RedHanded - Bonus Patreon Upcycle - The Santa Claus Robbery

Episode Date: December 25, 2025

As RedHanded takes a festive pause, we've picked two of our favourite Patreon Bonus episodes from 2025. To get a full-length, bonus episode of RedHanded every month (plus weekly video episodes of Under the Duvet and much more besides) head to Patreon.com/redhanded and sign up. Or, head to patreon.com/redhanded/gift to buy a membership for someone else!--When Santa Claus robbed the First National Bank in Cisco, Texas, two days before Christmas 1929 – it was just the beginning of a wilder-than-fiction festive tale.What followed was a calamitous string of bungled carjackings, high-speed chases, oil-field shootouts, a trail of dead and injured townsfolk, and mishaps aplenty – all under a hail of gunfire from the entire town of Cisco, who in true Texas fashion were all armed to the teeth, and desperate to be the one to nail Santa…--Patreon - Ad-free & Bonus EpisodesYouTube - Full-length Video EpisodesTikTok / InstagramSources and more available on redhandedpodcast.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I'm Hanna. I'm Sruti. And Felis Navidad. There's always a bit of a scramble for the Christmas episode, because once you've done John Bonnet Ramsey, there's not really that many more. This one, We've almost done quite a few times.

Yes. And I don't want to make you feel dearest patrons that we're giving you leftovers. No. Because we're not. No, no, no. I think we thought it wasn't good and then we finally looked into it. And we were incorrect. It is very good.

So, yeah, welcome to your Patreon bonus episode for the month of December. Hope you're all having, had, are about to have a wonderful Christmas. But let's talk about some people who didn't... Two days before Christmas, Christmas Eve Eve, 1929, a figure dressed in red got out of a car on the main street of Cisco, Texas. The town's kids recognised him straight away. That red fur coat, pointy hat and big white beard, it could only be Santa Claus himself. Did you grow up calling him Santa? Probably.

I've always said Father Christmas. Oh, really? Or Farmer Christmas when I was younger because I didn't understand. stand. I don't know whether that's a northern thing and my mum's northern, because I do feel like more people in the South say Santa, but I always thought that that was the American term and Father Christmas was the English one. But, do you know? But definitely when I moved down south, I was like, waiters. And I also had a super broad Yorkshire accent, so I would have said Falak, isn't it? No, we don't think we, like we did Christmas, but I don't think

there was like a big emphasis in our house on the Santa myth. I'm sorry if they're children listening. You probably shouldn't have listened to this. episode in front of them. No, I don't think there was, I don't think there was much chat of that in the Bala household, to be perfectly honest with you. Did you ever have Santa that would come around on a sleigh to your house? I don't remember ever believing in it. I don't remember ever being told that Santa's going to come, drop presents off.

I don't think it was until we were probably, like, out of the age in which you would believe in Santa or Father Christmas that my parents probably started doing Christmas presents and doing Christmas properly. Like, I just don't think we did. Like, what? I moved here when I was like six, prime time to believe. And I think it was just too early on in our journey into the UK. So I think by the time any Christmas chat was going on, it was too late.

I don't remember that. I don't have any childhood memories of being excited for Santa. Interesting. Well, I kind of had, I would think, the longest consistent run of Father Christmas in history because my brother is 10 years younger than me. Yeah, that'll do it. And no one wanted to give the game away. Of course.

So I got a solid five years of Father Christmas more than I should have. Sure, sure, sure, sure. But we definitely fed into the, like, Father Christmas, tooth fairy huge. He used to write letters to my tooth fairy. And my mum would write in teeny tiny writing like she was the tooth fairy. See, that's adorable. I didn't get any of that. Don't have any memories.

My parents were like, you're hiding teeth under you. your pillow, that's gross, just put them in the bin. No, there was none of that. So if I ever have children, I'm going to max out on all of them. Easter bunny, tooth fairy, father Christmas. It's quite good to get children to do things without them understanding that it's you, the parent, or in my case, eldest, making you do it. So when my brother was real big into dummies, when we call them Nunu's, again, I think, whatever.

So I had to be the Nunu Fairy and explained to him that I needed. them to plug the holes in my roof. Got it. And in the end, he did give them up, but he was very upset. But he did feel quite a sense of, okay, I really need to help this new new fairy sort of house. It's a good lesson. It's, you know, sacrificing something for the good of somebody else. That's a nice lesson.

Yeah. And yeah, if I ever have children, I'm very excited to see their excitement at all this bullshit. I will never. He must have been four or something, four or five, maybe, which is too old. but I will never forget his face when he was telling me what happened and he just sort of went you know that face that children pull when you can see that they're understanding something he did that for ages and then he had a lisp because of the new news and he just goes will she bring them back no she needs them

oh see and now there's all those things like I think you know our age group of people that have had kids are like really already maxing out on this and they have all of those things where you like put powder down and you do the little footprints to make them feel like oh Santa came and it's like that's all cute it is cute we used to do the carrot for the reindeer and then once I got old enough me and my mum had to take it in turns as to whose turn it was to eat the end of the carrot got it got it got it um ridiculous anyway my brother is now an electrical engineer and no longer believes in Father Christmas or, I mean, maybe he still believes in the Nunu Fairy. I'll ask him. Anyway, these kids were American and it was the 20s and they would

certainly have said Santa Claus. And Santa Claus had come two days early to Cisco, Texas. And the kids, desperately excited at the prospect of presents two days early, swarmed around this Father Christmas, full of excitement, giving him last minute stocking request. and promising that they'd been good. Oh, and some of them just asked him questions about life at the North Pole. What's your pension scheme? But as the children approached closer, it did appear that something seemed off.

Wasn't Santa supposed to be a big, fat, jolly, old elf? Is he an elf? I think he's the king elf, isn't he? I thought he was a man. He just has elf slaves. Yes, he does have, he definitely has elf slaves. But isn't he a kind of fairy? Let's find out.

Is Santa an elf? See, I'm just not up on my like Santa law. Is Santa an elf? Whether Santa is an elf is a matter of debate. But he is clearly connected to the history of Christmas elves. See, I thought it was like St. Nicholas. St. Nicholas is a man. I don't know.

Santa Claus himself is described in line 45 of the 1823 poem a visit from St. Nicholas as a chubby plump and right old jolly elf. So there you go. Everybody's learnt something. And I'm pretty sure that poem is where we get quite a lot of the imagery that we still have of him. Anyway. These children might have done, but I don't care. This Santa though, he was not a chubby elf, a chubby man even. He was actually quite gaunt and his thin red coat hung limply off his shoulder.

And that wasn't right And under his red coat This Santa seemed to be wearing A regular man's trousers and brown leather shoes The jolly old elf Wasn't his jolly old self He answered the kids' questions And was nice enough to them

But he wasn't exactly full of Christmas cheer And he also seemed to be in quite a hurry to get somewhere What the children didn't know was that this Santa Claus had somewhere to be. He was on his way to rob a bank. Bank robberies were rife in Texas back then, and there was a big money reward to be had

for any dead bank robber, no questions asked. So when Santa made off with $150,000, the entire town mopped up. That's right. It was two days before Christmas, all through the town, all the creatures were stirring to hunt Santa down. What followed was a calamity string of bungled carjacking's high-speed chases, oil-field shootouts, a trail of dead and injured townsfolk, and mishaps are plenty,

all under the hail of gunfire from the entire town of Cisco. Who in true Texas fashion were all armed to the teeth and desperate to be the one to nail Santa. And this all culminated in the largest manhunt that Texas had ever seen. This is the wildest rootin-tutinus story you've never heard. One that the Ranger Times called the most spectacular crime in the history of the Southwest, surpassing any in which Billy the Kid or the James boys had ever figured. And honestly, it's insane that the Kern brothers haven't yet turned this into a film.

It feels like the perfect plotline for one of theirs. I was going to tell you this when we record Jonestown, but I can't wait. If you were to pick a Hollywood actor to be Jim Jones, who would it be? Huh. I just, I don't know. I feel like you can do anything with prosthetics these days. I'm going to start watching The Penguin this weekend. I've heard great things about that.

Apparently, the final episode of The Penguin is now the highest rated episode of a TV show ever on IMDB. And that's the final episode. That's the one everyone always hates. Do you know who plays The Penguin? Have you seen pictures of him? Oh, it's Russell, isn't it? No. I'm just, I've just got gladiator in my head.

It's Colin Farrell. It is Colin Farrell. And I always get them confused. This is what he looks like, in it. Yeah, I heard on a podcast the other day when they were talking about it. Apparently had to be in makeup for four hours a day to do all the prosthetics. And someone was like, could not just get a fat guy. Yeah.

Yep. So I'm like, anyone could play anybody. Yes. But who would I cast as Jim Tram? Maybe based on this Colin Farrell. Well, what if I told you it's already happened? Oh, and? Leo.

Ugh, always, always with the Leo. And this is a Patreon bonus episode that is not about Jonestown. So I'm going to say this here and not in Jonestown because it may be considered poor taste. Okay. But the director who has been brought on to direct this film also directed Jamangi, Welcome to the Jungle. It's not great, is it? You've got to tell the people that in Jonestown. Oh, that's amazing.

When I read that, my mouth was on the floor. That's amazing. That's amazing. Anyway, I do feel like if Robben Williams was still alive, he'd be a great Jim Jones. Oh, yeah, he would have been a great Jim Jones. I was thinking about Ralph Fines. Oh, yeah. Hello, I'm Alice Levine.

And I'm Matt Ford, and we're the hosts of British Scandal. Our latest series has a very loose festival. of theme. It's about the other virgins baby. But we're not talking cosy stable in Bethlehem. We're talking roaring 1920s London, where Christabel Russell is living her best life. She's married into an aristocratic family who want one thing, an heir. And the tricky bit is, the Russell marriage is a no-sex deal. So when Christabel becomes pregnant, is it a miracle?

Cue a national scandal and sensational trial. Follow British scandal wherever you get your podcasts, or listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. You know those creepy stories that give you goosebumps? The ones that make you really question what's real? Well, what if I told you that some of the strangest, darkest, and most mysterious stories are not found in haunted houses or abandoned forests, but instead in hospital rooms and doctor's offices?

Hi, I'm Mr. Ballin, the host of Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries. And each week on my podcast, you can expect to hear stories about bizarre illnesses no one can explain, miraculous recoveries that shouldn't have happened, and cases so baffling, they stumped even the best doctors. So if you crave totally true and thoroughly twisted horror stories and mysteries, Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries should be your new go-to weekly show. Listen to Mr. Ballin's medical mysteries on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. But anyway, that's nothing to do with any of this.

We're talking about the Santa robberies. So yeah, let's go on a wilder-than-fiction sleigh-ride today of the 1929 Santa Claus Bank Robbery. Giddy up, strap in, y-ha, all of the above. So, like we said, we're in the 1920s, and if you know anything about world history, you'll be aware that that was a pretty rough time to be a bank, particularly in the US.

Despite bank robberies being a real cliché of old westerns, they weren't too common in the early 1900s. But when people get poor, that's when they start robbing shit. The Great Depression was looming and people were getting desperate. And banks were seen by some as the enemy. They were the ones foreclosing on people's farms and hoarding all the money. Stories of daring, lawless bank robbing gangs spread through the press. And to try and curb that, all of the bank robbers were slapped with hefty bounties.

The newly christened FBI offered $10,000-dose for the capture of the leader of the Dillinga gang, which is more than $230,000 in today's money. But despite the big-ticket item rewards, by 1929 in Texas, an average of four banks were robbed every day. Fucking hell. So, the Texas Bankers Association announced that anyone who killed a bank robber would be awarded £5,000. And that's about £90,000 today. It doesn't seem like the best idea. No.

But they didn't have loads of options. We're going to pay all the vigilantes. But yeah, you're right. What else were they going to do, I guess? Well, I actually just had a thought they could have used that money to get security for the bank. This wasn't saying. Or if the state is paying that, use that. money to hire police officers?

Yes. 1929 was the year that the Great Depression actually hit. So people were very keen to get their hands on this bank robber money. So it was a very risky time to be a bank. But still, an even riskier time to be a bank robber. But for 26-year-old Marshall Ratliff, robbing was all he knew. Marshall Ratliff was a Cisco local. He'd recently been sentenced to 18 years for a previous bank robbery in Valera, Texas.

But he was pardoned after only a few months. If you're thinking, well, that's a bit of a stroke of luck, well, you'd be right. Ratcliffe was lucky that he lived at the same time as Governor Miriam Mar Ferguson. Ratliff was one of almost 4,000 prisoners that Mar Ferguson pardoned. in her two terms in office. Rumors of bribe-taking were never proven. But, come on. Yeah, I care, ma.

If you're telling people to go kill them at the same time as catching some of them and then pardoning them. And your name's Maher Ferguson? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So despite having the greasiest palms in the West, Ma was actually kind of a trailblazer. She was the first elected female chief executive of Texas, the first ever female state governor in the US,

and the first to be elected in a general election. Still, she and her husband were eventually investigated for embezzlement and had to pay back a million dollars to Texas citizens. Wow. So yes, safe to assume that lucky old Marshall Ratliff used some of his remaining bank loot perhaps to get himself out of that jailhouse. And no sooner was he out of that

then he started drawing up plans for his next heist. one in his hometown, Cisco, Texas. And for that, he needed a gang, and his brother Lee was the first name on the slate. But then Lee got himself arrested again, so he was off the table. So Ratliff contacted two other ex-cons that he met inside, the 31-year-old Henry Helms, who had also been pardoned by Mar Ferguson

and 21-year-old Robert Hill. Helms and Hill were in. And then they brought in Louis Davis, a relative of Helms, whose job it was going to be to crack the safe, something that he had never, ever, ever done before. Louis Davis was a family man in a tight spot, and even though he'd never done a single crime in his life, he needed cash badly.

Since Ratliff knew that he'd be recognised in Cisco, being a local, he needed a disguise. So he asked the woman who ran the boarding house that he was staying in over in Wichita Falls, Josephine Heron, for some help. And what'd you know? She had a Santa Claus costume that she'd handmaid herself a few years before. And so the plan was set.

They'd got themselves a nice big getaway car that we'd call a saloon. Which it should be called in Texas. Yes, quite. But in the US, they'd probably call it a sedan. Well, that's not as fun, is it? No, it's not. So the crew would drop Ratliff off in town,

dressed as Santa, and drive the car to the first National Bank of Cisco. There they'd park in the wide alleyway that went down the bank's right side, where it met Avenue D, the town's main road. Come on, you're going to call your main road Avenue D. That shit. So when Ratliff had subdued everyone inside the bank,

the gang would then come through the side door, absolutely rinsed the place of cash, jump back into their getaway car, and drive off into the sunset with all their lovely loot. So, on December the 23rd, 1927, the gang set off for Siska. On the way there, Ratliff put on the red coat and the beard. And at around noon, his mates dropped him a few blocks from the bank. And the costume worked like a charm.

No one could see Ratliff's face, even though it was broad daylight, and no one thought it was strange to see Santa Claus walking around town in the middle of the day. When we were in Christchurch, I'm having that dinner. and I was outside, and this girl walked past full clown costume, like big shoes, everything, and I was like, Christchurch is weird, man. And then I was like, oh, it's Halloween. Anyway. When Ratliff finally satisfied the kids' interest and lost the crowd of children, he headed into the bank.

One girl on the street saw him go in, and she pleaded with her mother to let her follow. So, Mrs. B.P. Blaisleaser. game, and her six-year-old daughter, Francis Blazengame, went into the bank after Father Christmas. Already inside were two customers, Marion Olson and Oscar Cliette, and two bank employees called Alex Spears and Jewel Poe. Spears, a bank teller, looked up and said, Hello, Santa Claus! And Santa Claus did not respond. Two girls then came out of the bookkeeping room. 10-year-old M.M.A. Robinson and 12-year-old Laverne Coma,

and they saw Santa himself standing in silence in the middle of the First National Bank of Cisco. Maybe it was because the entire scene was so surreal, but when three men burst in the side door and shouted, hands up, everyone thought that it was some sort of elaborate joke. But the laughter stopped pretty quickly when the gang whipped their guns out. One of the gang stood guard. while another covered the hostages, and the third went up to the teller's window and said,

Stick them up, big boy, I mean it. They started stuffing money and bonds into their sacks, while Jolly St. Nick went into the office of Spears, the bank teller, and grabbed a 45-caliber automatic rifle from under the drawer. He came back and four spears to open the vault. Ratliff took everything inside, and by the time they were done, Santa Sack was full to bursting

with over $12,400 in cash and $150,000 in non-negotiable securities. Today, that's worth nearly $3 million. But as they were finishing up, one of their hostages, the lady with the best name, Mrs. BP Bill Ezengame, who had been dragged into the bank by her daughter, made a run for it.

She dashed into the bookkeeping room with Little Francis and, unlocked the side door. She heard someone behind her shout, stop or I'll shoot. But her and Francis darted out of the door anyway just in time to miss a bullet, which sailed past their heads.

Blazing Game ran straight to the police department, which was just a block away, and on the way, she told everyone who would listen that Father Christmas was robbing the First National Bank. You're going to get sectioned, my girl. I am. Chief of Police, G.E. Bit Bedford. wasted no time.

He grabbed a riot gun and headed down there with two officers, R.T. Rio Reddies and George Carmichael, who doesn't seem to get a cool nickname, unfortunately. They all got down to the bank and covered the exits. They weren't alone. Thanks to the Texas Bankers Association and their hefty reward, the people of Cisco, Texas weren't going to miss an opportunity. So they all popped home and got their guns,

and before the robbers could leave, the place was already surrounded. Every time the bandits opened the doors, bullets sprayed at them. But they had hostages. So, the bank robbers crept out, holding a few of their eight hostages in front of them. Marion Olson, who'd been in the bank as a customer that day, remembered one of them holding his hand in front of her face as he shot out with an automatic rifle. Sadly, Marion was shot in the leg by another citizen.

The robbers ordered their hostages into the car. Marion Orson and the other customer managed to wriggle-free and escape. The women are really showing the men up in this story. Alex Spears, the bank teller, had been caught in the crossfire as well. He was shot in the jaw. And he said he couldn't get in the car, which just left the two little girls, 10-year-old M.M.A. Robinson and 12-year-old Laverne Coma.

Zanzclaws threw them in the back of his car. After hundreds of bullets have flown through the alleyway, the car lurched out and sped down Avenue D. The bandits were all wounded, but none more than first-time criminal family man, Louis Davis, who was losing blood really fast. In the back alley, six citizens were badly wounded too, and police chief Bitt Bedford and his deputy George Boring Carmichael

were even worse. They had been shot several times. And they lay in the alley bleeding from their wounds and they couldn't carry on the chase, obviously. Bit Bedford actually died later on that same day, just a few days before Christmas, and Carmichael followed him into the Great Beyond a week later. So the Santa Claus bandits were away.

They threw roofing nails out of the car Which punctured the tires of the cast that followed them It's like some sort of cartoon Yeah It really is I mean in my head I've just got the like Scenery Flats of a Western That like one's just fallen over

Yeah which again Why isn't this a Cone Brothers film So they sped off with more money than they could ever spend It was the largest bank heist Ever pulled off in Texas or at least it would have been except for one little snag they were almost out of petrol which like come on

now accounts of what happened next here differ some generously say that the gas tank had been hit in the rain of gunfire and therefore leaked fuel but others just say that it had been a long drive from Wichita Falls and the group had forgotten to fill up the tank of their getaway car Something we all do We had a particularly hairy moment in New Zealand Where, I mean, I just totally forgot about it

And then Sam was driving and he was like And then we couldn't I think the closest petrol station was like 35 miles away or something And we were like, uh-huh And we did get there And when we were like five minutes away I was like Sam we're going to make it And he was like, I don't know

That light has been on for a long time And then when we got there We couldn't figure out how the pump were Oh my God And then eventually we did, and it didn't have, usually when the tank is full, it clicks. Oh my God, yeah. And it didn't have that. So me and Sam were just covered in diesel.

Oh, my God, yeah. It was so bad. It was so bad. Fucking hell. What a journey. But if I was a getaway driver, I would probably put it on my list of things, my prep list. I agree. I agree.

So with a mob after them and bullet still flying, the group had no choice but to switch cars. The bandits jumped out of their sedan and stopped an Oldsmobile, which is a very real car brand, by the way. We're not just saying it was an old car. And this Oldsmobile was driven by a 14-year-old Woodrow Wilson Harris. Two things, firstly. Woodrow Wilson had been the president just six years before. So it's like somebody now being called Barack Obama Harris.

And secondly, 14. sounds very, very young to be driving a car, more like a Youngsmobile. Great. But I think in America you can still drive really young. I'm just like, come on, they didn't even know what to do about bank robbers. They're not going to be checking how old somebody who's driving around in 1927. No, exactly. And I'm sure the little kid drives in Road to Perdition. Yeah. I love that film.

Jude Law is a photographer and his surname is McGuire. And McGuire's are always baddies whenever they appear. in any fictional work, always, always, always. So I know if there's a character called Maguire in the exposition. I'm like, okay, well, I know what's going to happen here. So he's 14, and he's driving his Youngsmobile, and he was doing some last-minute Christmas shopping,

for his parents, not for himself, and his grandma was in the back seat, and his dad was riding shotgun. His dad could have driven, perhaps, but, you know, they saw a commotion in the distance, and before they knew it, they had guns in their faces. so the Harris's got out of their car

and with bullets whipping past them the bandits transferred first the cash then the hostages then the severely injured bandit Louis Davis into the Harris's new car but it was only when they finally finished all of that that the gang realised the keys went in the ignition they'd been had

by who else than 14 year old would Woodrow Wilson, Harris, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, who swiped the keys without them noticing. I don't think I would have done that. I would have given them a keys. Oh, fuck no. So, the bandits had to move back bit by bit into their original bullet hole-ridden getaway car with zero petrol in it.

And Louis Davis, by this point, had fully blacked out. So they left him in the Harris' car and sped off down the road with the two girls in the back. But Louie wasn't the only thing left behind. Oh my God. All of the loot was still in the boot of the garris' car. What the fuck? So let's first take a second for that monumental series of fuck-ups to sink in.

And then let's take a moment for Louis Davis. This guy had no criminal record. It was his first ever crime. He got mixed up in what was meant to be a simple heist, got caught in the crossfire, and was abandoned and fatally wounded in Woodrow Wilson Harris's Oldsmobile. Davies died on Christmas Day,

leaving behind a wife and daughter. So back on the 23rd, our three shit bandits were speeding down the highway, with two hostages and zero cash and very much running on fumes by this point. Hill asked the other two if they were hurt, and one of the girls remember seeing Ratliff pull down his blood-soaked fake beard and say that he'd been shot in the chin.

And this girl recognized Ratliff from town. It does feel like quite a small place, doesn't it? Yes, yeah. So the bandits now took a sharp left onto a dirt road and soon turned again into a field. As they drove, the terrain got worse, and eventually with no gas, they came to a stop among thick bush, cactus, mesquite and scrub oak. They told the girls to lie down in the car and cover their eyes with their hands,

and presumably by now having realised that they'd left the money behind, and were still the most wanted men in Texas, our bandits set out on foot. The Sheriff of Eastland, which is the county seat, sped with his deputies to the abandoned car, and hundreds of civilians joined the hunt track of the bandits down. People set out on horseback because it's Texas and on foot, hacking through bushland and trees. heading down ravines and canyons looking for the trio.

But while half of eastern county scoured the area, two of the posse, were in the absolute last place that you would expect to find them. They were back in Cisco. Under the cover of darkness, Hill and Helms went back into Cisco, the scene of the crime, to steal another car. And they managed to stay hidden all of Christmas Eve, as the search continued. Back in town, children meeting Father Christmas in, like, shops and stuff, were overheard asking, Santa Claus, why did you rob that bank?

Then it was Christmas morning. Luckily, three mysterious spirits had visited our bandits overnight, showed them the error of their ways, and they woke up vowing to be good for the rest of their lives. Okay, not really, it just got much worse. When they were forced to abandon their second car, or third, if you can't, the Oldsmobile they were in for all of 20 seconds, they stopped near a farmhouse. Helms went up and knocked on the door, asking the farmer for help. He said that his car was wrecked and his wife needed a doctor. The farmer, showing all sorts of good Christmas charity, offered Helms his car, and even sent his son and nephew along in the car to help.

As they drove off, however, Helms drew a pistol. and the nephew jumped out the car. Seeing this, the farmer grabbed his shotgun and fired after them, unfortunately only managing to hit his own son's arm. Helms drove on, picking up Ratliff and Hill, and sped off with the farmer's son, Carl Wiley, in the back. And for their new hostage, the worst Christmas surprise ever turned into the worst Christmas night ever.

Because instead of being at home in front of a roaring fire watching the Princess Witch and drinking Baileys. He joined the wet bandits for a long night of hiding out in the brush. They only had oranges to eat, and they didn't even offer Carl one. They wouldn't even light a fire for fear of being seen. And yes, this is Texas, but it still goes below freezing in December. Yes, it's desert. At night, it's probably fucking unbearable. And Carl's been shot on the leg.

Yes. Oh, sorry, the arm. Well, no oranges for you. Still, car must have made an impression because the bandit eventually let him get. On Boxing Day morning, Ratliff, the Santa Bandit, who was the most wounded, had stayed behind and sent off the other two to go and steal another car. He had the audacity to give Hillen Helps detailed instructions

on how to rob another sedan. But hours later, having failed miserably, they came back with a teeny one-seater roadster. So, the three of them did some mental maths and decided that Carl was surplus to requirements. And they shook him by the hand and bid him adieu. Carl naturally went straight to the coppers. He told police what he'd seen,

mainly that the bandits were not doing so well. They were badly injured, surviving on oranges, and the sleet wasn't helping either. And soon enough, they popped back into town. On the 27th, officers in South Bend saw a single-seater car driving up. a bridge over the Brassos River. But there were three men inside.

The driver, seeing Deputy Sheriff, Kai Bradford, staring straight at them, slammed on the brakes and started reversing back across the bridge at high speed. He spun the car around and drove away. Officers and citizens alike grabbed their guns and jumped in their cars. The chase was back on. They all drove for a mile, shooting back and forth. Then the car turned down a dirt road.

road and went another mile, until the road ran out in the middle of an oil field. The bandits got out and pelted across the field towards some trees in the distance. Deputy Sheriff Kai Bradford got out of his car and reached for old Betsy, his prize double-barreled shotgun. With calm precision, he raised it and shot once. One of the fugitives fell to the ground. Bradford reloaded and took another shot and another. The two remaining bandits fell to their knees, but got back up and kept going. And before Bradford could reload again, those two had disappeared into the trees.

Bradford walked up to the first bandit he'd felled, and it turned out to be Santa Claus himself. The mastermind behind it all, Marshall Ratliff, was lying in the snow. He was wounded from six gunshots, but he was somehow still breathing. One witness called him a walking arsenal. He was carrying five automatic pistols, a shotgun, and three cartridge belts. Boy's House, the then editor of the Ranger Times, who quite literally followed this story in a car as it was unfolding, called Ratliff's Stash the largest arsenal any robber has known to carry in the history of crime in the US.

I think that's a bit much. Do you have some papers to sell? And then, after. What was briefly the biggest heist in American history, with the biggest arsenal, came the biggest manhunt that Texas had ever seen. And by the way, it stayed Texas's biggest manhunt ever until 1986 when a serial killer, known as the animal, escaped from jail. Texas Ranger, Captain Tom Hickman, led the manhunt, along with Ranger Sergeant L.T. Lone Wolf Gonzalos. It's pretty good. Yeah, we're back with the cool nicknames.

So as well as the Texas Rangers They also sent out dozens of sheriffs A total unit of more than a hundred men They also had more than 50 officers waiting in the wings to take over So that the bandits wouldn't get the chance to rest They also sent out bloodhounds and even planes To find the two remaining bandits And of course there were hundreds more civilians out there

Hunting night and day too Two of these men got a little over-excited and accidentally discharged their weapons, bringing the total number of wounded civilians to eight. And eventually, a trail was found. The trail revealed that these outlaws were seriously running out of steam. The bandits's footprints were close together, showing that they were tired and weak,

and the footprints also showed that the bandits had to get on their hands and knees to crawl up even the slightest incline. And eventually, on December the 30th in Graham, Texas, how Americans say Graham's gives me nightmares. Graham? Ugh. Alexander Graham Bell. On the subject of Alexander Graham Bell. And that is how you say it.

When in olden times, when you're on the phone, you did not say goodbye. You said that is all. And I've started ending voice notes like that. And then I've now graduated it to, you know, do you know in the Secret Garden when Sarah, like, addresses the staff? And she's like, I have spoken, you made a part. I do that now. To your servants. To my voice notes, servants, yes.

And it was in Graham, Texas, that Hill and Helms were found, finally, hiding in a barn. Their eyes were bloodshot and their clothes were bloody and torn. They'd barely eaten for days, apart from their Christmas oranges, and a quick, swipe from a cornfield on the 27th. That's going to give you some savage diarrhea. You're just eating raw corn. No. Hill had three pistols on him, and Helms had four.

But they went without much of a fight. A headline in the Fort Worth Star telegram read, Remaining Cisco bandits easily taken. Oh, burn. Mm-hmm. Well, what did they expect? Yeah. So with eight citizens wounded, two policemen and one

bandit dead, and bullets having showered across Eastland County for a full week, the Santa Claus robbers were finally caught. And yeah, their defence definitely have their work cut out. One thing they did lean on at trial, especially with Hill, who will come back to, was that the dead bank robber award had been controversial. A well-known ranger called Frank Hamer had been campaigning against it for years, calling it the banker's murder machine. And the bandit's defence teams argued that it led them to take desperate measures. And to be fair, it certainly didn't help. You could argue that at least part of the carnage was down to the frenzy of the mob.

Surprisingly, considering Marshall Ratliff's significant injuries, he was the first to recover. So he hit the stand first. Charged with arm robbery, he was looking at a potential death sentence. But the jury was feeling generous and gave him 99 years instead. But that wasn't the end of the story for Ratliff, by the way, so put a festive pin in that for the moment. Next up, 31-year-old Henry Helms was next at trial,

and he wasn't quite so lucky. When his death sentence was announced, his wife sobbed, but Helms didn't react at all. Instead, he just calmly lit a cigarette. And then he was moved straight onto death row. And that brings us to the trial of 21-year-old Robert Hill. He was the only one who pleaded guilty, at his trial. A court-appointed attorney asked him to describe his upbringing.

Hill said that he'd been orphaned at eight and then sent to the Gatesville State School for boys, which was mostly a reformatory for criminally convicted minors, essentially a juvenile prison, which also accepted a few foster kids here and there. And essentially he uses that unfair exposure to all things seedy from a very young age in his defence. He said that he had been arrested for petty theft shortly after he left Gatesville, and it was then, whilst in prison, that he met Marshal Ratliff. He admitted that he'd been armed at the bank robbery, but he said he only used the guns to fire into the ceiling of the bank to stop people from coming in. And he had shot back when they were changing cars, but only after he'd been shot himself. And that worked on the

jury who weakened Hill's sentence from death to 99 years. And the judge told the jury, that Robert Hill would make a good prisoner. He wasn't. Shortly after he was jailed, Robert Hill made his first escape attempt. A reporter for the Associated Press covering Hill's 1928 trial called him the Jean Valjean of the Santa Claus robbery. But back to Marshall Ratliff, who, like we said, didn't get away that easy.

He soon was back at trial for contributing to the death of the two police officers, Bitt Bedford and George Carmichael. Weirdly, the trials for each count happened in different venues. So a jury in Anson, Texas, gave him a second life sentence for the killing of George Carmichael, and another jury in Albaleen, Texas, for the death of Bitt Bedford, sentenced Ratliff to death. And then, he went a bit weird.

Ratliff became sullen and stopped speaking much. While waiting for his appeal to be heard, But his mother bought him a wind-up phonograph and stack of gospel records for his cell. And every time a condemned man passed his cell on their way to the chair, Ratliff would play the same hymn when the role is called up yonder. I recently learned the etymology of one for the road. So when we used to hang people at Tavern, they had to walk the road up to Taibon. and they were allowed to stop in a pub for one drink. And that's why we say one for the road.

Wow. It's cool, isn't it? Don't care if it's not true. No? Who cares? Anyway, while on death row, Henry Helms deteriorated as well. He was looking rough. He started staring intensely into the distance

and chanting over and over. Ain't going to sing. But it didn't matter. Jory took 10 minutes to decide that he was sane enough to be executed. And he died by election. chair on the 6th of September 1929. Marshal Ratliff didn't play

his weird record as Helms passed him by. And since his family didn't claim the body, Henry Helms was left to the state to bury in the prison cemetery. The very same day Helms was executed, Ratliff started upping the ante too. He had started his own

non-stop chant repeating over and over, the Lord had mercy on my soul. His mother filed for a lunacy hearing in Huntsville. By this point, locals were getting pretty fed up with it all taking so long and became furious at his attempt at this insanity plea. Put simply, everyone wanted him dead. So to keep things fair, Ratliff was moved to county jail to a waiter hearing. Boyce House writes in his article on this, quote,

There for ten days he lay on a cot, seemingly blind, paralyzed and demented. Every move he made was aided by the officers. He seemed to be as helpless as a baby. His guards, Pac Kilman and Tom Jones, had to feed Ratliff, bathe him and even take him to the toilet. And face with this helpless invalid, they soon let their guard down. But on the 18th of November, 1929, Ratliff sprung into action one last time.

That day when the guards unlocked his cell, he jumped up suddenly full of life he burst out and ran to the prison office there he grabbed a six-shooter pistol and shot guard jones ratliff and kilbin then fought violently even rolling down the stairs as they went kilburn finally wrestled the gun off him but it was out of ammo so he beat him unconscious kilburn's daughter even rushed in from the family quarters with a pistol but he told her not to fire kilbin just threw her Ratliff back in his cell and locked the door. In the next few days, what seemed like all of Texas had gathered outside the prison, Tom Jones had been well known in the town as a friendly, good-natured character, and they called him Uncle Tom. Yikes. But for the citizens who chased Ratliff down for days over Christmas,

only for him to keep slipping through the net, this was absolutely the final straw. By this point it had been two years, since the Santa robbery. By nightfall, almost a thousand people had gathered. Kilbon pleaded with the crowd to trust the law to handle it. But he forgot one thing. You don't mess with Texas.

And a voice from the crowd shouted back at him. I'm going to try. We waited for long enough. Was Forrest Gump from Texas? No, he's from Greenbow, Alabama. It's all the same. I do find that much easier than like normal American. Yeah.

It's easier to slip into, just pretend you're a southern bill. Yeah, exactly. It's either that or like California. Valley girls are easy. Yeah. Very nuanced here. Maybe we should go on an accent coach retreat. Do you know what?

I think that would up our game significantly. I agree. It would change the game entirely if both of us could do semi-decent accents. I'd say you can do semi-decent if I could do any decent. And after that voice of dissent shouted from the crowd, the whole crowd. the whole crowd pushed forward and overwhelmed the guards

and around 20 people broke through into the prison and they went straight to Ratliff's cell they dragged him out fully naked and they threw a rope over a guy wire between two telephone poles and they hung him from it when the rope broke they put up a stronger one and they strung him up again

and that one worked just before he dropped Marshall Ratliff muttered boys forgive me he hung there for half an hour it was the first lynching of a white man in Texas since anyone could remember so that leaves us with Robert Hill

the young robber who promised to be a good prisoner well like we said he'd started trying to escape pretty much straight away but to be fair he wasn't the only one it seems like escaping prison in this particular time and place is quite simple it would appear yeah I mean it does feel very easy to possibly try and break out? And it kind of feels like you'd be a fool. I mean, they must have.

Oh, yeah. I mean, if people are storming the prison and lynching someone, I'm slipping out the back door. Yeah, I'm gone. So just to put it into perspective, over 300 men were involved in jail breaks in that one year alone. And Hill's first attempt was while he was on work detail clearing a field. And he was caught pretty much straight away. For a second, he joined famous vocal performer Bob Silver on a real breakout where they got into a nearby college and kidnapped two students.

When I read that, I misread it as they were kidnapped by students. Oh. And that would sting, wouldn't it? That would. Indeed. But again, it didn't last long. They're back in prison.

But the third breakout was the big one. More than a dozen men had dug an 80-foot underground tunnel from beneath the kitchen of a work farm to the outside of the fence. And this one wasn't bad. Hill stayed out for 18 months before eventually being captured in El Paso in 1931,

trying to cross into Mexico. To what a new. Robert Hill faced trial again, just like Ratliff for the murder of the two police officers. But it ended in a hung jury and Hill went back to prison to complete his existing sentence. And then, 15 years in, in 1945, he was granted a conditional pardon. We can only guess, but it has been speculated that it was a combination of his own apparent personal reform, and also it being 1945.

Yeah, you need some men, so let them out. Of course, with so many men away or dead, American society needed labourers, and Robert Hill got a lot. a job in a warehouse in Smith County. He got married, he became a stepfather, and even joined a church. And his conditional pardon was turned into a full one in 1964. These days, there's a medallion on the bank at the site of the robbery, as well as some old bullet holes in the side of the wall. And slightly more uncomfortably, there's a plaque at the prison to mark the place where they lynched Marshall Ratliff. Oh, Texas. I don't know about that one. practically everyone in Eastland County

claims to have had a relative who was there in the alleyway or a part of the mob and the Santa Claus robbery eventually passed into local legend so now you know have a lynching for Christmas patrons fun story until they lynched the guy but yeah

that's what happens when you give civilians money for murdering people that's the moral of this Christmas story That is the moral of the Christmas. It's what Mary Magdalene would have wanted. Yes. So just write that down on a little scrap of paper and tiny handwriting like Hannah's mum used to do and give it to your kids this Christmas. So that they learn a very important lesson.

Exactly. I also, you know, welcome to our podcast about parenting, which is called Don't. I heard a really good phrase the other day. People were talking about like upbringings. And it was Tricky Mattel, who's one of my favorite drag queens. She's just my second favourite. I like Catea Moore. Anyway, she said, I think it is so important for kids to be raised with everything they need, but not everything they want. And I think that's really true.

Oh, 100%. That's going to be fucking embroidered into a massive cross-stitch pattern that's hanging over the fireplace in my house if I ever have children. And any time they scream at me that they want something, I'll point to it with a laser pen. And be like, shut the fuck off. May I direct your attention to the embroidery, please? That's it, guys. Happy Christmas. Merry Christmas. We hope you have a wonderful festive period, whatever you are doing this year.

And yeah, just have a bloody good one. Yeah, to be honest, after watching Conclave. Feeling pretty festive. I kind of want to go to Midnight Mass. Oh. Like, it's... Midnight Mass is the best one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's all dark and candelie and carols and you know all the songs. That's cool. Yeah, it really made me think that... In the same way, that smoking is simultaneously my biggest regret and my purest joy. I simultaneously abhor the Catholic church, but I can't help that it feels like home. Of course. I think, you know, it's hard to disentangle yourself from the things that are nostalgic to your childhood. Be they good, be they bad. I mean, every time I go to India to stay with my grandparents, I've talked about before and under the duvet. They live very rurally.

There is a temple fucking opposite the house that starts playing Holy Music at 4 a.m. in the morning and it goes on every hour on the fucking hour for hours until like 11.8. in the morning. It is hell. But it gives my grandmother immense joy for some reason. And do I feel very like happy when I hear those songs? Not at 4 a.m. in the morning? Yeah, for sure I do. Even though I don't believe. It's just, yeah, it's something, isn't it? What are you doing for Christmas this year? Or should we talk about it on Under the Doe? Let's save it. This is long enough. That's it, guys. Happy Christmas. And we will be back in January. Under the Duvet will be resuming on January the 13th. And we have got a hell of a bonus episode for you next month.

It's going to be so good. We're so excited. I'm just going to tell you, we're doing Waggat the Christie. We sure are. And if you are American and you don't know what we're talking about or you're not British and you don't know what we're talking about, just Google Waggat the Christi and prepare yourselves for a journey that will blow your mind. It's so, so good.

We'll see you. And please just got out of the jungle. So yes, we will see you guys then. Happy Christmas. Happy New Year. Goodbye. Be good.