged, and I'm trying to cut out people who won't kiss my ass. She even dragged my fiancé into it, claiming he somehow changed me or controls me now,

which is total BS. The projection is insane, but I'm not even going to go there. It sucks because some people who don't know the full story might actually believe her. My fiancé was livid when he saw the lies she was spreading. He wanted to jump in and defend me, but we decided it was better not to engage with her publicly. I've had a couple of mutual friends and acquaintances reach out like, hey, Amy is saying you excluded her from your wedding. Is everything okay? I haven't spilled all the dirty laundry, but I did let them know that, yes, I'm not inviting her and I have my reasons.

Thankfully, the ones who know us well just replied along the lines of, yeah, that tracks with Amy. Most of our close friends know how she is, so the Bridalas Smear campaign isn't really sticking, at least with them. If anything, her over-the-top reaction is proving my point. In fact, my mate of honor actually commented on one of Amy's Facebook rants, telling her that her behavior was out of line. A few others liked the comment or chimed in agreement. Amy ended up deleting that post when it didn't get the reaction she wanted.

As for me, I've pretty much cut contact at this stage. I'll admit seeing her call me names and lie about me was hurtful initially, but then I just got angry. I'm done with her nonsense. I quietly removed slash blocked her on social media after seeing her go off on Facebook. I just don't need to see that drama. My fiancé is completely on board. he saw the stuff she was posting and just shook his head.

We both agreed that engaging with her publicly or trying to defend myself would only add fuel to the fire and give her more attention, which is what she wants. So we're just letting her shout into the void. I'm focusing on work and wedding planning and trying not to let her drama get under my skin. It is a little surreal to be called a bridezilla when I feel like I'm actually bending over backwards to avoid drama. But oh well. If she wants to play victim, I can't stop her. At this point I'm considering her a former friend. The bridge is pretty thoroughly burned. I'm hoping this will just blow over soon. The wedding is still a couple months away,

and I'd love to enjoy this time without her nonsense looming. Update 2. Remember how I hoped Amy wouldn't actually do something crazy? Yeah. That wish did not come true. This past weekend was my bridal shower and surprise, she showed up uninvited and made a huge scene. The shower was at my mom's house. It was supposed to be a fun, chill afternoon with close friends and family. We were about an hour in, playing some silly games and snacking, when I look up and see Amy walking into the living room, for a second I thought I was seeing things. But no, it was her, uninvited and unannounced. I have no clue how she found out the when slash where, I kept that info off public. posts, so either she pumped someone for details or snooped somehow, however she did it,

she actually had the nerve to come in. And get this, she was even wearing a white sundress, of all things. Seriously, the whole room went silent and everyone just stared. My mate of honor quickly stood up and basically demanded to know what Amy was doing there. Amy put on this huge fake smile and acted all innocent, like she was just there to celebrate me. She even held up a wrapped gift box as if that made crashing okay. I was immediately angry. I told her as evenly as I could that she was not invited and this was a private gathering. That's all it took. Her smile vanished and she blew up. Amy's face turned bright red and she started yelling about how selfish I was, claiming she'd done so much for me and I was ungrateful. She said I was a terrible friend,

and called me a selfish bitch in front of everyone, and that I owe her an invitation to all my wedding events because we're practically sisters. She accused me of thinking I'm too good for her now and trying to humiliate her. There was a lot of cussing and bizarre theatrics on her part, and my other guests were frozen, just watching this train wreck unfold. My mom jumped in, telling Amy to leave the house immediately. But Amy just kept going, her voice getting louder and louder. I finally snapped and shouted that this behavior was exactly why she wasn't invited and told her to get out, now. My bridesmaids moved to usher Amy out as my mom yelled over her that she needed to go now.

Amy refused to budge and in her tantrum she knocked over a small table that had some gifts and drinks and drinks on it. Glasses shattered, drinks spilled everywhere. My mom was livid. One of my friends grabbed Amy's arm and started pulling her toward the door. Between that and my mom angrily directing her, we managed to shove Amy out the front door. We immediately slammed the door and locked it. Amy began pounding on the door and screaming from the porch. Through the window we could hear her yelling that I'd regret this and calling me every name in the book, saying I was treating her like garbage.

One of my aunts wanted to call the police, and honestly if she hadn't left we probably would have. After about a minute of her yelling with no response from us, she finally stormed off. Inside, I was just stunned. My bridal party and family all rushed over to check on me. I was beyond angry that she did this in front of everyone. We cleaned up the broken glass and spilled drinks, so much for a relaxing afternoon. Eventually we managed to get back to the party, trying our best to salvage the day. It took me a bit to calm down, but my friends and relatives were super supportive.

We opened the rest of the gifts and even managed to laugh about the absurdity of it all later on. at least she didn't jump out of the cake. Still, I wouldn't wish that ordeal on anyone. Out of morbid curiosity, we later unwrapped the gift she left behind. It was a picture frame with an old photo of me and her from our school days. Not sure if that was meant as a sweet gesture or a guilt trip, but it definitely felt manipulative. That evening I told my fiancé everything. He was furious but not exactly surprised.

Both he and my mom think we should have security or some kind of plan for the wedding now. My mom, once she calmed down, basically said I'm better off without Amy as a friend at all. We've already alerted our venue coordinator about Amy and given them her name and photo, so they can keep an eye out. My bridesmaids and family are also on notice to be watchful on the big day. I'm not taking any chances after this. Unsurprisingly, Amy still didn't back off quietly, later that. that night she actually sent me a text from a random new number, basically saying I'm a horrible

friend and that I would regret doing this to her. I blocked that number two without replying. I'm just done. I still can't believe she actually did that to my bridal shower. Any lingering doubts I had about cutting her off are 100% gone now. If she thought crashing the shower would somehow pressure me into inviting her, she achieved the opposite. All she did was reinforce exactly why she's not invited. The wedding is coming up fairly soon. I'm a little anxious about what other tricks she might have up her sleeve, but at least we're prepared now. I truly hope she just gives up after that public embarrassment. We'll see what happens. Update 3. I really hope the bridal shower blow-up would be the end of all this drama. For a few weeks after that, things were actually

quiet. No new incidents, no online rants, at least that I heard about. I started to cautiously relax, thinking maybe Amy was finally backing off. Well, I was wrong. A couple of days ago, my fiancé got some news that left us both speechless. It turns out Amy is now dating one of his groomsmen. Yes, really. I even asked if he was joking, he wasn't, they apparently matched on Tinder sometime recently, went on a few dates, and are now officially together, according to what she's been telling people. Honestly, I wouldn't put it past her to have swiped right on him deliberately, knowing exactly who he was. It feels like she thought she'd discovered a perfect loophole to force her way back into our wedding. The groomsman, I'll call him David, had no idea about the ongoing

drama with Amy. He knew of her, I think they'd met in passing at some point through me or friends, but he didn't know anything about her recent antics. So, David reached out to my fiancé basically to ask, in a very awkward way, if it would cause any issues if he brought his new girlfriend, Amy, as his plus one to our wedding. Apparently Amy had told him something like, she and I were close but had a little misunderstanding. She seriously downplayed what happened, of course. I can only imagine the fairy tale version she fed him. When my fiancé got that call, he about lost it.

He filled David in on the full story. To say David was shocked would be an understatement. He had basically been under the impression that Amy was some innocent ex-friend who maybe got accidentally left off an invite or something. He told my fiancé that she never mentioned any of the crazy stuff. No surprise there, David was pretty upset to learn the truth. He actually apologized to us, saying if he had known, he never would have gotten involved with her. I feel bad that he got dragged into this.

He seems like a genuinely good guy who unfortunately stumbled right into her web. He said Amy had been eager to come to the wedding with him, and until now he didn't realize how bizarre that request was. After that call, my fiancé and I just looked at each other in disbelief. We were like, you can't be serious, you can't make this stuff up. My fiancé made it clear that under no circumstances is Amy welcome at our wedding, plus one or not. David completely understood and said he figured that would be the case once he heard the whole story. But of course, this isn't just about what he understands. Amy was not happy when she

found out she wouldn't be allowed to come as his date. From what David told us, as soon as he relayed to Amy that the bride and groom have said no, she flipped out on him. She started accusing him of not standing up for her, and she apparently went on a tirade about how I'm a controlling which who is trying to ruin her happiness. Projection, anyone? She told him that I hate her and am just abusing my bridezilla power to bully her. It's the same garbage she said before, but now she's spewing it to this poor guy who just got caught in the middle. Believe it or not, Amy then tried to convince David that he should

drop out of the wedding entirely in solidarity with her. Yes, she expected him to quit being a groomsman because his friend's fiancé won't invite his new girlfriend. thankfully, David has a spine and shut that idea down. He told her he's still going to be in the wedding, and that whatever issues she has with me are between her and me. Apparently that did not go over well. She gave him an ultimatum, basically saying that if he cared about her at all, he wouldn't attend the wedding unless she can go too.

Mind you, they've been dating for maybe for a few weeks' tops at this point. David was really conflicted and upset when he called us about all this. He still likes Amy, but he's also now seen this really ugly side of her. He didn't want to abandon my fiancé's wedding over a woman he just started seeing, but she was putting a ton of pressure on him. My fiancé told him we'd understand if he needed to step down to keep the peace in his relationship, as much as it would suck, we didn't want him to be miserable. But David said no way, he wouldn't feel right bailing on his friends because of her.

He apologized that his plus one turned out to be a whole soap opera and said he's going to try to get her to calm down. Well, calm is not in Amy's vocabulary. The latest update from David is that Amy is furious and still insisting she should be his plus one. She's been blowing up his phone with texts, alternating between crying about how awful we are and then raging that he isn't doing more to get her invited. She's also floated some pretty unhinged ideas, like insisting that if he just brings her along, we wouldn't dare kick her out if she's on his arm, oh, want to bet? It sounds like she's even been bragging that we can't stop her from showing up one way or another. So, yeah, that's where we're at.

We told David we don't hold any of this against him. It's not his fault he matched with a drama queen on Tinder. I'm honestly grateful he gave us a heads up so we're not blindsided on the day. He's still committed to being a groomsman, though I have a feeling his fling with Amy may not last much longer, given all this. My fiancé and I have had to have the whole security talk again. We're likely going to hire an extra guards for the venue, because I am not in the mood for any more surprises. I never thought I'd need bouncers at my wedding,

but if that's what it takes, so be it. The wedding is literally right around the corner now. I'm trying to focus on the fact that I'll soon be marrying the love of my life, but it's hard not to stress about what Amy might do. Honestly, this whole ordeal has been taking a toll on me. I've lost sleep picturing worst-case scenarios, like her crashing the ceremony or causing a scene. At this point, we've done everything we can to prepare, so I just have to cross my fingers and hope for the best. Update 4. Finally, some good news, we got married and it was absolutely wonderful.

I'm officially a misses now, and despite all of Amy's attempts, our wedding day was pretty much perfect. But it wasn't without one last bit of expected drama. Here's how it went down, after my last update, things escalated one more time. Amy actually threatened to object during the ceremony, you know, the whole speak now or forever hold your peace line. She somehow communicated, from a new number and via email, since I have her blocked everywhere, that she planned to show up and wrecked the ceremony by objecting. We took that threat extremely seriously. My fiancé and I immediately hired an extra security guard, in addition to the venue's own security, and gave them her photo with instructions that she was banned from the premises.

We warned our wedding coordinator and all the venue staff as well, so everyone was on high alert for her. For my own sanity, I even arranged a subtle signal with our coordinator in case Amy somehow slipped through. But thankfully I never saw that signal because everything went smoothly. Well, the big day came. I was a little on edge at first knowing she might try something. But as soon as I started walking down the aisle on my dad's arm and saw my soon-to-be husband waiting for me, all my nerves just evaporated. I actually felt calm and completely focused on my husband in the moment.

And guess what, the ceremony went off without a hitch. She did show up, but she never even got close to us. According to a couple of friends who witnessed it, Amy arrived at the venue about 20 minutes before the ceremony, all dressed up and trying to blend in with the other guests. The moment she stepped onto the property, our security team spotted her. They intercepted her at the entrance and told her to leave immediately. Of course, Amy being Amy, she caused a huge scene at the door. She shouted that she was with the groomsman and tried to bluff her way in by dropping David's name,

but the guards were already informed that David had no plus one. When that failed, she went ballistic. She was screaming that she had a right to be there, that I can't keep her out of everything, just making a massive ruckus. Some arriving guests saw the commotion. A few of my friends quickly realized what was happening and made sure to steer clear. And even David didn't come to her rescue. The staff actually notified David, who was already inside with the other groomsmen, that his date was causing trouble outside. David told them flat out, she's not my guest, and that they should do whatever they needed to do to remove her. He did not go out to help her. So,

with zero allies and security blocking her way, Amy had no chance. They warned her that the police would be called if she didn't leave. She kept shrieking and even tried to shove past the guards at one point, but that went nowhere. Eventually she was physically escorted off the property, still hurling insults and making a fool of herself in the parking lot. The bottom line, she never got in. I did not see or hear any of this as it was happening, thankfully. Our security and wedding crew kept it completely. completely away from me, as planned. I only heard the full story after I was already happily married. The ceremony itself was beautiful and uninterrupted. When the officiant asked if anyone objected, there was nothing but silence. I know a few people who were in on the situation

were glancing around nervously, but no one stood up. Our officiant was in on it too. He later joked that he'd been eyeing the back of the hall and was so relieved to pronounce us husband and wife without anyone yelling out. The rest of the day was a dream. Our reception was so much fun, we danced, ate, and celebrated with our favorite people. My dad gave the sweetest, most tear-jurking toast that had everyone cheering, we took a ton of goofy pictures in the photo booth, and the cake was delicious. In the aftermath, Amy has been pretty quiet. She put up a couple of very vague, melodramatic Facebook posts about betrayal and being stabbed in the back, but Nobody is engaging with her nonsense.

My husband and I are actually in the middle of packing for our honeymoon to Italy as I write this final update. We're so excited to start this new chapter and leave all this drama behind us. I hope you enjoy this story. Father never assisted with college expenses but set aside funds for his other children, so when he discovered that my sibling would be accompanying me as I walked down the aisle at my marriage ceremony instead. Of him he got mad and said he doesn't approve of my marriage. So 25-ish years ago two dumb 20-year-olds got drunk and made me. They had and still have nothing in common, don't particularly like one another, but for some

reason decided to keep me. I always lived with my mom full-time. I love her don't get me wrong, but she's pretty messy. I have six other half-siblings, two of them have the same dad. We always had a clean place to live and never went hungry or anything, but I know there were times that she did so we wouldn't. Mom very clearly loves all of us individually and as her family, she's just pretty irresponsible. My dad I'd say more has his shit together, but we're not close. He married Hilda, also mid-40s now, when I was six-ish and they had my half-brothers Jesse,

16, and Kyle, 14, a few years later. They both have really good jobs in a nice house and cars. I know my dad paid child support, but their lives simply were very different than mine. I'd come over every other weekend, but after a while they were too busy with the other two, so I'd just wait for Dad to text me when he was available. He did, don't get me wrong, but he works a lot so I probably saw him once a month before I went to college, and after that we'd talk every now and then but mainly just see one another on holidays. One of these holidays, Hilda got kind of drunk and told me that after my mom had me my dad basically blocked her and just paid child support until his parents, my grandma and grandpa,

basically shamed him for being a deadbeat and he got some visitation. That hurt a lot to hear, but it made a lot of my childhood make sense. It all came up because she was resentful that he had to pay my mom child support until I was 21, and was saying she had wished I'd skipped college. It's also sad, because I know she was busy with her kids, but I always thought she at least liked me. Like, I know she hates my mom because it was maybe petty, but when they had Jesse they replaced my room at their house with the nursery and pout my stuff in another one, so my mom filed and was awarded much more child support than she had been getting, and that affected them. It's fine, there was free therapy at college and I'm actually doing great career and mental health-wise

now, in fact, my fiancé and I make about as much as they do, granted less property, etc., so I'm in a good place. Literally freshman week I met my now fiancé John, 25, but we didn't start dating for two years and have been inseparable ever since. His family is amazing, super loving, involved but not pushy, and kind. They do have a lot of money, and idk if you don't believe me, but even if they were broke I'd be so lucky to be marrying into their family. Like, just an example of how amazing they are, his mom gave him her grandmother's ring to propose and has offered me any and all of her or her sister's jewelry to borrow for the wedding.

His dad helped my brother get a job in his industry. He deserved it, but it's a hard one to crack into. And even his sister is going to be my M.O. Okay, maybe these are stupid examples. But they've told me before I don't need to apologize for my crazy and kind of trashy mom and have even thanked her for raising. The love of their son's life. They're just so happy and positive and full of love.

I'm so lucky. I've been so good about setting up boundaries, like with my mom, I laid it out that I'm not her best friend, she's not Lorelei Gilmore and I'm not Rory, I'm her daughter and always have been. We've had some come to Jesus moments but are in a much better place, and I am sad, but also very happy to say that she's been a much more responsible mother to my four youngest siblings than she was to my brother, diff dad, Jake, 23, and me, and my dad and I have never been close, but I've tried. When John and I were talking about getting engaged, he asked me if I wanted him to ask my dad's permission. At first I said no, what's the point?

Then I was like, okay, I'm his only daughter, he's kind of traditional, and he was more or less there for me growing up. So he did, and dad was tickled pink just as I expected. They never said they had any money for the wedding or offered any, which wasn't shocking or anything, and I didn't ask. So after all that background, we're getting married soon. It will be in John. his hometown, which is a pretty nice place that people go to for vacations and they know basically the whole town so it will be a huge event. His family, and to be honest, we won a big wedding, but since we're just starting our careers out, his parents are paying for the whole thing. I am paying for my dress though, and my mom and younger Sibs travel. I kind of just assumed my dad

would walk me down the aisle, but a few weeks ago at one of my showers, Hilda was talking with John's mom, who was saying how proud they must have been that I paid my own way through college. Hilda was like, oh yeah, it looked really hard, we're glad that we started saving towards our son's college funds a long time ago. They have more than enough for undergrad and probably grad school. I overheard this and confirmed with John's mom what she said. It hurts so bad. College was a struggle. There were times all I had were multivitamins and P.B. and J.S., and only because my mom would send me $20 here and there. Don't get me wrong, I'm also proud of myself, and I know the boys are both their kids while I'm just my dad's so of course they'll give them more, but it really solidified to me who and what I was to them. So I asked my brother Jake to walk me down the aisle. John and his family know about this and 100% support me. Hilda called me yesterday asking about the rehearsal dinner, where they need to be and when, and I told her they wouldn't need to be at the church or anything and could just go to the restaurant after. She was like, oh well, how will your dad? practice walking you down the aisle. It was super awkward and I let her know Jake would be,

but I was excited to see them. A few hours later my dad came to our condo and told me how disappointed he was, he said he's been dreaming of giving me away my whole life. I was in a pretty good headspace luckily and was just like, oh, I didn't know you'd want to and didn't expect you to care, trying to be nonchalant and avoid drama. He was aggressive, though and wouldn't let it go, saying I was trying to make him look like an idiot and if Hilda had hadn't asked he would have shown up thinking he'd walk me down the aisle. I asked him why he would assume that and he looked at me like I was stupid. But I wanted to hear him say it, and he finally said that any father would expect that. I was just like, sure, but any other father probably

didn't ignore their daughter for the first few months of their life, have as minimal custody as possible, or have college funds for some of their kids but not others. They probably did do things like take their daughters on vacation, attend a single father-daughter event, and help them out even though they were legally done. He got mad, but honestly couldn't even argue, and just said he wasn't sure if he approved of this marriage anymore. I told him I wasn't worried about that, and the truth was that we just simply weren't very important people to one another. He got really sad after that and left, and even though John agrees with my decisions, he said I should have given my dad the heads up about what I wanted from him at the wedding. As much as I value his

opinion, I also feel like he doesn't get it. His family loves him and would do anything for him and has, while my dad has only ever done the bare legal minimum when I needed him. I never assumed he would help me and he shouldn't assume he can play a role in my wedding. I know I'm not the asshole for having my brother walk me down the aisle, that's no debate. But was I wrong for not directly spelling out for my dad that he would be attending as a guest and only a guest? Comments where OP has replied, downvoted commenter one. Oh, O'Day. If you only had multivitamins and PVJ in college

even though he was still paying child support, it sounds like your mom was using it to pay for her other kids since you paid your whole college. Plus it's your dad who was there. Get over yourself. Oop, until I was 21? The hard years were after that. I didn't graduate with my master's until I was 23.

When he was paying child support, she sent me money minus the health. insurance premium. Comment one, not sure how child support works, but if your dad had to pay it till you were 21, wasn't that supposed to include tuition as well? No, the amount didn't change and my mom sent me money for the first few years I was in school from it. It stopped on my 21st birthday and that's when I really started struggling. Sorry for the confusion. Comment two, not even remotely close to being an asshole. Your dad has some nerve having expectations of you after not treating you like an equal child your entire life.

I'd have punched him at the dreaming of giving me away his whole life. You don't owe him jack shit. Did he give you a heads up before becoming a deadbeat? Did he give you a heads up about not paying for your college but paying for your half-siblings? The audacity to say he doesn't approve. Honestly good, because now you can un-invite him without feeling guilty. Who would want to attend a wedding they don't approve of? Oop, honestly, I doubt he's been dreaming of this for more than a few years.

One of my brothers is trans, so I'm sure he thought that was his redo daughter he could do all of the father-daughter stuff with, but that isn't happening anymore. Comment three, sorry legal bare minimum is invite you to the wedding. Father of the bride costs extra. Be sure to add a speech in about your amazing mother who didn't always have a lot but gave you her last dollar when you couldn't afford food in college. How you've learned the value of struggle and who really shows up for you when it matters. Then ask her to join you for a mother-daughter dance.

NTA, oop, my mom was a billion times better than dad, but honestly they both had their own issues. Downvoted commenter too, I mean, Oota in this circumstance because one of the showers is usually a month before at least. Oop, yes, his family threw a small one because he had some family in from out of the country and it worked out. and my friends are throwing another one for more people. I also clarified for the few people that would be at both that they didn't need to get us gifts for both or any. Oop clarifies on the money she received from her mother that was child support. Jesus since this keeps coming up. One, it was the first two years of college.

She sent me a few hundred dollars am but did use the money for my health insurance and if something came up, an issue at the house that I lived at in the summer by the way. 2. Even if she spent any of it on my siblings, it doesn't matter. It was her money. 3. After I turned 21 is when it got hard and she'd sent me $20 when she could. I haven't received a dime from dad since I turned 21. Comment 4. You should have told him that walking you down the aisle was not required by the court, so why would you expect him to do A-Oop? LMA-O-O-O-O-O-O-L-A-O-O-O-O-O-Ep responds to multiple comments regarding if her father paid for college. He did not pay anything for college.

He simply had to continue to pay child support an extra three years. My dad never tried to have joint custody. Most non-custodial parents are ones that don't care to seek more custody. My mom never fought any of our dads who sought 50 to 50. I paid for my college. He paid nothing for college and is offered the same for the wedding. Update, thanks for all of your comments, I think I read all of them. It was very cathartic and to be honest, even though it was

overwhelmingly NTA, I actually started to agree with the O ODA folks, who were mostly still very nice. I should have put on my big girl pants and just told my dad he would be a guest at my wedding and nothing more. I wasn't doing anyone a favor by not being up front. I apologized, kind of, to my fiancé, he totally understood and admitted he doesn't really understand my family dynamic, which I told him I was glad for. I mentioned in some comments, but one of my dad's sons came out as trans a few years ago. I know they were hoping it was a phase, but to their credit they did let him take puberty blockers. Well, it's at this point not looking like a phase anymore, and I think that's where the whole my only daughter slash only chance came from. In fact,

after spending time with Hilda and hearing, with horror, about the things she's done, my sill confided in me that she's pretty sure that if he and Hilda did have a daughter, he would refuse to walk me down the aisle before he was able to do it with her. My dad wrote me in email, I'm not going to post it because it's super lame and was just the same old song of poor him his life is so hard, he wasn't ready to be a dad, he did the best he could, he's always loved me blah, blah, blah, blah no action items, no, probably false, promises to change, nothing new. No, he didn't offer any money for the wedding, but reiterated a lot that he's always dreamed of walking me down the aisle. He did the whole, oh, I know I haven't been perfect

and you deserved a better dad and how he knew he could do better with his grandkids. I just replied that we looked forward to him being a guest at the wedding, and to remind me if they had any food allergies. Unfortunately, I care a lot and I know their youngest allergies, but whatever. I had already decided who'd be walking me down the aisle by then so it didn't matter. My sill is one of my dearest friends, and she and my fiancé John have been very sweet to me about all of this. They are their parents only two kids and very close.

She's the one who convinced me to date John in the first place and I can never stop, thanking her. She and my Phil always go, don't laugh, to this amateur wrestling thing in our city whenever he's in town, drink a lot of beer, and either John or myself pick them up. It's a fun thing, and they've always done it just the two of them, so I was shocked and thrilled that she invited me to go with them this past weekend. My Phil kept bragging about his two daughters and my sill told me she's so excited to finally have a sister. I told them my new plan for the ceremony and who would be walking me down the aisle,

I had already told Jakers and he approved, and even though they're pretty traditional they thought it was a great idea. I'm excited for the future, I've worked really hard for my life, and yes, I got super lucky with John and his family, and it's going to be a great rest of my life, and the wedding will be a great start to it. Comments where Op has replied, Oop clarifies on if her brother, Jake, is still going to walk her down the aisle, I was having him walk me down the aisle because he's the closest man I have in my family, and that's what I thought I had to do, be walked down by a family member, ideally a man. But I will be giving myself away smile comment one.

Curious to know some of the horrific things that Hildy has done that makes you know that if Hildy had a girl your dad would have dumped you like yesterday's trash. If it's too personal to tell, it's fine. I am just how curious what a P-O-S Hildy really was. I seriously think some people watch Cinderella and Snow White and think the stepmothers are role models. Oop, my brother is trans, a fab, so yeah comment too. Ah. Hildi is also transphobic. Gotcha.

Total POS. You and your brother deserve happiness. Screw her. Oop, she's not. They've been very supportive of my brother. I'm saying I think a lot of this came out because he really really. I realized I'm his only daughter. I'm also almost 100% certain that if he had a daughter with Hildy, he wouldn't be allowed to walk me down the aisle until he walked her down first, just like how

he was never able to go my father-daughter dances. Fine and retrospect B.C., those were cringe, next story. Boyfriend's mom copies everything I buy and makes Sayy'll comments about our relationship, but when she tried to watch him pee on a road trip right after I did it as a joke, I realized she's obsessed with him and we had to cut her off. I, 27F, have been with my boyfriend, 26M, for two years. Our families are very close, both of our moms get along and pretty much became best friends once we started dating. I adore his mom, 50F, too, we've had a genuine friendship since her son and I got together.

Let me start by saying my boyfriend and his mom are pretty close and they have a great relationship. But since we started dating, she seems to be jealous of our relationship. And she seemed to start copying me. My boyfriend bought me a beanie from our favorite local company and suddenly, she needed the same beanie. We went bikini shopping and she bought the exact same bikini I decided to buy. My boyfriend bought me a camping ice chest, so she went out and bought the exact same one for herself. Now, she's looking to buy the exact same car as me that I bought for myself six months ago. For reference, I bought a 4 by 4 off-roading SUV with full towing capabilities because I go camping and ride dirt bikes quite a bit. She does not do any of that, nor have a single use for any

type of 4-4 car. Aside from the copying, she makes very weird inappropriate jokes. I said I wanted breakfast, she responds, don't you get enough sausage for my son. I say I'm tired, she says maybe don't stay up so late having sex, has literally said that. One time I made a comment about my boyfriend having big hands and she said you know what that means, right? Mama didn't raise no shrimpies. We were on a road trip once, and we had to pull over for a pee break. My boyfriend got out and just peed on the side of the road. Jokingly, I stood behind him and peeked over. to watch his business. His mom saw and she came over to do the same. She does say this stuff in front of my boyfriend, her son, and he'll snap and tell her she's being weird, but she only ever

laughs it off. When she came over to see his business, he immediately shrugged her off slash elbowed her and snapped at her to knock it off. She just doesn't take it seriously. I want the entire future with my boyfriend, kids, house, land, all of it. So cutting her off or giving my boyfriend that ultimatum doesn't seem feasible. Is this an overreaction? Do I just let the weirdness fizzle out and ignore it in the meantime? Edit, shit hit the fan. She absolutely lost it when my boyfriend sat down to have a conversation with her. But in the end, we did cut ties. I made a full post explaining how that Bats hit crazy woman reacted. Thank you for all the responses and advice. While it wasn't what I ever wanted to hear, I apparently needed to and so did my boyfriend.

Update, hi, everyone. I was overwhelmed by the amount of responses I got on my previous post, and fucking horrified that my fears were put into words that outsiders were able to very clearly see. I'm not going to lie, it made me nauseous reading some of the comments and realizing it was a form of emotional incest, which I had to research, by the way, hated every second of it. Anyways, here's an update from the drama that went down the last month. I sat down with my boyfriend and had a really uncomfortable talk about all of it, and he was equally horrified. I don't think it ever really hit him how completely bananas and sick the behavior was until everything was laid out on the table back to back. He assured me he hasn't dealt with any deeper

abuse from his past, and this seems to be a more recent behavior. I'm his most serious. I'm his most relationship, so we're assuming it was some weird sick jealously like many of you said. The real drama, he sat down with his mom, without me, and told her how he felt, that in was inappropriate and that it needed to stop. Well, shit hit the fan after that. That woman completely snapped, she blew up my phone with messages about how I will never compete with her, she will always be, BF's name, first love, and that I shouldn't have felt so insecure, especially since we considered each other friends. She also said there was nothing weird or sexual about the comments she's made, and that were all sensitive snowflakes. Eventually they got into a screaming match.

He told her we'd cut ties if she continued acting like this. Both his siblings have cut ties with her for years now, and she pretty much said, I dare you, you'll deal with the consequences. So ties were cut. But we have learned she's been twisting the story quite a bit to her friends and family, and they apparently blame me, saying I poisoned her in my boyfriend's mind. I personally have no guilt for the situation, I think cutting ties was the best outcome, but I do worry about my boyfriend. His dad is still very much in his life, but I worry about him not having his mom, even though she was toxic. For the ones who have cut ties with family members in the past because of a spouse, what kind of advice can you give for a smoother transition to essentially losing a parent?

Is there anything that will make it easier on him or both of us? We want to start planning a family soon too, but how am I supposed to ever explain to our child what happened to their grandma? I'm truly scared my boyfriend might hold resentment towards me one day for bringing light to how toxic his mom was. I hope you enjoy this story. Father evicted me from my chamber to accommodate his recent stepchild following the demise of my mother.

Subsequently, he discovered that my mother had bequeathed me a 50% stake in the residence. Now he's begging me to come back. My mom passed away about six months ago after a long battle with cancer. She was my rock, and we had an incredibly close bond. Losing her was devastating. I'm 19, and up until recently, I had been living with my dad, who, until this happened, was my other rock, my source of stability. My parents' marriage wasn't perfect, but it was functional enough that I thought they were happy. Losing my mom made our little family seem so much smaller, and for a while, it was just dad and me, figuring out life. Then, three months after mom's death, my dad dropped a bombshell, he was getting remarried. I was stunned. It felt like the

ground had shifted beneath me. To me, it seemed like he was rushing things. I mean, just a few months ago, we were grieving together, and now he was ready to move on. He claimed that this woman, let's call her Jane, had been an old friend, someone he had reconnected with shortly after mom got sick. I wanted to be open-minded. I understood that everyone grieves differently, and maybe this was his way of coping. But deep down, it felt wrong. It felt like he was disrespecting my mom's memory by jumping into a new relationship so quickly. When I tried to express this to him, he launched into a speech about how he deserved to be happy after everything he had been through. I felt my heart sink. I didn't want to start a fight, so I kept quiet. I was trying to be

mature, to avoid conflict, but inside, I was a complete wreck. It was so hard to watch him move on while I was still processing my own grief. It felt like he had replaced my mom with someone new, and I didn't know how to deal with those feelings. Jane moved and almost immediately, along with her daughter, Emily, who was 17. I didn't know much about Emily, but I could see how close she and her mom were. They seemed to have this bond that I felt completely left out of. Everything was always pleasant, smiling and trying to be friendly, but I could sense she was trying to assert her dominance over the household in subtle ways. Suddenly, there were new house rules, changes to our routines, and shifts in how everything

worked. The familiar comfort of home was gone, replaced by an uncomfortable atmosphere that made me feel like a stranger in my own space. At first, I tried to go with the flow, thinking maybe this was just part of adjusting to the new living arrangements. But the more I watched Jane and Emily settle in, the more alienated I felt. They had their own little world, and I was just an outsider looking in. It was hard to adjust to the fact that my dad had chosen to prioritize their needs over mine, especially when I was still reeling from losing my mom. Then the real bombshell dropped. One day, out of the blue, Dad sat me down for a serious talk. I could tell by his expression that this wasn't going to be good. He told me that since Emily was moving in, he thought it would be best if I

considered moving out to make space for her. I was in disbelief. He actually suggested that I gift my room to Emily because she needed it more. He told me I could stay at my uncle's place temporarily while they adjusted to the new living arrangements. I wanted to scream and shout, but I remembered how my dad reacted the last time when I shared my thoughts on his marriage. So, I stayed calm, on the outside at least. I chose not to argue or get emotional and simply said okay. I packed my bags, called my uncle, and moved out. My uncle welcomed me. My uncle welcomed me, with open arms. He was as shocked as I was when I told him what happened. It was only when I left that the reality of the situation hit me. My dad had chosen his new wife and stepdaughter over me,

his own child, only months after my mom had passed away. The betrayal stung deeply. For a few days, I didn't hear from Dad. I assumed he was relieved that I had left without putting up a fight. It seemed like Dad didn't care enough to reach out, and I figured he was happy to have me out of the house. After all, he got what he wanted, right? They got my room, Jane got her new life with Dad, and I was out of the way. I remember sitting in my uncle's guest room, staring at my phone, half expecting some sort of apology or explanation. But there was nothing. It stung more than I expected like I'd been completely erased from his life.

I kept telling myself I did the right thing by leaving and trying to focus on getting settled at my uncle's place and keeping up with my college assignments. Then, out of nowhere, the silence broke. One day, my phone started blowing up with calls and texts from Dad. At first, I ignored them, assuming it was more of the same adjusting talk he'd given me before. But then it became relentless one missed call after another, message after message. He was apologized. asking me to come home, saying things could go back to normal. His tone had completely changed from when I left, and I started to get suspicious. Why this sudden desperation? I didn't respond at first, but the sheer volume of messages made me curious.

Why was he so eager to get me back now? What had changed? Finally, I caved and texted him back, asking what was going on. That's when he told me about the letter. He tried to downplay it, but the more he talked, the more I realized something significant had happened. He mentioned receiving an official letter for my mom's estate attorney, which didn't make much sense to me at first. I knew my mom had a will she had mentioned it in passing when she was sick, but I hadn't thought much about the details. Apparently, this letter was a big deal.

My dad explained, in a roundabout way, that my mom's will have been finalized, and according to the will, my mom's will, my mom's had left her share of the house to me. That means my dad and I are now co-owners of the house me owning half, and him the other half. So, while Dad still has his share, he can't sell the house or make any major changes to it without my consent. I guess I had assumed everything would go to Dad, given that they were married. But she had made sure I was taken care of, and it hit me hard just how much thought she had put into it. Even though I wasn't 21 yet, being 19 meant I had a legal stake in the house. I hadn't realized how significant that was until Dad started explaining that he couldn't make any major decisions about the property without my consent.

This news completely shifted the dynamic. Now that Dad and Jane know they need me to stay in control of the house, they've been spamming me with calls and texts nonstop. It's not just them either they've roped in the rest of the family. I'm getting messages from aunts, uncles, and cousins, all saying I need to be the bigger person and go back home for the sake of family harmony. It's overwhelming. I'm a full-time college student, and I already have so much on my plate with classes, assignments, and trying to balance a part-time job. The worst part is how Jane has started messaging me too, acting all nice and trying to guilt me into returning. She's offered to let me share the room with Emily now as if that's supposed to make up for everything.

It feels so disingenuous like they're just trying to smooth things over because they realize they've lost control of the situation. They didn't care about my feelings until they realized they needed me, and now they're trying to act like we're all one big happy family frankly. It's a lot to deal with. I didn't ask for any of this, and all I really wanted was some time to grieve and process everything after losing my mom. I'm stuck in this mess, feeling like I have to fight just to hold on to what my mom. wanted me to have. Now, I don't know what to do. The house is legally half mine, but I'm not sure if I want to go back. Update 1, hi guys, first of all, thank you so much for all the support and advice in the comments. Reading through your personal experiences has honestly been one of the

few things keeping me sane these past few days. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in dealing with complicated family stuff. For those asking, my uncle let's call him Uncle James is my mom's brother, not my dad's. He's been nothing but supportive, and I'm lucky to have him as a place to stay while I sort all this out. So, there's been another development. While my dad's side of the family has been nonstop in their attempts to get me to come back, something interesting happened that I didn't see coming. My mom's lawyer paid me a visit to Uncle James's house. I wasn't expecting it, and honestly, it kind of caught me off guard. I had I only met the lawyer once before, at the reading of my mom's will, but I didn't really think I'd be hearing from him again, at least not anytime soon.

When he showed up, my first thought was that something had gone wrong with the house or my legal rights over it, but it turned out to be something completely different. Apparently, my mom had set up a small trust fund for me, and the lawyer was there to explain the details. My uncle, James, is the trustee, which means he's in charge of managing the trust until I'm old enough to handle it on my own. The trust isn't anything huge, just a small amount of money that my mom had set aside for emergencies or for my future needs. I guess she wanted to make sure I had something to fall back on, even if things got complicated with dad in the house. The thing is, I'm not sure if my dad even knows about this trust. Mom must have set it up quietly, and since Uncle James is the trustee, it's possible dad wasn't aware of it at all. That realization made me feel even more protected by my mom.

It's like she had planned for every possibility, even the ones I never imagined. The trust fund isn't a game changer in terms of my financial situation, but it's comforting to know that I have some extra security, especially with everything that's happening right now. I haven't told my dad about the trust, and honestly, I'm not sure if I should. He's been blowing up my phone with messages, and I've had calls from all sorts of relatives' cousins, aunts, uncles all trying to convince me to come back. At first, they were being nice about it, telling me that dad misses me and that we should patch things up, but when I didn't respond right away, the tone started to change. Some of them started guilt-tripping me, saying things like, your dad's under a love.

lot of stress, and family is more important than a stupid room. I even had one of my aunts tell me that I was being selfish for taking my mom's side and that I needed to move on since she was gone now. It's been overwhelming, to say the least. But here's the kicker while all this was going on, Uncle James told me that Dad had been trying to reach out to him too. Apparently, Dad called him and tried to act like everything was fine, asking if I was doing okay and if Uncle James could convince me to come back home. James said it was the most awkward conversation he'd ever had. Dad was trying to play the concerned parent, but Uncle James wasn't buying it.

He knows how Dad has treated me, and he made it clear to Dad that I was welcome to stay with him for as long as I needed. It's pretty clear that my dad's side of the family is all on his team. They're trying to wear me down, and I have a feeling it's not just about wanting me back for family reasons it's about control, just like with the house. house. I've been thinking a lot about whether Dad knows about the trust or if he's just focused on the house for now. Part of me wonders if the trust would complicate things even more if he found out. Right now, he's trying to guilt me into coming back, but if he knew about the

extra money mom left me, would that change his tactics? Would he suddenly try to get involved in managing that too? I have no idea, but the thought is nagging at me. Anyway, my lawyer has advised me to keep things quiet for now, especially since dad is already so fixated on the house. Legally, he can't force me to move back, and he definitely can't sell the house without my agreement. But I can't help but feel like this whole thing is going to get Messier before it gets better. Uncle James has been a rock through all of this, and I'm so grateful to have him in my corner. I don't know what I would have done without him, especially with how manipulative my dad and his side of the family have been. For now, I'm taking things day by day.

I'm focusing on school, trying to keep up with my assignments, and just taking a breeder from all the drama. Update 2 Every time I think this whole situation has reached its peak of awfulness, something worse happens or I learn something that just turns my world upside down even more. I thought things couldn't get any worse after leaving my dad's house, dealing with the family's non-stop messages, and then finding out about the trust fund my mom had set up for me. But I was wrong. Something happened yesterday that really hit me hard and changed the way I look at everything

that's been going on. One of my cousins from my dad's side let's call her Sarah asked to meet up for coffee. I wasn't sure what to expect since most of my dad's side has been pressuring me to go back home, but Sarah and I have always been pretty close. She's a bit older than me, and we used to hang out a lot when we were younger, so I figured maybe she just wanted to check in and see how I was doing. When we met up, things were a bit awkward at first. Sarah's mommy and has been one of the main people pressuring me to reconcile with my

wasn't sure where this conversation was going to go. But then, out of nowhere, the conversation took a completely unexpected turn, and Sarah dropped a bomb on me that I wasn't prepared for. She hesitated at first, saying she wasn't sure if she should tell me what she knew, especially since her mom had told her to keep quiet about it. But she couldn't hold it in any more she felt I needed to know the truth. Sarah told me that my dad had been cheating on my mom for a long time, even before my mom got sick. I was completely floored. I had no idea this was going on. Sarah said she had known for a while but didn't want to get involved, mostly because her mom had

told her not to. She explained that one day, before my mom passed away, she saw my dad out at a restaurant with Jane. And it wasn't just some casual lunch Sarah said they looked like a couple. They were sitting close together, talking, and it was clear there was something going on between them. At the time, Sarah didn't think too much about it. Maybe she didn't want to believe the worst, or maybe she didn't want to create drama. But now, looking back, it all started to to make sense to her. The part that hit me the hardest was when Sarah told me she eventually gathered the courage to tell my mom about what she had seen. I can't even begin to imagine how devastating that must have been for my mom. She was already going through so much with her

illness, and on top of that, she had to deal with the knowledge that my dad had emotionally, and maybe even physically, moved on before she was gone. Sarah said that after she told my mom, she felt guilty, like maybe she had made things worse, but at the time, she thought it was the right thing to do. She believed my mom had the right to know, even if it caused her pain. Ever since then, though, it's been weighing on Sarah's conscience, and she struggled with whether or not telling my mom was the right decision. When Sarah told me all this, everything started to click into place. I think this might be why my mom made the decisions she did in her will. She probably knew about Dad and Jane, and maybe she didn't trust him anymore. Maybe that's why she left her share

of the house to me instead of leaving everything to Dad. It was her way of protecting me and making sure that if Dad tried to move on too quickly with Jane, I wouldn't be left with nothing. It hurts to think that my mom was dealing with so much behind the scenes. She must have known that her time was limited, and on top of everything, she had to worry about Dad betraying her trust. I feel like I should have known, but I guess I was too focused on trying to cope with losing her to see the signs. Now, all these little things are starting to make sense the way my mom would sometimes look at my dad with this sadness in her eyes. The way she seemed so focused on making sure everything was in order before she passed away. I think she knew that she had to take care of me because she

couldn't count on dad to do it. After Sarah told me all this, I felt sick to my stomach. It was like my whole perspective on my parents' relationship had been flipped upside down. I always thought they had a strong marriage, and I never would have guessed that dad was capable of something like this. I don't even know how to feel about him anymore. Part of me is furious that he could betray my mom like that, and part of me is just devastated that my mom had to carry that secret with her while she was sick. Now, I'm starting to wonder how much Jane knew about all of this. Did she know my mom was still in the picture when she got involved with my dad. Was she just waiting for my mom to pass away so she could move in and take over?

It makes me feel even more certain that I made the right decision by leaving the house. I don't want to be around people who treated my mom like that, especially not in the home that she worked so hard to create for us. Since learning this, I've felt even more conflicted about what to do next. I still own half of the house, but I don't know if I ever want to set foot in it again. How can I live there, knowing all of this? How can I even look at my dad after finding out what he did to my mom? And now, it makes sense why Jane was so eager to push me out of the house she probably saw me as an obstacle to fully taking over the life she wanted with my dad.

Uncle James has been incredibly supportive through all of this. When I told him what Sarah said, he wasn't surprised. He said he always had a feeling that something was off with dad after my mom went. got sick, but he never had proof. He's been encouraging me to take my time with making any decisions about the house, and he's even offered to help me talk to a lawyer if I want to take any legal steps. I'm not sure what I want to do yet, but knowing I have people like Uncle James and Sarah in my corner makes me feel a little less alone in all of this. For now, I'm trying to process everything and figure out what my next move should be. I don't think I can forgive my dad,

at least not any time soon. He's been pretending to be the victim in all of this, acting like I'm the one tearing the family apart, but now I see that he's been hiding so much from me. Update 3, hi guys, I guess this might be my final update. So, after everything that's happened, I decided I needed to have a final conversation with my dad. This wasn't because I wanted to fix anything or make things better between us, but I felt like I needed to say my piece and make it clear that I did. didn't want any part of the life he and Jane were building. It wasn't easy to make that decision,

but after finding out about the affair and realizing how much my mom had been through, I knew I couldn't just stay silent and walk away without closure. I messaged my dad, telling him I wanted to meet and talk. He was quick to respond, clearly thinking this was my way of coming back and reconciling. He and Jane had probably convinced themselves that I just needed time to cool off and that I'd eventually come around. When I showed up at the house without any bags or signs that I was moving back in, I could see the surprise on both of their faces. They were expecting me to be ready to move back in, but that wasn't happening.

I sat down with them in the living room, and the atmosphere was tense. Dad tried to start with some small talk, asking how I was doing and if I was ready to move forward. Jane just sat there, kind of fake smiling, clearly uncomfortable but still. still trying to act like everything was normal. It took everything in me to stay calm and not let my anger take over, but I had made up my mind I wasn't going to let them control the narrative anymore. I told Dad straight up that I knew about the affair, that I knew he had been with Jane while Mom was still alive, and that someone had confirmed that for me.

I didn't want to bring my cousin, Sarah, into this matter because her Mom wouldn't have liked that at all. The look on his face was priceless he was completely caught off guard, and for once, he had nothing to say. Jane went pale and tried to deny it, stammering something about how it wasn't what it seemed, but I wasn't interested in hearing her excuses. I had already heard enough from Sarah to know the truth. I explained that I wasn't there to argue or try to get an apology. I just wanted them to know that I wasn't coming back. I told them that I didn't trust them, that I didn't want any part of this life they had built on lies, and that I wasn't going to

pretend like everything was fine. The house half of it, at least was mine now, and I wasn't going to let them push me out, but I also wasn't going to live there. I told them I'd figure out what to do with my share later, but for now, I didn't want any contact with them. The one thing that was clear was that no decision regarding the house should be made without me. Of course, Dad tried to play the victim, saying that I was tearing the family apart, that I was overreacting, and that I needed to think about the future. He even tried to guilt me by saying how hard it had been for him after mom died, that he needed someone to lean on, and that's why Jane came into the picture.

But I wasn't buying it. He made his choices, and now he had to live with them. I wasn't going to feel bad for him when he had clearly disrespected my mom long before she passed away. As for Jane, she just sat there quietly after I called them out. It was clear that she wasn't going to take any responsibility for what had happened, and I didn't expect her to. Honestly, I don't care what happens between the two of them at this point. They've made their bed, and they can lie in it together. After I said my peace, I got up to leave.

I could tell Dad was still in shock he probably thought I'd come crawling back, but that was never going to happen. I walked out of the house feeling lighter than I had in weeks. It wasn't easy, but it felt good to finally have some closure, to say what needed to be know that I wasn't going to be part of their lives anymore. Since then, I've blocked them both on social media and stopped responding to any messages from my dad's side of the family. It's been quiet for the most part, although I've heard from Sarah that dad's been telling people I'm the one who's acting out and being unreasonable. But honestly, I don't care. People will believe what they want, and I'm done trying to explain. myself to anyone. As for the house, I haven't made any final decisions yet. My lawyer and Uncle James are helping me figure out the best way to handle it, but I've been thinking about

either selling my share or renting it out. I don't want to be tied to that house anymore, but I also don't want to give Dad and Jane any easy wins. If they want to stay there, they'll have to deal with the fact that I still have control over part of it, and I'm not going to let them make any big changes without my approval. end, I think this whole situation was a wake-up call for me. I've learned that sometimes the people you trust the most can let you down in ways you never expected. But I've also learned that I'm stronger than I thought. I've made it through this mess with my head held high, and I'm ready to move forward on my own terms. As for Dad and Jane, well, I guess they got what

they wanted. But in the end, they've lost something to me. And maybe, in time, they'll realize that some things can't be undone. Karma has a way of catching up with people, and while I'm done with them, I can't help but feel like they'll eventually have to face the consequences of their actions. For now, I'm focusing on myself, my future, and the people who have truly been there for me through all of this. I'm not looking back. I just want to take a moment to thank all of you for your support, advice, and kind words throughout this whole ordeal. Reading your stories and knowing that I'm not alone in this has meant more to me than I can express. Your encouragement has helped me stay strong and stand my ground, and for that, I'll always be grateful. Thanks for being there when I needed it

most. I hope you enjoy this story. Father's impartial associate desires her offspring to reside with me for educational purposes, yet I have never viewed them as kin. Consequently, when I declined, they employed me as a bargaining tool. To control her until she showed up at my door having a mental breakdown. I was debating whether or not to post this, but seeing as nobody from my inner circle can be neutral on the topic, I'll look for advice on the internet. When I, now 29F, was 14, it came out that my dad had been living a whole another life behind his wife's, and my mom's, back, one where he had a one-year-old daughter, now 16F, with his employee. Back then, it was a huge deal, my brother, now 31, refused to speak to our dad for a

whole year, and I couldn't look him in the eye ever since. Now, I don't know if our mom knew or if she just didn't care, but I remember her being very desperate to keep her husband. Perhaps it was because he was the breadwinner and made quite a lot, who knows, but eventually, after many therapy sessions and counseling, they stayed together. That didn't mean his other family was brickwalled as you'd think would be appropriate. In fact, my dad stopped going out with the other woman, but they remained friends, and my mom and her had some sort of sister-wives vibes going on. It was just weird. On every holiday, there'd be this woman who knowingly and willingly almost destroyed another family. Yes, she was aware our dad was married, and didn't care, and this baby who we, me and my

brother, were meant to treat like a sibling. We haven't felt like a family since. My brother refused to participate in holidays like Christmas or Easter for a few years, then came around when Ally, I'll call my stepsister this for clarity's sake, was four years old and decided he'd be a brother to her. It was a very sudden switch, though he still doesn't speak to our father or Ally's mom. Maybe I'm jaded, but I never saw Ally's mom as anything but a homewrecker and a terrible person, an ally as a result of that. I know my dad is to blame as well, but back then, it was easier to be angry at them than at my dad. I never saw Ally as a sister and made it clear. That resulted in some familial tension that continues to this day. It would be really hard to

list everything that happened here, so I won't, and I'll get to the main issue at hand. So, Ally recently decided to change schools because of some issues I'm not interested in. For clarification, my country's high schools can have specific specializations, like art, confectionery, hairdressing, and so on. These are just the first ones I could think of, but I'm just not sure how common it is. Ally used to study in grammar school, high school that has no specific field, but is usually a stepping stone between high school and college, but it was apparently too demanding and she decided to drop out and pursue an art school. She's not an extraordinary artist for her age, but good enough to get accepted into a pretty good art school that happens to be near me. All I and her mom live close to my parents, and my parents live solid three hours away from me, so getting to and from school would be difficult for her, but not impossible. Two days ago, we had a family dinner, yes, Ally and her mom were invited, much to my dismay,

where the issue was brought up. They talked around the topic, maybe expecting me to pipe up and open my doors for her, but I didn't, so they eventually asked flat out if I could let Ally live with me for the school year. She'd be there from Monday to Friday, and be at home for any holidays and such. I also work in art and am an illustrator, so they think it would be beneficial for Ally to spend time around real artists, which is hilarious because they called my profession useless. Here are my reasons for declining. 1. There is an option of dorms just outside of campus. The living conditions are good,

not a five-star hotel but good nonetheless. 2. I don't like Ally and have made that clear. We have absolutely no relationship. Aside from her being blood-related, there's nothing about her that would convince me to take her in. 3. My brother lives closer to the art school, like an hour away. It's not right around the corner, but doable, plus he actually likes Ally. Four, when I needed help and came to Ally's mom as a Hail Mary, she laughed me out of the door and said that we're not family, so for her to insist we are, in fact, a family now is both irritating and funny. Five, I have a pretty modest apartment. Yes, I have two rooms, but I'm renting out the other for my best

friend. Six, they didn't ask me nicely, they demanded, and when I showed hesitation, they immediately descended upon me like a pack of vultures. Seven, apparently, Ally doesn't want to live with a stranger in a dorm. Something about anxiety, which, while I can sympathize, I also lived in dorms with two strangers that didn't even like me. She's my sister despite it all and God wanted us to be a family. I'm atheist. My brother's girlfriend is currently pregnant with a baby soon to and he doesn't want to bring ally into all of that, plus his girlfriend is nervous around strangers, which is the last thing she needs. I should kick out my roommate in favor of family, and it should be a no-brainer to let my sister live with me. Again, she's not my sister, I don't know her, and I never put in the effort

to get to know her, nor do I want to. I don't want to know if I'm the asshole for that, I guess I am because it's not her fault she came to the world like this. Anyway, I wanted to think about it for a bit and then turn them down to at least pretend to seriously consider it, but with how the evening devolved from calm and peaceful to yelling and demanding in a matter of seconds, I said no immediately and remained firm on my stance. Everything calmed down when Ally ran out of the house, back to her house, I assume. Then, I was asked to leave, which I was already doing, and was told we'll discuss the matter when I'm ready to act like an adult, in which case I better sign up for kindergarten before they're

all full. I made it clear, and when Allies' mom messaged me to discuss the topic, I left her on Reed, and when my dad called me, I didn't pick up. I won't put up with them yelling and demanding as if that would change my mind. Ida. Comments where OPP has replied, comment one. NTA but be prepared for them to just show up with a moving truck full of her stuff. warn tour roommate and don't let them in. Oop, I'd laugh, but I know they may actually decide to drop off ally on my doorstep. They're the sort of my way or the highway people comment too. Block them it's not your responsibility if it's so important to them

maybe her mother should move closer to the school and not force a 16-year-old into a place that she isn't wanted I wouldn't go over there. It seems like there's a lot of drama and not a good place to be around very toxic. Why would you want to continuously put yourself through a very toxic unhealthy dynamic? I think therapy would help you never hate but you're going through, but I wouldn't associate with them you can love them from a distance OOP. They touched on that, allies mom considered moving, but it would be a hassle for her to get a job there. Also, I put up with it because, for the most part, we have a good relationship,

not counting the two that I don't consider my family. We meet two times in a month, sometimes more, sometimes less, and keep in touch via WhatsApp, but these Sunday outings are common. OOP added more of the dinner plan in the comments. Once Ally left, Dad and his ex-side chick told me they've already told her she'll have to act super nice and respectful for me to agree to take her in. So I guess me going no was a bit of a blow. She was apparently even saving up money so she can help with the bills. Although I must say my dad likes to fluff up his statement so they sound better, so maybe

he was lying, I don't know. Still, pretty fucked up of them to act like I'll agree to this kid. Oh, O' opion why her mom agreed to stay with her father and put up with all of this. I didn't talk much to my mom since I witnessed her literally beg on her knees to not leave her for this 20-something year old, that was, as kids say, pretty cringe. But from what I understand, my mom was like, well, it happened, better make the best of it and really tried her best to bury any resentment she had in order to have a relationship with ally. Besides, she's an immigrant and literally has no one else here, and moving back to her country was not possible, so she stayed despite everything. Both my brother and me have proposed her divorcing him and moving in with us.

We even started the process of renting out a bigger house together so our mom can live with us, but she decided to cancel it last minute. It's really sad. What's worse is my dad was ready to leave her for his side chick, but she convinced him to stay. I pity her above all. More on the dinners and strange dynamic. Oh my God, you have no idea. Ally and Ally's mom aren't invited over every single time, but when they are, we, me and my brother, get either no warning or a warning five minutes before we get there. Maybe they're forgetful, but I also wouldn't put it above them to do this intentionally. They know I hate Ally's mom and feel very ambivalent about Ally herself, so I wouldn't attend if I knew beforehand. My parents' house has two extra bedrooms, an ally and Ally's mom sometimes sleep there.

It's so fucking weird. They don't sleep there often, if my parents are to be believed, and it's so shocking my mom went from a proud, headstrong woman to being borderline cucked in plain sight and under her own roof. It's kind of cathartic to let all of this out. my only my friend who I live with sees my point, others excuse it or outright call me the asshole, not to mention how fine my brother seems with everything. One Sunday, I walked in and saw Ally's mom in a towel and brushing her teeth and I just left. Mini update, the thing I feared the most happened. Currently, Ally is in my room after appearing out of nowhere in front of my apartment, with my friend letting her in after she started having a mental breakdown in the hall.

I really, really didn't think this would happen, I mean I thought about it, but more so in the humorous what-if way. I think my father and Ally's mom divorced themselves from reality if they thought I'd let this shit slide. I'll update later. Update 1, so sorry for the late update, I wanted to update as soon as possible, but things just sort of kept happening. Anyways, on the day of my mini-update, as I said, ally materialized in front of my apartment. My best friend, called me after letting her in, and I started calling Molly, I'll call that the XAP, first. Molly didn't pick up. Then I called my dad, left him a dozen of missed calls before I finally got in front of my apartment complex, and he finally picked up. He responded to my polite request

of getting allied the fuck out of my apartment with a counter-argument of just letting it be, and then de-escalated to I'll pick her up tomorrow. I explained he'll pick her up from a police station tomorrow, and he has until midnight to get his or Molly's ass here if they don't want me to file a report. I know, I should have done that ASAP, but just like everything, it's more complex than that. Besides Molly has a charge already, petty theft, nothing serious or crazy, so I guess she'd rather not pile on another. When I got home, Ally was crying on the sofa. My roommate quickly filled me in, Ally came, was shocked to see my roommate instead of me and asked if she, my roomy, was visiting or leaving. My roomy said she was neither visiting nor leaving.

That started a one-sided argument with Ally becoming more and more louder with my roommate shushing her, before she started to have some sort of breakdown. I wasn't there and my roommate kept referring to it as a panic attack, and I have no reason to doubt her. Al-I then switched up and started screaming at me about how I'm a horrible sister, a liar, a leech, and more names. I can understand horrible sister, but a leech and a liar. I eventually managed to get her to calm down and speak to me without alerting the whole floor about our little family drama and got the following results. Molly and my dad were, for at least six months, or ever since Ally decided to drop out of her previous high school, the stepping stone, using the idea of living with me and going to a nice art high

school as a leverage. Stuff like get good grades or you won't live with, me, which what? She was leaving that school anyway, clean your room or, turn in your phone or, and there were some more damaging requests like dropping certain friends, deleting social media, etc. Basically, Ally was hinging on living with me for a long time now. I can't lie, I felt so bad for her. I didn't doubt the validity of her claims because that's the stuff my dad used to do to get me and my brother motivated, promise us something big, hold it over our heads, and then it was a coin toss on whether or not he'd deliver. Molly told Ally that I actually agreed to some trial run for a week, after which she'd come back home to her dads and spend the rest of the summer preparing for the big

move. I have no idea why they'd promised that when they knew I was against it. Maybe they were banking on me rolling over on my back and taking it since I did take a step back numerous times to keep the peace, unfortunately, and they thought that since Ally would be there, I wouldn't dare crush her dream. Although it sucked, it was the first time me and Ally had a genuine discussion. It was 40% shitting on our common parent, 40% shitting on Molly and the rest was talking about art. I'm not saying I love her now and will adopt her, but there is silver lining to every cloud. She then went to sleep on my bed while I waited for her parents to show up. My dad did it like 11 p.m. and he was so mad to find out Ally was asleep and wondered why didn't I

just let her sleep here for the night, but not as angry as me. After hearing out Ally's side of the story, I was really curious about his, and while, at the very least, he took it like a man, he couldn't really defend himself. Granted, I ranted for solid five minutes at the speed of a seasoned rapper, so when he finally got a word in, he probably forgot or didn't understand a good part of it. He just told me he will call me later about this. Well, it's later. I'm really curious about the conclusion to all of this.

I'm so emotionally drained that I could barely work and slept in my friend. bed tonight, Platonic, we've been doing this since we were kids. Also, thank you for the comments and the advice. I wound up not really able to use it this time, but I made a list of everything I need to do and will focus on that whenever I managed to find a sliver of life within me. Update 2, I apologize for my silence. I wanted to update sooner, but things just kept happening and I didn't have the time nor the energy to update. Anyways, thanks everyone for the advice and for assuring me I'm not crazy, though I'm not sure this update is necessarily a happy one. For those who didn't see my small update at the end of my first post and were interested

where the story goes, Ally, my half-sister, showed up at my door comically soon after my post, and I threatened my dad to come pick her up where I will call the police. He did, and told me he'll explain everything, though it took him a while to get to that. I assume he wanted to placate me to not bother him anymore, but I visited him last week to talk face to face, and he couldn't really run backed into a corner. What I learned was kind of crazy. Ally's mom, I think I called her Molly in my last post, is actually doing really bad finance-wise. You could chalk it up to her brain not being fully cooked before having a child, but I'd like to say it's because Molly is a child herself in many aspects. Something something traumatic childhood

something something armchair psychologist. I don't know, and I don't care, because she really fucked over her daughter. Turns out, she took on a lot of loans, yet with her job, it was very unlikely she'd pay it off in a foreseeable future. Therefore, she is currently going through execution? I'm not sure if that's the right word, but basically she's losing everything to pay off her debts. This also means the state is taking a cut from her salary, leaving her with a livable wage. That's not really enough to live off of, right? Molly decided to sell her apartment and move into something smaller. Originally, she wanted to live in my dad's house, but my mom put her foot down a while ago about Molly and Ally being forbidden from staying at their house for more than a week

in special occasions. Like when the apartment complex where Molly was staying was going through repairs. Molly wanted to move into a very small studio apartment it's called, I think? And that would mean she'd be living in this tiny apartment with Ally, which would be pretty cramped. I've seen the apartment, it's basically glorified chicken coop, which is why they tried to put the responsibility on me. They really hoped I would take it upon myself, L.O.L. Not many people are going to be happy about this, but I let Ally stay with me for a little while, but it was impossible to live with her, low-key. I won't go into details, but Ally is clearly a troubled person and I've never noticed since I was never around her for too long. She has night terrors and my best friend is a very light sleeper with a

physically demanding job, so she was absolutely exhausted the whole time Ally was staying. Ally also wasn't really cleaning up after herself and stole my watch, so I told my dad to figure it out because I won't be putting up with this. He practically begged for me to take Ally in and that she'll get better, which I can believe the burden would lessen over time, but I'm not willing to go through all of that before it does, and finally offered I will take her in if she goes to therapy, but Molly's mom doesn't believe in therapy, which is weirdly not shocking at all. I thought my dad would take her in, but my mom was very much against it and they had a fight over it. My mom had a panic attack and was hospitalized later, so Ally was sent back to her mom.

Molly was pissed, but she was pissed at me. In her words, I'm the only one who can reserve space for her, but I'm unwilling because I hate her and ally. Hate is a strong word, but it's a part of it. My brother also laid into me, even though he has a fucking house, but oh no, I'm the one meant to suffer because his girlfriend recently gave birth. Like I don't care. Same guy who said blood should be thicker than water when I told him that my friend lives at my place and I'm not willing to move her out for ally, but I guess my blood doesn't count. Things are in a limbo. My dad is still trying to convince my mom. Between that, he's making snide comments at me,

Molly is sending me passive aggressive messages and my brother looks at me sideways. I'm considering going full no contact at this point, it genuinely hurts seeing all my family turn on me. At least I have my best friend, I'm so mad I let her be exhausted for such a long time and that I caved into my dad, but I'm so grateful she still sticks with me. I don't know if I'll update again, but I will try to if anything else happens. Again, thank you for the comments assuring me I'm not a heartless wench and all the advice. Comment where OP has replied, comment, you poor thing. NTA, go no get yourself to therapy if you can. Your side comments about the way your father treated your brother and you make me think you

would find it helpful. What are you getting out of being in contact with this soap opera? OOP! Entertainment? Perhaps in hindsight, I'll get a good laugh out of it, L.O.L. But now, aside from being bombarded with messages telling me how horrible I am, I literally get nothing out of it. It's hard to go no contact and I'm already low contact, but as much as I don't want to, I worry I'll go actually insane like all these people if I don't.

I hope you enjoy this story. Guardians evicted me to accommodate their favored offspring. Many seasons later, she fled at 13 and currently they're imploring me to assist after deceiving her that. I abandoned them. Growing up, I always felt like a bit of a disappointment to my parents. My mom and dad were hoping for a girl. In fact, they've been trying for a daughter for years but had no

luck until, well, me. They didn't hide the fact that they were disappointed that I was a boy much either. I overheard them say they felt like they'd been given a spare, and I even remember hearing them call me a remnant once. As a kid, that didn't make much sense, but as I got older, it hit me hard. It was obvious that I was just the kid they had while waiting for something better to come along. My parents kept trying for another kid. In fact, it was all they'd ever talk about at family gatherings or when their friends came over. I remember a lot of people telling my parents that they needed to be grateful that they at least had one kid. But my parents would brush them off and tell them that unless it was a girl, they had no kids. Anyway, when I was 15,

they finally had my sister who was also their miracle child. She was everything they'd been hoping for. They poured everything into her. They gave her all of their attention, money, and time. They gave her all of their attention, money, and time. The moment she was born, I pretty much stopped existing in my parents' eyes. I mean, I know I barely existed in their eyes already, but when my sister came along, I was literally invisible. They barely had any time for me, and they made sure that everything that had to do with that made it easier for them to look after my sister. They stopped caring about my hobbies or interests, but they made sure that they showered my sister with praise for every little thing. I knew she was their priority, and I accepted that. I mean, what else could I do?

By the time I turned 18, it became pretty clear they didn't want me around anymore. The day of my birthday, my parents sat me down, and it wasn't for any kind of celebration. They told me that they needed more room in the house and that I'd have to move out. Apparently, they thought that by me being there, I was taking away resources from my sister. I tried to explain to them that I didn't have anywhere to go yet and that I just needed a couple of months to save up and find a place. But they weren't interested in anything I had to say. They said I'd had plenty of time to prepare and that I should be able to manage just fine on my own. So, just like that, I was out. I didn't have much. I just had a few bags of clothes and whatever money I could scrape together from odd jobs I'd

done in high school. I ended up couch surfing with friends for a bit and then moving into a tiny, rundown apartment. Those first few years were rough. I worked all kinds of jobs, from working night shifts at convenience stores to doing heavy labor on construction sites, just to make ends meet. I never really had a stable job, and I was constantly worried about making rent or affording food. There were nights I'd fall asleep hungry and not knowing if I'd be able to afford my next meal. During that time, I tried to keep in touch with my parents. I don't know why. I know I should have been angry with them, but they were still my parents and I guess I hoped that they cared about me at least a little bit. I'd call them every once in a while hoping

for even a small sign that they missed me. But every conversation was short and awkward like they were just waiting for it to end. The only reason we spoke was because I was the one reaching out. They never called to check on me or see if I was okay. After two years of the same thing, I just stopped calling. It hurt too much to keep putting myself out there when I knew that they didn't really care about me. And they never reached out to me either. They never even sent a message for holidays or birthdays. I figured they had their perfect family now, and I wasn't a part of it. Yeah, it hurt, but I learned to make peace with that. Nine years went by like that. I finally managed to build a stable life for myself.

I had a steady job, a small but comfortable place to live, and friends who had become my chosen family. I'd accepted that my parents were out of my life for good. Then, out of nowhere, a few days ago, I got a call from them. I honestly thought something must have happened to one of them, so I picked up. Besides, I hadn't heard their voices in almost seven years, and they sounded kind of erratic if I'm being honest. They told me that they needed to talk to me about my sister. They went on to very dramatically explain that my sister was going through a rough time and was out of control. I was surprised by that. I mean, she was only 12 or 13. I didn't understand how things could be so bad already, but they told me she was constantly skipping school, getting into

fights and even caught up in some serious trouble. She was already experimenting with substances, hanging out with sketchy people, and just doing things that seemed way out of hand for someone her age. Apparently, they had to spend a ton of money getting her out of trouble. They tried to put her in different programs and paid for all these counseling sessions that ended up not really doing much for my sister. I was floored. I mean, I get that teenagers can be difficult, but it was hard to picture a kid that young spiraling so much. It sounded like all the years of spoiling her had finally caught up with them. But I couldn't wrap my head around how bad things had gotten. After telling me all of this, my parents told me that I needed to help them out. They wanted

me to come back into their lives to support them, both emotionally and financially. They explained that taking care of my sister had taken a massive toll on them and that they just couldn't handle it anymore. It was like they expected me to drop everything. Live all the years of neglect and rejection, and somehow step in to make things right. They tried to guilt-trip me by saying I was still their son and that family needed to be there for each other in hard times. I was shocked to hear about what my sister had been turned into. But hearing them not even asking but demanding that I helped them made me furious. Where was that family needs to stick together mindset when I was 18 and begging them to let me stay. Where was all this concern when I was sleeping

on friends' couches and struggling to get by? They tossed me out without a second thought, and now, just because things had gone south for them, they wanted me to swoop in and save the day. I told them no and that I wasn't interested in helping them. I said I'd built a life for myself without their help, and I didn't see why I should put myself in a difficult position now just because they'd raised my sister to be a nightmare. They did not take that well. They called me selfish and ungrateful. They said that I was abandoning them in their time of need. They then accused me of holding a grudge and said I should be willing to help because they were still my family. After listening to them rant for a while, I just hung up. I didn't want to hear it. I knew I'd made the

right decision. But it's been a few days now since that call. still haven't stopped trying to reach out to me. My mom texted me and asked me if I'd be willing to hear them out over dinner this weekend. But honestly, I don't know. I know that I don't owe them anything after the way they treated me all my life, but a part of me still feels guilty. I can't shake the feeling that maybe I'm in the wrong and that maybe they're right and then help them out despite everything they've done. I keep thinking about it. And it's messing with my head. I can't help but wonder if I was too harsh with them. Part of me thinks that they made their bed and should lie in it. But another part of me wonders if I'll regret this decision

down the road. Ida for refusing to help my parents after everything they put me through. Update 1. Hey, everyone. I wanted to give an update because things have definitely moved forward since my last post. Also, I saw a lot of questions in the comments, so I'll try to clear up a few things first. A lot of people asked why I don't just cut my sister off, too, and if I blame her for any of this. I want to make it clear that I don't really have any negative feelings toward my sister herself. I don't know her at all. Really she was a baby when I left, and I haven't been around since. To me, she's just a kid I never got to know, and any anger or resentment I feel isn't directed at her. It's my parents I'm mad at for how they

treated me, and for how they made me feel like I didn't matter once she came along. They're the ones who ignored me, kicked me out, and now expect me to come back and save them. I also saw some questions about what my parents were like when I was growing up and if there were specific things that made me feel unwanted. It's honestly tough to talk about, but I think it's important to help you all understand why I feel this way. My parents weren't outright abusive, but they definitely made it clear that I was more of a disappointment than anything else. They wanted a girl so badly and openly talked about it. I remember

them saying things like, we waited for our miracle baby, while referring to my sister, and treating me like I was just there in the meantime. Once my sister came along, they seemed like they finally got what they always wanted, and everything I did was ignored. If I got a good grade, no one noticed. If I had a big moment, like a graduation or an award, it was barely mentioned or even acknowledged. And then, after she was born, it was like they couldn't wait for me to just leave. They saw me as the extra they didn't need, which is probably why they kicked me out as soon as I turned 18. Anyway, I hope that clears things up. Now, here's the actual update. After reading your comments, I decided to take some advice and reach out to my parents. A lot of you suggested that if I wanted closure

or to get a better idea of what they wanted from me, I should meet them in a neutral location. So, I ended up asking my parents if they'd be willing to meet at a coffee shop in town. They agreed, and I showed up with the mindset that this was going to be just a talk and not me jumping in to fix anything. I was still pretty angry, but I wanted to see what they had to say. When I got there, I could see right away that they weren't in good shape. They looked tired and much older than I remembered. Not to mention, they looked really stressed out. They wasted no time and got straight into it.

They began begging me for help. They gave me more information than they did the last time we spoke. Apparently, my sister's issues are worse than I initially thought. Beyond the substance use and legal trouble, she's had to go to multiple rehab programs, all of which they've had to pay for out-of-pocket. She's been skipping school, sneaking out, and causing trouble with her. friends who are a terrible influence. My parents said that they tried everything they could to change this behavior, but nothing has apparently worked. It turns out they've sold a lot of

their things, including my childhood home, to cover these expenses. They're living in a small apartment now and struggling to make ends meet because of all the costs they've taken on to save my sister. They even talked about selling some family heirlooms to scrape together more money, which they think will only last a few more months. Now, they're at a point where they're truly desperate, and they said that they needed my help to get back on their feet. But while I felt sorry for them, I couldn't help but feel like there was this underlying expectation from them.

They kept bringing up the fact that we were family and that I was their son and that it was my duty to help out. It was almost like they thought that no matter what they'd done in the past, I would still step up because of some duty I supposedly have. The way they were talking made me feel like they hadn't really processed the hurt they caused me or even acknowledged the fact that they'd treated me poorly. They just kept pushing the idea that I should help them now because they're my parents, and it's what's right. As they kept going, I could feel all these old feelings of anger and resentment coming up. It was clear to me that they didn't see any of this as their fault.

They brushed off the fact that they kicked me out and said that it was just parenting and that they'd done what was best for the family. family at the time. They acted like it was normal to treat me that way, and now they were expecting me to just forgive everything and swoop in to fix things. I realized that they weren't looking for forgiveness or understanding. They were looking for a solution. And to them, that solution was me. They needed someone to take on the financial burden of all the decisions they'd made over the years. Listening to them speak only made me angrier and more upset with them. They still didn't get it. They still didn't understand that they'd pushed me away so hard that I barely knew them anymore. They didn't understand what family meant at all, and they still insisted that I treat them

like family. I let them finish talking, but I told them that I couldn't help them. I explained that I'd worked hard to build a life on my own after they left me stranded and that I wasn't in a position, financially or emotionally, to support them. I said I didn't feel any sense of obligation to bail them out of a mess they'd created by themselves. They were furious. They told me I was being selfish, that I was abandoning my family, and that I was heartless for not helping my sister. I could see the anger and disappointment in their eyes, and it was like looking back into the past. It was like nothing had changed. They were still trying to guilt me into feeling like I owed them something. I ended up leaving that meeting feeling a lot more conflicted than when I went in.

Part of me is relieved that I set a boundary and stood up for myself, but another part of me feels guilty like maybe I'm turning my back on them when they're at their lowest. It's hard to explain, but even though I know they hurt me, it still feels strange to walk away like this. I keep thinking about their situation and about my sister, who I don't even know. I feel sorry for her, but I don't feel like I can save her. It's painful to realize that even after all these years, my parents are not even. don't see me as an individual with my own life and struggles but instead just as someone whom they can

use to fix their problems. I'm trying to let go of the guilt, but it's hard. So, I guess I'm back here to ask if I made the right call by sticking to my decision. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Update 2, hey, everyone. I'm back again because things have gotten even crazier since my last update, which was only about a week ago. Honestly, I thought things would settle down after I decided not to help my parents financially, but I was way off. Just a few hours ago, I got a call from my sister. This is the first time I've ever heard from her directly, and it completely caught me off guard.

I barely even know her, I only have these vague memories from when she was a baby, right before I left home. So when I picked up the phone and heard her voice, I was stunned. I had no idea what to expect, but I figured maybe she wanted to reach out and talk to considering my parents did. The call started out okay. She was polite and almost sweet, which was surprising given everything I'd heard about her behavior. She asked me to lend our parents' money to help them with their current situation. I could tell she'd rehearse this pitch because she was laying it on thick about how they were struggling and how I could save the family.

But I stood my ground and told her that I wasn't able to. help them financially. I tried to keep my tone respectful and explained that my relationship with our parents was complicated and that I had to make decisions that were best for me. That's when everything flipped. She went from polite to furious in seconds. She started accusing me of being selfish and abandoning her with all the responsibility of dealing with our parents. She kept saying that I was turning my back on my family and had always been jealous of her. She She claimed that I was acting like I was better than them because I got away and started my own life, while they'd been the one supporting me all along.

It was shocking to hear her talk like this. It was almost as if she'd rehearsed these words too, I mean she sounded just like our parents. Besides, she sounded so entitled to my help. It was like she genuinely believed it was my job to step in and fix everything. I was so taken aback that I couldn't even respond. was this person I'd never had a relationship with, demanding that I make up for years of choices I had nothing to do with. After she finished her rant, she hung up before I could even process what had just happened. After the call, I knew I needed to talk to my parents to figure out what was going

on. I was so confused. Like, why did my sister think I'd abandon her, and where was all this hostility and anger towards me coming from? I called my parents, and as soon as they picked up, I asked them straight up if they'd been telling my sister that I'd abandon her and them. At first, they hesitated, but they quickly admitted that they'd told her for years that I'd left the family because I couldn't handle sharing their attention with her. They'd basically made me seem like I was a selfish older brother who couldn't deal with having a younger sibling and had cut ties with them out of spite. Honestly, I felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me when I heard this.

All these years, my parents have been feeding my sister this twisted voice. version of why I left and made me out to be some kind of villain. No wonder she felt like I'd abandoned her. She'd grown up hearing that I left because I didn't want to share my parents' attention. Meanwhile, the reality was that my parents made me feel like an outsider from the moment she was born, and they didn't hesitate to kick me out as soon as I was legally an adult. I pretty much hung up on them after that and they haven't tried to reach out again yet. Then again, it's only been a few hours since I last spoke to them.

Aside from that, I honestly don't know how to feel right now. On one hand, I'm angry at my parents for lying to my sister about me and for making her think that I was the one who walked away. But I'm also frustrated with my sister for lashing out at me and demanding that I help them as if I owe it to her. It's hard to shake off this resentment I'm feeling, but now I'm also feeling guilty in a way I can't fully explain. I wish my parents had told her the truth about why I left. things would be different between me and my sister. I may not have been able to help my parents financially,

but I definitely would have been able to get through to my sister and help her change her behavior. But now, it feels like there's too much damage to fix. I'm not even sure if I want to. This whole situation is so exhausting because just when I thought that I was done with my family for good, they came back in the worst possible way. I know a lot of comments have asked me to just block my people. parents and move on, but, it's not like that for me. Tell me what you want, but this is still family and I feel like I need to know what's going on at the very least. I really am in no position

to help my family out, but this is the first time that they've reached out to me and a part of me is happy about that. Still, I know that I definitely won't reach out to them first or help them out in any way. Only because, it's clear to me that my parents are still trying to manipulate the situation to get what they want, and my sister is too wrapped up in their version of the story to see things differently. I don't know what else to do. Hey, everyone. It's been a few months since my last update, and I've had a lot of time to reflect and let things settle down. Honestly, it's been a lot quieter for me, but only because I made the choice to stay out of the mess my parents and sister have created. I'm learning that sometimes the best way to find peace is by just stepping back and not letting their

drama take up space in my life anymore. After my last update, things didn't really get any better with parents. About a month after I last updated on here, they called me again. I was dreading it, but I picked up because I wanted to hear what they had to say. This time they were even more desperate than before. And they used everything they could think of to guilt me into giving them money. They talked about how bad things were, how they were on the verge of losing everything, and how they needed me to step in and fix it. The usual, really. At first, they tried the whole family as supposed to stick together guilt trip.

They even threatened that they were going to my life miserable if I didn't help them. They then switched tones and said that I was the only one who could help them now. Honestly, I was pretty disgusted. After everything that happened, they still had the audacity to threaten me, and not once did they stopped to think about how badly they treated me. I stood my ground. I told them I couldn't help them financially, and that it wasn't my job to fix their problems. I reminded them that they made these choices, and it wasn't on me to clean up the mess. They weren't happy about that, obviously. They kept calling for the next month and trying to guilt-trip me some more. It felt like they didn't

even care to understand why I was refusing to help. They just saw me as a means to an end. Eventually, they stopped calling. I figured that they realized I wasn't budging. For a month, I didn't hear anything from them, and honestly, I thought that might be the end of it. But then, just about a week ago, I got another call. I almost didn't pick up, but I was curious to know what had happened. Turns out, things have only gotten worse for them. They told me they had to declare bankruptcy. They'd sold almost everything they had to cover their debts, and they were basically starting over with nothing. And then they mentioned my sister. She had apparently cut contact with them completely and moved in with one of her friends apparently someone who

supported her bad behavior. She's only 13, but somehow, she managed to move out and live with a friend's family who was just as enabling as she was. I don't understand how that happened, but I guess it's another example of how messed up everything has gotten. I asked my parents why they didn't get the authorities involved and they told me that it was for the best that my sister no longer lived with them because they couldn't see themselves helping her out anymore. So, they basically abandoned their second child as well. At first, my parents tried to put the blame on me.

They said that if I had just helped them out when they asked, none of this would have happened. They said I was the reason everything went downhill. Of course, they couldn't admit that they were responsible for their own actions. I was beyond mad. I told them straight up that everything happening to them was a result of their own decisions and the way they treated me. I reminded them of how they kicked me out when I turned 18, how they treated me like a second-class citizen in my own home, and how they ignored me when I needed them. I reminded them about how they didn't even acknowledge how that affected me and instead, they just kept trying to shift the blame onto me.

That's when they finally stopped making excuses and started backtracking. They apologized and said that they regretted everything they did to me. They told me they wished they had done things differently. It felt like they were saying all the right things, but it was too little, too late. I couldn't just forget how they had treated me for years, and I couldn't erase the fact that they had destroyed two lives mine and my sisters. They had pushed me away and now, they were reaping the consequences of that. I felt pity for them. I honestly did. But at the same time, I knew that I couldn't sacrifice the life I'd built for myself to try to fix things that were already broken. I told them I couldn't offer any help and that I needed to keep my distance. They were upset, but I stayed firm in my decision. After I hung up, I still felt very angry at them for what they did to me, but at the same time, I was sad for them. I wish they had taken the time. I wish they had taken the time.

to see what they were doing when they had the chance. But now, it's too late. I've made my peace with the fact that I can't save them, and that's something I'm learning to live with. I don't know what the future holds for them or for my sister. All I know is that I'm not going to let their mistakes ruin my peace. I've come too far to let them pull me back into their chaos. Maybe over time, I'll try to reach out to my sister again

and see if I can help get her on the right track. But for now, I have much bigger things to worry about. I can only hope that she learns the right things until then. So, yeah, that's about it from me. It'll be a long while before I check in on my family again. I know this isn't exactly the happiest ending, but it's something that I've made peace with. Thank you so much for all the advice in the comments and comments. I hope you enjoy this story.

Half a year following my father's cerebral infarction, my mother appeared to be managing adequately until she confessed that she has felt lifeless within for two decades and desires to relocate him to a care establishment. So she can live her best life. My dad had a stroke six months ago on a Wednesday morning while he was making coffee. Mom found him on the kitchen floor around 7 a.m. when she came downstairs. The paramedic said it was lucky she found him so quickly because it could have been much worse. The stroke affected the left side of his brain. He can walk but needs a walker for anything longer than going to the bathroom.

His right arm is weaker than it used to be so he struggles with buttons, zippers, and opening jars. His speech is mostly clear, but he gets tired talking for long periods and sometimes loses words in the middle of sentences. He forgets to take his blood pressure medication unless someone reminds him. He can shower but need someone nearby in case he falls. The physical therapist comes twice a week and says Dad's doing well for someone his age. The occupational therapist taught him techniques for dressing and cooking simple meals. Dad tries really hard during these sessions. He practices walking up and down the hallway with his walker every morning.

He does his arm exercises while watching the news. But by afternoon he's exhausted and needs to nap for a couple hours. Before the stroke, my parents seem solid. They'd been married 44 years this December. They had their routine, coffee together every morning. Dad would read the paper while Mom did crossword puzzles. They'd watched Jeopardy every night and argue about the answers. They went to Florida every winter for two months and stayed in the same condo complex

where they'd made friends over the years. Dad worked as a mechanic until he retired at 65. Mom was a secretary at the school district until she retired at 62. When Dad first came home from the hospital, Mom stepped up like I expected she would. She learned how to help him shower safely, figured out which foods were easiest for him to manage, drove him to all his appointments. She rearranged their bedroom so his walker could fit next to the bed. She moved his favorite chair closer to the TV so he didn't have to walk as far. She even learned how to operate the new shower chair and grab bars the occupational therapist recommended.

For the first few months, Mom seemed like she was handling everything fine. She complained a little about having to drive everywhere since Dad can't drive anymore, but that seemed normal. She mentioned being tired more often, but caring for someone is exhausting work. When I asked if she needed help, she'd say she was managing okay. Last Wednesday everything changed. I came over for dinner like I do every week and mom was acting strange. She barely spoke during the meal. Dad was telling me about his physical therapy progress and mom just sat there pushing food around on her plate.

After Dad went to lie down for his evening rest, Mom asked me to stay and talk. She said she's done being Dad's caregiver. Not taking a break, not getting more help, completely done. She wants Dad in a care facility and she's already called three places to ask about availability and costs. She said she's not spending what might be her last healthy years being a full-time nurse. I asked what brought this on so suddenly. She said it wasn't sudden, she'd been thinking about it for weeks. She's booked a trip to Italy with her sister Linda for next month.

Three weeks in Tuscany, something she's always wanted to do. She also mentioned looking at smaller condos closer to downtown so she can walk to restaurants and shops instead of being stuck in their suburban house. My brother Mark lives two hours away with his wife, Jenny. When I called him that night to tell him what Mom said, he couldn't believe it. We both remembered how Mom took care of her own mother when Grandma had dementia. Mom never complained about the extra work or talked about putting Grandma in a facility. She moved Grandma into their guest room and cared for her until she died four years ago.

Dad seems completely confused by Mom's sudden change. He keeps asking what he did wrong. I even watched him struggling to button his shirt and when Mom walked by without helping, he asked if she was mad at him about something. She just said no and kept walking to the laundry room, so I helped him instead. The thing that bothers me most is how Mom looks at Dad now. Before the stroke, she'd smile when he walked into a room or laugh at his terrible jokes. Now when he needs help reaching something or takes a long time walking to the bathroom, she gets this expression like she's watching something unpleasant.

Not frustrated or tired, disgusted. I told Mom I could help more with Dad's care. I work full-time as an office manager, but I could come over on weekends to give her breaks. I suggested hiring a home health aide for a few hours during the week so she could go shopping or visit friends. I even offered to pay for it since I know they're on a fixed income now. Mom said that's not what she wants.

She doesn't want to manage Dad's care schedule or supervise other people helping him. She wants complete freedom to come and go as she pleases without thinking about whether someone needs help getting dressed or remembering to take pills. She said she's 67 years old and she deserves to enjoy her retirement instead of being tied down to someone who requires constant attention. When I pointed out that Dad doesn't require constant attention, just help with certain tasks, she said I didn't understand how exhausting it is to live with someone who can can't do basic things anymore. She's talking about Dad like he's some burden she never agreed to

take on. She mentioned that marriage vows say in sickness and in health, but she didn't think it would actually happen to her. She said she thought they'd both stay healthy until they died peacefully in their sleep like her parents did. Dad has been asking me if I think mom still loves him. He noticed she doesn't sit next to him on the couch anymore when they watch TV. She used to hold his hand during movies, but now she sits in the chair across the room. When he tries to tell her about something funny he saw on the news, she responds with one-word answers while scrolling through her phone. I don't know what to tell Dad because, honestly, I'm not sure Mom does love him anymore.

The way she talks about him has changed. She used to refer to we and us when discussing their plans or opinions. Now it's all I want and I'm going too. It's like she's already mentally divorced from him. Is this normal caregiver burnout that will pass with some support and respite care? Or has something fundamental shifted in their relationship that can't be fixed? I'm terrified that if mom goes through with this plan, it'll destroy dad emotionally on top of everything else he's dealing with from the stroke.

Update 1, posted four days later. I thought if we all sat down together like adults, we could figure out a solution that worked for everyone. Everyone in the comments advised that I should at least have a conversation with the entire family. But I guess I was completely wrong about that. Mark drove down Saturday morning with Jenny. Jenny is five months pregnant with their first baby and she's been having some morning sickness issues, but she wanted to come support Mark through this family crisis. We all gathered in my parents living room at 2 p.m. after Dad finished his nap.

Dad was sitting in his recliner wearing the blue sweater mom bought him for Christmas last year. He looked nervous and kept asking if he was in trouble for something. Mom sat on the couch with her arms crossed like she was preparing for an argument. Mark and Jenny sat on the love seat, and I pulled over a chair from the dining room. I started by explaining that we wanted to discuss Dad's care needs and make sure everyone was on the same page about the best way forward. I said we all loved Dad and wanted him to be safe and comfortable while also making sure Mom wasn't overwhelmed by caregiving responsibilities. Before I could even finish my opening statement, Mom cut me off. She said we were all missing the point.

She doesn't want to modify Dad's care or get additional help or take breaks. She wants out of the caregiving role entirely. She wants Dad somewhere else so she can live independently. Mark asked why she felt this way so suddenly. Mom said it wasn't sudden at all. She said she'd been unhappy for a long time, but the stroke made everything worse. because now she feels trapped in a marriage she doesn't want to be in anymore. That's when she dropped the bomb that changed everything.

She looked directly at Dad and said, I've been dead inside for 20 years. Dad's face turned pale and his hand started shaking. Mark asked Mom what the hell she meant by that. Mom said she fell out of love with Dad years ago but stayed in the marriage because it was easier than starting over. She said they'd built a comfortable life together, owned their house outright, had good health insurance, and shared friends and routines.

Divorce would have meant splitting assets, finding new places to live, explaining to everyone why they were separating after so many years. Dad started crying. Not just tears, full sobbing like a child. He kept saying, but I thought we were happy. I thought you loved our life together. We had good times, didn't we? Remember our trips to Florida? Remember when we danced at Mark's wedding? Mom just sat there watching him cry with no expression on her face. She said yes, they had some good times, but that didn't mean she was happy overall. She said she'd been going through the motions for years, pretending to enjoy things she actually

found boring or annoying. Mark lost his temper. He called Mom a selfish bitch for dropping this revelation on Dad when he was already dealing with recovery from a major medical event. He said even if she'd been unhappy, the timing of this announcement was cruel and unnecessary. Mom shot back that she's not required to sacrifice the rest of her life to take care of someone she doesn't want to be married to anymore. She said she's done pretending to be the devoted wife when she feels nothing but resentment toward dad. She said looking at him now, needing help with

basic tasks, just makes her angry instead of sympathetic. The fight escalated from there. Jenny started crying, which set off her morning sickness and she had to run to the bathroom. Mark followed her, leaving me alone with my parents. Dad was still sobbing, asking Mom why she stopped loving him and when it happened. I asked Mom how she could say such horrible things to someone she'd shared a bed with for 44 years. She said sharing a bed doesn't mean sharing feelings, and she was tired of pretending her feelings were different than they actually were. Then mom said something that made me realize this situation was even worse than I thought. She admitted she's been looking for divorce lawyers along with care

facilities. She said she's planning to file for divorce while dad is in a care facility so she doesn't have to deal with the emotional drama of him living in the same house during the process. Dad heard this and started asking if he could just try harder to get better. He promised to work extra hard in physical therapy and try not to need so much help with things. He said he'd do whatever mom wanted if she would just not leave him. Seeing my 69-year-old father beg his wife not to abandon him was heartbreaking. Mom said dad's level of recovery wasn't the issue. She said even if he made a full recovery tomorrow, she still wouldn't want to be married to him anymore. The stroke just made her realize she couldn't keep pretending indefinitely. Mark came back from helping Jenny and heard that last

part. He got in Mom's face and said she was destroying Dad at the worst possible time in his life. Mom said Dad would be fine once he adjusted to his new living situation and realized he could make friends and have activities at a care facility. The argument got loud enough that our neighbors next door came over to check if everything was okay. Mark told her our family was having a private discussion and basically slammed the door in her face. Jenny was still feeling sick and asked Mark to take her home. They left without hugging anyone goodbye or making plans to talk again soon. After Mark and Jenny left, I tried to have a conversation with Mom. I asked if she would consider couples counseling to work through these feelings, or maybe taking a trial separation

instead of jumping straight to divorce and institutionalization. Mom said she'd already made up her mind and nothing was going to change it. She's going to Italy in three weeks regardless of dad's situation. She's moving forward with the condo purchase and the divorce filing. She said Dad could either cooperate with the transition or make it harder on himself, but the outcome would be the same either way. I helped Dad get ready for bed that night because Mom went to her bedroom and closed the door. Dad couldn't stop crying. He kept asking me to explain why Mom doesn't love me anymore like he was a confused child

instead of a grown man. He asked if there was something he could do to make her happy again. I didn't know how to answer because I honestly don't think there's anything Dad could do to change Mom's mind at this point. She seems completely detached from him emotionally. I stayed the night on their couch because I was afraid to leave Dad alone with Mom. I woke up around 3 a.m. and heard Dad crying in the guest room. Mom was snoring peacefully like nothing had happened. The Italy trip is still three weeks away.

Mom made it crystal clear she's going no matter what arrangements get made for Dad's care. That means I have three weeks to find a solution for a situation I never imagined having to handle. I called my boss this morning to explain I might need to take some time off to deal with a family crisis. I also called Mark to apologize for the disaster yesterday turned into. He said Jenny cried the whole drive home because she couldn't believe Mom would be so heartless to Dad. I don't know if I'm angry or at Mom for lying about her feelings for 20 years, or for choosing to reveal the truth at the worst possible moment in dad's life. Update 2, posted 10 days later.

Everything completely fell apart yesterday and I'm typing this because I can't sleep and need to get this all written down before I lose my mind. Mom spent Tuesday looking at condos across town. She had appointments with three different real estate agents and was gone from 9 a.m. until 6 p.m. This left dad alone for 7 hours, which goes directly against what the doctor said. after a stroke. Dad is supposed to have someone check on him every few hours in case he falls or forgets his medication. I didn't know Mom had left Dad alone all day until my neighbor called me at work around 5 p.m. She said she heard yelling from my parents' house and wondered if everything was okay. I called Dad's cell phone but he didn't answer. I called the house phone and it went to

voicemail. I tried calling mom but her phone went straight to voicemail too. I was in the middle of a client presentation when my neighbor called back. She said she used her spare key, we had given her in case of emergencies, to get into my parents' house and found Dad on the bathroom floor. He'd been there for at least two hours based on what he told her. He tried to get to the bathroom by himself, lost his balance, and couldn't get back up. Out neighbor is 74 years old herself and couldn't lift Dad, so she called an ambulance. She stayed with him until the paramedics arrived, holding his hand and telling him everything would be okay. Dad kept apologizing to her for causing trouble and asking where mom was.

I told my boss I had a family emergency and left immediately. The drive to the hospital took 45 minutes in traffic and I called Mark on the way to fill him in. He said he'd leave work early and meet me at the ER. Dad was conscious and talking when I got there, but he looked shaken up. He had rode rash on his right arm from trying to catch himself. when he fell. His ribs were bruised from landing hard on the bathroom floor. The ER doctor said x-rays showed no broken bones, which was lucky considering his age and the blood thinners he takes. Dad kept apologizing to everyone, the nurses, the doctor, me. He said he was sorry for being

trouble and he didn't mean to worry anyone. He asked about ten times where mom was and if someone had called her. Each time I said we were trying to reach her, his face would fall little more. Mom finally showed up around 7 p.m., an hour after I called her for the fourth time. She didn't rush in looking worried or scared. She was carrying shopping bags from stores and talking on her phone with someone about putting a deposit down on one of the condos she'd seen. Dad's whole face lit up when Mom walked in. He tried to reach for her hand and said he was sorry for falling and causing problems. He promised he'd be more careful and wouldn't try to go to the bathroom alone anymore. Mom barely touched his fingers before pulling her hand away and

asking the nurse how long dad would need to stay. The doctor came in to discuss dad's discharge plan and that's when things got really bad. The doctor explained that dad's fall was a wake-up call about his safety living at home. He said dad needs 24-hour supervision now, not just someone checking on him periodically. He recommended either live in care or a monitored living situation where help is always available. Mom interrupted the doctor in the middle of his explanation to answer her phone. It was her real estate agent calling about the condo deposit deadline. Mom stepped into the hallway to discuss financing options and closing dates while the doctor

I lost my temper. When Mom came back into the room still talking about square footage and appliance upgrades, I told her she was being a heartless bitch. Dad was lying in a hospital bed after falling and being stuck on the floor for hours, and she was worried about whether the condo had granite countertops. Mom screamed back that she died the day me and brother were born and she's already mentally divorced from Dad. She said she's not responsible for managing his medical care anymore

because she's done being his caretaker. Then she said the absolute worst thing possible. She hopes Dad dies before she gets back from Italy so she doesn't have to deal with arranging long-term care for him. Dad was lying right there listening to this whole conversation. He heard his wife of 44 years say she hoped he would die for her convenience. His face went completely blank and he stopped trying to talk to any of us. He just stared at the ceiling like he was somewhere else entirely.

Mark showed up about an hour later. Jenny stayed home because she was having a bad pregnancy day with nausea and fatigue, but she sent her love and said she was praying for Dad. Mark took one look at Dad's expression and asked what had happened. When I told him what Mom said, he lost it completely. Mark got in Mom's face right there in the hospital corridor. He called her a monster and said she was destroying Dad when he was most vulnerable. Mom said Dad was manipulating everyone with his helpless act and his fall was probably on purpose to get attention and make her feel guilty about the Italy trip.

Their argument got loud enough that other patients started complaining. Hospital security came to break it up and threatened to escort both of them out of the building if they could. couldn't control themselves. Mom left without visiting Dad again or discussing his discharge plan with the medical staff. Dad wouldn't speak for the rest of the evening. When nurses asked if he was in pain or needed anything, he just stared straight ahead. When I tried to talk to him about what the doctor had recommended, he acted like he couldn't hear me. The nurse said sometimes stroke patients have delayed emotional reactions to trauma, and watching your spouse wish for your death definitely qualifies as traumatic. The discharge planner said I needed to make arrangements for

dad's care before he could leave the hospital. I called three home care agencies but the earliest anyone could start is next week, and even then it's just for a few hours a day. The rates for 24-hour care are $300 to $400 per day, which is way more than dad's insurance covers. I called the adult day care center where mom had looked into programs for dad. They said they can't accept clients who are recent fall risks without a full medical evaluation and clearance from his doctor. That process could take weeks. My boss called while I was dealing with discharge planning. She said missing the client presentation was problematic, and taking any more unscheduled time off could affect my job security. I explained the family emergency situation, but she said I need to find a way to balance my work

responsibilities with personal issues. Mark's wife Jenny is being supportive from a distance, but she made it clear they can't help with hands-on care for dad. She's having complications with her pregnancy and needs to rest as much as possible. Mark feels torn between helping his father and taking care of his pregnant wife. Insurance is being a complete nightmare. Dad's Medicare covers some skilled nursing care but not the kind of 24-hour supervision he needs now. The supplemental insurance mom bought us all kinds of restrictions and waiting periods. The social worker at the hospital gave me a step.

of forms to fill out for various assistance programs, but everything has waiting lists or requirements Dad doesn't meet. Mom texted me at midnight asking me to handle Dad's situation while she's in Italy. She said she's already arranged for someone to take care of their cat and water the plants, so Dad is the only loose end that needs to be tied up. She also said Dad's fall was probably intentional to make her feel guilty about pursuing her own happiness. I'm supposed to pick dad up from the hospital this morning and I still don't have a solid plan for his care. I can't take him to his house because mom won't be there to help. I can't take him to my apartment because it's not set up for someone with mobility issues.

The temporary care facilities all have waiting lists or costs I can't afford. I'm running on three hours of sleep and too much coffee. I keep thinking there has to be some solution I'm missing, but I've called every resource the hospital gave me and I'm running out of options. I have no idea how I'm going to manage this alone. Update 3, posted three weeks later. Mom actually went to Italy. She left last Tuesday morning while dad was sitting in a temporary respite care facility that costs $400 per day.

I had to place him there because I couldn't find any other option that would take him immediately. The respite facility is designed for short-term stays while families arrange permanent care. It's clean and the staff is professional, but it's clearly instillation. institutional. Dad's room has a hospital bed, a small TV, and one chair. Dad has gotten significantly worse since the incident at the hospital three weeks ago. He barely eats anymore. The staff says he picks at his meals and leaves most of his food untouched. He sleeps 12 to 14 hours a day, which isn't normal even for someone recovering from a stroke. When he's awake, he just sits in his chair staring out the window or at the TV without really watching anything.

The most concerning change is that Dad has stopped talking unless someone asks him a direct question. Before the stroke, Dad was chatty. He'd tell long stories about his work as a mechanic, joke around with cashiers at the grocery store, call me just a chat about the weather or what he saw on the news. Now when I visit, I have to carry the entire conversation. The facility's medical director says Dad is showing classic signs of giving up. She's seen it before with elderly patients who experience sudden major life changes or emotional trauma. She said Dad's physical health is stable, but his mental state is affecting his appetite, sleep patterns,

and motivation to participate in activities. Five days after Mom left for Italy, Dad had another stroke. It happened at 3 a.m. on a Sunday morning. The facility staff found him during their routine checks and called an ambulance. This stroke was smaller than his first one, but the doctor thinks it might have been stress in

The combination of the fall, mom's abandonment, and the upheaval of being placed in care created the perfect conditions for his body to break down further. The second stroke affected Dad's speech more than the first one. His words are more slurred now and he has trouble finding the right phrases for what he wants to say. He also has more difficulty remembering conversations from day to day. Yesterday he asked me three times if I knew when Mom was coming back from her trip. When Dad is lucid enough to understand the situation, he asks for Mom constantly. He doesn't understand why she left or why she isn't visiting him. I've tried explaining that she's traveling, but he gets confused about why she would travel

without him when he's sick. On his better days, he asks me to call her so he can hear her voice. I did call Mom once away from Dad while she was in Rome. She answered and sounded annoyed that I was interrupting her dinner. When I told her dad had another stroke, she was quiet for about 10 seconds. Then she asked if he was going to die, and when I said probably not immediately, she said she couldn't do anything about it from Italy anyway. She told me to handle whatever needed handling and hung up.

I've been taking unpaid leave from work for two weeks now. My boss wasn't happy about the sudden change but agreed to let me use accumulated sick time and vacation days. The problem is that I'm burning through my savings fast. His care costs $400 per day and his insurance only covers about 60% of that. I'm paying $160 per day out of pocket, plus my own living expenses. I even had a panic attack in the grocery store. I was standing in the checkout line behind a woman buying ingredients for what looked like a big family dinner. She was talking to her teenage son about whether they needed anything else for dinner with the grandparents.

I started crying right there in line because it removed. reminded me of how our family used to be before everything fell apart. I sat in my car in the parking lot afterward thinking about just driving away. Getting on the highway and driving until I ran out of gas, then figuring out how to start over somewhere far away from all this responsibility and heartbreak. The only thing that stopped me was knowing Dad would be alone with no one to visit him or advocate for his care. Mark has been helpful with phone calls and research, but he can't handle seeing Dad in his current condition. He visited once since Dad had the second stroke.

He said seeing Dad so diminished and confused was too painful. Mark's wife Jenny had some bleeding early in her pregnancy and is on bed rest now, so Mark is focused on taking care of her. The permanent care facility I wanted Dad and has a one-month waiting list. The places with immediate openings are either way too expensive or have terrible reviews online. I toured one facility last week that had a smell in the hallways that made me gag. a combination of disinfectant and something rotting. Another place had residents just sitting in wheelchairs facing a TV

that was playing infomercials for kitchen gadgets. No one was interacting with the residents or leading any activities. I've started having alcohol with lunch just to get through the daily phone calls with insurance companies, social workers, and medical staff. Not enough to get drunk, just enough to take the edge off the constant anxiety about money and making decisions I'm not qualified to make. The alcohol helps me stay calm when insurance representatives put me on hold for 45 minutes or tell me dad doesn't qualify for services he obviously needs. Mom has extended her trip twice.

She was supposed to come back last Thursday but decided to visit her sister Linda's friend in Florence for another week. Then she extended again to spend time on the Italian Riviera because it's so peaceful and beautiful. Her Instagram is full of photos of herself at outdoor cafes and scenic overlooks with captions about fine. finally living for myself. The postcards mom sends to Dad are generic tourist cards with messages like having a wonderful time. The weather is beautiful here. And wish you were here. Dad keeps them carefully organized on his nightstand and reads them over and over. He shows them to the nursing staff and tells them his wife is having a nice vacation and will be back soon to take care of him. I'm running out of options fast. The respite facility wants Dad out by Friday because

they need the bed for other short-term clients. I found a place that might work long-term, but it costs $6,000 per month and dad's insurance only covers about half of that. Even if I sell something of mine to help cover the costs, I'm not sure how long I could sustain paying $3,000 per month plus my own living expenses. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person in this family who actually gives a damn about what happens to dad. Mom is posting photos from Italian beaches while her husband of 44 years recovers from his second stroke alone in a facility. Mark avoids visiting because it's too depressing. Jenny is focused on her pregnancy. I'm the only one dealing with the daily reality of dad's

decline and the impossible logistics of arranging care he can afford. Posted six weeks later. Mom came back from Italy three days ago looking like she'd spend a month at a spa. She has a tan, new clothes. She didn't visit dad immediately after getting back. Instead, she went straight to her new condo to get it set up with the furniture she'd ordered while she was traveling. I found out Mom was back from our neighbor, who saw the moving truck at Dad's house. The neighbor mentioned it when I stopped by the old house to pick up some of Dad's clothes and medications. She said Mom had movers there for two days getting her personal things. Dad had his second stroke while Mom was touring Italian vineyards. He's now in a

skilled nursing facility called Sunset Manor that costs $8,000 per month. He needs help eating because the second stroke affected his swallowing reflexes. He can't walk without a staff member holding onto him because his balance is worse. He has trouble recognizing people on his bad days, but on good days he remembers that mom is supposed to be his wife and asks when she's coming to visit. The facility is actually quite nice. Dad has a semi-private room with a view of a garden. The staff is attentive and patient with residents who need extra help. They have activities like bingo and music therapy, though Dad doesn't participate in much. His roommate is an 85-year-old man named Frank who talks nonstop about his military service

and keeps Dad entertained on days when Dad is alert enough to listen. Getting Mom to visit Dad required threats. I told her I would call Adult Protective Services and report her for spouse abandonment if she didn't see him within 48 hours. She finally showed up yesterday afternoon and stayed exactly 22 minutes. I know because I timed it. Dad's face transformed when Mom walked into his room. His eyes lit up and he tried to sit straighter in his wheelchair. He reached for her hand and started telling her about the postcards she'd sent and how nice

everyone at the facility was. He said he'd been worried about her traveling alone and was so glad she was back safely. Mom sat stiffly in the visitor chair answering e-mail. on her phone while Dad talked. She responded to his comments with a hum and that's nice without looking up from her screen. When Dad asked if she was ready to take him home now that she was back from vacation, Mom said she was living nearby. Dad doesn't understand why Mom seems like a stranger to him now.

He keeps asking the nursing staff why his wife doesn't hug him anymore or why she only visits for short periods. The staff tries to be encouraging and says sometimes it takes time for families to adjust to major changes, but I can see in their faces that they think mom's behavior is abnormal. Mark's marriage has been falling apart during this whole crisis. Jenny told him she'd leave him if he kept obsessing over our parent's situation instead of focusing on preparing for their baby. She said dealing with family drama was causing her stress that could affect the pregnancy. Mark has been avoiding any discussions about dad's care or mom's behavior

since then. When I call Mark to update him on Dad's condition or ask his opinion about medical decisions, he gives me short answers and changes the subject quickly. Last week when I asked if he wanted to visit Dad together over the weekend, Mark said he was too busy painting the nursery and couldn't spare the time. I've been on antidepressants for a while now. My primary care doctor said caregiver stress can trigger clinical depression even in people with no prior history of mental health issues. I wake up every morning with a nod in my stomach thinking about all the forms I need to fill out, calls I need to make, and decisions I need to research about dad's care. The worst part is that I'm making all these decisions alone. Mom has legally removed herself from dad's medical care decisions by

filing for divorce and requesting that I be designated as his health care proxy. Mark doesn't want to be involved in day-to-day decisions because it's too stressful for his family situation. The nursing facility is good, but it's not home. Dad keeps asking when he can go back to his house and work. He doesn't understand that mom's sold the house while he was having his second stroke. Mom also mentioned while we were signing paperwork at the facility that she's planning another trip. She's going to have time to Greece with her sister Linda, scheduled for next month. She said she's finally living the retirement she always dreamed about and she's not going to waste any more time feeling guilty about things she can't control. When I asked Mom how she could go on vacation again so soon

after Dad had another stroke, she said Dad's medical condition isn't her responsibility anymore since she's divorcing him. She said I seemed to have his care well organized and there was nothing she could do by staying that would change his prognosis. I've been looking at job postings in other states, Portland, Seattle, Denver, anywhere far enough away that I wouldn't accidentally run into Mom or hear updates about her social life. After Dad's situation is resolved one way or another, I want to start completely over somewhere nobody knows my family history. The financial stress is getting worse.

Dad's care costs are eating through his savings and my emergency fund. I had to put $4,000 on my credit card last month to cover the gap between what insurance pays and what the facility charges. I'm looking at possibly having to sell my car to keep Dad in decent care, which would mean moving back in with roommates at 41 years old. Mom's divorce attorney contacted me about dividing assets. Apparently mom wants to keep the proceeds from selling the family house, her retirement accounts, and the newer car.

She's willing to let Dad keep his older pickup truck and half of their checking account, which amounts to about $8,000. The attorney said this is generous considering dad's medical expenses will likely consume any assets he retains anyway. The most infuriating part is how mom talks about Dad now. She refers to him as your father when talking to me, like he's not her husband of 44 years. She mentions his situation and his condition like he's a distant relative she barely knows. When people ask her how Dad is doing, she says he's being well cared for and changes the subject quickly.

Meanwhile, Dad sits in his wheelchair at Sunset Manor asking every visitor if they know when his wife is coming back from her vacation. The staff has started telling him gently that his wife is busy right now because saying she's divorcing him would be too cruel to repeat every day as his memory resets. Update 5, posted eight weeks later. Dad's health declined rapidly after Mom's last visit. Within two weeks of seeing her act like a distant acquaintance instead of his wife of 44 years, Dad stopped participating in physical therapy. He refused to get out of bed for activities. The facility staff said he was failing to thrive. which is apparently medical terminology for giving up on living.

The staff adjusted Dad's medications and ordered tests to rule out infections or other medical causes for his sudden decline. Everything came back normal. She said sometimes elderly patients simply lose the will to continue fighting when they experienced severe emotional trauma combined with major life changes. Dad's body was shutting down because his spirit was broken. Three weeks ago, Dad had a third stroke. This one was different from the first two. It affected his ability to swallow safely, which meant he needed a feeding tube to prevent aspiration pneumonia.

The stroke also impacted his cognitive function more severely. Some days he doesn't recognize me at all. Other days he thinks I'm a nurse or a volunteer visitor. The medical team at the hospital explained that Dad's brain had suffered too much damage to recover meaningful function. His body was still working, but the person he used to be was a safe. essentially gone. They recommended transitioning him to hospice care focused on comfort rather than aggressive treatment. Moving dad to hospice was the hardest decision I've ever made. The hospice facility

is peaceful and the staff specializes in end-of-life care, but signing those papers felt like giving up on him. The social worker assured me that hospice doesn't mean abandoning hope. It means prioritizing dad's comfort and dignity during whatever time he has left. Dad's hospice room has a big window overlooking a garden with bird feeders. When he's awake and alert on his good days, he'll squeeze my hand when I hold it. On his bad days, he stares at the ceiling without acknowledging that anyone is in the room with him. The hardest part is that when dad does have lucid moments, he still asks for mom. Sometimes he remembers that she left and starts crying. Other times he thinks she's just running errands and will be back soon with groceries. I've stopped

correcting him when he's confused about mom's whereabouts because what's the point of making his final days more painful with the truth? The hospice medical director said Dad's condition could stabilize for months or change rapidly within days. There's no way to predict the timeline, but his body is gradually shutting down. His appetite is completely gone now. He sleeps 18 to 20 hours per day. His breathing has become more labored and irregular. Mom visited Dad exactly once since he moved to hospice care. I practically had to drag her there, and she stayed 15 minutes. Dad was having one of his better days and recognized her immediately. His whole face lit up when she walked in. But she ignored him the whole day and left. I followed mom to the parking lot and asked how

she could be so cold to someone she'd lived with for 44 years. She said Dad made his choices in life and now she was making hers. When I pointed out that getting a stroke wasn't a choice Dad made, she said staying married to him for years when she was unhappy was a choice she made, and now she was choosing differently. Mark has been visiting Dad more frequently since the hospice admission. I think the reality of the situation finally penetrated through his avoidance and denial. He sits with Dad for an hour or two at a time, talking about work, the weather,

memories kids, anything except the obvious fact that we're watching our friends. father die. Jenny came with Mark last week, despite being seven months pregnant and having trouble with her back. She held Dad's hand and told him she was naming the baby David after him if it's a boy. Dad smiled, the first real smile I'd seen from him in weeks. He whispered that he hoped he'd 'd get to meet his grandson. The hospice social worker asked about funeral arrangements. Mom said she wants something simple and inexpensive, basic cremation, maybe a small memorial service at the funeral home. She mentioned that she's leaving for Greece the day after whatever service gets planned, regardless of the timing, because she's not canceling her trip for funeral logistics.

Mom said Dad wouldn't want her to interrupt her plans for his funeral, which is probably true because Dad spent 44 years trying to make Mom happy and accommodate her preferences. But saying it out loud while he's dying miles away in hospice care demonstrates a level of selfishness I didn't know was possible. I've started making my own plans for after Dad dies. I found a job in Portland that pays well and offers good benefits. I'm planning to sell my apartment and move across the country within two months of dad's funeral. People keep asking if there's anything they can do to help or if I need support during this difficult time. The honest answer is that I need my father to not be dying alone while his wife plans Mediterranean cruises. But nobody can help

with that. I need my mother to show some basic human decency toward the man who loved her for 44 years, but that's apparently impossible too. Mark asked if I want him to try talking to Mom about visiting Dad more often before it's too late. I told him not to bother. Mom has made her position clear, and nothing Mark or I say is going to suddenly give her a conscience or make her capable of empathy. Update 6, posted two months later. Hi there again, Dad died on a Tuesday morning in October while I was holding his hand. It happened quietly around 8 a.m. the morning shift nurses were doing their rounds. One minute he was breathing slowly but steadily, and the next minute he simply stopped. The hospice staff said it was peaceful, which is the only

comfort I can take from any of this. Mark was there too. He'd driven down the night before because the hospice staff called to say dad's condition was deteriorating rapidly. We spent dad's last night taking turns sitting with him, playing music from his era, and telling him stories about good memories from when we were kids and the family was still intact. Mom was not there when Dad died. I called her Monday night to say the hospice staff thought dad might not make it through said there was nothing she could do to change the situation so she saw no point in disrupting her schedule. When I called Mom at 8.30 a.m. to tell her dad had passed away, she was quiet for about 15 seconds. Then she asked about funeral arrangements and

whether she needed to cancel her travel plans. I told her that funeral home could accommodate a service on Thursday, which would give her one day between the burial and her flight to Athens. The funeral was exactly what you'd expect from this whole nightmare situation. The funeral crowd, generic flower arrangements, moms sitting in the front row checking her watch every ten minutes. The funeral director had to remind people twice to turn off their cell phones during the service. About 30 people came, some of Dad's former co-workers, a few neighbors, our neighbor and her husband, Mark's wife Jenny despite being eight months pregnant, and some distant relatives I hadn't seen in years. The reception after the burial was held at Mark's

house because Mom said she was too busy packing for Greece to host it at her new condo. About 20 people came back for sandwiches and coffee. Mom left after 30 minutes, saying she still needed to finish laundry and confirm her travel arrangements. That's when I completely lost it. I told Mom in front of everyone that she was a selfish bitch who destroyed Dad's last year of life for her own convenience. I said she'd abandoned him when he needed her most and then couldn't even be bothered to stay for his entire funeral reception. Mom responded that I was being dramatic and emotional. She said dad's stroke wasn't her fault, and she'd done everything reasonably expected of a spouse during a medical crisis. She said she'd arranged for Dad's care and made sure he was in a good facility

when he needed long-term care. Jenny actually stood up for me, which was surprising given how she'd avoided family drama throughout this whole situation. She told Mom that abandoning a spouse during a major medical crisis was unforgivable regardless of personal feelings about the marriage.

She said even if Mom had been unhappy for years, the timing and manner of her departure was cruel. Mom said young people don't understand how exhausting it becomes to maintain a marriage over decades when your feelings have changed. She said 44 years is a long time to pretend you're happy, and dad's stroke just made her realize she couldn't keep pretending indefinitely. Mark's father-in-law, who barely knows our family, said he'd been married 38 years and couldn't imagine walking away from his wife if she became sick or disabled. He said marriage vows specifically mention in sickness and in health because everyone knows that health problems are part of life as you get older.

Mom said marriage vows are idealistic promises people make when they're young and don't understand what decades of daily life actually entail. She said she'd fulfilled her obligations as a wife and mother, and now she deserved to pursue her own happiness without being judged by people who hadn't lived her life. The argument got uncomfortable enough that people started leaving early. Mom went home to finish packing without saying goodbye to most of the guests. Mark walked her to her car and had a brief private conversation that he won't discuss with me. Mom left for Greece as planned. I moved to Portland six weeks after Dad's funeral. My new job started in November and I'm renting a small apartment in a neighborhood where I can walk to coffee shops and bookstores.

I don't talk about my family much because the whole story sounds too insane to be believable. Most people can't imagine a wife and mother just walking away from her family the way mom did. When I mentioned that my father died recently, people offer condolences and ask about my mother. I usually say she's doing fine and changed the subject because explaining the real situation takes too much emotional energy. Mark and I talk on the phone every few weeks, but we don't discuss mom unless necessary. He's focused on taking care of his baby boy who was born a few weeks ago. Jenny is doing well as well and they've decided to name the boy David Michael after dad. Mark said they want their son to know about his grandfather's kindness and work ethic.

I changed my phone number before moving and didn't give the new one to mom. Mark said she asked for it once when she needed me to sign some paperwork related to dads, but she didn't seem particularly concerned when he said I preferred no contact for now. She could have divorced dad 10 to 15 years ago when he was healthy and able to rebuild his social life, maybe even find someone new who appreciated him. Instead, she waited until he'd had a stroke and needed care, then abandoned him at the moment he was most dependent on her support and love. That level of cruelty isn't something you get over or rationalize away.

Dad died thinking the woman he'd loved had stopped caring about him for reasons he couldn't understand. He spent his final months confused and heartbroken instead of feeling secure in their shared history and partnership. I'm doing okay in Portland. I go to therapy twice a month to process everything that happened. But I know I'll never trust marriage or long-term. relationships the same way again. Watching someone promised to love and honor another person for 44 years, then abandon them the moment that love becomes inconvenient, changes how you think about commitment and loyalty. Thanks Reddit for sticking it out with me even though I never expected it to end like this.

Miss My Dad, I hope you enjoy this story. I do not have children of my own, but I look after my siblings' children for 20 hours every week without charge. When I eventually declined, She made me feel guilty and sought retaliation, prompting me to react strongly and make a phone call. CPS on her. I'm 29F, child free by choice. My sister Carleen is, 27F, has two boys ages 3.5 and 2. We live close to each other and I've been in their lives since the beginning. We are each other's only family.

We come from a broken and dysfunctional family. I love the boys but they are a lot of work, especially on top of my own career and social work and my personal reasons for not wanting kids of my own. I watch them, help out slash babysit probably 10 to 20 hours a week currently, and it's getting exhausting. The times I've been needed have slowly increased and over the last seven-ish months it's been like this. At first it was Carleen looking for a part-time job, going to mandated courses to get unemployment, occasional movie nights with friends, etc., which I was okay with. Now I spend most of my free time at their house. Lately the cause has been that her best friend's mom is dying and

Carleen needs to be there. She's a single mom and I get that it's hard, but recently I feel like she's using me and I rarely see my fiancé as we both work shifts that change all the time. Sometimes when she's asked me to watch them and I've had some other plans, Carleen sends me a voice message of the boys crying, missing me, guilt-tripping me, saying it's such a shame I care more about myself than them. Telling me she would ask someone else, if she had anyone else to ask. Saying really mean things about me being selfish for wanting to enjoy date night

when she has to choose between her kids and her best friend's dying mom. I could handle if that's all it was but now it's also affecting the next time we meet. When I get there, the house is a mess, there's nothing to eat and they happen to have a day for a shower slash bath, or Carleen casually mentions

I need to put together a gym bag or something similar for them for the next day. These weird, extra things that are obviously revenge. The first time this happened I assumed she'd be grateful I helped where I could, but it wouldn't be an issue if I didn't have time to do everything. I was quickly proven wrong. Before she got home she casually asked if I had done the extra things and when I hadn't, not all anyway, she suddenly had to stay a little later. This happened a few times and I'm ashamed to admit it took me too long to understand what was happening. I was just glad she was updating me on her estimated arrival time.

she usually never did that. Another thing she does for revenge, I feel like, could be my exhausted interpretation, is not prepare meals for the kids, or even leave money. When I go to the store she promises to pay me back, but, you guessed it, tries to guilt me into saying she doesn't have to pay. She's also not kept her word about some things she'd promised, saying she doesn't want to do things for me if I can't help her with the boys. The excuses and backtracking on stuff start immediately if I don't do exactly what she wants. The latest example, I asked to borrow a dress for a wedding because I didn't want to buy one and we had always borrowed each other's clothes, and she agreed. For days before the wedding I couldn't show up as fast as she wanted on a short notice so she said I could forget about

borrowing the dress. She'd forgotten she'd needed herself. I had to panic by one. Last month she promised to pick me up after leaving my car for some maintenance and she didn't show up, I was stranded. took her two, five hours to answer her phone and get there. She also had the audacity to huff and puff about how inconvenient it was she had to drive me. Sorry this is so long, but it's been mind-blowing writing this all down and seeing what I'm putting up with, I'm such a doormat. So yesterday I told her I couldn't come today when she called desperately meeting me to watch the boys for the evening, and when she started her tirade of me being selfish I kind of just snapped.

I told her to shut up and listen. If she thought I was that horrible of a human and so selfish, she had two options. Either stop relying on me so much and letting her kids be exposed to my selfishness, or I'll really start being selfish and will not watch them free of charge ever again, never do anything extra without being compensated. She hung up without saying anything. After I had stopped shaking, I hate confrontation as you can imagine, I started to really panic as I feel like I just lost my last remaining family member.

My fiancé said it was long time coming and I should have stood up for myself ages ago, but he's biased as he loves me. I don't really have time for proper friends outside work colleagues, so I don't know who else to ask if I made the biggest mistake of my life? What if I don't see my nephews again? What if I had just done it a bit longer and she'd eased a bit? Ida for telling her to choose between my options? Comments where Op has replied, comment one.

Your sister is extremely irresponsible and selfish to the core. Is she receiving child support from the father of her children? If so, she should budget for daycare and babysitting. If not, she should pursue legal action. Having kids is a full-time responsibility and she needs to accept this fact. NTA. Oop, I don't actually know that much about her finances. We don't really talk, I guess.

I don't particularly like her as a person. My nephews are the only thing that keep me going back in addition to the weird obligation I feel for the little family I have left. Comment 2. NTA. Stop taking her calls. Stand up for yourself. And if you think the boys are in a not great home, abuse, neglect, no food, call CPS. Oop, I'm a mandated reporter due to my profession and I've been trying to distance myself from the situation to assess if I need to make the report. but it's always so subtle and she knows what to avoid doing and saying due to growing up with CPS.

Comment 3. Where is the kid's father? He should be involved. Oop, I don't actually know. She got irrationally angry I asked about him when she was pregnant and I left it at that. Comment 4. You know that not seeing your nephews again is never going to happen. Your selfish sister has been taking advantage of you for too long, and to her, you're standing up for yourself. is just a temporary setback in her manipulations. The only way her behavior is going to change is when yours changes. You need to set some clear boundaries and follow them with solid expectations of how you expect her to treat you. For example, guilt tripping, name calling, accusations, etc. are to end. If she tries any of these manipulative tactics, there will be clear consequences.

And you need to follow through. If you tell her you can't babysit and she starts the guilt, you tell her something like no babysitting for a month because of her behavior. Altering your behavior is the only way you can change hers. Oh, and all those times she needs to comfort her friend with the dying mother, you realize those are just BS. She wants free from kids' time and is just trying to play on your empathy. Your sister is a Class A asshole. Poop, thank you.

I feel so stupid, I only thought about the friend's mom thing being BS like last week. I asked see how she was doing and she took a second too long to remember what I was talking about. Comment 5. What has your sister done for you in the last year? It sounds like you are a doormat. None of what you said sounds unreasonable. You need to put boundaries now or it will get worse. I imagine you want to start a family with your fiancé at some point. You cannot keep this up. NTA-oop. I'm not even wanting a family of my own. No pets nor kids. Regardless, I want to live for myself. She has allowed me to see the boys, that's mostly it. I couldn't imagine not being in their lives. Additional information from OOP.

Thanks for all the replies, there's been so many helpful ones already. I've tried to at least answer all questions. I just have to plan out the boundaries and then practice how to set them and maybe even write down answers for the rebuttals I know she'll have. For those worried about my fiancé, he's a quiet, steady rock for me, he's been somewhat enjoying his gaming time without me around, so I hope he hasn't suffered too much. I'll focus on communicating with him better too. We're getting married in summer of 26, so we'll have to focus update 1. A lot has happened. I'm trying to write concisely. One, during the first 24 hours after me telling her that ultimatum I decided not to answer her calls or texts to let her cool down. She called 77 times, send over

100 texts and voice messages. They're mostly just her calling me a horrible person who abandons her family. Two, I outlined a few rules with my fiancé's help for the future if she comes to her senses and agrees terms. I wanted them to be ready even though it looked like she will never come around. I had conditions like I could watch them up to three times in two weeks, not more than four hours at a time. Meals needed to be provided. No bath time or bedtime. I'm not spending any money. Three, I got messages from an unknown number.

Fiancé says it's an app or something, saying how horrible of a sister I am because now they have to watch their mom die alone without Carleen there to comfort them. Based on the suspicions I had earlier and the language similarities I think this is. was my sister pretending to be her friend. 4. I talked to my supervisor on Friday afternoon and asked for her opinion. I first asked if it was okay to talk about personal stuff and she was great about it. I don't work with children and CPS has never been a part of my work so I wanted to double check with someone more senior. We made a report together on Carleen.

The supervisor said it's better to do so especially now that it's escalated and she might retaliate against me by hurting the boys in some way as she's obviously not above that. 5. I'm probably going to give her next week to cool off before resuming contact, and depending on what the messages slash voice messages say then, I might contact her. If they are as abusive as now, I probably won't respond at all. It makes me unbelievably upset, but I hope the boys will also get a more stable environment without me as she's using them as pawns with me. 6. Fiance says hello and wants everyone to know he's here for me and wants to assure everyone I'm not really that bad of a doormat, just for Carleen for some reason. I'm looking into counseling through my work, it's too expensive out of pocket. Thanks for the messages and the shift kicks I obviously needed. For some reason I've become blind to my sister's behavior and was only concerned whether I'd lose the boys from my life. probably will update when slash if I resume contact with my sister if people want to know how it goes.

Comments where op has replied, comment one. NTA bid I suggest you and your fiancé have a discussion about whether or not you would take custody of the kids if it came to that. Your sister sounds like she may land herself in jail or decide to abandon her kids. It's better to be prepared for any possible outcomes, including CPS removing them from her care. Boop, oh wow, true. We definitely don't want kids, but if the option is foster care for them, we might have to take them in. We'll talk to my fiancé as soon as he gets home from work. Comment two.

Is there a reason the father of these children isn't helping to take care of them? I can't imagine expecting a family member to step in and handle a significant portion of the parenting of my own children. If she wasn't prepared to be a parent, she shouldn't have had two children. Boop, she got really angry at me when I asked about their dad slash s whenever she was pregnant and I just left it at that. She hasn't had a long-term boyfriend since high school as far as I know. I don't even know if the kids have a same dad, I kind of doubt it due to their differences in skin shade and features. Comment 3. Stand your ground up. And I hope you can get counseling through work. If anything, check with local churches. Some have counseling and other services.

offered. I hope things work out for you. I understand if you have to go and see with her, though. Comment 4. I hope you have been keeping all the nasty messages. Because you do need to make sure that you have evidence. Your sister is neurotic and abusive. She bought those kids to this world and it's her fault. She is a single mother who is trying to shirk her duties on someone else, because she is lazy and wants to be a 21-year-old. Well, sorry, but she can't have that. She is responsible for those kids. Not you.

Additional information from Op, it's only Wednesday and I just blocked her. I don't understand when she sleeps, I've been getting messages slash calls every two to four hours since last week. I'm crying because it feels like I'm shutting my nephews out, but this is exhausting. My fiancé has been checking the messages twice. a day making sure there's nothing important in between, I haven't read any of them. It's just her calling me names and cursing at this point, not even coherent sentences. Nothing on the CPS report yet.

Update 2. Boring update but my fiancé unblocked Carleen for a few hours to see if she was still messaging abusive stuff, she was. Nothing new there. CPS called and asked for more info, which I provided. They wanted to know specific dates and whether I had proof, and I sent them a lot of screenshots of messages with Carleen. I chose to make the report with my name on it as I felt like it added credibility. And it also kind of felt like a punishment for me to use my name especially after waiting so long to make the report, meaning my sister could now also know for sure it was me who made the report and I'd face the consequences for it. I've had one Zoom appointment with a psychologist

through my work, it's been great so far and I already got homework on boundaries. Seems fast but she said they're trained to move quickly as we are usually provided five visits and there should be progress in that time. I haven't heard from Carleen or the kids other than the abusive messages. I'm ashamed to say I've driven by the house a couple of times just to see if everything looks normal and it does. I had a talk with my fiancé after a commenter suggested the kids might need to be removed from Carleen and if we were planning on fostering slash whatever if it came to that. We aren't. We don't want kids and have known that from the beginning. The day-to-day life as a family with kids sounds absolutely horrible to be honest,

there's nothing that appeals to us. We don't even want pets. We would become resentful and probably would lose ourselves in the process if we went there. I don't know how much there is to update after this, maybe if the contact resumes, but honestly I'm afraid to send her anything as she's just insulting me. I don't think she'd even really read what I wrote if I tried. Update 3. Today was my birthday. I'm 30, yay. and I just had an ordinary work day.

When I got home, my sister was waiting for me. Fiancé wasn't home yet. Carleen congratulated me and actually seemed normal at first, but when I couldn't behave like I normally would, attentive, asking how I could help her, etc., she got irritated. She said she'd known I never loved the boys and was only jealous I didn't have kids. I tried to make them love me more and then I'd falsify reports to CPS and get custody. I actually kind of laughed it was so ridiculous.

I told her I don't even want kids and wouldn't take hers even if they were offered. Might have been a cruel thing to say, but I'm just so tired. She somehow got angrier and saying how horrible the boys will now feel knowing I'd abandoned them and proving I didn't love them. I knew I couldn't win with her, so I'd just asked she why she was here and where the kids were. Carleen said their whereabouts were none of my business, fair enough, and she was here to tell me I'd never see them again. I'd accepted that as a possibility, or even probable, so I didn't really react which made her even angrier. She tried to grab me, but I'd stood about six feet away so she couldn't reach me and I'd just ran inside the building and closed the door behind me, luckily it locks automatically.

She followed so I shouted through the door that I would call the police if she didn't leave. She kicked the door and left without saying anything. I went to our apartment and sat on the floor. My hands were shaking so I couldn't write, but I made a voice recording on my phone on everything in case I need to contact the police or a lawyer or something. After around 20 minutes, just breathing the door lock rattled and I got really scared until I understood it was my fiancé getting home from work. I was still on the floor, so he obviously freaked out. I told him everything and he said we should make a police report and also update the CPS people

about Carleen's irregular behavior. I still feel weirded out reporting her because we in. endured much worse as kids and don't think anyone reported our parents, but my fiancé asked if I would make this report at work if it was someone else's family. I said it's not fair as I don't work with kids for this exact reason, but I guess I'd report it. It's getting late and I can't sleep, worrying about making the police report tomorrow and wondering what to tell the CPS. I guess I'll explain the whole thing and they decide what's relevant. Oh, CPS let us know on Monday, I think, that my sister is under investigation and they gave me the contact info for their caseworker,

so at least that report will be easy to make. Update 4. Sorry it took a while but I've been trying to keep busy, taking extra shifts at work, as I missed the boys. I haven't heard from them at all since my sister kicked at our door. CPS has been in contact a few times, but as we let them know we wouldn't be willing to take the boys unless absolutely necessary, not even for a short foster placement. They haven't been telling us as much about their situation. It feels like we don't know much anymore, but I guess we're outsiders now so I get it. The family court date is set for next month and we're debating whether to ask if we can go, but I honestly think they wouldn't allow it now as we have nothing to do with the

solution. I don't know whether we would have been able to attend even if we agreed to foster them, usually the family courts here are quite closed. As far as the boys go, I've accepted I'll probably never see them again. I wish that if I can keep tabs on them I can reintroduce myself when they're 10 years or so older and have their own phones, etc. It's far away but I have to have something to look forward to. CPS is actively still investigating. Until they stopped telling us anything it sounded quite sure that at least a short foster placement was needed.

My sister failed to show up to mandatory meetings, wasn't available when they tried to reach out to her and at least once Carline arrived at the house without the kids just as the CPS came by, and they realized the kids had been home alone for the time Carleen was gone. They contacted me to ask if I knew where my sister was and for how long but I had stopped talking to her at that point. Carleen said she just dropped off something the street over so she was gone for less than three minutes. I don't know if I believe that and the CPS didn't think so either. The reason we don't want, can't take the boys is mainly our health. I have a chronic illness and my fiancé is in a wheelchair. We live in a one-bedroom apartment and having the boys' beds

and stuff would make it inaccessible for a wheelchair and that's just not okay. In addition, we just don't want kids at all. I don't think I'd be a great parent and can't expect my fiancé to parent either as he didn't sign up for it either. I hope the boys are small enough so that they are easy to place, whether temporarily or permanently. It breaks my heart but at the same time I just can't do it. Thanks for the well wishes and ask me if you have any questions. I hope you enjoy this story. I had sole possession of my canine companion and my legal separation from my unfaithful spouse, but upon returning from my job one afternoon, he had vanished and my rear entrance was shattered.

In, turns out my psycho mill stole my dog and is refusing to give it back. I never imagined I'd be writing to the internet about this, but here I am. I'm 28 in going through a really rough divorce after discovering that my husband, now X, cheated on me. To say I'm devastated would be an understatement. The past few weeks have been a blur of lawyer meetings, paperwork, and tears. Through all of it, the only thing keeping me sane has been my dog, buddy. He's a sweet, loyal mutt we rescued together a few years ago, with floppy ears and a tail that never stops wagging.

Honestly, I love that dog like he's my child. My ex knows how much Buddy means to me, and that's why this part hurts so much. We're actually fighting over custody of him. It sounds ridiculous to some, but if you've ever had a pet that's your best friend, you'll understand. I can handle splitting up our savings, the house, even the car, but not my dog. My ex's lawyer actually listed Buddy as an asset in the divorce, something to be divided. My ex is pushing hard to get him. I don't know if it's out of genuine love for the dog or just to hurt me.

Given that he's the one who cheated and blew up our marriage, I suspect he's being spiteful. He wasn't even that involved in the day-to-day care. I'm the one who walks, feeds, and takes Buddy to the vet. Still, I'm terrified. I've heard horror stories of judges treating pets like property, or giving them to whoever has the bigger yard. What if the court decides Buddy should go with my ex just because he bought the dog food sometimes or because his name is on the microchip registration? My ex also has a bigger living space now.

He's staying at his mom's house at the moment. Yeah, he ran back to Mommy after I kicked him out. They have a fenced yard, while I'm in a small apartment I had to rent after the separation, but I am looking for a new place. I worry that will sway the judge, even though I know Buddy would be miserable without me. to make matters more complicated, my ex's mother, my mill, has been hovering over this whole ordeal. She's always been difficult with me, even before the divorce. During our marriage she made snide comments and often acted like Buddy belonged solely to her son.

When I found out about the cheating, she actually had the nerve to imply that I drove him to it by not being a good enough wife. It's insane. Now, during the divorce, she's telling anyone who'll listen that I'm trying to steal her son's dog. She even told me to my face that Buddy would be better off with my ex because I'm, in her words, too emotionally unstable right now. Of course I'm emotionally unstable, I got cheated on and my life blew up. No kidding, lady, after I moved out and took Buddy with me, my mill even suggested that I let Buddy stay at her house just until you get back on your feet, since they have the yard and I don't. Yeah, no. I'm not falling for that. If I hand it over,

over my dog temporarily, I have zero doubt they'd suddenly decide I'm unfit and never return him. So yeah, it's a mess. The final hearing where the court will decide on Buddy, and the rest of the assets, is coming up soon, and I'm a nervous wreck. My lawyer since I've been the primary caregiver and because we can prove I've paid for most of Buddy's needs. Plus, Buddy is community property which can be awarded to one party. But nothing is guaranteed. The thought of losing Buddy on top of everything else. I can't even handle it. He's basically all I have. When I was at my lowest after discovering the affair, it was buddy curling up next to me on the bed that kept me from falling apart completely. He'd nudged me with his nose when I cried, like he was

reminding me I wasn't alone. I don't usually post personal stuff online, but I needed to get this off my chest. I'm not even sure what I'm asking for, maybe just some emotional support or advice from anyone who's been through something similar. I'm so scared the court will hand my dog over to my cheating ex in that vile mill. Losing my marriage was hard enough. Losing Buddy would devastate me. Update 1. Hey everyone. I have a happy update to share, and it's such a huge relief. The court hearing was held and the judge awarded me full custody of Buddy. In the divorce settlement paperwork, it explicitly states that Buddy is mine. I actually started crying in the courtroom when I heard the decision.

I feel like I can finally breathe again knowing that my best friend is officially staying with me. My ex was not happy about the outcome. He kind of went red in the face when the judge announced Buddy would remain with me. He didn't say much to me afterward, just grabbed his papers and walked out with his lawyer. I'm pretty sure he's furious, and I bet his mother is absolutely livid too, but there's nothing they can do now. It's all in writing and legally binding. Buddy is coming home with me, and they have no claim to him anymore. I want to thank everyone here for the support and advice on my original post.

A few of you shared your own experiences and legal tips which helped me prepare. I gathered every piece of evidence I could to show I was Buddy's primary caregiver. My lawyer presented all of that, and it seems to have made a difference. The judge noted that it was clear who took care of Buddy Day to day. As for the rest of the divorce, it's basically settled now too. We're splitting the other assets, which I don't even care much about at this point. I let my ex keep a few extra things, like a larger share of the savings, without a fight, to be honest, because in my mind Buddy was the only thing that truly mattered.

I'd give up all the furniture and dishes in the world if it means my dog stays with me. I've been smiling more today than I have in months. When we got home from court, I gave Buddy a big. celebratory hug and a new chew toy eyed stashed away. He probably doesn't understand the details of what happened, but I swear he could sense my stress these past few days and my relief now. Tonight, Buddy's getting extra treats and an extra long play session at the park. It feels like a win in an otherwise horrible year. I know I still have a lot of healing to do from the betrayal and the end of my marriage, but at least I won't have to do it alone. Buddy will be right there by my side

through all of it, where he belongs. Thank you again to everyone who listened and offered words of encouragement. This community has been amazing. For the first time in a long while, I'm going to sleep peacefully tonight knowing my dog is safe and staying with me. Update 2. I'm back here with bad news. Just a few weeks ago I was celebrating that Buddy was mine and safe. Now I feel like I'm living a nightmare. I moved into a new place because Buddy gets sad stuff. in my apartment. Then earlier today, I came home from work to find Buddy was gone. The back door was wide open, even though I know I locked it this morning. I always double-checked that door. A couple of chairs that had been near the door were knocked over, and Buddy's leash, which I usually

hang on a hook by the door, was missing. I called out for Buddy, frantically searching every room, even though deep down I knew he wouldn't be in the house. He never runs off, if he ever got out on his own, he'd just sit on the porch or wander into the backyard. But I checked everywhere anyway, screaming his name like a madwoman. No sign of him. It quickly dawned on me that this wasn't Buddy escaping or anything innocent. Someone broke into my home and took my dog. Nothing else seems to be missing.

My laptop was still on the table. The TV was still there. Even my wallet that I'd foolishly left on the kitchen counter was untouched. They only took Buddy, and apparently his leash. maybe to lead him out. There were some faint muddy smudges on the floor by the back door, like dirty shoe prints, and a scuff mark near the lock. It looks like whoever did this maybe forced the door open or somehow picked the lock. I immediately called the police and reported a break-in and dog-napping. I was shaking so badly I could barely get the information out to the dispatcher.

A patrol car came by, and I showed them the scene. They filed a report and canvassed the area, but there wasn't much they could do on the spot. I mentioned that I have a strong suspicion about who might be responsible, I told them about my ex and the custody battle, and how he was angry that I got Buddy. I also mentioned my ex-mill, who has been adamant that Buddy belongs with my ex. The officers took down the info, but I have no proof right now. They said they'd follow up and check any nearby security cameras, and advised me to see if any neighbors saw something. Speaking of, I did go around to my neighbor's houses as soon as the police left. I moved into a residential neighborhood, lots of single-family homes.

I was desperate to find anyone who might have witnessed something. One elderly neighbor across the street was out watering her plants around midday, but she said she didn't notice anything unusual. Another neighbor two doors down thinks they remember seeing a car they didn't recognize parked on our street around lunchtime, but they didn't get a good look. They said it drove off after a short while. I've asked if they or anyone on the street has a doorbell cam that might have caught the car or any part of what happened. One neighbor is checking their security footage and will let me know if they find anything.

I'm praying that camera picked up a clear shot of a license plate or a face. At this point, I am almost certain this has to be my ex or someone associated with him. Who else would break into a house just to steal a dog and nothing else? It's just too much of a coincidence that this happened right after I won custody. I tried calling and texting my ex in a fury. He didn't pick up at first. Later he sent back a short text saying he has no idea what I'm talking about and that he doesn't have buddy. I don't believe him for a second.

I told him if I find out he's lying I'll make sure he and anyone involved pays for it. He didn't respond to that. He's playing dumb, which infuriates me, because if he would, really is behind this and thinks he can get away with it. Uck. I haven't been able to reach my ex's mill, but that's not surprising. We're not exactly on casual talking terms, even during the marriage I avoided calling her. I am absolutely freaking out.

I've been pacing the house, on the phone with my parents, they're outraged and coming over to help me figure out what to do next. I can't stop blaming myself. What if I hadn't been at work? What if I'd installed a security system or cameras sooner? I actually was already looking into a camera doorbell after the divorce, but I hadn't set it up yet. I feel so stupid now, the police say they'll investigate, but I know this might not be a high priority for them compared to other crimes. To me, though, this is the worst thing in the world.

Buddy is family. I don't know what to do but wait for any updates from the police or neighbors. I'm posting this here in part to vent and in part to ask for advice. If anyone's dealt with something like a stolen pet, please, do you have any suggestions? I've already reported it to the police and I'll be giving them a copy of my divorce decree that shows Buddy is legally mine. I'm also thinking of printing out flyers with Buddy's photo and my contact info to put around, just in case someone sees him, though if my ex's side took him, that might not help much. and maybe I should call the local animal shelters in case by some bizarre chance someone turns him in? I'm grasping at straws.

I'm trying to hold it together but I'm so scared. I just want my dog back. Update 3. It's been a hell of a day, but I finally have some answers, just not the outcome I hoped for. I found out who took Buddy, and it's exactly who I suspected, my ex's mother. She has my dog. and she's openly admitting it, but still refusing to give him back. First, some background on how I confirmed it was her.

One of my neighbors came through for me. Their security camera caught part of the incident. Early this morning, the neighbor reviewed the footage and showed me a clip from the day Buddy was taken. The video isn't super high-deaf, but it clearly showed a car pulling up to my back fence and a person going into my yard. The car is recognizably my ex-mills. I know her car must. model and license plate, and it's a distinctive bright blue color. The video even briefly showed her face as she opened my back gate, it's unmistakably her. And worst, or best. Of all, in the footage you can see her guiding Buddy into her car. Buddy looked confused but he's so friendly he probably

thought he was going for a fun car ride. My dad and I decided to confront my ex-mill directly. My parents have been by my side since last night. They're just as angry and heard about this as I am. My dad was especially furious and insisted on coming with me, worried that things might get heated. I was nervous, but I felt like I had to at least try asking for buddy back before involving the police further. Maybe that was naive, but I thought if I caught her red-handed with proof, she might back down. So we drove over to my ex-Mills house. I walked up to her door, my dad stayed just behind me on the porch. It was early afternoon by then.

It took a lot of banging on the door and ringing the bell before she finally answered. The moment she saw it was me, like she'd been expecting this. I didn't even bother with pleasantries, I demanded she returned Buddy to me immediately. I said I knew she had him, I even mentioned I saw video footage of her taking him. At first, she tried to play coy. She said, She said things like, I don't know what you're talking about and, you must be mistaken. But I could hear Buddy barking from inside her house. I know my dogs bark anywhere. As soon as Buddy heard my voice, he started going crazy, scratching at the door behind her

and whining. I yelled his name, Buddy. And I heard him yip. I tried to push the door open further, but my mill quickly stepped in front of me, blocking the way. her tone changed to defensive and self-righteous. She basically admitted she took him, but she claimed it was for his own good. Her words were something along the lines of, Buddy was miserable with you. That tiny home, you gone all day at work. He's been so depressed. I did what I had to do so he could

be happy. I was absolutely floored. I told her I couldn't believe she'd kidnapped my dog and asked how on earth she thought this was okay. She kept going on about how we, she and my ex, were just looking out for Buddy's well-being. She said that my ex was heartbroken every time he saw Buddy in my cramped place looking sad, and that they decided Buddy would be better off living at her house, where there's a big yard and someone home all day. I practically screamed at her that Buddy is my dog, not hers or her sons anymore, and that the court custody order is clear. I said if she didn't hand him over right now, I was going to call the police and have her charged with theft and breaking and entering. She did not take that well. She got this nasty, smug smirk on her

face and said something that chilled me, go ahead and try. If you involve the police, you'll never see Buddy again. I'll take him and disappear, and good luck finding us. She actually threatened to take my dog and flee the area, possibly out of state. If I tried to enforce the court order or get the police involved. My dad jumped in at that point and told her she was insane and that she can't just steal a dog and run. She started yelling over us, saying I was an unfit dog owner, that I don't even have time for a husband, let alone a dog. I've never wanted to slap someone so badly, I just kept pleading, please, just give me buddy back. You can't do this. He's all I have, and he's probably so confused right now. I could still. I could

still hear buddy scratching and whining. I was in tears at this point, hearing my dog like that and knowing he was just on the other side of the wall but I couldn't get to him. My ex-mill wouldn't budge. She told me to leave her property, or else. I told her this wasn't over, and that she'd regret doing this. She shouted back that I would regret trying to take her grand dog away. My dad was about ready to break her door down, but I pulled him back and we left, with me sobbing in frustration and rage. After I got home from that horrible confrontation, I tried calling my ex one more time.

Surprisingly, he actually picked up this time, and our conversation was infuriating. He tried to act concerned, like, I heard you showed up at moms in a frenzy. I unloaded on him, asking how he could let his mother do this, and demanding that he tell her to give Buddy back right now. He was frustratingly calm and had the gall to say, look, Buddy is just better off there for now. You need to calm down. He went on about how the dog was

really lonely since I work full time and live alone, and how his mom can give Buddy constant attention. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was like he completely disregarded the fact that Buddy is my dog and that he helped stealing him. I reminded him that the court decided Buddy should be with me, and that what they've done is wildly illegal. He just kept deflecting, saying stuff like, court orders don't change what's actually best for buddy. Don't be selfish. I lost it and told him that if he didn't return my dog immediately, I would call the police and have both him and his mother arrested.

He got snippy and said, If you sit the cops on my mom, don't expect us to just sit by. We're doing what's right. Maybe you should just let him stay here, if you really love him and want him happy. That felt almost like a threat or ultimatum, like they're saying if I love my dog, I should just surrender him for his own good, or else risk him being taken far away.

It's insane. My ex and his mother have essentially stolen my dog and are holding him hostage under this delusional justification that I'm not a good enough caretaker. They acknowledge the court order but clearly don't care, they think they know better than the judge. And they've outright threatened to take buddy and vanish if I involve law enforcement. I did call my lawyer after all and he was as astonished as I am. He advised me to involve the police right away despite the threat and also said we can file an emergency motion in court for contempt, since this violates the divorce order. I'm obviously going to do that, but I'm so scared that if the police show up at my mill's door, she's going to bolt with my dog. I have no idea if she's serious about running, but given her

crazy behavior, I'm not willing to underestimate her. Right now Buddy is still at my ex-Mills house, as far as I know. I drove by on the way back home and saw her car in the driveway, which means hopefully she hasn't taken off yet. I'm staying up tonight, trying to think this through. I want my dog back more than anything, but I'm terrified of what might happen if they make a run for it. I'm going to share all of this with the police so they understand the urgency and the risk of her fleeing. Update 4. Buddy is home safe. As advised by my lawyer, and many of you here, I got the police fully involved first thing. I showed them the security video of my ex-mill taking Buddy, and I also told them about her threats to run away with him. The officers took it very seriously.

Early this morning, the police organized a plan to recover my dog. They had me accompany them to make a positive ID on Buddy, but asked me to stay in the police car until they secured the situation. We arrived at my ex-mill's house shortly after dawn. There were two squad cars, one pole, up in front of her house, and another quietly circled around to cover the back, just in case. I was biting my nails in the back seat of the police cruiser. I didn't know if she would try to make a run for it with Buddy, but I was bracing myself for anything. One of the officers knocked on her door and announced they were police. For a minute or two, there was no answer and I grew really anxious that she might be trying to slip out the back. The officers at the

rear later told me she briefly opened the back door, saw the second police car, and slammed it shut. Eventually, my ex-mill cracked open the front door. I couldn't hear from where I was, but I saw the officer speak to her, then her trying to shut the door on them. That's when things went from polite to serious. The police blocked the door and I could see them doing the we have a warrant kind of gesture. I'm not sure if they actually had a physical warrant in hand or were just using the probable cause of the video, my lawyer had said he'd help get a warrant, so maybe they did. What I do know is that soon after, I heard my ex-mill screaming at the officers. There was a lot of commotion, and then I suddenly saw Buddy bolt out through the half-open front door.

One of the cops had unclipped his leash. I later learned an officer grabbed his leash inside to bring him out, and my mill tried to tug him back, causing Buddy to slip free. Buddy came sprinting straight toward where I was, tail wagging like crazy. I practically fell out of the police car and ran to meet him. He barreled into me, nearly knocking me over, and just started licking my face while whining. I was ugly crying into his fur, just holding onto him as tight as I could. He was wiggling his whole body in that way dogs do when they're excited. My ex-mill was less happy, to put it mildly.

She came running out after Buddy, in handcuffs, no less, the officers had restrained her. She was screaming all sorts of nonsense like how I was abusing Buddy and that the police were harassing an old woman. The cops shut that down quickly. They placed her under arrest for breaking and entering, pet theft, and violating the custody order. The police also briefly detained my ex-husband later that day for questioning.

He wasn't at the scene, but they certainly had some pointed questions for him about his involvement in the theft. As expected, he tried to play dumb and claimed it was all his mother's doing and that he had no idea she would go that far. I call BS on that, but we'll see what, if anything, comes of it. At the very least, the cops made it abundantly clear to him that if he was pulling the strings, he was skating on very thin ice. As for my ex-mill, she spent a night in jail before my understanding as she was bailed out, likely by my ex. My lawyer and I are pressing charges to the fullest extent. I've given the police and the district attorney all the evidence, the video, my prior reports, and even the text messages and phone recordings

of their threats. Yes, I had recorded some calls on my phone. The case is now in their hands. Frankly, I hope she faces real consequences. What she did was beyond insane and cruel. On the civil side, we also had an emergency court hearing regarding the violation of the divorce decree. It was brief but very much in my favor. The judge is enforcing that my ex pay for all my legal fees related to this incident, and warned that any further interference with my dog's custody will result in serious penalties. He also granted a restraining order that forbids my ex-mill, and by extension my ex-husband acting through her, from coming near me, my home, or buddy ever again.

If they even try to contact me or see Buddy, they'll be in contempt of court and potentially face more jail time. Most importantly, Buddy is back home with me where he belongs. Amazingly, he's doing great, it's like he knew he was finally safe. After the police drama, I took him straight home and fed him his favorite meal. He's been sticking to me like glue since coming back, following me from room to room, but in a way I find incredibly sweet. I gave him a much needed bath, he smelled like my mill's perfume, yuck, and checked him over. Thankfully he wasn't hurt or anything. If anything, he seems happy as ever now. He's napping with his head on my lap as I typed this final update. Thank you to everyone who followed along and

encouraged me. Buddy sends doggy kisses your way, and I send my sincere thanks. I hope you enjoy this story. I was in a relationship with a solo mother for a couple of years, but her challenging child consumed all my spare time and destroyed our closeness. When I requested one weekend each month for personal time, she said all or nothing, so we broke up. I started this relationship two years ago when I was 28. Due to the one-hour drive we only see each other on the weekends. She has her son M. F., and the weekend's dad gets her son, seven years old. I really only see him on Sunday nights when he gets dropped. I was always nice to her son. I would play Minecraft and take him out, even went on vacation with her

and him a couple of times. But I'm not going to lie I never loved the idea of dealing with him. Despite my attempts at treating him like my own, he has proven time and time again that he's just a difficult kid to deal with. I want to keep this post short, so I'll spare the details. But the problem is that recently he's been with us every weekend and I'm starting to get a clearer view into my future with her and her son. I have zero time to myself, there's no SEGs, haven't had it in over a month, and I find myself hiding in the bathroom just to get a moment's peace. I no longer look forward to my weekends I actually look forward to Monday because at least after work I have a few hours to myself for some peace. I'm starting to realize what my future is looking like and it

horrifies me. I tried having a conversation with my girl about it a few times but it always seems to lead to an argument. It's like I have all the responsibilities of a parent, but none of the authority. I really love my girlfriend and we have such a good relationship outside of her son, but now I think it's time for me to end it. I just feel completely awful about the whole thing because I knew she was a single mother before I got into this relationship, but I kept ignoring red flags and kept telling myself it would get better, but it hasn't, it just kept getting worse. I feel like I wasted both of our time but I'm just having trouble letting go. Every time I think about ending it I get scared that I'll miss her too much. But deep down I know that I have too. Any advice or

anyone else go through this before? Edit, thanks everyone, I appreciate all the comments. I just wanted to clarify that the red flags were not her being a mother. Although her parenting style isn't one I endorse completely so I guess that could be a red flag. But I'm just saying I ignored the red flags that involved other aspects of single motherhood that are not exactly her fault. For example, her son's father is a dead beat and doesn't support their son financially at all so I know that burden would fall on my shoulders completely if we were to stay together. Something I really didn't consider going into it. Should have been obvious I know, but we all make mistakes. I have nothing but love for her and will make an update post once I have the conversation with her. Very soon.

Comments where Op has replied, comment one, listen, if you feel like that, get out. Save yourself. Move on. It will sting but ultimately you will be happier. As a step parent myself to a very difficult child, it never gets easier. There is literally no happiness in our home anymore, and I have three of my own kids who are miserable as well. I wish I had not ignored some red flags. You cannot love someone through these kinds of situations. Oop, thanks, I've already started speaking to a therapist and am working on getting out for good real soon.

Her and I actually just started a break because of all the stress I've been feeling from the relationship. I don't see much value in a sexless relationship with a mom that I have to help raise her kid who I have to lose all my free time too. I just hate feeling like the bad guy, but I guess I just have to accept that and move on. Comment 2, I'm writing this as a single parent. You aren't doing anything wrong by leaving the relationship. Here's the thing, my child always comes first.

That's my job as a parent. If the person I was dating felt the way you do, which are valid feelings, it may sting when they ended things, but I would respect it because I want my child to see a healthy relationship. I would never expect a step-parent to 100% treat my child as their own, although that would be amazing. You're right, it's hard and it doesn't tend to get easier, it just changes. I also resort myself to another room from time to time just to get a few minutes of silence, it's normal. All three of you deserve a functioning relationship without resentments. If this relationship isn't working for you, you're all better off without it.

Dating a single parent can be very tough. Update 1, long story short, I told her I was unhappy, I asked if I could have some time to myself maybe one weekend a month I can stay home, she said no. It's all or nothing with us. I offered her couples therapy and even told her I'd pay for the entire thing. She refused said she already has enough therapy. I told her then we need to end it. It was an awful conversation and there was tons of crime. until she just hung up on me.

A little backstory, she's been through terrible trauma in her life and I was worried she might not be okay because she's still dealing with some of it. Anyway, I was worried about her, but she refused to talk to me. Wouldn't answer calls or texts. I figured it was just over now and I need to leave her alone. The next morning, I get a text from her asking me to come get my stuff I had left there. I told her just throw it all out. The stuff wasn't worth me going over there because it would be too hard to see her now.

She basically said, please just come get your stuff. I don't want to look at it anymore either. And she said this will be the last time we will see each other so let's say goodbye. I agreed and drove over there. When I got there I was met with a pile of my stuff, I started taking trips bringing it down to my car. When I went to get the last of my stuff I saw her sitting on the kitchen floor just crying. I sat next to her for a while not saying anything. She kind of made a move where she moved away from me a few inches. I looked at her and said I should probably go, huh? She nodded her head.

I got up and as I was leaving I just said to her, I just wished you didn't think I was a horrible person. She started yelling from the floor about how she did nothing wrong and whatnot. I couldn't take the yelling, I said goodbye and left. As I was walking down the hallway I was haunted by the sounds of her crying so loud I could hear it very clear. As I left her building and got into my car she called me. She was upset that I didn't want to talk. But I explained to her there wasn't anything left to talk about.

She kept going on and on about how awful I was and not doing the right thing, etc., and she refused to take any blame. At this point I'm already on the highway about 15 minutes away from her apartment when she asked me to come back inside to talk. I told her no, I am already leaving, she started crying and begging me to turn around and talk. I said I am sorry, I am so sorry and I hung up the phone. First time I've ever done that to her. But she's hung up on me over a dozen times. She started immediately blowing up my phone. I couldn't deal with it I was losing my mind, so I just turned the phone off. I left it off for a day and when I turned it on I saw. saw a few short texts and missed calls. I immediately just went ahead and blocked her. I don't know

if I did the right thing, I feel so damn terrible about this whole thing. I want to be there for her, hearing her cry killed me inside. But I know me being there for her will just rope me back into the relationship that I was no longer wanting to be in. Even though I still love her, and in fact I'm still in love with her. But it's too much, I know I won't be happy. She wrote me too emails since she figured out she was blocked. I haven't read them yet. I can see they addressed in letter format, but I don't have the strength to read them at this time. This whole thing sucks. Hopefully this doesn't get automatically taken down. Anyway, thanks everyone and if you have advice on how to get through this that would be very helpful.

Thanks. Edit. I never thought this would get so much attention. This has been the most difficult thing I've dealt with in my life so thank you all so much for the kind words, it has all helped out tremendously. Last night I ended up reading the letters she sent me, before I looked at this post again, and the first letter was super apologetic. Actually made me tear up, it was very sweet and it made things really difficult. Then I read the second letter which was sent 12 hours after the first one and it was more blame, she was venting about all the things I did wrong, etc. In retrospect, not have read either of the letters, but the first letter reminded me of the good times, and then the second one reminded me why I broke up with her in the first place. So I am glad she wrote

the second one because if it was just the first one then who knows what I'd be feeling right now. Anyway, I am going to continue to be strong and block her on any other method she tries contacting me with. She even started calling me from her work phone number. I didn't answer, but I googled it and confirmed that had to be her. I blocked that number as well. Update two. just got out of a 2.5-year relationship, my X-A, 27F, and I'm a, 30M. I broke up with her because I wanted some more time to myself because I felt the dynamic between her and my life was not very fulfilling for myself, spending all my time with her doing what she wants, etc. Plus the lack of SEGs, we were only having SEGs maybe one time

a week at most, but the last three to four months we were together that dropped to once every other week and then eventually once a month. She's a single mother so trying to become a step-parent has been very difficult and was the leading factor in our breakup. Anyway, we had a tough breakup, and immediately after I felt great, I was finally free. But now that it has been a week I'm struggling a lot. I've been crying every single day, including having a complete breakdown last night. I feel so much regret about my decision, I miss her so damn much. I've talked to my therapist, I've talked to my family, I've talked to my friends. None of that has been really helping.

I miss talking with her on the phone or seeing her smile. During the breakup I was so focused on all the bad that I forgot about the good we had. Now that she's gone it's reversed. I've tried thinking about the bad and I understand we cannot be together again, but I am fighting the urge every minute to not pick up my phone and call her, or text her, or just drive over there and beg for forgiveness. I feel like I'm a completely rock bottom here. I think about dating again, in the future not now, and I just don't find any interest in any other person.

It just makes me miss her even more thinking about being with someone else. Because what if they don't do what she does? What if they don't have such a sweet laugh or is as fun to be around? So much confusion in my brain. I'll remain strong and not contact her, but I'm here to admit it is absolutely tearing me up inside. Thanks for reading about my troubles. Update 3, I wanted to make a post in hopes that it will help more people. You can check out my post history and see my problems with my ex, and eventually break up,

and even after me feeling like I wanted her back. She was a single mom and it was really difficult to get over her in more ways that I wasn't prepared for. So I wanted to use this as a little bit of an update on how I got over her, and what exactly happened post-breakup, she reached out. If you want backstory, read my post-history, if not long story short, I'm 30M and dated a 27F single mother to a seven years old boy for 2.5 years. We were sort of long distance, our drive, and saw each other on the weekends for the most part. After the breakup I had felt free, free of all the nonsense associated with her.

I finally had my own free time to myself. However, shortly after, maybe one week, I started to miss her. A lot. I thought about her all the time. Last time I saw her she was sitting on her kitchen floor bawling her eyes out. Every time I closed my eyes I saw that image, I heard her screams and cries, it broke me. I wanted to reach out to her so bad. Eventually I did message her and ask if I could write her son a goodbye letter because I never had the chance to say goodbye to him. I actually was surprised how much I missed him. He and I had a issues, but I did have a connection with him and it was sad to think I'll never see how he grew up. Anyway, letter sent, she received and thanked me for that. Everything was pretty cordial. No contact continued. About six weeks later, I am still missing her. Still have moments where I break down in tears by myself. I remember going down into my home workout room and just started doing deadlifts until I couldn't physically pick up the bar anymore and I just collapsed to my knees crying

hysterically. This was at one in the morning on a work night, I was a mess. I wrote her a letter after, basically saying everything I wanted to say. I wanted her back, I was going to fix everything, etc, etc. I never sent the letter. I was serious about the no contact, I was going to be strong, I was never going to break it. Writing the letters then deleting them was just therapy for me in a way. After I wrote that letter, about three days later guess what? She fucking called me. I didn't notice it was her at first because I deleted and blocked her number. ID give her number didn't get blocked correctly or if it was a different number I never asked.

But I answered and it was her. She started on about how, oh hey. How are you? I know we haven't talked in a while, but I just left the Toyota dealer and they failed my car because of the tinge you had put on it. can I like borrow you for a moment and you can help me out? My heart started racing. I wanted to see her. So badly. I wanted nothing more than to be with her again. But I knew I had to talk first. I told her I would help her but I wanted to talk first. So we talked. So many things I wanted to say to her I began to say. I told her how I was struggling, I told her how I missed her and I was just completely

honest about everything that was going on in my mind. I told her about therapy, I told her about the journaling. But when I asked her how she was doing, that's when the truth began to pour out. She told me she was doing well. She told me she was regressing, her words, said she was going out, partying, drinking, hanging with friends. Even made it a point to let me know that the next night she was going out with friends in the city and that she was going to pick up a new dress for it. She sounded like a bimbo on the phone. Calling me names like Love and Sweetie just cringe-level shit.

I asked her if she missed me, she said she did but she was doing well. Told me therapy has been focusing on her own trauma and she doesn't really think about me, or dream about me, or I guess really care about me at all. I asked about her son because at this point I was more interested with him. She told me he saved the letter and still asks about me. She said he misses me a lot. I can tell he missed me more than she did. I ended the call with A I would love to help you but I can't, here's directions to a shop I know that will pass your car with a tint, tell them you know me and they'll take care of you. And she thanked me and we hung up the phone. Once we hung up I just stared at my wall for a good five minutes. My mind totally fucked up

at what just happened. I was so sad at first, and angry. How could she move on so easily? How could she not be in any pain? While I am sitting here totally devastated at the breakup, she is doing well. My anger and sadness soon turned into appreciation and relief. Oh my God, she's not my problem anymore. She is doing these things that would haunt me at night, but she's not my woman anymore. The girl I was in love with, the girl who every time I closed my eyes to think about. She does not exist. I know that sounds crazy, but she does not exist. The girl I keep thinking about, is no longer around she has been replaced with this other person who looks like her, and sounds like her, but she isn't her. That helped me out tremendously. Suddenly I realized that I have been trapped in a

mental prison. This whole time I thought she put me there, but she didn't. I did. I put myself there. I know this is a bit off topic, but I watched the Matrix original for the first time in my life, I know, and I started to see similarities to how what we think our realities are. I know this is a bit of a tangent, but it helped me to believe that I needed to see the truth. The truth is there is no girl, there is no spoon. I know that last bit is a little weird, but it helped me okay, L.O.L. Point is, she isn't the person I built in my head. Just like Jocko said in his breakup video, you build this person up who doesn't even exist.

I also listened to Bill Burr and he has a podcast where he talked about how breakups were and he actually said that around the six-week mark they always reach out, he was right. Anyway, one final update. This all happened about three weeks ago and I have never felt better since. I am so at peace with everything. Sure I do still miss her from time to time. I definitely miss her son too. But I am happy again, finally. I freed myself from the prison that I was in. I always was hoping she could free me, but she couldn't I had to free myself. Two nights ago I got got a random text from her cousin, 21F. She told me she heard about the breakup and she wasn't sure if she should say anything

but she said her and I had a good relationship, the cousin and I, we used to always joke around with each other when she visited. She told me she will really miss me and she even said that she doesn't believe my ex will ever replace me. Her whole family loved me and it shows. Anyway, I know this post is long but I am doing great right now. I am actually going to start dating again soon and have been doing so well. Here's some things that have really helped me get over her besides the obvious phone call,

journaling, write all feelings down, every time you want to reach out to your ex, write it down and wait a day. You must wait 24 hours. You'll feel different, I promise, and you won't send that letter, exercise, I worked out every single day. I always worked out though even during the relationship so this helped but wasn't enough. on its own. Could be different if I just started though, projects and goals, I have this car I have been fixing up, it helped me a lot working on the car because I would listen to podcasts slash music while turning wrenches. It helped me a lot, pretend you're better. Just like how faking

confidence can lead to real confidence, faking being better after a breakup can lead to feeling better after a breakup. This was helpful in the later stages when I was still holding on a little bit, in the beginning I recommend being honest with yourself, it's okay to miss them, cry it out, thanks Bill Burr, seriously, have yourself a good cry, cry everything out, you'll feel better. It's okay do this in private. No one can judge you. It's better for your health. And that's pretty much it.

I hope this helps some of you. I do still miss my ex from time to time. But overall I am in a very good place. I know what it's like to be in the dark, to feel hopeless, I've been there before. It will get better, but you have to put the work into it. Good luck, everyone. Update 4. This is our first Mother's Day apart after the breakup about two months ago. I wanted to write her an email wishing her a happy Mother's Day. I was just going to say, hey, I wasn't sure if I should reach out, but I just wanted to wish you happy

Mother's Day. I hope X-XXXXXX is doing well, I miss him. I wanted to write it so bad. I wrote the email in my head about ten times. But I never wrote it. I told myself I would not do it and I contained myself. It was hard fighting the urge, but now it's the next day and I am so happy I contain myself. Do not break NC for any reason. If you have the urge to do so, write the email but don't have hit send. Wait three days and see how you feel. I bet you'll delete that email and be thankful you did. I am for the most part over my ex, but seeing the reminder of Mother's Day just brought back so many memories. Luckily your feelings are temporary. Stay strong everyone. I hope you enjoy this story. Invested all my savings to purchase and remodel my partner's ideal home as a wedding gift,

only to discover that she fabricated her pre-wedding excursion to meet with her former partner. Who was trying to win her back? Okay, Reddit, this is going to be long and messy because my life just imploded in the most expensive way possible. I need some perspective because I honestly don't know if I'm the asshole here or if I just made the worst financial decision of my life for all the right reasons. First, some background that probably makes me sound insane but bear with me. I'm a 29-year-old who got really lucky with some early NVIDIA stock purchases back when everyone thought I was throwing money away on graphics card companies. My fiancé Sarah and I have been together for six years, engaged for eight months.

She makes decent money, and we've always split things pretty evenly despite my recent windfall. Here's where it gets complicated. Sarah has this thing about surprises, she absolutely loves them but is terrible at keeping secrets or something. It's actually cute most of the time. She also has this dream house obsession. Every weekend for the past year, she's been dragging me to open houses in this specific neighborhood about 20 minutes from downtown. Not because we were house shopping, but because she just loves looking at perfect houses

and imagining what we do with them. There's this one house that she's been obsessed with for months. It's this 1920s craftsman that's been sitting on the market forever because it needed serious work, new electrical, updated plumbing, kitchen renovation, basically everything. Every time we drove past it, she'd slow down and talk about how it had good bones and how someone with vision could make it incredible. The asking price started at $580,000, dropped to $520,000, then $480,000. Sarah would joke that we should make a lowball offer just to see what happens, but she never meant it seriously.

Here's where I potentially became either the world's most romantic fiancé or the biggest idiot on the planet. Three months ago, I noticed the house had dropped to $400,000 and was marked as motivated seller. I had about $320,000 in my trading account from the NVIDIA windfall, plus $80,000 in savings. Instead of being sensible and talking to Sarah about it, I got this crazy idea that I could buy it as a surprise and renovated as a wedding gift. Not just any surprise, the ultimate surprise. I contacted the listing agent and made a cash offer of $385,000, which they accepted immediately. Apparently, the sellers were going through a divorce and just wanted to be done with it.

I closed on the house two weeks later and immediately hired a contractor who specialized in historic renovations. The plan was to have it completely done by our wedding date so I could surprise her with the keys during our reception. I know how insane this sounds, but Sarah's the kind of person who tears up at those home makeover shows, and I thought this would be the most incredible surprise of her life. The renovation has been going amazing. New electrical throughout, updated plumbing, restored hardwood floors, completely redone kitchen with the exact subway tile and quartz countertops Sarah always pins on Pinterest. I've been sneaking over there during lunch breaks and after work to check on progress, telling Sarah I've been putting in extra hours on a big project.

The contractor estimated everything would be done two weeks before the wedding, which seemed perfect. Now here's where everything went sideways. Sarah has been planning this bachelorette party in Vegas for months. It was supposed to be her, her sister and three college friends doing the typical Vegas thing, shows, nice dinners, maybe some gambling, definitely too much drinking. She's been so excited about it, calling it her last hurrah before becoming a wife. I was happy she was doing something fun for herself because wedding planning has been stressful for both of us.

The trip was planned for four days, and she left enthusiastic and texting me constantly about how excited she was. The first day, I got regular updates about their arrival, the hotel, dinner plans. Normal stuff The second day, the texts became less frequent, which I I figured was just her having fun and being busy. By the third day, I was getting maybe one text in the evening saying she was having a great time and she'd call me tomorrow. Here's where I screwed up. I have this friend Marcus who works in hotel management in Vegas and practically

knows everyone there. I thought it would be fun to surprise Sarah with something special, maybe champagne in her room or dinner reservations at a place that's usually impossible to get into. I texted Marcus asking if he had any connections at the Bellagio, which is where Sarah said they were staying. Marcus texted me back asking for Sarah's last name so he could look it up through his connections. I gave it to him, and 20 minutes later he called me. There was no reservation under Sarah's name at the Belagio. He checked the other major hotels on the strip, thinking maybe I'd gotten confused. Nothing.

I tried to convince myself there was a logical. explanation. Maybe one of her friends had made the reservation under their name. Maybe they had switched hotels. But something felt wrong, I checked our shared credit card account online. The charges were all wrong. Instead of Vegas restaurants and shows, there were charges from places in Phoenix. Not just any places in Phoenix, but specific restaurants that I recognized because Sarah's ex-boyfriend Jake moved there two years ago. Jake, who she dated for three years before we got together. Jake, who she insisted she had no contact with but who still occasionally likes her Instagram posts.

I sat in my car outside the renovation house and felt like the biggest fool in the world. I called Sarah's sister Emma, who's usually pretty direct with me. The conversation was awkward and weird. When I asked how Vegas was going, Emma got quiet and then said she thought Sarah had told me that plans had changed. When I pressed her, she admitted she wasn't on the trip, and she didn't think any of Sarah's college friends were either. I didn't sleep that night. I kept thinking about how I had spent the last three months sneaking around, putting every spare dollar into this house renovation, imagining Sarah's face when I surprised her with her dream home, while she was apparently sneaking around with her ex-boyfriend.

When Sarah came home the next evening, she was glowing and happy and full of stories about Vegas. She told me about shows she had seen, restaurants she had eaten at, even showed me photos on her phone of her and her friends at various Vegas locations. Except I now knew that at least some of those photos had to be fake or old, because the credit card charges proved she had been in Arizona. I didn't confront her immediately. I know that probably makes me a coward, but I needed time to think. I kept going to the house, watching the contractor put finishing touches on what was supposed to be our dream home.

The kitchen countertops were installed. The bathroom renovation was complete. The floors were being refinished. It was beautiful, exactly what Sarah had always said she wanted. But every day, Sarah kept telling me stories about her Vegas trip. Details about the hotel room, about winning money at Blackjack, about the show they saw. All lies, as far as I could tell. I kept waiting for her to come clean, to do that.

say something like actually, plans changed and I ended up visiting an old friend in Phoenix. But she never did. A week after she got back, I made a decision. I told her I needed to talk to her about something important. I had photos of the credit card charges and asked her about them. She tried to explain it first, saying there must be some mistake, that maybe someone had stolen her card information. But when I pointed out that the charges were for amounts that made sense for meals and activities, and that there were no fraud alerts, she finally broke down. She admitted she had gone to Phoenix to see Jake. Not just to see him, but because he had been texting her for months, saying he had made a mistake

letting her go, asking her to give him another chance. The Vegas story was a cover because she knew I wouldn't be okay with her visiting an ex-boyfriend. She swore nothing physical happened, that she just needed closure, that she realized during the trip that she definitely wanted to be with me. I sat there listening to her explain how she had lied to me for months, created and fake story involving her sister and friends, and spent four days with her ex-boyfriend while I was at home planning our future and renovating a house to surprise her. I felt like such an idiot. But here's the thing, read it, I couldn't get past the lying. Looking me in the eye every day for weeks and lying about where she had been and what

she had done. I told Sarah I needed time to think, and I moved into the house that night. I've been living here for three days now, sleeping on an air mattress in what was supposed to be our master bedroom, eating takeout in the kitchen I had designed. The wedding is supposed to be in six weeks. I've cancelled the venue and the catering, but I haven't told anyone else yet. Sarah has been texting me constantly, asking if we can talk, saying she wants to see the house, promising that nothing happened with Jake and that she wants to marry me. I keep walking through these beautiful rooms that I created for us and wondering if I'm throwing away something good because I can't get over being lied to, or if I'm finally standing up for

myself after being played for a fool. What do you think, Reddit? Ida for leaving my fiancé after finding out she lied to me. Update 1. Well Reddit, it's been about 10 days since my original post. Thank you to everyone who commented. Reading through all your responses was like having a few thousand therapists way in on my situation, which was both helpful and overwhelming. The consensus seemed to be that I wasn't the asshole for being upset about Sarah's lies, but that secretly buying a house without discussing it with my partner was also pretty problematic. Fair enough. Several of you pointed out that we both kept major secrets from each other, which is probably not ideal foundation behavior for a marriage.

Point taken. A lot of you asked for more details about the house and the renovation, so here's an update on that front. The contractor finished everything three days after my original post. This house is absolutely beautiful. I know I'm biased because I design most of it, but walking through the completed renovation feels like being inside one of those home design magazines Sarah used to leave around our apartment. The kitchen has these perfect white subway tiles with dark grouch. quartz countertops that look like marble, and this amazing island with enough space for bar stools. The master bathroom has a clawfoot tub that I found at an architectural salvage place, and the shower has those rainfall shower. Living alone in this house is the strangest experience of my life. Based on Reddit's advice, I decided I needed to have a proper conversation with Sarah about

everything. Several of you pointed out that my behavior was also pretty extreme and that maybe we both needed to be honest about our communication problems. Sarah had been texting me multiple times a day since I moved out, asking to talk, apologizing, begging me to reconsider the wedding. I finally texted her back and asked her to come see the house. I figured if we were going to have a serious conversation about our future, we might as well do it in the place that had become the center of all this drama. She came over two days after the renovation was completed. Reddit, I have never seen someone's face go through so many emotions in such a short period of time. When I opened the front door and she saw the restored entryway with the original light fixture I had rewired,

she gasped. When I walked her into the kitchen and she saw the exact tile and countertop combination she had pinned on Pinterest dozens of times, she started crying. Basically you get the picture. But then we had to talk about the actual problems, and that's where things got complicated. Sarah kept focusing on how incredible the house was, how she couldn't believe I had done all this for her, how sorry she was that her stupid decision had ruined everything. I kept trying to redirect the conversation to the lying part, because several of you had pointed out that the vagus deception involved a lot of dishonesty, not just one impulsive mistake. Here's what I learned during the conversation that I hadn't known before. Sarah's relationship with Jake had ended badly. He had cheated on her with a coworker, and when she found out, he had convinced her that it was

somehow her fault for not being adventurous enough or supportive enough of his career goals. Sarah said she had spent months in therapy after their breakup working through why she had believed his manipulation and had stayed with him for months after discovering the cheating. When Jake started texting her again earlier this year, he was apparently using a lot of the same language that had worked on her before, telling her she was the only person who really understood him, that he had made mistakes but had grown as a person, that she was too good for whoever she was with now. Sarah said she knew it was manipulative, but she also felt like she needed to face him one more time to prove to herself that she was stronger now and wouldn't fall

for his tactics again. I asked her why she couldn't just tell me that, and she said she was afraid I would either forbid her from going, which would make her feel controlled, or that I would want to come with her, which would make the whole closure thing impossible. She thought if she could just go, confirmed that she was over him and come back, it would be better for everyone. Obviously, that's not how it worked out. According to Sarah, Jake spent the entire four days trying to convince her to leave me and move to Phoenix with him. He had apparently broken up with whoever he was dating and had been planning this reconciliation attempt for months. Sarah said she realized pretty quickly that he hadn't changed at all and

that she had no interest in being with him, but she also felt like she had to see the trip through to be completely sure. I don't know what to do with this information. On one hand, it makes me understand why she felt like she couldn't tell me the truth up front. On the other hand, she still lied to me for months, involved other people in her lies, and put me in a position where I found out through credit card charges rather than honest communication. Several of you asked about couples' therapy, which Sarah brought up during our conversation. She wants us to go together to work through what happened and figure out if we can rebuild trust. She also wants to move into the house together and postpone the wedding until we've worked through everything. Here's where I'm stuck,

living in this house alone is starting to mess with my head. I designed every detail thinking about Sarah, the kitchen layout based on how she cooks, the bedroom windows position so she'd get the morning light she loves. Being surrounded by all these choices I made for us while trying to decide whether to trust her again is weirdly psychological torture. But I also keep thinking about what several of you said about how both of us kept major secrets. I didn't tell Sarah I was buying a house because I wanted to surprise her, but also because I was afraid she might think it was too much or too fast or too expensive. She didn't tell me about Jake because she wanted closure but was afraid I'd react badly. We both made decisions

to protect the other person from information we thought might upset them, and we both ended up lying in creating bigger problems. Some of you suggested I should sell the house and start over somewhere else, but the real estate agent says that even though I've increased the value significantly with the renovation, selling immediately would mean losing money on realtor fees and transaction costs. Plus, I actually love living here, even though it's lonely. Other people said I should keep the house and find someone new to share it with, which feels both appealing and terrifying. The idea of dating other people while living in a house I designed for Sarah seems weird and potentially unfair to whoever I'd meet next. A few of you asked about Jake

and what happened with him. According to Sarah, he did not take her rejection well and has been texting her since she got back, trying to convince her to change her mind in telling her she's making a huge mistake. Sarah showed me some of the texts, and they're pretty manipulative and gross. She's blocked his number now, but apparently he's also reached out to some of their friends to try to get them to talk to her. So that's where things stand, Reddit. Sarah wants to go to couples therapy and move into the house together. I'm living alone in a beautiful house. Our wedding is supposed to be in few weeks, but the venue and catering are cancelled, and I haven't figured out what to tell our families yet. What do you think? Should I try therapy and see if we can work through

this? Should I cut my losses and figure out how to move forward without her? Also, several people asked about the financial aspects. The house is worth approximately $480,000 now according to the contractor and real estate agent, so I'm not underwater on the investment. But that doesn't help with the emotional side of having spent months planning a surprise for someone who was lying to me the entire time. Thanks for listening, Reddit. This situation is Messier, the than I expected, and your perspectives have been genuinely helpful in sorting through everything. Update 2. Hey Reddit, it's been about three weeks since my last update and I honestly don't know if my life is getting better or worse. Thank you again to everyone who weighed in on Update 1.

The consensus seemed to be that I should try couples therapy before making any permanent decisions, which is what I decided to do. Sarah and I have been to four therapy sessions together, and individual sessions as well. Here's what I've learned about myself through therapy that I probably should have realized earlier. I have a pattern of trying to solve relationship problems by doing grand gestures instead of having difficult conversations. The house thing wasn't just about wanting to surprise Sarah,

it was also about avoiding a conversation about whether we were ready to buy property together, whether we agreed on finances, what kind of future we actually wanted. The therapist pointed out that I spent more time researching subway tile patterns than I spent discussing long-term goals with my fiancé, which is a pretty damning way to put it. Sarah has been doing her own work around why she felt like she couldn't tell me about Jake, and apparently it goes deeper than just one enclosure.

She's been struggling with feeling like she lost herself in our relationship, like she became the version of herself that she thought I wanted instead of figuring out who she actually was. The Jake situation was partially about proving to herself that she could make her own decisions, even bad ones, without my input or approval. This is all very mature and therapeutic, but Reddit, I'm not sure it's helping with the actual trust issues. Every time Sarah tells me about something that happened during her day, I find myself wondering if she's telling me the whole truth or if there are details she's editing out to avoid conflict.

Every time she says she's going somewhere, I have this automatic mental check where I think about whether her story makes complete sense. I hate that I'm doing this, but I can't seem to stop. The therapist says this is normal after a betrayal and that it will take time to rebuild trust, but she's also been pretty direct about the fact that some relationships don't recover from this kind of thing. She asked us both to really think about whether we want to do the work to fix this or if we're just trying to avoid the pain of breaking up. Meanwhile, living in the house has gotten complicated in a different way. I've been staying here alone for over a month now, and I've started to feel genuinely attached to it as my space.

I've got my routine, my way of organizing things, my favorite spots for working and reading. When Sarah comes over for our therapy homework assignments, it feels like having a guest in my house rather than sharing space with my partner. But the weirdest part is how much I love this place. Remember how I said I designed everything thinking about Sarah? Well, it turns out I also designed it thinking about the version of myself that I wanted to be. I've been becoming that person, and I'm not sure I want to give it up. Sarah has been asking to move in with me so we can work on things together, but I keep finding excuses to delay it. Our therapist called me out on this, saying that I seemed to be more committed to preserving my independence than to rebuilding our relationship.

She's not wrong, there's also been some practical drama that I didn't expect. Sarah and I had sent wedding invitations to about 150 people before everything blew up. When I cancelled the venue and catering, I thought I was being responsible by doing it quickly, but I didn't think about the fact that we'd eventually have to tell people why. Sarah's parents called me two weeks ago asking about wedding details, and I had to explain that we'd postponed everything. They were obviously confused and concerned, and I ended up giving them a very edited version of what happened,

that Sarah and I were working through some communication issues and wanted to make sure we were in a good place before getting married. My parents, on the other hand, got the full story because I needed to talk to someone and they've always been pretty direct with advice. My mom's reaction was basically that she was proud of me for buying the house but thought both Sarah and I were idiots for keeping such secrets from each other. My dad wanted to know if I needed help with something, which was sweet but also made me realize that they're probably wondering if their son has lost his mind. The most awkward part has been dealing with friends who were supposed to be in the wedding. Sarah's maid of honor Emma, her sister, has been texting me asking if there's anything she can do to help fix things. My best man keeps asking if I want to hang out, and I can tell he wants to know what's going on but doesn't want to pry. I feel like I'm letting everyone down by not having a clear answer about what's happening with my relationship.

Reddit, I know a lot of you have been through breakups and rebuilding trust after betrayal. How do you know if you're working toward fixing something worth saving, or if you're just avoiding the inevitable? I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse declined to transport me to a medical facility when I went into labor as he was dining with his relatives. An unfamiliar individual assisted me in delivering the baby. and it resulted in a positive outcome. Out he is a divorce lawyer. I am Selena, 30, F.

I am a new mom to a few days old, Eddie, M. I wish I could say that this is a happy time for my family, but it is not. I am going through a divorce right now and everyone around me is blaming me for it. I know being a single mom is tough, but I can do anything to get my son out of the toxic environment that he would have had to face had I not ended that marriage. I have made great mistakes and I need a few honest opinions, so, here goes to nothing. I have been dating Roberts since high school and he treated me well. He did all the dreamy things that every girl wants.

Plan dates, get me flowers, take me to do my nails and whatnot. The only thing he prioritized over me was his sister and mother and I never had an issue with that, I guess. I took it as a green flag actually. I thought, oh well, he treats the women in his wife. life so well, he is a real gentleman. If I ever get to marry him and become his wife, then he will probably treat me exponentially better. Well, I can't even tell you guys how wrong I was. The moment I married him, the chase was over. Now, began a new phase. The taken for granted phase.

Emotional abuse is something that you realize gradually with time and not at once. It's also very difficult to break away from something like that when you really love that man. Looking back now, I know there were countless instances where I know I should have realized that Robert couldn't set boundaries or know what to prioritize. But love makes you blind. My sill and mill were made of honors at my wedding and they both wore white with long trails. When I pointed this out to Robert that the bridesmaids and the maid of honors were all supposed to wear pink, he said that it really didn't matter and that I was ruining our big day by being sulky and instead should just focus on something different. That was not all, though.

They were in every picture and even photobombed the couple's photos. Even the photographer got tired and told my sill to stop, to which my husband the kiddo was just having fun, let her be. I am sure the pictures would turn out better with her in the frame. My sill is no kid. She is 25 years old who herself is about to get married next year. I was so embarrassed. That day I realized that I was wrong about Robert all along but it was too late. I was already Robert's wife.

The only good thing was that my cousin and his wife had gifted me a house as our marriage gift, so we moved in there after our marriage. We didn't see much of my in-laws, but Robert went over to their house every weekend and never stayed home. With me. When I pointed out that we didn't even go on a honeymoon trip, he said that we would take the trip after his sister got married so that his sister and future Bill could come along with us. In this context, it would be right to point out that his future bill was a freeloader and his sister, too was unemployed. I had tried talking to her and pointing out that marriage brings a lot of financial responsibility as well, but she laughed it off by saying that her brother will take care of all her

financial responsibilities. I realized that I couldn't do much about it unless Robert supported me, which he didn't, so I didn't broach the subject again. So, yeah, the red flags were screaming to be acknowledged, but I thought I could fix him in our marriage. I don't know why I decided to take up the role of Bob the builder but then there I was trying to win over him by winning over his family. When I saw that Robert wouldn't stay a single weekend with me, I decided to go with him. The first and only time I went there, his mother and sister were not very pleased to see him. What was even more surprising was that Sarah, my Sills, 26F, Freeloader Fiancé, Dylan, 26M, was also there. So basically, I was the only one who was never asked to join.

I had taken a cake with me and I told them that I had come along because I wanted to surprise them. My sill said a nasty surprise I see. They all laughed as if Sarah had cracked the world's best joke. Robert's mother, Beatrice, 56F, said that they didn't have enough food for me because this was family time for them so they didn't expect outsiders. I looked at Robert expecting him to say something about how I am a part of the family way more than Dylan as I was his wife, but he was looking out of the window and was completely zoned out or at least pretended to be zoned out. I told Robert that I would drive back home and he meekly handed me the car guys and his mom cheerfully said by and that I should not behave like a jealous child and intrude upon Robert like that. I was so ashamed that I left without

saying anything and cried on my way home. Robert came back home that day with flowers and chocolates and took me out to eat at my favorite continental place the next day, so yeah, he was not blind to the vile treatment, he just chose not to stand up against it. For the whole week after that till the next weekend, Robert treated me like a queen and then as the weekend arrived, he was gone to his happy family. He would come back and overcompensate till the next weekend. This happened in the first few months of our marriage and then even this special treatment stopped and, in its place, came dismissal. If I ever said something about how I feel lonely on weekends and want to spend time with him, then he would accuse me of not understanding his duties to his family and how by now I should

be used to his weekend brunch with his family he often told me that I was overreacting. I was deeply unhappy and I shared this problem with my mom. Mom said that if we make a baby then maybe I won't feel so lonely and Robert would be more at home and involved at home. I told her off and said that it would really be a very selfish reason to make a baby but she successfully planted the thought in my head and I kept toying with the idea. We both would be working parents so I might have to drop the kid off at my mom's before I left for work but on weekends, I would actually be able to spend a lot of quality time with the kid. Would the father of the baby not want the same? Slowly a sort of baby fever got hold of me and I asked my husband if he thought that we were ready to be parents. He was super excited and said that even his mother was suggesting so. I asked him why his mother wanted us to have a baby and he shrugged and said that she was ready to be a grandmother and she was getting old, so how have to be.

having a young man who could take care of her would be a good thing. I told him that he couldn't use our baby to take care of his mom and that I didn't think that he was ready to be a father. We argued and the baby talk was off the table. I don't know what changed after that, but suddenly Robert started staying home on weekends. He went back to treating me like he used to before marriage and he even booked tickets to Maldives for our much-delayed honeymoon. We had a week-long honeymoon in Maldives and Robert made me feel very loved and special. He said that he wanted to make it up to me for making me feel bad. Fool that I was, I stepped right into his trap and after coming back from our honeymoon,

we realized that I was pregnant. Robert was overjoyed, I was apprehensive. Robert convinced me that we were ready to be parents and took extraordinary care of me in the first three months of the pregnancy. He took me to the doctor, made sure I had my vitamins, stayed home on weekends, ordered every food I craved, and bought things for our baby. In the fourth month, things went back to how they were before our honeymoon. He had got me pregnant and made sure that there was no way I would do anything to not have the baby.

That was the whole point of the act. In the weeks leading up to my labor, I was severely depressed. My mom came over to take care of me, but she always made excuses for Robert's behavior simply because he was rich and that was all that mattered to my mom. My due date was in December's third week. Two weeks before my delivery my mom went to her. brother's funeral. With the due date so close I couldn't go to my uncle's funeral. I begged my husband to stay home that weekend. I was sad about my uncle's death and felt lonely. That was the one day I didn't want to be home alone. I told my husband exactly this and he said, sell, you are going to be a mother

and make a lot of sacrifices in the future, so being alone for a day is nothing compared to the sacrifices that you have to make in the future. So, I will suggest that you better sleep it off. I will see you tonight. Don't wait up for me. I will have dinner with them. Bye, honey. Take care. Remember you have to take care of yourself for our little Eddie. He didn't even wait for my response and took the car keys and left. I was feeling exceptionally sick that day so went to lie down for a while and fell asleep for an hour or so. When I woke up, I had terrible cramps. I saw that the bed was wet and realized with terror that my water had broken.

Immediately I called my husband. He cut the call twice before he picked up. He sounded positively annoyed. I literally shrieked that my water broke. He said, so why are you wasting time calling me? Call the hospital or something, I don't know man. Gosh, you are a grown-up woman. Pull yourself together and face the situation.

I am literally between brunch with everybody. Even Dylan's parents are here. Stop. Calling. Me. The line went dead. I stared at the phone in my hand, then stepped out on the street. Robert had taken the car so I couldn't even drive myself to the hospital.

I flagged down a car. A gentleman stopped his car and quickly held open the door for him. me. I was rushed to the hospital. The gentleman whose name was Mr. Singh did all the formalities and asked me if I would like him to call somebody. I gave him my husband's number and after some time he came and told me that no one was picking up. Mr. Singh, a stranger, stepped up in that moment. After I had given birth to Eddie, he was the only person who came to meet me. He brought fruits, baby clothes, and chicken wings for me. My eyes watered. I felt like my uncle's spirit had sent this man because he couldn't be here in person. Mr. Singh congratulated me and patted my hand. I gave Eddie to him and

he mumbled a prayer for him. He told me that I reminded him of his daughter and if I ever needed something. I should give him a call. He left his card with me. I saw that he was a divorce lawyer. I thought my guardian angel was giving me all the signs so without hesitating. I told Mr. Singh that I wanted a place to stay. I wanted to move to a house. He said that he has a penthouse and he can move me there and said that I needn't worry about the rent till I start working. Before he left, he turned around and said, by the way, you can call me uncle, child. Meanwhile, my husband called at night. I watched it ring but didn't pick up. I told the nurses that I didn't want my husband to find out I was there. So, I asked them to not tell him in case my husband called up. They agreed. My husband left me

a text asking me in which hospital I was. I didn't reply. The nurses asked me if they should call social services. I asked them not to. The nurses and doctors were very kind and understanding. I didn't even take my mother's call because then she would definitely tell Robert where I was. Uncle Singh came the next day and told me that all was ready for me to move in. He said there's not much to prepare anyway because that used to be where his daughter lived. She had recently moved out of the country and taken up a job somewhere in Germany. He said it would be nice to have someone live in his daughter's penthouse because he terribly missed his daughter. He told me that his wife was also eager to meet me.

Uncle drove me to their penthouse which was neat and beautiful. Auntie was in wait and immediately said about making things comfortable for me. They repeatedly asked me if I wanted something and I told them that I wanted nothing more than to continue staying there. I then told them everything that happened and asked my uncle to start the divorce proceedings. He asked me if I was sure about it and I said that I had never believed in something more. My uncle told me to tell my husband about my son's birth. So, I texted Robert about it. He told me that it was really careless of me and that we had to immediately go and meet his family with Eddie.

I told him that it was bold of him to think that I would take my son to meet his toxic family. He was quiet for a while and then said don't be a kid. We have to take Eddie to his godmother. I asked him who decided that Robert's sister is the godmother and he asked me to stop being ridiculous because it was supposed to be that way from the start. I couldn't keep it together anymore and screamed you know what's ridiculous. It's you. You are the damn joker.

I had to take a lift to the damn hospital and give birth alone. If you loved me and your son, you would have rushed to us. You are so damn selfish and your family is crazy. You are not going to be a part of my son's life. You will hear from my lawyer soon. I am divorcing you. I was fuming when I cut the call. Auntie was looking really concerned when I cut the call and said that my husband was not a man,

he was a child. I laughed. My first laugh in ages. My mom called and started going on and on about how terrible I was and how Robert called her to tell her what happened. She told me that their family was pressing charges because I separated my son from them. Apparently, I am a selfish mom who only thought of myself and hence, I deserve to be dragged to court and have my son taken away from me. They were saying that my depression made me unfit to be a mother. I told my mom that I didn't give a damn about what they were saying because I know I am going to win the case and take full custody of my son. I cut the call and decided to not take any calls from my family members. I started applying to freelancing positions to supplement my income. I already had a job, but if I had to

raise my son comfortably than I needed some more. Suddenly my phone started buzzing continuously with texts. I was getting hate texts from my Sill, Mill, and Dylan's whole family. They were calling me names and a villain for breaking their family. They were threatening to break into my house and take my son by force and saying things like the only thing that is saving you right now is the fact that you don't know your address. Otherwise, we would totally come over and teach you a lesson, you stupid cuss words. I was shivering while reading these texts when Andy took the phone from my hand and said sternly you are going to eat and get some rest. I will look after Eddie till you wake up.

You are not going to check your phone and not stress. Your uncle will take care of everything. When you wake up, your uncle will take you to the police station to lodge a complaint. We need to file a restraining order. Yeah, so, guys. I really wanted to vent and I thought writing it out would help me collect my thoughts. I wrote this while taking a long bath in the bathtub. I will be off to sleep soon.

What has been really bothering me, though, is the question that is if I did the right thing by not letting Robert meet Eddie. Will this affect his child's brain in some way? I don't think Robert is a positive role model in any sense, so I don't know if his presence would have adversely affected him or not. Ida. Update 1. I have been reading your comments and even though I hate to admit it you guys are right. divorce is bound to have some sort of an impact on Eddie and so will the absence of a father. I am just glad that Uncle and Andy Singh will give the baby the love he deserves. I talked with Uncle's daughter yesterday.

She is a scientist. I was telling her the circumstances under which I ended up in her penthouse. In the end, she said that it was God who designed the meeting. She was really worried about her parents but now that I was there, she saw her mother genuinely happy after a long time. She asked me to not worry about the rent just yet. I thanked her and to my surprise, she thanked me back. I can't tell you guys how incredibly lucky I feel. Uncle Singh will be the positive male role model in Eddie's life. I have thought and thought about it and I think when he starts asking difficult questions, I will answer him as truthfully as I can. I will try teaching

him how to become a man and not some sort of mama's pet. Well, I guess we have to see what Well, coming to the update now. After I woke up from my nap, Uncle, and I went to file the restraining order. Andy has been taking great care of Eddie, so I can confidently say that Eddie is in good hands. There's been a lot of peace since the restraining order was filed, but today when I went out to work, I don't if I am hallucinating or something, but I think I saw Dylan from the corner of my eyes. I don't know I could be paranoid. I haven't told Uncle Auntie about this because I don't want to unnecessarily worry them. The restraining order has been filed against Robert's family so technically there's nothing stopping Dylan from trying to contact me.

I don't want them to find out where I live. I will keep you guys updated. Update 2, hi guys. Last night my penthouse got egged. Auntie and uncle had gone home for the night and I was alone. I ran to where Eddie was sleeping and held him close. He was badly scared. He was badly scared. and crying his eyes out. I felt so scared and stifled. I was low-key having a panic attack when the egging stopped after 15 long minutes. I couldn't move and just tried rocking Eddie back to sleep. When Eddie fell asleep, I put him on my bed and lay awake by his side. The next morning when Andy came to meet me, she was absolutely frantic. She wanted me to move in with them in their house, but I told her it wouldn't change a thing because then the next time, it would be their

house that would get egged. I think I was right in my suspicion. Dylan had followed me but there's no guesswork in law. So, we can't directly file a case against him. We have filed a vandalism charge against unknown people. Uncle is currently getting cameras and a new security system installed as I type this. Our court hearing is next week, by the way. I will keep you guys updated. Update 3, I am dead tired. This is going to be a short update. I just want the hearing to be over. The drama is going overboard at this point.

Last night, Dylan tried to break into the house. The security system immediately notified 911 and he was caught. He was wearing a black balaclava. He was taken away by the cops. On interrogation, it was found that they had a plan of kidnapping Eddie. I could be portrayed then as a careless mother and the custody would go to Robert, but the fact that he was caught changed the whole game. Now, there's no chance in hell that they would win and more importantly, some of them are going to go to jail. Update 4, Robert's family denied being involved in the kidnapping.

Yeah, I am so not surprised. Dylan was head over heels in love with Sarah, but his beloved Sarah has abandoned him. As far as my uncle told me, nobody even went to visit Dylan in custody. We had a court hearing today and Uncle totally ate Robert up. Things look like they are going to be in our favor. After the hearing when I was leaving, Robert ran up to me and held my hand. He said he had realized his mistakes and asked me to move back with him and our son. I was tempted to give in but then I remembered all the times that I had given in and then things had gone back to as they were.

I removed my hand from his and asked him to play his stupid tricks on someone else. I told him he has some growing up to do and a man who himself didn't behave like a grown-up. Couldn't be expected to raise a child. A child raising a child is an unheard of thing, isn't it? Boom. Mike drop. He couldn't even get a word out before I got an uncle's car and left. I mentally fist pumped myself for this amazing comeback.

L.O.L. What do you guys think of my comeback? Also, wish me luck for the next. hearing. Update 5. Guess who got the custody of Eddie and massive child support? None other than your girl, Selena. The only thing is that Robert got visiting right. I don't think it will be nice to deprive my child of his father so I am not going to appeal it, even though I am sure that if I do appeal it, we would win. I don't want Eddie to grow up and blame my selfish desire to win as the reason for his dad being someone he doesn't know. I told Robert exactly this, but I said that I have a

condition. He can never take Eddie to meet his grandmother and sister. If I find out anything fishy going on behind my back, then I won't hesitate one bit in terminating his visiting right. I have landed a very well-paying freelancing job along with my regular job. I am also starting a blog for new single moms, which is gaining a lot of popularity. I am getting a few sponsors already. You guys can check out my blog too. Gosh. I am so excited for you. I am so excited for for this new mom life. As of now, mom life is treating me well. I love being Eddie's mom. Also, my mom is back in the picture. After the kidnapping attempt, she is finally convinced that I did the right thing by getting out of that marriage. She apologized to me and thanked Uncle and Annie

profusely. The first time she saw her grandson, she cried. She held Eddie close and cursed Dylan. She said she couldn't believe that someone would actually try doing something so horrible to a child. There's no bigger pain for a child than being separated from its mother. I couldn't agree more. Dylan's trying is ongoing. Uncle says that with that kind of evidence against him, there's no doubt that he is going to jail. Meanwhile, Sarah is already getting married to some rich old guy whom she met at a party. Apparently, they are getting married after only dating for a week.

I am getting updates of their family from a friend who stays near Robert's house. Your girl is getting all the tea. L.O.L. Oh, by the way, I had asked Robert to move out of our house. I mean, come on, it was a gift from my side of the family, so it is only fair for him to move out. He moved out this week, so I'm going to return to my old house. I am so thankful to the Singh family that I don't even know how to show it to them. I stayed with them for two months for free. I tried paying them rent but they wouldn't accept it.

In the end, they only took a month's rent and said that itself was my uncle's fee for representing me and that they wouldn't take a penny more from me. Update 6. Guys. Sorry, I couldn't get back to you guys sooner. I know, I know. It has been six months but gosh. Being a mom is a full-time job.

Thank God for you. my mom and auntie. They take turns to look after Eddie when I go to work. These two women have been a real help. I come back home to eat tasty and nutritious meals, and then I can spend the rest of my time playing with Eddie before he goes to sleep. My uncle visits us every weekend and I met his daughter too who has recently come from Germany. She stayed a week with us and she is just as kind as her mom and dad. When she was about to go back to Germany, I asked her to be the godmother of my son. She hugged me and Eddie and cried her eyes out. My cousin, the one who gifted the house, is the godfather of Eddie. When I told him what all had taken place in the last

six months, he was not surprised. He said that he always got immature vibes from Robert and had his doubts. He was just sorry that he couldn't be there for me during that time because he was out of the country himself, so I couldn't get in touch with him and even if I had managed that it wouldn't have been of any help. These few months has been the time of many of Eddie's first. He learned to roll over and try crawling. He also said his first word be. My mom tells me that it's just a random sound that he made, but hello. He really likes his bumbleby soft toy. Robert keeps on sending new toys every month. He visited us last week and it was really awkward between us. It kind of hurt me too that the man I loved so much has become a stranger, but I guess that's life. Bad things happen but one has to

keep their head up. I left Robert alone to play with Eddie. It was a good idea because I could get a lot of work done as Robert looked after the baby. When I was done with all my work, Robert had already put baby Eddie to sleep. He was lying on Robert's chest and he looked absolutely tiny and fragile. Robert himself was half asleep and it filled my heart with such sadness of what it could have been. My therapist tells me that it's only human to feel this way and therefore to not feel guilty over being sad for Robert. So, I pulled myself together and clicked a picture of father and son. I got that picture framed and gifted it to Robert on his birthday. He looked at it for a long time and then thanked me. I think that there's a significant change that has taken over him now that he is a

father. A change that was a long time coming. I hope you enjoy this story. Disloyal spouse was enraged when my daughter declined to conceal her dreadful romance with him. Hello, I'm a 33-year-old man, and my spouse is also 33. About a month ago, my wife confessed to a drunken one-night stand with two strangers we both encounter during a night of heavy partying while on an extended trip in Europe. It feels surreal even as I write this. Here's some background, we've been a couple for 11 years and have been married for the past two years. My wife has been battling severe depression for the last five years, feeling discontent with her career and many of her life choices. I've done my best to support her through all of this, but over the past two years, I've grown weary from trying to be her rock.

During this time, she's turned to alcohol as a coping mechanism for her issues. I believe our relationship was definitely stuck in a rut during this period. We sought help from a couple's counselor who advised us to pursue our dream life together in an attempt to rekindle our enthusiasm for life and our relationship. Hey, my wife always had this dream of living abroad for a while, so after some persuasion, I decided to back her up on this. I took a year-long break for my job to join her on this overseas working holiday. I knew it wasn't the best financial decision, but she supported my career in the past, even moving around our home country to accommodate my work commitments. So, I willingly agreed to support her this time, long story short, her depression only got worse

four months into our adventure. One evening, we went out for dinner and ended up meeting some American tourists, three guys and a girl. We had a blast getting really drunk with them. They were super friendly and even bought us a few rounds. At the end of the night, they invited us to continue the party at their Airbnb. I remember being at their place, munching on pizza and playing a board game. Somehow, the game morphed into truth or dare.

I recall stepping away to use the restroom, and when I came back, I saw my girlfriend locked in a kiss with one of the guys. I was ready to explode in fury and tackle the guy, but everyone around the room was. me tried to diffuse the situation, saying it was just part of the game. My wife echoed their sentiments, claiming it was all in good fun. But it wasn't fun for me. I had just witnessed the woman I adore being passionately kissed by a guy we'd only met a few hours earlier. I told her we needed to leave right then and there, and we promptly headed home. We took an Uber, and the ride back was filled with uncomfortable silence. She apologized, blaming the alcohol

in the game for her actions. When we got home that night, I immediately crashed. I woke up around 4 a.m. and noticed my wife wasn't beside me. I assumed she was in the bathroom, so I went to check, but she wasn't there. I figured she might be in the kitchen, so I didn't bother searching further. I returned to bed, intending to go back to sleep. But before I did, I wanted to check my phone, only to find it wasn't where I'd left it. That's when I fully woke up, realizing something was off. My phone was nowhere to be found, and my wife was missing too. Maybe she was browsing my phone in the kitchen, I thought.

I went to check the kitchen, but she wasn't there. I checked the backyard, but she wasn't there either. Panic started to set in. I wondered if I was dreaming, my mind was racing, where could she be? I even checked under the bed. I couldn't make a call because my phone was missing. I checked the closet to see if anything was gone, but everything was in its place. I even stepped outside to look around, considering involving the neighbors, but it was still

too early in the morning. I stood vigil at the entrance of our apartment until 6 a.m. I was just about to knock on my neighbor's door when my wife pulled up in an Uber. My neighbor emerged and I quickly apologized to him. I rushed over to my wife, questioning her about where she'd been and expressing my worry after waiting anxiously for hours. She explained that she had left her phone at the Airbnb and had used mine to order an Uber. She claimed she didn't want to disturb me because I was sound asleep, so she decided to go alone. I questioned her about why it took so long given that the place was only a 15-minute ride away. Her initial lie was that she had gotten tired and fell asleep there.

When she saw I wasn't buying it, she switched her story, saying one of the guys hit her phone and told her she had to stay until morning to get it back. When I threatened to go there and confront him, she changed her story again, saying she chose to stay because she was tired, and no one forced her to stay. I confronted her, stating that I knew she wasn't telling the truth and demanded she spill the beans or else I'd head back to the Airbnb and get truth from them myself. The next day, she confessed that she had kissed him multiple times that night, and he might have touched her inappropriately, but she couldn't recall clearly.

At this point, I knew something had transpired and she was just going to keep feeding me bits and pieces of the truth, never the full story. I resolved the next day to uncover the whole truth, even if it meant going back to the Airbnb to confront them, assuming they hadn't already left. She tried to dissuade me, but I hopped into an Uber and headed back. to the Airbnb to uncover what really happened. Upon reaching, I picked up a sturdy tree branch from the sidewalk, just in case I needed to defend myself. Then, I knocked on the door. One of the guys, not the one who had kissed her, answered the door. He tried to slam the door shut as soon as he

saw me, but I was quick. I pushed back, forcing the door open and brandishing the stick. I demanded the truth. Even though my wife, hadn't confessed to sleeping with them, I had my suspicions. I asked why his friend had taken advantage of my wife. He got defensive, claiming that my wife had forgotten her phone and had told them that I was okay with her coming back alone to retrieve it. From his confession, it was clear that my wife hadn't just slept with the guy she'd kissed, but she had been with both men simultaneously. He insisted that it was consensual. He even showed me pictures they'd taken while my wife was there. In all the photos, she was smiling and seemed happy. I returned home,

seething with anger, and confronted her. She confessed to everything. So, the Real story was that she had supposedly left her phone behind and used that as an excuse to go back and continue what she had begun earlier in the night. When she returned to the Airbnb, she didn't want to leave after retrieving her phone. Instead, she continued the party, started making out of her. out with the same guy again, and then the other guy joined in. They took her to the bedroom and took turns with her. The third guy and the girl were in a relationship, so they didn't participate in any of the debauchery. She apologized, blaming the alcohol again. I reminded her that she couldn't use that excuse twice. I was in a difficult position financially,

having traveled this far primarily for her career. I was utterly shocked. We have what I described. as a happy and healthy relationship. We're each other's rock, supporting one another through thick and thin, usually with a smile. She assured me that it had nothing to do with her love for me or a desire to end our relationship. She explained that her depression was so overwhelming that she wanted a brief escape, a chance to revisit her younger, single, carefree days. She's filled with regret and is distraught, willing to do anything to prove that she can mend our relationship. Logically, I understand this, and I believe her when she says she still loves me.

But I can't wrap my head around how someone who claims to love you so deeply can so thoughtlessly throw it all away. She pleaded with me to stay, but as you can guess, I took the first flight back to the States, jobless since I'd taken a year-long sabbatical. We only have one car, which is in her name, and I don't have an apartment or any place to stay here in the States. So, I'm currently crashing on an inflatable mattress at my mom's place. I feel utterly devalued and betrayed. I gave up so much to support her in this overseas adventure. And the worst part is, I don't feel ready to confide in my family about what really happened. Oddly enough, I feel more comfortable sharing with strangers online. We had a phone conversation the other day

because I told her I was planning to file for divorce and inform my family. She begged me not to, knowing how stir my family can be and that they'd never forgive her if they found out. I'm not sure if I'm seeking advice or guidance, I think I just need to be heard. I feel like I can't fully disclose what happened to many people in my life right now. I want to start individual therapy as soon as possible, because I feel like I've lost a significant part of myself. I'm ready to let go of my old life, the life I thought I shared with the woman I loved. It feels like a morning not just our past. but our future too. After I told her I was filing for divorce, she flew back home. She tried to

persuade me that she would attend therapy and address a host of personal issues, including her alcohol abuse. She fully acknowledges her mistake and takes responsibility for her actions. We don't have kids, but we do own a house together. We spent our 20s studying, traveling, and working in various parts of our home country before settling down. Starting a family was definitely on our radar, but we were in no rush. We had other things on our plate, like solidifying our careers and saving up for our dream home. Everyone has their own pace and priorities in life, and for some, marriage, a house, and kids might be at the top of the list.

For us, it was a bit different. What really gets to me is that after the initial kiss, she conscientiously. decided to go back and make things worse by sleeping with not just one, but two guys. That's the part that's really tearing me apart. Even if she was drunk, she made a deliberate decision to return. There's no one doing this, no amount of therapy can mend this. The scene keeps replaying in my mind and it's messing me up. As for STD testing, I haven't been intimate with her in any way since that night.

Just the revelation of the initial kiss was enough to turn me. me off completely. I'm heading to get tested for STDs today. I've toyed with the idea of asking her if she's cheated before, because it seems unlikely that her first affair would involve two men at once. But really, what's the point? We're heading for divorce anyway. I've read many stories about infidelity, and I can see why some people choose to stay and work things out. It's not as simple as she cheated. Dump her immediately. Each situation is unique and should be considered on its own merits. But for me, I know I can't trust her again, and the mental image of her with two men is something I can't erase, even though I wasn't physically present when it happened. The pictures I saw of her

with the two men are etched in my memory. I'm going to need some time alone to re-evaluate my entire existence because it's going to be tough to imagine a life without her, given our long history together. She's tried to arrange a meet-up, but I'm determined to end things. What's been your experience with sharing the details of the infidelity with friends and family? I feel sick to my stomach having to lie about what really happened, but at the same time, I feel like sharing the truth with everyone close to me would bring shame not just on her, but on me as well. It's frustrating having to tell a deluded version of why we're taking a break and why we cut our big overseas adventure short. Thanks, everyone, I appreciate all your insights.

I've started therapy and have managed to share all the details of what happened with a friend who's emotionally savvy, which was such a relief. But every day is still a struggle. Nothing seems to take my mind off things, and sleep has become a stranger to me. I end up collapsing from pure fatigue rather than actually drifting off to sleep. Being back in my hometown, living at my mom's place, it's like being a kid again. I know I need time to work through all of this, but these initial stages are just incredibly tough. Now to the next story. Story 2. Caught my wife having an affair with a friend, now facing the decision to divorce.

Need advice on moving forward. I'm a 42-year-old guy, and my wife is 43. We've been married since we were 19, and next year will mark our 25th anniversary. We have three daughters, a 19-year-old who's away at college and twin 15-year-olds. Most things at home seem pretty normal. My wife has always had her own job and individual interests like yoga and pottery, which is cool. I have my own hobbies too. But lately, something has felled off for the past few months.

It's hard to put a finger on it, but there's this underlying disturbance. Sometimes she seems a bit more distant, even during close moments. We still have our regular weekend morning lovemaking, but it feels like her mind is elsewhere. It's like she's physically there in our marriage, but emotionally not fully present. I've asked her if something is bothering her, but every time she says no. I wouldn't immediately suspect infidelity, but I've noticed that she's been spending more time alone outside the house in the past few months, maybe around six months. She's been busy, but she used to be so upbeat, energetic, and almost giddy. About three or more weeks ago, things took a different turn.

My wife started being around the house much more, but she seemed distant. Now she comes up to my office and hangs out with me, but she's constantly sad. It's like she wants to be around me all the time, which I appreciate, but her behavior is starting to worry me a bit. The strange thing is that our twins are also acting strange. They've become unusually sweet to me, offering to help with chores like taking out the trash, which is not their usual behavior. It's as if they all know something that I don't, like I have some sort of illness or something, and I'm completely clueless. Their odd yet affectionate behavior started a few weeks ago, around the same time my wife's behavior changed.

Two months ago, I happened to look at our Verizon bill and noticed a ton of texts between my wife and an unknown number. When I asked her about it, she claimed it was one of her girlfriends. However, when I checked her phone, there were no texts with that number at all. I questioned her again, and she said she had deleted them to save space, but I didn't see any other threads deleted. The past six months have been strange, but the past three weeks have been even more bizarre. Yesterday, I made the decision to call my oldest daughter. I shared with her everything I mentioned in my initial post, and she assured me that she would talk to her sisters.

You see, the twins really look up to her and are a bit scared of her when she gets mad. This morning, she called me back and said she had spoken to the twins. She's coming home this Friday for for the weekend, so we can have a proper conversation. I told her that I can't handle being left hanging like this, as it's too much for my heart to bear. I pleaded with her to tell me what's going on. She mentioned that it's bad, but it could have been worse. She reassured me not to worry and explained that Friday is the earliest she can come home to talk. She did mention that there's some good news amidst the bad. However, the twins made her promise to keep it a secret. It's important to note that my wife and the twins are unaware that our oldest daughter is coming home this weekend, and she explicitly told me not to inform them.

She was very firm about that. I apologize for not having much of an update to share. It seems like I'll have to wait until Friday to find out more. Some of the responses I've received here and other threads I've read have left me terrified. It feels like stories like mine never end happily. I'm fearing the worst, thinking that my wife might have had an affair and the twins are aware of it. My daughter was being cryptic during our phone call and clearly wants to discuss this matter in person rather than over the phone. It turns out that the person my wife had an affair with wasn't a co-worker or someone from her hobbies.

Shockingly, it was a friend of ours, the husband of one of the couples we were close with. Needless to say, he will never be considered a friend again, and I'm determined to live. let his wife know about what happened. The twins caught my wife with him when she was supposed to be at yoga. They were extremely upset and confronted her about it. She assured them that she had no intention of leaving me or anything like that. According to her, it was just a fling. They both enjoyed the thrill of being like teenagers, secretly dating and sneaking around. She didn't realize the devastating impact it would have. What she has put the twins through is all. almost unforgivable. As soon as the twins exposed the affair, my wife ended it immediately.

She had planned on keeping the secret for the rest of her life. She told the girls that she should carry the guilt and that if she told me, it would alleviate her guilt but completely crush me, which it has. The girls agreed, and they were all set on keeping this secret. However, my oldest daughter became furious with all of them. She went off on them in anger. I'm still processing everything that has happened. I packed a bag and left, causing my wife to break down and cry on the floor. I turned off the location services on my phone and drove about an hour away to a cabin in one of our state parks. Right now, I don't feel like talking to anyone.

Only my oldest daughter knows where I am. She came to visit me today, and we had a good conversation. She expressed that it's not surprising for her mother to do something like this, because she's always been a predictable stereotype. My wife tends to follow trends, whether it's yoga, essential oils, CBD, or any new shiny thing that comes along she gets obsessed with it. Now, in her middle age, she's just becoming another stereotype. The twins are angry at their mother and worried that I won't come back home. Honestly, I'm not sure if I will either. Right now, I don't really want to talk to them either. My oldest daughter says,

said she'll come home as soon as her semester is over and make their lives miserable. She had to leave a couple of hours ago to go back to school, and now the sadness is setting in. Here I am, a middle-aged guy sitting alone in a cabin, thinking I had my life all planned out, but now everything is uncertain. I probably won't post about this again. I'm going to stay here for as long as I can afford it and figure out my next steps. Update I asked my wife to leave and give me some space. However, she responded with determination, saying, no.

I won't abandon our beautiful life and love just because of my stupid mistake. I'll fight for us with every ounce of strength I have and make things right. We can overcome this. I'm incredibly sorry, and words can't fully express how sorry I am. Please come home and let me fix this. Together, there's nothing. nothing we can't do. That's just how she is. It's always been her nature to be stubborn, so I'm unsure of what to do. I genuinely need some space. Staying at this cabin has been really therapeutic,

especially with its amazing hiking trails. However, I know it's only a temporary solution, and I eventually have to go back home. But I also know my wife. With the way she expressed herself, it would take an act of God to make her leave. On top of that, she won't give me the space I need. If I go back home, she'll overwhelm me with her love and incessantly try to wear me down until I go along with whatever plan she has in mind. Frankly, I'd rather stay away for a while. I need to be mentally prepared to withstand her onslaught of affection and rationalization

because she's an expert in that. She's always reading those self-help and motivational books and browsing websites filled with that kind of stuff. I made sure to pay for the cabin in cash for a week so that my wife wouldn't be able to track me down if I used a credit card. I already received emails notifying me that someone used a different device to access my credit card accounts, both of them. It's definitely her.

I knew if I paid with a credit card, she would look it up and try to find me. I also had a conversation with the twins, assuring them that they were in a difficult situation, but it wasn't their fault. I made sure to let them know that their dad loves them. They mentioned that on Friday, Mom was a complete mess, crying uncontrollably. However, by late Saturday, she seemed to shift into her I can fix this,

we will overcome mindset. Supposedly, she's been reading everything she can find online about repairing a marriage after infidelity. That's just how she is. She tends to obsess over things. Personally, I just need more time alone to process everything. Update. I used to commute back and forth from the cabin for work, but luckily, we're all working remotely now.

It's actually a relief because I'm about 100 miles away from home. I've been allowing my wife to have a short phone call with me each night, just to let everyone know that I'm okay, but honestly, I don't want to be bothered. I prefer communicating with my daughters through text messages. It surprises me how many young people don't realize that smartphones can actually be used for making phone calls. Anyway, here's the thing. I know deep down that I can forgive my wife, but honestly, I don't see a way for me to stay in this marriage and still maintain my pride as a man. Call me stubborn or bullheaded, but my pride as a man is important to me.

I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how to keep that pride and stay in this marriage, but it feels like those two things are incompatible. If I want to hold on to my pride, then I have to divorce her because her actions have been a serious betrayal of our marriage and me. But if I choose to stay in the marriage, it means surrendering my pride as a man, and I don't think I can live like that. I don't even want to have a discussion with my wife about this because she has a way of twisting things around and making me agree with her logic within an hour. Have you ever met someone who seems to always get their way with everyone? Well, that's her. My best friend told me that as a guy in good shape, making decent money, and being nice, I'll have plenty of options with women our age. Honestly, though, I think I'd prefer to be alone and live a somewhat selfish life for a while.

I want to do what I want, eat what I want, go wherever I please, and not have to worry about anyone else. Unfortunately, my time at the cabin is coming to an end. I've been trying to find an apartment to rent. I've been trying to find an apartment to rent. but it's tougher than I expected due to the ongoing virus situation. I told my wife that there's no way for me to stay with her and still maintain my dignity. I explained that if I stayed, I wouldn't be the man she claimed to love. It would just make me feel broken and resentful, lacking any sense of dignity. I made it clear that we can't continue living like that. She responded by saying we can work things out and that I'm the only man she loves.

I replied that obviously, our marriage isn't great if she did what she did. After a conversation, we both agreed that it's time to go our separate ways. I also spoke with my heartbroken twins, assuring them that I love them and will always be there for them. After deep reflection, I've realized that I can't stay with someone who betrayed me in such a way. My self-respect and dignity are important to me, and I would lose both if I stayed in the relationship.