RedHanded - Bonus - EmptyHanded: The Supercut

Episode Date: February 14, 2021

Happy Valentine's Day! (Whatever that means...)  This week as a special gift for all of you, we’ve cut together all of the best bits of a segment we do on our after show Under the Duvet called “EmptyHanded”. EmptyHanded is the everlasting discussion of the occasional highs and inevitable lows of our dating lives. We’ve got Japanese Horror Porn, we’ve got Kermit GIFs, we’ve even got blue ticks. It’s a dumpster fire, and we wouldn’t have it any other way (or perhaps we would…). If you like what you hear, head on over to patreon.com/redhanded and become a $5 or over patron to hear Under the Duvet every week, In the News once a month, and catch up on all of EmptyHanded.    See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Red Handed early and ad-free. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. They say Hollywood is where dreams are made. A seductive city where many flock to get rich, be adored, and capture America's heart. But when the spotlight turns off, fame, fortune, and lives can disappear in an instant. Follow Hollywood and Crime, The Cotton Club Murder on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, lovely listener, and happy Valentine's Day.

Whatever the hell that means. What you're about to listen to now is a very special bit of bonus content that Hannah and I thought we would put together in celebration of this very special day. So essentially, if you are a red Handed $5 and up patron, most likely you listen to our weekly episodes of Under the Duvet. That is a special bit of content, kind of like the after party for Red Handed that we release every single Wednesday over on patreon.com slash red handed. And those of you who do will know that Hannah and I quite often

sneak in a little segment called Empty Handed, which follows us through our many and varied trials and tribulations in the world of dating. So our stories from Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, real life dates, all of it. It's all going on in Empty Handed. So what we thought we would do today is put together a supercut of our very best moments from 2020. So that's what you're about to listen to. Enjoy. Are you ready to hear the latest installation in Hannah's dating life is a fucking nightmare? Oh my god, I am so ready. If I had a stool, I'd sit down. Okay, if you ever hear me announcing I'm going to talk about a date, you can assume that it has not gone well. Because if it had gone well, I would have kept it to myself

and I would not be talking about it on the show. Absolutely makes sense. That's the style guide for the show. I'm trying to get back on the horse, so to speak. So to speak. Yep, so go to Clisson Park with this guy. He's French. You know, it's one of those ones that you're not really nervous

because the stakes are so low. It's one of those. One of them. I was like, I just need to rip the plaster off. I just need to get back in the game. So start talking to him. He's fine. Like very, very Parisian, very French. Worked in like AI or something. So I was like, okay, you must be a reasonably intelligent person. Went to university in Japan, blah, blah, blah. And then essentially what happened was he went into the psychology of men and women and how women are like he said women had a black belt in handling their emotions and men just want to spread their seed and then it

gets worse then he started telling me about his idea for a country that he has where the men live on the west side and the women live on the east side and then they just meet up in the middle to fuck and that would be his ideal situation and And then I was like, right, but what happens to the children in your country? Where do they go? Do the boys go and live with the men? And do the girls go and live with the women? He was like, oh, I hadn't really thought about that bit. And I was like, no, I bet you fucking had it typical.

What the fuck is happening? He went on about it for ages. Basically, he was like, you know, I don't want a relationship. I just want to fuck as many people as I possibly can. And I was like, all right, that's not really my vibe. And then his work friend walks up to us, right? And she's like a young looking girl. And so he talks to her for a bit.

She's like, oh, I'm going to go and find other people. And it was also his work friends. And they happened to have sat 10 meters away from us. So then we're sat where we're sat they're sat where they're sat no one moves so for the whole like two hours I was there his like work friends are like sitting right there and they'll like come over and be like oh I'm gonna go and get a beer from the pub do you want me to bring you and I'm like no please oh my god go away you absolute fucking weirdos and take him with you well that's eventually what happened

because i was like right i'm gonna go now because i've got some work to do and i don't want to be around you and you're fucking terrifying he was like okay fine like you know i think we're on pretty different planets anyway i'm gonna go and sit with my friends so no one knows oh my god i mean what just happened to like a little red flag like a little one where they just say something a little bit weird not talk about fucking dystopian planets where men and women are separated also what about the same sex exactly they just get to be boning all the time and we have to go meet up at this mystical fuck line to get a shag what's happening yeah yeah just like the little sheds they have in the dmz

like in between north and south korea You just get conjugal visits at the border. Literally like that. Fucking hell. Oh, and he also told me that, so I was like, right then, so you obviously have this very sexualized view of women. Are you seriously telling me at 30 years old that you have never been in love, not once? You asked him this? Yeah. Oh my God, what did he say?

He said, oh no, I have, but like i love to the same as i would love my like male best friend i could just fuck her then i'm gonna say you haven't been in love my friend yeah literally just been horny to the max that's what's happened maybe you're a little bit of a sociopath maybe that's what's going on here like mate oh my god he's got issues that boy's got issues and he was also did the like the classic like veiled misogyny thing of like oh no like men and women can't actually be friends like if you have a male friend that you think you're really close with he's thought about fucking you at least once oh help someone help him do you know what like he has a job he has a really good job and

the people who he worked with seemed like pleased to see him. I have met a lot of people in my time who I would argue overwhelmingly pretty normal. Where do these people come from? I really have no idea. Okay, level of attractiveness of this man on a scale of 1 to 10. Oh, it was pretty, I'd give him a 7.5. See, I think that masks a series of personality flaws for a lot of people. Yeah. The halo effect, all of that.

I think sometimes weirdos who just happen to be above average towards very attractive can just get away with being weirdos. Guarantee you, if he was less attractive, people would be more repulsed by him. I don't think that's fair. I don't think that's right. I just think that's probably what's happening, unfortunately. But at least you spotted it and ran away. So well done you. Fuck me, that's fair. I don't think that's right. I just think that's probably what's happening, unfortunately. But at least you spotted it and ran away.

So well done, you. Fuck me, that is horrific. How could I have not? You can tell me whether I have judged too harshly. Because I was talking to this guy. And I was like, he's fun. He's smart. He's got chat.

And then he was like, I'm really into horror films. And I was like, this is great. I never meet guys who are into horror films. And I love horror films. Then he said that he really is into Eruguro or something like that. And I was like, I don't know what that is. So I Googled it. It's like Japanese erotic horror graphic art.

What? Exactly. No, no. Give that one a very wide berth. You know the thing you showed us last time of the woman with the octopus? Think that, but like zombies and like murder, but like erotic. Men are so weird. And I was just like, whatever you're into is whatever you're into. Like that is fair play.

Like go nuts. But I just, I don't know if that's something I can be cool with. Is that judgy of me or is it really weird? I don't know. I think there's a difference between like kink shaming someone and being like, I would like not to be involved in what you do. Exactly. I think that's okay.

I think that's fine. I think it's okay. So if I have said it wrong, basically, if you go onto Google and search E-R-O space G-U-R-O and then images. I'm going to look now. Wait, spell it again. E-R-O G-U-R-O and then images. I'm going to look now. Wait, spell it again. E-R-O G-U-R-O.

Oh my God. I know. And it really freaked me out. Yeah, pass on that. I know, right? It's just too much. Maybe I am really vanilla. I think that's pretty out there.

It's too much for me. But anyway, so that's basically this week's roundup of empty handed for me. Hannah, you got any empty handed stories? I'm supposed to be going on a date on Wednesday, but I think I might bottle it because I met a person in real life yesterday who seems much better. Oh, hello. I'm not going to jinx it.

I'm not going to jinx it. Okay, we'll save that for another episode of empty handed. Are you all ready for the next episode of empty handed because this one is a fucking stonker oh my gosh like for context stuff like this happens to me so often that my friend darcy and i have a running joke and we call it the it's never me chronicles because it is never me it is always someone else so i go to this this birthday party. And as soon as I walk in, there's this guy that I'm like, oh, he is fit. Like he is fit. And I very rarely think that.

So I was like, oh, there's no way that man is single. He's either got a girlfriend or he's gay. So I'm not even going to bother. And so like just not avoided him really, just like didn't really come across him for the rest of the day. And then later we're in the pub and he starts talking to me. And then he was like, oh, do you want to go for a drink next week? And I was like, yeah, I'd love that.

I saved my number in his phone as Hannah hyphen my future wife possibly a bit strong but in the context of the conversation it did make sense and was funny you saved it in his phone as Hannah hyphen yeah yeah cool okay what was the context of the conversation I can't really remember but I'm sure that it was funny at the time cool so then I was like oh my god like the thing that happens in the films that's happened to every single one of my friends has finally happened to me this is my moment so like walk he like goes off to one of my friends houses and I was if I go there I'm gonna be there till four o'clock in the morning so I'm going the fuck home so I went home really fucking pleased myself but also convinced myself to not get too hype about it and I was like he's not gonna text you he's never gonna text you you probably put your number wrong in his phone like there's no way this

is gonna happen things like this don't happen to you so I was like okay fine whatever he texts me in the morning I'm like oh my god hallelujah like this is it this is like to happen. Things like this don't happen to you. So I was like, okay, fine, whatever. He texts me in the morning. I'm like, oh my God, hallelujah. Like this is it. This is like what I've been waiting my whole life for. So we're like texting and then we agreed to go out today actually. So like the week after. And then he goes a bit quiet. So I text him again on Thursday and I'm like, oh, we're still on for next week. Quiet again. And then he texts me on Saturday morning being like, oh, actually I went out with this girl on Wednesday and then again on Friday and I really like her so I'm just gonna date her I hope you find someone soon it literally took him 72 hours to find a better option than me it's not a better option evidently it is I bet she's

fucking great so what I did is sent him a gif of Kermit the Frog jumping off a building straight onto the pavement oh god which like I text Nikki and asked I was like, should I send him this gif? And she was like, no, definitely not. And I did anyway, and then sent her that Kanye tweet that's like, I no longer have a manager. I can't be managed. Yeah, I mean, I wasn't part of the approval process. I just got the confirmation that you had sent it after,

and I was like, oh, that's a bold move. But, well, have you got to lose at this point, you know? Go fucking nuts. But you know what? I literally bet you any money that in six weeks time, he's going to send me one of those woodwork texts. It's like, oh, like, how's it all going? Oh, yeah, of course I do.

And then you reply with something like... A Kermit the Frog gift. My time's too valuable. Go away, please, sir. I'm not second best. No, fuck no. I also feel like people are just a mess right now. I feel like a lot of people are very like,

don't know what's going to happen with COVID. They don't want to commit to shit. And also meeting somebody that quickly that screams to me of a previous situation that resurfaced quickly well that's what I think because he told me that he'd gone out with her on the Wednesday and then on the Friday night that's very strong and then also he texts me really early on Saturday morning so I was like she's clearly next to you as you are sending this like there's no way that you're like not with her as you're sending this now and also just like anybody who doesn't just immediately want it like want you want me what like no you should just know because like we're fucking awesome otherwise like don't worry about it oh he's so fit though so I've been

talking to this guy who's like incredibly attractive and I'm like just try and be the one please just try and be the one and he's so boring I wanna fucking cry it's just making me so depressed and I've just stopped talking to him now because I'm like I can't and he keeps sending me voice messages oh no no no no and at first I thought it was like cute and quirky we haven't even met yet but the voice messages are really just giving away how boring he is and how he can't tell a story and I'm like that's not compatible for me and all I can feel myself doing is every time he tells me a story I'm like that's not how I would have told it and that's not a very funny way to tell it that's not where the joke is the punchline's shit change your timing yeah I was like why are you ordering it in that way why are you saying that first that doesn't make any sense and also there's no comedic timing at all to your storytelling no it's over hashtag empty-handed once again at the end of

this week but you know what I've got to come to the house on Saturday and I was like scrolling through here and just morning and I was like who wants to have a date with me on Saturday night and I was like the pubs are open till 10 and I found this random guy we just said like two words to each other and he was like do you want to go for a drink? And I was like, Saturday, 5 p.m. Soho. And he was like, I'll be there. And I was like, great, let's go. Oh, easy peasy. I am actually going on a date tonight.

Oh, are you? Yeah, second round from last week. We'll see. We'll see how he does. Now, I just think reliability, good communication, good storytelling, those are more important than looks. Looks fade. And then what?

You've just got a boring guy. So no. Yeah, and they'll all be bald in the end. Maybe pub guy will be fun on saturday i'll let you know in the next installment shall we have an episode of empty handed let's let's i've got a couple of updates shall we start by the fact that we got tagged on instagram by plenty of fish yesterday honestly i text that in like the group house chat, like my housemates group chat, and they were like, Hannah, like, this is tragic. And I was like, I know. I'm Jake Warren. And in our first season of Finding, I set out on a very personal quest

to find the woman who saved my mom's life. You can listen to Finding Natasha right now, exclusively on Wondery Plus. In season two, I found myself caught up in a new journey to help someone I've never even met. But a couple of years ago, I came across a social media post by a person named Loti. It read in part,

Three years ago today that I attempted to jump off this bridge, but this wasn't my time to go. A gentleman named Andy saved my life. I still haven't found him. This is a story that I came across purely by chance, but it instantly moved me,

and it's taken me to a place where I've had to consider some deeper issues around mental health. This is season two of Finding, and this time, if all goes to plan, we'll be finding Andy. You can listen to Finding Andy and Finding Natasha exclusively and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

They say Hollywood is where dreams are made. A seductive city where many flock to get rich, be adored, and capture America's heart. But when the spotlight turns off, fame, fortune, and lives can disappear in an instant. When TV producer Roy Radin was found dead in a canyon near L.A. in 1983, there were many questions surrounding his death. The last person seen with him was Lainey Jacobs, a seductive cocaine dealer who desperately wanted to be part of the Hollywood elite. Together, they were trying to break into the movie industry. But things took a dark turn when a million dollars worth of cocaine and cash went missing. From Wondery comes a new season of the hit show Hollywood and Crime, The Cotton Club Murder. Follow Hollywood and Crime, The Cotton Club Murder on the Wondery app

or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of The Cotton Club Murder early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Harvard is the oldest and richest university in America. But when a social media-fueled fight over Harvard and its new president broke out last fall, that was no protection. Claudian Gay is now gone. We've exposed the DEI regime and there's much more to come. This is The Harvard Plan, a special series from the Boston Globe and WNYC's On The Media. To listen, subscribe to On The Media wherever you get your podcasts. Or we could decide that we're just single women icons and just run with that.

Precisely. It's iconic. We're iconic. That's what it is. Empty handed is now iconic. Yeah, so that happened. I'm sure it isn't a real reflection of how single we are, but we are still single. I found an article, Hannah, that maybe is what has been missing in our dating lives. Okay, so this was recommended to me on Facebook by the good old Huffington Post, who writes some pretty shoddy writing sometimes, I'm gonna say, unfortunately. But this one in particular really stood out. It's called nine questions to ask on a first date according to divorce lawyers. Are you ready? Yeah. So I'm not going to name the divorce lawyers who've said it because each of them have like contributed their own question.

But we're just going to go through it because, you know, I don't want to shame them too much. But some of these are fucking hilarious. OK, so number one, the question is that you need to ask, Hannah, pay attention. When was the last time you talked to your siblings or your parents? And I was like, OK, fair enough. Would you like to know the reason why this divorce lawyer suggests that you ask that yep this is like quotes okay divorces can be caused by one person being so close to their family that they prioritize them over their marriage and have poor

boundaries on the flip side it gets better on the flip side bad family relationships can be a sign of a personality disorder shit shit run i was reading this and i was like i cannot believe what i'm reading it was i was like lolling out laughing out loud literally l lolling it was insane okay it gets even better so the next one is ask them do you believe in happily ever after and I was like all right that's quite nice it's like you know I'd rather choke on my own vomit than say that sentence but go on but obviously you would never ask that but I was like I would quite like to know to know that about a guy because I would think like the reason you're asking or trying to find that out is because you're like, is he romantic?

Does he believe in monogamy? Does he believe in marriage? No, no, no. This person who said this says, all relationships require work from both parties. Someone who thinks happily ever after just happens is not going to be a great partner. Savage.

Okay, question three. Are you ready? Just three simple words. Are you married? This person said, seriously, ask this. Separated or married means not yet divorced. Your date should be divorced. This is literally word for word what this article said.

Oh my God. Honestly, I just, I just can't cope. Right, number four. What do you love most about your job? Oh, okay. That's a nice, that's a nice question. That's a nice question. So they're like, oh, you know, you should ask about their job to find out if they have

a sense of pride in what they do. Are they passionate about it? Blah, blah, blah. You also want to know if they're not too married to their job so they don't like have any time to spend with you. Because, you know, that could be a red flag. I was like, OK, that's a fair enough question. I don't know how you're deciphering all that from them just like telling you about their job. The next one, particularly interesting. Where did you go on your last vacation? Yeah, good question. Yeah. Seemingly innocuous question, right?

Good question. Why would you ask that? I'd ask that to find out what type of like a holiday area is. Are we compatible? Yeah? Yeah. Seems reasonable. That's not why this divorce lawyer is asking you to find out.

He's saying, or she's saying, what you really want to know when you ask this question is how did you pay for your last vacation? But that's a hard question to ask outright. But by asking where they went, you can find out if that was an extravagant holiday without having to ask, wow, how did you pay for that? They said finding out if your date made a large purchase by saving over time or putting the trip on a credit card can be really useful information. It can lead you to information about how much debt your potential mate is in. I was like, how are we getting to all of that? What's happening? Okay, I'm on number six. This gets better. Okay. The question is,

do you know who Johnny Carson is? And they said, I don't know. I don't know. And they said, basically, find a way to ask your date how old they are without asking them. It tells you on Hinge how old they are. And then question number seven is perfect because the question is, do you consider yourself to be a good communicator? Because, you know, the best way to find out someone is a good communicator is to just ask them. It's straight up asking them. Just ask them. And then when they say yes, you be like oh, a half few.

Few. Because I hear that one of the main reasons of a breakdown of a marriage is bad communication. Fuck. Like, I think my theory is that

everyone thinks they're funny. Right? I've never met anyone who doesn't think they're funny. Even if they are not. Oh my god, mate. This article is so funny. The next one is just like how did your last relationship end and they say you should ask to see if they put any. Oh my God, mate. This article is so funny. The next one is just like,

how did your last relationship end? And they say you should ask to see if they put any of the blame on themselves, which I think is actually quite like a sensible thing to see. If they just like call their ex a psycho bitch, it's probably not a good thing. I'd say run away. Yeah, probably not a goer.

Not a goer. So the final question is, ask them, if you could go back in time, what's the one thing you would change about your life and i was like okay and this is just so fucking patronizing they say the answer to this is this can be a fun conversation and it can really reveal a lot ask each other what you'd have done differently and if they say i would live in a country far away from my mother that's a bad sign if they say though i would have gone to college on the east coast because i never had the

opportunity to live there quote that's probably not a bad sign oh my mate what who fucking fucking hell shit can we are that is hysterical what is your one question that you ask on a first date? Are you going to hurt me? Because I've had enough. I think that's fair. We should add that as number 10. Question number 10. Question number 10.

Are you a fucking dickhead? That's so amazing. Because that's what men do. They're all fine for the first two weeks. It's a surprise. I'm a dick. It's hard. It's surprise, I'm a dick. It's hard. It's hard. Dating is hard.

That's why these articles are being written, as if they're helping anybody. Yeah. I don't know, maybe that helped you. Well, there's that really famous New York Times article, isn't there? It's either 23 or 32 questions to create intimacy. Have you heard about this? Yes, I have.

Yeah, I couldn't get through the whole article, but they're all pretty... what is your biggest regret um anyway um so as you can tell dating is not going particularly well for me recently and i've got two empty-handed updates went on a second date with a guy it didn't work out for reasons i'm too embarrassed to talk about moving on um so 10 years ago uh i came across this actor who is now, he's blue ticked. I'll just leave it at that because otherwise you'll all fucking duvet detective your way and I don't want you to harass him. Anyway, he is now blue ticked and it was, please beat that.

Anyway, he pops up. We never really got together, but it was like this very like long thing. And I would bump in every two years. I bump into him at something. And we're all like, oh, you know, what if like blah, blah, blah. So it was coming up to the two year mark recently. And I was like, oh, I wonder what Beep is doing. Because I haven't heard or seen of or from him.

And then lo and behold, he comes up on my hinge. And I was like, oh, my God, this is perfect. This is the time 2020 is finally the year I finally get to shag beeping beep anyway so I sent him a message and I was like you again how's tricks messages me back being like tricks are great how are you and then unmatches me within 10 minutes I am done I Oh, maybe. I don't know. Unmatching someone is not a mistake. It is a process.

It's not like a slip of the thumb. Maybe he deleted his hinge. I don't know. Who knows? What, because he's going to be outside my window with a boombox? Exactly. He's like, I found her. She's the one.

I don't need this. I'm going to go fucking talk to her. I don't know. Oh, mate. I think it's all just there to test us isn't it honestly like I really hope that this is all happening because something is around the corner I think you know something is better than nothing happening um like like I mean this isn't the same analogy but you know how like before there's an earthquake, there were like little shocks.

Yeah. Like seismic activity. What you don't want is for there to be no seismic activity in the dating world. Right. Should we ask people to send in their questions and I can give them such bullshit responses? Send in your problems to us at The Agonyts on empty-handed and i'll give you some bullshit answer about seismic activity sponsored by plenty of fish so i went on a second date yesterday with this guy and i'm just like he's so nice he's so nice do you know what my problem is

this is the analogy i've come up with on the train home yesterday is you know i know you've watched shark tank so i'm not going to say have you watched Shark Tank do you remember the uh the type of person that comes in and they get an offer and it's like pretty much what they've asked for then they're like oh let me just see what else though is out there uh-huh and then that person's like well I'm out now and then they're like and then everyone else is out And then you're just there with nothing now because you did it. You did it though. Because you should have taken it

when there was a good offer on the table. Instead, you were like, oh, but maybe Mark, maybe Laurie will give me like 5% more equity. No, just fucking take the deal that's in front of you, right? That's me. Yeah.

Not doing that. I, yeah. That's my problem. Yeah. I don't Yeah. Not doing that. I, yeah. That's my problem. Yeah. I don't know how to overcome that. Even when, when the guy who made it to date number two and then I got X'd out of there. Even that, I wasn't, I wasn't even that bothered about it until he rejected me. And then I was like, how dare you?

See? And then, but I was even thinking, I was like, oh yeah, he's, yeah, he's nice. I like him. He's really interesting. But what if I bump into like fucking Jason Momoa Mark II tomorrow? Then what? This is what I mean. This is what I think we have to stop.

Stop that behavior right now. That's what I'm telling myself. Yeah, you're right. You're right. But it is hard. I feel like that is my affliction. And I need to put an end to it because that's how you see those fucking stupid entrepreneurs walk out of the shark tank with no money and no business partner and then they just have to go home and fucking

be alone forever so yes that's gonna be my parting advice it's not like i'm gonna die my parting advice from this particular episode for the two of us and possibly for all of you listening. Do you have any top dating tips for me and Hannah? If you do, I don't know, post it in the fucking episode description below, like comments below. How was that? Did you enjoy? Hopefully, hopefully it fills you full of magical love inspiration for once we're all eventually out of lockdown

and allowed to meet real people in the flesh once more. Until that happens though, don't worry, we'll still be here to fill your ears with love and true crime. You don't believe in ghosts? I get it. Lots of people don't. I didn't either until I came face to face with them. Ever since that moment, hauntings, spirits, and the unexplained have consumed my entire life. I'm Nadine Bailey. I've been a ghost tour guide for the past 20 years. I've taken people along with me into the shadows, uncovering the macabre tales that linger in the darkness. And inside some of the most haunted houses, hospitals, prisons, and more. Join me every week on my podcast, Haunted Canada, as we journey through terrifying and bone-chilling stories of the unexplained. Search for Haunted Canada on Apple Podcasts,

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