Reddit Stories - ULTIMATUM SHOULD I Cancel The WEDDING Over An Unfair Prenup

Episode Date: June 2, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #weddingdrama #relationshipadvice #prenupproblems #marriageissues #ultimatumsSummary: A dilemma arises over a prenup, leading to a potential wedding cancellation. Should the ultimatum be followed? Reddit users weigh in on the situation, offering diverse perspectives and advice on handling the delicate matter.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, weddingdrama, relationshipadvice, prenupproblems, marriageissues, ultimatums, weddingcancellation, relationshipdilemma, redditcommunity, adviceforum, ethicaldilemma, socialmedia, onlinecommunity, internetdiscussion, realpeople, personalstoriesBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Is it incorrect of me to propose canceling the marriage because she believes the premarital agreement is unjust? My partner, a 26-year-old woman, and I, a 24-year-old man, have recently discovered that she is expecting a baby. She is adamant about not wanting to have a child out of wedlock, so we've been discussing getting married. We've been together for three and a half years. Prior to finding out about the baby, we had only talked about marriage a little bit. I know she wants to get married badly, but I'm kind of on the otherwise of the fence. I'm not 100% against it, but definitely not eager slash desperate to get married for multiple reasons.

For one, my brother just recently got taken to the cleaners by his ex-wife. He pays her like 10k a month in addition to losing some of his properties, and that whole situation terrifies me and I've never really seen what a marriage provides that makes that risk worth it. To me, it's just the same thing as being together how we are currently, but giving the state permission to be in our relationship. However, now that she's pregnant, I've been more open to it just because I know how much it means to her. So, we've started this process and I'm slowly realizing that I may have bitten off more than I want to chew. while me and my girlfriend love each other very much and are compatible in pretty much every way. Our ideas about marriage, the wedding, X seemed to be a little different.

For starters, for the wedding I was thinking we each pick some of our closest people, maybe 10 or so each. I think the number can be a little flexible and go get married on an island slash beach, stay for a week or two, or something cool like that, so we can have fun and enjoy it. She pretty much wants the exact opposite. Act massive wedding in a big venue. Now I don't see anything wrong with that type of wedding. It just seems like such a colossal waste of resources to invite every person we know when we could instead have fun for a week or two then get married on the beach with our closest people. It doesn't necessarily have to be the beach I'm flexible, but I think you get the idea I'm going for versus the idea she's going for our completely two different schools of thought.

She basically wants to invite every single person she knows like I've looked at her list and she's got friends she hasn't seen in years. Third cousins, literally everyone. To me, if I'm going to spend a boatload of money, we should do it for ourselves, not people we barely know. We've been talking about compromises and making slow progress on that end, but we were getting there. She knew prior to getting married I would require a pre-nup. I make about 4x her salary and own property and plan to acquire more. I had my lawyer draft up a pre-nup and she has her own lawyer reviewing it. This is where we came to an impasse.

Her lawyer believed the pre-up was unfair and we've been going back and forth making changes. I've made some concessions, but I'm kind of at a point where I don't want to make anymore. While I admit, the pre-nup is definitely ironclad, I think it's fair considering the situation. I'm taking all the risk, why would I continue to concede on things me and my lawyer both believe are fair? So, recently we got into a minor argument over wedding stuff in general regarding the pre-nup slash wedding and I was just like maybe we should just keep things how they are. Of course, she flipped. We've cooled down since, and she says she still wants to make this happen, but that I need to be more open to compromise. I feel like given the situation,

I've compromised more than I already should have. I talked to my brother about it and he told I've compromised more than enough and to hold firm and worst case, you stay GF slash BF, which is realistically probably better anyways. My sister disagrees and says I'm being a jerk for not working with her more. The way I see it, why would I risk everything I've worked for when I'm not even getting the wedding I want nor the financial protection I want? Just so I can say I'm married.

There's just very few tangible benefits I'd be getting in relation to the risk. So, Ida. Edit. Okay, I feel like I made her look bad in the original post. 1. The price of the wedding isn't the problem. The cost of the wedding I want versus what I want are damn near the same amount. It's just the things we want to use that amount for.

2. I don't think she's maliciously going after me and I do see her as a lot of the amount. the person I want to spend the rest of my life with her. We were planning on moving in together regardless. However, like I mentioned, pre-nup is ironclad. I'm not going to go into the details of the pre-nup for obvious reasons, but I will say it probably favors me. The language she wants and the pre-nup leaves more interpretation to judge. It's nothing necessarily crazy and from my understanding somewhat common in pre-nups versus the language I want is very precise with things I have specifically outlined regardless of the circumstance. She wouldn't be screwed or anything

and would still probably be doing better financially speaking than she is now. She already does okay for herself, but the pre-nup is about as strong as it can while still being reliably enforceable. And another thing I want to make clear. It's not that I don't want to get married. The idea of marriage and being married to someone you love is cool. I'm not against it like I may have made it sound.

If anything I may be the paranoid one, my parents are divorced, both my brothers got divorced, my cousins act. I just know how we feel now about each other may not be the case forever as sad as that may be. In the case that something I happens I don't want to give up a large portion of my assets. I would always support the kid and make sure he or she needs. It's my child. Three, this isn't a problem with the relationship. If we don't get married, we'll stay together and raise the kid.

It's not totally unexpected. I was pulling out, but shit happens. We both acknowledge the risk of getting pregnant and were okay with the possibility. I never promised her marriage if that was the case. In fact, in the first year of dating I told her I didn't plan on getting married at all back when we weren't that serious. I say all this to say this isn't something that I've been expecting and she had never. made this much of a fuss about getting married before now. 4.

Another thing I noticed a lot of comments are assuming she would be pregnant at the wedding. We would wait till after the birth. When I said she doesn't want to have a baby out of wedlock, I didn't mean it that literate. Like if we got married a couple months slash year after, it wouldn't be a big deal to her. My mistake. 5. We are in the process of moving in together and are going to. raise the baby together regardless of the outcome of this dispute. Now I know this is where

a bunch of Reddit people call me naive, but this possibility has already been discussed. We do not have any intention of raising in the baby in a dual household and if we did I would have no problem paying child support. 6. More details about the pre-nup. Yes, it's ironclad, but it's not unfair. To answer some of the questions people are asking, yes it guarantees she will a place to live if we were to get a divorce and she is guaranteed alimony for a certain period as well. Additional information. I did one more look through of this thread and I saw all your comments. As much as I would love to respond to each one, I sadly don't have the time, but I'll answer some of your questions that I remember seeing in the comments. I can tell you

don't understand finances or how legal documents work very well, so I'll try to break everything down in simplistic way you can understand. 1. Yes, a divorce is way costlier than child support. You keep asking for sources, but a lot of this stuff should be common sense especially for someone with as much life experience as you especially considering you're a divorced single mom yourself. I would think you would have some personal experience. Anyways, I'll break this down with simple numbers to make it easy for you to comprehend. Let's say she were to get 2K month in child support, average in Cali is $430 and usually tops out at $800, according to Google, but I wanted to make this example fun for you and leave no room for you to twist the situation.

2,000 monthly support X 12 months in a year equals 24,000. 24,000 by 18 years of support, equals 432,000. Now in a divorce, things like property are on the table. So, let's say she gets one property, extremely unrealistic, she would definitely get more, but again just trying to help you understand. So keeping it as simple as I can so you don't get confused, valued at 500,000, again on the low end. Most properties in California go for way more. Let's just say you're not going to find a decent house for 500,000 in California. Now if you still don't understand, I'll spell it out.

Just losing one valuable property is more of a financial loss than child support ever would be, and in most cases, you're not just losing one property if you have multiple. That's not to even mention child support is spread over years, whereas you could lose hundreds of thousands in value in a single day. The losses are in no way comparable, and I'm genuinely curious about the mental gymnastics you could be doing to believe that or if it's you just don't understand basic finances. Either way, I hope my explanation was able to educate you a little bit.

Two, you don't have to get married to have a baby. The fact that you keep implying that it is morally wrong when the majority of babies are born out of wedlock is showing your ignorance about reality. Three, as you should know, pre-nups deemed unfair are often thrown out. My lawyer literally told me any pre-nup we drew up without alimony would likely be tossed. How is that for a source? 4. I think we are compatible as roommates because while yes, she doesn't live with me.

She probably stays at my house four to five nights out of the week if not more some weeks. Half her clothes are over here. The majority of the food she makes is over here. Point being us living together is not something foreign to us as you like to make it seem. 5. Yes, the verdict is totally unanimous. That's why you have 30 plus comments arguing with people in the comments because it's so unanimous. Based on the fact that you have like 30 separate comments full of long paragraphs arguing with everyone on a situation that you have no part in, you clearly have some bitterness because the situation resonates with you, and for that I'm sorry. I do hope you can find a way to heal and get past your trauma.

Nest of luck. Comments where OPP has replied. Molly Cottle 4704, actually he did not. He specifically said with the pre-nup she would only probably be doing slightly better than okay, which is how she's doing pre-baby, with a job. Doesn't sound like he's interested in putting in the duties as primary caregiver, and would probably balk at paying for a caregiver, so she'd end up way worse if the marriage ended, and that's how he wants it to be. O.P., I would would happily pay for a caregiver if she wanted to continue working. As of right now, she said she would prefer to stay home, but she said she may change her mind after the birth.

I'm him totally fine with either option. Update. So, my last post ended up getting way more attention than I anticipated and a lot of you guys didn't me with advice and asking for an update. Thanks to everyone who reached out with advice. A couple of you guys' stories and pieces of advice. are what ended up helping me stand firm on the decision. I tried to respond to some of you, but apologies if I didn't get to you.

Also, not sure about the rules about updates, so if this isn't allowed sorry mods just delete it. First, I'll answer some of the common questions I saw throughout the threat. I realized if I don't specify something everyone will just fill in the blanks themselves, which I guess I can't be too mad at. 1. Yes, we are both aware of what birth control is and how to use it. For the first two years of our relationship, she was on the pill, but told me she wanted to get off of it because it was messing with her hormones. She said I could use condoms if I wanted to, but that didn't last for too long. We both knew and accepted this could potentially happen.

2. Yes, I said she doesn't live with me, but I should have provided more context. Yes, she doesn't technically live with me but she primarily stays at my place. She has her own apartment, but sleeps at my place minimum four to five nights a week. Sometimes even more. Most of her clothes are over here, the food she makes is over here act I think you get my point. Three, for everyone that keeps saying abortion, she's had the option for that the entire time. I've made that clear to her the whole time. She is choosing this.

We live in California, so it's not like it's illegal or anything. When she asked my opinion, I told her I preferred she keep it, but if she wanted an abortion, I would get her one and support her decision regardless. She chose to keep it. I think those were people's main questions, so on to the update. We ended up having a discussion about the whole marriage thing where we both were able to get our opinion slash concerns out there. me and her, no lawyers, know anything. It was really helpful because it let both of us get our concerns

out there. We ended up agreeing that the whole marriage, pre-nup situation was too stressful right now while we were dealing with so many things. Pregnancy, moving in, act. So, we agreed that for now we would focus on the baby and pen the marriage conversation for now. I agreed I would be open to discussing it again in a couple years once everything has settled. down and she ended up being satisfied with that. That was last week and as of a couple days ago, we finished moving the rest of her stuff to my place. Her lease ends at the end of this month and all that is left in the apartment is some furniture she plans to give to her family. And since this is my last post about this situation I'll provide some clarity about why I didn't

want to compromise any further on the pre-nup. The language that my lawyer and I chose to use was very definitive about what would happen in the event of a divorce. On the other hand, hers was not. Again, still not going into details, but I'll say what my lawyer told me. He basically said that if I were to concede the language any further, he could no longer give me a guarantee on what I stand to lose. He said at that point, I would pretty much be at the mercy of the judge's interpretation meaning anything could happen especially considering the fact that we live in CA. For me, that would defeat the entire purpose of the pre-nup, which is why I wasn't willing to concede on it. I actually was willing to concede on the actual wedding plans,

but I just couldn't imagine letting a court system that is historically pretty unfair to men have the final say over my assets. I assured my girlfriend that in the event that we separated, I would make sure she was still taken care of which made her feel better about the whole situation as well. I don't think my problem was necessarily the commitment to her. It was more the fact that someone else would have the final say over everything in the scenario where things go wrong versus myself having the final say, which as many of you pointed out, means I'm just not ready for marriage. Comments where Op has replied. Drunken and Keytail, sure. Okay.

So long as you understand what your stance will engender, your GF slash baby mama will understand that she is largely on her own. Certainly if she has any sense she will understand that she must be very prudent with her finances. This means that she needs to work continuously to protect herself. I do hope that you've considered what lump sum to transfer to GF to reimburse her for the career hit this pregnancy will cause. Due to diminished energy, having to take on less challenging assignments distrust by superiors. If the baby is born with special needs, she knows that she cannot be the one to sacrifice her work to take them to medical care. Despite it being the most healthy option, this baby cannot be breastfed since the time and energy would eat away at GF's work energies. Unless you plan to reimburse

her, you need to prepare to be the parent who stays home whenever the child is ill. You need to prepare to attend the various appointments, meetings, school events, play dates, shop for the birthday presents. Throw the parties. Your GF cannot afford to jeopardize. Your G. her financial security since her resources are less than yours. Men feel they've been screwed by women out to take their money. I just don't think they've calculated all the innumerable small financial hits those opportunistic women took during the course of rearing their children. Certainly, if no children or joint efforts to build a business are involved then you support

you, I support myself is perfectly equitable. O.P., she's not on her own. I pay for pretty much anything she needs. needs. What a ridiculous, out-of-touch thing to say, LOL. She also is choosing not to work. If she wanted to continue with her career, I told her we could get a nanny slash daycare or whatever. She is adamant about being song, which is cool I totally support, but you phrase this entire thing like I'm making her do this or making her have the kid. I don't discount the things she will have to give up slash sacrifice. I'll always make sure she's taken.

care of, but I don't think I should be at the mercy of the government slasher in the event something goes wrong. And of course I'll do my part in raising the kid, I feel like I've made that clear. Now on to the next story. Story 2. Am I wrong for not inviting my parents to my wedding and anyone from that family? Me, 27, and my husband, 28, are going to get married in January, on his side her entire family is invited, but on mine only my maternal and.

aunt and her husband are going. When my parents and the rest of my family they found out about this they made a big fuss and they treated me horribly. But I am justified in not wanting them on my special day. Context, I was the first daughter, granddaughter and niece, I was everyone's darling until the other babies arrived, and when I turned eight my little sister was born, my grandparents and my mother stopped treating me in a special way. If my sister broke me whatever they never scolded her, but if I said something mean to my sister I was punished, once she even broke my glasses and I was punished. My father, on the other hand, was present for a while but then disappeared. He was constant with the money but not with the visits or calls.

When I turned 11, I was closer to my maternal aunt, who lived miles away from me, then to my uncles, grandparents, and mother who lived in my house. That aunt who is nine years older than me, she is my mother's half-sister and although she only saw her on Christmas, birthdays and holidays, we talked on the phone twice a day. When I, 12, and she, 21, I stayed with her all summer, even though my mom didn't believe my aunt could take care of me, they were the best two months of my life. After my vacation I studied more and had a very good behavior at school with the intention that they would let me go to see her again, but everything was ruined when my grades in mathematics began to go down, although I tried hard and my aunt gave me classes and even she

paid a tutor my grades didn't improve. That year my aunt visited me in the middle of the school year and went to see what was happening at school with my mother, that was when my teacher said that I was not paying attention in class because I was very loving with a girl. My mother and aunt were amazed and asked the teacher why he said that. The teacher argued that I was a lesbian and that classmate was my girlfriend, and as an institution I could not accept that, it was a religious school. My aunt made a fuss and threatened to sue them for discrimination, but my mother believed the teacher. When they got home, she hit me and exposed me in front of her entire family, I was not a lesbian and that girlfriend was a friend. My aunt got in the

way and confronted my mother. It was then that my mother kicked me out of the house and told my aunt if she defended me so much, I should move in with her, because I was ashamed to my mother and that I was not going to go through that with the neighbors. My aunt didn't think twice and took me with her, she called my father and told him about her situation, they both filed a complaint and made it clear that I would stay with her. My grandmother, who lived with my aunt, also disowned me for supposedly being a lesbian, but my aunt, who owned the house, kicked her out of the house. From that day on, my aunt and her, her husband, who at that time was just her boyfriend, took care of me like if I were their

daughter, when I turned 15 my uncles legally adopted me, they paid for my university and also during all that time they made me go to the psychologist. I must say that all this affected me too much, but the love they gave me helped me a lot, for me they are my parents and not my uncles. Now when my relatives found out that I was going to marry a man, they came to apologize to me and I accepted his apology, even so I did not want to continue in contact with them. But they believed that with the apology they were more than invited to my wedding, and two weeks ago my mother and my grandmother came to my dress fitting, I was totally outraged, they had not been invited and I kicked them out of the place, they were outraged and they

started insulting me and my husband. I told them that I didn't want them in my life, that I only excused them for mental health reasons, but they were nothing of mine anymore. Despite all that, three days ago one of my dad's cousins called me asking about the dress code and if she accepted children, I told her that she, like all the members of that family, were not invited, she was outraged and a few minutes later he called me my father asking who he was going to turn me in four, I answered that my father, my uncle. Would do it and he called me in a thousand ways, I simply cut off the call. Now am I really that bad? My mom tells me that if I don't want those people at my wedding she supports me, but my mother-in-law says that family is family no matter what has happened. Comments where Op has replied.

Add, Dangerous 1243, you are doing the right thing. These people are trash. Sure, they apologize to you, but they still feel it was appropriate to disown you and treat you like shit because they're homophobic monsters. If you were gay, they would still be treating you that way. They are bad people and they do not deserve your pity, much less your concern. Let them die mad. Have your aunt send out a blast text to the whole family telling them they are not invited,

and that there will be security at the venue to prevent anyone without an invite from getting in. They don't get to pretend they view you as family when they have spent years making sure you knew exactly how little they thought of you. Tell your fmeil that her family is not your family. family. No matter what is an insane thing to say about people who abused you. Make sure she understands that this is a hill you will die on, and that your abusers, make sure you use that word, are not going to be allowed to force their way into your life no matter who they share genes with. If Fmiel has an experienced abuse, she has no business speaking to your situation. Up. Until today, my mother-in-law did not know my real history with them, because I did not think it was

necessary, but I did it because my aunt, mother, told me that it would be good for her to know my reasons. It was a horrible thing for her to know and now she is totally okay with them coming back into my life. Update. It's been almost a month since my post and I wanted to tell you about some things that have happened. I told my mother-in-law everything that my family did to me in the past. At first she seemed understanding but then my partner discovered that she was still talking to my parents and decided to cut ties with her mother. She warned her that if she continued with his attitude would never know his grandchildren. He also told him that the only way for him to be part of our lives again is for him to apologize to me and my parents. He also told his father

and brothers that if they tried to intervene between his mother, my ex-family, and us, they too would be expelled from our lives and the lives of our future children. One of the things I didn't mention was the topic of my father and my sister, it turns out that some time after he decided he couldn't take care of me and accepted that my aunt did it, my father returned to my mother and they had child. My sister, for her part, always believed that I lived with my father and I, for my part, always believed that my sister had a better life, but I found out everything that she had suffered. My ex-family mistreated her day and night. She was practically kidnapped and couldn't even use the phone or social networks, even though she is now of age. When we found out about

all this we decided to go for my sister, I must say that it was not the best way, but we followed her until we found her university, there we approached her and asked her to accompany us, she was very happy to see us and accompany us. Together we unburdened ourselves about everything, we apologized and told each other everything, we were both victims of our parents. Now my uncles are fighting for custody of my little brother, with my sister's testimony in mind we hope to achieve it, and we are also taking my sister to therapy to help her a little with all the trauma. Because of my wedding, we decided to bring everything forward and have a small wedding, only my parents, my brothers, my uncles have more children, a few friends, and my boyfriend's

father and brother were there. We didn't tell anyone, so we had no surprise visitors. Thank you for your advice and support.