Reddit Stories - ULTIMATUM_ CHOOSING Between Love and Loyalty, The MARRIAGE's Breaking Point_

Episode Date: August 9, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #ultimatum #loveorloyalty #marriage #relationships #dilemmaSummary: A compelling story about a difficult ultimatum forcing a person to choose between love and loyalty, leading to the breaking point of a marriage.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, ultimatum, loveorloyalty, marriage, relationships, dilemma, difficultchoice, familyissues, emotionalconflict, toughdecisions, relationshipdrama, heartbreak, loyaltyoverlove, marriageproblems, relationshipadvice, supportcommunityBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. My spouse requested me to decide between my mother and them, and I am considering ending the marriage. This is a temporary account. Some context, my mother and father were both involved in the situation. Orphans, my dad died two weeks before I was born, my mom didn't really have a support system, so we were just the two of us. I never lacked anything because my mother worked all her life to give me the life I have today and didn't even have time for herself to start a new life again.

She did all the little jobs possible so that we didn't miss anything. She deprived herself of food to give me food, I had very good clothes while she had none. I saw her make sacrifices again and again and always with a smile, frankly I always thought she was an angel dressed in a human body, the only time she yelled at me was when I was 16 when I saw her getting sick and working at the same time. I wanted to help her by finding a job, but she was angry and told me it was not my job to take care of her and it was up to her to take care of me. She wanted me to get really good grades to get into the best universities. It's the only way I can protect myself when she can anymore.

Even at universities she didn't want me to work, I had to be focused on my studies, but she wanted me to volunteer so that I could be an adult who could do something with his hands. I met my wife there while both of us were volunteered. My wife is a good person, but she wanted me to be a good person, but she wanted me to be a adult who could do something. But she was never close to her parents or her siblings, yet she adored my mother since she met her, there were times when I thought she loved my mother more than she loved me and we laughed about it, deep down. I think she was looking for the bond between mother and daughter that she did not have from her mother. When I finished my studies, I found a job, we move and together, but she wasn't comfortable

that I call my mom every day, remind you those were ten to fifteen minutes call, but eventually she stopped bring it on. Two years later I bought a house for my mother, because we never had a house in our name, we lived from apartment to apartment, so for all the sacrifices she made it was for me the least of it and it was non-negotiable, that's where the problem started with my wife, then G.F., she wanted me to think about us first. I told her my dream had always been to buy my mom a house since I was little and that's what I had to do, but she complained about it to my mom, my mom didn't even knew I bought a house for her as it was supposed to be a surprise for her birthday. She was

uncomfortable of receiving the house because of my wife and told me that wasn't necessary that we could use it for us when we get married. I was furious. I told my mother that the house was for her that she could do with it whatever she wanted but it was time for her to think about herself first. Our couple survived that. We got married and then we had our own house. Our life was going well until two months ago when my mother fell ill. I wanted her to come and live with us so that I could take care of her, but my wife didn't want to. I then decided to rent an apartment with my own money right next to our house so that I could be close to her and go there to take care of her, but even that idea didn't sit well with my wife, me and my wife don't have children yet,

we both work, I usually come home at 6 p.m., but since my mother is sick, I go to see her and come home at 8 p.m. On weekends I see her for one or two hours and the rest of the time I spend it with my wife, we go on date, I always accompany her and her hobbies even though she never went to mine. Two days ago she told me that she thought about it and she thinks I prioritize my mother too much. She told me that I had to choose between my mother and the life I want to build with her. The truth is that I never made her feel that way, we both work but I'm the one who cooks, and I pay a person to do the housework, I make sure I do the dishes she likes, she didn't even know what I like to eat because I never complain, I run her baths.

Give her massages, flowers, I write her poems that I hide somewhere in the house for her to find out, we go on a trip one weekend a month, I earn much more money than her, I told her to keep her money for herself and I take care of all the bills even hers, I always make sure to listen to her and consider her opinion. And I think I am easygoing because I can change my mind to accommodate hers, but I realize that she tries to completely dominate me and the only subject where I don't give her a choice as my relationship with my mother, so there I'm going to have a talk with her and put some very clear boundaries, if she doesn't want to, well, we're going to divorce. Just want it out of my chest. Update, my wife, 31F, asked me, 34M, to choose between my mom,

55F, and her and I think I'm going to divorce her. Hi guys, I keep getting messages asking me for an update, I wanted to do it sooner but couldn't spare time to do it properly. First of all, I would like to thank everyone for the comments and DMs in my last post. I tried to reply to everyone but I couldn't. I read you all though. Before confronting my wife I had time to reflect, and I came to the conclusion that I will never again let anyone in my life dictate the relationship I should have with my mother or the time I should dedicate to her, so I decided to answer the ultimatum, but first I wanted to know if there was another reason why she gave me this ultimatum. She replied that nope, I asked her apart from what she blamed me for was there something

she wanted to tell me but couldn't tell me, she said there was nothing and asked me to come to the point so I told her I wanted a divorce. She remained frozen, I think she was shocked because she wasn't talking, she was just staring at me, I tell her everything that was on my mind, that our values are too different, I was going through the worst moment of my life, my mother was sick, we did several tests with her, we still don't know what she's suffering from. We don't know her family medical history because she was an orphan, it makes me anxious to know that overnight I could find myself alone in the world, yes alone in the world because

in these difficult times. I all I needed was her support, but if my own wife thinks that I should give less attention to my mother who is sick and who needs me more than ever, it's time to go to our separate way, she still didn't say anything, so I told her I'm going to a hotel for now and we'll discuss later how we're going to separate. I took some of my things and left. The next day when I went to see my mother, she figured out something wasn't right, but I was not going to tell her I was separating from my wife because she could not bear a relationship, especially since she was sick like that, I didn't want to add more torment to her, I never discuss my marriage issue with my mother

anyway. So she does not know our problems and honestly, she adores my wife too much, and my wife behaves as if she was her own mother so I was not going tell her what she was thinking behind her back. My mom ends up telling me that my wife didn't come by that day, yes, my wife who asked me to reduce my contact with my mother was seeing her every day and I never asked her to do anything for my mother, she calls my mother mom, when she gets sick, she used to go to my mother so she will take care of her. It used to hurt me because it's as if I couldn't take care of her, but she said that this was not the same. The intentions of a mother are different, I told myself that it was her way of creating a mother-daughter bond that she never had and I understood her, she ever said her

mother used to tell her that she was not supposed to be born. That she was an accident that she almost aborted her and regrets not doing it, only a monster could say that to her child, so I never said anything whenever she wanted my mother's attention, besides I received enough love to share with whoever wanted, my mother after I left home to study became a foster mom for children. She always did until two years ago, I have always loved each of the children with whom I still keep in touch and whom I consider to be my siblings. Once a year, we all went on vacation together for a week, the children, my mother, and my wife. I generally take two months a vacation of which the six weeks I devoted it to my wife, but the two weeks that I devote to my mother and the children,

it was too much for my wife anyway, I'm rambling, so when my mom told me she didn't come to see her that day, I went back home because I was worried. I found her in the bathroom with her clothes and red eyes like she was crying all along, seeing her like that was unbearable, I helped her out, but this woman who have so much pride, collapsed in front of me with a lot of crying I don't know if it was an hour or two, but she kept crying, calmed down crying again, I just stayed silent. She ended up telling me that deep down she never wanted me to involve any less in my mother life. She was always jealous of our relationship. She was always jealous of the attention my mother gave to the other children. She knows that it wasn't rational, but she couldn't help constantly striving to be number one

in my mother's heart. It was kind of a competition for her, so when I wanted to take care of my mom she didn't want me to be the one taking care of her, I was honestly furious without saying anything of course, but I wondered if she was a psychopath or something. We are talking about a person who is seriously ill and she is thinking about her damn competition even if it means sabotaging the relationship I have with my mother and putting us in a situation where I wanted to divorce her, she told me that she was very jealous of me and that she would have liked to be in my place. If she had to choose she would have even chosen to be my mother's child rather than my wife even if I was the love of her life and the only man she ever known, she also told me that

even if the world falls apart around me, I will remain stoic. That I live as if I don't need anyone and that I give everything to others, but I don't know how to let others reach me and she never managed to get there. Only my mother could get there. At that moment, I did not know what else to say. I was hooked on this idea of competition so that I did not immediately grasp the scope of these words. But I still listened to her to the end. I put her to bed until she fell asleep, then I went to sleep in another room. In the morning she was acting like anything happened. She was being herself. She said, I don't have to pity. I told her it was out of love. She was still my wife. She left to work and I do the same but decided to stay at the hotel from the time being,

during that time, I wondered what I could have made the saying act so that she could think about that. Deep down I think she's right. It's a defense mechanism I've had since childhood. I've never stayed in one place longer to make friends. It was heartbreaking to every time we have to move between my five and my 15 years I have moved more than 50 times, from apartment to apartment, from hotel room to hotel room, and since then I think I have always lived my relationships like a squat, I never unpacked and settled in because I knew at any moment I could be fired. But I thought that with my wife I acted differently,

but you have to believe not, during that time, I wondered what I could have done, acted or said to make her feel like that. Deep down I think she's right, it's a defense mechanism I've had since childhood. I've never stayed in one place longer to make friends. It was heartbreaking to every time we have to move between my five to my 15, I have moved more than 50 times, from apartment to apartment, from hotel room to hotel room, and since then I think I have always lived my relationships like a squat.

I never unpacked and settled in because I knew at any moment I could be kicked out. But I thought with my wife I acted differently, but I guess not, so I thought maybe we didn't need to go that far. What we needed wasn't divorce but therapy, then this happened, a little over a week after our discussion. I was called from the hospital. My wife had been hospitalized. She apparently did not feel well, I went to visit her.

But she didn't want to see me. If you see the eyes I saw, I've never seen so much hate in just two eyes. I told her besties so she can have her system support because she didn't want me there. I told my mom, she asked me what I had done to my wife so that she ended up in the hospital, and that I should not stress a woman who was pregnant. I said what? She told me my wife told her and asked her to keep it a secret because she wanted to tell me herself when she was ready. I don't know what was going through my head between anger that it was my mother who told me her happiness

at having to be a dad for the first time and total confusion at the surreal situation. I went to my wife and told her I knew, but she looked at me again angrily and told me she had lost the baby and it was my fault. In an instant, I just get the new my wife was pregnant but keep it from me, that I was going to be a dad and that we lost the baby and that she was accusing me of having caused something that I did not even know. She asked me to leave and I left, I always wanted children, very early on, my wife wanted to put her career first, I understood and accepted, I've been trying to convince her for years but without success, now she gets pregnant, she doesn't tell me anything, she talks to my mother about it, and she says I caused her miscarriage,

since then. She says she didn't tell me anything because she wanted to first confirm if I could deal with all the responsibilities I give myself and raise a child at the same time, I don't understand her, and I admit since then I have a fierce hatred against her. I don't know how to look at her without having anger on me and I don't want to hurt her with my words. I take care of her at home but we don't talk to each other. I'm not going to stay with her. It's not possible. I started a session with a psychologist.

He told me that patience was my best weapon. That I shouldn't make a permanent decision on emotions that could be temporary and that I should take time to see if there were things to salvage. Here is where I am. I don't know if I'll do another update. I took days off to be there for my wife and for my mother, but I'm not. feeling pretty depressed and I just want to get away from all this bullshit right now. Thank you in any case for giving me your point on your first post for your support or your critics. Final update, my wife, 31F, asked me, 34M, to choose between my mom, 55F. And her and I think I'm going

to divorce her, hi folks, it's been a while, I didn't intend to post again after my last one, but even though it's been months, I still get supports and people asking me where I am in my life. So I think I owe you at least one last update because your comments and DMs helped me a lot during a time I needed it the most. I don't know if it's going to be long or not, but let's go, about my wife, after she had a miscarriage, yes, she was definitely pregnant, I had to take care of her because she couldn't do it on her own. After what happened, I had nothing but anger and hatred in me, but as I said last time if something is fragile enough to break, you have no choice but to treat it gently, I didn't want her to break, I didn't want to leave her in the world, time of her life, so I did my duty as a husband, despite everything, her mental state was getting worse. She thought she was still pregnant and she was talking to herself. One night she was delirious, mistaking me for her father and thinking that I was going to hurt her. I had to call the emergency

room then after examination a psychiatrist advised me to have her hospitalized. That's what I did, she spent six weeks there. She was diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder, doctors suspect delusional disorder too, and they also suspect that she was heavily abused as a child, but that's all they were allowed to tell me, she didn't want to see anyone, especially her family, she suggested that we communicate through letters and every time I went there. I took her letter, then the next day I dropped mine, it's crazy, I have the impression that in two months I got to know her better than the 10 years I spent by her side, that reminded me how a good person she used to be despite her flaws, she used to travel to participate.

in the construction of schools, wells. Anything that can help people who lived in precariousness, she didn't just give money, she helped out with her own hands, she's the type to help a foreigner who doesn't speak the language catches train until she misses her own train. Honestly, she was like a gold mine with lots of resources and kindness in her, although we had money. We used to enjoy taking public transport to remember the time when we were penniless

and enjoy life just because having each other were enough, we would travel without taking money and challenge each other to know how far we will get. That was the best moment of our lives. We were very close and in love. We thought nothing could break us. What has changed since then? We tried to figure it out in the letters we give each other. We talk about many things.

I won't go into details. She own up her mistakes and I own up mine. She takes full responsibility of the consequences of her actions. She apologized for how she treated me and know that the only possible outcome is that we divorce. She need to heal and work on herself. She said she have a long way to go and it wasn't fair for me. She said that given her condition, I wasn't going to talk to her about a divorce. She had to do it herself. There are some battles she need to fight on her own, otherwise she will never be the best version she could be. She doesn't know how long it's going to take, but if she gets there and I haven't move on, then she'll be happy to start again with me. I've always lived with the idea of fixing broken things rather than throwing them away, but that doesn't work with human. you can't fix someone unless they want to be fixed. And I wouldn't have had the strength to fix someone because I'm putting all my remaining energy into trying to fix myself.

If my wife hadn't made the decision she made, I myself would have proposed a divorce, paradoxically, it was because she made the decision she made that I saw that there was hope for us. I then offered her a separation rather than a divorce, and a year from now, if we still want to get divorced, we'll get divorced, if we trust that we could be in a healthy relationship, then we'll get to know each other again, communicate and try to do things differently, she agreed and said that was what she hoped.

When she got out of the hospital, she didn't want us to meet because if we saw each other, she wouldn't have had the strength to keep her resolutions. For my part, I had not yet let go all the negative feelings following the events that happened before her hospitalization, so in the end it was best for both of us. We chose to continue to send each other letters and that's fine with me for now, she was able to see my mother, she wrote me what my mother told her, that she will always be a mother figure to her, despite the bad decisions she made, that she didn't have to compete for her love because she already had it. And that's one thing that will never change, she asked me if I was

okay with her being in touch with my mother, I told her it was up to them, she didn't need my consent, however. She was not likely going to see my mother too often because I had decided to go in another country for my mother so she could benefit from one of the best hospitals in the world, which is in Europe, about me, I've been in Germany for almost one month now, we are from France, and I'm learning to delegate work. It's a resolution I made during my therapy, I needed therapy and it was especially you guys who convinced me, I will always be grateful to you, the therapy sessions were so heavy and tiring that I didn't have the strength to do much after leaving my therapist's room but it get better over time, I am currently working remotely.

I go back to France once a week to settle things at work and continue my therapy sessions because I don't want to change therapists. I manage to devote time only to myself, which is actually good. One of my foster brothers wanted to come with us to Germany since he manages to work remotely too. He is a great help, in short. I'm getting better and better, about my mom. This is probably the most difficult subject to discuss, and I admit that I don't really want to talk about it, but I also think that talking about it here is good practice to be able to talk about it. it in my life. A few years ago, we lived from apartment to apartment, hotel to hotel.

This is one of the worst times of our lives. The state always found us a place to sleep because we were a single mother and a child. It wasn't stable because we had to change places every time, but it was better than sleeping outside. My mother was and still is a very beautiful woman. It happened that she received sexual proposals for an apartment right in front of my eyes. I don't know what she went through with my dad, but she never wanted to be with a another person, because she says death doesn't stop a loving relationship from continuing. There was an association that used to take care of us by always finding for us a place to stay at night, one day, one of the people who were in charge to find us places to sleep, wanted

us to stay in his apartment, the time that they find us a better place because we were in a very unsanitary hotel. My mother didn't want to go, but I convinced her to go, because the idea of sleeping warm in a good bed was all I could think of, but after we had diner on his place, he started making move on my mother who stopped him right away, he told us it was either that or we get out of his house, so we left, we went back to the hotel where we were. But our room was already taken, there was nothing we could do, at least that day, so we chose to slept outside, at some point, while sleeping we were woken up by a group of men who were trying to rape my mother, they hit me so hard that I was even afraid to try to help my mom. Some other men whom I guess came

back from a party heard the screams and came to help us, our attackers fled, I always said that my mother was almost raped, that's what I always said and I ended up believing it, but my mother was indeed raped before my eyes, I finally said it, my mother was raped before my eyes and I couldn't do anything. If that day we had thrown ourselves into each other's arms and cried together, maybe things would have been different, but she got up, took my arm and told me that this place was not safe that we had to look for a safer place, that was all, we never talked about that day again, we carried on with our lives as if nothing had happened. Things got better eventually, she worked hard so that I could be successful, she invested all

the money she earned in her entire life on my project and today I owe her the company I created, how did she manage to survive the hell she'd been through, ever since I came to terms with the idea that she was raped, all I wanted was to tell her about it. But it's not about me, it's about her, she's the one who experienced the worst, I would so much like to talk to her about it, but I don't know what good can come out of it after so many years, that's it, that's all, as for today her condition is improving, the future looks brighter than it did a few months ago, well, I think that's all. This will be my last post, to all who have followed me in those hard time, I thank you from the bottom of my heart and wish you the best in your life, may what

you have left to live be better than what you have already lived.