Reddit Stories - When Friends Betray AITA Confessions Bedtime Stories ( Over 9 Hour Compilation ) - Episode #84

Episode Date: January 14, 2026

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #confessions #betrayal #bedtimestories #compilation #friendship  Summary: In Episode 84 of AITA Confessions Bedtime Stories, listeners explore tales of betrayal among friends. The over nine-hour compilation delves into emotional narratives, revealing the complexities of friendships tested by deceit and misunderstandings, prompting reflection on trust and loyalty in personal relationships.  Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, betrayal, friendships, confessions, bedtime, stories, compilation, emotional, narratives, trust, loyalty, relationships, personal, storytelling, podcast, entertainmentBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6816713/support.This episode includes AI-generated content.

I hope you enjoy this story. Demanding mother attempts to coerce me into relinquishing my possession to cover her daughter's university expenses, and persists in doing so even after my refusal. I am a 34-year-old male who owns a valuable asset. String of houses in my name in our hometown. This has been due to years of hard work, careful investments, and sacrifices made along the way. Just to give context, I come from a modest family. My parents were both blue-collar workers and labor tirelessly to provide a comfortable life for me and my siblings. They always dreamed of owning their own house one day, but it was beyond their reach.

It was their upbringing that ignited my ambition and fueled my determination to build a better life for myself and my family one day. I met my wife during our college years. My wife shared similar experiences in her family. Raised by a single mother who worked multiple jobs to make ends. meet, she learned the significance of financial prudence and resourcefulness. We both wanted to overcome financial struggles one day and create a stable life for our children in the future. My wife and I tirelessly bought and flipped houses over the years. We saved every penny and made careful investments that eventually led to our ownership of several properties. Each property represented

years of hard work, countless sacrifices, and a shared dream between us. Today, I am a a father to two wonderful kids, a son, and a daughter. Our properties are not just a source of income but a symbol of our dedication to securing a future for our children. Little did I know that my life would soon take an unexpected twist, thanks to an entitled woman named Emily, 40F, who has been one of my tenants for a few years. She resides in a comfortable three-bedroom house that I carefully saved up and purchased years ago before I got married to my wife. The property is located in a prime location in the city and is in close proximity to her daughter's high school. Emily was a single mother, as her husband had unexpectedly abandoned her after their daughter was born.

When I became aware of her circumstances, I offered her a subsidized rent to enable her to move in. Though I knew I would lose out on money, I wanted her and her daughter to be able to afford to live there. Over the years, I have never increased the rent, and it has remained the same. Emily had been a reliable tenant over the years and paid her rent on time. We had developed a casual landlord-tenant relationship over time and sometimes kept in touch when she needed my help around the house. Her daughter was a high school senior and was preparing to apply for college. Three months ago, Emily informed me that her daughter had been accepted into a prestigious out-of-state university, which was a remarkable achievement for any high school graduate.

it. However, this university was also very expensive, and unfortunately, her scholarship didn't even cover 10% of her fees. I knew the financial obstacles of higher education and had my reservations about how they would manage it. One day, Emily asked to meet me. Thinking that it had something to do with the renovation required around the house, I agreed without much hesitation. We sat down in the living room of the house where she started by saying that she really appreciated the fact that I had been generous with her when it came to rent. She continued to tell me that she really wanted her daughter, Lily, to attend her dream university, but after crunching the numbers, including tuition, housing, and other expenses, she realized that it was too much for her to

handle a loan. She had even reached out to financial aid, looked into scholarships, and had taken up a part-time job after her full-time one, but it was still not enough. I nodded my head solemnly in understanding thinking maybe she was going to ask me if she could delay paying the rent for the month, which would have been understandable. Instead, Emily had a staggering request for me that left me dumbfounded. She asked me if I could sell the property that she was living in. I looked at her inquisitively as she continued to explain that the property I owned and had rented out to her would fetch good money, which would help her fund her daughter's college education. Are you serious? I responded, a mix of astonishment and disbelief.

You want me to sell my property to pay for your daughter's college tuition? Emily's eyes pleaded with me as she insisted that it was her only hope to secure her daughter's future. She mentioned that she had already had the entire property appraised, and was confident that it could cover her daughter's entire college fees. I asked her if she had lost her mind because there was no way that I was going to sell my property for her daughter to go to a high-end university. I told her that this house meant something to me, and I wasn't going to sell my property just like that. Emily insisted again telling me that I could loan the money and her daughter would pay me back once she graduated. Although I knew the importance of a college education, I was not going to accept her outrageous request. Hearing her plea made it clear that she was determined to find a way to fund her daughter's dreams,

even if it meant making an outlandish proposition to a stranger. I calmly explained to Emily that the property was a significant part of my livelihood, and I couldn't simply part with it. The burden of her daughter's tuition shouldn't fall on my shoulders. I told her that if she couldn't afford to send her daughter to the university, she could ask her family members for help or look into finding a more affordable option for her daughter. Despite my efforts to make her see reason, Emily continued to press the issue, asserting that I was the only one who could help and it wasn't a big deal to sell my property. and give her the money. I realized that this was going nowhere. I left the property after asking

Emily to not approach me regarding this ever again. I requested her to realize how outrageous she sounded and that she should find another way. I thought she would realize her mistake but over the next few weeks, Emily didn't give up. As Emily's daughter was inching closer to her college journey, the situation was becoming increasingly more and more unbearable. Emily, despite my denial, kept pleading with me every day to sell my property as soon as I could and even stopped paying her rent in protest. Our once amicable relationship had soured. The tension between us grew as Emily remained steadfast in her belief that the property I owned

was the solution to her financial woes. She was convinced that my refusal was selfish and that it was putting her daughter's future in jeopardy. On the other hand, I was losing out on money when she refused to pay her rent in protest. I warned her that I would take this to court because we had an ironclad agreement, but she refused to comply and it became increasingly clear that her demands had no end. The turning point came when Emily started involving others in our dispute. She started to approach her friends and the neighbors around my property,

painting me as an unsympathetic landlord who refused to help a young girl realize her dreams. She told them that I was very wealthy, but I refused to help her out by loaning her the money. Given her status as a single mother who struggled to make ends meet, her story garnered sympathy from those she can fight it in. To amplify her cause, Emily took to social media and wrote a Facebook post, placing the blame for her daughter's inability to attend college squarely on my shoulders. Soon, the rumors started to circulate in our neighborhood. People sympathized with her plight and assumed that I was indeed in a position to help but was knowingly not helping. I couldn't help but feel like an outsider in my own community.

My wife finally decided to reach out to Emily to address the escalating conflict. With the tension in the neighborhood mounting, she felt that direct communication might be a path toward resolution. Emily, however, wasn't in the mood for a calm discussion. She immediately launched into a tirade about how I, as the landlord, had the means to sell the property, which she believed was the only way to secure her daughter's future. Despite my wife's earnest attempts to reason, Emily's conviction remained unshaken. She asserted that we had the means to fund her daughter's college education and that we were being selfish. The conversation continued in a repetitive loop, with Emily repeatedly pushing my wife to convince me to agree to her demands.

Her post, which had painted me as an unsympathetic and wealthy landlord who was refusing to help a young girl achieve her dreams, had a noticeable impact on the neighbors and the local community. Some neighbors who had previously been on friendly terms with us started to view us with skepticism. They began to believe that I indeed had the means to alleviate her daughter's financial burdens but that I was knowingly refusing to do so out of selfishness. Others, who were aware of my upbringing, hard work, and the reality of my situation, shared my perspective and were just as appalled by Emily's audacious demand for me to foot the bill. They reminded me that I needed to protect my property and maintain the hard. hard-earned legacy I had built. The community became more and more divided every day, with some

sympathy being directed toward Emily. Despite the mounting pressure, I stood my ground, resolute in my decision to protect my property. I had invested years of hard work and sacrifice to secure it, and it was not something I was going to part with simply. Meanwhile, Emily continued to fuel the flames, accusing me of lacking empathy and exploiting living in my property rent-free. Her social media posts became increasingly vocal, sharing stories of her daughter's determination and the countless sacrifices she had made to prepare for college. As a result, the debate escalated from a private disagreement to a public discourse. The weight of the allegations started affecting my family also. My kids began to experience bullying at school, with their classmates parroting the false claims they had heard from social media about me.

It was heartbreaking to witness the distress this situation caused them. It was then that I decided that it was time to take action. I had kept quiet thinking that Emily would eventually stop, but now that my children were being affected, it was time to set the record straight and defend my integrity. I reached out to a lawyer who specialized in property disputes and tenant landlord conflicts. We immediately drafted a cease and desist letter to put an end to Emily's defamatory actions and protect my standing within the community.

My lawyer informed me that the cease and desist letter was the first step in our legal battle and if Emily didn't back down, we would take it all the way to court. When Emily received the letter, she was understandably surprised. She attempted to reach out to me by phone, but I chose not to answer her calls. So she sent me a text message expressing her desire to talk to me and clear this out before things could go too far. She told me that this was all just a huge misunderstanding and that she and I could talk this out. I replied back stating my intention to take her to court. I told her to brace herself and enjoy it because she was going to regret ever trying to mess with me.

I know this is going to be an uphill fight because this woman has been relentless in insisting that I should pay her daughter's tuition and ruining our family reputation, both in the community as well as online. My lawyer is currently preparing for the case, in case it goes to trial when she doesn't back down, outlining all the false accusations and the harm she has caused us in the last few months. When some of my relatives found out that I was taking her to court, they suggested that I should give her a chance to sort out the issue since she is a single mother and is trying to do what is best for her child. So Reddit am I the a-hole for refusing to sell my property to pay the entitled mother her daughter's college fees and instead dragging her to court.

Update 1, Emily has responded to our legal action with a letter of her own, filled with threats and more defamation. She has accused me of charging a high rent despite knowing her financial situation, which, according to her, made it impossible for her to save up for her daughter's education. I can't believe how far she is going to stoop down and lie just to get what she wants. Her accusations are baseless, and it is frustrating to see her play the victim card when I had already provided her with subsidized rent. It is clear she is trying to manipulate the situation in her favor, and I am not about to let that happen. It is clear that Emily is not going to back down without a fight. My lawyer, Matthew, has assured me that we have a strong case as her accusations are baseless but has asked me to be prepared as the legal process is going to be long and draining.

I can't help but think about how this situation has escalated so quickly. It was never my intention to end up in a courtroom, especially with someone who had been a tenant on my property. But sometimes, you have to stand your ground and protect what's rightfully yours. Emily might have her reasons, but I can't allow her to pressure me into selling my property. My family's future is at stake, and I am determined to see this through, no matter how challenging it would be. I will update you next when the legal proceedings begin. Update 2 since my last update, the legal proceedings have officially begun. The anticipation leading up to the court date have been excruciating and the courtroom was charged with tension as both parties presented their arguments and evidence.

Emily, flanked by her attorney, portrayed herself as a struggling mother determined to secure her daughter's future. Her attorney painted a vivid picture of financial hardships, emphasizing how my property had been the last lifeline for her daughter's dreams of attending the prestigious out-of-state university. Emily's testimony was laced with emotion, her eyes welling up with tears as she described the sacrifices she had made as a single mother, the long hours she worked, and her unwavering commitment to her daughter's success. She talked about her relentless job searches and numerous applications for scholarships and financial aid, herself as a mother who had left no stone unturned. Throughout the proceedings, Emily's attorney relentlessly painted me as a wealthy, unsympathetic landlord who prioritized profits

over a young girl's dreams by charging her with high rent. They implied that I had been aware of Emily's financial struggles yet continued to exploit her situation. But the most astonishing twist in the story came when Emily introduced a witness who was a family friend. We were shocked when this friend claimed to have witnessed a conversation between Emily and me where I allegedly promised to sell the property to finance her daughter's college education. I sat in disbelief as this blatant falsehood was presented in the courtroom. My attorney, Matthew, vehemently challenged this claim, asserting that no such conversation had ever taken place. He decided to take a more methodical approach to disprove this witness's claim. First, my attorney carefully cross-examined the family friend who had testified about the alleged

conversation between me and Emily. He posed a series of detailed questions aimed at establishing the credibility of the witness's memory. Matthew asked about the date, time, and location of the supposed conversation, seeking to elicit inconsistencies or gaps in the recollection of events. In response, the family friend struggled to provide consistent details and could not produce any concrete evidence, such as text messages or emails, to support their claim. Their testimony became increasingly shaky under the scrutiny of the cross-examination. To further undermine the credibility of Emily's case, Matthew presented evidence that directly contradicted the claim by introducing records of text messages and emails exchanged between

Emily and me during the time period when the alleged promise was said to have been made. These messages clearly showed that the subject of selling the property, to fund her daughter's education had never been discussed and Emily was the only one who was forcing me to sell my property to loan her the money. Additionally, we had a neighbor who lived adjacent to Emily's property testify that Emily had been paying less rent than all the other renters in the area. My lawyer pulled up receipts from other tenants residing in the neighborhood to prove the same. Matthew went on to argue that the absence of any written or electronic communication regarding the supposed promise that Emily claims, coupled with the neighbors testimony, casts doubt on the family friends' account and hence cannot be held as concrete evidence. We then focused on proving that Emily had intentionally gone to great lengths to slander my

reputation on social media, which, in turn, had resulted in the bullying of my children. My attorney presented a comprehensive record of Emily's social media posts and messages where she had accused me of being an unsympathetic and heartless landlord who refused to support her daughter's dreams. These posts were filled with emotional appeals and outright falsehoods, designed to gain sympathy and support from the community. We highlighted that these posts were intentionally crafted to create a narrative that painted her as a struggling mother doing everything in her power to secure her daughter's future when in reality she was emotionally blackmailing me to sell my property. Matthew then introduced screenshots of social media comments and direct messages from

individuals who had engaged with Emily's posts. Some of these individuals were part of the local community and had formed a negative opinion of me based on a false information presented by Emily. These comments ranged from expressions of sympathy for her plight to outright accusations that I was an unfeeling landlord exploiting her situation. In addition to the social media evidence we presented witness testimonies from my children, who had seen my children experience bullying at their school due to Emily's social media posts. They described how their classmates had echoed the false claims. they had read on social media about their father, leading to name-calling and harassment. My attorney went on to argue that there was a direct connection between Emily's false accusations on social media and the bullying my children had endured.

The intentionally misleading narrative she had crafted had not only damaged my reputation but had also directly affected my family's well-being. This presentation of evidence effectively showed how Emily's actions on social media led to real-life consequences for my children. As the legal proceedings continue, I am confident that justice will be served. The evidence presented so far has shed light on the truth and exposed the false claims made against me. I believe that the court will see through the manipulation and ensure a fair outcome in this case. Update 3. We won. The past month has been a grueling experience due to the legal proceedings. It has been like a roller coaster ride, with unexpected twists and turns.

My lawyer continued to present evidence and testimonies, which made it increasingly clear that Emily's claims were baseless. Her attempt to manipulate the situation by introducing a family friend who falsely testified about a promise I had never made fell apart under scrutiny. The lack of concrete evidence and inconsistencies in the witnesses' account cast doubt on the validity of their claims. After a thorough examination of all the evidence and testimonies, the judge finally announced the verdict and ruled in my favor. This came as a huge relief to me and I was grateful that the judge had seen through all the baseless claims. Emily was found guilty of defamation and was ordered to pay damages for the harm she had caused to my reputation, starting with paying the rent for the

previous months and additional fines. A restraining order was also issued by the judge, preventing Emily for making any further defamatory statements about me or my family. This ruling successfully validated my actions and my right to protect my property. As the legal battle concluded, I watched Emily sitting beside her lawyer looking defeated. I turned to look at her daughter, Lily, and couldn't shake off the thought that her dreams had been compromised by her mother's sense of entitlement. This nightmare was finally coming to an end with justice being served. It was a lesson for everyone on the important.

of defending oneself and not letting someone else's audacious demands shake our core beliefs. I can now move forward with a renewed sense of self-assurance and the knowledge that my house and our livelihood are secure. I would like to thank everyone who has supported me in this journey so far. The mental pressure and struggles my family and I went through were immense, but ultimately, truth prevailed. Update 4. It has been six months since my last update. Following my courtroom victory the restraining order has effectively silenced Emily, and the damages she had to pay for defamation provided some level of consolation for the harm done to my reputation.

Emily and her daughter had to move out after I gave them the eviction notice. While their circumstances remained challenging, I knew they were no longer my responsibility. I did feel a twinge of sympathy for her daughter's lost educational opportunities, but the reality was that her mother's audacious request had put their family in a difficult situation. Emily was also forced to take down her defamatory social media posts as part of the court's ruling and everyone quickly found out the extent of her lies. The last I heard about them was when her daughter, Lily reached out to me with an apology

out of nowhere. Lily had always been a great kid and I had watched her grow up but when her mother started falsely alleging me, I cut off contact with them. I was surprised that she wanted to get in touch with me after her mother publicly lost the case. Her message was filled with genuine remorse for the way her mother had behaved and the consequences that had befallen her family as a result. She expressed gratitude for our patience and understanding during the ordeal, recognizing that her mother's actions had caused harm to both our families. She also shared that they had relocated to a more affordable area

and that she had decided to attend a local college to pursue her education. She informed me that she had spoken with her mother after the legal proceedings had ended, and had asked her to back off, stating that she was determined to secure her own future without making any audacious demands. I felt sympathy for what she had to go through at such an early age because of her entitled mother's false claims. I told her that everyone deserves a second chance, and it was admirable that she was taking control of her own destiny. I wished her the best of luck with her studies and assured her that the past was behind us. Now that Emily and her daughter no longer live on my property,

our life is settled into a new normal. The weight of the false accusations and the bullying our children faced earlier has been lifted. We took action by reaching out to our children's school and addressing the bullying they had gone through. I hope you enjoy this story. The boy desires to devote the majority of his time with me rather than his mother, causing her to feel substituted, therefore when I, approached her, she gathered her belongings and departed to find a place to stay. With her sister.

I've been with my wife for what feels like forever at this point. We met in college during sophomore year, she was friends with my roommate's girlfriend. We started dating pretty quick, and married in our senior year. Looking back, we were probably too young, but I don't regret it. We were broke as hell but happy. After graduation, things weren't exactly. easy. I had gotten into law school, but we were pretty much surviving on ramen. My wife worked full-time for about three years to help keep us afloat while I was struggling through classes and trying not to drown in the workload. She worked at this marketing firm that she hated, but the pay was decent and she never complained. I remember feeling guilty watching her come home exhausted every day

while I was just studying. She'd always say it was an investment in our future, but still. During my my last year of law school, my wife got pregnant. It wasn't exactly planned, but we weren't exactly careful either. We were happy about it, though, especially since I was almost done with school. Our son, I'll call him Zane, was born right around when I was wrapping up my degree. The timing was pretty stressful, I was trying to study for the bar while helping with a newborn. I probably wasn't as present as I should have been, but somehow we made it work. After graduation and passing the bar, barely, if I'm being honest, I managed to land a job at a firm in NYC. The pay was good. I was making six figures right out of the gate, which felt insane after being broke students for so long.

We moved from our shitty one bedroom to a decent apartment in a better neighborhood. With the new job, my wife asked if she could stay home with Zane. She really wanted to be there for him, and honestly, the child-trial. care costs in NYC are fucking ridiculous anyway. I told her I was fine with it and that I'd handle the finances. This arrangement worked well for us for a long time. I'm not going to pretend it was perfect, I was working crazy hours. Sometimes I'd leave before Zane woke up and get home after he was already asleep. There were weeks where I barely saw him awake. It sucked not seeing my kid much, but the bills were paid, the house was always clean, and there was always food ready when I got

home. My wife was amazing at keeping everything running. She'd send me pictures and videos throughout the day of what Zane was doing, and I'd try to FaceTime when I could. On weekends, I try to be present, but let's be real, I was often exhausted or catching up on work. My wife and Zane grew super close because they spent all day together. They had their routines, their inside jokes, their special activities. They'd do this baking thing every Saturday where they'd make cookies or bread or whatever. I was happy they had that bond, but sometimes felt like I was missing out. I'd occasionally join their weekend activities, but I was always kind of the third wheel. Zane would automatically look to his mom when he needed something or wanted to show something

cool he found. I don't want to make it sound like I was completely absent. I coached his ball team one season, though I missed half the games because of work, and I always made his birthday parties and school events a priority. But the day-to-day stuff. That was all my wife. Then COVID hit, and everything changed. Like overnight. My firm, like most places, switched to remote work. Suddenly, I was home all the time. I set up an office in the spare room, and for the first time in forever, I was actually around during the day. At first, it was amazing for all of us. Zane, who was older by then, would bring his toys into my office and hang out while I worked. He'd sit on the floor with his Legos or

play his games, and we could actually talk throughout the day. I found out all these things about him that I never knew. Like he was really into these fantasy books that I had no idea of, about. It was like I was finally getting to know this kid that I'd helped create but never really knew. My wife seemed happy about it too, she'd join us sometimes, and it felt like we were finally getting to be a real family unit. She seemed relieved to have another adult around during the day, and would often pop in to chat or bring us snacks. We'd have lunch together every day, which was a nice break. The first few months were kind of a honeymoon period. We were all adjusting to the new normal, and there was this sense of we're all in this together that made the

whole lockdown thing bearable. Zane was doing school online, which was a nightmare, but we managed. My wife and I would tag team helping him with assignments while I was between meetings. As time went on, things settled into a routine. The firm kept the remote work option even after things started going back to normal, so I stayed home. Why wouldn't I? I was getting to know my kid, saving time on commuting, and still getting my work done. Zane kept coming into my office to hang out, play on his switch, or even do his schoolwork. He'd ask me questions about stuff, show me things he was working on, and we'd chat about random shit throughout the day. I started teaching him chess, which he picked up quickly.

We'd play a game during my lunch break sometimes. He also got interested in some of my old college textbooks. Weird kid, and would ask me to explain things to him. I'm not going to lie, it felt good having him look up to me and want to learn from me. I started noticing that my wife wasn't joining us as much. She'd be in another room watching TV or doing her own thing. I didn't think much of it at first, figured maybe she was enjoying some alone time after years of being with Zane 24 to 7.

Or maybe she was just giving us space to bond. Either way, I didn't see it as a problem. This went on for quite a while. Zane and I getting closer, my wife seeming more distant. Looking back, there were probably signs that something was bothering her. She'd make comments like you two seem to be having fun in a tone that I couldn't quite read. Or she'd suggest activities that would pull Zane away from my office, only for him to come back an hour later.

So a few nights back, after Zane went to bed, I asked her if everything was okay. I wasn't expecting what happened next. She completely blew up at me, which was shocking because she's never been the type to yell. Like, in over a decade of marriage, I can count on one hand a number of times I've heard her raise her voice. She started accusing me of stealing Zane from her. She said it used to be the two of them laughing and having fun together all day, but now I'm all he wants to do is be near my office. She said I was trying to emotionally steal her son from her, and that I had swooped in after she'd done all the hard work of raising him. I was completely

blindsided. I told her that Zane was my kid too, and that now we could all spend time together as a family. I tried to explain that I missed out on so much of his life already because of work, and I was just trying to make up for lost time. This just made her more upset. She said, said something about how I got to be the fun dad who plays games and teaches cool stuff, while she spent years being the one who had to enforce rules and deal with tantrums and doctor appointments and all the hard parts of parenting. She kept saying her son which really pissed me off, and I reminded her again that he was my son too and I had just as much right to spend time with him.

That's when she started crying, and then suddenly she was packing an overnight bag saying she needed space. She went to stay with her sister who lives about 30 minutes. minutes away. I was left standing there wondering what the fuck just happened and how a simple conversation went so wrong so fast. It's been several days since she left. Her texts have been really cold and basically amount to her asking me to go back to working at the office. She's saying things like I think it would be best for our family if things went back to how they were before. I don't want to do that. I like working from home. I like being able to see my kid growing up. I don't think I should have to go back to missing his childhood just because my wife is feeling.

Whatever she's feeling. Zane has been asking where mom is, and I've just been telling him that she's helping his aunt with some stuff and will be back soon. I don't want to worry him or make him feel like he's somehow the cause of all this. I talked to her sister about the situation, and she actually seemed to take my side. She said she doesn't see anything wrong with what I'm doing and promise to try reasoning with my husband. wife. She mentioned that my wife has been crying a lot in saying she feels replaced, which I don't understand. How am I replacing her? I'm just being a dad. I also mentioned this to a buddy of mine over beers, and he actually asked if it was possible Zane wasn't my kid and that's why my wife

was freaking out seeing us bonding. He said maybe she was worried Zane would start looking or acting like me and she'd be caught in a lie or something. I told him that was bullshit. First off, my wife has never given me any reason to doubt her, not even when we were dating. But also, I'm a lawyer, and I've seen enough family drama to be cautious. We did a paternity test when he was born, which she was fine with, she understood my paranoia from working in family law, and he's definitely mine. We also have security cameras around the house because of a couple break-ins that happened in the neighborhood a while back. My wife always texts me when she's going out, and we share our locations on our phones. So I'm pretty sure there's no secret affair happening here.

After talking to a few people, I'm starting to wonder if this is some kind of jealousy or maybe she's worried about her role now that I'm more involved. But that doesn't make sense either, because it's not like I'm trying to take over her job. I still expect her to do the things she's always done, keep the house running, handle the appointments, make sure Zane has what he needs for school, etc. I'm just adding to the parenting, not replacing her. Plus, it's not like Zane is ignoring her completely. He still spends plenty of time with her and likes going places with her when they go out.

He still asks her to make his favorite meals and help with certain homework assignments. It's just that now he also spends time with me, which seems normal and healthy to me. I tried calling her to talk about this more call. calmly, but she didn't pick up. She texted later saying she wasn't ready to talk yet. Which is frustrating because we can't resolve anything if she won't even talk to me. I don't know what to do here. I feel like I'm being punished for finally being the involved dad that I should have been all along. Should I really go back to barely seeing my kid just because my wife is used to having him all to herself? That doesn't seem fair to me or to Zane.

My mom thinks I should just do what my wife wants to keep the peace, but that feels like giving into emotional blackmail. My dad thinks my wife is being ridiculous and needs to get over herself. Am I an asshole for wanting to work from home and spend time with my kid? What am I supposed to do? Update, a lot of you had some pretty harsh things to say about my wife, calling her controlling or saying she sounds like a narcissist or whatever. Others were saying I was the asshole for the paternity test thing or for not noticing sooner that something was wrong.

I think the reality is somewhere in between all that. First, a lot has happened since I posted this. I went to talk to my wife the night I made the original post. I drove over to her sister's place to try and understand what was really going on. Her sister let me in and then made herself scarce so we could talk privately. As soon as she saw me, my wife broke down crying and started apologizing for what she said. I wasn't expecting that at all. I thought she'd still be angry.

Turns out she had been talking with her sister, who had been trying to explain to her that our son was just growing up and becoming more independent, and that this was a normal part of development that all parents have to deal with. Most of you who commented were right about what was going on. My wife has been a stay-at-home mom for almost 12 years now, and her whole identity has been wrapped up in being Zane's mom. She was the one who kissed his scrapes, taught him to read, helped him make friends, all that stuff. Now that he's getting older and starting to do his own thing, she's feeling lost and doesn't know what her purpose is anymore. When I asked her what specifically triggered the big blow-up, she explained that there were a few things that happened all at once. Zane had told her he wanted to stop doing their weekly baking Saturdays together.

Apparently, he wanted to start watching college football with me instead. I didn't even know this, he hadn't mentioned it to me yet. Also, his school is asking kids to think about extracurriculars for next year, and while my wife wanted him to take the cooking program the school offers, Zane told her he wants to play football instead. I should mention that my office has a bunch of my old football stuff in it. I played in high school, wasn't that good honestly, just a backup, but I've got some trophies in my state championship ring that Zane likes to look at. My brother played too, and my dad, so it's kind of a family thing.

I didn't realize Zane was paying that much attention to it, I mean, the stuff's just been sitting on a shelf forever. Basically, my wife felt like Zane was suddenly dropping all the interests and hobbies they shared and gravitating toward my interests instead. She felt like the connection between them was weakening, and it freaked her out. She cried through the whole conversation, and I tried to just listen and understand. She admitted that she had been feeling this way for a while but didn't know how to bring it up without sounding petty or selfish. She said it started with little things, like how Zane used to tell her everything about his day at school, but now he saves certain stories to tell me. Or how he used to go to her with questions, but now he often comes to me instead. When I asked why she stayed away for three days, she said she hadn't planned to be gone that long.

But after her sister pointed out how much of her identity was tied to being Zane's mom, she thought some separation might help her process things. She also admitted she was embarrassed about her outburst and wasn't sure how to face me after that. I told her that no matter how old he gets or how his interests change, he'll always need his mom. That part of our job as parents is to support him as. he grows and changes. Even if that means our role in his life changes too. I also pointed out that his interest in football might just be a phase, and even if it's not, it doesn't erase all the years of activities they've shared. She came home with me that night and had a big tearful

reunion with Zane, apologizing for leaving so suddenly. He was confused but happy to have her back. He didn't seem to understand what the big deal was, which is probably for the best. After he went to bed, we talked more about what to do going forward. I suggested family counseling, marriage counseling, or individual therapy, and she said she'd like to try individual therapy first before considering the others. She asked for help finding a therapist, so I'm working on that. Turns out our insurance covers mental health pretty well, who knew? I also suggested that maybe it was time for her to find something for herself, a job or

hobby or something so that her entire identity isn't just being a mom. She said she doesn't actually like what she got her degree in, communications, so I told her she could go back to school if she wants and I'd cover it. She's thinking about culinary school and maybe starting a YouTube cooking channel, since she's always been amazing in the kitchen. She's also planning to start working at her friend's bakery next month, just part-time to see if she likes it. We're trying to set up more structured family time so the three of us do activities together regularly. We're thinking about starting a family game night and maybe taking weekend trips when we can. We're also going to try having designated mom time and dad time for Zane, so he can still do

special things with each of us. And we're making sure to give him more independent time as well, since he's getting to that age where he needs some space to figure things out on his own. The last couple nights have been pretty good, and it's nice to see my wife happier and back home. She's been researching culinary programs, and it's the most excited I've seen her about something for herself in a long time. Zane is happy to have her back and seems oblivious to all the drama, which is good. I know this update might seem anticlimactic after all the speculation and the comments about affairs or narcissism or whatever, but sometimes the explanation really is that simple. My wife was struggling with her changing role as a mom,

and instead of talking about it, she let it build up until she exploded. We could probably both work on our communication. Oh, and some people were asking about the texting and location sharing thing, suggesting it was some kind of red flag for a controlling relationship. We both do it voluntarily. We've both been mugged in NYC before, me once, her twice, so it's just a safety measure so we know where each other is in case something happens. It's not a control thing.

And about the paternity test, yeah, it was probably unnecessary. But when Zane was born, I was working at a family law clinic for school, and I was seeing so many cases of people finding out kids weren't theirs years later, or couples who secretly hated each other, etc. It made me paranoid, and my wife understood that and was fine with the test. Current me would definitely tell past me not to be so stupid, but it is what it is. Some of you asked how old Zane is, he's almost 12 now. And yes, we know that's a weird age where kids start to pull away from their parents and become more independent.

I think my wife intellectually understood that, but emotionally wasn't prepared for it. A few commenters suggested that my wife might be dealing with depression or going through parmenopause, and that's something we're going to look into with her doctor. She hasn't seemed depressed to me, but I'm not an expert, and it's worth checking out. I appreciate the advice from those of you who shared similar experiences. It helps to know we're not the only ones who've gone through something like this. Parenting is weird and hard, and nobody gives you a manual. Anyway, that's the update.

Thanks again for all the comments and advice. Even the ones calling me an asshole were kind of helpful in their own way. Edit, a few people asked in the comments if we had other kids, no, just Zane. We talked about having more when he was younger, but with my work schedule and the cost of living in NYC, we decided one was enough. Sometimes I wonder if things would be different if my wife had another kid to focus on, but that's not really helpful thinking at this point. I should also clarify that it's not like I suddenly became super dad or anything. I still work a lot, and there are days when I'm stuck in meetings most of the time. But being able to have lunch with Zane or help him with homework between calls makes a huge difference.

I feel like I'm actually getting to be part of his daily life now, not just a weekend parent. Thanks again for all the support, even from those who were critical. It's given me a lot to think about. I hope you enjoy this story. Just a gentle heads up before we start the video, you'll be listening to two anecdotes in this video, and both come with fresh developments. Moving on to the initial tale. My partner departed.

Me hanging when her friends embarrassed me, so I've had enough of this drama. My girlfriend, let's call her Sonia, was going to a lady's brunch this past weekend. She asked if I could pick her up, I said sure. She texted me and asked if I wanted to grab a drink with them and then we could go. I said I didn't want to intrude,

but she insisted and said it was fine. so I joined. No one is talking to me when I get there, and when I try to join the conversation, I'm ignored. That one drink before we leave starts to turn into more. She has her arm around me but isn't looking or talking to me. I feel pretty excluded, so I excuse myself, say something came up, and go to leave. I send her a quick text saying I feel like I'm intruding, and that it's no problem. I'll pick her up later. She's a She immediately calls me, insists that I come back, that I was imagining it, etc. So, I do.

Things do seem better at this point. People are looking at me, and it seems whatever weirdness is over, I'm enjoying myself until I get back from the restroom. Immediately her friends do a hush-hush. One of her friends tells me to excuse myself from the conversation. I'm sort of taken back, so I look at Sonia, she doesn't look at me, I feel shitty, like a child that's asked to sit in a corner or something, and I don't want to make a scene, so I stand up to leave, then she says no, no, just excuse the topic, don't listen for a bit.

I'm just confused at this point, so I sit back down and pull out my phone, obviously, I can't not listen and they're talking about my girlfriend's ex, he's apparently missing in a foreign country, no one knows where he is. Sonia gets these weird calls from different numbers every couple of months, it's been two years, this is all mostly new to me, and the moment I start to hear her getting weird calls from him, I just get up and go to the bar, I didn't want to make a scene or anything, but talking about that in front of me, without holding my hand. Asking me if it was all right to dive into talking about her ex, or even looking at me at all just seemed really humiliating and disrespectful. So, 40 minutes go while I'm at the bar, she texts

me a sorry 20 minutes in, but it takes another 20 for her to stop the conversation. I've just been eating dinner at the bar and grabbing a drink when she comes over to apologize. I tell her that it's not okay, that I feel really hurt and angry, and that if the situation was reversed she would be furious, which she agrees with, we go back and forth at the bar and then go home. On the way home, she's extremely defensive, she apologizes and then gets mad at me for not saying it's okay. She says that she knows she made a mistake, but what else should she do? She blames me for leaving the conversation. She's getting angry, so I drop her off at home, say good night, and go home. The next day, she is extremely apologetic, she says she was a

horrible girlfriend, she says she has no idea why she didn't change the topic, look at me, or why it took her 40 minutes to realize that it was shitty to invite your boyfriend and then exclude so you can talk about your ex. She says she barely slept last night because she has no idea why she acted like that, or why she got angry at me for expressing how I was feeling. We ended up having a long conversation where she listened to me without getting upset, she apologized profusely, she promised it wouldn't happen again, etc. Unfortunately, now I can just feel all of my guard up. I know that in the grand scheme of a relationship, this wasn't some grand betrayal or anything, but it really feels like in such a simple, obvious moment to have your

partners back, she totally let me down. This isn't the first time I've felt excluded around her friends either, but before I just chalked it up to my insecurities. Now I feel like I don't trust that she'll stand up for me, or consider me at all when she's around her friends. I don't need her focus to be on me or anything, but, when she's around my friends, my friends and I always make an active effort to include her in our conversations. If one of my friends told Sonia to excuse herself from the conversation, I would shut that friend down and tell him not to talk to her like that. If my friends were asking me about my ex while she was around, I would say, who cares, I have Sonia with me now and make it clear to her

that she was my priority. We've talked about all of this, I've communicated all of this, she has apologized profusely, and she has promised that it won't happen again. She has made it clear that she understands how I'm feeling, and I greatly appreciate that. I don't feel safe around her friends, and that trust needs to be earned again, which she has acknowledged, unfortunately, in the meantime, I don't know how to feel better, I still feel hurt, I'm still kind of pissed, and I still feel worried. She was going on a bachelorette party weekend in Maui with these friends, and I wasn't worried before. But now, because I don't know that I can trust her around her friends, I start catastrophizing in my head about things going down at that party, I feel like I need something from her, and I don't know what it is, furthermore.

I don't really know how I can get it outside of just. More time with her friends and more evidence that I won't get repeatedly thrown under the bus in that situation. More info, it's just so out of character for her to treat me like that, part of what I love about her is how usually in two. she is with me, how upfront she is about what she needs, and how receptive she is to my needs, I don't feel like this was big enough to break up over, and 99% of the time, she makes me really happy. I just don't understand where this came from, and it makes me wonder if this is a fluke, or, if it's the real her, she has said she realizes how awful it was, she has been very comprehensive

and sincere in her apology. I'm just so thrown, however, she said that if something like this ever happened again, she'll shut down the topic also. The phone calls are definitely from him. Sorry if I was unclear about that. I wasn't following the conversation closely enough, so I was trying to convey my experience. One of the friends was friends with the ex before she was friends with Sonia,

and that friend brought it up to try to get info. None of his friends know where he is or what happened, and this isn't the reason they broke up, she left him, then all this shit happened, she basically said that she's 100% over him, but they were together slash engaged for almost a decade. And it's a little scary for someone who was a part of your life like that to be missing in such a weird way, I definitely need to ask her more about the calls, I think she did the thing that I

understand where in her mind, they were meaningless and she didn't want to worry me about them, I think the intention was positive. It just made what happened sting all the more, I really want to stay together, but I definitely can't forget this, I want to be in a place where I can forgive, but it is challenging right now. I think a lot of this can be chalked up to my boundaries, obviously, her behavior wasn't good, but knowing her. I feel like if I had been more able to articulate what was wrong before it went too far or just left when I said I was going to leave, this would be a very different story. Update. It is absolutely insane that this was only a month ago, it feels like so, so, so much longer, we broke up, I broke up with her last night, things got better, than they got worse, than they got better, her again, then we were around her friends again and I felt like she was a completely different

person who didn't treat me as nicely, again. I yelled at her in front of her friends, she yelled at me, and she gave me an ultimatum to spend the night with her or leave forever, I spent the night, then the next week I called to talk about how uncomfortable I was with that ultimatum, and she immediately accused me of trying to break up with her. She then drove over to pick up her stuff without listening to me at all, she called me after she picked up her stuff to apologize, she then blamed me for everything that happened, then she accused me of playing her and cheating on her, then called me again to say how hurt she was that I didn't fight for her harder when she suggested breaking up. The next day, I sent her a breakup text because I felt like I couldn't

do it in person, she drove over, said everything would change, things would be different, we worked so well together, not to let one mistake ruin what we had, I said let me think on my own for a Obviously, she did not leave me alone that week for one day. She started with good mornings and pleasantries, which I asked her to stop for the week, then about how hard it was the next day, then the day after that about all the good times we had, then the next day about how torturous what I was doing was to her and that she would never do this to me, that one stung a lot. All of that honestly made the decision easier, I don't think she was doing it intentionally,

I just think she was in a lot of pain and thought this was her one chance to change my mind, so she threw all caution or fear of looking crazy slash foolish to the wind, I don't know, last night we sat down to dinner which was pleasant. I made it clear we were done and said goodbye, then when I got home, she called me, begged me to come over one more time, said she was terrified about being alone, said that we were perfect for each other, she loved me, and she couldn't say goodbye, after about 30 minutes of us both sobbing into our phones. 25 more minutes more than I should have let it go on, I said I would say goodbye and hang up, and I did, I turned off my phone and woke up to three voicemails and ten texts,

ranging from how much trouble she was in, thanking me for our time together to asking if she could come over to say that she'll always love me. The last thing she sent me was a very rational, very honest apology saying she won't contact me, she'll always love me, that she was sorry for hurting me, and that she never meant to, I know my last post really brought out a lot of anger toward her, and seeing it all written out like this, trust me, I'm aware of how manipulative and manic she was. It's just so difficult because it would switch on a dime, sometimes we were great and it was so calm and safe, and then boom I would have my guards raised higher than a skyscraper and we

would be going at it, so, when she leaves a voicemail that sounds more like that side of her, my heart just melts, until I remember the other side. which isn't hard, I have so much tangible evidence of that other side now, in texts and voicemails, it's also hard because in that dinner we both acknowledged that it was mostly when she was around her friends, and that's something that in some part of my head feels fixable, it's just really hard. Rationally I know that I would have to be a masochistic idiot to stay in this dynamic, but in my gut and in my heart I feel like I just threw away something amazing,

that this was it for me, that love is worth fighting for, that these fights were as challenging each other and that we could have emerged on the other side as stronger, more complete. Better people, and a fantastic couple, but, like I said, I know that's not true, it's just really, really hard not to let my mind go there, it doesn't help that one of the main things she told me was that I think too much and to go with my heart, as is the case with most of the updates that end in breakups. I don't really know what I'm looking for here, the writing on the wall saying I did the right

thing couldn't be clearer, but it sure as hell, doesn't feel right, right now, now on to the next story. Story two, girlfriend is always disrespectful to my parents and they can't stand her anymore. This is my first girlfriend ever. We started dating 10 months ago after meeting on OKC and hit it off. We both struggle with social stuff. She tends to be better, but for whatever reasons her social anxieties come about in the oddest of moments in the oddest of ways, it's been a mostly good ride, with quite a few bumps. Quite recently we've had some big fights over some serious shit, and some just plain stupid shit, we're working through those.

It's tiring, but the main issue comes to my parents and how they see her, her parents love me and think I'm a great guy, generally say hi and speak with them briefly, even with a language barrier, my parents. Don't quite see her the same way, of course, my dad is very chill, and my mom is the more intense one, but there always seem to be a bit of friction between my mom and her. My GF has remarked to me she thinks my mom doesn't like her and is always judging her, which my mom has told me is not the case, when my GF comes over to my place.

She sometimes says hi, but then we mostly go up to my room. I'd love to have more interaction with each of our families, but a lot of the time she just rebuffs it with not feeling comfortable. It almost feels as though she wants to control or monopolize my time with others. my mom has asked me before what she does to make me happy. I've always felt she has, even when looking at it, we do have different interests in some ways. She wants to be a surgeon, I'm a software engineer, so where some of the real issues occur is on two particular disagreements we've had.

The other day my GF was over at my house, I had gone to look for something for her downstairs. Like a hard drive or something, while down there my mom is cleaning out one of our old file cabinets that had some of my stuff in there, as I was looking for the drive and checking on some pizza I had in the oven. My mom asked me to help her sort through some stuff, of course, I'm going to help her, this takes about 10 to 15 minutes or so. And my GF is up in my room just by herself, not interacting with anyone, she comes down later clearly upset, asks where I am, doesn't even look or speak to my parents, take some pizza, and goes back to my room, I linger down there a little bit longer before returning and having a fight with my GF over this.

She says I left her up there for ages and was rude and inconsiderate. She felt I should have told her I was helping my mom out, and that she considered this her time because I was done with my homework and was going to spend some time with her. This always bugged me, but I agreed to let her know if something like that was going to change. This was also the first fight my parents took notice of. Another fight we had was recently, we spent a weekend at a hotel and my gym. G.F. left her car at my parents' place, it was on the street, covering part of the mailbox, but not enough space for the mailman to fully pull all the way up. He won't deliver the mail

if he doesn't have space. My parents didn't notice until the next day and my dad sent me a text saying, hey, could you guys come to fix this? I thought it was a simple thing as we'd go up there before we headed to the city later that day. My G.F. has a very different reaction. She got very grumpy at the request. Questioning why my parents didn't tell her the first time when she parked, she felt it was fine and didn't want to change it, she said it was wasting her time and that she was annoyed by the request of my parents, not wanting to fight again over stupid shit, I said, okay, you can stay here and I'll move it. She then had the gall to tell me that when I got to my parents I should just move the car and not stop and talk to my parents. She also said she

didn't want me to park it in my driveway when my parents said she could park it there, so I'm on the phone with my parents when I'm driving up, my parents felt very disrespected. They said she doesn't have the authority to tell me or them where she'll park their car on their property. They also said if she wanted to dictate that, she could come to move it herself, I pulled it forward eventually, but there's more, later the next day, my parents stopped me to talk to me about my GF. They mentioned that they really don't like her anymore and are at the point where they aren't really welcoming her to her home, some of the reasons they mentioned they don't like her, one, they feel she's controlling me, they feel it's always me catering to her and doing what she wants.

And that I never get that same support too, they think that us being on the phone all the time, even when someone leaves because she wants us to feel close and together is a bit weird, three, they also feel she's a bit of a brat and childish and petulant, and she was really disrespectful, all in all, they don't feel she's the right one for me. What are my thoughts on this? They're not far off, I share the same ones, we've had a lot of fights recently, some of them based on how she interprets and reacts to things, as in if I don't say something absolutely gently and with the nicest of tones and loving she gets upset and thinks I'm being harsh. Others based on her thinking I'm doing something wrong or that I'm being silly, I've had those thoughts before, and have squashed them to give her the benefit of the doubt, but the longer I think about it, the more I can see it, an exacting. is my girlfriend isn't a big fan of my robotics hobby.

She's told me she thinks it's boring and doesn't see the point because she thinks it's just playing with oversized toys. I was offended at this and said that's an example of not being supportive and she said she was super supportive by going to two of my events. One which she was there and helped with the shit show and then left before it really started, the other because it doubled as a weekend trip for us, I feel, at times I have to walk on pins and needles for fear of not offending her or starting a fight, she says I always start them, ultimately. I think deep down I know this relationship isn't going to work out, and even with the counseling we're going through, this shit is bound to end badly for me if we continue. After all these fights,

she mentioned she doesn't love me the same and doesn't know why she continues being with me since I make her so unhappy. But I know if I were actually to break up with her, she'd be devastated and angry and blame me for everything, this isn't healthy, I'm starting to have that come to Jesus moment about this relationship, I need help working out things, I need to know how do I break out of this without shit blowing up spectacularly. I'm not here to try to force a relationship to continue anymore, I just don't know how to break it to her. Update

So before I get to the update, there are some things I'd like to clear up, I know that my parents are too involved in my relationship and I address that, more on this later, however. This was the first time I ever spoke with my parents about relationship problems, and it only happened because they brought it up to me. On the other hand, I've been in a car with my GF when she's griped about our problems to her mother and her close friends like I wasn't there, of course, she did this at other times too. Giving really personal details, she just didn't respect our privacy. Also, regarding the reference about us getting into a fight because she was in my room alone, I went downstairs to look for something that I needed to help her and I had. also went to take out the pizza in the oven that she wanted, I told her this. She said I'd left her alone for an hour, and I was gone for about 20 minutes while checking out the pizza, looking for

something, and helping my mom while I was there, that was it. Also, whenever she's been at my house, my mom has never asked me for anything at all. This was a first and it was because I was there next to her in the kitchen. Finally, regarding the phone call about the mailbox thing, some people called my parents controlling, but I wouldn't because, during our time together, they never called when we were out or whatnot, they didn't even see her car until the next morning, we weren't far and the initial plan was for us to go up to the city for a barbecue festival. And moved the car when we came back that day, but our plans changed when my GF said she was tired and didn't want to go, so, I did, and the cost of time for moving the car was about 20 minutes

tops, it was a period in the trip where we had just come back from the pool, and with all that, let's get to the update, it's pretty short and sweet. I did it, I broke up with her yesterday, we actually had another fight yesterday, won't go into details, wasn't severe, but the fatigue of it made me think, if we're fighting this much, maybe we're not compatible, a lot of tears were shed, and a lot came out from here that I was surprised to hear, in short. She knows she demands a lot of my attention, she says she's like a chance, and she's like a child sometimes, mainly because we're in two different phases of life, she's in college and works

a retail job, and gets to be a college kid, I'm a guy who works a full-time engineering, adult world job, she said she struggles with that, she knows she's confrontational. But that she really doesn't mean to pick fights, in summary, she said a lot about how she's sorry and won't do things, but only now just realized what she was missing by underappreciating me and by me leaving, don't worry, I didn't fall for any of it, I stuck. to my guns and set them out, not another chance, not one more month, weak, etc. It's over, the next thing was also to tell my parents off, that went well, I was straight with them and told them that my relationships are my business and that they shouldn't be nosy,

basically, I told them in no uncertain terms that they would not be interfering or giving their advice or input unless I specifically asked for it. They were very receptive, I also told them the details of my relationship are for me and my partner only, Yes, we did fight a lot, I know it's just not healthy, we need to be in healthier relationships, I might love her, but I don't want to stay in a relationship that unhealthy, so now I'm single, but this relationship ended. There's a lot to take from it, and a lot I can do to grow, also, yes, I'm working on moving out, I've got a lot of friends in California and I'd like to be there by this time next year.

Thank you for all the advice, everyone. I hope you enjoy this story. colleague insisted that I stand by her side as her best woman and wouldn't accept my refusal. She then provided me with a roster of duties for the wedding. Despite my repeated declines, she asserted that it was customary in contemporary times. Woman needs a bestie. This happened yesterday and I'm still confused. Yesterday was my first day back to work after being off for two weeks.

This is kind of important. One of my co-workers had gotten engaged the week before I left. When she announced at work we all did the congratulations and happy for her type of things. I thought it was over. So when I left for vacation the last I knew no plans had yet been made. Then yesterday when I went back to work my boss Kim and best friend Laura said that co-worker Claire was looking for me. I asked what was up and they weren't sure but she was carrying a little gift bag. A few minutes later Claire found me and asked how my vacation was.

I was telling them about it and she cut me off and said she had a very important question to ask. She handed a little gift bag and asked if I would be her best man of honor for her wedding. I thanked her and told her that typically this would traditionally go to a close female relationship. She responded that there was nothing traditional about her wedding so it was good. I looked over at Laura and Kim who were both trying to keep from loud. I again thanked her congratulated her and told her that I wasn't interested in being part of her wedding party and that I would be happier being a guest in the audience. I swear when I said this it was when we watched her entire demeanor changed and a switch flipped. She went off saying that I have to be in her wedding and that she doesn't understand why I would say no.

I told her that we only knew each other for a short time and that I had no interest in trying to plan parties, dinners, and shopping trips. She told me I needed to think about it and she would get back to me later. I told her go for it, but my answer will be the same. She walked away and I looked at Kim and Laura and asked what the ever-loving fresh, creepy hell was that. Kim started to laugh and said she didn't know. But saying no like I did might have saved me a lot of headaches in the future. Laura made the comment that she went straight to Bridezilla and this was a look into what she was going to be like. Claire came back today, however, she went with a different approach and handed me a list of what she wants me to do and her vision of how she sees things.

I asked her why she gave me this and she said that as her man of honor these were my responsibilities. I told her again that I was not going to do any of this. She started again that she needs me to do this and how much fun it was going to be. Then she asked haven't you ever wanted to be part of something special? I told her I was. I was a nurse. Enter Kim who could sense that I needed help and told Claire one of her patients needed her help. I told Kim that if this keeps up I might need her help.

She said she was already watching it and would intervene if I needed it. What did I miss? We aren't that close. She just transferred down to my unit from a different unit six months ago. I had no idea who she was until that point. Laura is saying that she is close and age to me and she might feel that to be enough of a connection. Did I miss something? When we are asked are we supposed to automatically gush and jump up and down in excitement?

Why is saying no a bad thing? This is where OPP has replied, commenter, it seems Kim is useless here. You really need to go over Kim's head and nip this in the but right now because Claire isn't taking no for an answer. Goop. Kim will help. I know she will. She is just waiting to see what her next step is. I have had to have her help with a work issue before.

If I have problems with her the next time we work together then I'll let Kim lose. Could this be some weird way to flirt? It won't work with me. I like Dick. L.O.L. and I have a boyfriend. L.O.L. Commenter, I'm not an expert, but isn't this an HR issue? now. I mean, isn't that like harassment? Oop, it becomes an issue if I report it.

My boss is seeing all of it so far and has said that she is watching the situation and will intervene if it keeps going. I'm off tomorrow so I won't see her for a couple of days. Commenter, she wants to show off how different and edgy she is by having a man of honor. She may also admire your organizing skills and get it done demeanor and thinks you'll throw her great wedding-related parties. Oop, I'm a bad gay guy friend. I'm organized when it comes to a lot of things. But planning a wedding is something I've never done and really don't want to learn to do.

If I were to ever get married, it's midnight under a full moon at the beach with a few friends and a cookout the next day. LOL update 1, hey everyone. First I apologize. I never thought this was going to go as crazy as it did. I want all of you to know I read all of your responses and responded to as many as I was able to. Thank you all for your amazing insights and comments. I'm sorry that made me laugh.

Which I needed. I have been sick and that really helped to cheer me up. I had to meet with my lawyer today regarding family issues. My neighbor slash best friend slash co-worker Laura took me. I really felt awful and driving wasn't a good idea. We were talking about this on the way and we both were asking a lot of the same questions that all you were asking. The big one was that we were asking about the circumstances of her transfer. She went from Med Surge 4 watts to the ER.

That is a huge change. I have to work tomorrow so we will see what happens. But Laura and I are going to ask him about the transfer and raise a couple of other concerns. After I got home from the meeting with my lawyer I slept for the rest of the day. Many of you asked about if Claire and I hang out outside of work. The answer is no. I really don't know anything about her. I have helped her a few times with patience and different things.

But our relationship is 100% purely work-related. That was why I was so surprised that she asked me to do this. That is why I was so surprised that she asked me about being the man of honor. I have a very small friend base and in all honesty I like to keep her. it that way. I really have no interest in being a part of this. I'm not a wedding person. After reading so many Bridezilla stories and hearing about over-the-top weddings, they have become a huge turn-off to me spending tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands of dollars with insane unrealistic demands that turn people against each other. Why? I would rather use that

money and spend that time planning my next trip or vacation. Many people said that I was being used as a token or prop in a wedding. Or a gay best friend. I never really thought about it. I admit that I'm out and proud. But I'm not going to just pretend to be someone friend just so they can fulfill some kind of fetish they have for wanting to have a gay best friend or some kind of status she feels the need to fulfill. It takes me a lot to get offended, but if this were actually the case, then I would really be rather offended. I was not put on the face of the earth to be someone's play toy. A lot of people have said that maybe she doesn't have a boyfriend. She does. She has brought him in before. If she has any insecurity, I don't understand it. She is

attractive, smart and nosy stuff. So I'm at a loss as to why she is acting like this. A lot of people say go to HR. I'm starting that process with my boss Kim. She is completely aware of the situation being with us when all this happen. She has told me that she is watching the situation and will jump in if I need her too. I trust her completely. While Kim and HR can control the situation from the hospital, they can't control the situation from a personal level if she were to maybe follow me home or a situation like that. So I think that covers it all. I wish I could say this is over. But most likely there is more to come. Set your update me. Comments where OP has replied, comment her, about that name.

Oops username, you're not just an RN, because there's nothing just about RNs or other nurses. You folks, regardless of gender, do the medical heavy lifting, and when we can't get a straight, the oh-so-busy MDs. The nurses provide the no-shit information. Oop, my name is kind of an ongoing running inside joke. I'm told at least once a day or so from a patient that I'm just a nurse. One day I heard it three times. I don't really take offense to this. And in a joking way I repeated what the patient said and my boss Kim jumped my case about. That's not the case at all. I love my job. It's a huge part of me and who I am. It's a part of my identity. Comment her,

I'm curious about her list of demands or responsibilities. Like, did she really think you would change your mind? now that you had all this BS work to do and money to spend? Boop, it pretty much had me planning the whole thing. She wanted me to plan the bridal shower. The Bachelorette party. Coordinate dress shopping and fittings make sure everyone was having fun with the whole thing. Just to name a few. Comment her, O-P, what the ever-loving fresh creepy hell is this?

L-M-A-O-O-O-P, I had no idea what the ever-loving fresh creepy-Paul was from something. It's just something I have always said. Mini update, I'll be posting a update in a day or two. Things came to a head today and it was pretty much just as everyone was saying. I need to take some time to understand everything that happened today. I also have a meeting scheduled Monday with the director of nursing at my hospital which should bring closure. I hope. Update 2, this intro is going to be long, but I'm telling you about this for a reason and later in this

it will make sense. I'm hoping this will be done and that this will be the last of this whole situation. I was born into a family where I was referred to as an issue that needed to be dealt with. I lived in the shadows of my sister who was the child my parents wanted. They wanted one child which was a girl. That way dad had his daddy girl and mom had mommy little princess. Then I came along. Keep in mind that I'm 23 so back then my parents had options, but chose to not use any of those options. So instead my parents raised my sister and I was raised by a nanny who even to this day is one of the biggest influences in my life and I am so grateful for her.

She helped me with so much. I finally realized that all these years later that by being referred to as an issue that needed to be dealt with that they stripped me of my humanity and individuality and self-worth as a person. I think that's why I've worked so hard to establish myself in my career and in my life. As a way to become a person again and not just be that issue that needed to be dealt with. Just past Thursday things came to a head with the Bridezilla known as Claire and the Truth came out. My best friend Laura has been sticking close to me when we worked together if Claire was to start something.

We weren't sure if she was going to leave it alone or start up again. I was really hoping that it was done. But she had to try once again. I've been sick and I had a busy morning so I really just. wanted a few minutes to go to the bathroom, grab a quick snack and maybe breath. Claire came up and had her list and asked if I had a few minutes to talk about the wedding planning. I looked at her and told her again know that I was not interested in being part of her wedding and that I was not going to help in any way and she needed to drop the subject and leave me

alone. Again she went into the who thing of how I was going to do this and how much fun it was going to be. Here we go with that line all of you love the first time. Why in the ever-loven loving fresh creepy hell is it so important for me to be your man of honor. I'm not interested and I'm not doing it. It is as exactly as pretty much all of you told me it would be. She was just planning on using me as a token or a play toy. She took all of the fucked up gay stereotypes that are out in society and put them into one sentence.

What modern liberal women isn't going to have a gay bestie on her arm for special events. I felt everything in my stomach move and a wave of no. nausea come over me and I felt like I couldn't get to the bathroom fast enough. This pissed Laura off to no end. Laura is really kind of like the overprotective sister that I wish I would have had and took Claire off to visit our boss Kim and laid it all out. Everything that was said. While I wasn't in on that conversation Laura and Kim filled me in on what was said.

Kim came to check on me and I was still hiding in the bathroom she knocked on the door and asked if she could come in. I asked her for a bottle of water first. While I was waiting, I realized two things. I realized why I chose to not hang out with her and why didn't like her. I couldn't figure out why I didn't like her just that there was something that gave me the hebi-jeebies. But I realized that I didn't like her because she is a different version of my sister. While Claire is educated and employed she doesn't care about other people and there she is like my sister in the sense that if she wants something bad enough, she will figure out.

how to get it. The second thing I realized was that she did exactly what my parents did to me. She completely dehumanized me and reduced me to an entity. Just kind of turn me into a token or a thing for her. I think the word that best describes it is I must a play toy. What really gets me is that just like my sister Claire doesn't think she did anything wrong and I'm being too sensitive and a delicate snowflake. The next day an emergency meeting was held at work and Claire is being suspended pending investigation and a new transfer is being looked into. Kim made the request for her to be terminated. The director of emergency nursing said this was a last resort, but she was going to be looking into options which could be sending her to a new hospital or facility. This didn't

go over well with me. I asked what would happen if she did the exact same thing to someone different. She didn't really give me an answer. But she said she still needs to look into a few things and at this point she is suspended. Anyway, here it is. I'm still pretty sick and had to work this weekend. If I can I'll respond. I want to thank everyone for all the amazing support. I am going back to my lawyer to see if he can figure out how to send her a cease and desist letter to make sure she doesn't contact me.

I'm heading to bed. Have a good night. Edit. I keep forgetting to thank my boyfriend. He has been with me on this, but more in the background. First when we were laughing about it. But when everything Thursday happened he was there as well. Al was able to get him away from his unit for a little bit for the It Will Be Okay boyfriend hug.

He stayed the night with me a couple of nights as well also helping with me being sick. So yeah. I'm very lucky to have such a good friend. great support. Update 3, Hi everyone. First I apologize for not responding sooner. I have always tried to do what I can to stay engaged with all of you and to respond as often as possible. Truth of the matter is that I hit a brick wall. Between everything with my parents, being sick and then the brightest Silla I just kind of lost all my motivation to keep the conversation going. But I will say this. I read all of your comments everyone one of them and

there are not enough words in any language to say thank you for all the amazing support, feedback and suggestions. I am truly grateful for everything all of you brought to the table. I went back to my lawyer the other day and told them everything. I told him I only had her name, but I did not have her address and since he has resources that I don't. I wanted him to find her and send her a cease and desist letter to not contact me. He was looking into this. The good news. Claire has been terminated.

While I am not able to talk about all of the details, I can say that this goes a lot deeper than what she did to me and after Kim did some digging it brought out some information that could have put our hospital in a serious position. When this information was brought out in the open it gave the director of emergency nursing, DN no choice but to terminate her and it could put the DEN in a serious position as well. Honestly, it has Kim, Laura and myself looking at potentially looking for new jobs if this doesn't get properly corrected. None of us want to change hospitals. Because then we have to start all over with seniority and benefits. It's a last resort, but it's still something to consider. I guess I can say that this is closed. At least I hope it is.

I need to move on with my life. I doubt that Claire will be dumb enough to contact me. She is in enough trouble and this would only make it worse. Again I apologize for not being able to keep up with response. back to all of your comments, but again, I can assure you that I read all of them and value all of them as well. Thank you again for the amazing support. Final info, commenter, can you give any further info about what you learned about her? Had she been moved as a result of something similar?

Obviously you have to be vague, but she sounds whack-a-doodle. Boop, I honestly don't know much of her personal self. But some of the problems that we are having come to find out. out. Was things she was doing when it came to her job and what she was doing wrong? To a downboated commenter, Boop gives more info. Kim, Laura, or myself had nothing to do with getting Claire fired. Claire got herself fired. I'm not sure what I should put on here. So I'll say this much. The question was brought up with Claire's transfer. She went from Med Surge to ER. This never happens. The ER is such an intense experience that you have to start in ER at the beginning of your career.

It's a eight-week training program while still doing orientation. With that being said, going from ER to Med Surge happens often. So naturally when someone comes from Med Surge it raises some questions and eyebrows. So basically what was found out was that Claire in her own way committed assault towards a patient and falsified the patient's charts. The Med Surge director knew of this as did the DEW. and it was swept under the rug. We are learning that she may have done this to a patient in the ER as well. I was asked to be in a wedding and I had no interest in attending. I told her three times no in a polite manner, but she refused to take no for an answer. I finally forcefully told her no. Then she did

what my parents have done to me for my entire life. She reduced me to a play toy and referred to me as her token gay bestie. This is hardly the case. We never hung out at any time and I never wanted to. I have no kind of attachment to this women so when I say no I'm saying no for a reason. Had she just accepted my responses then most likely none of this would have ever happened. OOP gives a tiny bit more info. A 14 gauge needle slash four catheter is the biggest that you can use. If they are ever used, it's mostly on EMS sites and if it's being used, it's usually for rapid infusion or the patient is shutting down and you need to get fluids in in a hurry and can't get a vein with the standard size. Realistically, you should never have a reason to use a 14 gauge. And if you do in my opinion, then you better have three other people with you to help do this.

I hope in my lifetime I never have to use one. Also the HIPAA notice. It's one of the first things you learn at the first thing. the beginning of nursing school or med school. Basically, HIPAA is keeping a patient's privacy. What you can do is talk about the case as long as you don't reveal any information regarding the patient's identity. Also opening a patient's file that you have no reason to open and also a violation of HIPAA

as well. These are serious offenses and could result in loss of license. With that being said, take this information and do with it what you will inform your own opinion. I hope you enjoy this story. My son's partner continues to pressure me to act as a paternal figure, and now she is attempting to include my former spouse in our Thanksgiving gathering even though they were not invited. I, a 41-year-old man, have two children. Kids with my ex-wife, 42F, a son John 22 and daughter Sally, 20, I'm remarried to my wife, 28. I'm very close with my kids, my son is engaged to Abby, she seems nice but has been a bit pushy trying to create

relationships with me and my wife, though she's also awkward with her. Abby isn't close to her family, she told us many stories why and while some of her complaints don't seem awful, it's not my place to judge and I didn't live it so I can't know anyway. We've tried to be welcoming but Abby has forced her way into some family traditions where she wouldn't have been invited, and some where no one outside of specific family would have. She has been calling Sally Sis since they were only dating a few months, has an odd sister-slash-mother-in-law thing she does with my wife, and the one I'm not a fan of, wants me to be like father to her. Not because we've clicked or anything. We are very different people, not saying that in a bad way,

just saying it's not based on how we get along or anything. My kids and I have a tradition when they come over that we have a private catch-up in my office slash study before they leave, which is now even more important to them because while they both get along well with my wife they don't want to have personal conversations around her yet. Abby asked if we could talk, and after I explained the tradition John later asked that I do it, saying she'd never had a caring conversation with her dad. We compromised that I didn't include her in the tradition but do join the two of them for coffee and let her talk. Then she started calling me dad, they weren't even engaged yet, John pulled me aside and begged me to give her that. Lade this whole thing on me

about me always being the dad she always wanted right in front of her and she just wanted that. Told me she cried watching me and Sally together, she still gives me random hugs, I'm a lucky dad. I didn't like it, but I do feel bad so fine I gave her that. She wants me to walk her down the aisle in the father-slash-daughter dance. I don't want to walk her down, and I walk with a cane so dancing is hard. At my own wedding I only dance twice. John is begging for me to do one, preferably the aisle. They came over Sunday, John and I were talking, I thought to address it, when Abby walked in without knocking, asking if he'd told me yet. I asked what, John said she wanted me to say something about having a second daughter now in my speech and how I loved her.

I just looked at him. She asked if I'd do the walk and dance for Sally, I said, of course. She yelled she's my daughter too and I said it will never be the same, Sally is my actual daughter. I tried to explain I'd talk about her being a happy addition to the family and I love how happy she makes Jack, which I thought was a good compromise, but she started crying. John apologized and they left, but he called me when they were home nearly begging me too. Ida because I won't lie and say I love her or she's my daughter. Update one, I had planned on writing this sooner but life got in the way in a couple of really but people were helpful and asked for updates and I have a surprise free day, so here it goes. Mother's Day my kids and their

partners go to visit my ex-wife. So it turns out my ex-wife and Abby are a lot closer than I realized. She calls her mom, which is part of where this comes from. Also apparently my ex has been egging it on. On Mother's Day they were talking about the wedding and I guess whenever Abby referred to me it was his dad. My son apparently told her let it go, which led to yelling. It's really about deserving to be my daughter, X telling her that she's right, son telling her that I am trying and she should be realistic about things, Sally telling her I only had one daughter. Which was apparently a response to Abby saying to her that as my daughters they should be united. According to my son Abby was crying, according to Sally she was crying and yelling and kicked

something before going to her room, and Sally told me she went off on her mom, but will not elaborate so I don't know what was actually said. But knowing Sally, who boy, at 2 a.m. I got a text from Sally's partner's phone saying Abby really is great, she hasn't been perfect, but you should give her a chance and you will learn to love her. I saw it when I woke up I tried to text her back but was blocked, so I called Sally but they were driving. They stopped by my place later that day because I am on the way and my daughter prefers my liquor and cooking and they told me about the night before. At the end I asked to speak to her partner alone, I asked if I had done something to upset her. She was confused and I told her I was blocked. She said I wasn't but checked her phone

and I was, and I said it was after her message and she asked what message. I showed her, it was not on her phone anymore. At that point we brought in Sally and caught her up, neither of them were happy. A couple of days later John and Abby dropped by unannounced. Not something we really do in this family but okay fine, I had mad salmon, does not take long to cook. I cook two more, wife serves while I make drinks. The entire night was Abby trying to bring up the wedding, John trying to change the Abbey not allowing that. We talk logistics because I'm helping them get some good deals through some professional contacts I have when finally she just says so I was talking to Mom. She said that you can walk me down the aisle and she'll do the dance, or you can

dance and she'll walk. It's your call, but you need to chew soon. I reiterated that I could not dance, she tried arguing that I had danced a little at my wedding, but I made it clear that is different, and did not feel comfortable walking her. She got upset and said, Mom loves me, why can't you? I felt bad but couldn't lie, I pointed out that she had John who loved her, my ex-wife, friends, she had people who love her. She said, but other than, ex-wife, those aren't my parents I said neither am I. She was very emotional so my wife and I gave them a few minutes. My son and I were alone later, he looked exhausted. He said the problem was that after Mother's Day Abby had called Sally and kept saying they are both my daughters, that I did not get

to be close with one but not both, and that it was them against me, but at that one Sally cried havoc and let slip the dogs of war. Things were said. Grievances were aired. John had to hang up before it got worse, but I guess Abby was shaken but there was a new problem. Abby had decided in her head that I did not mean what I have been saying and was just doing it for Sally. He told me he would handle it. Ron Howard, he did not so now I get text messages from Abby every couple of days acting like we have a secret relationship Sally doesn't know about, she even called herself my secret daughter-in-lawed. She invited my wife to lunch saying two out of three of his girls going out.

She has even started using the pressure of showing up at events like a recent barbecue to play a certain image. She hugs me more and holds it, wants to do pictures with just me or my wife and I, but always a few with just me to post with captions I do not like. My wife is getting especially annoyed because of how she is with her, I guess Abby surprised her with Father's Day plans for. me that had to be shut down, as it is she still inserted herself into the day. But she has a soft spot for her and when Abby gets emotional she caves. My wife is a sweetheart. I asked him if he is upset with me and he said no, he just wished it was different. He said we're good, but he's worried he and Sally aren't.

Which is when I took the advice of some people and suggested premarital counseling, he said he would talk about it. is insisting Sally go to her fitting. That shop should pay-per-view that potential Royal Rumble because Sally is not holding her feelings back anymore. I told him Sally loves him and I'll talk to her, but for now it is stressful all around. Abby driving my wife crazy with her ideas for what my girls should be doing, driving me crazy with dad-daughter content, drove Sally to the edge, and oh yeah, last night sent me an email with three styles of father-daughter dances and song options, so I'm not feeling any more respected or heard than before.

The six of us have barely been in the same room in order to let things calm down since Father's Day, which was great until it was a shit show. I'm sure this is so long, with all the craziness this is still the abridged version. We are supposed to meet Friday, Sally's partner, and I have a bet going about how bad it will go. So onward and upward, I hope you fathers had a less dramatic day than I did, and by any chance does anyone know exactly how bad of a crime I need to commit to enter witness protection. Just curious update too, I have gotten requests for updates on my situation, and as I enjoy a refreshing mojito and my wife her no Gito, life feels good and the perfect time to amuse the world

with my pain and familial drama. Plus a cousin of mine who apparently reads these and knows my situation gave me the convincing argument of dude, you can't keep people hanging and how can I argue with that airtight argument. I apologize for how long this is, a lot has happened. My wife's pregnancy is going well, keeping her as stress-free and pampered as possible has been my focus. It is such a different experience this time, both because of how much more involved I can be and how much better a relationship I have with my wife than I had with my ex. My daughter Sally has been great, even her partner has been great, helping with the nursery

or driving her around when I can't. My wife doesn't know because it is a surprise, but my son has been building a crib for the baby, modeled after the one I built for him and his sister, to show my wife his support. My son is a good man, and he is still in there, he just has a soft spot for Abby, which I guess gets us to the part of the movie where Godzilla shows up and starts busting up buildings. So I called a family meeting with my kids to talk about the situation. Told John his sister was only doing wedding activity. she wanted to and that the guilting requests needed to stop, that this was hurting his relationship

with his sister. Sally was happy I said it so she did not have to yet again. I told him if he did not stop her from messaging me I would block her with a bluntly honest explanation why. We got a lot out, John seemed to understand, but then a few days later they insisted on coming to talk. Sally and I decided we would get everything out. So all of us ate at our place, Abby started and immediately about baby shower stuff and I told that is the kind of thing we wanted to talk about. I told her that I understood she has been trying to fill a hole that she has, that she thought she was getting a father, a second mother, she calls my ex-wife mom apparently, and a sister. I told her it was still possible but that she needed to start listening to us.

I told her that for the sake of family we would give her a fresh start, if she agreed that moving forward she would respect our boundaries. My daughter did not love this idea but loves her brother and was willing to try. Abby tried to say that since we were starting over we could define what the relationship would be and just be family, we told her we were not ready for that, that it needs to happen organically. She got mad that I am closer with my daughter's partner, which is true but we just get along, and that she deserved it for trying so hard. My daughter said something about trying things we actually want.

She ran to our bathroom, he ran after her. After a while I checked on him, I could hear her repeating this is not what I wanted. My wife, daughter, and her partner went out to the patio to give them privacy and salvage the night. After a bit I got a text saying they had just left. I checked in with him the next day and he said they talked more at home and she understood. For a couple of weeks things were good. The text stopped except the occasional wedding question, since it was getting closer. She stopped pushing herself on my wife and Sally, and we thought

was involving us in less in wedding planning out of respect, since as it was they only got the venue at the rate they did because of my professional connections and they know I was willing to help but not interested in helping plan, even if I am good at event planning. But then I got a call from the venue telling me the card I used have been declined. Now this is a specific card I used for big purchases because of the miles so I knew it had a high limit. That was how I learned that they had changed dates by two months despite being informed I would still be out much of the money because it was too close to the date. I was furious, I mean I have been lucky in life financially but I am not blow off deposits

like nothing wealthy. Called my son, said he needed to get his ass to the house. Just him. They both came. When they arrived I opened the door, she actually started. with, Dad. I think I just replied you have got to be effing kidding me and walked toward the table. Abby had the nerve to ask where dinner was, my response was not polite as I made it clear that was not why they were here. I hoped my son would not lie to me so I asked what was going

on with the venue. She started going into wedding details but my son interrupted to tell me they postponed because my ex-wife was unavailable because of a surgery and he had not told me because he was putting money together to pay the lost money himself. He had just reached out to guests to let them know. And that is when Abby's mouth opened. We have extra time to work on our dance. Now during this time my wife came home, and I was walking her toward the bedroom when Abby said that.

My pregnant wife with me I said, calmly, I have different feelings about that and will elaborate further shortly or something like that. Then I laid my wife down and got her water, turned on her symphonic covers of popular songs and walked back to the table and said something like you are out of your effing mind have you even been listening? I made it clear I was done with this nonsense. We all were, and kind of lost it asking she did not hear us last time because her head was up her ass. She was stunned silent, what a beautiful sound, and looked at me while I, admittedly with little filter, explained what Sally and I thought of our time with her and her attempts to force us to love her without even getting to Noah. She started crying and stood up and shouted then what was this even for? John asked what she meant, if she meant them and he started to freak out.

She was frantic and said she meant delaying the wedding. Because, and I'm pouring another drink to write this, it was a ploy. My ex-wife and her decided if I had more time I would come around. Apparently my ex told her not to worry about the money because I'm loaded. She has always been bitter I make so much more. than I did when we were married, as if that is out of spite rather than my career arc. I think she did that on purpose, frankly. But she not only told me that lie, she and my ex told John as well.

He was distraught. Repeating you lied to me as she tried to spin it, but he was letting it out about how much he has defended her and covered for her and she lied to him too. She was defensive and blamed my ex for telling her things and me for being stubborn. She yelled, Why can't I just have? F.N. call him dad and, finally, after so long, I heard John respond because he is not your F.N. Dad. She started crying and something about as being the one that told she could call me that and he said he told her she might be able to eventually, but he had told her again and again to

slow down. She started sobbing and went to sit on her chair but missed and fell on the floor. Appreciating physical humor to break the tension I admittedly chuckled and hid my mouth behind my drink. This all led to a lot of sobbing. I said I needed to check on my wife and as I walked out she was repeating I just want him to be my dad too. I came out and he was walking her to the door and apologized, I said not to, they left. He came over a few days later and said they had a long talk at home. He even asked her if she would have dated him if there was never a chance of being in the family. He believed her when she said yes but she admitted I was a big draw as well. I was the kind of dad she always wanted, my relationship with Sally is what she always wanted, and the way she said it gave John doubts that she loves him for him.

I talked about marriage counseling, how his mother and I tried it and, while it did not save us, it provided clarity and an impartial voice. I pointed out they both like coming to me, but I cannot be impartial and if they are trying then they need to do it for real. Abby texted asking if I was the one who suggested therapy, I responded with, does it matter if John wants to? She asked why it is so bad she wants to know what I think and I just said John is the man whose opinion should matter most to her. They thought due to the text, she agreed to the counseling and the wedding has been postponed. I may have done a dance. So they are in counseling, he said she struggles, but I obviously do not know details. She is pressing for me and Sally to go to a session with her, Sally told her she did not want to hear Sally unfiltered,

and I am not interested. Abby has been leaving Sally alone, she stopped texting me except for the occasional general question which includes some attempt to go deeper. My wife still occasionally spends time with her because she is very into her pregnancy, more so than I like, but it is my wife's call. So that is where we are, sorry it was so long but alcohol makes for a poor editor. Update 3, November 20th, 2024. I was told I should do updates here. People have been asking me to, and to get into what went down on Father's Day and at their mother's house. I have been extremely

busy these last few months but am enjoying my temporary unemployment and thought of this account because of recent Thanksgiving drama. I will do an update and then we'll share what happened earlier. Oh, and to whomever made the joke that Abby finally got me to dance, that made me laugh, I shared that with the family. My time has been largely caring for my wife, I tend to dote, I know. We are having a boy. We are really excited, though neither of us really had gender preference. I have raised both and both experiences were wonderful.

Now we are discussing names, who we are going to honor. I thought everything had been quiet, but recently found my wife crying and found out I was wrong. Given how busy I have been with work, and my wife knowing I would be free again once we got into this month, my wife has kept this to herself. Apparently Abby has been pushing for one Thanksgiving this year. Things have been quiet with Abby,

my son said the wedding blowing up woke her up, and that therapy had been helping. But then this. My understanding is that while John has been talking less with his mother because of all that happened, Abby did the opposite. For my wife's telling, Abby dropped by one day with my ex-wife. My wife intensely dislikes my ex-wife because of lies she spread about my first marriage ending due to infidelity with her, despite there being no infidelity and the linear nature of time

making it impossible for us to have slept together back then. Before anyone asks, my ex-wife does not actually think there was infidelity, I would get into that, but I am sure I would sound biased. Anyway, so my wife looked at our camera app, saw who it was and called my daughter. Apparently the two of them were keeping things from me because I was working 18-hour days and they did not want me dealing with anything else. I wish they had not done that, but I appreciate the thought. I am really lucky to have such caring people around me.

My daughter called her mom and said something that made them leave in a hurry, she will not tell me what but she smiles when I ask. I called John but he was dealing with some hard work news, so I just was there for him and left the other alone. The next day Abby came back, alone this time. My wife saw it was her and asked her what she wanted through the door, Abby said to apologize. My wife let her in, she is too nice, and after a nice talk Abby asked about the whole family getting together for Thanksgiving, my wife said, of course, she assumed as much. A couple of days later in our group chat we were discussing details, who brings what, and Abby asks what else is needed. I say John already committed and she asked what about my ex-wife, what should she bring?

In the time I have known Abby she has never made an intentional joke that funny, so I asked what she was talking about and she mentioned the whole family comment, and my daughter and I both asked what made her think we counted her as family. She actually replied, she is my family. I don't have a dad who wants me, just a mom and my mom deserves to be with family on Thanksgiving. Sally replied, well, we'll miss you and John then. Abby asks how she can say that, Sally asks how she can be so stupid, John says not to call her stupid and I say that is fair, but there is no real way she thought my wife thought she meant my ex-wife at this point my wife had filled me in. And then, this is so stupid, she uses my son's phone to add my ex-frigging wife to the group chat. She then thanks us for the invitation and asks what she can bring. As I was typing my daughter beats me to it and asks what she thinks she is doing. She knows she is not welcome but says it less politely.

My wife types you could not have thought she was included when I said family. Abby responded that she was not coming as my family but as hers. Sally let her mom have it. She already is not talking to her much and said if my ex-wife is there then she is not. I mentioned there was never a chance X was going to come and said I understand Abby and John wanting to go to their mom's house so she is not alone. John typed plans not definite. We'll let you know he has since told me that he is not going to go to his mom's place but wanted to tell Abby alone first. All I can think about is the comment about not having a dad who wants her.

Because it means she is still thinking about me as a dad, I believe. Just a negligent one. I mentioned that to my son and he said he noticed it too and had brought it up at therapy. Because family is such a frequent topic. Though I obviously do not know details. Wow, I thought this would be brief, but that was a lot. I will get into the crazy stories later if there are people seeing this who want me too. I do not know how posting from here works in terms of anyone seeing it.

But this has been good to get out. I hope you enjoy this story. The reality regarding my siblings vanishing many years ago surfaced from a concealed family revelation. I am endeavoring to articulate this in a manner that renders it incomprehensible to anyone. Research and find out who I am, or my brother is, but it's the internet and everyone's a super-slooth. My brother went missing years ago, and when I say missing, I mean that his case was declared one of those creepy unsolved mysteries. It was on the news, I distinctly remember my person. parents interviewing for the news in our living room. I think I know what happened to him.

I was very young when he went missing, I barely remember him, but I do remember that I loved him a lot, he would pull me around our block in a wagon. Most kids his age didn't do that. The days before he disappeared, I remember him staying home and babysitting me, I stayed in my room and played Nintendo 64. Throughout the day, a guy came over, I remember him, he was older, almost our dad's age, my brother made me go into my room whenever I heard the doorbell. Later, after the guy left, my brother would ask me not to say anything about the guy, with my brain only being focused on video games and extra dessert at that age, I agreed, I didn't care, nor did I comprehend the gravity of the situation.

The day before he disappeared, I remember the older guy coming over, I was in the kitchen and remember looking up and seeing him kiss my brother, they hugged, they didn't care that I saw them. The older guy waved at me and I waved back, then I kept watching cartoons. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to my brother whispering outside our front door, don't worry, he's asleep, he said, the older guy said something I couldn't hear, then my brother said something I couldn't make out, but I made out the words visit them or maybe he said visit him. Either way, I know the word visit was in his sentence. The man raised his voice and said no, then I heard plan and city. Then I fell asleep

again. The next morning dashed the day he disappeared. Dash my parents were at work, my brother was acting very strange. I remember he kept checking the clock. In the afternoon, I remember him picking me up and asking me if I wanted to go in the wagon. I was too hooked on Nintendo 64 and said no, he almost begged me and I said no again. Then he told me he had to run to our neighbor's house for something. I don't even remember what he said. I said okay. He reminded me to not open the door for anyone, only mom and dad. I shouted at him okay. Because Super Mario was getting on my FNG nerves and he wasn't helping. He gave me a hug and told me he loved me and left. He never came back. All these years dash decades dash later and I think he was in love with that man. I know he was.

The memories randomly came flooding back to me earlier. I'm not quite sure why, but it has been taking over my thoughts lately. I can't sleep because I keep thinking about it. I think my brother left with that man and they ran away together. Or maybe something worse happened. But I don't think that's the case. My freshman year of college, I was part of a sports team that got national recognition. I remember my team's picture was on ESPN and with our university's name. A few days later, I got mail at my dorm. It was a gift basket. I thought it was for my parents, so I didn't read the card. I threw it away immediately and ate what was in it. But it was nothing but candy, nerds, jolly ranchers, tootsy rolls, and Hershey's kisses. I called my dad and thanked him

for the gift basket and he said he didn't send one, neither did mom. Then I got to thinking, all of those candies were what I used to eat as a kid. Literally all I ate for the earliest years of my life were those candies. I tried to find the card, but I couldn't. Then I began to think about how my brother would will me in the wagon to the gas station close to our house so I could get candy after dinner, even though it was a punishable by death no-no from mom. Months later, during Christmas, I got an unmarked Christmas card. The only thing written on it was a smiley. Since then, I've heard nothing.

No one I know sent that card. I have never responded. I wonder, every day, if he's out there. I have never told anyone this. When the police asked me what happened that day, I told them that he was. went to the neighbors because that's all I remembered, honestly. It destroyed my parents. My mom became addicted to painkillers and my dad has had three extramarital affairs.

Which, I know this tragedy is no way an excuse to cheat, but it sure didn't help. It has ruined our family, and maybe my brother knows what he did. Maybe he regrets it and knows he can't come back home. But if I could see him today, I would just want to tell him that he is always welcome in my home. I love you so much, brother, we have so much catching up to do. Please come home, please. Update April 1st, 12, 2016 title my parents kept my brother a secret from me. It's 4 p.m. and I'm drunk, LOL. These past few weeks have been insane. I posted on here before, my brother went missing a long time ago. I thought he ran away from home. Long story short,

I got into contact with some detectives that our family has known since my brother went missing. When I started asking questions, they told me that my brother was no longer on any missing person's registry. When I asked what that meant, they told me that he was removed from my parents' request. I asked my parents my dad, actually, my dad ignored me. My mom told me my brother is alive and okay, as far as she knows. They found my brother years ago a very, very, very long time ago and found out he was living with another man. He's gay, and it disgusted my parents. He tried reaching out to them.

They told him they didn't want anything to do with him and that I didn't remember him at and wouldn't want to see him. I went ballistic. My parents weren't phased by it. They sincerely hate my brother for who he is dash for being gay. They kept him a secret from me all my effengy life. My brother missed the birth of his nephew. He missed my wedding, graduations, everything, just because of my parents.

They lied to me. I've been able to get a phone number and contact information from police officers. My brother left it all open in case anyone from our family wanted to contact him. I still can't work up the nerve to call him. The address I have for him is across the FNG country. But he's alive, my brother is alive, I'm drunk as fuck right now because I can't be. deal with any of this. I haven't talked to my parents in weeks and I never plan on speaking to them again, not for what they've done to me or my brother. This is real and it happened. It happened,

it is happening right now. I don't know how to process this at all. My parents let me believe my brother was dead or kidnapped forever, when in reality he just ran away and when he wanted to come back they disowned him. I'm Fengi crying right now. How could you do that? F-C-K-U, God. F-K-K-U Christians and Jesus. I don't even know I'm so effengy-dash I'm sorry. Update May 2nd 7th, 2016 title, I met my brother that was missing. Here's an update for you all. The day after I made my last post, I woke up and called into work, I told my wife,

who is essentially my confidant and I tell her everything, the whole story, she wasn't really surprised. She's not a fan of my parents much, but like many of you, she told me to call the number I was given for my brother immediately, she insisted on it. She took herself and my son out for a day together so I could be alone to talk with him. I dialed the number about seven times before I actually pressed the call button, it started ringing and I hung up, then I got frustrated at myself and called the number back, it rang and rang and I got a voicemail, but it was the automated voice. Not anyone else's, I didn't leave a voicemail, I thought the whole thing was ridiculous.

I called my wife and told her to come home and she refused until I had talked to someone on the other end of the phone. About an hour of pacing and drinking two glasses of scotch at one o'clock in the afternoon, I called the number again, it rang three times, I panicked, I hung up, but this time, the number was calling me back, I swear to whatever gods above, I thought my heart was going to stop, I almost threw up right there, I answered the call. The first thing I heard on the other end of the line was a guy laughing in the background. There was wind on the phone. The person on the other end was outside and it was windy. Who is this? It was his voice.

I knew that voice. It was my FNG brother, my brother, who had been gone for my entire life. I covered my mouth with my shaking hands and just sat there. He kept asking me who it was. The guy in the background was trying to talk over him. He hung up on me. I called him back right away. He answered again, me being a creepy ass.

The first thing I said after decades of not seeing him and thinking he was dead, I blurted, I got your number, he asked me who I was and what I wanted, I said, it's me, there was a really long pause, I thought the call had dropped, then I heard him tell someone to turn the radio down and roll the window up, the sound of wind stopped. And then he asked me my name, I told him and he said that I was lying, I told him I got his number from the missing children's network and detectives. I heard him gasp.

He asked me what color shoelaces he wore to a picnic when we were kids, and I remember my mom getting mad at his orange laces with blue shoes. It was the last time we were together as a family. I could tell he was crying. The first thing he asked me was, where are you? And I told him I lived a few hours away from home, without hesitating, he told me, I'm coming, he went straight to the airport without any luggage, bought a plane ticket and flew straight to me, we stayed on the phone, with each other the whole time,

when he was walking through the gate, I knew who he was right away, he is middle-aged. Salt and pepper hair, muscular, he looks just like our dad, only better, I know if I told him that, that would make him mad, I literally pushed an old lady out of the way and I just hugged him, he's about two inches taller than me, he was able to pick me up, he was crying, I was crying, I was having a breakdown, we went to a bar at the airport. He wouldn't let me out of his sight. He kept holding onto my arm. He kept telling me how unreal it all was. He apologized to me. He kept crying, telling me he felt horrible. I told him to forget everything and tell me about his life. He's married. His husband is a doctor,

a pediatric oncologist. They live in the Pacific Northwest. They have two children, girls, 12 and 8, he works as a legal consultant and has his own firm. He has an amazing life. He told me that he thought I hated him and wanted nothing to do with him. We sat at the bar for hours, literal hours, I think we sat for about six hours before I begged him to come home and meet my wife. We got home. And my wife was a mess. She hugged him and insisted he stay with us. At this point, his husband was going insane and kept calling him. He had no idea what was going on. He thought he had eloped or something. It was crazy for a couple of days until everything was explained and out in the open. My son and my brother were like two peas in a pod. Honestly, I never wanted children. My son was an amazing accident, but I'm not good with kids. I'm always afraid I'm going to break them, but my brother is a pro. Kids love him.

He stayed with us for two weeks, and in two weeks everything about my life changed. His husband and two daughters flew in to stay with us. My brother-in-law and my two nieces, my family, they were. were my family, they are my family, my brother wants my wife and I to move to be closer to him, my wife is on board, I work as a professor at a university and have already started to send out feelers to see if there are any open positions. And I've found one that is actually tenured and higher pay, I do not plan on forgiving my parents, but my brother still loves them, he went by their house and knocked on the door, my father shut the door in his face, my mother gave him a hug

and told him to take care of himself, then she shut him out, I can't forgive them for that. I have no reason to stay close to them, I want to be with my family, I want to make up for all the lost time, it's 2 a.m. right now and I'm drinking a tall glass of scotch and grading papers. My beautiful, wonderful, smart, amazing wife is asleep on the couch, she likes to watch me grade papers. My son is asleep in his room cuddled up with all the stuffed animals his uncle brought him, and I'm here, so happy, so fulfilled knowing that my family has grown and doubled in size so suddenly, my heart is happy, I am so happy right now, Reddit, I am so happy. Update November 3, 21, 2016 title, My New Family and Moving Forward Hi Everyone.

A few months ago I posted and noticed that I had met my brother that my parents had disowned and didn't tell me, letting me assume that he went missing, here is that update, I met my brother that was missing. Now, here, I'm posting an update over six months later, thank you all for everything so far. Everything in my life has changed in the last ten months. Honestly, I don't even know what to say, I want to apologize for neglecting this account, I've been busy, I want to fill you all in on what's been going on in my life, I owe everyone who has messaged and commented that much, at the very least. My wife, son and myself have moved, not exactly to the same region of the country is my brother and his family, but much closer to him. I got a new job teaching

at a new university months ago, while it's not a tenure position, it gives me the option to do research. Which is my favorite thing to do? My brother-in-law's family has had many interesting discussions with each other trying to describe what has happened between my brother and I, they're a pretty open-minded and accepting family, so to hear what we have been through was absolutely shocking to them. My brother never told his husband the truth about his life, only that he didn't speak to his family anymore. Nevertheless, they welcomed me and my family with open arms when we came to visit. It was like we had always been part of their family, I feel content knowing that they are my family. When my brother ran away with his first boyfriend,

he was verging on 18, he has elaborated and told me that the relationship with the man was abusive and when he tried to leave and return home, our parents would not let him. So, he was forced to stay with an abusive man because he had nowhere else to go until he moved away to college. This deepened my anger for my parents, but my brother, still, to this day, has this ridiculous sense of hope and optimism. I love that about him, because I don't have that. My brother and I are two very different people, but in a way that works well. We reflected on my teenage and I filled him in on what happened with my life. My brother is very quiet and observant.

He always watches before he intervenes. He's soft-spoken and gently objects when someone says something he disagrees with. He's patient, kind and optimistic. As I've said, he has a very loving heart, so I think that's why he has an unrelenting faith in our parents. Me, on the other hand, I'm abrasive, impatient and quick to jump to conclusions. My wife wanted me to add about me, doesn't say, separate laundry, refuses to mop the floors and can't properly change the oil.

Despite being very different, we have this uncanny ability to be thinking the same thing. Even though we have been separated for several years, we can still give each other a look and know exactly what the other is plotting. My brother has been able to create a spectacular life for himself, all on his own. One thing I struggle with is knowing that he went through more than half of his life by himself, putting himself through college and law school all alone. The more he filled me in about the years away from our parents, the more angry I became. I severed communication with my parents months ago, after the last time I posted on here,

and it has done wonders for my own mental health. But then the election happened a few weeks ago. In all honesty, I don't even have the words to summarize what this presidential election was, I don't want to make this political, but this whole thing, by its nature, is political and serves a great purpose. I've read messages on here of people saying that they, too, have been disowned by family for being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or other identifying. I have heard so many stories from Redators across the country, telling me that they are scared,

alone and afraid every single day of their lives, all because of who they fundamentally are. The day after the election, my brother and his husband were devastated. My wife, who is a black woman, was devastated. It's not just Donald Trump himself, it's his supporters, followers, and the ideology that took hold with so many people. Where I come from, Donald Trump's hateful rhetoric on registering Muslims and disenfranchising LGBTQ plus and minoritized peoples was heralded as something genius and revolutionary. But to me it is a personal attack on my family.

I've been in shock and disgusted for days, I had to have to have to have. explain to my son what it all means, and why the world is not always a good place. I had to have the same conversation with him when his grandparents did not like him because of his dark skin. The day after the election, however, I got a call from my mother, I didn't answer it, because I was in class, but she left a voicemail and said she would like to talk at my earliest convenience. I thought on it, still enraged, but decided to call her back, more out of curiosity than a desire to speak with her. When we began our conversation, she asked how I was doing. My answers were short, one-worded, she jumped right in, and I could tell she was uncomfortable. She apologized, but she

apologized only to me. I wasn't phased by this. I told my mother that she should talk to my brother, and unless she did that then she need not call me anymore. I told my brother that our mother had called and apologized, and the look on his face was pure happiness. I can't even begin to describe it to you all. It was as if all of his dreams had come true. My brother called our mother, and she, to my surprise, picked up. They had a short conversation, and my brother's happy glow had dimmed somewhat when he got off the phone. He told me that she said that, given the election results, she had only wanted to speak to me, I guess, alluding to the fact that I'm a white, straight male, the normal son, in an effort to repair the family and that we all, me.

My mom and dad, not my brother, need each other now. She also went on to say she does not approve of what my brother does, but she had read up on his lifestyle and recommended conversion therapy. My brother ended the call with a very gentle, I'm sorry, Mom, but I can't do that. I love you, good night. I think my brother has been broken these last few weeks, and the hope and optimism that naturally carries him through life has been eradicated. He's buried himself in work and ignores any discussion around our family, my wife is a

counselor, and she normally avoids counseling people she doesn't work with, but she's told me that the only thing I can do for my brother at this point is to be there for him and to never let him be alone again. Like I said before, though, I have a tendency to let him. lash out and be aggressive. Yesterday, while stewing on my own rage about my parents, I called my mother and when she answered, I just began screaming into the phone. I unleashed a lot of things and I remember crying while I did so, because I was so enraged. I told her how much she hurt my brother, her son, and how she put his life in danger, all for her ideology. I told her how unfair and

upsetting it is that her and my dad would do this to their children, to my brother, how it's criminal and how they should be punished. When I finished screaming, I was going to hang up, because she miraculously hadn't during my ten-minute tirade, but she cut in with a quiet, he sounds grown. My mother acknowledged my brother's existence with that short sentence. Then she went on with, I'm so sorry. Let me speak to him. Okay. But I didn't, I hung up. Then I blocked her number. I don't know what she wanted to say, but I'm afraid it is something that could damage my brother further. We are currently staying with him for the Thanksgiving holiday.

My view right now is this, my wife and my brother-in-law are sitting on the living room floor, trying to assemble an IKEA shelf. My son is beside me watching cartoons and keeps telling his mother and uncle to show. And my brother is in the kitchen washing dishes. This is a life that people want to see destroyed, taken away and converted. This is a life I am so grateful to have, and it is filled with people that this world is lucky to have on its surface. I haven't told my brother that our mom tried to call, and I don't want to. I don't think there's a point. I just want to spend as much time and energy as I can trying to love my brother, my family, my small little slice of bliss.

This is my heaven. This is a life I will proudly defend against hate and intolerance and bigotry. I am so lucky to have this life, these people, and this happiness, and I will never stop fighting for it. I hope you enjoy this story. Former spouse requested increased spousal support following my job advancement, alleging she gave up her profession for our union. I found out she was unfaithful throughout our marriage, even had a concealed child. Hence, prior to I begin, let me just tell you guys a little about my marriage with my ex-wife, Julia, 30F.

I, 30M, met her when I was in college and it was pretty much love at first sight for me. But it took her a while to agree to go out with me. Once she did, we never broke up and we ended up getting married. We'd been together for almost seven years until she decided that she wanted to divorce and could no longer stay married to me. I didn't want to give up on us and I promised her that whatever it was that was bothering her, we could work on it together. I even suggested couples counseling to her, even though I didn't think there was anything wrong with our marriage.

But she didn't agree to it and said that she was just done and she wanted out. She told me that she was bored, the spark was gone, and that she just didn't feel anything for me anymore, which was a punch in the gut for me. Because I still had feelings for her when she decided to get divorced but I wanted her to be happy, so I didn't contest the divorce. She wasn't working at the time and I was, so she got alimony as well. But she demanded a ridiculously high amount and since I was still hoping that maybe she would come back to me, I let her get away with it as well. I do regret that decision now, but back then, I was in over my head and so I agreed to whatever terms that she and her lawyer set

forth, just so she would be happy. I was pretty much a simp for her. That was almost two years ago and have changed considerably since then. I started hitting the bottles in the aftermath of my divorce because I was just straight up depressed and I couldn't imagine a life without Julia. It took me a lot of therapy and strength to bring myself out of depression and resume normal life. She didn't even check up on me after she left, which was eye-opening for me because I always felt like she loved me too, even though she was really out of my league when we first got together. But after the divorce, I realized that I had always loved her more, and that's probably one of the major reasons why our marriage had come undone.

But I started losing feelings for her slowly after the divorce and after a point, I stopped feeling anything for her at all. That was a major turning point for me romantically since it allowed me to stand up for myself. I tried to contact her and discuss the alimony arrangement with her in person so that we could modify it and go a little lower than the amount that she had decided upon. But she wouldn't agree to it and told me that she had never worked after graduation because she was too busy being a stay-at-home wife for me.

She said that she deserved this and I couldn't argue with that because she always had been a great housewife, so I didn't push much harder. I wasn't happy with the arrangement but I had to deal with it and after that, we didn't keep in touch. It was only the monthly alimony payments and when that was done, we didn't speak for the rest of the month. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, she somehow found out that I had received a huge promotion and a raise at work. I guess some idiot from our friend's circle had blabbed and that's how the news got to her. After she learned that, she decided that she was going to demand a

higher amount and filed a petition to increase the amount without even consulting with me first. I was taken by surprise so I decided to reach out to her informally before the legal proceedings began and asked her if the amount that she had been receiving for so long was not enough and now she had to come after me for even more and rob me blind. To that, she told me that she wasn't willing to speak to me without a lawyer and that was the end of our conversation. It was just infuriating to think that I worked so hard day and night but for some reason, she felt that she was entitled to so much of my money only because she'd been a good wife to me for a couple of years. And towards the end, she didn't even do that

because she just left me without a proper explanation or even a real goodbye and I never received any closure for our breakup. So I was really annoyed that she was coming after me with her lawyer since I felt like I was going to lose to her this time as well. At least the first time around, it was my choice to go easy on her but after the first mediation session itself, I could tell that her shark of a lawyer was not going to leave any stone unturned to back me into a corner and eventually I would just have to give in to their demands. I was getting frustrated, but then something crazy happened and it felt like the universe really had my back this time. I met with a couple of my old school friends recently for dinner and drinks and I couldn't help but talk about how Julia was totally

screwing me over and how frustrated I felt about all of it. The restaurant that we were hanging out it was pretty fancy and it was quite a distance away from where I lived, so I didn't expect to run into anybody that I knew there so I was name-dropping Julia left and right without being concerned about anybody overhearing my conversation. And I guess after a while I got kind of drunk, and when I get drunk, get really loud too. So I started cursing her out along with my friends and we were all having a great laugh about it, which in hindsight, is pretty embarrassing. But it wasn't at that moment. Anyway, while we were laughing, a guy who I didn't know approached our table and he looked pretty upset. He then asked me if I was talking about Julia and then he

used her real, full name. I was intoxicated so I didn't think it through and I told him that I actually was talking about that very person and that if he knew her then I was really sorry for him. And then I referred to her as a gold digger who didn't even have the decency to tell me when she lost feelings for me and just left without an explanation after seven years of being together as if I meant nothing to her. It's all very embarrassing to put it out here, but for the sake of the backstory, I have to mention these things.

Anyhow, apparently, that's how Julia's current boyfriend found out that she'd been divorced before because the guy who I met at the restaurant the other day happened to be her boyfriend's brother. This explains why he was so upset and walked away abruptly after I showed him a photo of us in my wallet to prove that I still hadn't moved on entirely,

even though she had been nothing but horrible to me. She called me a day after that and yelled at me for about half an hour. She told me now that because of my stupid behavior, while I was drunk, her boyfriend was not speaking to her anymore. I didn't think that it was my fault, but she insisted that I needed to do something and fix this since I shouldn't have been yelling in a restaurant about how cruel she was as a person in the first place. And then she cursed me out for a couple of minutes and disconnected the call. I was really mad because I felt that it was ridiculously unfair of her to put the blame on me when she was the one who had been lying to her boyfriend. She had been really mad at me during that conversation and while shouting at me, she had referred to her boyfriend by name a couple of times. I'll call him Jeremy.

So now that I knew Jeremy's name, I couldn't help myself and I went online to stalk and find out more about this Jeremy guy. Unfortunately, since she and I didn't have each other added to our socials, I had to ask a common friend of ours to let me use her account so I could do my digging. It was difficult to convince her, but I told her that this could probably save me from going bankrupt from the alimony, which it eventually did. And I had to really lay it on thick while manipulating her, and then she finally agreed to let me use her account. While going through his account, I realized that this guy was school friends with a cousin of Julius

and I figured that these two probably met at her cousin's wedding. I hadn't attended that wedding with Julia because I'd been down with the flu, but she insisted on going because apparently she and her cousin were really close. I remember that incident distinctly because I was very disappointed that she left me while I was sick so she could attend some cousin's wedding. Jeremy had a couple of photos on his feed from the wedding and Julia was featured in almost every single one of those photos. Jeremy had no ties to Julia's life back here because he lived in a completely different place

and he didn't know any of the people that Julia knew. So she wasn't going to get caught unless her own family decided to rat her out, which they definitely wouldn't. And nobody here knew about Jeremy. It also didn't matter if they followed each other on social media because she followed a ton of people and her being featured in a couple of photos on some guy's feed who attended the same wedding as her wasn't exactly incriminating evidence of her cheating. But I knew the truth now and I knew that I had to somehow get to the bottom of this and

prove that she had been cheating on me while we were married, before she filed for the divorce and maybe then I could have a real shot at getting the alimony canceled together. I called my lawyer up immediately when I found out that she had known this guy even when we were married and now she was with him, so there was definitely something suspicious going on. He told me that he would look into it and he came through. He traced Jeremy down and then, he spoke to a couple of people who lived in his neighborhood and confirmed that Julia had been living with Jeremy ever since she filed for divorce. The people on his street told him that Julia had moved into Jeremy's house about a couple of years ago,

and it aligned perfectly with the time around when she told me that she wanted a divorce and moved out, so this is obviously where she went. But that wasn't even our winning hand. Apparently, she even had a two-year-old son now and when my lawyer told me about that I knew, knew for a fact that we'd finally won. There was no way that she was getting out of this one and I was thrilled that I could finally prove that she was a cheater and get out of paying her because she really didn't deserve it. The last time we met, her lawyer finally had to concede that she didn't deserve the alimony since her client had been cheating. I guess she didn't want to involve the kid because she knew for a fact that the kid was Jeremy's and not mine,

so there'd be no point in a paternity test. Had the kid been mine, she definitely would have come after me earlier to demand child support. She had been engaging in infidelity and that disqualified her from receiving alimony, that was it. I guess I should have left it at that after I got rid of her, but I was feeling particularly vengeful and I guess that's where I crossed the line because what I did afterwards wasn't great. After the last session, I really wanted to get back at Julia because I still hadn't felt that satisfaction kick in. So I decided to text Jeremy and rant to him about Julia. In my defense, I was kind of wine drunk after celebrating my big win against her and I wasn't

thinking straight. It's not a great difference, but at least it explains why I did what I did. I texted Jeremy that even though I had loved Julia more than anybody else in this universe ever could, I still didn't envy him for having her now and stealing her away from me. Because he didn't steal my wife, he just stole a gold digger and I suggested that maybe the only reason she even left me and moved in with him was because of the child. And had it not been for her pregnancy, she probably would have stayed with me and that would have ended as a short fling. But she knew that she'd get caught if the kid was born and it ended up looking nothing like me,

so she opted for the safer way out and latched onto him instead. I wished him luck and said that he and Julia should separate for the sake of the kid because nobody should ever have a mom like that. And now, that's exactly what's happening and I couldn't regret what you. I couldn't regret what I said more. Julia is obviously blaming me for all of this and she really should because it is technically kind of my fault. Because I'm the one who texted Jeremy, which was just straight up out of line. And she also put up a post about how I was sabotaging her life just to get revenge, which all our friends agree with and I think that's kind of weird. In a way, isn't me trying to get revenge on her okay? Because if you really think about it, she is the one who cheated on me first

and yet nobody is talking about that. People are just lashing out at me for what I did, but nobody is discussing what she did, even though she was the one who started screwing everything up for me and what I did really pales in comparison. I don't really understand what to do about this now and I would appreciate some advice on the situation. I'd offer suggesting that my ex-wife's current boyfriend

leave her as she left me. Update 1, hey, guys. First of all, thank you so much for all the advice. and I appreciate every single one of you who replied or commented on my post. And yes, most of you are correct about the assumption that I have a drinking problem. I don't really know what to say about that apart from I guess I should get professional help for it. I never really considered how this was affecting my life before I made this post and so many of you pointed that out in the comments. If I had not been drinking, I wouldn't have messed up that many times and would have nothing to regret.

I guess that's true and I definitely will try and work on it. It's not like I cannot function without drinking but when I do get drunk, I kind of go off the rails and that's not okay. I can see the way it's been negatively impacting my life and I really want to get better before it turns into alcoholism. That being said, I have decided that I'm not going to apologize to Julia. For very valid reasons, she hasn't apologized to me for anything yet. She didn't even apologize to me after it was revealed that I knew about her affair with Jeremy. She was just disappointed that she was going to lose out on the alimony but she didn't seem to regret anything else. After she left me, I was a complete mess and it took me a really long time to get back up on my feet and try to live life normally.

She never even bothered to look back and see how I was doing. And that's what hurt more than anything else because she and I had been together for so long and yet she didn't think that I was. worth looking back at. I mean, we've been friends before this so she probably should have valued that at the very least. But she didn't, and just left without thinking about me or the time that we had spent together. She didn't even have the guts to tell me the truth about why she was leaving and left me wondering for ages about what I could have done better and what I did wrong. So no, I don't really regret what I did to her. She completely deserves it and now she is going to feel just as hurt as she had made me feel.

It's just the circle of life. Update 2. So, something happened a couple of hours ago and I don't know how to feel about it. It's been almost a month since I first posted here in Julia and I haven't really spoken after she was served. I assumed that she got busy with her life afterward because now she also had to worry about what would happen with her son and if she could retain custody of him or not. So it was pretty surprising for me when she called me a couple of hours ago, but luckily, I decided to record the call in case she said something weird at least then I would have proof of what she said.

As soon as I picked up the call, she started shouting at me and told me that I had ruined her life and that I deserved nothing but the worst. She told me that she was glad that she had left me because she couldn't imagine spending the rest of her life with a loser like me. And the only thing that she liked about me was my money but even that wasn't worth. staying for, after I turned into the clingy and annoying husband once we got married. She told me that she had cheated on me, not just with Jeremy but with several other men before, and that I had been too stupid to find out. But this time, she had to leave as she got

pregnant and she actually felt relieved when she saw the positive pregnancy test. Because now she finally had an excuse to dump me and go to somebody that she actually liked. I hadn't even started to process everything that she was saying when she moved on to talking about how I'd taken the two things that she valued the most, her partner and her son. And now she was caught in a custody battle which was all my fault because I had put that idea into Jeremy's head. I didn't exactly understand how this was completely my fault. She could have just been honest right from the get-go and not lied to him about her marital status when she met him. Or at least have come clean after they got together. If you are raising a kid with somebody, I think you should at least be honest

with them. That's pretty basic, I would say. And if she didn't know any better, then that's on her and not on me. So it's pretty unfair to blame me for her own stupid decisions. She is an idiot and an even bigger one for calling me up after so many days. Just to rub in the fact that she's a serial cheater. I felt bad for a while after the call ended because she told her. me that she truly wished that she had never even met me because I was the worst thing that had ever happened to her. And that really hit hard. So I tried really hard not to end up crying on my couch again over her which I had done several

times already over the course of these past two years. But I was trying to bring about a good change in my life and I didn't want to go back to my old ways. However, I have been thinking about sending the voice recording from the call to Jeremy so that he knows what he's up against and maybe that would help him with the custody battle. I'm not the best judge of whether Julia is fit to be a mother or not. But after everything that has happened, I think it's okay for me to go ahead and try to get back at her for everything that she did. I'll just think of it as social service and help Jeremy out.

Update 3 so, I told Jeremy. He hadn't replied to the text that I had sent him a couple of weeks ago when I was drunk after celebrating my win against Julia. But he hadn't blocked me either, which was strange. But it helped me get through to him. I apologize to him for saying so many things the last time that I texted him and then I sent him the recording and told him that he was free to use it if he wanted to, for the custody case. And left it at that. I don't know if he will use it or not, but that's not something that I need to worry about. The bottom line is that he is all the information now, and Julia is really done with it. Update 4. Okay, I just heard from a couple of people

that Julia lost custody of her son and only has supervised visiting rights. Jeremy discovered that she had been cheating on him as well after some guy from his workplace confessed to him because he couldn't bear to keep this a secret anymore and he also had my recording to use against her. Julia clearly isn't the best person to be a mother right now, for a couple of other reasons as well, I presume. And that's why she lost the custody battle. I would feel bad for her, but she pretty much brought this onto herself by being so amoral. It just sucks that the person I wasted so many years of my life after turned out to be the literal worst. At least karma is catching up with her now and she's getting everything that she deserves.

I don't speak to our common friends anymore so I received this news a lot later and from somebody that wasn't even part of our friends circle back when we were in college. So it's safe to assume that people have been gossiping a lot behind her back, including our friends. clearly, they are not really her friends if they feel comfortable talking about her behind her back like this. But to be fair, I don't think that the people who happen to be our common friends can be anybody's friends. They proved that when they didn't keep the same energy for me and her, even though she was the one who was cheating and I just made a stupid mistake while I was drunk. So their priorities have always been kind of skewed. But anyway, the bottom line is that she is screwed now and I really couldn't be happier about.

it. I hope you enjoy this story. Guardians purchased my partner a luxurious creator purse she desired. She refrained from unveiling it for more than seven days, causing unease for all. I decided to reveal it for her, but it resulted in a negative outcome. Hello everyone. I, M28, and my GF, F27. My girlfriend recently had a birthday. We had a small get-together at our own. apartment but my girlfriend feels uncomfortable opening gifts in front of people because of the pressure and all of our friends know that. She opened them privately that evening. Two days later my parents' gift arrived. My parents are on the wealthy side and bought her a designer handbag she had been openly admiring the last time we visited. They had purchased the bag that weekend and had

been saving it for her birthday. She responded a thank you before she opened it and would let them know when she did. The box sat on our dresser for about two days before my parents sent a text wondering if she had opened it yet. I asked her when she would open the gift and she just shrugged and said soon. I was also really excited to see her open this gift, I knew that it was something she really wanted. A few more days passed, my parents checked in again about whether she had opened the gift. At this point, my girlfriend came to me and asked if I could tell my parents to back off, as she was feeling too much pressure around opening the gift and it was making her not want to open it.

I admit that I have never really understood this, and I told her that I didn't get why she wouldn't open it. My parents weren't there and all it would require is a thank you text at the very least to acknowledge it. To me, it was the exact same as our friends leaving the party before opening her gifts. She got really frustrated with me and said, you just don't get how uncomfortable it makes me. About a week after the gift arrived, my parents texted me outside of our group chat and asked if she liked the bag. I told them she still had not opened the gift. They asked me if they had

made her uncomfortable, if they had overstepped in any way or something. They've gotten her gifts before that have never gone over like this, I truly did not understand why she was not opening it, and at this point I thought it was borderline rude to not open it and acknowledge the gift. She went out with her friends yesterday evening and I opened the box for her, displayed the bag on the dresser so that the pressure of opening it was removed and we could just move on. I really thought I was doing her a favor and ending this awkward situation. When she got home and saw it, she was pissed. She said she had guessed it was the bag she had wanted and felt awkward knowing it was an expensive gift and that she did not feel comfortable opening it yet. I tried to explain that she was being a bit rude putting it off, but she said it was more rude of me to open it for her.

We went to bed shortly after and she was very short with me this morning. The bag is still sitting on the dresser where I left it. So, Ida. Comments Commenter NTA, if my GF wouldn't open my parents' gifts I would tell her that I will tell my parents to never gift anything to her if it makes her so uncomfortable that it affects my relationship. and she doesn't deserve anything from them because she doesn't appreciate it. Then we'll return the gift to my parents or to store if parents don't need it, and tell them big,

thanks for trying. I would also require an explanation what exactly is happening in my GF mind and why she felt anxious so in future I could protect her mind, or if she can't explain it and keeps acting like ungrateful brat in other instances than just drop her. I hate people who create problems from nothing and this is a problem sucked out of her finger. It is very hard to live with such people as they will create drama from pretty much everything. Hoop, downvoted, dude, way too much. She's not ungrateful and she's not a brat.

Commenter, I put money down that your GF has some form of untreated OCD. Oop, you are not the first person to have said this. A few of our mutual friends have commented on some of her tendencies common with OCD. Could you elaborate? I don't think either of us would have associated it with our perception of OCD. Commenter, info, has your relationship been good recently? Any fights or perceived slights? I'm wondering if maybe she felt it was wrong to accept a gift from them because of something

related to your relationship. Small things like this often go a bit deeper than you would expect. Boop, downvoted, a few comments have suggested this, but with full sincerity our relationship is great. We are very in love. Clearly, I blundered here, but I don't think she was avoiding opening it because of a problem in our relationship. Curious one four five nine five ESH, but mostly your girlfriend. It is reasonable for people to not want to open gifts in front of other people. There is an element of social pressure there, and a courtesy-induced need to pretend to like it even if it misses the mark.

However, refusing to open a gift in the privacy of one's home. is not reasonable, and may be indicative of deeper issues which should be resolved through professional assistance. Your girlfriend should recognize that her gift-opening anxiety has gone beyond healthy limits and she should explore why since, minor as it is, it is likely to continue interfering with her significant relationships. As for you, op, you should not have opened it. You should simply explain to your parents that your girlfriend is gift-opening anxiety and not to take it personally, and to be patient. If your girlfriend expresses to you that the gift was too expensive, pass that on gently so they can adjust their gift giving next time. Roar's sat

beards, I can also see how the comfort of her own home didn't feel like privacy as her BF is the proxy of the gift giving. Knowing what it is, pestering her to open it for his parents. She clearly has an issue around gift receiving, but I truly don't feel op made it feel like a safe space at all. My underscore Meow Meow Beans, that's fine for like a day or two, but anxious avoidance is horribly self-destructive and we who engage in it are sometimes really good at rationalizing it away indefinitely. Her home should be a safe space, yes. But enabling this level of anxious avoidance is bad. She needs to be in CBT or a similar type of therapy. Update, I wasn't planning on updating, but there were some things in the comments I wanted to address.

Most importantly, my GF and I are still together. Not once did it cross my mind that she was avoiding the gift because she wanted to break up with me. We've been together for three years and are in a loving relationship. I fucked up in this situation, but we'll get through it. I was raised in a polite, always send a thank you card kind of way, which as seems other people in the comments can relate to, but my parents were in no way bombarding us with texts or harassing her over this gift. We have a group chat together, and they send a follow-up text every other day or so just wondering if she had opened it. They are definitely nosy Midwestern parents, but we both know they were not coming from a place of negativity or blame or in any way trying to pressure her into something.

They were genuinely excited to have been able to provide this gift for her. They have a great relationship. Yes, my GF has expressed discomfort around opening gifts before, but not in a way that indicated she doesn't like receiving them. She has told me she just hates the pressure of reacting a certain way in front of people and also thinks it can be awkward for other gift givers. Usually, if someone gifts her something she opens it as soon as she is in private. On her birthday, I left her gift by the bed and went to get breakfast. When I came back she had opened it and was happy with it.

That's why I was so confused as to why she had not opened this gift. As fucked as it sounds, I really did think I was helping by a opening the gift. Comments have helped me realize exactly where I went wrong, but I never had the intention of manipulating her or coercing her or controlling her. I admit that I let my own desire to see her joy at the gift overshadow the true intention. When we returned home from work yesterday, we sat down together to work it all out, starting with me apologizing for ruining her gift. She told me she had called my parents on her lunch break and thank them. She told me she had a feeling that gotten her the bag after she'd been talking about it and was both excited and

anxious about the cost. She said by the time the package arrived she had gotten her hopes up and felt guilty of potential disappointment if she opened it and it wasn't the bag, and that her anxiety around it continued to build up as it sat there. She apologized to me for not being able to communicate that clearly beforehand. I do understand this, and I know that I jumped the gun a bit. We also talked a bit around neurodivergence. I appreciate everyone who posted about their experience with anxiety slash autism slash OCD. It's not the first time she has been told she is autistic or OCD tendencies, though at the moment she is unsure if she wants to move forward with getting a diagnosis.

Comments. Commenter, I am guessing it is the last time your parents buy her a nice gift. They spend a pile of money on it. I understand taking it home but open it when you get home in private. All they wanted to know was that their thoughtfulness and money was appreciated. It clearly wasn't. When you love people and your neurodivergent, if you want to keep them around, you have to learn to act like a normie, or at least near enough to not be offensive.

She needs to work on this skill. Outrageous Cheetos It's unfortunate, because she clearly understands the thoughtfulness and value of their gift, but it doesn't matter if she can't communicate it. What should have been a happy event became stressful for all parties. Nemo Noan, friendly it's better that you opened it. It seems that your girlfriend was spiraling into anxiety and a clean break was more helpful. Or else she might have left the package there until Christmas and things would get worse when she got more presents,

or no more presents, or a present that is a nice wrapped box meant for display only, or any of the alternatives. Puchamum, see this is what I was wondering when I read the original. original post. To the people berating Op for opening the box. How else was this situation going to resolve? G.F. was spiraling as you said and was clearly not communicating. Op tried to ask her and gave her so many opportunities. She was just not processing her anxiety over the potential disappointment of the gift, at this point it wasn't about reaction since she could have opened the box when Op was at work or in the bathroom. The box would have sat there forever, Op and his parents would have had to give up since G.F. wasn't explaining what was going on.

She'd meet 85-31, you didn't fuck up at all mate, people were going wild calling you selfish and a bad partner with very little evidence. If I were your parents, I wouldn't get her anything ever again, her behavior didn't come from a bad place but it was hurtful and belittling to your mom and dad. That's your family, at the end of the day. Sherry Aphrodite, I think if they, meaning Op and GF, communicate to the parents what exactly was going on and if GF seeks therapy, it'll help future situations with gift giving. Ops parents are probably confused because they don't fully understand the severity of GF's anxiety so they would definitely be in their right to not want to buy her another gift.

Once the entire issue is laid out and explained by the GF if she's comfortable, I think it did to give Op parents more clarity and reassurance on gift giving. But the GF has to put in the work to help handle her. this gift anxiety, because if she allows this to continue, it's going to affect her relationships with people in the future. Microcosmic Unicorn, if you have behavioral quirks like the GF clearly has and refused to get evaluated slash diagnosed so you can start managing those quirks properly and so you can let your loved ones know what to expect from you, then you cannot expect people to not get annoyed slash frustrated with you. GF is absolutely in the wrong.

Coffee Azila, she's just as in the weeds dealing with it as they are. I don't mean this an excuse for her, but I think this stems more from an anxiety and particularly an anxiety about feeling worthy of a gift at all. This situation sucks without anyone being the villain. You might get frustrated when on the spot I can't communicate at all, but there is nothing to be done for it, that doesn't make me in the wrong, nor you for having the expectation that I communicate when previously I could, but neither of us is in the wrong there because we are both just doing the best we can with what we have. Now on to the next story. Story two.

Dad stole my identity and opened three credit cards in my name and withdrew $15,000. I'm trying to buy a house and I'm freaking out. I found my dad used my information to open three credit cards over the last year. When I went to get a pre-approval for a mortgage, I was told by the lender they wouldn't be able to give me a home loan because of the defaulted credit cards. They also said I probably wouldn't be able to get a loan from any lender because of it and gave me a sheet of paper explaining what it need to do in order to fix it. When I tried disputing the cards, one of which is already in collections, they disputes got closed out as the debts were verified. I told my, divorced, parents about it and their answers were pretty wildly different. My dad said

that these things happen and that I should be more careful in the future with my social security number. Seeing as I've always been careful, that made me pretty mad. My mom said she thinks my dad might have something to do with it since him opening credit cards and her name had a part to play in their divorce. She told me he ran up about $50,000 in credit card debt on secret credit cards. A few days ago, I ended up casually telling my dad I'm going to have to file a police report for the credit cards. He told me I probably shouldn't do that because $15,000 isn't that much in the grand scheme of things. When I told him it was keeping me from buying a house, he said I could just wait a few years until they fell off of my credit report. He said it would only take another

four and a half years. When I told him I obviously couldn't wait that long so I have to file the police report he straight up told me not to do it and to just be more careful in the future. Once I told him I already got the paperwork together from the credit agencies, he told me he had opened the cards to pay for living expenses over the last year. He said his work slowed down a little bit, but he'd do what he could to help pay it off. He said it would ruin his life if he went to jail. I'm leaning towards going to the police anyway, but I didn't write that minute. I have everything in front of me today to go make the report. I guess I just want to make sure turning it over to the police is the right thing to do.

do here. Especially if I'm wanting to buy a house this year. Comments, Madagikis 9, report him for fraud. Ah, that's what I'm leaning towards, I'm realizing if I want to buy a house, I can't have those accounts on my credit. Gray's stranger than you, if he wasn't your dad you'd have reported him already, right? Well, think about this, why didn't he give you the same respect and not ruin your credit because he's your father? Update 1. I spent about half a of the day reading everyone's comments and it pretty much solidified what I was going to do. The process itself was pretty easy. I went to the police department and the person at the front desk had me wait about 10 minutes before an officer came out. We talked for about 15 minutes and he

made copies of all of the paperwork I gave him. He told me the case would be assigned to a detective on Tuesday and gave me a pamphlet they have about how to contact the credit agencies. I was given a report number and was told I could use that now to start disputing the accounts. A detective is going to follow up with me in the next couple of weeks. I asked what would end up happening to my dad and the officer said it looked pretty clear cut to him, but the charging decision is 100% with the state attorney's office. He said if they decide to pursue charges, he'll likely get a warrant put out for his arrest. He also said typically if this is his first felony, he's probably going to get some sort of

pre-trial diversion with court supervision or probation. He probably won't go to jail for years, but if he gets picked up on a warrant, he's going to spend at least a little bit of time behind bars. I've decided I'm okay with that because it's obvious to me he did this purposefully. He's never been arrested before so hopefully this is a wake-up call for him. At the same time, he completely did this to himself. I'll update whenever I learn more. Comments, Matthew Lee has under Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Sincerely hope everything works out well for you. Oop, I think it will.

From what I understand it might take a month or two for the cards to come off of my credit but once they do, my credit score should shoot up. Jewel underscore flip, well done up. I was so mad on your behalf reading the first post. It would take everything in me not to use his words against him. Jail time. It's just a few years. You've ruined my life. No. You did by trying to ruin mine. I hope the marks come off your credit report like it's made of Teflon. Good luck on your home ownership journey. Update 2. There's been some good, a little bad, and a little real bad progress the past few days. The good, I used my report number and disputed every account. When I checked my credit last, which everyone should be doing regularly, the one with the lowest balance was already off of my account. The other cards in the collection account are still showing, but I have hoped

they'll be falling off in the next few weeks. I also received a call from someone at the prosecutor's office who had a couple of extra questions for me and asked if I would be willing to testify if they charged him. I said yes and they said they would be making a decision on their charges before the end of the month. The bad, obviously, someone talked to my dad about this because the last time he talked, he scolded me for going to the police and hasn't talked to me since. One of my brothers was also pretty mad at me about it and hasn't talked to me in over a week. The rest of my siblings and my mom understood where I was coming from. The real bad, one of my other brothers, not the one who was pissed, found two open credit cards on his credit which weren't his. He checked his

credit score for the first time in a couple of years and he said it was down about 150 points from where it used to be. He's now in the process of dealing with that. He doesn't have any positive proof, yet, that it was our dad, but the fingers are pointing in that direction. This still blows my mind that a dad could do this to his own children. I'm moving forward, though, I still hope to be able to purchase a house before the end of the year. Additional information from OP also, I think all of of my other siblings, there are six of us, are checking their credit too. Probably for the best. Update 3, this is going to be my final update as it seems like this has gone viral and hit a few different big websites. I'm happy to say my credit has completely returned to normal. All of the

disputed accounts are now gone. Obviously, I'm excited about this since it gives me a solid financial future. I also received a letter from the prosecutor's office two weeks ago and they said they are going forward with a charge of what is basically identity theft. I spoke with an assistant prosecutor and they explained they'd be putting out a warrant shortly, but that as a first-time offender, they'd probably offer a misdemeanor charge and a plea. My dad was arrested last Friday after a traffic stop. He got out of jail the next day and has a new court date in late August according to the public records website. He called me and told me I'm dead to him and to never contact him again. My brother who found credit cards opened in his name has made a police report as well, but

apparently the addresses are different on the accounts. He was told it was unlikely it would be prosecuted, but he's working on getting them off of his credit. Additional information from OP, just wanted to give everyone who commented in my other posts a shout out. You have all given me the courage to do this. I'm going to be done. deleting this throwaway because I really hope to put all of this behind me between the news articles and the having no contact with my dad. Don't let things like this sneak up on you, it breaks my heart to do this to my dad but he did this to himself. I hope you enjoy this story. Covertly gathered proof of my spouse's indiscretions over a span of one month prior to surprising her with legal

separation documents. Presently, her mother is upset with me. My 29-year-old spouse, whom I have been married to for seven years, was involved. Cheated on me with one of her long-time friends in mid-July. I discovered text messages back and forth between them after getting suspicious and finally checking her phone. The texts I read were from a day after D-Day about how good their love-making, Segs, was, I love you, and even discussing a mild fight we had where she recounted things I said and they both laughed about it.

I tried to explain that we may be entering a new woman. stage of marriage where we are comfortable and complacent, it might feel a little boring, but maybe that's just how things get once you're married for more than a few years. But she is convinced that is wrong and we've drifted apart. Despite spending our days together full of good conversation, good sex, etc. She doesn't know that I know. I've talked to a lawyer and have divorced papers in the works. Note this is the second time she did this.

The first time she cheated when we were dating. We had a six-month split, work things out, got back together and later married. On the rare occasions we talk about her past infidelity I've told her if she ever does it again, we're done. We've been fine for six years with no problems. About a year ago she began getting a little colder and wouldn't accept my affection. Things like she didn't hug me back at all. I guess this distance culminated in her affair. Fast forward to today, I've known for three weeks.

weeks and have been waiting for paperwork before confronting her. At first she was clearly not interested in me, but this week she seems to be feeling more guilty about her actions, and a little more interested in me. She has been trying to do what she can to make up for her actions in her own way. All without us never talking about it. Like washing dishes, cleaning, cooking, all while refusing any help. It's like she is punishing herself. In my mind she has completely betrayed me and I can no longer trust her. She has caused me such pain and cannot possibly love me if she is able to do all that. Financially we have been okay but struggled a bit because she doesn't want to work. She is finally working for a year but it's a minute wage part-time

job and barely covers her bills. I feel like I have to pull all the weight and she is not really my equal. At the same time I still care about her, value the life we built, and woof all will work about what will happen to her. I think she could easily into a deep depression there is really only one way forward and that is divorce. But I am worried about how she will take it, and it will be hard to resist taking her back. I almost wish she would happily leave with her new person. I know I have to divorce her, but not looking forward to the heartbreak, loneliness, and whatever else I can't even predict. How do I do this? I found out about my wife cheating and haven't confronted her yet. I want to get everything set up and ready before I do.

In an effort to do so, I was able to download a complete text messages log of her conversation with AP. Holy Jesus, she is way more effed up than I thought. So I originally thought she began cheating in July but nope. Not only did her affair begin in May, but from March to May she had another affair, this one involving unprotected segs with a jerk addict. So the The grand total of cheating is four dudes now. On to the current AP. She established his support by lying to him about our relationship. She told him I insult her and I mean, which is not true at all.

This gave him justification. So he began manipulating her, telling her she deserves better, that I'm a piece of crap, I'm a child, all kinds of stuff. He actually fancied himself a relationship coach. He would listen to her complaints about me and tell her how I would respond or the reason I did that. The person she is cheating with, telling her how to handle her relationship, what the F. The thing she was mad about, I had no idea they bothered her, she never told me.

Remember, he has never met me, yet he thinks he can predict all my behavior. This guy prides himself on his control over others, he bragged about it. He thinks he's some relationship master, it's ridiculous. He is a church minister. He bragged about how he helps a teen group get closer to God, in one instance he bragged how he helped a teenager break up with his GF, and then did a good job consoling the GF because she was then suicidal. So she has fallen for this good guy act, total manipulation, hook line, and sinker.

He refers to her living with me as prison, and calls me the idiot. While I am the one who hugs her, who pays her bills, who happily greets her when she gets home from work. Who values her above all others? I do have to come clean. I value self-improvement very much and believe PPL should always be striving to improve. But she has not improved at all over the last ten years.

She is overweight, dropped out of college, working a min-wage part-time job. Years ago I tried to get her to improve, asked her to go to the gym with me, do a sport, anything. But she refused. She was unemployed for four years while I paid her student loan and alarmingly high credit debt. I asked her to find a job every week, she never did. I asked her to go to school, I'd pay, she can study anything she wants. She never went. After a few years of requesting her to work on herself, I slowly got frustrated to where I began

criticizing her for her lack of effort. Sometimes I was so frustrated with it I was mean about it. This was very wrong of me. I stopped all my criticizing a few years ago. Before her affairs began. She truly loved me even when I was still meanly criticizing, yet now that I'm not, she didn't love me. My criticizing didn't come from a place of hate,

I believe that a marriage is partnership that should be equal. That she should be my equal, I wanted to help her gain equality in our relationship, but she didn't want it. I think we are supposed to be able to lean on each other for support, yet she leaned on me only. Now that I'm in school and need some support, she has completely fallen apart which manifests in affairs and resentment. All without addressing her issues with me. She has a problem with me, she brings it to AP, and he tells her what I will probably say.

She told her mom about her affair and tried to say how bad I was to her, but she didn't believe my wife. My wife got angry that her mom wasn't on her side. Complained about it to AP who quickly took her side and rationalized her mom's stance. My wife is looking for someone to agree with her, to justify the awful things she's done to me. She feels shame and hides it by convincing herself how terrible a person I am. She has very little emotional intelligence and barely pays attention to me, can't read me at all, yet she is an open book to me. Her mental image of me is not at all who I really am. She is stuck on the person I used to be, but I've changed a lot over the last few years.

But she never noticed. She won't leave me because she knows she has it super cush with me. She told AP if she leaves me she has nothing. I am a busy student so I don't have tons of time to give her attention like I used to. I think this is what triggered the cheating. If anything else challenges her as a priority for me, she goes wildly unstable. So here we are today, I've read all her crap. She still has no idea I am aware of her despicable ways.

I have divorced papers coming Wednesday and counting the minutes until I can blow up her world. I was going to try to do things nicely, but now after reading it all, I want to go scorched earth. I want her to really understand the depth of her horrible behavior. I posted last week I was not looking forward to it, but now I am. I can't wait to read her text with AP back to her and show her just how effed up it is. I can't wait to point out all the obvious manipulation AP has done with her. I am looking for support for my situation and possible solutions to a dilemma. We have a dog that she is obsessed with like a child and will fight tooth and nail for,

but neither of us has money to fight it over in court. So how can I keep my dog without incurring 30k in court slash lawyer fees? Yes, she is crazy enough to do that over the dog. I am thinking I can somehow serve her papers and leave with my stuff and the dog same day before she gets the papers. Problem there is that I live at school, which I need to be back for in September there is a lot more to this, but the texting with AP is like literally 100 pages, so this is very condensed. Update 2, I guess I got ahead of myself with that three-day countdown. The papers took a lot longer than I was told.

Well, now I have them and all the pieces are starting to fall into place. I am planning to have her served a week from today, but as we all know, things may not play out exactly as planned. My soon-to-be ex-wife still has no idea that I've discovered her cheating over a month ago and have been planning for our separation. I have been living with her and acting like nothing is wrong for this whole time. And she is completely oblivious. It has actually been difficult to not catch her. I've seen her texting him and would have caught her 15 times over at this point. She never even changed her password, and she still talks about him like he is just a friend of hers.

It can be hard to keep my cool when she is talking about him, but I do what I have to do. Sometimes I feel like secretly plotting against her to pull the rug out from under her is wrong. Not wrong to do to her, but immoral for me to do something like this, regardless of who is on the receiving end. Some days it is difficult to hide that I am angry with her about what she did. Some days it feels like some weird dream I'm living in. We had a big fight about our relationship, in which I was able to call her out on lots of her poor choices without giving up the fact that I know about everything.

I told her she didn't love me and that I haven't been important to her for a long time. That was a week ago and I have been using that big fight as a cover. So now if I am angry or cold, she thinks it is because of that big fight we had. I was the only thing holding our relationship together, and now that I know about her infidelity, I have no reason to put in any effort. As a result, our relationship has drastically fallen apart. I explained all this to her and it seems she realized it was true. Since that fight she seems to have chosen me over her affair partner.

This is obviously not how it should be, she chose me when we got married, so there should not even be a choice to be made here. She has been putting more effort into showing me attention and communicating. She wants to make things work. But from my perspective, way too little, way too late. There is nothing she can do to change the situation she put us in. She made her bed now she has to lie in it. This infidelity began because her position as the absolute center of my life was challenged, her large amount of attention from me, from which she derives happiness, was challenged.

So she sought the attention elsewhere, rather than communicating with me. What I find truly hilarious is that the men she has chosen to have affairs with don't treat her as number one either. One guy regularly ignored her for weeks, the other guy has an ex-wife and child that he even told her would always be his priority. He's even been seen around town with other girls. Remember that this guy is a youth pastor also. So she is not even number two to this guy, even though they tell each other how special their relationship is. He even told her he plans on moving to co-parent his kid with his ex. But none of that matters to her.

How is she okay with that, but can't handle me focusing on school? As a response to our big fight, she decided she will be staying with her parents for a few weeks to clear her head. This makes things way easier for me, I don't have to worry about her refusing to leave or attacking me or any other crazy things she may do. She already has plans to come back. Still does she know I have arranged for her to get divorced papers served the day after she gets to her parents. So I have a week to go, and it can't be over soon enough. As much as I want it to be over, it means this is also the last week I will ever see my dog. It really sucks.

We are super attached. But I have no hope of keeping him, there are some special circumstances that I don't want to explain, but it's basically impossible for me to keep him. I am going to miss him a lot. Update 3. It has been a long month. I wanted to call her out so badly, it was on the tip of my tongue. But I never did because it would make things difficult for me. So I hit the gym, lawyered up, got papers drafted, collected over 450 pages of explicit messaging,

set up a new debit account ready to transfer her funds, and convinced her to take some time at her parents' house. Everything, and I mean everything went to plan, I even predicted the exact reaction her and family would have. I froze her credit card with my name and transferred half our money to the new debit account as soon as I heard the papers were delivered. She left yesterday with her mom, I just gave her a hug and said, take care of yourself. She said, okay. This morning a process server arrived at her parents' home and delivered the papers. She had no idea I knew what she was doing, her parents claimed they had no idea about anything. She got completely blindsided and was apparently hysterical. I say hysterical because, get this, I still haven't talked to her.

Yep, her mom called me and I had to explain the situation to her. Just higher level details, though. Even in a situation like this, her mom is trying to solve the problems for her. It's absolutely ridiculous. I can't even discuss my personal relationship with my wife privately. This is a 29-year-old woman, who is letting her mom mediate and talk on her. her behalf. Although I did have a good relationship with my mother-in-law, and she did push my wife to work on our marriage, I find this so beyond idiotic of them both. I handled everything with tact,

kept my composure, and didn't let my emotions do the talking. I had to really bite my lip, though. My mother-in-law, in discussing getting her wife's things, was using language that implied I was responsible for getting her stuff back to her. Instead, I packed the stuff, rent a car, and drive the four hours to deliver it. The stuff in question is mostly T-shirts and lotion bottles. So I told her it is not my responsibility. She comes back with if you respect me so much like you say, you would do me the favor.

Oh man, not only is she getting way too far into our business, but she is going to try to manipulate me. I just said that has nothing to do with this, and I could say the same thing to you. Please don't attempt to manipulate me again. I'm already giving you lots of respect here by keeping a lot of issues off the table. I can decide to bring it to court and prove infidelity, costing us both a lot of money, I can claim theft of our dog,

I can give evidence to her AP's employer which will get him fired from his youth pastor position, and others. I'm trying to make this as affordable and simple as possible. She backed down and will be picking up the stuff. Now I have to wait for them to make a move. I'm guessing they are trying to hire a lawyer and refute the dog ownership, which is the biggest fighting point, yet oddly not brought up. Her mom is probably comforting her and telling her that her multiple illicit affairs are okay. Stop dragging her husband through the mud, talking crap about him whatever chance she gets. Even while still coming home at night and expecting

love and affection, is all okay. Someone in another thread mentioned, she might have borderline personality disorder based on some stuff she's said. I think she does. Is it odd that they are so worried about such insignificant belongings right now? Yes. Is it odd my wife is not handling this with me? Yes. Should I refuse to deal with her mom? Maybe. Is my wife mentally unstable? Yes so. Do I let them come get her stuff? I don't really want to deal with that. I hate all of this. I am being straightforward and honest with them, and they are trying to pull some crap on me. I hate that I might have to resort to twisting their arm.

I hate that I have always been a meal ticket for my wife and just the idiot paying her bills to her parents. I hate that I can't even discuss this with her civilly and rationally like adult. I hate that her mom lied to me about not knowing her daughter had affairs. I hate that they are so confused by my actions. I hate that I instinctively think of her and want to ask her what kind she wants. And I see ice cream at the store. But most of all I hate how even now, I am the bad guy to them. Update 4, 2 years after divorce.

I noticed a few messages asking how everything eventually turned out with my situation. In a nutshell, good. It was a clean break. Absolutely zero communication, no issues whatsoever. She moved on, I moved on. That's it. Was essentially a very expensive breakup. The single one thing that SS is I had to give up my dog. But looks like he is still living happily with her. After the divorce I graduated, got a job, and moved. She moved to her parents' guest bedroom and never moved out. She got a low-wage job and hasn't done a thing since. She is dating someone, that's all I know because she has me blocked even though I've never said a thing. I dated a couple of girls, found one that was extremely special and showed me love I didn't know existed. Then I proceeded to lose her.

So I'm single and doing extremely well with dating, literally every single woman I met has been leads better than my ex-wife. But would like to be back with my recent GF love again. Such is life. Got a great job, doing very well financially, while she is 30-something living with her retired parents. So I guess I came out on top and relatively enscathed. Update 5, so it has been four years since I found out about my ex-wife having multiple secret affairs. She was able to do so without much suspicion because I gave her the respect of privacy and was busy working through a degree at an Ivy League school, while also paying all the rent, bills, food, and both of our student loans.

A lot of the confusion and anger I faced, and most PPL posting here Prob feel currently, has been cleared. In fact, I don't care about my ex-wife at all, I care more about more recent exes who showed me more kindness. But there is still a mystery to me, why someone would cheat when they are with someone that is out of their league. This is not something I knew at the time, but has been repeatedly pointed out to me in countless ways and sometimes directly by others. Why she cheated will probably always be a mystery. I am well above average looking, I was always home at night spending my free time with her, I am highly educated, physically fit, no mental illness, decently charismatic, and set up for a very good career. We got along well, and had a lot in common. On paper it seemed like,

many boxes were checked. Obviously there are many intangible aspects that determine why someone cheats, but I occasionally dwell on this question, laugh to myself, and move on with my day. I have since dated a handful of women, all lovely and interesting people who have helped me fully understand just how crap my ex-wife was as a person. Since she was one of the first PPL I dated in high school, I didn't have much comparison. Oh, and all those affair partners she was hopelessly confessing her undying love for. Long gone. So here I am four years later.

Leaving my past long behind, I have rebuilt my life from the ground up. Next week is my two-year anniversary with my lovely, caring, intelligent, and beautiful girlfriend. She is the kind of partner I always deserved, and I make sure she knows how much I appreciate her every day. She's even got a job that she's good at and pays her well. We have an apartment next to the river and a goofy dog. My career and finances are strong and well within upper middle class territory. No debt, no alimony, and no contact. On a few occasions I have thought about her and realized I don't hate her anymore.

I don't wish harm nor goodwill towards her. I just don't care. Okay well, maybe I hope things generally don't work out for her. I can now say that I am much happier and better off by my decision to divorce my ex-wife. So there is hope for all of you out there that are currently knee-deep in crap, trying to make it through the day. Have faith in yourself to come out the other side as a wiser and stronger person. I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse works overseas as I care for our two children at the residence.

I began seeing a friend from my youth and nearly engaged in a romantic relationship with her. However, my spouse pardoned me subsequently. I confessed everything. My wife and I are long distance. She works abroad. I take care of our sons, four and three, and do odd jobs. Originally we lived with her, but our kids ended up put in a dangerous situation and I didn't want that to happen again.

Quitting her job wasn't an option in her eyes, so I moved to our home country with the kids while she stayed. She visits us a few times a year. I moved in with close family friends. It was a hard and painful decision. I had a lot of resentment over my wife prioritizing her job over our family. But I love her. I couldn't imagine not being with her.

I thought about divorce, but we decided to try to work things out. The other woman was my friend when we were little kids. After my mother died, I left my hometown and moved in with my mother. my dad and didn't see that friend. But I stayed connected with some other people from that town throughout my life and when I moved back home with the kids I started visiting my hometown more. To see my mom's grave and visit my old neighbors. When I met my old friend again I was excited to see her. But I'm nostalgic for everything from my childhood. It started out innocent. I was just happy to have another connection to that part of my life. Anyway, she has a son too who,

who is six, and so we ended up taking our kids to the park together while we had a coffee and caught up. It was innocent and I told my wife I'd reconnected with her and my wife was fine with it. She jokingly asked if she should be jealous but she didn't mean it. She trusted me. So I feel so terrible. We met up a couple times a month from then on. I don't really know when it lost its innocence. But I realized I started becoming infatuated with her. We'd hug every time we met up and before we left and I would feel so wistful when she would hug me. She would start talking about how her ex mistreated her and her son and I felt so protective. She started making comments like, My son is so good with, your sons, it's like they are brothers.

And I talked to her about some of the stuff that bothered me about my relationship with my wife and she sympathized. I realized that I enjoyed the attention and I found myself entertaining fantasies. that I was with her instead. I kept thinking about if I had never met my wife and had instead moved back home and reconnected with my old friend. And we'd somehow had our same kids only with each other. We both could have been happy and been spared so much pain. If I'm trying to be objective, she's a better match for me than my wife.

She puts her kids first. She appreciates me for who I am. My wife does too, but I feel like me and the kids are always an average. afterthought for her. Even when she's home and spending time with us, she is always, always thinking about her job. My wife is a good person and she does good work. But her job traumatizes her and she was already traumatized before she started it. She started doing her job to cope with her past, but she's also re-traumatizing herself over and over. And my kids and I pay the price. I'm not trying to justify my actions I'm just trying to explain.

My childhood friend was always complimenting me on my looks, how good of a dad I am, my physical strength. It's like she appreciated the unique things about me. And I feel like my wife loved me just because I was there for her. Like she would have loved anyone who loved her and I was just the only one who did. It wasn't always like that but that's how it started to eventually feel with my wife being so distracted by her job all the time. I didn't really notice it until I reconnected with my friend and noticed the contrast. I should not have let things get that far I know. But at first it was just an occasional thought and I just brushed it off as intrusive thoughts in telling myself,

yeah, everyone has inappropriate thoughts, but what matters is your actions. But I just let it go too far. In hindsight some of our friendly banter was really more like flirting and it was not appropriate. That's an action, not a thought. Anyway, today was a reality check. She said she wanted to talk to me about something serious without the kids there, so I let my other friend who I live with babysit and met up with her. And she basically confronted me with the fact that we obviously have feelings for each other and said I should leave my wife for her. But it was like immediately I realized the amount of bullshit I was feeding myself in her. I instantly felt so bad. I didn't deny having feelings, but maybe I should have.

She kept insisting I think it over and when she saw how upset. I was, she said she'd let me think it over then left. I should have told her, no, there is nothing to think over, I love my wife and I'm not leaving her. But I didn't say anything. That in itself is weighing on me. I need to tell my wife. I know. I just don't even know where to begin. Next time she's coming home is October. I feel like this is the kind of thing to say face to face, but I don't want to wait that long. And I don't want her to come all this way to have a nice time and ruin it. I could leave the kids with my friends and go visit her. But on top of the money issues and logistical issues even that thought makes me sick. I keep imagining her

smiling and being delighted to see me and then how devastated she's going to be when I tell her. I can't stop thinking about her face. I feel sick. I don't want to tell her at all and just never see my childhood friend again. I'm also mad at myself for letting my stupid fantasies ruin a friendship and a precious memory, but I know it would be wrong to keep seeing her and impossible to just be normal friends now. But I know honesty is the best policy. I owe it to her to be honest. I just don't know what to do. I feel so wrong and stupid. I don't want to tell my friends. I think one of them would be really angry at me for almost cheating and the other might actually encourage me to leave my wife. I feel like I need someone to tell me what to do because I can't process.

Edit 1. Okay, the comments are overwhelming and I need to sleep. Tomorrow I'm going to talk to my friends about what's going on and, after being yelled at probably, see if they'll be able to watch my kids while I visit my wife and tell her what's going on. If not I can probably ask a few other people. If not then I'll just tell her over Zoom. I'm also going to text my childhood friend that I don't want to see her again and then block her. I'm not going to leave my wife. If she leaves me I'm going to stay single. I'm not going to date my ex-friend.

I will always love my wife and I don't think it would be fair to anyone for me to date anyone else while I still love her. To stop from having to answer the same questions over a no one. my wife is an aid worker. She doesn't do it for the money. She does it because she believes God called her to do it. I do get jobs and sometimes construction. I choose to work more flexibly and spend more time with my kids. I put my wife through college. I'm not freeloading off her, I am kind of freeloading off the friend I live with, I'll admit that. But we're all happy with this arrangement. The reason I left with the kids is because we got carjacked at gunpoint. My wife changes location a lot so living somewhere safe

but still closer to her isn't really an option. It's either travel with her officially through her organization or stay put somewhere. I don't think my childhood friend originally intended to cheat with me, but I guess it doesn't matter anymore. Edit 2, everyone telling me to get a stable job so my wife can come home, you misunderstand. You think my wife and I haven't spoken about this. She is never going to quit her job. She made that very clear. Her job is her priority. I promise you she's not doing it for the money.

I'm not forcing her to do it by refusing to work more. If she said she would even consider quitting if I found a more stable job, I'd do that in a heartbeat. Anyway, I'd talk stuff over with my friends. They were understanding. The plan is to fly over and see my wife next weekish, but we still still. have to make arrangements. I thought about contacting my wife's boss to see if we could do a surprise visit, but it seems like it would be so cruel to show up and surprise her and make her happy to see me only to break her heart. So instead I called my wife saying everyone is okay, but I have

something bad to tell her that she should hear in person and I'm going to fly out to see her. She said I should just tell her because otherwise she's going to worry about it the whole time. So I almost did. But then she said no, don't tell her. me. I want to see you. So I didn't. Update 1, a lot of people ask me for an update, which I will, but I have a couple of things to say first. First, I wanted to thank everyone who commented civilly, regardless of your opinion. I especially appreciated hearing from people who had been in a similar situation or in a similar situation to another person I mentioned. I wasn't thinking very straight at the time and I don't think I thanked everyone properly, but it was very kind of

you to take the time to share your perspective. The other thing. I should have said something at the time, but a lot of people bashed my wife and I didn't defend her as much as I should have. So I'm going to set the record straight now. First of all, people were saying she was cheating on me. But she would never, ever do that. She is honest and loyal, and a much better person than I am.

Second, people were saying my wife is negligent and doesn't care about me or our kids. This is also wrong. She's very loving. Yes, she is busy with her job. But she says she thinks about us every moment. And when she is home, she spends as much time with me and the kids as she can. She does get distracted and think about things at work that stress her out. But that's because she sees things that get to her.

It's not because she doesn't care about us. She's not like half the parents out there that ignore her. out there that ignore their kids because they're distracted by their phone. People were also bashing me in a way that I think was kind of over the top. But honestly, you can bash me, but don't bash my wife. Me having problems in my relationship doesn't mean she deserves to be bashed. I actually showed the post to my best friend. And she pointed out that a lot of you are probably just being sexist.

You attacked my wife and said she didn't care about me or our kids because she doesn't get see us much. But my friend pointed out that there are a lot of jobs that mostly men do that mean they don't get to see the kids much. And no one says that they don't love their kids and need to quit. So for everyone who said my wife doesn't love our kids, would you say the same to dads who are in the military, truck drivers, work on oil rigs? Would you say that they're all definitely cheating on their wives? Or tell their wives that they should leave them? If not, And for everyone who told me to get a better job so my wife can come home, would you say that to a woman who is married to a guy who does one of those jobs? For everyone saying me and my wife shouldn't be married or have kids because she's an aid worker, do you think there shouldn't be any aid workers?

Or do you think no aid workers should be allowed to get married and have kids just because of their job? You realize a lot less people would be aid workers if it meant they couldn't have a family right. You don't make any sense. Anyway, I saw my wife and told her everything. And we actually had a nice visit. She was glad to see me in spite of everything. And she insisted I not tell her anything bad until after she showed me something. Which was confusing to me, but I agreed.

Anyway, it was a little waterfall. And it was beautiful. She said she visited the waterfall whenever she got a chance. and it reminded her of me, and she wished she could show it to me every time. I nearly cried when she said that. I almost couldn't even tell her after that, but I already told her I was going to tell her something bad so I had to. Anyway, we sat there by for a while until she said she was ready to hear my bad news. So, as much as it killed me, I told her everything that happened.

She tried to be calm and understanding, but I could tell she was hurt. I almost wished she would have yelled and slapped me. But she just thanked me for being honest. She asked what I was going to do. I said I wasn't going to stay in touch with my former friend either way, but I hoped she would forgive me and come home to us in October like she planned. She said I was already forgiven and asked me for more details about what exactly happened and my feelings, which I did my best to answer honestly.

It was hard though. I could tell she was getting more and more upset. Eventually she just said okay and we walked back to her base without really talking at all. That night we talked more. She knows it's hard for me to live the way we do and she just asked me again if I was sure I still wanted to be with her. I told her I knew she wasn't going to quit her job but I talked about how one of the hardest things is that even when she comes home, her mind is on her job and it's hard to see how sad and stressed she always is. She said she'd bring it up in therapy and try to work on being present in the moment with her family. She kept pressing me on if there was anything else she could do better besides quit her job

and I told her how I felt about how sometimes it seems like she only loves me because I love her, and I could be anyone. She cried, apologized, said it's not true, and told me as many specific things she could think of that she loves about me. I did the same for her. She said she was glad we talked and glad I was willing to keep working on our marriage, because from the beginning when I told her I had something bad to tell her in person she just assumed I wanted a divorce. She said she's always worrying I'm going to leave her, but she's grateful for every day I don't. I promised her I don't plan to and told her I worry the same thing sometimes. It was a really good conversation. The other days, I went to her job site with her for a bit and

helped out with a few things. The local kids were teasing me. my wife about me, which was adorable. Things aren't perfect, but they're going to be okay. Also, I know a lot of people said that my wife should leave me because what I did was as bad as a physical affair. And, confusingly, a lot of people said I did nothing wrong. I think it's somewhere in between. I did something wrong, but I did stop it before it got that far. And a lot of other people say I should divorce my wife. But I'm not divorcing her. She has her flaws, but she's also one of the best people I know. All of her flaws are because she's been through things that I can't even imagine.

I chose to love her in spite of the things she can't give me. I will always love her. I'm not someone who can stop loving someone. Even if we divorced, I'd think about her and wonder if she was okay every single day. I can't be in a relationship with another person even if I wanted to because I'd never be over her. It wouldn't be fair to them. It's my wife or no one for me. Update 2. Hi.

This is sort of an update of my previous posts in this sub. You can see them on my profile. The sub won't let me link them, but it's also a lot of other stuff to get off my chest. I made a post here a while ago. It was about how I realized I was in an emotional affair with my old friend while my wife was working in the Philippines. That issue is resolved, my wife forgave me, I haven't spoken to my old. old friend at all anymore and I'm much more careful with my other female friends. However, some of the comments I got on my last posts have still been weighing on me.

And my wife is home now, and she had a lot of big news that I want to get off my chest. First, the good news is my wife is pregnant again. And I'm happy about it, in spite of everything. I know. Some people in my last post were asking if I was using protection to avoid bringing more kids into the world. And honestly, no, we didn't. And I didn't want to admit that for obvious reasons. I don't have any defense for that other than I'm stupid. The other major thing is that my wife probably has OCD. Basically, my wife realized she was late and probably pregnant a long time ago,

but originally didn't tell me or take a pregnancy test. She said it was like there were two different people in her head, and part of her was screaming to go get things figured out, but the part of her that actually had control refused to do anything besides carry-on as usual. She was too scared to take a pregnancy test and get proof that she was pregnant because she knew she wouldn't be allowed to go on her next assignment because of Zika virus. Basically, it was a lot of screaming at herself to do something about it before she finally got the courage to tell her therapist what was going on and actually take the pregnancy test. So even though she got pregnant in July, she hasn't had any kind of care or anything yet. Also, I guess she'd been hiding a lot of things from

her therapist because she knew the therapist would make her take a break if she knew exactly what was going on in her head. So she wasn't honest with the therapist about how she felt compelled to do this job, how she felt when she wasn't doing it, etc. But she knew she needed to do right by her baby. So she finally told the therapist about the pregnancy, how she was having such a hard time doing anything about it, and then everything else came out. My wife described to me a bit more about how it feels to be in her head. It's not just that she thinks God wants her to do her job. The way she said it basically, she constantly thinks about all the bad things happening in the world, everything terrible that she's ever seen.

Every time she could have helped someone but didn't even if she had a very good reason, and a very good reason, it makes her feel like she has to be working. She thought all these thoughts were God speaking to her, but she didn't tell the therapist that because she thought she wouldn't understand. She told me when she finally told the therapist, she basically asked her if she thought God was loving, and if so, why God would want her to constantly be thinking about things that made her miserable. That question finally made my wife open to accepting that she might have a mental illness rather than just having God talking to her. She is home now, a couple of weeks earlier than she was supposed to come,

so she can get prenatal care ASAP and a more in-death mental health assessment. I guess her therapist just thinks she is OCD but can't actually diagnose her or prescribe her medication or anything. I feel so bad for her and like I failed, too. I feel like I should have tried to dig with her more about what she was feeling. My wife was more open with me than the therapist about her thoughts and I feel like I knew something was wrong. But I assumed she was telling the therapist everything too, and that the therapist was helping to the best of her ability.

And as much as I'm happy that I hope this means things are going to be better now, I know my wife feels awful and that makes me feel awful. Basically, she was really devout and religious growing up, but after some stuff happened to her she kind of lost her faith and felt like if God existed he didn't. approve of her. I met her around then and she was definitely in a very dark place for a while. She says that when she started having her thoughts about how she could fix the world it was really reassuring because she thought she was finally getting her faith back. So it's been pretty crushing for her to not have that feeling anymore. I'm hoping her therapist is able to help her

with that as well. My wife doesn't trust religious leaders anymore, so that makes it a lot harder for her to have to go through that. I believe in God, but I don't believe the same things as my wife and I'm less devout than her, so I don't always know what to say. I have told her I'm so sorry for what she's been going through, and that I'm so proud of her for finally going to her therapist for help even though it was so hard. I told her I'm glad she was open with me and I hope she knows she can rely on me for anything she needs. And I told her I'm sure God knows how hard it was for her to get help and he's proud of her too. That made her cry, I think in a good way. Anyway, she's been home a few days now and we're just taking things one day at a time.

Prenatal appointments coming up next week, but we're still trying to figure out the OCD appointment stuff. So far we've just been cherishing the family time as much as possible. The best news, my wife says when she's done with maternity leave, instead of going back to work she might try to go back to school. She wants to get her masters and learn another language or two, and she says part of the reason for that is that she would have more choices in her assignments and possibly be able to work with refugees here in the U.S. instead of traveling all over. That way we could find somewhere to live permanently as a family. She says she's not sure yet and she wants to spend some time figuring things out. But I am hopeful for the first time in a

long time that we might be able to be happy together as a family Sunday. I am really just hoping everything turns out positively. I feel bad for being happy, since this is so hard on my wife, but I really hope it'll end up being a positive thing all around in the end. We've told my two closest friends, who we live with, about the new baby, but no one else yet, except Reddit strangers. My best friend is almost as excited as me. She keeps coming to me talking about gender reveal party ideas. Like, randomly in the middle of talking about the election or whatever. We're keeping it from the kids for just a while longer because she's not very far along yet and if God forbid the baby doesn't make it, we don't want the kids to be upset. So I keep telling

her to be a little more subtle and she keeps forgetting. But luckily the kids have no idea what she is talking about when she does that. Anyway, that's my big news. Someone asked me for an update and I wanted to clear the air and get some of this stuff off my chest anyway. I hope you enjoy this story. Caught my upcoming mother-in-law chuckling with her companions about how she secured a devoted son-in-law and is financially secure for the future. This incident caused her to recognize that she won't be able to depend on others for support. Me. I, 32M, am getting married to my fiancé Deborah, 31F, next month. We have been to be able to be able to together for two years, and I just asked her to marry me last month. I'm head over heels for

this wonderful woman and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with her. We come from very different backgrounds. I grew up in a working-class family, and I'm the middle child among my two siblings. We always had to work hard, living paycheck to paycheck every month. Deborah, on the other hand, had a much more comfortable upbringing. Her dad was a successful businessman so he could provide her with everything. She was always surrounded by wealthy kids who threw extravagant parties and events. I put in a lot of effort to work my way through college and eventually landed a job at a prestigious company. My parents were truly proud of how I had built my life without ever depending on them to provide me with financial assistance. When Deborah and I met

for the first time, it was at a mutual friends party. Although we knew we were worlds apart, we still had an instant connection. We started going on dates, taking the time to truly understand each other, and with each passing day, we fell head over heels for one another. Once we started seriously dating, Deborah eventually invited me to one of her family's dinners so she could formally introduce me to her parents. That's when I had the pleasure of meeting her dad, John, a successful businessman, and her mom, Maggie, who was a dedicated stay-at-home mom for the first time.

John seemed to appreciate the effort I had put into building my life. Maggie, on the other hand, didn't seem to take a liking to me. It was quite evident that she looked down on my upbringing, and I didn't fit her expectations for the kind of son-in-law she had in mind. Her disapproval of me was far from subtle, it was painfully evident. She didn't hold back in making it clear that her only child deserved someone she considered better than me. She would often cut me off in conversations and her disapproval. improving glances spoke volumes, making it a challenging and awkward situation to navigate.

In contrast, my parents couldn't have been more welcoming to Deborah. They embraced her with open arms, and my brothers took an instant liking to her. They would playfully tease her, telling her that she still had time to run away and escape from me, all in good fun, of course. It was heartwarming to see my family so supportive and accepting of our relationship. As time went on, I had to be. I was a good fun. I was a lotwomening. I I did my best to bridge the gap with Maggie, hoping to win her over. I understood that our different backgrounds and expectations might take her some time to reconcile. However, our interactions continued to remain strained, and I could sense her disapproval lingering in the background.

Despite this challenge, Deborah and I focused on building our own world together, filled with love, understanding, and shared dreams. We were committed to nurturing our relationship, even in the midst of these familial disparities. We held on to the hope that, as time went by, Maggie might eventually come to accept and embrace me. Sadly, a year ago, John passed away from a heart attack suddenly. While he left behind substantial wealth, there were also unexpected debts that needed to be settled. Maggie had to make the difficult decision to sell her house and their car to cover these financial obligations when the bank came calling. Since then, she had to move in with us as she had nowhere else to go and has been living with us for the past six months. I didn't really mind having her live with us as I understood

that she was going through a difficult time as she had just lost her husband. I tried my best to make her stay as comfortable as possible, but Maggie always found reasons to complain about around the house. Just for context, Deborah, and I have always shared our responsibilities equally since we started living together. Given our careers, we take turns handling tasks like cooking, cleaning, and doing the laundry as part of our routine. It's a way for us to balance our busy lives and support each other in every aspect. My parents had taught me to be independent from a very young age, so I loved doing my share of the household work. Maggie absolutely despised this and would make her disapprovement obvious. Throughout her stay, she has made subtle comments about how a man

doesn't belong in the kitchen or a man shouldn't be doing household work. Usually, I don't take it to heart and I ignore it as much as possible but over time, her comments have become progressively more hurtful and insensitive. I have talked to Deborah regarding this and she agrees that her mother's behavior has been very difficult and hostile. Now coming on to the incident, I was recently promoted at work hence I wanted to do something special to celebrate this milestone with our family and friends. We decided to host a grand event, inviting our close ones.

My to be Mill also extended invitations to some of her rich friends whom she hadn't seen for a while, particularly after her husband's passing. While I'm not one to flaunt things, I entrusted Deborah with the planning, and she went all out with the party preparations. On the day of the celebration, our house looked great. As the guests started arriving, Maggie seemed to be having a good time, reconnecting with the her old friends. My fiancé and I were busy hosting our own friends and relatives. As the party was in full swing, and the guests mingled and enjoyed the festivities, I couldn't help but noticed that my to-be-mill's behavior had taken a turn for the worse. She had a few too many drinks and her comments started to get more and more inappropriate. She was bragging about

how expensive everything around the house was, particularly the decorations and the food, in front of her friends. It was being a big thing. becoming increasingly uncomfortable, and I could see that some of our guests were taken aback by her behavior. My fiancé and I exchanged worried glances, unsure of how to handle the situation. We attempted to stay cool as we knew Maggie had been drinking a lot since the morning. At one point, we ran out of wine, so I dashed to the nearby liquor store. When I got back home, I found my fiancé outside on the lawn, enjoying her time with our relatives. I served them the drinks and then headed back inside to check on the rest of our guests.

That's when I heard my mother-in-law loudly laughing. As she chatted with her friends. I was about to enter the room when I overheard Maggie mentioning my recent job promotion to her friends and went on to describe how she had been living at our place for several months rent-free, all because I was a naive person. She laughed as she continued to say that she had finally landed a Simp's son-in-law and pointed out that I had been covering her expenses throughout this time while she lived rent-free in my house. Her word stung, and I was taken aback by what she was saying.

Her friends were all laughing loudly at my expense. She then went on to say that she was set for the rest of her life now that Deborah was going to marry me in a few months. My emotions were in turmoil, and I struggled with how to handle the situation. It was disheartening to hear these derogatory comments coming from someone whom I considered family, someone I had tried my best to welcome and support during a difficult time in her life. As I stood there in the hallway, grappling with a mix of anger, disappointment, and a sense of betrayal, I contemplated whether to confront her or wait for a more suitable moment to talk about this.

My to be Mill then told her friends that because I came from a low-income family I would continue to be a hard worker to her and she had nothing to worry about. At that moment, I couldn't hear her talk that way any longer and made a decision to walk into the room and confront her right then and there. I wanted to make it clear to her that she wouldn't be able to take advantage of me anymore. With a wine bottle in hand, I walked into the room and everyone fell into an awkward silence

when they noticed my sudden arrival. Maggie's laughter ceased, and her expression shifted from surprise to a mixture of discomfort and concern. She was worried that I might have overheard the conversation. Pouring wine for everyone and placing the bottle down, I faced Maggie and began to speak, Maggie, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with your friends. I stood there for a good five minutes, listening to you talk about how you've used my perceived

naivity to your advantage. I want to make it clear that I welcomed you into my house with open arms and tried to support you during a difficult time, particularly because you had just lost your husband. However, making hurtful comments like this in front of our family and friends, and laughing at my expense, is not acceptable. The room remained tense, with the heavy silence weighing down on all of us. I could see that Maggie was taken aback by the directness of my words, and her friends seemed equally uncomfortable. Just as the tension was at its peak, my fiancé walked into the room,

a puzzled expression on her face as she tried to understand what was happening as I stood in the middle of the room. With Deborah now in the room, I went on to explain to her what her mother had been. been telling people about me. Deborah's eyes widened in shock as she tried to comprehend the gravity of the situation. Maggie's expression shifted from shock to embarrassment. I knew I wouldn't be able to forgive her for the way she had spoken about me. I asked Maggie to immediately leave my house. Maggie's eyes widened as she began to frantically protest knowing that she had nowhere else to go. Deborah remained quiet as she understood how humiliated I had felt because of her mother.

I remained resolute in my decision, emphasizing that I could no longer trust my to be Mill to be living with us. I suggested she could find accommodation with one of her wealthy friends who had joined the party and were evidently relishing and laughing at my expense just minutes ago. Maggie looked around the room, helplessly as her friends avoided I contact and I couldn't help but smirk. I had reached my breaking point and was no longer willing to be used and taken advantage of. In that tense moment, Deborah, who had been taken aback by the unfolding drama, finally spoke up. She addressed her mother with a mix of disappointment and determination, Mom, you've put us in an incredibly uncomfortable situation with your behavior today. We've always tried to support you, but this kind of treatment towards my fiancé is unacceptable.

Maggie, now caught between her daughter's disapproval and her own embarrassing behavior, began to realize the gravity of the situation. She had no easy way out and attempted to apologize, but I wasn't willing to be manipulated any longer. Still seething in anger and disappointment, I walked out of the room. The party soon ended and my to be mill apparently left to stay at one of her relatives' places. Since the incident, I have been receiving messages from people with a variety of reactions. Most of the guests seem to support my decision to stand up for myself, but there are some family members from my fiancings. say's side to are telling Deborah that what I did was wrong and that I should not have humiliated her mother like that. My parents, who were present at the party, supported me 100%

and had my back. The situation has caused a divide between our families, and the mixed opinions are adding to the tension. So I wanted to post here so I could get an unbiased opinion. Am I the a-hole for confronting my to-be-mill in front of everyone after I caught her making fun of me and letting her know that she won't be able to leach off me. Update 1, thanks to everyone for your feedback on my last post. Many folks have suggested that this incident should serve as an eye-opener to the kind of family I would be marrying into. I have received suggestions that I should get a pre-nup with my fiancé before we get married,

which I honestly never really thought about before. But after the recent incident, I'm seriously considering it. That day after the party ended, my wife and I had had. a lengthy conversation to discuss everything. While my wife is completely on my side, it's hard to deny that my trust has been shaken. It's not her fault, but I'm worried about her family and how easily they could manipulate me in the future. Many comments have pointed out that my mother-in-law's subtle mean comments for all these months were a form of emotional abuse, and I'm starting to see it that way too. I do not wish to have her in my life anymore.

Two days after Maggie left, she called my wife, who chose not to answer. So, she sent me an angry text that read, Adam, are you happy now that you've separated me from my daughter? I've already lost my husband, and now I'm losing my daughter because of you. Yes, I used you, but isn't that what a son-in-law should do, pay for his to be mother-in-law's expenses? You could have bought me a new place when I lost my house, but instead, you forced me to live with you. You have more than enough to take care of my daughter so it wouldn't hurt you to take care of me too. Her message left me seething with anger, and it was evident she felt no remorse for her derogatory remarks in front of her friends. I shared the message with Deborah, who promptly assured me she would address the situation and advised me to block her mother's number.

It remains to be seen what happens next, but I feel emotionally exhausted dealing with this ongoing drama. Her mother's persistent unkindness towards me for no apparent reason, coupled with her unwarranted financial expectations, is really taking a toll on me. Update 2. Okay, everyone hears the update you all have been waiting for. In the days that followed, Deborah continued to handle her mother's attempts at contact. She firmly explained to her mother that the situation had become untenable and that she had crossed a line. Deborah offered to help her mother find suitable accommodations, but,

emphasized that the living arrangement with us had reached its limit. Maggie's responses ranged from anger to pleading. She continued to accuse me of tearing her family apart and causing her more pain during an already difficult time. I had blocked her so fortunately, she had no way to reach out to me. As our wedding was fast approaching, I shared my thoughts and fears with Deborah and she took it surprisingly well. My fiancé agreed that I wasn't wrong to have those fears in my head and told me that

was ready to sign a pre-nup so I wouldn't feel this restless and uncomfortable. I was taken aback by how understanding she was, and I couldn't help but feel guilty for having any negative thoughts about her, all because of her mother's actions. After that conversation, I felt much better about our relationship. We were starting to regain a sense of normalcy, when Maggie unexpectedly showed up at our doorstep a few days later without any warning. I was alone at home when I heard the doorbell ring. She had come to confront me and her accusations and anger poured out when I welcomed her inside to sit.

Maggie claimed that I had ruined her relationship with her daughter forever, laying the blame squarely on my shoulders. Her words were filled with frustration and resentment. You think you can just control everything, don't you? She exclaimed, You've taken my daughter away from me, and now you're trying to push me out of her life. This is my family too, and you can't just dictate what happens. here. As the argument escalated, her accusations became more personal and cutting. She accused me of isolating her from Deborah and said that she deserved to be living with her daughter. I took a deep

breath, trying to remain composed in the face of her accusations, and responded, Maggie, this isn't about pushing you away. It's about preserving the peace and well-being of our family. Your actions and words have made it challenging to maintain a healthy environment here. I'm not trying to isolate you, I'm trying to set boundaries, I continued. Deborah and I deserve to have a loving, supportive, and peaceful home. It's not about control, it's about ensuring that our relationship is respected and protected. At that point, thankfully, my wife returned from the grocery store and I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that she could handle her mother better.

She was visibly shocked to find her mother standing inside our house. hurrying to my side, she asked if I was okay, concern evident in her eyes. I nodded morbidly, relieved to have her presence beside me. Maggie, now directing her attention toward her daughter, accused me of trying to be controlling of her life. She said that she won't let me kick her out of the house and she planned to live here if my daughter was going to be here. She accused me of trying to divide the family apart since her husband had passed away.

Deborah seemed pissed as she explained to her mother that after what she had spoken about me, she couldn't just expect me to forget about it. She reminded Maggie that she never even apologized to me for the harsh word she had spoken in front of the guests at a party that I had thrown on my house. Deborah reiterated to her mother that she was not entitled to live in my house just because Deborah was going to marry me. Maggie was displeased seeing her daughter support me, and it only seemed to escalate her anger. The room was charged with emotions and I didn't want this to escalate further so I asked Maggie to leave immediately otherwise I would call the police.

Maggie's expression displayed a mixture of frustration and resignation, as she clearly wanted to argue about this further, but, thankfully, she decided to leave. After this incident, I am planning to take some space from Deborah and her family. I love her a lot, but I don't want to be stuck in a toxic environment like this forever. I guess I need to take some time to rethink our future. Update 3, it's been four months since my last update and I know it's been a long time but here I am. I am thrilled to share that Deborah and I are now happily married. Our wedding day went off without a hitch and it was a beautiful celebration of our love and commitment to each other.

We were surrounded by our closest family and friends, and the day was filled with joy and cherished memories. I know I had mentioned last time that I was a bit unsure about marrying her but after some time off alone, I realized that she was nothing like her mother. As we had discussed before our marriage, Deborah did sign a prenuptial agreement, which gave us both peace of mind. It was a decision that helped ensure that our relationship was built on trust, respect, and a mutual understanding of our responsibilities. One notable absence on our special day was Maggie, our mother-in-law. We did invite her as I didn't want my wife to not invite her only living parent to witness our wedding, but Maggie chose not to attend the wedding. Her anger and resentment

towards me from the earlier conflicts, which led to her leaving our home permanently, still lingered. I couldn't help but feel sad for Deborah, who had to navigate the difficult decision of having her mother absent on such an important occasion. Nonetheless, our wedding was a day filled with love and happiness. We were grateful for the support of our loved ones who celebrated the beginning of our journey as a married couple. In the days following our wedding, Deborah and I have settled into our married life, cherishing the moments we shared together and planning for our future. We are excited about the possibilities that lay ahead, and we know that our love will guide us through any challenges we might face. Update 4. Married Life has been going great so far.

Deborah and I have been relishing every moment of our life together as a married couple. We've found joy in the little things, from lazy Sunday mornings with breakfast in bed to sitting at home and reading books together. Our love has continued to grow, and we've become even more in sync with each other. We have embraced the various responsibilities that come with marriage rather smoothly. Recently, I have taken a significant step in my journey toward personal growth and family healing, thanks to everyone's advice. I've decided to start therapy, and it has been a transformative experience ever since. Therapy has provided me with the tools to better understand and express myself and the dynamics within our family. It has allowed me to address the emotional wounds and challenges that I have faced, especially in my relationship with my mother-in-law.

With the guidance of my therapist, I have been able to communicate more effectively with my wife and work on building a stronger and more communicative relationship. Once I felt I was ready, we tried to reach out to Maggie, hoping to mend the rift that had developed between us. While it wasn't easy for me to reach out, I knew how much Deborah loved her mother and I didn't want her to live her life without being in contact with her only remaining parent. We decided to invite Maggie to our home for dinner so we could all talk properly. Maggie had been staying at various relatives' places since the incident, and when Deborah first reached out with a dinner invitation, it took her by surprise. eyes. She seemed hesitant but also intrigued by the opportunity to reconnect with her daughter. She arrived at our home and we cautiously began with small talk to catch up on each other's lives. Deborah was the first to break the ice, expressing her desire to see a healthier relationship

between me and Maggie. She shared how much she loved both of us and wanted to see us get along. Hearing this, Maggie slowly admitted that her actions had been fueled by a sense of loss and uncertainty after her husband's passing and that she had let those emotions cloud her judgment. She apologized to me for the way she had behaved and expressed that she didn't understand at first how much she had hurt me. I could see that she seemed genuinely sorry about the incident. The conversation continued, delving into the hurt feelings on both sides, the misunderstandings that had occurred, and the steps that could be taken to mend the rift. It was an emotional and honest discussion, marked by tears and heartfelt apologies.

Deborah played a crucial role in facilitating the conversation, acting as a bridge between me and her mother. By the end of the evening, amidst a wonderful dinner, there was a sense of relief and optimism in the room. While the wounds of the past hadn't completely healed, the foundation for reconciliation had been laid. It was a promising start on the journey toward rebuilding the bonds that had been strained for so long. Since the evening, we have continued to meet Maggie during other family events, and there is no longer any awkwardness. Our relationship has gradually improved. Although I will never feel comfortable enough for her to live with us again, I remain patient and understanding, knowing that healing will take time. Forward slash forward slash.

I hope you enjoy this story. Surprised by my daughter's announcement that she was tying the knot with the man I had nurtured as my own, despite him being 15 years her senior. An unexpected turn of events. I am at a loss for words. To say to her. I posted this on another Reddit and it got taken down for the predatory nature of my daughter's relationship. I was told to try this sub and one other one. Here is the background.

Hello. I am looking for a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a younger person's perspective on this matter. I know my son frequents this site so we thought this might be the place to get it. My daughter is a 21-year-old female. Her fiancé is 36. She just graduated college and moved out on her own this past fall. My wife and I are 58 and 55 years old, respectively. We also have two sons. When my children were young, we had a close family friend who died tragically in 2001, leaving behind a 16-year-old. We took him into our home for over four years while he finished school and he was able to stand on his own.

We gave him a substantial monetary donation to start his own business, which has since become wildly successful. I never minded any of this one bit because I always saw him as one of my own children. He is now 36 years old. This past Sunday we had a family dinner, at which time my daughter decided to do. to inform us that not only were they engaged, they had also been seeing each other for the past three years. My wife, sons and I all feel incredibly betrayed and blindsided by this revelation. The amount of lies and secret keeping they had to be telling to keep this relationship from us is astonishing. The large age difference is also very disturbing to us. I told both of them in no

uncertain terms that I did not approve of this relationship, that he was no longer allowed in my home and as long as my daughter continued this relationship, nor was she. I now see that alienating my daughter would cause more harm. I want to be there for her, but I do not want her to think I'm accepting of this relationship and want it to end immediately. I am disgusted and angered by my daughter's relationship I just recently found out about. However, I do not want to alienate my daughter and put her in more danger. How can I talk to her and make her realize this relationship is dangerous, predatory, and disturbing, while still making her feel safe and welcome?

Also, in case this wasn't clear enough, yes, he helped raise her, he babysat her, changed her diapers, came to family dinners every week, went on family vacations, etc. He was a constant part of her life since she was one. First update. Hello everyone. I would first and foremost like to thank everyone who gave helpful words of advice and encouragement on my first post, which can be found here. I apologize for not being able to respond to all comments and messages, but my wife and I read through them all. We very much appreciate getting unbiased opinions from a demographic we normally would not.

Yesterday, we went to my daughter's apartment, because we know Jackson works all day Saturdays. I first apologized to her over my initial reaction that came out of anger. I made it clear that her safety and well-being was my first concern. We had a long discussion, and there were some things that my daughter said that alarmed me, these aren't necessarily in the order of which we discussed them. Just things that stick out in my head. The first thing was that she said she knew he loved him since she was 14, at which point Jackson was 29.

She says that they never did anything intimate until she was after 18. However, since their engagement has now became public, concerned family members have contacted me with events that seemed innocent at the time, but now seem suspicious. For example, my wife's sister told us about a time when the kids, my daughter, one of my two sons, and Jackson, were over her house. My daughter was 16, and Jackson was 31. My sister-in-law said that she heard Jackson leaving my daughter's room in the morning. At the time she didn't think much of it because there have been times where the siblings or cousins have fallen asleep in each other's rooms after watching a movie late at night or something. My son also told me about a time when he had run into my daughter in town, when she was 15, with Jackson when she was supposed to be in school. There are other instances I had to delete for length reasons.

We asked her what it was she loved about him. She gave us a bunch of reasons. But one of the things that I think is alarming is she said how generous and caring he has always been to her. She told us about all of the extra things he would give to her, for example for her birthday or holidays, apart from the rest of the family. She doesn't think this is anything suspicious, because he said that the reason he was giving her the additional gifts was because she was always overshadowed by her brothers, and she deserved extra attention that she didn't get from her mother and I. My daughter told us that the decision to keep the relationship a secret was mutual. They thought that if her mother and I found out about the relationship, we would stop paying for her apartment and school tuition, and she is now graduated. She said they did not tell her friends, because they didn't think it was right to ask them to lie to us as well.

His friends were aware of the relationship. My wife asked if she had felt bad, or guilty about all the lying they had to do to keep the relationship a secret. We were having weekly dinners for three years when they had been dating while they sat across the table from us pretending they weren't. Our daughter had even made up boys she told us she had been dating at college. A few times she had posted photos of herself with a male friend and had told us that was a man she was dating. She said that she felt guilty about lying, but Jackson had told her that it would be worth it in the long run. I introduced the idea of family therapy. She said that she did not need it.

I told her that she was always welcome into our home, though Jackson is not. She would like Jackson and I to speak, but I do not think that is a wise idea right now. I appreciate any input on this situation. Thank you. Adding additional worrisome incidents that I put in a comment, her niece, who is her age, has told us that there were times when my wife and I would go out and Jackson would come over to hang out with them. She recalled multiple times when my daughter and Jackson would cuddle on the couch together, under blankets, etc. This behavior never happened when my wife and I were home.

There were times when my daughter had get together said our house when we were out of town and Jackson would supply them with alcohol my middle son, whose bedroom is the only one downstairs. Had heard Jackson leaving our house late at night slash early in the morning a few times well after he had moved out and was not staying over. When he had asked him why he was there, Jackson had told him he had left things at our home and needed to pick them up. This would have been when my daughter was 1518. Dash my brother has told me on a family vacation Jackson had too much to drink and he overheard him calling my daughter princess. At the time he had assumed he was calling her this in a teasing, sibling way, like an insult, but he realizes now he was saying it as a flirtatious pet name. She was 15. Final update.

I have received many messages asking for an update. The truth is, my wife and I have decided to just accept the relationship. We have made it clear that we think it is inappropriate and we are furious and devastated at when the relationship began. However, my daughter has admitted that the reason they opened up about their relationship and engagement is because my daughter is currently 16 weeks pregnant with their first child. For the health of my daughter and grandchild, we believe the best thing to do is be supportive and make it clear to her that our door is always open to her. Unfortunately, my daughter has made it clear that she does not want any animosity or hostile feelings regarding her fiancé.

We are no longer going to pursue charges against him because we do not believe that is best for the situation right now. Understandably, my two sons are not happy with what's going on. There was a physical altercation between Jackson and my oldest son, however, that has since been settled and all parties have agreed to behave amicably for the sake of my daughter and her child. Thank you everyone for your words of advice and encouragement. Now for the next story. For 12 long years, I tried to reconciling with my cheating ex, but it was all in vain. She never loved me like before.

Story 2. It took 16 years. My wife and I married young in our early 20s. We both came from trouble homes with domestic abuse, de-yuguse, ex-s-s-s-oel abuse, you name it. First time I was left to be tended to buy government officials, I was two. My childhood strengthened by convictions. Hers made her weak. I was in it for the long haul, alcoholics-anonymous, therapy slash counseling, you name it. I was the person that who showed up, not anyone from her family. In our fourth year of marriage, she had an affair with a mutual friend. She trickled truth in additional affair later. She followed the

adultery handbook and denied, denied, denied as I stood there with the evidence in my hand. Not an ounce of remorse exist addition. Then the evidence was presented. She broke down. Blamed me that our relationship wasn't moving forward. All my friends have kids blah, blah, blah. We had agreed in conversation multiple times that kids were to start at the five-year mark imagined that. Communication and agreement in full force. She followed the remorseful playbook, gave a timeline, confessed to everything. Allegedly, we did couples therapy and individual therapy. I found out when we were starting to try and have kids. I was thumbing through medical files and came across a receipt for an appointment in which the morning after pill was issued.

It was recent at the time. I kept it and waited until I had hard evidence. Sure enough, she was pregnant. We did a blood test when our child was born. So as mentioned, we proceeded with reconciliation. Twelve years later, I can conclusively say, Recon is an absolute waste of time and energy. My feelings for her were never the same. I could never look at her as my lover. We have SX. It's crazy, intense, awesome and kinky, probably due to her still carrying the guilt of her affair.

Then it started. She started asking about having another child. About where we would retire together. All I can think is F-dash-thap. She's a fine partner, good-looking, since recon she's been engaging, loving, and well. Present in the relationship, all I can think is who cares. I wasn't good enough to be faithful to at my peak. My peak physical condition.

My peak mental and emotional states. She ripped the rug out from under me 12 years ago. I thought we had a great relationship then. Now I can't help but want to do the same. I've given her the kids she wanted. The house, the life. I've made sacrifices to make. make all this work. I'm done. I made an appointment with a divorce attorney. No more talks of future.

Dry your tears. This is the outcome you chose. You showed me there are no teammates in life. Now you can learn the same lesson. When you feel it's all going so right, here comes the rug pull, enjoy it. I know I will enjoy my freedom from this monster. Now for the next story. I feel a growing urge to speak out, but I have to restrain myself. Story 3, Hey all, I'm back again for more shoring up. If you have been following my saga, go to my profile if you want to get caught up. I have recently found out that what I thought was an EA that my STBXH was having in the summer was actually a PA that started sometime last winter.

I have found tons of info over the past couple weeks. Hotels, weekends that I thought he was with the boys when he was with her. I filed and he doesn't know yet. He's still under the impression that I believe the lies he told me in January about how the affair was never physical. I'm trying to keep my mouth shut so that he can be served and vacate the premises in the same day. I don't want to have to sit through more bullsh-tie crying, and apologizing, and blah-blah like I have already done. I also don't want to give him time to start hiding assets and erasing evidence before I'm ready. If you would have asked me a month ago if I thought he would do any of this, I would have laughed and told

you there was no way, but now, I don't trust him to do the right thing, obviously. So I feel like I need to hit him hard when he doesn't expect it. It will be like 10 to 14 days until he served though and I'm going insane here. Keeping this all in is giving me migraines and making my stomach hurt. I'm so disgusted that, one, he did this during F-King pandemic, I had COVID early on, and now I have to think about the possibility that I got it from him. He never got sick, but that doesn't really mean anything, does it? 2. I have not been with another man in 20-plus years, and I now get to humiliate myself by going to the doctor to get an STD panel done.

3. He comes home and acts like nothing is going on. I can see his loka tie-in services, and I know when he's been with her nearly every day. He comes home, we talk about our days, he eats dinner with all of us, jokes around. It's surreal to see him act like he has always acted, knowing what I know, he's been having little Saul dire troubles. Ha! It's worn out is all, for a few weeks now so at least I don't have to worry about SX, but just laying next to him in the bed, knowing what I know, is Tere, I'm going back and forth

between rage and a bottomless well of sadness. I look around our home and I see memories everywhere. I don't know how he could do this to me, to our kids, to our extended families. We have been together a long time and our families are very important to us both. How do I look at my mill, whom I love as much, if not more, L.O.L, than my own mother, and tell her why I'm divorcing her son. She just lost her husband and now this. At least my fill isn't here to see what a disgusting, immoral.

selfish, weak pig he raised, he would be heartbroken to know this. The other part of me wants to throw all his SHT on the lawn and tell everyone what he did. I want to scratch his eyes out and beat the hell out of him. I just need to come here and vent periodically so I can keep myself in check for a few more days, if you made it this far, thanks for hearing me. Now for the next story, it gets better my friends, Story 4. January 2020 I found out my wife was cheating on me. I was the happiest guy in Marridge. It was the life for me. Sure we had our arguments in marriage, who doesn't. I think it's healthy to work out differences and be able to grow together. Anyways, I really cared about that girl, would have done anything for her. A few months prior, my ex had gotten a new job, I was very excited to her,

It wasn't long before I noticed her behavior changing, taste in music, clothes, desires to smoke marijuana, and drinking, this was something that really threw me off. We had agreed before marriage we were going to avoid any substances like that, it's trash, I leave for a weekend golf trip with friends, no, this is not a common occurrence. The day I plan to come home I call her and tell her I'll be home later than evening and that I love her, she never said that she loved me back, this really was odd to me, I, pushed to find out why, she says we will talk when I get home, I have a pit in my stomach, really wondering what is going on. When I get home, she tells me that I've been a terrible husband since we got married and that she had been trying to help me become a better husband, but I just wasn't see able. This really threw me for a loop, I thought things were great, we were so happy together, I thought. I looked up to my wife, I really believed that I had

failed somewhere, I legit thought she was an angel and I screwed up, I just couldn't put my finger on it, she proceeded to tell me she was leaving for a few days to her mother's, I was broke, sat in the shower for an hour or two, my world was torn. Everything I thought my life would be was now uncertain, all the energy, work, time I had put into the marriage was all for nothing, I didn't know, I shot her a text telling her how sorry I was, I just didn't know what I was actually apologizing for, she comes home a few days later and proceeds to tell me I need to leave, I did. Looking back, I can't believe I did, terrible move, I leave to my parents for a few days, one night my dad asks me why the hell I am still at his home,

out of love, and I didn't have an answer, nothing was making sense, nothing was being fixed while we were apart, I hopped in my car and drove back home to make this work. Heart is pounding as I opened the door to find her on the couch wide-eyed, she frantically starts texting on her phone, I don't really notice that part but. but I remember that, I ask her what I need to do to make this work. She tells me I have to leave or she will call the police. I'm like what the hell, this is my home. She tells me she is having friends over for a party,

a married couple from church come over who were our friends and they were shocked to see me there. Their arms are full with liquor, way more liquor than they needed for the three of them. They knew this wasn't okay with me. The husband of the couple couldn't stand to be in the room with me and quickly left home. I was so confused, am I really getting divorced? and have no idea why, what's going on, I went to bed in my bed, sick, she is in the living room with her friend quiet, I ask my wife the next morning to go to counseling, she says she doesn't want to.

I beg her and finally get her to go, that was pointless, I ask her as we are leaving the appointment if she is dating someone else, she says no, I'm so lost and broken, driving home I could care less if a semi-truck hit me head on, that was a dark place to be, I believe in God and I pray a lot. I felt the urge to go to my wife's relatives who I had a good relationship with, I drive up to their home and sit on their couch, they seem to know what's going on between us and they tell me how sorry they are for me and that I shouldn't take this SHT any longer. That they aren't surprised this is happening as my ex has done similar things in the past, before I knew her, I break down in tears on the couch, finally some validation, from people who weren't supposed to be on my team, I knew it was over but still didn't know why, I move money to. from the bank AC count. I grab valuables from my home since I know she is at a friend sleeping over she calls and cusses me out and says a plethora of things I don't remember once she sees

money gone, probably can't write them here anyways, get ready the next day I grab a form to get her off my joint bank account, I go to her work to get the paper signed and notarized. I'm leaving the parking lot when a relative of hers calls me and tells me that she has been cheating on me with a co-worker this entire time, I break, it felt amazing and sickening at the same time, amazing because I could finally make sense out of it all, sick because how? How could she do this to me, she loved me, was supposed to, when she saw me suffering, how could she not feel bad? When I told her I wanted to die, and she told me that she didn't care and that I should get help, how could someone do this? How could she gaslight me for months?

Make me question my sanity. I called her and she admitted to the affair, I said some things in a rage, All I remember is I wanted her to change her last name because she is a disgrace to my family. She still hasn't. Remember I have had a great life. I surround myself with people I trust. I avoid drama. I don't know how to act when lied to. I loved her, to death.

I didn't know the guy she had an affair with. I wanted to stop my car and confront the guy. Thank goodness I didn't. I always carry. My emotions were at an all-time high, crushed. I don't even know if this thread makes sense at this point. It was over. divorce took longer than I wanted, for some reason she felt entitled to a lot of things.

The ring, and basically all our gifts from the wedding, she must have really done some mental gymnastics to make herself feel like a victim, unconscionable Imho, all I got from the marriage was a toaster, it's a joke in the family now, I didn't want that stuff anyways, bunch of Horcruxes, LOL, also, thank goodness we didn't have any kids. I'm here to tell all of you that it gets better, divorce is not a bad thing, I have a nice townhome now, I'm dating a lot, there are so many great girls, wow, I have my great job still, do much to be thankful for, I can honestly say that I don't hate my ex, she is nothing to me, like a long lost memory. I don't even remember the color of her eyes or her phone number,

couldn't care less what happens with her as I wouldn't know how to find out if I wanted to, I've cut off contact with everyone in her family, and there were some great people there, I think they all knew what was going on all along, just glad one of them came clean to me, once again. Hang in there, know your worth, I believe that I have good things coming, I'll look back one day and be so glad my life worked out the way it did, it's all a blur now, and I apologize for the wordy post, I was surprised I couldn't remember a whole lot more, that's a good thing though, right? I hope you enjoy this story. Realized that four out of my five offspring, with ages of 33F, 3. 3.3.000. 30F, 28M, and 14F, are not biologically related to me. Spouse, 51F, is refusing to provide any explanations. Please refrain from utilizing genetic testing kits.

As a paternity test. If you genuinely want to check your child as your own, get a proper paternity test at your local med lab, medical lab. Ancestry tests are not accurate, and should not be used to test paternity. In my case, it simply raised the alarm to get a proper test. I apologize if this is not an appropriate sub to ask. I posted this on our slash relationships but it was locked, and the mod suggested I ask on our slash parenting. But I also want relationship advice on how to deal with my wife, so I want to ask for advice

here, too. First of all, I'm sorry if this ends up being long and rambly, I am not really in the best state of mind. My world has been turned upside down over the last couple of weeks. I just want to write as much context as possible so I can get the best advice needed. For obvious reasons, I am not yet comfortable talking about this with my friends slash parents slash siblings. Background, I met my wife when we were in high school and we married in college. We have five beautiful children together, really, I consider them a total blessing regardless of what I'm about to bring up, and up until a couple of weeks ago I thought that we had the perfect marriage.

We were typical high school sweethearts, we go out together, we never fight, I feel like I've done everything a loving husband should do. I am saying this not to make myself out as the perfect husband. For example, my work has always meant I work long hours and maybe haven't always been there when she needed me, but I want to stress that I've never felt our marriage was in any trouble. And never in a million years would I ever have suspected my wife of being disloyal, she's always done everything she could to support me and take care of our children. Now, my eldest daughter recently had an ancestry test done. And the results of the ancestry test strongly suggested I was not her father. She confided this to me privately,

showing me the results and I could tell she was visibly upset by this. Of course, the first thing I did was reassure her that no matter what, she's my daughter and I'll always love her unconditionally. But secondly, the two of us decided to get an official paternity test since the ancestry tests are not completely reliable. It comes back and I am indeed not her biological father. This news really broke me. I'm ashamed to say I broke down in tears in front of my daughter. The combination of finding out about my wife's infidelity and how upset I was making my daughter by how I was reacting. I really wish I had kept it in for her sake, but I didn't. Following this I asked my other children, except my youngest, to come and see me. I wanted to know the extent of my

wife's infidelity, if it was a one-off, I could maybe work past it, especially given how long ago it would be. However, I didn't want to tell my youngest as she is still in school, a teenager, and really I didn't think it was appropriate to tell her yet. We tell the other three. We tell the other what has happened, I reassure them that I love them unconditionally and that I'll always be their dad, but that I need to know how long this has been going on. God, I can't begin to explain how touching their reaction was. They didn't care I wasn't their biological father, they were just upset at how heartbroken I was. I feel like the only thing that has kept me going these last couple of weeks is their unwavering support. So we have paternity tests for each of the three done. Not only are none of

them my biological children, together four of my children have three different fathers, which somehow made it worse. It's like, she wasn't just having an ongoing affair, she was having multiple. I can't explain how this make it worse, but it just does dot so I confront my wife with this, expecting her to confess and beg for forgiveness. She doesn't confess. She doesn't even take it seriously. She says the tests must be flawed.

All four. How the hell am I supposed to take that seriously? I keep bringing it up and she keeps brushing it off, getting progressively more annoyed at me. When I bring it up, she will try and guilt trip me. We've been together since high school, do you seriously not trust me? Etcetera. But how am I supposed to trust her in the face of such overwhelming evidence? Now that I have rambled and explained what has happened. I guess let me ask a few direct questions. for advice how can I reassure my children this doesn't change anything between us. I feel like the way I have reacted, total breakdowns, has made them second-guess this despite however many times I reassured them that how do I handle my youngest daughter.

I feel like our marriage is beyond saving, and I will need to tell my daughter something. I don't want her to know the truth until she's older. But I also don't want my wife lying and making me out to be the villain that I s there anyway, any way at all, you think I could or should save my marriage. I've been with my wife my entire life it's almost impossible to see a life without her. I know that the answer should be a clear-cut leave her, but we have five kids together. If there's anything that can be done to save our marriage, I want to consider it seriously. Edit, thanks so much to everyone for all the support and advice.

I have not replied to as many comments as I should have, but I've read each and every one in your advice to heart. I'll continue reading any comments or messages you send me. Again, I can't begin to thank you for all your support. If this is resolved, I might post an update, but if she continues to lie then I don't think I'll bother, as there's not much more I can add. From the advice in this and the R-slash-parenting thread I've decided to. Get second tests just in case some freak accident has occurred. Confront my wife with all four of my older children present. Tell my youngest of the situation. Ask her if she wants to have a paternity test.

It will be entirely her decision. I'm 100% going to get some form of therapy. My mental state has really been deteriorating over the last couple of weeks, and I owe it to my kids to hold it to together. Depending on whether my wife tells the truth, and what her explanation is, if any, I have not ruled out some form of counseling. But at the moment I think divorce is inevitable unless she changes her attitude drastically.

Contact a lawyer and prepare for divorce, if it comes to that once again. I'd like to thank all of you for the time you took to express your support and share advice. Edit 2, I guess I should clarify some things that people have been asking. How did the ancestry results suggest I wasn't her father? My family is entirely Irish. No relatives outside of Ireland other than my immediate family, and I even have the stereotypical red hair. My daughter's ancestry results showed nothing from the British-I'll slash Western Europe slash Northern Europe. That's what set off alarm bells, but it's by no means conclusive, hence the paternity tests.

Which two children share the same father? My two eldest daughters share the same father. How did your wife conceive your children? Our eldest daughter was not planned. All the others were planned. Each time we conceived several months after we started trying. Our first three planned children were both our ideas. While she pressured me into having our youngest,

she was in her late 30s and wanted one last child before it was too late, and eventually I agreed. She was conceived several months after we started trying, too. Are you infertile? I don't know. I've never had a fertility test done. But the fact that none of our planned children are mine makes me think that I might be. I will have a fertility test as soon as possible. OOP also posted the same post in our slash parenting and our slash relationships, but both instances were removed. Overall, commenters in all three subredits were encouraging OOP to tell his youngest,

consult a lawyer before confronting his wife and trying another paternity test in case the first one was wrong. All of the important questions and suggestions are addressed in the edits to the original post. First update, April 2, 2019, posted in OOP's profile. I have received a lot of messages slash comments asking about an update in countless. Remind me comments. I am unsure how they work, but I assume they are also after an update. I will post an update, but it will not be any time soon. This entire mess will take a long time to, well, make any sense out of.

I don't know when I will post an update, but it will be weeks from now at a minimum, if not months. But I promise it will come eventually, once again, thanks for the tremendous support everyone has shown me. Second and final update, March 1st, 2020, also posted on OOP's profile. I have been debating whether or not to post an update, because nothing was ever resolved. I decided I would post it here in case anyone is still waiting for one. I apologize for not updating early when I promised I would dot my kids and I confronted their mother shortly after making that Reddit post. It really didn't go well. I think the prospect that no one believed her finally hit home, because she completely broke down and apologized profusely,

but refused to explain herself or anything that would give myself peace of mind. For the next few weeks we barely said a word to each other, I was hoping she was thinking it over, and I expected her to eventually sit me down and explain herself. I figured she was so far deep in a lie that got out of control, she needed time to think things over, nope. I came home one evening to find she had committed suicide by overdosing. So I lost the love of my life, and I'll never know what mistakes she had made. I really wish I could go back in time and forget about it all. Whatever mistakes she made, I honestly wanted to work through it, and now I'm just riddled

with guilt that I pressed her for an answer. The worst part of this entire ordeal was watching my kids work so hard to keep me together, after having lost their mother anyway, please tell your family you love them while you have the chance. On to the next story. Story 2 My 53M, daughter, 15F, is pregnant, How do I tell her that our older daughter, 31F, is actually her biological mother?

Before I start telling this story, please take a moment and try to understand this image, since this is extremely crucial to understand the whole story. So me, 53M, and my wife, Rose, 53F, had our older daughter Sarah, 31F, when we were 22. We were young and broke, but managed and now we raised Sarah the best we could. She got pregnant at 15. It was a very depressing time for her, she had to go to therapy, and never told us anything about the father, which always upset her, so we never pushed the issue. She originally wanted to terminate, but kept canceling, and eventually told us she wanted to give her up for adoption. But five months into the pregnancy, when she was discussing with a social worker for a couple to adopt, the couple dropped out of the adoption.

After trying to find more couples, Sarah asked us if we wanted to adopt. Me and Rose were both 38 at this point, and we had both been discussing having another child, so we ended up adopting our daughter Ellie when Sarah had her at 16. Two years after Ellie, me and my wife had our son Logan, 13, biologically. Growing up we always planned on telling Ellie she was adopted, but we knew with telling her that, we had to tell her Sarah was her bio-mother. Sarah never became close with Ellie, not even as Sikh tears. She moved out after the birth and lived with Rose's sister.

She has always shown sisterly love to her Logan, but never towards Ellie. There has always been conflicting feelings with Sarah. I have seen posts on Sarah's Instagram where she posted a picture of what was supposed to be the five of us, but Ellie was cut out. I confronted her about this and she said, says it's too painful. However, a couple years ago she showed up drunk begging us to let us see her daughter. We talked to her and let her stay but did not let her near Ellie since she was drunk. We found out from her husband she had suffered several miscarriages and was told to consider

a surrogate. She ended up doing that four years ago and has since had twins Jack and Jill, 3M and F, who are biologically hers. Ellie has loved being an aunt to the twins and Sarah has encouraged this with Ellie, and has been inviting Ellie over her house for family time with Logan, who loves being an uncle. We have asked Sarah that in light of the twins and Ellie being close to them, wouldn't it be time to tell Ellie the truth, but Sarah keeps claiming she is not ready. Recently Ellie came to us and has told us she is pregnant. This time it is a completely different situation. We have met the father, he is a childhood friend of hers and they decided they wanted to loss their virginities to each other.

We had the talk with Ellie long ago, as we did with Sarah. We approached the situation calmly and have since met with the father and his parents. Ellie is insistent on keeping the baby. She is three months along. We have not told Sarah yet, we do not know how to approach the situation, we don't know how she will be able to take it. Me and my wife are considering telling Ellie the truth, but we need Sarah to be there. Relevant comments from OOP.

Haunted OO, did you ever consider Sarah was raped and that's why she never told you about the father, wanted to terminate, and is incredibly distant from her daughter because she is the offspring of a rapist. Just a passing thought. O.P. Yes, she has never said anything but we have always suspected that is what happened. Her therapist would be the only person who knows but whatever is said stays between them. Lionavon, please discuss contraception with your son if you haven't already. Also, why is her being pregnant and nudge to tell her she is your other daughter's biological child? Wouldn't that be a bit much just this second? O.P., yeah, we might hold off on telling her, but at the same time we don't know how Sarah will react

finding out Ellie is pregnant. We have had the talk with all three of our children about contraception, they didn't want to use protection the first time, and thought being careful would not risk pregnancy. Transportation Fund 219, I did think this straightaway, wonder what will happen when one of them does a off-the-shelf DNA test, probably will happen at some point. O.P., I would not do a DNA test without Ellie knowing anything, because if Sarah was assaulted I would not want him around Ellie. Update, November 7, 2023. So I decided to write in an update as a I'm still getting messages on this account. First I want to address the main issue. I was wondering about advice on what to do after finding about my daughter Ellie 15 is pregnant,

but that we had the exact same situation with her older sister Sarah 31, who is actually Ellie's biological mother. Well, I decided to just focus on helping out Ellie, who is four months pregnant. We didn't want to stress her out by telling her about the adoption yet, in fact, we know we should have already told her a long time ago, despite Sarah's emotions on the matter. It's not like we even knew the details on Ellie's father, so that would have been Sarah's talk, but we as Ellie's parents still should have told her the truth when she was younger. A week after I made the post-Elly told family about the pregnancy.

She had since told my parents, her boyfriend's grandparents, and then, of course, she has told Sarah. Sarah didn't react well, but told her she would support her. Of course, Sarah reached out to us after, very upset, but said she was ready to talk to Ellie, first about the adoption with us, and she said that she wanted to tell Ellie about her father alone. We sat down and had the discussion. Ellie was of course upset, but calmed down after a while. She of course had questions about her father, Sarah had that discussion with her, at the time

I didn't know what she was told, and it was none of our business, but Ellie told us she knows who he is, and said she didn't want to reach out. So we moved on after that. The other day I got a call from my sister-in-law, Renee, 31F, my brother's wife. She was angry and was asking what kind of sick ideas was Sarah putting in Ellie's head. She started mentioning stuff about Ellie's adoption, so after I got her to calm down she told me what happened. She claimed that Ellie had messaged my brother Ethan, 32, and told him about the adoption and wanted to talk to him. This confused me because me and Ethan don't talk much, we were never really close because we are 21 years apart. He was my mother's late child and he always got along with mine and our sister's kids as they

were all around the same age, and Ellie only saw him on the holidays. So telling him about the details in her life didn't make sense. Renée explained to me that Ellie claimed that Ethan was her father because that is what Sarah had told her and told him that he was going to be a grandpa. I had to sit down for a while. I called Sarah and we had a long conversation. She told me that yes, it was true that Ethan is Ellie's biological father. Sarah and Ethan were close when they were young, they were only eight months apart. Sarah says that when they went thought puberty feelings changed and that every time she went to her grandmothers,

they would hide away from everyone and have their own time. Sarah was upset talking about this but told me that he never assaulted her and that it was always consensual. She never wanted to tell me because she was ashamed of the fact that the father of her baby was her uncle. I have since talked to Ethan as well. He denied it to Ellie over text but told me that it was true. We exchanged a few words back and forth, even if this was consensual, how could he sleep with his own niece? He had all these but I wasn't hearing it. He knew of the pregnancy and being Ellie's father the whole time, and he never even bothered to step up to say anything. I have talked to Ellie about it, she says she was upset when she found out, but she always thought she looked like my stepdad's side of the family.

It upset me when she mentioned that because honestly I see it, it's pretty obvious now. I always knew that Ellie favored whoever her father was because she didn't look like anyone, but I never suspected Ethan. My mother and stepdad have found out and Ethan told Renee it was true. She is left with their kids to stay with her family. Ethan has tried to reach out to Ellie now, but I don't want her speaking to him. I'm still her father and I don't think she is safe being in touch with him. Ellie has shown no interest in talking. I asked her why she reached out to him before talking to Sarah or us about it,

and she said she just wanted to know his side of the story, but feels betrayed for being lied to. Relevant comments. Commentator asks about family tree to clarify up relationships. O.P., I apologize the reason I was so specific about it is because it's the reason we have always been distant. My father died when I was 20, and we were all devastated. My mother was as well, but then told us months after my father died she was pregnant by a coworker, they married three months before Ethan was born. Although we are distant I'm the closest sibling who communicates, none of my sisters have

anything to do with him. Gracie, Sarah should have fessed up at the start. Did Ethan know Ellie was his when she was adopted? Surely it was no surprise. How could he go 15 years living a lie? Sarah too. This is so messed up. O. P., Ethan knew about being the father of Sarah's baby, he wanted Sarah to abort, which is why she wanted to abort in the beginning, but she decided on adoption. Crypto underscore Gambler 952 maybe it's time that you older daughter do for her daughter what you did for her. O. P. Ellie and her boyfriend fully intend on raising this baby as their own, with the support of me and my wife and his parents. I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse declines to correct her entitled child who intimidates my less privileged child

over his secondhand garments from the charity shop. I, a 45-year-old male, Eminem, relationship with my partner, a 47-year-old female. Both have teen sons from previous relationships. Her son Noah, 14, and my son Spencer, 15. Spencer's biological mom, my ex, is a deadbeat who doesn't pay her child support and hasn't spoken to Spencer in years, while Noah's biological dad is very involved in Noah's life and takes him every other week. Noah's dad also makes a fair bit more money than either me or my wife, and this leads to Noah having nicer things than Spencer. For example, Noah has a fairly new iPhone, while Spencer has an old model with a cracked screen. Noah's dad has promised to pay his way through college, while Spencer works two part-time jobs, by his choice,

to start saving up but will still probably have to take out loans. Most relevant to our current problem is that Spencer wears almost exclusively secondhand-thrift clothes while Noah's dad buys him department store slash name brand clothes. Because of the difference in the way the two boys dress, Noah has taken to making fun of Spencer for looking like a hobo, like he crawled out of a gutter, and like trailer trash. These are just nasty, unnecessary, and, in my opinion, very classist insults. It's not like Spencer doesn't put effort into his appearance either. We just don't have the money to fill his closet with $1.30 t-shirts and $75 pairs of of genes. Now, Spencer has a bit of a temper, and the difference between his things and Noah's

things is a sore spot. As a result, the boys have gotten into several shouting matches and one major physical altercation. Spencer is tall for his age, and Noah hit puberty late, so it was more of a beat down than a fight, though no one went to the hospital. I've spoken to my wife multiple times about disciplining Noah, but she insists that he's just doing it to get a reaction out of Spencer, and the solution is for Spencer to stop falling for it rather than any consequences or even a strong conversation for Noah. I may have accepted this if Noah was in elementary school, but he's a teenager, and a teenager needs to be at least told not to antagonize his stepbrother, who he knows as outbursts. I've tried to talk to Noah myself, but he just says, you're not my dad.

You can't tell me what to do. And yes, I have talked to Spencer about keeping his temper in check, but at this point, it's not his fault when he's constantly being demeaned for something he has no control over. So, after the aforementioned physical incident, I gave my wife an ultimatum, discipline Noah, or I'm leaving. I told her that I couldn't keep my son in a home where he's constantly on edge because she refuses to parent her son. I told her that, as a step-parent, I have little authority over Noah, so it's on her to set him straight. She asked me if I was seriously considering divorcing her over the way she parents her son, and I said yes, that this isn't about her, but about protecting my son from Noah's bullying. She told me I was being manipulative and that threatening divorce over every little thing is abusive.

I tried to explain that this wasn't a little thing, and she just told me to give her a few days to think things over. I agreed to give her a week before I would contact a lawyer. Ada. More info, as I said, I've tried to talk to Noah, but he's like a brick wall. He won't listen to anyone except his mom and dad. I tried to take his phone once, for an unrelated reason, and his mom and dad blew up on me for stealing. And my wife basically told me that I have no right to do anything to him because he's not biologically mine.

I don't feel like I have the right to mess with their custody arrangement and tell her that Noah is welcome only on weekends or something like that, and I felt like taking the nuclear option, divorce, would get her attention and take the issue seriously. Honestly, this was a test, and depending on how she took or didn't take, action from my threat, I would weigh our relationship. I admit that my relationship with my wife needs work, but my son is my priority, and I'm not willing to keep him in a house with a bully while my wife. and I work on things. Also, when Spencer beat Noah after he had enough, my wife didn't want to involve the cops because no one got hurt bad enough to require a doctor's visit and because she considered it a scuffle between brothers. I've told my son that he needs to control his anger, and I don't tell him he's a victim. I don't condone violence from my son, but at this point, my son was at his breaking point, so I don't blame him the least. Also, Noah threw the first punch,

so yes, I am proud of my son for standing up for himself. Finally, some people here are acting like wearing thrifted clothes is some kind of child abuse, but really, the only difference between my son's clothes and my stepson's clothes is the brand name and where they were purchased. I wear thrift clothes, and so does my wife. It wasn't an issue until Noah decided it made him superior. Update 1. First off, as per everyone's advice in my last post, I've gotten in contact with a divorce lawyer and have begun to draft papers. Whether or not they'll be filed remains to be seen.

Second, I didn't think I'd be updating so soon, but there's been a major development. Yesterday, Noah's father, who I'll be calling Mike, called me. We have each other's numbers, but we generally don't speak, so this was a surprise. I picked up, greeted him and asked what was up. He told me he was calling because of the fight or boys' guys' guys' got into and asked me if knew anything about it. So I told him that I did know about it and that, thankfully, neither boy was hurt badly. Then he tells me, good, that's good to hear.

Listen, from the way Noah tells the story, your boy, Spencer, was it? Attacked mine over some petty argument over clothes. Now I know my boy can exaggerate, so I figured I'd call to get it from you. So, I tell him what I know and say, yeah, well, Well, now I don't mean to call Noah any kind of liar, but that's only half the story. See, lately, your boy has taken to picking on mine because you can afford to dress him in more expensive clothes. Now, I'm glad that Noah can have the clothes he wants thanks to you, but he's decided that

makes him superior to Spencer. Noah called him a hobo, trailer trash, told him he looked like he crawled out of a gutter, and said he wouldn't be surprised if Spencer ended up on the street in five years. Mike was surprised that his son would say things like that and assured me that that is not the type of thing he teaches him in his house. Then he asked me to tell him more, so I continued with, Right, now my boy can have a temper, and I'm working on that with him be sure, but Noah wouldn't listen when I told him to knock it off. There have been a few yelling fights, and then a couple of days ago, Noah just kept winding him up, and they were shouting at each other, and then Noah swung, and well the rest is history. Now, Mike was really surprised that Noah was the first to use his hands. I confirmed that was the case, but also clarified that it wasn't a fair fight at all because

Noah didn't get another chance, and Spencer did the rest. I told Mike that I was glad neither got hurt too bad and then I told him, let me be frank. Your boy is causing problems in my house, and he needs to stop before he gets put in the hospital. Could you talk to him about it? Sherry, my wife, won't address this, but our relationship is a whole other deal. And then Mike said, oh yeah, for sure, I'll talk to him. And also, so long as no one goes to the hospital, feel free to let your boy set mine straight, if you know what I mean.

That's how I learned to stop being a mouthy little shit. Maybe a little schoolyard justice will do the same for him. I was really appreciative of Mike's approach and told him that I'd pass his message to but that I'd honestly prefer less violence in my house. He said he agreed that he was disappointed in Noah and apologized for his behavior with Spencer. Then we hung up. Anyway, Noah goes to Mike's place tomorrow, so hopefully his father can straighten him out. As for my relationship with my wife, I'll be having a serious sit down with her soon. If we can't work things out, that lawyer of mine will come in handy. And yes, I did tell Spencer what. I did tell Spencer

what Mike said about setting Noah straight, but I made it clear that Spencer is not to start anything, but if Noah gets physical first, Spencer has my permission to shut him down. Update two so, some of you suggested that Sherry and I have a family meeting with Mike and the boys, and I figured it was worth a try. I called Mike, and he said it was a great idea, but Sherry didn't want to because her divorce from Mike was so chaotic, and she didn't want to make things awkward. It took some convincing, but she caved to vexed to very much. It took some convincing, but she caved eventually. I won't go into the little details, but basically, Mike and I tried to explain to Noah and Sherry why what Noah had been doing was wrong and deserved punishment. But Sherry was

being really stubborn and ended up with Mike deciding to take all of Noah's clothes away and give him $100 to make his wardrobe for all of the coming school year, with it reduced down by $15 for each time he insulted Spencer, a moot point now, but he didn't know that at the time. Sherry was, of course, opposed, but there was not much she could do. Mike took Noah and left, Spencer got picked up by my mom, and then I got into it with Sherry. It started out civil, talking about parenting philosophy and our different experiences with bullying and the like. She just wouldn't calm down, though, and we had the biggest fight of our relationship. I admit, I was a bit at fault, too, for not backing down. What can I say? I'm one stubborn ass.

It was an hours-long screaming match that was basically her defending Noah and saying he has a right to his words because he's smaller, younger, and because he had to go through his parents' messy divorce and he has emotional trauma, I don't actually know if this is true, but to be frank, I don't care. I yelled back that Spencer's mom is a fucking deadbeat, so fuck you and your excuses. In the end, it devolved into petty insults and ended with her throwing a lamp at me while screaming that she'd rather bang her co-worker, and I ran out of the house and drove to my mom's place. Anyway, a couple of days later, this somehow all got back to Mike, who invited me out for a drink, and I obviously said yes because I really needed one at that point. We got to talking about Sherry, and it turns out you all were right about their divorce, too. According to Mike, he left her because they got into a huge fight after he caught her poking holes in their condoms.

She wanted another kid, but he didn't, and she was trying to get her way with an oops baby. They didn't even have a pre-nup, she just managed to blow through all the money she had gotten from him before I met her. So yeah, suffice it to say I'm glad I got myself snipped a while ago. Anyway, I filed the divorce papers, and I'm fucking devastated, but I know it's for the brinked. best. Fuck my life, and thanks for listening to my ranting internet strangers. Also, I'd be happy just to be drinking buddies with Mike, he's really cool. And considering the shit I'm about to get into, I'm going to need someone to drown my feelings with. Two weeks ago, I would never have imagined it would come to this, but leaving her feels like a weight off my shoulders. Honestly,

like I said, I'm just glad we don't have any kids together. This will be my last. last update, I'm going to focus on screwing her over as badly as I can. Seriously, fuck you, Sherry. Now on to the next story. Story 2. Best friend friend, 22M, wants me, 20m, to step aside so he can date my unofficial girlfriend. 18F. A little over three years ago, I had just gotten out of a relationship with a girl who was really

abusive. I broke up with her shortly before I graduated high school and wanted to take some time to focus on myself. Of course, a few weeks after the breakup, I met the most gorgeous girl I've ever met, and we really hit it off. I'll refer to her as Lila. She had also gotten out of an abusive relationship, so neither of us was looking for anything serious. At the time, my driver's license was suspended, too much speeding, bad time in my life, learned my lesson, and my friend, I'll call him Kay, offered to drive me to see her. For a few months, we would mostly just hang out together because we all got along really well, and she and I would mostly just cuddle up if we were all watching a movie.

Sometimes, we would sneak off for a few minutes to make out a little, but not long because we didn't want to be rude to Kay. Lila and Kay developed their own friendship during this time, but it was obviously platonic on both ends, like an older brother slash younger sister dynamic. Kay also had a girlfriend of four years then, but they were hanging by a threat. After six months, I got my license back, and I'd see Lila slash take her out without K. At that point, Lila and I started sleeping together. We both really liked each other, but I panicked and sort of ghosted her for a few weeks.

Lila and Kay continued talking, and he said he wasn't going to stop being friends with her because I was being an idiot. Fair enough. I realized I was being stupid, and Lila agreed to see me again. We immediately picked right back up where we left off. Around this time, Kay and his girlfriend broke up, so I moved in with him. I would see Lila a few times a week, and she would come to our place on the weekends, and we would all hang out. That continued for several more months until she ghosted me for about two weeks. She told Kay she was afraid. I would bail again, and she didn't want to go through the pain again. We worked it out, but embarrassingly, this cycle has since been repeated once or twice. Not in over a year, though.

Over the last year especially, I've noticed Kay has acted differently around Lila. He'll flirt with her in front of me. She's very friendly with him, but does not flirt back and pulls away when he touches her. I told him I didn't like it, but he said it doesn't matter if he flirts with her, she loves me. She says she doesn't feel that way about Kay at all, and everything indicates that's the truth. Kay has also started drinking more lately, and the other night, Lila was not here, he started whining about life not being fair. I took the bait and asked what was wrong, and he started rambling about how Lila was too good for me, and I didn't deserve her. I agree, but it still pissed me off. He then told me he was in love with her and had been for a while,

I cared for either of them at all, I'd step aside so he could pursue her. I didn't want to argue with him while he was drunk, so I went to bed. I confronted him in the morning, and he doubled down. He said that I couldn't commit, I couldn't give her what she wanted slash needed, she wasn't my girlfriend, and she was fair game to try to date. Am I wrong for thinking this is messed up? Lila and I do have an unconventional relationship, I'll admit. We don't refer to each other as boyfriend slash girlfriend, but we don't sleep with other people,

we tell each other we love each other, she usually stays at my place, and we have a good relationship with each other's families. I think we're pretty happy together. I know she doesn't want to be with him, so I'm not worried about that, but since Kay said those things, I can't help but question if I'm being unfair to Lila by holding her back with me. More info, when we started sleeping together, we did have a little. a conversation and agreed we didn't want to sleep with or date other people, but we also didn't want to put a label on our relationship. We do discuss it occasionally and have always been on the same

page, but we have gotten a lot more serious in the last year. The more I type it out, the dumber it seems not to make things more official, though. Kay is obviously free to try his luck, but she has said she's not interested. If anything, he'll just mess up his friendship with her. I honestly never saw it as dragging her along. We both did bail in the past, but we've also each been seeing therapists, separately, for over a year now to work out our commitment issues, and we haven't repeated that cycle since. So, I'm not going to bail again. I am completely in love with her, and she's honestly the only person I can see myself ever being with. She feels the same way, but how do you really ask out a girl you've already been exclusively dating

for three years. This morning, I did talk to him again and told him what she had said to me, with her permission, which was essentially that his advances have been making her uncomfortable, and if he wants to maintain any friendship with us, then he's got to roll things back to how they used to be. He said he wouldn't believe it until he heard her say it herself, without me around. I'm conflicted about that because I don't want to come across as controlling, but I also worry about his reaction when she rejects him. She said she was going to try calling him before agreeing to see him. My guess.

He'll claim I'm with her, he'd be right, so he won't accept it. He's trying to manipulate her. He knows it's heartbreaking for her to disappoint anyone, and I think he's trying to play off that. I feel bad for him because he's obviously going through some shit, but Kay has seen my relationship with Lila from the beginning. Everyone who knows us knows the deal. Update 1. I wanted to thank everyone who took the time to respond to my post and update anyone who might be interested in the outcome. I have been staying with Lila for about a week now, since the initial confrontation with K and thanks to people here, I was sure I wanted to ask her if she wanted to make things more official.

She ended up making things even easier for me, as luck would have it. Lila asked me if it might make things easier if I just told K. that she was my girlfriend. I jumped on that opportunity and asked if I could tell everyone she was my girlfriend, and she said yes. She and I are going to look at a few apartments this week since I obviously need a new living situation, and we want to move in together. Kay and I had a few brief discussions after he told me he wanted to be with Lila. I had told her everything Kay had said to me, and she was not the least bit interested in him, which I had assumed. I also told him that she is officially my girlfriend now, which should satisfy his concerns about my not committing

to her. However, he refused to believe any of it without confirmation from her, in person, without me around. She initially agreed to meet with him on Sunday, with the plan that they would meet at her house, since she lives with her mom and stepdad, but he rejected that, saying he wanted to meet at the apartment, without me there. She told him she wasn't comfortable with that. If he wanted to meet up without her parents or me there, they at least had to be somewhere public. I understood him not wanting me in the room or getting his heart broken in the middle of a Starbucks or something, but him rejecting her parents' house when they'd always been friendly with him was a big red flag for us. I don't even think I'm going back to the apartment to get the rest of my stuff.

He got pissed that his threatening behavior made her feel threatened and went on a tirade, calling her every name in the book. She told him she wasn't going to see him again at all and blocked his number. He has reached out to me a few times, ranging from sad to aggressive, I'm a text or two away from blocking him as well. Hopefully, he'll just move on, and it won't come to that. I hope he's able to get his life together, but I can't help him at this point. If he does try to contact her again, then she's going to try to get a restraining order. I've also told our mutual friends what is happening and that he can't.

can't know where a new apartment will be under any circumstances. Edit, to clarify, we both wish him well, but neither of us wants to continue a friendship with him under any circumstances. Since posting this, I have also blocked him. I agree with posters that there is no point in keeping any lines of communication open anymore. I have also reached out to some friends to help get the rest of my stuff out, but I was already able to get everything important when I first left. He can make a shrine out of my old shirts if he really wants.

Again, thank you to the posters who helped me navigate this situation. Update 2, OK, so my stuff is out, thanks to two of my friends, who are also friends of Kay, Fenda tried ahead of time to convince Kay to leave so we could get everything out without him, but it wasn't happening. Kay said he wanted to make sure I didn't mess with his stuff, which is ironic, since he tried messing with my relationship. Frenda then offered to act as a buffer so friend by and I could get my stuff out. When we first got to the apartment, Kay was obviously drunk but calm and seemed almost

apologetic. I had already decided I wasn't going to engage with him at all because I didn't see the point anymore. He did not like being ignored, apparently and started going off, gradually saying worse and worse shit. He started saying shit about Lila, but I was able to ignore him and let it roll off my back until he told me I might need to fuck her up and get her in line. He knows her ex before me was abusive.

I'm very thankful my friends were able to get me out of there quickly because I have never been so angry like that in my life. It's crazy. He's been texting other mutual friends to find out where we signed our lease. They had to block him, too. I do not want any further contact with him and have told him that. I do hope he can get his shit together, but I do hope he can get his shit together, but I'm not. I'm done with him either way. I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse traveled to England for a

marriage celebration. I received a message from an unfamiliar individual containing images of her jewelry discovered in the pocket of a different man. Presently, she is relocating there indefinitely and leaving our children behind. Hello everyone. I, am 47, have a comfortable and fulfilling life. I have a job I truly enjoy, I live in a nice suburb, and am blessed with three wonderful children, M8, F6, F4, and a lovely wife, Emily, 45. I've always felt Emily and I were an ideal match. However, a recent email I received has deeply unsettled me and planted a seat of doubt in my mind. Emily lived in the UK between 2010 and 2015, during which time she pursued a PhD. Because she lived there so long, she developed many close friendships and has made it a point to return every couple of years to maintain those ties. This past August, she traveled to the UK for three weeks to attend the wedding of one of her close friends.

After some consideration, we agreed that it would be best for me and the children to remain at home, as I could not take that much time. away from work, and the children were unlikely to find much enjoyment in such an event. Emily departed, returned as expected, and life returned to normal for us. Last week, I received an email on my work email address. It was supposedly from the wife of Emily's friend, I'll call him Jake, M44. According to this woman, she has a very strong reason to suspect that Jake and Emily engaged in an affair. She listed off her suspicions, noting Jake had picked Emily up from the airport, spent considerable time at her hotel, and how the two of them frequently went out to dinner alone.

She even included pictures of my wife's earrings that she said she found in Jake's pockets when she was doing the laundry and pictures of a lipstick stain on a shirt. The color is one I recognize as something Emily often wears. There is some other evidence she listed off. For the sake of conceitness I will not include. them here. All this was a lot to absorb, and for a while, I thought it was some sort of joke, so I tried my best to ignore it, but it kept coming back into my mind. I remember that before her trip, my wife would talk to all her friends there. I don't know if this email is influencing my memory, but I think she probably spoke with Jake the most. Additionally,

I know Emily never liked Jake's wife, though I can't say why. I've never pried into Emily's phone or social media accounts before, but I feel very tempted to now. However, I know I'd feel terrible if I looked and found nothing. Also, if I start acting suspicious, wouldn't she just delete everything out of fear of being found out? I am unsure of how to move forward and would welcome any guidance on handling this. The best I can currently come up with is asking to see her phone immediately after confronting her about it so as to not give her no time to delete anything, though part of me thinks this would upset her and potentially not even show anything. Edit, I forgot to include, my wife no longer has these earrings.

She wasn't wearing them when she returned and when I asked, she said she lost them. Comments were op has replied. Commenter one, info, the other evidence bears listing. Best to have all the facts as you understand them, concision aside. Oop, it isn't as solid as the other stuff she shared which is why I just. decided to leave it out. But the other evidence is as follows. She said that every day Emily was there, Jake would either go see her or talk on the phone with her. She also said that whenever Jake was on the phone with Emily, he'd quickly hang up or leave the room if he noticed her.

She mentioned they seemed to not even hide how much physical contact they'd have as they'd always find an excuse to touch each other. They'd reminisce about old times a lot. She even said the way they would look at each other. Commenter to, NTA and show your wife the email from this person and ask the question. Oop, I guess I will, here's hoping it turns out to be nothing. Update 1, October 18th, 2024. A few hours after sharing my first post, I confronted Emily, she confirmed my fears. She claims she's in love with Jake and can't live a lie any longer. She still claims to love me and the kids but says she can't stay with us any longer. According to her, she was waiting for a better time to tell me and the children.

Apparently, this has been going on since March, with Jake flying out here occasionally and Emily secretly meeting him. We're getting divorced. Emily is moving to the UK soon. She confirmed that in August, in addition to the wedding, she attended a job interview, and she's set to start around the new year. She's already applied for a British visa. She plans to live with Jake once she moves.

As for custody, Emily is voluntarily surrendering her chance of full custody. She doesn't want to uproot the kids, so they'll stay here in Canada with me. There's a part of me that appreciates that decision, but there's also the part that is astonished at how easily she's walking away. She wants to pay child support, but I'd rather raise my children without her financial influence. That said, the court will likely insist on support, regardless of my feelings. Emily is also seeking structured visitation rights, which, given the circumstances, will likely be granted. Based on what I've been told, the court generally leans toward arrangements that allow both parents to maintain relationships with the children, even when one is relocating to a different

country. The lawyers are still working out the details, but it seems she'll have visitation during school breaks and holidays, with the possibility of virtual calls in between. I've been keeping things as amicable as possible, and the more cooperative I am, the more Emily seems to agree with my demands. We are also discussing the future of our home. Emily has expressed a desire to sell the property and divide the proceeds. While I am reluctant to part with a family home, it is unlikely I have much of a choice since it was bought during our marriage.

For now, our lawyers are still working through the details, and no final decisions have been made. Given the situation, it could be a good while before we reach a resolution. In the meantime, I've been advised not to make any major financial moves. As much as I want to stay here with the children, I know selling is most likely inevitable. As of this writing, Emily is in an Airbnb and Jake has flown here to stay with her. They plan on traveling to the UK at some point in the near future. My lawyer tells me that adultery isn't grounds for special treatment when it comes to custody or property division. Therefore, it won't influence how assets are divided unless marital funds are directly involved.

Emily likely used money from her personal account. Unless it can be proven she used our joint finances to fund the affair, it's unlikely this will make any difference in court. I have been in regular communication with Jake's soon-to-be ex-wife, Eleanor, primarily through email, and more recently, we've spoken over the phone a few times. Eleanor apologized, saying she felt guilty for telling me about the affair and worried that if she hadn't, maybe my marriage could have been salvaged. I reassured her that, for me, the gravity of the situation made divorce inevitable, and I'd rather not remain in the dark about something of this significance.

She even sent me messages and other evidence of their relationship, but since Emily is openly admitting to the affair, it doesn't really matter in the context of the law. Eleanor has also told me a lot about Jake, apparently, this is the third time he's cheated on her, and she's had enough. There's no chance of reconciliation this time, she says, and he doesn't seem interested in trying. She mentioned that Jake has zero desire to raise children who are not biologically his, which explains why Emily's not fighting for custody. Eleanor's divorce will most likely be much longer and more drawn out than mine

given that both her and Jake want full custody of their children, and can't agree on several other issues. I haven't had much time to process everything. These past two weeks have felt like a blur in every way. But one thing I can say with certainty is that I have nothing left for Emily. Not because she betrayed our marriage, but because of how easily she's walking away from our children. I never thought I could hate someone I once loved so much, it's a strange feeling. The hardest part in all of this is the children. My two youngest daughters have started asking

why their mother isn't around as much anymore, and it's been very difficult trying to communicate with them about the nature of the situation. My eldest seems to understand a little more and, as a result, he has become quiet and withdrawn. I'm fortunate to have a family that has been incredibly supportive so far. My children have received numerous thoughtful letters from some of their cousins, which I've been reading to them each night. All my siblings have also sent gifts for the kids, and one of my brothers, along with his wife, drove up to visit over the past weekend. My sister-in-law even prepared plenty of food, some of which is still in the freezer. They also kept the children entertained while I met with my lawyer. My other siblings have also offered to come by and

look after the kids whenever I need them. Beyond that, my parents have been calling daily to check in on us, and my 78-year-old mother has already made plans to stay with us for two weeks in November to help around the house. The collective effort of my family has made this experience much more bearable, and I'm deeply grateful for all their support. To everyone who encouraged me to speak with Emily after my last post, I'm grateful. I was tempted to ignore Eleanor's message, but it kept gnawing at me. Your advice gave me the courage to act.

Emily has shown herself to be a liar, and I have no doubt that her idea of a better time was simply when it would cause the least inconvenience for her and Jake. Think of this less as an update and more as a chance to vent a few things now that I've had more time to process my situation. I know that Emily often travel back and forth to the UK during our marriage. She claims her affair with Jake only began in March 24, but I'm convinced she's likely. It's almost certain that this has been going on for years. Given how much she had already prepared by the time I confronted her, it's become clear to me and everyone else that she had been planning this for some time. In fact, within a few short days of our confrontation, she already had certain legal documents

prepared. Additionally, Jake arriving in Canada shortly after I confronted made it clear that they had planned for her to tell me roughly around this date in advance. It makes sense that Emily was well prepared and was just waiting for things to be better lined up for herself. After all, she'd long since applied for her visa, secured a job, secretly appraised her car, our family car, though it was under her name, and sent personal items with Jake to the UK during his secret visits, all right under my oblivious nose.

I have a feeling I'm only scratching the surface and have no real idea of how far this actually goes, not that Emily would ever tell me its depth. In addition to all of this, Emily had already been in touch with her lawyer long before I confronted her. Taking all this into account, it's hard not to wonder if she secured her job even earlier than she let on, perhaps to make her actions seem less calculated. Two of Emily's friends have since reached out to express shock and disappointment by her actions. One of them, Janet, mentioned that according to another friend, Emily had been consulting her divorce lawyer as far back as late August or early September, and this other friend also confirmed my suspicion that Emily had been sending some of her belongings to the UK during Jake's visits.

I've been losing sleep, replaying the past few months in my mind, maybe driving myself a little crazy, but certain things stand out. For example, when Emily went to the UK in August for the wedding, she was carrying three fully loaded suitcases. She told me that they were filled with presents for her friends and I didn't question it, even though it seemed a bit excessive at the time. When I picked her up from the airport after her trip, I noticed the bags were suspiciously light.

I can assume that in addition to the job interview she claimed to attend, she transported a bunch of her personal items to the UK which would explain why since her return, she seemed to have been wearing a smaller selection of her clothing. Despite this, I was somehow blindsided, and I completely blame myself. Looking back, I can see there were signs I ignored. and I guess I didn't think Emily was capable of this sort of thing. A part of me wonders if this outcome could have been avoided entirely had I been more assertive

and vigilant in the past. The worst part of all is that my children are now dealing with the consequences of my ignorance and stupidity. While I twiddled my thumbs, my wife had essentially started a new life. Most people in my life now know about my separation from Emily. I've stopped wearing my wedding band, and I've explained the situation to friends and colleagues who noticed its absence. One of my close friends, and many others who reached out privately on Reddit, have suggested I get DNA tests for the children, given

Emily's travel patterns and tendency to lie. While I understand where they are coming from, this is something I'll never do. I'd never assign my children to another man. Nothing will change that. Life without Emily has thus far been difficult. Mornings have become a hectic rush. Between getting the kids ready and getting myself out the door, I'm barely on time for work for nearly half the week. It's frankly exhausting trying to keep up with all the extra parenting duties I have to perform throughout the day. Our current home has a large driveway, so on top of everything else, I'm already dreading the task of shoveling it once the snow starts falling. The kids are feeling the strain, as well. They don't particularly like the food I prepare most days and they hate how I'm always busy.

It's incredibly frustrating to know that while we're here struggling, Emily recently departed for a relaxing vacation through Europe with Jake. Communication between us has dwindled, and I only learned of these developments recently. I have no idea if she plans to return to Canada after her vacation or settle directly into what will likely be a very comfortable life in the UK. On a more positive note, I was able to get the kids to see their doctor recently. She gave me a bunch of useful resources and advice. She placed an emphasis on how time and clear communication were the most important factors for their adjustment. While I'm optimistic, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried. It's still early, I know, but they remain quite upset about the entire ordeal and act out regularly as a result.

It is abundantly clear that they're having a hard time adjusting to our new reality. Throughout all of this, my family has been a tremendous support. My mother arrived as promised early last week, and things have already become significantly easier. The kids enjoy her cooking and spending time with her. Her presence has also freed me to handle other tasks. Whenever the divorce is finalized, I plan to designate my eldest brother and sister-in-law as legal guardians for the children. They live relatively nearby and have already agreed to take on that role. if needed, which brings me some peace of mind. However, I highly doubt this will be any time soon

given my much busier schedule and Emily dragging her feet before traveling. The whole process has slowed to a snail's pace. One of the hardest aspects of all this has been making decisions about our family home. After considerable thought and speaking it over many times with my family, I'm leaning toward selling at this stage. Emily has already offered me a bit more than half of the proceeds since she sold our SUV right before leaving the country. My lawyer has noted that selling the SUV before we finalized anything was premature on her part, considering I contributed significantly, 40% to the purchase. He thinks I have strong grounds to seek reimbursement elsewhere in our asset division, which aligns with Emily offering more of the house. Getting more

than half seems fair, given that I contributed about 65 to 70% of the down payment and monthly mortgage payments. As I mentioned above, the family SUV was registered and only her name. However, I covered about 40% of its cost, so it's frustrating she sold it unilaterally. As I've learned over the past several weeks, my sedan is too snug for the kids and inconvenient for my mother to duck in and out of when she runs errands. Therefore, I'll need to trade it for something larger. In return, Emily has graciously insisted I keep the furniture and appliances, least she can do, I suppose. As much as part of me would like to stay in our current home, it's probably better for us to move. Part of me hopes this will help us avoid future interference

from Emily, though, in reality, she's just as likely to interfere no matter where we are. I've been looking at townhouses closer to my place of work, which would cut down my commute and place us near a well-rated school. However, my sisters brought up that moving the kids now would mean changing schools and losing their friends, which would be yet another big change for them. An alternative option is that we move to a smaller, more manageable house close to our current one. This would reduce my workload and allow the kids to stay at the same school. Regardless of which option we choose, the idea of a new home without Emily's memory is appealing. Our current Holmes location is yet another example of how foolish and short-sighted I've been.

Its location was much more convenient for Emily's commute compared to my own. It worked out for a time as the children's school was closed to Emily's work in case they needed her during the day, but now all of this is useless as my place of work is rather far. I've heard nothing from Emily's family, and frankly, I have no interest in reaching out. As for Emily's future with Jake, I don't. wish her relationship to fail. The longer her life is stable, the less likely she'll disrupt ours. But I take solace in knowing she remains unaware of Jake's infidelity history. I don't feel any moral obligation to warn her about Jake's character, and Eleanor feels the same

way. I've made a point to check in on Eleanor regularly. She doesn't have the same family support I do. Her immediate family is charmed by Jake's ample wealth and believes that she should whatever it takes to keep him, even though it is clear that neither he nor Eleanor wants reconciliation. Comments where OPP has replied. Commenter one, her friend was shocked and disappointed by her behavior. How? She knew that Emily was already seeing a divorce attorney, right? And also knew that things were being sent to the UK.

The two friends who approached me found out from a third friend about my wife seeing a divorce attorney around late August early September. This third friend only told the two ladies who came to me she knew all of this after Emily had already moved out of the house. This third friend has not spoken with me directly. Commenter too, I'm so sorry, man. Nobody deserves that pain. I've been carrying it around with me for 15 years. I hope you're luckier than I am and meet someone new. Cheaters are the lowest of the low. She's abandoning her own kids for his. Not a soul to be had.

OOP, it is what it is, I suppose. Cheating is one thing, but I'm still stunned she is walking out on our children like this. I would have never imagined she could do something like this. OOP gives some details if Emily decides to come back and want to reinstate her parental rights to her children. What the outcomes would be like for Emily? Given that Emily intends to pay child support and seeks visitation rights, should she return in a few years and request access to the children, it's likely she would be granted some access.

However, as the primary caretaker, would retain full custody. There is, of course, the possibility that she may develop a significant criminal record during her time abroad. Should that happen, it would likely bar her from any access to the children. children. Though, I admit, I might be too optimistic in hoping for such an outcome. The opinions of the kids are also taken into consideration, so I hope if it comes down to that, they clearly state that they prefer staying with me. Of course, all of this is just a rough outline of what I think would happen. Various facts can cause different outcomes. Here's hoping,

my wife stays away so we don't have to go down that road. Oops' reaction on Emily's decision to walk away from their own children and how Emily is willing to be involved with Jake's children. Yes, I'm still in shock at how easily she can just walk away. As one of my sisters-in-law put it, she's off on her broomstick to fulfill her dreams of being some poor children's wicked stepmother. A small consolation is that Eleanor's children, being a bit older than mine, 11 to 14, will likely do their utmost to make Emily's life difficult. I hope you enjoy this story.

I, a 16-year-old boy, have a young daughter who is four months old, and my partner is interested in pursuing higher education which concerns me. Just to address any potential comments, I was aware of contraceptive methods. Just dumb. Story time. My parents divorced when I was 10 but lived primarily with my mom. Tiffany's, 16, parents are together. When our parents found out she was pregnant, her parents kicked her out. and my mom kicked me out.

So now we live with my dad. During the pregnancy my dad took my mom to court and got primary sole custody. I know what this means because I had to go to court for my daughter. He sued Tiffany's parents for legal guardianship and they now pay child support for her and they are pissed and refused to talk to us. I am in my bedroom and my daughter is in her bedroom and my ex is in the guest room that is now hers. My dad made a deal with us. We live with him until 18 with no rent payment at 18 we need to decide what it is we do.

I wasn't really that good in school and Tiffany is an A student. So I took my GED and my dad got me into welding school. I finish in two months. I also work full time so I do welding school at night. Tiffany goes to school and works on the weekends at Wendy's. This whole thing is a huge ordeal. We literally have no life. My dad helps but not that much because he feels it's our responsibility which I agree but still sucks.

I work 6 a.m. to 3 p.m. at a.m. and go to school from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. Tiffany is home by 230 and picks up our daughter from daycare. We help each other a lot and then I head off to school and she stays with her at home until I get home and do it all over again day after day. When our daughter was born, my dad made us go to court. We have 50 to 50 and I don't pay child support because she lives with us. Because I work full time I can get health care for my daughter and myself and that sucks it cost me $300 a month and daycare is $400 a week. Literally Tiffany works just so we can pay for daycare and I pay for everything else. When we are short for cash my dad will help because he sees we are trying.

My dad has been our rock. When we are tired and exhausted he will step in and give us a break here and there, but he makes sure we have everything we need and keeps us motivated. Tiffany wants to apply to college soon and I am worried because I don't want to keep living with her and I don't think I can keep our daughter full time as a welder working 12-hour shifts. But she says she will start a community college and work but wants to stay with us living together since it's easier. Since I will be working and it will be best for us to stay with my dad. But my dad said at 18 we have to pay rent. She doesn't mind but I don't want to keep living with her because we aren't together. I am unsure how to tell her this.

My dad thinks she should stay with us as long as she is a full-time student to finish her degree because I'm already getting my career. I just feel that all this is unfair because the burden is on me. I guess I am ranting because I am scared and unsure of what all this means. Edit. I guess my thing about her living with us is that we are more like siblings now. We get along and joke and stuff, but since she is my ex I feel weirded out by it. Maybe I need to take a breather since everyone is saying it's a good thing. Also I needed to hear it from other people and not just my dad and he is pretty solid and I should thank him maybe take him for dinner or something.

Second edit, my dad isn't picking us out at 18, but he wants us to be realistic to the world and pay bills. The money he gets from Tiffany's parents he just gives it to her. She is saving up money for a car and uses other money for her specific foods and clothes. Before I became a dad, my dad always wanted me to live with him at 18 and figure it out and stay with him and save money to buy a house. When he found out I was going to be a dad, he wasn't mad but disappointed and said everything has to change. He also is paying for my welding school of 20K and he bought me my car but I do have to be a dad. to pay my own insurance. He does help as long as he sees we are trying and not being lazy. When school recently started, he took my daughter to daycare every morning and helped Tiffany

with a routine to get school work done. Final edit. I have to get to class now. Tiffany wants to be a nurse or PA, but the college told her nursing school is hard to get into and it's best to have a high school diploma, which is why she is still in high school and working the weekends. But someone mentioned a dual thing for community college and we will look into that. So we couldn't get daycare assistance because we are minors and they used my dad's salary. The funny thing is I can't open a checking account for myself because I am a minor but the bank allowed me to open a children's account for my daughter because I am her parent, LOL, the irony. I read every single comment and it's given me a different P.O.5 and one guest college

seems so far and I was counting years, but it's really not that bad. She is like a sister now and those who asked, I doubt we will get back together. Honestly, I am not thinking about anything like that right now. I am too tired to think of a relationship or that type of future. Update I-16M have a four-month-old daughter, XGF wants to go to college. I'd quite feel like I need to update, but here it goes. Tiff and my dad went to the school and were able to get her enrolled in college courses because of her grades. She won't graduate H.S. way too fast, but she will have enough to finish H.S. hours by next December, so six months early. She reapplied for assistance. We got a voucher for daycare, so now it's $50 a week. She quit her job so she can focus on school, but she doesn't start college until spring, so that's cool it gives her some time.

She still wants to be a nurse, so that's cool too. I got a new job that pays more as a forklift operator and will give me an internship for welding which I I won't be able to start until November slash December until I finish my classes and then I have to do a two-month internship but they are paying me really good. I started Monday. My dad and I had a long talk about my fears and he reassured me that it's okay to be scared but we have a game plan. He is fixing up the basement to make two bedrooms and a living room like a little apartment because he said Tiff and I will need space as we grow. He wants me to buy the house when I am 18 like he did with his parents and he will help me pay

it as long as Tiff gets to stay until she finishes college and let her make her own choice. We all agreed this is the best option and we are all really much happier now. I guess I just need it to let it out. Tiff and I are great while being parents is hard but it's been good now that we feel a bit more secure. My mom and Tiff's parents still haven't spoken to us because we aren't married. Which does make me sad but it's okay we have my dad. Tiff's grandparents bought her a car and that's all they can do for her and not to contact them again until we are married. The car needs some work, but I'm going to pay for it to fix it up. It needs brakes, suspension and some regular maintenance.

My dad finally told me what all happened and I didn't know but it made me open my eyes to all of this. My dad met my mom in HS2 and they were together and got caught kissing. Since my mom's family are Baptist, they forced my dad to marry her. I didn't know when Missouri parents can marry their kids at 15, which is why my dad has been so protective. They were going to marry Tiff and I because she was pregnant and when my dad stepped and they couldn't do it. My mom and Tiff's dad went and got a license for us and were going to marry us in their church. I guess I wouldn't have minded marrying Tiff, but I would rather do it later.

But yeah, that's why they aren't talking to us. My dad did say if that happened he would helped us get it annulled, but we have no intentions of speaking to them right now. He explained that Tiff is stuck and while I might be afraid she is even more afraid because she has no one and I need to reassure her we are here for her as a family. I guess I couldn't see it that way and it's good that I talk to him. I hugged my dad and I have been hugging him every day now and it's nice it's made us closer. All of this information made me pretty sad and grateful at the same time and it helped Tiff

and I really start talking more. Like we talked, but we didn't talk and I didn't know she was scared too. We are now doing days for us to be kids as my dad says. So we both hang out with our friends who still talk to us at least once a week and Tiff and I do a lot of stuff on the weekends now that she doesn't work. Like taking Jelly to the park and going for walks and we did a pumpkin patch. Jelly seems to be happier too and Tiff doesn't seem as tired anymore. Anyway, thanks everyone for the help, tips and encouragement.

I doubt I will update again and just Lirt for Parenting Advice. Edit Just want to say thanks for thinking I am a great dad but I don't believe it just yet. I depend a lot on my dad to help me. Tiff and I are trying we do take parenting classes that they offer us a lot of advice and we have made friends there which is nice. But I don't think we would be this prepared without my dad. Also TIF is on WIC and we take parenting and co-parenting classes as a lot of

it's my dad's rules. Now on to the next story. Story 2. My husband doesn't want to spend time with his family. I've gotten closer to one of our friends and they am now in love with him. I'm not sure this is the best place for this type of thing, but if Teresa a better place please point me in the right direction. So, me, F-31, and my husband, M-32, have a four-year-old daughter together. Same old story, great in the beginning, the usual small arguments and especially since having our daughter Hess way more distant. Would rather spend his time playing video games than spend time with me or our daughter. Oh and if Hess not playing games. Hess on YouTube on his phone, watching people play games. We have a tight friend group that I'm

married into, so to speak. 14 of us. Everyone at least went to high school with each other some went to elementary. I'm the only outsider. Around eight months ago a couple from this group bought a house very close to ours. Naturally our daughters have became closer friends and want to do a lot of things together. So she joined the same dance class as ours. The class is at 8 a.m. on Saturdays, so the dad takes her. Meet S. M. 31. S and I have always gotten along. We met around nine years ago when my husband and I got together. The first week at class we sat together for the hour in the waiting room. It's separate from the hall so we can't actually watch. We usually just sit in awkward silence. S is quite a funny guy so it flew by with his company. The next week Hess there

and says Hes going to get a coffee instead of sitting in that room. I'm welcome to join if I'm not busy. I agree and we get in his car. We end up stuck in traffic so by the time we get there, Terese, not much time left to sit in and have it so we get it to go and sat for 20 minutes in his car. That's fine. The next week he says Hess doing the same thing. I'm welcome to join. We go again in this time, I don't know why, but I got very paranoid about it. I asked if we could just get it in the drive-thru and stay in the car again. He says, sure, and we end up passing his phone between us picking terrible songs from our childhood for the hour. It was actually quite fun. And every week for the past eight months has went like this and I've not told my husband about any of it.

I lost my dad a few months ago and my husband just didn't care. No compassion. No comforting. Nothing I couldn't believe the man I married was acting this way when I needed him most. I couldn't even cry around him without him huffing and puffing. Hess turned to my outlet during this time and I've cried in his arms several times. Through this he asked how things were at home and I was honest with him and told him I've never felt more alone than when I'm at home with my husband. Hess been amazing putting up with me and had suggested a marriage counselor, which I brought to my husband but he was having none of it. Hess has told me he feels differently about my husband, he had no idea he was like that and has actually. made a few comments towards him about it, but as usual, way above my husband's head.

I've lost feelings for my husband, and probably did a long time ago. And have fallen for Hess hard. I feel wrecked with guilt. Confused. Hurt. Sad. But all of that goes away when I see his face. I want to add here that in no way has Hess ever been inappropriate to me.

Hess never acted creepy, never said, anything suggestible, never caught him staring, nothing at all that would suggest he has alternate motives. But I'm ashamed to admit, the only reason we haven't kissed or had sex is because Hess never made a move. I'm scared because the way he makes me feel I don't think I would say no or pull away. There's been a few times after seeing him when I get home that all I do is wish he did make a move. And that makes me a horrible fucking person. This all sounds crazy for someone I spend an hour with every morning at the weekend, but it's spilled over to other clubs our kids go to. They'll see him at nursery.

I started matching our dog walking time some days so we will see each other. If Terry's an excuse to see him, I'll find it and use it. I know this is bad, and I need to do something about it, but when it comes to it, I never do anything, because I don't want to. Then hours after I'm battling my head telling myself I need to stop and I need to sort my marriage whether that be working on. on it or separating. I want to tell Hess how I feel but I don't want to look like a fool. I don't want to scare him. What if it blows up their marriage? What if our kids can't see each other? What happens to the friend group if this gets out? It's a fucking mess. I don't know what to do because we will still see each other a lot. My husband would never take our daughter to classes

so I'm stuck with that. I always do the nursery runs. How can I get over him if Hess everywhere? Update 1. Seeing as my last post got an overwhelming amount of attention, I thought I would post an update. I want to thank everyone who messaged me privately all from very similar situations. Reading through your messages, it's crazy to me how many people seem to be married to the same person. It's given me the strength I needed to make this decision.

Those that left not so nice messages. think about how your words are going to impact someone. It's very easy to sit behind a computer or phone and type up the horrible things you have. I've had people sending me messages saying I should kill myself. That my baby should be taken for me. That I'm a whore. That I shouldn't be allowed out in public. I don't deserve those messages. No one does. A lot of people posting here will be in a vulnerable state as it is. There's a no need for it and you're the one that comes off looking broken. I'll reiterate here for the people who didn't seem to understand.

I've not slept with S. I've made no moves to do so. I haven't kissed S, and have made no moves to do so. I said if he made a move, with my frame of mind, I think I would be in trouble. I'm certain there will be other women here who know what I'm talking about regarding this. Anyway, yesterday I kept the same routine, off out our walk with the dogs at night, home and bed. Just before jumping into bed s text me asking if I used Reddit, my heart sank. I told him I did and asked why. He sent me a link to my post and said, did you post this?

I admitted it was me, and waited for the ground to swallow me up. He replied with Wow and a few minutes later text me saying not to stress. He won't tell anyone. Take the night to myself and think things over and we will talk tomorrow, which is now today. He told me we were going to sort it out, everything will be fine but we need boundaries. I was a wreck last night, but after a few hours I calmed down. Didn't get much sleep. I read through all the messages I had gotten.

And reading them and looking at my husband passed out on the other side of the bed I was seething with anger. I have no idea why. That spilled over to this morning and I'm not even going to talk it through with him. We're done. I'm organizing things while Hess out so I can leave quickly if I need to. I'm sorting a place to stay today and contacting lawyers. I can feel the relief coming and nothing he says will stop me leaving. If he asks I'll tell him there was someone who made me realize the life I have with him is not the life I want.

I won't tell him who. Has been given countless chances to step up to the plate and every time he fails me and our daughter for his own selfishness. He will never change. I haven't spoken to Essie yet today and I don't really know how that side of things will pan out. I hope we can remain friends, but I totally understand if he wants to take a step back. I can't hold anything against him. And despite what people are telling me I won in my last post I do not want to interfere in anyone's marriage. I may post another update, I may not.

The last post was hard to keep on top of. I'm not sure exactly what day, but the conversation will be had before Friday. Thank you for the words of encouragement, I really needed it. Update 2. I feel much better, it feels like such a relief. Husband has been trying to contact me non-stop. Despite being told the only communication between us will be about our daughter, I'm not interested in hearing his bullshit anymore.

This has brought his true colors out and only solidified my choice. He has been struggling, and my second night out the house I received a text from S to say my husband was currently at their house, in tears. Awkward. Hest been leaning on them for support and from what I hear, will do anything he can to get me back. Which is odd considering the multiple messages Hes sent telling me that me and our daughter ruined his life and that he never wanted any of. us. I have lots of great support from friends and family, much to his chagrin. Me and S have limited contact, though he still checks in to make sure I'm all right and if me and my daughter need anything. We spoke and we both agree, I'm experiencing limerence. I reiterated

that I'm not out to sleep with him, and that I have been in a very fragile state of mind for God knows how long. It doesn't make it any easier when it comes to his wife. I feel horrible and fully accepted if neither of them want to remain friends. She hasn't been told yet, but will be when things have settled a bit. I already no longer feel like I'm in love with him, it's more like he showed me the light, and made me realize that the way we were living wasn't normal or healthy, and that I deserve better. My husband has his own issues, like we all do. But they don't fix themselves, and I can't waste my life away in the hopes that they do. I do hope he gets himself whatever help he needs. If not for him, for our daughter, she doesn't deserve to come second to

video games and YouTube. Again, I want to thank everyone who chimed in with advice and the ones who sent me their own similar stories, and I hope anyone reading these in a similar situation can take something away from my story. Don't settle and waste as many years as I did. I hope you enjoy this story. Partner acted as if my child was abducted as a joke, causing me to panic and contact law enforcement. Now she is shifting the blame on to me. I, a 28-year-old male, have been in a relationship with my partner, Alyssa, a 25-year-old female, for almost eight months now. We met at her cousin's wedding, who happens to be a co-worker of mine. I also have a daughter from a previous relationship. My daughter, Isabel, is six years old and her mother and I are still in touch.

We have a joint custody arrangement and we get to have her for alternate months. Last month, I was the one who was supposed to look after her. My ex-girlfriend, Meg, 27F, and I broke up two years ago because she wanted a break from our relationship, but that just turned into a breakup. She'd said that things were going too fast for us and she wanted time to re-center and focus on her work instead. We were supposed to be apart for a couple of weeks, but that turned into months and then eventually. years. Meg and I had met in college and we'd been good friends at first but started dating around our second year. We didn't intend on having a baby but when we found out that she was pregnant, she decided that she wanted to have the child and I respected that. I didn't plan on being a

father at such a young age but I didn't mind it either and now, I wouldn't change anything about my life. My relationship with Meg, however, ended abruptly just a few months after the birth of our daughter. We've remained on good terms and have continued co-parenting our daughter, but I'd say we still have certain unresolved issues. That was part of the reason why I hadn't allowed Alyssa to get very close to Isabel emotionally because I didn't know how Meg would take it. This was the first time either of us was in a relationship after our breakup and we didn't really have any ground rules about partners. She seemed chill about it when I told her though, so I didn't think too much about it and introduced Alyssa to my daughter three months into our relationship after making sure Meg was

okay with it. The two of them hit it off well and I was pleased to see that. Then, last week, towards the end of the month, I had a business trip that I had to go away on. I'd be away for three whole days so I needed someone to watch over Isabel. Of course, I contacted Meg first, but it was pointless because she'd been visiting home. She wouldn't be back before this week as she was stuck in a snowstorm and no flights or other modes of travel were going to be safe. I tried to get my trip postponed but it was sort of an emergency and I absolutely had to be there in person because this was a really important client that we were talking about here. I couldn't hire a sitter because I don't feel comfortable leaving my daughter home with someone

who's practically a stranger. Whenever I have to leave for work and can't watch my daughter, I usually either ask Meg or my parents so I don't have a sitter usually. I couldn't ask my parents this time either because my mom was sick and still recovering so eventually, I thought that I'd have to cancel the trip. I didn't ask Alyssa yet because I wasn't sure if she'd want to babysit my daughter for such a prolonged period of time and she hadn't spent any time in person with her yet either. It had always been under my supervision. I trusted her in everything but I wasn't sure if she'd say yes. I'd already prepared myself mentally to skip this trip but surprisingly, when I told her about the problem, she offered to babysit Isabel herself and even

seemed very excited about it. She was happy about the one-on-one bonding experience she'd get to have with Isabel and I decided that it was the right thing to do. Of course, I also made sure that it was okay with Meg as well and only then did I leave for my trip. The first two days went smoothly and I was able to finalize the deal that I'd had to leave for so I was quite happy. Alyssa also seemed to be getting along well with Isabel and I've been facetiming them every morning and every night before bed so I knew they were doing okay. On the third day, things went south because Alyssa decided to pull a really stupid prank on me. For context, Alyssa and I have had a running gag about how if it were up to her,

Alyssa would run away with Isabel because she adores her. It's just a harmless joke really and we've never ever thought about it as anything more. I know Alyssa isn't crazy and she won't actually do that. But on the morning of my third day, I received a call for my daughter and she told me that she'd found Alyssa in my bedroom just a couple of minutes ago and she'd been talking to a red-haired man wearing suspenders. I knew by the description that she was talking about my friend and my lawyer, Ruben. My daughter also told me that Alyssa had packed all her clothes and toys in two bags and had told her that they were about to go on an adventure without me. So she'd called me to ask why exactly I wasn't going to be with them on this adventure.

At that moment, I was freaked out because if my daughter was telling the truth, there was something really wrong that was going to happen. Something about my lawyer being present there along with my daughter's claims that their bags were packed and they were about to leave without me just didn't sit right with me and I think ever. every parent would have been freaked out by something like this. I'd also only given Isabelle a spare phone that she knew she was supposed to use only if she felt like she felt weird or uncomfortable in any situation and if she'd taken the trouble to call me then there was definitely something odd going on. At least that's what I believed at the time. I called Alyssa first, but she didn't answer it and that freaked me out even more so without

thinking much. I decided to call 911 and CPS both at the same time because I was panicking really hard. I tried to call my daughter back to tell her that she was not to leave the house, but she didn't answer my call. So then I called my dad and told him to get to my house ASAP after explaining the situation to him as quickly as I could. Luckily my mother was feeling better so she could take care of herself for a while and my dad left as soon as he received my call. For about 20 minutes or so, I sat there in my hotel room trying desperately to get to either my dad or my daughter. I had no idea what was going on and I was too scared to even leave the room

to head towards the airport because what if they finally got back to me but I wasn't able to receive their messages or calls because I was on a flight back. Home. So I stayed where I was and continuously kept praying for some news from them. Finally, I received a call from a cop saying that they'd only found Alyssa and my daughter at my house playing with blocks and there was no red-haired man or packed bags in sight. He told me that Alyssa insisted that it was all just a prank and that I just reacted out of panic. There was nothing strange happening at home and everything was just fine. My dad had arrived at the scene just a couple of minutes after the cops and had been there to inspect the scene along with them. Apparently, Alyssa was the one

who'd even made that phone call to me and made Isabel say all that to me just to freak me out and mess with me for a bit. They hadn't answered the calls on purpose because they'd wanted to carry on the prank, but unfortunately, it had backfired pretty badly. I thought that story checked out because Alyssa did think of herself as a funny person, but she often wasn't. I didn't speak to Alyssa directly and got to know the truth from the cop who'd been sent to my house so after he cleared it up for me, I thanked him and apologized for the inconvenience

and then hung up. After that was done, I called my dad and told him to take Isabel. home with him. I was going to take the flight home that evening so it was just a matter of hours. I didn't call Alyssa because I didn't feel like talking to her and I had nothing to say to her anyway. What she'd done had been extremely immature and stupid and I didn't feel like talking to her at all. She texted me to tell me that she'd locked the house and kept the spare keys under the fake plant like I usually do and also mentioned that there had been no need for me to overreact the way I had because it was just a prank.

She said she felt insulted that I'd even insinuated that she was going to run away with Isabel and that I thought so less of her. I didn't respond to those texts at the time because I was really mad at her for her stupid prank and had no intention of talking to her before I'd calmed down enough. I came back about a week ago from the trip

and spent the next two days with Isabel at home until Meg returned and took over. I'd told her all about the incident with Alyssa once she'd come back because I didn't want her to worry and panic the way I'd had to when I was on my own in the hotel and surprised, she seemed a lot more relaxed than I was. She told me that what I'd done was reasonable enough and she definitely would have reacted the same way but now that I knew it was just a prank.

I should at least talk to Alyssa and try to make things right with her if I want this relationship to last. Meg believes that my reaction was natural but now that it's all done with, we should try to talk to each other. I don't agree and I think if anyone owes the other an apology, it's Alyssa who should apologize to me first. She hasn't even tried to talk to me after I ignored her texts and even in those texts, she didn't mention a word about being sorry for what she'd done. She'd just told me that she felt insulted that I'd called CPS on her and blamed me for reacting in a way that most parents would have. It's also unfair to put it all on me when she was equally responsible for this because

she's the one who thought it'd be fun not to answer my calls afterward. I had tried to call her first thing after Isabel called me, but she didn't pick up so I panicked and did whatever I thought was most necessary at the moment. I'd always known she'd been joking about running away with Isabel, but I still didn't think it was worth taking that risk. She'd even taken the trouble of teaching my daughter to mention Rubin, so what was I to think? She'd created a hyper-realistic situation for me to worry about just to prank me and because her prank backfired, she decided to blame me for all of it without thinking even for once what I might have been going through. I don't think that's fair at all. I like Alyssa a lot and I think that after Meg, she's probably

been the only woman whom I've been so close to so I don't want to lose her. I also don't think it's my fault entirely that this happened, but then again, I'm the one who hasn't responded to her texts yet. I'd have for calling CPS on my girlfriend while her. she was babysitting my daughter after she tried to prank me and made me think that she was really going to run away with her. Update 1. So first things first, thanks to everyone who commented on the original post. The response was overwhelming and eye-opening, to say the least. I guess I really wasn't the problem here and the comments made sure I knew that. Now I don't even think that I overreacted because when it comes to my daughter, I'd rather be safe than sorry. She wanted to prank me

and make me think that she was running away with Isabel and she succeeded. So what exactly did she think was going to happen after that? She's the one who didn't think her plan through and she's lucky she got out of this without any legal trouble. I explained the same to Megan well, she seemed pretty nonchalant about it because apparently, the only reason she'd even told me to get back to Alyssa and talk to her was because she thought I liked her. I could sense that there was a hint of some jealousy while we were discussing it, but that might just have been my imagination. I don't know for sure, but there was something about the way she said it to me. Either way, she told me that at the end of the day, it was my decision what I wanted to do about

my relationship and I agreed with that. So I've decided to break up with Alyssa and end things as politely as I can after what has happened. It's been three days since I posted here and 10 days in total since my last conversation with Alyssa, so I'm sure things are going to be awkward. I've decided to do it at my house instead of some cafe or restaurant because under no circumstances do I want it to feel like a date and give her false hopes. I've already texted her and called her over so she's going to be here in a couple of hours after work. The reason I'm on Reddit right now, sharing everything, is because I'm nervous and don't know how this is going to go.

I've never broken up or dumped someone in almost a decade and it's a stupid thing to be nervous about yet here we are. I'm just hoping that I'm able to end things with her and don't end up taking her back or something. Update 2. We broke up. She left two hours ago after almost one and a half hours of arguing about whose fault this whole thing was. I'm not a very confrontational person usually, but I couldn't just let her put all the blame on me and then act as if she was a saint who could do no wrong. She had to own up and take accountability to at least some degree because she'd actually scared me with her stupid, little prank. At first, she told me that she was glad I'd invited her because she said she wanted to end things with me and was looking for the right opportunity to do so. I was relieved because at least

we were on the same page about breaking up and so I told her I agreed and that we should indeed break up. When I said that, she got mad and started telling me that she'd expected me to at least apologize for my behavior before coming to this conclusion and that's where our argument began. She kept saying that I'd insulted her by calling the cops on her because that meant I thought she was crazy and would run away with my daughter, which she never would. I'd tried to explain that the only reason I'd done that was because I couldn't get through to her and I was stuck in another city so I was naturally worried about my daughter. She kept arguing with me endlessly and called me paranoid, saying that I always overreacted and that I was the one who owed her an apology.

After a while, I finally realized there was no point in trying to explain the situation to her because she was so self-involved that she couldn't even bring herself to think about my feelings about the situation and only cared about herself. Besides, I was getting exhausted from arguing with her and I had no intention of letting her sit on my couch, in my living room, and then yell at me for doing something normal. So I told her that I was done with her and this relationship and she could leave because I wasn't interested in talking to her anymore. She took that personally and then stood up and screamed a bunch of curse words at me,

then told me that I'd never been good enough for her anyway and she could find someone better than me within a week of being single. I told her she was welcome to do so, but right now, she had to leave because she was giving me a migraine and I couldn't tolerate the sound of her shrieking anymore. She then left in a really foul mood and kept mumbling under her breath. I'm sure she was cursing at me, but I didn't care. I was just glad that she was finally gone now because she just wasted one and a half hours of my life with her nonsensical arguments. I don't know how I'd ever even considered giving her a second chance at this relationship because she definitely doesn't deserve to be a part of my or my daughter's life at all.

Update 3 so it's just been a day but the repercussions of the breakup have already started taking its toll on me. Alyssa didn't talk to me directly after she left, but late at night, she decided to text Meg instead. She didn't have her number, so she sent her a message on Instagram instead. It wasn't a very nice message and it accused Meg of trying to ruin the relationship I had with Alyssa by poisoning me against her. This is just so stupid because while we were arguing yesterday, Meg didn't even come up even once. Like we didn't even mention Meg, so I don't know where that came from out of the blue. Throughout the eight months that we dated, Alyssa must have met Meg three times and has never spent one time with her so I don't know where she's. got that from. She didn't even know that it was actually Meg who had tried to encourage me to speak

to her again and if she'd known, I don't think she would have said the things she did. She called Meg a lot of things including Homewrecker and the B word several times for no real reason apart from needing a scapegoat. I was furious when I found out in the morning because when Meg had tried to inform me, I was already asleep. I told her that I was going to call Alyssa and talk to her, but Meg told me not to because this was an attempt to get a reaction out of me and after thinking about this for a while, she didn't think it was a good idea for me to contact her at all. I'm not happy about it, but she's right, so I decided to block her instead. If she tries anything funny, then I'll probably just speak to my coworker about it and

try to get him to put an end to that because from what I know, they're kind of close and share a good relationship. So he might be able to help me. We haven't had the opportunity to discuss us any of this yet, but I plan on talking to him soon enough. The issue is that he works in a different department and we don't get to see each other often, but I'm sure that Alyssa must have told him something or the other. His behavior towards me hasn't changed in the past week or so, but I'm sure now that Alyssa and I have broken up for good, she'll leave no stone unturned to disrupt my life. I'm stunned I never realized she had this crazy side of hers during our relationship because

this is something I should have been able to tell. To think I'd left her with my daughter for ages just feels weird now, but at least I was able to end this relationship before it went too far. I hope she leaves this alone now. Update 4. Hey, everyone. So this update is not going to be about Alyssa, even though she hasn't left me alone at all. In happier news, Meg and I have decided to give things another try. It's been two weeks since the last update and five days ago, Meg visited me with Isabelle and said that she had something important to discuss with me.

Turns out my hunch about her feeling a tad bit jealous of Alyssa had been right, and she confessed that she'd been feeling confused about her own feelings, and so she pretended to be all right with me going back to Alyssa, even though that's not what she wanted at all. She regretted ever asking for a break and then breaking up because initially, it had just been the stress of work in our relationship and our future that was getting to her, but after she sorted out the work front. She was too embarrassed to come back to me and just ended up letting me go and I never asked her about it either so she figured I didn't want to come back.

It had just been a misunderstanding on an epic level and we regret it now. Looking back, we were both really just young and stupid and had no idea what we were doing. We let our pride get in the way of our happiness, but hopefully, that won't happen again. Meg and I have decided to go out on a few dates in the coming weeks to test the waters and if it all works out well, then we might move back and together. That'll work out well for Isabel, too. Honestly, I'm excited because I've missed Meg and I'm sure she's missed me too even though we were too proud to admit it. I'd feel bad for Alyssa but I tried my best in that relationship. She's the one who screwed it up so I'm not going to sit here and feel guilty for moving on with Meg

after that. Speaking of Alyssa, she's still harping on about my supposed overaction and tells everyone she knows about the same. My co-worker actually stopped speaking to her over this because he believed that my reaction was completely justified. I've spoken to Rubin and even he thinks that she went too far. Rubin and I are close and he's met Alyssa a couple of times but for her to bring him up in her so-called prank just to freak me out annoyed him too. I mean, of course, he did because, in a way, she was trying to make me doubt him and his intentions as well. My co-worker and I talked about about Alyssa just a week ago and he told me that she's been insufferable since the breakup and has been painting herself as the victim of some great tragedy which she isn't.

When he called her out on her BS, she got mad at him too and that's how they ended up not speaking to each other at all. She's still sending me texts through multiple accounts but none of them are cute ones, only ones that call me crazy and psycho. Like, yeah, we can all see who's crazy now. I haven't responded to her yet, but I will speak to Rubin once he's a little less busy so that we can start looking into protective orders because I don't want her loitering near my house at any point if this escalates. Not because I'm worried for myself but because of Isabel. I don't like to think about it, but with people like Alyssa, there's really no telling what she'll do just to get back at me, especially once she finds out that Meg and I are getting

back together once more. Update 5. Some of you guys weren't happy that Meg and I were getting back together and were actually sympathizing with Alyssa but back when she pulled that insensitive prank on me, Meg and I were just friends and nothing more. I've always been respectful of boundaries and there has been no cheating at all, emotional or otherwise, so I don't think anyone should jump to conclusions unnecessarily. That being said, now Meg and I are properly back together and she's even scheduled to move in this week. It's been a month since the last update and Alyssa has since apologize to me in an email because apparently she'd been diagnosed with BPD a couple of years

back, but she stopped going to therapy because she felt like she was getting better. It explains the weird behavior because she says she's more prone to anger issues now than before, which is what caused that reaction and there is just a lot of other messed up stuff going on with her which I didn't know before. Her father passed away a few weeks before we broke up and she had a strained relationship with him, which is probably what triggered her very inexplicable behavior. Not the prank, that was very much her, but whatever came after. I wish her the best but we're not in touch anymore. I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse once cherished me for my authentic self. However, following her significant advancement,

she began desiring extravagance and labeling me as a financially challenged fool. Presently, she has served me with legal separation documents. Says she deserves better. I never thought I'd be the one writing here, but I need to get this off my chest and maybe get some advice from people who've been through similar things. This is a long story, so bear with me. I've been married to Ella for 10 years. We met in college, and it was one of those quick connections. One day we were talking about the stars in the sky and the next day we were going on our first date. I was a simple guy with big dreams but no definite plans for what I wanted do in the future. But I knew that I didn't want to be a loser. Ella, on the other hand, was always

ambitious. She was studying business, always had a clear path in mind, and seemed to have her entire future mapped out. Despite our differences, we clicked. She loved my easygoing nature and my ability to find joy in the little things. We balanced each other out perfectly. I didn't need to go out of my way to impress her or bring costly gifts to keep her smiling. I'd give her a rose and she'd keep it safe until the petals fall off. Sometimes, even after that. After graduation, I took a job as a middle school teacher. It wasn't high pain, but I loved it.

I enjoyed working with kids, and it gave me a sense of joy. I felt that teaching the young ones every day was a different kind of thrill and adventure. There is so much to learn from them. Ella started working for a big corporation, quickly climbing the corporate ladder. She always supported my career choice, or at least I thought she did. She often told me how much she appreciated my passion for teaching and how it made her feel secure to know that I was making a difference in young lives. She was my inspiration. If she sets a goal, she doesn't rest until she achieves it. For the first few years, things were great. We lived in a small apartment, saved money where we could, and made the most of our time together. We didn't have much,

but we had each other, and that seemed to be enough. We would spend our weekends hiking, cooking together, or just lying on the couch with a good book or watching a movie. Life was simple and beautiful. As Ella's career began to take off, I couldn't have been proud of. I couldn't have been prouder. Seeing her hard work and dedication pay off was a very happy feeling for me. I remember the day she got her first big promotion. I came back from school and sat down with a bowl of popcorn when she burst through the door, her face lit up with excitement. She'd been promoted to a management position at her company, and it came with a very good raise. We celebrated that night by turning the TV volume up, dancing to Lady Gaga and downing the vodka she bought on her way back home.

We were so drunk that we couldn't find the way to our bedroom and slept on the carpet in the living room. The next day, our head was aching but the happiness of her achievement brought a smile to our faces. I even planned a date for us that weekend. We packed a picnic basket with homemade sandwiches, fresh fruit, and a bottle of her favorite wine. We drove out to a nearby Park, a beautiful place with wide open spaces, tall trees, and a lake. We found a quiet spot under a large oak tree, spread out a blanket, and settled down for our picnic. We spoke about the day we met, our first date, and how far we have come.

We spoke about our family, my future plans, and the kids at my school. I also wanted to mention to her that we must think about children of our own but I stopped myself. It's her moment. I didn't want to bring up the topic of a family when I was not sure if she was ready for it yet. That day was perfect. It was simple, cost almost nothing, and yet it was filled with genuine happiness.

Ella seemed to enjoy it too. She told me how much she appreciated the effort I put into planning our day and how it reminded her of why she fell in love with me. But things started to change. a year ago, Ella came back home and told me that her colleague was going on vacation to a very costly holiday destination. I nodded and went back to giving my student scores on their assessment papers. She asked if we could also go on vacation and I said yes. Why not, right? We booked our tickets and stays. She paid for all of it. I thought I'd spend on our food and other expenses during the

trip. But, I was very shocked by the kind of thing she wanted. Because it was so unlike her. She wished to dine in very costly restaurants, hire an expensive car to go sightseeing, party every night in clubs, book luxury massages and spas. I paid for everything. A lady deserves the best holiday. If my wife wants it, I give it to her. It was a one-time thing anyway. When we got back from our vacation, Ella was the happiest I had ever seen her. She was very joyful for almost a month after that. But then, she came to me and asked to go on another vacation. Firstly, I won't get a leave of absence at such short notice.

I was gone for a week only a month ago. Also, I didn't have enough money to fund the trip. She wanted to go to Paris. That's very far away and I also had to think about it. my students' examinations. I had to complete teaching them the syllabus before the deadline. I respectfully told her that we should plan at some other time. She didn't argue and let it go. But as time went on, things began to change. Ella's desire for a better lifestyle grew. She started talking about moving to an even bigger apartment and buying home decor items that we did

not need. She suddenly wanted a walk-in wardrobe. She started spending her money on expensive shoes and I also gave her money to buy these satin sheets that were too overpriced. I couldn't help but feel a growing disconnect. I say so because she no longer wanted to go on simple dates. We stopped our picnics, no longer had burgers at a food joint that we loved because someone told her it was very unhygienic and cheap. She didn't buy wine anymore and shifted to champagne. We did not cook together in the kitchen and ordered takeaway. She started sitting by her computer and having meals, always texting these new friends that I had never heard about. I thought it was a phase.

But, I felt very bad that we were not spending enough time with each other. One day, I asked her if she would go out with me. I wanted to go to this Asian food place that sold the best ramen and kimchi. I am a fan of the food. She immediately said no and argued that these places were not to her liking anymore and that I should stop visiting such lowly places. I told her there is nothing lowly about food. She added that I often started conversing with the waiters or restaurant owners there and it was very embarrassing to her. She never felt embarrassed before.

In fact, she'd join in the conversations and laugh around with them. I did not argue and asked her if she wanted to go somewhere else then. She said that there was an office party that weekend and I should attend it with her. I agreed. But that night, we stayed in silence and said nothing to each other. Suddenly, we were attending high-end social events, networking parties, and dinners at expensive restaurants. Ella is a totally different person in these places. She's always engaging and charming, but I often felt out of place.

I missed the simplicity of our old life, the ease and ease. comfort of just being ourselves. I missed the road trips, the camping under the stars, and the fun exploration of local attractions. We hardly spoke about things that we loved. All she was interested in was that branded bag that her boss bought, the necklace her colleague's husband gifted her or how these kids of her friend were going to school with very high fees. During one of our conversations, she said that I should start thinking about my life and do something about it. In my opinion, I was doing just fine. I am happy where I am. When I said the same to her, she said if the kids were paying such high fees in those schools, the teachers would be paid well too. I should

consider working in such places. I am very attached to my present workplace. I love my colleagues, the kids, the atmosphere, and I will never trade it for anything else. I receive my share of promotions while I am at it, though they are very different from hers. I told her I didn't plan to change and she lost her temper. We got into a very heated argument. That's when she said, I did not marry you to remain a poor idiot. She said that we had the means to do so much more, to live better. Why wouldn't I want that?

Yes, I would want to live better. I want to earn more money and show the world to her. But lately, all she cared about was money and the temporary happiness that it offers. I wished to grow in my career to be successful in content. She wanted to do it to fill her bank balance and spend it as if she had no care in the world. After the promotion, she started spending time with a crowd that was nothing but showy. They do not understand the beauty of small joys in life. I tried to tell her that, but she became very defensive and said that I cannot achieve anything in my life

because I am not ready to leave my poor victim mentality behind. She asked me not to control her. I let it go. I was merely suggesting. I never thought I was poor or that I was a victim. I don't know why she even said that. I struggled to explain that my contentment wasn't about settling for less but about finding joy in what we had. I loved our simple life, our home-cooked meals, our quiet nights in.

Yes, I want to go out to eat in restaurants, I want to travel the world with her and I want to gift her anything that she wants. But, my life shouldn't revolve around these things only. They are not the memories that we'll remember when we are 90. I didn't need luxury to be happy. But Ella seemed unable to understand this, and her dissatisfaction with our life grew. One night, after another fight, I decided to plan another simple date. I thought she'd feel better and things between us will finally seem normal. I suggested we have a movie night at home, just the two of us.

I cooked her favorite dinner, set up the living room with cozy blankets and pillows, and picked out a few of our favorite movies from college. For a moment, it seemed to work. Ella relaxed and we enjoyed the evening together, laughing and playing board games. But as soon as the night was over, reality came crashing back. The next day, she was back to the usual, complaining about the things we didn't have and the life she felt we were missing out on. I made the mistake of mentioning that I was looking forward to starting a family and we shouldn't

fight with each other the way we were. She laughed at my face and said that I could never afford children. I should just be happy with the ones I see at school. I thought she'd set it out of anger and would apologize to me later. But, she never did. And, I never asked. I let it go. It became clear that our lives were moving in different directions.

Ella's career was her priority, and she was driven by the desire for more, more money, more status, more luxury. My priorities hadn't changed. I still found joy in the simple things and in the fulfillment my job brought me. I don't want to run behind money for the reasons that she wants to. I tried to support Ella and her ambitions, but it felt like no matter what I did, it was never enough. She wanted me to be more, to want more, but I couldn't change who I was. She wanted me to ditch T-shirts for suits, shirts for t-suits, and crocs for shiny shoes and I did not want any of that. The love that once brought us together now seemed to be the very thing driving us apart. I started questioning myself. Maybe she was right. Maybe I was being selfish by sticking to my

low-paying job, by not striving for more. I considered going back to school, trying to find a higher paying job, anything to make her happy. I wanted to tell her the same thing once I got back home. But then I heard her speaking with her sister on the phone. She told her that she made a mistake marrying someone like me who enjoyed being poor. I liked lending money to everyone and treated her like she were a beggar. She has no freedom in the house and feels like a maid every day. She can't even bring a bottle of champagne to the house without me looking at her like she doesn't

deserve it. Compared to the husbands of her other colleagues, I was a loser who knew nothing about my life. She also said that I had always been irresponsible in life and her love made her very blind to these flaws. She made a huge mistake settling with someone who could never earn good money. She also said how her sister's husband was way better than me and I should learn a thing or two from him. She laughed at how I asked her for kids. She told her sister that her kids could never have a father like me who'd struggle to get them their favorite toys. She made me sound like someone who had zero bank balance. A loser with no purpose. An idiot who knew nothing about keeping a family together. When she saw me, she quickly hung up, but the damage was done. I felt like I'd

been punched in the gut. That night, I told her I couldn't take it anymore. I asked her if she still loved me, or if she loved the idea of what I could be. She didn't answer right away, and the silence was in itself an answer. Finally, she said, I do love you, but I hate our life. I want more, and I thought you did too. I told her that I loved our life, or at least the life we used to have. I asked her if she could still love me if I didn't change if I stayed the same easygoing guy she fell in love with. She didn't answer, and I knew that. then that our marriage was in serious trouble. We can't even look at each other anymore. If she sees me in the room, she finds somewhere else to be. If I am taking a glass of water from the

kitchen, she turns around and disappears. She comes home really late and sleeps on the couch. I feel like the bad guy and it's too much for me to take. I tried to hold her hand while we were stepping out of the house yesterday and she quickly pulled away with a disgusted face. I don't know what I did to earn such a response from her. So, here's what I think. I am planning to tell her that we should take a break and think about where our relationship is heading. Will that be too harsh on her? Well, right now, everything is harsh on me. It is very difficult to see the love of my life treat me like a pest or something. What do you think I must be doing? Update 1. First off, I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who offered their love and support after my last post. I appreciate every single comment and message. I've been reading through them, and it's helped me feel less alone during this incredibly difficult time. I wanted to give you all an update on what's been happening since then. We decided to take a break. She moved in with her sister, and I stayed in our apartment. The silence that followed was both.

both a relief and a torture. On one hand, I missed her terribly, the woman I fell in love with. On the other hand, I didn't miss the constant insults and taunts about my job and my lifestyle. During this break, I had a lot of time to think about my life choices. I reflected on why I chose to become a teacher in the first place, and I reaffirmed my love for the profession. I realized that while I wanted to support Ella and make her happy, I couldn't change who I was. Doing so would mean cheating myself and giving up a part of me. That being said, I also understood that compromise is part of any relationship. So, I started looking into opportunities that would allow me to advance in my career.

I found a position at a better school, one that offers more responsibilities and the chance to make a broader impact. The pay wouldn't be much different, but the role excited me. I felt it would be a positive step forward and something that could potentially address some of Ella's concerns without forcing me to completely be the person I am not. I was ready to go tell Ella about my decision after our two-month break. I thought that perhaps this compromise might be a way to bridge the gap between us. But before I could reach out to her, she showed up at our apartment with divorce papers. She explained that she couldn't be with a man who couldn't fulfill her desires and wishes.

She told me she felt like I couldn't achieve anything in life and that she deserved more than what I offer. She mentioned her social circles and how they would frown upon a person like me. She didn't want her partner to be someone she wasn't proud of, and in her eyes, that's what I had become. I realized that no matter what I did, it might never be enough to satisfy her desire for more. I took the divorce papers and told her I needed time to think about it. I wasn't ready to make any decisions on the spot. After she left, I sat down and thought about our entire relationship, from the early days of our love to the recent years of growing apart. It was clear that we had both changed, and while I still loved her deeply, I couldn't ignore

the fact that we were no longer compatible. She was here two days ago. I planned on discussing things with my parents and then let her know about my decision. Now, her thoughts seem more like an insult to me than anything else. Some would even call it toxic. I will come back with an update soon. Thank you so much, everyone. Update 2.

Hey Reddit. I am extremely sorry. I totally forgot to tell you what's happening with me. There were so many disturbances that I hardly had time to breathe. So, here's the thing, our divorce got finalized. Firstly, I want to thank each and every one of you for your unwavering support throughout this challenging time. Your messages and encouragement have truly been a life. for me, and I can't express how much it means to have this community behind me.

After the divorce was finalized, I took some time to process everything and figure out my next steps. One of the biggest changes I made was in my career. I decided to take a leap and changed jobs to pursue a position at a better school. I chased opportunities instead of money and it's the best decision I made. It feels like I've left my comfort zone and the result is even better. On a more personal note, I also made a furry addition to my life, Snooper, my German Shepherd companion. Getting a dog has been such a joy. Snooper is always eager to go on adventures with me. He makes me feel less alone and I look forward to coming back to my house so that I can spend time with him. I've also been considering counseling. I kind of understand

the importance of professional support in processing everything I've been through. My friends and family have been incredibly supportive of this decision and they also encouraged me to work on mental health first. A sound mind means a sound body, this was what my mother told me. I thought they'd be shocked that I was planning to go to a shrink but no one batted an eyelash. I was the one overthinking for no reason. Regarding the divorce, Ella and I no longer have any contact. After the divorce was finalized, she came by to collect her belongings and completely removed her presence from our shared space. I am being honest, she didn't even leave a tissue behind. I didn't say a word to her or her sister while they packed her things and left.

I have no hard feelings against her. She will always remain one of my most beautiful memories. But, I can't say the same about her. While Ella was packing her things, her sister came to me and whispered in my ear that Ella hated me more than anything else and that the biggest mistake of her life was to marry me. I smiled and said nothing. There's nothing to say, is there. I'm focusing on healing and moving forward. I tried calling her a few times in the beginning, just to ask how she was doing. Her answers were short and irritated. Then, I understood that my presence in her life was not welcome, not even for phone calls. I quit calling her. She blocked my number after a few days. I learned from mutual friends that she was seeing someone from her office.

I am really happy for her. She deserves all the happiness in the world. My mother wants me to start dating again. But I think it's too soon. She introduced me to this really nice girl from her cooking classes. She is an athlete. Her name is Mia. Yes, I liked her company but I must see how things will turn out.

I don't want to rush into anything now. Once again, thank you so much for all your love and support. I am doing great and will continue to focus on myself, better myself, and achieve the best things in life. Lots of love and joy to all of you. I hope you enjoy this story. Exclude my distant offspring from my testament following his appearance at my spouse's memorial service subsequent to a prolonged period of no communication for six years, solely to inquire. about his bequest.

Blame my dead wife for his failures. So my wife of almost three decades passed away recently from a cardiac arrest and I am still grieving so forgive me if the updates on the situation don't come soon enough or in case I make some mistakes while narrating the incident. I am 52 years old and so is my wife and we have a 28-year-old son together but we have not been in touch with him for the past six years because of a huge fight that we had a while ago. My wife and I met when we were in high school and it was pretty much love at first sight for me and as soon as both of us had graduated from college, we decided to get married and start a family.

She decided that she was going to be a stay-at-home wife and I could focus on working and expanding the business that my father had started. He had an advertising agency and the plan had always been that once I graduated from college I would take over and learn the ropes before he retired. Both my wife and I were business majors, so I did consult her before making any decisions and even when we were in college. We had always known that this was the plan and she didn't really mind being at home and taking care of the household either because we knew that we were equals and both our jobs were important in their own right and we liked to believe that we would be able to raise our son the same way. But obviously, something had gone wrong in our parenting because we were not able to instill the same values in our son that we had hoped to. It all started going wrong initially when he was in high school and we would constantly be getting reports of our son turning into a total bully and apparently, he had been hanging out with the kind of kids who thought that it was cool to skip class and go out and smoke during school hours. Our son had never been an exceptionally brilliant student, but at least he had been disciplined and honest up until middle school.

But after that, I don't even know what went wrong. All I know is that one day he had suddenly gone from being an obedient and sincere child to a rule-breaking bully. My wife and I tried to discipline him several times, but it just never worked and we even threatened to kick him out, but we knew that we would never be able to do that and the problem was that he seemed to know it as well, which is why he never took it seriously. We kept pushing him to do better and just be a better person in general, but he did not care about it and continue to behave the way he thought was appropriate. It was quite disheartening for us as parents and we began to feel pretty helpless. And then after high school ended, he told us that he would not be attending college because he thought it was a waste of time and he wanted to start working straight away. He said that he hadn't even been applying and had actually been lying to us in the few

months leading up to his graduation from high school and I really lost my head at that point because there was just no way that I was ready to accept that my son would not be going to college. My wife and I were very upset and we yelled at him a lot during that period of time but it made no difference to him and honestly, it was pretty pointless because the damage was already done and his grades were so low anyway, that I highly doubt any decent college would have accepted him. So I decided to tell him that he could work and take a gap year if that's what he wanted, but

he could no longer live with us without paying rent. He tried to fight me on that, but legally, I could totally kick him out if I wanted to because he was 18 and I did not owe it to him to let him live with me without paying rent. usual circumstances, I probably would not have acted that way but the way that my son had been behaving the past years before that, it was very hard for me to ignore everything and just let him have his way all the time. After a lot of fighting, it was decided that he would look for a job and once he was able to find one, he would start paying rent. I even planned on charging him for groceries and other bills, but my wife talked me out of it and said that that would be a little too much.

Within a few weeks, he had started looking for jobs and was applying to every position that was available, which made him seem quite serious about his future and I thought that things were finally changing for him because he was actually stepping up and taking responsibility for himself. I was feeling a bit relieved, but I guess I was too quick to judge the situation because he started getting rejected by every place that he was applying to and I guess it made sense because he was only applying to high-paying positions instead of starter positions and obviously nobody would want to. hire somebody like him, who had no experience and no degree either. I tried to tell him that he could start off by applying to slightly lower positions like cashier and stuff, but he said that it was beneath his dignity and he was not going to do stupid menial things like that. Which was ridiculous because that's the only kind of job anybody would trust him with until he had paid his dues.

I tried to explain to him that he had no experience. He did not have a college degree and even his high school grades were pretty bad. so he could not just expect everything to be a cakewalk for him at this point in his life and he would have to pay his dues first. But he was adamant and said that until he was able to find a job that he liked, he was not going to work for anything less than what he thought he deserved. I thought this was just a clever tactic for him to avoid working and he could just live with us for free because the conditions that I had set forth said that he would have to pay rent after he got a job and if he didn't get one, then he would never have to pay up. I knew what he was trying to do so I decided to speak to a friend of mine and asked him to hire my son because there was no way that I was going to let him sit at home and do nothing when he was not even going to college. After a lot of discussions, I managed to convince my friend to give my son a paid internship at his startup and my son had no choice but to accept it because it paid a decent amount for a starting position and it was not menial like he said. He worked under my friend for a couple of months and he did a decent job so he got a permanent position as the assistant.

to one of the higher-ups in the company and I was quite happy about this arrangement because this way. I could keep tabs on what he was up to and he would also be able to have some sort of direction in his life instead of just wandering around aimlessly like most of the guys from his friend's circle in high school. For a few years, everything was going well and my friend told me that even though he was not the most sincere or hardworking employee he was doing a decent job and it was fine. They were a startup so they could not afford to hire anybody better at the time either. Over time their company grew and so did my son's responsibilities and workload, along with his salary. I thought it was a good thing for him because now he would have to spend more time at work and really get serious about everything and he would also get paid more, so that was pretty good.

But just a year after his first raise, he came home one day and informed my wife and me that he was quitting his job because it was just way too much work for him and he couldn't do this anymore. I had no idea what he was talking about because as far as I was concerned, this was a great deal for him but he was just letting it go. Obviously, I was very upset about it because it was like he had no gratitude for the opportunities that he was getting, knowing full well how difficult it had been for me to create the opportunities for him because, with his qualifications and experience. It was what had been incredibly difficult for him to find the kind of job that he wanted to do, on his own. And now that he was finally getting paid more and could even afford to get an apartment of his own, he was thinking of quitting. This had always been my biggest issue with him because he would always just quit anytime anything got a little difficult. And that's no way to live because if he continued at this rate, then he would never be able to accomplish anything because everything is difficult and if he really wanted to make something of himself, then he would have to learn to stick it out and understand that better opportunities were not going to just fall into his lap. He would have to work for it and make himself worthy of the things that he wanted.

He had to learn to be tenacious instead of just giving up when the going got tough, and so I told him that if he quit his job, then he would have to move out of our house because I was sick of him and his lame excuses. Even before this, he had already been doing a decent job but not good enough, and it was just not okay because he was 22 at the time I think he was old enough to realize that if he wanted better opportunities then he would have to work harder for it, and I would not always be there to bail him out and arrange work for him. And it wasn't even as though he was not getting paid enough to do the kind of work that he was

expected to do, he just didn't want to do it because he was lazy and didn't enjoy the hard work but wanted the money. Unfortunately, that's not the way the world works and you have to work for what you want, but my son was having a really difficult time coming to terms with that. So I told him that he could either continue working where he was or he could move out and do whatever he wanted to, but as long as he was living under my roof, he would have to live by my rules and he couldn't just quit because he had to actually work. And that day, we got into a really nasty fight because he was not ready to acknowledge the facts

and insisted that I was being unreasonable and way too hard on him, but I thought that this kind of tough love was quite necessary because otherwise, he could end up in some bad situations in the future. So when he told me that he wanted to quit and I gave him that ultimatum, things escalated pretty quickly after that and before we knew it, we were in a full-blown shouting match. He accused me of never thinking about him and being selfish and I said that he was being ungrateful and he needed to sort out his thoughts. While we were fighting, my wife tried to de-escalate the situation for a bit, but then my son started getting very agitated and started cussing at me, which didn't sit right with my wife. So even she got mad and told him that he had no right to speak to me that way after everything that I had done for him and that I was actually right and he needed to learn how to stick it out instead of just quitting any time things got tough.

And that's when my son turned to my wife and said something unforgivable. He told her that as somebody who had been living off of my salary her entire life and had never worked a day in her life had no right to tell him that he should continue working and told my wife to shut up and let us speak because she had no idea what she was even talking about. It was the single most horrible thing that my son has ever said and even in that moment, the enormity of it was not lost on either of us because what he said was disgusting and disrespectful on every conceivable level and I immediately told him to apologize to his mother, but he refused to take it back and said that he had no regrets about saying.

What he did because he knew that he was right. My wife was really hurt and rushed to the bedroom so her son wouldn't be able to see her cry and I followed her. After comforting her for a few minutes, I went back out to talk to my son and realized that he was sitting on the couch really casually as if nothing had even happened, and texting on his phone. There was no trace of remorse or regret on his face and I think that's what set me off because I then grabbed him by the arm and lifted him off the couch before telling him that

I had had enough of him and he had crossed a line today that he could never take back so now he had to leave and I would not allow him to come back until he got his head. Back on straight and apologized to his mother for what he said to her. He didn't even say anything and just went back to his room. A few minutes later, he came back down and he was carrying two bags that looked like they had been packed with everything that he owned. Then he walked out of the house without a word or even a glance back, and that was the last time that we saw him in person.

Six years passed after that, and we never really heard from him after that. He did come back a couple of days after he had moved out initially, but that was only to collect the few things that he had left behind and after that, there was no contact between us. I heard from my friend that he had stopped showing up for work a week after our fight and had even emailed them his resignation. I thanked my friend for helping me out when I needed him, but what my son did was no longer in my control and my wife and I had completely given up any hopes that we had from him. About three years after he left, we received news from a couple of our relatives that he was getting married but we were not invited, and neither did we expect him

to invite us after three years of not speaking to each other. We hoped that his marriage would be successful, but we did not speak to him or reach out to him. And neither did we reach out to each other when, after about a year, we learned that he was going to be a father. We wanted him to be happy, but if he was happy staying away from us, then we were not going to disrupt that. So we kept our distance for six long years and never spoke to him after that. My wife wanted to reach out to him on several occasions, but I told her that I would not be a part of it and that if she wanted to do so then she could go ahead on her own since I did not want to speak to my son, she did not do so either and that was that.

And then, about a week ago, my wife passed away and I have been miserable since then. It was really unexpected and I still have no idea how to cope with this because I still feel like she will walk through the door at any given moment and try to make me laugh or say something incredibly witty. But I know that that's impossible now and I am having a really, really difficult time dealing with this. She is the only woman I have ever loved and been with and I don't know how to live without her because I never thought that day would ever come and I definitely didn't think that that day would come so soon. It's been a massive task, organizing her funeral and everything but I've been functioning somehow because I wanted to be

well organized since that's the way that she would have wanted it to be. And even though it has been a really difficult time for me, I was able to organize a decent funeral somehow, just to get it over with so that I can finally deal with my emotions. Yesterday, everything was going well and then my son showed up with his family. His wife and his son were quiet but looked sad and confused, but my son did not waste any time and as soon as he showed up, he walked right over to me and pulled me into a hug, and started crying. I had a bit of a breakdown as well and we ended up hugging and crying for almost five minutes because everything was just rushing out of me and I couldn't hold the tears in any longer. He said that he was sorry about everything and I told

him that I forgave him because his mother's funeral was no place to still be holding grudges against him and everything that had happened in the past felt like it didn't even matter anymore because my wife was gone and that's the only thing that I could think about. I could really do with the moral support that only my son would be able to offer me, more than any friends or family. So he apologized with tears in his eyes and I felt like it was genuine but I was obviously being an emotional fool. He even introduced me to my daughter-in-law and my grandson and they were quite nice to me as well. But a few hours later after the eulogies and everything we did, my son asked me if he could

speak to me in private and I agreed because I thought that he was going to talk to me about his mom or something less outrageous. Once we were sat in my office together, he told me that there was no easy way to bring this up at such a time but he felt like he had to ask me because he was really in need of some extra cash at the moment and told me that he had pulled me aside to talk to me about his inheritance. I am not even kidding when I say this, but I was literally in shock when he said those words because his mother had barely been buried and he was already talking about what he stood to gain from her demise. He went on talking and said that he was having a difficult time with money because he had recently quit another job that he had been working for

the past few months but his savings were about to dwindle out and he was actually planning on starting his own business but he did not have enough money to do so and was hoping that maybe if his mother had left him anything then he would use that to fund his own business. I just patiently heard him out while he shared with me how he was living off of his wife's salary for the past few months and it was getting really difficult for him to do so because it was very emasculating and he needed my help at this point. After he was done talking, I told him to get out of my house immediately and I told him never to come back because he was literally the human version of a garbage can and I did not want him loitering anywhere near my wife in the places she held close to her heart, including our home. He looked surprised when I told him that and tried to tell me that he was just

asking about the inheritance and that was no pressure on me yet to arrange something immediately, but I told him that I did not appreciate what he was trying to do and said that he needed to leave or else I would call the cops and have him escorted out. But he fought with me and told me that this was his mother's funeral and he had every right to be here and I could not stop him from attending and I started screaming at him because I was already heartbroken from the passing of my wife and now when I finally thought that my son was being a decent human being, I realized that he was actually incapable of being a good person and would always remain a total failure. So we got into a very loud fight once again and called each other every derogatory name in the

book before I finally kicked him out and requested his wife to leave with his son because I was losing my mind and I did not want to ruin my wife's funeral with this. And in a fit of anger, I I decided to call our lawyer up and ask him if my wife had left anything to her son and he told me that she had just left him some money and a few items of jewelry which was all worth around maybe $25,000 in total. I told him that I wanted to contest the will because I wanted to make sure that he did not receive anything since he was obviously not deserving of it. But now I have calmed down considerably and after my little outburst yesterday, I did speak to

a couple of people from my family and everybody told me that I overreacted a little and I should have dealt with everything with a cooler head instead of reacting like that. They told me that I have every right to be mad at my son because what he did was simply disgusting but instead of kicking him out like that and then making that very public and loud call to my lawyer and demanding that we contest the will of my wife just because I wanted to teach my son a lesson was all a bit too much and I should really. Reconsider what I want to do about all of this. And I have been thinking about it and I don't know if it's the right thing to do or not.

So I'd offer kicking my son out of my wife's funeral when he brought up his inheritance and trying to contest her will because of it. Update 1 So I spoke to my lawyer and told him that I did not want to contest the will and he told me that he had not started the proceedings anyway because he knew that I was mad about something and once I cooled off I will change my mind, so that was one good thing. My lawyer and I, for context, had been friends for a very long time and he had known my wife quite well as well. And my son had actually come to the funeral shortly after he had left so they did not run into each other, but he heard about me out first and the fight that I had with him from other people. He advised me to think about everything with a cool head and then come to a conclusion about what I wanted to do because getting upset and making rash decisions would not help in the long run,

but both of us knew that what my son said the other day was just unacceptable. and I had to set him straight somehow. So after a lot of deliberation, we decided that I was not going to contest my wife's will just to deprive him of the money and the jewelry that she had left for him but I was definitely going to make sure that I changed my will and didn't leave him a single thing. Because my wife might have had a soft corner for him, in spite of everything that he did but for me, that soft spot does not exist anymore, especially after the incident that took place a couple of days ago I don't think I can ever forgive that and I don't think I want to.

to. So my lawyer and I have decided that we are going to change the contents of the will and I have not done it so far because against all hopes, I had foolishly believed that by the end of my life, I probably would have been able to reconcile with my son but now that seems increasingly impossible and I don't think I want to reconcile with a person like that because I can't even recognize him as my son anymore. He is a stranger to me and a stranger does not deserved to be included in my will and I have a lot of other people who I would rather leave all my money in my business than my son because he clearly does not value me as his father and neither did he ever value his mother when she was still alive. I guess the only good part

of any of this is that my wife never had to find out what a horrible person our son had turned into. She passed away still believing that he would be able to become a better person someday. That's my only consolation. Update 2 today, my lawyer finally contacted my son to tell him that while he would be receiving whatever his mother had left them as soon as the probate was over, he would not be receiving anything from me because according to the contents of my will, everything was going to go to other people. Basically, everybody apart from him who had been a part of my life would be getting something or the other and because of his little stun at my wife's funeral, he would not be receiving

anything. The only reason we even felt it was necessary to notify him was because I thought that maybe at least this knowledge would lead him to apologize to us and acknowledge that what he did was messed up but nothing of the sort happened. Instead, he told my lawyer to tell me that he did not care whether he received anything for me or not because he would rather be poor and miserable than receive anything for me and constantly be reminded of the fact that I had done him a huge favor because that's exactly what my intentions would be, even in death.

So I guess that's it now. Update 3-hay, almost nine months have passed since my wife passed away and I am doing better now. I have been in therapy and I am trying to deal with my emotions but it's been hard, I can't deny that. But I know that life goes on and I also have to go on so I've been trying my best to do right by my wife and doing everything that I knew she would want me to do because that's what is most important to me right now. I have not spoken to my son after that last phone call that my lawyer made and neither has he reached out to me, even to check up on me, but that's kind of expected from him. I heard from a couple of people that he was moving

out of state with the money that he got from his mother and was going to start up a business closer to his wife's home, so I guess that's good for him. I hope he does well in life and I hope that I live long enough to see him succeed, but I don't wish to speak to him anymore after this. If he ever comes back to his senses and apologizes, with no ulterior motives, then maybe I might think about repairing our relationship, but it seems unlikely as of now. Until then, it's just going to be me and the memory of my wife that keeps me going. I miss her and I think about her every day, but I just know that she is in a better place now and I hope that she's out there somewhere looking out for me in her own way. I hope you enjoy this story.

This tale has been told previously. Sibling and his spouse excluded my child from their marriage celebration after initially extending an invitation. Consequently, my child refuses to communicate with them. Whole family is blaming me because I was no contact. Six months ago my son Leo, 14M, decided to cut off my brother Jack, 46M. Now my mom, brother, Sill, and other family members want me to make my son forgive him to keep the peace. For a little bit of context, I'm, 46M, a single dad. My family has always helped me in many ways, mostly babysitting when Leo was younger,

and even before my son was born, we were all very close. We all live relatively close to each other, so we've been able to keep in touch with weekly gatherings, spending the holidays together, etc. Everyone loves my son and my son loved them back. However, my brother Jack was always my son's favorite person. Back when my son was three to four years old, Jack and his wife had more flexible jobs than me, think freelancing versus a nine to five, so they always volunteered to look after Leo, something he loved. Almost every month they would take him to the zoo, or the aquarium, or they'd even go camping with him. As my son grew older, he started to develop the same interests as my brother like video games, photography, and music.

When Leo was nine, he told me he wanted to have the same career as his uncle. This is all to say, they were extremely close. Last year my brother informed me that he and his G.F. Mary were getting married. I knew that neither Jack nor his GF believed in marriage so when I asked them about it, they told me it was all Karen's idea, my sis mom. Because Jack and Mary didn't care much about the wedding and since Karen was paying for it, they let her plan everything, from the venue to the food, music, etc. Karen decided to plan a destination wedding at a fancy resort. In July of last year we received the invitation, and it was addressed to both me and my son. I even had a plus one if I wanted.

And as soon as the website went up, I tried to make a reservation for our hotel room. I should clarify that I had to call the hotel to make my reservation because the link wasn't working and I really couldn't risk not getting a room. When I received the email confirmation, it said room for two adults but I didn't think much of it and just assumed it was an error due to the language barrier with the hotel guy. I also bought the plane tickets for us around the same time. Fast forward to January, less than a month before the wedding, when my sis called me crying saying that Karen had made a mistake with the venue. Apparently, the resort was for adults only so they didn't allow anyone younger than 16.

My son was 13 at the time. I asked her if it would be possible for Leo and me to stay in another hotel, but they told me the whole resort was child-free so my son wouldn't even be allowed to a attend the ceremony or the reception. I was disappointed and I told my sis I'd talk to my son about it. I knew how excited he was about his uncle's wedding, but she insisted both her and Jack wanted to tell him in person. Honestly, my son was devastated. He started crying as soon as he was told he wouldn't be able to go. He pleaded with them and even offered to give them all of his savings so they could move the wedding. After 30 minutes of this, my sis got frustrated and just told him that he was being selfish and that this day wasn't about him.

Leo eventually apologized and went to his room. After the wedding, my son just stopped talking to my brother. If Jack sent him a message, Leo would just ignore it unless it had something to do with me, for example, he would only reply if Jack asked him to tell me something because he couldn't reach me, etc. On our family gatherings, Leo would only respond to small questions like can you pass the salt or helped Grandma with the plates, but he would ignore my brother if Jack or Mary tried to start a conversation or ask him about school, etc. A month after the wedding, Jack and Mary offered to take

him for a special vacation during spring break to make up for the wedding, but my son just ignored them and he later told me he didn't want to go with them. It was heartbreaking because I knew how much he wanted to go to that place and wasn't able to afford it yet, but he stuck to his guns. Something similar happened on Leo's birthday. He asked me if I was planning to throw him a party, I do it every year, and when I said yes, he asked me not to invite his aunt and uncle. I tried to convince him to invite them because their family and they were really sorry but he just said that if they didn't want him on their special day, he didn't want them on his. My brother was crying when I told him he wasn't invited. However, things came to a head this past weekend. We were at my mum's house and the conversation of Leo's university came up.

My mom asked Leo if he was still planning on going to the same university as Jack and that he should start planning for that, but my son replied that he wasn't interested anymore and he had chosen to study something else. Then my mom said I thought you wanted to be like your uncle and my son just said why would I want to be like him? At this point I intervened and told Leo he didn't have to be so rude but the damage was already done. Both my brother and Sil heard what he said and they left shortly after. Last night my brother texted me saying I was an asshole for letting my son continue with this

grudge and he even accused me of being jealous of their relationship and that's why I wasn't doing anything to fix it. I just told him these were the consequences of his actions and that this was 100% his fault by allowing his pa's mother-in-law to plan the wedding when she obviously hated my child. He hung up on me. My mom and son, Some other family members think I should force my son to forgive my brother so we can all move on claiming there was no ill intent and it was just a small mistake. But I don't think I should. My son was clearly hurt and he should be allowed to heal and forgive them only when he's ready.

So, Ada? Edit, sorry I stopped responding yesterday. I got distracted by a SIV 6 game after seeing the reveal for 7 LOL. I'm going through all the comments and I just wanted to answer a question. I've seen like ten times now. I did not go to the wedding. I didn't want to leave my son alone while most of the family was away and it just didn't feel right going to the wedding after what happened.

Additional information from OOP on the family conversations. His response was rude because of the tone, not because of what he said. He said what he said, and using a very specific tone, to get a reaction out of his uncle. That's why it was rude. He wasn't just responding to the, rather inappropriate, question asked by Grandma. He was acting up. He was trying to pick a fight. Trust me, I've heard that tone many times before.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I understand why he is hurt and angry. I have respected his boundaries and helped him navigate this as best as I can, but that doesn't mean I have to accept him picking up a fight every chance he gets. As for the conversation, I didn't include my reactions because I didn't consider it relevant. Paraphrasing, of course, it went something like this. Mary, we made a mistake and you won't be able to go to the wedding. Leo, but why?

You invited me? I want to go. Mary, the place where the wedding is taking place only accepts adults. You can't enter. Leo, I don't get it. Can't you make a... exception. Me, they can't. It's not up to Mary and Jack. Remember when you tried to get a part-time job at the pub and the owners told you they can't have children inside, let alone working there?

It's like that. Leo, can you get married somewhere else? Mary, we can't. We already paid a lot of money for that place. Leo, I can give you my savings. I have ex-Mary, it's not enough and it's not just us. who spent money, all the guests already spent a lot of money and they don't want to lose it. Leo, my dad has money. He can give you money so I can go. Please, I want to be at the wedding. It's not fair. Jack, I'm sorry, Leo. But we can make it up to you. What do you say if we take you to Greece after the wedding? You always wanted to go. Leo, getting more and more upset, I don't want to. I want to go to the wedding. Why don't you want me there?

Me, Leo, it was a mistake. They wanted you there, but we all made a mistake, and we didn't realize sooner there was a minimum age. Leo, it's not fair. Why did they invite me then? I want to be with my uncle on a special day. Mary, raising her voice, this is not our fault. It just happened and you need to let it go.

I'm sorry you can't be there, but you need to be there. to stop being selfish. This is my special day, not yours. Then Leo broke down. Like I wrote in another comment, I tried to console him and I just shot Mary a shut up look without saying anything at the moment. Jack did tell her something but I didn't hear what he said. Once he calmed down, Leo said he was sorry and asked me if he could go to his room. Mary and Jack were saying sorry but Leo didn't even look at them. I followed my son to his room to make sure he was okay, and he asked me to leave. I went back to the living room. Me, WTF is wrong with you. You have no right to yell at my son. Mary, I'm sorry. I'm too stressed. We had been fighting with my mom about this for two months.

Me, I don't care. I told you on the phone he would be disappointed and you made it worse. Get out. Jack, please Jacob, she didn't mean it. I'll make it up to Leo. Me, I said I don't care. Get out. Then they left and I just went to check on Leo. I don't have a photographic memory so I don't remember every single word that was said,

but this is the gist of what happened that day. Update 1, so I've received some messages asking for an update. I appreciate everyone who took the time to comment and send me messages. Some may have been a bit harsh, but I deserved it. Thanks for slapping some sense into me. The short version is that we'll stop going to the family events for a while. I talk to my brother and he will respect my son's boundaries, and he also explained what really happened. And, above all, Leo is doing much better now. Here's the longer update in case anyone's interested in the details.

Mom and sister. The short of it is that I informed my mom that both Leo and I would stop going to the family gatherings until things calmed down and, more importantly, until he felt comfortable again. She was understandably upset, but I think she finally understood how much she had been hurting Leo. What surprised me is that my mom told me that Jack had become depressed so she was worried about him, and that's why she was so insistent that Leo should forgive him. I basically told her that if we forced Leo to forgive my brother, we risked pushing him away from us.

As for my sister, she was also sad when I told her we'd stop going to the family gatherings, but she said she understood. However, she suggested we make our own weekly traditions so the children can still hang out, and that's what we've been doing for the last couple of weeks. We decided my nibblings would come to my house one week and then Leo would hang out at hers the next. So far it seems to be working and Leo is happy with this arrangement. I think it helps that he isn't being pressured by the adults expecting him to talk to his uncle. Jack and Mary

The weekend after I posted here, I texted my brother asking him to meet me so we could talk. I had told him that I wanted to speak with him alone so Mary wasn't present. Jack immediately apologized and said how much he regretted what he had done and the things he had told me. He confirmed what I already suspected and said he was stressed because of the constant fights with Mary. He mentioned that he had considered divorce because of how bad the fights got. I may seem cruel here, but I basically told him that I didn't care about that. What I wanted was for him to tell me the truth about what the hell had happened. Jack maintains that he didn't know about the venue being child-free until last November.

However, like many of you suspected, Mary had known for quite a while, maybe even the whole time. Apparently, this all started a few years back when Jack and Mary took Leo to the beach. While they were playing, my son had accidentally called Jack Dad before quickly correcting himself. From what Jack told me, it was a small mistake like when you call a teacher mum. Leo was embarrassed, but Jack just laughed it off. The catch? Jack's Mill, Karen, and Phil had joined them for that vacation and they overheard Leo when that happened. When they came back from their vacation, Karen had gone ballistic claiming she was triggered by some random kid calling Jack Dad knowing that Mary can't have children.

Mary had tried to explain it was just a misunderstanding, but Karen became extremely toxic and abusive towards Mary and she started making demands like not inviting Leo over when Karen visited, etc. So when Jack and Mary decided to get married, and since they initially just wanted to elope and not have a party at all, Karen manipulated Mary and convinced her to let her plan the perfect wedding for her only daughter. Mary gave in because she was sick of several years of emotional manipulation and she just wanted to keep the peace. So Karen hijacked the wedding and she chose a child-free venue on purpose. Mary discovered this when the venue was booked or shortly after but she didn't say anything because every time she tried to argue, Karen would

play the victim and stuff. Mary claimed that she had tried to negotiate with the resort that an exception be made so the children could attend the ceremony slash reception even if they stayed in a different hotel, but the manager stood firm on the policy. But the closer they got to the date, the more anxious she got until she finally admitted the truth to Jack in November. According to my brother, Mary exploded to Leo because of all the constant bullying and manipulation from her own mother, and she also felt extremely guilty by letting things.

get that far. For his part, Jack said that if he had found out before, he would have stepped in and cancelled the wedding rather than exclude Leo and my sister's children. But by that point a lot of people had already booked their flights and hotel rooms so canceling wasn't an option. In the end I told my brother that none of that excused the way they had behaved, especially his wife. She was a 40-plus-year-old woman picking a fighting with a kid. She had yelled and called him selfish when all Leo wanted was to offer the 2,000 pound he had saved so he could be part of Jack's special day. I reminded him that Leo looked up to him and considered his hero, and he had let him down. He had shown Leo that he wasn't important to him the way Jack was

important to Leo. I also told him that I would keep supporting Leo on going no contact and I'd be going low contact with him myself. He asked me for a chance to apologize to Leo, but I told him he had already apologized. All he could do now was wait to see if one day my son would accept his apology. Jack seemed hurt, but he told me he would respect our wishes and give us time and space. Leo. As for my son, I apologized for not standing up to him and forcing him to meet with the family every week. I told him that he could decide what he wanted to do with that part of the family going forward. He seemed reluctant to stop going, but I let him know that I would support him no matter what and that I wouldn't be upset. What made me happy was that Leo suggested we could stop going to

the family every week and instead we could spend more time together, he and I, doing some of the things he used to do with my brother. Last week we went to a vintage car show and next week we're going to watch Wicked. I'm not a theater guy, but it sounds fun. I also told him I was worried he had stopped doing things he liked and that he shouldn't stop just because he had a falling out with someone he cared about. Basically told him it was okay to still enjoy things by himself or with someone else. He admitted he actually wanted to do those things but stopped just as spite Jack. I decided to give him an early Christmas gift and bought him some games he had been excited about but that he had refunded after the fight with my brother.

He even convinced me to play with him some Final Fantasy online game on his PS5 while he plays on PC. I admit I have no idea what I'm doing on that game since the last Final Fantasy game I played was still in 2D, but he seems to enjoy watching me fail. Any advice here is welcome. Finally, we decided to take a trip to his dream destination for my birthday. I was a little bit sad because it's going to be the first time in almost 50 years that I don't celebrate a birthday with my brother, but I've got my son and that's all that matters. So yeah, Leo is happier and less stressed about the family. Speaking of which, I think the family is finally respecting our boundaries so that's good too. I just hope my brother can work on his marriage.

I may hate what they did but I do want him to be happy. Update 2, February 19th, 2025. It's been a while, hasn't it? The wedding anniversary is next week and I remembered this post. I just thought I'd do one quick update for those wondering what had happened. Longer update, Leo and me took a step back from the big family for a bit. But we decided to give the holidays a go with everyone. I gotta admit I was nervous.

We even had a backup plan in case things got awkward with Jack and Leo. Thankfully, it was all rather uneventful, like all the others. The biggest thing is that my brother and Leo had a proper chat on Christmas Eve. I saw them talking, and Leo went all quiet which worried me at first. But he said it was a good talk. They're not back to how they were, not by a long shot, but they've been spending a bit of time together since then, hanging out, and sometimes just playing games. It's still a bit weird for all of us but it's progress. I guess. I know some people were worried about Leo's future, as if my brother's career was the only option, LOL.

But Leo's a good kid. He's been branching out and trying new things. He said he wants to become a game developer or maybe a writer. I've been reading some of his stuff, and it's pretty good, or I may be biased because he's my son and all. As for uni, he's been considering a physics degree or becoming a pilot. That's probably my fault. I introduced him to my favorite author and now he's a bit.

obsessed with time travel and alternate universes. I also, finally, convinced him to try a sport and he's liked it too far. I even got him to watch some games with me and may drag him along to next year's dub C. And I always wanted to visit Mexico so it's going to be nice, just the two of us and all that. Jack and I have been making an effort to meet up every fortnight. It's been hard, I won't lie. Our birthday was back in October and it was particularly rough. I know some will be angry at me, but I miss my brother. I read something that said that you can love someone and not like them, and that's kind of where I'm at. Leo will always be my number one, but Jack's my brother, and it hurts to be a part, you know.

On the Jack and Mary front, they're heading for a divorce. They had to be married for a year and Jack said he'll file ASAP. Maybe next week or the week after. It's been tough on him. He said it wasn't just the fallout with Leo, but a lot of other things too. I'm sad for him. But life goes on, doesn't it? It's mostly been pretty boring, day-to-day stuff, dealing with work, and a team, and some health-related stuff.

But yeah, thanks to everyone who commented. I hope you enjoy this story. My significant other developed a fixation on my former casual partner from university who enrolled in her doctorate program. Consequently, I removed her from all my pictures after our separation, but she produced fake ads with my friend's pictures. Melissa and I have been dating for a little less than two years. It's been an amazing relationship, admittedly my only one, but I am really happy with her. We are both in PhD programs at the same university, it's where we met, but in different STEM fields. We've been considering moving in together, getting pets and over all I'd say our relationship,

is pretty serious and she has even mentioned getting married before. I can definitely see a future with her, but it's still a bit early for me, and right now I'd like to focus on my research and securing a future that can support both of us. She took that kind of harshly, but I just wasn't ready to commit to something like that yet. That was the only bump we've had until Natalia entered the picture again. Some background info, Natalia and I went to the same college for undergrad. She studies the the same branch of biology that my current GF studies and is a year younger than I am. We were in the same science-related clubs and a professional fraternity together and quickly

became very close friends, as Natalia and I had extremely similar personalities and interests. We spent weekends together, where each other's dates to all formal events, but we never dated even though we both liked each other and slept with each other. We were just too scared to ask the other what they wanted. It sounds silly and immature, but that's just what happened. We were essentially FWB for two years, but we always knew that we had very different plans for the immediate future. I was graduating before her and she was going to move to another country to work and do research before coming back to the States for her PhD. It was kind of an unspoken recognition that when I graduated, we were going to go our separate way, but we always joked that maybe we would run into each other again since we had the same dream school.

for grad school. We tried to remain in contact when I left, but it was just too hard on both of us. We missed each other but were busy with our own lives and eventually stopped talking. No hard feelings. It happens. We moved on. That was almost five years ago. Before Melissa, I used to wonder if Natalia and I could have made it together, but now that I have a girlfriend that hasn't popped into my head at all. I am happy now, or at least I was. Last year Natalia was accepted into the PhD program at my university. It's the same dream school we talked about years ago. I didn't know this until a little over half a year ago. One day, my girlfriend came over because she was really upset. I will spare most of the details but basically a professor in her department had told her that he had

room for one more grad student to join him on one of his research trips to South America the following summer. My girlfriend really thought he was going to pick her because they had a pretty good relationship, but he had met with her and told her that there was a new grad student that already had experienced with this particular species, worked with the South American University he was collaborating with, and spoke Spanish. She was denied the position and I tried to explain to her that some people just have different expertise. Over the next month, she would tell me more and more about this new grad student and how everyone who met her practically fell in love with her or found her extremely interesting, that she was super cool, fond over her,

etc. It made my girlfriend extremely sad because she has always had issues with insecurity and feeling like she has to try extra hard for people to think she's worth anything. I tried to tell my GF that she is great at what she does and to stop comparing herself to other people because it just makes her upset but she said, no underscore. You haven't seen her yet. She's extremely smart, she's been all over the world, she's a literal 10. Natalia is utter perfection. I kind of froze at that moment because somehow I immediately knew this was my friend. I kept trying to tell my GF all the ways I admired her, but I realized it wasn't helping so all I would do was listen to her and be someone she could vent to. I admit I was curious, but I didn't want to complicate things for Melissa so I didn't try to contact Natalia or find out if it was even her.

A few weeks later, however, I ran into her at a cafe on campus. It was really great to see her again. We sat with each other for about an hour and a half, just catching up with one another. I told her about my research and she told me about hers. She had accomplished so much for herself in the few years since I had seen her last. and I was so happy for her. I told her I had a girlfriend who was in the same department as she was, and she asked if we could all hang out sometime since she was still new to the town.

Natalia seemed really excited and not at all disappointed. We exchanged numbers and parted ways. It felt evident to me that we had moved on. Whatever romantic feelings we had for each other were purely platonic now. We were both doing very well and genuinely happy. That night I told my girlfriend that I ran into Natalia and she was actually a really good friend of mine from college. I knew my girlfriend felt really insecure at work and in the lab and I did not want her to feel threatened within our relationship. I suggested we all have lunch sometime so she can meet her because I actually thought they could get along.

G.F. was kind of taken aback and immediately started asking me if I ever liked Natalia, if she was my ex and if we dated. I said no, we never dated we were only friends, but I did like her a lot. I reminded her that this was four years ago and that I have not thought about her at all since I started dating G.F. G.F. left the house for the night because she said she was really stressed and didn't want to think about it right now. I felt like I had done something wrong and decided I wouldn't mention Natalia again. Ever since that night G.F. would ask me really strange questions like if I thought she was smart enough. Of course I think she's smart. The university we are at is one of the best in the nation.

She then said, well, you and Natalia went to 20 Ivy League University for undergrad and I went to 20 state universities so she's clearly beat me both time. I was appalled and told her there is no competition. I am with you. It doesn't matter where you went to undergrad look at where you are now. She just wouldn't stop talking about how much more experience Natalia has and how much much better her resume probably looks. She would ask me this multiple times and it really upsets me to see how much she works herself up over these things. What's worse is when she compares her looks to Natalia's. Lately Melissa will not stop complaining about how pale she is, how easily she sun

burns, how short her hair is, how nothing fits her well. She says, I wonder how Natalia stays so skinny, I wish I was mixed like Natalia. Natalia is so exotic looking. I always tell her how beautiful she looks, how attractive I find her. Melissa is beautiful. I love everything about her even though she doesn't. I would never say this to Melissa, it's even difficult to write. Even though Melissa has said it to me but Natalia is definitely more conventionally attractive woman in terms of arbitrary societal beauty standards but that doesn't matter to me. I don't love my GF just because of her looks, but it's so did. It's so to convince someone that you find them attractive when they want to jump out of their own skin.

I have caught Melissa stalking Natalia's Facebook profile, Instagram, lab page. It's ridiculous. I can't understand why she does it when it gets her so upset. Melissa isn't fat at all. But lately she has been rejecting me when I try to initiate sex because she feels fat or not sexy enough and I think this is due to the aforementioned insecurities. I try to talk to her through them but it always ends with the same conclusion and she says, I'm sorry I'm not goof enough. I only talk to Natalia in the cafe. We have lunch together maybe twice a week, but we never plan it. I have always ate lunch at the same time at the same place and Natalia will come in every few days and when she does we sit together for about an hour and talk. Usually

she will text me before lunch asking if I'm there or planning on going there and that's the the only time we text or talk outside of the cafe. I feel like this is an appropriate amount of communication for two friends. I feel bad for never being able to hang out with her, but I know it would upset Melissa. There have been a few times when Melissa has joined me in the cafe and Natalia has sat with us. Honestly, Melissa is straight up rude to her. At first I think she tried to be nice but just got too upset. She either remains silent or responds with really she short, cold answers. It makes me really sad because I know Melissa is struggling with insecurities, but Natalia is a really good friend of mine who has only been nice to me. She has invited me and

Melissa out numerous times and each time Melissa declines. I once told her I was going to attend a comedy show with Natalia. It was a comedian I once took Natalia to see in college, and Melissa broke down so I decided I would never go anywhere with Natalia unless Melissa was there too. Some of might say, why don't you just stop talking to Natalia? Is she more important than your relationship with Melissa? I don't really know what to do. I see Natalia for two hours a week and we don't hang out or even talk outside of that. I have given Melissa no reason to think I am cheating or being unfaithful. Natalia has only ever been a good friend to me and I shouldn't have to cut her out of my life when she already plays such a little role. It feels kind of unfair to me because honestly,

sometimes I wish I could see Natalia more because she's a really wonderful, interesting person. But Melissa is definitely a priority in my life, so I have kept our friendship very casual and minimal. I think there is a bigger problem in that Melissa is not the same person I entered a relationship with. She's sad, always stressed, much more cranky and snappy with me. Her insecurities make her shy away and retreat into herself so it feels like I can never reach her anymore. She has been denying me sex and complaining about how she isn't good enough for me and it has honestly been pushing me away from her. I find that I no longer want to deal with her insecurities and constantly validating that I love her. I have suggested therapy before because I think the real problem is not Natalia but Melissa's underlying insecurities.

This is not normal and it causes her so much unnecessary stress. Melissa always says, okay, I will think about it, and when I bring it up again she gets really defensively. asking me why I think something is wrong with her. I don't. I just think a professional would be able to help her work through her own thoughts better so that she can accept herself more because clearly, what I am saying to her doesn't get through. It's hard see her so unhappy. Edit, because someone asked, I should have clarified that I also told Melissa that Natalia and I

slept with each other in college. I didn't hide that from her. I can see why that would upset her, but I really try to. tried to stress how long ago it was and how I was happy with Melissa now and the past does not affect anything about how I feel now. Update 1, All right, so I posted here a few weeks ago concerning my GF Melissa and my XFWB from college, Natalia. The gist of the story was that Melissa kept comparing herself to Natalia who was a grad student

in her field of biology who she feels is basically the epitome of perfection. It got to the point where Melissa would spend hours staring at picks of Natalia and every Every time I tried to be intimate with her she would shut me down saying she wasn't good enough. I got a lot of shit in the last post because Natalia and I ate lunch together a few times a week but as a lot of commenters suggested, I eat at a different place now and no longer see Natalia. I think Natalia took the hint and we haven't spoken since I posted that. Anyway, I'm posting now because I feel Melissa's obsession with Natalia hasn't gotten better at all and she did something that I'm not sure I consider forgivable.

When I graduated from college, my mom made me a photo album of picks with me and all my friends doing whatever it is college students do. It means a lot to me, because I rarely see my old friends and unfortunately, one of them passed away so these are physical representations of cherished memories. Yesterday afternoon, I received a Facebook message from my late friend Dan's mother. She asked me if I had any picks of Dan from our fraternity event. we were in the same professional fraternity. I said of course and that I would scan them and send them over to her. I looked through my album and was suddenly shocked to find a few pictures in which

Natalia was cut out of the photo. Some were just of me and her, some were of a group of friends. After flipping a few more pages I saw one that broke my heart, it was a picture of Natalia, Dan, and a few other friends during one of our formals as we were all in the same fraternity. I kept searching through and found that this was the case for maybe 12 pictures, three including Dan. It felt like I had swallowed a pound of rocks and I honestly just felt so angry. I knew it had to be Melissa as I would never have done this. I sent the uncut picks to Dan's mom and texted Melissa, asking her if she was still on campus so we could meet. When I saw her, I asked her why she cut my photos and she said, what are you talking about?

But I could tell from her face, she knew she was caught. I was so furious. I told her that it was extremely disrespectful and that she had no right to destroy them the way she did. I even mentioned that some of the pictures she cut were taken with my friend who had passed away and now she had ruined them. She immediately started crying and apologizing, saying she didn't know what came over her. She said she still has the pictures of Natalia and that she can put them back together. I felt like I was going to explode, so I just excused myself and left. Melissa has been blowing up my phone, but I haven't read any of the messages or listened to the voicemails.

I feel so drained. I got a lot of shit on my last post, so I bet a lot of you will think I had this coming. I know I can't convince you of how hard I've tried to make Melissa feel like she's the only girl I wanted to be with. No matter how many times she has asked me if she's pretty, if I find her sexy, If I think she is smart, I always tell her how amazing I find her, but it just isn't enough. Maybe I should have never ever spoken to Natalia when I found out she was attending the same university as me, but I don't think that gives my GF, XGF. The right to destroy my property.

The album has literally sat on my shelf for years. It's not like I look at it every day and fawn over my ex. I have never even shown it to Melissa so she must have been snooping through my belongings which Honestly, I wouldn't even care about if she hadn't destroyed the pictures of my dead friend because of her petty jealousy. I just feel exhausted. I feel like I'll never make Melissa happy. I could have done things differently, sure, but I feel like she never tried to work on her insecurities and confidence in herself either. Update 2, feel free to creep through the history.

My ex-GF Melissa was very jealous of my old FWB slash her colleague Natalia. Her obsession was extremely unhealthy and she did something to me that I considered unforgivable, hence the breakup. Now this was 8 to 9 months ago, and since then Natalia and I have rekindled our friendship. She knows why Melissa and I broke up, and felt very guilty, but she was always a good friend to me and I like having her in my life. I know I am going to get a lot of shit for this and people will say they saw it coming, but whatever. I'm not asking for judgment. What's done is done and I thought we had all moved on. Last month, me, Natalia, and a few of our friends were out playing billiards. As I was giving Natalia and her roommate a ride home, the roommate says, and, did you tell them about the thing?

Natalia responded no, and her roommate pressed her, but she stayed firm. I texted her later to see what was the matter, but she assured me it was nothing. This past week, her roommate called me and asked if we could meet up. She sat me down and said that she thinks me XGF is stalking Natalia. I was taken aback but not completely shocked at this accusation given Melissa's past. She told me that it started out with obvious fake FB profiles sending friend requests and then vile hate messages. Then Natalia was getting calls from random numbers that said they were following up Craigslist Escort ads with her name. Picture, and number.

Roommate knew about the picture situation and immediately suspected Melissa. That was a few months ago. Last month, Natalia and some friends were heading back from the movies, and a guy in Melissa's grad school cohort saw a car parked along Natalia's street and said, hey, what's Melissa doing here? This freaked her out, as she had seen that car parked there several nights a week for the past three months. This was the thing she didn't want to mention to me. This week, her growth chamber was contaminated.

Apparently, someone let disease carrying aphids into a few sections of the greenhouse and ruined a few of the grad students' crop slash plant experiments. I'm not a biologist sorry I act the details. Anyway, it was a pretty big deal for the grad students who needed to restart their experiment. Including Natalia, but her pie thought it must have been some undergrad who forgot that you're not supposed to enter the greenhouse after being in the aphid room. Her roommate, who is in the same department as Melissa and Natalia, thinks it was foul play on Melissa's behalf. Apparently she's been bad-mouthing Natalia ever since we broke up. Obviously that is a very strong accusation with no real proof, so she hasn't spoken to administration about it.

It is really scary to think Melissa would go to such a length to hurt somebody else. It sounded to me like Natalia is being stalked, but she doesn't want me to know. I brought it up with her yesterday and she confirmed what the roommate said. She dismissed the greenhouse incident saying she doesn't want to think someone had it out for her. Also, she thought it was unlikely because the risk was so great. If it was done on purpose and the person was caught, they would be expelled from the program without a second thought. She did admit to having the feeling of being followed and that she'll be at a grocery store or cafe and think she sees Melissa there too. She thinks she's just paranoid in letting her roommate get to her head, but that this happens more frequently since we've started hanging out.

I asked her if she has spoken to Melissa or wanted me to say something and she said absolutely not. I'm feeling like this is all my fault and I keep screwing up. If I had left Natalia alone after breaking up with Melissa, this wouldn't be happening to her. I haven't spoken to Melissa since the breakup, only to return the items she kept in my house. And I don't think speaking to her about this would do any good. I wouldn't doubt that Melissa is capable of stalking and or sabotaging Natalia's work given her history, but I haven't seen anything with my own eyes yet. Is there something I can do before this gets worse? In my last few posts, many people said I had handled things wrong, and I want to make sure I do something right for once.

Do I stay out? Do I investigate? Please give me advice and not judgment right now. I am worried for my friend. I hope you enjoy this story. Spouses passing left me as a solo father until my longtime companion from youth relocated to the area with her soon-to-be husband. However, she revealed her emotions to me four weeks prior to her wedding. My point 35M, friend Bree 35F, just told me she loves me four weeks before our marriage,

I am not sure what I am supposed to do here. I want to know if I am doing the right thing. To give some context, I lost my wife two years ago. I have a five-year-old daughter. I have not dated in the last two years because I have major trauma from losing my wife. I still love her a lot and don't think I am ready to move on. I invested all my time in my daughter, who looks exactly like her mother, and my work to keep my sanity for the last two years. I have been friends with Bree since we were in elementary school.

We lived in the same neighborhood growing up and were best friends. She is an awesome person, and we were inseparable growing up. The weirdest part was we had completely different personalities. She was very outgoing and always had a lot of friends. I am a big introvert and Bree along with a few friends was all I needed. Bree was a serial dater and I don't remember any time since middle school since she was single. Bree and I never dated though. Bree and I also went to the same college. She never had a stable boyfriend, but just jumped from one relationship to another. I, on the other hand,

did not date seriously until I was in my junior year. When I met my wife, she was a freshman and we hit it off instantly. We fell for each other and spent all our time with each other. This strained my relationship with Bree as I would generally hang out with my wife. instead of her. That was the time Bree and I slowly started drifting apart. After college, I moved to a different town for my job, and Bree and I occasionally messaged each other, but nothing beyond that. Bree attended my wedding and that was the last time I saw her. We kept in touch, but mostly by commenting on each other's pictures or keeping each other updated on significant life events. Brie did reach out to me when my wife passed away and we talked on a phone call.

Last year, Bree and her fiancé moved to my city. I was still grieving, and both have been amazing support for me and my daughter. My daughter loves dancing, and Bree helped me enroll her in dancing in gymnastics classes and sometimes takes her to them. I also became good friends with her fiancé, who is indeed an incredibly good man. My daughter also loves Auntie Bree and Bree sometimes helps me babysit. Last week, Bree came to my house and asked if we could talk. Her tone sounded serious. She told me that over the last few months, she feels like she has started to develop feelings for me and is not sure anymore if she wants to go ahead with the wedding.

She felt I also had started developing feelings for her. I told her that I am not ready for any relationship before I can deal with my mental health, for which I go to a therapist regularly. She tried to convince me that she loved me, we are soulmates, and she felt that we were meant to be together. However, I do not have the same feelings for her. I love her as a friend, but nothing beyond that. We were both emotional, but she said she was glad we talked about this. She left after that. Bree called me that night and told me not to talk about our conversation to anyone.

I thought a lot about it and decided that I would not tell her feelings. about me and my conversation from last week. I feel it's their relationship, and I do not have the right to ruin their moment if Brie decides to go ahead with the wedding. However, I feel guilty that her fiancé does not know anything about this and is going into a marriage where Brie might not be fully ready for it. Can you guys give suggestions on what I should do in this case? Am I wrong for not telling her fiancé about our conversation?

Update 1. The last month has been crazy, and my whole world has turned upside down. Again for context, I lost my wife two years ago and we have a five-year-old daughter. Bree and her fiancé Jason, 33M, moved to our town a year ago, and we have reconnected as friends and they have done a lot to cheer me up during this year and bring my life to normalcy. After Bree told me that she loved me, I told her that I was still not ready to move on as I still miss my wife. She said she understood, and I did not hear from her or Jason for a few days. The guilt was killing me, as I was not sure if I should tell Jason about what she told me. Thanks to everyone who commented on the post, it helped me think the situation through.

I finally called Bree after a few days and asked her to meet me for lunch. I talked to her and asked her if she was going ahead with her wedding. She broke down and told me she was not sure. I told her that she should at least talk to Jason regarding her feelings and not be dishonest with him. I also assured her that I would not say anything to Jay, but I just wanted her to be happy. She said she understood and left. That night I put my daughter to sleep and was watching TV. Around 9.30 p.m., I heard a loud knock on my door, and it was Jason.

I opened the door, and he was in tears. He started yelling at me and asking me why I had to say, had to steal Bree out of all the people. I tried to calm him down, but he just kept on shouting. I was trying to get him to sit down on the bench on our porch. I told him my daughter was sleeping upstairs, but he slowly was getting more and more physical. He punched me in the face, and I was able to push him off. I told him to get out of my house, and he sat in his truck and drove away. I immediately called Bree, and she was crying and did not sound well on the phone. She told Jason that she could not marry him, because she had feelings for me.

I was really scared for her, after the physical altercation with Jason, and told her to gather some clothes and get out of the house. She did that and came to my place. I just didn't feel she was safe with Jason. I consoled her for almost two hours and was able to get her to sleep. The next morning, we had to call her parents to let them know about what had happened. Bree kept a brave face, but I could see how much she was hurting. Her parents asked her to take a few days off, and immediately come back home, and she did take a flight in the evening to go home.

Over the next two weeks, the wedding was called off. Bree and I were talking every day and she was just very exhausted. She talked to Jason a few times and kept on asking her to take more time to think. However, I think Bree just wanted to get out of it and decided to do it. just break it off with Jason. Currently, Bree is staying with us for the last two weeks. She still has a job here and started going back to work last week. I have talked to Brie in detail about what happened. Brie told me that Jason and her were dating on and off for the last four years. Jason is not very career-oriented, and Brie is very good at her job. She felt he was a nice and

reliable person, but was unsure about him from the start. She felt that she was not getting any younger, and hence they decided to get married. When she heard about my wife passing away, she just felt really bad and wanted to be around me to comfort me. When she got her big promotion, which meant she could work in a corporate office, she immediately chose my city and moved here. Jason also moved here and got a new job. She never had any romantic feelings for me back then. As she started hanging out with my daughter and me, she started feeling the bond we shared when we were growing up. Except, I was the broken one and she was taking care of me. She said that she realized that she was enjoying her time with us, more than with Jason.

She realized she made a mistake with Jason, and what she wanted was right in front of her. She slowly started thinking about me in that way and finally told me about it. She knew her relationship with Jason was over the moment she confirmed. to me. It's a shitty situation, but I am glad that she realized that before getting married versus after. As for Jason, I feel bad for him. He is moving back to our hometown closer to his family. He is currently in their apartment and will move sometime next month. I know a lot of you would be curious if we were dating. We are not dating. I don't think I can date anyone right now and neither should Bree. She is my friend, and I am happy that she is staying with us, and plans to be here

until everything is sorted out. My daughter loves having Auntie Bree around too, so that's a bonus. Plus, it's really nice to see her slowly get back to normal. Thanks again for helping me during my last post. Cheers. Additional information from OOP. One of the comments from the post really stuck out to me when I was trying to decide if I wanted to tell Jason myself about what Bree told me. Following is the comment. I would not share your conversation, but also find a way to pull away from spending any time with her that also does not tear her out of your daughter's life. Not that she is or ever will replace your dear wife and your daughter's mother because that is

impossible. But your daughter at a young age had already lost her mom and I'd hate to see her traumatized by having another woman in her life abruptly leave. My daughter really loves having her around and I also do not want her to lose Bree. I have thought about the pros and cons, and I feel I'm happy she is staying with us at this point. Update 2. November 8, 2024. I wrote a post nine months ago about my friend Bree telling me that she loved me a few weeks before she was supposed to get married.

For context, I lost my wife three years ago, and we had to have. have a six-year-old daughter. Bree and her fiancé, Jason, moved to our town a year ago, and Bree confessed her feelings for me just weeks before her wedding. Things went south quickly, and Bree ended up breaking up with Jason and canceling the wedding. She was staying with us when I last shared an update. Bree members didn't know that Jason had assaulted me, and I had to assure everyone that we were safe and okay. I'm feeling particularly happy this week, so I thought I would share an update. Firstly, the reason Bree moved in with us while Jason was still in town was because I had a temporary restraining order, Tiaro, against him. Brie also filed for one but

was denied, as he had never directly threatened her safety. She said she felt secure with us because of the TRO, and I agreed. Jason didn't cause any issues after that, though he continued texting Bree, asking her to work on their relationship. Eventually, he moved back to our hometown in February, and we haven't heard from him since. Bree got her own apartment once Jason left town, but she remained very much a part of our daily lives. I enjoyed having her around, and my daughter loves her. In April, Bree brought up the idea of us dating again.

I explained that I wasn't over my wife's death and didn't want to be unfair to her because I still love my late wife deeply. Re told me she knew she could never replace my wife, nor did she want to. She shared a beautiful analogy, she said my heart is like a big pot. It holds a lot of love for my late wife, but it also made room for more love when my daughter was born. Loving her wouldn't erase my love for my wife or daughter, it would simply mean there's more room in my heart than I realized. I took a month to think it over, talking to my mom and mother-in-law, late wife's mom, who both encouraged me to give a relationship with Bree a chance. We officially started dating in May, and it's been surprising

how quickly we fell in love. I think the strong foundation of our friendship helped a lot. The last six months have been amazing, and I've never seen my daughter so happy. She's a big chatterbox now and insists that Bree comes to all her school events and recitals. Sometimes, I feel a little jealous of their bond and even a bit left out of their little chats. The The reason I'm writing this update is because I'm planning to propose to Bree this Christmas. It's not a surprise proposal, we went engagement ring shopping last weekend and finalized the ring. We also have wedding plans for next summer. I know it seems quick, but I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else.

Bree deserves to officially be part of our family. My daughter is thrilled, and she and Bree are already shopping for dresses for the engagement photo shoot. Our families couldn't be happier, and we planned to get engaged at a small gathering of family and friends over Christmas weekend in our hometown. I know some people judged me for taking Bree in after she left Jason, and others judged her for leaving him at the altar. Life isn't easy, trust me, and things don't always go as planned. But I'm grateful Bree found the courage to tell me how she felt back then. Thank you all again for your support on my last post. Comments where OPP has replied, commenter one, downvoted.

Thanks for the update. Glad things worked out and wish you both a great future. OOP, thanks. We are excited for the next chapter. Commenter two, wait, so why didn't she end her relationship before ever sharing with you that she had feelings for you? OOP, it was such a crazy time, for weeks before the wedding. I know the right thing should have been the right thing to do. However, I am also glad she did not go through with the wedding when her heart was not at the right place.

I feel bad for Jason too, but I think it's better for him it happened, instead of learning about it after getting married. I did initially blame myself for all the pain that I caused Bree. I know she would have been married, happily, to Jason, if I did not exist, but through therapy, I have learned to let go of the guilt. It was something I could not control. Commenter 3, so you explained to her that you were still grieving your wife, and she gave you some stupid analogy to pressure you into dating her. She sounds desperate and dumb, and not a good influence for your child. I feel bad for your daughter. I seriously doubt your wife would approve of this for her.

Commenter 4. Her analogy was pure manipulation and you are too stupid, or too horny, to see it. It's been less than a year. Good luck, dear horny man, you are going to need it. Your wife would be ashamed of the damage you are going to end up doing to your daughter and all this. You let a manipulative woman con her way into your bed and home. Next story, dying father finally told me why he hated me entire life. He never wanted a son, and wanted me to give me up for adoption, but my mother wouldn't let him. I have three sisters that I love and a mother I adore, not always though.

I hated them when I was younger because while my father would yell at me or belittle me for everything possible, they were the apples of his eyes. I did my best at school in karate, nothing impressed him, not when I earned a full scholarship to a prestigious university, not when I was the valedictorian of my year group, not even at 26 when I managed to start my own small company that has grown considerably since. No matter what I did, I was made to feel worthless, less than a person, good for nothing, useless, a failure. I have lingering issues about it to this day. When I was younger all I wanted just once was for my father to say I'm proud of you, nothing even close. He doted on my sisters and mother though and I'm not proud to say I hated them for it as much as I hated him. How dare they get away so lightly, how dare they get his smiles and laughter and kind words when all I had to get was cruelty.

It took me a long time to finally begin a relationship with my sisters or mom that wasn't the jealous, angry son. Today we are all very close, I love them to death and would do anything for them. Some time ago my father was diagnosed with cancer, he's had other issues as well, suffered through two heart attacks and a stroke and it seems as if his body can't carry on anymore. He's dying and I don't care, I don't have it in me to care and if he died I could live the rest of my life having never seen him before he passed or knowing that I won't attend his funeral.

He wasn't present at my wedding either, I did not invite him which was. was very noticeable to many of my family members, but I didn't care. I'd found a woman who loved me and that I loved and I wanted to share that day with people in my life that I love or strongly like. My uncle was always sympathetic to my cases growing up, my father, his older brother was an asshole to him and he understood why I wouldn't want my father there even while other family members thought I should have still invited him. Here's the thing he wants to see me, he probably has only a few months left and now wishes

to see me. My wife, mother and sisters all want me to pay a visit to him. While my wife thinks I should go just once, she isn't pressuring me, she knows my history with him and says if I decide not to go, that's it. My mother and sisters, however, do think I should go and have all spoken to me several times in the past month about this. The only person who's laid off bugging me about it is my older sister. I'm the second child, she's 34, and she was the one who say my father, be a dick to me from as far back as she or I can remember, my two other sisters are several years younger, 26, 25. We met recently to talk about it, my older sister and I and for the first time in years I broke down crying, I literally just let it out. I told her I can't do it. I tried to

put everything in the past, but I can't. I hate that man and what he did to me mentally. I can't forgive him and she says she understands, she said she'd speak to my mother and sisters however my mother and sisters tend to be very pushy. Anyway, do you all think I should go at least once? Update, so I went to see my dad and it basically went like shit. I caved, I fucking caved and decided fuck it, I'll see what he wants. Maybe this is something worth hearing. I visited the hospital by myself. No wife, no mom, no sisters, just him and I. He looked at a looked old and tired and just as I predicted I didn't find it in me to be angry, this wasn't the man I remembered, this was just some old broken man. It would have been a waste of my time to feel

angry and yet I did. I was so pissed off because I couldn't stand across from him eye to eye and let him see that the son he treated like dogs hit had built a wonderful life for himself. We didn't say anything to each other for around an hour. Then eventually I found my voice and said, you know this is the last time we'll ever see each other right? No response. Then he replied, I know. So I asked him why now. Why did he want to see me so badly that he had to send a message through my mother for me? And here is where I learned that my existence was fuck all to him. He admitted that he did it just to give my mom closure, she didn't ask him to do it, but he knew she wanted it. So I asked him why he treated me the way he did my whole life and he replied, I,

I never wanted a son, never had any interest in one. It fucking hurt, but I kept listening and he kept speaking. He said that in the first few years of my life he tried his best to care about me, but eventually he realized he couldn't. Then came the final nail in the coffin of my relationship with that man. I never loved you, but I didn't hate you either. I just didn't care for you because I never wanted a son, I wanted to give you up for adoption when you were younger but your mother would never have forgiven me, so I was.

I did my best to push you aside and you would always try and get my approval for stuff. I felt bad at times, but I just didn't care for you by that time I was crying. Me a 31-year-old man, left my dying father in his hospital room and went to my car crying. I could have gone my whole life not knowing that. Fuck my mom, my sisters, my wife and my dad. I'm just so pissed right now. There was a part of me that hoped we would bury the hatchet, nope, I just learned he never gave a fuck.

I will never speak of my father again. I will not attend his funeral or visit his grave. When he dies I'll be at the bar drinking because the fucker is gone from this world and I will I can to be the father he never was. Edit, I just want to say thanks to everyone for your kind words, both in comments and PMS, they really helped a lot. Particularly while I was hung over this morning and laying in bed thinking about life. Also to the stranger who gave me gold, thank you. Never had that before and it was quite unexpected. I've got a ways to go still, I feel like yesterday opened up wounds I didn't even realize had never really healed and I'll be talking to my wife about it and most likely a professional as well.

I won't cut my mom or sisters out. I am not angry at them. Their experiences with my father were different from my own and I do not fault them for that, however, right now, the best thing for me, is just to not be around them as much. So I don't think they'll be seeing slash hearing from me for some time. Once again, I sincerely thank everybody, it was your comments and PMS that made me realize, yeah, it hurts like shit,

but I can't let him have any more power over me, I'm in the prime of my life and I've built a nice life for myself. I don't need a dying man's approval anymore because I've done the best I could for so long without it anyway, so here's hoping things will get better soon. I hope you enjoy this story. Following a lengthy period behind bars, I lost connection with my soulmate, located her on the internet but hesitated to reach out.

Eventually mustered the courage to do so, and now she's on her way. Visit me. Hi guys. When I was a university student, I fell in love with Darya, not her real name, obviously. She was the little sister of my best friend, so I considered her off-limits. but my crush on her persisted and grew. She's one of those beautiful, brilliant people who is alive and breathing to make the world a better place. How could I not be drawn to that?

One day, she told me she had feelings for me. And to my relief, my best friend didn't have a problem with me dating his sister either. So for two wonderful years, Darya was my girlfriend. I should have asked her to marry me. I don't know why I didn't. I suppose I thought I had all the time in the world. We were young and there was no need to rush things. We lived in a country that isn't exactly democratic, and we were political activists.

I ended up getting arrested and going to prison for nine years. Please don't think I'm some kind of monster for this. I don't want to go into detail in case it makes me identifiable somehow, but we didn't hurt anyone or do anything immoral. What we did is not even illegal in the country where I currently live, and our beliefs were far from extremist. I haven't seen or spoken to Darya since the day I got arrested. My best friend died shortly after, and Darya left the country, partly due to the possibility that she'd be arrested too. There wasn't any way for her to contact me while I was in prison, though apparently she contacted my dad a few times in the beginning.

Things got even worse in our country while I was incarcerated, so my dad and I emigrated when I was released. We've been living in Western Europe ever since, and life is pretty okay. I live with my dad, and I have a steady, if shitty, job. Months ago, I found Darya online. She lives in a neighboring country, seven hours away by rail. She doesn't use social media too much, but from what I've seen there's no evidence of a partner or kid. kids. And even if she's married, I'd be content just to be her friend, as I was for the first year as we knew each other. Part of me desperately wants to reach out to her, and my dad has

been encouraging me to do so, but I feel like it'd be too selfish. The circumstances of her brother's death were very traumatic for her and I'm afraid that I'm just a living reminder of all the bad things that happened to us. And if she does have a partner, would my contacting her offend him and trouble their relationship? I don't want to cause her any more sadness. Time stood still for me while I was in prison, but I know it didn't for her or anyone else. She's done so well for herself, she's built a whole life, and I don't want to derail that life just because I feel entitled to a place in it. She might not even remember me at all.

And even if she did invite me back into her life, I'd be nothing but a burden now, owing to my wrecked mental health. We've been apart twice as long as I knew her. Have I even the right to miss her as much as I do? For now I've contented myself with Googling her name every so often and seeing that she's okay. It just hurts a lot, and I don't know how to make it not hurt. I still love her with everything I have. I probably always will. Should I reach out to her, or leave her alone?

If I do contact her, what should I even say? Update 1, the short version is that I was wondering whether I should. try to contact my former girlfriend after I went to prison for a long time. The consensus was that I should, and people gave very good advice on how to do that. First, I want to say thank you to everyone who offered advice or kind words. I had spent so long feeling ashamed about my situation, and expecting most people to react very negatively if they knew. I had barely discussed it with anyone before, except my dad and people whose job it is to help me, lawyers, therapists, etc., and I was very surprised to be met

with so much compassion from a bunch of complete strangers. Thank you, truly. Several people asked for an update, and that's the least I can do in return. I sent Darya a message the evening after I made my post. It was something like, I don't mean to intrude, but I wanted to say hello and thought I would give you my new contact information in case you ever felt like getting in touch. If not, that's completely fine too. I left her my mobile number and email address, wished her well, and that was that.

I knew it might be a while before she responded, if she responded at all. So I tried to put it out of my mind. Early Monday morning, my phone rang. It was an unfamiliar number from the country where Darya lives. Who else would ever be calling me from there? I panicked a little bit, but I managed to answer in time. She asked a few times if it was really me, and I couldn't tell if she was laughing or crying. At first she called me by the very affectionate version of my name she used to.

But then she quickly apologized and corrected herself, which broke my heart a little bit. It was an awkward phone call, but not in a bad way. I was extremely nervous, and it seemed like she was too. But happy, also. Some of you mentioned that Darya would want to know that I was safe. and this was more true than I could have guessed. Because unrest in my country increased a lot during the last year I was in prison, she was afraid that they would decide to quietly kill me rather than let me go.

There are documented cases of other prisoners like me having met very suspicious ends in the months before my release, so it wasn't a totally unreasonable worry. She also said she repeatedly tried to send me parcels of supplies and put money on my commissary account, but her attempts were rejected without explanation. After my sentencing, I was not allowed to receive correspondence or to have a commissary account at all, because of the classification of my crimes, so she was forced to give up. She told me this as an apology, as if I would have been disappointed with her for not helping me more. I had no idea she had done any of that.

I do know that it was not a safe thing for her to do, and I feel terrible that she put herself at risk trying to make me a little more comfortable. She didn't seem to want to talk about what happened any more than that, and so we didn't. We changed the subject to more light-hearted things. Our jobs, the cities where we live, how my dad is adapting to a new country, etc. When she arrived at work and had to end the phone call, she asked if I wanted to continue talking through a messaging app. Obviously I said yes, and downloaded it immediately. We sent messages through. We sent messages throughout the day, and she even interrupted her commute home to send me a picture of a restaurant modeled after one of my favorite books, just because she thought I would like it.

She told me that she thought of me every time she saw it, but unfortunately the restaurant itself was not so good. I was afraid she wouldn't remember me, but she even remembers the things I like to read. She remembers a lot of little things, even stuff I forgot. We have been sending messages back and forth ever since, and talking on the phone after I finish work at night, until she gets too sleepy. Sometimes it feels like I'm 24 and she's texting me from a few blocks away, as if the next thing she might ask is what's for dinner. Other times it seems like we're trying to will dead versions of ourselves back to life in order to avoid acknowledging what we've lost. She seems a lot more timid than she used to, more passive, which I suppose

makes sense. Sometimes I worry about how much I've changed, and that maybe she won't find anything left to me that's worthy of her. But if I could express in words what it feels like to hear her laugh, I could explain that there's also a lot that we know very well. She hasn't lost her kindness, or her warmth, or her empathy. She still cares about me, and I still care about her. I know that rebuilding a friendship after all that's happened will take lots of patience, and I have plenty to spare. I'm just happy to have the chance to get to know her again. This morning, Darya asked if I want to have a video call sometime this weekend.

I agreed, but I'm ashamed to admit that as much as I want to see her, I'm very nervous. I look so different than she would remember. My jaw is messed up, and I have the teeth of a hockey player. Fortunately, I will qualify for health care insurance soon and be able to have it fixed, I lost weight that I haven't put back on, and I see an old man in the mirror. I'm also worried that I will get very emotional when I see her, and embarrass myself that way. I don't really cry in front of people. I'm not used to it, and this doesn't seem like a good occasion to start.

Aside from not wanting to appear pitiful, I don't want her to feel forced to comfort me. If anyone has some advice on how to handle this, it would be much appreciated. Overall, this week could not have gone better, and I am extremely grateful to everyone who gave me the little push of courage I needed to send her that message. A thousand times, thank you. Edit, just to clarify, she doesn't have a husband or kids. As I said in my first post, I only considered contacting her because there was no evidence of a partner on her social media.

But I understand that my first post wasn't visible for a while, so I can see why that may not have been obvious. Sorry for the confusion. Update 2, I've had a lot of people ask for an update, so here it is. The last two months have gone by very fast. I told Darya that I was nervous about the video call, and she insisted on having it right away so that I could get it over with and stop worrying. Seeing her made everything feel real in a way it hadn't before. She still looks like herself, or even more beautiful, different only in the sense that she is fully an adult now. The place she lives is very different from our home country, with a distinct culture to which she has assimilated. That she had time to adapt and feel completely at home

and this place broke the illusion that no time had passed. In hindsight, that was probably the real reason I had been so nervous, because I could no longer occasionally forget myself and pretend that nothing had changed. The hardest part was not being able to. The hardest part was not being able to reach through the screen and put my arms around her. Sitting there and watching someone you love cry, from a distance, is not easy. I barely noticed that I was crying too. She didn't seem surprised at my appearance, but she did eventually look me over and ask if the food was shit where I lived. I explained about my jaw, and that I'm getting it fixed, less dental work is required than I thought, but I need a surgery. Her response was to ask for my address and order

groceries to be delivered, including a lot of soft snacks that are easy to eat, and these meal substitution drinks that are actually tasty. She sent them every week since, even though I tell her it's not necessary. When I wanted to pay her back, she laughed at me and said she owed me a lot of food, because I had kept her from starving to death in university. I loved being able to cook for her, and I suppose it makes her just as happy to feed me now. We talk every day, and have made video calls a regular habit. It does me so much good just to see her face, and the awkwardness is mostly gone now. It's easy to talk to her.

Last night, she brought her computer into the kitchen and talked to me while doing the washing up. It's amazing how mundane things like that can make me feel normal, and at home, in ways I forgot I could. I never thought I'd be that stupidly happy to see someone washing coffee cups. I'm beginning to think that the idea of home as a physical place is a misconception. She likes to send photos, to show me where she lives, what her life is like now. She was curious about how things are the same or different here. I didn't want to admit that I don't have much of a life to share back. Going places just didn't seem worth the effort.

She is, though. At first it was very small things. She would send a picture of a pastry she'd. bought at a cafe, saying that she thinks her city has better pastries than mine. I would go out and get one so I could send her a photo too. Then it was beer, which city has better parks, interesting architecture, a department store, and so on. I figured out quickly that she was trying to coax me into going out more, but I played along to make her happy. I've seen more of my city in the past month than the entire time I've lived here before. I've been to the art museum and finally

joined my colleagues for a beer. Usually, I go places for short durations at the less crowded times, but I'm still going, which is something. Daria used to be very sociable, so I thought that whatever happened, at least she wouldn't be lonely. I was wrong. There is a lot she could never tell her friends, because they can't relate. They would feel sorry for her and cease to be equals, she says. Our experiences are different, but we are more able to understand each other than other people could. And despite her own burden, she has quietly picked up half the weight for my shoulders without ever being asked to. I am in awe of her, simply for being the kind of person who would. For Women's Day I sent her some orchids, and she was very happy that I

remembered her favorite flower. The things I can do to make her smile are so small, and she deserves so much more than I know how to give her. But I would do anything for this woman, and I am learning. There are protests happening where she is, with riot police and tear gas. Whenever this happens, she feels nervous and has difficulty sleeping. Now, at least, I can stay on the phone with her at night so she's not alone. Aside from the anxiety, there is also a sense of nostalgia. She talks about when that was us, making noise in the street. I'm glad she has good memories too, and doesn't have to be alone with them anymore. Finally, the reason I am updating now, she is coming to visit.

We were talking last night and I mentioned that a church near me has special windows designed by an artist she loves, and I was thinking about going to see them eventually. She said it would be unfair of me to go without her, so I invited her to come with me. And then somehow it turned from vague future plans to being scheduled for next Saturday. She was going to come for the day, but I told her it was silly to travel so far to stay for such a short time, and suggested she stayed the entire weekend. So she will be here from Friday until Sunday. I haven't really had time to be nervous yet, but I'm sure I will. Thank you again to everyone who has given advice or encouragement.

It is very much appreciated. Next story. Found out boyfriend was cheating so I prepared a special birthday surprise. Instead of photos, I projected all his texts with his girlfriend to everyone at his party. Hello everyone. I, 26F have been dating my boyfriend Matt, 28M, for two years. Everything was fine until a few weeks ago when I noticed he'd become super secretive with his phone. Before, he used to leave it out on the table, but recently he's been taking it everywhere,

like even to the bathroom, which seemed odd. One night, while we were watching a movie, his phone lit up, and I saw a text from Kelly, a name I'd never heard him mention. It wasn't like a hey, how's it going? Message, it was a hard emoji followed by Can't Wait for Tomorrow Night. My stomach dropped, but I kept my cool and didn't confront him. Instead, I decided to investigate. I didn't have his phone password, but I remembered that Matt had synced his text to his laptop, which he kept in his office. When he went to bed, I snuck in and opened the laptop. Sure enough, there was a whole

conversation with Kelly. Turns out, they've been going out for a couple of months, and she had no idea he had a girlfriend. He was stringing her along, telling her he was single and even planning a weekend getaway with her soon. I felt disgusted and hurt, but instead of confronting him immediately, I decided to take a different approach. Matt's birthday was coming out. He was coming up, and he'd invited a bunch of his friends to celebrate. They're all super tight, and I've become close to a few of them over the years. I couldn't believe Matt would do this to me, so I figured the best revenge would be exposing him to everyone. I didn't want to just air things out in the heat of the moment, so I waited until the party. After we'd all had a few

drinks, I gathered everyone for a birthday toast. I pulled up my phone and projected it to the TV in his living room. Everyone thought I was about to share a cute photo montage or something. Nope. Instead, I started scrolling through the messages between Matt and Kelly, reading them out loud. The room went dead silent. Matt turned pale, then furious, but I kept going. I finished by saying, and that's why this piece of trash isn't worth anyone's time, including mine.

Happy birthday, Matt. His friends were in shock. Some of the girls immediately came over and hugged me, while the guys were stunned. Matt, on the other hand, stormed out, furious that I ruined his night. Now, here's the thing, I feel kind of guilty. Some of his friends have told me I was savage and should have confronted him privately, while others said he deserved it for cheating. But part of me wonders if I went too far.

So, eighth? Edit. I did tell Kelly she doesn't care and she is still. with him. If you are wondering what she fully said about it, check the update. I do try and read all the comments they are hilarious. Thank you all for cheering me up, update. October 21st, 2024. Hey, guys. Wow, I didn't expect this to blow up like it did. First off, thank you to everyone who commented, messaged, and offered support. I wanted to give you all an update on how things have been saying. since the birthday toast incident. So, after Matt stormed out of the party, I left two and stayed at a friend's place for the night. The next day, I was flooded with messages,

some from Matt, most from his friends. A lot of people were supportive, but a few told me I was petty for airing everything out in front of everyone. Matt, predictably, was furious and claimed I humiliated him for no reason. He even tried to flip it on me, saying I invaded his privacy by repertive. reading his texts, which, sure, I did, but I mean, cheating's a little worse, don't you think? Anyway, I blocked him after a couple of his angry messages, and honestly, I felt a huge weight

lift off my shoulders. It wasn't just about exposing him, it was about reclaiming some of the power I felt like I'd lost during the time he was sneaking around. As for his friends, most of them have cut him off completely. One of the girls in our group even texted me saying she had a similar situation with an ex, but never had the guts to confront him, let alone in front of everyone. Apparently, this wasn't Matt's first time being shady, and a few of his friends had suspected he wasn't all that loyal in past relationships but never had proof. Looks like I just confirmed their suspicions in the most dramatic way possible. Kelly, the girl he was cheating with, I reached out to he and she told me she still loved him

and told me to completely cut things off with him so they can be together. She said, obviously I wasn't enough for him, which hurt but they deserve each other. It's been hard, but I feel like I did the right thing. Sometimes you just have to burn bridges with people who don't deserve to be in your life, and Matt definitely falls into that category. Do I feel guilty? A little, but not enough to regret what I did. Cheating is never okay, and I wasn't going to let him get away with it.

Plus, exposing him in front of his friends was probably the only way to really make it hit home for him that actions have consequences. So, in case anyone's wondering, no, I'm not getting back with Matt. I did get a STD check waiting for results for people that were worried. Thanks again to everyone who shared their thoughts and gave me the courage to keep my head held high through all of this. This week has been quite hard. Just a quick update, he has already ended things with her. He reached out to me earlier and expressed his regrets about the situation. He said that he's really sorry and wants to reconcile and get back together with me. It is disgusting. Additional information from OOP. The birthday thing

happened last weekend the rest happened this week as said in the last paragraph. I hope you enjoy this story. Following a decade behind bars, I drifted apart from my soulmate, stumbled upon her profile on the internet, but hesitated to reach out. Eventually mustered the courage to do so, and now she's on her way. Visit me. Hi guys. When I was a university student, I fell in love with Darya, not her real name, obviously. She was the little sister of my best friend, so I considered her off-limits, but my crush on her persisted and grew. She's one of those beautiful, brilliant people who is alive and breathing to make the world a better place, how could I not be drawn to that?

One day, she told me she had feelings for me. And to my relief, my best friend didn't have a problem with me dating his sister either. So for two wonderful years, Darya was my girlfriend. I should have asked her to marry me. I don't know why I didn't. I suppose I thought I had all the time in the world. We were young and there was no need to rush things. We lived in a country that isn't exactly democratic, and we were political activists.

I ended up getting arrested and going to prison for nine years. Please don't think I'm some kind of monster for this. I don't want to go into detail in case it makes me identifiable somehow, but we didn't hurt anyone or do anything immoral. What we did is not even illegal in the country where I currently live, and our beliefs were far from extremist. I haven't seen or spoken to Daria since. the day I got arrested. My best friend died shortly after, and Darya left the country,

partly due to the possibility that she'd be arrested too. There wasn't any way for her to contact me while I was in prison, though apparently she contacted my dad a few times in the beginning. Things got even worse in our country while I was incarcerated, so my dad and I emigrated when I was released. We've been living in Western Europe ever since, and life is pretty okay. I live with my dad, and I have a steady, if shitty, job. Months ago, I found Darya online. She lives in a neighboring country, seven hours away by rail. She doesn't use social media too much, but from what I've seen there's no evidence of a partner or kids. And even if she's married, I'd be content just to be her friend, as I was for the first year as we knew each other. Part of me desperately wants to reach out

to her, and my dad has been encouraging me to do so, but I feel like it'd be too selfish. The circumstances of her brother's death were very traumatic for her and I'm afraid that I'm just a living reminder of all the bad things that happened to us. And if she does have a partner, would my contacting her offend him and trouble their relationship? I don't want to cause her any more sadness. Time stood still for me while I was in prison, but I know it didn't for her or anyone else. She's done so well for herself, she's built a whole life, and I don't want to derail that life just because I feel entitled to a place in it. She might not even remember me at all.

And even if she did invite me back into her life, I'd be nothing but a burden now, owing to my wrecked mental health. We've been apart twice as long as I knew her. Have I even the right to miss her as much as I do? For now I've contented myself with Googling her name every so often and seeing that she's okay. It just hurts a lot, and I don't know how to make it not hurt. I still love her with everything I have. I probably always will. Should I reach out to her, or leave her alone?

If I do contact her, what should I even say? Update 1, the short version is that I was wondering whether I should try to contact my former girlfriend after I went to prison for a long time. The consensus was that I should, and people gave very good advice on how to do this. that. First, I want to say thank you to everyone who offered advice or kind words. I had spent so long feeling ashamed about my situation, and expecting most people to react very negatively if they knew. I had barely discussed it with anyone before, except my dad and people whose job it is to help me, lawyers, therapists, etc., and I was very surprised to be met with so much compassion from a bunch

of complete strangers. Thank you, truly. Several people asked for an update, and that's the least I can do in return. I sent Darya a message the evening after I made my post. It was something like, I don't mean to intrude, but I wanted to say hello and thought I would give you my new contact information in case you ever felt like getting in touch. If not, that's completely fine too. I left her my mobile number and email address, wished her well, and that was that. I knew it might be a while before she responded, if she responded at all. So I tried to put it out of my mind.

Early Monday morning, my phone rang. It was an unfamiliar number from the country where Darya lives. Who else would ever be calling me from there? I panicked a little bit, but I managed to answer in time. She asked a few times if it was really me, and I couldn't tell if she was laughing or crying. At first she called me by the very affectionate version of my name she used to. But then she quickly apologized and corrected herself, which broke my heart a little bit. It was an awkward phone call, but not in a bad way.

I was extremely nervous, and it seemed like she was too. But happy, also. Some of you mentioned that Darya would want to know that I was safe, and this was more true than I could have guessed. Because unrest in my country increased a lot during the last year I was in prison, she was afraid that they would decide to quietly kill me rather than let me go. There are documented cases of other prisoners like me having met very suspicious ends in the months before my release, so it wasn't a totally unreasonable worry. She also said she repeatedly tried to send me parcels of supplies and put money on my commissary account, but her attempts were rejected without explanation. After my sentencing, I was not allowed to receive correspondence or to have a commissary account at all, because of the classification of my crimes, so she was forced to give up. She told me this as an apology, as if I would have been disappointed with her for not helping me more.

I had no idea she had done any of that. I do know that it was not a safe thing for her to do, and I feel terrible that she put herself at risk trying to make me a little more comfortable. She didn't seem to want to talk about what happened any more than that, and so we didn't. We changed the subject to more light-hearted things. Our jobs, the cities where we live, how my dad is adapting to a new country, etc. When she arrived at work and had to end the phone call, she asked if I wanted to continue talking through a messaging app. Obviously I said yes, and downloaded it immediately. We sent messages throughout the day, and she even interested.

interrupted her commute home to send me a picture of a restaurant modeled after one of my favorite books, just because she thought I would like it. She told me that she thought of me every time she saw it, but unfortunately the restaurant itself was not so good. I was afraid she wouldn't remember me, but she even remembers the things I like to read. She remembers a lot of little things, even stuff I forgot. We have been sending messages back and forth ever since, and talking on the phone after I finish work at night, until she gets too sleepy. Sometimes it feels like I'm 24 and she's texting me from a few blocks away, as if the next thing she might ask is what's for dinner. Other times it seems like we're trying to will dead versions of ourselves

back to life in order to avoid acknowledging what we've lost. She seems a lot more timid than she used to, more passive, which I suppose makes sense. Sometimes I worry about how much I've changed, and that maybe she won't find anything left in me that's worthy of her. But if I could express in words what it feels like to hear her laugh, I could explain that there's also a lot that we know very well. She hasn't lost her kindness, or her warmth, or her empathy. She still cares about me, and I still care about her. I know that rebuilding a friendship after all that's happened will take lots of patience,

and I have plenty to spare. I'm just happy to have the chance to get to know her again. This morning, Darya asked if I want to have a video call sometime this weekend. I agreed, but I'm ashamed to admit that as much as I want to see her, I'm very nervous. I look so different than she would remember. My jaw is messed up, and I have the teeth of a hockey player. Fortunately, I will qualify for health care insurance soon and be able to have it fixed, I lost weight that I haven't put back on, and I see an old man in the mirror.

I'm also worried that I will get very emotional when I see her and embarrass myself that way. I don't really cry in front of people. I'm not used to it, and this doesn't seem like a good occasion to start. Aside from not wanting to appear pitiful, I don't want her to feel forced to comfort me. If anyone has some advice on how to handle this, it would be much appreciated. Overall, this week could not have gone better, and I am extremely grateful to everyone who gave me little push of courage I needed to send her that message. A thousand times, thank you. Edit, just to clarify, she doesn't have a husband or kids. As I said in my first post,

I only considered contacting her because there was no evidence of a partner on her social media. But I understand that my first post wasn't visible for a while, so I can see why that may not have been obvious. Sorry for the confusion. Update 2, I've had a lot of people ask for an update, so here it is. The last two months have gone by very fast. I told Darya that I was nervous about the video call, and she insisted on having it right away so that I could get it over with and stop worrying. Seeing her made everything feel real in a way it hadn't before. She still looks like herself, or even more beautiful, different only in the sense that she is fully an adult now. The place she lives is very different from our home country, with a distinct culture to which

she has assimilated. That she had time to adapt and feel completely at home in this place broke the illusion that no time had passed. In hindsight, that was probably the real reason I had been so nervous, because I could no longer occasionally forget myself and pretend that nothing had changed. The hardest part was not being able to reach through the screen and put my arms around her. Sitting there and watching someone you love cry, from a distance, is not easy. I barely noticed that I was crying too. She didn't seem surprised at my appearance, but she did eventually look me over and ask if the food was shit where I lived. I explained about my jaw, and that I'm getting it fixed, less dental work is required than I thought, but I need a surgery.

Her response was to ask for my address and order groceries to be delivered, including a lot of soft snacks that are easy to eat, and these meal substitution drinks that are actually tasty. She sent them every week since, even though I tell her it's not necessary. When I wanted to pay her back, she laughed at me and said she owed me a lot of food, because I had kept her from starving to death in university. I loved being able to cook for her, and I suppose it makes her just as happy to feed me now. We talk every day, and have made video calls a regular habit. It does me so much good just to see her face, and the awkwardness is mostly gone now. It's easy to talk to her.

Last night, she brought her computer into the kitchen and talked to me while doing the washing up. It's amazing how mundane things like that can make me feel normal, and at home, in ways I forgot I could. I never thought I'd be that stupidly happy to see someone washing coffee cups. I'm beginning to think that the idea of home as a physical place is a misconception. She likes to send photos, to show me where she lives, what her life is like. now. She was curious about how things are the same or different here. I didn't want to admit that I don't have much of a life to share back. Going places just didn't seem worth the effort. She is, though. At first it was very small things. She would send a picture of a pastry she'd bought at a cafe,

saying that she thinks her city has better pastries than mine. I would go out and get one so I could send her a photo too. Then it was beer, which city has better parks, interesting architecture, a department store, and so on. I figured out quickly that she was trying to coax me into going out more, but I played along to make her happy. I've seen more of my city in the past month than the entire time I've lived here before. I've been to the art museum, and finally joined my colleagues for a beer. Usually, I go places for short durations at the less crowded times, but I I'm still going, which is something. Daria used to be very sociable, so I thought that whatever happened, at least she wouldn't be lonely.

I was wrong. There is a lot she could never tell her friends, because they can't relate. They would feel sorry for her and cease to be equals, she says. Our experiences are different, but we are more able to understand each other than other people could. And despite her own burden, she has quietly picked up half the weight for my shoulders without ever being asked to. I am in awe of her, simply for being the kind of person who would. For Women's Day I sent her some orchids, and she was very happy that I remembered her

favorite flower. The things I can do to make her smile are so small, and she deserves so much more than I know how to give her. But I would do anything for this woman, and I am learning. There are protests happening where she is, with riot police and tear gas. Whenever this happens, she feels nervous and has difficulty sleeping. Now, at least, I can stay on the phone with her at night so she's not alone. Aside from the anxiety, there is also a sense of nostalgia. She talks about when that was us, making noise in the street. I'm glad she has good memories too, and doesn't have to be alone with them anymore. Finally, the reason I am updating now, she is coming to visit. We were talking last night and I mentioned that a church near me has special windows designed by an artist she loves,

and I was thinking about going to see them eventually. She said it would be unfair of me to go without her, so I invited her to come with me. And then somehow it turned from vague future plans to being scheduled for next Saturday. She was going to come for the day, but I told her it was silly to travel so far to stay for such a short time, and suggested she stayed the entire weekend. So she will be here from Friday until Sunday. I haven't really had time to be nervous yet, but I'm sure I will. Thank you again to everyone who has given advice or encouragement. It is very much appreciated.

Next story. Found out boyfriend was cheating so I prepared a special birthday surprise. Instead of photos, I projected all his texts with his girlfriend to everyone at his party. Hello everyone. I, 26F have been dating my boyfriend Matt, 28M, for two years. Everything was fine until a few weeks ago when I noticed he'd become super secretive with his phone. Before, he used to leave it out on the table, but recently he's been taking it everywhere, like even to the bathroom, which seemed odd.

One night, while we were watching a movie, his phone lit up, and I saw a text from Kelly, a name I'd never heard him mention. It wasn't like a hey, how's it going? message, it was a hard emoji followed by Can't Wait for Tomorrow Night. My stomach dropped, but I kept my cool and didn't confront him. Instead, I decided to investigate. I didn't have his phone password, but I remembered that Matt had synced his texts to his laptop, which he kept in his office.

When he went to bed, I snuck in and opened the laptop. Sure enough, there was a whole conversation with Kelly. Turns out, they've been going out for a couple of months, and she had no idea he had a girlfriend. He was stringing her along, telling her he was single and even planning a weekend getaway with her soon. I felt disgusted and hurt, but instead of confronting him immediately, I decided to take a different approach. Matt's birthday was coming up, and he'd invited a bunch of his friends to celebrate. They're all super tight, and I've become close to a few of them over the years. I couldn't believe Matt would do this to me, so I figured the best revenge would be exposing him to everyone.

I didn't want to just air things out in the heat of the moment, so I waited until the party. After we'd all had a few drinks, I gathered everyone for a birthday toast. I pulled up my phone and projected it to the TV in his living room. Everyone thought I was about to share a cute photo montage or something. Nope. Instead, I started scrolling through the messages between, Matt and Kelly, reading them out loud. The room went dead silent. Matt turned pale, then furious, but I kept going. I finished by saying, and that's why this piece of trash

isn't worth anyone's time, including mine. Happy birthday, Matt. His friends were in shock. Some of the girls immediately came over and hugged me, while the guys were stunned. Matt, on the other hand, stormed out, furious that I ruined his night. Now, here's the thing, I feel kind of guilty. Some of his friends have told me I was savage and should have confronted him privately, while others said he deserved it for cheating. But part of me wonders if I went too far. So, eighth? Edit. I did tell Kelly she doesn't care and she is still with him. If you are wondering what she fully said about it, checked the update. I do try and read all the comments they are hilarious,

Thank you all for cheering me up, update. October 21st, 2024. Hey, guys. Wow, I didn't expect this to blow up like it did. First off, thank you to everyone who commented, messaged, and offered support. I wanted to give you all an update on how things have been since the birthday toast incident. So, after Matt stormed out of the party, I left two and stayed at a friend's place for the night. The next day, I was flooded with messages, some from Matt, most from his friends.

A lot of people were supportive, but a few told me I was petty for airing everything out in front of everyone. Matt, predictably, was furious and claimed I humiliated him for no reason. He even tried to flip it on me, saying I invaded his privacy by reading his texts, which, sure, I did, but I mean, cheating's a little worse, don't you think? Anyway, I blocked him after a couple of his angry messages, and honestly, I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. It wasn't just about exposing him, it was about reclaiming some of the power I felt like I'd lost during the time he was sneaking around. As for his friends, most of them have cut him off completely. One of the girls in our group even texted me saying she had a similar situation with an ex,

but never had the guts to confront him, let alone in front of everyone. Apparently, this wasn't Matt's first time being shady, and a few of his friends had suspected he wasn't all that loyal in past relationships but never had proof. Looks like I just confirmed their suspicions in the most dramatic way possible. Kelly, the girl he was cheating with, I reached out to he and she told me she still loved him and told me to completely cut things off with him so they can be together. She said, obviously I wasn't enough for him, which hurt but eek they deserve each other. It's been hard, but I feel like I did the right thing. Sometimes you just have to burn bridges with people who don't deserve to be in your life, and Matt definitely falls into that category.

Do I feel guilty? A little, but not enough to regret what I did. Cheating is never okay, and I wasn't going to let him get away with it. Plus, exposing him in front of his friends was probably the only way to really make it hit home for him that actions have consequences. So, in case anyone's wondering, no, I'm not getting back with Matt. I did get a STD check waiting for results for people that were worried. Thanks again to everyone who shared their thoughts and gave me the courage to keep my head held high through all of this.

This week has been quite hard. Just a quick update, he has already ended things with her. He reached out to me earlier and expressed his regrets about the situation. He said that he's really sorry. and wants to reconcile and get back together with me. It is disgusting. Additional information from OOP. The birthday thing happened last weekend the rest happened this week and the rest happened this week as said in the last paragraph.

I hope you enjoy this story. My spouse, aged 27 and I, aged 28, have been in a relationship for six years and tied the knot one and a half years ago. I have a suspicion that she is being unfaithful to me. She does not seem willing to be open about it. To work on the relationship issues we've been struggling with, need advice, encouragement, and perspective. Sorry for the long post, I'm happy to answer any questions or provide further details as needed just ask. So things have been pretty rocky between my wife and I for several months, we had a rough 2020, didn't most of us.

But I thought it was more due to the stress of my job, than COVID-19, than she would. She lost her job and my job started getting worse as I felt a stressful anxiety to perform even better as the only income earner at the time. Then she started a new job and we sort of drifted apart, early this year we had a talk about this where I expressed my sadness that we are so distant and haven't connected in a long time. We haven't been physically intimate in nearly all this time tier. In early April I commenced individual therapy and it has really helped me process my thoughts

and feelings and I've been actively trying to share those with my wife and be confident in being vulnerable and honest and genuine. She told me, however, that she feels like she is smothered and overwhelmed and need space which I've tried to respect and give to her through all of this, though, she's indicated that she does want to work on improving things with me and getting to a place where we can both be happy. So I've had hope that if I keep trying and putting an effort, things will move toward a better place. It hasn't, I don't know if anything I'm doing is helping or hurting, giving space, trying to be more supportive of her, not trying to be controlling or restrictive.

She still seems so far away, I find myself holding back things if normally be excited to tell her about because she gives off a vibe that I annoy and distract and bother her. I brought this up to her and how I felt like she's not putting in much effort. From my point of view, and that I don't think there's a way to improve our relationship without actually spending time together talking about it and addressing it, she indicated that she had been trying and putting an effort for the past year and felt like I was the one who wasn't doing anything and now she's kind of burned out. I apologized and said I can't change what I did or did not do in the past, but I'm ready and willing in trying hard to fix things now, but I need her

help too. She didn't have much to say to that, and because of the distance between us, I've started to notice how close she has gotten with a co-worker of hers. A single guy, about my age, they see each other every day, go out to lunch almost every day, sometimes just the two of them, sometimes with others. My wife frequently stays late at work and, though not confirmed to me, I'm pretty sure he's always there too. They go out for drinks with coworkers and have attended soccer games together, just the two of them, and then gone out to bars and I know they've gone over to his place till after midnight as well. This all makes me feel super uneasy and hurt. My wife doesn't do any of this with me, in fact it seems like a chore to her to have to spend time with me, but she willingly and gleefully seems to adore being around this guy, I'll call him Mark for ease of reference.

This has been happening since like early March at least, I didn't bring anything up then because. One, she even mentioned to me that she didn't want to make me sad by hanging out with Mark, but that he's a good guy and had never tried anything. Two, things were starting to get rocky between me and her and I wasn't confident enough to assert myself. Three, I didn't want to feel like the jealous boyfriend type and tell her she can't be friends with a guy. Well, as things have deteriorated between us and I've observed her talking to him and spending what seems like most of her time with him, it's been hurting me more and more. I told her last week that they are making me uncomfortable, she asked, well, what do you want me to do about it? and I felt very strongly that she should be the one to decide what she wants to do with the information I give to her about my feelings on her closeness with Mark, she never suggested

anything. Just said that I can put my mind at ease about that and it kind of tapered off into her accusing me of not trusting her. I told her that I do trust her to Jot do anything physical with him, but that I do not trust Mark because I don't know him. She seemed taken aback by that. After I told my wife that I was uncomfortable with her, her and Mark being together so much in their friendship or whatever it is, I felt very strongly

that I shouldn't tell her what to do or anything. I didn't want her to feel controlled by me, but she also didn't propose anything to resolve this herself. The next few days I did notice she was at home more often and didn't go out for her usual drinks and happy hour with coworkers, which usually resulted in her spending extra time afterwards with Mark. I could tell she was sad and really down and I ended up telling her that I want her to be happy and and do what makes her happy and I worry that she basically took that to mean that she should continue doing whatever she's doing with Mark, regardless of my feelings. I've spoken with my therapist about my feelings on this and what I'm wary about and what

is giving me pause and anxiety about my wife's friendship with her coworker. I told my therapist about how it makes me uncomfortable that my wife and Mark see each other all the time, that she chooses actively to spend more time with Mark than me, that she seems to constantly be texting him, that I've seen her sitting on the other couch near me. Texting him long threads or continually chatting when I am lucky when she sends me three texts during the day, that she has on several occasions gone out drinking with him and then went over to his place and didn't get home until around 2 a.m. when he drove her home. That just last weekend she brought our dog over while she went out with some girlfriends and

had marked dog sit while I was out of town and didn't even tell me about that until after the fact that she seems to be happier when she comes back from hanging out with him or when she's talking him. That reminds me of how she seemed enacted when we were first dating and getting to know each other and that crushes me, I just have really weird gut feelings about the whole thing. From my perspective, dash, which is the only one I have since she won't talk to me about this dash I feel like lines have been crossed that should not be in a marriage, in fairness to her, maybe she doesn't think any boundaries have been broken or maybe she is towing the line and it's only a matter of time until stuff gets physical. I told my therapist that it hurt me

when I explicitly told my wife last Sunday that her closeness with him is making me uncomfortable and uneasy she immediately responded with, well, we are just friends, so you can put your mind at ease about that, and then immediately shifted the conversation to, well, what do you want me to do about it? He's one of the few things that have brought me happiness and support lately which absolutely crushed me, it doesn't feel to me like they are just friends and I can't shake the weird feeling, and it makes me feel so bad and guilty to feel like this, because I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and not assume the worst. But also I feel like my feelings are valid and deserve to be respected too. Anyway, after I told her that I want her to be happy and do what

makes her happy, this past Saturday night she went to a co-worker's wedding with a big group, this has been planned for a while, it was a small wedding, and I didn't go, Mark was there. They all got super drunk together and then a DD brought her home at 1 a.m. and she was absolutely wasted and while I was helping get her into bed and making sure she'd be okay, she just kept repeating over and overhouse Mark. Is Mark okay? Did Mark get home? And I said I'm sure he's fine, I don't have his number, you can find out tomorrow. Then she goes, I know his number, and started saying my number, that hurt, then she kept asking about how he was doing and if he was okay until she fell asleep. Now, a couple days out of that moment and still processing it,

I feel even more like she's totally lost feelings and attraction for me and that she's not just friends with this guy but is more emotionally invested in him than she's willing to let on or maybe even admit to herself. It's really hurting me and I can't get it out of my head and my mind keeps wandering and assuming things and I really want to have a real honest conversation about this with her, but I'm nervous that. One, it's going to come out as accusatory and interrogative on my part and make her super defensive and dismissive from the get-go. And two, I get all hung up that I already shut the door on this issue and shouldn't rehash it with her because I already brought up that I'm uncomfortable with their dynamic and then a few days later told her I just want her to be happy and do what makes her happy. I'm constantly hurting, there's a pit in my stomach, I don't have an appetite, I'm not sleeping, I'm losing weight, I can't focus or concentrate, I worry all the time about if she's flirting with him or texting him sexual stuff or hugging him or if they cuddle when they're together all things she doesn't do with me. I get angry because he's a single dude who also actively chooses to spend all his time with a married woman what's in it for him. And then I feel guilty about feeling all this stuff. Anyway, I'd love some advice, I just want this hurt to stop, I want her to be honest with me, if she's done with us, then tell me, if she would rather be with him, then tell me, if she's emotionally cheating, I want her to know that, own it, and understand how it's hurting me.

How can I broach this subject with her? Should I? How can I get some, answers and definition about the dynamic between her and Mark, but not in an accustery slash interrogative way? Is she emotionally cheating on me? How should I confront this? My therapist didn't really have suggestions for me beyond yes you should have this conversation and you should firmly know going into what your boundaries for a married relationship, even one that's rocky, are and what is and is not okay for your partner to.

do. I've confided in several close friends and my sister about the details I shared here and every single one of them thought it was fucked up, even for my wife to be doing in a marriage where everything was okay, that makes me feel a bit more validated. But I still don't know the best way to go about initiating this conversation and having it be an open and honest discussion where my thoughts and feelings can be heard and where she doesn't immediately feel defensive and defective. help, I welcome any and all advice, comments, thoughts, and please be blunt, feel free to DM as well.

Update after post-re, emotional affair, wife still denying anything, expressing zero remorse or acknowledgement of my feelings. This goes against what many people here have said about me not engaging with her, she could tell something was up with me and kept asking what was going on and what's bothering me, I finally broke and talked to her. I mentioned my specific concerns and told her that what's been happening is not okay and that it feels like lines and boundaries are being crossed. She seemed unfazed, she seemed offended that I would even think that something inappropriate was going on. She denied that they have been physical together.

She said I've only been out till 2 a.m. with him twice, yeah, well that's too too many times for me, I said. She seemed to refuse to even attempt to see it from my point of view or an outside perspective. It's telling to me that so many other people could recognize that maybe even texting a co-worker so much and worrying about his well-being after the drinking was crossing a line, my wife seems to refuse to believe that she's crossing lines, she refused to acknowledge that maybe what she's doing is wrong or actually hurtful. He's like my best friend right now, yeah, well why can't I be that? I'm your husband, I know things are rocky and weird with us right now, but I'm trying to work on things and I can't help but feel there's stuff you're not telling me, All I want is for her to accept some, responsibility and remorse, she kept saying, What do you want me to do? She kept pointing out that they really haven't been together too much or stayed out late

more than twice, like it just feels like we got nowhere. When I spoke with her and told her how hurt and uncomfortable her behavior with Mark is making me, she seemed unfazed, her first reaction, rather than being sorry or concerned that I'm being hurt. Was to say, well, what do you want me to do about it, I shouldn't have to walk her through this, She's a very intelligent person, she should be able to see that maybe there's even just a slight chance that what she's doing would look bad to anyone looking from the outside in, she's blinded by whatever she's feeling in doing, she kept deflecting. I told her it made me uncomfortable that she was out till 2 a.m. drunk with him, that it was weird, she said, well, that's only happened twice, she noted that they've only been to three soccer game dates together, that doesn't matter to me, the amount of times doesn't matter. What matters is that now she knows how it is hurting me and that I told her I am not going to put up with it anymore, she should proceed accordingly, I told her that I want to be happy and I want to be with someone who makes me happy, I said I want her to be with someone she wants to be with also.

And I don't want either of us to have to feel forced or like every day we have to try to conjure up feelings for the other person. She told me she loves me and wants to be with me. It felt hollow. I told her she seems completely emotionally invested in him and that there's no more room for me. I told her I feel like a roommate who sits around while she dates Mark. She kept saying we're just friends and I'm not even with him all that much. She denied any physical intimacy between them. She said that other co-workers have asked her if anything is going on between her and my. Mark, I asked her what does is anything going on mean to her? She couldn't spell it out, I told her that I find it incredibly hard to believe that Mark a single guy my age has anything to gain from being just friends with a married woman, I told her that no matter how good of a guy she thinks he is, he has certainly had the thought crossed his mind of him, what if?

She denied that they talk about their feelings for each other, I don't believe it, I told her that if he knows about our marriage issues, then it makes it even more suspicious that he continues to hang around, it's like he's just waiting for the off chance we do break up so he can have her with no strings. I can't shake the feeling that she's lying to me, something more has to be going on and she is trickle-truthing me, I feel gaslit, I feel crazy that I'm feeling so bothered and anxious by all this, I wish she'd show some effing remorse or own up to it. I told her how I sat on telling her my true feelings about this for so long because I was being too considerate of her feelings and neglecting my own but that I needed to protect

myself going forward, I told her we need to tell each other the hard stuff that might hurt the other person and be ready to do so. I mentioned that I want to be open and honest and vulnerable with her and would expect the same from her, even if she thinks it'll hurt me or I can't handle it, I want her to tell me, I am not going to talk to her about this again, there's no point. She seems unwilling to accept that she's in the wrong here and very plainly hurting a person she claims to love, I know I'm being naive and stupid and will get tons of comments telling me similarly, but I am struggling so hard to get my head and heart around the idea of snooping into her phone. Honestly, I've been curious.

But despite the heartbreak she's causing me, it's really hard for me to pull the trigger on that, and even if I did and even if I found something damning, I think I'd have an even more difficult time figuring out how to best confront her with that information. I feel so down on myself that I feel this way, that I feel so stuck. That I've let myself get to this position, I can't stop thinking where I screwed up along the way, what's wrong with me, what can I change, how can I change, why is this happening, I am so tired of all of this, update number two, we talked, she confessed that she's in love with someone else, I told her it's over, hardest thing I've ever done.

I told her I know about her and Mark, I told her that I don't want to do this anymore, and that I want her to be happy and do what makes her happy, but if that includes being with Mark, then I don't want to continue to be together, I told her we should go our separate ways. I told her I don't want to be in a marriage with a woman who isn't in love with me and isn't happy with me, she cried and cried and confessed that she and Mark do have feelings for each other, but she is adamant that it's progressed to nothing physical, I told her that regardless. I don't feel that we can continue how things are and that we should separate, I threw out the D word several times and she got super upset and emotional, saying that I'd already made up my mind without her and wasn't even discussing it.

I told her that she had made up her mind to pursue those feelings with Mark and did nothing to stop it back then, that put her on edge too she told me I was being mean and not understanding, I told her that I can understand her losing feelings for me and falling in love with someone else. But that I don't have to accept an EA and I wasn't going to put up with this anymore, then she started begging, crying, saying that it seems like a rash, drastic decision to divorce and that we should try just an actual separating first, I said, I don't know what that will do for us, you'll just go off with Mark, right, she didn't really answer. She maintained that she doesn't want to jump straight to divorce, I maintain that I see no other option at this point,

even marriage counseling in my view wouldn't work, because of work obligations, I can't just leave, but I booked a flight to go stay with my family this weekend. I cannot describe the immense relief I felt when I told her we should proceed to get divorced. The other good feeling I had was basically realizing that, she's made a choice, she's picking him, by not outright saying she'll cut things off completely with him, she's made a choice, I don't want to be with someone who won't choose me, edit. For everyone concerned about the process of me moving forward with the divorce,

one, our finances are already separated and we have very little marital property under the law, the biggest dispute will be over our dog, too. I am in a no-fault divorce state and the 60-day separation requirement before the divorce can be finalized is already met as we have been living under the same roof without sexual cohabitation for over 60 days. I don't foresee this being too procedurally or financially difficult, emotionally and mentally, for sure, update number three. Gave her the divorce papers, got a new job, trying to move on and start healing but it's so hard, I served the divorce. papers earlier this week, it went better than expected, we didn't really fight, she didn't try to blame shift or gaslight me this time, in fact. She apologized for not being easy to deal with lately and for not handling the whole

Mark thing very well, she said that she always felt like not crossing any lines or boundaries physically prevented it from being cheating. She didn't realize until I started talking more seriously about it to her that the emotional affair aspect of it all was very real and very devastating to me, it was good. good to hear that, doesn't change anything for me, but at least there was some ounce of acknowledgement from her. She told me she's sorry she did things that hurt me, but that none of it was intentional, I still don't believe that she is being honest with me, she's lied to my face for months and has treated me like less than even a roommate for so long. It hurts to know that the woman I thought

I could love and trust more than anything was so capable of hurting me like this, she asked if we could still be friends after all of this, ha, she told me I am her best friend and she doesn't want to lose me, she hasn't even treated me like a best friend for months. In fact, she has straight up told me that Mark is her best friend, I don't want to deal with that, everything in my life reminds me of her in some way books, music, TV shows and movies, restaurants, even certain roads I have to drive down. I feel sick to my stomach every morning when I wake up and that turns into me feeling numb and sluggish the rest of the days, I go to the gym or go on a run every morning to try and set myself up for a better day, it helps, but I think it's because I'm so used to doing it out of habit.

I'm having a hard time eating and sleeping and focusing on anything else, I fixate on all this, on her, on us, on our past, on what I could have done differently or better, I still find myself feeling like it's all my fault like I wasn't good enough for her and she had to seek satisfaction from someone else. It sucks to feel like that, anyway. I got offered a great new job in my old home state, so around the first week of August I will be starting my new job and preparing my complete move out of this toxic environment I'm in now, I'm going to be moving to about 30 minutes from my family and will be closer to a couple of my very best friends. I think that will be good for me. I'm putting in my two weeks notice at my current job today, I anticipate

the rest of the divorce should go smoothly, I told her I don't care about much of the stuff we have for the furniture, I just want to take the bed I've been sleeping in in the guest room, the desk and book shelf I have used for working remotely. An addresser to assist me in storing clothes, everything else I don't care about, I just want to disassociate from everything about her and be able to move on and heal, the worst part though, she is going to get to keep our dog, I always knew our puppy was going to be the biggest sticking point, she was going to fight me tooth and nail for him. She knows how much I care for him and how bonded he and I are and how definitely.

I am to him, I made clear to her that I want to keep him but she adamantly refused, she said that she can't believe I'd be willing to leave her high and dry and with nobody and even try to take her dog away from her too. She is jealous that I am closer with my family than she is with hers and that I'm moving to be near my parents and siblings. Also how am I leaving her high and dry? I'm giving her practically everything, plus, she has marked now, I decided that I just want this to be over with and I want to start moving on from this. And if the dog is going to be the only thing slowing that down, I felt like I needed to give him up for my own sanity, but it's going to be so hard, it feels like I'm losing two people that I love, and it's devastating, or at least one soul that I love entirely.

And another person that I love and thought loved me and cared about me and that ended up not being the case, I feel like I mean nothing to her, like everything I've done in the years we've been together has been worthless, I'm so tired, so strained, so ready for it all to end. Thank you.